“Well, I’m reading Agnes Grey for a book club, and Why Literature Still Matters and Mind to Mind for my Charlotte Mason group, oh and death writings of puritan women and their eulogies.” I know. This may seem weird, but hear me out.

I began this rabbit trail of reading eulogies by reading the writings of the puritans.

As you probably know, published female writers during the 1600-1700’s were few and far between. Women mostly wrote letters, personal narratives, theological thougths, and death instructions and thankfully some of their writings have survived. Some of the more familiar puritan women writers were Anne Bradstreet, the first writer in the New England colonies to be published, Lucy Hutchinson, a true intellectual who wrote a theological piece called On the Principles of the Christian Religion, and Mary Rowlandson’s work The Sovereignty and Goodness of God, one of the bestselling books by a woman about God’s goodness. We also have the letters of Brilliana Harley, around 400 of them, written to her son.

I’ve always been interested in the lives of women from other time periods, especially those from the New England area and particularly those who were Christian women. I marvel at how much they accomplished with so few resources. I admire their seriousness and singleness of mind. I respect their deep trust in God even though they all knew heartache and death and loss in abundance. But mostly I admire their committment to virtuous living especially since we swim in a culture where morality is, shall we say, elastic.

I think reading the old “archaic” work changes us and calls us out of our own self-congratulating assessment of our christian performance. It shows us where we are dedicated to comfort, blind to our own wickedness, worldly, distracted, soft, compromising. It gives us context and a bit of a reality slap. It transports us to another moment in time to experience its values and norms, and forces us to stare real grit and perseverance in the face. Reading of old virtuous women helps us consider ourselves and maybe see areas where we could strive to change.

So today, I want to share a few excerpts with you.

Cotton Mather, prominent puritan Boston pastor and prolific writer, published some of the these death writings and used them in his eulogies.

Mather praised the godly writings of Katherine Willard in her eulogy and commended them to us. He praises her for not only being an excellent home manager but also so industrious that “she was hindred not from the use of her pen, as well as of her needle.”

During the eulogy for Elizabeth Cotton, he speaks of the “monuments of her pen” and shares several excerpts in his sermon calling them “highly serviceable to the cause of piety. There is one of them so expressive and so instructive, that it may well pass for the best part of my sermon, if I now give to you all, and particularly the Daughters of our Zion, the benfit of hearing it read unto you.”

Of Katherine Willard, Cotton Mather wrote, “Though she did not court any public observation, yet might this testimony be given of her, All that knew any thing of her knew her to be a virtuous women” and worthy of “universal imitation.” She was ” most frugal, and yet courteous, generous, hospitable management.” She maintained “the religion of the closet” (prayer) and wrote as well as read the things that made the best impressions on her. ” He described her Christian manner as worthy in “an age in which, alas, most are for walking still in the ways of their hearts and in the sight of their eyes.”

“To this Piety came in Patience with its perfect work. Such an incomparable patience, that in the most exquisite pains, that she was no stranger to, no complaint ever came from her, that she should be so impatient; when the standers-by could not see the least symptom of it, but stood admiring to see her strengthened into such long-suffering.”

Sarah Goodhue, a woman from Ipswich, MA wrote a letter to her husband and children days before she was to deliver twin babies. She must have known that she may die in child birth as it was a common risk in those days. So she picked up her pen. She did die three days later, leaving ten children in total. She gives her wishes for the dividing of her children among her relatives, and encourages her husband to trust in the Lord.

“Dear and loving Husband,

if it should please the Lord to make a sudden change in thy family, the which I know not how soon it may be, and I am fearful of it: Therefore in a few words I would declare something of my mind, lest I should afterwards have no opportunity: I cannot but sympathize and pity thy condition, seeing that thou hast a great family of children, and some of them small, and if it should please the Lord to add to thy number one more or two, be not discouraged, although it should please the Lord to deprive thee of thy weak help which is so near and dear unto thee. Trust in the living God, who will be an help to the helpless, and a father to the motherless;…”

O my children be sure to set the fear of God before your eyes ; consider what you are by nature, miserable sinners, utterly lost and undone; and that there is no way and means whereby you can come out of this miserable estate; but by the Mediation of the Lord Jesus Christ: He died a reproachful death, that every poor humble and true repenting sinner by faith on God through him, might have everlasting life:

O my Children, the best counsel that a poor dying Mother can give you is, to get a part and portion in the Lord Jesus Christ, that will hold, when all these things will fail; O let the Lord Jesus Christ be precious in your sight…

Brothers and Sisters all, hearken and hear the voice of the Lord, that by his sudden providence doth call aloud on you, to prepare yourselves for that swift and sudden messenger of death: that no one of you may be found without a wedding garment; a part and portion in Jesus Christ: the assurance of the love of God, which will enable you to leave this world, and all your relations, though never so near and dear, for the everlasting enjoyment of the great and glorious God, if you do fear him in truth.”

THE COPY OF A VALEDICTORY AND MONITORY
WRITING

Her letter to her family in its totality is here.

These letters have been such an encouragement to me and I hope to share a few more in the future.

Do you write for your children and grandchildren? If so, let me know in the comments how you go about this. Is it in a journal somewhere? Are they letters to your children?

I’m always thankful for those who have gone before us who had the forethought and discipline to write for future generations!

This post contains Amazon affiliate links.

The post New England Puritan Women’s Death Writings appeared first on Joy-Filled Days.

We got a little tease of spring weather last week, which caused me to threw wide open the windows and take to the outside to clean up the tumbleweed-hydrangea blowing everywhere after that incredible 24″ snowfall we had two weeks ago. I’m happy to report that my lawn, though brown and muddy, is now visible again.

Life Lately

I’m still homeschooling our son Brayden, using Ambleside Online and Teaching Textbooks. One of the perks of homeschooling is that mom gets a continued education. I love making new connections (I was today years old when I realized that the Mason/Dixon line was named after the two surveyors!) and seeing his mind coming alive with the “science of relations.” I’m actively involved in his two homeschool co-ops, and in Charlotte Mason New England, a support/resource group I helped establish for families using the Charlotte Mason method. (If you are in the New England area and want to learn more about the CM method, we have a spring conference coming up! Details on the site.)

My grown kids are all living close by which means that they…and my nine grandkids… are always in and out of the house. The coming and going of sweet grandkids faces just makes life so cheerful. Being “Grandma” and “Papa” to such a gaggle of beautiful kids is just so much fun.

And being friends with your adult kids, that’s a whole post right there.

Sometimes I look at my adult children and have flashbacks to when they were 2 years old (Holly as vivid as yesterday with her white flowered zip-up jammies and little bob haircut) or 3 (Matthew, always a sweet-cheeked 3 year old in overalls in my memory) and I am overwhelmed at how thoughtful and kind and competent they all are and just how good God has been to us. He has been faithful to continue working in their lives and is completing that work. We have no greater joy than to see them walking in the Truth of the gospel, bearing God’s image and being light-givers in this dark, lost world. It’s exciting to see the work the Lord has planned for each of them to do and to see them fulfill that calling. I love all of them dearly.

There’s also something wonderful about seeing our family grow. All those family traditions –that were so exhausting to pull off in the younger years– become established and modified to better fit us all. Our times together become a jumble of perpetual motion and high chairs and rearranging tables so everyone can fit. Sunday dinners are the highlight of our week, one that I try to make as special as we can afford, because we sit around the table all afternoon and talk and drink tea and discuss the events of the week, the books we are reading, current events, theology, and plans for the future. The grandkids all want to pray before the meal, so we do the rounds and the food waits, but their sincere prayers are too precious to miss. These times are marked by lots of work, yes, but also of profound thankfulness, not because the day or event turned out perfect, but because we are all here, and partakers together of the graces of life, and present for the little antics of the grandchildren who are eager to please with songs and dances and stories.

I’ve been talking lately with friends about aging in a godly way and resisting the urge to fall into the twin traps of trying to be forever young on one hand or complaining your entire way down on the other. We check in with each other because we want to walk in the way of wisdom. We encourage each other to practice faithfulness to Christ and to His Word, in theological belief and in everyday action.

We’ve been talking about how every seed planted and watered really does produce a harvest. How doing the next right thing even when you don’t feel like it is what maturity means and how sin (like weeds) spreads and becomes invasive and needs to be ruthlessly pulled out at the root.

We’ve talked much about “experience” and how people change. I remember as a younger woman taking note of older woman who had rough edges or sharp tendencies that hurt others (or at least kept younger women from wanting to deal with them) and wondering how on earth they got so stuck when the gospel promised growth in grace. We’ve discussed this topic often, how to avoid being that stuck in your ways, older Christian woman. We’ve noted that touting 20, 25, 30 years of “experience” in any capacity (work, motherhood, ministry) does not mean that you’ve grown and changed and really learned from your mistakes. How if you don’t repent and determine to change your actions, you’re really just 30 years into whatever you are doing, making first and second year mistakes over and over again through all those years. How to avoid being a 30 year “freshman” we must look into the mirror of God’s Word, humble ourselves under it, and change our desires.

We’ve talked much about choosing wisdom in the next season of life. I’ve written about walking in integrity in our home, and making wise use of time with social media , and prioritizing the people God has placed directly in our circle of responsibility (husband, children, in-laws, grandkids, siblings, aging parents, church) and what that looks like on a day to day basis. We compare notes as our circle of care expands and our strength and stamina decreases. As I continue to write in this space, I plan to talk about several of these topics.

I’m reading quite a bit these days, mostly in the early morning hours before Bray is up for the day. I have a double shot of espresso and light a candle and enjoy some quiet time.

Books I’m Reading

I’ve really loved Extraordinary Hospitality. (Amazon link) I think it’s balanced and hopeful and practical. One of the best books I’ve read on the subject.

I’ve also loved the Gospel Primer for Christians by Milton Vincent. It would be a great read during this Easter season.

Quotes I’m Pondering

“Come, and see the victories of the cross. Christ’s wounds are your healings, His agonies your repose, His conflicts your conquests, His groans your songs, His pains your ease, His shame your glory, His death your life, His sufferings your salvation.” Matthew Henry

“Righteous anger remains self-controlled. It keeps its head without cursing, screaming, raging, or flying off the handle. Nor does it spiral downward in self-pity or despair. It does not ignore people, snub people, or withdraw from people. Instead, righteous anger carries with it the twin qualities of confidence and self-control. Christlike anger is not all-consuming and myopic but channeled to sober, earnest ends. Godly strains of mourning, comfort, joy, praise, and action balance it.” Robert Jones, Uprooting Anger

Seven questions to help you assess whether your anger is righteous. “(1) Do you get angry about the right things? (2) Do you express your anger in the right way? (3) How long does your anger last? (4) How controlled is your anger? (5) What motivates your anger? (6) Is your anger “primed and ready” to respond to another person’s habitual sins? (7) What is the effect of your anger?” David Powlison

I’d love to know what you are reading and studying these days. Feel free to reach out to me via Instagram messenger or email if I can pray for you or help in any way. ~Sarah

The post Family Update: Walking in the Way of Wisdom appeared first on Joy-Filled Days.

The term stiff-necked comes from a Hebrew word that means “hard of neck” and describes someone who is hard to lead, stubborn, or obstinate. It is the opposite of submissive.

A stiff-necked person doesn’t care what anyone else says; they are going to go their own way, and they refuse to listen to wise counsel even when other people warn them against a certain attitude, action, or path.

If you’ve ever tried to take candy from a toddler who doesn’t want to let it go, you’ll know the stiffening I’m talking about. The body tenses, the jaw clenches and there’s no changing that child’s mind. They are determined to have the forbidden candy. 

Sometimes adults aren’t much different from toddlers when confronted, except the stakes are higher and the forbidden desire is not “candy.” 

I once saw a Christian woman get so angry because someone confronted her about a repeated sinful pattern in her life that her reaction was very much like a toddler’s. She was determined to hold onto that “candy” and defend her sinful choices.  Not only did her face and countenance change instantly, but her neck became stiff and the veins in her neck became visible. She crossed her arms to communicate that she was not only not sorry but defiant. Stiffnecked. 

What does the Bible say about this rebellious attitude towards God’s Word?

A stiff-necked person will not listen to rebuke and will be destroyed. 

Proverbs 29:1 “He who is often rebuked, and hardens his neck, will suddenly be destroyed and that without remedy.” 

A stiff-necked person resists the Holy Spirit and is not Spirit-filled.

Acts 7:51“You stiff-necked people! Your hearts and ears are still uncircumcised. You are just like your ancestors: You always resist the Holy Spirit!

A stiff-necked will not submit to God and God gives them over to the snare of their foolishness, pride, and rebellion.

Psalm 81:11-12 “But my people would not listen to me; Israel would not submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices.”

Stiff-necked people leave a legacy of evil deeds. 

Jeremiah 7:26 But they did not listen to me or pay attention. They were stiff-necked and did more evil than their ancestors.’

There is a hardening that happens when we ignore the clear teaching of scripture or the kind warnings of a friend, parent, or co-laborer in the gospel. 

An obstinate person thinks they are above all the rules and they resents any authority. Above all else, they will be in control. Since God’s Word tells us to submit to Him and others, this usually doesn’t end well. In a constant state of trying to get their own way, they aren’t very self-aware and don’t realize they are being controlled by their own rebellion and pride and it’s taking them for a ride away from the paths of right deeds (righteousness) into behaviors that will bring them shame in the future. Pride always forfeits internal peace. Insubordination always leaves someone at war with God and others. Rebellion was the original sin and whether we practice open loud resistance or a quiet inner defiance, an insubordinate heart must be brought to sincere repentance and return to the Lord.

2 Chronicles 30:8 “Do not be stiff-necked, as your ancestors were; submit to the LORD. Come to his sanctuary, which he has consecrated forever. Serve the LORD your God, so that his fierce anger will turn away from you.”

Three ways to avoid being stiff-necked and submit to the Lord.

1.Know the Lord!

Spend time getting to know His power and character. 

The Bible tells us that Pharaoh was stiff-necked and outright refused to obey God’s command to let the Israelites go. 

“Pharaoh said, “Who is the LORD, that I should obey him and let Israel go? I do not know the LORD and I will not let Israel go.” (Exodus 5:2)

Notice Pharaoh’s question: Who is the Lord that I should obey Him?

That is a very telling statement. How delusional His pride had made him!

His arrogant disregard for the power of God should give us pause. We should ponder Who is this God that we dare disobey?

When tempted to disobey God’s Word, we should pause and ponder “Who is the Lord, that I should obey him?”

If you are a believer, this will correct any delusion that insists you have the right to disobey God’s rules to get what you want.

When we remember God’s power and sovereignty, we quickly repent of our pride which held that our ways, thoughts, and methods were superior to His. We will quickly submit to His superior ways.

When we get to know God’s character, we’ll realize His love and presence are the ultimate gifts in life and that we no longer have to try to fend for ourselves as though we don’t have a heavenly father caring for us. 

We can remind ourselves that God is with you and always for you. He’ll never leave you. All you have is a good gift from Him. (Every good gift! Everything! Pause and look around at all you have! This truth is amazing and it should humble us and make us grateful!)

2. Adopt the potter/clay mindset.

God is working out the event of our lives for our good and His glory. Isaiah 64:8 says “But now, O LORD, You are our Father, We are the clay, and You are our potter; And all of us are the work of Your hand.”

This verse teaches that God has ultimate authority over our lives and that we should submit to his will and trust his process. 

Nobody has the power to thwart His plans for you. When met with the ungodly actions or behaviors of people, see God at work leading you in a heavenly direction, testing your humility in the face of wrongdoing to see if you respond in kind on a low level, or if you will remain undeterred in your walk with Him. When you aren’t sure what He is doing, think of your future and remember Christ and respond with hope!

When we complain against what God hasn’t done in our lives or what He has allowed into our lives, we are grumbling against the Potter and questioning His goodness and supremacy. So we must pray for new desires: “Lord, teach me to want what you want and to embrace what you give!”

3.Live with a “thy will be done” mentality.

He is God, and we submit to Him.

Elisabeth Elliot said, “To pray ‘Thy will be done’, I must be willing, if the answer requires it, that my will be undone.”

When you sense that rebellion or pride is rearing its ugly head in your life, when you are tempted to sin to get what you want or find yourself irritated in the face of conviction or correction,  remember that no matter what you feel, you want to do God’s will and embrace His ways. Remember the regret and shame you felt when you were ruled by selfishness and stubbornness in the past. Recall God’s promises to help you in your time of temptation and embrace the way of escape He offers and rest in Him. Recommit to loving God by loving the people He so loved, and refuse to be part of the hurting of His people.

Pray for grace to do this anytime you are irritated, bothered, angry, angsty, envious, or dealing with any of the sins of pride. (Those are usually warning signs that big old ME FIRST is rearing it’s ugly head.) Pray THY WILL BE FIRST and submit.

Question:

1.Is there any known sin in your life that you are excusing, pursuing, planning for, or hiding? Pray for forgiveness and allow the Holy Spirit to produce the fruit of humility and meekness which will give you a willingness to consider the whole council of scripture and bend to it.

2. Can you be corrected by those closest to you or have they learned (by negative experience!) that you want to do life your way? Would those closest to you say you are teachable and open to reason?

3. Are you thin-skinned and touchy when others hold you accountable to Scripture? How do you think this resistance to reproof has stunted your Christian growth and harmed your testimony in the church? How could being pliable to the Word of God help you walk an authentic Christian life?

4.Did the Holy Spirit bring an area that needs to change to your mind? Don’t resist Him!

The post Spiritual Pitfalls to Avoid: Being Stiff-necked appeared first on Joy-Filled Days.

Sin may seem like no big deal in a culture where the only moral compass people consult is their own heart or the opinion of the masses. But the Bible says that sin is an affront to the nature and holiness of God.

Sin is a big deal because it is transformative. 

Sin has a moral pull and in its grips, we “change the truth…for a lie”. 

“They traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise!” (See Romans 1:25)

Sin, the Bible explains, is the transgression of God’s law.

It separates us from God and changes us fundamentally. 

God sent His son, Jesus Christ, to save us from the power and penalty of sin and to restore the relationship between us that sin destroyed. 

If you are a believer, your sin is forgiven and the Bible tells us that we are no more slaves to it. The problem is that our flesh still feels the pull of that sinful nature. While in Adam, our flesh has the DNA of a sinner, in Christ, we have the Spirit of God in us so that we have the power to say no to sin.

In Christ, our chief goal is to love God and enjoy Him forever. 

Our heart’s trajectory should be a steady pursuit of the God who loved us and gave Himself for us. But let’s be honest, sometimes our flesh is weak and we feel that strong pull back to serving sin and self. 

Sin promises freedom, independence, power, and self-action. Sin whispers that you should take care of yourself in this world…nobody’s gonna do that for you. Sin tells you that you can handle it and it won’t affect you. Sin taunts that just one more time won’t kill anyone. Satan’s same old tired playbookbsince the very creation. 

But if we listen to God, He paints a very different picture of sin.

Hiding sin, cherishing sin, camouflaging sin, employing sin is presenting your members on the altar of unrighteousness. In that moment you are back to serving yourself, not God.

Sin deceives you into thinking that it’s no big deal. Everyone does it. Everyone messes up.

“And indeed, there is no little sin, because there is no little God to sin against. In general, what to (humans) seems a small offense, to Him who knows the heart may appear a heinous crime. ” John Wesley

As Christians, we claim to love God but what do our actions show?

When we sin we try to manage what others think about us. We worry about the externals, but God is ultimately concerned for our hearts. 

Jesus called the Pharisees “blind” and unclean because they based their morality on the traditions of men and their ideas of religion while claiming to follow God, but in their hearts, they were self-righteous unbelievers.

“‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.” Matthew 15:8

 For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them.” Matthew 15:18-20

When we practice sin while going about our business as usual, inwardly our hearts are the same as the pharisees. We are far from God and there has been a subtle turn in our affections. When we sin, we are not loving God enough to obey Him. 

Then the excuses and rationalization begins: Oh, we aren’t that bad.  We say we just had a temporary lapse, and that we didn’t mean to say that unkind thing, chase that forbidden relationship. We reason that all things considered,  we are basically good people trying to do our best. We say people around us can’t understand our very specific and difficult situation or they would agree that we were within our rights to act that way.

And that is that turn of the heart away from loving God to chasing after “idols.”  The inward, naval gazing turn which allows, excuses, and utilizes other ways to make life work apart from God. Sin has obscured our view like a carnival house mirror. The remedy is to look into the mirror of God’s word and repent and receive grace.

Years ago, we took a field trip to the Perkin’s School for the Blind with a homeschool group. It was an amazing school, and we learned how they placed the floor tiles and even arranged the drafts in the hallways so students could tell which way to walk. We learned about varying levels of blindness. They gave each child a vision card with transparent windows-like glasses that they could hold up to their eyes to see what it would be like to live with glaucoma, macular degeneration, cataracts, etc., Each card left the viewer with obscured vision based on the disease.

The Bible says that in a spiritual sense, sin warps and obscures our vision.

Here are a few mentions of causes of sin-obscured  blindness:

• Unbelief, pride, and self-reliance cause spiritual blindness. Matthew 15:14
• Ignoring the essential virtues and teachings of scripture (2 Peter 1:5)
• Hypocrisy which mainlines on the faults of others while minimizing the beam(sin) in our own eye. (See Matthew 7:2)
• Lukewarmness or apathy ( a lack of love for God and others) (Rev 3:17)
• Hate in the heart for a brother (I John 2:11)

Sin also has a hardening effect on us.

“But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” Heb. 3:13

Sin is a big deal because it leads to more sin, displeases God, hinders your prayers, invites God’s discipline, spoils your testimony, harms others, ruins your relationships, blinds you to the needs of others, and renders you unable to help anyone else.

Sin is a big deal because all of it is firmly rooted in the soil of pride and self-love. It ignores God’s Word and considers our will and desires as essential..  Sin is falling short of His will and design for your life. It blinds us to what the Lord is concerned about–justice, mercy, truth, righteousness, and an undivided, worshipful heart.

“Sin plays havoc with our spiritual vision. Although we are able to see the sin of others with specificity and clarity, we tend to be blind to our own. And the most dangerous aspect of this already dangerous condition is that spiritually blind people tend to be blind to their blindness.”

The remedy isn’t to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and try a little harder. The remedy is a change in affections—to see the beauty and holiness of Christ—to want Him and His glory more than you want temporary fixes, instant gratification, self-glory, or going your own way.

Christ is always the cure because He is the way, the truth, and the life…for salvation and for every day after that.

The post Spiritual Pitfalls to Avoid: Sin-Obscured Sight appeared first on Joy-Filled Days.

The Pharisees, from all outward appearances, would be your MVP first-picks if you were looking for excellent congregants or partners in church ministry.  They’d attend every prayer meeting, show up do or die. They’d faithfully tithe and pitch in with church events. They’d be staunch defenders of doctrine and self-proclaimed defenders and guardians of Scripture. All good things and admirable, but they also come with some, let’s just say…issues. 

The Pharisees were so particular, so zealous, that they had formed “guardrails” for themselves so they’d keep the law.  Good ideas, helpful hints, passed down traditions and customs so they wouldn’t offend or violate God’s word. Over time, this list became exacting and long and tedious and they equated their guardrails against sin to be on par with Scripture. And they became judges of everyone around them who didn’t keep their manmade laws. 

They were in the temple as much as possible but did not know or believe God. They were SO far from God that they scolded, questioned, blasphemed, and plotted to murder the very Son of God when he was standing in front of them.  The Bible says they “trusted in themselves, that they were righteous.”

The Pharisees added to Scripture and placed their thoughts, ideas, and ways on par or above it. They were an elite, smug, self-congratulatory, showy group and they liked it that way. They were the greatest showman in religion. 

In Luke 18, Jesus told a story–a very pointed one–to the Pharisees.   It went like this: 

A Pharisee and a tax collector went to the temple to pray. 

The Pharisees stood and prayed:

‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. “ (He was basically saying, God, thank you that I’m so awesome and have been so good. Thank you that I have not fallen into sin like that guy over there.)

And then went on to list his religious accomplishments: “I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ 

“But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ 

I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.” (paraphrased from Luke 18:10-14.

The Pharisees exalted themselves over the very words of God.

They exalted themselves over the sinners around them and treated them with contempt. They even dared to judge and confront the Son of God and eventually killed Him. They were religious, but not right with God, and would not trust in God.

The Pharisees chief failure was the sin of pride which trusted in themselves and viewed others with contempt (Luke  18:9} 

They scanned the room and compared themselves with others and declared themselves a little more in the know, better educated. Holier than certainly thou. 

“Pride unfits us for any type of spiritual leadership.” is written in the margins of my Bible. (I’m sorry I can’t give a proper citation to that quote. I believe it’s from Francis Shaeffer but I didn’t jot down the source.)

You may be a modern day pharisee if you:

Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace.Pharisee-type believers unconsciously think they have earned God’s blessing through their behavior. Guilt-laden believers are quite sure they have forfeited God’s blessing through their lack of discipline or their disobedience. Both have forgotten the meaning of grace because they have moved away from the gospel and have slipped into a performance relationship with God.

Jerry Bridges

The Bible warns: “Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.

Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and inthe streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

 But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right-hand doeth:

That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.

 And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and inthe corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.”

 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

Do we Practicing Spiritual Disciplines, but for all the wrong reasons?

With the Pharisees and often with us, we love ourselves so much and care so much what others think about us that we live for their approval when the Bible instructs us to do all for the glory of God. Our prayer should be the words of the old hymn More love to Thee and Be Thou My Vision!

It’s easy to form a caricature of these religious men we love to hate on, but where do you and I exhibit these same pharisaical behaviors?

• Do we serve for the applause of others? 
• Do we act one way at church and another way at home?
• Do we lack integrity, mercy, and forgiveness?
• Are we quick to look with contempt on others who have failed or fallen with a dismissive, “If they had only done XYZ…  or been better at ______.” 
• Do we minimize or miss our sins, while magnifying the sins of others?
• Do we judge others for not holding to our particular customs, traditions, or standards?
• Do we insist on respect, seeking recognition and attention from others? {The Pharisees loved being noticed. The OT law required a border/fringe at the edge of priestly robes, so the Pharisees were a little bit extra and made their fringe bigger and more accentuated than they needed to be so people would see them swinging and sashaying down the street. Cracks me up to think about that!)
• Are we elated by other’s praise? Are we deflated and devastated when we are criticized or rebuked?

 Paul, the former Saul,  knew a little something about life as a top-tier pharisee. He said that instead of having confidence in himself, what he needed was to be “found in Him [Christ] not having a righteousness that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith.” (See Phil. 3:4-9)

All our right deeds amount to a hill of filthy rags, the Bible tells us. 

The good news of the gospel is that in Christ’s righteousness, we are made right. It’s His approval that matters. 

QUESTIONS:

How does your relationship with Christ change all your other relationships?

Is your Bible reading humbling and making you love God and others more?

When you serve, is it for yourself or the Savior?

The post Spiritual Pitfalls to Avoid: Pharisaism appeared first on Joy-Filled Days.

Why this series?

Because we live in the world and are probably more like the world than we realize. The fundamental philosophies of the world have infiltrated the church so deeply that we often see actions and attitudes celebrated instead of mourned over and repented of, even within our own congregations. When we stray from God’s ways, God’s glory is maligned. But on a personal level, we are actually practicing self hurt and making life harder than we need to. Why destroy our own happiness and cling to idols when we can walk in the light of God’s love and mercy?

Not much shocks us anymore, does it? Not church scandals nor splits. Not falling away or coldness. We are no longer shocked when headlines reveal yet another pastor had an affair while simultaneously preaching and fulfilling his public duties—committing adultery on Monday and preaching on Sunday without batting an eyelash until caught. The easy way out is to point fingers at the culture, or the schools, or the politicians, but when it comes down to it, we stand before God and answer to Him and so we must begin with ourselves.

Am I headed in the wrong way? Have I been overtaken by the deceitfulness of sin? Can I practice THIS (adultery, anger, deceit, envy, hatred, unforgiveness) and TRULY be faithful to the word of God?

Here’s the truth: a “shipwrecked” faith doesn’t just happen overnight.

The pastor in the news didn’t wake up one day as a liar, adulterer, and hypocrite. It happened choice by choice. Silencing your conscience’s objections, ignoring the Holy Spirit’s promptings, knocking over every moral objection with a reason or excuse to leave the path of right works and stray onto an evil path. Deviant choices, one step at a time. Every temptation begins with forbidden fruit. Our mind begins to reason that we could and should have it or do it. We desire it. It captivates us. We are enshrining it in our hearts like a treasure, protecting it and hardening our hearts towards anything that would threaten it. Like Eve, we hide our sin from God and others. When confronted, we make excuses, we show off our “fig leaves”, our flimsy homemade fix, which leaves us unchanged and hidden in persistent sin. Though we claim the gospel, in practice, we deny it. We become anti-gospel. What we need is a remedy. We must be “found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith” (Philippians 3:9).

Avoiding the Ruts and Pulls of Pitfalls

I grew up on an Ocean Spray cranberry farm, where each cranberry bog has dirt roads surrounding it, with deep ruts formed by years of heavy machinery traveling the same path. These ruts are so deep that if you’re driving a small car too fast, you can bottom out on the grass in the middle and damage your vehicle. Similarly, if you’re driving a snowmobile and veer too far left or right, you can be pulled suddenly by the slope of the rut directly into a ditch. However, if you stay centered on the right path, everything will be fine. Many of us as kids ended up landing the snowmobile in the ditch because we weren’t paying attention or were going too fast.

Scripture is the well-worn path God intended for us to follow, as it points us to Christ. It is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path to show us how to know God and to live on earth as creatures created with a purpose.

When we treat the Bible’s commands as optional, we find ourselves veering off the path without even realizing it.

So let’s consider ourselves and these pitfalls and by God’s grace, avoid them!

“Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.” — 1 Corinthians 10:12

“One who is wise is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is reckless and careless.” — Proverbs 14:16

“Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.” — Psalm 119:11

The cure for these pitfalls is the same: come to Christ and receive mercy and grace in your time of trouble. Trust what He says, do what He tells you, believe Him, and obey His Word. That is the life of faith. Full reliance on Christ. Full stop.

In this series, I want to address five pitfalls I’ve noticed over the years: hypocrisy, Phariseeism, sin-obscured sight, stiff necks, and cold hearts. My hope is that if you recognize any of these tendencies in your life, God will use these words to grab your attention and, by His grace and Spirit, lead you to repentance. Though these temptations abound for all of us, God’s grace super-abounds (Romans 5:20-21).

Pitfall 1: Hypocrisy.

Jesus warns his disciples,

“Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.””

To be clear,

A Hypocrite is NOT

• Someone who does something they don’t feel like doing. Culture tells you it’s inauthentic to do something you don’t want to do. No, that’s just maturity and faithfulness. A mother feeds her baby in the middle of the night whether she feels like getting up for the third time or not. You get up and go to work whether you are feeling it or not.
• Someone who is tempted to skip church because they are exhausted or discouraged but shows up anyway. That is someone who is fighting against natural temptations and decided to do what is right.
• Someone who wants to tell someone off but holds their tongue with self-control and deference. See above. That’s just plain, common fighting the fallen nature and prevailing.

Hypocrisy is presenting yourself one way in public, but having a very different character in private.

The Oxford dictionary defines hypocrisy as “the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one’s own behavior does not conform; pretense.”

It comes from a greek word that means to “act on a stage.” You put on a show, wear a mask, hide the real you from some people.

What you say and what you do are two entirely different things.

It’s publicly praising virtue and morality to others, while planning and practicing vice in secret.

Think Eddie Haskel on Leave it To Beaver.

Uriah Heap in David Copperfield.

Reverend Dimmesdale in the Scarlet Letter.

Spurgeon says of hypocrisy:

“The hypocrite can speak like an angel, he can quote texts with the greatest rapidity; he can talk concerning all matters of religion, whether they be theological doctrines. metaphysical questions, or experimental difficulties. In his own esteem he knoweth much and when he rises to speak, you will often feel abashed at your own ignorance in the presence of his superior knowledge. But see him when he comes to actions. What behold you there? The fullest contradiction of everything that he has uttered. He tells to others that they must obey the law: doth he obey it? Ah! no….Follow him to his house; trace him to the market, see him in the shop, and if you want to refute his preaching you may easily do it from his own life. My hearer! is this thy case? Thou art a member of a church, a deacon, a minister. Is this thy case? Is thy life a contradiction to thy words? Do thy hands witness against thy lips? “

Matthew 6: 1-4 shows a portrait of the hypocrites of Jesus day:

• Hypocrites give alms to be seen by others, rather than to please God 
• Hypocrites pray in public places to be seen by others 
• Hypocrites make their garments larger than necessary to be noticed
• Hypocrites love titles and having the preeminence and pride themselves on being superior to others
• Hypocrites are more concerned with worldly things than with eternal things 

The hypocrisy of the Pharisees was that they were pushing a narrative of holiness, an outward show of goodness, but Jesus knew their hearts and proclaimed:

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.” (See Matthew 23:27)

Social media has spoon fed us a diet of false, curated, staged lifestyle narratives for so long that we’ve come to expect them and take them with a grain of salt. We don’t consider that it’s often just a stage where people perform and sell and influence to their own benefit and pocketbooks with little regard for integrity and truth. And we show up to watch their performances every day.

Questions for reflection:

How about you? Do you have a form of godliness–all show but no substance? Do you look good on the outside but inside you are full of rotten bones like anger, envy, and unforgiveness? Ask God to search you and reveal and forgive any hypocrisy in your life.

Do you look into the mirror of God’s word to see the truth about yourself, or would you rather sugar coat it or overlook it?

Are you the same at church as you are at home?

Do you say one thing to your “friends” face, and another thing behind her back?

Do you correct your children’s bad attitude but give your own moody attitude an eternal pass?

Do you do “good works” for the wrong reason? Would you do those same works if you were not seen or applauded by men?

What specific steps can you take to put off hypocrisy?

When you are veering off the path, what Bible verses will you meditate upon to help you? Choose one or two today and write them out so you can see them frequently.

Hypocrisy is not only lying to your neighbor but also failing to love your neighbor. The cure for hypocrisy is to repent and receive the gospel. If you are a believer and have fallen into the snare of hypocrisy, repent of your selfishness or people pleasing. You must decide you you want to please. People pleasing is an addiction that will keep you locked in the chains of hypocrisy. Remember, that your aim on earth is to live for an audience of One. Determine to do right even if no one sees or even if it costs you personally.

The post Five Spiritual Pit Falls To Avoid appeared first on Joy-Filled Days.

Currently, I’m studying John 13-17, which is one of the most well-known passages of scripture depicting what Jesus did in the last 24 hours of his life. If you only had 24 hours to live and you knew it, how would you spend your time? I encourage you to check out John 13-17 sometime and see how that compares with how our wonderful Lord spent his final day. It’s so humbling to know that instead of being preoccupied with himself, Jesus served his disciples–even his betrayer– and prayed for us. Afternoons have been spent puttering around, cleaning out a drawer here and a book shelf there. I’ve had lots of lovely grandkids time (and did I mention that we have our seventh grandchild on the way?). The Lord has given me some meaningful ways to help meet the real needs around me in my little corner of the world. What more could you ask for?

Oh, and we’ve also had quite a heat wave (90’s for a few days!) so I’ve been doing studying and writing during the hours when it’s too hot to work.

Anywho…the book study.

If you’ve ever wanted to know more about the Charlotte Mason philosophy of education, join us by reading For the Children’s Sake by Susan Schaefer Macauley.

In case you didn’t know, Susan was the daughter of Francis and Edith Schaeffer, founders of the L’Abri community in Switzerland. Their amazing influence and her L’Abri upbringing informs and permeates this book about true education and godly, respectful dealings with any person who stands before you, especially the children that God entrusts to us for a season to train and educate for His glory.

This is a gentle introduction to the CM method. It simplifies what has been unnecessarily complicated by many. In this book you will learn the definition of true education, and it probably looks different than what you experienced in a traditional school setting. You’ll realize that you don’t need to spend a ton of money on boxed CM curriculum when you understand CM’s philosophy. (I’m thankful there were not as many products and services available to me back when I started homeschooling my children over 25 years ago. I was forced to read her original volumes, and really had to grapple with her philosophy, and I believe if you so the same, it will keep you from investing in all.the.CM.things because you’ll have the tools and confidence to know how to proceed.)

So without further ado…here’s what you need to know!

In person Book Study: If you are near the South Shore area of Massachusetts and want to join us in person this Wednesday (June 26) at 1:30pm, email me at joyfilledmama@gmail.com and I will give you all the details and location. We have a lovely group of new and seasoned homeschooling moms who are meeting to discuss the CM method and answer your questions. Children are welcome to come play. We will have the sweetest responsible teen helpers to watch your children, and ask that you give them a small donation for doing so via Venmo, to bless them as they bless us…and because they never ask for anything!

Instagram story discussions will follow the day after the in person study.

Dates for discussion schedule:

June 26th in person, June 27th on IG: Chapters 1&2

July 10th in person, July 11th on IG: Chapters 3&4

July 24th in person, July 25th on IG: Chapters 4&5

Email me if you have any questions! Hope this is an encouraging read for you!

The post Summer Book Study Info: “For the Children’s Sake.” appeared first on Joy-Filled Days.

After helping my family clean out my grandmother’s house, I realized that my own home needed a thorough slimming down as I’d accumulated a lot of stuff over the years! I have plenty of old homeschool materials and years’ worth of records just in case anyone needed to ever see them. I also have coats and boots in every size imaginable. I have lots of blankets, sheets, and towels in case we ever need to set up an emergency hospital in our home or we lose heat and find ourselves having to dole out blankets for the entire neighborhood. Ahem, yeah. It’s time to purge my closets, but it’s hard to let it go if you think it may come in handy again someday.

Time to Let It Go

To change this mindset, I had to shift my thinking a bit and realize that each piece has served its intended purpose. 

My four mother-of-the-bride dresses? They served their purpose.

Books that I’ve read for specific seasons of life? They’ve given me the information (or enjoyment) I needed and now maybe they can serve someone else.

At one point a few years ago, my childhood church closed its doors and my mom and I and a few other members spent some time closing up shop and going through everything to either donate or throw away. We had piles and piles of garbage bags full of records, attendance books, coloring pages, church documents, and old photocopied lessons neatly arranged in file folders. It was years of work, notes, studies, and the fruit of faithfulness that had been hidden away in file cabinets. It felt almost criminal to throw it out. But I came to realize that it all served its purpose in God’s time and plan. God had used it, and by it had accomplished His will.

Spiritual spring cleaning is a wonderful way to take inventory of where you’ve been and how God has led you. It’s a perfect time to purge away or “put off” attitudes or actions that are hindering your spiritual walk. It’s a time to pick up and put on spiritual attitudes and disciplines that please Christ. 

Wearing attitudes and practicing sinful responses that God forbids no longer reflect your position in Christ. Not only are fleshly practices out of step with God’s revealed will for your life, but they are weighing you down, and harming your spiritual growth, they robbing you of the joy you could have now if you chose obedience today. 

Wearing those unrighteous works–the natural man we relied on to make life work for us before we were in Christ– is like choosing to wear dirty, ripped, stinky clothes when we have a wardrobe of new, bright, clean garments at our fingertips. They might feel like the comfortable or familiar or empowering choice in the moment but anything that dishonors God is not the right choice.

Maybe you’ve made great strides in your holiness, and you are amazed at how far you’ve come since you first believed, but if you are knowingly unyielding to even one command of God, if you know the truth but refuse to walk in the light of that truth, that cherished sin is giving you a spiritual limp. 

Say you’ve done what Colossians 3:12 instructs and you’ve put on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, but you’ve refused to “put on” forgiveness. Refusing in any known area is like getting dressed for a day at the beach with all the appropriate clothing: bathing suit, cover-up, sun hat, sunscreen, sunglasses…but if you forget or refuse to wear your flip flops, every time you step on hot sand or a rocky patch you feel the pain keenly. Every step hurts. Others will think you look like every other person out enjoying the sun, but inwardly you’re feeling the consequences of that decision every time you see or think about that person you are holding a grudge against. It’s like spending a lovely day at the beach but limping because you forgot that one aspect of your wardrobe. Forgiveness (or any obedience) is hard but it’s certainly not impossible for one who is empowered by the Holy Spirit and forgiven of her great debt by the blood of Jesus Christ.

Maybe your limp isn’t an unforgiving spirit. Maybe it’s an apathetic heart towards others or a sharp tongue that makes you unkind to that one person who irritates you. Maybe your limp is impatience with others…whatever it is, the remedy is always the same.

Here’s a spiritual spring cleaning checklist:

Pray and ask the Lord to show you a true picture of yourself according to His Word. 

Search your heart for self-sabotaging sin. And like David, ask the Lord to search you and reveal any wicked way you’ve been cherishing. He will answer any honest prayer towards holiness, as that is His will for you. 

Go to the Word. The Bible has the answers for all of our issues. Does the Bible speak to your situation or particular temptation? Do what it tells you to do. 

Humble yourself. James 4:6. Your fleshly actions/reactions are not serving you in the way you think they are. They are not hidden from God and are most likely common knowledge to everyone who knows you. Humble yourself before God resists you.

Admit your sin, repent of it, and make it right where you can. Your sin is against God, obviously, and repentance starts there, but if you’ve hurt someone else by your words or actions, you need to make that right with them. You can’t undo all the damage that a word of gossip, an unloving cold shoulder, an envious heart, or an attitude of antagonism towards someone else has done. But you can at least show that you are now on the Lord’s side on this matter. 

Begin to do the right thing. You don’t have to continue in sin. You can make the right choices today. You can change direction and that’s God’s will for you anyway…your sanctification.

Put Scripture before your eyes. Believe it to be true. Meditate on your areas of struggle to renew your mind on the matter. Memorize key passages.

As you are spring cleaning and pairing down as well?

I hope as you unpack your closets, you’ll consider your spiritual walk and clean out where necessary for your spiritual health. 

Books that May Help You

Lord, Change My Attitude Before It’s Too Late

Brokenness, Surrender, Holiness

Deeper: Real Change for Real Sinners

The post Letting Go of the Old, Welcoming the New: A Spiritual Spring Cleaning Checklist appeared first on Joy-Filled Days.

Everything in a big family is abundant. The noise, the schedules, the food, the people, the prayers, the needs. There are a lot of us and with that comes multiplied joy so much so that it’s hard to even understand God’s amazing grace to all of us.

As many of you know, we’ve had an abundance of tears with the passing of my grandmother this past fall. It has been an incredible loss as she was such an amazing woman. We had our first Thanksgiving and Christmas without her. We each tried to fill her shoes in a small way, making the magic cookie squares, making cranberry sauce, and wearing our silver pins like Gram would. I found myself spending time making little handmade things because she loved them so much. All feeble attempts. Life is not the same without her. Gram had a quiet strength, was always appropriate, and never complained, not even during the hardest time of her life…her death. I am overwhelmed with thankfulness that she was my Gram. I can’t wait to see her again someday!

Many of you also know that Peter began a new full-time job in January. ( I wrote a family update about it on my IG account.) After 21 years in full-time ministry, and though we were not looking for a change, God dropped a job offer into his lap unsolicited, and after seeking some counsel, we both felt confident that God wanted us to step out in faith into this new role. So we did. With that new job came a different schedule and we are adjusting to the demands of that job while making sure to keep the essential things the same. This looks like later dinners, packing lunches, prioritizing family nights on the weekends, and learning to help him by keeping things going here at home. (I used a hand saw to fix a bed last week. A first!)

My schedule is overflowing, and finds me homeschooling Brayden, teaching weekly watercolor classes between two different local homeschooling coops, and enjoying having most of my children and their spouses within 15 minutes of us! (Hope is away at school.) We have so much fun shopping and scouring FB Marketplace for new things for all the houses, doing family meals, celebrating birthdays (18 just in our immediate family!) having the grandkids over, and just doing life together in a close-knit way. We also drink lots of tea and talk around the table for hours.

Peter and I are also experiencing an abundance of the sweetest grandchildren, and we aren’t mad about it. (HAHA) We now have six wonderful grandkids and each one is amazing.

We are still leading the youth ministry and doing our other regular ministries at our church. I still write to encourage women in the faith (here, IG, Club 31 Women: here, here, here, here, here). I speak at women’s events several times a year as my schedule allows, and I enjoy discussing Christian life with friends on podcasts with topics like long-term ministry in a small church context, recovering from overwhelm, and how to change your attitude when you are responding sinfully.

Life is full! And we are thankful.

I want to share a few truths for those who are also in a season of change. These truths from Colossians have been such an encouragement to me personally.

First, go read Colossians. Why? Because the whole book is such a blessing. A few foundational thoughts:

Paul reminds the Colossian church that they are in Christ right off the bat. Their physical location may be Colossae (and may change) but they are in Christ and that will never change. Wherever you find yourself today, no matter what your situation, your greatest reality is that you are permanently in Christ. 

In every season of life, the truest thing about you is that you are In Christ.

This gospel hope changes how we view life and interact with others. It informs how we perform our duties, how we react to trials, and enables us to walk worthy. Paul says that the Colossian’s faith and love were well known, so much so that word got back to him about their spiritual successes. If you are loving God and others as the Bible commands, you are spiritually successful. If you are not loving others, no matter how much “ministry” you involve yourself in, it’s all wood, hay, and stubble. Why were the Colossians loving? Paul tells us. He connects their love with their hope. —> “because of the hope laid up for you in heaven.” Col. 1:5. When we seek things that are above where Christ is, it shifts our focus and priorities and ultimately our actions and reactions to tell the greater story of redemption with our lives. Our lives will tell where our hope ultimately lies.

Christian, your hope laid up for you in heaven transforms the way you care for screaming toddlers, interact with annoying neighbors, or deal with a medical crisis. We are in Him. This is not the end. There is more to the story.

Col. 3. 1-4 “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.”

So we are in Him and Christ is in you, the hope of glory. (Col. 1:27)

Why does this matter? Because our “in Him-ness” is a reminder that this world is not our final destination. Our in Him-ness trumps all the hard things here. No matter what happens here, MY LIFE IS IN CHRIST. I am expectant of an eternal reality that already is secure in heaven right now today. (Col. 3:3) Christ is your real life (Col. 3:4).

That realization, that amazing reality, has been a great stabilizer during this time of change.

 “Christ in you, the hope of glory. He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. ” Col. 1: 27

He is our life. He is the Source of all things. In Him and through Him we have not just life, but abundant life, and it’s all good because He is good. We are so thankful.

The post Embracing an Abundant Life During Seasons of Transformation appeared first on Joy-Filled Days.

God has placed children in your home to be brought up for His glory, and God’s training program is a side-by-side, day-by-day mentorship program where children listen and hear and watch to learn.

If your kids practice what you live (vs. practice what you preached/said) will they be living a life of integrity, and will the church be better (or worse?) for having a duplicate of you?

There is a tension that happens when we say one thing and do another, especially as it impacts our children. It is a sort of deviant teaching that offends and confuses our children.

Imagine with me that instead of declaring ourselves Christians, we told our kids and neighbors we were Amish. We read Amish books, had Amish friends, baked Amish food, wore Amish clothes to an Amish meeting house every Sunday, but when the doors were closed at home and nobody was around, we pulled down the blinds, turned on our electric lights, blared our TV or radio, changed into “English” clothes and surfed the internet on our iPhone. What could be said of our claim of being Amish?

People would rightly say that we are deceitful, and wonder why we chose to pretend when we clearly are not Amish. Wouldn’t it be best to stop living by lies and tell the truth? To continue in duplicity teaches your kids that mom and dad are hypocrites and that lying to people you say you love is acceptable moral behavior.

This is a silly example of course, but this is often a problem in Christian homes.

Christian parents proclaim doctrine with their lips and but their works deny their creed.

Does this mean that we need to be sinless in order to parent effectively? No, but it does mean that we need to be free of hypocrisy, and that known sin be dealt with.

As Christians, we will often sin which means that we will often be repenting of sin. But when we start hiding our sin, making plans to accommodate our sin, we can be sure we are walking a destructive path and proclaiming to our kids by our actions that a deviant, deceitful way rebellious way is the way to make life work.

In other words, we can’t claim to serve the Lord if we are raising a fist to Him (by denial or disobedience) in any area of life. God tells us that we must love Him with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Sin, unchallenged, is the great homewrecker.

Sin unchallenged infects the health of the whole family.

It distorts our minds, sears our conscience, blinds our awareness, corrupts our justice, and breaks the hearts of innocent bystanders. Sin makes you act in hateful ways even to those you claim you love. Sins’ doctrine is the exact opposite of God Word.

GOD SAYS VS SIN SAYS

• Did God say to deny yourself? Sin says to indulge yourself.
• Did God say to follow Him and obey His Word? Sin says to follow your own heart.
• Did God say to look out for the wellbeing and interests of others? Sin says to take care of YOU and look out for your interests.
• Did God say to humble yourself? Sin says to make a great name for yourself, step on others on the way up, and reject humiliation at all cost.
• Did God say to speak the truth in love? Sin tells you to straight up lie to them and protect yourself, or cut them to the core by brutally giving them your whole mind.

Choose you this day whom you will serve. This is a daily choice, mom. A moment by moment surrendering of our mind, heart, body, words, and actions.

All of life for the Christian is a presentation of our whole beings as a living sacrifice that is pure, clean, and acceptable. And this isn’t some extraordinary brand of Christianity. This is normative Christianity. It’s reasonable. (Rom. 12:1)

DYSFUNCTIONAL CHRISTIANITY

What’s not normal is to think that nursing, loving, and coddling any sin enough to chase it, cover it, or plan for it is “normal” when a person is indwelt by the Holy Spirit.

It’s not normal to be an angry, bitter, vengeful “Christian.” That’s actually a proud Christian. All sin starts with pride because pride puts our desires over God’s desires. A proud person lives by the mantra “MY will be done” instead of “THY will be done” even when they know better.

Sin’s lies are as old as Eden and lead us to chase disordered “loves.”

When our lusts conceive, they bring forth death: death of relationships, death of reputation, death of purity, death of health and in the end actual physical death.

Instead of loving God’s Word and others, we ignore the uncomfortable parts of the Bible and disregard passages that stand in the way of what we really want.

Sin causes us to build “Christian” homes with the “wrong materials” like anger, selfishness, and deceit and then wonder why the outcome looks nothing like what the Bible describes.

These homes are less Christian and more about the whims and mood of the most outrageously selfish parent at the moment. And of course, self awareness and spiritual acuteness are rare when sin is ruling. Most of us are blind to the effect our sin has on our children.

Martin Lloyd-Jones reminds us that sin renders you clueless to it’s control or presence in your life:

“You will never make yourself feel that you are a sinner, because there is a mechanism in you as a result of sin that will always be defending you against every accusation.”

Even “good parenting” motivated by selfish ambition (vs. glorifying God as the ultimate aim) is harmful to the child. Augustine calls this “Vice clothed as Virtue.”

I have written in the front of my Bible the line from an old hymn: “Each thought and each motive beneath His control” which reminds me that God’s vision is straight to the heart, and He’s not fooled by our veneers.

When mothers ask me for parenting advice because they are at a loss with their teen, I tell them what I do. I identify the splinters in my teens life that might have chipped off of the plank in my own life.

If their teen is struggling, I usually ask them to summarize in one word what the teen is doing wrong.

My teen is rebellious.

My teen is angry.

My teen is indifferent.

My teen is being deceitful.

Now, we are going to be log hunters, looking for culprits, per Matthew 7: 3.

I ask if it’s possible that they are also doing the very same thing in another area of life but don’t quite realize it.

For instance, if the teen will not listen to wise counsel or handle rebuke well, I ask how well they would say they handle rebuke? What would their husband say about how well they handle criticism? Do they react sinfully or become bitter after a rebuke from a loving spouse, friend, or congregant? Are people free to disagree or correct the parent without being punished?

If the teen is actively (or passively) rebellious in the home, has the parent failed to submit to some authority in their life? Has the wife submitted to her husband as to the Lord, or has she gone over his head and manipulated to make life work? Has the husband failed to submit to the authority in his life? Is he a faithful employee? Does he obey the law? Does he submit to his fellow congregants? How do they speak about our national rulers?

If the teen is angry, mouthy, or rude, has the parent been careful with their words? Does the parent speak respectfully to and about other people? How does the parent speak to the child? How does the parent speak about their least favorite person?

If the teen “forgets” to do what is expected, has the parent also chosen shortcuts for life? Does the parent do what is expected of them? Do they take seriously their responsibilities or do they only show up for life when they feel like it?

If the teen is sneaking around and lying or hiding certain parts of their life, the parent has to ask if they have been completely truthful to their friends, spouse, family. Have they excused their embellishments of the truth? Do they mislead? Paint a picture? Tell “white lies?”

It’s easy to see the speck in our child’s eye, but we, as parents, have to ask if we are the log-holder and this child has just got a little bit of the chip of wood in him that we’ve been carrying. Most of the time the answer is YES.

Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye’ while the log is in your own eye?”

God’s remedy?

You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.” (Matthew 7:3-5).

Are we willing to walk as God dictates in the home? If you’ve wronged your child by your own example, make that right as soon as possible. Go to them and humble yourself. If you won’t, why should you expect them to obey God’s Word either?

One thing I’ve learned about parenting is that most times parenting isn’t so much about getting the child “right” but about making us right in the process. Parenting a child is how God parents us and teaches us of our need for Him and others.

Christian Parenting looks like mom trying to obey God, failing and falling so she listens up (to God’s Word), gets up, repents, makes things right with the child she wronged, and tries again. Repeat this as many times as it happens. Though it seems this process of walking-failing-listening-repenting-trying again is uncomfortable, disorganized, frustrating, and inefficient, you ARE slowly moving in the right direction and making progress when you follow God’s rules for life.

God expects us to humble ourselves or God will do it and when God initiates the humiliation, He will work on you for as long as it takes, mom. Why? God truly does resists the proud. So if you find yourself in a place of being humbled, the Bible tells us to actively humble ourselves under God’s good hand, and cooperate with God, and be on the lookout for God’s grace, which is promised to those who embrace humility. His good hand is also holding and keeping you, and the outcome is His choice. He loves our kids more than we ever could.

Next time we will look at some of the common distortions of the Christian home and some of the consequences I’ve noticed over the years.

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