Journey Preparatory School

12 More Days

2011-11-22T11:13:00.000+01:00

On Dec. 4 we bring home our new puppy! We were going to go visit last Sunday but the mommy dog was sick. The breeder had her "1/2 American" friend call me to explain and reschedule. She was also going to be at the next meeting to be an interpreter. We rescheduled for Saturday (4 more days!) and she can be there then so that's nice! We will make our final decision on which puppy will be our's. When we went to visit on Nov. 5 I was smitten with Bajazzo, a play on "Payaso" which means clown in Spanish and Tagalog, but since all of these dogs have "B" names (temporarily) they had to change it to Bayaso or Bajazzo. :) I also thought Blue Bell was sweet, and possibly Blue Angel (both females). But, we will see! I am hoping these next few days give the breeder more time to see their personalities and have a good recommendation for us come Saturday! We already have our first training session set up with a local trainer for a week after we have brought him or her home! But of course, I will start some training right away! As it's my first dog I feel a little like the trainer is my "post partum doula" coming to help keep me on the right track. :)

Naivety

2011-09-28T17:08:00.000+02:00

http://parentalrights.org/index.asp?Type=B_BASIC&SEC={93DDD5DA-E874-4D09-BBAB-4AA932981846}

If you run across this post please take a little while to understand what the UNCRC is and why the Parental Rights Amendment efforts exist. It is totally naive to say that just because the rest of the world has adopted this treaty that we should too. Our constitution is such that if we accept this treaty it overrules every law we have pertaining to parenting and children. Most, if not all, the other countries that have accepted this treaty have constitutions that allow them to pick and choose which parts they'd like. THAT is why the US has not done it already. So now for popular magazines to start saying that we should ratify it is extremely naive. This is an issue that will affect every parent and child...it is not rooted in any particular political "side." On a personal note I believe it would make homeschooling illegal in America. That sounds crazy, but it is the law here in Germany and many other countries so might not be many generations away from becoming the law in America too.

I'm sure there is a lot that I don't know and is obvious by my merely writing this (such as whether other countries have "constitutions" but that is besides the point. Please go here to read more about the efforts to get this amendment. http://www.parentalrights.org/

Time, Effort, Patience

2011-09-28T10:15:00.000+02:00

Was hoping to post a picture of us in our new scout shirts as DH and I have taken on the task of leading our son's Cub Scout den this year! This is our 3rd year doing it and it has taken us some time to get up to speed on how it all works. (our first year doing it I had no idea that it was the scout "thing" to sell popcorn and was really taken aback by one of the den leaders yelling at us all to sign up to sell popcorn!) (I do have wonderings about the time and effort to do fundraisers vs paying for things ourselves....but that is another topic and also I need to find out more info/see the #s before I form an opinion on this one! Til then I will go with the flow).

Anyway I just have finally admitted in the process of getting uniform shirts for three of us (Middlest is a new scout) and trying to figure out what patches we need/getting them sewn on and doing our training plus planning for meetings, getting our keys to the scout hut, etc... that this entire effort really does require planning on the scale of starting a small private school! Plus we are in Germany where we have to wait for orders to get mailed (no shop to run to to buy everything from unless you want to drive a good ways) and everything is run by parent volunteers who are working full time, get deployed, and go TDY. No one is paid and no one is full time. I just think sometimes people forget these things when they are new and wanting to get up to speed. It wouldn't be fair, although it would "make sense" to require some deadlines for having new den leaders and new kids sign up in order to be truly up and running by September. However its not fair and unrealistic because of course you have people moving in and out through the summer, settling in, getting their bearings and THEN thinking about signing their kids up for things like scouting when the new school year starts.

So there have been lots of people falling through the cracks (us included and we were already officially den leaders!) with getting Pack email updates, kids getting their awards and belt loops, and brand new last second families signing up wondering what is going on, who do they need to talk to, pay, how do they get emails, what uniform items do they need, etc.... DH was feeling the pressure from a new parent last night who is in our den and feeling like he SHOULD have the answers. I am thinking but hang on....we are new to this entire pack and we barely know who to talk to and how things work! This parent said something to DH along the lines of "are you asking me or are you telling me?" to which DH was going "ummm.....ack!" LOL.

Anyway it is just one of those things where the leaders are doing their best (cub scout motto!) and also need to not beat themselves up when something falls through the cracks. To top it all off the whole pack is moving from one system to another and there is still a learning curve for this new system and some kids and parents didn't get switched over.

It is just something that needs to be approached with more respect in terms of the time and effort it requires. Take a bunch of very busy, transient people and try to get something along the lines of a part time private school running, is impressive. As long as someone is approaching it like a one-step process to get involved they will always feel it is hopelessly disorganized, however if you approach it like you are signing up your child and also becoming a teacher of a private school when the school year has already started, you might approach it with a little bit more patience and expectation that it will take a little time to get up to speed.

This weekend we have a camp (we will just go for the day) that I think will be a lot of fun. The boys will learn to fish, and the fire department from post will come and do a big fire display (and put it out). We will bring our camping gear even if just for the day, so we have a home base. We stocked up on camping gear while in the states knowing we'd be needing it for events like these. I am looking forward to when we can bring our dog along on these events too! :)

Next year Youngest can start girl scouts! Oh my!!

Puppy is Paid For!

2011-09-26T11:47:00.000+02:00

Another good news update....we are getting a full refund (officially found out this morning!) on a leather recliner that we bought (but hasn't been delivered due to manufacturer issues) last spring. With this refund plus what we've been saving (from selling items) we now have more than enough in our puppy fund (and he hasn't been born yet!) plus some extra for some computer updates/new laptop that DH is thinking about. Yay! Now I can be financially stress-free while going through the new puppy training learning curve.

So now on to some fun stuff like what to name this puppy! As we are likely going to have a boy, and he is German, I am looking at German boy names. I am taking votes! I have thrown a few others in which are not necessarily German but I just like, so here we go:

Charlie (manly)
Derry (red haired...this is if our dog comes out on the darker spectrum which I think is unlikely)
Dewitt (blonde)
Edmund (prosperous protector)
Emerson (brave and powerful)
Ferdie (courageous traveler)
Freddie/Frederick (peaceful ruler)
Gregor (on the watch)
Hanz (gift from God)
Henri/Henry (rules the home)
Hugo
Bailey (girl name?)
Beethoven
Zelig (blessed one)
Wilson (family name)
Raimond/Ramon/Raymond (guards wisely)
Max - short for Maximillian (the greatest)
Petie/Petey/Pete (the kids favorite from Little Rascals)
Manfred (man of peace)
Johann (God's gracious gift)
Keegan (intelligent)
Kelby/Koby/Kolby (dark haired - I think I like this better than Derry if on the darker haired spectrum)

And if its a girl I will be torn between Liesel and Bailey.

Also I think the breeder will name them all with B names as this is her 2nd litter. If so we will consider the name already given. Any other ideas?

Puppy Layette

2011-09-26T08:12:00.001+02:00

I just about have our puppy "layette" complete. Next week we are dog sitting and we should also hear that the puppies have been born! I'm sure it will be a quick 8 weeks after that, and our mail has been taking SOOOOO long to get here, so I decided to get on with the planning. Who knew a puppy needed so much?

Large crate - free from a friend! Yay! Should be big enough for a full grown Golden but we'll see, at least we have time on that!
Small traveling crate - also free from a friend but we might need a bigger one. I don't think it will last long beyond the first drive home! We got it when we thought we'd have a Jack Russell (said JR is now living on a ranch in Montana BTW!)
6 foot leather lead
6 foot nylon lead
4 foot nylon lead
Flexi lead
3 nylon collars - small through large (this year will go by quick!)
Small, medium and large Kong puppy chew toys
Kong ball
Nylabone hollow chew toy (to stuff treats with)
Cesar millan ball/bone stuffable chew toy
20 foot training lead
50 foot training lead
Leather steady tab (most expensive purchase but worth it for the first year) aka "grab tab" or "collar tab"
Potty training "piddle pads"
MilkBone puppy treats
Earwash
Tearless puppy shampoo (my friend has a "recipe" for future use but I got a good sale of 3 for 1 from Puritan's Pride on many of these things!)
4 different grooming brush/combs
Nail clippers/file
Bitter Yuck! no chew spray
Grooming Spray
Waterless Bath
No Tangles Spray
2 stainless steel dishes
Pooper Scooper for walks (neat thing that you put the bag around so you don't have to feel the poop!)
Bio bags
Enzymatic cleaner

So I just need a yard pooper scooper or else we will use the other one, larger travel crate, stuffed animals the kids are willing to donate for "litter mates" in the crate, more puppy treats, chew treats and dog food! We also will get a bag of food from the breeder which is good since the puppy will be used to that food so we will need to gradually replace it with the kind we can find at the commissary (since in the long run this dog comes to America...can't keep feeding him German dog food!). I am also thinking of getting a clicker for training but I am not sure yet as the breeder can also give us some whistles that mean different things (but are more useful for long range stuff in hunting!). I also heard of making another tool for a sound that means "no" or else use "eh!" but the books say not to have the "no" be associated with the master....so make the noise something other than from yourself and don't make eye contact when doing it. (this way they only associate their master with positive things).

Anyway....that's where we're at for now! :)

Adding to the Family

2011-09-20T11:03:00.002+02:00

We are expecting!! A new puppy that is! I began seriously dog searching in August. We'd been thinking about having a dog for years....maybe when the kids are older...maybe when Eldest is old enough to "do the work" which I am now learning is not necessarily the right attitude. He was the one to decide a cat would be easier than a dog, but if you've read the previous posts you know how that turned out! I think the kids would do better with a creature that wants as much love as they want to give it, and also one that gives back a little more than a cat does. ;)

The funny thing is that since we've settled here, a neighbor cat has "adopted" us. I wasn't sure she had a home but asked my neighbor who said her name is Samurai, and that her owners have 6 cats who they let wander! This is typical of German cats though, as they are not meant to be kept indoors. Samurai has already brought us 3 mice and a bird (today was a bird!) Ewww. DH is not happy about Samurai being allowed inside and so we're trying to limit her to the sunroom. We don't feed her, and I sure hope there isn't a law against neighbors letting cats in. She is pretty insistent! (the other day she was following me around the house on the outside and was at every window of every room I was in....Yikes!!!!)

Anyway, all of this might change soon. I'd been thinking that after we got settled and my mom and brother visited that we'd begin the search for a dog. Initially I thought an older (but still young), already housetrained dog would be the best. Possibly a Golden or Labrador Retriever. I also researched Jack Russells. Beagles, Goldendoodles, Bichon Frise and almost anything that came up as a good family dog. We met a 4 year old black lab, but realized quickly that he didn't connect emotionally with anyone, not even his owner (2nd owner). Upon reading more I realized that he has alpha dog tendencies probably from minimal training. I don't think he would ever hurt anyone, but what is the point of having a dog who doesn't connect? Just to give the dog a home? No...I'd rather have a companion! A little bit more of a two-way relationship!

I would see some good dogs come and go quickly on our local yardsale websites which would be very disheartening. Then I met a friend's Jack Russell puppy and got really excited, however I took the time to read a $5 Kindle book on JRs and realized sadly that it would be too much for our family with young kids and lack of dog training experience.

So my search sent me back around to Golden Retrievers...and then I had to learn who the scammers were on the yardsale sites targeting impressionable Americans in Germany. I also found a "pet finding" service who is probably legit, but might not have the most healthy of dogs. They had 2 litters that I could go look at immediately, but I was not ready to jump and something in me was not sure I should fully trust the situation.

Who could resist?

I also contacted our local "tierheim" (animal shelter) and told them what we were looking for, lack of experience and ages of our kids. They said they didn't have anything for us but directed me to the "Retriever und Freunde," who also said that because their dogs have been abused or not well trained to begin with, would not be a good fit for our family, and although expensive, well worth it to go with a reputable breeder. This was comforting to me as I hear so much about rescuing a dog and "not being picky about pedigree papers" as well as mixed breeds being healthier than purebreeds. Obviously there are different schools of thought, and different situations for different families (also depends on where you are in the world!!)

I did my research on the breed standards in Germany, and found a website that lists Golden Retriever breeders. I found one an hour away (closest one) with a nice website, and sent an email. I had to use Google translate to figure out what her website said, and learned that her dog was in heat (this was in early August). She emailed back saying that she wants to meet interested families first, but that she doesn't speak much English, but to call her to set up a meeting. Wow...well....how would that work then? I can speak a very little bit of German but maybe not enough for a phone discussion like that where there could be more questions! :) So I asked my friend who can speak fluent German, if she would be willing to make the appointment and come with us. What a HUGE favor she did for us!! We were able to go meet with the breeder last Sunday. My friend and her hubby came along and also used the day to head up earlier and explore the area as both of our families are mentally preparing for a move to that area when the Army tells us its time to go (the posts here are closing down soon).

When we walked in we met the breeder and her two dogs, both female (one mom and one daughter) and it is the mother who is pregnant with her 2nd litter. This is her 2nd and last, and then the breeder may continue with the daughter dog later. My heart skipped a beat when she said she is pregnant! And she is due in two weeks! Also since I made the decision to go with this breed I got two books from the library, read through them, and ordered two more books on Amazon and am almost done with the 4th. I decided to order one of the library books which is on its way from Thriftbooks.com and then am waiting on a specific book on Golden Retriever puppy training from Amazon again. Am I a prepared nut or what? :)

I just realized that what I really want is best found in getting a puppy and training him or her ourselves. This is going to be quite an adventure but I am very excited about it. The kids are easy - they would have liked to take any dog or puppy home that we said yes to. They also love the idea of having an "Air Buddy" as we have really enjoyed the Air Bud movies for years without the intention of having one of our own! Of course they love Marley and Me too (even if some parts are questionable for young eyes!) though he's a lab of course - and also was part of what made Eldest decide that a dog would be too hard. LOL!!

So, the next step is to keep saving money (I don't even want to tell you how much for fear of getting mean comments!!) but is less than what I found on an American breeder site. The breeder will let us know when the puppies are here, and we can visit after they are 15 days old. Between 2-8 weeks she will be looking at their personalities and finding the right one for us. We want one that is not too dominating and not too shy. We are not as concerned with gender as we are with temperament. She said most people are wanting a female, so since we are not picky we may end up with a male. She has more people interested than she will have puppies (she's not sure how many puppies yet...not more than 5) but it sounds like we passed the interview and she will let us have one! Part of me is holding my breath though in case she decides our kids are too young or that she would be too sad to have us move him back to the states with us eventually. She had a sad expression when I said that we would take him back to the states with us, which was the right answer of course, but she likes to visit her puppies in their new homes. She admitted she would be sad, but that it would be okay, and perhaps she would visit us in the states sometime. She was very serious in her interview (which is to be expected from a good breeder but also with the added element of German seriousness about dogs!! But then she added that we must have fun with our puppy....oh dear, am I being too serious now??? LOL!!

DH got excited when she said that we must be careful with the kids toys - not only that the toys would get chewed up if laying around, but that the dog could choke. This was what sold DH on the idea more than anything, though he said he was very impressed with the dogs and the whole interview, seriousness of the process and how much help the breeder gives with a whole notebook of resources and suggested daily schedule (auf Deutsch of course!).

So, I hope that everything works out. I found the breeder a little bit hard to read, but then again this is Germany and they take their dog owning very seriously! We will also need to get signed up with dog insurance, which our friends have information for us about.

More to come on all of this! :)

Update

2011-07-11T09:17:00.000+02:00

Well by dinner time of day 3 I was over it. The 17-day diet is TOOOOO HARD!!! Not hard to follow but hard to DO. I think I just needed that kick in the pants to get disciplined again to follow my trusty old eDiets plans I have saved. So, that is the plan now. I know I know.....

I am reporting my food to my friend daily, and have to tell her anything I eat (and calories of it) that is not on my plan. That way I think about it more to before I do it. At least this way I can eat some bread again. I still have the 17-day hardback copy on its way to me so I think I will still use the recipes in there.

What I want is a new wardrobe of workout clothes. Something I can wear to run errands but also exercise in. This should be my daily wardrobe! But I have this idea that I need to lose more weight before I can buy more. Is that totally backwards? I still have $75 in gift cards to Nordstrom from my birthday. Maybe I'll see what they have! Money is tight this year so I don't need to go spend hundreds of dollars on workout clothes! And yet I do....ahhh.

17-Day Diet

2011-07-08T16:27:00.000+02:00

Hello, I'm back!

I decided to go for this thing again as the move packed on all the weight I lost on Jenny Craig. GRRRRRRRR. Well almost all of it.

I heard about the 17 day diet from a friend, which is 3 cycles of 17 and then the 4th cycle is the maintenance cycle. I got it for my Kindle so I could start right away and today is day 1. I am currently wanting some chips or chocolate really bad so I am down here on the computer instead with my plain yogurt and cucumbers. Then I will go do my 20 min workout. I like that this diet is aimed at quick loss at first because I realized how frustrated I am with slow weight loss and then any setback puts all the weight back on. I need something that gets me going faster. Basically the low cal/low fat diets I've been doing are what you do in Cycle THREE of this diet. So first 17 days is very little carbs. 2nd cycle is alternating days of little carbs and hearty carbs (not the white stuff that turns into sugar). 3rd cycle is the typical low cal/low fat plan which will still be weight loss but not as quickly. Cycle 4 is maintenance which he says is basically picking one of the other cycles for weekdays and then allowing yourself 1-3 favorite meals on weekends. It is not pigging out and it is not going back to the old ways of eating EVER. But, I am okay with that as long as I have worked hard to get to that point. That is what I think the point of this diet is - the motivation/results to get to that point.

My parents and brother arrive at about day 14 of this first cycle, and cycle 2 puts us on a road trip. So...I will be figuring out how to do it. If I need to start over after they leave that's okay, but I'm not going to sit around here waiting til their trip is done before I start. I am so tired of not doing this thing. Anna is 4 years old!!

Anyway, I also ordered the hard copy of the book because with recipes and needing to reference things I thought it will be a lot easier. But at least I am not waiting around for weeks on end for it to come and in the meantime overdoing it with the bad food still. So if you are interested it is on Amazon and has a ton of good reviews.

BHD Conference

2011-05-12T15:51:00.000+02:00

I attended the 3rd Annual BHD Symposium in Maastricht, Netherlands yesterday. It is a 2-day conference, but yesterday had the most patient-friendly information with clinical studies presented in the morning and a patient discussion group in the afternoon with a genetic counselor from the NIH. I drove the 3 1/2 hours there Tuesday night and back on Wednesday and it was well worth it!

So I will try to organize my notes here for my family and interested friends.

First of all it is in fact, pronounced "bert hogg dubay" and not "birt hogg doob" as I've been saying. And of course with a little European accent of any kind, it sounds much better, sort of like "Tarjay" :)

These are the last names of the 3 Canadian doctors who discovered the chromosome mutation in 1977 after realizing that all three of their families had similar sets of symptoms (skin tumors, kidney tumors and lung cysts). After collecting case studies from other families, it was enough to diagnose this as a "new" disease and give it a name. (I had not realized that the 3 doctors were not only doctors, but also had families with these symptoms).

The mutation is found at the top of chromosome 17, where one will be healthy (hopefully and usually! Unless of course you have two BHD parents!), and the other will have a mutatated folliculin protein. What is not yet completely known is how it is mutated - is it too much or too little? Maybe it varies person to person.

The first speaker was Pieter Postmus, a pulmonologist from the Netherlands who was invited to the conference at the last second and I am so glad he was able to come! (he gave out his email address too!). A lot of what he said only confirmed what I know, but still good to know docs around the world are coming to the same conclusions. In BHD the blebs or cysts are typically found in the lower part of the lung, and usually the right side. Of course, they are in all areas of both, but lower right is where they cluster (and where my collapse originated and where I keep having some issues post surgery).

When someone has a pneumothorax (collapse), it is referred to as primary or secondary. Of course I think this referred to how many times you have had a collapse. No..... primary means "no known cause" and secondary means "known underlying lung disease." Good to know for my family in case it happens to them. Best to have the docs putting the correct information down!

Dr. Postmus believes that the weather does have an effect - he has noticed and other docs have confirmed that pneumo patients tend to come in clusters, usually 1-2 days after a thunderstorm or any change in atmospheric pressure.

He has noticed the average age for a first collapse is 16-25 (though some other docs say 33, which is exactly how old I was!), and "fast growth" from age 11-14. Either that means if a child had a fast growth spurt at that age they are more at risk, or else the blebs formed faster in that age? Not sure. He said he will send us copies of his presentation if we email him, so I will do that and also ask if he can recommend any pulmonologists here in Germany.

Next presenter was Laura Schmidt, who was actually involved in the blood test that I volunteered for, for developing a way to see the difference between patients with LAM and BHD. She said she would email me the paper that was written on that. Good to know it was successful! The results, to my layman's brain, sound like there are higher protein counts in LAM than in BHD, so it is not a way to find a definite answer, but it helps for sure. Apparently Laura is the one who discovered and named the "folliculin" gene and would really rather name the disease something like that rather than BHD, but now that's what we're used to calling it. She mentioned that German Shepherd dogs have a similar genetic abnormality and that they can also have kidney cancer and "face" tumors. In the 161 families that she studied, they found 56 unique BHD mutations....so that means someone could have one or all three in any combination, of the effects of the mutation. And that it can pass on to your children in any form....doesn't mean that since I have the lung cysts, that that's what my kids could have...they could have the kidney tumors or just the "FFs" (fibrofolliculomas which are the benign facial hair follicle tumors), or some other combination.

Dr. Lim talked about the FLCN point mutations which was way over my head but I think you can access that information at www.lovd.nl/flcn. He mentioned the "skin tags" can be on the face, neck, back, chest, abdomen, upper limbs, on and behind the ears. In 100% of lung collapses the BHD patients had cysts in the lungs (this sounds like "duh" but I guess it just more clearly points out that this is the direct cause of the collapses!). The median age he found for kidney cancer onset was 45 years. He mentioned that the mutations found on 1285 dupC and 1318_1334 dup 17 were the correlation to kidney cancer. Which reminds me, I need to look up my test results to see which # it said...hang on....

Okay, my result is using the European numbering system which is different from the US numbering system. Mine came up to c1733delC (deleted), but my dad's was 1285dupC (duplicated). They said our #s actually do match up when they make the adjustment, but that they should both be either duplicated or deleted. My dad's tester had thought maybe mine was a typo. I mentioned this to the genetic counselor yesterday and she also said that yes, they should both be either duplicated or deleted, but I am not sure how to go about seeing if that is right (finding someone to run the test again???)

Regardless, even without a history of kidney cancer, we both should be getting MRIs vs ultrasounds, as ultrasounds can miss the small tumors. Still, they said if they have a good CT or MRI to use as a baseline, they can track any changes via ultrasound. Every 2 years is sufficient when there is no tumor.

Skipping ahead because I didn't gather anything from the next speaker except scientific terminology! :)

Drs. Houweling and Reinhard from the Netherlands, a geneticist and radiologist, did a comparison on ultrasounds and MRI and noted that the MRI was the better way to go, and that tumors can be seen without contrast. 2 out of 92 of their tested patients had tumors that could only be detected on the MRI and were missed on the ultrasound. One was 27 mm and the other 17 mm. The presence of kidney tumorw in the normal population is less than 1%, but in BHD patients is 15-27%. There was universal agreement to wait to do any surgery on a tumor until it reached 3 cm. CT scans show the tumors the best, and work the fastest but the radiation exposure is to be avoided if possible. MRIs are slower and are less available, but are much safer and don't require the use of contrast. Ultrasounds don't detect small masses but can differentiate between cystic and solid masses. So the conclusion was that MRIs every 2 years are sufficient when the kidneys are clear, and otherwise can be used as much as needed to find the growth rate of the tumor (usually not more than every 6 months).

Dr. Lim spoke again (he's from the University of Birmingham in the UK) talked about an interesting BHD family that had the "duplication" in the folliculin gene. One member had polyarticular rheumatoid arthritis, some had skin tags under neck and underarms, and one had recurring episodes of chest pain and breathlessness but was never shown to have cysts in the lungs or a collapse. He was put on steroids and did better.

Dr. Lu from the UK mentioned the use of Mithramycin for use with kidney cancer in "FLCN (folliculin) deficient" patients, as safe and effective.

The fianl presentation before lunch and splitting into the patient group was on "Genetic Correction" using artifical chromosomes to restore the FLCN cells. The goal is to develop "non viral gene delivery" to the kidney. He has so far injected neonatal mice (positive BHD mice I guess!) to see if it prevents the formation of tumors in the kidneys, but after one test lasting 14 days, he didn't see a significant change, and so he is still in the hypothesis phase...thinks maybe 14 days was too long. So that is some interesting "sci fi" stuff that still has a LONG way to go. Would be nice if they figure it out for lung cysts too!

Before the event began I met a woman named Jill who also has BHD but only has the "FFs" She was hired by the Myrovlitis Trust (a family name with a trust set up to research genetic diseases and currently focused on BHD) to make a film of the conference. She is a freelance filmmaker from New York. Her dad has more pronounced FFs (like my uncle Richard, and she showed me a picture...WOW they are very similar!!) he has also had 2 collapses back in 98 and 99 and not had any issues since. It was interesting to get to chat with her from a patients perspective! I also met a young woman, Gilena, who works for the MT and is from the states, but living in England where the MT is located, and running the BHD Syndrome website. She was excited to meet me as she is the one who published my interview in the latest newsletter. And it was fun to get to update both of them on my latest travels and move!

Jill's FFs really don't look that bad, and the genetic counselor, Lindsay Middelton, said that she has noticed that the FFs tend to be worse in men than women. Also, Jill has tried a Chinese herbal medicine (internally) that has really helped. She can't remember the name of it but I will email her to ask since she will research it for me. She actually got it while studying in the Netherlands back in college!

Ms. Middelton also mentioned the use of "Rapamycin" as being an effective one for use with the FFs. It works as a tumor suppressor in the "M-tor" - the molecular biologic highway.

In telling her my story about my "slow leaking" lung collapse, she was nodding her head...that is the story she hears most of the time. Of course if you go deep sea diving or flying in a supersonic plane (and this did happen with two BHD people), then it will be more sudden and be a real emergency situation.

She also mentioned that BHD researchers do NOT think that cysts in the lungs are progressive. She was saying "you know you can have that bottom lobe resected" to which I was giving her all the arguments against it, one being that the condition is progressive and we'd be removing good tissue with the bad and don't want to do that. She said that is not the case. Hmmm. That is BIG news to me. I want to verify that more. Not that I will go running off to have the surgery, but it does ease some of the nervousness!!

There was another BHD family there from the Netherlands that have had various issues in several family members, scattered among grandpas, nieces, sisters and brothers, in exactly the random pattern that the docs were talking about (and one lady's sister is one that had the ultrasound miss her kidney tumor). They also have 3 family members who's lungs have gotten so bad that they are not able to work anymore. She has not had a collapse, but she was found to have cysts in her lungs and the Netherlands docs (Postmus included) think/went ahead and put talc in her pleural space (Like I do on my right lung) to be super glue in case of any issues. Lindsay and I were shocked by that, since it is still the US opinion that you wait til you have a collapse (after all it is not usually a life or death situation because it is usually a slow leak). I also mentioned how the docs I talked to were horrified to hear they'd used talc on me, partly because of the thinking that I will develop more cysts/blebs and need more surgery (which may not be the case after all), and also that it makes further surgery more dangerous and complicated, and because the Germans are not convinced it is safe to use in the long run. This was news to the Netherlands people, of course.

Another man there was also from the NL and just found out he has BHD 3 months ago when he had a kidney tumor removed. He was able to ride his bike as he only lives 15 km from the university where we met!! He was very interested in all of these various aspects of BHD. I hope we didn't scare him but he is older...maybe late 50s.

So the conclusion really for now, is that in BHD families, regular MRIs of the kidneys needs to be seen just like regular mammograms and colonoscopies are for people of all types of certain ages. The interesting/good thing to know is that in BHD, the tumors are usually not actually "cancer" - they are either "chromophobe" which means very slow growing cancer, or "oncytoma" which are benign, and in both cases they are self contained and not eating at the wall of the kidney. Also you can have within one tumor a mix of both of these types of cells. The important thing is to remove them if they are over 3 cm and usually at that time they clean anything else out and that gives someone a good 10 years before needing to check them again. They really prefer not to have to do another surgery (because like the lungs, it gets more complicated with more surgeries).

Oh and the FFs typically start in the 30s, which I believe to be true.

But back to the kidneys....other factors that increase the risk, which of course can be true universally, are smoking, uncontrolled high blood pressure, morbid obesity (300-400 lbs), and chemical exposure such as phenactin, TCE - trichloroethylene (used in factories, very few people expose), and asbestos. However diet and exercise have not been looked at in relation to BHD and need more research.

Ms. Middelton is going to send us each a packet of 8-9 pages of medical information to present to our doctors when needed, to help them understand the condition and how to care for us. This is mainly focused on the kidney aspect. More research is needed for the lungs for SURE. But I don't think the NIH/NCI are the people for the job. I will have to see if there is a national institute for pulmonology? Basically we need to arm ourselves with information and then find a doctor who is willing to listen to US and take the recommended course for treatment. This is the challenge of course - finding a doctor who will not be rushed and do most of the talking, but will instead listen and understand. I feel like its sort of like hiring a contractor to do a job in your home....they have to do it exactly how YOU say it is to be done and not come in and just remodel your house however they feel like, since after all, they are the "experts" So that is the tricky part, finding the doctor with the right attitude.

I came away feeling more at ease with the "disease" - knowing there are doctors and scientists all around the world (not many mind you, but at least they are communicating with eachother!) who are truly concerned and working hard to find more about this genetic condition. Also understanding the kidney "cancer" aspect of it better is very reassuring. I had to lose some naivety about thinking "our family only has the FFs and lung cysts" which may be true, and may be not. But at least now I think that there is a potential for "drama control" if anyone did show up with tumors in the kidneys. Also if I can find more information on the medications for FFs I can share that information!

Ding Dong

2011-04-28T10:09:00.000+02:00

I don't know if anyone will forgive my lack of intelligence but guess what, I finally realized that the allergy meds I've been taking since last summer (that work so well!) are actually the same as Benadryl. I never bothered to look closely at the label. Um...no WONDER I've been getting that tired/dizzy feeling since last summer (got it from my in-laws) and got myself prescribed with Wellbutrin for "adjustment disorder"???? And how I stopped taking it through the winter and felt better and weaned myself off the Wellbutrin...only to hit spring and moving again and starting to feel that same tired dizziness again (and started taking it again). Since I finally realized this two days ago and didn't take it yesterday I didn't take it and sure enough never got that incredible feeling of needing to nap. So here's to finding alternatives to my allergy problems!! I used to get a prescription for Zyrtec and might do that again. I just didn't bother with the moving and figured this generic stuff from my in laws was working fine! (no correlation to my sleepiness of course!). Slightly annoying since I did tell the docs what I was taking but no one really made me question it.

I just ordered a book called Herbal Remedies by Rosemary Gladstar that some friends recommended in a little group I joined here for learning about natural health, organic eating, etc. So I got it for my Kindle and can start learning a few things.

Moving Weight Gain

2011-04-26T07:15:00.001+02:00

Finally stepped on the scale....gained 6.4 lbs since the last time I checked. So YES I am glad I brought my scale with me in the luggage! I knew I was busting out of my jeans a bit more than usual but they still FIT....so the scale is a good way for me to know what is really going on and make adjustments. My friend Jae said she will start back up with reporting food and exercise with me (she visited yesterday! :) and so that will start officially next week.

Anyway I did bring my workout videos along, and I did 3 workouts last week so I just now started up "normal" after being here a month. Frustrating how I'm on an uphill battle. A few weeks of no exercise and I have just slipped right down the mountain at a rate of a pound a week.

My Fried Brain

2011-04-11T12:51:00.001+02:00

We have been in Germany for 2 weeks and a day now. It has been amazingly beautiful. So beautiful that one really is not doing justice to one's life if one is not out in it enjoying life like a tourist. Unfortunately, this is only possible for us when Roland is home with the rental car. We ordered a van the day after we got here and were told 2 weeks. We thought that will be a tough 2 weeks but it will be worth it to get the color we want. Two weeks is today.

Last week we found a home, but we can't move in til June 1. I know that will be worth the wait too, but I am waiting for the irony to kick in....June is usually when the weather turns overcast and rainy. But I have heard some people say they think the weather is nicer here than at Ramstein (only an hour and 20 min west of here). I am just dreaming of having space and a big yard again! I hope the kids will be mainly living in the backyard all summer.

I got Youngest signed up (almost) to one of the Kindergartens in our village in their half day program with the two daughters of our sponsor's family (and the mom is German). Once I have my van I can take her to that. Middlest is signed up to start at a German Christian school on May 2. He is hard to homeschool...he really enjoys the structure and commeraderie of a school environment, and he will do better at this Christian one than the village one which is basically like a daycare (most public German "kindergartens" are).

In the meantime I have talked Eldest into trying out the Christian German school as well for a bribe. Now I have to wait for the right time....since after all I don't have my van, and next week they take spring break for 2 weeks. So....might have to be after that.

I have friends inviting us to things at Ramstein but we have to choose carefully what we can attend so we're not driving out there every weekend.

I am not sure if I am having adjustment disorder again...I am so sleepy during the day, but I also could use more hours of sleep at night! We are still staying up too late! But then I am waking early with the birds. for the most part our jet lag went over pretty smoothly. It helped that we pushed ourselves that first day here.

It is really hard to get Eldest (and me) to focus on his homeschool with the other two running around being loud in such close quarters. So....that part of me is really struggling. I am losing the desire FAST to do any more homeschooling whatsoever. But I can't just let 2 months go by of sitting here vegging either. We will not get a break when maybe it would be TIME for breaks and vacations.

We don't yet know how much time off DH will be getting or how fast he earns it, So that makes planning for a trip this summer kind of hard. Already we are being invited camping in Switzerland for the IBC retreat. DH said me and the kids could go. Could I handle that? Another decision I would need to try to make asap.

alright it is time for lunch. Brain food!

Half Way!

2011-03-03T04:20:00.000+01:00

Wow...well I guess I had to hit rock bottom before making some progress!! Realized when I updated my ticker that I am half way to my "Jillian Michaels" weight loss goal of 160 lbs. That would get me to where I was before I got pregnant with Anna (and before too many brats and pommes frites in Germany! :)

This morning my scale said 169.4. YAY. My little personal goal was for my home scale to get under the 170 mark. Jenny's scale said 171.6, as in, NO change from last week. But that is better than a gain! And last week at my weigh in (which had a 3 lb loss), my measurements were about the same as when I started there 7 lbs heavier. Strange. But here at home I realized my size 12 jeans were starting to sag under my belly pooch. It gets annoying to have a belly pooching out but then I remembered that they did NOT do that when I first bought them which MEANS that I needed to go down a size! I ordered a size 10 in some Lee jeans and capris in faith a bit (they were on sale too) and they came today and FIT GREAT! Oh yes and that old suck it in feeling that these jeans have (the power to hold it in w/o a major muffin top....just below the waist rise not LOW rise)....yay, that is the feeling I remember when I got them in 12s, except these are 10s!! Yes!!

Now the challenge ahead is to keep up the hard work while we go through this move. I don't want to get lazy and think I can indulge and not work out. At least I know now that running in place definitely COUNTS if I can't get a "real workout in" because wow...I haven't gotten MANY "real" workouts in. Eating healthy counts and drinking my water counts!! I will probably mail my scale to Germany rather than wait 2 months for it to ship over with the rest of our stuff, to help keep me on track (and bring my pedometer and maybe a few workout videos).

So that is my plan for now. Yay!

Fail

2011-02-21T03:06:00.000+01:00

Epic fail.

When I renamed this with a goal of losing 30 lbs in 15 weeks that was October 11, 2011. 19 weeks ago.

When I renamed it again to have a more reasonable goal of 15 lbs in 10 weeks (huh?) that was in December and 10 weeks was last week on Feb 15.

So here I am on Feb 20, about a whopping 5 lbs less than where I started from.

Also, having looked back at my posts, we got the news of the RIF about a week after I decided to focus "for reals" on my weight loss. Perhaps that has something to do with it now. Argh.........

I am still on Jenny Craig but is it working? I keep cheating. I don't have time for two workouts every day. I will switch to Weight Watchers online (and since you can buy a lot of their food in stores) after we move. We should be moving soon. Roland is getting tired of me spending the money on JC when it doesn't seem to be working miracles. But I'm afraid of getting off it and then eating the same food as my family and gaining back the very hard fought for stinkin 5 lbs. Plus some.

It is really time to not be moving don't you think? Except that even in Germany, we will not have much time before moving to another city.

Been thinking a lot lately about working out just to feel good. Eat to be healthy, exercise to be healthy and feel good. Even without the rewards of weight or inches lost, the reward is in being healthy. It is still depressing to think "is that all there is" but it certainly isn't something to scoff at either. I'm only 36 but it is already an uphill battle. If I let myself go now, I could easily get unhealthy rather quickly.

So, that is not very happy sounding but there you go! :)

Trust the System..or not

2011-02-18T18:48:00.001+01:00

Why do I have trouble trusting the "system"? Well I have decided to write down the incidents. Now that I've done it on scratch paper it doesn't seem "that bad" but here you go. Let me know (mom) what I have forgotten! It's the confusion in the midst of these situations that causes the blood pressure to rise!!

Moving from Newberg to Alabama: were told packers would be at our house in a window of about 8-5 p.m. Considering they mean to pack the entire house, I was slightly concerned when by noon they had not shown up. I called and was told they had us scheduled for April, not March. We had 5 guys there who packed us up that day and picked up the next. Phew. Lesson learned: confirm, confirm confirm.... (I am pretty sure this happened either before or after this incident as well!)

Moving from Canby to Germany:
- Biggest headache - no base near my home in Oregon - nearest was McChord in Tacoma, WA, 2 1/2 hours away. We had orders to go to Germany, but DH was still on his remote with a RNLTD (report no later than date) of very close date to when he was meant to return from Honduras. Hence, needing to have ducks in a row before he was back from Honduras such as overseas medical clearances and passports. In my several attempts to find out when and where to be and getting NO replies, we finally made a trip to McChord when DH was home visiting for a week. Of course, we arrived to find out that certain prodecures were only done on Tuesdays and it was of course not a Tuesday. We finally got an exception to the rule and met with a very stern grudgingly cooperative man to get our passports done and get us in for a medical clearance review short-notice. In my defense, saying I had tried emailing him several times, he said he probably thought it was junk mail or too general for him to waste his time reading. NICE!

- We forgot I had been put on separate orders to go live in Oregon the year that DH was in Honduras on his remote. Orders=LIFE. So when we were filing for our travel reimbursements in Germany, it was helpful when we finally remembered to dig out MY orders to show the finance people.

Medevac from Germany to DC: plans changed at the 11th hour involving bringing Youngest and DH along (due to not being able to use my breast pump on the plane's power). So, Youngest, but not DH, were added to my orders. We of course did not realize this til we were trying to head back to Germany and had to foot the bill of his return flight ($800). On one hand this is a small cost compared to having NO medical bills to pay. On the other, a small example of a failure of the system.

Also on the trip from LRMC to the plane at Ramstein, there was a travel hiccup due to the last minute nature of Youngest and DH coming along - the van for accompanying family members had no seatbelts and Youngest couldn't come along in her carseat without a carseat. I could see that the lines of communication were falling apart but I was strapped to a guerney and pretty helpless. As we left the hospital in the blue bus (marked with a red cross) I was nearly in tears. Not just for the situation I was in, but because I really didn't know if Youngest and DH would be making it to the plane and coming to DC with me after all! Later the bus stopped for awhile in order to find out where they were. One of the nurse guys on the bus even asked ME if I knew where my husband was!!! HA!!! A while later the bus started to head to the plane and I had no idea if they knew where he was. We passed a blue van (with the red cross) and I saw Youngest's carseat inside. I was yelling "I see them I see them!" and the nurse came to hush me down saying "trust the system ma'am." I said "um...I'm TRYING!" So I was quite relieved when I heard that they were at the plane.

Adding Youngest to our COLA adjustment at the finance office when DH was deployed and she was a newborn. Oh fun times. I had Power of Attorney AND special finance power of attorney. Finance wouldn't accept it. I had to mail a piece of paper to DH to be signed and bring it back to finance before they would let me add Youngest to his finance information for increasing his COLA. (or it was something related to money but can't remember). I just felt like what a waste of time and disrespect for a mom of a newborn trying to get things done with a deployed husband.

EFMP travel by ship from Germany to the states: this was the time DH was a ping pong between MPF and TMO. We could not make any progress. We assumed that because I was cleared through the EFMP that somehow I was authorized to travel by ship (the entire reason we pursued EFMP). Finally realized we had to have that put on the orders (some offices saying they thought it WAS...other offices saying it was NOT). We finally had to find out the AFI (law saying me and the family would be authorized to travel by ship with medical reasons) and were able to get the orders ammended and the ship cost reimbursed. PHEW!

And that takes us to current time. We have done the EFMP process for going back to Germany and are waiting on approval or disapproval. We have decided NOT to push the travel by ship even though we probably could if we wanted to. I have decided that if we're living in Europe, I must be able to fly!!

I was told if I got my paperwork by a certain date I could have an appointment that week. I did that, but she had booked all the appointments. I got in last week, and she said we would get the kids in the next week. DH went back the following day for my paperwork and she said the next week was booked already, and it would be two weeks before the kids get in for their overseas medical clearance. Nothing hinges on his final offer except for my EFMP clearance, so I am not nervous about this. It is just another example of not trusting anyone by their word alone. I made DH take in their paperwork today because I refused to believe we really have that March 1 appointment for the kids until they have all of their paperwork. So, now it's settled. :)

So here we are. he may be going into a civilian job for the Army but we are still under the same rules if we want anything to get done. Orders are the LAW...that is the biggie. DH still seems to live in a place where people's word means something, but I have learned that nothing is to be trusted til it's in writing and has had LOTS of time to be planned and confirmed and reconfirmed.

Dinnertime

2011-02-14T02:08:00.001+01:00

How is my weight loss going? Grrrr. That's about all I can say about that. I am TRYING. I thought I was doing great last week - my home scale saying a 2-3 lb loss while the Jenny scale said I went up almost a pound. What is that?

Another thing I wonder is if my lack of feeling "fulfilled" at mealtimes makes me overeat. Or just nibble here and there before and after. The only time I know for sure we all sat down together for dinner was when I made a point to have a family conference to discuss Barricade's future with our family. I wish that it were understood by the hubby who would then help round up the kids...that dinner is at 6 p.m. every night! I have a goal to have it prepared by then. But, this is something that he has not been good at our entire marriage. He agrees that it's important, but then it actually happening is another story. Often we have all sat down to eat and he comes in at the tail end. So then I'm cleaning up and feeling like what was all that effort prepping for? Now here I am cleaning up. So it's a downer and I start to think about chocolate.

So...my goal in the next few days is try to get my family to think of dinner at 6 p.m. like a family conference every night and see if the conversation helps the entire meal feel more fulfilling. Hope that makes sense. It does to me. :)

So I realized too that I am tired by the end of the day and just lose steam so it's hard to push through the dinner clean up, make Middlest's lunch, get kids ready to bed before sitting down. So I find myself here, checking Facebook or something, for a fulfilling break before going on (which is also involving sitting on my tush). However we did spend a good hour today out at the nearest playground where I walked around the perimeter a few times and got plenty of my steps in! Hooray. Still wearing my pedometer and aiming for at least 10K steps/day.

Also stepping it up with the water. And I bought a diet pill at the store. Don't yell at me. It is worth a shot. My body needs to get a clue that I'm trying to LOSE and maybe help with those cravings which are not hunger at all but sure do SEEM like it. I think they are the same things smokers have....hence.....Facebook and sweets are my "cigarettes."

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-04T19:04:00.000+01:00

Direction

2011-01-28T22:36:00.000+01:00

If you're still reading this I need your help! I am falling off the bandwagon left and right. I am doing so-so with Jenny Craig but I really need to quit eating the little extras here and there.I had a bad week with sickness, an out of town trip and my period. So now back to square one which includes getting over the sugar cravings!

And does anyone else get sick after a week of "okay I'm really going to exercise every day"? It sure seems like this happens EVERY time!! My Jenny consultant said maybe its the toxins that are working their way out when I am finally working out regularly. Anyway...we'll see. I am back at it.

Other thoughts in my head have been what to do with my opportunity to get a master's degree. I sure hate to waste something like that if I don't pursue something I am passionate about. So I think after prayer and talking and searching, things are falling into place. I am still going to use my journalism and PR skills....but now I am realizing how I can use those in the crisis pregnancy center world. That has been a separate thought I've had for a few years all related to adoption and learning about the ministries of crisis pregnancy centers.

This is a tiny seed of a direction to go. It combines my strengths and passions. What a concept! I always knew I wanted to do PR type work but wasn't particularly excited about the high-tech field that I was getting my experience in at the time. I have not had a focus for what I might do with that degree after I am done being a full-time mom, and now I am glad to have an area to grow into. I still want to be available to my kids until they're off to college in whatever form that may be...if it means homeschooling one or all all the way then that is what I will do, but it is good to have this growing in the background at the same time. And I will need to get the degree by 2026. :) I do have some time!! Perhaps I can start with doing some volunteer work in this area and as my kids are able to be self-directed with their schooling I can start to pursue the degree.

That's all for now! Back to my not cheating on food...

New Year Just Happens to be Now

2010-12-31T16:38:00.001+01:00

Realizing that a couple things going on with me seem very New Years ish, yet it really just happens to be that time of year. Better that way anyway....when you realize something internally that needs changing and commit to stick to what it takes...rather than force it from the outside just because you know it needs to happen.

Now this will come across sounding sad and stuff, but its not meant to sound like "feel sorry for me" - more it is just the facts that have finally led me to where I am.

So #1 is that I am going to counseling on a weekly basis to talk about family issues. The kids have gone as well. Would be great if DH will go too, but for now I have no sway in that and can only control my end of the game. If that means I have a safe place to "vent" and also be strengthened to come back home and not enable certain behaviors, then that is great. I am also finally reading Relationship Rescue and it is great to see Dr. Phil spell out the exact things going on here that no one else has talked about in any other marriage book I've read.

Granted there is stress and anxiety and negative things coming out of my man that are not desirable due to the lack of knowing the job future, but he knows that he WILL have a job and so really the issues coming up are issues that have always been there. That's what I hope to get cleaned out.

Somewhat in relation to this is #2 - I joined Jenny Craig last Wednesday. I am so excited. I need to meet with a real person and stay accountable. And I can pick up my food and not worry about it going bad in delivery (like with eDiets) and I have more control over my food choices). The only worry there is the money, but right now it is a commitment I need to make to myself. The reality is that I need a real person's support. Not virtually, and not just emotional support like I get with my sister. :) The wake up call was that (this will sound shocking) I do NOT have my husband's support on weight loss. I think part of this can be blamed on his perception that I'm trying to make him solve my problem. I wasn't, of course, but there are those days when I could have used more support from him as far as watching the kids or helping out with some other task so that I could get my workout in or spend more time making a healthy meal.

Anyway...regardless, finally adding up all the comments over the years (one classic one was him saying "I finally realized that your idea of food and my idea of food are different" which of course led to a non healthy reaction on my part. :)

And the latest "your weight loss stresses me out" HUH???? I had just been talking about how cool it was to have my smart phone and be able to check calories and fat grams for things so quickly and easily. Not like trying to count calories in pre-smart phone days. It's great! How does this become a problem for him to stress over?? Well anyway....

The point for now is that these are things that finally energized me to get the support I need elsewhere. So I have my weekly Jenny Craig appointment and my weekly counseling appointment and I am happy. If this means I finally need to wake up and call it what it is so be it but for now I am just glad to be at this point. Like...if my life sets me up for some weird Woody Allen movie then whatever. But I am not seeing it that way at this point. :)

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year

2010-12-31T15:37:00.002+01:00

No More Low Rise

2010-12-07T17:21:00.002+01:00

Hello again,

Well of course Thanksgiving set me back a little, not to mention Middlest's emergency appendectomy and hospital stay! BUT I am so glad that we figured out what was going on before it ruptured!

I also finally accepted that I should not be wearing low rise jeans anymore. I had taken some second hand jeans from a friend but was really not confident in them. Of course, I kept blaming myself for that....that I was too muffin toppish, but finally after letting all those Lee jeans ads sink in enough, thought I better switch over. i ordered my first pair (not all the way to waist, just the "just below waist" ones) and wow am I happier. With those holding the tummy in and adjusting my bras (had been lazy and letting them sag at the longest bra strap adjustment) I am a happier girl. :)

I put another order in so I'd have two pairs of these lovely jeans, but now that I have switched weight loss plans, I wonder if I will regret getting 12s!

Anyway, I bought Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred, finally. I decided I need to try it for myself. I had some friends get it and say they think it would be too dangerous for me with my lungs. I am glad, so far, that I got it. :) I am doing the level 1, 20 min per day workout for now, and was able to get a 30 day free trial on her website which includes a meal plan. I am really going to try to stick to it this time!! I am hoping my sister will get the DVD and get on the program too so we can be on the same schedule. We are already emailing/texting our accountability to each other.

I am on my period now so won't weigh in just yet. So, hopefully will have an update on my ticker again soon. Also, on Jillian's plan she has a goal weight for me of between 155-165 lbs. So I set it at 160 lbs. That is still 15 lbs higher than where I was pre-Middlest, but MAN I would feel great to be back there! That is only 15 lbs away, so I think a new goal date of 160 lbs in 10 weeks is reasonable. That gives me wiggle room for some weeks losing 1 lb, and others losing 2 lbs.

On a bit of a side note I had an appointment with my pulmonologist last week (the one I don't like much but trying to be patient). She advised not to fly pretty much ever, and also I asked about whether I could safely get a tummy tuck. (as in the general anesthesia). She said "I would probably do fine" but that I needed to put it out of my mind because the risk was too high and my kids need their mom. I do agree with that of course, but then she also keeps saying my needs come second. Well there is the argument that if mom's not happy, nobody's happy. So...this at least set me back towards the weight loss track. Perhaps another doc will be more willing (my last one was!) but for now I am just relieved that the Shred workouts are so short so it is easier to think of fitting them in, and for tummy control jeans that are actually cute. :)

Time to Focus (again)

2010-11-27T18:03:00.001+01:00

Okay I need to not get down on myself. I had set increments of goal weights for my weight loss journey in my google calendar and yesterday got a "notification" of 165 lbs as my goal as of yesterday. Sigh. I keep doing this to myself. In Germany it was on my wall calendar. I'd keep scratching it out and setting new goals. Never, of course, reaching them.

But, I have to realize that it is now November 27, two days past Thanksgiving, and looking back, Middlest started his unhealthiness on November 8. Nov. 10 we were at urgent care for the cat scratch, fever and sore/watery eye. He was well for a few days (over my birthday weekend which of course meant cheesecake), then started the diarrhea and sleepless nights til we ended up in the hospital for his appendix surgery. It was great having my mom here to celebrate Thanksgiving and also to help with caring for Middlest and the rest of the family. I'm happy that my scale hasn't gone up. :) Considering the almost entire pumpkin pie I have eaten in the last two days. :)

We still have another pie in the fridge. Thankfully Eldest likes it. I think I will be helping to get rid of it some more though. Or find some neighbors who might have felt pumpkin pie deprived on their holiday travels?

We had a great evening on Thanksgiving in Natchitoches (pronounced Nack-a-tish) admiring the Christmas-lit river and historic French-Cajun styled store fronts. My pictures are in my mobile phone and I'm not savvy enough yet to get them posted here.

Alright time for lunch.

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-08T15:12:00.002+01:00

Going Sugar Free

2010-11-07T02:28:00.001+01:00

As I write I am still on a sugar high, so it's easier said than done at this point. This week will be my hardest week of finally truly starting the quitting process with sugar. My cousin is rejoicing right now I know. She has already done a great job cutting out all sugar and learning what/when to eat to avoid the low blood sugar shakes. Her blog entry on this topic is here: http://crunchychristianmom.blogspot.com/2010/10/new-regimen.html

This week has been bad...no weight loss. No coincidence that Halloween was last Sunday too. I knew as soon as I opened that first little bag of peanut butter M&Ms I was going to fall deep deep deep into sugar indulgence. I exercised all 5 weekdays, 48 min each, and pretty intensily. But, no change. It doesn't help when I am going through the sugar thing.

I am pretty sure I have never been truly off sugar before though, and so this is really going to be hard. But since I finally came to the realization that it is an ADDICTION, I knew I would have to make a big change. I was asking DH "why aren't there sugar patches?" like smokers trying to quit can use nicotene patches. There is alot of help on the web though and so I'm printing out different helpful articles and also paid for some downloads from the 7-day Sugar-Free Diet website. This website is also full of helpful stuff:
http://www.firstourselves.org/2008/what-can-i-feed-my-kids-what-do-i-eat-for-snacks/

I have talked with each of my kids about how serious this is and I know it will be really hard for them too, so we'll see how much I can start to steer them away, hopefully pretty well. But I can't really avoid parties or kids bringing cupcakes for snack time at Middlest's school. But, I can at least know that those are almost going to be the only times they get sugar. I say all this with a full pitcher of Halloween candy (even after DH cleaned through it) AND going to the homeschool carnival today and them winning candy at each game!! I may need to get better at planning ahead and starting to have little non-sugar treats as prizes instead. Or a sticker chart earning a really fun outing if we make it w/o sugar for a certain amount of days.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts for now. I know that I have to approach this as an addict....as seriously as an alcoholic or heroin addict would have to face getting over their addiction. Hopefully it won't be as hard, but some websites say it can be harder.

I also called eDiets because I am not able to change my snack preferences with my meal delivery plan. Some days are lite popcorn, but some days are sugar and chocolate chip cookies or biscotti! (with milk or fruit on the side). I asked if I am able to change those perhaps by phone, but I am not. I am committed to the program for 4 weeks, so my 4th delivery will be this Friday. Perhaps I will decide to cancel after that delivery. It might be an okay thing later after I am over my addiction and not having such highs and lows with my blood sugar causing me to be hungry and craving sweets like mad!

In other news DH has applied for 5 jobs in Germany and is talking to a company in San Antonio who are really interested in him. There is a job in Vancouver, WA (across the river from Portland!) for Bonneville Power, and the app is due Monday. DH and I worked on his cover letter this morning but need to do more editing on it. He is working on his 2nd paper now for his masters (both due Nov 14) and it's driving him completely bonkers. I am so excited for when he has those turned in and is DONE. It will mean a delayed birthday celebration for me but that's okay.

Time to get the kids to bed!

Right on track

2010-10-29T20:39:00.002+02:00

Weighed in today with a 1 lb loss since my meal plan started a week ago. Right on track! My second week of meals came this morning. This has been a crazy week and I haven't done any real exercise, so I'm glad that sticking to a low cal plan will help me. I accidentally got a fish meal this week and last week, so I'll give those to DH and swap with one of his Healthy Choice Steamers! He loves to eat those for lunch.

This week (Monday) I took our cat Bumblebee to the shelter. I was such a wreck about it. He has been wearing out his welcome with peeing and pooping inside the house frequently, and whining like mad to go outside (they're not allowed out on base). Finally I got told on and housing called me Monday, in the middle of my cleaning his poo out of the bathtub. I was so torn up, thinking I need to give him away but not feeling right about it. Finally looked up his paperwork thinking I will take him back to the shelter. The paperwork from the shelter also says to bring them back there, not try to give them away. So, I realized that if anyone is looking for an already-neutered, outside cat, they will most likely try the shelter. That is better than me being nervous about who I'm giving him to and having to do all the meeting up for that. Hooray. I was nervous thinking they wouldn't take him back but I explained my circumstances and they were fine with it. Wesley was the most fine, just saying "come on mom, let's go!" They didn't even see when the shelter worker scooped him out of the kennel and took him back to the cat room, they were so preoccupied with the parrot they keep up front. I was a mess though and managed to hide my tears from the kids. Don't want them to know what else could happen to him there besides maybe finding a new home. But I'd rather if he has to die, it's a peaceful one than a tortured one (if that is what would happen if I had given him away to some weirdo). I think mainly I felt like a failure. Anyway, as much as I want to know what his fate is/was, I am definitely more peaceful around the house without him! Barricade is a good kitty and although he wants to go outside, definitely doesn't whine about it as much or as loud, and doesn't make messes in the house. Hooray! But, knowing that it concerned my neighbors enough to tell on me makes me feel bad, and so I hope they realize what I have done for the sake of peace all around and don't hold a grudge.

In other neighbor news I am certainly understanding the "good fences make good neighbors" quote, (full poem below by Robert Frost). My kids don't have a swing set or trampoline of their own anymore, and since the set up here is totally open, it is very easy for them to wander to another yard...hence making the neighbor feel I am expecting them to watch my children while I let them roam free (along with the cats...ha ha) when that is not my intention. Sigh. So I got another neighbor mad at me. It goes along with my afternoons needing to do my exercise and household chores, rather than play outside with my kids like everyone else can do because they can get the rest of that stuff done during the school day. I always envisioned "back yard" time as kids outside alone while I get things done in the house. But, that just doesn't work unless they are fenced in and not being a nuisance...not that all neighbors think they are....but it is a side effect of base housing. So, in this way it is a blessing that we will be out of here no later than March 30 and can hopefully find a house with a great fenced in yard, or live in the country!! :) (then the boys can go back to peeing outside...LOL....)

Mending Wall

Robert Frost

Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it,
And spills the upper boulders in the sun,
And makes gaps even two can pass abreast.
The work of hunters is another thing:
I have come after them and made repair
Where they have left not one stone on a stone,
But they would have the rabbit out of hiding,
To please the yelping dogs. The gaps I mean,
No one has seen them made or heard them made,
But at spring mending-time we find them there.
I let my neighbor know beyond the hill;
And on a day we meet to walk the line
And set the wall between us once again.
We keep the wall between us as we go.
To each the boulders that have fallen to each.
And some are loaves and some so nearly balls
We have to use a spell to make them balance:
'Stay where you are until our backs are turned!'
We wear our fingers rough with handling them.
Oh, just another kind of out-door game,
One on a side. It comes to little more:
There where it is we do not need the wall:
He is all pine and I am apple orchard.
My apple trees will never get across
And eat the cones under his pines, I tell him.
He only says, 'Good fences make good neighbors'.
Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder
If I could put a notion in his head:
'Why do they make good neighbors? Isn't it
Where there are cows?
But here there are no cows.
Before I built a wall I'd ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offence.
Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That wants it down.' I could say 'Elves' to him,
But it's not elves exactly, and I'd rather
He said it for himself. I see him there
Bringing a stone grasped firmly by the top
In each hand, like an old-stone savage armed.
He moves in darkness as it seems to me~
Not of woods only and the shade of trees.
He will not go behind his father's saying,
And he likes having thought of it so well
He says again, "Good fences make good neighbors."