josh & robin

around 35 weeks

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 03:50:00 +0000

Having a high risk pregnancy is nice for all the ultrasounds.

I have 3 videos so far of Noelle - and one of them has her yawning several times. It's pretty amazing.

So far, it looks like she has Josh's nose and body shape, and my eyes and lips. We'll see!

Here is a picture of me during a weekly biophysical profile

A BPP measures contractions (top monitor), heart beat and kicks (bottom monitor).

This is the exact same setup I had when I stayed overnight in the hospital after my wreck.

The purpose of the monitor is to see that her body movements and heart rate are connected, that her brain is responding to her body...I hope that makes sense. If she's active, I'm on it for 20 minutes (so I bring OJ), but if she's sleepy, I either have to wake her or stay on it for 45 minutes, or until they see at least 2 jumps in her heart rate.

Josh and I toured the hospital last weekend, and everything was answered.

They rennovated the L&D wing this last year, so they have everything we need/want.

Leaving...about to get on the elevator to go, Josh says,

"Yeah, this'll be easy."

I gave him a good look to make sure he knew what he was implying, and he corrected with

"I mean for me, it will."

Ha - he meant that he felt prepared to be my rock, but it didn't come out like that!

A pic for the memory.

noelle's bedroom

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 01:43:00 +0000

we are now used to calling this "noelle's room"

we have 3 rooms, and this has always been our guest room with the third as a study including a fold out couch for additional guests. the third room hasn't changed. I figure if I need a night to comfort noelle without waking Josh during my maternity leave, I can just sleep with her in the guest bed that's still in her room...

(I just took a little break to search for black eyed peas in the pantry and got sidetracked cleaning it out! result? no bep's for new year's day! but our pantry is now less old double-stuffed oreos, cereal, and nilla wafers we don't eat - obviously these were bad decisions grocery shopping while I was hungry at some point or another)

Here's her dresser and an antique drying rack

we opted not to do a changing table. this dresser has plenty of room for clothes and I bet we'll be changing her all over the house, like people do in second-world countries.

(bunting made by lauren, diaper cake made by kristin, boots were josh's as a little boy, and frame from vickie)

this is to the left of the door

(the glider and ottoman are in the living room...not enough room in here!)

see the bow board made by jeni?

the name bunting by lauren

pan around and there's the closet door

see the cute wreath lauren made?

and I've decided the turquoise trunk I got last year will be noelle's

toy chest!

I love this idea. I don't know anyone doing this, and am quite proud to bring back this old way of storing toys in a pinch.

(by the way, I really enjoy looking at pre-pregnancy pictures of myself - when I was little robin bird, and that antiquing post has a great one of me back then!)

so, that's her room.

people ask me, "so, do you have the nursery ready?"

and I can't help but think about the movie Babies. If you haven't seen it, you should. It follows 4 babies in very different countries in the first year of their lives. I'm most moved by Bayar in Mongolia - he's tied to his bed while his Mom works in the field. He plays with toilet paper for entertainment. So, am I ready? Uh, yes. I'm ready in the first, second, and third worlds.

I could use more diapers, but as first-world as this nursery is, I'm really trying to be simple.

Simple how?

-using biodegradable diapers (as long as they fit her well and work)

-co-sleeping (as long as Josh can sleep, too)

-not having a million toys or clothes (though I do - my amazing sister has passed down both of her girls' clothes and I'm full-up on clothes, which is hilarious because I've learned that when you're having a girl people really only want to buy you clothes. That tricky registry thing is for rule-followers (lol), but I LOVE the registry. I have more clothes than I could dream of, but my registry isn't complete. At least she'll be adorable and have plenty of options for me to choose from if she spits up a lot, or if I want to take pictures of her every day) OH - I have to say - I LOVE the homemade clothes and accessories, especially the bow-bands.

-breastfeeding (this will not be simple when I'm back at work)

-making our own baby food (send us prayers and wish us luck on this one)

eh, I'm sure there are other things! we'll see. I've obviously never mothered a child before, but I've aunted several really well!

ok, Happy New Year's EVE!

a Christmas pickle tradition

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Sun, 30 Dec 2012 16:42:00 +0000

Surely you've heard of the Christmas Pickle?

Traditionally, it has a German heritage, but we have a different route to this tradition.

I can't write the full story, but I'll allude to there being an instance of a person butt-dialing another person and leaving a very personal message, an odd conversation between he and his wife. The whole story is hilarious.

My sister-in-law, Jeni, found this tradition and got the ornament for us last year, also knowing the story.

We hide it from each other the whole month of December.

I didn't take picture of all the spots it was hid this year, but here are a few:

Where I found it-

Another time I found it-

where Josh found it-

Where I found it-

Where Josh found it-

The tradition says the finder either gets an extra present or gets to open their gift first, but we just enjoy the game. He always wants me to open my present first, anyway!

Cohagen Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Wed, 26 Dec 2012 17:22:00 +0000

Josh and I drove to East Texas on Christmas Eve just in time for lunch with his extended family.

Josh and Sheridan (our very verbal and intelligent niece)

It takes her awhile to warm up to people again, but about 30 minutes after being there, she was calling Josh her favorite and she looooooved him. Of course - he's a child whisperer. Very, very good with kids.

Josh's Dad, John, had pneumonia, so he had to stay home during family time.

However, this is our family!

And Memaw with her 4 kids who are responsible for all the people who fill up her house every year!

Jeni, Sheridan, Patrick, and Meagan

Everyone waiting until their number is called for pictures

We wanted a picture with Memaw, but this was candid..

as I wobbled over to sit down, she said, "no no, don't sit" and I did anyways.

I thought she was afraid I'd break the bench (I still weigh less than Josh or her, so I guess that was just me feeling big).

She said she just didn't want me to have to worry about getting back up again.

That was sweet!

I guess I'd rather rest my feet for 10 seconds and get back up than keep standing.

I told Josh the other day, when you work out and stress your muscles, they get used to it and get stronger for you. But that has not been my experience with pregnancy - my feet have not liked holding the extra weight.

and us.

Our last Christmas as two.

Our last quiet Christmas.

Our last simple Christmas, without having to call our car "the sleigh."

We're so happy together. I love us, and pray that our relationship just gets stronger through parenting.

Josh's sister and cousins threw us a baby shower after all the Christmas festivities, as this was the only time they could work out for us to all be together before Noelle comes.

A beautiful diaper cake made by Kristin

An awesome bow board made by Jeni

You can't see, but Natalie stitched a BU and a duck on onesies, and made a Baylor bow-band.

Love it! I love homemade bowbands.

Lolli rocking Meagan

Sheridan helping her Mommy (Jeni) write down who gave what gift

Sheridan, Jeni, Alicia, and Kristin (the main shower throwers, thank you girls!)

Memaw, Aunt Marilyn, Randi, and Vicki

a beautiful dress from Memaw

A black bow-band and a tutu on Josh's head

Memaw made a quilt out of scraps from all the dresses she made the girl cousins growing up.

Very special - this is the first and only thing we have that she made, and it means a lot to us.

Thank you everyone!

CHRISTMAS MORNING

Sheridan opening gifts from Santa

Sheridan got a wedding dress from Santa, and wore it half the day.

It started snowing and Sheridan said she wanted to get married in the snow.

Daddy said ok!

The little snow bride:

The happy parents

Jeni being silly in the kitch

snow pic

Of course Lolli wanted an apron picture with her girl

Great Christmas with our families. We are so thankful for the love we share with them.

Northern Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Sun, 23 Dec 2012 17:22:00 +0000

PRE-CHRISTMAS

Well, once everyone was in town, we went to dinner at El Con.

Nobody eats after Kyle.

Anna-Jane is a great big sister, and is adorable with her.

I wish I could tell and show you the things she says abut Carys and about what she's going to do with Noelle.

And evening of Shang Hai, a family favorite, and the guys got out the sprinkles for the cookies, and started snacking!

Josh playing with Anna-Jane

Anna-Jane playing back

Ok, this was hilarious, and I'm so glad Bree caught the sequence on camera....

It started out with the kids cuddling up with me, and I wanted a picture with them...

(I cannot tell this without laughing out loud)

Carys had some reflux and spit up in Judah's hair!

I lost all control and struggled to contain the amount of pee that came with the laughter,

Expression interpretations:

Anna-Jane "waaa, this is crazy in here...I'll be funny, too!"

Carys "what's wrong brother? I love you"

Judah "boo, I just want to retreat"

Robin "baaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha"

Carys "here, let me help you"

Judah "can someone get this out of my hair?"

Robin "oooooheeeeheeeheeeheehaaahaaahaahaa"

I finally managed to find a burb cloth and wipe him down. Ha-larious.

December 22 (aka first Christmas Eve)

Ok, some of the tables at Mom and Dad's house:

Family chatting:

Bree and Abby talking photography

not my favorite of us, but here we are!

Ladies talking and waiting for Chelsey and family - an hour late!

The men post-dinner

Chelsey, Me and Amanda (cousins minus Bree)

Me at 34 weeks, Amanda at 20

(Noelle and Cambrie)

Anna-Jane patiently waiting to open presents.

Such a big girl, and so sweet.

Rance reading to his son, Rylan

My family reads the Christmas (Noel) Story every year from Luke. My Dad is the one who reads it from his Bible, but this year, he had a scratchy throat, so Josh read it and improvised to help tell the story through the nativity.

We then prayed, and sang Christmas carols together.

*favorite part of the season*

December 23 (aka First Christmas)

Anna-Jane waiting to see presents

okay, come in!

Anna-Jane helping Judah see his presents before looking at hers, so sweet

THEN she found hers...a Merida bow and arrows!!

I didn't take many more pictures during gift time, but got one after our big lunch with my Mom's sister and family:

(they're all asleep)

And what the girls always do - sit around the sweets and talk.

This is my Mom's sister, Delia, on the left

Merry Christmas from the Northerns!

Pregnancy Update: 32 weeks

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 18:35:00 +0000

At 32 weeks, I feel...

great overall

very slow moving (especially getting up)

encumbered (difficult to move in several directions)

limited (in energy)

inspired about eating/feeding my family well

thirsty...all the time

motivated to nest

needy for assistance

I crave...

water

orange juice

sweets

veggies

I look...like this:

27 weeks

30 weeks in my pjs

31 weeks

32 weeks

and I've been washing all her clothes

imagining this little onesie on the body inside me!

and just so you can see where she likes to stick out her little bottom...

This last picture was yesterday (Saturday).

I woke up, made breakfast for us and my brother-in-law, Patrick, who was staying with us for Truett Seminary's graduation...and sat down. All day. They say your body "speaks" to you during pregnancy, and it does. Noelle somehow signaled my body to tell my brain that she needed to grow and use all my energy, so I was on the couch all day...thirsty, hungry, and tired. I drank so much water, ate so many fruits and vegetables, and maybe got 3 things done around the house. I also read this blog all day long: 100 Days of Real Food.

Josh is so great about telling me to sit down when he notices a change in my energy or movements. Obviously, I want to get everything done (cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc), but can't. He lets me off the hook.

With 7 1/2 weeks to go, I feel ready. I am itching to set up the pack'n'play, finish off the registry (I have a family and a work shower coming up, so I'll wait!) and hold her in my arms.

Often, I am thankful that I get to carry her with me everywhere I go...I think about this at work. I'm glad that she can come to work with me during these 9 months, because she won't be able to later. Even though my arms aren't holding her, my body is, and I love that.

Ok, I'm hungry again. Later!

Birthdays and Visiting with the Leonards

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 18:18:00 +0000

The day of Noelle's shower, my parents hosted a family birthday party for Anna-Jane and Judah.

Remember they were both born November 14?

I was at work the day Anna-Jane was born, I remember getting a call early in the day that she had come, and it was the first time I heard her name.

All her pictures were just beautiful. I think when your first niece/nephew is born, you have this awe about how beautiful they are, or this child was just...exceptionally beautiful. She still is!

I got to meet her soon after and hold her little skin in the sunlight to help with her jaundice.

I watched the nursing videos and learned more about mothering in the first days from Anna-Jane's birth than I'd ever known before.

Anna-Jane is a happy, very girly, tender, brave, and empathic little lady who loves mac and cheese with ketchup, pickles, blueberries, any sweets, and milk.

Here's the 5 year old!

and the 3 year old!

His was the only birth I was able to attend.

Mom and I went to Colorado early, but he came late. We spent a lot of time walking, talking, playing with Anna-Jane, and giving Bree space to deal with her hormones. I felt so sorry for her during her late days with him!

Bree prayed everyday that he would come, except on A-J's birthday, she prayed he wouldn't come, so they could have their own birthdays. BUT, God and these children have a sense of humor and all of them seemed to conspire against her wishes and thwart her plans.

This labor was on and off again all morning, and Josh hopped a plane to come.

Judah was born around 1pm and Josh arrived at 1:30pm!

I learned the most about childbirth and managing pain during this experience. I feel the most prepared after this, having seen how my courageous and strong sister brought her kids into the world medication-free.

The lighting here is dark, but this was a funny sight.

They're watching a movie or something in the same position.

And me loving on Carys. I love holding her - and when she's (or ANY of the L kids) against my belly, Noelle will start kicking them. Either she wants them to get off or she wants to reach out to them.

These faces are truly sweet and adorable.

Kyle and Josh playing Wii while Anna-Jane squishes herself between them.

Funny girl!

I don't think I can really explain to you how great of an uncle Josh is.

He takes the kids camping in the yard, teaches them to roast weenies and mallows, plays games that most adults don't like to use their energy for, and loves on them.

Usually, I'll walk into a room and see something like this happening.

Also, I had to go to the mall one day and decided to take Anna-Jane with me.

Can you see us on the "news"?

This story makes me laugh...

I took her to meet Santa, but she only walked up to him (2 feet away) and said,

"Santa, I want princesses for Christmas"

Santa, motioned for her to come closer and say it again (faking being hard of hearing so she would get the full experience?) but she looked up at me and said, "I'm done."

I asked if she wanted to sit on his lap and tell him and she came over to me and said, "no. I'm done."

She hugged my leg and we exited the area.

I took a picture after.

By the way, she got like 8 princess Barbie size princess for her birthday. I'm not sure what more princess she can have! She just needs the Queen of England to crown her or something.

OH - another story.

When we arrived at the mall in the car, she asked if Bibi was a princess. I said yes, so Anna-Jane went through and named everyone in her family as a prince or princess. Then she asked where her prince was.

I said that I didn't know, but God did, so she could pray to God and ask Him to take care of her prince until she met him. Immediately she folded her hands and prayed for her prince. We said Amen and went shopping. So sweet.

A Shower for Noelle

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Sun, 02 Dec 2012 16:30:00 +0000

I don't even know how to start this post, except to say I have the most creative, talented, thoughtful friends.
This post is about a shower in mid-November for baby Noelle.
I'm almost 29 weeks pregnant here. I'm glad we had this earlier so it wouldn't interfere with Christmastime.

My amazing sister, Bree, took pictures. Just so you know, she's a professional newborn and family photographer in San Antonio. Her business is Breeze Photography and she often comes to Waco, and can do jobs here if you are looking for quality in your captured memories. Thank you Bree, for these beautiful pictures that I will treasure forever.

Ok, the shower was in my friend Cristen's home. Can you believe, after she agreed to host the shower, she also agreed to host her family Thanksgiving that same night? Her husband was smoking a turkey in the backyard when I got there! I don't know many people who would be able to handle so much in one day with two little ones, but she can, and she did. Thank you Cristen.

Let's start with the food table. Bree took pictures of it before I came.

Here is Betsy's white cake with strawberry filling. Oh, yum.

I love the red booties sitting here with the cuties (thank you Lauren).

And Round Rock donut holes as center pieces.

Betsy was up the night before making baby-pancakes like a mad-woman. They were in stacks of 3 and very adorable.

Here's a table shot. They presented it all so well.

Here's the drink table.

There's cranberry water on the left

coffee punch in the middle

and Mama-mosas on the right (orange juice and ginger ale)

Let me make a note here and let you know that the bunting batter and fabric strips in the back made their way into Noelle's nursery. Lauren and Shelley brought decor from the shower to my house, locked me out, and started decorating the nursery! They were hilarious. I'm a very trusting friend...I heard hammering in the next room and even though I got really nervous, I knew I'd love whatever they did.

After awhile, they asked me to come in because they wanted to hang out with me. :) Isn't that a nice thing to hear from your friends? (We wanted to surprise you, but actually we'd rather be with you.)

And these baby mason jars with straws from Etsy saying, "Sweet Baby Noelle"

The cranberry water and coffee punch.

So beautiful, all the colors. Shelley made those food labels. I LOVE those.

My friend Lindsey brought her cradle over for us to store gifts in - isn't that a genius idea?

So thoughtful and sweet. Thank you, Lindsey.

I don't know why, but I always hoped that I would have something to put on the hospital door.

I have no clue where to get these things, but my friend Lauren makes them.

I love that she made this yarn wreath for us. It's so perfect and I can't wait to use it.

Thank you, Lauren.

Here's the front door...

The frame matte was the sign in, and it's hanging in the nursery now.

Good choice on the frame, thank you Grace.

Oh, and the name banner above the coffee buffet.

Again, Lauren, thank you! This is now above the crib.

And then I came over and Bree took some pictures of me loving everything.

There's Carol and Shelley!

And the pigs in a blanket made a cameo...I have got to get that recipe from Lauren. I ate a lot.

me with Aunt Bree!

her beautiful name

fish bowl view of the food

And the sweetest, most wonderful hostesses ever.

L to R

Cristen, Andrea, Lindsey, me, Lauren, Bree, Betsy, Shelley, and Carol

(not pictured: Grace and Emily)

A huge thanks to every one of you for making this such a special day.

Guests arrive and visit.

Mom, Bibi, is holding Carys

Lauren and Andrea, and their mothers

me with Josh's mom, Lolli

Aunt Sue, 1st cousin Kim, and 2nd cousin Amanda - 3 generations

Um, yes. Let's definitely eat the food.

The four of us were very close from junior high.

We've stayed connected over the years.

Britni, Lauren, me, Andrea.

All of them have 2 beautiful kids (side note, I hate infertility!).

Ok, moving along.

Robyn and Amy

And then I opened gifts and got to see what family and friends blessed us with to care for Noelle when she comes.

beautiful quilt from Lollo

Happy Mommy enjoying the party.

Carol and me

The grandmothers! Lolli and Bibi

travel system from Bibi and Boss!

I'm so excited and ready for her to come.
I'm loving the pregnancy, and the process of preparing for her.

At home I look at the car seat, and all the tiny clothes (Bree passed down a ton for me), and I can barely handle the joy and anticipation that wells up in my heart. It's such a special time, and I couldn't be more thankful to have family and friends to share it with us. Thank you so much.

Baylor Homecoming

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Sat, 17 Nov 2012 04:11:00 +0000

Baylor Homecoming came a week after all my accidents, so I'm still wearing the brace in these pictures.

My friend Shelley, came to stay for the weekend with us, and she took care of me since Josh didn't go to the Parade.

I love the parade! I cannot believe I don't have pictures of my favorite floats.

My favorites were the Tri Delta/Phi Chi float

and the KKG float.

I got a cuddler, who didn't want to smile for the camera.

Judah is always ready to sit with Aunt Aubin.

And when Judah went to potty with Daddy, I got another cuddler!

Anna-Jane asked who the princesses were in every car that had a sign on it.

She wanted to know their names, and she repeated the names after us!

She loved the parade, too!

By the way, it was humid that day, so my hair isn't very awesome.

Bree and Carys, Shelley, Lauren, and me!

I love seeing friends at the parade - we all try to find each other and say hello.

Here's Kyle's sister, Tiffany, with the cuddler.

I'm glad she and James sat with us and got some family time in!

Dr. Pepper float hour was directly after the parade, and YUM.

I miss those, and actually had 2.

Here's me with Shelley! Our friendship has grown a lot more after college than during!

I'm thankful for a spunky friend like her.

And Grace! My freshman year roommate in Collins 651.

We were a pair, and love each other to this day.

It was a CRAZY story how we ended up as roommates, but also very divine.

She and I were meant to be friends for life.

Grace with her hubby, Nathan.

And I saw some other roommates from college, including Emily and her daughter, Maddi.

Of course, I've known Emily and Britni (somewhere behind us) since childhood.

I love lifelong friends. Makes me happy.

Josh and I went to Pigskin with Bree and Kyle, but not the Bonfire.

I tried to take it easy since that was when I was having Braxton Hicks frequently.

So I missed the game, too. :( But we won, which is really all that matters!

Go BEARS!

the leonards and laurie

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Mon, 29 Oct 2012 23:19:00 +0000

Last week, Kyle had an out-of-town job so Bree and the kids were dropped off on the way.

Here's the fam, fixin the fajitas!

Carys sleeping with her little hand straight up in the air

Judah fascinated by the swing buttons.

We had to keep him from swinging his sister out of the chair. He likes the fast buttons.

Nevertheless, he's such a sweet big brother.

And a very sweet and fun nephew.

We have so much fun together.

And I got a few moments with Carys before all the accidents.

Family dinner night at El Con!

Judah wasn't asleep, he was just snuggling.

I couldn't turn these pictures!

Here I'm in the sling, which was really a pashmina.

And our cousin Laurie got to stay the week too!

We always have a great time when hanging out with her family!

Josh and Judah are showing us the lizard on the window outside!

(kind of funny that the pic in the bottom of this frame is Bree looking at a cat outside a window)

Anna-Jane begged to stay the night with us, and it finally worked out for Thursday night (after the stool, before the wreck) and I took an early morning picture of them as I got ready for work.

She doesn't sleep like this all night, but she does want to be touching someone!

Such a cutie.

it's funny that I couldn't imagine life with more than anna-jane and judah, and now that carys is here, it's so fun to have another niece.

SOON, Josh and I will visit our other new niece, Meagan, and I can't wait to fill up a page with pictures of her!! We really love being and aunt and uncle and I am confident we'll also be great parents. It's too easy to imagine Josh carrying a diaper bag and car seat. He'll be a natural, and I know I will too. Glad we're on track to wait another 14 weeks for her!

the week of accidents

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Sun, 28 Oct 2012 20:10:00 +0000

what a rough week!

It started out fine until Tuesday morning when I saw a bug on the bathroom ceiling.

So, I did what I'd do any day...climbed up on my bathroom stool with my shoe and swat at it!

and in a second..,

the stool rocked forward

I fell backward

my thighs hit the stool legs on the way down

and I put my left arm out to brace the floor hit

and let out a fairly loud scream

Josh came from another room, saying reassuring words I can't remember now, and was by my side.

He said let's get up, but I stopped him.

My left arm was hurt and the rest of me wasn't sure.

I felt Noelle kick a couple of times and knew she was ok.

Josh went through range of motion with my hand, wrist, elbow, and the movement restrictions were mostly due to swelling. We knew it wasn't broken, so I started taking it easy.

I called my boss, "is today our 8:00am meeting?" no, it was tomorrow. I told her what happened and she said I had to call the dr. So, because she's been through it and I trusted her, I called and they told me to go to Labor & Delivery for monitoring.

4 hours later, I went to my primary care doctor to get my arm checked out.

Not broken, very hard hit, lots of swelling, compression and ice.

So Wed-Thrs I was in a sling and a wrist brace to keep it immobile and protected.

By Friday I was out of the sling and noticing healing.

Here's my "don't get on stools when you're pregnant face"

my swollen hand

and all the pics of my bruised thigh look like my butt so I'm not posting that one.

So Friday I was feeling much better.

Josh and I planned to meet at home at 12:30 and head to west Texas to meet our new niece, Meagan Adair.

I stopped by Taco Bell for the cheesy gordita crunch and then the bank. I texted Josh that I was at the bank and heading home after. He said ok.

I should have gone the back way out, because this spot in front of the grocery store is horrible. There's a right turn lane (that at that moment was stopped and backed up), two regular lanes, a middle turn lane (where I was trying to go to turn left and go home) and two lanes on the other side.

The guy in the stopped right turn lane left a window for me to get out and I didn't see any cars coming in the next 2 lanes, so at first I inched out, and then pulled out and was immediately smashed by another SUV.

When I saw he car in front of me, I remember completely relaxing, my head rolling right and left, and immediately noticed her car took it worse than mine.

Josh bought me a RAV4 about a month ago, for baby and I to be safer than our little Kia, and I was so glad I was in the bigger, safer car.

The guy in the truck who let me through went to the other lady's car and didn't check on me. She was hysterical, yelling "don't leave me!" and all of the sudden it sunk in that I had two accidents this week and was 25 weeks pregnant. So I started going into shock, shaking, and crying. A girl appeared in my window and asked to help. I gave her my phone as it was calling Josh. She told him what happened and to come, and that I was scared.

She tried to let me out of the car, but my door wouldn't open. People were honking so she stayed with me while I backed my car back into the shopping center. She held my hand until Josh got there. I noticed my left arm hurting and asked her to look. She gasped and I puffed up my chest and asked as bravely as I could,

Is it broken?

She said, I don't know, but it looks like it. When Josh came, he had the same face, and so did the paramedic. She thought I may have hit an artery - it goose-egged and she gave me some ice. I texted my family while waiting for the police, and kept asking Noelle to move. I was worried that waiting was wasting time - this time I didn't know if she was ok. But then again, if you were housed in the body of a woman who was trembling, and dumping loads of adrenaline into your body, wouldn't you be scared stiff too? I don't know! She kicked immediately after the stool!

Mom and our cousin Laurie headed over while Josh took pics of the car, talked to the wrecker, and the police. They brought more ice, I finally felt Noelle kick me, Mom ended up taking me to the hospital while Josh took everything home and came back for me.

Here's the car:

So we called my dr and they were booked and said to go to the ER.

We waited in the ER for awhile, but Josh and I talked it over and decided we'd rather go to L&D and have Noelle checked out and we could go to Urgent Care or my dr's walk in clinic tomorrow if needed.

here's my elbow while in the waiting room, can you see the bruise? it was huge before the ice

In L&D, I was in the same triage room as Tuesday (with the uncomfortable bed), and they monitored us for 4 hours again.

This time, there were contractions. The nurse asked if I was feeling them, but I wasn't for the most part - maybe 1 in 10. And they weren't painful. And Noelle was moving all the time.

Dr. M, my OB, came at 4:30 or so and broke the bad news - because I was having contractions about 2-3 minutes apart, I had to stay overnight for monitoring. They were coming to start an IV and move me to a real room with a better bed. Not what we expected. Dr M. felt confident we'd make the contractions go away with fluid and maybe a muscle relaxer if needed.

You know I give myself shots everyday now, so needles aren't so bad anymore, BUT

she couldn't find a vein for my IV, my bp was pretty low, and I got clammy

(josh actually took a picture of this that I won't post!)

another girl came to try and I was close to passing out, I felt horrible, those are big needles and they hurt.

finally, I was tapped and off to a room. I got some OJ and perked up.

(2 was for my second visit that week)

Josh went home to pack and brought back Back to the Future- my first time to watch the whole movie!

With a baby monitor, contraction monitor, IV, blood pressure cuff, my wrist brace, and oxygen clamp, it wasn't easy to go to the bathroom or even get into a comfortable position. every time I moved, we had to look for noelle again...and she did great, despite my irritated uterus.

the contractions slowed, picked up again, and finally went away by morning.

while waiting to be released by the doc, I got a yummy lunch:

and the let us go!

my every day hero..

I was haunted with this in my room all night...hoping we wouldn't have to use it..

and happily said good-bye to the empty baby bed, hoping to see it 15 weeks later holding my little gift.

So now I'm in bed and the bruise has spread out..can you see it?

I still feel contractions sometimes, so I try not to move to calm it all down. And drink water.

Noelle is a wild child - she didn't stop moving from the moment she was hooked up to the monitors.

I can't help but wonder where she's gotten all this energy while I'm sore, exhausted, and in no mood to move! I'm kind of glad for it though; I know she's more than ok.

So that was my week. Pray for no more injuries or accidents!

can you say BEAUTIFUL?

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Wed, 17 Oct 2012 23:56:00 +0000

Monday was my monthly appt with Dr. E, the perinatologist.

Josh didn't come to this one, but Mom did!

There were a few days in a row I wasn't feeling Noelle move much and it worried me a little.

Was my placenta failing? Was the cord failing? Was I losing fluid without knowing and was she slowly...going away?

Morbid thoughts. I'm used to morbid thoughts, but I can only imagine how much worse they will get being a Mother. God, give me peace.

I wasn't a 10 on the scared scale (maybe at a 3) because I would feel her here and there, and I knew I'd see Dr. E soon and know if everything was ok.

Sunday night, she started kicking away. Big smile over here, fell asleep hand to belly.

Monday morning, kick show again. Phew.

The appointment went great. The nurse, took some great pictures for us and I think having Mom in the room made her take extras. She actually asked us to hide them. Then Dr. E came in and took more. Funny funny.

Noelle was active and gave us a lot to look at.

Placenta, fluid, and cord look great. (relieved sigh)

She's 1.7 lbs, in the 50th percentile (being under would signify problems with my antibodies), and her heart rate was 147. Everything looks perfect.

Here's our little miracle love child

(yes, I said that!)

Here's her face in 4d.

Whatever, this is the most beautiful face I've ever seen.

I love that nose, those pouty lips, and the eyes that look shaped like mine.

She has that hand on her face every appointment.

Here, she is looking more directly at us.

Peaceful, yet a very active child in this moment.

And a side shot with that hand to face again.

Between Dr. E and the nurse coming in and out, Mom and I watched my belly bounce around with all of Noelle's jabbing and kicking. Maybe she had the hiccups? Not sure.

She had to know we were fawning over her - and I like to think she enjoyed it - secure in the love of her family.

I thank God for her often.

The other day, I was thinking about those days when all I could do was cry and/or feel rage over emptiness for the child I dreamed of, hoped for, longed to hold. Why not me, was the question everyday.

While I've never been more relieved in my life to not be in the thick of that right now, it's marked me.

I would be a Mother today to a 4 month old. I still wonder if this joy is temporary, and think of the horror stories my friends have experienced. But then I feel a kick, or look at a picture of Noelle's face, and I close my eyes and live in the moment. I love her now so she never wonders. So I can never forget her.

Josh has been the most wonderful husband.

Last week, there were several days I put on a pair of pants, took them off and sulked back to the closet.

He asked, "don't fit?" and I nodded pathetically.

We'd get home from work and he'd scoop me in his arms and tell me how beautiful I am.

He doesn't get wrapped up in my emotions, but is strong enough to move me through them.

How thankful I am for him - God always had a plan with us. Being together was a great idea.

7th Annual Northern-Nye Pumpkin Carving Contest

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Mon, 15 Oct 2012 02:59:00 +0000

This weekend was our family pumpkin carving contest!

We started at 2 and ended by dinnertime.

Here's Bree setting up the kids' pumpkins while Josh starts on our project.

Josh and I always enter as a team and we do a great job (we think!).

This year, the night before the contest, I said,

"Hey, what if we do a turtle?"
I thought of that after Mom suggested a hamburger. Ha.

The next morning, I walked into the living room and Josh told me he had our pumpkin-turtle all figured out!

Nobody reveals their plans until a) during carving, or b) once it's completed and ready for voting

This is my cousin Blake with pumpkin and beer in hand, ready to go.
Who knows what's up his sleeve.

Ronnie, Blake, and Chris getting down to the details!

My cousin Kim getting ready, too.

I walked over and she asked, "Where's Jay?" (her hubby and carving partner)

I didn't know, but she wanted some help!

The kiddos drove around the Cadillac during the festivities.

Cade and Judah

Where was Anna-Jane?

She got into the chalk after painting her pumpkin and got some on her face.

This is the face you get when you say, "show me the chalk on your face" - a fake smile!
She's wearing the painting frock Bibi (my Mom) found for her so save her clothes.

Mom finally gets started after the food and everyone are set up.

She's working hard!

After Josh carved the first part of our turtle, it was my job to design the shell.
He told me that mmmmmm, about a minute after he cut the turtle shell!
I searched the internet for some shell design ideas pretty quick.

I did not have the patience for a real turtle shell, plus this one had to be fierce!

I went with the classic flames idea and got to work.

I wear an apron when I do this - thanks Memaw for this one!

Ah, and the entries!

Blake's Gene Simmons:
(he was the one with beer in hand! go figure what came of that!)

Amanda's Snowman (and Winner of Best Decorated)

(that's her gma Sue and her baby Cade in the background)

Left is Chris's Fall Leaves and it's so cool!

Right is Sue's Pumpkin Hat entry - she decided to go simple this year. She won last year!

Dad's Jihad Jabar entry - not sure what else to say about this one!

There's my Dad's creative streak!

Bree and Kyle's Rocket Pumpkin!

This had dry ice making steam come out of the bottom!
Kyle cut the wood for the base and everything- pretty creative.
Plus, Judah is SO into rockets and jets, so very appropriate for their family.

Kim and Jay's Mummy Pumpking! It's eyes glowed, too!

Mom's Witch Pumpkin - I loved this one!

And our final Death by Turtle Pumpkin: Winner of Best Carved

(top view)

(scarier front view)

Anna-Jane, Carys, and Judah's painted pumpkins!

Bree taped painter's tape down and let them paint over. Then took off the tape.

Very creative!

Josh and Me!

Finally, here's our family picture!

Family Reveal Night

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 00:58:00 +0000

here's part 2 of the gender reveal...

We asked our parents to wear the color that represented the gender they thought the baby would be.

Josh's parents guessed BOY
My parents guessed GIRL

Since you know what we're having, when I saw what they wore I was terrified the Cohagens would think I told my parents, but I didn't. They didn't even know what each other's guess was until the night before. And Mom wouldn't commit to a guess when I asked her that week.

We're so excited to tell them

They're so ready to know!

We sat them all down in my parents' living room

And videoed how we told...

You may not hear it well, but here's the deal....

Ever since Josh and Jeni were little, their Dad has made Scavenger Hunts for their main Christmas gift.
I've participated since we married and they are so fun.

This was Josh's first time to play the Dad role and make a scavenger hunt for the family.
He did an amazing job.

Here are close ups of what was in the box -

noelle evangeline cohagen

We're having a...

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Sun, 23 Sep 2012 16:52:00 +0000

Here's our reveal story...

I think I have pretty rigid beliefs about who gets to know first...and thankfully, Josh agrees. I hold the belief that because our parents birthed us, they have the divine right to know before anyone else what our firstborn is.

Our 20 week ultrasound was Monday 9.17 at 9:00 with the perinatologist.

Here's us waiting - the last picture before we knew.

By the way, I wore a teal shirt, but spritzed my PINK perfume for the morning.

Josh went to the men's room just before I was taken back.

Lauren asked the big question,

Are y'all finding out the sex today?

"Yes! But together, so please wait for him. I have a lot of questions, too, so can you measure first?"

Yes.

So she started measuring baby's brain when Josh came back. In my last post, I told you all about the questions I asked as we went through.

Hey, when I tested positive with this baby, I thought GIRL immediately.

Then with the foods I wanted to eat and with how I was feeling, I thought BOY.

Then second trimester came and I switched back to GIRL, for some reason, I related to this baby as if it was a girl. (I had a girl dream, too) Josh prayed for a boy, but assured me he would be thankful should it be a girl. Duh, it was a long road, we're thankful no matter what.

So I tried to interpret the scan - "that looks like a boy, right?"

Well, I have a guess, but I want to be sure before I say so.

Ok.

We went through the whole baby's body and health and everything was perfect.

It's a HEALTHY baby - that takes the cake.

Finally, with bright eyes, Lauren said the magic word:

We are over the moon excited.

I think I said, "REALLY? It's a GIRL!?"

And Josh was beaming and said, "I should have known! You Northern girls pop out girls like no other!"

Lauren said, "Oh no, you picked this one, Josh!"

I chimed in, "Yep, babe, you made the decision on this one, not me!"

He nodded and we squeezed hands. Happy.

Our baby girl.

Next Post....our Family Reveal Story (and the name!)

What To Ask at the 20 Week Ultrasound

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Tue, 18 Sep 2012 02:00:00 +0000

I did the research, so you should be able to benefit from it.

The tech said I had some of the most intelligent questions, so you too can be a smarty pants!

Here is what they're looking at:

· The brain, including the fluid-filled spaces inside the brain and the shape of the back of your baby's brain (cerebellum). (ventricles, choroid plexus, mid-brain, posterior fossa, cerebellum, cisterna magna, measurements of anterior and posterior horns of lateral ventricles)

· Skull (shape, integrity, BPD and HC measurements)

· Neck, nuchal fold thickness

· The spine, to check for spina bifida or other problems.

· The upper lip, to check for cleft lip.

· The heart, to rule out any major heart malformations. The heartbeat will be checked too.

· Thorax (shape, lungs, diaphragm)

· Abdomen (stomach, kidneys, liver, bladder, wall, umbilicus, cord, abdominal circumference AC) The kidneys and bladder, making sure that both kidneys are present and there are no blockages or malformations.

· The abdominal wall, to look for a defect, known as gastroschisis.

· Your baby's limbs, to make sure there are no hand or feet malformations, such as club foot. (femur, tibia, fibia, humerus, radius, ulna, hands, feet femur length FL)

· The umbilical cord, to check that this has a normal number of blood vessels.

· Cervix, length and opening

And here is what you should be asking:

Heart Questions

1.Do you see 4 chambers?

2.Do you look at the arteries or outflow tracks as part of your scan? *Note: Extremely important to focus on artery views. CHD often missed if only a standard “chamber view” is performed.

3.Are the heart and stomach in correct positions? Both organs should lay on the left side of the fetus.

4.Is the heart rate normal? Is the heart rate too slow (less than 100 beats per minute), too fast (over 200 beats per minute), or irregular? *Note: A normal heart rate range for a fetus is 120-180 beats per minute.

5.Is the heart function normal? Does the muscle work normally? Is everything hooked-up correctly?

What is the Measurement of the Baby (combo)

HOW they measure: Head - width (biparietal diameter) and circumference, the circumference of your baby's tummy (abdominal circumference), and the length of your baby's upper leg bone (femur length).

Placenta

What is the position – (make sure not low-lying=placenta previa)

Amniotic Fluid

How many cm is the amniotic fluid? (See Amniotic Fluid Index - 12.5 cm normal at 20 weeks)

Cord

Is it currently wrapped around anything? (this is NOT a concern, just wanted to know)

Markers for Down Syndrome

“soft markers” Common markers include a bright spot in your baby's heart, seen in about 1-2 percent of normal babies; extra fluid in your baby's kidneys; short leg or arm bones; thickened neck skin (nuchal fold); and bright (echogenic) fetal intestines.

Some specific abnormalities are linked with a far higher risk of Down syndrome or other chromosomal abnormalities. These include certain kinds of heart defects and other major malformations, such as abnormalities in the spleen.

And of course, if you want, they can tell you the baby's sex, if he/she cooperates.

In case you're reading this and want to know, I can't tell until Thursday night. We're waiting for grandparents to get in town so we can tell them first. Loving little Baby Cohagen. <3 span="span">

19 weeks

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 02:46:00 +0000

today, baby and I hit 19 weeks, hooray!

we all know the rules, right? only say sweet and uplifting things about the way a woman looks when she's pregnant? good, just checking. :)

I've only gotten 2 weird comments, but everyone is playing by the rules so far. I'm dreading the ninth month comments, but will be sure I have wise cracks to make people aware of their absurdity. In that case, it might be fun.

our 20 week ultrasound is next week. we'll let you know the gender either really late Thursday night (need to tell parents and siblings first), or Friday. that's a big IF the baby is feeling like a free jaybird.

the 20 week u/s is mostly for the sake of an anatomy scan (checking 4 heart chambers, brain, spinal cord, lip, etc) and I'm most concerned about these checking out than I am about whether this baby is going to come home in pink or blue. and I have the 2 page list of questions to prove it!

and yes, I had a lovely day off today.

I was very productive and my dear friend Betsy is in town for the night!

a day off

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Wed, 12 Sep 2012 14:39:00 +0000

I'm taking today off from work.

This is where I want to be, but I'm not.

source

But this image is the frame of mind that I'm going to put myself in today.

My boss is telling me to take of as much time off as I can before my two office mates are on leave (one for maternity, one whose daughter will be on maternity - very close due dates).

After the tornado dreams, I'm very open to this. So, happy day off to me, and I hope your day is as peaceful and serene as this picture suggests.

out come the tornadoes!

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Tue, 11 Sep 2012 03:25:00 +0000

I love what I do.

I am a licensed clinical social worker, and serve as a supervisor to 16 wonderful people who are also social workers or psychologists.

some weeks out of the year are really stressful at work though,

like the months of august and september.

at work, we close out our client files,
submit multiple reports,
hire new people,
and train everyone,
and in my personal life,
while trying to find a doula for our birth,

and researching what questions to ask for our 20 week ultrasound,

and giving our house a good purge and clean before hitting the third trimester,

trying to learn stretches and exercises from a Bradley workbook,

making a list of baby registry items,

making multiple weekend visits/trips for various reasons,

grading papers for the class I teach at Baylor,

serving as an advisor for my college sorority (weekly meetings),

spending quality time with j-bird,

my family,

our lifegroup/marriage group,

and keeping up with friends...

the dream came.

josh pointed out that I dream about tornadoes when I get overwhelmed.

fascinating!

I was in my childhood home. Bree and Mom were eating chocolate ice cream and I decided I wanted a chocolate milkshake, but I had to go out to get it.

So I got in my car and hit the highway pretty quickly.

Tornadoes were everywhere - sisters and sisters of them.

Suddenly, one came to me and hovered over my spinning car.

All I could think was, "Why didn't I just stay home?"

Spinning, spinning, and it left me alone.

The rest was chaos trying to save other people and find refuge.

I woke up and thought, "yep, I'm overwhelmed. I need to find rest and peace."

So, I'm taking a day or half-day off this week to rest.

While I love everything I'm doing, it's a lot. I knew it was going to be when I made the commitments.

What I didn't schedule was rest, which is now a priority.
I also want a chocolate milkshake...

You too, go find peace and rest. Everything will be there tomorrow.

infertility, pregnancy, God

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Sun, 09 Sep 2012 19:00:00 +0000

This post is about my feelings towards pregnancy.

(surprise, surprise)

I'm sorry for writing about it every post now, but I've been waiting for a long time. Maybe I'll bring back some health stuff soon. :)

I mentioned very briefly in our announcement post that infertility and child loss changes a woman.

Don't judge if you haven't been there, but of everyone I've talked to who has struggled with it, we all nod sadly and understand.

Here's the deal - sometimes in tragedy, God gives you gifts of peace, wisdom, patience, and strength. And sometimes, He doesn't. I don't know why; our minds are veiled here on Earth.

But how can it change you? With those wonderful gifts, it might not change your personality dramatically, but in the absence of them, it does.

My natural personality is bubbly, cheerful, optimistic, and excitable (thoughtful, but not good acting on it, self-focused as a youngest sib, pack-animal oriented, loyal, protective..)

but after we lost Samuel, I withdrew. I became a person who experienced rage, hatred, whatever word extends beyond jealousy, and elitist about my grief. This is normal. I still think most of that elitism was warranted, and see no other way around the way I handled it, but people close to me felt pretty shut out. Truth be told, if I didn't feel 100% supported or understood (meaning, you say "yep, you can feel like that") then I didn't talk much. If people tried to "fix me" and rationalize or guilt me out of how I was handling it, it made my grief and suffering worse. I didn't enjoy the person I was, but I had no way to change it. I was being denied the #1/#2 thing most women live to do - become a Mother. And if someone thought I could change my response or feelings, I felt crippled and hurt.

I fully, fully anticipated that if/when I finally got pregnant, it would be a difficult pregnancy.

40 weeks of morning sickness, no sleep, no appetite, etc.

Why?

I thought, "Surely, God will test me. Surely He will want to know how bad I wanted this baby by how I handle adversity in the midst of His gift."

I didn't spend much time on facebook, but any post of an expectant mother complaining about her pregnancy made me livid. I was not going to be that person. Vomiting, migraines, reflux and all, I was going to profess and will myself to love every moment of it.

But I have been completely surprised by the ease of this pregnancy.

Did God decide that I went through enough testing? (not sure I passed overall, though there were many days I know God was pleased with my heart) Or was He finally able to give me the gift He's been trying to give from day 1, and He wanted to give an extra gift of how it felt?

I was the most at peace when I chose to believe that God wanted me to have a baby as much as I wanted one. And that the reason it wasn't working was because of environmental factors, such as my body chemistry. I believe God put me on a path to Dr. Cohen, and each step I took towards this process, God was rejoicing that I was getting closer. Of course I couldn't see that, but thinking of God, Josh and me on a team helped me love God through the pain rather than blame Him for it.

One day, I told Dr. Cohen my mental depiction of his role:

Dr. Cohen, I have felt like I've been in a deep, dark hole in the Earth all by myself. When I met you and Shanya (his nurse), you both climbed into the hole with me and started hammering footholds into the wall of the hole. Each medication, ultrasound, appointment, and blood test has allowed me to take one more step up. Thank you for being with me through this process.

We shared a moment, Josh beaming with gratitude beside me, and Dr. C said he was honored to be part of it. Beautiful, thankful.

Anyways, I haven't had any morning sickness, no appetite, sleep, or weight loss, etc. I've had a few minor headaches (one major), and a healthy measure of exhaustion for a normal pregnancy. Obviously, the amount of shots and medications I've had to take wouldn't be considered "easy" to most people, but in the grand scheme of things, it's inconsequential.

I am "in the moment" and recognize babies die in utero everyday. Every kick, movement, feeling of pressure is a blessing and relief to me. I am determined to keep my resolution about not complaining. I pray and pray this baby makes it all the way to my arms crying in February. I appreciate every soul who prays that with me. And I hope somehow this post is either validating for someone, creates understanding for someone, and helps someone.

Oh yeah, and since our miracle, I have returned to my normal personality again. I'm marked and forever changed by the things I experienced, but I am no longer in the dark hole in the ground. I'm just climbing a 25K foot mountain.

how to survive shots if you are deathly afraid

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 03:01:00 +0000

about two years ago, I was looking for a therapist who could do hypnotherapy with me for the following two issues:

1. car sickness

2. my fear of needles

I'm serious. Josh was very supportive and encouraging.

I'm the girl who turned away from the tv, closed her ears when people mention needles or blood, and needed some kind of sugar to bring me back to life thereafter.

I didn't go to the doctor for well check-ups, ever. I still probably won't.

Anyways, when Josh and I started fertility treatments back in February, we knew this was coming.

Why, oh, why didn't I see that hypnotherapist!?

During one of our first visits, Shanya took us to a room to teach Josh how to draw medication and administer shots. I asked to leave the room. She said no! She had to show him on my hips where to "stick me." Oh, that's a bad word, isn't it.

I learned later that Josh was pretty nervous about this, too. In fact, he snuck down a few beers without me noticing before his first nursing attempt.

I refused to be in the same room with Josh when he drew the medication. The needles creeped me out and I couldn't look at them.

I remember one night visiting his parents when Josh was trying to give me a shot. I looked at the needle for the first time and almost passed out. It was HUGE. In fact, probably the largest gage there is. I immediately became lightheaded and asked him to go fast. I walked to and from him several times before allowing him to start counting. (1-2-3 {stick}.......and done). When I finally backed up to him (lol), he went 1-2-3 stick and I asked, "are you done!?" He said, "Well, it didn't go in, I have to try again."

WHAT!? I walked away and said he had to go fast and get it over with.

1-2-3...um, the needle bent. I need to get a new needle.

WHAT!? I'm going to pass out! I laid on the bed for a few minutes to recover while he transferred the med. Ok, ready.

Please go fast.

1-2-3 stick.....done.

Thank God. Lie down and recover the vertigo.

Turns out he was using the biggest gage when he was supposed to be switching to the smaller gage - but honestly, I couldn't feel a difference.

HOW I SURVIVED

My dear friend who is in med school, Grace, made a wonderful suggestion for me.

Robin, draw a picture of how you feel now (being infertile).

Then, draw a picture of how you want to feel when this all works out.

I used that second picture as a focal point during my shots for MONTHS until I became brave and desensitized enough to calmly breathe through them. They didn't hurt; it was all psychological...well, a couple hurt, but the medication itself never hurt.

When I finally was pregnant, I had to do heparin shots twice a day. Or, Josh did. Sweet fella woke up with me at 6:30 every morning and was home with me at 6:30 every night for these painful, fire-tongue shots. I made him do it - I couldn't bring myself to give myself that kind of pain. It's counter-intuitive to survival!

Then one weekend, Josh was going to visit his parents and I was staying home....

and I had to learn.

I was terrified, but figured it out. During the painful part, I injected slowly so it wouldn't knock me unconscious and sang the alphabet to the pace of the fluid going in.

Ice helps - icing before and after. It's more comforting than anything, but numbing the skin beforehand is good, especially for the heparin.

One more thing - the trick to getting your blood drawn? LIE DOWN! Do NOT sit in the chair if you normally end up passing out. Get horizontal, breathe or talk through it, and it'll be nothing (except the initial stick, sorry). That has been the easiest and most surprising fix to the vasovagal reaction.

If you have shot stories, or questions about administering shots, I'd love to hear!

a baby dream

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 03:03:00 +0000

a couple of posts ago, I said I hadn't yet dreamed about baby Co

but I did last night, finally!

the whole first trimester I thought I was carrying a boy (except the first week, I thought girl), but in the last couple of weeks, I've thought differently - something in the way I'm feeling connected to it, but I know moms who are wrong all the time, so don't bet on my dream!=.

So, in the dream, I had just given birth and was taking the baby in my arms for the first time. I held her up and saw -

It was a girl

we had just named her Cora

she had dark, curly hair

and she was perfect.

Just so you know, Cora is not on our list of names, though I like it.

There was more to the dream, but that image in my head of holding her up is beautiful.

We'll find out later this month - expect us to announce sometime around the 22nd.

lovely lovenox

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 02:55:00 +0000

lovenox is medication I take daily for the health of my pregnancy and baby

it's a subcuntaneous injection that is typically taken in the belly, love handles, or thighs

belly supposedly hurts less

here's the injection

I rotate injection sites like an x pattern to avoid bruises

but sometimes I get bruises anyway

I know, my tummy looks very round and large here, but it's the angle...yep

I think I must have hit a blood vessel the first time, then the second round just spread the bleeding. :(

seventeen weeks

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 02:53:00 +0000

seventeen weeks

and I am finally starting the prednisone withdrawal process

prednisone is often used to treat Anti-Nuclear Antibodies, so that mommy's body won't attack and kill baby

however, while West Nile Virus is freaking out the world, of course I'm a little freaked

risk factor 1: yes, it's proven mosquitoes prefer pregnant women

risk factor 2: prednisone is an immunosuppressive medication and I'm taking it

a mosquito was dancing around my arm today, I got in the car and frantically swatted my body trying to make sure it didn't have the chance to get me

so I'm thrilled to start weaning off this medication over the next 3 weeks.

that takes me from 9 pills a day to 7 when it's over...and 6 of those are vitamins.

It's hard to know how the meds we take now will affect babies in the future...I worry about this maybe at about 5% of my brain worry power, but what else am I going to do?

trust in the Lord to take care of us.

I'm such a dreamer - I dream every night and remember most of them. And I've always thought I'd dream vividly about my unborn child when I was carrying it, but I haven't at all.

who is this kid?

All I know is that God knows him really well, and is crafting her carefully in His image.

Thank you, Lord, for your purposeful creation. May s/he know you well.

Sixteen Weeks and meeting Carys! (longer post)

noreply@blogger.com (me) — Sat, 25 Aug 2012 21:18:00 +0000

Completing four months is a grand accomplishment.

Every once in awhile, my mind starts wandering to the worst...and I know people who have experienced the worst. I can't help but wonder which path my life will take with this baby. Will I really get to mother this little one, and see it become a life, a child, teenager, adult, and a parent itself? Or will I start cramping or bleeding and return to an even worse emotional state than I was in before we conceived? God forbid.

Then I ask myself - what's happening today?

Nothing's wrong. I heard a heartbeat two days ago (or) I felt a kick this morning.

Everything's okay today.

And that forces me to believe in the path that I will see this child grow old. My Mom always says not to borrow trouble, and sometimes I am the worrier, the one who prepares for the worst. I see that quality as a tool, and a hindrance. I have to balance it.

Wednesday marked 16 weeks of pregnancy with this baby, and here's my latest belly view.

I took this at Bree's house since her she delivered baby Carys this week!

I have pictures of those coming!

At week 16, I'm feeling...

great most of the time, sometimes tired

hungry

feet tire out much faster

excited about the 20 week ultrasound (9.17)

wonderous at the size and kicks

scared, alone, a little untended by the medical profession...

Ever since Bree delivered Anna-Jane in her bathtub at home almost 5 years ago, I've always known I had it in me to do the same - we come from the same stock! I've always wanted to deliver naturally at home, but never knew there were actual resources to do that in Waco (surprise, people drive to Waco for that).

But being a high-risk pregnancy, I can't deliver at home for sure, and no midwives will take me. I ask every appointment if they can co-care and I'm told no. It breaks my heart.

Anyways, I love my doctors. They're just busy, really busy.

While at Bree's, her midwife came to check on her and Carys and did a voluntary Doppler reading on me!

While my OB said, "there's the heartbeat!," Joi said...

here's the cord blood pulse...

here's the baby's heartbeat...

here's the placenta, doesn't it sound like wind in the trees? it's placed posterior, you're good!...

here's your uterus, can you feel it? here, feel here!...

oh! that THONK was a baby movement! it's kicking!

WHAT? There's more to hear in a Doppler than just a heartbeat? Yes! WOW

That's when I knew. I need a Doula. I need attention, responsiveness, advocacy, knowledge of everything I wouldn't think to look for, etc. Josh is totally on board.

I love my doctors. Honestly. But they will not be there while I'm laboring (they're catchers), and I don't have their cell numbers to call at 7am after a hard night of unexplained psychedelic dizziness. Doulas will call you back, or better yet, probably answer on the first ring. I like that. There are MANY other reasons we're choosing this additional support, but you don't want to read it all, I'm sure. You're probably already bored. :)

Ok, pictures of my new niece Carys Evelyn Leonard:

She was born at home August 20 (my mother-in-law's birthday!) at 8 something PM.

Bree texted me about 7:30 and said to come. I was in a meeting and didn't get it until 8:20, which by then she'd already delivered and I didn't know!

I got home, packed, picked up Mom, and headed for San Antonio to help for the week with kiddos.

Carys was 7lbs 14oz, 20 inches long, and perfect. Such a beautiful baby.

The more we study her, the more she looks like her big sister, Anna-Jane did when she was born. I can't wait to see who this girl turns into.

Oh yeah. And I've done a lot of holding.

I love this picture because I'm "carrying cousins."

Mine's 6 months behind Carys, but they're snuggled next to each other and both perfectly content.