Journey to the Simple Life

Four years ago

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sun, 28 Jun 2015 21:14:00 +0000

Four years ago (at 4pm as I write this) we were sitting in the heat waiting for the trailer break down guy to get our house dug out of the mud. He had been 2 hours late, he was sent instead of his father (who we had paid), and was now drunk. He had not followed the normal procedure to break down a house trailer (probably due to his lateness and the fact that his dad was usually there to oversee things). Our house sat unstable and a little twisted. The damage was pretty significant, broken walls and cabinets. But he was convincing when he said they'd have it out in the morning when the puller came back.

They did not, instead they jacked it up as high as they could on the puller truck, put blocks at the back to hold up the back, leaving the middle unsupported (anyone who has ever towed anything knows how bad that is! ) and surprise surprise, what happened?? They broke our house. In an instant we found ourselves homeless. It is what changed everything in our lives, even our outlook on the world. It all changed in a blink of an eye. The following days and weeks, were awful, including also the loss of our income. It was a very dark time.

For some reason it is hitting me hard this year. Much harder than the years past. It was not just a house, it was a home, it was a dream, our daughter was born there. To many people it was 'just' a house trailer, of no real significant importance, that was the hardest part, feeling like so few cared. Of course there was a lot of amazing kindness shown to us and very kind friends and random people. But for whatever reason, knowing some put so little value on our HOME was dehumanizing in some way. I certainly can't wish it on anyone, I hate hearing people have lost their home, it is too near my heart. It is something you really can't imagine until it happens.

Wahoo! We can cook outside!

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Tue, 09 Jun 2015 20:19:00 +0000

I can't express how liberating it is to finally have a good solution for outside cooking. Being off grid (or even for those without a/c), cooking inside is brutal and makes the house a level of hot and humid that nature can not create on its own. So mostly I only cook breakfast and we eat light things and sandwiches.

The last few summers we have tried the propane camping stove and just an open fire (in various forms). All ended up being very susceptible to the wind, even a light breeze could make water not boil. We thought of a propane grill with a side burner, but a grill is a poor oven and the side burner wasn't rated to get water boiling (one of the hardest things to do!) Plus, propane costs money and money is usually pretty short for us. The wood was free, coming from our own trees, but it would take so much wood to get the water boiling and boiling long enough.

So our solution started with the kids. This early spring they started making 'camps' with random things we had in the yard, most would be considered trash, but it was so neat to watch them create and see what they came up with. Paul became obsessed with campfires and cooking outside. In time he found and old pot that had rusted through a few spots on the bottom. He built a fire and cooked hotdogs! Just this week Chip needed to boil some oak bark, a process of several hours, there was no way we would heat the house up, so he started looking around and he ended up elaborating on Paul's camp cooker. Now we can cook outside efficiently using the unsplitable logs. Chip cuts them real thin and then chops them into little blocks.

The bottom pot has slits for air, then a grill grate, and then the pot for cooking.

The heat has begun

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Fri, 05 Jun 2015 16:06:00 +0000

Summer is a challenge! So hot, itchy, sweaty, just miserable. I Don't know how people can enjoy it, maybe it is the difference between people who can get relief with a/c and those who can't for whatever reason (us being off grid, man it would be a LOT of solar panels to have even a little a/c!) I probably wouldn't mind summer as much if it involved less sweat and itching. I do love the life that is around and the green plants, but it is literally an hour by hour trudge to fall. Thankfully it is really only 3 months.

The other part is the mosquitoes, those little pests are out with extra thick this year. We got lucky last year, not this year. The whining of them can start to drive one crazy, not to mention the itching. I really don't like chemicals, but I am on the verge of looking to see how you'd kill ten acres of mosquitoes!

I am mostly writting this to get the summer whine out of the way and hopefully resign myself to get through it. Complaining does not help at all. It just makes a downward spiral on everyone's mood. Hopefully we can get a water meter, that will help immensely. Thanks to those who have helped with donations toward that!

On the walk to get the mail

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Mon, 01 Jun 2015 20:55:00 +0000

Our mail is about half a mile away, along with our trash can. We usually to up daily and just abkut always find something along the way, a new plant or flower, some kind of animal (yesterday it was a skunk! ). Here is today's find, a box turtle.

Help us get Water!

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sun, 31 May 2015 23:00:00 +0000

http://gofundme.com/vpry9s

That is the go fund me link for our fundraiser to get a water meter. Thanks for looking.

The kids nicknames

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Fri, 17 Apr 2015 17:53:00 +0000

Blame it on facebook and their 'on this day' thing! I have found it mostly interesting, some times very sad, to see things from the past, to see the seasons change through the years, both literally and figuratively. So I am going to attempt to post a blog or status everyday, one thing I have noticed is how much the kids grow. You blink and they are five years older. Also, I know I have mentioned it, but in many ways time stopped, life stopped, when our home was destroyed. It has been just survival since then. Sometimes it is more settled, especially in the last year, but I still have to remind myself that Dolores is not 1.5 and Paul 4, and it is getting harder now that Charlotte is the age it all happened, the whole world crumbling apart. As Pa says many times in the Little House series, alls well that ends well, we are certainly in a better place because of all of that, but it still happened, it is still a wound healing.

Anyhow, here is some fun that has been waiting to be posted for awhile, how tbe kids nicknames came to be! :)

It started with Paul calling himself 'Paul the dog' (which is also a very annoying game he made up!) He started this shortly after we moved here, around Christmas of 2012, he would go nuts like the dogs did when Chip got home. The dogs were outside mostly, but a big 5 year old jumping around like a dog in a little rv was a lot! But it is Paul's only nickname so it has become a fond memory :) he is still occasionally 'Paul the Dog'.

Then Dolores had to be included in the craziness of daddy coming home. She started calling herself 'Dolores the cat' she has since added 'the dog, the plane, the styrofoam plane, landing on a jet plane (which comes from John Denvers' Leaving on a Jetplane). These she has added them all herself.

CharlotteBelle has been 'Baby Belle' (like the cheese the babybel brand cheese) and after our friend who is named Belle. Chip added 'Baby Belle Cheese'. She has aquired and few addions because of her love of pasta sauce and dipping thi gs into various sauces or dips. Her offical full nickname is CharlotteBelle Marie Baby Belle Cheese Sauce Awesome Sauce Dipper. Dolores wants to add Ice Cream, but Charlotte does not like ice cream so it isn't happening!

I am not a nickname person, just want to call people their names, but the kids love it and of course Chip does. So they get names from me and nicknames for daddy and each other.

Faces of CharlotteBelle

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Thu, 23 Jan 2014 17:43:00 +0000

Here are a few of her at 2 months/9 weeks.

CharlotteBelle is four weeks old!

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Tue, 31 Dec 2013 18:24:00 +0000

(Written December 15)

Her birth story will be posted soon. I can't believe she has been here for four weeks! It doesn't seem possible.

So far she has gained over 2 pounds and that was at our 3 week post partum check so not sure what she is up to now.

A few pictures.

39 weeks

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Tue, 31 Dec 2013 18:22:00 +0000

*written 3 months ago, kept forgetting to post*

It has been a long time since I posted. I am going to attempt an update but not sure I can do the last 6 months justice!

Last I posted was about our driven point well, we worked and worked at it but it stopped moving, we hit some rock we couldn't get through. So the pipe still sits there and we haul water. It wouldn't be such an issue if we had a car.

To the car. It died at the end of May. I won't go into the horrid details of those first weeks, it was ugly and really taxing and a true trial in survival. Over the next month, Chip got a scooter and we found a driver who drives Amish who was willing to drive me to town too, he also let's me fill all the jugs and buckets I can from his well, truly a God send.

We made it through the summer, our first with no electricity, and it wasn't as awful as we thought and didn't change our minds on power :). Life without electricity is pretty nice and peaceful. Frankly we miss Internet and long for it more than ever, but not electricity.Currently I just have a basic prepaid flip phone with mobile web. Think 2005. Add in having awful signal here and it is a challenge. I have my old smartphone which I update every other week with rides into town. That is how I wrote this. I am hoping it works so I can share pictures and such.

Now for baby talk! I am technically 'due' November 9th, my birthday, but Paul was born at 43 weeks and Dolores at just under 42, I am feeling it'll be around the 18th, time will tell! (CharlotteBelle was born November 17th) This is also a surprise and I haven't had a good hunch either way, some days I think boy others girl. We shall see. The kids, especially Paul, are so excited, tons of questions about the baby and how big it will be, where it will sleep. Dolores can't wait until I can carry her more and for me to have a lap again! I am sometimes ready, others not. I want to know what life with this new little one will be like, nervous about how I will get all my work done and keep up, but of course excited too.

I think the best thing about now is that life actually seems to finally be getting settled. If you go and read the post http://where-is-julie.blogspot.com/2011/09/everything-changes-in-blink-of-eye.html you will be reminded of where this all started. It still seems like yesterday. Two and a half years, and still some people don't get it. Time stopped that day. I realized a few weeks ago, while talking to the kids about the coming baby, that even in my mind they were still just a little over 4 and 1.5. It was that moment I realized all over again the gravity of what we have been through. We aren't just losers, we really have had a really rough time. In the end, we are in a better place now, even though it is hard and people think we are nuts or are disappointed in our choices. It is where we want to be, well minus a well :) but in time that will come.

Picture is me at 39 weeks when this post was written.

Paul's lego dinos

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sat, 11 May 2013 22:22:00 +0000

Paul's lego dinosaurs

the journey has officially begun!

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 01:29:00 +0000

the story is long and for another post, I just wanted to get back to posting and see how this works with the phone :) we are living now in the beautiful Ozarks in a peaceful place. I can't wait to share our journey and adventures :)

Beginning of a new era

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 03:12:00 +0000

Through the awful events of the summer, some good has some, many acts of kindness have been shown and shared with us, it is overwhelming at times. Also, a great deal of personal growth, which might not make sense, but yes, I grew up a lot!

In dealing with all this, and the mental struggles, I realized ,the major problem of the last 2 decades of my life has centered around depression. I know some people knew this, but I didn't. I thought it was just 'a rough patch', or 'I'm just tired'. It was really the anger that gave it away for me. I could not deny that I was angry. Then I realized that I was angry, a lot and had been for a long time. In time I saw all the other signs that have been screaming at me for years, but had pushed them aside.

So today I had a doctor's appointment. Medicine prescribed (and picked up, I can't believe I let myself go this long for $20 a month! all this time I kept saying we couldn't afford it since I don't have medical insurance!). I am very hopeful. I know nothing is foolproof, and yes bad days will happen, but the undercurrent in my life will not be sadness.

It is hard to admit, and that is some of why I am writing this. Some many people have tried to get me to see, and I was blind. So you were right, I am glad I finally see.

reminder

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 00:55:00 +0000

I hate when I use my abs in a way that makes me feel it in my scar. It makes me sad. I don't like that reminder.

I also don't like having to come up with a title for a post that really doesn't need a title! :)

playing detective

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 15:53:00 +0000

I have a site meter thing and it's always fascinating to me. Sometimes disturbing to see what people will use as search words to find this. I just wish it told me WHO, I can figure some out, but not all. Every week when I get the email, I spend a few minutes playing detective! I still haven't figured out Mountain View, California! It is a fun few minutes.

Everything changes in the blink of an eye

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 04:48:00 +0000

Looking back at the last three months, it boggles my mind to even do that. I think of all the silly things I worried about then. Life was suppose to finally be more settled and not tumultuous, the stress of living someplace you aren't wanted was going to be gone, finally being settled. How that can all change, literally in the blink of an eye. I remember my last night in our home, I didn't know it was going to be my last night, I simply thought it was the last night in the town I claim as home, a place I now have no desire to go at all, too many painful memories. If only I had known, that what I had feared would happen a hundred times before (though I thought it would be a fire, Chip thought it would be wind/tornado), our home being gone, would be realized.

There is no preparing for that moment, none at all. A phone call at 6:07 am (I was suppose to be there, but had overslept since I had been up all night for two nights prior packing). I don't know that I will ever forget that call, that time. Of course, I did not know that that call meant the end of our home, he didn't even tell me, I found out when I got there, well before I got there, driving around the corner looking over the field to see my house almost bent all in half, twisted in a way you never thought possible. I didn't even notice the front being folded and pushed through my kitchen floor, until someone motioned to the tongue of the trailer. I can't describe the feeling of realizing that your home is no more, realizing that you have no place to sleep, no place for your kids to play. Then, knowing that I had to go back to our tent and tell Chip, who was sleeping with the kids. I have no desire to live those following weeks again, ever. Losing a home is not just a monetary nightmare, or a logistically issue, it goes to all parts, mind, heart, soul........the soul especially.

Then two weeks later, Chip got fired, and not because he did anything wrong or broke a rule, but simply because some people really are evil. It was salt on a gaping wound. Chip lost most of his friends and his name was tarnished just to cover someones lies. I am still amazed and scared of the fact that there can actually be people who have that much vileness in them, that much anger and hatred.

One of the hardest things is people not giving credit to what this involves, acting as if it's no big deal, it was only a trailer. I lost my faith for awhile, and my compassion. As hard as it is to admit, losing my compassion was more alarming. My faith came back, through prayer, especially the prayers of others. Compassion too, but it wanes. On days when I have had to continually remind people of how hard it is to wake up to a destroyed home (then have your income taken away), my compassion is gone, on others, I try to remember how much worse it could have been, offering my misery for them. Mostly I'm just tired of being kicked to the ground. Tired of being pushed aside by those who should care but don't.

Three months later, life is hard, real hard. It's pretty miserable actually. There's very little to look forward too. Winter is looming. It's going to be cold and long. Plus Christmas, it breaks my heart to even think about that. Paul is old enough to KNOW what goes with that, but not old enough to understand why it won't happen this year.

Today was a rough one. Nothing huge happened, just a bunch of small stuff. Sad news from a friend about her mom was especially troubling. Normally at night, at least I have the feeling of 'we made it through another day', so it's not a sad ending, but today, it's this lonely, empty feeling. I don't know if it was just the events of the day, the foreshadowing of a conversation this morning, or just a melancholy mood. The foreshadowing conversation is scary, though it could be good in the end. I am just ready to be settled, ready to not have a huge mountain to climb, ready to have a home, not just a place that holds a kitchen and a bathroom. Wish I could find the fix for that.

Walking

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 03:59:00 +0000

Dolores trying out her walking skills :)

Dolores is ONE!

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 17:39:00 +0000

Okay, it was on the 6th, but it took me awhile to get the pictures all downloaded. :) We had a little family thing at the state park here.

I can’t believe she is one! It has gone so fast. As for stats for her, she’s crawling, all over the place, and has taken a few random steps, but not anything regular. LOVES our teeth and hates having socks on her feet! She has decided that she’s too busy during the day to stop and nurse, so is nursing mostly all night long, makes for a tired mom, very tired. I think I am more tired than when she was new :). Today I am trying to just make her pause and sit with me to nurse, even if for a little bit, maybe after a few days of this she’ll go back to nursing mostly during the day and sleeping at night like she used to! Dolores loves to do whatever her brother is doing, he’s not so keen on that all the time.

Here are some pictures from her birthday. I especially love the perplexed look on her face when she first is touching the cupcake trying to figure it out. :)

Finger painting

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 02:22:00 +0000

Today Paul found the finger paints so we tried them out. Paul had a blast, Dolores did not at all like them. Screamed! I tried to get handprints of both of them, but she was not happy about it. I think I did get enough of one. Have a few pictures to share from the painting and also from the last few days.

Paul’s tower of blocks. He was so, so proud! He got the people on there and asked me to take a picture.

Paul wanted me to take his picture after taking them of the tower.

Dolores tonight, almost one year old! Just 7 days, I can’t believe it. I finally found a way to get rid of red eye!

Her smiling! Yes, she’s holding an empty can of daddy’s special camo beer! :)

Coming after the camera, but so cute!

Paul wanted in on the picture taking, with his own empty can, they love those things!

Below is the pictures of the paintings that Paul did. The first one is Paul in the green and Dolores in the red/orange, her feet in the middle. She was so not happy about this! I didn’t push it more to get good prints. I would have taken some of Paul after painting, but he took his clothes, so no way to edit that!

Trying to make the best

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sat, 30 Oct 2010 02:10:00 +0000

We have been sick for like 2 weeks. I just finally started to feel better and the kids got mostly unsnotty and now I’m feeling sick again. NOT happy, at all. We don’t go anywhere, so have no idea how in the world I could be sick again. Hoping it’s nothing at all and goes away with a good nights sleep!

Yesterday was a rough day. The kids and I are all short of sleep for various things, and so I sent us to bed at 9, which is crazy, crazy early for us! We were asleep by 10, only for me to be woken again by the dang dog. Between those dogs and Dolores I am up way more than I’d like to be a night. Add in one of the dogs having horrible bowel issues that took place three times yesterday and then three times again at night. I finally gave up cleaning and today banished her outside and scrubbed the crates, carpet and wall.

So today I decided to take the advice that I so often tell people and also myself, that of today is a new day. For being as short on sleep as I ended up being, I did well today and didn’t even start to feel tired until just about an hour ago! It’s been so nice to be keeping up with the basic household chores, it really makes a difference in mood to only have a days worth of work to do, not a weeks. Makes the small stuff that I’d like to get done easier to get done, and also not as big a deal if it doesn’t because what HAS to be done is done.

Today ended up being a good day. It was sunny and finally not windy! The kids played outside most of the day, and I sat there with them for a large part of it, it was nice to not have something pressing that I needed to get done (again, keeping up with the basics helped there!). Now I’m ready for bed! Got a few hours before then.

A return

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 01:27:00 +0000

Goodness, it's been longer than I wanted. The day after my last post we went to the zoo. Paul had a blast. Dolores had fun too, but she's probably too young to really understand a zoo, just had fun smiling at people and playing :). I have a few pictures, but not on here yet to post. The next day the cold that won't die, fell upon us, or me mostly, the next day Paul too. It just won't go away! Sunday I lost my voice, or at least a usable voice. I think I may be getting it back today. Paul's still a little drippy, and thankful (thank you breastfeeding!) Dolores only got a few sniffles! Chip has had it for a few days too. I am read to be normal again!

Okay, blogger just told me I can't upload pictures, so I guess I wouldn't be sharing the zoo pictures even if I had them all ready!

Tired!

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 05:10:00 +0000

All this lack of sleep is catching up with me, I am so tired! We mostly had a good day in spite of it. Paul has been really challenging lately, feeling like I don't have the tools to handle him. This is the difficulty of not having many people to talk to who also desire gentle discipline! No one to bounce ideas off of!

Dolores really started to stand on her own the last few days (she's just over 11 months). She would do it before, but not on purpose, now she does it and sees what she can do.

Today we took a very, very long walk, it was probably close to 3 miles, that is a lot for me! Pushing the double. We walked to dollar general, rather than across the highway to the grocery store. There was holiday weekend lake traffic, I don't think I would have gotten across there! Plus I wanted to see how long it would take to go to dg, and if it was doable. It went okay, I didn't even know that it had been so long until I checked the time, 1.5 hours! But that included being in the store and stopping several times on the way home for passing cars and picking up dropped stuff. Not to bad, at least I thought. I used to walk a mile in 15 minutes, but that was a brisk pace and not pushing 100 pounds of kids/stroller, and I'm about 70 pounds heavier too. It is something I'd do again.

We also set up our zoo trip for Tuesday! Paul has never been so it'll be fun I think. I hope he does okay. Dolores is still at the 'whatever,as long as I get to nurse, it's all good' phase, so not worried about her. We'll be going with a friend so that'll be nice for me :).

All over the place

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sun, 10 Oct 2010 05:50:00 +0000

Today has been an up and down day. Started off not good, in a horrid mood and oh so tired. Paul got up early and preceded to make it impossible for me to stay in bed after he had waited kindly for about an hour. Still too early for me! The day was redeemed with some yummy lunch and a quick trip to town for me (with Dolores, but oh so nice to get out of the house). Plus talking over some of the things bugging me, like the impossible standards set by cps (not that they have ever come to us, just reading about it online, and it really upset me, knowing that there is NO way I could do that as par for course. I could for a visit or a guest, but not every single day, so overwhelming). So silly to worry about things you can’t even control and have no reason to worry.

The other flip floppy part of the day was a few hours ago. We have this cat that lives across the street, she’s an outdoor kitty that for some reason really likes us. Sleeps on our outdoor chairs and steps and always comes when we are outside. Tonight I hurt her, and she won’t come/stay when she sees us. I was closing the van door, and didn’t see her, I don’t even know what part of her I closed in the door. I feel horrible, and keep hoping she’ll be out there. I know that’s silly too, but Paul LOVES this cat, like if we were needing a pet, we would be asking her people if we could make her our cat, we don’t NEED any pets (we have oh, oh, too many as it is!). I just hope she’s not injured and comes back. She is the only thing that got Paul past his not wanting to be outside, now he sits on the steps to eat his lunch with her!

reality

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 07:15:00 +0000

This is me, raw and mostly unedited (curse words are gone, yes, sorry, I do use some foul language, ask Paul, he’ll tell you, don’t use the Lord’s name in vain, but I could hold my own with most sailors). Me being real and true. I have to reclaim this space, it is after all, my blog!

Reality always hits when I want to sleep. I am so tired of not sleeping. I want to curl up with my babies and sleep. I want to hear their little noises and be so hot I don’t need a blanket because they are cuddled up next to me, but I am here because laying in bed makes horrid things go through my head. It’s not as bad as with PPD, where I would literally be scared to close my eyes for fear of the thoughts, but it’s not cool, at all. So I am here tonight, typing my heart out.

I haven’t been posting to the blog for a while, not regularly anyway, because I don’t like being fake. I don’t want to put on a happy face when I am falling apart inside my head. My kids are wonderful, yes, Paul is hard to deal with like most 3 and a half year olds, and Dolores likes mommy to not sleep much, but they aren’t the troubles. Mostly my children are wonderful. They are little rays of sunshine. I will never be told ‘your children behaved so well’, but people will love them because they are real and goofy, they just won’t want us to come over, which is fine, we’ll go home and I won’t have to hover!

When you are so deep into a hole it is so hard to see outside of it and see the good around you. All you see is the misery. Another reason for not posting is that I am afraid of offending someone, since I do have a very random (and totally polar opposite readers, AP, liberal, very conservative), I am all of these things in different parts of my life.

I have tried so long to find a place I fit and I really don’t fit anywhere totally. I’m AP and gentle parenting (in theory, in reality, I need major work on these things), but also Traditional Catholic. Finding those two together is nearly impossible, I can’t make both groups happy, so I just keep quiet. Politically I’m secretly a Libertarian, but morally I support the Constitution party, which are pretty much the same, except the Constitution party brings in Christian morals. This would upset the liberal people. I believe in homeschooling, more specifically, unschooling, and really dislike institutional learning. I don’t like much of what modern society has to say about marriage, raising kids, education or life in general. So, I think I’m just going to put some disclaimer on my side bar or something, and I guess this is also a warning, sorry if I offend you, it’s not intentional, but this is my blog. If you think it’s against the Church, please call me on it, but otherwise, we will just have to have different opinions, and really, would life be interesting if we all had the same opinion about everything?

Me and myself haven’t ever really gotten along, or maybe we have, but they don’t really like each other. Or, to be direct and blunt, I don’t really like myself, at all, much, if ever. That has to change for anything really big to change. I really don’t know where to begin with that. We have no money so counselors or meds can’t be had, trust me, if I had the money I’d so be running for some Zoloft, well right now, actually probably like two months ago, but it’s just not there, it’s a reality that I can’t change. So I have to find some way to deal with it just the way it is. This has been my struggle the last several months, but never had I come out and said it, nor truly admitted it to myself, or anyone else.

So, I am going to try to post more, and if it’s a whiny, miserable post, I’m going to make myself also find something good (like today’s earlier post about the kids).

I think I may have gotten rid of enough negative emotions that I might be able to sleep without too much trouble, we shall see.

Ending, I’ll just ask for prayers, from those who pray, I could really use them. Depression is not fun. Not liking your self and feeling like a total failure at the most important job you have (being a mother) is not okay. Yes, I realize the first leads to the second, but they are, at this point, separate at least in places. Thank you, and I hope I haven’t scared too many away.

Was suppose to be my ‘reality’ post

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 04:24:00 +0000

So I was going to post a ‘reality’ post, you know all the stuff that people don’t talk about when trying to paint the rosy picture that happens usually with a blog. But my reality right this moment is too cute to not share, and totally wipes out the negative of the day!

Paul has this little nerf type football that would be used to play finger football, it’s flat, but football shaped. He is currently playing football with Dolores. I tried to get a picture and a video but the camera is not working and my cell phone is full. So instead of being super frustrated I’m posting here so I’ll remember later about this fun moment.

It is super cute! Paul is throwing this ball/disc and she is chasing after it (crawling) while giggling up a storm. She gets distracted and Paul picks her up and puts her back on the sheet (he has a sheet laid out that is their playing field I guess, or just the place he wants to play this game), throws the football, they both giggle like mad and then she crawls after it and he gets there first, she gets distracted, he gets her, repeat. The laughter is incredible! They are both having a blast!

Paulisms

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 06:32:00 +0000

My recent conversation with Paul, or rather, Paul’s monolog :)

This is all Paul talking, we were reading a story with farm animals.

I want to talk to Daddy about that, I want to tell him that. I want two, I want a tractor and a cow. I want to tell him I want a pig, a baby pig to put in that crate (pointing to the dog crate we have for the big dogs). No, I want to get two baby pigs to put in Pepper’s crate (same crate, Pepper is in there right now). I want to put them in the tub and put my fingers in there, maybe they will smell them, yes they will smell them. I’m going to tell Daddy that when he wakes up. I want you to call him (I don’t think Paul is always aware when Daddy is at work and when Daddy is sleeping, since he does sometimes work both nights and days).

So it was too cute, and I tried so hard to remember it all.