Judge Jonathan

That's all, folks

2007-06-07T23:24:00.000+02:00

Even those who die a slow death and fizzle quietly into oblivion receive a eulogy when their day has finally come. And so it is with this blog.

It is perhaps indicative of my entire blogging experience that the month with the most posts was August 2004, when I created this blog.

Back then, I held a deep (if slightly megalomaniac) belief in the worthiness of my thoughts on just about anything to be spread to the entire world. And while that belief has most certainly not been shaken, my willingness to actually engage in all that thought-spreading has.

Why? I can't tell. Perhaps it's the time factor. Or the fact that personal blogging makes little sense in an age of Facebook. Whatever the reasons, the time has come to draw a line in the sand across which - to quote the great Walter Sobchak - "YOU DO NOT---".

This is not to say it hasn't been fun. Quite the contrary. There was a contest, lots of Prince, and even a controversial sex travel report. Not to mention my 15 minutes of actual blogger fame (and sudden page visit explosions) when I wrote an open letter to the freak formerly known as Katie Holmes.

But the Lord loves those who know when to stop. Which is exactly what I'll be doing, after saying one last thing: writing all those posts would have been utterly pointless had it not been for the few loyal Judge Jonathan readers out there (myself, of course, included). I salute you; thanks for the ride. Now go off, be merry and do something meaningful.

Or, to quote Walter one last time: "Fuck it, dude. Let's go bowling."

Felicitating in French

2007-05-07T23:23:00.001+02:00

You know, if there's one thing one shouldn't do, it's using your blog just for posting Youtube clips (Tobi, if you're reading this: present company excluded. You do it the way it's supposed to be done).

Having said that (and having broken my own rule more than once), there's just something utterly postworthy about a Youtube clip such as the following one. And that's because there's something utterly remarkable about a British Prime Minister using an online video sharing site owned by the world's most powerful (American) search engine to congratulate the new French President-elect, for all the world to see.

In French.

I don't know about you, but something tells me these Brits will miss Tony Blair before long.

R.I.P. Kurt Vonnegut

2007-04-12T17:44:00.000+02:00

It's a sad day. Kurt Vonnegut, my favorite author, is dead.

He died yesterday, the same day my suggestion to read Hocus Pocus in our office book club was rejected for the fourth time in a row. Which, come to think of it, is something Vonnegut would have absolutely loved.

After the initial shock wore off, I remembered that just over two years ago, when I still had time to do things like ~~read~~ write about books I loved, I posted this - a sort of review of the marvelous Cat's Cradle.

Of course, other references to (and quotes by) the great K.V. have popped up on this blog regularly since then. For what other, more qualified people have to say, see the New York Times' must-read orbituary, as well as this 2005 article.

One final point: the BBC reminds us of the following remark by Vonnegut: "I'm suing a cigarette company because on the package they promised to kill me, and yet here I am."

Now we can finally say it: So it goes, Mr. Vonnegut.

Pharaoh's questions

2007-04-03T23:43:00.000+02:00

After two Seder nights (a first!), my belly is positively bursting. But as usual, the food for thought will take longer to digest.

Björk: Drunk unlimited

2007-04-03T00:58:00.000+02:00

Which one is more likely: 2 Unlimited performing «Venus as a Boy», or Björk performing «No Limit»?

Wrong.

Watch:

Stereogum's debating just how drunk she must have been.

Judge Jonathan joins the Google family

2007-04-01T20:54:00.000+02:00

MOUNTAIN VIEW - Google today announced it is purchasing Judge Jonathan (http://judgejonathan.blogspot.com) for an undisclosed sum. According to Google CEO Eric Schmidt, Google has acquired the rights to Judge Jonathan in both his virtual and physical form, giving the search giant access to "almost three years of D-list blogging history" as well as a body of experience in First Life that "dates back to the early 1980s."

Okay... so that's what my lame attempt at an April Fool's joke would look like. Others were smarter and reported on good ones instead of making them up. There's Gmail for you, via Tobistar, and the BBC (fifty years ago) via Captain's Log.

Other goodies this year:

The Register reports on Apple & Google's "ultimate phone"
Google's got another one: Google TiSP (which "goes with the flow")
Housequake announces that Prince is taking his Las Vegas 3121 concept elsewhere. To Des Moines, Iowa.
And Ehud Olmert announces last year's war in Lebanon was "a resounding success". And that "within five years an arrangement will be reached between Israel and the Palestinians and with the entire Arab world". And that "the government is performing well, the economy is thriving, the coalition is stable, there is no terror, Israel's international status has never been better". And that he is "managing the affairs of state quite well." Oh wait, he's serious.

And more and more from years before.

Let's call it the Tinkerbono effect

2007-03-26T00:13:00.000+02:00

It's official: the guys at FP Passport have a sense of humor. If only because they posted the following joke:

FP Passport: The reverse Tinkerbell effect

Bono was playing a U2 concert in Glasgow recently, when he asked the audience for total quiet.

Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.

Holding the audience in rapt attention, he leaned into the microphone and said, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A Glaswegian voice rang out from the back of the crowd, piercing the silence ...

"Well, f***in' stop doing it then!"

Your friendly neighborhood Jonathan

2007-03-22T07:24:00.000+01:00

My 12-year old self would have been proud of me:

Your results:
You are Spider-Man
You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

Not so sure about the 60% Wonder Woman, but who cares about details anyway.

Spider-Man		80%
Green Lantern		75%
Superman		70%
Wonder Woman		60%
Supergirl		50%
Iron Man		45%
The Flash		45%
Robin		40%
Hulk		35%
Batman		30%
Catwoman		25%

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

Jumping to AirTunes conclusions

2007-03-18T19:48:00.000+01:00

The other day, I was in her apartment, walking from one room to the other and minding my own business, when something strange happened. I noticed that the same music was playing in both rooms.

Of course, as a proud owner of two AirPort Expresses, I am slightly sensitized towards wireless music systems. It had to be AirTunes! So I looked around - but there were no AirPorts in the house. In fact, the stereo in toilet wasn't connected to any wireless device at all. And, just for a moment, I was very, very confused. What on earth was going on?

Radio, that's what.

Sometimes ~~we all~~ I need to remind ~~our~~myself that not all cool things in life were developed by Apple.

Et tu, ?uestlove?

2007-03-11T20:58:00.000+01:00

No doubt Funkadelic were spot on when they exclaimed "Who Says a Funk Band Can't Play Rock?!". But what's with all the R&B artists wasting their talents on U2 songs? Back in June, I could just about handle Mary, but now The Roots are doing it, too! I'm in shock. See for yourself:

The Roots - U2 Tribute @ NAACP Image Awa
Uploaded by HVokp

Did you hit the stop button early too? That's because you know you'd rather see Prince play the Foo Fighters than this.

Seeing the world through Peretz's eyes

2007-03-06T23:12:00.000+01:00

Ever wish you could? Amir Peretz's long career has taken him to the top of Israeli politics, where he finds himself increasingly loathed and ridiculed. The former is justifiable; the latter, not so much.

Danger Room, the new national security blog from Wired, just posted a great introduction to the man and why he (still) is where he is, explaining some of the idiosyncrasies of the Israeli political system in the process. It discusses party politics, national defense myths, and race; for the interested but uninitiated, the post is worth a read.

Here's my take on it, with a couple of links thrown in to my own writing (I'm really into crossposting these days).

There's nothing wrong, and certainly nothing ridiculous, about a civilian leading the defense ministry. In fact, it was positively refreshing to see a man like Peretz assume that role: witness my own excitement in this November 2005 Security Watch article. What is worthy of contempt, however, is taking the job for all the wrong reasons and breaking all your election promises, and it took exactly 12 months (and a catastrophic war) for the world to figure that out, and me to write another article.

Read if you want, and judge for yourself how symbolic the photo is.

Downs and ups

2007-03-05T15:38:00.001+01:00

Down: Realizing, on your way to the Art Institute of Chicago at -2°C, that the zipper on your jacket is broken.

Up: Taking part in a guided tour of some of the Institute's more obscure paintings. Topic: "Love". Tour guide: knowledgeable as hell. Price tag: free.

Down: During that tour, being hit on by a 60 year old man: "You've got the most beautiful hair."

Up: Knowing that the girl who actually has the most beautiful hair is coming to pick you up at Zurich Airport.

Of American cities and American spies

2007-03-04T08:58:00.000+01:00

Whenever I'm fortunate enough to travel to the US on the Swiss tax payer's money, I try to add an extra day at the end of my trip to get a glimpse of the city I'm in. And sometimes, when I feel like doing something truly radical, I go see a movie that won't be out in Switzerland for a long time. Just to brag.

Over the past 12 months, this approach has made me see awesome things such as the San Diego Zoo, the liberty bell, Roger Federer and the criminally overlooked Crank.

Tonight didn't disappoint either. Braving the cold, I left the hotel and found myself in Millennium Park. Standing in the middle of insanely beautiful Pritzker Pavilion at night and just staring at the skyscrapers around you is every bit as amazing as you could imagine. People who've been here before told me Chicago sported the world's most beautiful (and oldest) skyline. They're right.

Any person in their right mind would have to treat themselves to a brand new movie after an experience like that. Breach, the true story of FBI agent and Russian spy Robert Hanssen, was the absolute right choice. Having seen The Good Shepherd a few days earlier - another spy movie, and not a bad one, either - I can only marvel at the fact that life gives us the best stories. Not about spies; about human beings. And if you stick to the facts, as Breach does, you get a film that doesn't need to construct layers upon layers of plot elements to be captivating. And one that stars Chris Cooper. Watch it. (Whenever it hits European cinemas - ha!).

Right - half a day left. Just enough for some sleep and some art (a lousy block away).

Guess I'm saving the airfare

2007-03-02T02:36:00.000+01:00

So here's the situation.

I'm in Chicago on business. Prince, it would seem, is in Las Vegas - where's he's performed every Friday and Saturday since November. And I'm free from noon Saturday until Sunday night.

Seems like the perfect opportunity to hop on a plane and visit Club 3121. But Prince wouldn't be Prince if he didn't suddenly decide to take his first weekend off since starting his Vegas stint just when I'm stateside.

What is one to do? See Chicago, that's what. And Frankie's kind of town can't be that bad - in fact, judging from what I've seen so far, it's pretty sweet.

By the way, I do realize February was blogfree (Britney's new haircut notwithstanding). Suffering from Judge Jonathan withdrawal symptoms? Read my latest post on open access research over at the ISN Blog.

Why are we alive? How to kiss? Should people with computers keep writing characters by hand?

2007-01-15T23:11:00.001+01:00

Since it's being said they're about to completely take over the world - by 2066 at the very latest - you might be interested in what kind of questions the Chinese are asking these days.

Well, Baidu - China's Google, kind of - gives us the answer. It's kind of like Google Zeitgeist. And it's weird.

Or maybe Baidu is just that much smarter than Google - if it answers questions like "Should I have a child?", "What is happiness?", "Should I join the Party?" and even the oldest question of all: "Why does my hair fall out?"

(Via FP Passport.)

Talk about a dream come true

2007-01-09T23:30:00.000+01:00

Yes, there might be 100 million other people blogging about this right now. I don't care. In fact, there is only one thing I care about right now:

It's here: iPhone.

I never thought I'd look forward so much to something called "Q4 2007". Only a couple of months left. I am so buying this baby.

Update: The keynote is online now. You can (and you should) watch it here.

Go, go, go Ziggy, it's your birthday

2007-01-08T23:50:00.000+01:00

Just in time (here in Zurich, at least): Happy 60th birthday to David Bowie.

Want to show your love? Check his discography. Shamefully, most of it (apart from the phenomenal The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars and Reality) are still on my "to listen" list, but hopefully that'll change by the time he's 70.

In the meantime, you can also celebrate by doing what I did yesterday and seeing The Prestige. A spectacular movie: Hugh Jackman is great, Christian Bale is even better, and Bowie is too cool for school playing none other than the great Nikola Tesla.

More Bowie from the BBC.

A last look at 2006

2007-01-06T14:00:00.000+01:00

So I come home from my well-earned vacation, and what's the last thing 2006 gave us? The deaths of - among others, of course - a former US president, the hardest working man in show business and two ruthless dictators.

Alright then. But there's one thing I just don't get. Saddam gets to be executed (and filmed by Time's Person of the Year!), while Turkmenbashi has to make do with a boring heart attack?

Life is unfair.

He's bringing sexy (Christmas presents) back

2006-12-20T21:58:00.001+01:00

I've said it before, Rashunda is saying it right here, and the ass I just laughed off is saying it now: Justin Timberlake is cool.

Cool in a Color Me Badd kind of way. And if you really want to know, cool in a d*ck-in-a-box kind of way. Watch:

I may be drunk - but you're Hitler, as it were

2006-12-12T18:29:00.000+01:00

If there's one thing I love, it's quoting myself. Yesterday, I wrote the following:

"A funny ad for a funky show, as it were".

Now that quirky little English expression - "as it were" - got me thinking. Which in turn got me Googling. Which led me to a hilarious page called "How to Win Arguments, As It Were".

It offers a nice set of guidelines to help you win any argument. Among them, of course, the obligatory advice to use "meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases" - like so:

Suppose you want to say: "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money."

You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say: "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."

Only a fool would challenge that statement.

Other tips include "Drink liquor", "Make things up" (exact figures, whenever possible) and "Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks". And last but not least, the mother of them all:

Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.

This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say: "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say" or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."

It's not a sellout if...

2006-12-11T18:33:00.000+01:00

...you approach the whole thing with a fair amount of self-mockery. Which isn't a quality I've known Prince to have - until I saw this.

A funny ad for a funky show, as it were.

Super Bowl XLI is scheduled for 4 February 2007, and if that video is anything to go by, the actual commercials should be just as funny as last year's.

Peeping into the PCs of the powerful

2006-12-08T23:45:00.000+01:00

...or Macs, actually, since God is a Mac user - and he sure isn't on top of his emails. As for Dick Cheney - well, this guy just needs to give up Googling.

(Via TUAW and Google Blogoscoped.)

Google thinks American women are fat

2006-12-07T13:15:00.000+01:00

If Google search results and the order in which they appear really do represent something like a world - or web - opinion (and for the sake of argument, let's assume that they do), than this is a brilliant way of discovering national stereotypes.

From the ever-interesting Google Blogoscoped:

I searched for [nationality] woman and [nationality] man, where “nationality” is e.g. French, Swedish, Turkish, Chinese and so on. The result is a visual overview of country stereotypes.

More here.

10 links from the JJ folder

2006-12-06T22:50:00.000+01:00

Yes, the JJ folder in my bookmarks toolbar - that's where I've been keeping the stuff I meant to post here over the past five weeks. Alas, time, work, a new apartment, Lost downloads and weekends in Prague, Berlin and the Berner Oberland didn't allow. But I figured I'd give you the links anyway.

Fantasies of waterproof furniture in the 1950s: "Nothing betrays the spirit of an age so precisely as the way it represents the future"

Steve & Steve's iCE CREAM and fictitious Apple rebrandings of existing companies. Gorgeous, obviously

Capture the armrest from the fat dude next to you. Works for frequent flyers, moviegoers and others

Slate gets it so right: the ultimate proof that REM rocks and U2 doesn't

Kevin Smith's iTunes playlist is "too great, actually" for Apple

UTube sues YouTube, but nobody gets why

£500 for a Swiss army knife? Read the article instead

Steve Jobs says Apple didn't try to make the iPod cool, it just was

Web 2.0 heaven for you geeks

And googlebombing for Martin Luther King and against racism - here we go:
Martin Luther King
Martin Luther King
Martin Luther King
Martin Luther King
Martin Luther King
Martin Luther King
Martin Luther King
Martin Luther King
Martin Luther King

Ride the line and waste some time

2006-10-31T22:58:00.000+01:00

Not only a productivity killer, as Lifehacker suggests; this highly addictive online ~~game~~ toy also kills a little dude on a sledge wearing a scarf - any way you want.

Of course, the idea behind it seems to be to build slopes that he can actually survive. You can get in on all the fun here.

What's really shocking, though, is how much time some (obviously talented) people seem to have. Check this out:

More such displays of Flash genius at YouTube.