Truth About Real Life

The Truth About Big, Fat Closed Doors

2015-11-08T20:50:00.001-08:00

Down syndrome has transformed my world, but not in the way you might expect.

Sure there are the usual blessings that come with having a child with special needs (more patience, letting go, appreciating the small victories...cue the made for television Hallmark movie please). But I'm talking about the BIG STUFF here, people!

Because when it comes down to it, the simple fact is that the three most important changes of my life are a result of Emme and her elegant ability to close doors....when I was lost in a sea of overwhelming options.

The unfortunate reality is that you’ve got to keep it pretty simple with me, especially when it comes to a New Life Plan. I need small words, extra large print, and pared down choices (Ok...like actually just one choice is most helpful...otherwise I totally short-circuit and start rocking that sad little fetal position).

God knows me pretty well, and He’s working with what He’s got here. And what He’s got is one chick who understands closed doors much better than open ones. I’m talking VERY closed doors – the kind you can’t barge through no matter how hard you push down, kick over or try to sledge-hammer through.

Simply put, Emme is the rudder of our family’s ship, guiding us through the crucial decisions...leaving my nearly 10-year career job, moving to Africa and then moving back to America.

Let me back up…

Emme made quite the grand entrance into our life. To say the least.

I was a bit surprised, as a third-trimester pregnant mama, that they put me on “high risk. After measuring the baby’s development, they thought she seemed a wee bit small. Teeny-weeny, if you will.

I thought, “Oh you doctors….always so dramatic. Always so ‘someone’s gonna die’. Please. Keep your lab coats on.”

Overly confident with all my hard-earned medical knowledge from watching several seasons of Private Practice, I tried to hide my “non-compliance.”

(honestly...don't these look like people whose medical expertise should not be called in to question?)

My sister-in-law (who was a labor and delivery nurse and acutely familiar with my tendency to downplay - aka “ignore” - sound medical advice), warned me what happens when you don’t adhere to your doctor’s orders (apparently they really are “orders” and not “strong suggestions,” as I had presumed).

She told me that they label you as “Non-Compliant” in your chart. Seriously. Be forewarned. Do you know how hard it is to get that label removed? Even with a sudden rash of good behavior? Perhaps you remember the Seinfeld episode where Elaine was labelled as “difficult” in her medical chart and couldn’t get single doctor in town to see her? Not ideal, folks. Not ideal.

So all that to say…I was a very “good girl.” I went to all my extra “high risk” appointments so they could closely monitor the baby’s weight and heart.

I outwardly complied. But still, I continued to think the doctors, although amazing and among the best in the state, were a little overly cautious.

And of course I thought I knew THINGS. I can’t even tell you what these “things” were that I thought I knew. But I KNEW them.

One thing I did know without doubt…was that I was average. An average student, average driver, with average talent. So I presumed I would be having an average pregnancy and deliver a cute, but most likely average, child. This was fine with me.

One should never underestimate their own ability to defy the average.

So one day, after a delightful lunch at Boston Market with my hunk-of-a-husband, I toodled off to my 36 week doctor’s appointment.

This time, as they monitored her heart, they became VERY concerned. The heart-beat was not very strong.

Still…I thought “Really, people? Simmer down willya.”

After all, in my very weak defense, they had thought Jensen was a bit too small and induced me a week early, only to discover she was perfectly fine and not as “wee” as they presumed. I was feeling pretty high-and-mighty about that.

So there I was…at my little doctor’s appointment, trying to hurry to get back to work and all my Very Important Projects.

They: Julie, we are concerned. Her heart beat does not look very strong.

Me: Really? (I tried to covertly shake my tummy a bit to “perk her up” and “help” her heart rate...that didn’t work at all. I probably looked more like a large pregnant lady with embarrassing gas issues).

They (kindly ignoring my gas issues): We would like you to go up to the hospital right away to have one of the perinatal doctors see you.

Me: Really? (then remembering the impossible-to-remove-taint of “non-compliance”) -“Ok, I’ll go.”

So I went up the hospital and was a bit shocked that they wanted to “check me in.” Then was more surprised that they wanted me to take off my office clothes, put on a hospital gown, start an IV and call my husband. Didn’t they realize I had projects due? It’s very hard to rush back to work when you are tethered by IV’s and whatnot.

I started to get the distinct impression they wanted me to stay.

They: We really think you should call your husband.

Me: Really? I should call Karl now? (still thinking I needed to get back to work for my projects - I know, I know…enough with the projects already).

They (my dear friend Sara Nylin, a labor and delivery nurse, showed up at this point): Yes, Julie!! Call Karl! Now!!

Me (calling Karl): Hey babe. “They” say you really should come up here (talking loudly and smiling to the nurses with a big thumbs up) – then very quietly off to the side “Everyone is being really dramatic. I’m SURE it’s all fine. No need to rush…if you have other things to do…

But of course Karl completely ignored my casualness and flew to my side. Once there, the doctor said we needed an immediate emergency c-section.

Huh. Now that caught my attention. They said her heart was very weak. She probably would not make it much longer and could not sustain a natural birth.

I was suddenly feeling VERY compliant.

Doctors know things too. And they know when people can die. And if we didn’t comply our little Emme would not have made it.

So there I was…moments later, sprawled out in the operating room for my emergency c-section…feeling vulnerable and shaken. And then they pulled her out. Sweet, perfect Emme. She had the cord wrapped around her neck several times, one leg was totally white and her heart was quite weak. So weak she wouldn’t be able to nurse or suck a bottle for several weeks.

The doctor said, “She has some facial features we are going to look into.”

And then I knew. I KNEW she had Down syndrome. I knew that the average I had been banking on was very, very far away.

Many of you have heard the story…it was shocking and hard, but I really did feel Jesus meeting us and we were enveloped in a “grace bubble” that allowed us to see Emme as a gift.

And she is a gift.

Not to romanticize Down syndrome. Emme is great because she is Emme. But Down syndrome isn’t easy. Awkward and inconvenient stages of childhood (like learning to crawl, walk, use the toilet, speak) don’t just take the usual months…but years. YEARS, people.

I sometimes look at other 7 year olds (communicating clearly with their family, dressing themselves, doing a simple chore, going on play dates, invited to parties, etc) and know we are a long way off from that.

BUT what I am deeply grateful for is how Emme has closed doors.

Again, let’s remember, I can’t handle a lot of choices.

Closed Door #1: Once Emme, in all her glorious Down syndromeness, took the stage, and I never went back to work. I was managing a little web site company I loved, where I had been employed just under 10 years. I was not going anywhere, or so I thought!

After maternity leave it became obvious I should not go back to work with this little love bundle – and that was that! I stayed on for a bit working part time from home till the owner could sell the company.

For me this was big stuff. Closed Door #1 was to the career where I had invested so many years.

Closed Door #2: When we first started dating and were all smoochy-smoochy, we knew we wanted to go into overseas missions. This dream carried into our marriage. Even as we started successful careers, we stayed in an apartment because we knew we could be leaving for the mission field at any point and didn’t want to bother with a house to sell.

The problem was…too many choices. Where to go? What country to pick? What organization to go with? What leaders to follow? Karl had a heart for Africa (which I thought was a bit cliché and slightly crazy...I had, after all, seen Hotel Rwanda and Tears of the Sun) and I was leaning toward Asia (the food there is so great! However Karl was unmoved with my culinary reasoning). So we were at an impasse. With so many open doors and choices, we were paralyzed by the array of options.

After Emme was born, we began to think it wasn’t possible to live overseas. It seemed like there were so few countries that could provide any kind of support for children with special needs. So many closed doors.

I remember it distinctly - it was a Friday and we felt it was time to give up the dream to “be missionaries.” That day we had toured some new construction homes and picked out our floor plan to build our “dream home.” Interestingly enough, when we saw some friends at church that next Sunday, they mentioned that there was a couple serving with All Nations in Cape Town who also had a child with Down syndrome.

That couple in South Africa graciously video skyped with us (I’m sure we seemed like crazy Americans with all our incessant questions) – and they told us all about their positive experience for their family in Cape Town and with All Nations.

(here we are with that family at Emme's last birthday party)

After realizing Cape Town offered some of the needed services for Down syndrome, especially for that development stage before school, we began to look more closely at All Nations and fell in love with their mission of using the simple church model to bring Jesus to others.

Without realizing it, Emme one again synched the deal. She in effect closed the door to all the seemingly endless possible places where we could go that lacked services for special needs, and flung the doors wide open to South Africa.

Just for extra fun and more confirmation, God also anonymously provided $1200 in cash in the mail after Karl had a dream about it (read that story here). Who does that?? Who sends 12 one hundred dollar bills IN THE MAIL IN CASH? I guess God does…in your dreams and then makes it happen in real life, if you’re one of those tough-to-convince cases like us.

(Emme's first year living in South Africa)

Anyhoo…fast forward six years, and enter Closed Door #3: This year it became clear that South Africa had served Emme well, but she was at a new stage in her development and needed the services that America could offer.

We tried everything we could to make “Africa work for Emme” (horse therapy, physical therapy, speech therapy, school facilitator, etc.)…we desperately wanted to stay and did EVERYTHING we could think of. But once again those big doors slammed shut and America swung wide open.

(Emme and her Horse Therapist)

(She misses her horses! She loves to ride them bare back)

So here we are…having traversed across the globe, moved to another country, started over with new friends, new jobs, new projects, new culture – to move back again at exactly the right time for us.

After being here 3 months, it’s obvious how well both Jensen and Emme are doing in school. Their teachers are nothing short of God's Biggest Blessing Ever! The girls are growing leaps and bounds. Settling in. Thriving.

It’s clear we are exactly where we need to be.

So when you really get down to it, one of the biggest blessing of Down syndrome has been those heavy, rusted closed - doors locked so tightly that after we pushed and pushed as hard as we could…our only other choice was to look over our shoulder reluctantly to see what other door might swing open.

So my encouragement to you – when the “average” life you have come to love suddenly becomes very “un-average” and you are thrown into something that has rocked your world…embrace it.

When everything is crashing down and what you envisioned for your life seems lost, press in!

It’s possible that the only way God can put you exactly where He wants you…is to take away your comfortable averageness and close some big, fat ugly doors.

Down syndrome is the most tiring, amazing, frustrating, incredible blessing of our lives. It’s what it took for us to follow Jesus to Africa and follow him back to America. It’s ripped away our average and slammed doors hard in our face.

My take-away? It’s not about going to Africa or staying in America. It’s about embracing the non-average path and falling in love with those big, ugly doors – all the while deeply trusting, as if your life depended on it, a God who loves you enough to allow both of those things to rock your world to its very core, then shape your life into something stunningly beautiful.

In closing…one of Emme’s favorite things to say to just about everything is, “No! All done!” And I pretty much want to say this to God all the time. But I want to change that to “Yes! More!” More of what you have for us. No matter what that is. No matter where. No matter when.

So don’t shake your fist at that closed door too long. Look over your shoulder, just to catch a glimpse...and notice the new door, open just a tiny crack, waiting for you to nudge it open.

Video of Emme saying, "No! All Done!" (after I tell her I love her) - 10 seconds

Emme says "No! All Done!"

Can't get enough of Emme? Here's more Emme Fun! - 31 seconds

Emme at Dinner

One of Emme's most amazing accomplishments since she started attending school in the US is her ability to answer questions in the negative or affirmative. Here she telling me about school (she went to one of those bouncy jump places for a field trip) and is saying "OK" to more pizza and "No! All Done!" to more grapes first. Good job, Emme!

The Truth About Being a Missionary in Africa

2015-05-28T11:34:00.001-07:00

Alright people…let’s be honest, “missionary in Africa” sounds pretty legit, right? Cue scenes from “Hotel Rwanda,” “Blood Diamond,” “Tears of the Sun” (all movies that scared the you-know-what out of me ever wanting to go joy-riding around Africa in all of my inescapable whiteness).

Scene from Blood Diamond

Yes...this is exactly what I pictured (see photo of Leo above).

Now, I realize selling all your possessions, quitting a job you love and moving your family with small kids to Africa to “help people” sounds impressive and sacrificial. And in that moment for me 5 ½ years ago in 2010, I suppose it felt that way.

(photo credit: Buzz South Africa)

And truth be told…it had pockets of scariness too. Even through South Africa is slightly “Pseudo Africa” (we don’t actually live in mud huts, have ravenous lions roaming the streets, or neighbors sporting cool-but-a-tad-bit-too-tight-for-comfort “neck stretching rings”), Cape Town is always listed in the top most dangerous cities of the world (something about high rates of murder, rape and other such non-sense).

So I thought, “Yes! This sounds like equal counterparts of brave, sacrificial and amazing. This MUST it!”

So we took the plunge! We heard God say “go” – and we went.

Africa gets in your blood and you start to see her everywhere

Fast forward to now.

There have been failures and disappointments, battles hard fought and moments of grief and sadness.

But the #truthaboutreallife, is the surprising reality that I need Africa much more than Africa needs me.

Who knew that this country of load shedding (scheduled government power-outages), driving on the ~~wrong~~ left side of the road, and Ebola (OK just kidding…that was like 3,000 miles away in a whole different country) – would capture our hearts so thoroughly.

I cannot over-emphasize this…We LOVE it here! It’s certainly not about happiness…but we have never been happier. I am truly in the “happy spot” of my life.

If you think the worse thing that can happen to you is that "God calls you to move to Africa and become a missionary," I write this for you to think again and know that God's plans are ALWAYS good. He loves for us to expect delight and wonder as we follow Him. Rest in knowing he has already customized a life-plan that that will blow your mind. Don't be afraid of His intentions! I'll say it again - God actually and willfully intends so much good toward YOU...yes YOU.

Ok...back to Africa: Realizing recently that we need to return to the US for our children, especially as it relates to Emme and Down syndrome, was an intensely difficult decision. In the end, it became obvious that the educational system in America could best support her needs and we will fly back to the US this July.

Emme recently turned 7 years old and we know she is entering into a new developmental stage.

7th birthday party

Decorating cup cakes

Emme's two favorite things: balloons and worship music

But the cold hard fact is that moving back to America is one of the hardest things we've had to do. For me, this is harder than having a child with Down syndrome, harder than a miscarriage, harder than skin cancer.

Blah, Blah, Blah. I know, I know…we all do incredibly hard things.

Nevertheless, my heart seems to be spilling over with fountains of tears. Over the last few weeks I would openly weep to anyone brave enough to ask me how I was doing. I seemed to be crying every time I ran into someone else at the grocery store who had not yet heard we were leaving. It was terrible (not just for me but I'm sure for the poor people unfortunate enough to run into me)! Ha! That will show them not to make eye-contact and ask how someone is doing – when all you want is some biltong (a 400 year old traditional South African beef snack…don’t offend the locals and call it beef jerky).

(photo credit: Naked Ape)

When we got up in front of our All Nations family to tell them about our decision to return to the US, I choked back tears while I said, “It’s good and right, but the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The sacrifice for us is returning to America.”

After I said this, Adi came running up to me while we were still up front, jumped in my arms, put her hands around my face and said, “Mom!! Are you alright?” She proceeded to wipe away a tear. Sweet girl!

So, as a tribute to this continent I love…I am going to attempt to put into words what’s so great about this place.

Bottom line…it’s a combination of having an amazing spiritual community, wonderful lifestyle and resounding sense of purpose. We feel so connected to what God is doing here and around the world.

In case you are dumb founded about how Africa has stolen my heart…let me paint you a picture of what I will miss the most about this corner of the globe.

Amazing friendships. Hands-down these people are world-class friends. Everything from house-church and “game night” to lunch dates and dinner parties – I just love the deep and transparent friendships we have here. I come alive hosting parties and will find any excuse to have people over (after dinner ice-cream parties in an attempt to recreate “Red Mango,” Passover, Christmas in the summer, 4^th of July in the winter, anyone who needs a birthday party, make your own pizza night, gender-reveal party, create your own pasta night, baby showers, going away events, welcome back events, girls night in, etc.). You need a party thrown in your honor? I'm your girl!

Gender Reveal Party (that moment we realized we were having a boy)

Gender Reveal Party Goers

Good bye party

Passover

Showing the kids a new tradition (Passover on Good Friday)

You get the picture. As with anywhere, people here are not perfect, but nearly everyone seems to be working through their issues and pressing in to the Lord. I have such a sense that the people here really want to be more like Jesus.

Life-style. Cape Town is stunning. We don’t talk about it much because we are usually in our little valley “doing our thing” with our precocious 4 children – but within a few miles we have 2 great beaches (we are on the “tip of Africa” so one side features the Atlantic Ocean and a 10 mile drive going right past our neighborhood takes you to the Indian ocean on the other side). There is a “surf culture” here, because this area boasts some of the best surfing in the world. There is also an equestrian culture here – as we are far enough away from the city to feel a bit “country” and there are many horse stables. Mountains for hiking, hundreds of world-renowned vineyards and of course a fun and fast-paced city center make you realize….yeah, this place is great. Kind of like the corn fields of Nebraska….kinda…

A trip to a local garden (of the thousands of plant species that are indigenous to Cape Town, 190 are known to be unique to the city - occurring NOWHERE else in the world)

Editable Flowers

Cape Town is home to a total of 19 different and distinct vegetation types.
(This enormous variety is mainly because the city is uniquely located at
the convergence point of a great many different soil types and micro-climates.)

Gourdes hanging in the garden

Purpose. Karl thoroughly enjoys working with youth who have been hand-picked for their soccer talent and chosen to join Ubuntu, a truly remarkable soccer academy that combines premier coaching and discipleship, with an outstanding education and housing for those kids in need.

Julie loves spending time in deep friendship a group of girls from Ocean View she has mentored for the last few years, creating fun new businesses with EmpowerAMom.com and being a part of the Business for Mission team at All Nations (helping to launch business missionaries into hard-to-reach places). Ummm Yeah. It really is as amazing and as it sounds.

Wall Stencil Artists

Love this gray Moroccan stencil

All Nations Business For Mission Team (touring Living Way)

"Business Basics" Class

I mention all this so that you know that when we say, “serving here has truly been the biggest privilege and honor of our life,” these are not empty words meant to sound good as we head back to the comforts of the US.

This is the truth about my real life: Being a “missionary in Africa” is AMAZING and I am trying not to go kicking and screaming on my way out…hanging on with white knuckles to the mailbox. Lord grant me grace!

Ken Primrose (pastor of Norman Community Church) recently said, “Remember not to confuse the dream and the assignment. The dream is Jesus and the assignment is the assignment. The assignments change but the dream remains Jesus.”

I must remember the dream is not Africa. The dream is Jesus and He can change the assignment any time He pleases.

And so that’s what we have here…a change in the assignment.

That said…here is a list of so many things I will miss. These “daily life” idiosyncrasies have somehow nuzzled into my heart…

How we talk…

I’ll put it in my diary (I feel a bit like an acne-pummeled teenage girl with a silly secret when I say this – but this is what everybody says to mean “I’ll put it in my calendar”)
Can I have your details? (Don't make a mistake and think this means they want the details of your life - aka your deep, dark past...your food allergies...your shoe size...they really just want your phone number)
Shame! (Oh that is so sad! Or Oh that is so cute! Depending on context and tone – sometimes it’s hard to know if you should feel offended or complimented)
Pleasure! (Instead of “Your Welcome” -isn't that so much nicer and more cheerful?)
I have the flu (Don’t be alarmed….this is really just the common cold)
I need to fetch my children (I know you think “fetch” can only be used for your dog…but expand your mind…it’s much more efficient than saying “pick up”- I love to save a syllable!)

(photo courtesy of Fetching Knowledge)

They didn’t pitch (This doesn’t mean they didn’t throw a ball at a baseball game – it means they didn’t show up)
I’ll be there “now now” (There is some debate on how quickly this means someone will arrive – it’s probably longer than you think – but it does seem to be quicker than “just now”)
Take your trolley and get in the cue for the till but don’t forget to pick up your rubber and throw away your rubbish (Direct Translation: Take your shopping cart and get in line for the cash register but don’t forget to pick up your eraser and throw away your trash.)

Note "now = not now": Today I was going through a McDonalds drive-through and the order-taker said, "I'll take your order now" so I started to tell her my order...naturally.

She interrupted and said, "No...I'll take your order now!" so again I started to give my order...a little more quickly and loudly this time so there was no confusion.

After she interrupted again and said "No...I'll take your order NOW," I had a startling epiphany: "now" does not mean "right now" it means "not now...in just a second." Is this obvious to everyone but me? Am I even speaking English here? So I waited for a bit...and then magically she was ready. Somehow it took me five years to figure that one out. I'm loving it!

What we do…

We have yet to meet a South African who does not personally walk you ALL THE WAY to your car when you leave their house. I’m not talking about waving to you from the front porch…I mean TO YOUR CAR to let the conversation continue while you get in and maybe you should roll down your window as you pull out of the driveway to say one important thing and throw in a final good-bye while you’re at it. I think it will be a shock for us to go back to America and have our friends wave to us from the couch and say, “Thanks for coming!” Be prepared, we may not leave until we have a personal escort out and about 11 good-byes.

I love the Afrikaans greeting with a hug and cheek kisses (don’t go the wrong way or it could get intimate and sloppy).

When you have people over you always offer to make and prepare their tea…”Rooibos or normal tea” Rooibos is a red tea with many health benefits (I’m still a bit hazy on what is “normal tea” but know that it is NOT Rooibos – the usual favorite). One must ask if they want milk and how many sugars. Sugars are measured roughly by spoonfuls. So if you have a group of friends over you may need to remember, “one with milk and 2 sugars, just milk, milk and 4 sugars, black, 1 sugar only, etc.” And don’t forget the rusks (hard little bread-like things).

Rooibos Tea

Don’t forget your R5 (this is roughly $0.20 - $.50) to tip the “car guard”– these are the very nice men in the parking lot who will help put your groceries in the car and guide you in backing out of your parking spot – I don’t know how I will function at Target without them. God forbid I try to give change to the wrong person. Awkard!

Wondering how the dollar is doing. Living internationally makes you realize how crucial the exchange rate it…it’s a REALLY big deal. When we first moved to Africa and were setting up our house from scratch and bought our truck… the dollar was at all-time low of R6.5 Rand to the Dollar. Painful!!! Now it’s R12 to the dollar. What’s the big deal? I’ll tell ya, sister! R1,000 in 2010 would require us to take $153 out of our US bank account. Today if something costs R1,000 we only need to take $83 out of our US bank account. That makes a HUGE difference. Some may remember we had to return to the US for a 6 month “regrouping” after our first year here – that exchange rate had brought us to our knees.

Check the daily load shedding schedule. This one is a little crazy. The government can decide at any point to invoke “load shedding” which means your power will usually be off for 2.5 hours (sometimes more than once a day). It’s not too bad if you know it’s coming. If not, you can be stuck with dinner half way cooked or no coffee in the morning. Serious mama crankiness. We had a friend who experienced load shedding during their wedding reception – right in the middle of the dance the lights and power went out. Most people do not have power generators – so they had to improvise with some candle-light time of prayer.

Dinner during load-shedding (gotta love candle light)

I’m sure it’s obvious… I need Africa much more than she needs me. There is nothing like this place and I have learned SO much from these remarkable people. I have fallen, deeply and madly in love with her. I’m certain this love affair will last a lifetime.

Once again our move to another country (even though it’s back to my home town) feels sacrificial and scary…but I know this is what the Lord has for us. I will choose to be thankful for the gift of Africa and open my hand to our next step.

Graciously, the Lord is starting to stir faith for exciting things to happen in Omaha and ways to stay connected to All Nations.

We are expecting a life of purpose, joy and passion.

So America – when I pitch up to your house and start to break out into cold sweats…you may have to kiss me on the cheek, make me some tea (with milk and 2 sugars) and walk me all the way to my car on my way out. If I try to hand you a quarter for helping me back my car out of your driveway, you may have to immediately put me on a plane back to Africa.

And that’s a wrap, people. I’m about to take a little bow and call “Curtain!” on this chapter of my life.

The Truth About Karl

2015-03-09T13:09:00.003-07:00

Want to know the truth about Karl Ostrand? He is a kind husband and tender-hearted father - but there is another side to Karl.

The side of Karl most of you know...even if you’ve only met him once, is that he's cool.

“Cool” is such an over-used, over-rated word these days– but it really applies here. Karl is the kind of cool that you just want to be around. He is comfortable in his own skin…which translates to someone who does not have control-issues or gotta-prove-it-to-you issue or over-compensating issues.

He is kind and will do anything for you. Need to be picked up at the airport at mid-night? No problem! Need to confess your deepest, darkest secret? No judgment! Need to feel valued? He’s on it!

He often says…”I’m just a big teddy bear.” And this is true.

But the other thing that is very, very true about Karl – is that you should not mess with him…especially if you are a “bad guy” – as Jensen says (if you are a shady criminal reading this right now…please take note…you should probably run and hide now – Karl is most certainly watching you).

Two stories have made Karl a bit of a super-hero in this house (names have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty).

The Tale of the Stolen Bike and African Mafia

Last year I was standing outside our home….saying goodbye to a friend one morning when I noticed someone blazing past me on a bicycle. The bike was teetering side to side at record speeds, seemingly controlled by an inexperienced rider.

About a minute later our neighbor’s housekeeper Fannie runs out of the house yelling hysterically, “Julie…they stole Mike’s bikes! They stole Mike’s bikes!”

So now I am yelling from our street at the top of my lungs, “Karl!! Karl!!! Someone took Mike’s bikes. Karl come QUICK! Come NOW!” (picture me hysterical with arms flailing).

Apparently she was cleaning the living room while the thieves slipped inside the house and stole two bikes being stored in their guest bedroom.

Spurred into action…Karl rushes out, jumps in our car and heads in the direction of the thief.

He doesn’t see the bikes but on a hunch heads into Masi (a near-by township). In South Africa, most white people have never set foot in a township and would not dream of going there alone in search of a criminal.

Keep in mind… “South Africa is now the most violent country outside a war zone. The country,” writes Scott Baldauf of the Christian Science Monitor, has “the highest recorded per capita murder rate in the world”

But this is Karl.

Driving around Masi he notices two bike riders that keep turning around looking at him suspiciously. I’m sure they are wondering, “Who is this crazy white guy?” As he continues to follow them, they speed up and turn into a small alley way – losing him in the swampy wet-lands of tightly packed housing.

With no way to follow them further…Karl returns home. Mike arrives home about an hour later and a plan is hatched to return to Masi in search of the bikes again, accompanied by Sifiso, who lives in Masi and is well-connected there.

Fannie offers to go with them, as she knows what the thieves look like.

With little hope of finding them amongst the 30,000 – 40,000 people who live in Masi, Karl decides to show the other passengers where he originally spotted the thieves. As they near the area, Mike glances over and notices HIS TWO STOLEN BIKES (with the aforementioned riders) next to their car. What are the chances??

Mike jumps out of the car and starts chasing one on foot. The other bike driver heads in the opposite direction and Karl and Fannie follow them in the car.

Fannie is screaming at the hordes of people in the streets to move out of the way as she is yelling “Right!! Right!” but pointing left and “Left! Left!” but frantically pointing to the right (Karl decides to go with the hand gestures…which proves to be the more reliable method).

A high-speed “Fast and the Furious” chase ensues, with Karl staying right on his tail. Much to Karl’s shock, at some random point the driver gives up…hopping off the bike and running away.

As Karl gets out to load up the bike into the car, a crowd of 40-50 locals gather around. It can be a bit scary to feel a crowd closing in on you! Quickly Fannie explains in Xhosa that the bikes were stolen and the group becomes angry at the fleeing thief.

Afterwards Karl reflected, “I am not sure what I was thinking – what was I going to do if I caught up to him?? Fight him for the bike? Invite him to one of our Bible studies? Calmly explain in English that we would please like it back?”

Meanwhile, Mike is chasing the other biker on foot when someone stops him and says, “Wait…wait. I’ll help you. What’s going on?” Soon Mike realizes this guy is in cahoots with the thief, and this small delay causes him to lose the shady character completely.

At this point Karl catches up to a dejected Mike and both swap stories. Sifiso suggests that they return home and that he will follow-up with the thief, who he recognized as a local trouble-maker.

In the end Sifiso tracks down the thief and explains that he expects him to return the bikes without a hassle or he will get the police involved.

When the bike is not returned the next day, Sifiso goes to the Masi Elders (the Bamanadi – kind of like the mafia), and, for a small fee, they will have the bike returned. The fee is paid and the bike is returned shortly thereafter in perfect condition. African justice….ahhh.

The best part about the story is that months later Karl was patrolling our neighborhood with the head of our neighborhood watch. The man starts to tell him a story about how some crazy white guy was insane enough to follow some criminals into Masi and actually got the merchandise returned.

So Karl’s a legend ‘round these parts.

Dreadlocks, Tattoos and Indian Tracking Methods

The second story happened a few weeks ago. Three of “my girls from Ocean View” came to see baby Colton. When they arrived at our house Rebecca was very upset.

They had taken a taxi to my house, and she had left her smart phone on the seat of the taxi. Now the taxies here are more like a cargo van that seat 15-20 people.

If you leave something of any value in a taxi…there is pretty much a 0% chance of retrieval. In fact, you NEVER leave anything lying around anywhere here.

Of course they tried to call the missing phone, but no one answered.

They asked Karl to take them to the next scheduled stop on the taxi route – which is the main taxi hub in Fish Hoek, a nearby small town. They say they know the taxi driver and wanted to ask him if, by some miracle, the phone was returned.

The three girls, along with Karl, go the taxi stand and incredibly find the taxi driver. He says he thinks he knows who took it – a large man with tattoos and dreadlocks – who was sitting by Rebecca in the taxi. The driver tells Karl, “I don’t know where he is now…but he works at a tattoo parlor in Simons Town” (another near-by sea side small town).

The four of them pile back in the car and head to the tattoo parlor. Once there, the owner explains that the suspected man used to work there, but was fired for stealing. He offers to give Karl the man’s phone number.

Karl takes it and gives him a call.

At this point in the story – I have to stop and ask myself – if I were to call up someone who I only strongly suspected of stealing something, with no proof and no relationship with them – what could I possibly say to get the stolen items returned?

The man answers and Karl, in a stroke of pure genius says, “Hey man (calling him by his name) I just want to thank you for picking up my friend’s phone. That was so nice of you! We have tracked the phone and know you’re near-by. Could you just tell me exactly where you are, and we will come pick it up?”

Now there is no GPS tracking on this phone…but let’s just say Karl is using the term loosely here – in the “Native American Sacagawea tracking sense.”

After a long pause, the man says hesitantly “I’m at the Glen Karin train station.”

Karl says, “Great…we will be there in a minute.”

What?? This is crazy!? I am sure the man is wondering how in the world this stranger with an American accent was able to call him on his own phone, using his name and referencing the stolen phone.

Karl pulls up to the train station to find a very large African with many tattoos and dreadlocks waiting for him.

Karl approaches him and says in a friendly tone…”Hey man…Thanks for keeping my friend’s phone for me.”

The man is hesitant and replies, “Where is she? I want to make sure it’s her.”

The girls are hanging back…a little afraid. Karl points to her and he walks over and says, “Where were you sitting in the taxi?”

She confirms her place and he says, “And who were you with?”

At this point Karl realizes he’s stalling and says, “Hey man…do the right thing.”

He pauses and reluctantly gives the phone back.

What?!? This is unheard of here in South Africa. I’m sure this man is still wondering how in the world Karl tracked him down, called him up, and talked him out of his life of crime for a day.

So there you go…that’s my man.

So if your bike gets stolen, phone is misplaced or you need someone to have your back, Karl is your guy. Everyone needs a little super-hero to show up once in a while.

The Truth About Our Facebook Life

2015-03-04T14:41:00.004-08:00

Is our Facebook life anything like our real life?

If I were to take an honest look at my life as seen from afar on Instagram and Facebook – it would appear that I am happily married with a sunny disposition – laughing my way through each day with my 4 precious children.

Despite the fact that only 1 out of 4 of my kids are able to perform the most simplest of tasks like “go put on your shoes and get in the car”…I am cheerful and take pleasure in the simple things, taking the time to smell the flowers and breathe deeply along the way.

It may seem like I usually look like this (meaning dressed and somewhat presentable)

But I spend most of my days looking like this (wild-mad-scientist hair, no make-up, mis-match of clothes thrown together...sincerely hoping no one unexpected comes to the door and gets a case of PTSD from my unruly appearance)

Judging from my own posts…one would have to concede that I am amazing! I am unstoppable! Even though I have a child with special needs, a two year old and an 8 week old baby – I am at peace with my role as a mother… with my hair blowing freely in the Cape Town breeze… counting my blessings and nary a cross word passing my lips.

In my spare time I start businesses! I help people in Africa!

I have many friends and throw endless parties! I can do this all at the speed of light, while successfully creating copycat Chilli’s Chicken Crisper recipes, eating wheat-grass and doing holiday crafts with my children (even my newborn is able to crank out some Pinterest-worthy Christmas decorations all by himself).

I am not stressed….I am relaxed! I am positively blissful!

I’m not sure who this person is….but I definitely want to know her! And if only she were a real person…and if only that person was me. Seriously!

Of course I don’t want to sound negative or cranky and assume most people realize this is just a small snippet of my reality. But, for the tiny percentage of people out there that may think the 1% of life posted on social media is actual life, let me just say emphatically, “Not so much!”

Oh everything I post is technically true…but as they say at Fresh Start, “More than one thing is true.”

The tension for me is how to be real…without sounding sad and pathetic. No one likes sad…and pathetic is just, well, pathetic.

Does anyone want to hear that most things with Emme is about 100 times the work as a typical child? I think not. Everyone has their problems. We love that girl to pieces….but the fact that she is still in diapers at 6 years old, is honestly a pretty discouraging part of life for me. Not a Facebook worthy rant – but we have changed her diapers for over 2,000 days IN A ROW…that’s right....every day for 2,000 days…nasty, smelly big kid diapers. It makes me think, “Have I utterly failed her as a mother?” Probably. I think that a lot. I spend a certain percentage of my day worrying I am quite possibly the worst mother ever.

Her last two facilitators (that come to our house for afternoon developmental activities) have suddenly quit. Up and quit with virtually no notice! We are having great difficulty finding new ones and feel discouraged about the level of services for her in Cape Town.

I’ve ordered books to “teach your child with Down syndrome to read and do math” but coming up with a plan for this is totally overwhelming. It’s something that nags at the back of my mind every single day! I feel very inadequate and guilty all the time over this.

Take this moment for instance…I’m trying to write this blog while I simultaneously give Jensen spelling words (she just got done crying from utter discouragement). Emme has already watched too much television today so I should probably stop her video and do some puzzles with her and Colton is overdue to be fed. But I just want to finish this blog!! Aaaaaaaa! I need to go make dinner but I have nothing planned.

I tell myself, "Mother is Beautiful! It's beautiful, I tell you!"

And I am tired! Soooo tired!

Adi Rose is an adorable button-of-a-child...that must cry a dozen times every day. No exaggeration. At least a dozen time. The drama is exhausting!

Jensen is turning into an amazing young lady – but my sharp tongue can pierce her heart and my impatience can run rampant. I daily pray for it to be “less of me and more of him”…especially when it comes to Jensen.

Colton is the sweetest, chubbiest boy there is. But he is by far more fussy and demanding than any of his predecessors combined. How can this be? I thought #4 was guaranteed to be the easy one? Lord have mercy!

We do have "boy joy!"

But many times the "boy joy" is more in my head – and not so much in the air around me that is being filled with blood curling screams

We throw many parties and dearly love this incredible community. But there are days when I think…do these people really like me? Do they see my biggest weaknesses and want to run away? Quite possibly!

It’s true that I love Africa with my whole heart. We have started cool businesses with amazing products…hopefully some people have been helped along the way. But it’s also true that there has been heart-break and tears. Some days I wonder if any of this is really helping any one. Team relationships can be strained and misunderstandings are inevitable.

Sometimes my American culture shouts louder than my Jesus culture!

I have cried long and hard over saying the wrong thing - acting too fast or too slow - disappointing and hurting people along the way. Apologies abound from my lips and on most days forgiveness is extended from these amazing African people.

I hear the horrific stories of epidemic rape and abuse and feel my small drop in this huge bucket is indeed very, very small. Big tears fall and big plans are made, but I need to constantly remind myself to keep Jesus first before plunging into my own “solution.”

Even on the lighter side…let me be frank: I did make an amazing copy-cat Chilli’s Chicken Crisper dinner – but nearly burned the kitchen down in a grease fire. I tried wheat-grass…but only once (mostly attempting to counteract the massive amount of Oreos I was eating at the time). We planted a garden but realized we had no idea what we were doing! Some of the vegetables grew in a mangled mess and bugs ate most of it, leaving many vegetables unrecognizable as themselves.

Karl eventually said to me, "When you said you wanted to plant a garden...I should have realized you wanted me to plant it and water it every day and pick all the vegetables"

Yes....that is exactly what I meant! "We" is obviously code for "you."

You get the idea! I could go on and on…and pretty much have.

To close out…here are a few of my social media posts…and then what the “behind-the-scenes” description should be.

PANCAKE CHAOS:

Posted Description: Milestone day for us...first time ever that Emme saw us all in aprons and went to the cupboard to get an apron for herself. I love that she wants to make pancakes too.

Behind-the-Scenes Description: I do love that Emme wants to make pancakes too…but let’s face it – our three girls in the kitchen trying to cook pancakes is a recipe for whining, crying, gnashing of teeth, and lots of pancake batter on body parts and many unsanitary surfaces. It was a "Christmas Miracle" they posed for the 3 seconds it took to take this photo – but moments after that shot was snapped, massive meltdowns ensued. It looks like a happy memory, but in reality it was pure chaos that I don’t want to repeat EVER in my lifetime. We may just have to pick up all our pancakes from the McDonalds drive-through and hang on to what’s left of our sanity for dear life.

THE NO-SHOW PARTY:

Posted Description: Living in the same neighborhood as good friends = home-made muffins I don't have to bake

Behind-the-Scenes Description: Seriously People?!? We wanted to meet our neighbors so a few of us friends handed out invitations to 40 near-by homes, inviting them to a “Christmas Open House.” We baked muffins and bought desserts….but NO ONE CAME! Ok that’s not true, I exaggerate - one very sweet old lady came. But I was so disappointed! I don’t think South Africans do the “holiday open house thing” and probably thought that the idea sounded a little nuts. I wanted to shout “We really are very nice people…despite our Americanness and strong tendency to want to shake your hand when you are trying to kiss our cheek. It may take us a few years of living in your country to know we should always walk you to your car after a dinner-party (instead of just waving to you from our seated position on the couch thinking you will just show yourself out the door). But we can learn, people! WE CAN LEARN!”

My friends are such good sports and even contributed some honesty about the chaos of their life...

BARE FEET BLISS (BY COURTNEY):

Posted Description: Isn't this how your feet look when you are walking the streets of town, in and out of shops, cars, toilets?!

Behind-the-Scenes Description: Looks so chill, huh? Truth is...I have given up! I have no idea where you left your shoes! I am in charge of 7 people and I cannot keep up with 14 shoes. I got so tired of searching and, since sanity is important, I gave up on shoes…because how many times can one ask a kid, “Where are your shoes?!?” And hey…when in Rome…

SUNDAY AFTERNOON AT A VINEYARD (BY BETHANY):

Posted Description: Couldn't ask for better friends...

Behind-the-Scenes Description: Out with our best friends for the first time in months together because I'm normally in bed with pain and rarely have time out at all...

GOOD TIMES AT THE BEACH (LAURAL):

Posted Description: Beach Babies

Behind-the-Scenes Description: Looks super fun and it was. But the reality was that this was basically the only 5 min span of time that Jack wanted to be on the beach. The rest of the time he was crying and wanting to go to the play ground. Or trying to grab the sand bucket from Lucy. And he didn't like the water, ran in the other direction, but who can blame him...it feels like ice!!

NEW YORK OVER NEW YEARS (BY JOY):

Posted Description: In New York without our daughters. They would be jealous that they missed Olaf!

Behind-the-Scenes Description: Who doesn't think it would be amazing to be in Times Square over New Years' Eve? Me, that's who! I had to attend a conference that weekend in NYC, but I chose to fly out on New Years' Day to avoid the chaos of the night before. In this picture Marc and I had just arrived at our hotel and decided to walk down Broadway. It was still crazy with people and very irritating. I wanted a picture of Olaf for my girls, but Mario jumped in uninvited. What you don't see is Olaf asking me for money.

SPECIAL TIME WITH KIDS (BY SARAH):

Posted Description: "My morning view! We take our little buddy Seth to school in the am and spend a LONG commute reading, drawing, chatting, worshiping, and having fun.

Behind-the-Scenes Description: These are serious cuties but serious drama queen and kings as well. Our rides mostly are filled with complaining, hitting, whining, sneezing, snot flying, and asking "ARE WE THERE YET" more times than my soul can bear. "JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL"

Just remember the next time you see someone’s amazing vacation photos, happy-perfectly-dressed children or pictures of parties you did not attend – all is not as it seems.

We might wish our actual lives resembled our Facebook lives a little more - but honestly...no one wants to think you or your amazing life is perfect. We all need to know we are not alone in our pancake chaos, never-ending search for children's shoes, insecurities, or encounters with a Needy Money Scrounging Olaf on New Year's Day.

So let's have some fun! Join me this week in posting a photo with it's real "Behind-the-Scenes Description" of your actual, very messy but incredible life.

My Filter is Rubbish and Other Shocking Epiphanies

2014-12-16T07:13:00.004-08:00

Here is my epiphany for 2014: I am not as nice as I think I am.

In the spirit of full disclosure…I must say I was shocked and disturbed to realize that the “nice person” I think I am (that mostly just exists in my head) is not necessarily the same person you, and other people, may know.

So sad…but apparently too true.

I admit that with this pregnancy I have been sassier (to put me in the best possible light) or perhaps we should just call it what it is – uncalled for!

To my horror…in many of my responses I seem to exhibit no filter at all (from what I’m thinking in my head to what I say out loud). What’s worse…I don’t often realize it’s happening.

Karl will often say, “Why are you so punchy today?”

Hmmm...it could have something to do with the highly imbalanced and volatile hormonal state I'm in at the moment. Maybe.

Let me give you an example. Burger King has recently come to Cape Town but you must drive a ways to get there. We stopped a few weeks ago, and I was so excited to get a chocolate shake.

Of course when we got there, the shake machine was broken.

I thought I handled this with great flexibility and grace. I calmly walked over to a nearby ice cream shop and ordered a chocolate shake. How different could it possibly be?

Ha! It was literally like drinking chocolate milk with a few ice chunks in it. I was not feeling so flexible and full of grace now.

I asked the owner calmly…trying not to sound as annoyed as I was, “Is this normal? This seems very liquidy.”

He said flatly, “Yes…that’s how it is. If you wanted it thicker you should have ordered the ‘Double Thicky’.”

I took a long pause…letting this unusual upgrade sink in, “Oh…I didn’t know that was an option.”

He said nothing and the implication was clear: I am in the wrong. Double-thicky?? Who has ever heard of that? What kind of description is that?? And why would the average person presume they needed extra thickness in a normal chocolate shake?

Can’t he see how pregnant I am? I am in no mood for semantics.

I walked away…sipping my so-called shake and trying to convince myself it’s not that bad.

But the more I drank – the worse it got. It most definitely WAS that bad.

Now perhaps a saner person would have re-ordered it correctly or would have just “let it go” (as they all seem to be singing these days). But not me.

I feel justified in my total and utter customer dissatisfaction.

As we are about to leave, I walk up to the counter, gently place (aka “slam”) my Non-Double-Thicky-Still-Quite-Full shake on the counter, and say (more like shout) to all who will listen, “This is THE WORST chocolate shake I have ever had in my ENTIRE LIFE.” (strong emphasis on ENTIRE LIFE).

The owner and employees don’t flinch…barely look up – totally unconcerned about my loud and unfavorable pronouncement of their product.

And with that, I walk away in a confident power-stride (OK – more like a very pregnant waddle)… not asking for my money back nor taking the shake with me. I leave it there to emphasize the fact that I will not be finishing it….EVER IN MY LIFE.

My filter has failed me but fortunately in this case, no one seems to care. I have made a stand. I have no regrets. I may be acting like a crazy woman…but this is chocolate we are dealing with here, people.

Apparently this is Double-Thicky Style

Then…the other day we made a purchase at a store where they check your receipt on the way out…peeking in your bag to make sure the items match your receipt.

The checkout counter was SO CLOSE to the door, that when we got to the receipt-checker-outter-person who had just ONE job they clearly took pride in…I blew right past them.

In my mind we both saw eye-to-eye on this procedure…knowing it was a good general practice but totally unnecessary in my case (as she had clearly watched me check out and pay for all my items and there was no way possible I could have shoved a final stash of unpaid for chocolates in my bag in the 5 seconds it took to walk to her).

I was confident she understood the purity of my integrity and fully endorsed my desire to just skip this little step. I continued to walk quickly to the car.

Karl called me back.

In my mind I thought I gave a “helpful smile” in response as I returned, cheerfully showing her the contents of my bag and matching receipt. She barely checked it, confirming my belief that she and I were on same page with my unquestionably character, and I was sure I must have said “thank you so much” with another bright smile as we left again.

I was convinced she felt I embraced her like this.

In the car on the way home Karl said, “Now you realize you came back in a huff and scared that poor employee so much she was too frightened to actually check your bag. When you saw that she didn’t even check it – you let out a loud and sarcastic, “Ha!” – at the ludicrously of her calling you back for a token bag check.

Hmmmm…that isn’t QUITE how I recalled the interaction….but I am sure Karl’s observation is more accurate. Not only do I have no filter for my responses…I have no perception of how I am affecting others.

Which brings me to my main point.

A few months ago a very good friend of mine came to me with a concern. She was so kind to share openly and lovingly that she was hurt about a negative vibe I was giving off about someone close to her. I couldn’t believe it! This was never my intention, and I was completely unaware of how my behavior was being perceived and affecting her.

Of course I was horrified and apologetic – eager to change any hurtful behavior.

But then it occurred to me…it took a lot of courage for her to come to me and share her heart. I began to think, “What if others feel this way? And don’t feel like I am approachable and can share their hurt with me? How can I make this right?”

I looked back over my life and realized there had definitely been times in the past where my strong emotional reactions had been unsettlingly to others. Sometime causing lingering pain to only be uncovered years later.

So I began a journey.

I decided to go to as many friends as possible and share my heart with them one-on-one. It went something like this…

“I am on a journey to love and honor people better. And I just want to ask for your honesty…have I ever hurt or offended you and you didn’t know how to tell me? Or perhaps I have some blind spots in my life that I’m not aware of? I really value you and want to know how I can love better. Please tell me!”

Wow!

It’s a scary question to ask…but so good to go deeper with people.

In most cases I was relieved that I had not hurt or offended ALL of my friends. A few people said…”You’ve never offended me…but I’ve HEARD about you. I was warned you can be difficult.”

OH DEAR! Me?

Clearly there must have been a few times where a strong reaction in the past had made me seem disagreeable or unkind. Perhaps not “seem” – let’s face it…I have been known to slam my Non-Double-Thicky shake on the counter pretty hard and make some loud and unfavorable pronouncements.

I am so grateful for the chance to learn how I am sometimes perceived and my flippant words can affect others. It’s much better to know and be able to apologize – than to just have people think this (sometimes for years) without telling me how they feel.

This has taught me a great lesson… I don’t always have an accurate perception of how I am affecting others. I want to me more self-aware, kinder, gentler.

Soooo…please. I know this is not an ideal forum to ask this question – but if I have EVER said or done anything that hurt you…or perhaps you could help me learn something about myself and how I can be perceived…please tell me!

Especially if you are now thinking, “Should I tell her?? How do I say it?” Please tell me! I need you in my life. I need your honesty. I need your realness. We can chat about it over a Double-Thicky shake if you’re here in Cape Town…or shoot me an email and ask me to call you.

I want to have a life earmarked by grace, love and honoring others. I invite you to join me on this journey, as we go deeper together and love better.

Help me make 2015 a new year…where this verse is truly a reality in my life, “Let your gentleness be known to all.” (Philippians 4:5)...with or without the Double-Thicky Shake.

Miscarriage: A Crown of Beauty for Ashes

2014-10-02T13:38:00.002-07:00

These are the “tell-all stories” of six women who have experienced the heart-ache of miscarriage and the roller-coaster emotions of becoming pregnant again.

You will be moved by the ashes of their broken dreams but, as you lean in to look more closely, will begin to notice the crown of beauty they unknowingly wear.

Why talk about miscarriage?

We women love to tell our birth stories…home birth or hospital delivery room, natural or caesarian, length of labor, epidural, tearing, helpfulness of nurses – we can go on and on!

But not many women know how to talk about their miscarriage. It’s an awkward topic…full of pain, lost dreams, and grief.

At the same time, many people don’t know what to say to someone they love who has experienced a miscarriage. Is it better to say nothing than the wrong thing? How do you reach out to someone– without feeling like you are just “making it worse?”

I would love to invite you to enjoy this free e-book “Miscarriage: A Crown of Beauty for Ashes” that I have created (as a .pdf you can click here to download).

This e-book contains…

· Stories: Real-life, tell-all stories of 5 amazing women (plus my own) who had a miscarriage in the past and are now currently pregnant.

· How To Help A Loved-One Who Has Miscarried

· Miscarriage Resources

Not sure about an e-book yet? Read some inserts from the e-book right here on this blog…

Who is this e-book for?

The truth is that we all experience promises that die, must struggle through processing our own grief and learn to embrace new hope and dreams. These stories are for everyone.

Let us encourage your heart and bolster your hope in a God that really does love us all perfectly…through the gift of ashes that transforms into beauty in our lives.

This e-book is for those who have never had a miscarriage: With as high as 1 out of every 3 women YOU know having experienced a miscarriage…this e-book becomes an invaluable tool for better understanding their pain – how they felt, the gravity of what they lost and the painful emotions involved with the journey of another pregnancy. Learn what to say and how to help them with the healing process.

For those who have experienced a miscarriage: Whether you are still working through the grieving process or feel as if you have “moved on” – these stories and resources will help you reflect, feel as if you are not alone and bring hope that there is a God who knows your sorrows and has custom designed your life to perfectly shower you with his goodness and gifts at exactly the right time.

How relevant is this e-book?

Every statistic is a face…every number is someone you know…a co-worker, friend, sister, daughter, aunt, niece, and neighbor.

15-35% chance of a woman in the childbearing range having a miscarriage

Women under 35 years = 15% chance of miscarriage
Women between 35-45 years = 20-35% chance of miscarriage

20% (that’s 1 out of 5) recognized pregnancies will end in a miscarriage
50% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, usually before the woman knows she’s pregnant

80% of miscarriages happen before 12 weeks

In these real-life stories you will see how each of us took our own time…our own path to embrace grief & joy, death &; new life, pain & healing.

Please grab a cup of coffee, get comfy and lean in close to hear the heartbeat of these incredible mothers.

Here are some snippets from each of the contributors to our e-book…

Meet Heather…

Miscarriage. What an ugly word. This was a word that I was certain would never have to enter my life…thinking miscarriages only happened to people who were at risk and here I am, healthy and young. Not a chance this could happen to me!

Little did I know that ugly word was about to enter my life in a very real way.The memories of that day, Thursday, October 17^th 2013 at eight weeks along, will be forever etched into my life....

There is a deep grieving that took place as I mourned the loss of, not only my first child, but of all of the dreams and plans I had for that little life.

The difficult part to mourning the loss of your child, even one as young as 8 weeks, is that it can be hard for people to empathize. In the beginning people became awkward and if you listened closely, you could hear the faint “I am sorry”. Nobody knew exactly what to say. Did I even know what to say back? Words of encouragement, no matter how comforting, would not suffice.

Read Heather’s full story…

Meet Danielle…

My husband and I were one year married when we had a surprise pregnancy. We were a bit apprehensive at first, as we had just applied for insurance (so the birth wouldn’t be covered) and it was much sooner than we’d planned. It didn’t take us long to get excited though!

But at three weeks pregnant, only a week after discovering our baby’s life, I suffered a miscarriage. It was painful, traumatic, and devastating to us both. The LORD had already given us promises and encouragement for this little life, so how could He allow it to be taken away?

Though I miscarried naturally I was required to have a D&C to make sure nothing remained, and the recovery – emotionally and physically – was slow. The grief was overwhelming. No one seemed to know what to say, and I felt a lot of guilt. I have always wanted children, and knowing my first response was concern rather than instant joy made me feel I was somehow responsible...

Surrendering jealousy and bitterness was sometimes a daily practice. I was a mother too, yet my baby and my experience seemed so easily forgotten.

Read Danielle’s full story…

Meet Jennifer…

I had my miscarriage in the fall of 2001 at 11 weeks into my pregnancy. We hadn’t yet shared the news with ANYONE, as we wanted to safely make it past the 12 week mark. My husband, the doctor and I knew about the baby. That’s it.

I miscarried the baby naturally in the common restroom in the ER waiting room as I was waiting to be seen by a doctor. One memory that sticks out was the very awkward conversation I had with the check-in nurse to state that they might want to “get my baby” from the toilet in the bathroom. UGH.

This was my first pregnancy, so what made it especially difficult is the unknown. I didn’t know FOR SURE what was happening; I didn’t want to alarm anyone, including my husband and my doctor, so the pains I began feeling went largely unrecognized by anyone but me...

The hardest mental battle after the miscarriage was the negative, internal self-talk. I allowed negative thoughts that went something like this… “You know, that ONE thing you wanted to do in life? Be a mom? Yeah, forget about that. Obviously, you’re not capable of having a baby. You’re not good enough. Your body is damaged goods. Dream on, girl, it’s NOT GOING TO HAPPEN for you.”

Read Jennifer’s full story…

Meet Julie L…

My experience with miscarriage began long before I ever had one. I always felt very deeply for people that I heard had a miscarriage. I couldn't imagine how they were feeling and how they dealt with such a confusing loss, but my heart was always very grieved and overcome for them. I guess it was God's way of gently preparing my heart to one day experience that loss.

Because we had our daughter Sarah in 2008 with a normal pregnancy and delivery, we never thought about miscarriage when we got pregnant again in 2010.

I still remember what day it was and where I was when I began bleeding. I immediately began to worry and called my doctor. I was only seven weeks along and hadn't even gone in for my initial 9 week doctor appointment. They had me come in several times to check my hormone levels and they were in fact dropping, which is the case with miscarriage.

I hated how cold and matter of fact the nurses were, telling me I was losing my "fetus." How could they talk about my beautiful baby that way?

I hardly made it to my car before I bawled. Friends and family surrounded us in prayer, and we pleaded with God to save our little one. However, after the miscarriage was confirmed and that there were no complications, I bled for a few days and we thought it was over.

We were heartbroken. We cried out to the Lord, questioned Him, doubted Him, got mad at Him and even wondered if there was something that we had done wrong to cause this.

Read Julie L’s full story…

Meet Deanna…

I was overwhelmed by the physical sensation of passing the baby, the horror of realizing what had just happened and briefly seeing that tiny sweet baby at the bottom of my toilet. Can you believe I’m even typing those words?! My sweet tiny baby lying at the bottom of my toilet?! Sigh...

The next few months were so hard. I had already been planning, of course, for the future and so to roll back those plans, even if they were just in my mind, was agonizing. The loss of the future. Oh man, that was rough.

After the numbness wore off, I just had this PAIN inside me like I have never felt before. It felt so deep, so profound, so overwhelming. I was unprepared...

There were pregnant women everywhere. I never felt like I was mad at them, but seeing them just made me so sad for what I had lost. My heart was so broken and so full of pain, but I didn’t have an outlet to get that sadness out. I had to keep it together for my kids, my business, my responsibilities, etc. I felt like I had no time to grieve.

Read Deanna’s full story…

Meet Julie O...

Once in the ultra-sound room, the feeling of despair sank deeper and deeper into my heart. The black and white screen told the stark truth - our once happy, jumping baby seemed to be crumbled into a tiny heap in the corner of my womb. Death, after 100 well-lived years or just nine weeks in the womb, is still death – cold, harsh, definite - a loss of monumental proportion in our hearts.

Going home that night, I decided to pass the baby naturally. For me, it seemed to be the most private, comforting path between two terrible choices.

Days passed and nothing happened. I began to wonder if I had made the right decision. Every day was a painful reminder that where I once carried life…my body now housed death. Every step I took, every errand I ran, every meal I ate for those seven days was with my dead baby inside me. The waiting was agony.

Read Julie’s full story…

Thank you for taking the time to lean in close and hear the stories of these mothers!

Please download the e-book here and use this as resource to pass on to those working through the process of a miscarriage.

Miscarriage: A Crown of Beauty for Ashes (the tell-all stories of 6 women)

Becoming a Person of Color

2014-04-29T17:12:00.001-07:00

If you've known me for any length of time...you may have noticed my addiction to wearing black and gray. Does this speak to a deeper issue (“issues” I should say)? Probably! There’s certainly always tell-tale signs, isn't there?

In fact...this was such an obvious theme for me that I was caught off-guard when a few years ago at one of my baby showers, all my friends were instructed to wear black to the shower – just to show support for my dearly beloved policy in women’s apparel.

In a rare moment I didn't show up to the shower in the total black. The hostess was so surprised! I said, “Really? Everyone was supposed to wear black?” She said, “Julie! Honestly! You ALWAYS wear black!” Somehow that fact had slipped by me.

I reasoned to myself...Black is slimming! Black is classic! Black should be the obvious first choice for everything! Every clear-thinking person is aware of this.

Note: As Americans we often avoid using the word “black” in any kind of reference to anything. But here in Africa “black” is a perfectly fine descriptor – so I can say with confidence I LOVE BLACK (OK...I still feel a bit uneasy admitting this so freely). Just bear with me here.

It wasn’t just my clothes – my house was decorated in black and white. Sure I had some accent colors – but black was the constant, immovable theme.

And then last year I was in the process of shaking off some old and hurtful habits and I thought, “Is it possible to reinvent myself at this point? This life needs an overhaul!”

Don’t get me wrong – I still love black with my whole heart. But I decided then and there to become a Person of Color.

I remember last spring this pink and white dress was my first $20 purchase toward a life change – representing so much more than a change in clothing or home decoration.

I wanted a physical reminder that even me...who hates changes and holds on to the past with white knuckles...could REALLY CHANGE and to prove it to myself I decided to incorporate COLOR everywhere I could!

Black still creeps in there, but now (on most days), I do my laundry, paint walls, hold birthday parties and get on the floor with my girls in festive colorful dresses.

This one may be slightly "bridesmaid" - but why not??

It’s a little “1950’s house wife” I agree...but sometimes you need a serious “Self Intervention” where you confront yourself and conclude the only thing left to do is pull a George Costanza and do the opposite of everything you have ever done – in order to get different results than you’ve always gotten.

So enjoy this photo of tour of color in my life...as I seek to embrace a little less control, a little less pursuit of my own rightness, a little more joy, a little more remembering to stay in THIS moment.

Speaking of THIS MOMENT...I had the stark realization yesterday there isn’t “more to get to...eventually” – there isn’t more.

I’ll say it again (mostly to myself) THERE IS NOT MORE. There is just now. THIS is it. THIS moment. THIS conversation with my husband. THIS little girl wanting me to tuck her in and hold her hand. THIS prayer. THIS really is it. THIS is my life. I will embrace it for what it is right now. Not for what it could, should or would be.

This is probably too much information on the minutia of my life so please feel free to scroll to photos (I haven’t told Karl this yet)...but in the spirit of that realization – I am really going to attempt to have a 5 minute conversation with my husband every day that is just a “fun, nothing conversation.” You know the kind you would have with a boyfriend – where there isn’t any actual point but to enjoy each other’s company (I do love a good point!)...a conversation without logistics (grocery lists, kid schedules, budget questions, or scolding’s etc.)! It’s embarrassing that this is so revolutionary to me. I tried it last night and was reminded again how easily Karl can make me laugh if I just put down my agenda for one tiny second.

My footnote for the day...a life well lived is creating the harmony between “this must change” and “this must be embraced for what it is.”

Without further ado...

Even in creating my “garden house” – I’ve resisted the temptation to slip back into my old black habits.

Dining Room Bench (recycled wood from pallets) Note: we are thinking about selling these type of pillow covers as part of the Motherhood is Beautiful program - want to buy some??

Entry Hall/Dining Room
(table - recycled wood from pallets)

Dining Room Hutch
(with South African Designer Fabric bunting - new product??)

Our Bedroom

Our dresser
(recycled pallet dresser)

The Jelly Bean Tree (Jensen and Emme's Room)

The Lollipop Garden (Jensen and Emme's Room)

The yellow stripes (Adi's Room)

I want to be a person of color...shaking off the every day gray and fully embracing the different hues of joy.

Karl's Eulogy to His Mom

2014-04-01T13:52:00.004-07:00

Guest Blog Post by Karl Ostrand

Read by Karl's close friend Kevin Atkinson at Joan Ostrand's Funeral (March 1st, 2014)...

As I approached the South African customs agent in preparation to board the plane home, I was doing everything I could do to keep it together. I handed her my passport and she asked why I was going home. With tears streaming down my face, I explained that my mother had literally just passed away hours before and I was returning home for the funeral.

At that moment she stopped and looked straight into my eyes and said son….”You are returning home to celebrate a life.” And thus, as I have learned many things from my African brothers and sisters, I know this to be true…we are here to celebrate a life!

The last family trip we took - went to Great Wolf Lodge (spring of 2014)

On behalf of my father, grandmother, aunts, uncles, cousins and dear friends, I thank you for being here to do just that.

In the last week, I have heard so many amazing stories about my mother. With stories come adjectives. Loving, joyful, kind, caring, sincere, thoughtful, willing, trustworthy, steadfast, reflective, knowledgeable, helpful, generous, faithful, encouraging, brave, compassionate, affectionate, amazing….the list could go on and on.

As I’ve thought about what stands out to me about my mom, it was her love. The definition of love says… “an intense feeling of deep affection”

Mom and Karl (Christmas 2014)

It was this feeling of love for family and friends that has touched us all. She would do anything to show you her love. In the same respect, to show you her love, meant she wanted to share with you her most prized possession. And that possession was her eternal faith in Jesus Christ. It’s what motivated her in life and compels me in her death.

If she was standing here today and I asked her, “Mom, what do you think of your funeral? Without a doubt she would say, “I want the love and power of Jesus to be known.” Everything else would come a distant second to that request.

My dad and I were reading a journal she was keeping which demonstrates her love and faith in Jesus. As she battled the evils of cancer, she wrote these words…

I miss my mom with words I cannot express but I also rest in the peace and assurance that she is sitting at the right hand of God.

So mom, rest assured that nobody will leave your funeral without hearing about your prized possession…the love of Jesus that exists for everyone here!

I love you mom!

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Karl going with his mom to chemo (summer 2014)

The Garden In My Heart (or not)

2014-02-05T14:25:00.000-08:00

If you ever look at a happy photo of the Ostrands and think to yourself, “Wow they have it together...what a nice family!”

I urge you to think again (although it is possible that Karl may have it all together, and I can confirm he is really quite nice).

I am, unfortunately, sure that I may have it only “somewhat together” 9% of the time and am not actually all that nice.

So let me back up.

Around Christmas time every year we choose our “Destiny Words" (email me if you are interested in the details on how these "Destiny Words" are selected at julie@karlandjulie.com)

Essentially this is literally a word (usually a single word) we feel is from the Lord for us for the next year. It’s a “handle bar word” – something we hang on to when all else seems to be falling apart.

Last year I got the word FLOW.

I have to say...this word carried me through 2013. There were many times that I struggled. Struggled is putting it mildly.

It was hard to leave Africa – especially my house! We were renting it...but still...it was my first house (we had been in apartments before that) and I really loved it. We didn’t know how long we would be back in America so we gave up the lease.

We left our ministry, our amazing community, our life.

Going back to the US was hard but good. Better than good – it was exactly right. We lived with Karl’s parents, and I realized I had a lot to learn from Karl’s mom.

Often times I feel stressed or rushed or overwhelmed and my words to my family come out harsh or impatient. The other day we were rushing around trying to get the girls out the door for school, and I was ALLEGEDLY barking orders.

Karl said, “Julie, you are actually shouting at all of us right now. It’s not helpful.” (of course he says this very calmly and nicely – Aaaaaa!”)

Inside I thought, “How is this not helpful? I am being loud enough for all to hear and clear enough for all to understand.”

Apparently that’s not the definition of helpful and no one appreciates a screaming, slightly hysterical mother (is there any such thing as “slightly hysterical?”).

So...living with Karl’s mother for 8 months, I was awed at how her words where never impatient or rude – despite her own difficult circumstances, exhaustion or pain levels. She definitely does not bark orders at anyone! I really want to be more like that. If I could just take these sharp corners off my words! Joan was such a great example of amazing character in every day life (when no one is watching but your family who is forced to put up with you).

So back to FLOW.

There were quite a few times I was fighting my circumstances in 2013, and I really felt to the Lord say to me, “Go with My FLOW.” It helped me relax. It gave me a plan of action (Lord knows I love a good plan of action). Often times when I was on the verge of some epic meltdown, the Lord would gently bring me back to FLOW.

FLOW means “move along or out steadily and continuously in a current or stream.”

So that’s what I did. I focused on FLOW...moving in the stream of the moment and not fighting against the current of circumstances I did not prefer.

Now this year I got GARDEN.

This was exciting! I thought...2013 was tough. Moving back to America and living a perpetual temporary state of life, the miscarriage, the skin cancer. Yes, Lord I am ready for my GARDEN! Bring on the peace, flowers and sunny days! That sounds just right!

And I could picture it. I would land in Africa, and the Lord would show us immediately the perfect house to rent in just the right location. It would be like an oasis for my heart.

As a woman, a house to call her own is a big deal, and I haven’t had a house since last April. Surely God knew this was my biggest need! Surely this is what he meant by GARDEN! Obviously he would take me straight to the GARDEN of my physical surroundings.

Kinda. It was just kinda like that. Except more like exactly the opposite.

When we landed in Africa at the beginning of January, we had amazing friends who graciously offered to let us stay at their house for our first week. Plenty of time I thought! Surely God will provide a house quickly. My GARDEN is just waiting for me!

One week turned into two...which turned into three. No house to move into. Many nights we slept with 4 of us in a bed.

Our family’s immunity was pretty low from the stress of travel, and we seemed to catch everything possible. We had the flu (the “both ends” kind of flu), upper respiratory infection, horrible coughing, lice, worms, severe eczema. Jensen was so sick she was talking crazy about pigs on the ceiling and just wanting a little cloud. I was terrified her brain had spilled out a few marbles I was never going to find again.

Adi's eczema (on her cheeks, arms, legs, abdomen, etc.)

You name it...we caught it...and then much to my horror we shared it with our friends who were hosting us. My worst nightmare! Soon my sweet friend, her husband and baby were sick as dogs.

We tried to find another place, but every temporary rental place was full.

And the houses! The first one we toured the day after we landed. It was perfect! My Garden!

We had a great reference and our finances were in order – but they chose another family. And the second house was even better! We even signed a lease and when our agent went to have the owner sign it too, she reneged on her verbal agreement and decided to pick someone else who could pay a little more.

My heart broke into a million pieces and I inwardly screamed “Where is the GARDEN you promised me??!?”

When I asked the Lord about it, I felt He was saying, “First I want to cultivate a GARDEN in your heart, not contingent on your exterior circumstances.”

“Oh,” I thought. “Oh dear. That’s not what I had in mind at all. Could I have another word please?”

I’ve had various moments of utter disappointment and outright anger.

Karl said to me last night, “Do you think God owes you?”

I said, “Yes!!!”

And I had to admit I felt owed. Owed a break from all the transition and chaos when I really feel I am asking for what seems to be so little. Just one little house to settle my precious family. I moved to Africa. Wasn’t that enough?

It is SO much transition. Unpacking and repacking and unpacking again our entire lives while we move back and forth between friends’ houses and dorm-style guest houses.

It’s hard to put into words the frustration of sleeping small children in a different place all the time while you can’t quite ever find anything.

Most of the time I’m just wandering around digging through suitcases trying to find scotch tape or a toy or some sanity.

I gotta say. I’m ready for some pleasant exterior circumstances.

But he wants to do MORE.

So much more. It’s the “more” that always gets me.

And then I realized...does it really count if I turn back into a nicer person once I have my house and my car and my girls schedules aren’t in chaos? Once my life is “in order?”

I read about some amazing guy in a concentration camp who was so nice to everyone and all the people loved him and how he took care of everyone and was so unselfish and blah blah blah. (His story is actually incredible...read it here)

So I kept telling myself...”Hey – this is much better than a concentration camp. Why can’t I at least be 10% nicer?? I can do that!”

The problem is I really can’t. I love efficiency and organization with my whole heart and my life is the exact opposite of efficient and organized.

So I can’t but I know the One in me can. I’m choosing to embrace this Gardner who keeps pruning me. I’m not a fan – I gotta be honest. But I SO want that GARDEN IN MY HEART. Isn’t there another way that doesn’t involve cutting off these huge branches I have grown to love?

As I begin to accept this, today we signed a lease for a house we can move into March 1^st. There are not words for how thankful I am.

And He is showing me I need to expand the GARDEN. The overflow of my GARDEN HEART will be building a GARDEN HOME for my girls. I’m not sure I really know how to do this!

Now if you want me to help you start a business, or create a marketing plan, build your web site, or run your project. Great! I love every second of it. But if you ask me to bake a casserole or teach my child to read I am horrified and petrified.

What I love about the community here are there are so many people who will give you words from the Lord specifically for your moment...your pain...your situation. The words of my friends all seemed to echo the Lord's whispers to me.

One women told me this week, “Julie, your children are your priority. Once they are 12 years old...most of your work and your influence is done. Now is the key time with your children.”

Another friend said, “Julie...embrace your circumstances. Don’t fight this. The Lord wants to do something new in your heart.”

Someone else said, “The Israelites were eager to thank God ONCE THEY CROSSED the Red Sea onto dry land. But, Julie, God wants us to thank him now...on THIS side of the river.”

Huh!

So thankfully the Lord does not let my terror stop his GARDEN PLANS. He prunes and He clips and He hacks it off. Oh how He hacks it off!

As I step into embracing this I asked the Gardener to download his GARDEN PLANS for a GARDEN HOME for my girls (since I really have no idea how to do this).

For Jensen I feel He is saying...

MAMA TIME: Set aside one afternoon a week just for “Mama Jensen Time” and do something simple like bake cookies, or plant a real garden or do art.
TUCK IN: At night I tend to do the “Speed Tuck In” – which is about a 5 minute process of brushing teeth and saying prayers. This mom is eager to get off the clock! But I feel him saying that this is the key time of day to pour into her. So when I tuck her in at night...I’m going to rub her feet with oils and take 20 minutes to chat about her day, de-brief the hard stuff and pray with her. I distinctly remember how my own mother would tuck me in every night and ask me about my day...praying me through all the hard stuff (friend problems, teacher difficulty, insecurities, etc.).

Me and mom (when I was about Jensen's age)

BIBLE: Reading one small story from the “Storybook Bible” at breakfast or dinner to the family.

For Emme I feel He is saying...

GOD TIME: Set aside one time a week to take her to All Nations Furnace – a time of prayer and worship. Emme loves worship and since we would be praying that one day she would have a healing ministry – to start now with teaching her how to pray for others.
TUCK IN: During Jensen’s tuck-in, Karl wants to be with Emme and Adi listening to worship music.

Daddy and his girls

BIBLE: At night while she sleeps we would like to play a full audio recording of the whole Bible (a little bit at a time). Although Emme’s mind may not fully absorb all the concepts, we really believe these truths can sink deep into her spirit.

So this is my GARDEN PLAN. It may take some time to move all of these areas into being every day habits...but this is what we will work toward.

For 2014 I was expecting to walk into an oasis FOR my heart...but instead He is building an oasis IN my heart. I want to be a person not so dependent on my current circumstances to make me nice and happy and pleasant to be around.

Oh Lord! Do you your work! And quickly for the sake of others!

Miscarriage and Cancer - Opening My Hand

2013-11-07T18:10:00.004-08:00

Well…it’s been a roller coaster. In the past few weeks I turned 40, found out I have skin cancer and experienced the miscarriage of our 4^th child.

I am learning how to open my hand to the gifts He gives - to see them as gifts...even when I don't like the wrapping paper.

Please watch this VLOG (video blog) for some VERY HONEST talk – the pain and the joy of this loss. I share about what it was like to experience a miscarriage, how we have celebrated his life and other "gifts" I was not willing to see as "gifts."

Also, we felt our child was a boy and named him David Paul. We had a memorial service for him on November 2, 2013 and asked our family to join us. Here here are some things each person shared:

For David Paul: A Poem From Mama

Every night

I spoke to you in hope

Cradled dreams

A life without scope

I loved every finger

Each tiny toe

Your heart was beating

So fast...then too slow

I carried you

Wrapped in the darkness of my womb

But now He carries me

You're wrapped in the lightness of heaven's room

I know your smile

And see your face

The road seems long

But I feel His grace

My true joy

Is in the empty tomb

Death has not won

We will meet soon

So Good Bye for now

My David Paul

The pain is deep

But this is not all

A thousand years

From this Day

We'll sit on that celestial shore

And marvel at His Perfect Way

- Your mama

Scripture from your father

A note from your sister Jensen

Thoughts sent from my brother and his family (living in the Middle East)

Jaden: I know you will be waiting in heaven to meet all of us. We can't wait to meet you.

Jett: I think you would have been a wonderful boy and I would have been your friend.

Ava: The Lord loves you and your baby. You will have a great time in heaven. I'll see you there later.

Alea: I will hold you in heaven.

A Letter from Aunt Erin:

Dear David Paul,

These days I find myself getting through the day by imaging what heaven will be like. Lately, I've been imagining what it will be like to have our entire family together ...in heaven...with no goodbyes. Goodbyes are my least favorite. I can't wait to all be together, as one family, in heaven, never again needing to say goodbye.

I can't wait to meet you and learn about your personality. Please know that you are so loved. We will have many adventures together! It's very special to know you are in heaven waiting for your family to arrive. We love you so much and can't wait for the day when we are united for eternity.

Love you!

Aunt Erin

Psalm for David (written by Uncle Ken)

The Lord is my guide, my storyteller,

Who helps man to see in the dark,

Who gives understanding in chaos,

Peace, in the valley of the shadow,

He paints His wonders on the Earth,

Making beauty from dust,

And glory from the void.

He lifts my spirit with His Spirit,

From the womb He bore me,

Up on the wings of Eagles I flew,

He carried me from the land of the living,

To the Kingdom of warming light,

Where men dream Gods' dreams,

And walk once again in the cool of the day,

Unafraid, while the dew is till on the roses.

He places his arms around me, in His lap,

On His knee I sit, still with awe and wonder,

Listening to His Great Story, and,

Waiting for end of the age,

When I will see them, hear them, hold them,

My dear ones, the Lord's anointed,

Face to face.

- Uncle Ken

A letter from my father (Bompa)

A letter from my mother (Grammy)

Scriptures from Karl’s mother (Mimi)

Scriptures from Karl’s father (Ppop)

We put everyone’s letter – along with our precious baby in a tiny casket Jensen decorated – in this jar and buried him in my parent’s back yard.

We love you, David Paul!

Motherhood – the good, the bad, the ugly

2013-08-14T22:11:00.001-07:00

Here is my tell-all about real Ostrand life with three fabulous little girls.

THE GOOD

It’s true...my life is exhausting. Probably not any more than another mother in this stage...but let me just say I LOVE our 7 pm bedtimes for all 3 girls! You heard that right (6:45 on occasion...don’t judge me!).

My current highlights:

Adison Rose (17 months) - is more active and more “into everything” and more “I need my mother now” than my other children two combined. Oh my soul!

She’s a little thing but has some serious dance moves - click here to see the video

ADI ROSE- SHORT VIDEO CLIPS (click below title to view):

Emme (5 years) – her favorite phrase that she must say at least 40 times a day is “I need help.” (we are so proud she has a 3 word sentence now!).

She knows about 200 signs with words and loves to choose someone to “teach signs” to. She will carefully select a person, climb up on their lap, and start by signing “friend.” She also loves to sing but does NOT want...

1) for you to sing along with her - don’t think it’s your voice – she only likes her own or a professionals - or maybe it IS your voice :-)

2) you to video her singing (this always ends in “No! No! No!)

EMME - SHORT VIDEO CLIPS (click below title to view):

Singing (No! No!No!)

Dancing in the Mirror at Old Navy

The Pushing Game

Jensen (7 years) – Lost her first tooth, loves riding the “special needs” bus with her sister to school and has decided she will stay in America while we go back to Africa.

I said, “But darling...won’t you miss your mother?” She said, “Don’t worry mom...I can write you letters!” (when has she ever written a letter in her life?)

JENSEN - SHORT VIDEO CLIPS (click below title to view):

Swinging and Singing

Cousin time

THE BAD

Sometimes hard things happen to our kids. No one wants to play with them at recess, the teacher scolded them, they didn’t get invited to the birthday party, their friend didn’t want to play the same game they did, they tried their best but still failed the test, etc.

As moms...we wonder how we can comfort our kids – while at the same time speaking truth about how they can overcome this particular challenge.

I heard about a technique that works well for war veterans who are victims of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), but can work for anyone who has gone through something difficult. It’s called “mirroring neutrons.” I tried it on Jensen and was amazed! (Source: Sapphire Leadership Group’s PTSD – Restoring Dignity and Hope )

The concept is that someone who has gone through a similar difficulty and overcome it...can actually help you build new pathways in your brain to overcome your pain – in ways that you could not accomplish on your own!

The chemistry in your brain can actually change – pulling you out of PTSD faster – or helping your 7 year old de-tangle new emotions about having a sister with Down syndrome.

Here’s an example and steps...

1. You are war veteran severely depressed because you lost your leg

2. Find a person willing to sit down with you for coffee who has experienced a severe loss and overcome the pain. This could be anyone – the loss does not need to be similar and does not need to be someone you know really well (just need someone willing to help you out!). For example, it could be a mom in MAD (Mother’s Against Drunk Driving) who lost her teenage son 10 years ago and has worked through that loss.

3. Tell your story about the loss of your leg until you feel she has connected with your pain and understood your feelings on a deep level

4. Listen to her story of loss and hear how she worked through her feelings and overcame her pain. Look her in the eye and connect with her emotions and story.

As simple as that sounds...it works!

So I tried it! Jensen came to me a few weeks ago, distraught for the first time about having a sister with Down syndrome.

There are so many great things about Emme – that I don’t think Jensen was ever faced with something that deeply bothered her about it. She had been hanging out with her cousin Ava (her age) and noticed how easy it was to talk and communicate with her younger sister (3 year old Alea). Jensen was shocked to see how someone else’s little sister, Alea, could so easily communicate, play house or even hold hands and skip across the street.

Jensen and Emme play so well together – that I often forget how different it is for Jensen than playing with other typical kids.

VIDEO: Jensen wrestling with Emme (click to view)

Jensen tearfully said that night, “But mom! Emme can’t talk to me and it’s hard to play games together. She doesn't understand me!”

I listened to everything Jensen had to say and encouraged her tell me more – until I felt sure Jensen sensed I really understood her pain.

I didn't try to change the subject, or tell her to get over it or look on the bright side.

Then, when she had told me everything, for the first time I told her my story of when Emme was born.

I said, “Jensen, when I had Emme in my tummy...we didn't know she had Down syndrome. We were so excited to meet our baby girl! The doctor seemed concerned that she was small, but mama wasn't worried. I thought those doctors were being silly (those doctors were actually close to labeling me “non-compliant” in my medical file because I really did think they were being way too dramatic)!

Then they had to take her out so fast by cutting open my tummy a whole month early...because her heart wasn't working so good. The nurse told daddy that she had Down syndrome. Daddy was so surprised he almost fainted! One of Emme’s legs was as white as paper and the cord was wrapped around her neck three times. We were worried!

When mommy was in the recovery room waiting to see Emme, she told her nurse (good friend Sara Nylin). “I’m just worried the kids at school will make fun of her!” Then I cried really hard! I was so sad!

That night I was in the NICU – a special place for babies who need nurses to take care of them. I was sitting by Emme’s little bed and I felt Jesus come over sit beside me. With an excited smile he said, “How do you like your gift?” And from that moment on....I knew that no matter what happened and even it was going to be hard – Emme would always be an amazing gift to our family.”

Jensen listened carefully to my whole story and asked a few questions. But I could tell it resounded with her spirit.

My take-away for moms? I guess this is what we moms have always known - but now science confirms it. When your child comes to you with deep pain – listen well to every detail. Make them feel understood. Then reach back and tell them your story. Be honest with how you felt with a similar pain and how you overcame it. You will physically change your child's brain’s ability to deal with life that can be harsh!

THE UGLY (3 CONFESSIONS)

Confession #1: It’s true. Adison Rose broke her leg and it’s entirely my fault due to a should-definitely-know-better-rookie-mistake.

I wish I had a better story. I was changing her diaper and I could hear Jensen in the other room, screaming and on the verge of waking up my friend’s sleeping son (in my book – nothing is worse than waking a happily sleeping baby...except now maybe breaking a baby’s leg. Doh!)

Without thinking, I ran to the door of the room and yelled, “Jensen! Quiet!” In that 5 second time period, Adi rolled off the edge and landed with a thud on the carpeted floor.

She only cried for a few moments, and I counted myself very lucky she was OK. However...the next day...when she still wouldn’t let me put her down without screeching in horror, we knew was something was wrong. The doctor confirmed our fears...a broken leg. She was in a hot pink cast for 3 weeks and walked around quite enthusiastically...thumping her little cast as she trotted along like a pirate. She’s unstoppable!

The worst part? Everywhere we would go people would wonder (and often ask) what happened. Of course I had to confess and relive the shame of some serious shady parenting

Click here to see a video of our little “pirate girl” hobbling around on her “peg leg"

Confession #2: None of my girls drink milk. Not whole...not 2%...not skim. Shhhh! I tried at first with all of them...making way too chocolately milk several times a day for Jensen. It was more like chocolate syrup with a dash of milk.

After one or two pathetic attempts with Adi – I switched to a no sugar veg/fruit juice with flax seed oil added (for the fats that are supposed to help with baby brain development). Many people are disturbed by this. I used to be a tall-glass-of-milk-with-every-meal kind of girl till I realized dairy could kill you. Despite my secretly held beliefs in the perils of dairy, it’s very embarrassing when Jensen goes to her friends houses and proudly informs them, “I don’t drink milk. My mom says it’s bad for you.”

What kind of mother could think milk was bad for you? Obviously the kind who lets her baby break her leg!

Confession #3: My kid is the one who told your kid there is no Santa Clause.

In my defense...we decided to go with the whole Santa Clause thing and it was quite fun for a few years. Then last year out of the blue (and no where near the Christmas season), Jensen says to me, “Is Santa Clause real?” I say, “What do you think?” She says, “Yes!” I say, “Well there you go!” “Is he really, mom?” And this went back and forth for some time.

Then she says that same afternoon, “Is Jesus real?”

Now I had a problem. There are some serious similarities between Santa and Jesus in the mind of a 6 year old.

1). You can’t see them

2) Both have important roles at Christmas

3) Both “can see you when you’re sleeping...know when you’re awake...see if you’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness sake!”

She was connecting the two and I honestly didn’t want her questioning Jesus. So I told her the truth...quickly to follow was the fall of princesses, the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy.

I’ve made her promise not to tell a soul and I’ve seen her play along with the fun in front of her friends. But let me say it now...I’m so sorry if she tells your kid! I have become THAT mom!

America – 5 New Things

2013-06-27T22:45:00.001-07:00

Ahh...America the Beautiful! A lot has changed in America since we were here 2 years ago. For example...

1. Plastic Bottles. What happened to all the plastic?? I’m guessing there has been a massive campaign to save the ocean by using less plastic in general (admirable) but now my plastic water bottle is very crinkly. VERY CRINKLY. Although I am an ocean lover...may I be so bold as to say, “Not that into it.” Jensen has been known to wake up Emme in the middle of the night trying to take a stealthful sip of her water. She inadvertently crinkles that bottle a little bit too much (by simply holding it!) and startles her sister out of dead sleep. Is it me...or do these wispy bottles sound like a massive rain storm in your hand?

2. Plastic Bags (at the grocery store). I know...I know...I should be using canvas totes! But I really need the bags for the massive numbers of disposable diapers my two children use every day (my apologies to the ocean, once again). All that to say...I’m not even sure this pseudo tissue-paper bag can even be categorized as actual plastic.

3. Iphones. Since arriving back in the US this year – it seems everyone I know now has an iphone. This is pretty great. Instagram (my all time favorite photo app) is becoming popular and iMessaging is FABULOUS. On a side note...you can text us for free in Africa with iMessage (only a 7 hour time difference).

4. Online Commercials. Serious bummer. It used to be if we watched a show from Hulu or a major network (aka. ABC.com) – the commercials were about 30 seconds and you could choose to skip them. Now the commercials are several minutes and no option to skip. Booo Hisss!

5. Hot Spots. I used to think “hot spots” was popping your hood on Dodge (yes...I know...SO 20 years ago) or all the tweens hanging out at Village Pointe. But WOW! How cool is it that you can now take the internet with you anywhere? Love mobile hotspots from the cell phone carriers. Thumbs up, America!

What I absolutely love the most about my country is that Americans are creative, bold and love to think outside the box. And even though we sometimes severely over-estimate our own talent (aka the singer on American idol whose doting mother should have been a little more forth-coming in directing her praise away from a performance that would enrage Simon Cowell in front of millions of people), I sure do love Americans...even when we can’t sing.

Now I just need to figure out how to get my Hope-tions bunting featured on Shark Tank!

Happy 4^th of July!

Celebration

2013-05-02T09:44:00.001-07:00

I just cannot resist a good party. Even when the skies turn dark and the road seems relentlessly long...we choose celebration.

Celebrating Birthdays

Adison Rose recently turned 1 years old! She is on a mission. She has places to go, people to see, parties to attend.

Emme turned 5 years old. Emme’s favorite thing to do in the whole world is listen to music – particularly worship music. So for her 5th birthday....friends joined us for a time of singing worship songs and praying over her.

Celebrating God Creating New Life - Boy or Girl?

One of my Ocean View girls is having a baby so we did one of those “Gender Cake Reveal Parties” (where you find out if you are having a boy or girl by cutting into the cake – the frosting inside reveals the gender of the baby – blue for boy and pink for girl).

Celebrating Down Syndrome

We visited Jensen’s class and explained what it means to have Down syndrome. We talked about how Emme is a gift, God’s princess, and talked about princesses.

Celebrating Life in the Midst of Cancer
We are back in the states right now spending time with Karl’s mom as she battles cancer. We are celebrating life together as a family and the goodness of the Lord in the midst of life’s difficult times.

Did you know there are 59 parties referenced in the Bible?

Jensen is the girl in our family who loves parties the MOST! We believe God has put a love for parties in her heart – so I am going through the process of recording all the scriptures about feasts for her to listen to.

Note: For Emme we are focusing on music and for Adi on movement.

I've been surprised at all the party drama in the Bible! Especially in the first 5 parties...

1st party (weaning) – The first party recorded in the Bible was the one Abraham threw when Sarah weaned Isaac. I’m sure it was quite the event! Sarah was 90 years old when she gave birth – and weaned him a few years after that.

The party drama was that Ishmael - his older half brother who was around 16 or 17 years old started making fun of his 2-3 year old brother. Sarah was pretty mad about it and made Abraham send Ishmael away – into the desert with his mother and one bottle of water. Seems a little harsh. God took care of Ishmael though and promised to turn him into a great nation. Ishmael is the father of Arab nations – most of whom are Muslim. (Genesis 21)

2nd party (for out of town guests)– Isaac was hanging out with the Philistines and they were pretty nice to him. They let him have land and the Philistine king even told everyone not to touch Isaac’s wife (apparently she was incredibly beautiful). Eventually they got jealous that God had blessed Isaac’s land and flocks so much- so they sent him away.

After a while though they came and found him and said, “So...uh..yeah. We know we sent you away but that was probably a bad idea because it’s obvious you’re one of God’s favorite people and He blesses you. So will you please promise not to hurt us?"

Isaac agreed not to hurt them and threw them a little “friendship party.” (Genesis 26)

3rd party (wedding) – This is a pretty famous party...a wedding actually. Jacob had worked seven years in order to marry the outrageously gorgeous Rachel. His father-in-law tricked him and disguised the not-so-beautiful older sister as the bride. He didn’t realize till after he "sealed the deal" that he had married Leah instead. Doh! (Genesis 29)

4th party (birthday party) – Just as Joseph had dreamed, on Pharaoh’s birthday he threw a party for himself and gave the chief wine taster his job back (but decided to hang the chief baker). That party eventually led to Joseph’s release from prison and position as Pharaoh’s right hand man. Parties come in handy! (Genesis 40)

5th party (family reunion) – Joseph threw a party for his long lost brothers. Then he hid his silver cup in one of his brothers’ sack of grain and accused him of stealing. A bit of dramatic end to a nice little family reunion. (Genesis 43)

We can learn a lot from parties in the Bible!

1. It’s really not nice to make fun of people at their own party – it may get you thrown into the dessert with one bottle of water
2. When God blesses you, even your enemies notice and want to get invited to your parties.
3. Double-check to make sure you have the right bride (so many implications here)
4. Dreams do come true
5. Try not to leave the festivities with any party favours that aren't yours

I believe it’s very powerful to read (or record) for our children stories from the Bible based on their passions. God has made each of our children different! Sowing God’s word into their hearts will have a large impact on the rest of their lives and how they use their gifts.

The Power of Generational Legacy

2013-02-28T04:42:00.001-08:00

Many people have asked my father how in the world a school teacher from Nebraska (who is not much of a world traveler), ended up with both his children serving God overseas.

Read this blog at the risk of altering the course of your life (legacy is irresistible), your children’s lives, and the lives of the kids around you. You WILL see a world changed forever...

How do you change the world?

Destiny Words.

Spoken one at a time. Year in and year out. Over and over. They get under your skin and seep into your blood.

I’ve stood in awe of three generations of men who know how to speak the language of destiny. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. It’s powerful. It’s a force that cannot be stopped.

My grandfather was born in 1901. As a teenager, while his brother was at boy scout camp, he’d work all summer long on a dairy farm to earn $50. At the end of the summer, his entire earnings went to pay for shoes for all the kids in his family.

Christian Jensen (20 years old - 1921)

One summer he discovered that one of the cow’s milk dried up. No one could figure out why...till my grandfather found the boa constrictor that had been drinking the cow’s milk all summer. I’m trying not to picture that!

He was the first among his friends to save up enough money to buy a car...a black Ford Model T. And he was COOL! As the only dark haired Danish boy, attending a church of blond Swedish girls...he was quite the catch.

My grandfather married my beautiful grandmother, and he took a job with the Union Pacific as clerk.

To me, this is where the story gets really interesting.

Cecil B DeMille’s film “Union Pacific” came out in 1939, and the railroad brought in the film’s celebrities for the ”Golden Spike Days”– a 4 day event celebrating the film’s premier. The president of the Union Pacific asked my grandfather to put together a drum and bugle corp of the employee’s kids for the event. It was such a success, my grandfather was asked to continue the corp.

For many years he passed up promotions for his clerk day job...so he could keep directing the corp (accepting a promotion would have meant working on Saturdays...the day of band practice, so he declined).

For over 30 years he led the corp...and became like a father to many of the kids. Kind and generous, he mentored the boys, taking them on camping trips...where he made cabin stew, showed them how to build fires, and spent time fathering them.

Chris Jensen (first row...far left)

To him it wasn’t about money or titles – it was about inspiring and loving kids.

He had so much favor with the Union Pacific presidents (because their kids were in the corp), that when he stepped down, his "clerk's retirement package" somehow reflected all those promotions he refused to take.

The UP Drum and Bugle corp was a special place, not just for my grandfather, but for my parents. In fact, this is how they met...my mother was a baton twirling 14 year old and my father was the 17 year old drum major.

Paul Jensen - Drum Major

Dorothy Freeman (center) - baton twirler

The drum major and baton twirler -
almost 50 years later (they clean up good)

Which brings me to my father.

When I’m back in Omaha, Nebraska – invariably we will be out to eat at a restaurant with my parents. I can’t tell you how many hundreds of times kids have come up to my father and said,

“Hello, Mr. Jensen, How is your day? And how are you, Mrs. Jensen? And can I have my Bonus 2?”

Ahhh....the famous Bonus 2. My father has been a math teacher for 40 years this year...and he has a running deal with his students. If they see him out in public and can properly greet him and my mother...he will give them a math problem that, if solved correctly, can earn them 2 bonus math points. I’m not sure exactly how far 2 bonus math points will really take you...but I will say these kids look like they’ve won the lottery.

Which reminds me, a few years back Warren Buffet gave my dad $10,000 – for winning the Alice Buffett Outstanding Teacher Award.

That’s pittance to what my father is worth as a teacher.

Kids adore him. He is arguably everyone’s favorite teacher. I’m pretty sure this has little to do with the Harley Davidson songs he makes them sing, or the endearing nick-names he gives every one of his kids (if they haven’t received their Mr Jensen nick-name yet...they hassle him till he comes up with something they both like), or the games they play in and out of class.

I’ll never forget being in my bedroom as a teenager and seeing one of his students dart past my second story window – ready to drop a water balloon on my dad. He had some kind of contest going about who would get soaking wet first. I’m sure there was some kind of math problem worked in to that?

My dad and his grandgirls

For thousands of students, he has somehow made math painless, called destiny into the lives of every student, and left each one with a sense that they should “Not Fit in, But Stand Out for Jesus.”

Of course this is what my father did for my brother and I every day of our life – spoke God’s destiny into dinner conversation and car rides. My mother whispered it into our ears at bedtime.

My mom, brother, me and dad
(2011 trip to US was the last time we were all together)

When my brother was applying for college, he spoke to the guidance counselor at the University of Nebraska at Omaha. She said, “Oh...your dad is Paul Jensen? We’ve heard of him. So many students have come here to study teaching because of your dad.”

And that brings me to my brother. He’s number three in this generational legacy.

He is a science teacher at an international school in central asia, attended by the children of political leaders and world shakers.

I’m sure you can guess. He is everyone’s favorite teacher. He makes science come alive, while he weaves in stories of freedom, sacrifice...and I’m sure you know what I’m going to say...destiny.

One day in Physics class he paused from the lesson and said, “Dream big for your country!” The class respond by saying they had never had a dream for their country. He threw the physics lessons out for the rest of the week and the kids began to plan, write papers, and share their dreams for their country with each other.

Another time in Chemistry class, he challenged his students to finish school, go to college, and then return to help their country. The kids responded saying "No Mr. Jensen, security will never be good enough to live in this country. We will finish school and leave."

Then and there he gave them the call of a lifetime. He told them, “I predict 2014 will be a year of peace and if I’m correct, I challenge you to return to this place and help build a strong, solid, country.” This was 5 years ago when no one could have guessed that that next year would be likely to be peaceful.

At the end of the class, nine brave students signed a contract that hangs in my brother’s office...stating they would return under those circumstances. Many of those students are in college now, watching to see what 2014 holds....poised for action.

My brother in his classroom

My brother’s students today are their nation's leaders tomorrow. The destiny of a nation has been altered. And as we all know too well...what happens all the way around the world with heads of state...affects us all.

To those children who know only of war, corruption and retribution...his words and stories bring grace and freedom.

God’s destiny – when spoken over a lost generation – is water to a thirsty soul, balm over wounds, light in the darkest place.

As I look down my family line, I see that the world is altered for eternity when a father speaks destiny, life and vision....even to those children who are not his own.

Generational Legacy has a domino effect that I am convinced, when spread out over time, will affect hundreds of thousands of those who feel fatherless.

I have begun to think about generational blessing in a new way.

Every night, Karl prays for our girls, and after my children have gone to sleep, I slip into their room and speak words of God’s blessing and destiny over their lives.

Emerson, Jensen, Adison

I tell them, “God has put you in this family for a very special reason. There are things for you to do that no one else in this world can do. You were born for a very important purpose and God has given you many gifts and talents. Do not be afraid.” The message alters, but the essential meaning remains the same.

It’s interesting, since I started doing this several weeks ago, Jensen’s nightmares that have plagued her for years and fears in general have totally disappeared. Huh!

Destiny Words spoken in the bright light of classroom or whispered in the moonlight... matter for all eternity.

This world WILL shake when we call our children’s God given destiny to the front!

As I heard someone recently say, “May our ceiling be the floor our children walk on.”

Nanosecond of Fame

2013-01-31T16:34:00.000-08:00

Some of you have been wondering how in the world Jensen and Emme ended up in a Disney commercial.

Well...let me tell you a little story.

You may have seen the “I am a Princess” commercial playing on Nickelodeon and the Disney channel right now.

Our girls appear for the MOST NANO of seconds in that commercial – so if you blink...you will definitely miss them!

Click here to see the "I am a Princess" Disney Commercial

It all started one day last spring. We were getting behind a few months on Emme’s school fees (her school has a special program for Down syndrome and is over $300 a month).

We didn’t want to ask our supporters for more money – everyone had been so generous already.

As Karl was driving to Emme's school one morning he prayed, “Lord, please give us some creative ways to bring in more income to cover costs for Emme’s needs.”

That same morning, unknown to Karl, I received an email from the Down Syndrome Association about Disney looking for children with Down syndrome for their “anyone can be a princess” commercial. Disney is changing their princess image – from Barbie doll princesses who are slightly helpless – to princesses in all shapes and sizes – with character and courage

I thought..."Yeah! Right!" But on a whim...I sent off a response and attached Emme's photo.
.

Our Princess

Apparently there is a lot of filming done in Cape Town (because of the great tax structure, mild weather all year round, ethnically diverse talent). Who knew?

After a few casting calls and wardrobe checks...both our girls were selected and we showed up for the shoot. Disney had chosen 65 kids to be shot at locations all over Cape Town in a two day period. Our location was someone’s actual house. We met a very nice Asian family whose two daughters had also been chosen. They were in the room next to us (you can see them in several shots in the commercial). These were model children...delightful candidates...with perfect behaviour. We however, were another story.

So we showed up that day bright and cheerful, but...

After waiting around for 3 hours for our turn..the girls were getting pretty cranky

- Emme refused to let Jensen put the handmade princess crown on her head – she just screamed and ripped it off (she does NOT like hats). There is no bargaining with Emme. Promising treats for good behaviour or threatening punishment in a crisis situation gets you absolutely nowhere with her.

- Jensen was too caught up in the amazing “girl room” decorations of their staged bedroom to pay any attention whatsoever to the director

- I was desperately trying to make the girls cooperate and didn't realize I was becoming “THAT parent.” The director finally had to say, “Uh, Mom...we need you to move out of the way! Your arm keeps getting in the shot!” So Embarrassing!!

- Every time the girls were doing something cute and princess-like (in my Professional Mom Opinion) – the cord would come unplugged on the camera (batteries would have been nice) and they would miss the shot that I am sure would have launched our children’s career in stardom

Completely frazzled, we were about to leave when they asked Karl if we would do a behind-the-scenes interview (for Disney’s internal purposes).

The interview began, and I really do not know what came over me.

They started by asking me...”So what have the Disney princesses meant to you?”

I could not tell you who that person was that started to talk...but suddenly I was overcome with how the princesses had changed my life! I went on and on and on....about how they made me believe in myself, how they were so unselfish and inspiring! I even started to cry. What??!!?

It was crazy-town!

Poor Karl couldn't get in a word edge-wise because I could not stop talking about how amazing the princesses are. This is a loss for Disney, as Karl is the true Disney fan in this family. He grew up going to Disney World with his family and has many happy memories there.

Eventually the interviewer decided he needed to hear something else, so he turns to Jensen and says, “What do YOU think about the princesses?”

Jensen, normally quite the talker, looks at him very confused...saying absolutely nothing. She clearly has not had any life-altering experiences with the Disney Princesses, unlike her mother.

In an attempt to jump start her, I say “Jensen...don’t you think the princesses are kind?”

She looks at me and says a bit bewildered, “Mom! Jesus is kind!”

She’s got that right.

We recover and apparently I was still talking about princesses when Jensen says, “Mom!”

I say, “Jensen...I’m talking. Please wait.”

I keep on trucking on the Way Princesses Have Changed My Life Forever. Clearly I have a lot to say on this subject.

She says again a little more urgently, “Mom!”

Me (trying not to sound high pitched and annoyed in the middle of my Dateline worthy interview) say, “Just a minute, Jensen!”

Jensen nearly frantic now...“Mom!”

Me, “Yes! WHAT is it?”

Jensen... “Look at Emme, mom!”

And there across from us, Emme has the Vice President of Disney World Media on her knees in a near fetal position – with Emme’s death-grip on this woman’s beautiful long blonde hair.

I rush over...prying her fingers off and saying, “No! No! Emme. No! No pulling hair!”

She may seem harmless...but she lures you in with her big smile - while she's planning all the while to pull a big chunk of your hair out by the roots

Needless to say the interview ended quickly and we left as soon as possible, convinced the girls’ scene would be cut from the commercial. We were shocked to find out months later the girls had their nanosecond of fame after-all.

Although Disney hasn’t been beating own our door, it did cover Emme’s school feels for the rest of last year - an amazing gift from the True King for our Princess Emme!

That day I went a little princess crazy - and turned all of Jensen's old birthday hats into "princess caps" (although I thought I was very clever...Jensen just really wanted the birthday hats back)

Note: Julie Ostrand founded "Motherhood is Beautiful," a holistic program in South Africa created to empower at-risk mothers through mentoring, skills development, and job creation.

"Empower a Mom.com" is the brand name of the beautiful home decor products made in our job creation program.

These products are created by hand and every time you purchase an "Empower a Mom.com" product, you help a mother in Africa provide food for her family.

If you love empowering at-risk moms or helping a small business get started...join us now and contribute seed money to help us launch our new home decor product line and create jobs for moms in Africa!

Our goal is to raise $5,000 by October 31, 2014! Help launch our business in Africa to empower moms and contribute now...

Me and June Cleaver

2012-09-05T15:17:00.001-07:00

I really do feel like I’m living in 1954. I have to say...believe the hype! There is something a magical about life 50 years ago.

For instance...

I am the dishwasher - We do not have a dishwasher so we hand wash all our dishes. Wow! Three meals a day for a family of 5 – that’s A LOT of dishes. June Cleaver made it look so fun in those dresses and aprons! She didn’t sweat! She glowed! Her hair was magnificent and her kitchen sparkled. I think I would be having a much better time if I added some heels, pearls and cardigans to my dishwashing experience.

I’m way too excited about these kitchen scrubbers sent by a friend in America (thanks Jennifer)

2. Not a disposable lifestyle – We seem to save everything! It’s almost like I grew up in the Great Depression...I just can’t throw it away! Ziplock bags, plastic disposable cups, the flimsy container the strawberries come in....you get the idea. I even look at empty toilet paper rolls and think, “I’m SURE Jensen could make a craft out of that! It’s really TOO good to throw away! I could desperately need this someday!”

In fact she did make a craft out of the TP roll...last week I turned around and she said, “Look, Mom! I made this 'camera' all by myself!" (I was actually pretty impressed)

On a side note....someone was asking me about our “wheelybin” recently. I kept saying “What?” “What?” Until I realized they were saying Wheely Bin – meaning our outdoor trash can on wheels. I’m not absolutely positive I speak English here.

3. Line drying laundry – Until I moved to Africa...I had never hung clothes to dry outside. Here’s how I used to look at sunny days...

· As a kid - Fun! Now I can run around the neighbourhood endlessly and ride my bike and climb countless tress

· In my teens – Great! Now I can lay out and get a stellar tan!

· In my 20’s – Not Great! I’m stuck inside working on a gorgeous day.

· In my 30’s – Fantastic! Now I can line dry my laundry and save $2 on electricity (big savings not using the “tumble drier” as they call it)

4. Jensen’s school – Jensen goes to a “public school” – but it feels like a nice small town school from the 50’s. Her teacher is a Christian, they can pray in school, and religion is encouraged. The parents are nice, the teachers are nice...it’s all just so very nice.

5. He’s on the 20, the 15, the 5, Touchdown Nebraska! Karl found a way to listen to the Husker Game last weekend on the radio. Kinda like a big screen, high-def TV...but not really. Actually, it was an iPad app that lets you listen to any radio station around the world. Similar to 1950...but in a much more global, techy way.

6. I truly feel like I’m living in a small town. The valley where we live is composed of several small towns within a 7 mile stretch. So even though there are about 100,000 people in this little nook on the tip of Africa...every time I go to the grocery store or local cafe, I run into many people I know. Jensen and Karl play the game, “Who can see the first person we know?" (Jensen always wins with her eagle eyes).

Upside...you’re likely to know someone in the parking lot if your car won’t start (it’s happened...came in handy for a jump start). Downside: I can’t just run to grab some bananas in my sweats and hope I won’t see anyone I know. They will find me...especially if I’m make-up less and severely wind blown.

7. Mom and Pop Stores - There really aren't a lot of “chains” around here...the area is largely made up of locally owned restaurants and shops. Where we used to go to Walmart as one stop for everything...we now have to go to 10 different smaller stores. Fish Hoek, a nearby small town, feels like Ansley, Nebraska 50 years ago – when small towns were alive and well. We can’t help but “Go Local and Buy Green.”

I confess there is a McDonalds nearby, but I have yet to find someone who can understand my thick American accent filtered through the drive-through intercom system (I try to tell them it's not ME with the accent). This experience is usually composed of two people yelling, “What? What? WHAT??!?” into the microphone till I give up and drive to the window to give my order in person (they are still not quite sure what I’m talking about...which is pretty amazing since I’m just listing items off their menu). Karl is waging a silent war and now refuses to ever order anything through the speaker system (to their shock...he drives straight to the window every time).

8. Neighbours with Chickens - Jensen was saying the other day that she really wants to see chickens and “pick eggs.” When you’re living in the 1950’s...you naturally have friends with chickens in their back yard. Why wouldn’t you? Of course we stopped by our friend’s house and Jensen gathered some eggs! Those chickens are on a mission!

Real chickens pecking away!

9. Words have new meaning - Expressions that came from an earlier time in our history have taken on new meaning for us!

· Don’t let the bed bugs bite – I used to say this to Jensen all the time back in America while I was tucking her in. Ever since our bed bug incident...Jensen will say, “Mom! Don’t say that!! That scares me!” She’s right...bed bugs are no joke.

· Pecking order – Who knew that this expression came from chickens? When Jensen went to feed the chickens the owner explained to us that there is a pecking order – as the chickens literally peck each other in a certain order. Chickens are not to be trifled with.

· See you Soon, Baboon – Too many baboons around here that we do NOT want to see soon!

10. Services – They pump your gas for you at the gas station (job creation is a big deal here so even you wanted to...you can’t pump it yourself) and when you go to the doctor you actually see the doctor for most of the time (instead of all the nurses – the doctor is the one that actually weighs you, takes your blood pressure, and checks out the pee you JUST peed in a cup...right there in front of you...I admit...slightly disturbing...I prefer to think of my pee in a quarantined environment not handled by actual humans)

So there you go!

Of course this is Africa...and there is so much poverty, drugs and horrible situations...right next to all the 1950ness. My life really feels like a strange combination of The Help, Lean on Me (or Dangerous Minds or Freedom Writers – take your pic of inspiring inner city school movies), and Tsotsi (set in one South Africa's notoriously crime-ridden townships).

We hope we are tempting you to visit and experience (or re-experience) America circa 1954 Africa style!

Motherhood is Beautiful

2012-08-02T08:03:00.004-07:00

Motherhood is messy and noisy and shockingly wonderful. Adison Rose...my beautiful, smiley precious baby girl – is also my marathon crier, Olympic back-archer, and serial nap protester. You would think my perfect parenting would have fixed this by now! Ha!

One night a few weeks after she was born, my husband found me in tears around midnight. I was so thankful for his helpfulness...and my heart was broken for women all over the world who do not have supportive husbands, kind family members, resources or even a separate bed to put their new little baby into at night. I really couldn’t stop crying.

As I looked into my baby girls’ eyes...my heart was torn to shreds for those without enough money for diapers, enough knowledge about breastfeeding, enough energy for parenting....for those with not enough of just about everything they really need.

The answer here in Africa is not handing out more cash, distributing bigger bags of food, or even finding someone a job. We need a holistic way to a walk a journey with the mothers in our community...a journey of beauty from the ugliness that surrounds them.

All Too Common Ugly Scenarios

Babies are hit/beat if they cry too much (culture says that these babies are being “naughty” and should be punished)
Diaper rashes and cradle cap easily get out of control (babies with a severe, raw and bleeding diaper rash and cradle cap goes untreated for long periods of time and infection sets in)
Children often grow up on a diet of chips and soda pop (that’s all these mothers know to do...because that’s what their parents did for them)

I am challenged to resist the temptation is to treat the ugly symptoms I find so appalling...without digging deep enough to see Him bind up hearts where they are most broken and turn the ashes into beauty.

He makes motherhood beautiful when we walk a journey of gratitude, joy and hope together.

“Motherhood is Beautiful” – a new Baby Safe program we are launching next week - was born out of a desire to encourage and support mothers through discipleship, training and just being living examples.

Strategy: Engage with women 5 days a week (with Baby Safe staff and volunteers plugging in to areas where they are passionate)

· Discovery Bible Studies

· Baby Health (breast feeding, diaper rashes, cradle cap, proper growth, colic, etc.)

· Finances (creating and maintaining a family budget)

· Time Management (developing healthy life rhythms)

· Nutrition (buying and making healthy meals for your family)

· Child Rearing (taking joy in motherhood, communicating with your child, discipline)

· Exercise (walking and dance lessons)

· Sewing classes (potential source of income)

So Motherhood is beautiful. It really is.

Beautiful at 2 am with a screaming baby.

Beautiful when you have changed your shirt for the 5^th time that day (due to a seemingly never end flow of spit up on your left shoulder).

Adi and the 5 shirts she spit up on that day

Beautiful when you’re late again due to another out of control poopy diaper that has somehow amazingly blown out both the back and front – with no substance actually in the diaper (this actually happened to me when I was by myself with a 9 month old Jensen on an airplane – found a large pile of poo in my LAP – none to be found in the diaper. Let’s just say the passenger next to me really appreciated that.)

Beautiful when you realize how much thankfulness, joy and hope are wrapped up in this tiny little bundle of epic smiles, ear piercing screams, and life altering moments when you realize you ARE IT.

No one else is going to parent this child but you. Ministry, promotions, projects and hobbies can wait. Parenting cannot. Parenting is THE gig...and it’s beautiful.

Want to join us on a journey to see mothers in disadvantaged communities embrace the beauty of motherhood?

Find out how to get involved with "Motherhood is Beautiful!" Click here: http://www.karlandjulie.com/info_whatwedo_teaching.asp

Top Five Moments in Africa With My Parents

2012-06-29T15:36:00.002-07:00

I couldn't help but burst into tears when I saw my parents walk out of the Cape Town terminal. This is the first time they have flown over the Atlantic and it was an incredible time together. They got to meet Adison Rose for the first time, experience the breath-taking beauty Cape Town and connect with our amazing community.

Here are my 5 top highlights...

1. STATE FAIR: Driving on the “wrong” side of the road was quite the adventure for my dad. He would yell “State Fair!” during scary moments. He said, “It’s a lot like a ride at the state fair... mostly safe, but you still feel like you are about to die at any given moment.”

2. MEETING ADI: My parents had to wait 3 ½ months before they could meet their seventh grandchild...Adison Rose! They fell in love with her instantly! The first thing my mother said to her at the airport was, “Adi Rose! Who do you look like?” After carefully looking her over and deciding there was no obvious family resemblance, she said, “I guess you look like yourself!” She does look like...well... herself! I suppose we all look a bit like ourselves. J

On a side note: Regarding Adi...I REALLY don’t know why I get asked numerous times if she is “a doll.” Finally the last time I said, “No! Why would I do that?” And the women remarked in deep South American accent “Dees people...de will do anyting!” At any rate...I guess she’s right. I looked it up and there are women who buy these “reborn dolls” – made to look like real babies. They take them out shopping, to restaurants, to events – treating them like actual babies. I guess people really will do anything!

Adi looks like a doll??

Maybe?

3. THE BLESSING: My parents took some time to bless our fellow missionary friends in our house church...they said, “On behalf of all of your parents...we just want you to say, We are so proud of you!” Everyone was so touched by the love and support of my parents.

Here is a video of our house church the night my parents came (singing "Spring up O Well")

I've got a river of life flowin' out of me.
Makes the lame to walk and the blind to see.
Opens prison doors, sets the captives free.
I've got a river of life flowin' out of me.

Spring up O Well.
Within my soul.
Spring up O Well
And make me whole.
Spring up O Well
And give to me
That life abundantly.

This song is the prayer I want to walk out every day with my life!

4. FRIENDS FROM OCEAN VIEW. It was so great to have my parents meet Claudine. She said, “I finally get to meet my American family!” I also really enjoyed having my mom come to the Yellow House and meet the high school girls from Ocean View I’ve been mentoring for a few years. She shared her story of how she met Jesus and prayed a blessing over them.

5. THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE: I couldn’t believe it when my dad said, “Julie, this was the best day of my life.” It was a great day of spending time together and soaking in the beauty of Africa. We went to the top of Table Mountain and pictures really can’t describe how awe-inspiring the view is – from the top you can see two oceans, all of Cape Town, and many of the small towns surrounding where we live. That night we experienced some African food with live African dancers.

I am so grateful my parents came and blessed us in more ways than we can describe in words. Since we are not going back to America this year, it was life-giving to have family visit us.

As Karl was pulling out of the driveway to take them to the airport to leave...my father was sitting in the front seat. I ran out, jumped in his lap and wrapped my arms around him. I’m not too old to sit in my daddy’s lap.

I thought...I understand God better because I have a good father. A father who knows how to give good gifts, who delights in just being around me, who loves deeply and sacrificially.

This is our God...our amazing Father! He adores us and is working out hundreds of details every moment of every day for our good. He is trustworthy...He is perfect...He is worth it all!

The Negativity Fast

2012-05-30T16:58:00.000-07:00

I’ve decided I want to root out the sin in my life...truly on every level. When I look it in the eye, I think the biggest area of sin in my life is negativity.

How far am I willing to take things to let real joy take over?

I recently heard a woman talk about the scripture that says “lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely...” (Hebrews 12:1)

She talked about how some things in our life may not be sin...but are definitely weights. Things like...

- A hectic schedule – A schedule that gives you no time to breathe (so much so you are usually praying other people will cancel on you). She said God doesn’t make the schedule, you do...so fix it.

- Debt – When you’re in debt you constantly feel the walls closing in around you. She said to make a plan – a real plan to save and get out of debt.

- Unhealthy Eating – Being overweight (oh how we love to eat). I recently ate an entire bag of my precious American chocolate chips...before I could even make the cookies.

- Negativity – Complaining, whining and gossiping. She suggested a Negativity Fast. Oh dear! Can I give up my precious negativity?

Huh! I really could improve in all these areas- but the Lord is speaking to me about my negativity. It’s sad, really, that I need a fast to help me guard my words. But the truth is...I do.

I want to call a spade a spade – it’s gossip...slandering someone I know. It’s not giving my opinion, supporting a friend or seeking advice. It’s gossip. There...I’ve said it.

And complaining is just that...complaining. I’m usually trying to get my husband to do something differently with my complaining– but the truth is that whining is not pretty.

Here is my plan...

1 -- to enlist as many people as I can to join me (or at least hold me to it)

-- replace my negative words with God’s life-altering words

The first topics that have to go...

- 1. Commenting on crazy drivers (I’m sure I’d be appalled at what other drivers are saying about me within the confines of their cars...I can certainly be a little crazy myself)

- 2. People who have hurt me

- 3. Programs (and the people involved) that I feel are ineffective, ill-intentioned or just plain annoying

The truth is...I can only be negative if there is something I want more than Jesus. Many times I realize there are quite a few things I want more than Jesus (people to like me, life to be easy, pain to be minimal)....but I WANT to want Jesus more than anything.

So I begin with something small...a 7 day fast from poisonous words. I will lay it aside! I had two friends join me today...and I must admit. I got a little bit excited!

What if we did this with our closest friends...our spouses...our community?

What if we all decided not to let one word of complaint or gossip pass through our lips for 7 days? What about 40 days? What about a year? I think it would change the culture....joy would seep in, praise would sprout up, hope would abound. I want it...even if I can only grasp 7 days at a time. I’m all in!

Read what my friend Claudine has to say... http://www.karlandjulie.com/journal_may2012.asp#negativity

If you have a verse...ANY verse that has been encouraging to you...please send it my way (leave comments below) or email to julie@karlandjulie.com

Mind Tour of a 5 Year Old

2012-04-29T16:09:00.000-07:00

It’s starting to get cold here and African winter is underway! To get you in the spirit of the flopped seasons of the Southern Hemisphere, here is a little tour of Jensen’s mind (albeit it was during a Nebraska winter a few months ago...but bear with me...you’ll start feeling more “wintery” in a few seconds).

Take a little tour of the mind of 5 year old on a cold winter’s night with new fallen snow (5 questions Jensen asked in a 30 minute car ride to a Christmas program last December)...

#1 Q: What is “moisture?”

· My Answer: “Uh...yeah...what IS moisture? Wet stuff! It’s like water...but just a LITTLE bit of water.”

· Context – Jensen wanted to roll down her car window to feel the new snow coming down on her soft, warm hands. Willing to accommodate briefly, Karl rolled it down but explained he couldn’t keep it open because it would let in too much “moisture.” Jensen really was not impressed with the negative long term effects of “too much moisture.” The car’s upholstery sided with Karl.

#2 Q: Umm...Mom...what does “deal with disappointment” mean?

· My Answer: “It means you don’t always get what you want and you have to be OK with it.”

· Context – Jensen was very sad she had to roll up her car window and we told her she needed to “deal with disappointment.” After this was explained, she voiced her general preference for getting what she wanted all the time and in pretty much every circumstance– she would be much more OK with no disappointment to deal with.

· Side note: Whether 5 or 95 – do any of us really want to “deal with disappointment?” I’d rather skip that part of life myself.

# 3 Q: What does “silent night” mean?

· My Answer: “Well, silent means very quiet. This song is about when Jesus was born – someone thought the night was very quiet and still. But Jesus was born in a barn with all those animals. Do you think it was quiet?”

· Context – Listening to “Silent Night” in the car.

· Side note: We both decided the song was pretty but might have some factual discrepancies...what we lowing cows and all (I wish someone would tell ME what “cattle lowing” means).

#4 Q: Why does snow sparkle?

· My Answer: “Well since the snow is wet – when the light shines on it, it looks like it sparkles – kinda like God’s glitter.”

· Context – Looking out the window at the newly fallen glitter snow.

#5 Q: What does “jazzy” mean?

· My Answer: “It means funky (realizing she doesn’t know that word)...um...it means the music may be a little TOO exciting.”

· Context – She overheard our conversation about how someone thought the music last year’s Christmas program was too “jazzy.”

· Sidenote: After the Christmas concert Jensen decided it was not possible for the music to be “too jazzy.” And really – can music ever be too exciting for a 5 year old?

Can you remember a time when you didn’t know what “disappointment” meant? When every wonder of nature had to be explained...when the mysteries of life included discovering ear wax, no slumbering at “slumber parties” and realizing wet braided hair = cool crimped hair style hours later?

I want to enjoy every second of this 5 year old’s life.

All too often I am rushing – rushing past her precious days filled with a hundred questions and the joy in her eyes when she says, “Mama, watch! Watch me spin!”

Here are 3 quotes that have inspired me to SLOW IT DOWN:

“On every level of life, from housework to heights of prayer, in all judgment and efforts to get things done, hurry and impatience are sure marks of the amateur.”

- Evelyn Underhill

“My biggest regret is being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I’ve ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing.… Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away.”

- Mark Buchanan

“That in Christ, urgent means slow.

That in Christ, the most urgent necessitates a slow and steady reverence.

That in Christ, time is not running out. This day is not a sieve, losing time. In Christ, we fill – gaining time.

We stand on the brink of eternity.

So there is enough time.

Time to breathe deep and time to see real.

Time to laugh long, time to give God glory and rest deep and sing joy. And just enough time in a day not to feel hounded, pressed, driven, or wild to get it all done.”

- Ann Voskamp

Today I’ve decided...I am going to REFUSE the rush. I’m going to watch her spin...and think about why snow sparkles...and take time to appreciate the “jazzy” parts of life. Jensen sees jazzy everywhere she looks – and when I slow down just a little bit...I can see it too.

See the spin...

By Any Other Name

2012-04-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

Ahhh...what’s in a name?

Shakespeare’s Juliet said..."What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

Really William? Could a "Rose" ever be called "Smelly Tuna?" with the same effect? “Adison Smelly Tuna” would truly not be quite the same as “Adison Rose” - even if the flower smelled just as good.

When choosing a name for our third daughter I really wanted to stay in theme (parties, room décor and names should ALWAYS be in theme). But in the case of Adi Rose - the theme was thrown out the window.

Bare with me on my love of themes – especially with the names of daughters. Our thematic rules were...

- - A first name that ended in “son”

- - TWO middle names that reflected the female members of our family, preferable in descending order (great-grandmas for Jensen, grandmas for Emme, and the mother for Baby #3?)

Daughter #1: Jensen Yvonne Francis

- - FIRST: Jensen was my maiden name

- - MIDDLE: Yvonne Francis is Karl’s two grandmas’ names

Daughter #2: Emerson Dorothy Joan

- - FIRST: I just loved the name Emerson (which also happens to be a distant relative’s name)

- - MIDDLE: We borrowed Dorothy, my mother’s name (also happens to be the name of both my grandmas – it’s a wonder I wasn’t named Dorothy too – thanks, Mom for that one! Can anyone see me as a “Dottie?”)... and Joan, Karl’s mother’s name

Daughter #3: Decisions, decisions...

- - FIRST: Here were some contenders for the “son” ending...

o Winston (Winnie for short) – I loved this one! So Winston Churchill! Karl hated it – thought we should just go ahead and use Marlborough for her middle name.

o Ellison had so many great options for short names – Elle, Ellis, Ella. The only problem is that Ellison and Emerson seemed a bit too close.

o Adalyn (Karl’s second fav- but sadly no “son”),

o Graceson (Grace would have been adorable for short)

o Anderson (I loved Andi for short but Karl thought it was too masculine) – Anderson is also a family name (all of Karl’s cousins are “Andersons”)

o Adison – Karl LOVED this name, and although I really liked the name in and of itself, I was very disturbed that it was #11 on some name lists. I really, really prefer to avoid trendiness (my goal was not to use any names ranked in the top 100)

- - MIDDLE: What actually tipped the scale in favor of Adison was choosing Rose for the middle name. I just fell in love with the sound of Adison Rose (or Adi Rose).

First off...Rose is SO out of theme (only ONE middle name – and not in the descending order of great-grandmas, grandmas and then the mother– which would have been “Julie Annette”).

However, we felt like “Rose” is the name the Lord picked out for her. Here is the scoop...

THE SHOWER DECORE: When I showed up for my baby shower last month I noticed a beautiful bouquet of pink roses on the table.

Roses from the Baby Shower

THE LETTER: At that shower my friend Nicole wrote a letter about how she was praying for the baby and saw a picture of a rose – a rare beauty...with thorns (not to be easily grabbed). She got the verse Song of Solomon 2:1-2 (I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valley. Like a lily among thorns, so is my darling among young women).

The original Hebrew here for “Rose of Sharon” is a word that indicates this flower seems to mean literally “Overshadowed By God's Love.”

THE PRAYER: At the end of the shower, everyone gathered around me to pray for the baby. Whitney (not knowing about Nicole’s letter) said, “I pictured a rose and felt like God said that her life will be fragrant before him! Also I asked God who she is to him and he said ‘she is my princess!’ I felt that she will know her place next to the Father as the daughter of the King. And that she will carry an anointing to give that knowledge and assurance to other girls as she grows up!”

Prayers at the Shower

THE FLOWER: The next day I did some research on the plant called the “Rose of Sharon” and as I prayed, felt some of these plant qualities will apply to the personality and spirit of our Adison Rose:

o Rapid growth and high yields

o Very colourful (white, red, lavender or light blue)

o Offers color when many other flowering shrubs have ceased to bloom (due to blooming in late summer)

o Attractive and plentiful blooms

o Can be trained through pruning/ Last season’s growth should be pruned away (which helps produce bigger blooms)

o Prefers full sun (can get fungus when older if not in full sun)

o Can hold it’s own as a specimen

o Drought tolerant

o About.com says, “Don’t give up on the Rose of Sharon, thinking it’s dead just because it hasn’t leafed out by early summer. The Rose of Sharon not only blooms late, but leafs out late as well.”

o Good pollution tolerance (appropriate for urban gardens)

o Easy care and low maintenance

o Buds may drop if plant is watered too much or too little (or if too much fertilizer is applied)

o Blooms in Palestine (plain called Sharon) and is well known for its soothing aroma and pain relieving qualities

Rose of Sharon: very colourful (white, red, lavender or light blue)

As I step into a new phase of motherhood, with an emphasis on spending time with my children as Karl begins several new ministries, I am excited to see what God has in store for a baby with the name Adison Rose!

I think it will be quite the ride!

Marrying Africa

2012-02-28T05:38:00.002-08:00

Sometimes I want to marry Africa – and sometimes I want to break up with her.

Over the past 6 months I slid into “America Mode” and now I am hitting reset - as a mother myself, constantly telling myself to “Embrace Mother Africa” for all that she is.

She is beautiful...absolutely breath-taking. Living on the tip of the continent next to two oceans (the Indian and the Atlantic) truly is stunning. Our visitors are always amazed and delighted at the gorgeous scenery and heart-stopping views. She can get pretty cranky sometimes...but she sure looks good!

This is a hike about a 10 minute drive from our home (our house is down there somewhere)

The view Jensen and Karl and looking at (in the photo above)

She has her own way of saying something. I’ve noticed my English vocabulary slipping back to my Capetonian lingo. For example – I find myself saying to friends... “I am keen to get your details to get something in our diaries, but it’s been hectic! Shame!” (Translation: “I want to get your phone number to get something scheduled in our calendars, but it’s been crazy busy. So sorry!”). She certainly has a way with words!

Great to connect with friends at my "fallen pregnant" baby shower

She has her own schedule. A small, but busy road here has been under construction for over 3 years. I have to stop myself from saying “In America...this would be done in 6 months!” Stores close early – so don’t try to run out for milk at 5:30 pm on a Saturday!

Me looking hopeful that maybe they finished the road construction near our home. Not so much...imploring myself, "Embrace Mother Africa, Julie. EMBRACE HER!

The upside is that the waiter never rushes you at a restaurant (you always have to ask them to bring the “bill” – don’t say check or they look confused) and most people are flexible on deadlines. Just like you should never rush a woman when she’s getting ready to go out...Africa cannot be squeezed into my tidy little American schedule of zip, zip, zip!

She has her own style. A home that may be similar to yours in the US as far as size and price range – will not have screens on the windows, central air or heat, a basement, or outlets in the bathroom (don’t even think about shaving or straightening your hair in front of your bathroom mirror).

The architecture is unique and charming! She has an alluring style of her own that cannot be bothered with small inconveniences like accessible electricity or flies in your mangoes.

She has her own way of doing things. You need to pay a bank fee to make a DEPOSIT, tip a man every time you back out of parking lot (he'll motion at you enthusiastically to help you avoid hitting another car - this is surprisingly helpful as I am quite awkward in my big-diesel-stick-shift-drive-on-the-left-side-of-the-road truck), pay $150 to fill up your gas tank (instead of $50).

However, it should be noted you can renew your home electricity credits with your cell phone in seconds (comes in handy if it’s 9 pm and your kids are screaming in the bath tub because they are suddenly naked in the dark with all the lights out in the house). They are NOT a big fan of running out of electricity.

Happy bath smiles (lights are on!)

Living in Africa is like a marriage – once you take the plunge, it’s never a good idea to make the Classic Marriage Mistake: attempting to change the other person to make them more like yourself.

I want to fight the urge to be critical of her inefficiency and appreciate her for what she is – amazing, unpredictable, and irresistible. Bottom line – we are thrilled to embrace Africa, our calling and its people.

In Everything

2011-11-14T22:08:00.000-08:00

Can you guess what demographic of people would respond in a survey this way?

• 99 percent are happy with their lives
• 97 percent like who they are
• 96 percent like how they looked*

Do you think it’s the top 1% most wealthy in America? Is it the top 10% most attractive people? Could it be the most religious people? Is it the top quarter of a percent with an IQ over 140?

Does this describe you?

Let me also say this demographic has very few ‘bad habits.’ In a study of 3,000 people in this group, there were NO drug addicts or gamblers, only two alcoholics and a very small number of smokers.**

Who is it? People with Down syndrome.

When I read that, I thought...yup...it’s about like that.

Emme, our daughter with Down syndrome, is likely to fall asleep laughing at her own jokes and wake up singing her own little made-up songs.

When Karl had to take her in for some very painful shots – she screamed so loudly you thought they were cutting off her leg. Karl kept telling her “I’m sorry.” As she balled her eyes out, she kept doing the “I forgive you” sign.

At family gatherings while the other kids are running around, she loves to sit next to the person with the guitar and sing along.

The truth is, I often forget she has Down syndrome. Sure, there are few tell-tale signs...

1. She’s 3 ½ years old and has just started walking. Thank you, sweet Jesus!

2. She likes a small range of foods and will only drink coconut juice (SERIOUSLY! Coconut juice?!?)

If you give her something she doesn’t like, she seems to say, “Sure mom...go ahead, shove that in my mouth. You think you’re in control here – but I’ll just spit that right out. You can put it my mouth, but you can’t make me swallow it.”

3. She can’t yet tell us about her day at school, if she has a tummy ache or what her favorite color is. Well, Emme may disagree...she probably is telling us – we just aren’t fluent in “Emme-ese.”

4. Once she catches a regular old cold or sickness of any kind – it can takes weeks and weeks to get over it (and many times only with medication).

However – I have to say...I love everything about her. We love...

• How she liberally dishes out “Bye, Bye, Bye...” if she feels your presence is no longer required.

• How she definitely says “All Done” when she’s had enough of the vegetables I keep trying to feed her.

• How she bows her head and prays before a meal (although we can’t understand – we’re sure she’s saying something pretty good to God)...and ends it with "OK!" (Emme-ese for "Amen")

• How she thinks a wedding is actually a party for her (last weekend at a wedding she walked from table to table, greeting nearly everyone and giving out free hugs)

And getting ready to have Baby Girl #3...I am reminded again that life rarely goes as planned.

We have a 1.25% chance of having another baby with a chromosome abnormality. Before we got pregnant again – we had to ask ourselves if we were ready to receive any kind of child God wants to give us.

I’ve changed my statements from “I want a girl” or “I want a boy” or “I want a healthy baby” to “I want the next gift God wants to give.”

Do we want the next gift God has to give? Do we sometimes mistake the gifts – thinking they are curses?

In many areas of my life...from getting in the wrong check-out lane at the grocery store and the price of gas...to working with a difficult person or facing yet another disappointment, I say... “No, God, this is NOT the gift I wanted. Take it back – give me something else. Something different – something better.”

I am learning that His gifts are ALWAYS good. It’s up to me to see the gift, unwrap it, and say, “Thank You.” I say I want joy and grace – but see now the joy and grace come AFTER the “Thank You” - never before.

This Thanksgiving (and really every day), I want to be thankful not just for the seemingly good - but for everything...

Thankful for the shirt I shrunk in the drier, burned toast, and broken dishes. Thankful for medical bills. Thankful for Down syndrome.

1 Thessalonians 5:18
In everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 5: 19,20
..Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Sources:
* MSNBC
** National Association for Down Syndrome

A Lot of Drama

2011-10-28T16:21:00.000-07:00

One thing I love about South Africa is the word drama! The English is just a bit more colorful there...

Fell Pregnant = get pregnant

You don’t “get pregnant” in South Africa – you “fall pregnant.” It sounds like you have unfortunately and mysteriously fallen ill with a bad case of something you have yet to identify that you accidentally caught from someone.

Example: “She keeps falling pregnant.” (Not to be confused with falling while you’re pregnant – which really could hurt. Of course pregnancy can hurt too, or at least the end result, so maybe "falling" IS the fitting description).

Garden = yard

For me, the word “garden” stirs up images of lush flowers, fresh herbs and at the very least, a few straggly tomato plants (maybe a naked man and woman?). In South Africa – a yard, even if you have just a sad patch of grass and weeds, is still a “garden.”

Example: Jensen, “Mom, can I go play in the garden?”

(our "garden")

Sounds like false advertising to me...but sure kid...go play in the garden.

Rubbish = trash

Rubbish, to me, is a strong word for something that has absolutely no use. “That’s rubbish!” (should always be said with a strong English accent). To say you have some “rubbish” to throw away, as they do in South A, makes me think of some serious nastiness that probably needs a hazardous materials waste bin – instead of just some wadded up mail to be thrown away in a plain old trash can. It is MUCH more exciting to say rubbish.

Example: Julie, “Karl, just look at all this rubbish (pile of receipts)! Quick...let’s put it in the rubbish bin!” (I try to use my English accent - but it's not very good and Karl mistakes it for my southern accent - very confusing)

Flu = common cold

If you have the sniffles in South A – they call it the flu. If you sneeze...it’s the flu. If you cough...it’s the flu. You probably shouldn’t go to work if you have flu. It’s a lot of drama over what appears to be, for all intents and purposes, what server in America as a plain old head cold.

Example: “I have the flu...cough, cough.” (interpretation – I think I may sneeze with this cough...so I’m going to go ahead and clear my schedule and cancel all my meetings for the rest of the week.)

Children = kids

Instead of “kids” or “students”– it’s “the children.” I’ve even heard high school teenagers refer to themselves as “the children.” I usually think of children as 5 year olds – but they could be talking about someone who’s 16 years old.

Example: “Many of the children now are learning how to drive and apply for jobs.” (is it me – or is that a little strange?)

In other words...

In South Africa you would say....

“While the children were in the garden they picked up rubbish, even though some had the flu and had fallen pregnant.”

Or not quite as exciting...

“While the students were in yard they picked up trash, even through some had a cold and were pregnant.”

Oh Baby Baby!

2011-10-17T19:39:00.000-07:00

I’m sure you’ve heard...we’re having a baby! Many of you voted on “Boy” or “Girl” and 66% of you said boy.

You were close!

Here is how everyone voted at our “Gender Reveal Cake Parties” (we had the ultrasound lady write the gender in an envelope, took it to a baker and had them put “blue” or “pink” frosting in the cake – we found out with everyone else what we were having when we cut the cake).

Watch the 5 minute video:

Before we had kids Karl said, “You know Julie...we’re going to have 3 girls.”

I thought “Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.” However, it looks like my husband who is always right, is right YET AGAIN.

Someone asked recently if I was a little disappointed we are having another girl. No way! We're so excited about girls. Sisters are built-in girlfriends. A slumber party every night!

Its a girl!

When we told Jensen we were going back to Africa to have the baby, said she said, “Uh...Mom...will the baby be black?”

Seriously...not a bad question.

Here’s Jensen's top 10 list of baby names for her sister:

1. Bambi (this is her absolute favorite – she is very insistent we name her sister after a Disney character)

2. Sara (this is a close second after Bambi – ever since her cousin told her Bambi is not a real name this one has been creeping up on her list)

3. Nana (kinda like your grandma)

4. Malea (this has been one of her top names for about a year now – we thought she made it up till someone told us it was a real name)

Note: A friend from Ocean View was pregnant a few months ago and asked Jensen what she should name her baby. Of course Jensen was confident Malea would be the perfect name for her. And I guess it was – she named her baby Malea last August.

5. Sunny (I have to admit...it IS cheerful!)

6. Kiki (we did see the other day that Kikka means “mistress of all” - nice!)

7. Namala (a bit African sounding)

8. Isala (I guess she threw this in there just in case we didn’t pick Namala)

9. TikaTock (inspired by her new favorite nursery rhyme "The Mouse Ran Up the Clock”)

10. Sugar Pop (my personal fav)

Maybe we should go with Bambi Nana Isala TikaTock?

What do you think would be a great name? Something to go with Jensen, Emerson...???