How often have you done something which would have been considered a ‘poor choice’ by those around you, and then been ‘reprimanded’ or ‘humiliated’ for it?  I have had that experience many times.  In fact, after another bout of ’soul searching’ with David over the weekend, I realised that so much of my grieving process involves reliving exactly those kinds of experiences.

One of the things I have really been struggling with since Dad died is the revisiting of the life we had before leaving to live overseas … David and I moved when we were pregnant with Daniel, to the US, for a 3 year contract.  It was only after we left Australia that I realised how toxic life was for me, living caught up in a dysfunctional family.  Now, it’s like I am stuck in an eddying back water, reliving all the issues I have faced since coming into this world.  Jan summed up my experiences when she shared her feelings that the little girl with the ‘broken’ icecream was verbally and emotionally abused.

These days, Angels are such a part of my life that I don’t always realise how much I talk with them and rely on them.  In fact, I recall someone telling me that they always ask the Angels for help, talk to them everyday, and make time to be with them … I was so blown away because I thought I didn’t do any of that, to that degree.  I laughed when I realised that I do all of that, too, but it’s so much a part of who I am and what I do that I don’t have to consciously make “Angel Time” a priority each day.

When I pass a broken-down car on the side of the road, I always ask the Angels to assist.  When I am sitting huddled in the corner of my bedroom, grieving, I ask the Angels to be with me.  When my kids are out and about, especially when they are away from me, I ask the Angels to keep them safe.  Angels allow me to exist in a space where I firmly believe, and accept, that I can Be All That I Can Be … the times I doubt that, those times when my early conditioning and treatment are having the highest impact on me, are the times when I forget to connect with Angel Energy and Love.  Those are very sad times.  I am So Glad that my ‘career’ path involves living and working with Angels because the ‘other’ part of my life, the grieving part, really sucks.

Today, make a point of asking the Angels to help with whatever you are doing.  Remember to connect with your Source of Unconditional Love and Share the JOY with whomever you meet. 

Thanks for the reminder, Jan!

I copied this cute card from the Summer Mini Catalog – Gosh, there are so many great ideas in our catalogs!  I confess to this design ‘doing my head in’, a bit, to start with but I love the end result.  I sent it off to Lovely Jenny who has just signed her first Stampin’ Recruit.  YAY! 

There are lots of things I love about Stampin’ Up!  One which fits really well with attending Angel Lunch, today, is the fabulous energy which ‘pops’ out of the box when I open product I’ve ordered.  I find a HUGE SMILE crossing my face whenever a box arrives from Stampin’ Up!  Being ‘energy sensitive’, I LOVE finding Great Energy to bask in.  It’s really obvious when I receive mail from someone in an emotionally tumultuous state – the mail carries it through to me.  That’s why my cards are always given or posted with Great Deliberation … so only positive and loving energy is attached.

Another thing I love about Stampin’ Up! is the Statement of the Heart:

To Love what we do and Share what we love,

as we help others enjoy creativity and worthwhile accomplishments …

in this we make a difference!

Isn’t that fabulous?!

While I don’t ‘teach’ others about Stamping, I do “Love what we do” and I do “Share what we love” … in the making of my cards, and in the giving of them, too.   I also apply this Statement of the Heart to my Angel world:

To LOVE what I do and Share what I LOVE,

as we Share the Warmth and Strength of Journeys Travelled

Hand in Hand.

Cool, huh?

Living Your Passion involves LOVING what you do; Doing Something which Makes Your Heart Sing.  It’s what comes through Stampin’ Up!  It’s what I share when I “Talk Angels”.  I am Living My Passion.

I love surfing ‘Angel Space’.  Playing with Oracle Cards, talking with others who like playing with Oracle Cards, hanging out in that metaphysical energy which allows me to see that there really is a grander scheme than I can see on a day to day basis, in place.

And, every so often, we have a visual reminder that Angels are with us, all the time.

I think I am going to make it a policy to get the camera out, ask for the Angels to ‘Be Available’, and take photos of a room.  Imagine being inundated with Angel Beings - like in the photo!

~  Read.

~  Stamp (I finished as AWESOME project from the last UStamp session).

~  Visit the Markets and have Breakfast Out with David.

~  Distract the kids with Chores!

~ Be Happy.

I opened emails, this morning, to find a bunch of Lovely Expressions of Friendship … the very cute poem, above; an offer of a chat via skype; a confirmation that I’ve done what was right for ME (from yesterday’s post); and the gift of knowing a friend has now connected with Honouring Herself, too (it’s been a bit of a process – like mine, really. LOL).

Because it’s early in the morning and I haven’t quite got into ‘Speed Thinking’ ~ I still have most of a cup of coffee to drink ~ I ‘caught’ the message: when I Slow Down, or “Stop to Smell the Roses”, lots of lovely things are taking place around me … All the Time.

It’s really easy to focus on the hard or sad or stressful things; I guess that’s ’cause they make life seem as if it’s slowed down, or that nothing else exists because those emotions are all consuming.  It’s really easy to focus on the happy or inspired things, too.  Although, in my case, I do find the pace increases when I am passionate about something, rather than slowly down.  Either way, life in my world/head goes at an incredibly fast pace and I’ve noticed that I get so caught up that I tend to gloss over things which really need a little more attention.

My “Roses” this week revolve mostly around my family … the first Rose I have ‘Stopped to Smell’ is …

Josh has finally been given the all clear on his arm and doesn’t have to wear the brace any more!  Woo Hoo! 

After breaking his arm on October 13, yesterday his surgeon said Josh could pretty much go back to Life as Usual, except for any sports which might involve unexpected falls.  YAY!  So, David and I are off to Juggleart today to buy balloons for Josh so he can get back to speed on his balloon creatures.  Yippee!

My other Beautiful Roses in the “Bouquet” are …

Daniel is buying a car today and is Very Happy.  We are Very Relieved that he will be Happily Independent.

Kels is just like a perfect Rose in Bloom, all the time.  She is great company, compassionate and supportive, and Very Excited about camp next week.  She reminds me to SMILE.

David is my rock, and my shadow.  Without him, I would be adrift.  And, being my shadow/support person is a lot like being stuck out at sea in a ferocious storm – it’s always tumultuous.  But, he is always there with me. 

A Dear Friend rang me, yesterday, to thank me for her birthday card and to share that her journey overseas had been postponed.  We have known each other for a few years now, after meeting for an Angel Reading – she was my first ever paying client.  And, we are So Alike.  When we talk, we speak the same language.  We totally ‘get’ each other.  It’s always a JOY to share phone time or a meal.

All these events and occurrences are like Long Stemmed Roses and they sit in my Virtual Vase, in the middle of the craft room.  I ’see’ them as beautiful blooms and magickal gifts; the petals are overlayed with the faces of my family and friends.  I am Blessed.

To Celebrate my “Bouquet” and the Month of FUN, hang out with Kool and the Gang.  It will get your feet tapping and bring a Smile to your face.   EnJOY!

Honouring ME is something I am not very practised at.  It’s not something I learned in those formative years of my life, nor do I see that particular behaviour modelled by people around me.  As a result, I am muddling through with the learning process.  This time, it took Me talking to me while I was talking to a dear friend ~ very convoluted, but effective. 

At first I expected that all the tears would magically dry up because the stresses of what my ‘head’ thought I should do compared with what my ‘heart’ knew I should do were eased.  Humpf!  That lasted all of a few hours.  I still woke up and wandered through my day with tears very close to the surface.  Then … I was gifted with a Day On My Own.  This is a Really Big Thing in my world, at the moment.  David is working from home so my old routine of many hours to myself has changed to a new routine of very few hours to myself.

The Gift of Space (energetically and physically) allowed me to find my centre again.  It allowed me to tune in to what makes my heart sing.  It allowed me to Acknowledge my grieving status but to also Celebrate What I Love.  It allowed me time and space to remember that I have Lovely Friends in my life and they are all needing,  or deserving, acknowledgement.  After all, I should be Really Aware of this because it’s exactly what I want!

My “Grieving Therapy” of stamping has provided me with a lovely stash of cards and I have posted 2 birthday cards this week, and 5 ‘Acknowledgement’ cards.  Congratulations Acknowledgement for my Stampin’ Sister Jenny’s New Recruit; Divine Being Acknowledgement for a Dear Angel Friend; Reconnecting Acknowledgement for a Special Friend who is also grieving and going to come to Angel Lunch, next week; Thank You Acknowledgement to Friends who gave me flowers; and Acknowledgement to my Dear Friend who is finding Life very demanding.

For Me, it’s very important to Acknowledge Life.  These people want to Feel Special and Unique and Valued.  Don’t we all?  I receive Great JOY when I send a handmade card.  I receive Great JOY when I make a card from out of my head, or copy it from the SU! catalog, or copy it from an Inspired Stamping Blogger.  I post my card with LOVE ~ Love Energy goes into the making, into the presentation, into decorating the envelope, into how I drop it into the mail box.  I imagine it flying away to my Friends, with Angels Wings.

I realise that this process is a form of Ceremony.  I am realising the importance of Closure and Peace and Acknowledgement and Nurture and Sharing the JOY … for me, for my Friends, for Dad.  My Dad died.  I am sad.  It is time for the Ceremony of Acknowledgement and Closure. 

And then, it is time for the Ceremony for ME ~ the Acknowledgement of My Journey; the Acknowledgement of My Grief; and the Acknowledgement of My Healing.

It’s a Journey.  It’s My Journey.  And I am making the rules.

I LOVE Stamping!  And these are the things I LOVE most about Stamping:

Colour ~ Bold Brights, especially

the Bone Folder ~ it’s So Easy to get crisp folds on my cards and boxes

Stampin’ Wheels ~ mostly those which can be Coloured In … Easter Eggs … Cupcakes … Ooh La La!

Watercolouring ~ gentle and ’swishy’

Ribbon!

Stamp Sets ~ LOTS of images that coordinate ~ lots of choices in lots of themes ~ lots of different styles

Crystal Effects ~ for that added dimensional shine

Stampin’ Up! Mini Catalogs!!!

UStamp with Dawn ~ outstanding projects ~ fabulous contributors ~ family-like atmosphere ~ dedicated stampers ~ creative heaven ~ a month of indulgence

Stampin’ Blogs ~ lots and lots and lots of brilliant ideas (the top 2 cards are designs by other Stamper’s and I am Grateful for the Creativity )

Stampin’ Up!

A wise man said to me recently that when one has a reaction to a situation then has an awareness which is the opposite of that reaction, turmoil ensues.  That’s my life in a nutshell.  I am a Gemini ~ two brains/heads is an absolute bonus in so many ways, but it’s also the greatest source of challenge!  I sometimes need to be able to step out of myself so I can talk clearly to myself, if you understand that.  

I’ve spent my life being angry and resentful of my father, then during the process of his death and after he died, I was made aware of the incredible pure love and essence of that soul and how instrumental our relationship has been for me to become who I am today.  Another source of inner turmoil.

And then, there is how I see me and how others see me.  I do wonder if everyone experiences that? 

The upside of this Awareness is that I have discovered a lot about my Authentic Self.  I know how I want to approach life and the people who cross my path.  I know what is appropriate behaviour ~ communication and physical ~ for me to assume.  I know what being Honourable and Genuine and Aware are all about.  I understand, although struggle with the acceptance of  it, why people behave the way they do; to me (of recent times), especially.  I understand that being told that I am not responding appropriately to the dying process of my father is just a way of saying “I am in pain.”  I understand that being told I am responsible for someone’s emotional breakdown to the extent of needing alternative therapies support, is just that I was the ‘last straw’ or ‘catalyst’ for that day’s fallout.

I understand, but I have been hurt.  Deeply.

I also know that from Great Challenge comes Great Learning.  [Gosh, I think my life has been FULL of 'great challenge'!] I also know that once the learning has been achieved, there are Great Rewards.  The reward from Dad’s death?  The Awareness of the Unconditional Love his Soul has for my Soul.  But … the cost has been Very High and my human side is not quite at a point of being able to make peace with that, yet.

So until then, I cry when I need to cry and I stamp for creative nurturing.  I hang out with people who love me and understand that I am still grieving and I attempt to learn how to nurture myself.  I continue to ‘tweak’ my wellbeing ~ a kinesiologist visit, latte appointments, personal training,  You Tube “FUN” moments ~ whatever is needed at the time.  I will be Well, again.  And, God Help Me, the tears will finally stop flowing so strongly!

Today’s FUN moment ~ The Twist!  Check it out!!

breakfast in the city

the AC/DC exhibition with Really Loud Music!

holding hands with David

Yum Cha

talking

 being heard

the gift of understanding

the gift of sharing exciting happenings which occurred as a result of time with me

being creative

scented candles

being honoured

Stamping!

Isn’t that Designer Purse and coordinating cards set fabulous?!  This project was from UStamp “With Love … 2010″ and created by Becky Roberts ~ stunning, stunning, stunning!  I revisited a designer series paper pack which has been quite neglected in my stash, recently, called “Haiku”.  I love the thought of the purse holding several cards and then given as a gift … hmm. I wonder if that’s a great workshop theme?

What are you doing, this weekend, which brings you Pleasure and JOY?