I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not here anymore.

I'm here.

Journey to Authenticity has always been problematic for me, and lately, it's just gotten heavier and heavier...to the point where I couldn't carry it anymore. Though it was supposed to be a blog about my authentic self, it never felt authentic--it felt too lofty, too big, too serious.

It's stopped being fun.

So I took a break, and then started a new blog. I'm not trying to teach anything, or preach a viewpoint, or sell anything, or attempting to become "known." I'm just writing about what's going on in my life, hoping to connect with kindred spirits.

If this sounds like something you'd like, then please stop by for a visit. You'll be ever so welcome.

The smell of wheat balls baking in the oven is making me look forward even more to tonight's spaghetti.

Dessert is taken care of. Do you think the vegan chocolate pudding stain on my red shirt will tip the boys off that I licked the food processor and spatula clean all by myself?

Spenser is snoozing on the bare pillow. Oh how grateful we are that he is with us. I could not blog about his cancer and the surgery to have his front, lower jaw removed. It's over now, though--the vet is almost a hundred percent certain that the cancer is completely gone. 

Nathan is working on his new movie. (Titled "Laser" if you're interested.) Things are a little off with him right now, but I just realized that love is the answer. Dig deep and love even more--it will heal all.

Mark is watching "Megamind." So lovely to hear his loud laughter. Did you know he had two haikus published in the latest edition of the online haiku journal "haijinx"? Yes he did. Am I proud? Oh yes I am.

Today I'm choosing joy.

How about you?

 

I make the bed.

I get dressed in a timely fashion.

I fold the laundry that's waiting in the basket.

And put it away.

I play with the cat.

I say "yes" more.

I tackle the piles of paper.

I call my mother back.

I do yoga or take a walk.

Sometimes both.

I smile a lot.

And the world smiles back.

My Warrioress is strong and able and fierce. Surrounded by a shimmering white light, she puts up walls between me and my saboteurs. She is never fooled by them, never seduced by their seeming authority. When they speak, she cuts into their words, halting them in their tracks, exposing their lies.

 

My Warrioress is ever alert, scanning the environment for things and people who will threaten me. She quickly sounds the alarm when something I am watching or reading, or someone I am listening to or speaking with, is giving me false information. She gives me the courage and the strength to turn it off, put it down, change the subject, or walk away.

 

My Warrioress is powerful and resilient. She easily takes all the negative thoughts and feelings away from me and transforms them into light and love. When I am feeling overwhelmed, I know that I can give it over to her, and she will bear the burden, leaving me free and at ease.

 

My Warrioress knows who I truly am, and holds the image of me strong, powerful, flexible, passionate, loyal, confident, and secure . She calls me toward that image, never wavering, always loving me, always believing in me.

A warm cup of goodness.

 

Writing paraphernalia.

 

 

My sweetheart.

 

Perfection.

 
The first significant snowfall of the season arrived last night.

 
Thick, heavy, wet snow.

 
Blanketing every branch.

 
Bringing some down with its weight.

 
But dazzling me with its beauty.

Alone for the first time in days.

Listening to the heat click on and blow through the vents.

The house is picked up and smells good.

The beds are made.

A candle is burning on the coffee table.

The cat is trying to entice me into a game.

A trip to the library is in my near future.

Such contentment

 

 

 

Okay, so not ALL of us get a day off...

  
 
 
 

I'd meant to blog more...and then didn't...and now am wracked with guilt. But since this happens all the time, I know exactly what to do:

Jump right back in!!!

Hi!!!

Nathan wasn't feeling well, so he's home today--watching tv. Spenser is on his perch and looking resentful. (Why is she tapping on that THING when she could be playing with ME??!!) Mark is probably at work by now. I'm still in my pjs, a thick letter (a real letter) sitting next to me, waiting to be read. I'm delaying gratification with that--wanting the perfect moment (snuggly fairy shawl? tea? quiet?).

I've not exactly been fruitful so far, but it's only the 13th. And anyway, I know, absolutely KNOW that at any given moment I can turn everything around, and actually BE who I want to be. (What, don't you think that, too?) So I'm not stressed.

I am calm.

All is well here.

I have also resolved to eat more cake in 2011.

Or at least to eat more sweet goodness baked in my handy 9 x 9 baking pan* complete with cover.

 
 
In fact, I'm calling it the 9 x 9 Project.

So if you have any delicious recipes** that will fit into my 9 x 9 baking pan, please email them to me.

Please.

*Apparently that's 23 x 23 in metric.

**They don't have to be vegan.