Isis nursing Horus

The term “cult” has taken on derogatory implications in recent decades, due to the increased prominence of violent or suicidal cults in the media (Dawson 1-2). These implications present difficulty for social scientists in describing small religious movements which have novel beliefs and practices but may be quite benign. To solve this difficulty, scholars have settled upon the phrase “New Religious Movements” (NRMs) to describe cults without derogatory implications (Dawson 2). The formation of NRMs can occur due to unhappy members of one religion branching out to make a new sect, or by the discovery and importation of an existing but unfamiliar religion, or by creating a completely new religion (Stark 133). While many NRMs will be created on this planet, and some will achieve modest success by attracting hundreds of thousands of adherents and lasting a century or more, almost all of them will eventually fail (Stark 133). Rodney Stark theorizes that “New religious movements are likely to succeed to the extent that they retain cultural continuity with the conventional faith(s) of the societies in which they seek converts” (260). Emphasizing cultural continuity may therefore be an effective strategy for the success of benign NRMs.

Although scholars have yet to offer an empirical measure of cultural continuity, it is possible to identify cultural continuity as a characteristic of some NRMs by examining the similarities between the NRM and the surrounding culture (Duke). It is possible, for example, to  compare the socioeconomic status or sexual activity of members of a NRM to the surrounding culture (Duke), and some scholars have examined similarities between the symbolism, teachings, and practices of a NRM and those of a dominant religion (Wortham 112, Chao 201). Rodney Stark explains that a person who was raised Christian, being presented a choice between Hare Krishna and Mormonism, will tend to opt for Mormonism since it does not require discarding all the beliefs of Christianity, but merely to append the new scripture to them (260). James T. Duke points out that there may be cultural continuity between a NRM and one or more subcultures of a society, while that continuity may disappear when the society is taken as a whole. By looking at the ways in which successful religions have maintained cultural continuity with their cultures, we can gain a sense of the effectiveness of cultural continuity as a strategy for the success of NRMs.

One example of a NRM spreading in part because of cultural continuity is the Isis cult of the ancient world, which appears to have prepared the way for the Christ cult in many cities (Wortham 119). In the period from approximately 400 BCE until 400 CE, the Isis cult spread from the cultural center of Alexandria throughout the Hellenic world (Wortham 103). It even reached Rome by about 100 CE, and gained the approval of Roman Emperors from Caligula onward (Wortham 103). The expansion of the Isis and Christ cults has been shown to be intertwined, and the size of cities and their closeness to Rome did not contribute to this growth (Wortham 118), but cultural continuity may have been a factor. Examples of the cultural continuity between the Isis and Christian cults include that both Jesus and Isis were referred to as “Lord” and “Savior”; that Mary is described in Revelation as being clothed with the sun and standing on the moon; and the Roman frescoes depicting Isis wandering and suffering bear a similarity to Paul’s portrait of “Christ crucified” (Wortham 112). Robert A. Wortham explains that while other factors exist which contributed to the growth of both the Isis and Christ cults, like religious pluralism and diverse urban networks, the spread of the Christ cult may have been made easier by these symbolic and religious similarities between the two cults (111-112). He  concludes that “Cultural continuity makes a difference” (119).

In more recent times, Conservative Protestant Christianity has been experiencing some growth among urbanites in Taiwan, where it appears to retain some cultural continuity (Chao 193). In particular, it appears that conversion to Christianity in Taiwan can be directly correlated to religious experiences which have a strong resemblance to traditional religious experiences of Confucianism, Daoism, and Chinese folk religions (Chao 196). One example of such a conversion is the case of Pastor Chuang, a man raised in a folk religion whose family was bothered by possession of demonic spirits during his teen years. The family first attempted to solve this problem with the traditional folk methods, and when this did not help, they turned to their Christian friends who brought them to a Christian church, which seemed to solve their problems. Following this, Pastor Chuang converted and attended a Presbyterian seminary (Chao 197). Chinese religion tends to be practical, seeking material rewards for worship, and Protestant Christianity has some features which are in line with this cultural feature (Chao 201). In Hsing-Kuang Chao’s summary and conclusion, he writes that “If Protestant churches adapt their religious culture to the conventional religions, which emphasize gaining practical benefits, prospective members are likely to remain and eventually convert to Christianity” (202).

Another recent example of a NRM growing in part because of cultural continuity is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormonism), which has experienced rapid growth since its founding over 175 years ago (Duke). According to Duke, the teachings of Mormonism retain significant continuity in the cultures of the United States, the Philippines, Samoa, Tonga, and other South Pacific cultures, while in Europe the cultural continuity is weak and in Asia and Africa the cultural continuity is “problematic.” Duke describes many areas of cultural continuity between Mormons and average Americans, including similar socioeconomic status, social and political ideologies, quality of life indicators, and personality factors. Duke also notes the similarity between Mormons and Americans concerning their beliefs in the Bible, their use of contraceptives, and their attitudes and behaviors concerning family.

An even more striking example of a NRM succeeding because of cultural continuity is the Jehovah’s Witnesses, a sect of Christianity which has enjoyed global growth at an extraordinary rate wherever Christianity is dominant (Stark and Iannaccone 133). Moreover, Jehovah’s Witnesses has greater continuity with Christian cultures than Mormonism does, and experiences more rapid growth than Mormonism does in Christian cultures (Stark 261). As Rodney Stark and Laurence Iannaccone have found, Jehovah’s Witnesses have grown more rapidly where there is a larger portion of Christians in the population, and have had less growth where there is a larger percentage of Muslim adherents (142). In some Muslim countries, it is illegal to proselytize and attempt to convert Muslims to other religions, and the number of Jehovah’s Witnesses in these countries remains very small (Stark and Iannaccone 141). In Latin America, on the other hand, where Christianity has a strong dominance in the culture, the number of Jehovah’s Witnesses increased by 239% from 1980 to 1994 (Stark and Iannaccone 140).

Cultural continuity has been an apparently effective strategy in NRMs throughout the world for thousands of years. Sects and NRMs alike have often simply added new ideas to the teachings of existing religions and cultural ideologies, thereby maintaining cultural continuity (Stark 260). The Christ cult was able to spread quickly among the cities where the Isis cult had already succeeded, in large part because of the cultural continuity between the two (Wortham 117). Hsing-Kuang Chao has pointed out that NRMs will have greater success if they adapt their teachings and cultures to the populations where they hope to succeed (202). Studies of Mormonism and Jehovah’s Witnesses, meanwhile, show that these Christian sects have been able to achieve the greatest success where they maintain cultural continuity in Christian cultures (Stark 261). Clearly cultural continuity is an important factor in the success of NRMs.

Works Cited

• Chao, Hsing-Kuang. “Conversion to Protestantism Among Urban Immigrants in Taiwan.” Sociology of Religion 67.2 (2006): 193-204. Ebscohost. Portland Community College, Portland, OR. 26 July 2011.
• Dawson, Lorne L. Comprehending Cults: The Sociology of New Religious Movements. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2006. Print.
• Duke, James T. “Cultural Continuity and Tension: A Test of Stark’s Theory of Church Growth.” 26 July 2011.
• Stark, Rodney. “Why Religious Movements Succeed or Fail: A Revised General Model.” Journal of Contemporary Religion 11.2 (May 1996): 133-146. 26 July 2011.
• Stark, Rodney, and Laurence R. Iannaccone. “Why the Jehovah’s Witnesses Grow so Rapidly: A Theoretical Application.” Journal of Contemporary Religion 12.2 (1997): 133-157. 26 July 2011.
• Wortham, Robert A. “Urban Networks, Deregulated Religious Markets, Cultural Continuity and the Diffusion of the Isis Cult.” Method & Theory in the Study of Religion 18.2 (2006): 103-123. Ebscohost. Portland Community College, Portland, OR. 26 July 2011.

My first impression of the Occupy Portland General Assembly actually took place on the outskirts of the gathering, as I was approaching. I saw a small group of people, visibly disenfranchised from the main group. Their passion and frustration was palpable even before I could hear what any of them were saying. Then, the voice of one young man rose above the others in an angry bluster, “Who cares about this voting shit?! We do what we want!” I was stopped dead in my tracks by this emphatic scatology applied to voting, of all things. I wondered how a simple democratic deliberation could have inspired such an outburst. Then I heard more. “It’s always the same people who get to speak. When anyone else has something to say, they just ignore us.” I wasn’t here to listen to the disenfranchised and disgruntled, however; I was interested in learning about the protest and how those assembled hoped to reverse the crisis in which our nation currently finds itself.

Moving on to the General Assembly, I witnessed in person for the first time “the people’s microphone,” where one person speaks, and all others within hearing range repeat what that person says, in a call-and-response style delivery. When crowds are large enough, the process is repeated, so that the first response becomes the call for those further away to respond, providing a second echo for those too far to hear the first. A person who steps up to the “people’s mic” gains control of the device by simply stating the phrase, “mic check,” and upon hearing the others present repeating the phrase, proceeds to recite their message. This is the way that the General Assembly in Portland works to ensure that all voices have a chance to be heard.

Winston Churchill flashes the "V for Victory"

The subject under discussion was the question of who would be the official “media team” and what would be the official live video stream. Apparently there were more than one team of people with the equipment and incentive to produce live, streaming video of the event over the Internet, and there was some question about who should, and who should not, produce the live video feeds. I asked someone nearby, “Why can’t there be more than one? Couldn’t there be as many feeds as people want to make?” The quick response was, “This is the people’s media, not individual media.” I wasn’t sure how to respond, but I began to see a connection between the proceedings at hand and the disenfranchised group I had seen earlier. A famous saying of Winston Churchill floated through my mind: “No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time” (Great Britain 206-207).

The problems of our society are vast and difficult to pin down: corporate personhood, money in politics, factory farming, bank bailouts, wars for oil, the military-industrial complex, the free press as propaganda ministers, the export of slavery and the import of everything. The list of tribulations goes on and on, and these complex issues transcend the party politics that most of us grew up with. With slight re-framing of the above concerns, many of them might be voiced by members of the right-wing Tea Party just as easily as they have been raised by the generally left-leaning “Occupy” movement. In recent years, all this has come to a head, and the 24/7 protests that started in Washington, D.C. have spread to well over 70 cities in the U.S. and abroad (Walters). These protests will fail, however, if their participants idealize democracy and rely on this system of government to solve their problems for them, instead of merely utilizing democracy as a tool for enfranchising people and building consensus.

Some participants in the protests feel that democracy, wherein the majority rule by direct voting, is the answer to all the problems that plague the U.S. today; they suggest that society must be reformed around this ideal form of government, treating the General Assemblies as bodies “that could act as a model of genuine, direct democracy to contrapose to the corrupt charade presented to us as ‘democracy’ by the US government” (Graeber). Other participants have sought merely to utilize the methods of democratic consensus-building first pioneered by anarchists during the Spanish Civil War (Bookchin). While there is significant overlap between these two perspectives of the ideal and the pragmatic, and certainly many individuals hold both perspectives, democracy is far from perfect and is prone to corruption and mob rule. The result of democratic deliberation on the day that I attended the General Assembly showed that these protests are not immune to corruption.

If government is a tool which serves the people it governs, then it practically does not matter what form or system of government is utilized, so long as it effectively and efficiently accomplishes the goal of providing justice and liberty to the greatest possible number of people. The people in a nation, or state, or public assembly may be served well by nearly any form of government or organizational structure, if that structure is in fact oriented toward serving them. Likewise, any form of government may become corrupted and be used to serve only some of the people, at the great expense of others. While democracy may be less prone to corruption than most other forms of government, it is not immune from corruption, and it is particularly prone to dampening the efforts of ingenious individuals—such as those required to ask permission at the General Assembly to turn on a video camera.

In the minds of many protesters, protest organizers, and politicians alike, there seems less focus on people merely utilizing democratic forms of deliberation to enfranchise and include everyone’s voice, and a greater emphasis on idealizing democracy and considering it to be a panacea for all the problems of society worldwide. In fact, considering the wars of the last 80 years at least, democracy has been upheld as an ideal for which we must fight at any cost. In the words of one bumper sticker that has been popular this year, “Be nice to America, or we’ll bring democracy to your country.”

Democracy is not identical with liberty and justice, and should not be conflated with them. John Stuart Mill pointed out the inherent problems of democracy, echoing de Tocqueville and James Madison when he wrote:

The will of the people, moreover, practically means the will of the most numerous or the most active part of the people; the majority, or those who succeed in making themselves accepted as the majority; the people, consequently, may desire to oppress a part of their number; and precautions are as much needed against this as against any other abuse of power. … This view of things, recommending itself equally to the intelligence of thinkers and to the inclination of those important classes in European society to whose real or supposed interests democracy is adverse, has had no difficulty in establishing itself; and in political speculations “the tyranny of the majority” is now generally included among the evils against which society requires to be on its guard (4).

The question we must ask, when considering whether to adopt a particular system of government, is not whether or not the system is “democracy,” but whether the given system serves to create the greatest possible liberty and justice for the greatest number of people.

I left the General Assembly not knowing much more about the protests. I still felt strongly in agreement with many of the concerns that I saw articulated on cardboard signs, and I still hoped that the protests would continue and grow. As someone who has participated in anti-war protests since 1990, it was certainly uplifting to see, at long last, so many people fighting with their voices for liberty and justice in politics again. As I wandered back home, however, I found myself filled with doubts about the possible ramifications of idealizing democracy rather than simply utilizing it.

When I got home, I went to my computer and noticed that a friend, who had been attending the General Assemblies for some time, had a few days earlier written a brief comment on an online social network, saying that a small group of people at one of the General Assemblies had declared themselves “facilitators” by donning yellow duct-tape armbands. When asked how they were appointed, they brushed off the question by saying, “That is not up for discussion.” The next day, my friend brought a roll of yellow duct-tape to distribute armbands to anyone who wanted one. Naturally, the significance of the arm-band quickly faded and now nobody wears them. In this brief scenario, we find a corrupt democracy healed by the clever actions of an ingenious individual exercising his liberty.

Works Cited

• Graeber, David. “What Did We Actually Do Right?” AlterNet. N.p. 19 October, 2011. Web.. 19 October, 2011. <http://www.alternet.org/story/152789/%E2%80%9Cwhat_did_we_ actually_do_right%E2%80%9D_on_the_unexpected_success_and_spread_of_occupy_ wall_street/?page=entire>
• Great Britain. House of Commons Debates (5^th Series). Volume 444, 11 November, 1947. Web. October 15, 2011. <http://hansard.millbanksystems.com/commons/1947/nov/11/ parliament-bill>
• Bookchin, Murray. “An Overview of the Spanish Libertarian Movement.” Anarcho-Syndicalism 101: Class Struggle Online. N.p. 2 September, 2005. Web. October 15, 2011. <http:// www.anarchosyndicalism.net/archive/display/164/index.php>
• Mill, John Stuart. On Liberty. London: Longman, Roberts & Green, 1869; Bertleby.com, 1999. Web. 19 October, 2011. <http://www.bartleby.com/130/>
• Walters, Joanna. “Occupy America: protests against Wall Street and inequality hit 70 cities.” The Guardian. Guardian News and Media Limited, 8 October 2011. Web. October 15, 2011. < http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/oct/08/occupy-america-protests-financial-crisis>

Militarized law enforcement may provide a valuable form of entertainment

A Humble Proposition
for preventing the unemployed in the United States of America, from being a burden on their country, and for making them beneficial to the public

It is a melancholy object to those, who walk though the great city of New York, or travel to nearly any other city in this great nation, when they see the parks crowded with unemployed youth, veterans of combat, and aging drug users, granola crunchers, and brassiereless females, all in soiled, malodorous clothing and harassing every passerby (Roberts et al.). These people instead of working for their honest livelihood are content to employ all their time complaining about the accomplishments of others and beg for debt relief while they thieve and rape for want of work and love (Lomax), or they may indeed leave their dear native country, to fight as terrorists against civilized society (Vermillion).

I think it is agreed by all parties, that this prodigious number of unemployed youths in the parks, or in the streets, and frequently in tents is in the present deplorable state of the republic, a very great additional grievance; and therefore whoever could find out a fair, cheap and easy method of making these youths sound and useful members of society, would deserve so well of the public, as to be interviewed on Fox News and featured on Oprah, and to have his or her statue set up for a preserver of the nation.

But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for the protesting youth: it is of a much greater extent, and shall take the whole number of unemployed after a certain time in unemployment, who are in effect as little able to support themselves, as those who demand our charity in the streets.

As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many days, upon this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of our projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in their computation. It is true, a person recently unemployed, plus two dependents, may be supported by food stamps, for a solar year, with little other support: at most not above the value of $23,800, which a head of household may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by applying to the state or through the lawful occupation of begging or pan-handling; and it is exactly at one year after losing employment that I propose to provide for them in such a manner, as, instead of being a charge upon the state, or a burden to the parks, or the public passersby, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall, on the contrary, contribute to the entertainment of many millions, and partly to the Gross National Product and the growing need for welfare to corporate banking institutions (Center on Budget and Policy Priorities).

The number of souls in this republic being usually reckoned three hundred fifty million, of these I calculate there may be about thirty five million who are unemployed, although I apprehend there cannot be so many, presently taking advantage of unemployment benefits offered by the republic; but this being granted, many who are not receiving such benefits are nevertheless incapable of supporting themselves and resort, alas! to the aforementioned practices of harassing the good people in great cities throughout the republic. The question therefore is, how this number shall be provided for, which, as I have already said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterly impossible by all the methods hitherto proposed. For we can neither employ them in handicraft or agriculture, since the wage for such employment is only sufficient to satisfy those workers which are illegal to employ, owing to their status as immigrants lacking proper documentation (Geis).

I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.

It can hardly be disputed that violence is a prominent feature of televised programming, and from this fact we may deduce that violence is a popular form of spectator entertainment. In connection with this, there are few forms of amusement more profitable than games, which generate a great deal of revenue thanks to sponsorships from the grand corporations of the world. Finally, in recent decades, a highly fashionable format in televised programming is the “reality show” which purports to exhibit unscripted, but to some degree contrived, scenarios where untrained actors are confronted by difficult situations.

I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration that of the thirty five million unemployed and underemployed already computed, three hundred and fifty thousand of the most fit and incensed  may be selected for hire as protest entertainers with corporate sponsorships; and my reason is, that these one per cent of the total population of unemployed and underemployed persons will be more than sufficient to entertain the entire population by engaging in protests, whereupon they will be brutally beaten by militarized law enforcement officers. The remaining ninety nine per cent of unemployed and underemployed persons will be incensed at the new disparity between themselves and the others who have been hired as protest entertainers. Their anger renewed and reinvigorated, and their jealousy and exasperation invoked, they shall continue to provide a supply of protest entertainers to replace those who retire or are killed in unfortunate, but necessary to keep the attention of the American people, egregious and uncontrolled acts of violence.

I grant the wages for this entertainment will be highly valued, and the cost shall be very proper to be paid by the grand corporations of the world, which, as they have already destroyed the population and its economy, seem to have the best title to sponsor the protest entertainers.

I have already computed the charge of supporting a family of three to be about $23,800 per annum; and I believe no corporation would repine to give $100,000 plus rags bearing the advertising insignia of the corporation. Thus the sponsor will grow popular among the population, and will be seen as an altruistic benefactor; the protest entertainer will have $76,200 net profit, and be therefore fit to pay hospitalization bills.

I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.

For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen the number of unemployed, with whom we are yearly overrun, being our most dangerous enemies; and who stay at home on purpose with a design to deliver the republic to socialism or communism, hoping to take their advantage by the collapse of capitalism.

Secondly, the poor will have a valuable profession for which they are qualified by virtue of merely being poor and discontented.

Thirdly, whereas the maintenance of three hundred and fifty thousand protesters is computed at $100,000 apiece per annum, the Gross National Product will be thereby increased thirty five billion dollars per annum, beside the profit of a new form of entertainment introduced to the televisions of all people in the republic who have any refinement in taste. And the money will circulate among ourselves, the goods being entirely of our own growth and manufacture.

Fourthly, the constant protest entertainers, beside the gain of $76,200 per annum by their sponsored protests, will be given insignia-embroidered clothing which will forever advertise the sponsoring corporations.

Fifthly, this entertainment would likewise bring great custom to taverns; where the observation of the proceedings will be accompanied by fine foods and beverages, and consequently such houses will be frequented by all the fine gentlemen and ladies, who justly value themselves upon their knowledge in good entertainment.

Many other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, the exportation of recorded protests, the propagation of viral videos showing exceptionally violent acts, and improvement in the art of the protest, as well as new innovations in crowd control technologies. But this and many others I omit, being studious of brevity.

I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive than the public good of my country, by advancing our trade, relieving the poor, and giving some pleasure to that portion of the population which can afford leisure.

The End

Works Cited

• Center on Budget and Policy Priorities. "A Quick Guide to Food Stamp Eligibility and Benefits." Matrix Group International, Inc., 30 Nov. 2009. Web. 20 Nov. 2011. <http:// www.cbpp.org/cms/index.cfm?fa=view>.
• Geis, Sonya. "Shortage of Immigrant Workers Alarms Growers in West." Washington Post: Breaking News, World, US, DC News & Analysis. The Washington Post Company, 22 Nov. 2005. Web. 18 Nov. 2011. <http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/11/21/AR2005112101357_pf.html>.
• Lomax, Tamura A. "Occupy Rape Culture." The Feminist Wire. N.p., 5 Nov. 2011. Web. 22 Nov. 2011. <http://thefeministwire.com/2011/11/occupy-rape-culture/>.
• Roberts, Hannah, Paul Bentley, and Mark Duell. "Occupy Wall Street Protesters Make Love as Well as Class War with Sex and Drugs on Tap." Mail Online. Associated Newspapers Ltd., 10 Oct. 2011. Web. 18 Nov. 2011. <http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2047168/Occupy-Wall-Street-protesters-make-love-class-war-sex-drugs-tap.html>.
• Vermillion, Kris. "Occupy Terrorism." Kris the Talker. N.p., 5 Nov. 2011. Web. 18 Nov. 2011. <http://www.kristhetalker.com/2011/11/occupy-terrorism.html>.

Joseph Thiebes and Vermin Supreme after the debate

Three hours later than planned, after a 6-hour flight and a hurried drive through the suburbs of Boston, I finally arrived in Salem, Massachusetts to find the media team nearly ready for the event that had been anticipated jokingly as perhaps “the most important political event of the year,” (Bernstein) and would later be called “the best fake presidential debate Massachusetts has seen in a generation” (Carioli). I donned my newly fitted black tuxedo with a red bowtie and matching pocket square, and sat down at a table on stage next to a man in the process of fastening a boot to his head. It was Halloween weekend, but the boot was not exactly a costume. Hearing the excited cheers of audience and members of the media team, Vermin Supreme acknowledged that this trademark fashion accessory brings more media attention than any of his other antics.

An ancient tradition in Western culture, political satire goes back as far as Aristophanes in classical Attica, where jokes at the expense of politicians played an important role in the development of Attic comedy. Then, as now, political satire has attracted controversy. In Attica, personal jokes mocking political leaders were eventually abolished (Chronopoulos 207). Today, political satire enjoys more popularity than ever with the advent of mass communication technologies—radio, television, and most recently the Internet. Political satire has become so popular that many young people today claim to get their news from The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, two comedic TV shows which satirize political punditry (Shaheen). Of the various kinds of political satire, the satirical candidate presents the most threatening challenge to the validity of the political process, and therefore often draws the most controversy. Political satire is however a valuable feature in the discourse of society; although rarely constructive, satirical candidacies nevertheless offer a great deal of insight into the errors made by government and the problems afflicting the political milieu.

Aleister Crowley vs. Vermin Supreme

Vermin Supreme draws attention to oppressive and corrupt policies with mockery in the guise of radical honesty, and has done so in every presidential election since 1988. The mockery begins with his legal name; as he proudly proclaims, “All politicians are, in fact, vermin. I am the Vermin Supreme; therefore I am the most qualified candidate” (Walker). He also frequently promises his audiences that if elected, he will happily enter their homes, sit on their couches, put his feet on their furniture, watch their televisions, and tell them what to do. With such commentary, Supreme draws attention to the fact that politicians often aspire to power rather than service and alludes to the invasion of privacy which often ensues as governments and politicians gain power.

A constant stream of broken promises, ubiquitous in political campaigning, continues to fool many voters in every election. While such promises tend to increase voter apathy, this in turn leads candidates to adopt more sophisticated strategies in making promises which they may lack any ability to implement once in office. Political satire makes an easy target of this cliché problem in political discourse. In the candidacy of Vermin Supreme, he promises if elected that he will provide free ponies for all Americans (Walker). This satirical promise developed in a spontaneous moment of inspiration during Senator John Kerry’s campaign to win the Democratic Party primary in New Hampshire. During an anti-war rally, a call-and-response chant repeatedly asked “What do we want?”  To this, activists predictably responded, “Peace!” After a few repetitions of this chant, Vermin Supreme interjected his own response: “A pony!” This quickly spread through the rally, and Supreme had a new campaign platform (Kennedy 114-115). Since that inspired moment, Supreme’s promise of free ponies for all Americans has become more elaborate, and he now promises free pony healthcare and subsidized pony housing (Steer 11). With the original ridiculous promise, Supreme mocks the promises of all politicians and moreover draws attention to the way that politicians easily shift the focus from ideal outcomes, such as peace, to material wishes. Over time, Supreme has built upon this to directly criticize campaigns which appeal to the American dream of home ownership and the promise of universal healthcare.

The Salem Massachusetts Presidential Debate

Mandatory dental hygiene is another of Vermin Supreme’s important campaign promises. On one occasion, Supreme used a giant toothbrush to clean the Washington Monument, declaring afterward that “The biggest incisor in the world has indeed been brushed. Next time, floss” (Blitzer). With this platform, Supreme continues to mock the promise of universal healthcare, a major concern in the 2008 presidential election. By framing it as a mandate rather than as a benefit, Supreme’s criticism almost seems prophetic, since President Obama’s program of universal healthcare now includes a requirement that most Americans have some form of health insurance by 2014 or face a fine (Khan). Supreme shifts attention away from concerns about this pervasive dental mandate by promising not to use flying monkeys or tooth fairies to enforce it. He also promises to boost American preparedness for a zombie invasion, evoking fear of the unknown and quelling criticism of all his other platforms.

By blurring the line between politics and entertainment, Vermin Supreme raises questions about the extent to which entertainment has already pervaded the political landscape. From one perspective, he clowns about politics and ridicules the electoral process. From another perspective, he mirrors the clownish behavior of politicians and draws our attention to reality: that political discourse has become more about entertainment than many of us are comfortable admitting. Political commentators and voters alike often feel that satirical candidates like Vermin Supreme undermine and cheapen the electoral process. Reporter and news anchor Sam Donaldson once blustered at the suggestion that he cover Supreme’s campaign, saying that “as a reporter, I’m under no obligation to pay any attention to him. We’ve a very valuable, small amount of air time at ABC News. I wish we had more. I should spend our time on Vermin Supreme? Not a chance!” (Blitzer). Such criticism, however, merely demonstrates a lack of perspective and insight. Through such myopic and humorless comments, Donaldson and others that express their annoyance at Vermin Supreme’s campaign give credibility to the satire which mocks exactly that kind of shortsightedness. As syndicated Washington Post columnist Charles Krauthammer put it, “He sounds like a jester out of King Lear. I mean this is a classic figure in history. There’s always the fool in the court who’s half nuts, but half wise. The one who whispers in the ear of the conqueror, ‘you’re mortal’ … Slightly insane, slightly a bit of a put on, and a lot of accurate satire. I don’t think it’s a detriment to the political system. I think it’s a nice accoutrement” (Blitzer).

Sitting next to Vermin Supreme in satirical political debate, my own efforts at mocking the political landscape played the role of the straight man in a comedy duo. As I promoted a campaign to elect a dead British mystic by quoting from the political essays of Aleister Crowley, Supreme offered counterpoint in song and slapstick, and at one point brandished a toy gun in an attempt to derail the proceedings. The debate was ultimately hailed by one newspaper editor as being saner than the other debates which have so far taken place among Republican Party candidates for president in 2012 (Carioli).

Works Cited

• Bernstein, David S. “Saner than the GOP: The Salem Presidential Debate.” Boston Phoenix 28 Oct., 2011: 6. Print.
• Blitzer, Wolf. “Oval Office Underdogs: Vermin Supreme.” Why Can't I Be President? PBS. WGBH, 1996. YouTube. Google, 27 Nov. 2007. Web. 05 Nov. 2011.
• Carioli, Carly. “Video: Vermin Supreme vs. Aleister Crowley: The 2012 Presidential Debate.” Boston Phoenix Blogs: Talking Politics. The Phoenix Media/Communications Group, 30 October, 2011. Web. 31 October, 2011.
• Chronopoulos, Stelios. “Re-writing the Personal Joke: Some Aspects in the Interpretation of ὀνομαστὶ κωμῳδεῖν in Ancient Scholarship.” Trends in Classics, Supplementary Volumes 8 (2011): 207-223. Google Book Search. Web. 1 Nov., 2011.
• Kennedy, Pagan. The Dangerous Joy of Dr. Sex and Other True Stories. Santa Fe, NM: Santa Fe Writers Project, 2008. Print.
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Everyone has different tastes and preferences when it comes to pizza, and there is something for everyone in Portland. For the busy traveler, however, digging through a list of 30 places on a blog is not much more helpful than looking it up in the yellow pages. Tempting the wrath of all Partisan Pizzeria Patrons of Portland, therefore, I will reduce the list to the three best options:

Top 3 Pizza Joints in Portland

These are not in order; they are all paragons of pizza perfection in their own ways.

1. Ken's Artisan Pizza
   • Brick-baked perfection
   • No delivery, limited take-out. Dine-in is the way to go.
   • Nice place, wine list, no reservations, smart casual.
   • Expect a wait for seating.
2. Flying Pie Pizzeria
   • Fat pie loaded with toppings
   • No delivery
   • Take-out or dine-in, casual.
3. Hammy's Pizza
   • excellent thin pizza with fresh local ingredients
   • Delivery & take-out only
   • Open until 4am
   • Also delivers Voodoo doughnuts & movie rentals

I hope this list helps anyone who recently moved to Portland or who might be visiting from afar. Enjoy!

You can substitute all-purpose flour, one for one, if you are eager to have your calories more barren and tasteless. The recipe works either way really, and your chocolate chip cookies will come out perfect. Trust me, though, the whole wheat version below is more perfect.

See, the focus here is on "perfect chocolate chip cookies," with the added benefit that these perfect chocolate chip cookies are also made with 100% whole wheat flour. Go ahead and test it against the classic stand-by recipes from the 1950s, and I'm sure you will agree, this is the more perfect recipe for chocolate chip cookies.

Ingredients for the Perfect Whole Wheat Chocolate Chip Cookie:

• 2 ¼ cups whole wheat flour, using one of the following:
  • whole wheat pastry flour by Red Mill in the Pacific Northwest
  • white whole wheat by King Arthur Flour in New England
• 1 teaspoon. baking soda
• 1 heaping teaspoon salt
• 1 cup (two sticks) salted butter
• ⅝ cup white sugar (i.e., ⅛ cup shy of ¾ cup)
• ¾ cup packed brown sugar (substituting white sugar here in a pinch is fine)
• 1 Tablespoon vanilla extract
• 2 eggs
• 2 cups (12-ounce package) semi-sweet chocolate morsels
• 1 cup chopped nuts

Whisk together the flour, baking soda and salt in small bowl.

I have heard it said that one big difference between my generation and the last is that they used sifters, and we just use a whisk. Who needs a clunky, slow, space-hogging sifter anyway? Just whisk it well.

Melt the butter completely on low heat, stirring regularly. This is important. While that melts, whisk together the granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla in large bowl. It would help a bit to use a chilled ceramic mixing bowl, by the way. Once melted, add in the butter and mix it well.

Note: The perfection of these cookies requires real, salted butter. Hydrolyzed pseudo-foods will not do at all. You need butter. From a cow.

Add in the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each egg. Now put the whisk away; it's about to get doughy.

Mix in the flour mixture and stir in the chocolate chips and nuts.

Now, try your hardest to overcome the temptation of cooking these right away. If you chill the dough for an hour, it will be better. If you can manage to wait even longer, even overnight, it can only improve the way they turn out. If you can't wait, these will still be amazing, but do put the dough in the fridge between batches to keep it from getting too soft.

Using your finger and a tablespoon, drop by rounded tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheets, preferably on parchment paper.

Bake in preheated 350° F oven for 7 to 9 minutes until golden brown. Do not overcook; check the first batch frequently after 6 minutes to determine how long to cook the next batches. Let stand for 2 minutes and then remove to cool completely.

Et voilà!

Perfect Whole Wheat chocolate Chip cookies

Quiche is one of the easiest things in the world to make. Once you know the basics, you can improvise a lot to make different kinds of quiche. So I'll tell you my template, and you can experiment with different ingredients.

Ingredients:

• 1 frozen pie crust
• 4 eggs
• plus milk to equal 1¾ cups with eggs
• ¼ cup yogurt
• 8 oz cheese, grated
• 10 oz frozen vegetables, chopped

A few words about the ingredients:

You can make your own pie crust of course. I find frozen to be just as good, and far easier. For my typical, day-to-day quiche, I don't even bother with pre-baking the crust. If it's a special occasion, I'll get the all-butter crust from Grand Central and pre-bake it according to their directions. Whether you use it frozen or pre-bake it, keep it frozen until right before you plan to put it in the oven.

Try to buy eggs that are local, or close by. I hope during this crisis in the Gulf of Mexico that it is obvious why buying food close to the source is a good idea. Less distance between you and your food means less gasoline used in getting it to you. Moreover, keep that money close to home where it counts for you.

Using 1% milk and whole milk yogurt gives good results. You might experiment with different fat levels. I find that going completely nonfat is a little too light for my taste. There is no reason not to experiment though. In a pinch, I have completely replaced milk with yogurt. It was strange, but tasty. It's hard to really fail here.

Directions:

Preheat oven to 325°.

If you have frozen vegetables, put them in a small saucepan with a half cup of water. Boil covered until they are completely thawed. Drain thoroughly and give them a chance to cool a bit before putting them in the custard.

Whisk together the eggs, milk and yogurt. Then, stir in the cheese. I usually do this step while the veggies are cooking. Mix in the vegetables last.

Spoon the custard into the pie crust, and bake about 40 minutes, until toothpick or knife-tip comes out clean.

Suggested Combinations & Variations

• peas, carrots, & cheddar
• broccoli &cheddar
• spinach & pepper jack
• spinach & swiss (emmental and gruyere are excellent), with a dusting of nutmeg on top
• the spinach & swiss is also great with some chopped bacon added into the custard
• experiment and enjoy!