Joy & The Bear

I can't give you these fish

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Tue, 18 Mar 2014 00:22:00 +0000

I read this post today by Seth Godin. We often get caught up in emotional arguments for or against the actions we take. I can't stand the way this person does x so I will be mean in return. It would be so convenient for me if I just say y and I will be off the hook. It's probably going to rain anyway, I'll just take my ball and go home. Given any situation - someone picking on you, an opportunity for a dishonest way ahead, bashing instead of helping someone who isn't so nice - you have a choice. There is always a choice between doing what feels good and what is right. Why can't the right thing also be the one we like? Don't know, but it rarely is. Unless we change our perspective.

It feels good for ourselves when we eat the sweets, render some sort of revenge, or make an easy gain. And yet when there's a choice between these good feelings and what's right; the two will almost always conflict. Good health always beats out sugar. A positive act for an arch rival enriches his life. Kind words about somebody else defeats our bravado we think makes ourselves look good. When we focus on ourselves, these decisions are hard. When we allow our base and selfish emotions to lead the way, we choose poorly. When I just know that the world revolves around me, nobody wins.

There are numerous traits, characteristics, actions, decisions. Words have filled shelves about the qualities of leaders, friends, an respected elders. Many are good, but few can really help you influence those around you. Few are actually sources for other qualities that make us better. So here's a list of decisions. These actions mean putting the selfish emotions behind and focusing on the good that can be given. They mean digging below the superficial, looking ahead, and working hard for the true value that comes with a selfless pursuit. These items are a choice between feeling good for a short time or making good that can last:

Decide to be confident.

Decide your attitude.

Decide to be honest.

Decide to be courageous.

Decide to love.

Nobody can give you these qualities, they can only be taught, learned, practiced, failed, then practiced some more. They are difficult: our own self interest tries to hijack them. They all enable a positive that can be given once the decision is made. They will all have lasting effects far beyond the time it takes to practice them.

I'm totally going to get a good performance review for this.

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Mon, 10 Mar 2014 00:12:00 +0000

You chose to go fishing because I like to fish. You wanted to to play with princesses because their pretty dresses make you happy. At 5 years old, you are pretty good at shooting that Wal-Mart-purchased compound bow with 8 pounds of draw because you eventually want to hunt animals. Your bikes, playground, and other "hobbies" you have as young girls make you happy. I love it. These activities keep you occupied, stimulate your imagination, work your hand-eye coordination, and give you real-world experiences that will help you grow into well-rounded people. And at times they make me laugh.

At some point you'll pick a career. Or a passion. Something around which you will focus your lives. The two may be one in the same. Maybe the career will support the passion. Whatever it may be, you will choose to do something because for you, it provides fulfillment. It completes that need in you to do something larger than yourself; change for the better some portion of your sphere of influence. I hope you find a cause into which you can dive head first. For me it was the Marine Corps. Yours may be the same, or real estate. A stay at home mother. Engineering. Marketing. Teaching. Church. Or any of the numerous respectable professions that make this world go.

Here's a danger: You could become comfortable in your passion and forget that you began your journey down this road for a specific purpose. A purpose greater than yourself. And as you get established in your field, making decisions, it will be easy to start asking yourself: what will my friends think of me? How will this make me look to those who work for me? Or maybe the worse of all: How will my boss react and how will it reflect on my performance review?

As soon as this becomes a concern, run! You have now lost focus on the reason you became the person you did. You have forgotten the purpose for which you have invested your time, talents, treasures. No decision at this point will be the right one because you are making it for your boss. Or your image. Or something other than that higher purpose. You have shifted your focus from the prize and any action you take will lead you astray. It may find you a good report, but everyone else will see right through you. You'll lose the respect or envy you so badly wanted. Everything else that matters will suffer. The passion in you will be lost.

I've seen this first-hand. It's not pretty. And at some point we've all probably made a decision for these wrong reasons. You can recover, but remember the reasons you do the things you do. Hold close to your passion. Don't let yourself stray down the path of the passion-less. Do not let your life become about how people think of you. Do not let your life become about yourself. Stay focused on your larger goals, make your decisions for the purpose of attaining them, and leave the focus on yourself somewhere else. You can do the positive things you want when they, not yourself, are the prize.

They're break-dance fighting

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 03:17:00 +0000

Ladies, there are many positive things the Marine Corps has taught me. Unfortunately, the following article and the Marine Corps mentality would probably conflict. I think there's room for for the article's ideas to be incorporated into the mission-will-be-accomplished-or-else mentality of the Marine Corps:

http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/5-scientifically-proven-ways-to-work-smarter-not-harder-tues.html

The hard part will be balancing the increased productivity you've given yourself by such simple concepts with the perception that "[s]he doesn't do s&!*" when you implement them. Unfortunately, not just in the military, people will judge you by how many hours you put in at work, or by how much time you spend at your desk/workspace. Taking a walk in nature or reading a good fiction may not go over well with the boss or coworkers, even if it refreshes your mind and body. If you're seen as the person who doesn't contribute, you may be pigeon-holed as ineffective, even if in reality you've built 1000 bridges, but taken the time to refresh yourself or maintain your family relationships.

As far as the Marine Corps goes, if you do the things in the article, just go somewhere else and tell people you've been at the gym.

He's so terrible, help is the last thing he needs.

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Tue, 04 Mar 2014 02:58:00 +0000

He was struggling. He knew his stuff, was smart enough, but when it came time to brief then execute the flight he would fumble. He couldn't speak without uncomfortable pauses or explain a concept without the "ums" spreading throughout his words. Malignantly the quirks, the hesitation would overtake everything he wanted to convey. The brief was ineffective and once in the jet, he couldn't execute the procedures he knew so well. A lack of confidence would be reinforced by mistakes and his confidence would spiral out of control until it overtook his ability to perform. Circular. Like a Merry-Go-Round.

It would be easy for the instructor cadre to complain about his consistently poor performance, or to find his weaknesses in performance to be chinks in his character. It would be easy to close the door and gossip until the man was broken into human waste, at least in their minds. This would be easy. They would almost yearn for his continued mistakes just so they could vindicate the words they had said about him. To look on with disgust and judgment, as if the performance defines the man.

This would be easy. So the other's true character was displayed when he said, "I won't let this happen." He took the man under his wing, to show him the way to control his nerves. To reduce the quirks, calmly think about his words before delivery, systematically work through a maneuver while executing. To prevent this man's character from the impending damage. It will not be easy. He will be frustrated. But he knows it is the right thing to do. The difficulty of the task solidifying his need to intervene. So the man would improve. So the man wouldn't fall. So the fellow Marine would succeed, be a better tactician and aircrew. So the man would remain a man.

Because he can. Because he must. Because it will be hard. Because no one else will.

You don't have to be in charge to lead.

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Fri, 28 Feb 2014 02:36:00 +0000

People will gather. People will talk. Your friends will arrive and be friendly. Then the meeting will begin. Even if there's someone in charge with an plan, people will continue to talk. About their own agendas. Toward their own goals. Goals which are not necessarily in line with the leader's, or those of the collective group. Everyone has to get their own thoughts expressed so they can breathe the sigh of relief, assuring themselves they did their parts. Until the next person says his piece and it conflicts. And the next person who is not on the same page as either of the first two. The tangential thoughts scattering throughout the room will spear into others, flying with them into the nethersphere of inconsequentiality. Two words I just made up.

This is the effect of a group with no focus. No direction. No real leadership. The group may have an agenda, a vision, a desired purpose for the gathering. Even with these essentials, with no one to inspire or to lead, where will this train end up? Off the tracks, in a ditch; an organism with so much potential lying on a side with its wheels turning in the air. Doing nothing. Whether the yearbook committee, the youth group ski trip planning team, or another group in which you two will involve yourselves, it doesn't matter. Are you on paper as being in charge or one of the many who arrived to see what's up? This too doesn't matter. You can focus their thoughts, narrow their direction, lead them toward their goals. Do this with a confident humility. Realize that not everyone will understand. Or like it. But there will be a few who see it. A few who you'll touch, at first. Focus on them, listen to all, and keep pushing ahead toward the goal. More will see the value you bring. More importantly, they will see the results the group has achieved.

Like all other useful and valuable skills, this will take practice, strength, and determination. It will take a thick skin at times. It will require you to close your mouth, listen, then speak up confidently. It means putting in thought beforehand, maintaining objectivity during, and applying careful consideration after a gathering, maintaining your humility throughout. Your dedication and perseverance will find themselves rewarded with a great book, memorable trip, or successful project. And you'll enjoy it that much more knowing you helped work to make it that way.

Wherever you find yourself, use your gifts to lead.

Love,
Dad

Your mom did this the other night and I am proud of her for it.

Assertive Humility

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Thu, 27 Feb 2014 03:30:00 +0000

There are two types toward whom people gravitate. One is the kid, good at whatever it is his particular group does. He can throw a wicked fast ball, knows all the greatest super heroes, thinks of the most creative games with his friends. He's good at these things and has the self-assurance to go along with them. With actions that speak, "I'm good at what I do and I know it, but this doesn't make me better than anyone else." No arrogance, just great ability paired with confidence. People dig it.

And the other? The girl who recognizes her mistakes, realizes her shortcomings, boldly takes responsibility, makes amends then objectively moves on. Without a whine or a bid for others' approval, no fishing for compliments along the way, she avoids wallowing in timidity or overcompensating with bravado. She gives a nod to her imperfections but has the self-assurance to admit confidently and sincerely when she's come up short. A recognition that "I mess up at times, I know it, and now I will be judged for my response to adversity." No self-pity, just great humility, working to learn from her mistakes, paired with confidence. People respect it.

My girls, it will be hard work, but can we be both types? If so, we can inspire so many more.

Lift your attitude or crash into a boat - your choice.

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Wed, 26 Feb 2014 01:38:00 +0000

"Attitude", the LSO (Landing Signals Officer) called, as the pilot allowed the airplane's nose to drop too low to make a proper arrested landing. With its nose not high enough, a tactical jet's hook will not touch down at the right point - just prior to the arresting cable - for the hook to catch the wire and for the plane to stop in what little runway remains. This problem is typically not due to some unforeseen, last minute, force upon the jet preventing its nose from rising, but an issue that goes back approximately 45 seconds prior, when the pilot should have controlled his airspeed, altitude, rate of descent, and heading such that he could fly the thing "hands off". An airplane not appropriately trimmed and "on speed" will always have issues while flying the ball. Even so, and with just seconds before touchdown, the pilot has a choice to make: input a small nose up correction to put the aircraft in the proper attitude, or risk missing the wire and having to go around to try it all again.

We've seen this exact scenario play out so many times in our own lives, even when we don't step anywhere near an airplane. We don't like our boss, or a coworker, and while we might have been able to prevent a situation by correcting our own attitude in previous engagements, we let the problem fester. The tension becomes tangible at work and affects us at home. We treat our loved ones poorly because we can only focus on the evil who is that coworker.

We don't see eye to eye with our parents, but we refuse to see our own fault in the matter, or we're afraid to bring up an issue that may be difficult to deal with. The problem continues too long until it hurts the relationship.

Our kids will just not stop crying. Or asking for things. Or demanding our time. How is this a problem? It leads to bitterness because we can't do, or watch, what we want. And it's clearly all their fault.

So what's the problem here? Our terrible bosses? Possibly. Our horrible parents? Unlikely. Our overly needy kids. Nope. It's our own attitude. It's managing our own expectations. It's realizing that seldom is anything perfect and that we either need to change our situations or change how we look at them. How many times have you expected to leave work early on a Friday, get yourself mentally ready, and find yourself staying until you can "only" leave 30 minutes early? It ruins what should otherwise be a normal weekend. And yet because our expectations aren't under control, we ruin it for ourselves. Nobody ruined it for us. Not even the boss, that heathen, who made us stay. Our parents (for most) aren't out to get us and neither are our kids. Most of the time, problems with coworkers aren't caused by the other one having a directed vendetta against us. Whatever the situation, difficult as it may be, our own negative outlook will only make the problem worse. For ourselves.

Like the pilot who should have made his airplane right before he even started his turn to land, we need to make the decision to get our perspectives in order before we leave for work in the morning. Before we engage with our parents. Or, to avoid the frustration of a Saturday morning sleep-in cut short by miniature people, before we go to bed Friday night. Managing our attitudes and expectations toward our lives, and maintaining positive outlooks will only help us navigate difficulty and more fully enjoy the sweet times in life. It's not easy, and so many times it never will be, but it is fully under our control. My attitude is always my own, and only my own, to affect. It's one of the few things we all have in equal proportions. Changing it early on will always be beneficial.

And when we mess this up and find ourselves cursing our bad positions, we need to pause, add in a small nose up correction, and lift our attitudes before we crash and burn.

This one takes real energy

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Tue, 05 Nov 2013 04:05:00 +0000

I've been reading Generation iY: Our Last Chance to Save Their Future by Tim Elmore. I'm not sure he intended this, but he's described a recipe for positive change that I think applies to anyone, not just our youngest generation. This recipe I've seen in action at North Coast Church in Vista, CA, and I think many of our great leaders exercise it.

1. Accept people, despite our faults.

2. Build an experience they can connect with.

3. Give them a cause to seize and work for.

Hunger, strife, poverty, education, health, fitness, work, family, love. Around the globe or within your family. It doesn't matter. Do this for people and they will see the importance that is larger than themselves. Once that happens, watch as they change the world. Or your world.

Can I Just Call This One "Leadership"?

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Sun, 03 Nov 2013 01:47:00 +0000

As I was unpacking boxes following our cross-country move, I can upon some of my papers from several years back. This one caught my attention as I join a new organization and manage the fear and uncertainty that plagues children during a significant life change.

"Leadership is a daunting task, one which is entrusted to a select group of individuals. In some cases, it is a position granted from above to those who fulfill certain requirements. As one proves ability and skill, that person is entrusted with more and more responsibility and a greater leadership role. In all cases, it is a privilege entrusted by one person to another whose ability to manage, inspire, and motivate is greater than his own. Leaders rise to the top. Some are given a head start by the schools they complete or the organizations they join. Some start from the very bottom, working their ways to the top through the people they touch and the accomplishments they make. Sometimes, these cases coincide and the great leader is recognized from those above and below. Other times, the viewpoints differ, and the leader's ability is not necessarily appreciated by one end or the other.

"What is more important, to be recognized by those above as a great leader while those subordinate grumble and trudge, waiting for the first opportunity to oust "the boss"? Or, to win the respect and admiration of those subordinates, but be ignored by those in authority? If power and advancement is the goal, the former is preferable. If, however, ensuring the success of the mission is the goal, the latter scenario must prevail.

"The lower a person is on the hierarchy, the more grunt work there typically is in the job description. Without this grunt work, the task cannot be accomplished. Thus, as leaders, we must strive to give all those who work for us, at every level, the tools they need to accomplish their missions. These tools may take the form of information, skills, or even personal advice or moral guidance. Information and skills come with study, practice, and experience; they can be taught. Entering the personal realm is much more difficult. We as leaders must know our people. We need to have an understanding of what drives them, their strengths, and their weaknesses. Understanding these characteristics about people can help us focus our efforts and provide them with the specialized, personal attention and care each one needs. When people know that they are taken care of, both professionally and personally, they will then trust a leader. With this trust comes commitment, and the committed person will walk through hell for a leader, knowing the leader has given everything possible for a mission's success.

"Everyone wants to advance, and through the empowerment of subordinates a leader will ultimately find favor with those above. Inspire those below and they will move the earth. Through his humility the great leader will always credit the organization, but those above will hold him in esteem for his unit's accomplishments, just as they will find him accountable for any failure.

"It is with this philosophy that I view my role as a leader. People are the most important asset we have in this world. Without them, progress and industry halt. If I serve the people under my charge, giving them the tools necessary to succeed and trusting in their creativity and initiative, they will produce astounding results. Ronald Reagan warned us to "trust, but verify." Through this trust, the ingenuity of individuals will flourish and the vision of any organization will prevail.

"I have thus far been successful through the application of this philosophy. I know, however, that it can be improved upon. I must always listen, consume, adapt, and apply the lessons out there from other people's experiences and wisdom. Honing my leadership philosophy and skills will lead to a better ability to serve my Marines or any others whose lives are entrusted to me. Before I can ask for their best, I must offer them my own. As the gospel of Luke reminds us, 'From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.'"

I wrote this in the context of leading Marines. It think it clearly applies to leading children, and I hope that I can apply the same diligence to my young girls that I apply to the lives of our young Marines.

Follow from the front.

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 03:35:00 +0000

Your dad is the kind of guy who wants only to know what needs to happen. Maybe get a few details to help guide the way, and then be left to his own devices to finish what needs to be done. He likes to treat others the same way, including you two. In his own mind, at least, he's smart enough to realize that neither you girls, nor other people necessarily work the same way.

One of you is just like him. He asks you to do something then gets out of your way. Any other interference is just that, no matter how well-intentioned. A girl after his own heart. The smaller one of you, well, he's not so sure yet. You're still at the point where he asks for something and either you do it, he gets a head shake, or there's a clueless look that could melt ice. He's not sure how he wants you to turn out, but waits eagerly to see how you grow.

If you become a person who wants to have input, direction, guidance, and pats on the back along the way, he will try to accommodate. Whatever way you operate, there will always be a clear desire to treat both of you the way that will foster the most constructive and beneficial activity. And don't forget happiness. Again, with all the best intentions.

But what happens when he doesn't quite realize what brings out your greatest potential? When you realize this, what is the best way for you to act? Cooperative followership, whether or not he knows it. Because it's not only the leader that needs to think and adapt.

Oh Crap, It's My Chance to Shine

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 04:11:00 +0000

Girls, this will happen to you.

Your teacher, coach, boss will say, "I need you to ..." then finish with something like do a presentation on the Pythagorean Theorem. Or lead today's calisthenics. Or head up a new working group. The first reaction for many: Oh crap, why me? After that, you have a choice to make.

You can mope and sulk and wonder how it came about that you got stuck with this.

Or, you dive in, ask questions, apply some thought and hard work. Do your best, add value to what you've been given, and realize that it's not about your own comfort, it's about making things around you better. Now you have an opportunity to prove yourself. Show what you can do.

And shine.

Traditionally Valueless

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Sun, 07 Aug 2011 19:40:00 +0000

Girls,

It's Christmas, Thanksgiving, or Easter. Maybe at church, school, or eventually work. You'll decorate a certain way, say certain things, or otherwise establish your habitual patterns. This can be good. Habit patterns make the things we do easier. By practicing we get better at them. Through repetition we make fewer mistakes. And when the things we do have shown to be beneficial to either ourselves, those around us, or our organizations, we should keep doing them.

Here's the rub: When those things aren't so beneficial anymore, we should stop. Does that Christmas tradition we, as your parents, imposed upon you during childhood make you happy anymore, or is it just a chore you feel you have to continue? Are you learning from the traditional way of teaching or is more of a hindrance? Are you worshiping the same way because it still glorifies God or have you become stagnant in your faith?

These are questions you'll have to answer yourself when the time comes. As much as I (or others important to you) may try to influence the answer, you're going to have to decide for yourself whether or not the things you do are providing value.

Daddy

Don't Live so Close to Me

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 21:02:00 +0000

I wish everyone could be in the military. Or at least the peace corps. Or really any organization that takes you away from where you grew up and into different places. Like Derek Sivers talks about here, I've learned more by moving away from California and living all around the country than I could have by staying there. I can't wait to take us all to Socal for a couple years, but the experience of living somewhere else is priceless.

Travel, anywhere you can go and get into it. Talk to the people (or at least try). Eat their food. Hang out.

Move away. Get a job somewhere else. Another country, another state, and get involved. You might find another regional culture almost as foreign as going to another country. This is good.

Stop calling the place you grew up "home". Home is where you live now. You'll never get into a place if you always think about leaving it.

I hope to do these things with you girls while you're growing up. Once you're on your own, I hope you continue them. Even if you settle back into wherever you decide you're "from", at least you'll have the experience of knowing that yours is not the only way of living.

Change this Title

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 03:55:00 +0000

Change is such a double-edged sword. I see it now in you guys. One of the requirements of the military is that we move every few years. Soon enough you'll start getting excited to move. You're already showing a little excitement as we move to California. Unfortunately, you've already asked several times to go to your own house. Since we can't move into our house for another 3 weeks, you've got a lot of uncertainty in front of you, especially for an almost 3-year-old. But think of the fun we're going to have in San Diego. Beaches, bikes, friends, and family nearby. We'll have such a good time, as if all the pain of the change will have made it all worth it.

Like I wrote you before, sometimes you need a change of thought. A different way. At this point, you're still figuring out what your way is going to be. Eventually though, nothing new will come from this way. Learning will slow, stagnate, and might actually go backwards. Take all you can from the experiences you have, the things you read, the conversations you make. And when you feel yourself start to stagnate, change it.

You might not know where you are or exactly where you're going, but you'll eventually get there. Keep searching and learning. Once you get there, it'll all be worth it.

Shocking

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Sun, 03 Jul 2011 03:48:00 +0000

You girls may find this out if you really get into sports when you get older, especially they include any lifting. Here's what it is: Sometimes you just need to "shock" your body; to put yourself through a workout that is totally different from the ones you're used to. One that is more strenuous, uses totally new body parts, or completely exhausts one individual muscle group will get your body out of a rut. You'll be amazed at how you'll feel when your shock your body occasionally.

Don't forget to shock your mind. Read a book from an author you never thought you'd like. Read a different newspaper online (or in your brain-housing-capacinator or whatever news medium you'll have when you're older). Go somewhere new and do something different. Say something to someone you've never said before.

It might hurt at first.

You might get tired.

Soon you'll start thinking differently.

Then you'll have new ideas.

And you'll start to get excited.

If you go back to your usual activities, you'll see them through a whole new lens. This is good. You'll be learning.

My Career Mantra

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 01:51:00 +0000

Girls, I hate to tell you, but no matter what you do or who you are, things aren't always going to go your way. They're not always going to be perfect, good, or even preferred. In some cases, it will just be a little discomfort you have to deal with. In others, it's going to be straight pain. These experiences can make us stronger, but they can also make us weaker, if we're not careful. It's not the adversity that strengthens us, it's how we handle it.

Wherever you go, whatever you do, whether or not you have good experiences or bad, do your best. Add value to every situation you face. Whether it's leaving a rental house cleaner than you found it, helping your mom clean up a mess you didn't make, or excelling in a job you didn't pick, take positive measures to improve your situation. People will appreciate it and you'll find yourself sleeping better.

No matter what, grow where you're planted.

On the Road with Krieger and Addy

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 00:59:00 +0000

This is no revelation, but there is nothing like a a cross-country journey to cleanse your palate and jump start your imagination. Steinbeck and Kerouac realized this, if not before their travels, then after. Maybe it's not quite as grand a trip as it used to be with the prevalence of fast food scattered along the Interstate highway system. Along these routes, it's much safer than it used to be while the fame and novelty of Route 66 and the like are more difficult to find. Hopefully one day I'll be able to make the trip again, avoiding any road with limited access and experiencing the land somewhat slower than at 80 mph. Even so, it's an experience. So I pray that some day we will be able to make such a trip when you two are old enough to realize what's happening.

In time and with pressure, the earth's geology can shift and mold itself into new forms. With time but very little pressure, so can a man's thoughts. Funny sights, dramatic formations, city skylines, or ever-lasting landscapes affect your senses. Their impressions run free in your head, tripping, colliding, reforming themselves into something you've never thought possible. You'll find inspiration, humor, sadness, anger, and maybe an opportunity to flex your golden pipes to a new favorite song. The best part: nothing to do but drive; nothing but time to collate and make sense of your thoughts. You can let your mind run free, something that's as important, at times, as focusing on life.

I'm dangerous, and foolish.

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 01:22:00 +0000

Parenting is like flying a jet. Every flight, for every pilot, everywhere, includes at least a couple of screw ups. As you get more hours, more missions, more experience, the mistakes become smaller and usually less catastrophic. At least on average. But they always exist. This may not instill a whole lot of confidence for the next time you girls fly to see your grandparents, but it's true. As a pilot, you always strive for that fleetingly perfect flight. All you can do is admit your mistakes, figure out what went wrong, how you can fix it, and go fly again.

At least the Marine Corps gives you 2 years of training before you get in a real jet.

Stuff your face

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 01:17:00 +0000

We had a speaker recently who talked about a smattering of topics, all centered around leadership. In his talk he discussed success and significance. He stressed the importance, as a leader, of being significant rather than successful. As he spoke, this sounded good. In a room filled with Marines, he defined success as gaining rank, power, or influence. Compared to this, having a positive influence on people's lives and making a difference in this world clearly is superior.

Then I thought about my two girls and what makes you so amazing. I owe most of that to your mother. She's been such a positive influence on your lives, and mine as well. She would certainly fit the speaker's definition of significance. But she wouldn't fit his definition of success. According to him, that's a good thing. In context, I get what he was trying to say. But I thought: What about a woman who's got it all together, raised two "practice kids" (German Shepherds), been through 11 years in the Marine Corps, and has managed to bring up two smart, beautiful, and precious girls? Isn't she successful? Can't you be successful and significant? If you're significant, wouldn't that make you successful?

The drive for money and power would say no; a positive impact is unnecessary, maybe just icing on the cake. Girls, according to God, significance is the cake.

Which way now Bobby Frost?

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Sun, 29 May 2011 01:37:00 +0000

One of these days you girls will start thinking about what you want to be when you grow up. You'll have a long time to figure it out and I encourage you to go to where you're drawn. Sometimes I think about it myself. I guess I think about it all the time. I love being a U.S. Marine, but there's something attractive about the freedom and opportunity on the other side of the fence. One of my dreams is to open my own business. Of course, I would start a business in a field that interested me, but thoughts sometimes go to money too. The business grows huge, yada yada yada, your dad gets to own that Steerman (biplane) he's always wanted to fly. What a dream: doing something you love and getting rich doing it. What could be wrong with that?

What if the thing I love to do in no way makes a real difference in this world? What if entertainment, gadgets, or other offerings I could produce, and the enrichment they could provide to people's lives, just isn't the kind of fulfillment I'm looking for (not that there's anything wrong with any of those)? What if the job that changes the world for the better and fulfills my drive to make a difference is one I hate? I'd be changing the world, right? Maybe I'd make a ton of cash as well. What could be wrong with that?

Happiness versus fulfillment. Which path do I follow? I don't make any claims that I could make it big or that I could make a huge difference in this world, but hopefully you get the point.

What a dilemma.

Go Forth

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Wed, 25 May 2011 01:56:00 +0000

Beware of confidence, girls. It can lead down so many different paths. It's another example of the old maxim: everything in moderation. Clearly, too little of it makes timid souls and too much leads to blunders. The question is, how do I foster the right amount with you two? I think it's better to err on the side of too much, as long as you recognize the dangers and are self-aware enough to catch yourself before you fall. At least then you will act toward realizing your goals. Go for it. Be bold. Don't go forward with naivety, and keep your eyes open as you move, but go forward. There certainly will be times when you realize too late that you went down the wrong path. They may be painful lessons, but lessons worth learning. Have enough humility then to admit your mistakes and learn from them, because sometimes the greatest learning comes from getting it wrong. But go.

I'm a big believer that fortune favors the bold, as the saying goes. It's amazing the good that can come your way when you look and act confident. Not arrogant or pompous, but confident. Doors will be open and you'll have a better shot at getting what you want. And sometimes, unintended benefits will come your way. Rarely does this happen as a result of timidity. Move forward and you will succeed. I'm sure of it.

Me and the Bear

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Tue, 17 May 2011 01:43:00 +0000

So you (The Bear) and I went to California, just the two of us, last weekend. The mood was solemn. We went to introduce you to your great grandma, possibly for the last and only time, but we had fun. You loved your "Nana B," and she thoroughly loved being with you. We got some good pictures of you two playing together and you laughing with her.

It made me think a lot about relationships. Seeing Nana B for what may have been the last time was difficult. I hope we get to see her again. She has certainly lived a long (96 years!), rich, and fulfilling life, as far as I can tell. So if we don't, I know that she will be living with God and we'll see her again "soon" enough. Being there with her and seeing how happy she was to meet you was another illustration of just how important relationships are. Of course, job success is important as it allows us to live more comfortably and propagate our family and friends' successes as well. But you have to make sure you foster the relationships with the people most important to you. One of these people was Nana B. The other one was you.

You love everyone, Little Bear. You'll probably be the social one so relationships will be easy for you. Until this trip, I had never really gotten to spend a significant amount of time with you. Your bigger sister likes a lot of attention draws it away from you. A lot. So a weekend with the two of us was perfect. The plane rides were difficult, but it was all worth it (and Continental still gives free beer to military). Now we're back, and I can tell it made a difference. There's a connection. A relationship built. A foundation we can build upon for the rest of our lives (at least for me).

So thank you. For a great weekend. And for reminding me, again, how important it is to be close to the ones we love. It shouldn't be so hard to remember.

Use your kids as levers

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 23:11:00 +0000

I thought I understood the concept of leverage. Like with most things, you can't really understand it until you apply it. Here are my great sources of leverage these days: Finding Nemo, "the slide", cookies, etc.

I just took an elective on leadership that included discussions on leadership experiences, both good and bad. One comment that came up was that everyone who wants to be a leader should be issued a two year-old. I think this is absolutely true (though it could probably include any child who's at least 2). I can say that raising you two girls has definitely exposed my weaknesses as a leader, and given me numerous tools to apply to the art of leading Marines.

Since I spent a few years in sales, at least indirectly, I think I'm qualified to say that everyone who thinks he's a good salesman should also be issued a two year-old. The continual give and take is a good lesson for anyone seeking a "mutually beneficial agreement." You, little Joy, have even thrown out some good verbal negotiation techniques that I'll take to heart.

In almost two and a half years, you have taught me more about two important life skills than I thought I would learn. Surprisingly, two beautiful baby girls, one who's just learning to talk, and the other who can't yet walk, have more lessons on leadership, negotiation, first aid, and so many other things, than you could imagine. It's amazing, really. I've always heard that kids teach you more than you teach them. True. Thank you, girls.

Vicarity

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 01:47:00 +0000

I wish I could see you 20 years in the future. Just a glimpse to see where you decide to take your life. As a toddler and almost a toddler, it's fascinating to watch both of you learn. It's amazing to watch you experiment with new tastes and react to new sounds or sights. This morning Joy put toast in her strawberry yogurt. You said it was yummy. The Bear dabbled in a little crawling. Turns out it wasn't for you, quite yet. Standing back and watching you girls is truly a learning experience.

When you get older, these learning points will get more complex. Soon enough you'll be picking out clothes, doing school projects, and trying on relationships. It's scary for a father to think of his two daughters getting older, but also exciting. I don't think I'll ever be totally prepared for "the talk" or anything to do with that, but it will come and I'll embrace it and I'll smile as I watch you grow.

But to really see where you take your life is one of those mysteries that holds Christmas-like anticipation. At least for now. Growing up, like any other kid, I used to dream about what I wanted to be when I grow up. I guess I still do (growing up now means when I decide to get out of the military...), but what's more intriguing is thinking about what you're going to be when you grow up. A doctor, teacher, engineer, administrator? Any of those, and so many others, are respectable and useful professions. Will one of you follow in daddy's footsteps and become a Marine? Yikes!

Whatever it is, I hope your mom and I can give you the tools to succeed. We will certainly try our best to lead you toward a meaningful life. I pray the best for both of you, and wait with a sincere hope that wherever you take your life, you will give it your best effort. And maybe you'll take your dad along. Until then, I'll just watch and be amazed.

Don't kick the habit

noreply@blogger.com (Mark Weinrich) — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 13:56:00 +0000

There's a lot of bad to be done in this world, but there's also a lot of good. I hope you girls have great dreams of helping this world out. I wish upon you goals of doing something in life that's more important than you. Serving God is of course the ultimate of these, and you should seek to do this through tangible means.

Sometimes though, these lofty goals can seem so far away that we think they're unattainable. Girls, you need to start small. Whether it's rinsing your coffee cup and putting it in the dishwasher instead of just dropping it in the sink or putting away your book now instead of leaving it out to be picked up later. Ok, maybe these are my habits that I need to work on, but I think you get the point.

Do the right things now, starting small, and begin good habits. Soon enough you won't even think about them. These things being second nature, you'll be in the right mindset for doing bigger things. Small habits lead to bigger habits that ultimately pave the way for a life of service. Recognizing that it's not all about you, that there are more important things than just yourself are a part of service. Let's start those habits early, together, so we won't think twice about making a difference in this world.