JourneY is mY DestinY

The Yellow Umbrella

2020-04-02T03:11:00.001+05:30

Do you believe in signs and similar such things about soulmates, love, universe, destiny, magic etc ? I always believed in it, but never knew that I could get to see it so closely. I have this affection towards short stories, I am not sure whether it's just the reluctance or impatience to sit for a longer duration or mere love for the short stories. I have realised even when I write, I tend to write short, short as in I'd rather call them anecdotes and not stories. Somehow you are what you write, or you become what you write about. So this one is based on similar lines, and to be honest it's somewhat based on real life instances. So I don't want to write it as a third person and be myself instead but let's not get into a question answer session about it post reading (I won't entertain it either :) )

I am 29 and like any other person of my age my parents are also behind me to get married and Settle Down. And like any happy single person I keep dodging it quoting something or the other. It's often difficult to find 'The One', I often ask the ones who have found the one how they said yes or realised he/she was the one and I guess I have never got the answer to this one. So I'll not get into much background and quickly come to the point.

It all started while I was forced to make an account on a matrimonial site ( I was allowed to go for a road trip to Shimla in lieu of the account ). Actually around a year after that, I hardly use the account, it's just being handled by parents for the sake of being parents. So after continuously dodging for a long time, my mom finally caught hold of me and insisted that I must take things seriously and sit with her and shortlist/finalise. It used to happen at least twice a day throughout my vacation time at home, that we used to sit after a good meal and with a cup of tea. I don't know how or why I told my mom to go ahead with a girl shortlisted by her. I had no clue why I agreed, she appeared quite simple and sweet by the only picture that was uploaded by her parents, maybe it was her college from where she had done her masters or her likes, I don't remember what it was but somehow bells rang.

And so this being the first yes from my side, my parents were also conscious about how to take things further, for them as well this was a start. They managed to enquire about her from distant relatives and got positive responses so they took the first step and contacted her family. Families clicked on initial notes and agreed that kids must take it further. Now the ball was in my court. And I used to wake up every day and the same question was tossed at me if there was any progress, followed by why not, when etc. I was a bit reluctant to start off, I was going through a tough phase in my life and I was really looking forward to the break that I had got.

But now the families were involved so I dropped a text, with a polite introduction and asking about a suitable time to call on. I got a polite reply that she was a little caught up with work and interviews so she would get in touch over the weekend. So it was a peaceful time for me, and when I was interrogated again I had an answer that she was caught up in work. But it was hard to explain to parents that work can keep people so busy that they don't get time to call, but my work life often doesn't allow me to call so I understood her situation.

We eventually spoke over the phone a few days later, we had a good conversation. I guess first conversations are often long and good ones, and you have options to speak over a lot of topics, we connected over a lot of things, I guess any person can connect over Friends or HIMYM. We realised we had good mutual friends and she made it clear that she was in the midst of changing her job so was completely occupied with it. And can go ahead further after settling down in a new job, I liked the fact that she was honest, straightforward and most of all matured. My leave also got over in the same week and I had informed my parents that the coming few months of my life will be the toughest I have faced so far and I would prefer that marriage talks are avoided. They understood and respected my decision and went ahead with the search only at their end. Months passed by and I returned home after overcoming all the battles at the professional front. Now it was the time again for serious marriage talks but for me staying up till late for movies and all the things that I had missed out in the months were more important.

But that can't be it right ? Story must go on…

If you know me a bit you must be aware that I am really fond of the tv series How I Met Your Mother. And how I got introduced to it has a beautiful memory of its own, and getting introduced to it itself was a magical thing that happened to me. Everytime I am bored, or want happiness, or want to read something I either start a random episode of HIMYM or start reading an old blog post of mine. So, in case you haven't watched the series I'll briefly elaborate about The Yellow Umbrella. It has an important role to play in it, not in an intense suspenseful way but in a sweet romantic way. It's symbolic of the existence of the universe, signs and soulmates. And it holds a special place in my heart as well, as it gives me faith and hope in life. And often it has found a place in my profile pictures, instagram feed and statuses. So at that time I was having a whatsapp profile pic which had a yellow umbrella and a beautiful quote in it.

And somehow due to some reason, may be a sign of the universe, or something of cosmic significance I came across her profile pic in which she was wearing this beautiful smile and had held a Yellow Umbrella in her hand. For a moment and minutes to follow I only smiled, I had no idea why I did, but I felt like a child. There is this movie 500 days of Summer, which is one of my all time favourite romantic movie. In which sister of actor tries to convince him that he was not in love, she mentions that "just because his girl liked same stupid things doesn't make her his soulmate" and ever since definition of soulmates changed for me. But I forgot all the wisdom I had gained throughout my life and couldn't stop myself from messaging her.

I left a simple text

' The yellow umbrella :) '

and she instantly replied back saying

'you know I lost it within two days'

And I mentioned even Ted and Tracy managed to lose it in the initial days in the series.

She mentioned that HIMYM was her first ever TV series and I couldn't stop mentioning that same was the case with me. And I could feel this cosmic connection and forgot about the wisdom gained from 500 days of Summer.

We chatted for a while, we spoke about rain, I told how my college yearbook's last page had a picture of rainy day with a quote

" Remember me on a rainy day "

And it went on for a while about the beautiful little things of life.

So I was in love ? Just like that ? It was a beautiful conversation, I loved the way it got connected over everything. Is it necessary that every good conversation have a meaning or a future, or a further story. I wasn't wondering about any of it at that time. I was just mesmerised by those moments and lived them to the fullest. I enquired if she got that job she was looking for and she said she did but was stuck in formalities for a long time. We formally bid goodbyes and she again made it clear she wanted to settle down at her native place and then only she would give marriage a thought and she also insisted that I must look for other options if I wanted. I also ended on a positive note, and told her that I will let her know if things moved ahead anywhere else. We wished each other and again I went back aboard my ship and got engrossed with work.

That's life at my end, from one vacation to another. Though I live each and every moment to the fullest, be it on the ship or at home or elsewhere, the vacations often mark the milestone where beautiful little things happen and beautiful memories are created.

And something amazing happened in my previous vacation, I got a text from her over one of my status, which must have been the poem I wrote for my father. We chatted for a while formally, I informed her that my work life had turned peaceful and she mentioned about her life.

She wrote "she joined. Quit after a while. Wedding in April".

I was again reminded of the movie 500 days of Summer wherein Tom says Summer

" You never wanted to be anyone's girlfriend and now you are someone's wife".

Tom was in a very painful state in that scene and my scene had no such similarity or emotion or pain involved but I was reminded about the scene.

I asked her what was her story, and like always I asked how she said Yes ?

She mentioned " Vibes. I am a vibe person Mukul"

I couldn't stop smiling, I told her you always felt like a vibe person, she always did.

Coincidentally that day was a day full of love stories, I had met a friend of mine earlier that day and she had shared her love story as well. And I asked her the same question, she also had answered on the similar lines. That she could feel the love and vibe the way she had always imagined and most of all he continuously tried and wooed her eventually.

I somehow got all the answers I was looking for, and even the ones I wasn't looking for. I had my faith in love and miracles restored. It was a happy day full of happiness and beautiful moments.

I wondered for a while if I tried enough, was it worth it, or should I try now, the fun of scoring a goal is when a goalkeeper is present, was I looking for such a movie like scenario…It hardly mattered as I was happy from within and was continuously smiling like a kid. So I started off another episode of HIMYM and slept off.

I posted a painting of mine recently in which I had drawn a scene from HIMYM where Ted meets Tracy on Farhampton railway station, and she is holding that Yellow Umbrella.

And guess what I got an unexpected text from her which is more than just a hello… it's a sign again, never knew Corona virus can bring such a twist in the anecdote and make way for a potential story… I wonder if I should listen to the signs of the Universe and respect them and answer them ? Should we always answer every such call from the universe ? Shouldn't we believe magic at least when it's happening in front of us.

Mukul

PS : May be yellow umbrella is just a yellow umbrella, but what if it's not and if it's actually a sign ?

जोगन

2020-03-30T05:21:00.001+05:30

जोगन और जोगी की एक असीम प्रेम कहानी थी, वों किस्मत से मिले थे और एक दूसरे के हो गए थे । वो दोनो अकसर समंदर किनारे बैठकर बातें किया करते थे, रात भर बैठकर दोनो आसमान में तारे देखा करते थे । वो अकसर कहता था उस की उस बचपन से ही तारे देखना बहुत पसंद है, और टूटेते तारे को देखकर ही उसने जोगन को मांगा था।

जोगी को ना जाने क्यों तारों से बेइंतहा मोहब्बत थी वो हर खुशी ये गम में तारों से बातें किया करता था।

जोगन अकसर कहती थी जोगी से, की अगर किसी दिन तुमने मेरा दिल तोड़ा तो वो आसमान से सारे तारे तोड़ लेगी।

शिद्दत वाली मोहब्बत थी उनमें, और अकसर देखा गया है शिद्दत वाली मोहब्बत में ही दर्द होता है और शिद्दत वाली मोहब्बत में नफरत भी शिद्दत वाली ही होती है।

एक दिन किसी बात पर दोनो में कुछ कहासुनी हो गई, और जोगी नाराज़ होकर वहां से चला गया । ना उसने रोका, ना वो रुका, ना ही उसने कुछ कहा, ना ही उसने कुछ सुना। जोगन की नाराज़गी बढ़ती गई, उसने धुंघना भी नहीं चाहा उसे। जोगन अकसर कहती थी कि उसे नाराज़गी में खामोशी नहीं पसंद, और जोगी की ख़ामोशी ही जोगन को नाराज़ कर रही थी। उसकी नाराज़गी को नफरत में बदलते ज़्यादा वक़्त नहीं लगा, और उसकी ये नफरत दिन पर दिन शिद्दत वाली नफरत में बदलती गई।

कहते है शिद्दत से की गई किसी भी ची़ज में बहुत ताकत होती है, और उसने अपनी शिद्दत वाली नफरत तारों पर निकालना शुरू किया। वो हर रात समंदर किनारे बैठकर तारों को नफरत भारी नज़रों से देखा करती थी, और एक टक देखते देखते अनगिनत तारों को तोड़कर समंदर में डूबा दिया करती थी। वो हर रात अपना तारे तोड़ने का वादा निभाती जा रही थी, ऐसा लगता था मानो उसकी नफरत जोगी से नहीं तारों से है। उसे लगने लगा था कि तारे अकसर लोगो को गुमराह करते है, तारों को डुबाना ही उसकी ज़िद्द थी यही उसका जुनून था। वो नहीं चाहती थी किसी भी मोहब्बत में तारे हो। तारों की रोशनी को वो खुद में महसूस करने लगी थी, रोशनी और आग उसकी ज़िद्द को बढ़ाते का थे, देखते ही देखते कुछ ही दिनों में उसने सब तारे तोड़ दिए थे।

आज की रात बहुत ही खास थी, आज एक साल हो गया था जोगी को गए हुए, और आज उसकी ज़िद्द अलग ही जुनून में थी। आज तोड़ने के लिए कोई तारा नहीं थी आसमान में, उसे समझ नहीं आ रहा था कि उसे खुश होना चाहिए या नहीं। पर उसकी शिद्दत ने सब धुंधला किया हुआ था उसकी ज़िन्दगी में, आज अलग ही ज़िद्द थे। तारों के टूटने के बाद आज बारी चांद की थी, धीरे धीरे उसने अपनी सारी ऊर्जा सारी नफरत चांद की ओर एकत्रित करदी।

धीमे धीमे चांद ज़मीन की ओर उतारने लगा, समुंदर की लहरे भी धीरे धीरे बढ़ने लगी थी। आज उसकी नफरत और मोहब्बत कामिल होने वाली थी। चांद धीरे धीरे बड़ा होता गया, और नज़दीक आता गया। तेज़ होती लहरों की आवाज़ में उसे एक आवाज़ सुनाई दी

" क्या तुमने कभी सोचा है कि जितने तारे तुमने तोड़े है, उन्हें देखकर ना जाने कितने जोगियों ने जोगन को मांगा है ? तुम्हारे हर टूटते तारे ने कितनी मोहब्बतें मुक़म्मल की है ये सोचा है कभी?"

ये आवाज़ जोगी की थी, उसने इधर उधर देखा पर वो उसे कहीं नहीं दिखा। फिर उसकी नजर चांद पर पड़ी, थोड़ा गौर से देखने पर उसे जोगी का एहसास हुआ। उसने उसे चांद पर एक टक बैठे पाया, उसे कुछ समझ नहीं आया, वो कुछ कह नहीं पाई।

जोगी ने कहा " भगवान ने कहा तुम्हें तारे बहुत पसंद है ना तो तुम यहां चांद पे बैठकर तारे ही देखो, तुम्हें मैं तारा नहीं बनाऊंगा। "

जोगन धीरे धीरे डूबते हुए चांद की ओर बढ़ने लगी, एक आंसू उसकी आंखो से समंदर में गिर पड़ा, जोगी के जाने के बाद वो आज पहली बार रोई थी। उसके उस आंसू के साथ एक तारा आसमान में टीम टिमाने लगा, जोगी भी उसे देख मुस्कुराया। जोगन जोगी की ओर बढ़ती गई और तारों को आज़ाद करती गई। कुछ इश्क़ को मुक्कमल करने में कायनात को भी परीक्षा देनी पड़ती है। आज उनका वो इश्क़ मुक्कमल होने को था...

मुुुुकुल

Quiet Unpeace

2019-11-25T14:30:00.000+05:30

Quiet Unpeace

They walked together in silence

It wasn't a Happy silence.

Their silence was screeching,

Togetherness made it all the way more Unpeaceful.

They looked at each other momentarily from time to time,

ensuring simultaneous eye contact wasn't there.

A lot of distance was yet to be walked down

Every step was heavier than the last one,

May be it was the anger, or the grief or the unsettling peace within

Walking down the complete path together would've meant the end for sure.

Deep long breaths they took to keep a lot within and vent out the negativities.

It must have been a little thing, but both of them were deeply hurt and were not willing to talk it out..

They kept on walking together like the railway tracks, so close yet so far…

Occasionally back of their palm touched while walking,

They managed to find a rhythm in their walk but the occasional touch made it more smothering...

Every step and every touch of their knuckles increased the helplessness, the heat within, the uncomfort within, they craved craved for peace, peace within in all this storm of turmoil…

And he couldn't take it anymore, she couldn't either, they couldn't take this entanglement anymore…

He held her hand and she tightened the grip

In that moment all the turmoil, anger, grief and Unpeace found itself slipping out of the fingers like sand…

They stopped, and slowly looked up towards each other, their was still silence

But their eyes spoke, they held both hands and their eyes did all the talking… they spoke about love and forgiveness…

They hugged each other, silence still prevailed.

Comforting, happy and peaceful quiet it was…

Raabta

2019-04-24T01:20:00.000+05:30

Raabta

“Everything happens for a reason, a good reason”, I always believe in it. Sometimes things happen and it takes a while for us to realise the goodness behind it and sometimes it happens instantly. Every little thing has a greater purpose behind it.

I recently came back from India to Milford Sound, my home. India has always been special to me, it was my second time over there, I have lived a lot of happy moments over there, but this time the experience was full of turmoil. I had spent some time in Manipal as a technical intern in Manipal University. It was an experience of a lifetime. I made a lot of beautiful friends and spent a. memorable time with all of them. This time I had just gone to explore more, and took my sister June along with me.

We lived such a Happy time wherever we went, we stayed at zostels, homestay, PGs at various places and were smitten by the hospitality of the people every where. We stayed up counting stars and waiting for the sunrise, we experienced peace while watching Sunsets and came a lot closer to ourselves and each other.

We were having a time of our life, I had messaged few of the Indian friends I made during my last stay and told them that I was wondering about them. Made a plan or two to meet a few but nothing flourished, but it was a great feeling to get in touch with them. It was a special day that day in Goa, I could feel something was about to happen, was slightly nervous as well, something was troubling me, I wasn't sure what was it about. Me and June stayed up for a long time, counting stars, conversing about life, love and dreams. She dozed off around 0500h while I couldn't find sleep, something was up on my mind. I decided to take a walk down the beach and cherish the Sunrise.

It was slightly cold in the morning, so I put on my stole and moved out of my room. I took my hired scooty and went to the nearest beach. It was still dark, I was nervous but darkness had nothing to do with it, it was as if I was missing someone or someone was missing me. Doesn't it happen sometimes ? That you get the vibes ? I started walking on the beach, left my slippers somewhere and kept on walking. It was a soothing feeling to feel the cold sand, waves touching my feet intermittently as if trying to talk to me, such a nice feeling to hear the sound of the waves and wind. It felt as if the wind, the waves all were trying to converse with me, all were playing with me. I got rid of my nervousness and was filled with happiness.

I kept on walking, kept on feeling all that I could, I had nothing on the back of my mind, sometimes empty mind and heart is the happiest feeling that you can ever experience. But it's not everyday that universe conspires you to stay up and take a stroll down on the beach, waiting for a Sunrise.

A man passed by me. We smiled at each other in the dark.

He felt familiar, but I chose to continue walking, but it's not everyday, everything has a purpose or a reason before I could think about all such things or question about it I got my answer.

Eve !! A voice called from behind. My heart skipped a beat, I knew who he was, I got all my answers, my anxiety turned into ecstasy. How often have you realised that you live in a very small world ? How often do you come across people like that at that time of hour in the quietest of the places ? Such big world but he had to meet me here ? Destiny ? Universe ? Soulmate ?

I turned around as he said ‘Hi Eve’.

He must have had similar things on his mind and heart but I am glad he was courageous enough to speak to me. He had a question in his voice while he took my name but as I turned around, my face was full of smile and his nervousness turned into a beautiful smile. And we knew who we were, where exactly have we met earlier and how well it all had ended up back then. I wrapped my arms around him and told him that he has no idea how happy I was feeling to be with him. He reciprocated the same vibes. It was love, it has always been love ♥️ It was Arush !

We relived our little love story all over again. We again took an endless walk to remember. This time there wasn't any rain, any umbrella or ice-breaker conversation. The whole set up the rising sun's light, the sea waves, the wind, the stars, the moon, the sand felt like pre planned conspiracy of the universe. It all felt magical. We kept on smiling looking at each other, our smiles spoke to each other for sometime. I held his hand and rested my head on his shoulder, my sleep vanished. He didn't mind and we walked in silence for a while. I asked him Do you believe in Magic ? He said maybe I am living in a magic at that moment and I felt the same. He asked me, Do you believe in the fact that everything happens for a reason and I just smiled and nodded. While at that time that fact was the truth of my life, I had never felt like that never before and was sure meeting him was the reason.

We talked for a while again about life, more than that we lived each and every moment while we were together. I told him that I had come with my sister and he enquired about my brother, it felt sweet that he remembered him. While we were talking I realised that he wasn't the same boy I met years ago in college, he had turned into a soldier. He shared so many of his little stories and experiences. I realised he had a tough life, while we go on a vacation to different places a soldier always prefers to go home while he has leave from work. He mentioned that he had a flight to catch in the morning for home and that's the reason he was at the beach trying to stay awake and not miss the flight. He mentioned that he was going back after 6 months and was planning this leave for past few months but his leaves weren't approved because of operational commitments. He said he was happy that he met me and may be meeting her was the reason his leaves were delayed. I felt special, out of this world I must say. I loved his positive outlook and the way he was cherishing little things of life.

It was a goodbye time for us, he offered to drop me back like a gentleman but I wanted to stay for a little more while. It was tough to let him go but the moments we had were beautiful, moreover he was going back home so I couldn't stop him. We promised to stay in touch this time unlike last time. We hugged each other, I felt like keeping him close but had to let him go. While he started walking away I sat down in the sun on the sand and started admiring life like never before.

Everything about us was perfectly planned, he had asked me when I was supposed to leave India and from where. I had told him that I'll be leaving from Delhi next to next week and he had mentioned he would be there only and he would come to meet me at the airport. That would have been our final goodbye for a long time to come. Throughout the time my stay for next two weeks I was waiting for the last day in Delhi. Somehow despite all the beautiful moments I was living everywhere, I still wished for the time to pass faster so that I could see him for the one last time.

And that final day had come when we were supposed to meet. My sister insisted that I must spend time with him alone and live a few more moments with him. Me and my sister reached airport early, and were waiting for him. He had texted that he was stuck somewhere and was running late. I told my sister to get inside and get some of the check in formalities done, she agreed to it and went inside. He finally came and it was again magical and beautiful to be by his side. He too was supposed to report somewhere on the same day, so we had a very little time. What left me mesmerized was the fact that he had come to meet me in uniform, last time I had insisted that I would love to see him that way but he had made it clear that he won't be able to. He kept my word even though he had mentioned that he avoided wearing it in public places but since he was supposed to report for an official thing he had to wear it. We stood there for a while and lived a story of our own.

But there were other things to happen then and there itself. We heard a few gunshots and I panicked. He held my hand and took me to a safe place and started to run inside, I clenched his hand and begged him to take me along with him. He denied and I again begged for June. He felt a bit perturbed as I mentioned June. He promised me that he will find her and she will be safe. Entire airport was in panic and everyone was running here and there. He left me at a safe place and insisted on staying over there while he ran inside.

I kept on crying endlessly, I couldn't understand a thing, gunshots increased. I was continuously praying for him and June. I didn't know what to do, I questioned myself why I came back here. All flights were momentarily cancelled. Airport was seized no one was allowed to go in or out. I was stuck outside and they were stuck inside. All the love and crazy stuff, I started cursing myself for it.

But soon everything became silent and after sometime a lot of sirens were heard, ambulances, police, Armed forces vehicles, media etc. Maybe it was all over. But still the airport was seized. But from far I saw a shadow coming out, it wasn't difficult at all to recognise him in his black uniform. Behind him I saw June, I couldn't stop my tears, she had clenched his arms and was hidden in his arms. It was love, his arms has always been love for everyone. She was denied to come out of the airport but he managed to bring her out to me. I hugged her and apologised her for leaving her alone. She hugged me tightly and thanked me for bringing the hero in her life. We both were in love. He stood there watching us crying in each other's arms. While we gathered some strength and held our tears we stood and walked toward him and just hugged him and stayed there for a while. We couldn't thank him enough for everything.

He handed a gift to June and said it was for her. And hugged me and said that was for me, that was more than enough. In that moment I recollected his words when he had mentioned that meeting her on that beach was the reason for his late leave.

I whispered to him that this moment, this goodbye, this hug, this love was the reason. I dont understand friendship, love or soulmates but I promised to meet him somewhere sometime !!

PS : In order to relate a bit more, read ‘A walk to remember’

http://mukul-unwritten.blogspot.com/?m=1

PPS : to be continued !

The Spiti Prologue

2018-04-27T00:42:00.001+05:30

Let's Spiti 12 Apr 18

It’s been a while that a friend of mine narrated experiences about her solo trip to Spiti Valley. All the stories and the experiences that she had shared felt like stories of a lifetime, I felt if they were left unwritten they will be forgotten and they certainly weren’t meant to be forgotten but to be shared with the world in her words only. I should not get into those stories because I am not the right person to share them and more importantly this blog post will head into some other direction. Ever since I heard those stories and the mere mention of the name Spiti Valley, I felt as if I should visit it that very moment, I guess it’s been more than a year that I heard those stories and made up my mind to visit that place solo or with a close friend. Ever since that day, believe it or not, I come across posts about Spiti and backpacking everywhere, on all social media platforms, in all possible forms and I just cannot stop myself from planning to be there. It is obvious that you see what you search on the internet because things are so interlinked these days. But I believe I should keep the logic aside and treat all those as signs from the universe to pack my bags and go there.

I have no idea how to reach that place, what to do over there, with whom to go there, what to look for, what to wear, and any basic thing about that place, but I just want to go there, explore and find myself mesmerized. It rarely happens to me that I have something on my mind and I don’t do it. Somehow Spiti has found its place on the back of my mind for a long time for no reason in particular. I have some friends who too are interested in going there but the timing is not playing the role properly. Also, I am very much interested in the solo travel but I am not able to figure out why am I not able to do it on my own. Maybe I want to explore in the similar form as it was narrated to me by her, or maybe the uncertainties involved in such an unplanned trip, or maybe I feel I shouldn’t miss out on something. But all of it makes it even more beautiful, more challenging, worth doing it, worth the time, effort and pain.

Not a day passes by when I don’t think of just taking a backpack and go out and wander out of the city, and Spiti is the name that always pops into my mind. How long can I resist, there will always be a little roadblock that I must climb and do it. The time right now is the best at the moment, I must do it. I am not even sure if should post this on my blog; I wonder how’s it going to look If I end up not going. It’s like that exact feeling of not telling about my leg injury to anyone because I always wanted to overcome and then tell the stories of my fight and victory. Keeping a blog post on hold is something that I generally don’t do as well…

All the prayer flags, the mountains, the Spiti River and a lot more stories are calling me… I am really looking forward to doing it this year; it’s going to be the most thought upon yet most unplanned trip of mine…

Mukul

PS : It finally happened and hence it's being blogged upon!

PPS : Spiti Stories may soon find their way

Twenty 17

2018-04-12T03:51:00.002+05:30

Twenty 17

‘If we don’t share the stories that we have, we start forgetting them’: The Lunchbox.

Twenty 17 is gone and it’s time to stop and look back for a while about all that has happened in the year gone by. I have never stopped and looked back and certainly have never written about any particular year of my life. Nothing significant or special happened last year as well but still somehow I feel 2017 has been one of the best years of my life for so many little things. And it’s really important to have beautiful little things in life and understand their importance because at the end of the day little things in life are the ones that matter the most.

2017 has been one of the fastest years of my life as well; I still have clear memories of the first day of the New Year 2017. We can never remember each and every moment of our lives, and not every day comes with a big moment in it. No matter how much we try we are only going to remember only a few moments of our lives so it’s really important to live as much as we can in all the moments that we have. Every day is not a birthday and no matter how hard we try we can’t even recall every birthday of our lives. So, it’s pretty clear when we can’t remember all the birthdays we have lived in our lives how are we going to remember the other ordinary days.

So, once again I must reiterate to myself that it’s really important to live the little moments of our life with a feeling of gratitude and cherish each one of them. The reason I mentioned 2017 was one of the best years of my life is because of all such little moments that I managed to live on my own terms. I really don’t know how to steer this post into any particular direction, I just feel like writing about all the things that were special. 2016 was spent mostly in my own company, travelling, listening to music, eating etc. I was on duty on the last day of 2016 and so had to spend my entire day onboard my ship while everyone enjoyed their time in Gokarna/Goa around beaches, bonfire, pubs, with good music, cricket, volleyball, dance, food etc. I managed to ring the bell of our ship which is rung only on the first day of the New Year, so it was special too to be onboard to ring 17 bells and live the tradition.

2017 started off in Gokarna with all my colleagues, we had a really great time enjoying all the things that they did on the last night. I really don’t remember any of my New Year celebration, in older days it used to be spent watching television and I don’t remember enjoying like this so it was for sure that, 2017 was going to be a special year.

I came a lot closer to myself and fell more in more love with myself. All the trips to beaches, falls, mountains, Manipal, home, miraculous pond, alone or with family or friends made me a happier person. I felt my growth professionally and personally. I could feel my bond with everyone; I knew who is going to stand by me and who will certainly not. I gave more than 100 percent in my duties and achieved instant results. I could see the change that I was seeking in people, in service and in myself. I loved I fought for the good and for what was right.

The best thing that happened to me was the fact that I managed to make some good friends and spend time with the people who mean a lot to me and to whom I meant something. I managed to be there with my family and friends in their big moments which eventually turned to be big moments for me as well. Given the nature of my service it’s a blessing to be there with someone when you want to and they want to, so being there in the big moments meant a lot to me and them.

My father got retired from his service and I could be there next to him when it happened and could let everyone know that he is a Superman. I was there for my sister’s engagement and wedding on time. I could attend marriages of all my close friends in November/December. Though I still don’t get it how come most of them managed to get married on the same time and I felt really happy to have the strength and determination to be there at maximum possible occasions with them. I could attend one of my sister’s passing out parade from Indian Air force that again was a proud moment.

As I am writing this I can feel there are a lot of I in this post and which I am certainly sure is not in any form of ego or self-praising, it’s just the fact I am blessed to have been there at all such times and all the good things happened to me.

I made some really good friends who are going to stay for a long time to come. I simultaneously ensured the older bonds got strengthened. I could feel the love all around me with friends and families. We must often travel a few extra miles to meet a closed one and let them feel how special they are and mean a lot. I managed to do that with a few of my friends and family members, some of the plans failed but I am sure I tried my best to fulfill them and will certainly do in a near future.

The best of all was that I could feel my faith in love restored to a whole new level. Meeting so many people made me realize I can still fall in love and it can happen anytime with anyone, which was a kick that was needed for sure. It’s really important to have faith in love and all the things that you believe in. I can’t say for sure if I am going to find the love of my life but I am sure I have a lot of love which I will not stop giving to the ones I meet and the ones I cherish. The values, principles and beliefs are still intact and have become stronger with time. I have figured out what are the things worth fighting for and I have been fighting for them.

In 2018 I must travel more and explore as much as I can: places, people and myself. I must write more and more letters to more and more people irrespective of the fact that they reply or not, I must send them some words and make sure that they get the message that they are special and I love them.

PS: I have no idea when and why this post was written, what all I wanted to add in it. But as I am reading it I can feel there are many more things that can be added to it but I prefer to leave it the way it is, incomplete…

A Day at MICA

2017-11-26T02:55:00.001+05:30

A Day at MICA

All my close friends somehow decided to get married in the month of Nov, along with my sister and a cousin. And luckily my ship allowed me to proceed on leave in the same month and attend all the weddings and associated functions. I have hardly attended any wedding of a close relative or a friend, in fact I was available only for a day for my own brother’s wedding so all these wedding rituals and fun has been a scintillating experience in itself for me. And nowadays every day I wake up I have to check for the calendar if there is anything on that particular day and on most of the days something or the other is there, and I have never done such kind of markings on a calendar but yes many things happen for the first time. So anyways all this has nothing to do with my blog post it was just for the fact that I was preoccupied with all such functions and I needed a break and MICA was that for me.

In this busy wedding schedule I randomly got a text from one of my closest friends, Ashu regarding his placement and the Farhan Akhtar concert and somehow I made up my mind that I had to be there. I had never been to Ahmedabad and I had never planned to visit it if it weren’t for Ashu, and a few more close friends. If you haven’t travelled miles just to meet a close friend then you must do it once, it will end up in a beautiful memory. Time and again I have travelled for miles just to meet some good friends and all such times are close to my heart. Visiting MICA was just to listen to his unheard stories. And just for the introduction I must tell you that he is an amazing storyteller, he has this amazing gift of writing and narrating stories. These storytelling sessions started in Pune when I used to travel around 40 kms just to listen to his stories. And who would have known 40kms will increase to 400 and more but it has always been worth all the time and distance. So as soon as he called me up I checked my schedule and I was on the next flight towards Ahmedabad. I thought I will be listening to his new stories and will be having a good time but he had more to offer.

Knowingly or unknowingly, he made me feel all the stories that he was living over there, all the stories that were lived over there. It all started when he asked me to get down before the main gate of the college and came to pick me up on a bike. And it wasn’t normal for me at all, I live on board a ship and while I take my car inside my harbour I have to show my card at 3-4 different check posts and he just asked me to keep my luggage on the other side of the security guard and we just crashed inside leaving the guard shouting at us. I had started living a disciplined life but he got me back to the college. I was happy to be back in college, i had visited my own college in Manipal manier times after graduating but this time and this place felt something different. I still wasn’t sure about the little things that were about to happen to me on that day.

I sat down in his room and he shared his stories, about his placements and his life at his college, about the things that he had left behind and about the happy things, he informed me that Shubha di wasn’t there and I had planned to meet her so I was a bit sad but somehow it felt okay. We will meet someday soon in a better place. I felt really happy about his life in his college, which became happier and happier after every passing moment. He showed me his wall of fame; believe it or not each and every wall of his college had a story to tell. For instance his own wall had so many associated stories of success and people. All the walls in hostels and around were full of graffiti and illustrations which all felt out of the world. He started one by one and I thought we will have a look at them one by one freely and so kind of skipped but they all made an impact. Each and every student had put extra efforts to decorate their own wall in their room as well and they said a lot about them if given a chance you can spend your day visiting every room and ask them about the story of their wall and maybe take pict

Onboard ship I kind of meet the same people on regular basis and every time I come back home meeting new people feels nice, which wasn’t the case earlier. So the best thing he did to me was that he introduced me to all his friends one by one and trust me the list was endless, I had never been introduced to so many people on the same day. I hardly remember their names as well, I just remember their beautiful smiles which were for two main reasons, one being the fact that I was his friend and they had high regards for him and the other being the fact that he introduced me with my profession, Navy. I always wanted him to pursue masters not for the degree but for the friends and the life that comes with the college. When first time he told me that he got into MICA and before that when he had told me about his interview I had this feeling that he was going to be in a happier place. I felt really happy for him when he finally managed to get through, though I wasn’t fond of the location but when I had visited him I changed my mind. I always advised him and wanted him to stay in touch with theatres, friends, extracurricular anything but studies and it gives me immense pleasure to say I feel happier when I looked at his life and all that he had achieved in form of friends and life over here. As I was roaming around the campus I realised each and every place was worth sitting for hours and have a good time.

Well, I am sorry that I am not good with names and don’t remember all of them since I am also human, but someday somehow I can assure him I will welcome any of his friends from MICA with same enthusiasm like he did. He was involved in a lot of stuff in his fest but he ensured that I don’t get bored without him so he introduced me to his beautiful friend Sanju who ensured as per his instructions that I am not to be left alone which really was a sweet gesture. I must have already told him that she had great respect and regard for him and he must cherish her forever. She took me to all the places and tagged along everywhere, she too showed me some walls and told me about the little things about the college. I had never entered a radio room and we enjoyed RJ wars, she also told me about the friends that were being mentioned on the radio. We sat down and attended this event at his fest and there also she told me little stories about the judges teacher and intricacies of student life at Mica J Somehow it all felt so amazing that I am writing all about it, and unlike my other posts I may not be creatively engrossed in it or giving much thought to it but this is something that I don’t want to forget so I am just trying to recall all the stories and just writing them down for the future. She was literally there with me throughout the time and I really enjoyed my time with her. She shared stories of the people, trees, walls, and all that we came across. I found all the people of MICA to be beautiful and connected to each other in an amazing way, the best thing about that place was that it was very small and creatively designed; it felt as if everyone knew each other.

There was this girl Manshi who too was very welcoming who showed her room like a little girl and somehow I felt that I knew her from somewhere but I never got my answer. She had a beautiful wall and there was a guitar which was hanging on it and I couldn’t resist taking a picture over there. I don’t bond with people so easily but somehow her friendship felt kind of natural to me. He introduced me to people in a unique way, like he mentioned that “she was the anchor in white in our school farewell do you remember” and somehow I did as she was a friend’s a big big crush and we had started calling her snow white after that day? And somehow I too have little memory of some of them like Farheen the RJ, his creative Mallu partner, Sauvik the photographer, that girl with haircut similar to Sanju, Vyom who got punched by Sanju, Chhota vaali Aunty, that girl who walked all the way back to mess for chilli chicken, that army boy and so many others.

All in all it was a wonderful experience, I could relive my college days with them, though my college life was a lot different, I had a very big campus and not everyone knew each other but I have always been in love with my college but this too was amazing especially because of the way it was designed and Ashu and Sanju. Farhan’s concert was just a cherry on the top of it. I am happy that MICA happened to Ashu and I am proud of the fact that he definitely has earned some good friends for life and amazing memories, and most of all he has not only lived his dreams but a few of mine as well. While I left Delhi I had updated my status as ‘when you can’t write a story, live one’. Each and every thing and every one ensured that I lived so many beautiful stories in one day. I am really thankful to each one of you at MICA esp Ashu and Sanju for a wonderful day.

Mukul

PS: I started it off as a letter for Ashu and somehow it is ending up as a blog post, so there may be places where you will feel that it has been specially written for him.

Devil, Angel and a Lover

2017-04-15T01:30:00.001+05:30

Devil, Angel and a Lover

The Devil
सब कहते थे की दिल नही है उसके पास, कुछ महसूस नही कर पाता था वो, न ही किसी का प्यार और ना ही अपना दर्द। अपने में ही रहता था वो, न खुद किसी के पास जाता था ना ही किसी को आने देता था। इक चार दिवारी सी थी उसके इर्द गिर्द जिससे ना वो निकलता था और ना ही किसी और को भटकने देता था। सिमटी हुई सी ज़िन्दगी थी उसकी पर आग बहुत थी उसमें। कोई चाहकर भी उसके आस पास भटक नही सकता था, न जाने कितने उसकी आग में जल चुके थे। इक आतंक सा था उसका, ना जाने कितनी कहानियाँ औरो के खून से लिखी थी उसने और ना जाने कितनी बाकी थी। कहते थे जो भी उसकी आँखों मैं देख ले वो उसी क्षणमर जाता है ।
उसकी ज़िन्दगी का शायद कोई मकसद नही था, बस कट रही थी उसकी ज़िन्दगी समुन्द्र किनारे। कोई हमसफर नही था उसका जो सुन सके उसकी कहानियाँ, और शायद कहानियाँ थी भी नही उसके पास सुनाने को । पर समुन्द्र की लहरे अक्सर उसकी अनकही सुनती थी और महसूस करती थी वो सब जो वो खुद भी नही कर पाता था |
A Devil is called Devil because he cannot feel the pain of the ones he kill !

Angel and her Lover !
इक अलग सी ही दुनिया थी इन दोनो की, बस प्यार था इनकी दुनिया में। पर ये दो भी बस अपने में ही रहते थे, कभी अपने प्यार से बाहर झाँका ही नही इन्होंने, न ही ऐसा करने की ज़रूरत पड़ी। परी जहां जाती खुशियाँ खुद ब खुद फैल जाती थी। और उन दोनो का प्यार हर जगह प्यार फैला ही देता था। शायद ये भी कारण था की दोनो ने कभी इक दूसरे के प्यार क अलावा कुछ महसूस नही किया । ऐसा ही इक दिन था जब दोनो हाथ में हाथ लिए समन्दर की लहरो के किनारे चल रहे थे। मेहकी सी फ़िज़ाएं थी, मेहका मेहका सा आलम था चारो ओर। सूरज ढलने को था ओर दोनो एक दूसरे की आँखों में ढलते सूरज को देख रहे थे।
समुन्दर इक कहानी देख रहा था और दूसरी ओर एक अनकही सी कहानी सुन रहा था उस Devil की।

जैसे जैसे सूरज ढलने लगा, उस शैतान की आग प्रज्वलित सी होने लगी। और देखते ही देखते सूरज पूरा धल गया और रात अब उस शैतान की थी।
न जाने उस परी को क्या हुआ, वो अपने Lover को वहां छोड़ उस Devil की ओर बढ़ने लगी। उसने पहली बार प्यार से अलग कुछ महसूस किया था और वो खुद को रोक ना पायी। और धीमे धीमे उसके कदम उसकी ओर बढ़ने लगे । वो कहते हैं ना opposites attract each other, शायद यही कारण था की वो उसकी ओर खिचती चली गयी।

Devil को भी पहली बार कुछ अलग सा लगा, शायद कोई कभी इतना करीब नही आया था उसके। समंदर की लेहरे तेज़ होने लगी, मानो angel को कह रही हो की इस आग की ओर न बढ़े। जैसे जैसे उसके कदम बढ़ते जा रहे थे, devil की आग बढ़ती जा रही थी। पर वो अब भी समंदर की ओर देख रहा था। शायद आज समंदर के अलावा कोई और भी था जो उसकी अनकही कहानियाँ सुन पा रहा था। वो उसकी ओर बढ़ती चली गयी और समंदर की लेहरे भी बढ़ने लगी और बढ़ते बढ़ते lover तक पहुंच गयी।

Lover और समंदर दोनो उस angel को रोकने की कोशिश करने लगे । एकाएक Angel उस Devil तक ज पहुंची। जैसे ही devil ने उस angel की आँखों में देखा उसे कुछ महसूस हुआ, जो पहले कभी नही हुआ था। वो उसकी आँखों में देखती रही और अपनी पलखें तक झपकने दी। उसे आज पता लगा था प्यार क्या होता है। Devil को भी कुछ महसूस हुआ पर उसे ये नही पता था की यही प्यार होता है।
पहली नज़र का प्यार था शायद उस Angel और Devil में, देखते ही देखते दोनो के हाथ एक दूसरे के हाथ मैं थे और उन्हें पता चल गया था की यही प्यार था।
और Lover को भी ये नई बुनि हुई कहानी समझते हुए देर ना लगी। बहुत प्यार करता था वो अपनी angel से और वो भी उससे उतना ही प्यार करती थी पर दूसरे प्यार के आगे कोई कुछ केह सुन नही पाया। Lover समझ भी पा रहा था अपनी angel का प्यार उस devil के लिए पर कुछ कर नही पा रहा था। इक ओर वो जाने देना चाहता था उसे ओर दूसरी ओर उसे खुद से दूर होते हुए देख उसके प्राण निकले जा रहे थे। devil की आग वो खुद में महसूस कर पा रहा था।

Angel was truly and madly in love with the Devil and there was no going back because she had realised it was only her who could bring the best out of him and save him from all the misery, her love was selfless but she was aware of the hurt that her Lover must be feeling! But she couldn't leave the Devil

Lover on the other hand was aware of the love that the Angel had for the Devil but be was wondering what had Devil done to deserve that love, Devil made his choice and killed people. Even though lover wanted her to go and stay in love with Devil but he couldn't let go.

Devil was clueless about everything, all he knew was that he had felt something after thousands of years and he couldn't let go of those hands and can't look away from those eyes. Devil had experienced peace and bliss and he wanted to stay in that gracious love.

But that's the beauty of love, it transforms a lover into a Devil, a Devil into a lover.

DiReCTioNS

2016-10-15T17:37:00.000+05:30

DiReCTioNS

Have you ever wondered about the most pressed key on your keyboard? As I started this post I realized for me it’s the backspace key and probably if you are someone who thinks a lot then probably it’s the same for you as well. I wonder why, Is it the passion for perfection or is it the uncertainty of thoughts, is it choosing what to say or choosing what not to say, is it focussing on expressing or impressing? I am not sure whether I have lost that touch of entangling my thoughts in form of stories and poems or I just like expressing them in a straightforward way like the way I have done with my past few posts.

I must tell you upfront that this post may not go in any particular direction. I kind of feel lucky to be at home again, such opportunities are rare in my life. Holidays, these days mean home and home has become the ultimate destination. There are times when I don’t get to see the daylight and there are times I forget to think about home and everything associated with it. At times that’s the most beautiful part of my life, I love the kind of life I have and the service that I am associated with. That’s what I have always wanted and I am living it happily.

But what’s next, I have hardly thought about what’s next. What would you do if you already got what you wanted, obviously you would still want to excel in what you are living but what else. Sometimes I wonder whether it’s enough, I am just 26 and I can not settle with this, I must do more in life that I’ve got. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine life ahead. Remember the times in school when you used to think that you will become a pilot or an engineer etc. but what next when you are already an engineer and serving your nation. I can see myself going ahead and excelling in the direction I am moving but there aren’t any goals or milestones that are visible to me at the moment. What I am living is just one part of my life and I want more, we all do. I cannot settle with one direction I want more, I want to spread my wings while I am on my journey and fly in every possible direction, I want to spread my branches and roots everywhere. I can’t do things just because I attained a particular age, my age cannot decide what’s good for me and what not. Who knows what’s going to be there in store for us the very next moment. There’s always going to be a lot more to do in life than what we all are doing, a lot many mountains for conquering, a lot many places to grab a cup of tea, a lot many places to explore that will soothe your mind and soul, and a lot more to discover. It’s for us to decide what we want to be in our lives, how we want to live our life, whether to be an arrow aimed towards a target or like light spread across everywhere.

I sometimes wonder if that’s the case only with me or with everyone else. What if I don’t feel like continuing with my current job after 7 years what am I going to do then, what if I am married by then will I be able to take that step of switching my career and stepping out of my comfort zone. I have suggested a lot of my friends pursue masters in order to avoid marriage, why can’t people around us understand that we must decide and do things when we are ready and not when we have completed a degree or turned 25/26. Why can’t people understand that age is just a number? Well that’s not the case with me I know how to fight for myself and say no to all such things and people, I don’t need another degree to procrastinate things. My concern here is the direction where I am heading, honestly, I have no idea, and I have always believed in journeys and living my life while I am on it. And at this point in time, I can see a wonderful journey behind and ahead but what concerns me is the realization that I am not aware where it’s headed. I am an arrow at the moment but I want to break free in every possible direction, I want to create waves before I end up getting stuck on that target board.

Every once and now I can feel myself drifting away from people and people drifting away from me, a lot has changed and a lot will change and certainly all for good. At times we all are like an arrow that has been shot we all are moving ahead at a very fast pace towards our targets, we come across people and things and move on, sometimes we stay on a target or with the archer for a longer period of time along with other arrows and that’s when we make friends. I wonder if it’s all important and really required, can’t we keep the good things and don’t let them move far away from us. But when I relate it to the arrow analogy I realize it is not possible.

The reasons I named this post “Directions’ is because I came across this picture on a friend’s profile with the caption ‘Directions’. That’s a beautifully captured perception, I am not sure what was going on in Urvi’s mind while capturing this pic but she said a lot with a one-word caption. And I am afraid to write about this pic as I feel that I will end up spoiling it. It says a lot about what goes inside our head. Everyone’s headed in a different direction and things can change within a blink, moreover, I can myself get up and change directions. Different shoes, different people, different age groups, different perceptions, different destinations, different lives, Different Directions and a lot more. All I would say is its beautiful and hats off to her imagination for clicking this one and describing in one word.

There are things like this that scare me what if I am writing down a story and all that’s required was one word. What if what I have been searching all this while was standing next to me? What if I have already crossed my destination and started moving ahead and all such permutation and combinations with me heading away from the destination etc. What if different directions don't mean that we are moving apart, what if we broaden our horizon and realize that they are people dancing together and not moving apart. What if it’s all a movie and the suspense will unfold soon only to mesmerize us.

My life at this point is residing at so many places all at once, for eg I am at home in Delhi, my car is somewhere in Karnataka, my cycle is somewhere in Maharashtra, my books are in Mumbai, my clothes and other things are there in Karnataka and various parts of Kerala, important people of my life are spread across Bangalore and many other cities and my heart it’s all set to fly off anywhere far far away! I have seen people craving for stability and I guess I have been no different but time and again I have realised it’s instability what we actually crave for, we are not meant to be settled at one place, we are meant to be spread around every free.

Not everyone is fortunate to enough to explore various things in life, but we all have our own mountains to conquer, we all have our own demons to conquer. For some it may be a dusted guitar kept in the corner of a room, for some it may be that unplanned road trip to a place far away from everything, it may be those unsaid words for someone who was left behind, it may be any burning passion within, and it may be anything that keeps us awake at nights and leave us wondering throughout the day.
“We all have many such mountains to climb and many such demons to conquer”

Mukul

Apologies

2016-09-12T05:05:00.001+05:30

ApologieS

Every now and then we are a part
Of some mistakes and blunders
Sometimes we realise them instantly
But sometimes we take some time
Before we are dawned upon by realisation

Realisation is a thorny phase
For the ones with a beating heart
It pierces us to the deepest core
And pulls everything inside out
It’s the time when we taste what we give
Hurt, agony, loneliness
We realise how we ruined things
And how things could have been better
Had in it not been for our selfish sake
And it’s then we much apologise

When we mean each and every thing we say
When our pride doesn’t come in between
When our ego rests in peace
And it’s never too late to apologise

It was last updated on 13 Feb 2012 and I am not sure in what context I had started this and why it was left in between. I came across this and while reading I could feel that I generally don’t write such genre where I have to describe a word, there has to be a feeling attached to it or a story behind it. But somehow I feel that I must continue and finish it in right direction even though I don’t know how and where but I must find it out myself while I am on it. As always I must reiterate sometimes it’s about finding out about destination while you are already on a journey.

I can think of a friend whom I had left behind once over a fight that I was fighting with myself and he had nothing to with it certainly he didn’t deserve slightest of hurt that I caused to him. I am happy that it got over soon but each and every moment of separation pierced like hell while it lasted. Those few days were the darkest and hardest I have ever lived. It was generous of him to leave it all behind and accept all apologies, because no apology can undo the wrongs. I am reminded of The Kite Runner at this moment which ironically he had taken as a gift from me. It was a similar hurt that I felt at that time.

Apologies are always about such things that hurt someone intentionally or unintentionally and when you realise it starts smothering you more than that it would have smothered them.
It’s very easy to seek forgiveness but can things be forgiven and forgotten, it must require a very kind and brave heart for it’s not an easy thing to forgive and forget.

Sometimes I feel the word sorry has lost its meaning like the word love, both are used frequently and most of the times together.

I don’t know whether I should call this a sorry feeling but sometimes there are feelings that hurt me when I think of the things and people I left behind or was left behind by them.

I have chosen paths that have brought me here, where I wanted to be but I have left behind and have been left behind by the loved ones, the ones whom I loved and the ones who loved me. I certainly am not sorry about any such choice or decision but when I look back I feel I could have taken few special people along with me. I have always found strength in being alone but I should have been there with the ones who were there with me even when I was trying to find strength alone, especially that special girl who saved me while I was drowning. Sometimes we are fighting battles and feel that we can do it all alone and will emerge victorious. We feel that we might hurt our loved ones by informing them about all the troubles that we are facing and we chose to fight it all alone and tell the stories of our victory later.

I faced one such battle which I fought alone, I had to, and I had my reasons not to tell about it to my parents or to anyone else. Because all I wanted was to make them feel proud when they heard the stories from me. Some understood what I was going through and my reasons but some felt other way round and drifted away. One thing that my life promises is that I am going to come across such battles time and again and I will make the same choice of not hurting others in my battles. But I realise I am going to leave behind the ones who love me the most and that’s the sacrifice for which I must always be prepared and prepare my loved ones as well.

Sometimes in order to make things special you end up spoiling it all for a lifetime.
There used to be a teacher in Kota, jja sir who taught us that we must not even think badly about someone or hurt someone even in our thoughts. It pierces me when I realise that I am a cause of hurt to someone and always avoid doing it even if it hurts me. But now that I am writing this I can think about three people that friend who is still there with me and had the strength to forgive me, my family with whom I fight all the time but they understand all of it and stay by my side and something that got spoiled because I was striving to make it special.

There are a lot of things that are coming to my mind, the little things like moving away from a helpless beggar without helping him, troubling some old teachers in school, not saying Love you often to the loved ones, not staying in touch even though I miss them all the time and many more but the most prominent feeling that is associated with apology or a second chance is written below

Imagine yourself to be an aspiring mountaineer. Throughout your life you have grown up watching pictures of mountains, echoes of mountains is what you have aspired to be surrounded by. Finally you get that chance to be on that journey towards those mountains. You tell it to all your loved ones about it and they are happy for you because they know that that is what you have always wanted to be. You leave them behind and learn how to reach on the top of a mountain that calls you all the time, you climb you fall; you get up and climb again without looking back. You conquer every fear, every fall, every battle, and all the odds that were against you. You finally reach the top and look around and shout in excitement with your arms wide open. You are now ready to tell all the stories of your conquer to the ones who were always there in your thoughts and were your strength when you were about to give up but you realise that special loved one has moved on, moved ahead, and moved away. What are you going to do? How are you going to feel when you climb down and not able to find that friend around? How would you feel when you are not able to share the story with the one for whom it was written?

Mukul

Incomplete

2016-08-18T00:43:00.002+05:30

Incomplete

There are just too many things that I love and feel like doing time and again with all my heart but, there is always a ‘but’. I don’t know why but there is always an ‘I don’t know why'. I look back and realise that there have always been just too many things that I’ve left behind Incomplete. I have often come across this saying that it’s always the first step that is difficult but I feel what’s even more difficult is the first step after you have left something in between or the first step after you have failed in it for the first time.

There are times when I look at a painting or a sketch and feel like trying my hand at it and there have been times when I have tried but never pursued it the way I should have. I always feel like playing some musical instrument, I started off with guitar in college but never practiced enough to fall in love like the way I wanted to be. I never bought one for myself because I never had the courage to spend money and time on things I was aware that I won’t be able to do. I was wrong, that was a mistake I shouldn’t have given up that easily, should have bought one and should have certainly played it till my fingers bled, at least once.

I learnt from that mistake and bought a violin when I was posted in Pune and had a lot of time to do all that I wanted to do. I thought if I had one of my own there won’t be anything that will stop me from spending my time with it but I was wrong, maybe I wasn’t passionate enough.

And I believe I am not the only one who has experienced this and all those who have experienced this must have realised that it’s not at all a good feeling. It makes you wonder about the things that you don’t want to, it makes you question about yourself and all that you want to do. The question that smothers is not whether you can do things but whether you had actually loved those things, whether you yourself are aware of what you love and if you really love something how can you just give up in between.

Sometimes it happens with thoughts of travelling to far off places, despite wanting to travel with all my heart I end up sleeping in my bed. I have always believed we can always do what we love without finding it difficult. But I don’t know why at times I am not able to write about what I feel despite wanting to pen it down with all my heart. I sometimes wonder whether I actually want to do all those things and if yes then how can I question myself over those things. Often at night before sleeping I indulge in a conversation with my heart and realise that I want to say a few things to few people or tell someone that I was thinking about them but I just end up leaving it all unsaid. Does it mean all that I felt wasn’t real?

I wonder what if things I have left behind or the ones I am leaving behind are the ones that I want to stay connected with. Moving on is never going to stop how will I ever know what to take along and what is to be left behind. Because at the end of the day it is me who is the one who think of saying and I am the only one who ends up leaving it unsaid, how to figure out what I really want. I do understand eventually life unfolds all the answers but what if the answers are for the questions that I am carrying along, what about the questions that I have left behind. I do understand everything happens for a good reason but what if what I am leaving behind would have made me happier.

At the end of the day I am the one who is making all the choices, universe may be creating situations but it’s always me who is deciding where to go and whom to take along and what to leave behind.

Am I not the one who take my car and decide at the cross road whether to head towards Goa or Gokarna or beyond? Am I not the one who decides whether to take someone along or go all by myself? The least I can do is to take the best possible decision for myself and rest is what unfolds layer on. Sometimes, I wonder whether only wanting to do something and not doing it in real is okay because it does with happen with me a lot that I want to do something but I don’t end up doing it.

Sometimes it’s being there with someone; sometimes it’s impossible sometimes it’s just me. Sometimes I want to write something but doesn’t end up doing it so well, is it okay to just try, is it okay to be incomplete at times, can incomplete be perfect?

I am always going to be incomplete, we all are going to end up being incomplete but we can always make this incomplete our perfect. No matter how much I write, I will always crave for more, no matter how many letters I write I will always want to write more, no matter how much I travel I would always want to explore more and farther from earlier.

There will always be someone or something that I will have to leave behind, I cannot take everyone along everywhere, no one can, the least we can do is to take ourselves along with ourselves wherever we go and doesn’t leave any part of us behind. You may wonder that destiny will take you somewhere but what if the destiny itself was to go somewhere and somewhere was your choice right from the beginning, what if destiny and destination itself was about the journey and choices.

We are destined to be where we want to be…

Mukul

Fitoor

2016-07-16T03:59:00.000+05:30

Last night he had spent a lot of time with himself and his thoughts, contemplated a lot about a lot of things, he had spent last few nights in similar ways. His life was kind of sorted for the coming year or two to come. Yet he was having sleepless nights and last night was no different. When he woke up in the afternoon it was like past few afternoons only but something had changed. He still was not aware of the answers that he was looking for but he was certain about one thing ‘what he wasn’t looking for and what all he did not want to do’.

कुछ रास्ते हम इसीलिए चुनते है ताकि हमें उन राहों पर ना चलना पड़े जिनपे हम बिल्कुल चलना नही चाहते और कभी कभी यही रास्ते हमें वहाँ ले जाते है जहाँ हम हमेशा से पहुँचना चाहते थे

““Sometimes we tread on some paths because we are sure that we don’t want to walk on the other ones and that’s what lead us to where we want to be.””

He took out his rucksack, kept some clothes, wallet, ID card, headphones, camera, charger, a new diary and a new pen which was gifted to him by his father when he passed out from academy. He was ready to leave, he wanted to leave without informing anyone but he knew his mother was about to come back from school so he preferred to wait. But soon he realised his decision to wait will give rise to so many questions for which he genuinely had no convincing answers at that time so he decided to give her a call when things were a little bit sorted. What, where, when, why, how etc.…

He wasn’t sure where he was headed but he knew where not, to be found,

He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do but knew what not, to be done,

He wasn’t sure what he was looking for but knew exactly about all the ‘nots’…

जवाब एक ना था अनगिनत सवालों का

किससे दूर चल दिए थे और ना जाने किसकी ओर

मंज़िल ही ना पता हो तो कितना चलोगे दूर

ये कैसा फितूर ये कैसा फितूर !

I don’t know if at all anything like this has ever happened to you but I feel on similar lines almost all the time, when I just want to go out without knowing where to go, how to go, whom to take along. Don’t we sometimes go to a restaurant and decide there what to eat, don’t we sometimes find a restaurant just like that, do we always have plans for everything? Do we always need plans? Especially when it comes to travel do we ALWAYS need plans? Yes undoubtedly there are times when we do need plans but I believe once in a while we must travel without any plans.

It may sound weird but that’s what I always feel like doing

I often imagine myself doing it, I have done that in past spontaneously and I am sure there are a lot more such experience to discover at much higher levels. If you really want to go somewhere you won’t be able to wait for a train reservation, or high airfare, or a long drive. Whenever in any such condition just do it, leave all the thoughts behind and do whatever it takes to be there where you want to be. Don’t let little things stop you from doing what you love. There will always be parents who would want your welfare and want you to not go, there will always be one or the other small job to be done, there will never be a seat available for you in a train or a bus that will take you where you want to be, but there is one thing that I am certain about once you have made up your mind and left home you will reach a beautiful destination. When you decide about what to eat in a restaurant why can’t we do the same at the railway station or a bus terminal? Now that technology is so much advanced we need not take that much pain to reach station etc, we can easily plan our journey while already on it.

I started writing this blog with the name ‘Journey is my destiny’ when I was in my college first year, it’s been almost 7 years now that I have been posting things on it. When I had started it I wasn’t sure what to write, when to write, with whom to share, why to write, I am still discovering all that.

Aren’t we suppose to explore some paths and journeys while we are on it. Just because you have booked a train ticket from Delhi to Manali doesn’t mean that you have to reach Manali only or travel throughout the time in train only. If at some point you feel that you must get down and rent a bike and enjoy the beautiful road that’s running beside then you must do it. Once in a while we must not think before doing what we want to do.

Nowadays we have maps and apps that has made journeys so much simpler, all we need to know where to go and we have everything that we need on our fingertips and when you don’t know where you want to go, everything itself is a wonderful experience. Do we always need a friend with whom we need to plan for hours and months for a trip or do we sometimes need a friend who will knock on the door and will ask you to pack your bags for a trip to a mountain or a beach The one who will tell you

‘’ Saale puch nahi raha hoon bata raha hoon ki bag pack kar hum ja rahe hai...

I do understand it’s not always possible to do, especially with everyone but once in a while we should be on both the ends, friend who knocks and the friend who is invited on a short notice.

My experience says it’s always the least planned trips that have amazing stories. It’s our time to live and create stories, even though this post is for me but I am sure someone will find a reflection and if that happens it is just to remind you that there are stories waiting to be written by you my friend.

It doesn’t matter how you write a story with a pencil or a pen, on a word file or a blog post what matters is how much feelings are associated with it. Similarly it doesn’t matter where you go, you go on a bike or a train, you go alone or with a friend all that matters how much you feel connected to yourself while you are on it.

mukul

NEED FOR WEED

2016-05-03T04:32:00.001+05:30

NEED FOR WEED

0335am

I don’t remember when was the last time I had a sleepless night, certainly don’t remember when was the last time I sat down to write something at such an odd hour when it’s completely dark and I have to write AM for the time.

I am not really sure why I can’t sleep at the moment, is it the age old convention of love, is there anything that is troubling me, am I hungry, is there anything important lined up for tomorrow, is it the fucking bed bugs who have somehow managed to find a way into my bed, bedsheets, blankets (I have killed just too many of them today and I have no idea what to do, they are increasing at an enormous rate) or is it just the simple fact that I slept in evening ???

Now, that I have started writing I don’t think any of it matters at all, neither the bed bugs nor love, because in one way or other there are times when there is no difference between both of them :P

For a long time, life hasn’t been same, it has changed me a lot, every day there is something new and that is something which has become monotonous. I have kind of adapted to the monotonicity of change. I have stopped looking back, I have stopped looking forward, I have stopped looking. I have been trying to figure out what I should look for or what is it that I have stopped looking, is it an escape from reality that I am looking for or is it something that could connect me to myself. There is a lot that I feel like doing and that is absolutely doable also but somehow I end up not doing everything that I want to and must do. There are answers available but I have started losing all the questions.

Now that I spent a lot of time trying to sleep I can easily write about all that crossed my mind, unlike every day when sleep takes all the thoughts away. I wondered about the distance between everyone, I realised it has increased a lot, it might have decreased for a lot many people too but the increased distance started bothering me. Is it necessary that people cannot stay close together, what are they people or electrons that repel each other when brought closer? No matter whether the distance had brought happiness or emptiness I wondered was it worth any of it? I wondered about the times I drifted away and I wondered about the time when people drifted away but what bothered me was the fact how can we forget the times when we were close, what about the promises, the late night calls and the good morning messages, we all are matured enough to forget and forgive and start afresh but is it really possible to start afresh, at the end of the day only love remains and people drift away, I have seen this in many lives around me.

I wondered about all the things that I want to do, I wondered why is it that I am not able to find sufficient strength to pick up a paint brush and start painting, I wondered why do I even need strength to do something that I want to do, shouldn’t I be doing that without any strength because this is something that I love. I wondered the same about picking up a pen and writing something. This is what bothered me that I am not able to do things that I love and really want to do. I have no reasons or excuses for not doing any of the things that make me happy and I know it’s all momentarily and will pass away eventually but I do realise it from all my heart that it shouldn’t happen. Am I the only one who wants to do a lot of things in life but not able to do without any reason and even if there are reasons like time etc I am pretty sure that they won’t count as we must always do what we love no matter what.

Why is that I am not travelling when this is what makes me happier, why am I not spending my time looking at the sunsets and lying down at marine drive. I have become strong and matured but I am sort of turning into a stone which is not bothered by anything at all. Is it a good thing to be a stone? Certainly there are advantages that you don’t feel a thing but happiness can’t be felt either.

I am glad that I sleep peacefully and am satisfied with my work but is it the time to sleep? Am I making enough memories to cherish? Sleep is certainly the best thing to do but is it better than an exhausting trek or sitting by the beach or staying awake just for a sunrise? I wonder about the priority shift that has taken place from sunrise to sunsets to rests.

There are a lot many things that I want to do, a lot of things we all want to do, it is not the time to wonder but to wander, it is not the time to switch off light and sleep, it’s the time to sleep with lights on, it’s the time to watch sunrise and sunsets instead of tv series, it’s not the time to know it’s the time to do.

I look back for a moment and try to figure out all that I have I written and realise these are just a few of the feelings to which I am hooked up, the realisations that this is the time to live but I am not doing it, and it’s all gonna end up in regrets and nothing else because time will go and I will end up on a ship looking at the sunset and sunrise all by myself and no matter how beautiful it may look there will be something that will set within with every sunrise and sunself.

Life is too short to keep a grudge or to keep a stone on your heart and stop it from doing things we love be it intentionally or unintentionally.
This is the time to escape from reality and find myself.

Mukul

A Nervous Girl in Love

2016-04-22T00:46:00.002+05:30

A Nervous Girl in Love

How can I be so sure that it is love, ‘the love’ that I have read about in books and seen in movies? But how does it matter whether it is the same or not as long as I can feel the butterflies in my tummy and in my head and in my heart.

I have read enough about love and seen enough romantic movies to write about the so-called love but today it is not for love, it is for me.

I want to write down how I feel, I want to dip all these butterflies in ink and let them flow on the paper. I have grown up listening to the things like ‘do not talk to strangers’ but I have always wondered about love at first sights and making new friends at the same time. Isn’t it strange that we want to make new friends and are advised not to befriend strangers? I am 25 and was 23 when I met him for the first time in a train. I was matured then and with every little conversation that I have had with him I am getting younger. It started off with borrowing a book, moved on to some discussion about the book and topics kept on changing throughout the journey. I knew life is strange but was not aware that strangers can find a way into your heart and diaries. We reached our respective destinations, days passed by a friend request came, more conversations, we came closer, now he is in Army and living his life and here I am writing about him, and us. I guess I don’t have to add any more intricacies about us.

There is a side of me who is getting matured who stops me from doing things but there is a side that refuses to grow up and makes me believe that it is love. I have been in relationships, I have had close male friends, my family trusts me, I am happy with my life. But I love him, there are just so many reasons for me to believe that it is love. Happiness that I feel when I think about him, the way he makes me feel, the way I feel when I am with him. I wonder whether this happiness is love and it doesn’t bother me what it is until the time it makes me happy. He knows it, I know it, and feelings are mutual.

But now comes the main point how to take a step further, how to draw a line between a good friendship and love? I have grown up in a life that he is living at the moment, he has a life of his own, he has his dreams and aspirations, we all have but he is different, we all are. He stays miles away from me and from everyone, I don’t get to speak to him often and even if I get a chance I hardly get a few minutes which gets over by the time I stop smiling J

And most of the times when all I have is him in my mind and heart, but he is far away from everything. I sometimes wonder if he gets to know when I miss him. There is a lot that I want to tell him, each and every little thing about me, him and us. Every time my phone rings I wish and hope it’s him and when he is not on the other side a part of me dies for a moment and struggle to regain my natural being. I have friends who complain about their long distance and their phones constantly ringing and messages from their partner whereas all I have his memories and prayers for him.

All these butterflies of love make me nervous and all these butterflies of distance kill me. When I speak to him and listen to his experiences I can feel he is happy living his dreams and I wonder whether I should tell him about my dreams where he resides everywhere. I wonder about the friendships and love, I wonder whether I should tell him about my love and risk my beautiful friendship with him, will he be able to part ways if he is not in love, will I be able to forgive myself for destructing a friendship.

I wonder how one decides when to cross a line but we all must tell how we feel. Life is beautiful which puts us on an edge of extremes, from where anything can happen. Like a bird who is learning to fly jumps off, a cliff can die or learn how to fly.

I want to tell him about so many things but I am not able to find the right combination of words, I want it to be perfect because that’s how he makes me feel. I have written so many pages of letters and tear them away just to be sure that they convey the exact feelings and It’s been months that I want to surprise him with a letter but I am not able to.

Even when I am writing to him all I feel is making him happy instead of focussing on expressing how I feel. This feeling and concern for him compels me to ask myself again, isn’t it love? The love that you have read about in books and seen in movies. At times, I feel that everything is perfect and sorted out and at the same time, I wonder if that’s really the case. I have no second thoughts about expressing my feelings to him but there is a voice inside me that’s whispers to me and that whisper is loud, very loud, it asks questions for which I have no answers, it has emotions which make me nervous. There are just too many things that make me happy and nervous at the same time. I felt my smiles and tears on my cheeks while he was on my mind and I figured out that it is not me who is writing this story, all the words of my story are being written by a writer sitting on clouds and I shouldn’t have any reason to be nervous, all I have to do is feel each and drop of his love J

As I am sitting by this window and writing about my feelings and every time he finds his way into the pages I can feel the winds spreading on my cheeks and making me smile with all my heart and I am sure this wind will remind him of me…

Phone rings !

Naina
PS: Guest feelings of a good friend.

That Girl That Night

2016-03-29T01:52:00.002+05:30

That Girl That Night

2230h

I was coming home after a long time and was in a hurry as I had only 2 days to be there with my family and friends. I wanted to make the best of the time that was available to me. As I came out of the metro station I looked for an auto but there wasn’t any so I took an E rickshaw to head back home. I asked the driver how long he is going to wait for other passengers and the driver replied that if he gets someone on the way only then he is going to take else he won’t wait as his family was also waiting for him at home.

A boy sat down along with me in that rickshaw, we passed by a girl who was standing alone over there. He stopped his rickshaw and asked:

‘Madam, kahaan jaana hai?

She reluctantly replied Suraksha Nursing Home, and rickshaw wala started moving as he was not aware where her destination was and assumed that it was not on our way. But I knew that we were going on the same way. So I tried to convince him that it is the near to the place where I will get down and asked him to call her as well.

She must be somewhere around 20 years old, small height, black tshirt and black jeans, but what caught my eyes were her blue Panasonic head phones. I could feel her reluctance from the beginning when she didn’t stop the rickshaw and afterwards as well when she was hesitant in getting along with us. I tried to comfort her by conforming her destination. She sat down in front of me. She kept looking away into the dark lonely streets. 2230 is not that late but may be late enough for her, I could feel her fear and thoughts. We came at a four way from where rickshaw was supposed to go straight and she was supposed to go left. I asked her if she wanted to get down, and she told that yes but she will still have to walk a lot to reach home. I got down along with her and before I could offer her my company rickshaw vala told her to sit down and said he will drop her first. I was moved by his gesture, I realised while she and me were thinking about the darkness around us we were unaware of the light that we were taking along with us. Don’t we just always assume everyone to be bad, why are we always warned about strangers. But I felt a bit strange with this gesture, I felt as if even though while I was trying to be good I assumed others to be bad. But his gesture brought me back to light.

We both sat down and she said: Thank You So Much,

That again forced me to contemplate about the world we are living in, I just did what was right and wondered what was the need of A Thank You… I am not sure what was going on in my mind at that time but all I could feel was the fact that it bothered me in a strange way.

She asked him to stop and got down, there were no street lights and no shop was open as well. That was a day of Holi as well and I was a bit concerned for her. And as she was paying him she thanked me again and I asked if I should walk her home and she thanked again and convinced me that she would manage. I could feel she still wasn’t comfortable, only home could make her feel better. I could feel how she must have spent her last 10 minutes with complete strangers in a dark night. I could see her rushing fast towards her home, running fast away from us. As rickshaw turned I kept on looking at her and kept on looking till the time she hadn’t entered her street. What if I would have went along with her, would that made her feel safer or she would have felt more afraid. Do we really need good people with a tag along their neck? Even though I was satisfied that I did the best I could as venturing more along with her would have only bothered her but I kept on wondering if she would have made home safely ? Till the time I will be able to recall this memory I will be haunted by this one thought whether or not she would have made it home That Night, That Girl ?

mukul Raisinghani

UNSAID

2016-02-09T00:12:00.000+05:30

UNSAID

It’s been 5 years since he had seen her for the last time. Till this moment he was of this perception that a lot has changed in these 5 years, but he was wrong. She was standing in a queue beside her at the airline counter, she hasn’t changed a bit, same full sleeve white t-shirt with blue jeans, open hair, bunch of silver bangles, same struggle with purse in search for something. He tried to look away and hoped that she didn’t see him there. He looked at her once again just to be sure that she was none but her because the way they had lived their lives in college and the love that they had shared he was bound to find her in every girl.

He was sure that it was her, Sama Shekhar. But he wasn’t sure what to do next, he knew it, she knew it, they knew it someday a day like this would come when they’ll stand next to each other and their eyes will meet. They were not sure what they would do then. He certainly has not forgotten all that had happened, it is not possible to forget such things either but question that bothered him was, whether he was willing to forgive her after all these years.

She collected her boarding pass and moved towards the security check in. She felt his presence around him as always, this time just a bit more but she wasn’t sure where he was. But the next voice that she heard startled her and her life came to a standstill.

“Captain Sameer Khanna, just a moment” lady at the counter called his name.

Before he could turn towards the counter he looked towards Sama, and he knew she had heard his name. She was happy and scared to hear his name, she’ll be finally able to see her love whom she had lost years ago. She hadn’t forgotten anything either but she was sure that one day she’ll be able to forgive him. She had waited for a day to forgive him and seek his forgiveness since the day he had left her.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and turned towards where he was trying to still ignore her.

Hi !! Captain Sameer Khanna, a tear was shining in her eyes which she managed to stop there itself by her genuinely beautiful smile.

Hello Mam, with all the respect he had expressed in the word ‘mam’ he made her stranger in a moment.

‘Doctor’ she smiled with pride…

Hello Dr. Sama Shekhar, with a simple smile of a soldier he shook hands with her and they were friends again.

They stood there for a moment, both of them were lost in each other. Both of them had forgotten what they had been trying to forget for the last 5 years. Everything that their friends wanted to figure about their breakup seemed as if wasn’t there at all. There was an awkward silence between them. Both of them couldn’t look away from each other. Both of them looked hurt, his was visible in the form of anger and hers was visible in form of pain.

He was happy to see her carrying her diary, and it killed her from inside that he was not carrying his guitar.

What are you doing in Delhi, where are you headed? She asked him…

A small classified assignment was there, I am headed back to Ladakh. What about you Sama?

Actually I am on my way to Malaysia for a small visit, and after that I’ll be headed to Beijing, I have some unfinished work over there.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is the last and final boarding call for the Indian Airlines IA786 to Malaysia.”

I should probably get going, Sameer! Gesturing towards the announcement. He nodded and tried to wave goodbye to her but before he could do that she hugged him and said Take care Captain. You too Doctor…

He felt her pain, she felt her anger.

Both of them felt a sense of completeness, as if they had lived the last 5 years in that moment. For last 5 years all he could he feel was the anger and every time he refused to forget and forgive her, but she had always been strong. This time also with that hug she pulled him back to life.

As she was walking towards the boarding gates she couldn’t stop her tears, she wanted to feel forgiven, and she wanted to forgive as well with all her heart. While she had forgiven him after that hug, she was reminded of each and every little thing that they had shared that she had been trying to forget for the past 5 years. Everything came back to her, all the love and all the pain.

Everything flashed in front of each one of them, he had spent last 5 years in anger trying to forget the hurt she had caused, and she had spent the last 5 years in pain trying to forget the love that used to be there in between them.

As she closed her eyes while trying to stop her tears she could see that burning letter that was left behind by him outside her room, she couldn’t take out the image of his broken guitar lying on the floor of her apartment. She could feel the unbearable pain but she was strong, she had always been. She wiped off her tears as she had finally seen her love, she opened her diary and opened the page that was bookmarked by the little unburnt piece of the letter that he had left to burn outside her room when he had come to inform her about his recruitment in the Indian Army. She had read that page of her diary again and again and wept foolishly thinking that she’ll be able to stop the fire and prevent that letter from burning, that piece of his last letter had become soft because of her tears and only words that were visible were ‘My Dear Sama’…

That page of her diary read as,

“Dear Sameer,

I know this was supposed to be the happiest day of your life and you wanted to share it first with me but I know somehow you heard my conversation with my sister. I know that no matter what I do what I have done can’t be forgotten or forgiven. I don’t know whether you will ever be able to forgive me but I will never be able to forgive myself for doing what I have done, to you and our child. You would have never said yes to what I have done and you would have left everything for me but this is not what I wanted for you. You must live your dream, I can’t be your weakness.

I remember how you wrote a letter to me when we had our first fight and how I couldn’t speak anything and just hugged you. Ever since then it has become our tradition that you will make it alright by your words. Even though it’s too much to ask for but I will always wait for your words of love and forgiveness that will one day make it all right.

I am sorry for all the hurt that I have caused you, I can see your broken heart in your broken guitar, and I can’t be more hurt and can’t be sorrier.

Hope you stay happy and blessed.

Love Always,

Sama…

Even though he never wanted to but somehow he felt that with that hug, he had forgotten and forgiven. He couldn’t think of anything at that moment. He was not willing to close his eyes, thinking that he might lose her image. He felt peace, His eyes stopped at the newspaper headline that mentioned about comet shower of love that happens once in every 10 years and this time it was about to happen in Beijing. He was reminded of all the memories and the promises that were there in their relationship. He got his answer what unfinished work she had in Beijing. She was going there to keep the promise that they had made to each other that no matter where they will be, they will watch this comet shower of love together while they were watching the movie ‘The Fault in our stars’.

This wasn’t enough he was reminded of every little thing that used to be there between them. Their first date, birthday memories, little fights, annoying things between them, her favourite food, her fingers, her bangles, that white suit that she had worn on his birthday, every little thing, every little thing that made her smile, every little thing that bothered here…

He too was reminded about all the letters that he had written to her when they had fought, that used to put an end to their fight followed by her hug. He realised it wasn’t only him who was hurt, in fact she was hurt even more. She had lost her kid as well and it was her love for him and his dreams that had forced her to take the extreme step. He should have understood and stood by her side but anger is an emotion that overshadows everything.

He had written so many letters to her and burnt each one of them while he sat down in front of the bonfire in Ladakh. He watched each and every word of his while it got burnt. He somehow felt may be one unburnt letter would have brought them back together, but he didn’t even though all he wanted was to be by her side.

He decided to undo all the wrong he had done, and decided to meet her in Beijing at the time of Comet shower.

He reached his unit and started the formalities to go to Beijing just to be there with her and bring back all that used to be there.

07 Mar 14

Everything was set and he was ready to leave on the next day, while he decided to do what he should have done a long time back. He wrote a letter for her putting his heart out in it, how he felt, his anger his guilt, her love, her smile, her hug, he wrote it all for her. That’s the best he could do to make it all right. He believed in his love, her love and their love. He borrowed a guitar from his friend and sat there in front of the bonfire and started playing the song that he had written for her. After listening to which she cried to sleep in his arms. He played it and played all the songs that had a memory of hers, all this while he had kept the letter safe in his pocket. He was waiting for tomorrow, he will be back to the love of his life and there will be love all over again.

While he was playing over there on the mountains of Ladakh, she was reading all the letters that he had written to her sitting by the beaches of Malaysia. She had this little faith that he would come, she always had this faith and belief. She felt his pain and knew the reason but she was hurt as well but never even for a moment allowed the light of love to fade. For every letter that he had written to her after their fights, she had written a letter back to him in her diary but never told him. Even after he had left she had written infinite letters of sorry and forgiveness and love for him but she wanted him to be ready to forget and forgive. She read them all today from day 1 till today, she decided to give it to him on the day of comet shower. She knew he would come. She wrote a final letter in her diary for him and waited for the next day to come.

08 Mar 2014, 1130am

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is the last and final boarding call for the Malaysia Airlines MH370 to Beijing.

Even though she was sure that she will find him there, still there was a little uncertainty what if he don’t know about it, she wondered whether he will be allowed to come even if he knew… there were so many questions that were haunting her. Some voices told her not to board the flight because if he wouldn’t come she won’t be able to survive. All this while it was the faith of this moment that had held her together, what if he doesn’t turn up she would end up getting shattered. She didn’t feel good at all, but the next moment she smiled because she knew that her love cannot lost. She had faith and she had to give that chance to him, to herself and to their beautiful relationship. She could feel his presence around him. She was happy while she fell asleep on board dreaming about him…

A lot was written in those letters that they had written to each other… A lot was to be said and felt when they were to witness the comet shower of love…

08 Mar 14, 1000h

He could see his broken guitar in front of him, and his final letter burning in front of him, like the way he had watched his earlier letters burning, he watched this one burn too but this time he was helpless not angry… This burnt piece of letter was covered in his blood instead of her tears…

Malaysia Airlines MH370 is still not found…

A lot was left unsaid …

सब कुछ कह कर भी कुछ ना कह सके वो,

कुछ लफ्ज़ डायरी के पन्नो में बह गये,

कुछ राख बन के रह गये…

Concept : Ashutosh Shrivastava and Mukul Raisinghani

Not A Love Story

2016-02-03T01:43:00.002+05:30

Not A Love Story

It’s been a long time that I haven’t posted anything on my blog, neither have I written anything significant on pages. But it’s been a long time that I have had this urge to write something, I have always had this urge to pen it all down. I have had times when I’ve kept a pen in my hand and stared at a blank page for hours in classes, and it’s happening ever since my college days that I have this feeling to write, but nothing comes out on paper and page stays blank. Backspace is the key that I have pressed the maximum number of times on my keyboard. What do we do when we want to do something and we are not able to do it? And in the midst of finding out how to do it forgetting what you wanted to do it in the first place? Does it happen with anyone of you? I hope some of the artists might relate a bit to it…

Is it really true that we need a broken heart in order to excel at our creativity…? Well, I don’t think so, at the end of the day for everything we can say ‘it depends’, The best of art might not have come out of a broken heart.

Today was no different, I was awake in a class, and all I wanted to do was fill the blank pages with every possible thing I could, ink full of feelings to be precise. It was then when I felt the vibration of my phone, reluctantly I glanced at it and it was a friend request on Facebook.

And this post is about that friend request, I have hardly written anything personal over here and always posted things in form of a third person be it real or imaginary. Sometimes when I read older posts I realise it has always been a mixture of me and a third person, somewhere I end up writing I and somewhere he… So today I have preferred to write it as it is because either ways day by day it’s getting difficult to write, so it’s better not to complicate it any further…

Getting a friend request is not a big thing, not even rare but still it’s a different feeling to get a notification of a friend request in the midst of other notifications. I felt happy looking at the notification not just because it was a friend request also because there was a message as well. I clicked on it but couldn’t open it and soon realised there was no data balance, also no network to recharge it at that moment so I restlessly waited for class to get over. Back then when this happened we were still in that 2G zone, unlimited 4G etc hadn’t bloomed by then. Isn’t it weird how technology has taken a toll over our lives and how it has the potential to make us happy and restless at the same time?

There used to be a time when conversations took place on message packs, when there used to be a few special friends and all the words used to be special but nowadays it has changed a lot and is changing even more, words are losing its value and worth. And we all know how it is now but it has its own advantages and we are not here for all that has changed and how. So I spent last 20 minutes of my class like a lifetime of restlessness. And eventually when I opened it I found it was a girl named Nitika Arora, and message read as ‘Hi Mukul, Is there any chance that you remember me?’

There weren’t any mutual friends neither her profile was very well updated. I don’t know whether it was her name or the way she looked, I felt as if I knew her from somewhere. I came back to my class and kept my phone aside. Before I could I figure out who she was I felt a bit afraid thinking it of another fake friend request by an old friend trapping me into some sort of a prank for taking a revenge. I have been a part of many such pranks where the prey ends up making a complete fool out of himself. But I had to trust my instinct as I tried recollecting who she was.

And I figured it out who she was, and exactly how I knew her. It was strange as it dated back to so many years ago, standard 1^st. She was there with me in my class, even though she was there with me for such a short period of time and that too so long ago, it was kind of a strange feeling how she remembered. There are many such old friends and other people who have a place in my heart and I have tried finding them out but have failed. I can’t even remember things written by me in my blog but still I could remember her. I had my reasons and no she wasn’t my love or crush or any such thing, she was just another student of my class but yet I had my reasons for remembering her and easily remembering her.

What I wondered was what were her reasons for remembering me, I wondered whether I was someone who was suggested by Facebook or she took the pain to search me online. We are about to find it out as the story will unfold…

Me: Hey Nitika, Yes I do remember you from standard 1?

She: J

She: I am so glad you do, it felt so stupid to send a friend request. J

Me: I am glad you did, it’s always a wonderful feeling to find an old friend from nowhere, and sometimes this technology amazes me so much…

She: J

She: So do you just remember me or anything about me as well?

Me: Well, it may sound a bit weird to you but what I remember about you is something that keeps coming back to me time and again…

She: I am listening J

Me: Now that I am thinking about that time and recollecting all such memories I am smiling, that time when seating arrangement in class used to be as per the roll no. and when teachers used to force a boy to sit with a girl, it used to be a very sweet punishment that used to have a lot of pain attached to it… I remember one such time when I was asked to sit in class with you as a punishment for being who I have always been ‘naughty’.

It was an Art and Craft period and I had no clue how to do such thingsJ.You on the other hand were an artist who also knew how to use crayons when I used to struggle even with a pencil. I borrowed a sharpener from you in that class and as always wondered like every other kid with a bad handwriting that sharpening a pencil might help somehow. I don’t remember how that sharpener looked but it was not the conventional one and I too wanted a similar one. It was then when I learnt how to make scenery that is the only drawing that I can still draw, that every non artist draws, the one with the triangular mountains, a lake flowing down, trees on either side of the lake with a hut with doors and windows, a sun in between the mountains… You somehow taught me how to do that, or maybe I copied from your drawing and learnt it then. Unlike other stupid marks seeking little girl,J you didn’t hide your drawing and allowed me to learn.

But what continued to stay with me was not just that art but your sharpener stayed with me as well and when I reached home I showed it to my mother and I demanded a similar one, she ignored it and I got a lot of scolding as there was a note in my diary again regarding some mischief or something. Those really were the days, such little things like note in diary..

Also when she asked me from where I got it I didn’t answer it properly as I was too shy to tell it belonged to a girl. I don’t recall whether she felt that I had stolen it and scolded me for the same or she understood it all by herself from my smileJ.I have this feeling that mothers always knows what’s in our heart, even though I don’t have an experience where I have been caught red handed hiding such feelings.

What I remember is I knew I had to return it to you the next day but you weren’t there in school, you had changed your school… That sharpener remained with me along with the feeling to return it. I am sorry I don’t have it with me now, and it would have sounded too filmy if I said I am still in possession of that J J

She: Wow Mukul, that is beautiful J

She: I don’t have words to express my feelings at the moment J

Me: What about you Nitika, obviously you do remember me, what do you remember about me?

She: Well, I can’t express like the way you did, what I remember is something from one such Art class in which you taught me how to make a paper plane and a paper boat. I taught Ashu how to make a paper boat today and I realised that I never got a chance to thank someone who taught me thisJJ

Me: You made my day NitikaJ can’t stop smilingJ Speechless!!

She: By the way I can you teach you better now as I am a professional Art teacher and I am sure I’ll be able to improve my first student’s drawing skills to a remarkable extent J

Also you can return that sharpener of mine. J

Me: I’ll be more than happy to learn from you J

She: So what about you? What are you doing these days?

Me: Ahhh I am still sort of dealing with boats and planes just a bit bigger in size J

Me: I was just wondering who is Ashu? Your student or your son??J J J

She: You can say both or none as Ashu is a kid from an orphanage and I am his sponsor…

Me: Hats off Mam J

She: And I didn’t get what you are exactly doing in life?

Me: Typing…

PS: Writer is an Engineer with Indian Armed Forces…

PS: It's not a real story...

Wanderer

2015-04-20T19:52:00.002+05:30

I don’t know how many people have been through this and how many people go through this like the way I do, everyday…

I sit back in silence, lost in some thoughts of my own with this urge to write down something, without exactly knowing what…

Doesn’t really matter whether I am preoccupied with something or completely free I can feel the waves of this urge rising and falling between my mind and my heart. Somehow it used to be easier to pen down my thoughts earlier but nowadays it just don’t happen. I haven’t yet tried to figure out the reason why because it has always been like this. Words, Sleep, and Love hardly goes hand in hand with me, each one of us keep running away from each other in some way or the other. And most of the times it has been me running towards three of these but they don’t reciprocate the same. Especially with words it has always been a fight, they come to me only when I am going through a rough time but they always save me from falling down and eventually make me happy and proud. I must not say anything negative about words because unlike everything else they have been there all the time, I may have been falling or drowning words have always been there by my side, they have kept a smile alive within me, they have kept a light alive within me.

Not only they have allowed me to stand tall in front of the mountains, they have helped me in lifting up the broken souls and lighten up everything around me. May be I should just compare words with friends instead of love.

But this time they have stayed away for a long time, maybe I have written too much in my academy time and words are upset that they haven’t been shared with anyone or maybe there are things at the back of my mind and heart that should have come out on paper but haven’t yet. Well either of them can be a possibility but neither of them is coming on blog anytime soon. May be its time to start writing blog in a way it was supposed to be written from the day one, just for myself. It has always been for me but somehow it has always ended up for everyone as well in a form of a story or a poem because no matter how personal your thoughts or words are you always end up sharing with someone in some way or the other and that’s what keeps it alive. But it’s not always necessary to narrate fables and poems in the form they are expected, sometimes you just have to speak out what your heart is telling and let people listen to it in whatever way they want to and let them not listen if they don’t want to.

A picture may speak a thousand words but it’s not always necessary that picture speaks what you heard, or what you saw, or what you want it to say… So is the case with words, sometimes even thousands of words are not enough to say it all, all that you can see, all that you can hear, all that you want to show, all that you want to say, all that you want people to listen and most of all what you feel and all that you want everyone to feel.

Most of the times it happens with me I find it difficult to write because I am not able to do justice with my feelings. Not everyone is a writer and not everyone is a reader but we all have a little voice inside us which stops us from doing things that we don’t believe in, a little voice that craves for satisfaction in doing things. And this post is about all such little voices that dared to come up to stop us from doing something or what forced us to start something… It is about everything that has ever been in front of you that made you contemplate for a while, that left you alone with yourself and your thoughts and feelings… I often come across people and things who force me to contemplate and contemplate about nothingness, and this one is about nothingness and everything that surrounds it and nothingness that surrounds everything, it is complicated and that is what makes it so simple to understand…

An empty swing in a garden,

An empty bench by a frozen lake,

A broken leaf lying on the floor,

An old wall,

A silent bird,

An innocent dog waging his tail near you,

A child’s laughter,

Little hands and toes of a sleeping baby,

A paper boat in rain,

A beggar,

A girl crying at the time of wedding,

Lovers holding hand,

A beautiful song,

Remembering college days,

Looking at an old teacher after a long time and realizing she is still young,

Just listening to a friend with a smile,

An old gardener watering flowers in scorching heat,

Holding a kids hand,

Looking at sea waves,

Looking at sunset and a sunrise,

Standing with your arms wide open at the edge of a mountain,

Fear of failing,

Fear of falling,

Crying after listening to a song,

Laughing at silly things,

Realizing how stupid you used to be,

Being with parents,

Fighting with siblings and friends,

Recalling your first crush,

Looking at old photographs,

Travelling alone,

Having food after a staying hungry for a long time,

Dreaming,

Being a soldier,

Planning for exams,

Spreading smiles,

Looking at butterflies,

Looking at a walking lion,

Just looking outside the window,

A beautiful painting,

A dusted guitar,

A half burnt picture of a loved one,

A half burnt letter,

An old diary,

Interviews,

Money in washed clothes,

A cup of tea,

Late night Maggi,

Late night bike rides with friends,

Love, crush and heartbreaks,

Fulfilling a dream,

First salary,

Broken bone and a dream,

Being friends with someone who once used to be more than an enemy,

Sleeping in classes,

Getting caught while cheating,

Something that made you proud,

Your parents smile and pride when they look at you,

Your first poem and a story,

A special good night message,

A friend waiting for your blog post,

A friend who would always go out for a walk with you,

A friend who believed in you and gave you her hand to rise up,

A friend who loves you,

A lot many friends, a lot many people, a lot many things, a lot many memories, a lot many thoughts, a lot many feelings, a lot many ‘a lots’, we all are surrounded by so many ‘a lots’ about which I want to write, whose pictures I want to click and draw, all such things I want to preserve and cherish, doesn’t really matter if it’s a happy person or a sad sight my heart often has this urge to write it all down, I can imagine myself writing about everything but somethings are just perfect and even if they are incomplete, they are perfect in everything that makes them incomplete. There are just too many things that I want to write about and want to show it to the world, the important things that should be cherished forever, things that should be changed immediately, people who should be hugged, people who should be slapped, people who should be just healed, people who should be blessed, people that reminds us of our blessings in so many different ways be it by bringing a smile on our face or by bringing a tear… A lot many things make me happy and a lot many things makes me silently pray to god about everything that’s around me.

I can’t write it all, I just can’t but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to, that doesn’t mean I won’t try, that doesn’t mean I don’t feel the love, pain, happiness, emptiness, blessings around me, I do, we all do but all that matters is what we do after feeling all such things,

Do we spread the happiness ?

Do we share the blessings ?

Do we repair the broken ?

Do we fill someone’s emptiness, leave that apart, do we fill our own emptiness ?

Do we cherish what we have ?

Do we really feel all that surrounds us ?

I feel it’s very important for me to write, very important for me to click pictures, very important for me to listen to the songs that are there in my phone and that I come across everywhere in form of birds, trains, sea waves, winds and just everything… because all such things makes me feel life that surrounds me, at the end of the day what matters is how much you feel…

Everything has a music within that needs to be heard and synched with our heart…

I can take a thousand pictures and speak a thousand more words but the urge will not go away, may be because the urge wouldn’t have been about saying something, it just would have been about spending some time with myself, it just would have been about reminding me about the lessons learnt so far, it just would have been about staying connected to myself irrespective of the miles that I must have covered while running away from everything, may be the urge just would have been about to urge more…

Sometimes not understanding is the destiny,

Sometimes the broken is the repaired,

Somethings are meant to be unwritten,

Some words are meant to be unsaid,

Some tears are supposed to stay undry,

Sometimes incomplete is perfect,

Sometimes simple is complicated,

Sometimes, sometimes lasts forever…

mukul Raisinghani

A Walk To Remember

2015-01-04T03:34:00.001+05:30

A Walk To Remember

The weather was extremely pleasant that day, cool winds and sound of thunderstorm were avidly publicising the rains that were about to inundate each and every soul who was drenched in Manipal’s humidity at that time. Arush was casually dressed in a white shirt and blue jeans, and was on his way for a short and not so important club meeting. Students kept themselves enrolled in various kinds of clubs and organisations in their college tenure to groom themselves professionally and personally.

On his way he saw some of his friends performing a street play near the Innovation centre Building (IC). IC was one of the hubs for such performances and gatherings of various events. A lot of time was lived happily on those stairs leading to IC. He was already preoccupied with exams, placements, seminars and other such stuffs that are necessary for someone who wants to get a decent reputation after graduation. Present education system in Indian Engineering colleges has started evolving and lays focus on innovative learning techniques, most of the subjects and the theoretical learning often is found to be boring and wastes a lot of time. No wonder most of the famous personalities are a college dropout but on the other hand a lot more who have passed out from these colleges are doing well in various fields. Anyways let’s get back to where we were, Even though he had all not so important things on his mind yet he was going to attend that meeting so he found no harm in attending that street play for his friends too.

He was always a person who was bothered by exams and all but lately he almost stopped worrying at all as if he found some magic wand. He started living each and every moment of his life with a smile on his face, laughing even at the hardships, doing the things he wanted, things that made him happier. And attending that play was one such good thing that he always loved doing. Creativity always touched his heart and soul in a way that even the hardest of time was spent with a smiling heart. The colours of a painting, the music of love or pain, the words and rhymes always made him fall in love with life. He admired art of all forms and loved being a happy audience to art.

That play was basically to grab attention of the students going back after their classes and to invite them to participate in an open discussion on Social Networking. He still had a few more minutes left for the meeting so he decided to sit for the discussion as well. Moreover he was rejected in the last 3 group discussions of placement so by attending that discussion he was actually tightening up the weak links of his own career. He knew it well that he had nothing to lose but a lot to gain, confidence, opinions and ‘friends’.

Haven’t this ever happened with any one of you that you attend a group discussion and make new friends over there just because their ideas and yours were exactly similar? With me it always happens I eventually end up making good friends after a group discussion sometimes appreciating them for their performance and sometimes while getting appreciated for my own views. It’s always a nice feeling to make new friends, especially in a battle field.

He was always an observer, loved to observe the beauty around him, in the people, in nature, in almost everything surrounding him he loved finding out something beautiful. He always preferred to read hearts rather than mind. He was indulged in similar contemplation when the discussion was started and he started paying attention to that thereafter.

The pretty anchor J asked the crowd sitting over there, why everyone out there joined Facebook or any other social networking site. Anchor had amazing captivity in her voice that certainly grabbed everyone’s attention

He had an answer and before he could raise his hand and ask for the microphone, the microphone was already grabbed by one of his close friends Gaurav who very frankly and honestly told that he joined Facebook to stay in touch with his childhood crushJ. The ambience was filled with laughter and smiles, inside everyone’s heart this answer was surely there, though I am not sure how many of them would have actually gathered courage to say it over there but anyways there was our observer friend Arush too, who had something else to share with everyone.

He added that he was a final year student of Mechanical Engineering and throughout which he had seen a lot of people with a great eye and a good camera being transformed into a photographer, people with good heart and a will to express themselves by words getting transformed into heart touching poets and writers, and a lot of average people getting famous for their art and their creativity of all forms.

He expressed that if it weren’t for Facebook no one would have ever come across those words that made someone smile or cry, never would have seen that photograph that spoke a million words. Facebook not only created a platform to showcase their art but also allowed them to shine better and brighter. Social media provided artists with easy and direct access to a larger audience.

The discussion was going on in full swing when it started raining happily as expected and since it rained after a long time in Manipal no one complained about the rains. Even though the discussion had to be stopped, everyone had a smile on their face; all of them were enjoying the cool drizzles. Everyone dispersed here and there and he too had a meeting to attend so he started running towards it.

Rains were blurring his spectacled vision, he was constantly changing his pace to feel each and every jump in that run, slippers were slipping frequently but the cold wind was balancing his rhythm. He reached Academic Block, where meeting was supposed to take place. In the day time this place was used for studying and in evening it was booked by various clubs for various meetings. He removed his spectacle that was blurring his vision and started searching for a handkerchief that he forgot on his messed up desk. Either ways which college student keeps a handkerchief? So he wiped off the glasses from his shirt like every time and entered the room.

He was new to the club so he had not many friends over there. He immediately occupied the last bench like the way he always did in the class for the peace and security. He sat there in silence and emptiness for a few minutes and then asked someone what was that meeting about, he found out that it was about collecting some little stuff and nothing of much importance to him, so he quickly finished off his job and left the room.

He started walking towards the exit, in order to reach back to his daily routine of boredom. As he was moving out, even inside the building he could clearly hear the sound of rains and thunderstorm. Manipal and its rain have this beauty that you can hear the magnificent sound everywhere. He knew he’ll have to wait for a long time as it rained after a long time and the God will cry his heart out completely. His pace was still suggesting as he was in a real hurry and had a lot of important work to do and despite the rains he would go out either ways but as he reached the exit he stopped. There was no possible way to step out in that heavy rain.

He really wanted to leave but knew that ‘home’ was still very far away and going out was not a very good idea. He glanced at the time and with a little disappointment started waiting for the rain to stop. He was absolutely alone at the exit, though a few couples were enjoying the rains outside the exit but that were only adding loneliness to the emptiness that he was feeling in that moment. His heart was still happy in that emptiness, he was happy that he had himself by his side, happy for the fact that he could feel the blessing around him. But it was just nothingness that was troubling him so he was just walking here and there near the exit.

And as he was roaming here and there like Sherlock Holmes trying to solve a murder mystery his eyes fell on a strange foreign beauty, he couldn’t have asked for anything better at that moment.J What else would a single final year Mechanical Engineering ask for on the first rainy day of the season?

He glanced at her for a microsecond but it seemed like a lifetime, he suddenly turned his eyes away from her. Doesn’t it happen often happen with everyone after looking at a beautiful girl, we just tend to look away instantly even though all we want is to keep on looking at her forever. He too really wanted to look at her incessantly, admire her and the God that created her but somehow the little heart inside him had to refrain from showing what he was feeling deep inside. He glanced at her again, nothing in the world could have stopped him from doing so and he felt what he had always read in books and watched in movies…

‘The Love at First Sight’.

He had nothing else to call that feeling but love at first sight, most of us often confuse the nicest feeling with love and that’s the reason there are so many complications that are blamed on innocent loveJ. We have this tendency of naming every relationship we have, we fail to understand some relationships are perfect when not named. But no matter what he named it, he felt amazing. His heart was smiling in sync with his eyes, he felt like a baby lost in something invisible. It wasn’t the kind of love that has complications, it was the love that is beautiful, in which you can never fall, and all you can do was rise. It was pure, sweet and it certainly wasn’t everyday college infatuation, It wasn’t any ordinary everyday thing, it was love.

She was adorably dressed in a white kurti and a blue long skirt, her hair was a little wet and was dancing with the rains and the winds. It felt like a romantic scene from movie. And all that is ever said about love, the reverence, the ambience, the magic, every little thing that is ever said to explain love, was felt by him and was visible to him in that moment. He turned his back towards her and started waiting for her to pass by him, he again glanced at his watch and started looking downwards. Suddenly, he became conscious of what he was doing; even watching the time seemed like doing something out of the world.

She came near him and stood a few feet away from him. He could feel that she too must have looked at him and the little heart inside him wondered if she was able to hear his heartbeats tooJ. She had an umbrella yet she stood over there, maybe she could really listen to his heartbeats. Well, the rains in Manipal are like that only even though you have an umbrella you have to think twice before stepping out in rains.

He assumed that she too decided to wait along with him realising the intensity of the rain. He was somehow happy to have her by his side, obviously he was, and any one in his place would have been. Isn’t it like a dream? He could feel the fragrance of wet soil mixed with her fragrance, if there ever was heaven or magic he could feel it in that fragrance.

He was reminded of a comment of one of his friends that what kind of perfume does a girl wear that they smell so good all the timeJ, and this time what he felt and sensed was the best he has ever felt and lived. The moment was completely divine, he raised his eyebrows a little and looked at her, and he almost smiled at what he saw at that moment. He realised that she was not reluctant in going out but was struggling with her umbrella. Well, not everyone knows how to behave with a pretty girlJ, especially mechanics and technology never knew how to treat a pretty lady like a gentleman does J He started walking towards her and asked politely,

“MAY I”?

That was his final year in Mechanical Engineering and that was the first time that he ever came across a real mechanical problem in his life, before that only mechanical related problems that he solved were copying assignments comprising of 12 by 12 matrices, Schrodinger equations, SIMPLE equations (Semi Implicit Pressure Linked Equations) etc. and that too on paper. So, that day was a real test of all the knowledge that he had gained in his 3 and a half years of engineering, everything was at stake in that moment. If that umbrella would have been given to him before he joined engineering college he would have repaired it in a blink of an eye but what mattered was whether he could do it in that very moment. He felt like Aamir Khan of Lagaan facing the last ball and he had to hit it for a six or you can say like Sachin Tendulkar while entering the field to bat with billion expectations on his shoulder.

He took that umbrella in his hand with a smile and tried opening it in a usual way, the way it was supposed to be opened in a decent engineered way but he failed… That look in his eyes (like that of MS Dhoni hitting six in the world cup final) vanished but somehow he discovered the problem. And as he was about to give it another try he said Bitch Please and it was done. He was proud of himself and the angel beside him was happier than anything. He wondered whether Bitch Please was a mantra for success and decided to use it everywhere in life. Angel thanked him a lot and started walking out of the building.

As she was walking out he was smiling on his achievement but was cursing himself a bit too because she would have stayed a little longer if he wouldn’t have flaunted his engineering skills in her internal affairs. But he couldn’t do much other than standing in front of the exit, looking at the angel from heaven above walk away from him. For a moment he felt like asking for a lift but he knew that umbrella was not even enough for her. Moreover, he thought that wasn’t a decent request and he might end up embarrassing her, so he just kept on looking at her with a smile that was fading.

He started consoling his heart that girl was not worth his attention because the least she could have done is offered to take him along but she didn’t. He was feeling happily dejected but suddenly she turned back and said something to him with a gesture from her hand. He returned the gesture with a smile and said

‘’Bye, You are welcome’’.

But rains and thunderstorm were too much for either of them to listen what they were saying, but what they said was obvious. Girl laughed a little and started walking towards him and as she reached near him, she asked

“Would you like to accompany me’’?

And to any normal human being at that time the question would have appeared nothing less than

‘’ Will you marry me ’’?

And the answer was pretty obvious, so modestly he said that he’ll be grateful. They both smiled looking into each other’s eyes, their eyes started shining brighter in that beautifully woven mood and there was an aura of love all around them. J And this is to enlighten every individual who believes that each and every drop of love that exists in this world is nothing but ‘Ishq wala love’ that they are wrong and they have not felt something that is more real, more true, the aforementioned love was something more, more divine, more magical.

His steps moved closer to her and they started walking towards the hostel area slowly like a lion walks towards his prey, and to him it seemed like as if they were walking on a piano. And with a realisation that the music of rain was nothing but the result of their rhythmic footsteps…J It wasn’t the conventional love but whatever it was; it was true, both of them were smiling and could feel it. J

He offered to carry the umbrella and grabbed it as he finished taking permission for the same. Their wet fingers touched for a moment and the coldness felt by him is something way beyond what words could ever explain. He was totally mesmerized by the sweetness of the moment and was smiling, he wanted to say something but was not so sure what to say, moreover was not sure whether he should really say something or just stay blessed in that magical musical moment. He looked at her she looked into his eyes, her eyes smiled followed by her lips followed by her slightly wet hair and he started shining brighter just by looking at her shining… She smiled a bit more and said…

“Hiii I am Eve…”

Her name rhymed with herself and the magic that was woven in the ambience at that moment, he could feel all of it. J

Arush…, he said with a smile and the piano continued.

Had it been any other girl with whom he might have fallen in love with, the story would have started in a different way. With a formal introduction and usual stupid useless questions, but as I mentioned earlier it was a different story altogether from the beginning itself.

Instead of asking the usual stuff he asked him what was her favourite memory of ‘Rains’.

She smiled and kept on smiling and he kept on looking at herJ

He could feel it that she was reminded of a sweet memory for sure…

With a smile on her face she said:

‘I have so many beautiful memories related to rains as I am from Milford Sound, New Zealand where it rains almost every day but I still have a wonderful memory to share but before I start I must tell you that all that is happening at this moment is some sort of a magic for sure…’

And then she shared a beautiful memory of hers, she said one day she was sitting beside the window of her house and was feeling a little low. All she wanted was to go out in a lonely street and walk beside herself. But it was raining and the streets were full of water so she couldn’t do one thing that she thought that would have helped her in feeling better. So she was just sitting beside the window and was looking at ‘nothingness in everything’ present outside.

And like always her peace was disturbed by her little brother Neil. He wanted her to play with him outside, but she wasn’t t in mood for doing anything, so she just asked him to leave but he started forcing in a childish way so she had to shout at him and then he left.

She felt terrible for shouting at her little one but she got lost again in nothingness…

After few minutes Neil’s remote control car crashed into her feet and started honking… She felt irritated like anything and was about to kick it but she saw a paper on the car, she picked it up only to find out that it was a paper boat. There was a line drawing of two people sitting in that paper boat. He came out and pointed towards the drawing on the boat and said, “It’s you and me, it’s us sitting on the boat”

And he threw it out of the window and sat beside her silently…

Both of them continued looking outside, but the nothingness was replaced by love in everything, being so young Neil might not have felt what that boat ride meant to her, but it meant more than heaven to her… She wrapped him in his arms, pulled him closer and they both stayed there looking at the blessing floating outside…

And the way she narrated this beautiful incident, Arush felt more and more in love with everything about her…

The way her eyes and smiles shined while she was speaking to him…

The way she was expressing minute details about his brother and the way she felt, he felt as if he knew her since forever…

He felt like a close friend…

And once she was done she walked a few steps in silence but she continued shining, felt like a beautiful setting sun. Then she said ‘Thank you’, for reminding her about this memory.

She was happy and he was happier.

She then asked him about his favourite memory of rain, to which he replied,

“I am creating one at this very moment” …

And they both looked at each other and smiled for a lifetime J

Her pace started slowing down and he realised that this was the end as they approached near a hostel gate… He asked in gestures if that was her hostel and her smile replied in affirmative… Rain had stopped by then so it was the time for them to depart their ways… And without any formal words that would have spoiled the beauty of the last few steps that they had taken together, they waved a silent ‘goodbye’ to each other…

He kept on looking at her while walking away from her, and then turned towards his destination, he was damn reluctant in turning away from her pretty face, the beautiful moment… Not every day you turn away from a beautiful sunset without it setting completely… But at that time he had no idea what he was leaving behind will be left forever or any such thing like that he was leaving something behind…

He knew he had spent a lifetime in the last few steps taken by him and that’s the reason he was smiling and started walking away J

And then he heard her beautiful voice calling his name from behind, as he turned towards her she came a little closer held his arm softly and said

“Let’s go out on ‘A Walk To Remember’

-mukul Raisinghani

PS: images are taken from Google

Beyond

2013-10-27T00:10:00.003+05:30

Beyond (./…)

I have lived a happy life all this while, though I have had my gloomy days where I was heavily beaten by life but I always bounced back harder and higher. I have lived a simple life just like the way you are living but this post is not about how we have lived our lives.

On the bad days like everyone else I too have wondered whether all that is happening is worth living, or whether there is really an end to the tunnel, or whether there will be any door that will be open for me… All such questions have haunted me but the answer to all of them has always been YES… No matter how dark or entangled life might have turned the answer to all such questions remained the same, YES… And that’s the reason why I got up and stood tall all the time, and that’s one of the reason I end up writing my thoughts because I believe if I can motivate myself then I must try to motivate others too as much as I can…

And every moment I bounced back to a higher state where I always wanted to be but, I have always been haunted by one more thought there…

“Have I made it large?”

And I have always ended up in Silence.

I once came across a commercial where a well-known cricketer wondered the same while looking at his life. And I am sure we all wonder the same quite often. No matter who we are, where we are or what we have achieved, we surely wonder about this simple question,

“Have I made it large?”

And by any chance if you haven’t wondered, pause for a moment and do it now.

There used to be a poster on my hostel wall that said:
“Don’t just do enough to get by, Do enough to get ahead.” And this happens to be my all-time favorite quote and I’ve often used this to describe myself. But every time I have ended up wondering,

“Have I followed it?”

All that I have done, is it even enough to get by, leave apart enough to get ahead…?

I always wonder whether I’ll ever have YES for an answer for this question... whether I’ll ever get ahead, ahead of myself, ahead of the imaginary limits that I have set for me… whether I’ll ever reach the limits and go Beyond them, and even if I do whether ‘The Beyond’ will be enough for me then… I wonder whether ‘The beyond’ should be ended with a ‘full stop’ signifying the end or should it be accompanied by three dots signifying just a beginning…?

I always wonder if this Quest will get over, ever…

I read about Sachin in today’s newspaper for at least 3 hours and I literally cannot say anything at all about his perfect journey, we all are very well aware of his feats and him as a champion, He is retiring leaving behind the footprints that will never ever get followed by anyone even in dreams.

Despite all his achievements will he be satisfied?

I always wonder whether I’ll ever feel complete, because most of the times I just do enough to get by and end up craving for going beyond the limits and every time I reach beyond everything, I realize that my limits have been redefined.
Beyond seems just a beginning, all the time…

-mukul Raisinghani

Let Go...

2013-09-12T00:45:00.002+05:30

आज करीब ढाई साल हो गये हैं मुस्कुरा कर उससे बात किए हुए,

या यूँ कहूँ उसके होकर भी उससे जुदा हुए |

इन ढाई सालों की शुरआत में ना दिन कटते थे और ना ही रात,

ना ही क्लास में मन लगता था ना ही खेलने में और ना ही कहीं और |

इक सज़ा जैसी लगती थी ज़िंदगी,

इश्क़ की सज़ा...

दोस्ती की सज़ा...

खफा खफा सा रहने लगा था मैं सबसे,

और सबसे ज़्यादा खुद से |

इन ढाई सालों की शुरआत के पहले सब सही था सब perfect था...

फिर एकाएक सब ख़त्म हो गया...

ढाई साल की शुरुआत में ना ही call का कोई जवाब आता था नही message का,

ना facebook पे कोई कोई जवाब आता था और ना ही gtalk पे |

मेरे मन में बस एक ही सवाल था, क्यों ?

उसका जवाब मुझे मिल ना सका, समय के साथ मैंने अपने लिए एक जवाब बना तो लिया,

पर फिर उसे भी भुला दिया |

दोस्ती की शुरआत से अंत तक दिन रात बस बातें ही बातें होती थी,

फ़ोन कौन पहले रखेगा इसके लिए ही बस लड़ाई होती थी |

वो भी खुश थी मैं भी खुश था,

पर फिर भी ना जाने क्यों वो दूर चली गयी, बहुत दूर |

लड़की थी और खुश थी, शायद यही बात उसे हज़म नही हुई...

मैंने दूरियाँ मिटाने की बहुत कोशिश की,

पर उसने देख कर भी अनदेखा कर दिया,

सुन कर भी अनसुना कर दिया |

अक्सर उसकी आवाज़ आया करती थी,

मैं ढूँढने जाता था तब उसको,

पर ढूँढ नही पाता था,

ना ही उसको ना ही अपने जवाबो को,

फिर धीरे धीरे उसने धीरे धीरे पुकारना भी बंद कर दिया |

और धीरे धीरे मैने भी ढूँढना छोड़ दिया |

आज ढाई साल बाद ज़िंदगी बहुत आगे बढ़ चुकी है,

ज़िंदगी बहुत बदल गयी है, और बहुत ही बदल गया हूँ मैं भी,

जो पाना था वो सब पा लिया है...

पर सोने से पहले आज भी उसी का नाम ज़हन में रहता है...

और आज ढाई साल बाद ना जाने क्यों कुछ ज़्यादा ही याद आ रही थी उसकी,

ना ही उसका बर्थडे है ना ही कुछ खास है आज, पर फिर भी ना जाने क्यों आज उसकी याद बहुत आ रही थी |

अक्सर उसकी याद आने पर मैं इधर उधर मन को बहला लिया करता था पर ना जाने आज ऐसा हो ना पाया |

मैं इधर उधर के बारें में सोचते हुए अपने स्टेशन के आने का इंतज़ार करने लगा,

मेट्रो में अपना स्टेशन आने से पहले ही मैं दरवाज़े के पास खड़ा हो गया,

और स्टेशन पे रुकते ही सामने खड़ी लड़की को देख के मुझे लगा की शायद वही है,

और ऐसा अक्सर लगता है मुझे, या यूँ कहे मैं चाहता हूँ ऐसा लगे मुझे,

पर आज ऐसा होना तो जायज़ था क्योंकि मैं उसी के बारें में ही सोच रहा था,

मुझे नही पता था की किसी दिन मिलेंगे तो क्या कहेंगे एक दूसरे से,

और ना ही कभी सोचा था इस बारें में क्योंकि आगे बढ़ चुकी थी ज़िंदगी...

पर दरवाज़ा खुलने को था, भीड़ सामने थी,

और दरवाज़े के सामने खड़ी भीड़ में छुपा था उसका एहसास,

मैने 1 श्रण के लिए आँखें बंद की और समझाया मन को बस अब बहुत हुआ,

और आँखें खोल ली, दरवाज़ा भी खुल गया और भीड़ से जूझते हुए मैं बाहर निकल गया था,

वो लडकी नज़रे झुकाए हुए अंदर जा चुकी थी...

अपने एहसास के सच होने का यकीन मुझे हो चुका था,

उसकी उन्ही झुकी चंचल आँखों को पहचान लिया था मैने,

मन ने चीखा की लौट जा वापस जहाँ से उतरा है,

मन ने बहुत मनाया उन चंद श्रणों में की इस मौके को हाथ से ना जाने दे...

मैं मुड़ा और देखने लगा उसकी ओर, वो भी मेरी ही तरफ देख रही थी पर उसका ध्यान कहीं और ही था...

मेरी आँखों में सवाल भी थे और प्यार भी और माफी भी,

पर उसकी आँखो से अब तक मिली नही थी मेरी आँखें,

और अब तक तो मेट्रो को चल जाना चाहिए था, पर शायद कायनात को कुछ और ही मंज़ूर था...

नज़रे मिली उसकी फिर मेरी नज़रो से...

उसकी नज़रो ने एक अजनबी को पहचान लिया था...

वो मुझे देखती रही और मैं उसे...

ना जाने क्यों अब मेरी आँखों में अब सवाल नही थे,

कहने सुन ने के लिए तो बहुत कुछ था,

पर मुझे अब कुछ कहना नही था,

हम बस एकदुसरे को देखते रहे और उन चंद लम्हो में जैसे सदिया सी बीतने लगी...

उसने अपने हाथ को हल्का सा इशारा किया,

पर मैं पढ़ नही पाया उसके इशारे को, वो सलाम था या अलविदा...

और देखते ही देखते वो दरवाज़ा खुल गया, ना वो बाहर आई और ना ही मैं अंदर गया...

उसकी आँखों में बहुत कुछ लिखा था, वो शायद खुश थी मुझे देखकर

पर शायद मुझे खुश ना देखकर उसकी वो खुशी धीरे धीरे ओझल होने लगी थी...

बहुत से लफ्ज़ थे ज़हन में उनसे कहने के लिए,

सैलाब सा था जज़्बातों का मेरे अंदर...

पर शायद सब कुछ कहकर भी हम वो सब ना कह पाते जो हमारी खामोशी उनसे कह गयी...

बहुत कुछ था जो हमने कभी खुद से भी ना कहा था पर आज उनसे सब कह दिया था...

और देखते ही देखते उनका आख़िरी सलाम और आख़िरी अलविदा दोनो साथ ही क़ुबूल किया हमने...

इक कटी पतंग की ज़िंदगी अब ख़त्म हो चुकी थी, मैं उड़ना सीख चुका था...

आगे तो मैं कब का बढ़ चुका था पर उड़ान अब शुरू होने को थी...

आसमान की ओर देख मुस्कुराने का वक़्त अब था...

रुक कर गिर कर आख़िर आज मैं उड़ना सीख चुका था...

-mukul Raisinghani

PS: In life you will always land up in a situation where you’ll be held back by emotions, a person, a broken dream and many more things and most of the times moving on will seem impossible but no matter you move or not your life will move ahead for sure, and it is responsibility to pull yourself and don’t stumble here and there like a kite but learn to fly.

Each and every stone thrown by life at you is meant to make you stronger and better :)

65 ₹

2013-05-10T15:19:00.000+05:30

Yesterday I went to my college account section to get a due clearance certificate, and the lady who was sitting there told me that I am supposed to pay 65 Rupees as Chemistry dues, and it’s been 3 years that I haven’t cleared this due. It took me 4 years to realize that she resembled CHACHI 420 but on a serious note I knew it very well that I paid those dues 3 years back only else I wouldn’t have been allowed to give my exam.

She asked me to pay the amount and get the certificate; it was her job and might not be her fault, but I SAID NO.

I am not the kind of person who speaks that much, especially in such situations where I could have easily paid 65 ₹ and taken the certificate. But I have been regularly changing myself to a better person who has this ability to say no to something that is wrong, say no to injustice. 65 ₹ might not be a huge amount for anyone of you who is reading this, but I am sure even if it would have been 5 ₹ I would have said no because at that time it was not at all about money or time that I would have spent on it. It was about something that is far more important, it was about me, the real me.

I went to Chemistry lab told them about my situation, and obviously I had no receipt for something that I cleared 3 years ago, but was sure that they must be having a record that I broke something. I asked them to take out the 3 year old record book and showed it to them that I paid the dues, asked them to write it on a letter head stating the amount, receipt no, meme no., name etc.. got it stamped and signed and handed it over to the ma’am who was sitting there in accounts section.

She didn’t say anything, she was just doing her job, and I did what I was supposed to do. Very often we do things because of which we rise in front of our own eyes and this was something I am really proud of.

“We must always speak up for something we stand for.”
‘’Speak up today for little injustice and you will be prepared to lead tomorrow.’’

-mukul Raisinghani

Ps: Jehaan, Sobti Manjeet, Arslan thanks for being there when it all began during Rebels :)

Vo kagaz ki kashti vo baarish ka paani

2013-05-01T02:41:00.001+05:30

रोज़ की ही तरह उस दिन भी
मैं और राजू निकल पड़े थे,
लाला की स्टेशन वाली दुकान से केटली में चाय लेकर
सुबह की इंटरसिटी एक्सप्रेस में बेचने के लिए ...

पर कई दिनों से इक सवाल,
सैलाब बनकर उमड़ रहा रहा था मेरे ज़हन में ...
रह रह कर नज़र आ जाता था ये सवाल,
और धुँधला सा कर देता था सभी जज़्बात मेरे...

दिनभर की कमाई लाला को थमाते हुए हर दम सताता था ये सवाल मुझे,

"ना जाने कैसे हर बार राजू मुझसे ज़्यादा चाय बेच के आता है...
ना जाने क्यूँ मेरे आठ साल के दिमाग़ में इस सवाल का जवाब नहीं है..."

लाला ने कभी मुझे इस बात पर डांटा नहीं,
राजू ने भी कभी मुझे इस बात पर मुझे चिढ़ाया नहीं,
हमारी दोस्ती में भी इस बात से कभी कोई कड़वाहट आई नहीं...

फिर भी ना जाने क्यूँ ये बात मुझे मुस्कुराने नहीं देती,

संग संग हम रोज़ निकलते है,
कभी वो आगे रहता है तो कभी मैं,
जैसे जैसे मैं कहता हूँ, वैसा ही वो हरदम करता हैं...
शायद मेरा ये सवाल मेरी आँखों में वो पढ़ लेता है...
या फिर मेरी टूटती मुस्कुराहतों को वो सुन लेता है...

फिर भी ना जाने क्यूँ और कैसे वो मुझसे ज़्यादा चाय बेचके आता है,
और मुझसे ज़्यादा पैसे लाला को रोज़ थमाता है...

आज काफ़ी तेज़ बारिश हो रही थी,
इसी कारण सुबह की पहली गाड़ी के आने में थोड़ी देरी थी...
गाड़ी के इंतज़ार में साथ ही मेरे वो बैठा था,
एक काग़ज़ के टुकड़े के साथ ना जाने क्या वो कर रहा था...

मेरे ज़हन में वही सवाल आज भी गूँज सा रहा था,
वही सवाल जो मैं खुद से और खुदा से कब से पूछ रहा था,
हिम्मत जुटा कर मैने वो उससे भी आज पूछ ही लिया...

"एक बात बता राजू, की तू ऐसा क्या करता है ?
कैसे तू हर रोज़ मुझसे ज़्यादा चाय बेच लेता है... ?"

अपने उस काग़ज़ के टुकड़े से खेलना छोड़ मेरी ओर वो देखने लगा था
आज बीस साल हो गये इस बात को पर फिर भी...
उसके चेहरे की वो गंभीर गहराई धुंधली नही हुई है...
और ना ही भूला हूँ उसका मैं वो जवाब...

"मैं सिर्फ़ चाय नहीं बेचता...
मैं अपने ख्वाबों को भी बेचता हूँ,
अपने पिताजी के अरमानो को भी मैं बेचता हूँ,
अपनी माँ की दुआओं को भी मैं बेचता हूँ...
ताकी,
अपनी बहन के ख्वाबों को पूरा मैं कर सकूँ,
अधूरे ही सही पर अपने पिताजी के ख्वाबों को पूरा मैं कर सकूँ,
अपनी हिस्से की दुआओं को अपनी बहन की झोली में मैं भर सकूँ...

हर इक प्याले को भरते हुए,
अपनी बहन का पढ़ लिख कर इक शिप का कप्तान बन ने के सपने को ज़हन में मैं रखता हूँ,
अपनी माँ के छिले हुए हाथों की तस्वीर को अपनी आँखों के सामने मैं रखता हूँ,
अपने पिता की जलती चिता को हरदम अपने दिल में जलाए मैं रखता हूँ...

शायद मेरी अधूरी मुस्कान को लोग पढ पाते हैं,
मेरे टूट ते ख्वाबों को शायद वो सुन पाते हैं,
शायद कभी पूरे ना हो पाएँगे खुद के लिए मेरे अरमान, ये वो भी महसूस कर पाते हैं... "

गाड़ी की चीख सुन एकाएक वो उठ खड़ा हुआ,
उसका वो काग़ज़ का टुकड़ा भी उसके हाथ से गिर गया...
बारिश की बूँद थी, या आँसू उसका, या फिर था टूटा ख्वाब कोई,
जो भी था उसके दायें गाल पर उस समय वो चमक रहा था...

बारिश की वजह से थोड़ा पानी पास में इकट्ठा हो गया था,
उसी पानी के एकदम पास में ही पड़ा हुआ था उसका वो काग़ज़ का टुकड़ा,
पानी के बाहर ही गिरा था उसका वो काग़ज़ का टुकड़ा, उसकी वो काग़ज़ की कश्ती ...

मेरी नज़रे बस उसकी उस काग़ज़ की कश्ती को ही देखती रह गयी,
और इतने में गाड़ी भी प्लॅटफॉर्म पर आ गयी थी,
राजू की आवाज़ सुन मैं कुछ होश में आया...

उसकी वो काग़ज़ की कश्ती को पानी में रख मैं चाय बेचने चल दिया...
आज भी उसी ने मुझसे ज़्यादा चाय बेची पर आज मेरे मासूम सवाल का जवाब था मेरे पास...
और जवाब में थे कई और गंभीर सवाल... ?

बीस साल हो गये इस बात को पर फिर भी,
उस दिन की चितराई यादें धुंधली नही हुई है...
वो काग़ज़ की कश्ती और वो बारिश का पानी ...
ज़हन में ही है आज भी मेरे...

mukul Raisinghani

PS : Sometimes reading my own handwriting seems like solving a murder mystery or going on an amazing adventurous ride...

Wrote this one in dark, in train while coming back to Manipal after my short surprise visit at home :)

The Archer

2012-10-11T01:54:00.000+05:30

This is a story of an Archer or should I rather put it as like this, that this is not the story about the Archer that I just referred above …

Well you can decide at the end who is the real Archer …

A little long ago there was an Archer, who possessed unmatched skills, determination and passion for Archery. For him it was not just a sport but reverence and a way of life. He used to practice it all the time, each and every drop of his perspiration and blood flowing inside him was full of devotion and passion for Archery.

He was being trained by one of the best teachers for the most reputed competition, for something he always dreamt night and day. This competition was everything for him, his aim and his obsession in life. He entered the competition and he kept up with everyone’s expectation. Throughout the competition he performed like a champion and reached the final battle where he had to outperform other champions for the one last time to finally achieve his lifetime dream.

But destiny had some other plans for him, this time there came the stormy wind, his arrow diverted from the target and he lost. Yes it was that simple wind came into the picture and he lost the final battle. At first he couldn’t believe what just happened but he was not one of those who would give up so easily. He accepted his luck, his destiny to fail then but he didn’t quit, he decided to practice more and come back next year with improved everything.

As promised to himself he worked even harder and instilled more passion and devotion in his reverence and he bounced back to the same stage again.

With more confidence he looked at his target but again there was wind and storm in the semifinals and again he missed his lifetime aim Again…

And then he was shattered completely, lost all the hope, strength and faith… He was unable to understand everything that was happening and most importantly the reason Why. He wanted answers, for why even after so much dedication and hard work he had to fail. Why the hell God had to come in between and stop him from achieving what he always wanted to achieve?

He wanted to scream, take out his pain somewhere and let it all go… He was smothering and struggling like a caterpillar in a cocoon.

Despite the pain he never left his sportsmanship and attended the award ceremony moreover he really wanted to hear what 'The Lucky Winner' had to say about his victory…

And to his surprise the winner’s name and face sounded familiar to him. His eagerness grew a bit and as the winner came on the stage, Our Archer instantly recognized him and recalled the moment when he met him for the first and the last time, Our archer met that archer exactly an year ago in the same competition where that archer was feeling exactly the same hopelessness as our archer was feeling right then… and before he could recall anything more the winner started saying something…

“” Today I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone, my family, my friends and my teachers who supported and guided me at each and every step of this journey and most importantly I would like to take this opportunity to thank that person who played a vital role in this journey of mine, if he wouldn’t have been there at that time I certainly would have given up last year…

At this moment I would like to tell you that an year ago also I was here but I lost, because of the wind, the obstacle that god intentionally planted in my journey. I was destined to lose then but only to gain something that was far more important, if I would have won then it wouldn’t have been that much special as it is now… it would have been luck then but today it’s a champion in front of you who can face any obstacle. I would like to thank that friend who acted as a guardian angel when I lost last year .Trust me I was shattered and on the verge of quitting then but there that friend convinced me to try this year with more hard work and passion. I accepted my destiny to fail then but only to realize that god had some better destiny planned for me and that failure was the best way to allow me to write that destiny for myself…

I realized that destiny is not something that’s bound to happen because nature has written it for us but it’s something what‘s happening because we have written it and are still writing it….

After that defeat I not only practiced harder but also I practiced against all possible odds, the wind, the rain and the storm. And now I can stand up and overcome all that will ever come my way and I am proud that I wrote my destiny for myself in harmony with the nature… “”

And as our archer heard these words a tear rolled down his cheek as he realized that the friend who was referred in the speech was none but him only.He realised if he can inspire others to win he can do the same for himself too...

He found all his answers and finally realized that

“It’s not just about an arrow hitting the target but about that feeling that you get when you know that arrow shot by you will surely hit the target “

Ps: We all have An Archer within us who aspires to win but fails sometime somewhere because of some reason or the other and the archer can quit at any moment and the moment he stops he’ll be putting a full stop to his destiny but we should never forget that

'If we can dream it we can achieve it’, failure will only help us in achieving our dreams like a champion.

We are always destined to be what we desire to be ,The God and The Universe always guides us to reach that destiny, that aim. Have Faith and keep moving you will win like a champion

-Mukul Raisinghani

Journey is your Destiny

2012-09-07T02:02:00.001+05:30

Journey Is Your Destiny

Imagine a bird, a flying bird... Close your eyes and think, how she feels like to touch the sky with her wings wide open. Dive from the top of a cliff and rise just before touching the ground, that adrenaline rush, mere imagining it brings a smile on your face but have you ever wondered about the story behind the flight of a bird?

Imagine a butterfly, fluttering her flamboyant wings and experiencing weightlessness, making the flowers jealous and yet happy... Have you ever wondered about her beauty and the absolute perfection that she possesses; was it gifted or was it earned?

Imagine a piece of gold or a beautifully carved necklace out of gold, the glitter is worth every penny you pay for it but what about its origin and transformation, ever wondered about all of it while holding it in your hands?

““A bird has to make some choices, really difficult ones. She has to jump off a high cliff to realise her true potential, try to fly and fail again and again. And to really believe all that is present around her, even though the magic is in front of her eyes but yet she has to go for the difficult choice in order to achieve her destiny, to fly, fly higher and higher.

But what if she gives up before she could rise up, what if she quits when she had almost reached the limit after which she could have achieved it all, she never realises that real moment until and unless she is in that moment. Falling from the heights of a zenith at an accelerating pace, the shiver, the fear can force anyone to give up. A bird faces it all and yet she overcomes each and every resistance and learns to fly.””

““A caterpillar, mere imagining the life of a caterpillar is smothering, how one can survive under such lifeless and smothering conditions. Anyone in those shoes would give up, in fact even ninety percent of the caterpillar does, and they too refuse to believe in all the butterful stories that were told to them. Despite the fact that all the stories that were told to him were true and are even there in front of him, most of them are not able to gather enough courage to survive till that last beautiful moment when it all comes true, when they can fly, with brightest colours possible.””

““If you look at the piece of a rock from which gold is formed you’ll never believe that it can be converted into gold like the way you see it, you’ll just ignore it like any other normal rock. But yet the Gold is Gold because of its potential to sustain under the most extreme conditions possible. It has the strength to bear it all, the heat and the pressure and that’s what makes it special, that’s what makes it gold and differentiate from any another rock. But what if Gold stops believing in itself and gives up while undergoing the transformation? Its destiny is to shine but it’s the journey that makes it worth it and makes it happen.””

You need to step into water if you wish to swim like a fish. You need to jump off the cliff if you wish to fly like a bird.

Wherever you go difficulties will always come hand in hand, also with every passing day the level of difficulties will increase, exponentially. You’ll have to face all of them with courage and all the willpower you have, that’s what will make you strong enough to face them. Facing every obstacle courageously is the best choice you can make, always.

At every step you’ll have to make choices that are difficult, every time you’ll have to take that risk that could break you or make you what you want to be, what you are destined to be. You might fail or fall again and again but only to rise again with the new strength and determination.

You need to be willing and desperate for your Aim. Your aim should be your only option and your only choice. Be it difficult, be it risky, you must do whatever it takes if you really want it.

“DESTINY IS NOTHING BUT THE CHOICES, THE JOURNEY” if it’s not difficult it’s not worth it and if it’s not tough it’s not beautiful...

You too are A Bird, A Caterpillar, A Fish, An Ant, the Gold, A raindrop, A ship, A Kite, and everything you can imagine, you too are special and you too need to believe in yourself, in all your moments and in your journey, that’s what you are destined to be ‘discover yourself while you are in it’.

mukul Raisinghani