Nikita T. Mitchell

On Resilience: What 12 Months Of Rejection Taught Me

Nikita — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 19:58:35 +0000

2012 was the year of rejection for me.

For the first time in my life I pursued opportunity after opportunity to no avail. Some pursuits resulted in near successes such as final interviews with executive leadership before being turned away, while others were a fail from the very first phone interview. There were times when I recognized that I’d made a professional mistake of some sort (we live and we learn) and there were times I thought I’d hit the ball out the park.

I knew I’d have a hard time finding a new job when I quit my first nonprofit job that April, but because of that experience I was particularly determined to make sure my next move was the right one. So all of these opportunities were ones I had pursued intentionally, aggressively and strategically. And yet time after time I experienced the pain of rejection only felt when you work hard for something that seems so perfectly suited for you.

I then did what any twenty-something with the privilege of temporarily living rent-free with family would do: travel. Between September and October of 2012 I went to Miami, San Francisco, Puerto Rico and Brazil. If I couldn’t figure my life out then I might as well enjoy the present moment as best I knew how.

When the Fear Sets In

Fast forward to 2013. When I submitted my application to five MBA programs in January I feel like the entire universe knew Stanford was my dream school. My 2012 vision board was practically a shrine to the program. It felt right, and so it had to be right…

But my experiences the previous year led to severe anxiety throughout the application processs that led me to fear even the possibility of rejection from my dream school. I thought I’d be devastated.

The realization of the possibility of rejection grew more and more obvious as the admissions decision date approached in March and I’d yet to be contacted for an interview. Slowly I began bracing myself for the bash both to my self-esteem from internalizing not being viewed as a strong candidate and to my ego from the embarrassment of this ‘”failure” being so public.

But life moves on, and I’ve surprisingly felt content about giving it my best shot. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and while I’d like to believe that this was a mistake on Stanford’s part. (Are y’all reading this? Because I’m still willing to accept your offer!) I also recognize that’s not how life works. Again, life lessons from 2012.

As I sit here writing this on a plane headed to San Francisco to visit one of the schools that did accept me, I’m grateful that I have the “rockstar dilemma” – as a dear StartingBloc friend of mine refers to it – of choosing between two top MBA programs, both of which have offered me substantial scholarships.

Finding the Beauty in Rejection

The last year has taught me several things. One, rejection sucks. Let’s just keep it real here. That’s probably obvious, though, coming from a woman who has either been pursued or successfully achieved whatever major goal she set out to achieve.

Two, I’m far more resilient than I ever recognized. In an awesome exchange with my father last summer – probably without him realizing how much I needed to hear it – he reminded me of my resilient nature. I’d been smooth sailing in my professional life for such a long time that I had forgotten how many times in life I’ve faced obstacles, taken a moment to gather myself, brushed myself off, whipped my hair a la Willow Smith and kept it moving. There’s nothing like rejection to forever burn that reminder into your brain.

Third, there’s no shame in rejection. At least there shouldn’t be. We all experience it at some point and whatever shame we experience is more often than not self-induced. I’m learning to be nicer to myself one day at a time – much with the help of family, friends and mentors who tirelessly support me.

Last, rejection is a part of life. I’m sure Stanford won’t be the last rejection I experience no matter how much I wish that were the case. Building resilience, thus, is an ongoing process. That’s not too bad of a trade-off when you really think about it.

Don’t let fear make you forget that.

Image source

Women Changing The World Of Business From the Inside-Out

Nikita — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 18:22:43 +0000

Check out my latest guest post written for Women 2.0

Women are no strangers to social change. The percentage of women in the non-profit sector – up to 74% in some cities – demonstrates the desires of women across the country to build careers committed to the greater good.

The non-profit sector isn’t the only place where you will find women changemakers. Many are boldly making moves as social entrepreneurs, starting companies that focus on doing good, for society, while doing well financially.

Some women are jump-starting careers as social intrapreneurs – individuals that work for social impact from within large companies and organizations. Typically under the radar, these women are working hard to use the power of business to create the kinds of changes they want to see in society.

Their backgrounds are varied, and their personal motivations are even more diverse. They include women like Kavita Prakash-Mani who, due to her upbringing in India, says she was very familiar with poverty and development. Or Jillene Connors Belopolsky and Dymphna van der Lans, whose passions for energy and sustainability led them to work for BP – a choice that perplexed family and friends who wondered about their desire to work for one the world’s largest oil and gas companies. Or Katharine Bierce, whose mother raised her to always think about those who are marginalized by society.

Their varied experiences, unique as they are, give us a peek into what it is like to be a woman working in this space. They are trailblazing career paths that many other women have yet to consider.

Click here to continue reading via Women 2.o.

How to Save Yourself from Self-Destructive Thoughts and Manage Jealousy

Nikita — Thu, 25 Oct 2012 03:23:24 +0000

A couple Tuesdays ago I had one of those wallow-in-my-own-self-created-misery kind of days.

You see I’ve had a lot of time on my hands lately. Since quitting my job back in March I’ve been temping and working freelance. It’s equal parts terrifying (no benefits, no stability… eek!) and exciting (more freedom, flexibility and time to travel… yay!).

Some days I wake up wondering why I never opted for my current lifestyle before it was thrown on me, while other days I wake up wondering what the hell I’m doing with my life?

When I woke up that Tuesday it honestly seemed like it would be the former kind of day, but a steady stream of self-destructive thoughts turned it into the latter.

The person who started it all: Lena Dunham.

I should start by saying that Lena Dunham and I aren’t friends of any sorts. We’ve never crossed paths in life. I only know who she is because when I heard a 25 year old was writing a series that would portray the crazy confusing life of a twenty something woman I was naturally very excited. I imagined it to be a less glamorous but more awesome Sex and the City. Girls, her show on HBO, would be one grounded in reality for those of us out here fighting to reach our goals.

It would speak my language. I just knew it.

But it didn’t. Beyond the fact that there wasn’t a single character I could relate to –even when briefly excusing the lack of melanin issue – I just didn’t enjoy it.

And as quickly as I got excited about the show’s premiere, I lost interest. And over the last few months I pretty much forgot about it. She is clearly doing her thing, has fans and a following that will be supporting the show for a second season.

This news, however, didn’t shake me. I was happy for her and respected her success.

My official hater status started when I read this the headline of this NY Times blog: Lena Dunham to sign $3.5M book deal. Before I even clicked the link and read the article I started experiencing acute signs of what Nicole (of Nicole is Better) calls “the raging jealousies.”

The article sent my mind, which was supposed to be focusing on my to-do list, into a spiral of unconstructive thoughts. I was slowly gaining speed down this slippery slope of self-destructive thoughts when two of my close friends stepped in with epic pep talks to save the day. I think you might find the following strategies they shared with me helpful if you are ever in a similar situation:

Construct a raging jealousies list

My homegirl LC from Colored Girl Confidential was the first to save the day, first sending me the Raging Jealousies blog post as required re-reading for our convo. It was just what I needed. I love Nicole’s personal method of managing her raging jealousies: write a list of who flares this feeling up inside of you and articulate exactly why.

I wrote out the handful of people who I most often find myself playing the comparison game with, and then I wrote down why I’m jealous of each one of them. That’s the key, I think, to look at the “why” instead of the “what.” Knowing what you’re jealous of is helpful, but knowing why you want it – what it would mean to you to achieve something similar – is infinitely more useful. My Raging Jealousies List helped to show me where my otherwise out-of-the-blue feelings were coming from and, most importantly, it allowed me to see which jealousies were the result of real things I wanted to pursue and which jealousies were just based on my needy little ego. After making the list, I was able to go back through it and cross off a bunch of stuff that I realized I don’t actually want (or at least, don’t want right now), and fuck, that was absurdly freeing.

At the end of it, I was left with 6 different jealousies that actually resonated with me (as opposed to the, ahem, TWENTY EIGHT that I started with), and now I actually feel like I can get to work on moving those 6 things from my jealousies list to my “shit that’s just a normal part of my life” list.

Remember that you’re probably on other people’s raging jealousies list

If you’re out here working hard to pursue your dreams, taking risks and making progress (no matter how big or small said progress feels to you), you’re likely inspiring more people that you realize.

During our convo LC directed me towards the comments where Nicole’s readers shared the many reasons why she’s on their lists, and then LC proceeded to list the reasons I’d be on hers. It totally shifts your perspective when others remind you of the reasons why they admire you.

Stay in your lane

This one is mostly grounded faith and was courtesy of Latishia, a friend who consistently inspires me by her purposeful living. Despite the fact that all I could think of was that Lena Dunham had companies that are struggling to remain profitable and relevant in a dying industry bid an outrageous amount for a book of essays that may or may not be great from someone who is my age (sense my raging jealousy at all?), she harshly reminded me that’s not my lane.

The fact is I’m not Lena Dunham, and I never will be. I can only and will only ever be me. Furthermore, her success has no direct bearing on my own or vice versa, making it imperative that I remember that within my lane things are happening the way they are supposed to be happening. That the more I let her successes distract me, the harder it will be to stay in my lane.

Now I can’t help but be grateful that I wasn’t driving a car in this hypothetical lane… because I definitely would’ve driven straight into a tree that Tuesday.

Photo Source: Björn Bechstein

Three Challenges in Breaking into the Nonprofit Sector and How to Overcome Them

Nikita — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 16:34:25 +0000

Finding a job before you graduate is hard enough. Most college graduates cross the stage without a clue what their next move will be. The challenge doesn’t get any easier once the diploma is up on the wall and the real world begins to knock on your door. More than 50% of recent college graduates are currently unemployed or underemployed.

For those seeking careers in the social sector, the challenge of where to start is one Monisha Kapila knows well. As the Founder and CEO of ProInspire, she has been working to develop the next generation of nonprofit leaders by helping nonprofits expand their talent pipelines, develop professionals, and increase diversity. She offers advice on how to navigate the following three obstacles in landing the nonprofit job of your dreams:

Nonprofits don’t recruit.
Young professionals don’t have expansive networks.
It’s difficult to know what kind of role is right for you.

Head on over to Allison’s blog to read more.

Photo Source

Building Your Wings on the Way Down: When Quitting is the Only Option

Nikita — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 02:43:06 +0000

Feel free to listen to the audio recording:

On March 16th I put in the second two weeks’ notice I’ve ever written in my life.

I shared the news with my managers with all the confidence I could muster, but deep down I was terrified. This time wasn’t anything like the first. There was no excitement about new beginnings or a culture of transitioning jobs – as analysts often do within their first three years in consulting.

This time was quite different, especially considering that I didn’t have another job lined up.

I’m not impulsive person, and the decision was not easy. After all, just a year prior to that day I’d left a relatively stable, intellectually stimulating and door-opening career at a top consulting firm in order to jump start another career in the nonprofit sector.

Yet, there I was… walking away from it without knowing what I would do next. When I accepted the position I had made a commitment to myself, to my fellowship program and to my organization, and I was about to break it. It was not something I took lightly.

“Go to the edge of the cliff and jump off. Build your wings on the way down.” – Ray Bradbury

Very few people knew about my situation. Close friends and a handful of loved ones, however, were well aware of the extreme levels of stress I’d been under for several months, so much that there were a few times during those final days I’d even felt physically sick.

Up to that point I’d spent months working with my career coach to navigate my situation and taking on the bulk of the responsibility for it, believing that if I just tried harder, did better, and worked harder things would improve. So I put 200% of myself into my own development – primarily focusing on my communication and project management skills. Despite my best efforts each week things continued to collapse around me.

It was devastating.

I struggled with whether I needed to walk away even though I wanted desperately to accomplish what I’d set out to achieve and to ensure the success of my project prior to leaving at the end of my fellowship.

But there came a point when I knew I’d have to wave my white flag. I did it at the exact one-year mark of my start date, a couple months sooner than I’d originally planned on discussing my post-fellowship plans with my manager.

My only regret is not doing it sooner. But I was scared of what quitting would say about me. How would it affect my job search? What would MBA programs think when I applied in the fall? Who would write my recommendations and provide my references?

Growing up I always heard, “Quitters never win, and winners never quit.” But nobody ever told me that all quitting is not created equal.

A couple of years ago I read this post on the Eat Your Career Blog in the Bad Career Advice series about being told to never quit:

I understand the sentiment behind this piece of advice and clearly, its intent is to push you past your own perceived limits. While its heart is in the right place, I believe the advice to “never give up” also ignores the blatant reality of life and instills the idea that quitting for any reason is an unacceptable act of defeat.

She goes on to say:

All too often, people blame themselves for giving up. It’s seen as a sign of failure. Instead, quitting (at times) can and should be viewed as an empowering act of triumph. There’s honor in recognizing that one course has reached its conclusion, just as there’s strength in allowing another to begin.

She had given me a whole new perspective, as I’d never thought about quitting in this light. As a result I found myself rereading that post several times during those final months. I was building the courage to make the decision, which I knew would not be an easy pill to swallow for anyone involved – my fellowship director’s and parents’ reactions being my biggest concerns.

In hindsight my concerns were, at its core, about shame. I was afraid of the disappointment others might feel about my decision. I was afraid of internalizing a belief that I was a failure because I had failed to fully accomplish what I’d set out to do. I was even afraid of how my former colleagues in consulting would perceive my decision to walk away from something I had been so excited about.

Ultimately none of that mattered, though.

I’d grown tremendously through my experience during that year, but my ultimate test came in knowing when to walk away. It’s one I’m confident I’ll forever look back on and say that I passed.