Julia Buckley

It's not you, it's me

2008-01-23T10:15:00.000+01:00

It’s about time I posted something isn’t it? The thing is, I haven’t felt like blogging much lately. This has been going on for a few months now, which is weird because I used to love writing posts and blogged nearly every day. I haven’t been reading other people’s blogs either. Sorry. I guess I’ve just lost interest in the whole thing.

So I guess this is goodbye. For a while at least. If the urge returns, which I suspect it will, I’ll be back. Here or somewhere new. Who knows? Not me.

For now though, please do have a squiz at the archives. Here are some of the posts I most enjoyed writing.

Pigeon plot

Graphic Proposal

Allegory of allegories

Baby Jesus is force-feeding me beanburgers

Crumblies of today

Ooh ah kid knocky stay thin

Toilet art

Mad as a fish

If you’ve been a regular visitor, I really can’t thank you enough. It’s been ace. I’ve loved writing on here and seeing the stats rise, it’s done wonders for my confidence in my writing. Perhaps that’s why I don’t feel like doing it anymore. Maybe I’ve got what I came for. I don’t know. But it’s been massive fun, so ta.

I hope you’ll stay in touch, feel free to email or Facebook me. I am still alive. Honest. In fact my life has been enhanced somewhat lately with the advent of sugar-free Wether's Originals. Oh yeah, and I'm actually making progress with the novel. It's about time really. I guess when it's finished, that's when I'll be back.

Not Sure Alan

2007-11-22T15:54:00.000+01:00

Lovely Tracy has sent me a shopping list. She found it in a Sainsbury’s shopping trolley in Northwich, Cheshire and, as you can see, it is a real gem.

Tracy's favourite bit is the 'Fries to go' and I like the 'Deodorant Alan - not Sure'.

Ahh. Life is good.

Thanks Tracy.

Monday Mystery: Pet foods

2007-10-29T17:54:00.000+01:00

Why is it that people who eat meat, are often appalled at the idea of someone eating an animal they would think of as a pet, like a cat or dog? I mean, it’s widely accepted that a pig is as intelligent and emotional a creature as a dog, so what’s that about?

Having dinner in a restaurant with the boyf on Saturday night, I overheard the following snippet from the table opposite...

“Oh David’s going for the swordfish. You’ll eat anything won’t you David?”

“I suppose so [puffs chest out], I don’t have any food prejudices.”

Food prejudices. Great. So, eating a threatened species of fish is a virtue to this guy is it? I suppose I’d be like some kind of Nazi for thinking that’s best avoided am I? What with all my Food Prejudices and stuff.

And then he goes...

“When I went on a survival expedition we ate all kinds of things.”

And his friend says...

“What, so would you even eat cats and dogs?”

Am I missing something? Surely cats and dogs are not in trouble as species are they?

I dunno, it’s a Monday mystery to Buckley. What say you?

Ta-ra for a bit

2007-10-22T09:53:00.000+01:00

I'm off to visit my folks for a few days, and might not be able to post. Back by the weekend though.
Have a good week.
Jx

Thursday Furry Friend(s): Tiggy & Spike

2007-10-18T19:31:00.000+01:00

This week I have two Thursday Furry Friends. This is allowed because they both live in the same house. Tiggy and Spike are cats (in case you are too stupid to tell that from the pictures) and are the proud owners of the lovely Pink Jellybaby.

Aren't they gorge?

Tiggy is on the left and apparentely enjoys standing on his own foot and Spike does a mean impersonation of Batman.

Have you got a furry friend who might like to visit me next Thursday? If so, please drop me a line...

Turn around TV

2007-10-18T14:12:00.000+01:00

I have got into a bad habit. I usually have a cup of tea at about 10am and I have started watching the television while I drink it.

I can tell that watching TV at 10am is bad, and the Men-in-Black-Suits who control The Media do not want people to do it, by the programmes that are on at that time. Maybe that's part of the reason why I do it. My own little revolution - sticking it to The Man at 10am every morning over a nice cup of tea. Anyway...

It’s all kids’ shows with weird squeaking things running around that I actually find a bit creepy. Or, those tired house-buying programmes, which as about as helpful as those people who keeping going on about how much the value of their house has increased over the last five years (“ooh really? It’s gone up by 12 grand. Thanks for telling me that – do keep me posted”). Or, shows where people (who really should just agree to keep away from each other) come on stage and shout and cry while some haughty presenter tries to tell them to be nicer.

I have been watching the latter. I know, it’s really bad. Jeremy Kyle. The main thing I have noticed about this show is that, when the guests relay things that people have said to them, they always say that the person “turned around” before saying it.

It’s always “she turned around and called me a ferret chucker”, or “you turned around and told me to go suck a sausage”, or whatever.

Maybe if these people faced each other from time to time instead having to turn around and say stuff these misunderstandings might not happen and then they wouldn’t have to go on TV and get patronised by JK?

I really need to go back to listening to Radio 4. It wouldn’t happen on Woman’s Hour.

Tuesday Tea Party: TBWLT

2007-10-16T10:36:00.001+01:00

Ooh look, it's time for another Tuesday Tea Party already. How lovely. Today The Boy Who Likes To is coming over... And, would you believe it, here is that boy now...

Hello The Boy Who Likes To (*sharp inhale*) here is some tea for you. What is your favourite kind of tea?
The tea my friend Rob's tea company makes. Go facebook them. Shameless plug there.

Yes, it was a bit. Perhaps some cake will shut you up. What kind would you like?
I’d like a scone please. I like to think that I am plain and simple, but sometimes I like to go crazy and put jam on top. (I’d like to clarify I don’t actually put jam on my head).

That was nice, can I have another?

No. If you have too many you will be sick. I am not sure you've got the resolve for this tea and cake business...
Actually, I do. I once had birthday cake made for me that had Raphael from the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles on. I never touched it for years, it sat in my room for what seemed like an eternity, to a kid. One day I was hungry and nibbled on his icing legs and arms. I never really felt any ill effects.

Oh alright then, have another scone.... I say, if you could insert a tea party into any event in history what would it be? Possibly at the meeting that Mr Starbucks had when he decided to open up all these coffee shops. I’d offer tea and on side comment about how bad of an idea it would be and how it wouldn’t work. Anything to get rid of all the coffee shops and the coffee culture. (A pet hate of mine is I hate being stuck being someone in a cafe, while they take ages to get served a simple drink.)

What a splendid idea. I think tea could solve most of the world's ills if employed correctly. Now tell me, The Boy Who Likes To (*sharp inhale*) what is your fondest tea-memory of all time ever in your whole life?
While walking in the Knoydart Mountain area of Scotland a groups of us got a little lost. There was a lot of rain, many soaked walkers, a few tears, many requests to call for mountain rescue to save our asses, a couple of arguments and a race against a sun set. The run across the loch bed at the end to a small hut in the middle of nowhere, were we would be staying for the night, was a great moment. A cup of tea while taking off our very heavy boots and changing out of our soaking clothes would have been fantastic. (We made do with getting very drunk.)

My goodness I feel quite worn out just thinking about that. I think I will have to go and take a little nap now. So, goodbye The Boy Who Likes To (*sharp inhale*) and thank you for coming to my tea party.

Thanks for having me. Bye

Monday Mystery: Itching

2007-10-15T18:10:00.000+01:00

Phew. I am very tired from my long run today. I did 16 miles, so after being quite rubbish last week, I am back on track for the Long Ducker. It took me close to three hours, so I had to time to ponder a lot of things, including this week's Monday Mystery, which is...

What is the point of itching?

I can think of no time when scratching the thing that itches is good idea. It always makes the itching thing worse. So why do we have itching? I'm not saying we should have something like pain instead, pain is not very nice, but how about some other kind of sensation that says, "Hey, healing in progress - do not touch"?

Itching is a Monday Mystery to me. What say you?

Saturday shopping list

2007-10-13T20:11:00.000+01:00

I found this list while I was packing my shopping away at Tesco earlier this very week. It was crumpled and is faint, so click on it to see the full sized image.

My favourite item is the Shrek Toothbrush. I do like it when people are specific, so if you wouldn't mind doing likewise on your own shopping lists, just in case I find them, I'd appreciate it.

Also, Kinder Eggs. Cool. I am quite envious of this week's shopper. They are getting chocolate and a surprise and a toy as well (except that the toy and the surprise are presumably the same thing - unless I've been missing something). What more could any rational human being want out of life? Nothing.

Thursday Furry Friend: Freya

2007-10-11T15:16:00.000+01:00

This week's Thursday Furry Friend is Freya, who Silver Tiger belongs to. You can read all about
her here.

Isn't she a bonny little thing?

Aw.

She's actually very slim - just not too fashion savvy. As I'm sure all you ladies will know, horizontal stripes add pounds.

Feel free to nominate next Thursday's Furry Friend in comments.

NaNoWriMo Brits Blogroll update

2007-10-11T09:38:00.000+01:00

Just a quick note to thank all the British NaNoWriMo-ers who've been in touch. The blogroll's looking really healthy already. Please do spread the word to other Brit participants.

If you'd like to add the blogroll to your own blog the code is:

(<)script language="javascript" type="text/javascript" src="http://rpc.blogrolling.com/ display.php?r=d1728f23405f6fc536ea16434082f2d1">
)

Just remove the ( ) brackets.

Hope that works.

Wednesday Pressie: A pub for a soldier

2007-10-10T16:20:00.000+01:00

Every Wednesday for until I get bored of it I am going to give a blog pressie to someone who I think is nice and deserves it. Today I am going to give a lovely British pub to Midnight who is a soldier stationed in Afghanistan, which can't be all that much fun if you ask me. His blog is definitely worth checking out for an insight into what daily life is like for the guys out there.

Here you go Midnight.

Sorry it's not a real one.

I hope this picture will make you smile and think of your local (rather than taunting you to distraction at the fact that you are thousands of miles away from your local pub - sorry).

Stay safe Midnight, it's clear from your blog comments that lots of us are thinking about you.

Tuesday Tea Party - Mr H

2007-10-09T16:37:00.000+01:00

Welcome to my first Tuesday afternoon tea party. Today’s guest will be Mr H from next door. (Click the left arrow on my British Bloggers link down the page to see what I mean.) I am sure he will not be as grumpy as he seems... Ah, here he is now.

Good afternoon Mr H, do come in to my tea party. How do you do?
Mr H: I do as well as can be expected, bearing in mind the array of obstacles that life throws in my face on a daily basis. But thanks for asking.

Excellent. How would you like your tea?
Mr H: Black, strong, no sugar, in a mug. Tea should be a battle of wills, not a dainty affectation that persuades the middle classes that they’re better than those of us bred for work.

Tea is ace isn’t it? What was the bestest tea you’ve ever had?
Mr H: Many (many) years ago, I had the displeasure of working on a building site at the Palacio de la Musica in Barcelona. Now you probably already know that furriners can’t do tea properly. And on a building site it is one of the absolute essentials for survival. Anyway, after 2 months of bone sapping drudgery in 110 degree heat, and no tea, we got our first three days off. So, naturally, we hijacked one of the site vans, and drove to Taragona where I knew a couple of blokes who worked on the docks. They got us on a boat going to Mostaganem in Algeria, where we got a lift to Oran, where we got another boat to Gibralter, had a proper cup of Typhoo tea, then did the journey in reverse, getting back to work twenty minutes late on the Wednesday.

Oh how lovely. And now you must have some cake. What sort of cake would you like?
Mr H: I used to be a carrot cake man, but then ‘the man’ started putting nuts into carrot cake. What the hell is that all about? A perfectly good bit of carrot cake ruined. So, I have transferred my allegiance to the banana cake, which has the good sense not to taste of banana in any way shape or form.

Smashing choice. Perhaps you would like to share your fondest cake memory with us?
Mr H: High tea in Hong Kong, back in the eighties, only 2 hours before I was removed from the country at gunpoint, on the first available flight to anywhere. Another long story involving an ex girlfriend and a very senior police officer, who turned out to be her father. A mistake I never made again. But the scones were fantastic, if astonishingly expensive.

If you could insert a tea party into any event in history what would it be?
Mr H: I have often wondered (out loud and in public) why more great civilisations throughout history didn’t stop for afternoon tiffin. After all, we managed to rule most of the world whilst stopping for tea and scones of an afternoon. And look what happened when we stopped. They didn’t call it an Empire Biscuit for nothing. How much more civilised would it be, if midway through any given battle, a loud bell rings out, everyone stops fighting, and a nice old lady wheels out a tea trolley, with a nice selection of cakes and scones? Both sides could then sit down for half an hour, have a chat about why they’re fighting, maybe exchange marmalade recipes and really get to know one another.

Yes, that would be lovely. I personally believe that everyone has done something in life to deserve a nice big slice of cake – what would that be for you Mr H?
Mr H: Well that depends on whether the cake is being handed to me on a plate, or thrust furiously into my face. If it’s the former, then I would point to the last five years, where I have voluntarily withdrawn myself from most forms of social interaction. Not having to meet me is one of the great joys of life, and people should be considerably more grateful than they are. Which is why it serves them right when they do meet me, and why compensation should never be payable.

OK then. Bye bye, thank you for coming to my tea party.
Mr H: You’re very welcome and, don’t worry, I won’t darken your door again. If I’ve learned one thing over the years, it’s leave before the machine gun toting policemen arrive.

Wasn't Mr H lovely? I think you will agree that my first tea party was straight out of the top drawer. And those were just the highlights, you many enjoy the unedited transcript of the full soiree here.

If you would like to come over for tea sometime soon let me know in comments and I'll pop the kettle on.

Monday Mystery

2007-10-08T15:57:00.001+01:00

Every Monday for until I get bored of it I will ponder an aspect of life or human behaviour that is a mystery to me. Today I am wondering...

Those 'Baby on Board' car stickers. Why?

Do people who buy these honestly think that other people are interested in the fact that they have reproduced? I mean, it's not really anything new is it?

Perhaps it because they are worried about some mentalist deliberately ramming into the back of their car? But of course upon realising that a cute ickle baby is On Board said nut-job will instead be inspired to turn his/her car around and head for the nearest psychiatrist and thus will begin his/her journey to sanity.

Or, maybe it is to reassure people that they are being all Green and cool by sharing their car with another person, it's just that person is very small, so you might not have noticed them without the sign.

Or, or, maybe they sometimes forget to take the baby with them after unpacking the boot and so have put a sign there to remind them?

It's a Monday mystery to me. What say you?

They're Back: Return of the ladybirds

2007-10-07T16:20:00.000+01:00

We are infested with ladybirds again.

I do not think ladybird is a very good name for them. Firstly, they are not birds. Secondly, I am no expert in what is and isn’t ladylike, but I have to say that showing up at someone’s house all unannounced and crawling all over the windows and ceilings is probably not what they teach at insect finishing school.

Actually, the boyf was saying that The Internet had told him the ladybirds in our house are a foreign variety, so that probably explains it.

I think I shall start calling them ladybugs, so that people who come over to our house will appreciate that they are from Abroad and do not understand about queuing and such.

How glamorous.

Saturday shopping list

2007-10-06T11:51:00.000+01:00

This is the first of my collection of other people's shopping lists that I have found. I expect this is probably the dullest idea for blog content that anyone has ever had. I like them though, so it's not impossible that someone else will. If you are that person, here you go...

I'm not sure whether I should say anything about these lists or just leave you to draw your own conclusions. I like to think about who the person might be and what they'll do with their purchases. This is probably very weird, so I don't recommend trying it unless you are already a bit strange...

I do think though, that if this person has to put 'fags' on their shopping list so they remember to buy them, then they are probably not very addicted and should give up. That way they will have more money to spend on women's sanitary products which are clearly a priority, making three seperate entries on the list .

This week Buckley loves...

2007-10-05T17:38:00.000+01:00

When I work on the BBC Slink site my favourite job is updating the Loves/Hates feature. So I have decided to rip it off and create my own every Friday. And, um, here it is...

I do realise that this looks crap. I can't seem to get html tables to work in blogger, so this is just a Word table pasted in. Um, I'd really appreciate a bit of help here...

But anyway, what do you love and hate this week? Tell me in comments and I may start loving and hating that stuff too and then I'll include it in next week's post. Imagine your joy if that was to happen. Just imagine it.

Coming soon to Buckley's Blog

2007-10-05T16:09:00.000+01:00

What do you think of the new look? I’ll probably replace the banner. I’m a bit worried it looks a bit teenage. It’s a collage of things that I like or talk/write about. So maybe I should be worried that I am actually a bit teenage...? Nah, whatever.

I have decided to run regular weekly features/topics each day. These will be:

Monday Mystery
This will be where I talk about a question that has been bothering me, in a similar vein to this earlier post.

Tuesday Tea Party
Each week I will invite someone over to my blog for tea. This will be a bit like a short interview. Only I am pretending it is a tea party to make it seem more fun.

Wednesday Pressie
I have decided to indulge in the joy of giving every Wednesday by offering someone a gift. It will not be a real gift, but most probably a photograph which I have lifted from the web. But it is the thought that counts.

Thursday Furry Friend
Animal of the week. They don’t have to be furry, I’m only calling it this because furry rhymes with Thursday, a bit.

Friday: Buckley Loves...
I have got bored of making lame rhyming titles today. I will post one of these features today, so you’ll see what it is in a bit.

Saturday & Sunday Shopping List or Weekend Top Five
I've got a weird habit of picking up other people's old shopping lists. I will reproduce some of them here for your fascination. Or if I can't find any it will be random lists of stuff made by my brain.

This weekly itinerary will continue for as long as it is fun for me. I may even do some in Vlog form. But that is unlikely to happen until after I have bought a webcam and learned how to use it.

It’d be nice to include some posts from guest bloggers sometimes too, so do get in touch if you fancy writing a few lines. I will of course be looking for guests to come to my Tuesday tea party too – let me know if you’re up for it and I’ll email you some questions.

I will still be posting my usual ramblings as well, but having this structure might help me to post on days when I wouldn’t otherwise have time to think something up. I don't suppose I'll do all of them every week. I am quite flaky, if you can believe such a thing.

I hope you’ll like the new style Buckley Blog and do please let me know what you think.

Julia
x

NaNoWriMo - here I go again!

2007-10-04T15:56:00.000+01:00

So I've signed up to NaNoWriMo 2007.

Um, not sure else to say about it really...

Oh yeah, I am starting a whole new novel and this time I am not going to tell anyone what it's about, not yet anyway.

So, ha!

I am enjoying this already. It is like having having a cheeky secret. Because, obviously, everyone would be enthralled if they knew how cool my idea is. Also, this will hopefully avoid people giving me their really really really really helpful suggestions of what to put in it.

If you're undecided about whether to sign up to NaNoWriMo, I can definitely recommend it, I got loads out of it last year. Just search this blog for NaNoWriMo to read my (breathless) posts about it.

I am going to compile a blogroll of NaNoWriMo participants from the UK. I think a bit of camaraderie among us Brits could be fun and I found it really helpful and encouraging to follow other NaNo-ers' blogs last year. So if you're a British blogger who's doing NaNo, please drop me a comment and I'll include you on the list.

My NaNo profile is: http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/174708 - feel free to buddy me, or whatever the cool kids call it.

P.S.
I've just set up a NaNoWriMo Brits Faceboook group.

Hope some people will join!

Starting fresh

2007-10-03T15:10:00.000+01:00

OK, so I’ve been having a think and I’ve decided that I’m going to shelve my current novel and write the first draft of a new one during NaNoWriMo in November. I had a lot of fun completing last year's NaNo, so I'm really looking forward to doing it again.

And that’s not all. I am going to revamp and relaunch my blog. I have been thinking of bringing in regular weekly/monthly features/topics for a while and now seems a good time to get started. I’d really like to get a new look to go with it. I’m thinking I’ll get a new blog skin and customise it a bit to include a couple of my own pictures and an index for the regular features. Tips/advice on this will be much appreciated.

And even that is not all. I’ve been saying I’m going to organise a London blogmeet, for months now, and that would seem a good way for me to celebrate my new blog (because obviously it will be all about me), so I’ll suggest a time and place that we could meet (sometime before Crimbo) when I relaunch.

Exciting, exciting, exciting. Well it is for me anyway. Some of this might be a bit dull for you I suppose. So here is a little writers' joke for you as a reward for reading all my self-indulgent ramblings...

A writer comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside.

“What happened, honey?” the man asks.

“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is...”

“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” The man says. “My agent called?”

Unwriterly

2007-10-02T16:15:00.000+01:00

Several people have asked me how my novel is coming along lately. I have responded by mumbling something about being busy and quickly changing the subject. As opaque as this deft ruse surely is, I feel the need to come clean. It was true that I was very busy a few weeks ago, but I do have time to work on my novel now. And I'd like to work on my novel. But I'm not. I think it's just...

I'm kind of not feeling very writerly lately.

I don't know why.

What can it mean?

Am I all dried out already? Should I go and apply for a job as an estate agent? Or is there a way I could rekindle my creativity?

I could really do with a bit of help here. Any ideas?

Hot and cold

2007-10-02T11:26:00.000+01:00

It has come to my attention that my house has become warmer lately. I mentioned this to the boyf and he seems convinced that this is because “the heating is on”.

But I'm not sure how this can be the case because I have also noticed that it has become very cold outside.

Just a few weeks ago it was warm outside, and now it is decidedly chilly. This is really quite uncanny if you ask me. I mean, who could’ve predicted such a thing?

It seems to me that this climate change thing may not be an elaborate scheme orchestrated by sunscreen manufacturers and milliners after all.

I have considered writing to the papers about this, but I’m sure that no British newspaper would ever print anything about so boring a subject as the weather. Especially not the Express.

Queen of the road

2007-09-26T19:48:00.000+01:00

When you are training for a long distance run you have to do one long run each week and my long run for this week is tomorrow. It will be 12 miles. If I make it, it will be the farthest I have ever run.

I have found that the best way to get through a long run is to think about other stuff while you are running. But I am a bit worried that 12 miles is such a long way that, if I do not die, might run out of things to think about.

My usual things to think about while running are:

What it would be like to be a rock star performing whatever song is playing on my iPod
How cool it is that I am not working-for-the-man and am able to go for a run during the day
What it will be like when I am a rich and famous novelist
Plans for things that I am going to write. One day. Definitely.

That’s about it really. Sometimes I start thinking about boring stuff, like what I need from the supermarket, or things I should’ve said to people but didn’t, but that doesn’t work very well and makes me remember that I am running and that it is very (possibly too) hard.

I am trying to think of some more things that I could think about – but where do you go with your grandiose fantasies after rich and famous novelist and rock star?

I could try thinking about being the Queen I suppose, but I think being the queen looks a bit dull to be honest. All she does is sit in a big chair all day.

I mean, I am a writer, that would be much too boring for me...

Hiding and running

2007-09-25T09:57:00.000+01:00

I have been hiding. I was waiting to hear about a job that I was really excited about and didn’t want to tell people about it in case it didn’t work out. But the only way I could not tell people about it was by not speaking at all, so that is why I was hiding. The job isn’t happening now though, the part of the project I would’ve been working on got cancelled, so I suppose I had better stop hiding as it is not the most healthy of activities.

As well as hiding, I have been running. I am hoping to do a long distance run in a few weeks...

I’m normally pretty coy about where I live, but I think anyone who’s interested has probably worked out by now that I’m among the grounds of Harrow School, where the boyf works. So I might as well just own up to it because it will make explaining the run sitch a lot easier and that is probably the main thing I will be boring you about over the next few weeks.

This is because the run is organised by the school and most of the runners are schoolboys, although some teachers and other people connected with the school join in, like lovely me. It is called the Long Ducker and is from Harrow-on-the-Hill to Marble Arch and back – 20.8 miles. That is a very long way to run. And there is a big hill at the end, which is not really what you want after running nearly 20 miles.

I have been out training with most of the people who are running the course for the last couple of Sundays. I am by far the most rubbish person who is doing it. I know it’s probably not all that helpful for a 30-year-old woman training for her first run to compare herself to a group of 18-year-old sporto boys (and the handful of adults who are all experienced long-distance runners), but when that’s who you’re running with (or rather behind) it’s kind of hard not to.

Being crap has never stopped me from doing anything before though, so I’ll stick with the training and see how it feels in a couple of weeks. There is the option of only doing the second half of the course, but I fear that won’t give me the level of smugness that I crave.

Besides I like very long runs – especially when they are taken by people who I do not like. Ha ha. My wit is almost a quick as my feet.

Maaaad as a fish

2007-09-05T16:39:00.000+01:00

Facebook. I love it. And yet I hate it.

Recently I’ve been getting in touch with a few old friends through it, which is of course a heart-warming story of the way the lovely internet can bring people together. But it has totally worsened my already disproportional obsession with checking my emails, which is a soul-chilling tale of the way the evil internet can make people go maaaad.

OK, so I’m probably not actually clinically maaaad, but I do have a thing about checking my emails....

I just did it then. (When those dots were appearing, which is what happens when I go off and do something.)

I am now the recipient of a press release which is of no interest whatsoever to me. These, and spam, are what generally comprise the majority of my emails.

And yet I cannot control the urges.

I read once that the most effective way to train dolphins to jump through hoops and perform other perfectly natural behaviours (which the dolphins enjoy, honest, even though you have to give them fish to make them do it) is to not give them a fish every time they jump through the hoop. No, because then the greedy dolph will expect to get fish each time and might even get full and that would be bad because then it probably wouldn’t do it again for a bit. No, what you have to do is give them a fish at random intervals, so dolph doesn’t know when it’s coming and will keep trying in the hope that dinner’s on the way.

Um, I’m afraid I’ve rambled on so much that I have totally forgotten the point I was trying to make there now. Something about interesting/friendly emails arriving now and then, or something.

Not sure what that had to do with dolphins though. I’ve never had an email from a dolphin. Not that I am aware of. If any dolphins out there want to email me please do. I’d send you a fish as a reward if I had one. But I don’t. So don’t keep emailing me expecting me to cough up a fish after a random amount of tries. Because I won’t, and anyway, that would not be at all good for my email checking obsession. I think if I start obsessively checking my emails for messages from dolphins I may actually become actually clinically maaaad.

And then who would check my emails?