Journeying Forward

TSMSS - You Wouldn't Cry for Me...

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Sun, 10 May 2009 23:41:00 +0000

Last Friday a very close friend of mine lost her brother to a sudden heart attack. Over this past week I have spent a lot of time in the presence of the family. I can not express how deeply moved I have been by the sadness and grief that swirled around me. How many times I prayed for the peace of God to fall on that family, I can not say. How many times I wiped away my own tears as I empathized with the pain of those that cried around me, I can not say. How many times I wished I could just do or say something so right that it would fix the brokenness, I can not say.

What I can say is that death is never easy... at least not for those of us on this side of heaven. We want another conversation, another smile, another laugh, another hug. We long for another anything that will bring us close to them once again. And time and time again we are reminded that they are, “in a better place”... but those words can sometimes seem so cliché when stacked up against the gut wrenching pain and disbelief of our loss.

And yet... they ARE in a better place. Jesus said that He was going to prepare a place for us (John 14:1-4) and that is where those that believed in Him have gone. John tells us that Heaven is a place of no more tears, no more death, no more sorrow and no more pain (Rev 21:4), a place where the Glory of the LORD shines forth leaving no room for the darker things of this life (Rev 21:11).

Heaven is a better place, a much better place. May we comfort and encourage one another with the hope we have in the promise of eternal life and the resurrection (1 Thess 4:13-18).

I wanted to post something today that really speaks this truth and Mandisa's You Wouldn't Cry just seemed to fit so perfectly. I pray this song ministers to all of us that have ever grieved the loss of someone dear.

I pray specifically for my friend and her family:

Father, You are the Mighty Counselor, the Protector, the Burden Bearer and the Strength Renewer. You have promised rest, shelter and refuge for all that call on Your name. You have promised to bind up the broken hearted and rescue those that are crushed in spirit. And You have promised to never leave nor forsake. Father, I lift this family up to You. They are broken in their grief and their hearts are hurting. Life as they knew it has been forever changed and there are tough times ahead for them. I pray that each one of them will turn to You and that they will feel your comforting hands around them. I pray that the peace that surpasses all understanding will just fall on them and hold them up in these difficult days ahead. May they find consolation in the knowing that Joseph is now with You and that he is in a better place. In Jesus name, Amen.

Peace and Love to you all,

You Wouldn't Cry - Mandisa

All you saw was pain
All you saw was rain
But you should see me now
Moments filled with tears
Lasted all those years
Disappeared somehow
You never said goodbye
On your knees you cry
You're still asking why... but

Blue has never been bluer
True has never been truer
Honey never tasted so sweet
There's a song in the breeze
A million voices in praise
A rose has never smelled redder
The sun has never been brighter
If I could find the right words to say
If you could look at my face
If you could just see this place
You wouldn't cry for me today

What you think you see
Isn't really me
I'm already home
You've got to lay it down
'Cause Jesus holds me now
And I am not alone
Your faith is wearing thin
But I am watching Him
And He is holding you, too... and

Blue has never been bluer
True has never been truer
Honey never tasted so sweet
There's a song in the breeze
A million voices in praise
A rose has never smelled redder
The sun has never been brighter
If I could find the right words to say
If you could look at my face
If you could just see this place
You wouldn't cry for me today

You wouldn't cry for me today

What may seem like years will just be a moment
Oh, the day will come
When I'll show you where you're going
I can't wait to show you... that

Blue has never been bluer
True has never been truer
Honey never tasted so sweet
There's a song in the breeze
A million voices in praise
A rose has never smelled redder
The sun has never been brighter
If I could find the right words to say
If you could look at my face
If you could just see this place
You wouldn't cry for me today...

On Healing and Faith - Part 1 - Did Jesus Die for Our Good Health?

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 09:34:00 +0000

I don't generally write much that could be considered controversial or divisive, so I realize that I am kind of taking a risk here. But, writing about this has been on my heart for a long, long time.

For the past several years, I have been burdened to seek out the truth about some of the extreme teachings on healing and faith that I have heard - particularly those coming from the Word of Faith movement. Perhaps you have heard a phrase like this a few times in your own Christian walk -

“Just believe, by faith, that you will be healed and YOU WILL BE HEALED!”

Now before I get much further... let me just say that nothing I write, in any way, denies the truth that God can and sometimes does choose to heal – sometimes in seemingly miraculous ways. Only an utter fool would argue that He can't or won't. What I want to talk about is not whether He heals, but whether He promises that He will always do so in response to our faith. In other words, was divine healing promised to all believers in the atonement?

Now, the most immediate answer to that question is – Yes. Of course there is healing in the atonement – every Christian knows that Jesus defeated death on that cross and every Christian knows that someday we will be receiving glorified bodies which will be free from pain and suffering.

BUT (and this is a BIG but)... is the promise of divine healing for the here and now? Perhaps the simplest way to phrase the question would be – Can we expect, on the basis of our faith, that we WILL ALWAYS be healed of our sickness and disease? Or better yet - Did Jesus die for our good health?

I'm going to follow up in the next few days. May we all approach this question with a heart and mind willing to be open and submissive to the Word of God. As always, I welcome your comments and emails (actually I love getting them) - whether you agree with me or not.

In the mean time – God's peace be upon you.

Thankful Thursday... Five Good Things... One GREAT God

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 21:45:00 +0000

I'm joining the ladies over at Truth4thejourney for Thankful Thursday. The task – simple – name 5 things that I would like to thank God for today. So here goes:

1. A warm home. Yep, it's about 10 degrees below zero here in Illinois and we're headed to 20-30 below by night's end. Yikes! Old man winter has wrapped his freezing cold grip around the state and there is no where to run outside... it's just brutal out there. Thank you, LORD that I can marvel at the snow and ice from the inside of a toasty home.

2. A son who loves the LORD. Hubby and I are pilgrim parents – raising our son in a first generation Christian home. My 6 year old loves God's word. He loves Jesus. And I am everyday amazed watching him grow up in his faith firmly planted in the soil of God's love.

3. Friends. So, I got stranded at a friend's house yesterday. The night before I'd slept over because I was too tired to drive and the weather was getting nasty. The next morning when I went to leave, my car wouldn't start. The battery had succumbed to the cold and was DEAD. So, from 10:30 in the morning to 2:30 in the afternoon, my friend worked with me to get that car jump started. Our toes and fingers were numbed and our patience was tested, but we survived it and WE FINALLY GOT THAT CAR STARTED! And while I am so thankful that we got the car going, I am even more thankful that I have a friend like her. She graciously made my problem her problem and refused to let me give up in frustration. What's more – her positive attitude and sense of humor actually made the whole experience - dare I say – FUN... Oh, I just love that God has brought that girl into my life!

4. My blog. The Journeying Forward blog has become my home on the Internet. I love coming here. I love that this place was one of the first I found where I could be transparent and honest about who I am, what I've been through and what God is showing me. I've shared a lot and others have shared a lot with me. I have taught others and have learned a lot from others. I've been lifted up and have lifted others up. What an amazing blessing! Did I tell you – that I LOVE this place???

5. The Cadbury Creme Egg. I can't help it! I adore these things. They are so bad for my body, but OH so good for my tongue. I just love biting through that milk chocolate shell and reaching that ooey gooey stuff inside. Making them even more alluring is the fact that they are only sold between New Year's day and Easter. Once Easter's over, you just have to wait until next year to get your hands on one of them. So, yesterday, a friend of mine surprised me with my first one of the year and I have been in confectionery ecstasy ever since. Oh, Cadbury Creme Egg, it had been way too long... : )

So, what are you thankful for this Thursday???

Sharing The Struggle - My Social Anxiety

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 00:47:00 +0000

This week's Cafe Chat Question: What is one thing that you feel you cannot share with another person about yourself? (You think if they knew this one thing or struggle that they may not accept you).

Hmmm... had to think about this one for a bit. If I had been asked this same question 2 or 3 years ago, the list of unmentionables would have been at least a mile long and a mile wide and I probably wouldn't have admitted to a single one of them... BUT... God has been working a major change in me. Throughout the past couple of years, He has slowly stripped away the fear of rejection that often accompanies sharing and has made transparency and mask removal a top priority for me. He has placed some incredible Sisters of faith in my path that have open ears, kind hearts and nonjudgmental tongues. Ladies that have lifted me up, despite my tendency to just wanna' lay down and pulled me out, despite my inclination to draw inside.

As I pondered this question today, I realized just how good it feels to have sisters like that in my life. Thank you LORD, for each and every one of them!

Having said that, I still do struggle with my lifelong personal nemesis - Social Anxiety and I have to admit that I'm not always honest about just how much I am struggling.

The medical community describes the “disorder” as an extreme and persistent fear of social situations that involve interaction with other people. The anxiety is rooted in a deeply irrational fear of being judged and evaluated by others. For some real life examples of how this can play out in one's daily life GO HERE. You won't believe how crazy this can be. I can so relate to every one of the examples listed at that link and you'll see what a day is like inside this brain of mine. : )

Anyway, up until about two years ago, the anxiety had become soooo out of control, that I literally just dropped out of society. I barely talked to anyone outside of my immediate family and rarely left my house. The fear gripped me so tightly that I kept the curtains closed, ignored the ringing phone and avoided people all together. It was a very sad and lonely period in my life.

At one of my worst moments, I remember one day when I jumped on top of my toddler son to stop him from running to the front door when a meter reader from the electric company had rang the bell. I literally threw myself on top of him and forced him to lay down and be quiet until the man left. I didn't want the meter reader to know that anyone was home because I was afraid of having to interact with him. My son wasn't hurt or anything, but there was this overwhelming fear in his sweet little eyes. A few moments later, I lost it. I locked myself in the bathroom and just started bawling as I realized that if I didn't do something about this, I was going to hand this fear down to my child.

It was then that I really began to seek after God about this. I began praying for healing and His response was to use the body of Christ to send amazing people into my life that have made me feel safe enough to step outside of my comfort zone. Little by little, I have shared the real me and I have discovered the real them. Through these relationships, I have shared the secret things of my life that I had always been afraid to share in the past. This in and of itself, has had an amazing impact on the intensity of my anxiety.

Having said that, the thing I most struggle with today is openly admitting just how much my day is still ruled by this anxiety. I've grown a lot, but the anxiety has not left me. It is still a battle I wage in some way everyday of my life. I can't begin to describe just how much mental work still goes into preparing myself for even the simplest of interaction with others – even with my most trusted sisters in Christ.

I get worn down by the symptoms that accompany this anxiety – the intense fear, the nervousness, the automatic negative thinking cycles, the racing heart, the blushing, the excessive sweating, the dry throat and mouth, the trembling, and the mind that draws a blank right before I speak. Because it is so exhausting, I sometimes just give up. It is easier to withdraw and try again some other time when I have the energy it takes to get it together. How this looks to the outside:

I sometimes don't speak up in a group.
I sometimes don't answer the phone or call people back.
I sometimes don't keep plans I've made or attend group functions.
I sometimes come off as quiet, withdrawn, unfriendly, nervous or disinterested.

Not a very good way to conduct relationships, but I sometimes just can't do it and I don't always want to tell people why. So, why is it hard to just openly admit when I'm struggling? Because, I feel like it tarnishes my witness to Christ. In those moments, I feel like I'm not having enough faith or I'm not submitting enough to the power of the Holy Spirit. I mean, why would I still flounder in anxiety and fear when I know I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST??? Why flounder, when I know that God has not given me a SPIRIT OF FEAR??? Why flounder in the dysfunctions of the old me, when I know that I AM A NEW CREATION IN CHRIST???

As I wrap this up, I don't want to leave anyone with the idea that I have given up on my healing from anxiety or that I am living a sub-par Christian life. I'm just being patient with the sanctification work God is doing in me. He has already brought me soooo far and I am ever hopeful that someday my social anxiety will be but a distant memory. Until then, I will continue to press on sure THAT HE WHO BEGAN A GOOD WORK IN ME WILL CARRY IT ON TO COMPLETION. I'll also try to be more open when I'm drowning in anxiety, rather than struggling to hide it.

This week's cafe chat question was a good one. What hidden struggle have you not shared, with at least one other person, out of fear that they may not accept you? Won't you prayerfully consider sharing it? Their response will very likely surprise you. It has me. We are all in the same boat, in at least one way - all of us struggle with something. But, in God's family, we don't have to struggle alone.

Be sure to check out how others answered this question.

God Bless!

We Will Remember...

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 03:05:00 +0000

Today, for TSMSS and Super Sunday, it is my prayer that my Fellow Journeyers would.... remember.

Remember God's love, His comfort, His provision, His forgiveness, His grace, His precious promises. It is my prayer that we would remember what Christ has done for us. Let us remember, whether times are tough or not, whether our heart is aching or not, whether our soul is bleeding or not – LET US REMEMBER. Oh, Lord, let us remember.

I pray this song ministers to your heart a much as it has mine these past several weeks.

Remembering,

We Will Remember - Tommy Walker

We will remember, we will remember
We will remember the works of Your hands
We will stop and give you praise
For great is Thy faithfulness

You’re our creator, our life sustainer
Deliverer, our comfort, our joy
Throughout the ages You’ve been our shelter
Our peace in the midst of the storm

With signs and wonders You’ve shown Your power
With precious blood You showed us Your grace
You’ve been our helper, our liberator
The giver of life with no end

We will remember, we will remember
We will remember the works of Your hands
We will stop and give you praise
For great is Thy faithfulness

When we walk through life’s darkest valleys
We will look back at all You have done
And we will shout, our God is good
And He is the faithful One

Hallelujah, hallelujah
To the one from whom all blessings flow
Hallelujah, hallelujah
To the one whose glory has been shown

We will remember, we will remember
We will remember the works of Your hands
We will stop and give you praise
For great is Thy faithfulness

I still remember the day You saved me
The day I heard You call out my name
You said You loved me, would never leave me
And I’ve never been the same

We will remember, we will remember
We will remember the works of Your hands
We will stop and give you praise
For great is Thy faithfulness

We will remember, we will remember
We will remember the works of Your hands
We will stop and give you praise
For great is Thy faithfulness

Open Up The Skies of Mercy

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 23:55:00 +0000

"You have forgiven and covered up my past sins, blessing me in you and changing my soul by faith and by your sacrament; yet when the confessions of these past sins are read and heard, they rouse up the heart and prevent it from sinking into the sleep of despair and saying, “I cannot.” Instead they encourage it to be wakeful in the love of your mercy and the sweetness of your grace..." (The Confessions of St. Augustine, Book X, 3)

I've been on a blogging break for a while now. Taking the time to explore my faith outside of the influence and self-imposed expectation to continually seek after something meaty to post at this blog. I've been de-cluttering and simplifying. It's been good.

During this time I have been reading The Confessions of St. Augustine written by the legendary theologian and early church father. Can I just tell you that I am blown away? With raw honesty and incredible depth of introspection, Augustine recounts his sinful youth, the tug of war between good and evil within his soul, his empty pursuits of knowledge, false religion and worldly gain and his eventual conversion to Christianity. Above all else, his “confessions” scream out about the miracle that is God's mercy and grace.

Augustine's walk, though different in events and circumstances from our own, is not, at its core, all that different from any other Christ follower's. We all must make the journey from sinner to saint. We all must learn to set aside worldly ambition and selfish pride. We all must come face to face with our inner selves and REALLY see just how ugly and wretched we are – apart from Christ. I don't think anyone can come away from this book without having seen a glimpse into their own soul and without having received a boost for the journey forward. I have been incredibly blessed by his writings.

Today, for TSMSS, I just want to simmer in the sweetness of God's mercy and grace... I pray you are having a blessed day. And if you're feeling a bit bold – I encourage you to take on Augustine's confessions.

In His precious name,

Heart Issues and the Healing at Bethesda – Taking Up Our Mats

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 01:37:00 +0000

John 5:1-13
Jesus Heals a Lame Man

The man in this passage of John was an invalid and had been for 38 years. We are told that the man was unable to walk and was thus lying on a mat just outside of a pool believed to have healing properties. A great number of people were gathered around this pool and whenever the water would get stirred up, the people would go down into the water in hopes of getting cured of their sicknesses and diseases. Can you imagine the mix of desperation, hope and expectation that must have been in the air around that pool?

And it is in the midst of this desperation, hope and expectation that Jesus singles this one man out. He walks up to him and asks him something very interesting. He asks him, “do you want to get well?”

Now, I don't want to seem cynical. But, think about this - why would the man need to be asked a question with such an obvious answer? Of course he wanted to get well. Right? Wouldn't anyone? And yet, Jesus still asked. What he asks him just stirs something in my spirit.

“Do you want to get well?”

And here is the man's reply - “I can’t, sir,” the sick man said, “for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me.”

It's interesting to me that the man does not respond with a resounding yes. He instead justifies why he has not yet been healed. He rationalizes and offers Jesus... an excuse.

Admittedly, we can't possibly tell from this text exactly what the man was thinking, but is it that far a stretch to imagine that after 38 years as an invalid the man had grown accustomed to his condition and was a bit apprehensive about the possibility of living a life free from his bondage? Think about the significant changes that awaited him post healing.

You can bet that if he lived that many years, in that condition, someone or a lot of someones were taking care of him. Being healed and able bodied, was sure to bring him a whole new set of challenges – he would have to learn to do things for himself and unlearn dependence on others for his basic needs. He'd have to take on the responsibility for his life. He'd be held accountable. Think about what would become of him once his long term infirmity was no longer a hindrance. Can you imagine how much work that must have been for him? Now we know that he must have wanted to be made well more than he feared the outcome of that healing... after all he listened to Jesus. He took up his mat and walked.

But, I still find it interesting that he did not immediately exclaim, “YES, I sooo want to get well!!!!”

I can personally draw a spiritual application from this physical healing. Those of us that struggle with and remain stuck in heart issues that run contrary to the light of Christ and the fruit of the spirit... are all in someway sitting on our mats just outside the healing waters. And as we sit there wrestling with feelings like anger, bitterness, discontentment, depression, fear, anxiety, worry, jealousy, unforgiveness, lust, pride, self-pity, dishonesty, guilt, etc... we fail to walk in the abundant life we are called to in Christ.

Just the other day, as I read this passage, Jesus' question hit me... hard.

“Do you want to get well?”

It was as if Jesus himself was standing right next to me, waiting for my answer. Do you want to get well - REALLY want to get well? And I began to wonder - have I grown accustomed to and resigned myself to some of the heart issues that keep me “stuck on my mat”. On some level, is it working for me? Have these struggles become an excuse for not doing the hard work of submitting to the changes a life in Christ brings?

And then I wondered how true is this of so many other believers? How many of us are sitting on our mats just outside that pool and saying about the healing of our hearts - “I can't... every time I try... it hurts or it's just too hard... etc.”? And as we sit there, the living God is standing right next to us telling us that He's already healed us... telling us that all we have to do is get up off our mats and walk.

What are we waiting for? Jesus heals, we walk... simple as that.

Taking up my mat,

As Gold to the Fire... I Will Surrender to Your Hand

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 16:21:00 +0000

"In the whole land," declares the LORD, "two-thirds will be struck down and perish; yet one-third will be left in it. This third I will bring into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The LORD is our God.' " (Zechariah 13:8-9)

Created in the image of a Holy God and yet polluted with the impurity of unholy sin. This is the condition of God's chosen. A depraved, fallen people - impure and unrighteous and misled by the desires of their deceitful hearts. Despite this, whenever these fallen call out to Him - He answers. He makes them His own and He brings them through the refiners fire. He sanctifies them, often painfully, and burns away the dross.

When you think on the impurities in your own heart, what comes to mind? Is there any fear, anger, apathy, bitterness, selfishness, jealousy, hatred, shame, greed, arrogance, blame, laziness, dishonesty, unforgiveness, self-righteousness, discontentment? What unholiness taints your soul, corrupts your heart and makes you stand unclean? What are you refusing to let go of?

This week for TSMSS, I am posting Starfield's All For You. Let the cry of our hearts echo the simple words of this song - "Here I am. As gold to the fire I will surrender to Your hand..." and, "It's all for You, I'm letting go..."

As you listen to the words of this song - won't you take a moment to prayerfully meditate on the specific areas of your life where you are resisting the fire of the Great Refiner?

Surrendering,

I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. You will live in the land I gave your forefathers; you will be my people, and I will be your God.
(Ezekiel 36:25-28)

All For You - Starfield

Nothing compares to the
Life I have in You
Nothing of this world satisfies
So, I want to let go
I want to let You know
All that I have to give is Yours

CHORUS
Here I am
As gold to the fire
I will surrender to Your hand
To this place
Lord, I have come ready for Your touch

It's all for You
It's all for You
I'm letting go
I'm letting go

What is it in me
That hangs on for so long
Why do I fight the tears that come?
I work so hard to
Keep in control when
All that I want is to let go

CHORUS

I'll take this life
And lay it down
I'm letting go
I'm letting go
My hopes and dreams
Here at Your feet
I'm letting go
I'm letting go

And I am ready for Your life
And I am ready for You now

Reflections After a Bout of Depression – Is it a Sin? Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 08:19:00 +0000

I want to follow up on my post a few weeks back in which I asked the tough question - Is my depression a sin? If you didn't read that post, you can here.

One of the biggest red flags for me regarding the possible sin nature of my depressive episodes is that they are a part of a long established pattern. As I said in my first post about this, I have had these dark seasons since I was a pre-teen. I have swung between balance and imbalance so many times that I cannot differentiate between one episode and the next. They have just become a part of who I am. I don't like them, but I have forged this truce within myself – a peace treaty between the healthy part of me and the unhealthy part of me. It's as if somewhere along the way I said to myself, “Cristine, you're gonna' go there, so just accept it. Just deal with it. It's who you are. It can't be changed.”

But today, this treaty just isn't sitting so well with me because God's word says that living the Christian life is all about change – big change. Ephesians 4 tells us that we are to put away with our old selves and rid ourselves of our former way of life. Romans 6:11 says that we are to count ourselves dead to sin and not let it reign in our bodies so that we obey its evil desires. Romans 6:4 reminds us that we were buried with Christ and therefore should walk in the newness of life. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says that we are new creations, that the old has passed away and that all things have been made new. And 1 John 1:6 tells us that God is light and that there is no darkness in Him at all. Those that say they walk with Him and yet are still walking in the darkness are lying and not practicing truth.

The fact is that Scripture goes on and on about spiritual change, about doing away with the negative and getting on with the positive. And Scripture assures us that this is all possible because we have One within us who has overcome the world. We have One in us who gives us the supernatural power for such change. All we have to do is yield to it. Submit to it. Follow it. Obey it. Walk in it. We don't have to talk about getting better and then struggle in our own willpower to so do. The power is already there... in us... because we have been born again and have the Holy Spirit within.

In this light, what makes my depression a sin is not that the emotions come or that I seem to have a bent toward them, but that I give into them when they come. It's what I choose to do with those murky feelings once they begin to form. You see, in every depressive episode there are always choices I make along the way. The choice to simmer in my own thoughts, rather than to marinate in God's word. The choice to listen to depressing music (even some Christian music), rather than to lift my hands in praise. The choice to lick my old wounds, rather than to focus on the blood that flowed from Christ's wounds. The choice to focus inward toward myself, rather than outward toward others and upward toward God. The choice to fill myself up with counterfeit comforters, rather than with the word and the spirit. The choice to fall down to the lies rather than to stand firm in the truth. The choice to shout darkness over my circumstances rather than speak light into my life. Choices.

Depressive emotions, in and of themselves, are not sins – but those of us that struggle to contain those depressive emotions should prayerfully go before the LORD and honestly evaluate the ways in which we get there. We should seek to uncover any sins within us that cause us to stumble over our emotions. We can't just accept that we get depressed as if there is no other way – as if it can not be changed. We must ask the Holy Spirit to reveal whether we are fully submitted to Christ or if we are submitting instead to the darkness that leads to depression.

My prayer tonight:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.
(Psalm 139:23-24)

Blessings and Love,

TSMSS - When You Come Home

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 23:07:00 +0000

When my son Ryan was about 2 years old, I remembered a children's book that I had read many years before that I just loved. It was a short story about the enduring love that a mother has for her son. I decided to take Ryan to Barnes and Noble to search for the book, but there was a major problem – I didn't know the author or the title. I couldn't even remember what the cover looked like or the details needed to describe the story. I just remembered how much it had stirred my heart.

And so, I made my way to the bookstore, fully aware that locating the book was likely to be a lofty mission. Ryan and I headed for the kids section. I told him that I was looking for a special book, a story that I wanted to read to him. My enthusiasm was high, but it was quickly deflated. There were hundreds if not thousands of children's books and as I pulled book after book from the shelf, I realized that my quest was much like searching for the proverbial needle in the haystack. Worse yet, I didn't even know if the book was in the store. I began to get frustrated.

But then something really special happened. Several minutes after I started my search, my son walked over to me and pulled on my pant leg. He held a book out to me. You are not going to believe it, but what he held was Robert Munsch's, I Love You Forever. And yes, it was the book I was desperately searching for. Somehow, my little guy had toddled over to a shelf and just happened to grab at the very book I was after. I was more than a little amazed.

That book has meant a lot to me and to him since. It's a story that begins with a young mother holding her newborn son and singing to him, “ I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.” As the story continues, the baby boy grows up and up. Through out the ages and stages of his life, the mother takes him in her arms and rocks him back and forth and back and forth and sings that song to him. As the story nears to an end, the boy has become a man and the mother grows too old and sick to rock him and sing to him anymore. It is then that the boy takes his mother into his arms, rocks her back and forth and sings to her, “I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my mommy you'll be.” I have never read this story without crying. Because of this, my husband has to read it to my son for me and my now 6 year old smiles and says, “Momma, are you gonna' cry again?” He doesn't understand the tears of a mother's heart, he just finds it curious that a book can make them fall.

I have always been painfully aware of just how fleeting this time to parent is - perhaps it is because both my father and mother-in-law died right around the time my son was born. Perhaps it is because I've already witnessed how quickly my once 3 year old step daughter blossomed into a 20 year old young woman. Perhaps it is because God's word reminds us what a vapor our lives really are. Whatever the reason, I know that someday, although the days can seem long for right now, I will leave this earth and my son will have to mourn his loss of me. If I think about it too hard, the idea that I won't someday be here to guide, protect and love him, scares me. I can only pray that the LORD will leave me here on this earth long enough to fulfill my maternal longings and to lead my son to the Savior. I pray that I will be here long enough to culture my legacy as it comes through the man of God my son will someday grow to be.

The song I have chosen for this week's TSMSS, is Mark Schultz's, “When You Come Home”. The story Mark sings of is along the same line as the book I Love You Forever. Both trace the endless love of a mother for her own. When Ryan was smaller, I used to cradle him in my arms and slow dance around the kitchen floor to this. It brought tears to my eyes then and it brings tears to my eyes now. Today, my son steps on my feet as he tries to slow dance to this song with me and I know that someday soon, I will look up into his grown eyes as he leads me in a slow dance to this song.

May we Moms never forget the care that must be taken when God places a child into our lives to parent. May we never forget just how fleeting the time really is, no matter what stage our children are in. What an awesome responsibility, what an even more amazing blessing.

Thank you God for entrusting us. Thank you for the laughter and the tears, the joys and the heartbreak. Thank you for the call of motherhood.

When You Come Home - Mark Schultz

My first day of recess
They all laughed at me
When I fell off the swing set
And scraped up my knee

The nurse called my Momma
To say I'd be late,
when she gave me the phone
I could hear Momma say,
"I'm so sorry, son. Oh I think you're so brave"

And she was smilin when she said:

When you come home,
No matter how far,
Run through the door
And into my arms
It's where you are loved,
It's where you belong
And I will be here
When you come home

I waved good-bye through the window
As I boarded the plane,
My first job in Houston
Was waiting for me
I found a letter from Momma
Tucked in my coat
And as I flew down the runway
I smiled when she wrote,
"I'll miss you, son, You'll be so far away"

But I'll be waiting for the day

When you come home
No matter how far,
Run through the door
And into my arms
It's where you are loved,
It's where you belong,
And I will be here
When you come home

Well, I don't think
She can hear you now,
The doctor told me
Your mother is fading,
It's best that you leave

So I whispered, I love you
And then turned away.
But I stopped at the door
When I heard Momma say,
"I love you, son,
But they're callin me away.
Promise me before I go"

When you come home,
No matter how far,
Run through the door
And into my arms;
It's where you are loved,
It's where you belong,
And I will be here

When you come home,

When you come home.

Mission 4 Monday - Kids Around the World

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 15:21:00 +0000

My Mission 4 Monday, er should I say Wednesday at this point, is just a tad late... but I didn't want to disappoint my friend Peggy over at Amazing Grace ~ Mazes, Messes, Miracles . So, while I don't have too much time to post, I'm gonna just highlight a local ministry with a global outreach that was started here in my hometown by a member of my church, Jim Rosene. Kids Around the World builds playgrounds and hope around the world for the glory of Jesus. Watch the video to see the amazing work this organization is doing. If you feel led to pray for or donate time, money or other resources, please consider doing so.

TSMSS - Greater Things Have Yet to Come

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 00:18:00 +0000

Over the past several months, this song has inspired and challenged me to go prayerfully before the LORD to ask, “what more, Lord?”

What more can I do to better Your city?

What more can I do to meet the needs of Your people?

What more can I do to shine Your light?

What more can I do to bring the lost home to You?

What more can I do for Your glory, Your honor and Your praise?

What more?

There are things I do right now for the LORD – things that bring me joy and that I know bring Him joy. Things inside the church and things outside. But I know that He is calling me to do more. I know that, as the song says, "Greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done in this city..." And I know that it is His desire that I, with a servant's heart, help Him to get these things done.

And so this week for TSMSS, I am posting a song that makes me drive around town, look around to the people and the things and just keep asking... “What more, Lord? What more can I do for YOU?”

There is no one like our God!

On Bitterness and the Cross

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 17:31:00 +0000

Bitterness: Intense antagonism or hostility. Resentful or cynical.

I have a crucifix hanging in my dining room. A daily reminder to me of what my LORD and Savior did some 2000 years ago. Now, I realize that some people have a thing against crucifixes. They maintain that we worship a risen Christ, not Christ crucified and that a crucifix focuses on a dead corpse, not the extraordinary miracle that came after. In other words, He is no longer on the cross, they say, so don't keep Him there...

But, I love my crucifix and no, I don't think it represents keeping Him there broken and seemingly defeated. I know exactly what happened on Sunday!

Today, as I am looking up to that cross, I am reminded not only of what Jesus went through, but of Jesus' behavior as He went through it. I'm reminded of the price He paid to atone for a people gone mad and I am reminded of His grace and mercy on those that made Him pay it. Specifically, I am reminded that despite the horrific treatment, despite the fact that His flesh must have just been screaming out, “Don't you know WHO you're messing with? Don't you get what you're doing?” He still hung there, without any bitterness, until it was finished (John 19:30).

Can you imagine, even for a split second, what it must be like for the Creator to be physically crushed and violently snuffed out by His own created? He tolerated their ridiculous trial, endured their beatings, withstood their mockery and watched them gamble for His clothes. I can't imagine how His flesh must have just roared. How much must He have been tempted to jump down off that cross, wave His arm over them in a great rage and just bring every last one of them down to their knees! How much should He have hated and despised them? Shouldn't He have been bitter?

But... He wasn't. He didn't hate and despise them. He loved them.

Instead of cursing them, He said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34) and He took advantage of those last few moments to bring yet one other sheep home with Him (the thief on the cross next to His) (Luke 23:43).

Christ came to share in our humanity and to overcome sin and the effects of sin, including death. If He conquered death, the most horrific and final effect of sin, surely He conquered bitterness along with it. My crucifix reminds me of this. Though the world would tell us that we sometimes have every right to be bitter, Christ crucified shows us something different. It shows us the holy way.

Knowing this, how can we not search our hearts for any bitter root and ask ourselves - if God wasn't bitter on that cross, what right have I to be - as we take up our own crosses? Paul warns us in his letter to the Ephesians that all bitterness must be gotten rid of (4:31). Bitterness is a sin, even though our hearts may strain to justify it. As Christ followers, we are called to a higher standard. We are called to be purified of all sin.

Some of us have been so horribly wronged at the hands of another that we carry their sin, refuse to drop it and in due time find ourselves bitter and unforgiving. And in that bitterness, the sin of another becomes our sin. We must remember that while the evil of sin may prevail over some of our moments, it need not prevail over our lifetime. Jesus didn't meet His death at the cross, sin did. Sin wasn't resurrected on Sunday, Jesus was. Yes, the cross is where bitterness meets its death.

Let us respond to the evil of bitterness in the same way that Christ did. Let us find the strength in Christ to say, “Father, forgive them...”

Alive in Him and praying you are too,

Reflections After a Bout of Depression – Is it a Sin?

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 21:23:00 +0000

This post isn't so much about generalizing the causes of all depression or about debating whether depression is rooted in biology or spirituality. It's about my personal experience with it. It's about asking myself a tough question. Is MY depression a sin?

I have struggled with seasons of pronounced depression since I was a teenager. Recently, I went through another one. It started months back with the familiar subtle changes in my emotional thought life. I began once again dwelling on memories of past wounds, past mistakes and past losses; a bit of shame, a flash of resentment and a tad of hurt. Clues that I was beginning that familiar downward spiral into this murky darkness that exists within me.

As I descended, one dark thought tempted me to follow another and then still another. I followed them until I found myself consumed by them. I followed them until I had little energy and little joy. My prayer life dropped off, my relationships suffered, my responsibilities went undone and my faith in God weakened until I was holding on to some vague hope, not true FAITH. Most bothersome, I felt very far removed from the LORD. Finally, one day I found myself sitting, head in hands – alone, defeated and hopeless. Not a pretty picture. Not a witness to the light of Christ. I was depressed.

One online dictionary defines depression as, “a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.”

The sorrow and grief felt after a loved one dies or a job is lost or some other major life change is not what I am talking about here. These life changes are objective reasons for feeling down. When my father died several years back, I experienced a period of grief, but it is understood that his death warranted that sadness. The depressive funks that I am writing about today are unwarranted. There is no good cause. My life is good. My blessings are too many to count. I love the Lord and He loves me. There is really no reason to feel sad.

My funks are rooted in my thought life, rooted in the pain of past abuse and my sinful responses to that pain, rooted in loss and remorse and regret. They spring up from this murkiness within me that just refuses to accept and let go. And when they spring up, I allow myself to fall back into this pattern of withdrawal and seclusion, licking my wounds and feeling sorry for myself.

When I think of depression in the Bible, I immediately think of the Psalms. After reading so many of these cries of David, I am reminded that feelings of sorrow, grief and loneliness are a very real part of life. I am reminded that depression comes to many of us. And yet, I am still convicted. Feelings of depression may come, but is it okay for me to yield to them? Is it right for a Christ follower to spend so much of one's life immersed in self sorrow?

And so, I ask myself again – Is MY depression a sin?

I'm going to pick this up later. Stay tuned...

TSMSS - How to Save a Life

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 06:30:00 +0000

I have been thinking a lot lately about lost opportunities to share the truth about the hope of the Lord.

God has given me a sensitive, empathetic spirit. One that is deeply intuitive to the otherwise hidden hurts and pains of others. I can't tell you how often I look into someone's eyes and just FEEL their pain. I don't always know what is behind it and I don't usually say anything about it. I just know that it is there.

Such was the case last year...

Early in 2007, I met a young friend of my daughters. He was walking home from his dish washing job in the bitter cold of winter. When we saw him, he was struggling to walk against the gusting wind while trying to keep from slipping on the iced over snow. We turned the van around, got his attention and offered him a ride. At first he politely declined our offer, but we insisted - the temperatures were below zero and his clothes were soaking wet from washing dishes. I feared for his safety.

I remember him sliding into the van and closing the bitter cold behind him. I could tell he was relieved, but that he was just one of those kids that didn't want to put anybody out of their way. He thanked us and smiled timidly. As I drove the few minutes to his house, he and my daughter talked. They talked about school and work and plans for after graduation. He smiled as he spoke, but as my eyes met his through the rear view mirror, I felt it. Hurt. Pain. Loneliness. Isolation. This boy was suffering and I knew it. I could FEEL it. The specifics of his pain, I didn't know, but, it was so heavy. I looked up at him several times, trying to put my finger on what to say to him. “Say something meaningful,” I thought, “ask him if he knows the LORD,” I thought. “Just ask him.”...

Like I said earlier, the Lord has given me this intuitively sensitive spirit. A heart that is heavy for the hurting. And my heart literally HURT for him that day. But, I never did ask him that question. I was too afraid. I didn't know him, he didn't know me. I wanted him to warm up to me first. I wanted to wait for another opportunity. And so, I waited.

Every so often, over the next several months, I visited his My Space page. I was drawn to the photos he posted of himself and just focused in on those eyes. The hurt was still there. I thought about calling him, but second guessed myself... “why would a 35 year old woman call up a young man she hardly knows? He'll think you're crazy.” I thought about having my daughter invite him over, but their friendship had grown distant and it was awkward. I even thought about calling his parents to tell them that something just wasn't right. But, again, I feared being thought of as crazy. And so I waited, sure that someday soon I would see him again. Sure that, if given the chance, I would ask him if he knew the Lord. I would tell him that I could sense his hurt. I would tell him that I was once a hurting teenager myself and that Jesus was the only answer.

But, I never got the chance. We never met again. On September 21 of 2007, that young man took a gun to his head and ended his own life. He was only 18 years old. Just 18. Tonight, I think of him and that look in his eyes as I looked at him through the rear view mirror. The pain. The hopelessness.

Fear prevented me from saying what I now know the Lord wanted me to say that winter day when we rescued him from the bitter cold. It wasn't my job to save his life, I know this. It was simply my job to listen and obey the prodding of the Holy Spirit.

I know that God, in His grace, will use anyone to “save a life” if it is within His will to do so. And if that young man was to be spared such a tragic end, God would have used someone else that was braver than I was. And so, I do not believe that my words would have literally saved his life here on earth. But friends, I have to say, had I followed the Spirit's prompting, there would be a peace and reassurance in my spirit about my role in that boy's final days. I am disappointed with myself for having missed the mark.

I pray that before that young man died, the Holy Spirit used somebody more courageous than I to tell him about the love of Christ. I pray that He knew God. I pray that his soul was spared, even if it was at that moment just between his finger squeezing the trigger and his soul leaving this earth. I pray that somehow he repented, turned himself over to the Lord and found the peace that escaped him here in this life.

There are so many hurting people out there that just don't know Jesus. I pray that everyone of us that do will be sensitive and obedient to the prompting of the Holy Spirit whenever God divinely places people like this young man in our paths. Just do it - for we may never get that chance again.

For this week's Then Sings My Soul Saturday, I am posting The Fray's How to Save a Life because whenever I hear it, I think of this young man, his pain and his solution to that pain. It just brings tears to my eyes. Rest in peace, young friend, you are not forgotten.

If you have wandered to this post and you are hurting and considering suicide, I beg you not to. I have been there and I promise you - whatever it is, it won't always hurt this bad. I beg you to reach out and find help. Email me and let's talk. Call a friend. Visit a church. Cry out to God - He hears you. Nothing in this life is hopeless. Ask God to show you the way. He saved me and He can save you, too. No one is beyond His reach, not even you. Nothing you have done, nothing you have gone through and nothing that has been done to you is beyond His healing hands... God's promise to you - "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed." Psalm 34:18

In Christ's Love,

See what soulful music others have posted this week here.

The Fray - How To Save A Life

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life

Create in Me a Clean Heart

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 21:36:00 +0000

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

Psalm 51:10-12

Last week for TSMSS I posted an upbeat song that I knew would get my blogging sisters moving. This week, I just don't want to stop the beat. So I'm posting a classic worship song set to a very modern groove.

But, before we get to the song let me warn some of you - I'm a suburban Chicago girl who grew up in the 80's listening and dancing to what is now called, "Old School House" music. Trust me, we didn't think it was "old school" back then... but, I digress. Anyway, here's the warning - it might be just a bit too... oh what's the word... thumping, yes that's it. It might be just a bit too thumping for some... I'm hoping not.

Don't you just love that Christ can be praised in so many diverse ways? May God be glorified, no matter what style music we praise Him to! Oh, if my House buddies could see me now!

Cafe Chat: It's Not About Me...

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 21:10:00 +0000

This Week's Cafe Chat Question: The catchphrase “It’s not about me” has become quite popular in our current world today. What does that phrase mean to you in your personal life? Explain.

This phrase is a popular one. It's funny, because as I teenager, I had a button that exclaimed the exact opposite – it said, “It's All About Me!” And that about sums up my life before Christ – self absorbed, self involved and entirely motivated by self interest.

But it's not all about me anymore. As a Christian, it's all about Christ. As a Christian, “It's not about me” means that it's about Him.

It means desiring the outcome of any situation and relationship to be whatever God wills it to be whether or not the outcome lines up with my wants.

It means behaving and speaking in a way that will bring glory to God even when the behavior or words don't come easy.

It means standing by and upholding the teachings of Christ even when it makes me uncomfortable. Even when it means I will no longer “fit in”.

It means it's ALL about CHRIST. So, what does it mean to you? To read what others are saying about the phrase, visit the cafe here. Have a blessed week!

"For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." Colossians 3:3

You're the Same Yesterday and Tomorrow Won't Change...

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 06:48:00 +0000

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

Here's one I want to share with my sister bloggers. A reminder that while we may change a whole lot, and run hot and cold, Jesus never does. He is who He is - praise God! Hope it gets your blood pumping. Enjoy!

P.S. Thank you to everyone for the kind words and prayers regarding little Alexis Paige. I was blessed.

Sometimes - Nicole C. Mullen

Sometimes, sometimes
I’m just Runnin’ so fast
that I can’t touch the ground
I’m spinning faster
than a merry go round
I find myself in the lost and found

And sometimes, sometimes
I’m just callin’ your name
and I don’t know why
Holdin’ my head cryin’ “my oh my”
Up and down like the tide

But you’re the Same yesterday,
and tomorrow won’t change
all your excellent ways
I said, you're the Same yesterday,
and tomorrow won’t change
all your excellent ways

Cause Sometimes, sometimes
I’m just being so good
I can hardly stand it,
Everything goes like I planned it
Hold that thought while I get candid

Sometimes, sometimes
I jump outta' the pan,
into the fire
Get my foot stuck in the mire
Lord you must get tired
but you’re the…

Same yesterday,
and tomorrow won’t change
all your excellent ways
You're the Same yesterday,
and tomorrow won’t change
all your excellent ways

You’re the alpha, The omega,
The beginning, and the end,
You’re my Father, You’re my Brother
You’re like no other
My best friend

Cause you're the
Same yesterday,
and tomorrow won’t change
all your excellent ways
Same yesterday,
and tomorrow won’t change
all your excellent ways

You Give and Take Away - For My Granddaughter Alexis Paige

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 07:04:00 +0000

A bit early for Then Sings My Soul Saturday, but please bear with me as I share...

Early this past Tuesday morning I held my granddaughter Alexis Paige for the first and only time. She unexpectedly slipped away to be with the LORD before she was born and we never got the chance to meet her soul. She was absolutely beautiful and I am grieved that we will never get the chance to watch that sweet little angel grow, this side of Heaven...

Despite the fact that I am a writer, there are no words that I can put together to describe this hurt... I hurt for the loss of my first grandchild - there were so many plans her Grandpa and I had for her. I hurt for my daughter - how I long to take that pain away from her. I hurt for my future son-in-law - how I long to take that pain from him.

That morning we all stared at Alexis' lifeless body and sobbed. How our minds struggled to comprehend why she wasn't given the chance to live outside of her mother's womb. We grappled with why - the seeming senselessness of it all. And in the midst of that turmoil, my husband took that baby and placed her in the middle of her parents and I. And as we all held hands and wept, my husband prayed a prayer to God unlike any I have ever heard him pray. And the words of the Holy Spirit Himself poured out through my husbands tear strained voice... and God poured His comfort on us. There was a kind of beauty in the midst of this tragedy. Yes, a peace that surpasses understanding.

And Job's response to his great losses echoed through my head ... over and over again... “The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; BLESSED be the name of the LORD” (Job 1:21)

Yes, blessed be His name.. though He has called Alexis back to Him for reasons that we just can not understand. We are standing firm in His will. Just standing in it and letting Him comfort us. And we are praising Him that in some way that I can't comprehend, her death is an act of mercy and love on His part. Our God is a God of love and a God of mercy, even when that which He wills and that which He allows hurts so badly. Blessed be Your name, Father. Blessed be your name.

Prayer Request: Please pray for my daughter and future son in law as they grapple with this. They are not believers and I can only imagine the despair that awaits them if they attempt to deal with this outside of God's loving hands. Please pray that Alexis' death will draw them to God. Please pray that my husband and I will help them through this and display the love of Christ. I'd ask you to pray for Alexis, but that sweet little angel is in better hands now...

Standing In His Love,

Alexis Paige - You will never be forgotten and I can not wait to meet you when God calls me home. Your Grandma loves you.

I Wanna' Sing A Song...

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 08:01:00 +0000

So I had been in this depression thing for a while and looking back over some of my posts (even those I will never actually publish)... has been, well, depressing... so this week for TSMSS I thought I'd pick up the pace around here a bit...

Here's a happy rocking song that makes me smile. In part, because how can you not smile when you're praising the Lord to such an uplifting tune, but also because it reminds me of a special friend... I'm not naming any names here, but a few weeks back I visited a friend and spent... oh, let's just say a few hours at her house.

There I was, deep in my little pit, feeling oh so heavy and burdened and what does she do? Well, she does the unexpected. She turns on the tunes, calls in her kids and starts dancing right there in the kitchen. Yep, she danced. And the kids danced with her. And we all laughed as she jammed a bit of air guitar and praised our LORD with all the gusto she had. She just rocked it out as if nothing else in the world mattered - it was absolutely priceless. I tell you, it's hard to stay down when someone tries so hard to lift the mood up.

And so, I present “Sing a song” by Third Day in hopes that it will lift your spirit and bless you as much as it did me. Of course, you don't get the benefit of watching Laura dance (oh, my, did I just mention her name???)... Anyway, thanks Laura and thanks kids.. you were all angels to me that day!

Wishing you all Christ's joy today,

The Way Back

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 06:14:00 +0000

Relax under the sun... Think about life... Relax in the cabin... Read God's Word... Relax in the water... Consider my ways... Relax under the starlit sky... Pray in the Spirit... Relax on the bike... Talk honestly with God...

Relax near the roaring campfire... Thank God for family and friends... Thank God for the beauty and majesty of His creation, Thank God that I am alive... Thank God that He has spared me... Thank God that He is faithful... Thank God that He is with me, even when I don't feel Him...

This is some of what I did last week. Spent a week in the middle of no where, doing much of nothing... or at least nothing like what I would have been doing had I been at home. The time went by so quickly, but what a breath of fresh air.

I can breathe again and the fog is lifting. My head is getting clearer and I am ready to climb out of this depression pit and run back to my Lord... I'm sorry I've been away Father... Thank you for waiting for me with outstretched arms.

I'm a long way from when this all started. Read here to see.

A Reminder from John 11 - Leave the Grave Behind

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 05:44:00 +0000

“Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?'” (John 11:25,26)

I was reading the biblical account of Lazarus' return from the dead this morning. I was struck by the fact that, spiritually speaking, we Christ followers have much in common with Lazarus. We too have died – we were dead in sin – and now we have been brought back to life - raised by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Here's how that moment looked for Lazarus:

“When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, 'Take off the grave clothes and let him go.'” (John 11:43-44)

I find it interesting that Jesus' immediate request was for Lazarus' grave clothes to be removed. I can only imagine that physically, the clothes bound him and emotionally, the clothes represented death. Jesus wanted him freed from that bondage - immediately.

And He wants the same for us. Scripture speaks emphatically about the fact that we are to walk anew, raised up from the tomb of sin and its effects. And yet, so many times, we come forth at His calling only to shrink back inside our tombs or we come out but refuse to take off our grave clothes or we take them off only to turn back for them years later. How many times must we forget to walk, born again? How many times must we return to the grave site of our former selves in search of those grave clothes that once bound us and covered us during our time spent lying in death?

Several weeks back, I emotionally took my own return to the grave. It was just as cold and dark as when I'd left it. I picked up those old grave clothes, dusted them off and tried them on for size. In some ways, they still fit and yet they were painfully uncomfortable. Can you imagine trying on clothes once worn by a rotting, stinking dead person? Not a pleasant thought, is it? And yet so many of us do it. We trip up. We stumble backwards and fall right back into that grave, if only for a moment.

I wonder what Jesus might have said if Lazarus had refused to believe that he had been brought back to life. What if he had said, “yeah, yeah, I know that You raised me from the dead, but I'm just not feeling it right now, so I'm gonna' stay here and hang out in these old grave clothes.” I wonder what Jesus would have said to me as I sat inside that old tomb mourning over the experiences of the girl that once was buried there. Perhaps He would have reminded me of Colossians 2:12. It tells us that we were buried with Christ and raised to new life in Him. Perhaps He would have reminded me that I am not her anymore.

This is big stuff. Who we once were is not who we are today... no matter what or who we once were. Grace was sufficient to save and for that reason, we are no longer bound to sin and it's resulting death. Yes, grace was sufficient to conquer the grave.

Jesus Christ has called us out of the tomb. He has called us to strip off those grave clothes that represent the death of our former selves.

“Lazarus, come out!” He said (in a loud voice)...

He's called us too – how are we responding to that call?

In Christ,

Cafe Chat: Book About My Life... Journeying Forward

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 07:26:00 +0000

This week's Cafe Chat Question: What would be the title of a book about your life?

This was simple for me – the same title I use for my blog – Journeying Forward. Although a subtitle would be sweet, I'm just not quite sure what that would be yet.

Why Journeying Forward? Because life here on earth is a journey ( I know, ho-hum - not very original Cristine). But it's true – we are on a journey. Now I prefer the word “journeying” to “journey” because journeying is a present participle. A what??? A present participle. No time to brush up on your grammar? That's okay, gotcha' covered:

Present Participle: A verb form that indicates an ongoing action or state in the present.

Ongoing action - that's what this journey is - ongoing - and I never want to forget that. Never.

Now “forward” is kind of self explanatory. I always want to be headed in that direction because it's the right way to go. I don't want to stagnate and dwaddle refusing to move ahead and grow and I don't want to go backwards, losing the ground I have already taken. And so “forward” represents the direction I always hope to be traveling – physically, mentally and spiritually.

When I first started this blog and named it, my intent was to reach out to and learn from other survivors of sexual abuse and rape and the idea was to use a name that suggested we are journeying forward beyond that pain. That was it... but God had other plans and it turns out that the name is still so fitting to my life (and probably yours as well) because I am journeying forward towards something, er I should say Someone. ; ) And so the name remains even though I have broadened the purpose of this blog beyond the topic of abuse.

So there it is – Journeying Forward. Someday, I will write a book with that title – even if only I read it. Until then... there's always this blog. I hope it has blessed you as much as so many of yours have blessed me.

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 07:26:00 +0000

Consider Your Ways...

noreply@blogger.com (Cristine) — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 20:41:00 +0000

This Week's Cafe Chat Question: Name what you think should be your first 5 priorities in life? Then order those priorities the way they actually are at present in your own life. Do they match up? Why or why not? If needed, what is one thing that you can do today that will help your two lists match up?

What it should be
1. God
2. Family
3. Friends
4. Self
5. Business and Material Stuff

What it is
1. Self
2. Friends
3. God
4. Family
5. Business and Material Stuff

Wow – I so needed this question. It speaks to a running theme in my life right now – one that the Holy Spirit has been convicting me of and that I am struggling to repent of - misplaced priorities.

I've been hyper-focused on myself lately, struggling with a bout of depression, and immersed in this consuming desire to achieve final healing and restoration from my past. Over the last several weeks, I've turned inward and stopped reaching upward toward God and outward toward others. As a result, I'm feeling very far from the LORD and everything feels out of control right now. My priorities have run amuck.

In church we are looking at the book of Haggai. It turns out, the people in Haggai's day had a very similar problem – they'd let their spiritual priorities get out of whack and removed God from the #1 slot in their lives. As a result, they were floundering.

“You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it. " (Haggai 1:6)

These people were surviving, but they were not thriving. The LORD's response - “Consider your ways”. (Haggai 1:7) and then do something about them (Haggai 1:8). In this case, the LORD required them to return Him to the top priority in their lives and to demonstrate this re-prioritizing by rebuilding His temple.

The New Testament application of this scripture is not much different. Though most of us will never be asked by God to build a physical temple for Him, He has asked us to build our lives in such a way as to become living, spiritual temples. We can only do this when we keep our priorities straight and keep God in that number #1 slot.

And so, I am considering my ways and asking God what specific actions I need to take in order to fix them. Like the people in Haggai's day, I've been sidetracked and my spiritual indifference and misplaced priorities have all but stagnated my faith walk. I'm surviving, but I'm not thriving. This should not be, for Christ does not call us to merely limp along towards some distant future glory, but to run with perseverance the race marked out for us (Hebrews 12:1). What's more – we are told that the only way to run that race is by fixing our eyes on the “author and perfecter of our faith” - Jesus Christ. (Hebrews 12:2).

And so this should be the priority we concern ourselves most with – to fix our eyes on Christ. I think we all know that if we can get that right, all else will fall into place.

Considering my ways...

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33)