And Then We Had Hope...

Hope is 10 months old! Update on her reflux and background from that time.

2012-07-20T16:08:00.001-07:00

Miss Hope is 10 months young :)! She will be 10 and a half months tomorrow actually! Which means... We only have a month and a half until her first birthday!! So exciting!!!

I will start off with an update of her reflux issues. I have not noticed any more Sandifers episodes in over two weeks now. The zantac has very much helped but I have noticed she is gulping a lot again in these past few days. I have been introducing more table foods and I think something is bothering her... Her pediatrician said to continue offering everything (excluding dairy for now) and I have been so its hard to keep track. Until I notice any more Sandifers episodes I will continue her on her dose before I call her pediatrician. She has been spitting up a little the past few days too... Poor baby. The good news is she WILL grow out of this the question is when...

Last month was a very stressful month. I was offered an opportunity to work at my old spa for two weeks with lots of hours for early August. I am a stay at home mom and have been since I was pregnant ;)... I thought it would be a great opportunity to get out and make a little money while getting back into my old profession. My mom was going to watch Hope all of the two weeks. Being that I breastfeed Hope and she is still to this day not super crazy about solids I was stressed out about bottles. I used to be a mass milk producer when she was a newborn but around 6 months I was lucky to pump 4 extra ounces in 24 hours. I decided I needed to start working with her on taking at least one bottle of formula at least once a day while I was gone. I have absolutely NO freezer stash of breastmilk. There were other reasons this sounded good to me. I was feeling overwhelmed to put it frankly. Normally when a baby reaches 6-7 months of age they are taking in a good amount of solids and only nursing like 4-5 times a day. Well with miss Hope I have to force feed her solids which is only successful once a day and she still nurses 7-10 times a day! So yes giving her at least one bottle a day sounded like a good idea at the time.

I tried giving her a bottle of organic similac formula and she gave me the funniest look. She would not take it and started arching, screaming and literally threw the bottle across the room... My frustration set in. This was not going to go well. I tried mixing it in discreetly with a bottle of breastmilk but she was not fooled. This resulted in wasting the last of the breastmilk in the freezer and wasting the formula. I became very worried. What would we do while I work? She wont take bottles of formula and there is no way I can pump that much breastmilk to sustain her... The struggle lasted two days then I decided to just quit the bottle thing and sure enough the next day the sandifers spasms started. So with the dairy of yogurt and formula that was introduced to her her doctor concluded this would be the culprit. I felt and STILL feel awful about all of it. I was stressed out and just trying to do the right thing for when I was going to leave her for those two weeks. God works in mysterious ways though. JP and I decided it is not the time for me to go back to work for any amount of time. Hope nurses A LOT for a reason. Now that I know she has reflux it all makes sense. Reflux babies dont drink or eat large amounts at a time. They eat very small frequent meals in the day.

This only strengthened my passion for breastfeeding. Breastmilk has been her one and only safe food in her diet. She has no reactions to it whatsoever and it is the healthiest thing on Earth a baby and toddler can have. So needless to say breastfeeding is still going strong and will continue Im sure through her toddler years. It is very much a part of our routine and yes there are days that breastfeeding 8 times in a day is less than convenient especially with a curious 10 month old. Did I mention my 10 month old is walking now?! I just once again want to thank everyone who kept Hope in their prayers about all the spasms. Our prayer now is for her to heal and grow out of this reflux now!

Good News!!

2012-07-06T08:45:00.000-07:00

Hope had her EEG on Tuesday the 3rd of July. It was scary but JP and I were confident this would just show our little one is perfect and healthy. She had quite the meltdown having these probes taped to her head and she absolutely had every right to feel that way. They had to scrub her head with an exfoliant and attach like 50 wires! It was looking like they may have to sedate her or reschedule the test but I just nursed her and her daddy put on her favorite song (letter sounds by Barbara Milne) and we got through it. They did this crazy light in front of her eyes for like 5 minutes and she actually liked that part lol.

I got a call from her pediatrician this morning after 3 days of waiting and her results came back perfect and normal NO seizure activity. He is confident in these results and he is diagnosing her officially with reflux and posturing from the reflux. We are continuing her on the Zantac because it is working well for her. If we miss a dose and she eats a large breakfast then we see minor episodes. They don't bother her but we are sticking to a strict every 8 hour dose. She is eating solids SO well now! And the gulping has stopped! Woo hoo! It is such a relief to have confirmation that she is healthy but just has that annoying reflux. Its treatable and she will grow out of it. Thanks everybody for your prayers and good thoughts! Love you all!

Update on Hope

2012-06-30T13:25:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to update everyone on Hope so far. We had her GI test on Thursday morning which showed her upper GI is functioning normally. This does not rule out reflux this was to make sure there are no abnormalities. There are none thank goodness.

Her doctor is pretty confident this is all reflux related and we are working on getting her reflux under control. She is on Zantac right now but I think we may need something stronger. She is still spitting up about once a day and having very minor episodes (2 on average mainly when she is tired). We have never had a day like the first day thank goodness so that means there is progress. If this is reflux triggered by a milk allergy then it could take 2-3 weeks to get the milk protein out of her system.

We are still doing the EEG which is a test to monitor her brain activity and look for seizures. I am extremely confident these are not seizures but as her doctor said we just need to cover all the bases. After the EEG we will probably also meet with a neurologist to show him the video of her movements. I'm not looking forward to these but I am confident all will come back normal.

Hope has been so much happier since starting the Zantac. She is content playing with her toys for longer periods of time and the gulping noise has subsided tremendously. She is also eating far more solids than ever before. About 8 ounces of baby food in a day. This is not a lot for most babies but for a reflux baby its definitely progress.

I will keep everyone updated.

Rough Patch...

2012-06-27T08:46:00.003-07:00

This is not blog post I really want to write but I know it will help me feel better. I'm just so confused...

Hope has had some reflux issues from the beginning. Issues that I thought and was told are normal for infants to go through so I never thought much of it. I noticed around 3/4 months Hope was spitting up A LOT. She would projectile and it would just go everywhere. Being that she was so small and not keeping much of her food in it concerned me. It was suggested it could be a milk intolerance to the dairy in my milk which I was consuming a large amount of dairy products in these days. When I took the dairy out of my diet within a few days massive improvement. She would spit up maybe once a day a little bit instead of large amounts after every single feeding.

Infant reflux is supposed to improve especially when they start solids around 6 months. She seemed fine. She has always been a high needs baby and I would assume she just gets bored easily. At 9 months I was told anything except whole milk and honey is good to go. So I introduced yogurt to her and she loved it. Hope is a picky eater so I was ecstatic! Yogurt is full of probiotics, protein, healthy fat and calcium. I figured this is perfect since she doesnt eat much. I started giving it to her sometimes daily if not every other day. About a week after this (last week) I noticed her doing a strange swallowing noise. She would cry and do it but also be happy playing and do it. The best I could describe it as is a gulping noise. I thought maybe she had a sore throat.I called her pediatrician and he said yeah sounds like a little reflux. Nothing to be alarmed about. So I continued doing what we were doing. Giving her lots of new table foods, yogurt anything I can get in this picky monkeys mouth.

Last Thursday after giving Hope a yogurt and fruit meal I put her in her playpen after and visited with JP. She just started crying out of nowhere and I looked at her and she was doing this strange movement. I picked her up and she immediately stopped. I thought that was weird... I nursed her to sleep and she didnt do it anymore. The whole weekend I never fed her yogurt we were actually pretty busy and just doing regular baby food jars or the frozen food ive made her. Then Monday morning I got us back in our routine. I made her a BIG, baby bowl big, breakfast of rice cereal, two dollops of a fresh carton of whole fat yogurt and some fruit puree. She ate the whole thing. In my head I knew she was over eating but again she is picky and tiny I didnt feel right stopping her either. I picked her up and put her in her pack n play. I looked over at her about 20 minutes later and she was in the corner doing that strange movement again. I called her name and she snapped out of it and started crying for me..

I only saw it in the corner of my eye and missed it fully so I thought maybe its a weird thing she has discovered her body does. About three hours later I was feeding her sweet potatoes for lunch and she was fussing and then bent over and I then saw it up front. She did it again and something was not right. I immediately picked her up and I looked at the clock to call her pediatrician and of course it was 10 after noon... They lunch from 12 - 1:30! I took her upstairs to watch her play and I got this video of her doing it. This was the biggest one of them all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pl2g2oPxYU

Due to her increasing reflux issues and the fact that she is so developmentally advanced and is present and can be brought out of these spasms if I interfere I was pointed in the direction of Sandifer Syndrome. This is a syndrome that affects 1% of babies with GERD (acid reflux). Basically its where the acid is so bad that it actually stimulates the vagus nerve. Her doctor thinks its a contender too when I bought that up. I just had to explain to him her symptoms and that she does in fact have reflux issues more than we both may have thought. So we are seeing a GI specialist tomorrow and Hope will have to fast all night and in the morning. They will give her a barium swallow to watch what it does. We will also be doing an EEG to rule out anything neurological for sure.

Please keep Hope in your prayers that this is just reflux because this can be controlled with the proper meds. She has continued having reflux symptoms despite giving her zantac prescribed by her doctor but she does seem a little better and happier. She has not had an episode in about 24 hours which is a good sign... I will keep you all updated.

Hope is 9 months!!

2012-06-13T19:35:00.000-07:00

Our little Hope Leticia is 9 months old! I walked into Carters childrens store today and I was looking at the corner we used to shop in there and those days are long gone... Adorable newborn baby girl clothes.... The cutest little frilly dresses for an 8 pound human being. The teeny tiny onesies...I just cant believe my baby is growing up so fast.

Well even though my munchkin is growing up that doesn't mean she is a big girl... ha! She is far from being a big baby even at 9 months. We went to her well baby check up today and they weighed her in at 14lbs 12ounces. She is now 26.5 inches long. So 5th percentile for weight and 25th for height. She is such a munchkin! Her pediatrician was so amazed at how full of personality and energy she is. He said there is absolutely no sign of developmental delays and she has zero red flags for autism or other neurological issues. She is extremely bright and curious. They had to do a toe prick to check her iron levels and her numbers came back perfect, yay! She didnt even flinch she was fascinated by the process. Future doctor?

Miss Hope decided to start working on those first steps last week. She will stand there for a few seconds and take a step and just plop to the floor. She wants so bad to take off running but shes just working on her balance right now. She cruises all around her room grabbing onto the wall, dressers, her crib and just walks all around. She also said mama! She only says it when she is crying for me though. She just cries mama mama mama! Its adorable.

She is pretty much over purees now and moving onto table food. I wish I could keep her on purees because choking risk scares me but she would rather munch on food herself. Aside from still nursing and cosleeping the rest is a new adventure! Sometimes I have no clue what im doing honestly lol! Soon my baby will be running all over this house and eating big kid food! Next phase is onto the planning of her first birthday party!! Stay tuned!

Things I wish I had known before baby....

2012-05-30T08:37:00.000-07:00

In the last month before I had Hope I had all these expectations if you will. I had her co-sleeper set up and just knew that she would sleep in there. I had all her clothes for her size washed (or size I thought she would be) and imagined putting her in so many of the outfits her first week. I thought breastfeeding would be painless and amazing. I thought regardless of what people said that it would be easy.

Here's the top ten realities of having a newborn were for me:

10.) That we should have had some preemie clothes on hand because she was so teeny. She wouldn't fit in any of her clothes for at least a month.

9.) That because breastfeeding can be an excruciating experience for some mothers; you should have a nipple shield on hand. I believe if I had one on hand, it would have saved us a very expensive visit to a lactation consultant.

8.) Breast pumps are not only for moms who go back to work. Having one when baby arrives is extremely helpful in pumping for engorgement, having someone feed a bottle of expressed milk so you can take a nap and if you add a couple pumpings on top of feedings you will establish a very plentiful supply.

7.) That your baby may not sleep in a crib or bassinet. This was my biggest shock becoming a mother. Every time (and to this day) I would lay Hope down when she was asleep she would wake up kicking screaming and punching out of her swaddle. If I had educated myself on safe cosleeping in our bed before she came, then I would have been a much happier and rested mama the first week.

6.) Having formula in the house as a "just in case" could have been breastfeeding sabotage. I harmlessly kept a sample can of formula that was mailed by a formula company and I was literally (this close) to using it when I had my breastfeeding issues. When a mother is hormonal, tired and frustrated this is a sure way to sabotage a breastfeeding relationship. If it weren't for my husband and close friends, who knows what would have happened with breastfeeding for us.

5.) I wish I had done cloth diaper research before having her. We spent a lot of money on disposables the first few months even with having many boxes from our baby shower. Newborns go through about 12 diapers a day. That is about 360 in just the first month. That is about $100 on disposable diapers in just the first month when you can get quite a large stash of cloth diapers that will last you forever.

4.) That you may have a rashy baby... Hope has very sensitive skin and she gets diaper rashes very easily and she has mild eczema. I used aquaphor, desitin, A&D, coconut oil, breastmilk, Caldesene (yikes dont use that) and even vaseline... Finally after her awful rash would NOT clear up I saw my lanolin nipple cream lying there. I thought "If that stuff could heal and soothe my blistered, raw and bleeding nips why wouldn't it help this?" BEST discovery I ever made. I have never used anything else for her rash it works EVERY single time. Plus a lot of the products above use petroleum which is a known potential cancer causing ingredient :(. Wish I had known that before.

3.) That your baby can be allergic to milk in YOUR milk... Hope has always been quite the spitter upper but around 3 to 4 months it got really bad. Like projectile. Naturally, spitting up does peak around this time but something wasn't right. There was a little blood in her dirty diaper and it was greenish and her spit up was so aggressive. I was told to analyze my diet and if I had added something new. I had started having a bowl of cereal with milk every morning and JP and I had gotten into a bad ice cream habit at night. So it was determined she was having an allergy to the dairy in my milk (very common). I switched to almond milk, stopped the ice cream (good idea for me) and her spitting up decreased significantly over night. WISH I had known...

2.) That there is such a thing as a small healthy baby. Hope was born at about the 25th percentile. She has continued to drop from this percentile gradually and was in the 2nd percentile at 6 months. She has never lost weight since her first week of birth but she just does not gain quick at all. I would say about a pound a month or so, sometimes less. Thankfully I don't have a pediatrician for her that is fixated on "fattening" her up. She is healthy and small and this is possible and normal. Phew....

1.) That they are only teeny babies for a few months... For some reason looking at all our newborn stuff in her room before her arrival I thought she would be using and in these things for months or for a year! Boy was I shown wrong. They grow so fast. My 8 month old is almost walking!

I just wanted to share some of the things ive learned for our family. I have my own parenting style than others. I am passionate about certain things and other moms are passionate about other things or maybe even the same things. I guess thats the journey of parenting though. You dont know what kind of parent you are going to be until little one gets here. I wish I had known those things as it would have made things easier but no matter what Im here regardless. Just educate yourself on every possible thing you can and you will do great. The real prize is that baby burrito in your arms! Oh boy mama is getting baby fever again... :-P

Hope is 8 months old!

2012-05-22T21:57:00.001-07:00

Our little baby girl is 8 and a half months old now! Its taken me a few weeks to write because I feel like each month goes faster and faster! She is standing by herself often and working on those first steps now!

I dont have too much to update on as far as events in the past month. Im just enjoying her so much. I love being a stay at home mom and being able to just watch her grow and change every hour each day. I feel so blessed and lucky to be able to do this.

Our kitchen is ALMOST done. Tony, JP's dad, has been doing all the tile work in our kitchen and we are looking at finishing this weekend. I will post a before and after picture. That will be nice when its all done. I cant wait to have my kitchen 100% back!

This month Hope seems a little less interested in solids than last month. She will eat one good solid meal in the day (only if its sweet potatoes or blueberries) but if I offer more or different foods she just kind of plays with it. She would much rather just chew on her spoon. This is very normal as food before one is just for fun. Some babies just have more fun with it than others I guess. So I am still nursing a good 8 times a day and maybe more on extra cranky days where she just wants to pacify. Im convinced this is why I am not losing any weight. Im always sitting on my booty nursing lol! But Im not complaining who am I kidding. This is the life!

I need to schedule her next appointment but she is in the 14-15lb range. Teeny tiny little thing! She is getting to be so funny. She has this personality already. She says "dad" ALL the time! Just yesterday I repeated "mama,mama,mama,mama" and she looks at me and says..."dad." lol!! stinker! We missed her 6 month shoot due to just being so busy with the house stuff so we will be doing 9 month pictures. I will post those next month :-D!

Hope Leticia is 7 months old!

2012-04-09T21:22:00.004-07:00

Oh my goodness! I have a 7 month old daughter! These monthly updates are coming up quicker and quicker. Hope celebrated her first Easter this weekend. We spent it alone as a family and we had a wonderful day. We BBQ'd and watched movies and just spent nice quality time together.

Hope has a whole bunch of new milestones for this update. Lets see... She is crawling all over, pulling up and standing up, saying dada and almost mama, bouncing and she has two little teeth poking in! Once she turned 6 months all her development just went hyper speed. Her pediatrician says she is very advanced for her age. She was only 12.9lbs at her appointment which is only the second percentile. So she is below average in height and weight but she is developmentally ahead as far as her mental and physical milestones are going. He said she is approximately in the 9 month range developmentally. Basically she will be walking in the next two months... Her ped was not concerned about her height and weight in the slightest. He is a realist (love him). Her dad and I are not huge people by any standard. When I'm not large and in charge from baby weight I am petite and I was a generally small baby too. Not nearly as small as my sisters and Hope is right along the lines of what their growth patterns were. She is so strong, so healthy and so happy. I am just so blessed with an amazing little baby girl.

She is still exclusively breastfed. She has to this day never had a drop of formula and rarely rarely ever gets a bottle. Its not something I'm against its just something that has never been a part of our lifestyle. I am still nursing about 6 times a day and then once or twice in the night time. She gets solids twice a day and her favorites are peas and sweet potatoes :). I add coconut oil and mama milk to up the calorie and fat content to her solids. She loves her some food! But some days less so than others. I get the "your still nursing?" every so often too. Im so confident in it that I am proud to say HECK YEA! I will nurse her as long as she wants. If she doesn't wean by 3 or 4 so be it. When she starts Kindergarten this will most likely be when it stops naturally. Babies benefit greatly from DHA until they are 2-3 years old and so on into adulthood like ourselves. There is no greater source that they can get it in the composition necessary for absorption than straight from mamas milk. When she is tired, cranky and upset it is an instant comfort and pacifier.

Is there any place safer than nestled into your mamas arms? We come from a generation of "independent" parenting. Our parents were taught to parent us in a way to make us as independent as possible from as early on as possible. So as babies we were laid in our cribs to cry. Much of our lives we were placed on time out when we were hard to handle. The goal was to always teach us to be alone and to become content with that. Some of us took to this easier than others of course. The attachment parenting style is you never withhold love and affection. When your baby is crying you cuddle and/or nurse. When your toddler is throwing a temper tantrum you cuddle/and or nurse. When your child is feeling insecure and sad your cuddle and/or nurse if they haven't self weaned. You give love and they will become secure and outgrow needing mommy. They will "I want to do it by myself mommy" eventually on their own time. Is it hard? Yes motherhood is hard. Its a sacrifice. More of a sacrifice than I ever could have imagined. Hope is a wonderful and happy baby but she is a pretty high needs baby emotionally. She needs mama to soothe her to sleep right now. She needs mama with her at all times and I am glad to do that for her.

It is no secret I am a research junkie. Before motherhood I was naive to every single thing. I was going to repeat ways I grew up seeing things done because everyone else does it they turn out fine. Im not saying the research and conclusions I have come up with is right. But it is what I believe. I don't know many mothers like me and sometimes that is hard. Its hard being the "odd man out". My own family thinks im a nut job sometimes. I know in my heart I am doing what I think is best for her. All we can do is our best and pray we made the right decisions. So in conclusion up to this point at 7 months. We are cuddling to sleep, co sleeping, breastfeeding, non medicating and not using any sort of schedule...

What is your parenting style. Be loud and proud of it!

An esthetician selling JAFRA?

2012-03-27T11:33:00.005-07:00

I have been a licensed esthetician since January 2010. I began my training and education back in 2008. So compared to some I am new to the industry but also I feel I am entering the well established group. I have had a few jobs as an esthetician. I have worked in an adorable well known salon in Carpinteria. I then went on to work in a beautiful sophisticated French spa in San Luis Obispo.

I became pregnant with my daughter in late 2010. I had just become established in the spa and was doing quite well for myself. My future was bright there and my boss gave me lots of encouragement. I planned on working through my whole pregnancy and then taking maternity leave and going back after 2-3 months with taking the occasional Saturday appointment before that. This was not what panned out by any means. I was given the honor of not just morning sickness but severe borderline hypermesis gravidarum. This is a severe case of morning sickness which lasted me into the middle of my second trimester and off and on throughout my pregnancy. I spent the first three months of my pregnancy trapped in my bed in the dark not even able to watch much tv because goodness forbid a commercial about food comes on. I never realized how much food is on tv by the way.

Well needless to say I had to resign from my position as the co-esthetician of the establishment. I want to say I was crushed and on some level I was but I have to be honest... Although I loved what I did there and it was a promising career I would rather do skin care on my own of course. I was forced to sell a particular skin care product (which shall remain nameless) I did not believe in at all. A company who slaps an organic label on a NON-organic product is not something I want to affiliate with personally. It affected my retail sales significantly. So I cant say I was entirely disappointed to be jobless but I do miss my treatment room.

As an esthetician I have used countless different skin care products. From the high end to commercial and holistic you name it. Many have ended up piling under the sink because some are too oily (usually the natural ones)or one is too drying (the aggressive ones). Many I frankly cant afford to buy more of sadly. But there has always been one brand that I have in my stash and regular routine. Yep I will say it and proudly, JAFRA. My mom sold JAFRA for a little while as well as my grandmother. So I got it mostly as gifts at Christmas time or birthdays. I was pretty spoiled with my regular stock. Perhaps this is why I didnt truly appreciate my JAFRA I associated it as free.

The JAFRA gifts have dwindled down due to moving away and just growing up. Well I am now running very low and began to panic a little bit. I dont know what it is but it seems passing 22 has also increased in aging lines on my face.... NO!!!!

So heres what Im feeling. I am itching to give a mini facial, a hand treatment, a full make up makeover and I want to have a full stash of quality skin care. It then hit me that I don't have to sit by and wait for someone to sell me JAFRA. I can sell it myself and have ridiculous discounts on top of it. Its a beautiful product formula and its not one of those pyramid programs that doesn't have anything to offer you and you invest hundreds of dollars in to go nowhere. Not fun.... Even if I don't end up selling anything, I bought what could fill a mini spa bar for only 100 bucks. Just for signing up as a consultant! I literally feel I hit the jackpot already and I like it! It also allows me to work on my own time and have parties with my girlfriends! I truly don't want to give up being a stay at home mom. So therefore I am going to give this a whirl! I am excited! I am more excited than I have been since I graduated school! I am hoping I can have some parties with my girlfriends and some may want to sell on the side too and we can build a successful team together while looking fabulous doing it.

Here's to fun make up parties where your own licensed esthetician can take your experience to the next level! Has a nice ring to it right? ;)

http://www.myjafra.com/sites/jackiejimenez

Hope is 6 months! (And update on Mom and Dad)

2012-03-11T22:58:00.006-07:00

They really don't lie when they say that time flies when you're having fun... My beautiful baby girl is 6 months old... You know sometimes I just cant believe I have a gorgeous little baby girl. My entire life since I was 2 years old playing with baby dolls I wanted a baby girl. My whole life was meant to lead up to this achievement. I have no clue what I was doing before her because it was just not important frankly. She is my life. And I know her daddy feels the same way, minus the playing with baby dolls at 2 years old but hey who knows... ha!

She has brought us so much joy. She has been rolling over for a few months now but now she is ALL over the place. She is also able to army crawl on our bed. Basically instead of using her hands she uses her forearms. If she sees a computer or phone on the bed forget it because she is after it. We have ordered all the baby proofing materials. We don't quite have to put it all up yet but we are prepared because she is going to be crawling very soon. She has said dada a few times but I dont think its purposeful yet ;), dont tell her daddy... She loves to scream, babble and laugh. She is truly a little joy. She also loves her food! I try not to give her too much because breastmilk is still all she needs. If they fill up on solids they fill up on less nutrient dense foods that can fill up their bellies. Basically full of less important food which is not a good thing for a tiny growing baby... So we still have a little while before solids become a big part of her diet, however I am letting her wean herself. I give her solids twice a day with a little teeny bit of coconut oil to give her healthy fat to complement the nursing. She still nurses just as much to this day and it is such a special time. I love it more and more each month. I love how her eyes lock with mine and she touches my face and will smile. God truly designed this special relationship between a mother and child and I am going to continue it as long as possible. Thinking about stopping truly breaks my heart into a million pieces.

On Friday Hope came down with her first cold :(. She woke up and coughed something nasty and has been congested and coughing since. There is snot (TMI) everywhere! She has had a very low grade fever but I keep an eye on it. The more and more research I put into illness and immune systems the more I am able to get through this. When your kids are sick I truly believe it is harder on us parents than them. She is still happy, laughing, rolling and scooting all over the place.

As for JP and I... wow.... Okay so about a month ago when we came back from being gone for about a week we noticed a leak outside our house. Well of course it was coming from inside. We got a plumber out asap and he found the problem. When the builders were building the homes someone hammered a nail into the pipe. I guess it rusted recently and triggered the leak all over. So basically our kitchen has been out of commission since the beginning of February... This is a situation that is covered by insurance but because of that it is a lengthily process... The good news is we get a nice new kitchen out of it but it is taking SO long. With a baby and just moving into a house that is not a fun situation and a week will easily go by that I hear from nobody and we have half our kitchen torn out. Its no fun. But I know it will get done and it will be worth it. Other than that JP and I are doing very well.

Also an update on our dog Maxi. He has a lot of anxiety when away from us. Since I am home all the time with Hope he is very bonded to the two of us. When we leave he gets into stuff and more recently he has found Hope's silicone pacifiers and ate a good amount. They have caused some problems and he had to have surgery. Unfortunately and fortunately the pacifiers had already moved into his colon when they opened him up so putting his little body and our wallet through the surgery was absolutely useless. But we are glad that our little doggie is okay. He is recovering very well.

Our 4 year wedding anniversary is in one month! So stay tuned for Hope's 7 month and we will be going on a nice fun trip!

A day in the life of a stay at home mom

2012-02-22T09:23:00.004-08:00

I am 23 years old and blessed with the opportunity to be a stay at home mom already! This was always my dream since I was a little girl believe it or not. I have always wanted to be a mommy! My dreams have come true and it is BETTER than I could have ever dreamed!!

Hope is 5 and a half months old now and the fun is really beginning. We co-sleep with her and all that means is she sleeps in bed with her daddy and me. People think, "woah arent you afraid you will roll on her?" You would be surprised how aware you are even in dream land. The second she squirms at all I wake up and dream feed her. Basically that means I nurse her once or twice a night when she is still half asleep. I dont do it so she will sleep longer but because shes teeny and I dont want her going all night without eating. She sleeps great and has slept great since day one with co sleeping. She always has her hand on me to know that her mommy is there :)I coudnt imagine having her away from me while we sleep. Its not for everybody, but it works very well for our family.

She wakes me up with little babbles. She never wakes up crying. She grabs my face, my hair and just stares at me. Morning time is such a beautiful moment and we just snuggle and play in bed for a half an hour or so. Then mama needs her coffee!

The rest of our day consists of nursing, nursing oh and more nursing!! She loves to nurse! She is a comfort nurser. She wont take a pacifier. As long as we are at home I really dont mind. And when we are out and about she is so fascinated with the world and looking around that she doesn't need to nurse much. So basically all day it is nurse, sleep, play. That is usually the order things go.

I only give her a few tablespoons once a day at the most of solids. Sometimes she eats most of it sometime she only eats a few bites. But she loves every food we give her. Bananas, yams, and avocado especially. All of her food made by mommy with love of course :). Okay you dont make bananas or avocado, you mash it... Mashed with love!

I seriously feel like super mom when I am able to get the kitchen, laundry and living room straightened up. But most days this doesn't get done but usually at least one. Between playing, nursing and snuggle time I honestly could care less what needs to get done. JP understands of course. Every weekend he is reminded of the hard work it takes to take care of this little angel! So basically the life of a stay at home mom is beautiful. It is like being on summer break all the time and spending the whole day with your best friend in the world who you never get tired of! Even more than that. It is just indescribable... Its a beautiful life...

Hope's 5 month check in!

2012-02-10T08:44:00.000-08:00

Little Hope Esperanza is 5 months old!! I just cant believe how fast she is growing. Everyone said it would, but wow!! Pretty sure she is 22 weeks old?

I am still breastfeeding 99% of the time. We have introduced solids but I do firmly agree with experts it is best to compliment breast milk with solids for the first year. So in the morning I will give her a few bites of something until she turns her head. Then at night she usually eats more, but then I nurse right after. So far she has had brown rice, bananas, sweet potatoes, apples and peas. She loves bananas so I usually just mash her up a little banana and it keeps her happy :).

Her personality grows daily now instead of weakly. Shes rolling, inch worming, grabbing everything, turns to voices and noises, trying to babble to us and knows just how to have us wrapped around her little finger. She is such a delightful little girl. Things are getting fun!!

Hope's 4 Month Check In

2012-01-24T13:29:00.000-08:00

Hope is 4 and a half months old now :). They say that the first three months of a babies life should be treated as the fourth trimester. And this month I have really started understand what they mean by that. The first three months she was dependent on sleep, nursing and a little awake time just looking around. However in the fourth month she is having double the awake time and her personality is shining through. She loves to make noise, and she hits her arms down to her side as hard as she can in excitement. She smiles a big gummy smile and giggles often throughout the day.

Her physical development has reached being able to hold herself up on her belly at a full 90 degrees. She is also rolling from tummy to back and back to tummy now. She is able to grab things out of purpose and loves to chew on them (her sophie the giraffe is her favorite). She sits up very well when supported on your lap as well.

I think the most exciting new thing is that we have started her on complimentary solids now. Research shows that it is best to wait until 6 months and I truly wanted to however I couldn't escape her signs that she was ready. She became increasingly cranky, not sleeping well, nursing so much where she was just spitting up constantly. So I talked to her pediatrician and he felt it is time to start introducing her and giving her the "full" sensation. She is 4 and a half months and it is an acceptable age. I started her on organic brown rice cereal just to get her used to some texture. And have since given her a taste of sweet potatoes which she didn't seem to really care for right now. I have been giving her bananas this week, which she really loves! It is a known fact that once you introduce solids you have started the weaning process. So therefore I am not over doing it. She is still so young and tiny she does not have a grown stomach so I know a little bit goes a long way. She only eats a few spoon fulls (baby spoon) in the morning and a little at night and it has made a world of difference in her. I still nurse her just as much, because solids before one year do not take place of a nursing session. They simply just add to it. There is more fat, carbohydrates and calories in breast milk than solid foods so it truly is her perfect source of nutrition. The solids just make her feel more content and who are we kidding, its fun! :-D

We are loving all the new adventures she is bringing into our lives. I cant wait to see what the next month brings, oh boy!!! hehe

Hopes first bite of organic brown rice cereal (mixed with mommy milk)

How and why to cloth diaper

2011-12-22T10:50:00.000-08:00

I would like to share some simple instructions on the oldest method of diapering in the world. Cloth diapering...

I personally use the (Pre fold and Diaper Cover) system because:

1.) It is the cheapest initial investment (about 100-200 bucks per child)
2.) It is a simple and easy to wash system
3.) It is the oldest method (Upgraded)
4.) It is fun picking out the cute diaper covers!

So here we go!

This is a pre fold. All the work has been done for you as far as absorbancy. When you get your pre folds you wash and dry them 4 to 5 times to prep them. This will wash off oils, manufacturing stuff and increase their absorbancy for first use. The more you use and wash pre folds the MORE absorbent they are. This makes them great to use on future kids you have. I bought the small size of this particular brand (Imagine). Its size 7-17lbs. Hope is only about 11lbs so she will be in these for a very long time, especially if she is anything like my sisters and I as babies. I did get the next size up (one dozen medium/ 12-25lbs) just in case. When you get them they look flat, the more you wash the more they quilt up.

This is a Diaper Cover (Imagine brand). This is what you put over the pre fold to make it water proof. This will keep the absorbancy inside, not exposed to clothes. It is great for explosive newborn poops. It catches the poop. I have not had a leak once since I have started cloth diapering! I use (One Size) Diaper covers. They grow with your child making it unnecessary to buy more as your little one gets bigger. There are so many designs/prints out there, you can really have fun with these! They are addicting.

Okay so those are all you need, now here is how you do it!

1.) Lay the cover under your babies bum.

2.) Fold the pre fold in a "tri fold" Just into a strip. This triples absorbency!

3.) Fold prefold and cover up

4.) Snap the Cover (I like buttons over velcro in preparation of when she is a toddler, she wont be able to undo her diaper)

Washing instructions:

1.) When you change your babies diaper, and poop has not leaked onto the cover you can re-use and re-use the same cover until it is dirty. Take the prefold out and throw it in your "wet bag". If poop has leaked and its not easily wiped off throw the prefold AND diaper cover into your wet bag. These are specially made to hold your diapers for 2-3 days until you wash them. They contain smell which is great, just zip it closed.

2.) When you are ready to wash. Take your wet bag and pour out your diapers into the washer and throw the wet bag right in there with them. Do one short cold rinse. This will rinse all the pee down the drain. If your baby is breastfed no need to spray your diapers first, just throw them right in there too. Just like with disposables you are supposed to dump solid poop in the toilet (prevents spread of disease). Do this with cloth as well before you throw diaper in the wet bag. An optional gadget would be a diaper sprayer and its pretty nice if you want to give the dirty diapers a quick spray into the toilet before putting the diaper in the wet bag.

3.) After the cold rinse, wash your diapers and covers on a regular hot wash cycle. I use the detergent called Planet. My daughter has sensitive skin and this is hypo allergenic as well as cloth diaper safe. The only other one I would use is Tide Original. You only need to use a little detergent with cloth diapers. The hot water and rinsing/spinning does most of the work.

4.) Once they are washed, throw your pre folds in the dryer, dry them as you would normal clothes. Hang dry your covers to keep them nice. I just hang dry them on the shower curtain rod.

Thats it! So so easy. The first day takes some getting used to but once you get the hang of it (about 2-3 days) you will never want to use disposables again.

How much "stash" should I have?

1.) With the pre fold/cover system you will want about 24 pre folds and 6 diaper covers if you dont want to wash your diapers every day. I wash her diapers every two days. I recommend the "Smart fit" prefolds by Imagine. They are sold at nickisdiapers.com. They are specially made to do the tri-fold which is the easiest. No need for pins or anything. I also have two "small" wet bags for the diaper bag and always have on hand two covers and 4 pre folds for outings.

2.) You will want a wet bag or diaper pail with a liner/tote for your cloth dipes.

3.) Cloth safe detergent

Thats it! No need to buy diapers anymore. No need to buy trash bags. No trash build up. No chemical gels under babies bum and sensitive areas. Just invest 100-150 bucks and your set! You will save somewhere in the thousands for using cloth. Ive even gone as far as to use cloth wipes...

1.) Cut up old receiving blankets baby has grown out of.
2.) In a tuperware bowl mix (Warm water, coconut oil, and lavender essential oil) These are anti microbial and prevent mustiness/diaper rash.
3.) Submerge the cut up wipes, ring out water and put in the wipey warmer. Done! Throw them in your wet bag as well! You can buy already made wipes too, they wont leak little strings. I will get to that eventually, but right now that is working fine for us.

Lets not forget, this is good for our environment. Diapers are not bio-degradable. OUR diapers are still in a landfill...eew... Potty stuff belongs going down the drain, not the trash! Cloth diapered kids are known for earlier potty training because they will feel the wettness against their skin and learn to understand when they have to pee :)

THE END! If you have any questions, e-mail me JackieJimenez88@yahoo.com

Home Owners at 22 & 23! Our Story!

2011-11-23T17:04:00.000-08:00

That's right; its official JP and I are home owners. We're sitting in our home in awe and disbelief that this finally happened. It was a long 6+ months but it was all worth it!

JP and I moved a year and a half ago due to JP's job transfer. We had about two weeks to find a place to live and we went up one weekend and saw the few places we could that fit into our budget and that would allow a dog... It was VERY slim pickings... We decided on a little unit near the beach because the owner was putting in new laminate floors and he gutted the kitchen and it was decent... We moved right in and all the problems began to pile up. Not to mention when all our stuff was in the 600 sq ft unit was uncomfortably tiny... First off our neighbors were an interesting bunch to say the least. We met a woman who had been living in there for a long time and we immediately knew she would be a piece of work to live by... We will call her Dill... lol. If you knew her name would would think that is funny. We shortly found out we were living in a Section 8 complex... We lived next door to a convicted sex offender, a meth addict, heroin addicts across the way, domestic violence in the other unit and crazy single moms screaming and cussing out their very small children... We couldn't believe it but we signed a year lease. (The sex offender moved out two months after we moved in thank the Lord...) But the drug addicts just kept coming...

We held our heads up high and decided to just push through until our lease was up and then we would start our search for a new place to rent. I always kept an eye out for an idea in our price range but quickly realized we would always be living in dumpy places for our price range. Its amazing how LITTLE $1200 a month will get you if you have a dog! When I was pregnant with Hope about 4 months along JP came in the house from work one day and said "Babe, Im going to buy us a place." I was like okay? We dont have any savings, we dont have enough time to build a savings either for a down payment. At least not for a few years? Since I was pregnant and exhausted I told him if he really wanted to do this to go for it but I wont be much help because my brain was on baby overload. Well I owe all the credit to JP. He did the research on a home loan called a USDA loan. It is a rural development loan that is targeted to stimulate the economy of rural towns with small populations. So not every town will qualify.

So JP and I qualified for a home loan and we decided to go for a short sale to get the most out of it. We knew we wanted a condo being that its a good investment for a first time buyer because when you grow out of it you can easily use it as an income property and rent it out down the line. We immediately knew the place had to be ours. We didnt have to look any further this was it for us and the process began. Because of the home loan we used we didnt have to come up with any down payment, closing costs... NOTHING. It is a 100% financing loan! All we needed was to put down an escrow deposit which was as much as one months rent. So literally we bought our house for less than $2,000... Too good to be true right? Nope its true. We closed and signed the final docs and we are getting our full escrow deposit back even! Our mortgage is LESS than our monthly rent and our place is TWICE its size and like 50+ years newer than the place we were renting... We just feel so blessed... Marriage, new baby and new house... The American DREAM!!!! Thank you Lord we owe it all to God. I have prayed and prayed and prayed for it all and it happened. SOOO happy!!! Thanks everyone for your prayers and for routing for us during this process! We will update with lots of pictures of our new home when its all set up :-D

JP is the model of someone who when they want something they go for it all the way. He never gave up! I am so blessed to have a man who fights so hard for his family and for his dreams! What motivated him was when someone told him at work, "Hey dude, you know you could be owning a home for the amount of rent you are giving to someone else every month right?" That pissed him off and pushed him right into this decision. If you have any questions about the home loan we used we can give you the info of our broker. Carpinteria qualifies by the way friends ;)!

2 Month Update!

2011-11-07T16:15:00.000-08:00

As for JP and I at the moment we are just waiting on closing on our home which we are looking to close on the 14th according to our contract. So please keep praying for us that this will happen so we don't have to file an extension. We are so ready to get out of the apartment we are in as the people here are so crazy! Seriously I really don't understand why the owner of the complex approves these people! You would think after kicking out 3 different "families" since we have been here in just over a year that he would go for a different type of applicant? I say families because its mostly just unrelated people living in the units as roommates. Anyway, the condo we are buying is adorable and in a family oriented neighborhood in rural little Nipomo. So excited!!

Hope had her 2 month check up today and all he did was check her weight, height and went over development that we can look forward to. I know this is an extremely controversial topic but JP and I have decided not to vaccinate Hope. Looking at the risks nation wide, state wide and county wide we feel the risks of vaccines outweigh the benefits. There is history on my side of bad reactions to vaccines including my sister and myself. Unfortunately for my sister hers is neurological and Im sure my mom would have rather her had whooping cough and fought it than to have a disability her whole life... Some people have a genetic disposition in being sensitive to the mercury, aluminum and formaldehyde in vaccinations and that is the case with my family so therefore we will not be risking this with Hope. What a lucky baby no shots! Of course I am concerned with her contracting an illness but the way our life goes is we are never promised tomorrow anyways. There is more chance of children choking than contracting a deadly illness and unfortunately this happens everyday. Vaccinations are not a promise of tomorrow and they are not 100% effective. I myself have had the stupid Rubella vaccine three times in my life, I gain no immunity from the vaccine. So in summary of this topic we will live by faith and not by sight and pray for the best <3

Hope's development is right on track and beyond. She is such a strong little girl! She can hold her head up like its nobody's business and has rolled over a few times already! She is smiling all the time and totally thinks she is having conversations with us. Its so adorable. We will make sure to get that on camera soon. I bought an iphone so I will be loading a lot of videos...haha watch out.

The crunchiness just keeps evolving lol... I am so miss granola mom and I have no clue how this happened. I guess I just like to keep things all natural and old school. It just makes sense to me. I have decided I am going to cloth diaper Hope. Not just because disposables are incredibly wasteful in every single way imaginable but because she has very sensitive skin! She rashes very easily and the materials of disposables are not helping at all. Not to mention in rare cases can cause TSS
(Toxic Shock Syndrome)... very scary stuff in those things. So I figure hey lets save literally thousands of $$$ be eco-friendly, get rid of toxic risk to her and buy the insanely ADORABLE cloth diapers for her little toosh. I can tell I am going to get addicted to buying these things they make them SO cute its ridiculous. They are so beneficial in so many ways and even lead to your children potty training far earlier than when they use disposables. You can even pass them down to any future kiddos you have! I would have started earlier but we have to use on site laundry which is so expensive and a hassle getting quarters all the time. But soon we will be in our home with laundry!! EEEK cant wait! The other thing is I am now preparing to make her baby food from scratch! I want to control exactly what goes into her belly by me buying it, washing it, cooking and pureeing it. All 100% Organic of course. Being a stay at home mom I am blessed with having the time to do these things and I am very thankful and feel blessed every day.

I just love being a mom so much I never knew it could be so amazing. My life just makes so much sense and feels so complete when I wake up and see her big beautiful eyes just staring at me. She is such a good baby. She sleeps great. She usually goes to sleep for the night around 10 sometimes 11 and will sleep all the way until 5 or 6AM. The great thing about breastfeeding is not having to get us out of bed to make a bottle. I just feed her right in bed and we fall back asleep. We usually sleep until 9 or 10! Im getting far more sleep than when I was pregnant even! JP and I are having a blast in this new chapter of our lives! I am so excited to see what these coming months will bring forth for our little family. I pray that it will be ALL good things <3!!!

Baby Blues and the Stress of the First Few Weeks

2011-10-19T09:26:00.000-07:00

Hope is doing fabulous. She is growing right on track and hitting her milestones. She is yet to laugh when she is conscious lol... Meaning yes...She laughs in her sleep! lol. It amazes me that she is having a dream that vivid. I wonder what on earth she could be dreaming that would make her laugh!! Love it... She is definitely smiling at us now for sure. When JP came home from work he picked her up and she gave him the biggest smile ever! Everything she does just amazes me.

It is so true, in my case at least, that having a child has changed my life forever. Every thought I have, plan I make, my future dreams and all my interests revolve around her. Its just amazing the 180 life makes once you birth your own flesh and blood. Its just something you cant understand until you have your kids... Nobody can prepare you.

I do want to call attention to something that was really hard for me to talk about after I had her... There is something that commonly happens after you have a baby called "baby blues." I guess about 85% of women experience this and its most likely due to the sudden drop in hormones after giving birth. I'm not talking about postpartum depression as that is a much more severe case which often requires medication. For me the baby blues lasted for about a week and a half. After I had her (im talking about birth) I didn't cry or feel an overwhelming sense of joy. I was more in shock and disbelief. Not to mention after a 24 hour labor with 16 hours of painful active labor and then pushing for almost an hour I was exhausted to say the least. Once the adrenaline and oxytocin rush of hormones hit, she was already taken away from me and getting a bath and diaper etc. These are important hormones for the immediate bonding experience. Then there were so many visitors, of course all loved ones. So everyone was holding her and I was literally stuck in the hospital bed. Giving birth for me was like completing a triathlon that I never even trained for. I was beat up bad.

Once all the visitors left that night and it was just JP, Hope and I; I finally was able to really take a look at her. I remember thinking she is the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my life. But there was still a hint of disbelief lingering that maybe this was all a dream. A lot of the disbelief I experienced in pregnancy. "Is there really a baby in there?"

She was born at 9:43AM and by about 10:00PM which normally JP and I would be getting ready for bed which we really needed after the long day and night of labor; Hope started screaming her little head off. JP and I had not been around a newborn for over a decade and had no clue what to do. There was no nursery at the hospital so the nurses couldn't give us a break to get some rest. Breastfeeding was so new for me and not going great either. I remember thinking "oh my gosh what did we do... Are we ready for this?" Then the guilt set in. "Oh no, I'm a bad mom already..." Then all these fears started creeping in. The fear of SIDS...ugh. So I literally couldn't close my eyes because I was so afraid and checking her breathing constantly. By about 4AM I asked the nurse what to do about our sleep situation. She wouldn't sleep in her little rolly bed thingy and she hates being swaddled. I told her all she wants to do is sleep with me on my chest. Is this safe? And thankfully God sent me a nurse that said "yes, it is just fine if you do it safely and to trust your motherly instincts." So I caught about 2 hours of sleep and felt like a new woman with just that little bit of rest.

I still cant say I was completely comfortable with her sleeping with me in the hospital bed, so I just couldn't wait to get home and get some sleep. Well surprise surprise, Hope doesn't like to sleep in her co-sleeper bassinet either... Well what do we do, crap! JP and I decided that we would just have to take shifts at night. I would get some sleep at 7:30PM-12:00AM (waking up to breastfeed of course though) and he would sleep the rest of the night til 4AM or 5AM. This just didn't work and it was so awful and we did this for about three days at home. I was so upset and just didn't know what to do anymore... The lack of sleep wasn't making the baby blues any easier to get past.

I would say by about the 4th day home I said screw it, she is coming to bed with me. JP was in bed sleeping for his shift and I crawled into bed with her in my arm and we slept great and I never looked back. I felt a little guilty because I wasn't sure it was safe but then I did a ton of research. On Dr. Sears site he goes far into depth on co sleeping and its benefits. The major benefit being that it actually REDUCES SIDS... No kidding. Mom acts as a pace maker for baby and will subconsciously bring baby out of a too deep of sleep. Once I caught up on sleep and felt more comfortable with co sleeping and breastfeeding I could feel the baby blues becoming more and more non existent every day. The first week the thought of JP going back to work killed me... I couldn't take the thought of him leaving me alone with the baby. But by the second week i got the hang of being a mom and I was about ready to open the door myself for him to go back to work, haha! Bless his heart he was so helpful but I was ready to have the house to myself again lol.

I'm sharing this because I believe moms shouldn't have to be silent about their feelings. This is a normal occurrence in a new parents experience and there is nothing to be ashamed of. Its not always going to be rainbows and butterfly's for every mom. Not every mom is going to cry and feel overwhelming happiness after birthing their baby. Sometimes it takes a little bit of getting to know your baby and that is just fine. I think if more moms accepted this as a reality and as a normal process that there wouldn't be as many Casey Anthony's out there. Maybe moms like her felt like they failed from the first day and never got past it? Maybe they were suffering postpartum depression even and never recognized they needed immediate help. This doesn't excuse what they did at all, but it could be the beginning of where the problem started.

Being a mom is a job and just like there is grace when you are training for a new job out in the world, there is just that for your new job at motherhood. And then once you get the hang of it there is no looking back. Every day is better and easier than the last. Every day the love for your child grows more and more even when you don't think it is possible to love them any more than you do!! <3 So moral of my blog is, to talk about your feelings in every situation you are in! You are never alone in anything you are feeling.

One Month Update

2011-10-11T10:33:00.000-07:00

Little miss Hope is 1 month and 4 days old today :) And this month has been the best month of mine and JP's lives...

Hope is about 8lbs something ounces, i will find out exactly today when we see my lactation consultant. I am exclusively breastfeeding Hope. Never has she tasted a drop of formula. I see a lactation consultant because when we started breastfeeding I was in a lot of physical pain from it and was given whats called a nipple shield. It basically protects them and allows them to heal. Well im completely healed and have been for a while, but now the problem is I cant get this little girl to eat without it! She is addicted and I am so sick of using it now lol... So we are working on weaning her from it but if she doesn't for a while that is fine. Whats important is that she is gaining weight and is eating which she definitely is... I have actually become obsessed with breastfeeding... I love it so much. I love the closeness, hearing her cute little noises, seeing how excited she gets when she is about to eat. I love all the benefits including: preventing many types of childhood illness, allergies, asthma, child obesity, it gives better brain development, they have higher IQ's, it decreases SIDS risk and many more benefits. It goes on and on. It is my GOAL to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months and then we will introduce organic solids. However I still want to breastfeed until she is about two and a half to three years old if she doesn't wean herself... Crossing my fingers. If she does wean herself for whatever reason I have been working on a huge freezer supply of breast milk and it is going awesome! I know formula is not the enemy but it is just not something I want to give her God willing. If we did have to go to formula for whatever reason I would get over it of course. Sometimes things don't work out with breastfeeding and that is what formula is there for. Every day I am able to breastfeed her I am so thankful because I have many friends who weren't able to do it very long for numerous reasons. In those cases formula is anything but the enemy but their childrens life saver!

She is very strong and has been lifting her head up on her own since she was about 5 days old and now she can hold it up for a very long time before she gets tired. She is smiling and is cooing "talking to us". She has the biggest brightest eyes and just loves to look around at the paintings on the wall and gaze into our eyes. She is just so amazing. She has hit every milestone for the two month old age and is even completing some three month milestones! I think its because of the super food, breast milk ;)

I never thought I would be such a "crunchy" mama. Crunchy meaning kind of granola...lol. Breastfeeding, Co Sleeping, Baby Wearing and when we get our house (which is close to happening) i will start cloth diapering her. So in summary Hope is doing absolutely awesome. She is growing and changing every day and we are so enjoying this ride!

Parenting: The good the bad and the ugly

2011-09-27T16:06:00.000-07:00

The good would be about 90% of it. Some of the good being how beautiful she is to look at of course. The adorable "jukey" sneeze she does after sneezing twice. When we stare in each others eyes. When she falls asleep when Im breastfeeding her. The cuddling when we sleep at night. Watching her gain weight, grow and get chunky :) Her smiles in her sleep. EVERY adorable expression she makes. The overwhelming feeling that i was created to assist God in bringing this beautiful being into the world... Its just wow. So being that she is two weeks old that pretty much sums up our good parts of our day right now because her development is so limited right now.

The bad is when she cries, but not just any cries, her screaming cry. It BREAKS my heart. When its not your kid its just plain annoying and you can simply walk away. When its your child YOU are the one who has to fix it and when you cant fix it right away it just makes you feel bad which is not a good feeling as a parent. More of the bad is the sleep deprivation. Its difficult being the best parent you can be in the night when you are just so darn tired and grumpy. More of the bad is the constant worry, however I am learning to let go and let God. In the beginning I kept waking up to check her breathing which isn't something you should feel you have to do. Now that I co-sleep with her I feel safe that she is next to me and can hear her soft breathing throughout the night. So in the end screaming cries+feeling like you failed+sleep deprivation+worry=Just needing to be mature. Thats really all it is. You need to put your big girl AND big boy pants (dad) on because at the end of the day, literally it is only 8% of the parenting experience. In MY opinion of course.

The ugly well that would be those adorable diapers :) lol. She even pooped (sprayed) all over my hand. I literally had to catch the spray in my hand so it wouldn't get on the floor lol. Also breastfeeding started out ugly for us. Were talking the biggest beating to your poor, already sensitive from pregnancy, nipples you could imagine!! Ouch is all I can say but were good now and its one of my favorite things about parenting now. The fact I can provide all the nourishment she needs and that it is the best she can get just leaves me at peace.

So to sum it up; the day consists of 90% good, 8% bad and 2% ugly. Again all my opinion as I am blessed with a healthy happy baby for the most part. You just really have to be ready for this, and although I think nobody is really ready until it happens to you; I do recommend living as much life as possible before you have kids. I know I'm only 23 but I do feel I have lived a lot of life. I completed the basics with graduating high school and went to college and completed my field of study that I chose at that time in my life. Ive traveled to Thailand, Jamaica and visited fun places here in the US. I married the love of my life, and high school sweetheart. I have partied, a little too hard at times ;). Had the most awesome 21st birthday (week) a girl could have. Ive wine tasted in wine country. Left our home town and moved to a new county. Managed an awesome little coffee shop. Worked in a world famous gorgeous sycamore springs spa. This is to name a few things in my past, some im proud of some not so much..lol. None of it compares to this year though... Becoming pregnant for the second time, getting closer to God and then giving birth to my daughter!! Everything i have done has led up to this.

Some of my friends have had children very young and have done an awesome job. I myself can't say with certainty that if i hadn't gotten some good life experience behind me that I would have been able to truly settle down and enjoy this time. But people make it work and adjust everyday at any age. I guess what I'm trying to say to those of you who don't have children yet, get to a place in life that you are really ready for this amazing responsibility. Get your selfish wants, needs and experiences done and behind you. Go nuts with whatever!! I feel this will allow you to become the selfless parent we are destined to be. Lets face it, when they come into the world it is ALL about them and no more "me" :)

And us parents need to remember, its not over, It's the beginning!! We have to put some things on hold while they are so small but they will get to an age where we need to expose them with TONS of memories and experiences. Therefore more traveling down the line and getting back into hobbies and sports to name a few. I'm so excited for our future and cant wait to see what God has for us :)!!!

Our Parenting Style and Goals

2011-09-20T20:12:00.000-07:00

Having a child makes you think more about the future than I ever could have realized. All of a sudden I am filled with all these dreams and goals for our daughter. And she will barely be two weeks tomorrow!

We have picked up and are researching and studying the attachment parenting method extensively. Basically it is about closeness, attachment, affection and treating your child even in infancy with dignity and respect. You treat them the way you want them to treat others when they grow older. This method is also effective in preventing violence in your children. Its a parenting method that strongly believes in breastfeeding, safe co sleeping and giving your child an abundance of affection and positive discipline. In my mind this is natural and there is no other way I would want to go.

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/principles.php

Breastfeeding has been going so much better now. It makes me feel so good that she is getting the perfect nutrition for her development. There are so many benefits even that manifest later in life such as helping to prevent childhood and adolescent obesity. By giving her such amazing nutrition I have been thinking about when she is older and no longer breastfeeding. Being a stay at home mom I am going to make it my focus to always feed her optimal nutrition. I know happy meals and things like this are convenient to parents when they are busy but it is my goal to never feed her these things. I believe that by never introducing these kinds of food to her she wont care for them when she is older. The proof to this theory is actually related to myself. My mom would NEVER allow us to drink soda as kids. It was never in our fridge and just never an option for us even into our young adolescent years. To this day I am not a soda drinker, I never developed a taste for it and the carbonation bothers me. When I was a child and I got soda either from grandma or kother friends I didn't go crazy for it because it was "off limits". It was just a drin that made my nose hurt lol. So hopefully this theory plays out true for Hope and she wont develop a taste for fast food. We will see :-D

I am not preaching my parenting method I am simply just sharing it. This will be our method because our lives allow this and we are blessed by that. I am so blessed to be a stay at home mom and to dedicate my life to raising our daughter and any other children we have down the road. For the first time in my life I feel fulfilled. I was always searching for what my life's calling would be. I have changed my college major about four times... The day Hope was born it all made sense. I was created to be a full time mother and praise the Lord that he has given us the means for me to fulfill this duty. Do we have to go without some things? Of course we do but its so worth it! For the moms that have to work I respect you for working TWO jobs!! This one job is hard enough! I will continue to learn every day and hopefully progress every day!

Our Parenting Journey Thus Far...

2011-09-17T08:23:00.000-07:00

I really wanted to write a post when we got home from the hospital but that didn't happen. Then I wanted to write a post about her being a week old... That didn't happen either... Lol so here we are attempting it at 10 days while Hope is taking a nap :)

Having a baby is the most challenging occurrence to ever happen in my life. It is so much harder than I ever could have thought. I always watched teen mom and 16 and pregnant and I couldn't understand why these girls couldn't just step up and do their job. I can't say at their age I would have been any good at this either... It takes patience, support, selflessness but most importantly dedication. I am 100% dedicated to being the best mother I can be to her because she deserves nothing less.

JP has been such a great support for me. He is the most amazing dad. He loves to change her diapers, get her dressed, brush her hair and I would love to do those things more often too lol but ill let him enjoy it before he goes back to work. After all with breastfeeding she and i have our special bond through that.

Speaking of breastfeeding... OMG! I remember the week before I had her I was saying "I cant wait to have her in my arms so I can breastfeed her." I had this beautiful peaceful image of that the entire pregnancy. Well it didn't happen that way at all. It has been just as excruciating as labor. And I had a natural birth... She tore me up and it was so sad because I dreaded feeding her and she eats every hour and a half to two hours. At 2AM one morning I was tempted to just quit and go buy her some enfamil... But I decided to stick it out and talk to her pediatrician. He referred me to a lactation consultant who listened to me unlike the ones in the hospital. The ladies in the hospital kept saying I just have to get her to latch better and the pain will go away. Don't you think I tried that? My lactation consultant discovered Hope is a tongue sucker keeping her tongue in front and sometimes on top which resulted in a lot of "chewing" Ouch... So she got me a breast shield and I have been on the road to recovery since and Hope has been getting more food than she can handle sometimes lol.. I am so thankful that I was able to stick to this because it is the best thing for her and for me in the end.

Regardless of the sleepless nights, breastfeeding drama, not being able to get up and go everywhere none of these come close to getting in the way of our obsession with her... She is the most beautiful thing we have ever seen. Every day all day all we can do is look at her and say "omgosh she is gorgeous" "crap she is adorable" lol all day every day. All I can do is take pictures and stare at her when she sleeps. She is such a miracle.

Like many of you know I had a miscarriage in July 2010 and it has been the most painful thing to ever happen to us. I was due with that baby in January 2011 but had I not miscarried then we wouldn't have our little Hope. I got pregnant with her in December of 2010 :) They call a baby you give birth to after a loss your "rainbow" baby. The rainbow at the end of the storm... And she truly is that. I wish my grandma Lettie were here I would have loved to see her reaction to her... But I know she is watching us from heaven and so proud :)

It feels like only a couple days ago I gave birth to this little beauty and here she is 10 days old already. It makes me think about how quickly my little sisters have grown up. With her being my own its probably going to go twice as fast which makes me sad. I want her to stay this size forever :( I can't wait to walk hand in hand with my husband through this parenting journey and watch her grow into the beautiful woman she was created to become... Praise God for giving us this opportunity!

Hope Has Arrived!! (My labor & delivery story)

2011-09-08T07:37:00.000-07:00

Hope Leticia was born at 9:43AM on 9/7/11. She weighed 6lbs 10oz and is 19 1/2 inches long. She has lots of dark brown hair and is so gorgeous!

On Monday night JP and I made cinnamon tea which is one of those old wives tales to jump start labor if your body is ready. You just boil cinnamon sticks and then we added mexican hot chocolate, I figured hey at least its yummy. I woke up Tuesday morning to my bloody show..eeew lol. And I was like hmmm interesting. I started feeling crampy all day and then started having timeable braxton hicks which then turned into real contractions at about 5pm though they were still manageable. By about 10pm I knew they weren't going away and they were stronger so we headed to labor and delivery. I got checked and my contractions were about 4 minutes apart, very strong and I was almost 4cm dilated so they admitted me.

Once we got in our room is pretty much when things got intense. But about midnight there was no going back I was in labor and it would not stop until she got here. I prepared a natural birth plan and I was determined to stick to it. My mom came to help JP and I with support. My real labor started about 1AM. All I can remember was getting to this point where just tensing up during contractions wasn't cutting it. I got to the point where I needed to moan and groan through them and channel my energy out instead of holding it in. I got a tub room not to give birth in the tub but to use it as a natural pain relief. I was only in there for like an hour lol. It wasn't for me. It got really hot and it wasn't comfortable for me to sit in there at all. I wanted to labor mostly laying on my left side in the bed. I was just so tired and would try to doze in between contractions. I labored in the bathroom sitting on the toilet for some reason that just felt right to me sometimes. I sat and bounced on the birthing ball where JP put pressure on my back. But I always found myself getting back in bed. About 5AM i was exhausted and about to go into transition. I remember crying to JP in the bathroom "Would it be horrible if i wanted an epidural, have I come too far?" He said yes you have come too far. And I had already accepted that. When I got to transition and could no longer groan through the contractions I was literally screaming/groaning which made me sound like an opera singer. And then I started feeling the urge to push around 7-8CM and then progressed quickly to 10. My Dr. broke my water because it never broke so we could bring baby down lower and I started pushing! It was the scariest feeling I ever had. My body just took over and the urge was so overwhelming I couldn't stop. I was screaming and crying and the Dr. told me to just channel that energy into my pushing and after 45 min. of pushing she was born. It was so ouchie and I got a 2nd degree tear but when she came out it was like instant physical relief and overwhelming happiness. I was exhausted but so proud of myself that I did it! I couldn't believe it.

Hope is so beautiful and we can't imagine our lives without her. Last night was scary because she just kept crying and we couldn't get her to stop and we were exhausted after my 16 hour labor and then the full day of having a new baby. But the love we have for her outweighs all the hardships.

For those of you who have not had kids yet or those who do and are having more I really do recommend a natural birth. Our bodies were truly made for this and its instinctual you just do it. After she was born I had a surge in my natural hormones and adrenaline and I was so pumped up and not tired at all for the whole day. I was able to get up right away because I wasn't numbed. There were no drugs in my system or hers it was just us two in a natural physical state. It was beautiful. I know they say you don't get a gold star if you go natural but the sense of accomplishment i have nobody can ever take that away from me. I know in some cases things happen and C-sections are inevitable and for the safety of yourself and your baby I absolutely know there is no way around it and you need to do it for your baby and yourself of course. But if you are healthy with no pregnancy complications and your pregnancy and labor is going normally, then just go for it! If I could do it ANYONE can do it :-D

39 Weeks Preggo...

2011-09-01T16:15:00.000-07:00

Yes I am still pregnant... Kind of hoping this may be my last weekly pregnancy blog and that next week ill be blogging about our delivery... But who knows... blah

At my doctors appointment this week she was going to sweep my membranes since I'm 39 weeks HOWEVER; I'm still not dilated...lol. But I did efface more and baby's head is lower so Dr. said its definitely progress and all is still on track to go into labor at any time.

This week i have been really tired, sleepy and just plain lazy. I don't want to do anything at all. I take naps every day and am laying around on my computer and watching Friends. I want to enjoy being a couch potato for who knows how long I have left because I will never get that back. And those of you who know me well know that I enjoy my lazy time! But I still can't wait for the baby to get here, but I am a little nervous. I was feeling nervous in the beginning and then it went away until this week. The reality is starting to set in that I am going to have to go through labor and delivery, postpartum recovery, breastfeeding and being a full time mommy. It is going to be a huge change in our lives.

Little miss Hope has been very active in the night the past few nights. Like non stop wiggling and rolling her knees back and forth across my belly. It hurts like really bad, lol but it is SOO cool! I am going to miss feeling and seeing her move in my belly so much. It is the most incredible experience of my life thus far.

We love you little Hope Leticia!! Mommy and Daddy can't wait to meet you so come out soon okay :)

38 Weeks

2011-08-25T13:18:00.000-07:00

I am still pregnant and honestly still loving every minute of it... okay almost every minute of it lol. Her movement is so crazy this week, i can literally see her foot poking out and I can even grab it a little bit. So creepy and cool. It does hurt though, like my uterus feels sore and its pretty much at capacity now... But i guess baby's growth and weight gain slows down now and the organs are just finishing up maturity. So I sit here waiting to feel a gush of water or a painful contraction but I mean I'm still two weeks before my due date. I got checked at the doctor yesterday and I am not dilated but i am about 60% effaced and baby's head is way low and she is getting all set in position. So it really could be any time. The average for first time moms is 40-41 weeks though.

We are all ready for her though. Her room is ready, car seat, the hospital bag and mommy and daddy are for the most part ready. I'm getting restless legs though. I feel like i haven't used my body in such a long time, I just want to go on a sprint, or a jog, do push ups and sit ups, jump around and dance lol. But instead JP and i are just doing walks around our neighborhood. Nothing too strenuous so if I go into labor I have my energy. I could have been working out in the beginning but I have been paranoid this pregnancy. I hate to admit... With having a miscarriage before I have honestly been afraid to move much which has resulted in more weight gain than I needed to gain and loosing muscle. But its almost over and I will have my little girl here and I am going to work my butt off to bring her into this world as naturally as possible. I pray that I will progress on my own, withstand transition and listen to my body when it comes time to push and get her out all on my own NO DRUGS PLEASE PLEASE. I know i can do it, women have been doing it since the beginning of man after all! However if I dont I will try my best to not have guilt or feel like a failure... After all you just can't plan the labor and delivery, it is often times out of your control. I do have a great OB though who is on board with my plan and the nurses and hospital we are delivering at are all for natural births. Only a 11% C-Section rate there!

Keep watch.. I will be posting updates on Facebook when I go into labor and of course we will get pictures up asap. But as of now, its a waiting game :)

37 Weeks (Full Term)

2011-08-19T20:53:00.000-07:00

So we are now officially FULL TERM! Meaning little Hope can come any day now and everything will most likely be fine :) In fact I was born at 37 weeks 1 day and hey I turned out fine ;) lol. However I haven't had any contractions... Not much cramping... So I'm thinking she is going to stay in for a little while longer but who knows? I just cant believe the time is coming. It is something I have thought about my entire life and its just a few weeks away now... What will it be like when they pull her out of me? How will I feel, how will JP feel? I just know that our lives will never be the same. We will be parents, this is something we have been waiting and hoping for, for such a long time....

So our nursery for her is completely done. JP cleaned the carpets last week so they look good as new. All of her things are washed and ready to be used. I got her car seat installed by a CHP officer today and interviewed and really liked the pediatrician. He only does vaccines 2 maximum per appt. and allows you to be selective which is what we wanted. We want to spread them out as long as possible. I dont want her getting pumped up with 5+ vaccines in a visit. That wouldn't be good for anyone and is just so unnecessary in my opinion. But anyway that wont be a problem with this pediatrician.

My grandma Lettie's funeral was this past Tuesday... JP and I made the trip up to Riverside because I would never forgive myself if i missed my beloved grandma's funeral. It was a beautiful service and reception. I wish I had the strength to get up and speak and share some memories I have with my grandma and to share that i am currently expecting her first great grandchild who we are naming in honor of her... but i just didn't have the strength. And everyone in the family already knows, and grandma knows which is all that matters. It was nice to see all the family come together... still doesn't seem real that she is no longer here though. I know that baby Hope will be the light in this sad time in our lives...

So the countdown begins... When will Hope Leticia come into the world?? I'm going to make a guess date of Sept. 3rd :-P But earlier would be awesome too!!