Journal of a marginalized white male &trade

Hello to the graduating class of 2009.

2009-06-19T14:22:00.000-07:00

Hello to the graduating class of 2009.
By Rev. Sleestaxx

This was written for a particular High school class that requested I speak at the ceremony. But it appears that the board and the PTO and some other whinny pussy types decided that a member of the rotary club was better suited for speaking to the future of our world and so they canceled my gig. I got to keep the travel and half the fee but I did not get to speak to the class. Thus the speech is mine and so I shall with you all.

I am going to tell a story of a young man who, like you, was graduating high school.
He was a bright lad, a smart kid with a nice set of parents. He was always thinking about things, girls and cars, engines and girls, and well more about girls than anything else.
He wanted to be famous, and he wanted to have plenty of girlfriends. He wanted the life of a rock star; he wanted to buy his daddy a Cadillac and his mom a big fancy house. He wanted everyone to know his name and he wanted to make sure the world was a place to raise children, because along with the girls, he knew one day he wanted a wife and kids, and he wanted to impart his great knowledge on his child, so that his child would one day grow up and graduate.
He wanted his child to buy him a big caddie, and his wife a big house with a big kitchen. So he thought a lot about what he could do to change the world and make him self famous too.
He finished high school and thought about it and thought about it. He decided that he had no ideas yet and so he decided that college would fill his brain with more knowledge and then he could think of something.
He went to college and the thought. He thought all the way through four years of school and graduated college.
During and after a ceremony much like this one he sat and thought about what he could do.
He thought and he thought. He went home to his parent’s house and thought. One night his father came home and announced that he was being laid off from the car plant because the country was in dire straights and now one was buying new cars.
He mother wept and his father consoled her with sweet whispers and gentle hugs. His mother took to doing the laundry for others in the neighborhood so they could buy bread and dried meat for meals.
Now he knew there was something he could and so he put to thinking more on this dilemma.
His mother died one day from skin cancer from being out in the sun hanging laundry all these years. At the funeral his father wept openly and howled at god. He shook his fist at the sky and rued the day the lord put breath into his own lungs. He had never seen his father so angry before.
The priest at the service died of a stroke while presiding over the service. The priest babbled something about Jesus and banana cups and fell face first into the dais and shat himself. After the wake his father sat him down and asked him what he was going to do.
Do what now Father what do you mean?
Son your mother is dead I am dieing of mesothelioma from the auto plant. You have gone to college and you have a big brain full of learnin’ what are you going to do with your life?
I have been thinking about this a long time dad and I think I want to be famous.
Well that is an ambition son how do you plan on achieving that?
I am thinking about that now.
Ok son but you might as well cover your self in maple syrup and hump chickens.
What is that suppose to mean dad?
Well because famous don't pay shit and you have wasted your life thinking. At least you would have been famous for being covered in maple syrup and having perverted sex with fowls, you would have been sent to prison and been out of my house a long time ago.
[Dramatic pause]
The moral is, you have plans, you know what you want to do, and you have finished high school.
Go to college, get out of college, and do something, anything, make sure it doesn't hurt when you do it, but do something. Get out of your parents house, get into the world and make a change, get into the world and shape it to YOUR will, rest control from the pigs, pirates, dogs, and thieves. Take over the world, steer the world into another direction, but do not stare into the oblivion see your demise and do nothing. That was for the generation in charge and what the generations have done for the past millennia. They all looked in to the event horizon, shit themselves and decided to be criminals and perverts, don’t do that!
Get on the stick, spread the sun tan lotion and get freaking dirty.
Put tape on the computer cards, bend the quarters and fold the dollar bills. Wake everyone up and show them the sunrise.
Shake your fist at the government not god.
Rue the day the government forgot about the people.
Remind companies they are made of people not machines or commodities that can be brokered and marginalized like everything else.
But the most important thing of all is to get out of my house because I have no place for you at my table any more.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

In My Neighborhood #26

2009-05-22T12:31:00.000-07:00

By John Sleestaxx

It was time for the yearly HOA meeting. The developer was to release another seat. The rest of the seats were two year terms as was this one so I was not in need of re election but I wanted a partner for the new seat. I wanted someone in the chair that would play ball and look out for the best interest of the neighborhood.
We were going over the old business and just finished reading the minutes from the last meeting. When Bono walked in, he was followed by the Edge and an entourage of ass-wiping, yes people and ego strokers that would leave any real politician in a state of koro so severe that he would run out of the room crying.
Bono tried to address the assembly but was politely reminded that this was the old business and any new business from the floor had it’s time and this was not it.
“I am sorry for interrupting” Bono apologized, “I just got here from an AID concert somewhere on the planet that was to benefit some oppressed global citizen somewhere not even near the concert and probably was not even interested in the music my band mates and I produce.”
“That is fine” Lee said “but..”
“I heard there was a seat on the committee of this community and I decided that I would like to be on the board.” Bono just spoke over Lee.
“The seat is for residents of the neighborhood” I interjected.
“Yes I bought two houses one for me and the other for my hat.” He said.
“Fine but we are still not to that part of the meeting.” Lee said
“I want to make positive changes in the community like I have globally.” Bono said. “I demand that this position be appointed to me. For I am Bono of U2.”
Everyone sort of shifted in their chairs when they realized that there was an asshole in the room.
Lee looked down at his notes and then to me. I shrugged.
Edge just leaned on the wall in the back watching the spectacle unfold.
Bono begins to talk about how there is too many houses and not enough green space and that what we need to do is tear down one house and put a park space on every street.
Henry gets all giddy like a school girl. Henry starts to bounce in his chair, eyes wide in admiration and star struck non-gay love for Bono.
Henry starts to ooh and aww over the drivel Bono is spewing onto the floor. So much so that he can’t help himself and he does not care that Bono is trying to take over.
“That would mean more animal habitats and more wild life, we need less displacement of the natural residents before we moved in.” Bono spoke to no-one.
Henry finds a pause in the diatribe and shoots his hand up and speaks in a nervous cadence “What about lawn art?”
Bono shakes his head and Henry sags. “No lawn art, but bird baths should be a mandatory artifact in all the remaining yards.” Henry beams with joy.
Just then Brit and Pink break into a fight.
Everyone starts to chant “Fight, fight, fight.”
They roll around on the ground knocking over chairs. They grapple and pull hair “bitch” “fucker”. They slap and gouge and begin to tear each others clothes, it was quite the cat fight spectacle.
Finally Bono breaks them up. He separates them and they are sitting on the floor legs spread and hair all a mess. He squats down between them and talks to them.
“You know there is too much rage in the world. Too much hate. And too much anger. The other night I had a dream. And I was on this space ship and I was taken into space and I was looking back on the world from afar. And I could see all the hate and anger radiating from the big blue marble.”
“And I could see how ugly the humans look when they are arguing and fighting. And this being an alien spaceship the aliens told me that we humans are the most primitive creatures in the universe because of our hate and anger. I wept and cried like a baby asking him to tell what to do and he said that I should play more of my music and make more albums because our U2 music is the most humanizing sounds anywhere."
Just then Pink and Britney started crying and they hugged each other and apologized to one another and then hugged again then the kissed. And the community gave a collective ahhh and clapped.
Then Jello nominated Bono for the new position and Sammie Hagar babbled something drunken and incoherent and fell face first into the ground. Rob Halford looks away and shakes his head.
We all kind of looked round because of the distraction. Since we were lost I tried to put us back on the rails with.
"Look we can't all just tear down houses and make parks. We can't just decide to let this freak on the board."
Bono starts to jump up and down and yell. “Who the hell are you? I am the great Bono and I deserve that position because I am Bono.”
Well I am the Great Reverend Sleestaxx. This neighborhood is mine and I am the sword and the plow of the lord.
“You should have no say.” He said.
“Yeah, I said this is MY neighborhood.” And at that Bono just disappeared. The crowd gasped and awed.
The Edge looked about.
“FUCK yeah! Finally the piece shit sheep shagger is gone man” Edge’s arms flailing, spit flying from his lips showing his passion and pent up rage. “If I had to hear about the world’s poor one more fucking time I thought I was going to fuckin’ puke. I just want play and drink and bed women.” Said the Edge.
“I “ The Edge continued, “am so glad the damaged fucker is gone.”
And Bono reappears in the back of the room.
“I “ The Edge starts to prowl around the rooms perimeter, “hated that bitch since I kicked his pussy ass in some pub in Dublin. Man he whines...” Bono taps the Edge on the shoulder.
“Hey Bono, and good to have you back it seems this reverend guy is a witch he made you disappear.”
And he made me talk ill of you while you were gone.
No that is fine I under understand now. I would like to request a position.
Henry chimes in "What about the bird baths?"
Bono looked to me. I shook my head. Bono said "No Henry that would not be prudent or in the neighborhood’s best interest.”

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

Another class of 2009 speech

2009-07-22T06:13:00.000-07:00

Commencement speech for a graduating class of 2009.
By Rev. Sleestaxx

This was also written for another particular High school class that requested I speak at the ceremony. But it appears that the board and the PTO and some other whinny pussy types decided that a member of the rotary club was better suited for speaking to the future of our world and so they canceled my gig. I got to keep the travel and half the fee but I did not get to speak to the class. Thus the speech is mine and so I shall with you all.

Today you embark on a new era and new opportunity to make decisions based on your value system and not the one perpetrated by the foreign heathens or the corporate pirates.

As I look out upon the graduating class of 2009 I see bright eyes happy smiles and I see the future I also see mean eyes evil smiles and I still see the future.
I know I am looking upon the faces of some that should not have graduated but you made yourself such a burden upon your teachers that they gifted you a passing grade.
The coach tells me I am also looking out on some gifted athletes. Congratulations on your accomplishments they are not diminished because they are “just high school” They are the fruit of hard work and dedication to a discipline that many here know or do not know it does not matter it is recognized and rewarded.
All of you are a very special generation. You are all special in the way that you are the future. You are being handed a world. Not a country like I was or my father or his father. Literally you are being given a chance to effect change in the entire global community for in 20 years the majority in charge will be retired and yours will be the one in majority.
Yes there will be some pockets of craziness just like there is some in the country I was handed.
I see the faces of artists, scientist, hunters and fire starters. I see a class that will make change that will forever be remembered.
The scientist will make the world manageable and understandable with their science and critical thinking.
The artists will make the world livable and pleasant with their love of a good curve or a pleasing resonance the will vibrate the soul.
The hunters will protect and feed the world.
And the fire starters will both shape the direction and destroy. They will destroy the old dead rotting wood that is the old world and they will lay the direction of new growth.
You are our hope do not get caught up in your own greed like the dogs that are now in charge.
Do not get enraptured with your own beauty that you forget about the rest of the world like the generation in charge now.
Look at what the pirates have done and learn from the pigs and do not fall into their traps.
Look at your parents [pause and look at the families] and see the evil that that have borne into this world and do not bear the same sins as them.

[look for security on the left and the right]

[yelling and slamming the podium] Change the world
[yelling and slamming the podium] It is your right
[yelling and slamming the podium] It is your duty
[yelling and slamming the podium] It is the way of life and the way it was meant to be.

Remember the sevens sins and you should be able to get this planet back on the road to righteousness and into the age of enlightenment.
Lust
Do not get lost in the lust of shiny things.
Greed
Do not get lost in the pleasure of your own greed.
Gluttony
Do not become fat and corpulent on the sweat and blood of the weak like the generations before you.
Sloth
Do not become lazy and mortgage your soul for your own selfish pig headed inner child.
Wrath
Do not get so lost in your anger and revenge that you forget who you are.
Pride
Do not be so prideful that you look down upon the rest of your generation for everyone of you offer something that is needed by the other.
Envy
Do not become so envious that you loose sight of yourself and become so enraptured and encompassed in your desire that you stop being you.

[Bang on the podium]Do not get lost in the idolatrous worship.
[Bang on the podium]Do not forget to love your family.
[Bang on the podium]Do not lose sight of the prize.
[Bang on the podium]Do not forget to donate and assist in god's work.
[Bang on the podium]Do not forget to change our diapers

Go out and change something, it does not matter if the change is right because it will be changed again it just all needs change or we will die and we will wink out in this universe and no-one will know we were here.
Make noise make love make god but for the love of Christ make it happen. No get out there and fuck it up!

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

Toasted marshmallows

2009-09-16T13:22:00.000-07:00

Toasted marshmallows

John hid in the bushes with his stick. He knew that any noise would draw their attention and bring too many to fight, but he could reduce their ranks as long as he stayed hid and got them in onesies and twosies. The fire was also hidden, just hot coals now.

John thought of his old life as a sys-op before the damn marshmallows had come
The damn little puffs were ruthless, with their vicious little teeth and extruded arms.
So he hid with the pointed little sticks and camp fire. It was going to be toasted marshmallows for dinner.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

Eat the dog

2009-09-17T09:55:00.001-07:00

Eat the dog

The chant was so unison it was almost one voice.
It was his first band camp.
He wanted to make new alliances, this was to be his year, he was going to be the man, he was going to get a girlfriend AND kiss her.
And then his parents sent him to this camp.
Now he’s in the circle, with the whole camp chanting and watching him.
What's this going to accomplish?
It's a team building exercise. Now you will share in their strength and share a bond that can not be broken.
Now it’s simple, just Eat The Dog

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
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Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

You had me at hello

2009-09-18T08:48:00.000-07:00

You had me at hello

She walked into the arcade with sausages attached to her.
Sundae was bulging from her hip pockets when she turned to shut the shop door.
Droe wors draped aorund her neck in a spiral orgy of meat, spices and animal fat.
On her shoulders, in her blonde matted treses were brats, "Those are not synthetic casings." He thought. Dry salamies on her chest, the lactobacillus yeasts intertwining into the delecate fabric of her blouse making it look lacie and delicate. The grease of the peperoni making her middriff visable.
Ground pork extruded from her 5" pumps with every step.
"Hello"

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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Trail Mix - A Drabble

2009-09-15T08:02:00.000-07:00

Sorry i have been excersising.

A drabble is a writing excercise that an entire story must be written in 100 words, no more, no less. the title is nmot included.
====================================================

Trail mix

“It's an abomination! I swear to you. God never intended all that co-mingling. It's just wrong. Nuts and fruit and candy.”
The peanut stomped around and flailed his little shell arms.
His wife the cashew took a tentative step. “Honey it is different now. And she is older.”
“I’m Old enough to think for myself.” The cute Spanish peanut piped in.
The cashew gave her a look that said ‘not now’. The Spanish nut retreated.
“Alright, fine, I will let her go but she is to wear her shell not that Brazilian one they are all wearing now a days.”

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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Bullies in History.

2009-09-19T10:48:00.000-07:00

Bullies in History.

They were all gonna be pissed and Artimetis knew it. But he didn’t care. He charged down the mountain. He had discovered that the earth was NOT the center of the universe and he could prove it.
He could prove Copernican theory of the universe against the dominant earth-centered Ptolemaic and Aristotelian theories. In his notebook were verified charts of celestial movements from his telescope.
At the bottom of the mountain was that bully Galileo. “Gimme your money Fartimetis.” “I don’t have any.” “Then I will hold this until you do.” “Hey!” And Galileo snatched the notebook from Artimetis’ hands.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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You gonna let’em call you that?

2009-09-20T09:49:00.000-07:00

You gonna let’em call you that?

“That’ll be seven sixty seven buddy.” Said the clerk.
The guy behind me said. "Buddy? Last I heard a buddy was a bump on a dog's ass. Don’t let him call you that?"
He was right. No Mother Fucken human should be allowed to call anybody "buddy" that’s just too disrespectful to let slide. So I took my Slurpee and beef jerky out to my car and got my gun. I went back in and shot the bastard in the knee.
I told him, while he was crying like a little girl, that he better think about calling people names

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
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Henry Rollins - A Drabble

2009-09-21T08:03:00.000-07:00

Henry Rollins

Henry Rollins rolled his five two, frame out of bed. He put on his slippers and shuffled into the bathroom.
He took the cap off the meticulously folded and rolled tube and squirted some paste on the wet bristles. He scrubbed in a circular motion on each tooth. Then he scrubbed his tongue. He gagged, but he finished. Looking in the mirror he ran his tongue over his front teeth and smiled his money smile and then he opened and closed his mouth making a smacking sound. “I hate the film that ball gag leaves on my tongue.” He thought

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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Pamela Anderson - A Drabble

2009-09-22T06:25:00.000-07:00

Pamela Anderson rolled out of bed.

Pamela Anderson rolled out of bed. Her red camisole with the lacy bust desired-lingerie.com reference 4855/4855X slid down over her hips.

She padded barefoot into the bathroom.

She dragged the brush though her hair and then cleaned the brush of some the loose hair. She dropped the angelic golden hair on the counter and called it fans.

She grabbed her toothbrush and brushed her teeth filling her mouth with paste foam. She spit and called it boyfriends.

She then sat on the commode to relieve herself of waste. What she flushed down she called lawyers, agents and internet porn freaks.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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Red Light - A Drabble

2009-09-23T06:17:00.000-07:00

The traffic light went on strike

The traffic light blinked red then green then yellow every 6 min.

The light knew how important it was. Without the light total chaos would ensue. The light knew it kept the tide of insanity at bay.

The light wanted more freedom and to be MORE in control. So the light went on strike when it turned red.

Instantly negotiations started.

Everyone knew it could go to blinking red until an agreement was reached.

Concessions started and in 3 min. the light was given .912358 seconds leeway in its cycle.

Celebrating victory the light stayed red for .912308 seconds longer.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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On gossamer wings - A Drabble

2009-09-24T08:53:00.001-07:00

On gossamer wings

On angels' wings the beast from light years away arrived just as the great minds of the world said it would.

The fire and light from the heavens would have been a spectacular sight had it not been heralding the imminent destruction of mankind. Yes just the destruction of man, for the earth shall endure.

Everyone stopped and watched, either live or simulcast on the inventions of man, the wings that brought the end.

The religious prayed and asked for forgiveness. The evil began to pray too, but the rock just kept coming.

The humans wept and it was over.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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The demise of Nathan - A Drabble

2009-09-25T11:21:00.000-07:00

The demise of Nathan

Nathan knew the light was up to something. He could tell by the way it turned red.

There it was, red, and staring at him mockingly. "Ha, there you are in your car with the windows rolled down, and no AC, breathing the carcinogenic exhaust of the other foul humans."

Nathan lost control and jammed his horn, and the switch got stuck.

The felonious tow truck drive in front of him did not like the fact that his wife was a whore AND that Nathan's horn blaring behind him.

The tow truck driver grabbed his .38 to fix one problem.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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Barking spiders - A Drabble

2009-09-26T10:24:00.000-07:00

Barking spiders

The little gnome opened the door. He had two bowls in his hand. One with last nights stew and another with water.

He was greeted by a hoard of little creatures. All of them jumping up and down clambering for his attention, or was it the food?

Aww he knew this venture was a gold mine. Why the humans all kept talking about these little creatures.

Why not breed them and sell them. He asked his gnome wife.

Who is going to want barking spiders? Was her only reply.

She did not stay the smell was too much for her.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
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Hour glass sand - Half Drabble

2009-09-27T10:30:00.000-07:00

Hour glass sand

The last grain of her sand dropped into the bottom bell and she drew in her last breath and expired.
At her side was her lover. At her end, he wailed and cried. He angrily shook his fists at god. And he yelled never again do you hear me? NEVER!

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

A.B. The pothole man

2009-11-13T19:43:00.000-08:00

............................

A.B. The pothole man....

By Rev. Sleestaxx ....

.. ..

A.B. The pothole man walked about with a
stilted jerky gait. Dunno why he just did. Old A.B. Been round for ages. "Since I was a kid 'tleast" would
be pappy's reply when asked how long A.B.'s been fixing potholes.....

.. ..

He was called the pothole man cuz he could be
found fixin’ potholes wet'er he was axe'd to or not. Be it a ....county.. ..FM....
road, people drive ways or just old pig trails.....

But A.B. Was always fix'n potholes. Sumtimes
he gets a dollar or two from some farmer or cattleman but oftener not he was
not getting a dime for the hole you saw him fillin’ and tampin’.....

.. ..

I dunno what makes him fix one and not
anutter. I know my pappy is always muttering sumtin’ and wave when sees A.B. working
a hole. And curse the devil and A.B. When the ol’ ford would jerk hard and buck
after hitting a big hole in the road. My ol’ pappy be raisin' cane and flood
waters screamin' that weren't there yesterday when we went into town, and where'd
that damn hole come from and Ma would hush him up ‘bout his language saying ....

.. ..

“There weren't no
need of wakin’ the devil up over a hole in the road.”....

.. ..

An' 'den you'd see my pap just grip the wheel tight,
like he was drivin’ more careful but he was just mad and me and ma would share
a smile.....

.. ..

One day me and the two Jenkin’s boys were
hunting squirrels. Jacob and me with our 22s and Jessup with his four ten, down
by the old river bend cemetery. Jacob wasthe youngest, while I was two months
older then him, but I never let ‘em forget who was older. Jacob had stole a
square of his pap’s chewin’ ‘baccy and we was under the shade of a red oak just
hidin' from the sun fer'abit and spitting.....

.. ..

Jessup the oldest leaned in abit like he seen
sometin’ in the woods and then he waved at us to git low. So we did. We knew
better then to make noise when one of us said to git low.....

.. ..

Why one time we was swimming at a river bend
and Jacob told us to git low in the water, we did and we got real deep into the
cypress knees on one side and waited. There came Marie the preacher’s daughter
to the bank on the other side, now she was abit older than Jessup by like three
years which made her a high school graduate but she was still in town to help
her daddy preach. She was real purrty and all the young men in the county were
always trying to impress her dad so they could get a date with her. Always
every Sunday there was a five or eight young men in the front pews of the
church. You never see that unless the preacher has a beautiful daughter.....

.. ..

Why she just walked up to the water and pulled
her dress over her head and jumped into the water. That was the first time I
seen a naked girl. Well aside from my sisters in the tub washing but doin’
count ‘fer ‘nuttin as they was my sisters and all, not real girls. Well We
three boys looked at each other, just our eyes over the water like crocodiles
and we watched Marie swim on her back and dive and she swam like that for like
a half hour. Then she got out of the water and put her dress on and turn to
leave.....

.. ..

But just then she hollered. "Bye boys. And
next time you should come out of hiding and swim with a girl. Not polite to let
me swim alone and you three hide like gators in the knees of the trees like
that." ....

.. ..

But there was no way I was gonna swim with
Marie like that. It was a might embarrassing to be in that condition tat all, let
alone let a girl see that too. ....

.. ..

Well like I said we knew when one of us said
to git low it was ‘fer a reason.....

.. ..

So there was the three of us lying in the wild
hay at the edge of the cemetery trying to see what we was hiding from. And
there was A.B. walking out of the trees and into the cemetery. His stumble
shuffle keeping him slow but he seemed to know where was goin’ ‘cuz he did not
look around, he just walked straight to the back of the plots to a single
marker. He stood there for a bit, and then he knelt like he was saying a prayer
no more'n 100 feet from our spot, and then a smell of rotten eggs came in on a
breeze. Man, I tell you it was so strong my eyes watered up so bad I could
hardly see, but there in the shade of an old pine, by the headstone in broad
daylight a big ol’ plume of smoke rose up and a man in a white sears suit was
standing next to A.B.....

.. ..

The pothole man did not look up and he did not
even budge when the man placed his hand on the roadman's shoulder, A.B. just
stayed there.....

.. ..

We heard the suit guy say "Why you always
come to the same stone?"....

.. ..

"You forgotten already?" asked A.B.....

With a chuckle the
guy in the white suit said, "aAlready? It's been decades my old friend. And
I am a busy man, I can not remember all the mortals I come in contact with. How
is it that you do?"....

.. ..

“This is Eleanor’s place.”....

.. ..

And the suited man got real still for a moment
as if listening to a whisper or a memory had come over him.....

.. ..

You know Baraqiel it is unfair that he let you
come down here and fall in love like you all did. It was unfair for him to turn
away from you all when you got lost.....

.. ..

A.B. Stood so fast it was a blur and pushed
the suited man.....

The suited man just flew back, but he did not
fall, he just came walking back to A.B. Smiling.....

.. ..

A.B. Shouted and it sounded as loud as a
summer thunder storm. "You know nothing my love and devotion. You know
nothing of his purpose for me and why I am here.”....

.. ..

"Look Baraqiel" said the suited man.
"I have some matters I want to discuss with you”....

.. ..

"I want nothing to do with your deals Thammuz."....

.. ..

“Oh, but I think you may Grigori you just
might find it interesting.”....

.. ..

“What would you say if I arranged for the
return of your Eleanor and I get him to take you both back?”....

.. ..

“You can not arrange that! Why even try to lie/”
....

.. ..

“I am not a liar dear archangel. I can bring
your precious Eleanor back to you so that you may dance with her again.” And,
at that the ground at A.B.'s feet exploded, grave dirt flying every which way and
there in front of A.B. was a corpse dressed in a wedding gown kinda hanging limp
like a puppet.....

.. ..

A.B. just wailed so loud that the ground shook
and Jacob wet his pants. I weren't ever going to hold it against Jacob wettin’
his pants at that moment, because I did too. But Jessup looked mean and mad. But
we stayed low and quiet.....

.. ..

The dead woman just hung there in the air and
A.B. Just screamed and screamed, then he began to cry as the corpse put out her
arms stiffly. She looked like when a girl is asked to dance.....

.. ..

And weeping A.B. grabbed her in his arms and began
to box step like my parents at family weddings. There weren’t no music only the mean laugh of
the suited man. ....

.. ..

A.B. danced like he had no limp and no stutter
step. He cried something awful and begged the suited man to "Put her
back", "Put her back", but the suited man just laughed at A.B.’s
pleas and begging tears.....

.. ..

And A.B. just lovingly danced with "Eleanor"
and wept, stroking the thin scraggly hair. He looked deep into her eye sockets
muttering something with tears wetting his cheeks and lips.....

.. ..

I dunno what got into Jessup but he got plumb
fire’d up and began crawling away from us. I knew was goin’ to do somethin’ but
did not want nothing to give our hiding spot away so's to protect his little
brother Jacob. Jacob tried to follow but I held Jacob back with a look and a
hand.....

.. ..

Jessup got 200 feet around the side of the cemetery
behind the man in a suit. Me and Jacob was scared for Jessup, but we did not
want to tip our hand either.....

.. ..

Jessup got in a low crouch and sprang like a cougar
at the suited man. Just as the man spun around Jessup brought his gun stock
down on the man’s face. ....

.. ..

It was a thunk so loud and hallow. It would
have killed any other normal man, but the man just stumbled back and Eleanor
fell limp in A.B.'s hands.....

.. ..

“NO!!” Yelled A.B. but Jessup was already
bringing the gun muzzle down and aiming at the man. Then the shot rang out point
blank and we saw something fly off the back of the man’s head. The shot must’ve
blown a hole in his face clean to the back of his head and the man took another
step backwards. Jessup pulled another time on the trigger, but nothing happened,
the gun must’ve jammed. So Jessup dropped the gun and pulled out his ....bowie.... and leaped at the
man like a crazed injun.....

.. ..

The knife was driven to the hilt in his chest
and he laughed. The suited man laughed like it was the funniest thing ever. Jessup
just hung there on the knife staring into the man's face.....

.. ..

A.B. Dropped "Eleanor" into a heap of
bones and wedding dress and moved to the man in the suit.....

.. ..

Jessup let go and dropped to his feet and
began backing up.....

.. ..

“Oh no son you do not get to leave with
allowing my turn.” And Jessup stopped you could tell he did not mean to stop
but he was like froze or something. The suited man looked Jessup up and down.....

.. ..

He reached his hand out.....

.. ..

A.B. Screamed NO! Like a thunder clap so loud
and strong my ears rang.....

.. ..

The suited man hesitated and then put his hand
in Jessup’s chest, in his chest, and pull out his heart. I had seen many hearts,
deer hearts, cow hearts, rabbit ....

Hearts, and most assuredly
squirrel hearts, so I know’d that was Jessup’s heart quivering and red in that
strangers hand. Jessup fell to the ground.....

.. ..

Jacob jumped up "leave my brother alone!"
and I popped up right after him and took aim at the suited man. Jacob he fired
his 22 at the suited man taking no real time to aim, but the shot rang true for
there was a twist to the man's head.....

.. ..

He just smiled and raised his hands and Jacob
flew straight up into the sky, so high I could not see him.....

.. ..

I waited for the man to look at me cuz I was
gonna put a shell right in his eye.....

Just then A.B. ran up "Hold, Thammuz do
not damage another innocent mortal here again. Put Eleanor back, restore these
boys, and I shall do all that you ask.”....

.. ..

“You would give up your place as one of the
leaders, you will be no longer a watcher, but a mortal? Cause you know you make
a free will chose like that and he will cast you down.”....

.. ..

“He has already, as I have already made this
decision.”....

.. ..

“You can not trap the others, so this loss is
no greater than when I fell in love with Eleanor. He has turned his back on me,
even now I no longer feel the warmth of his love. I now know the coldness you
and the mortals feel.”....

.. ..

“Alright so be it, you will finish your days
here as a pothole man and the boys will live.” And at that he flung the heart
back into Jessup and Jacob feel from the sky.....

.. ..

He landed with such crash that there was a
hole in the ground a foot deep.....

.. ..

Jacob got up like nothing had happened; Jessup
got up and looked at us. ....

.. ..

I looked at A.B. but he was gone and so was
the stranger in the white suit. Eleanor’s grave looked like nothing had
happened.....

.. ..

I tried to tell them what happened but they
insist that we all fell asleep and I dreamed it ‘cause they do not remember any
of it. They say it must’ve been the ‘baccy that made me sick.....

.. ..

Now when I see A.B., he looks older, slower,
and sadder. But he smiles when he sees me and I am sad ‘fer him, but I am glad
he saved us that day.....

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

Also reading

With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

A letter to my son

2010-01-22T10:36:00.001-08:00

Son:
Your teacher asked your parents to write a letter talking about lessons shown you or attempted to be taught to you.
I know I can be an old man at times, and sound like a know it all. But I am old and I do know an few things.
I want to keep it brief and un-mushy as I know you are reading this in a class room.

• Men do cry, but not in front of anybody. Women say they want a sensitive man but when the bill is due they want strength of character and conviction and one can not be a protector blubbering.
• Do not go to bed angry. You can not sleep and rest, with anger in you. If you must, put it aside when you go to bed, but pick it back up when you get up and go to war.
• Do not go to bed with dishes in the sink. This has a hidden meaning and one day you will get it. Hey you should learn a few things on your own.
• If you like her you will lift it, if you love her you will put it back down.
• Do any job, ANY job, as if you will see it from your own house. It is not worth doing if you can not do it right. Plain and simple.
• The world of fairies and unicorns has been paved over by Wal-Mart. The business world has changed. But in end, at the end of your days, you will be left to answer to yourself. So whatever you do, make sure it is right with yourself. Because it is you, that you have to answer to and if you can’t look at yourself, neither can anyone else. Always be a leader to yourself and those around you will follow and do the same.
• Do not put off till tomorrow what you can do today. You can find yourself short on time and resources because too many yesterdays have caught up with you.
• Most importantly panic kills. Stay calm and keep a clear head. The answer is always right there, you just have to see it.
• GTE wireless is now Verizon wireless.
• Listen to your mother.
• Don't eat yellow snow.
• Home is where you and your family are. Not the building holding your stuff.
• You are never ever alone

These simple lessons have given me the most comfort and the most grief. But if you master them as well as you have filled me with pride you will do fine in life.

Love,
Dad

Extreme road crossing

2010-04-02T06:53:00.000-07:00

Extreme road crossing

“Why should I let you hang with us?” asked Joe taking a drag on his cigarette.
Steven swallowed hard, “I can run fast and jump high and I know where the sweet grass is”. This did not make Steven special because all jackrabbits can do and know these things.
“Big deal Stevie.” Joe said and flicked the burning butt into Steven’s fury chest.
“Tell you what,” Joe said, “cross that highway when a car is coming and if that car gets close to you, I will let you into out gang.”
That is how extreme road crossing became a sport.

LOL Bathynomus giganteus

2010-04-13T05:40:00.001-07:00

LOL Bathynomus giganteus
Originally uploaded by cwtstraydog

LOL

Elbow Snakes and Lawn Gnomes

2010-04-30T08:07:00.001-07:00

It was in the middle of the night and I woke drenched in sweat. I had another one of those dreams were the zombies are after me and they all look like old dead friends.

My best girl did not stir so I must not have been screaming this time.

I lifted my feet over the edge of the bed to get up and fuck me if the room was not filled with water. Not spring water either but black brackish swamp water. The smell of rotting dead vegetation was tremendous.

I turned to wake my lover, but now I see she why she was not stirring because she was dead, her cold eyes staring at the ceiling like so many other nights making love.

I lifted my hand to my mouth and there I saw it, a freaking snake or something and it was at least three feet long and growing from my elbow. I leaped from the bed making a huge splash. I ran like a clown in the water to the bathroom.

I flicked the light switch. Sparks flew from the switch plate, but in that quick instant in the flash of orange light I saw the snake writher and turn to face me. I saw it’s eyes and TEETH the freaking goddamn snake had teeth and huge sharp gnarly fangs.

In a panic I turned to hide my face from that hideous sight on my elbow and slipped on the half floating bathroom rug. As I went under water I saw that freaking gnome from my neighbor’s yard.

What the hell is it doing here? I thought.

He turned and smiled at me. Yeah the lawn gnome smiled, AT me.

Holy Jesus this is too weird. I thought.

And then I really woke up covered in blood and my girlfriend yelling my name.

I looked around at the blood and then I found I had picked this wart off my finger.

FW: Enter to win the Dr Pepper Million Dollar Tuition Giveaway

2010-09-23T06:48:00.001-07:00

From: Dr Pepper <DrPepper@drpepper.com>
Sent: Tuesday, September 21, 2010 7:30 PM
To: sleestaxx@yahoo.com
Subject: Enter to win the Dr Pepper Million Dollar Tuition Giveaway

To view the web version, click here.

[The entire original message is not included]

I have just recieved word from the lord

2011-09-07T06:59:00.000-07:00

The lord just told me that there is a great new tool that i can use to help spread his word.

http://www.atomicmpc.com.au/News/271210,win-a-space-marine-chainsword.aspx

so here is my entry.
I am Reverend John Sleestaxx. I fight evil everyday I can wake up and breathe. And to have such a powerful tool to vanquish evil heretics would save me a lot of time and bibles.

Why just today I just saved the souls of 2 car jackers. And it is just 8:00 AM.

I was on my way to work when these two Satan possessed individuals approached my car. They demanded I give them the keys. I told them I would give them a large helping in the lord’s word. They looked at the bible in my hand and laughed.

The first one stepped towards me and I took my bible thumped it across his face and he fell down calling our fathers name.

The second raised a pistol I swung the good word across his hand and brought the bible up. Bringing the bible down, spine first, across the bridge of his nose and he too fell to his knees under the mighty words of our creator.

I know if I was to wield the might of a glorious tool of the lord, such as the Mortifax, I would be able to save many more souls.

but unfortunately the web form does not proper populate for united states citizens. i am sure that before you all go and scream into their feedback forms that they are prejudiced against us people in the states. give them time to fix the problem.

White Favoritism by Major League Home Plate Umps Lowers Minority Pitcher Performance and Pay, Baseball Study Finds

2011-09-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

I call absolute shenanigans!

“The finding builds on an earlier study that discovered Major League Baseball's home plate umpires called strikes more often for pitchers in their same ethnic group -- except when the plate was electronically monitored by cameras, Sulaeman said”

Southern Methodist University (2011, September 7). White favoritism by Major League home plate umps lowers minority pitcher

Bullshit bullshit bullshit.

That means the umpires performance and his correctness is decided by who when the plate is not monitored electronically?

And you are saying that the umpire is concisely deciding to be bias. Again I call shenanigans.

And then you are saying that the minority pitcher is scaling back his risk taking because he fears the white guy behind the plate.

OMG what a fucking load of crap!

You sir are a hack and a pencil whipping dirty data pusher. You suck as a scientist and a author of papers.

The plate umpire is not going to be judgmental based on race. His concern at the plate is the freaking ball.

You even stated he is not when the plate is monitored. So when the plate is monitored he is being judged without bias and he is found to be not bias, but, when his only judge is the person or observer is in a booth or on a bench or in the stands with an agenda, and a very poor angle and perspective he, the umpire, is found to be bias.

That alone shows your data is dirty and you have gathered data and written a paper with an agenda and bias to start.

I say your paper shows favoritism and racial biasing and you have cherry picked your data and whipped your statements into a flaming pile of pooh.

Now I will admit that if you looked into the past historical relationships of umpires, pitchers, batters, and managers, you may find some biasing based on run-ins and conflict.

But not race.

I can tell you the plate umpire is only concerned about that 100mph ball and a invisible box that has to stay consistent regardless of hour, jeering, and earlier mistakes.

Go read this piece of filth first and then you will understand this rant more.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/09/110907124351.htm

Celebrity Predictions 2012

2011-12-21T07:17:00.001-08:00

So every year I post a list of 10 or so possible public figures that may pass during the year and sometimes I am right and sometimes I am wrong.

This years list is;

Fidel Castro; This man has lived so many years in a country that has been erased from the news by the censors that we know very little about him but I do know he is sick and like his colleague Kim what’s-his-face in that little spit of dirt and jungle he too is running on fumes. God I would have liked to have been in that room when he pissed those people off. I mean seriously we made friends with Russia but it is still illegal to travel to Cuba? yeah pissed some muther fucking people off big time.

Michael Capellas; you can only take out so many mortgages on your soul before Satan comes looking for payment.

Queen of England; Finally her only heir that is not gay, is married to a nice proper girl. She can hand the throne over to a man and be done. I imagine it will be in her sleep.

Mark Hurd; just another fucktard that naked sells shares of his soul and satan is gonna make a market call and old Marky poo will be found empty handed and and in a corner. hope he has enough shares to cover the margin.

Lindsay Lohan; Remember Britney spears 3 years ago. yeah kinda like that but not as pretty. you can only imagine how this meteor is gonna pop.

Brittany Spears; She is on my list every year (it's kind playing the odds) This one may look like she has her shit together but she is still trailer park trash with money it is only a matter of time before the wheels start to wobble and fall off.

Barry Bonds; He lied, he cheated and he got caught. Now he is despondent and will never make the baseball hall of fame. what do you think?

Charlie Sheen; Another train wreck. not as good as some but a train wreck none the less. God loves drunks and little kids but his patience does run out look at the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah.

A half more dozen Occupy protesters; You can only put so many whinny liberal pacifists in one park before the predators and freaks smell the blood and start circling.

Dr. Conrad Murray; My feelings about that freak Michael aside, You can not kill a pop icon and live. Even in county jail they are gonna kill this man and eat his intestines on a top ramen pizza right there in jail and then skull fuck his eye sockets.