Journal of an Optimist: Living Simply in Small Town America

Quiet Time

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Wed, 11 May 2022 01:36:00 +0000

I find myself remembering when I started this blog while I sit here thinking about living simply again in my little house in small-town America. I made the choice to stay home and give up working in the Covid environment.

I didn’t make that decision without really examining my options; I am 67 years old. It is time to slow down and try to keep myself well. Experiencing COVID-19 myself in September 2021 really made a difference in how I viewed things. I remember praying for God to get me through another day; I prayed that every single day that I was so sick. Of course, when my crew started getting COVID-19 the second time I had to make a choice. I didn’t want to get sick again so here we are back in my little house.

I have learned to stay home more than I’m used to secondary to the horrible cost of gasoline. They said it was going to come down but lo and behold it has gone up again! This has given me more time to work on things here at the house. I usually pull weeds in my flowerbeds; I did a little mowing today.

This has given me more time to work on things here at the house. I usually pull weeds in my flowerbeds; I did a little mowing today. This morning I stopped and visited with one of my Amish friends. It’s so nice to see the children and the puppies as well. They are my Amish grandkids… Lol. I live simply so we have a lot in common, for sure.

On Monday of this week I took a friend to lunch and I was quite surprised at how expensive eating out has become. She lives by herself and she is lonely, too. I checked that box so I won’t be eating out anymore this week. I have truly been praying for the resources to continue to help out the people that I was working with… Service work has kept me going over the years.

So I’m sitting here thinking About being home, cutting corners, pinching my pennies, and just making this work. Yes, I had to apply for food stamps and help paying my Medicare. I just wanted to cry because I had to reach out for help. In an effort to reframe it for myself I thanked God that these resources are available to me. That makes it easier for me.

This evening I chatted with Father Richard for a little while… It just helps me as he is a good friend. If I want to live in my little house and be able to stay home I have to make this work. He understands how important my service work is is to me. With his encouragement I hope to continue to keep moving forward.

Time to say good night.

Sign me, Living Simply in Small Town America.

Shrove Tuesday… Pancake night

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Wed, 17 Feb 2021 03:00:00 +0000

Another quiet evening in small-town America. The wind is blowing and we have had a lot of snow since last night. I put some leftovers out for the cat that’s sleeping under my shed. I was just watching a little TV well enjoying life at the little house.

I am just not sure how it got to be Shrove Tuesday already; tomorrow is going to be Ash Wednesday. I always say that each day brings us closer to spring but I am counting the days myself.

Growing up in Newfoundland we would have pancakes tonight with little trinkets in them. It was a nice family time and I realize it’s been a very long time since I’ve had any family time. It has been over a year since I’ve seen my grandchildren with the COVID-19 and the closed Canadian border. What I wouldn’t give to be sitting at a table with all the kids my son and his wife. It will be so awesome to have been able to serve a pancakes this evening for my family.

I live by myself with two little dogs; Living very simply in small-town America can be lonely. I briefly signed up for a dating site in hopes of meeting other people who were just as lonely. The responses that I received were discouraging… LOL. I was looking for somebody to go to dinner with from time to time. It would’ve been nice to meet someone who love to go to flea markets and yard sales like I do. So, I closed that account and chalked it up to experience. It is easier to continue to live simply than to complicate my life.

Sign me, living simply in small-town America.

A Quiet December Evening

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Wed, 16 Dec 2020 01:56:00 +0000

It is December 12th and I am watching Netflix while I am waiting for the resident to come home. I find myself thinking of my children and how much I loved being with them when they were young. Christmas was such a great time for us. Dawson used to make it fun as well. They are all grown now with two of them alienated from me; this makes Christmas a bittersweet time for me. I have prayed for healing in our family and placed this gently in God's hands. Broken hearted but faithful, indeed.

Christmas is a lonely time for me; I wish it was a joyful season but with the COVID-19 limitations we are just not getting together. Not my family, not my friends, not my church congregation, not my neighbors...we are all staying in and biding our time. We are waiting for the storm to pass every moment of every day.

Things are anything but normal. I miss my sense of community but I feel that the isolation has become a necessary evil. Yet, I believe we will get through this and learn from the experience. I have faith. God is so good.

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Sun, 06 Dec 2020 18:17:00 +0000

As usual, I am amazed to see that the calendar is showing that we are getting closer to Christmas. It is December 6th and I just got home from work. I am a part-time house parent at a crisis pregnancy home working the weekend shift. It is good to be back to work again even if COVID-19 still has the country in its grip. I do miss working in a hospital but I would be no good to my crew as I am compromised three different ways due to multiple sclerosis, diabetes, and asthma. This job is a nice experience for me though...I cannot wait for the baby to be born as well. Lots of love to spread around!

I did a little Christmas decorating last week and today I hope to put up some exterior Christmas lights to add a bit of seasonal cheer. One of my friends has been exposed to COVID-19 so she is in self-quarantine mode until she can get a test on Monday. We are adjusting to the pandemic on a day-by-day basis. People have become resilient like the trees that bend in the winds.

Sign me, Living Simply in Small Town America

Checking In - July 14, 2020

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 01:11:00 +0000

I just popped back inside to take a break from the humidity that has kept us at bay for the second week. The temperature had dropped down to the 70s from the oppressive 90 degrees we were suffering with. I took a moment to check the last time I had posted; it was surprising to see that it was back in April!

The border to Canada remains closed; it has been extended for another 30 days so grandchildren visits will have to be postponed again. I had hoped to get a chance to see them this summer but the pandemic has changed a lot of things, that included.

August 10, 2020

I just realized that I had not published the post above in July after all and here it is August. My world has remained much the same with minimal financial output; the only exception being money for home improvements including materials and labor. I have a new front porch since Spring so this inching along is working out well for me. It is very comfortable and it has been a long time coming.

Cork came down from Canada to visit for 12 days; he is an American and he was able to cross the border. It was so wonderful to see him after so many months of being away. His cancer has not returned; he is in remission. God is good. We enjoyed spending time together; it was a nice respite from my daily norm of social distancing to the max. He had to self-quarantine when he returned to Canada; this came complete with calls from the Government of Canada to track his contacts. He is doing well and he may come back down later on.

Now that August is upon us, I find myself thinking of the necessary preparations for fall and winter. Part of me feels like I am rushing it but I do remember just how cold it can be here when the snow comes. The cottage needs closed in on the sides before fall so that I will be snug in the winter months. There is plenty of time to get these things done. I feel like the pandemic has really messed up this year; it feels out of sync or something.

It is good to be back in the little house in small town America. It is lonely but it is a peaceful time not a bleak period of restrictions and deprivation. Social distancing, wearing masks, no hugging, no shaking hands, no problem...just moving forward trusting in God.

Sign me, Living Simply in Small Town America...wearing my mask.

A Moment of Clarity

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Fri, 24 Apr 2020 01:33:00 +0000

Yesterday I had a bit of a reality check here in small town America inside my little house of quarantine. I had gotten up and knelt by the side of the couch to pray when the words that came from my lips brought me back to a time when I needed help. I had bowed my head and prayed from my heart, "God I don't know what to do, please do for me. I don't know what to think, please think for me. I don't know what to say, please say for me. I don't know what to feel, please feel for me. Lord please help me. I am lost..." In that moment I began to weep beseeching the Lord to guide me through this time of confusion and to steer my steps throughout the day.

It had been over twenty years since I had prayed those words pressing my face into the sofa cushions so my mother would not hear me crying. She had terminal cancer and I was trying to stay strong for her. I began each and every day with those words because I was weary of being the one. The one who had to be strong and take care of the family through such difficult times. I loved my mother and I made it through each and every day with God's help. No one knew how overwhelmed I was then and I realized that no one knows how I was finding my way through this time of quarantine. I knew I was brought to my knees because I needed to reach out for help again if I hoped to get through the days ahead.

I make it a point to plan something positive to do each and every day. It does not help to focus on the fact that we cannot go to town and pick up our old way of life. I try to accept all the things that I cannot change and I pray daily for the weather to warm up so I can get out and work on my yards. It is time for me to start landscaping and making the beautiful courtyard that I have wanted so badly. Each and every summer I would wish to be home so I could get the yards back to where they were before I went to work as a traveler. The years passed and I was no further ahead...lol.

On Monday, a friend is coming by to begin building a deck for me as the courtyard takes shape. I am excited to see the project begin to say the least. I have to hang on to the dream that is becoming a reality for me at last. It gives me hope in a time when there is so much hopelessness around me.

I know that my emotional moments in prayer are just a bit of true clarity; it is obvious to me that I need to give it all to God once again. You see it keeps raining here and the weather is cold; it is too cold to be working in my garden. I have been praying for warm weather ever since I broke down in tears. It is so much easier to pray for that than to lose myself in the corona virus situation; there were 10 more cases reported today here in Wyoming County. We now have 56 cases with 3 deaths. The ever-present news reports just bring more fear and confusion. So what can I do to keep from losing my mind? I am living one day at a time; it is purely a survival move during a difficult time.

Sign me, Living simply in small town America...praying for warmer weather.

Week Five - Pandemic Quarantine

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Wed, 22 Apr 2020 01:44:00 +0000

Where has the time gone? Here it is April 21st already; we are beginning the fifth week of quarantine secondary to the pandemic here in Small Town America. I am dying to work outside in my yard but we had snow flurries today so it is just too soon. I know it will get better soon...right?

I took some before photos yesterday when the sun came out for a while; it seemed like the best thing to do before I begin working on my back yard. It will serve as a great point of reference during the process, for sure.

Back yard - Before

The ground here is still muddy and soft so I have to be patient while I wait for the weather to warm up. I hung up a couple of bird feeders to help brighten my days in the meantime. Some days are so pretty when the sun is shining but the wind is still a little sharp. Several weeks ago I built a raised bed in the side yard that gets the most sunshine. It is kind of heavy though as I found out when I tried to move it...lol. Basically, I am taking this quarantine thing one day at a time; it is better when I keep myself occupied. I noticed yesterday that I do have a new task since I hung up the bird feeders; I keep chasing this one squirrel off of there!

Wait, I am rambling...lol. I have drawn out plans for my back yard so I have been working on this in my mind already. A friend is coming to build a lovely deck there for me; it will be a 20'x20' so it will be a lovely place to sit and enjoy the sunshine. I have wonderful ideas to make it a beautiful courtyard area where I can landscape to my heart's content.

As for the quarantine, I am getting a little claustrophobic at times but that is when I head out to walk my dogs so I can step outside of the little house. Those walks by the lake have been a saving grace for my housebound self. It is so nice to be outside with the dogs. Early in the morning it is so quiet and there are not other dog walkers to socially distance ourselves from. I thank God every day that I do not live in an apartment! I am so glad to be home here at the little house! And very grateful...

Sign me, Living simply in small town America

Visiting Friends Who Live Simply

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Thu, 20 Feb 2020 13:50:00 +0000

Yesterday it was so cold here in Small Town America but I needed to get out of the house for a little road trip. I headed down to visit some Amish friends who have three greenhouses on their property. It was so good to see them again since I had been away for six months working in Maine.

They were just getting things rolling for the new season that will be upon us sooner than we think. It was nice to get out of the brisk wind and peruse the new plants that they were just unpacking. This is the bigger of three greenhouses; it has two stoves/furnaces that heat the inside. They use coal fire so it provides a good steady heat. It helped me to think ahead to my plans to put in some raised beds at the little house. I was able to take some of their large cardboard refuse to use to line my beds once the weather improves.

Isn't it funny how just chatting with other people with green thumbs chases the chill away? I left there and popped in to visit the wife's parents' house who live on the same road. It was so cozy and warm inside the welcoming door. It just warmed my heart to be back there. You know I say this every day but it is so good to be home again.

Sign me, Living Simply in Small Town America

Week Two - Retirement 101

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Tue, 18 Feb 2020 13:50:00 +0000

Good morning from Small Town America. It is another peaceful day here at the lake with fresh snow that is supposed to turn to rain by noon. I realized that I am happy yesterday...not just happy but content here in the little house. I have to find a part-time job to bring in some kind of income, of course. Yet, it is so peaceful here that it makes it all worthwhile. God is good.

I did not spend any money yesterday. It is my goal to be as thrifty as possible with the basic needs covered. Today, I had to pay my DISH TV bill off as I was advised that if I did not pay the $160 in the 20-day interim I would be charged the entire amount. This is due to the fact that I was not with them for two years before I deactivated my account. Choosing my battles these days, I paid the debt and moved on. My cable service is ample for what I need. $800 - 135 = $665 to live on so I am satisfied that this will be a beneficial move.

It is nice to be back to living simply; I don't miss the confusion and chaos. I do miss my patients, of course. Yesterday, I called to inquire about doulah training through the hospice house in Batavia. No luck as the trainer is out on vacation so I need to call back next week.

Today, I need to do a couple of errands and pick up a friend to bring her to a meeting. She moved here from Mississippi in November so she is freezing her behind off in our snow...lol. I have a fleece scarf for her. Paying things forward...

Sign me, Living Simply in Small Town America

Day Four of Week One

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Fri, 07 Feb 2020 02:34:00 +0000

Today was a busy sort of day. Now that I am retired there is a hope of rest and relaxation...lol.

I had a doctor's appointment at 9:00 am with the freezing rain encrusted snow it was a bit of a mess just getting out of my little driveway.
Made sure to make an appointment for counseling so I don't forget to take care of myself.
I drove down to Warsaw to pick up some money that I had lent to a dear friend (Walmart to Walmart).
While I was there I bought a few things before I headed back to Perry
I stopped at the market there for a turnip (aka rutabaga) for the pot of soup I was making. Checked out the marked down bins and found some lovely french bread.
Stopped by Walgreen's to pick up a prescription. Checked out their flyer for bargains. Toilet tissue and dog treats were on sale.
Made an appointment at The Office of the Aging to sort out my Medicare. They (Medicate) need $585 to bring it up to date.
Confirmed my appointment for Monday at Community Action to look for a part-time job
Walked the dogs over the rain encrusted snow so they could get their exercise. Need to tire those little fuzzy butts out or they drive me nuts...lol.

Dear Lord, if this is retirement I am in for a wild ride...lol. And for tomorrow...I have some unfinished errands to take care of that I did not get to today.

Need to stop at the post office to pick up a registered letter.
Need to shovel freezing rain encrusted snow from around my mail box out in front of the little house so the mail truck can get to it. She left me a note.
Have to return my modem to Spectrum and pick up the correct one now that I have added the landline.
Need to activate my new cell service with Spectrum while I am there.

Sign me, Living Simply in Small Town America (Whew!)

Regroup, Retire, Really Simple

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Tue, 04 Feb 2020 19:02:00 +0000

Life in Retirement: Week One

I just got back to the Little House after working in Maine since the end of August. Now, the transition begins...no more weekly paychecks. Being home will make tightening my belt and cutting corners very necessary but it is so good to be back home. I will be broke but happy so let the changes begin:

So, I had switched to DISH TV last year to save money at $67 a month. Today, I wanted to add internet service...$59 more dollars. I told them I might as will be back with Cable TV for that price it would include landline phone, TV, and internet. Switching back to Spectrum! They now offer cell phone service as well for $$$ less than I am paying.

Reality Check: There is a $140 deactivation fee since I had not been with Dish for two years. That hurts but it will be well worth it in the long run.

Several water pipes are frozen. I checked around to see if I could find my usual plumbing rescue specialist. He was not available. Not giving up easily, I checked around for two days. Yesterday, I had to call the local plumbing and heating company. (Big Sigh)

Reality Check: The bill for the plumbing repair was for $227.60. It had to be done so I have to suck it up and see if I can make it up.

I called Student Loans yesterday to let them know that I am no longer employed. I do not want to go into default.

Reality Check: Some bills cannot be put off or taken for granted. Being responsible is a must.

Being realistic, I started checking around for a part-time job. If I truly want to stay home and retire than I have to find something to supplement my Social Security. There is a ceiling amount that I can make so I have parameters to work within.

Reality Check: I don't have a pension or 401K.but I can make this work for me.

Just stopped by the local grocery store on Monday and bought a few groceries. Made a pot of chicken soup to help me feel better. The lovely aroma of cooking soup filled the shanty and that was so comforting. I have to make another pot of soup for the rest of the week since I finished the soup last evening.

Reality Check: No more eating out. Saving money starts right now.

Making a note to sit down and review all my bills so I can make a list of what is owed and when the payments are due. It will be a reality check.

Reality Check: I have started listing things for sale on Facebook Marketplace. I live simply so things do not matter to me.

Retirement. Such a wonderful word for living simply once again on a whole lot less. I have to admit to a nice feeling of peace. I miss my friends in Maine; they will always be dear to me, especially the lead technologist.

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Mon, 11 Nov 2019 01:36:00 +0000

I was reading a posting from an old blog of mine:

Christmas 2012

It has been quite a while since I posted on my blog. Things are going well. I have been physically more active than I have been in a while. I went back to work in August. For the first six weeks I would come home and collapse into bed. It just took so much to get through a full day at work. However, as each day passed I was able to build my endurance. Each and every day I thanked God for the strength to get through without problems. Of course, there were problems but I kept moving forward.

It has been four months and five days today that I have been working in a hospital again. The job is one that I prayed for and it has been all worth it! It still bothers me to see people who seem happiest when they are making/creating difficulties. Gossip is such a terrible activity but I am powerless over other people. I have to remind myself that any comment that I might make will be gossip as well. I just pray and turn it over. It is important to have faith and to not become discouraged with the negative aspects. In the past I would just quit and move on rather than deal with toxic people and situations. Today, I keep turning up to see what God has in store for me each day. Overall, the team that I work with is very special. They work together and we make a difference in our community.

The patients bring me so much joy! I forget my aches and pains with each and every experience. I am an EEG technologist; it is what I had worked at in the past. I have missed this so much! I have learned something new every day. Today, I am filled with gratitude for the job, the team, the patients, the organization.

It really hurt to leave my little house. I have asked someone to watch over it for me. Honestly, I need someone to take care of my little house while I am gone. It is too cozy to be wasted being empty. Please Lord, help me to find someone who will love living there as much as I have. If I could have this job and still be able to live at the lake I would most surely do it! Commuting for six hours one way would be pretty time consuming…lol!

Thank you, Lord for guiding my steps during this period of transition. May I make a difference to all that I meet each day as I move forward in faith. May I do your will in all things… Sign me, living simply in bigger, small town America.

P.S. I am looking for land here to build another little house.

Reality Bites

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Wed, 23 Oct 2019 01:22:00 +0000

So I have been sitting here figuring how many fleece scarves I can make out of the fleece that I have purchased here and there. I just wanted to get back to being creative again...I miss having a project to work on. I have six ready to sew and lots of fleece left to work with. Don't know if I will mail them to my grandchildren or not. I usually send $100 per child to my oldest son's family at Christmastime. It would be so nice to be able to send them some scarves...lol. It is more personal to be making a gift; it is not about saving money. Michael likes Minecraft but when I looked for that fleece I found a lovely Minecraft robe and pajamas set! It was so pretty! Maybe he would love that instead of a scarf...lol.

On a more serious note, I have been reassessing my debts and assets. It is nice to be retired and able to take an assignment for 13 weeks. However, the reality is that I don't have a next egg and, like so many other people my age, I have to work. It is important that I save $$$ if I want to be off in the Spring and Summer to enjoy my little house and garden. It means so much to me to be able to spend time there while I still can. I miss my little piece of heaven.

I never knew how being frugal would pay off at this time of my life. I thank God that I have lived simply. It has not been so hard considering that it is fun to find ways to cut corners! I found a pair of nearly new L.L. Bean shoes, a one-piece flannel pajama set, and several smaller items at a bag sale for $3. It has been happy hunting for me on the weekends...lol. The glass is half-full...

Sign me, Living Simply in Small Town America

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Sun, 20 Oct 2019 22:11:00 +0000

Marguerite Dawson From my Facebook page:

17 mins

Well, here goes...planning something to do next weekend. Anyone available to come along?

ROAMINGTHEAMERICAS.COM

101 Unforgettable Things to Do in Maine

Maine's allure captures us all in a different way. Here are 101 ideas for unforgettable things to do all across Maine (from someone who grew up there)!

5 comments

CommentShare

Comments

Marguerite Dawson 31. Geek out over Stephen King with a tour of Bangor.
Bangor is not only the city that he’s called home for a few decades, it’s also the inspiration for the fictional town of Derry. Fans of the fiction writer can take a tour (SK Tours of Maine) of many significant spots around town–including seeing the outside of his creepy house.

32. Visit the last active Shaker community in the world.
The Shakers were an offshoot of the religious group called Quakers, and they migrated to America in pursuit of religious freedom in the 1700s. Sadly, they experienced some persecution here as well, but survived and eventually grew in number to about 5,000.

In 1783 the Sabbathday Lake Shaker Village was established in New Gloucester, Maine. Today it is the only active Shaker community remaining, and it is open to the public–even for Sunday meetings. You can also explore some of the 1,800 acres of land on a guided nature hike.

33. Spend a few days strolling an adorable coastal town.

Like

Reply

14m
Marguerite Dawson 31. I met Stephen King at the Bangor airport many years ago. He was very personable for such a brief encounter. Next...

Like

Reply

13m
Marguerite Dawson 32. Someone told me that the Shakers did not have relations and this belief in celibacy was the cause of the demise of the sect. I was not sure if that was true though. However...People also ask
How many shakers are left in the world?

Why did the Shakers believe in celibacy?
Shakers believed in communal ownership of property. The entire community held all property in common. They believed that men and women were equals. They also opposed marriage and were major proponents of celibacy.
Shakers - Ohio History Central
www.ohiohistorycentral.org › Shakers

OHIOHISTORYCENTRAL.ORG

Ohio History Central
Ohio History Central

Like

Reply

Remove Preview

11m

Edited
- Marguerite Dawson I think I might check this community out...New Gloucester is close to me. https://www.maineshakers.com/
  
  MAINESHAKERS.COM
  
  Home - Sabbathday Lake Shaker Village
  Home - Sabbathday Lake Shaker Village
  
  Like
  
  Reply
  
  Remove Preview
  
  9m
  
  Edited
Write a reply...
Marguerite Dawson 33. I just took a day trip to Peaks Island and it was so very beautiful there! I wonder where I should go next? Any suggestions?

Like

Reply

Back on my feet again… I think

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Sat, 24 Aug 2019 17:12:00 +0000

It has been a while since I posted anything on my blog. The first of April I went out to Washington state to work for several months; while I was there I was able to spend some time with my sister. It was so nice to see her and it’s probably the first time I felt connected in many, many years. I went home the middle of June and stayed off until now. During that time I did a lot of things around my house and went up to Canada to help Cork with his house. He has cancer but the prognosis is very, very good.

I am relaxing watching ice-skating and trying to catch up my blog; it is Saturday and I am in Lewiston, Maine. Just sitting here and in retrospect, I remember some of the things I did this summer at the little house. Downsizing, emptying the storage locker, yard sale, gifting to a friend etc. It seems to me that I spent much of the summer grasping at my living simply in small-town America life stuff. Material things to not mean the same thing to me now that I’m older; it seems when I was young that gathering things around me was important. Just closing my eyes and picturing

Where Do I Go From Here?

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Sat, 24 Aug 2019 17:01:00 +0000

Tonight, I am perched on my bed watching TV, playing Words with Friends on my phone, and typing this post for my blog. I am working at a big hospital through the week here in WNY and I usually go home on the weekend. This weekend I just could not get it together to do that; I am taking antibiotics and feeling drained. So, here I am at my apartment, trying to rest up so I can get over this cough, ear infection, etc.

I miss my simple life!

How did it get so un-simple? I went back to work once my hubby (LB) was able to speak for himself; it was out of necessity. Each day that I get up, pull it together, dress it up, and walk it out the door is a step forward for me. I do love the whole atmosphere at the hospital; it helps me feel vital! It has been kind of hectic at times; I still call and check on LB in the evenings. It is still important to me to know that he is doing okay.

It is 2019 and my inner voice is telling me to wrap it up. If anything I want to spend time at home before I get so sick that I cannot take care of myself. Will I be one of those people who does not get the chance to enjoy time playing in my garden? Will I work until I don't turn up at my job one morning? Will I lose focus on living simply when it means so much to me.

I realized that I have spent some time each and every day

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Sun, 09 Dec 2018 15:47:00 +0000

Fast forward to 12/9/2018. My life has taken a tumble and things have greatly changed. My husband had been here, although we are estranged, I brought him with me to Colorado for two weeks. I guess I hoped that things would be different. They were not but we enjoyed hanging out again.

Ten days after he returned to his house aka huge man cave he found out that he had prostate cancer. I felt such a terrible grief; how does one explain the loss of hope in mere words? I felt torn, just to know that he would be suffering through the whole cancer thing.

He seemed flat when he talked to me about the surgery that was planned on 9/18. I tried not to be obviously negative in any way. It seemed like we were together again. We counseled through the reality that was closing in on both of us. I asked him to come here to recuperate; I remember buying tickets to bring him back with me after the surgery.

I arranged to fly out to be there for the surgery; he would call me when he woke up and we would go from there. He did not want to come back with me the closer we go to his surgery date. I accepted the unacceptable; I began to feel that this was not mine to fix. We were not together.

I did not go to the hospital. For some reason, I could not handle being there. He did not wake up but rather had a severe reaction to the anesthetic. He remained in a coma for several days. Whitney and I sat in a kind of shocked haze while pretending he would be okay. My sister-in-law was insistent that I be there...he needed help and I was trained to do it. He was on life support. It seemed such a moot point.

I had to fly back to work but when I got there I could not stay. I called my supervisor and brought her up to speed. It was not possible to be so far away while he lay in a bed on a ventilator. With apologies, I packed up my things, gathered up my dogs, and drove back from Colorado to WNY. It still does not seem real...

The rest of the days seem out of focus right now...a true blend of sadness and hope overshadowed by the sounds of him struggling to breath. The ragged breathing tore at me while I huddled in a recliner praying for God to help me to accept what would come.

On the 12th day he woke up and we were able to tell him what has transpired; he was confused and could not believe that he had been out for so many days. He would be alert for a short while before becoming agitated; they would have to sedate him again as he worked his restraints like a speed bag from his youth. More days slipped by turning into weeks. I had to get back to work...money was getting tight.

When I close my eyes, I see a collage in my mind with swirling images of moments of lucidity, of struggling, of agitation, and my fears. They could not extubate him; his throat collapsed the last time they tried. I cringed as I watched the team shifted into overdrive. They had to emergently re-intubate; he was exhausted but they knew they had to move forward with a tracheostomy

He became more alert when they put in the trach; the improvement was wonderful. I could talk to him and he could understand; my fears remained tucked safely under my mask of relief. This should not have happened...

I was working at a hospital about 4 hours east of the medical facility that he was in; he knew how hard it was for me. I cried for fear I would not see him again for days while I worked. It was something that I made happen.

They found debris in his throat after 5 weeks; a piece of plastic tubing has been causing the issues. Free of the scrap, he left the ICU the very next day. He moved ahead at a pace that chased my fears away. He counted the days until he would be free to head home; I thanked God for his mercies.

So, today I sit with tears running down my face. He was only here with me for several weeks; he is now back at his house aka super man cave. I have stepped back out of the picture; he has his life back. He is so much stronger; it is good to see him on his feet.

And me? I am finishing up my assignment here; packing up to go to the next one. I am removing myself from the situation. We are not together. I did not want to leave him there in the man cave; the clutter and chaos wears me out. I have accepted things I cannot change...it is not mine to fix. I have asked God to help me to do the next right thing.

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Sun, 09 Dec 2018 14:51:00 +0000

Today is July 28, 2018. I am stretched out on the couch relaxing while watching TV between naps. I called home to visit with a couple of friends this morning just to see how things are in small town America. It is nice to touch base as this keeps me connected in a way no matter how far away I go to work.

I will be returning home in 47 days and a wake up. I am looking forward to going home after working in Fort Collins Colorado. I will miss it here. I came here to work for 13 weeks the first week of June because it is very beautiful here and I really like the city. This is the first time I have been in Colorado. It has surpassed any expectations that I had...

Saturday, April 26th, 2018

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Thu, 03 May 2018 15:36:00 +0000

We have started the Big Book meeting and last night we were reflecting on the history of AA. We spoke about Ebby Thatcher and his meeting with Bill Wilson, who would become the co-founder of AA. Unfortunately, as inspirational as Ebby's transformation from low-bottom drunk to a sober productive individual was, Mr. Thatcher continued to struggle with relapsing sobriety until his sober death in 1966*. He played an integral part in AA's history but he would remain bound by the insidious disease of alcoholism.

Bill Wilson and Ebby Thatcher

It was important that we included Ebby's involvement with The Oxford Groups in our discussion. Further, the Washingtonian Temperance Society needed to be mentioned as they were also influential in the history of AA.

We read, "The Doctor's Opinion", reviewing at length the words of Dr. Silkworth written at a time when there was no recourse for alcoholics. At that point in history many would die in sanitariums as victoms of their own alcoholic downward spiral into insanity.

Next Saturday we will move forward into the next chapter. All are welcome. Sandwiches and soup are on the menu.

Read about the Washingtonians and The Oxford Groups here:

The Washingtonian Temperance Society

Frank Buchanan and The Oxford Groups

*Edwin Throckmorton Thatcher (Ebby)

Sign me, Living Simply in Small Town America

The Chili Dog Evening

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Sat, 14 Apr 2018 20:27:00 +0000

It is almost supper time here in small town America. My van is loaded with all the goodies for tonight, chili (no beans), donut sticks, beef hot dogs, hot dog rolls, shredded cheddar cheese (mild and sharp), baked beans w extra brown sugar and bacon, potato salad, and macaroni salad. I stopped by the storage unit and picked up my two burner hot plate so I can have the chili and the baked beans simmering. Have to bring my crock pot for the hot dogs and buns...lol. Need to chop onions and put them in a tupperware container. I want the aroma of food to be the first thing that greets our people when they come to The Gathering Place.

The weather report is calling for freezing rain tonight and tomorrow. In fact, there is a storm warning so I may get stuck with all the lovely ingredients above. Please God people will show up for hot coffee, tea, and hot chocolate and a picnic supper. On a good note, it is not raining yet.

Sign me, In Service, Living Simply in Small Town America

P.S. Just two people besides myself showed up. Lots of food to send home with Neil again...lol. No food next week.

Pizza Night at The Gathering Place

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Sun, 08 Apr 2018 04:04:00 +0000

Another quiet evening in small town America. For two days I have been worrying about how I was going to provide food at The Gathering Place while waiting for my unemployment check. Gas for my vehicle comes before most things: $40.00 in gas tank leaves $9.00 in my wallet.

Most of the week was spent trying to sort out medical coverage while trying to schedule Solu-Medrol infusion treatments but that situation resolved itself yesterday. (Turns out my coverage was reinstated the first of February but no one notified me.) It means that I can now schedule the MS treatments for next week. My neurologist had prescribed a new medication that costs $5k monthly so my week has been quite full of interesting conversations...lol.

Back to the pizza, I remembered that I had $54.00 in my change bank...thank God. I dumped it out, sorted the change (no pennies) and borrowed some coin paper rolls since the pizza guy needs change to be rolled up. Someone fist bump this woman!

I promised to serve pizza at The Gathering Place this evening but since we had a small group it went very well. I was able to order the large pepperoni pizza, 20 wings, and two-liter pepsi special. Everyone had a great time. I sent all the leftovers home with someone; no donuts came home with me. I am trying to behave myself status post my last peep relapse...lol.

You know, even as I am writing this I feel such emotion it surprises me. This gathering place means a great deal to me. I want it to grow to be the place where people come to on Saturday evenings; I want it to be a safe place for people in sobriety to learn and grow.

Sign me, Humbled by His Grace, Serving in His Love, and Living Simply in Small Town America

An Evening Off

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Sun, 01 Apr 2018 23:26:00 +0000

We did not open the doors at the Gathering Place last evening. The church was busy with Easter Vigil and I had announced it at meetings so people would know. It felt odd not to be going to the church for the meetings; I have become accustomed to that being my Saturday evening activity.

I have been on forced rest and relaxation since last Sunday. I had a major MS relapse. Things have been a bit awkward for me as I am not a person who sits still very well. It is a struggle...lol.

Today is Easter Sunday and I left the house briefly to go to the store for food. I missed going to church but I was afraid that I would not last through the service. I spent the day stretched out on the love seat watching TV and waking up. I am so bored...

Sign me, Trying to Live Simply in Small Town America

The Gathering Place: Week Three

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Thu, 15 Mar 2018 23:06:00 +0000

The Gathering Place appears to be growing! A Big Book meeting will be setting up shop in our church basement now. I have added a candlelight meeting as well.

The Gathering Place

Yesterday, I picked up a dominoes game for the game/puzzle stash. It has been not as easy to get people to play cards or chess, I was surprised. I am hopeful that as people become more aware of and more comfortable with the drop in they will become more social.

Today, I picked up a larger box of hot chocolate mix and another box of regular hot chocolate mix. There is plenty of coffee and tea, creamer and sugar; once I get a little of money ahead I want to start picking up some soda. All of this is free to participants right now; I was reminded that people who are coming into the programs (AA/NA) are usually pretty financially challenged. That is why we don't as for payment of any kind.

Looking to the future, I have added Nathans hot dogs, buns, ketchup, mustard, and sweet relish to my mental list of future purchases. I figure I can use my crock pot to keep the hot dogs warm for the evening.

A friend has a house for sale in town that I would love to be able to rent but that is kind of putting the cart before the horse...lol. I have to be patient, I tell myself. Good things take time...slow and steady is the best pace for this venture.

Sign me, Hopeful and Living Simply in Small Town America

Drop In Center: Week Two

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Wed, 07 Mar 2018 22:58:00 +0000

I have been working on a drop in center at my church on Saturday nights. It is a safe place for people who are pursuing a life of sobriety or recovery to go.

The Gathering Place - In Memory of the Professor

Sign me, Living Simply in Small Town America Trying to Make a Difference

noreply@blogger.com (The Mistress of the Moonlight) — Wed, 07 Mar 2018 22:53:00 +0000

Margie Dawson‏ @Firelight_Woman 1 minute ago

If I had a wish it would be that people would come to the drop in center on Saturday nights and find something to do rather than sit home in isolation. If only one person makes it and chooses recovery it’s all worth while. Sign me, Living simply in small-town America

Show this thread
Margie Dawson‏ @Firelight_Woman 1 minute ago

Posted on 03/05/2018 Today, I’m kind of discouraged. At a meeting yesterday it was shared that one of our members found his brother dead from an overdose. It really tears me up to hear that we have lost another person through addiction. Please donate $1...it will help!

1 reply

Show this thread
Margie Dawson‏ @Firelight_Woman 1 minute ago

March 3, 2018 Just standing at the laundromat chatting with someone. They were talking about someone who had died from another Fentanyl-tainted overdose. Just another reminder that even in small-town America we are losing people to addiction. M Please donate $1...it will help!