Julie's Barefoot Journey

Cancer, the Battle Within, and the Dojo: How practicing martial arts helped me on my journey through breast cancer

2020-10-27T17:23:00.002-04:00

It's a chilly, dark October day here in Michigan. The trees are wet and their gold, orange, and burgundy leaves pop against the gray sky and the dewy green grass. It's the kind of day that triggers reminiscence, nesting, nostalgia, and reflection.

October's chilly air and earth tones are inundated with clashing splashes of pink everywhere you turn, reminding us that it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. We see pins, bumper stickers, bandanas, even pink football gloves and shoes, as the male-dominated sport reminds us that men are also affected by this ubiquitous disease. As about 1% of breast cancer diagnoses are in males, their bodies are at risk, but more often it's their spirits that suffer as they witness their beloved companions, sisters, mothers, and grandmothers fight for their lives.

As both a breast cancer and melanoma survivor (ages of onset 41 and 27, respectively), this dedicated month of October gives me an opportunity to reflect not only on the past summer and encroaching winter, but also on this topic of fight and survival which affects so many (a woman born in the United States today will have a 12.8% chance of developing breast cancer in her lifetime).

Don Highstreet (coach), bottom

Fighting has never been a stranger to me. As a child, we had both a heavy bag and speed bag in my home. My grandfather (see picture) was a boxing coach. Although he passed before I had a chance to develop memories of him, I can remember my mom's cousins coming over and playfully sparring and goofing around--these giant men who would make that heavy bag go flying while I could barely shake its chain with my untrained punches. Although my older brother got regular training and practice, I was a girl, so I was left to watch from the sidelines. The extent of my participation was when I was Uke to my brother when he wanted to practice sweeps. Just try to sweep me to this day, and you'll see the shadow of this unwilling "partnership" as I squeal and become a 7-year-old girl again, clutching you and frantically yelling, "TAP!" Even chairs which recline backwards too far can trigger my panic!

Fast-forward to the day when I began practicing at the Rochester School of Martial Arts (in MI). At 38 years old, I was finally going to receive the training I had longed for as a child. Most new students are surprised that the practice of our dojo is so much more than what meets the eye and are blindsided by the profound benefits. However, since I had watched my two sons grow through the children's program (Wushu and Lohan), I had some clue. Hearing the students recite the creed on the mats during every class prepared me not only for how my body would be challenged, but also my character.

My breast cancer journey was embedded with dojo life from start to finish. I was actually sitting outside the dojo when my ob-gyn called me with the biopsy results. I took the news so in stride, she repeated it to me, making sure I understood. Little did she know I was receiving this news in the safest place I could--the bubble of the dojo.

One of the first people I told of the diagnosis was my sifu, Patrick Donahue. One of the toughest guys I know, he is also one of the most compassionate. He assured me that the dojo was with me 100%, and whatever I could do, whenever I could, I was welcome on the mats. In addition, anything I needed which the dojo could provide was available to me at any time. I couldn't have been more supported.

Throughout the next three years, I had five surgeries. I maintained my practice as much as I could, but as you can imagine, there were long periods of time when I had to stay off the mats. Whenever I eventually returned, however, I can't describe the overwhelming feelings from bowing in once again, touching the tatami with my bare feet, and sitting with my dojo family in zazen. Seemingly in contrast with the seated meditation, I could not wait to unleash on the shields, as striking provided me with peace via another pathway. My partners were incredibly accommodating and kind. They gave me the gift of challenging me, trusting that I would tell them when I needed to slow down or ease up.

The whole-body involvement of martial arts certainly provided me with all the physical therapy I needed to recover, but there were added benefits that weren't so obvious, like balance training and learning how/when to set limits for myself. Overcoming my ego was a huge struggle, as I simply couldn't do a lot of the work done by others. I had to be ok with being the slowest, the least able, the weakest. New students would come in, and I had to swallow my pride and not make excuses for how awful my technique might be at that time, or explain why I couldn't do a sit-up. Class is certainly not the time tell a new partner about your medical struggles.

I made mistakes on the mats. Misjudging how much I could handle, there were times I pushed too hard, damaging my progress and even doing permanent damage in terms of internal scar tissue. Therefore, I also learned how to go slowly and take things easy.

With the encouragement of my son, Evan, I began studying Tai Chi with Sifu Brown at the Berkley, MI dojo. Tai Chi become my gateway to returning to the mats. The deep stretches at the beginning of class were challenging and amazing to my broken body, and Sifu Brown could not have been sweeter or more kind with slowly helping me move again. Tai Chi provided me with a way to ease into the martial arts motions, build strength, and reconnect with my breath. Again, I had ego to overcome. I had this misconception that Tai Chi should be easy--it was always portrayed on television as a great activity for seniors, right? I couldn't have been more wrong about that! The deep squats, concentration, rotation of joints, bends, weight shifts, coordination, reaches, and breath were as challenging as any martial art I had learned. I would sweat like crazy learning this gentle and ancient art!

Off the mats, the mind/body/spirit trinity of practice kept my head level. I continued to meet new problems with a positive attitude. Because everyone in my household practiced at the dojo, we had a common doctrine to reference for framing all of our challenges. It wasn't easy for 16 year old boys to watch their mom go through cancer. To see her in pain, immobile, and to have to help her while managing their own responsibilities and emotions. It's not easy for a husband to see his wife surgically maimed. To have to learn how to wash, comb, and style her long hair. To care for his Frankenstein bride with her five feet of stitches. We all had our concerns and worries, but we also had the voices of Sifu Brown, Sifu Donahue, and Sifu Scott echoing in our minds, carrying us through the hard times with their strength and wisdom.

It was mid-January of 2020 when I was finally allowed (once again) to step on the mats and resume practice after surgery number five. Maybe this time, finally, I could work up to that second yellow sash test. I'm pretty sure I've broken records in all three dojos for holding the first yellow rank the longest. (I speculate that I probably have simultaneously broken the record for most medical leaves!) Mid-February, just one month after returning, I got horribly sick, possibly Covid-19? We didn't think there was community spread at that time, and there wasn't a test to take anyway, so I'll probably never know. I was off the mats again, sick for a couple of months. By the time I recovered, there was no going back to the mats in the near future--we were on full lockdown in Michigan.

So much for getting back into my training!

But we learn to be like water, correct? I adapted and flowed into our new situation, and eventually Zoom classes became a thing. It was quite an adjustment from being in the dojo! On top of everyone learning the technology, practicing at home, on your carpet, trying not to trip over the dog, with curious neighbors watching and listening, provided unique challenges. Yet it was such a blessing. Like returning to the mats after being on leave, seeing everyone's faces after weeks of lockdown isolation and all its worry was incredibly therapeutic.

I eventually ended up joining Sifu Scott's Zoom Tai Chi classes from his West-LA dojo. Because the classes were offered six days a week, I began doing more Tai Chi than I had ever done in my life. Having it integrated into a daily practice, I began to see benefits physically in areas I thought were completely healed. Particularly in the axilla areas, where I had an excessive amount of scar tissue built up. I was under the false impression that all the punching and push-ups I had done over those cancer years would've minimized the long-term scar tissue damage. Again, I was wrong--Tai Chi was creating soreness I hadn't felt in months, and the scar tissue began to loosen its hold even more! After a little research on slow movements' effects on connective tissues and scar tissue management, I saw the data supporting what I was experiencing from the Tai Chi.

Meditating at the beginning of Zoom martial arts class.

Practicing and learning Tai Chi in my home has been a blessing. For as much as I love being in the dojo and feeling the tatami mats under my feet, there has been great benefit to creating a sacred space in my home as well. Also, Zoom Tai Chi has allowed me to attend class so much more often because it eliminates 2 - 2.5 hrs of driving for me to attend the Berkley dojo. Yes, I must say, learning in person is the ideal, but the online learning hasn't been all bad. I'm incredibly grateful for the myriad of life benefits I'm receiving from the practice and my Tai Chi family. Sifu Scott has also been a mental rock, always an amazing, calm voice of reason and Zen who challenges us every day with our mind/body/spirit discipline. During this pandemic, having a daily resource to plug into through his dojo has offered innumerable graces not only for me, but radiating through me to my household, and hopefully all those to whom I reach out.

There is so much struggle right now, and so much uncertainty and fear. It is quite similar to going on a cancer journey. I am reminded of a point Sifu Brown made in a beach talk on retreat one year, which I'll do my best to paraphrase:

ZMA retreat in Gaylord, MI

Life is hard. There is struggle. And there's always going to be struggle. And after that, there's going to be more struggle. And although you may surround yourself with people who support you, in a way, the struggle is yours alone. The battle is always within. When you find yourself between struggles, when things are relatively good, that's when you have to prepare for the next struggle. What are you doing RIGHT NOW to prepare for the next struggle?

The dojo is how I prepare for struggle. Sifu Brown is so right when he says the battle is always within. Every challenge in my life has been eased and supported by my dojo practice and dojo family. The overt teachings and the subtle ones. The lessons I learn which I keep to myself because they are too intimate to share. The lessons I shout from the rooftops. Those taught through my sifus' voices and those modeled by their actions. The strength and excellence of my partners on the mats. The peace that I work out through my sweat or from my meditation. These are all the things that have gotten me through my struggles.

The sun is now trying to get through those gray October clouds. I'm watching the birds who no longer can hide in the half-naked trees. My reflection this October is full of gratitude for the depth and richness my life has developed since I became a student of martial arts eight years ago. We all have been touched by cancer somehow, either personally, or through a loved one. People often ask me for advice about how to support a loved one with a cancer diagnosis. Perhaps martial arts isn't a one-size-fits-all solution for every individual, but think about the supports I've expressed above. How could your loved one find or remain plugged into a similar network? Mind, body, and spirit will all need special attention. Maybe this could be found in a dojo, like myself, or maybe it's a church, a book club, or support group from the hospital. Have the conversation with them about developing the internal and external practices which will carry them through when that battle within rages.

And don't forget your mammogram, ladies.

Namaste.

When Your Adult Child is Inconsolable

2019-10-23T17:56:00.001-04:00

This will be a short post. I just wanted to share that when my children were babies, we were pummeled with advice regarding letting them cry at night as part of their self-soothing training. There were entire books on it! We, fortunately, never had to resort to this method, as the twins were natural self-soothers and had no problems slowly transitioning to sleeping through the night.

Now my sons are 19 years old. Last night I had to walk away from one of them, leaving him sobbing. It was INCREDIBLY hard. Two hours had already passed where I held him, soothed him with words, did gratitude exercises with him, etc., yet the sobs kept coming. I could see how exhausted he was. Do you remember that exhausted cry babies would also do? Same thing. Nothing was going to be resolved without some sleep.

I explained to him the need for sleep, and as long as I sat there responding to his flow of tragic ideas, we would continue being stuck in the circle we had been running. I would be leaving the room so we both could get some sleep, but if he needed me to return, he could knock or text.

And I walked away.

I entered the bedroom where my husband's wide eyes reflected my own fear and hesitations. The sobbing cranked up a notch. There were even some wails. I truly felt we had to let it go. Sure enough, within just a few minutes, there was movement from his room. I heard him going through the motions of getting ready for bed, including a trip to brush his teeth. No more sobbing. I breathed a little bit easier, but there was of course the steady sadness which wouldn't dissipate for...well, weeks? Those sounds haunt you.

In hindsight, I wish I had walked away an hour earlier. I'm posting all this because we don't talk a lot about the challenges of emerging adult children. Their anxieties and fears are so real, and they're often navigating so many stresses alone (he was home on Fall Break). I did a quick Google search on adult children crying and the like. I was shocked to find nothing directly applicable. Amazon books identified some guides for family members of the depressed, which may contain some help, but the information wasn't readily available.

Had I heard buzz at some point about the value in walking away from a distraught adult child while in the throes of a breakdown combined with exhaustion and circularity, I might've left earlier and shortened the duration of the strain. So here is my shared experience perhaps for someone else to benefit from.

One more note--the common marriage advice of "never go to bed angry?" I think it's ridiculous. For my husband and I, married 23 years, if an argument is raised in the late evening, we've GOT to go to bed angry and handle it when well-rested and more rational. Too many times we've tried to resolve things when tired and the result is always more anger and resentment. Every time we've gone to bed angry, the morning is absolutely fine and resolution is quickly achieved. Just my two cents on that one, but it obviously relates to last night's situation with my son.

In a nutshell--sometimes it's best to walk away, even though it may seem cruel and is very difficult, but do it with explanation, compassion, and an invitation to reconvene. Listen closely and monitor the situation, which may escalate a bit before resolving, as in our case, or perhaps it worsens without petering out, and you'd have to judge how to react based on how the situation is developing.

I wish you the best in working with your exhausted, emotional, struggling adult child. I am not a therapist or psychologist, just sharing my parenting experience.

Namaste

On Being Breastless

2017-07-20T01:28:00.000-04:00

You read it right. Breastless. I WISH that was a typo and I had meant "Breathless" or "Restless", or even what my husband thought I said, "Blessed with." But alas, this is a post about what it's like to say goodbye to, and live without, breasts. At least the original ones.

With all the campaigns to heighten awareness of breast cancer, I had given some thought to what it would be like to have them removed. There were times when I even thought foolishly that there might be some benefit to it--my breasts were extra large and cumbersome. I had a hard time doing many sports, my back ached sometimes, and certain clothes just looked obscene on me. Although those issues were eliminated when I had my bilateral mastectomy, what I didn't understand was the difficult emotional and sexual issues that hijacked any benefit.

Something I hadn't considered much when hearing of others' plight is the simple fact that the breasts are a sexual organ. OK, obviously their primary purpose is producing milk, but the rest of the time, they're not just dead weight. We identify with them sexually, and many couples include them as a central component of intercourse.

Is this weird to read? It's very weird to write. I think largely because I'm afraid my mom is going to read this; then I'll be really embarrassed! Maybe that's why not many people talk about it--sheer embarrassment! When I was getting all of my medical consultations, not a single doctor talked about this. I did read a bit about sexual counseling in books, but I had yet to find real first-hand accounts of what it's like to go through this private ordeal.

I tried my best to keep the possible future struggle out of my treatment decision-making. I truly wanted to do what was best for my health outcome in the long run and didn't want other considerations clouding that choice. I'm glad I did it that way--it worked well for me, but once the decision was made to remove both of my breasts, the consequences of it sunk in.

One thing I didn't foresee was that from the time the decision was made, sex became awkward. It became sad. I would often cry. I knew that I had a number of weeks left, and that was it...here I am, 17 months later, and I'm still getting teary-eyed thinking about it. Breasts were such a huge part of our "routine" (face it, after 20+ years, even outside-the-box sex has some sort of routine in a marriage!), I didn't know what we would do. They played into the attraction, the foreplay, the main event...in some ways, they were more important than a vagina!!! I know that seems ridiculous, but that was our reality. No one dresses up in a sexy dress and has people comment, "Wow, your va jay jay looks HOT in that!" Hahahahaha, that's so absurd! But the rack??? That's sort of where it all starts!

And once you get the fire stoked, there's a lot of stimulation that happens there! And groping....and...well, you can fill in the rest!

So sex after that decision was made, before the surgery even happened, became sad. Will this be the last time? Oh man, that feels good....I'm going to miss that. Never again, for the rest of my life??? There's nothing else that makes me feel that can substitute for that....cue tears.

Sad tears are sort of a deal-breaker for sex. Kills the mood.

The few days before the surgery, the countdown really begins. Fear sets in. Questioning. Three days left. Two days left...and the night before? More tears. But you buck up, you be strong, because, face it, it's cancer, there's nothing you can do, this is the decision you chose, and there are about 20 million worse situations people face across the globe every day, so get over it. These are the thoughts that ran through my head.

When I woke up from surgery without my DDDs anymore, I had chest expanders in place. They were only holding 100 ccs of water or so, by no means substantial, but at least I wasn't concave. Although I had so much pain from some nerve damage, I hardly cared. As time wore on, though, and I continued to heal, the first thing I had to deal with was my shape.

Oh my goodness, I felt horrid. I was so disproportioned. I am overweight, and my former breasts sort of balanced me out a bit. Now, if you looked at me from the chest up, I looked almost athletic. Below that, though, I looked very misshapen. I felt like a Weeble Wobble (remember those)? I knew, though, that it was only temporary--once I had my reconstruction, I would look better. So I tried my best to forget about my shape, and to make sure pictures were edited to only show chest up!

No turning back now, no breasts. I was there, living it...and doing ok. I'm not one to look back with regret over the things I can't change. Finally, once I healed more, the first attempts at sex were made. Not too successful; it was so awkward and uncomfortable! I would usually just cry after a couple of minutes, and give up. The most success we had was just completely forgetting about foreplay because it brought up desires which were no longer options, and we stuck with positions where breasts are generally out of play, or "other options" altogether, so we didn't miss them as much. Sound like fun? Nope, it wasn't. It was a bridge, though, a foundation from which we could expand at a later date.

Eventually, I had my breast reconstruction (I chose a DIEP flap). Once I was completely healed from that, the sex improved tremendously...because we could pretend. Yes, pretend...that was our next step. Ever hear the phrase "fake it 'til you make it?" Memory is a powerful thing, and we now had this prop which helped pull our minds back into that pleasure we used to experience. In case you're unaware, reconstructed breasts have no feeling whatsoever, so there was no actual physical stimulation going on for me, but we were making our way back through the jungle of emotions and hang-ups.

My advice to other couples? It's rough. But it gets better with time. Give yourselves lots of time to heal physically and emotionally. Stand by each other. Try new things, and forget the old. I do NOT like the advice given in a very popular book about breast cancer that a marriage can benefit from an affair at this point. Truly, it says that. The woman gets the feeling that she is desirable again, which then translates to better results in the bedroom. I think that is ridiculous advice. Why take a difficult time more difficult by adding in other complications involved in an affair? Yucky. You don't need to do that! Just be grateful that you have each other at all, cherish your time together, and be patient with each other. Communicate. Take the time to build up romance again.

I read the other day that you are most beautiful when you are doing something that suits your soul. Focus on your beauty within, and shine it outwards. Your body doesn't make you beautiful--your actions and words do, and your inner light bursting forth does.

Keepin' it real,
Jules

Why I Chose Bilateral Mastectomy for a DCIS Diagnosis

2017-07-18T01:16:00.000-04:00

It's been 15 months now since the finding of DCIS in my right breast. I've wanted to blog about it ever since, but couldn't really wrap my mind around what I wanted to say, or how I wanted to say it. Emotionally, the past year has been a roller coaster, and I'm glad I waited so I wouldn't express a fleeting idea or feeling.

There's a sad amount of negativity out there for women who choose mastectomy for a DCIS diagnosis. DCIS stands for ductal carcinoma in situ, which means that there are cancer cells in the milk ducts of the breast, but no invasion yet, which is to say that there has been no cancer detected outside of the ducts. This is a very good finding for breast cancer! (Identifying cancer at this stage has been what we have been working toward, and now that we have succeeded in the early finding for many women, I am dismayed at the criticisms for treating it aggressively). Mine was found with the help of the 3D/MRI breast screening...on my very first mammogram. There was no palpated lump, no reason to suspect any cancer. The intention was to establish a very clear baseline, since my breasts were very dense. I was 41 years old. The recommended age for mammograms had recently increased to 50, but my gynecologist was uncomfortable with the reasoning behind the change. She thus encouraged me to have this test done. Her caution perhaps saved my life, and certainly saved me from a lot of extra suffering, had the cancer been found a later date.

After more imaging (initial suspicion was micro-clusters found on mammogram) and a biopsy, diagnosis came back with DCIS grade 2, which means that it was a mix of aggressive cancer cells and non-aggressive. It is an important detail to make clear that this is what was found on the biopsy. It tells you nothing about non-biopsied tissue. DCIS is naturally invisible on mammogram--it is only the resulting micro-calcifications that are sometimes present which alert us of a problem. In fact, a friend of mine whom I consulted had the same diagnosis from her breast biopsy. Very unfortunately for her, during her mastectomy, they found she actually had Stage 3 cancer! Deep infiltration in her lymph nodes. Although her biopsy showed no invasion, there absolutely had been invasion elsewhere. It only takes a tiny breakout through those ductal walls for the cancer to spread. This possibility is more dangerous in younger women with a type of cancer which thrives off of hormones, like mine was (hormone-receptor positive).

So which path toward future health should I choose? My initial reaction was to take the absolute safest route to avoid recurrence and/or spread, which was to just get rid of the breasts! However, I wanted to give each option its fair consideration, so I did indeed meet with the whole team of doctors put together for me. My options were the following:

Single mastectomy of the affected breast, with our without reconstruction
Bilateral mastectomy (both breasts, prophylactically for the non-affected side), with our without reconstruction
Lumpectomy, six weeks of radiation (or alternative concentrated radiation), 10 years of tamoxifen (hormone therapy)

The mad rush was on...do all my research, meet all the doctors, and do it all as quickly as possible so we could get the surgery on the schedule and remove this cancer! It was a very stressful time.

As I referred to before, while doing my homework, I found so many people critical of the mastectomy option where DCIS is considered. I even had a friends blatantly (and insensitively) express to me that it seemed like an extreme choice. I became defensive. I understand the background behind a lot of this sentiment--it's a backlash to when women had no good alternatives to mastectomies, and now that we have a choice, there's a general push to "save the breast." That's great for some people, and I honor those decisions. However, I would like to lay out the reasons I chose bilateral mastectomy (with reconstruction). I hope to support other women considering treatment and to educate their loved ones.

1. The most important factor was the statistic a surgeon shared with me (with accompanying research) that for women under the age of 45 with DCIS who chose lumpectomy with radiation, there was a 26% chance of recurrence in 10 years. Half of those recurrences would be invasive, requiring chemotherapy. This information was critical for two reasons. Foremost, it was the most specific study that looked at not only my diagnosis, but my age bracket. The sample set was most like me, and it was a significant number of subjects. Also, I found that recurrence rate to be very high--an unacceptable risk in my mind. Others may find that number to be reasonably low, and choose to keep their breast, and I totally honor that. It's a very personal matter.

2. Lumpectomy is often repeated because the margins are not "good" in the surgical biopsies. One lumpectomy often turns into two, and sometimes more! In hindsight, this probably would've been the case with me, since the affected area on the mammogram was only a couple millimeters large, but after the breast was removed, they found the DCIS to have spread to a volume around 2 cm cubed! Again, DCIS is completely invisible to all imaging unless it has left micro-calcifications in its wake.

3. Radiation is not fun, and there are risks involved, short-term and long-term. Sometimes tissue is damaged enough to make reconstruction difficult, or at least to limit reconstruction options. There is associated future cancer risk. Burns and inconvenience of going every day for 6 weeks factor in as well, although those are temporary issues.

4. Tamoxifen was not a drug I was interested in taking for 10 years. Its effectiveness seems to be significant, but the side effects are bad enough that many women quit taking it, hence increasing their risk of recurrence.

5. This was my second cancer. I had melanoma at the age of 27. Since my grandmother and her sister also had early-onset melanoma, it is highly likely that I have a gene, and often breast cancer and melanoma are linked genetically. I did have DNA testing for the several genes known to cause cancer. I did not have BRCA-1 or BRCA-2, although an unknown mutation was present in my ATM gene. Genetics is still in its infancy, however, and I was not comfortable ruling out the possibility a genetic link. If there were a gene causing these two cancers, it would increase the likelihood of a second breast cancer developing, so I felt more comfortable removing both.

6. Testing positive for hormone receptors scared me...I have many more years before hitting menopause, and any little cell that found its way to my blood stream would be fed its favorite diet and spread at a rapid rate.

7. Reconstructing one breast to match the other is difficult when you are large-breasted, as I was. It seemed easier to get a good "set" if the plastic surgeon could just start with a clean, symmetrical slate by having both removed.

8. Mastectomy recurrence rate in the aforementioned study is 1-2%, all invasive. That sure beats 26% by a long shot!

9. Having had cancer before, I know what it's like to have that shadow following you around for years after...every illness, every lumpy lymph node is a terror you try to suppress. Your mind wanders to bad places, and before you know it, you find yourself making a playlist on iTunes for your funeral. (True, I did this!) I knew I wanted to decrease that burden as much as possible by lowering the chance for recurrence.

There absolutely are good reasons to choose lumpectomy as well. Keeping your breast, not undergoing the difficult reconstruction, and more, are important to consider. However, since that wasn't the route I chose, I'll leave that argument to someone else! It certainly is a much more appealing option for older women, in some cases with near equal recurrence rates compared with mastectomy!

I hope that reading this has sparked more understanding and compassion for breast cancer victims and catharsis for those of you who chose a similar decision to mine. More importantly, I hope it has helped someone on their journey through DCIS decision-making. I wish to stress that I am not trying to influence one way or another, but just to share my own thought-process. (I also am not a medical professional, so always consult your medical team before making any decision). Please honor all women in whichever decision they choose, and know that criticizing their choices is not helpful. I am absolutely thrilled with my decision, by the way. It's been a rough road, and being without my breasts has been harder than I imagined. Dealing with the loss of my breasts was a struggle I felt better equipped to handle than the possible guilt I would feel if I took the greater risk, ending up with invasive cancer down the road.

Thanks for reading, and please share if you feel so compelled.

That Part of Health Care Which Nobody Talks About

2016-11-09T11:52:00.001-05:00

With the Affordable Health Care Act perhaps on the chopping block under the new government come January, I wanted to share some thoughts about health care that I haven't heard discussed often.

Health care costs have increased. Yes. Premiums are increasing. Yes. How about the services you and your loved ones have received? Has that also increased?

I imagine that if you have health coverage, your answer is yes. People are living longer. Health care advances have grown by leaps and bounds. I think most people would say that this is a good thing, especially if they are on the receiving end! For example, the cancer fight is being fought so well that in some cases, it's almost become a chronic disease with which the victim learns to live. Other folks are given years, and sometimes decades, longer to live with their loved ones. Many are completely cured after long, expensive treatments. The unfortunate ones who remain terminal would give up so much for another month, another year...

I chose cancer for my example because the cancer rates in America have grown so astronomically (for reasons that require a whole other post) that we all know several people who have suffered. I think we can all agree that although there are things we can do to lessen or increase our risk, cancer generally does not discriminate. Sadly, this is a disease we all need to deal with at some point in our inner circles.

Advances in health care are a blessing. They are also very expensive, both to develop and to implement. The only way to keep premiums from increasing is to either fund it somehow (through businesses, government, charity) OR to continuously exclude people and services covered. If the latter is chosen, the scope of people negatively affected will continue to grow in a desperate attempt to stay on top of the world in medicine while trying to keep premiums steady. The numbers of sick, the bankrupt, and the dead would be tilting heavily towards the disadvantaged.

As a society, I think it is time to accept that if we are on board with living longer and having the best medicine available to all of our citizens, we need to also accept that health care is going to become a larger portion of our personal budgets. It is my belief that the best way to ensure that coverage is unbiased is to include it as part of our federal spending. There are fewer things more important than our health--this is an ok thing to receive a bigger piece of the pie. Few of us had a hard time increasing our spending for mobile phones, wireless internet, fancier (non-safety) features in our cars, etc, yet how important are these things, really? How much to they contribute to the overall happiness of your family? Do any of them get you another decade with your spouse or child? Let's be OK with increasing our health care spending, and know that it's money well-spent.

This example of cancer can be extended to most diseases which we face. Take a moment to think about your extended family and name all the medical issues they've faced in just the past 4 years. In mine, I can quickly identify diabetes, breast cancer, prostate cancer (two cases), thyroid cancer, heart disease, severe allergies, asthma, osteoporosis, heart attack, esophageal cancer, congestive heart failure, liver failure, several broken bones (some requiring surgery), gynecological surgery, several births, and numerous chronic issues from traumatic car accident. This is just family, and certainly I've forgotten some things!!! There's no way we could've collected our incomes together to pay for all these services. The village isn't big enough. Which loved one would I deny coverage to? Every single member of this circle is hard-working, middle class or retired after a fruitful career. The numbers just don't add up. There needs to be support for health care from the government, and yes, I support increased taxes to pay for it. I prefer to see fair tax reform as opposed to a flat tax increase, but again, that's another post.

So that's the issue I haven't heard proclaimed--that health care cost increases are a natural progression for the level of care we demand and should welcome, so let's stop talking about how to halt them and discuss how to fund them with shared burden between families, businesses, and government.

One last note: I can't close this without listing just a few things that I'd like to address in a later blog, but don't want to take away from my central point by elaborating on here...yes, I know that Big Pharma rips us off, and I do support reform there, yes, I support many aspects of the Affordable Health Care Act such as not denying coverage to those with pre-existing conditions, coverage of children to age 26, and requiring coverage (which we all need at some point). I do not propose that it is perfect in its current form, but to throw the baby out with the bath water is foolhardy.

STUFF! The Intangible, the Injurious, the Inevitable

2016-05-13T01:23:00.002-04:00

My purse is heavy. People laugh when they pick it up. Sometimes, I then entertain them with riffling through it, laughing as I display the absurdity of carrying a partial roll of toilet paper, or a program brochure from a concert nearly a year past. Very little of it do I actually need.

My son Andrew is currently taking a Field Biology class. When he heads out to the woods, his messanger bag is filled with a notebook, special pens which write in the rain, binoculars, magnifying glass, reference books, and a snack. Nothing extra, only carefully selected items to minimize the weight.

Tim O'Brien wrote a fabulous, yet horrible, book called The Things They Carried about soldiers in the Vietnam War. Chapter 1 begins with a literal description of what they carried:

American soldiers in Vietnam during the war carry many things, most of them from home. First Lieutenant Jimmy Cross carries letters from a girl named Martha, a college student back in New Jersey. He loves her, and though he knows she doesn't love him, he hopes she will. He often daydreams about romantic vacations with her. He wonders if she is a virgin. His love sometimes distracts him from taking care of his soldiers. The men in his platoon carry objects that revealed their personalities.Henry Dobbins is a big man who liked to eat, so he carries extra food. Ted Lavender was scared, so he carried tranquilizers, which he took until he was shot and killed. Dave Jensen is worried about disease, so he carries soap and a toothbrush. They all carry heavy helmets and boots. Kiowacarries a bible--he is a deeply religious Baptist. Mitchell Sanders carries condoms, and Norma Bowker carries a diary. Rat Kiley, the medic, carries comic books. The nights are cold, the ground is wet, and you can bleed to death very quickly, so they carry ponchos and bandages. Almost everyone carries, or "humps," photographs. Jimmy Cross carries two photographs of Martha, one where she leans against a wall (he wonders who took the picture) and one where she is playing volleyball, her left knee supporting all her weight. He stares at that knee, remembering when they went to see the movie "Bonnie and Clyde" together. He had touched her knee, and she had given him a look that made him take his hand away. " Chapter 1, pg. 5

The literal "carry" becomes a figurative "carry" as the book transitions to the intangible, the injurious, the inevitable. The book as a whole begs the question of how much one can carry. How does one deal with the demands of carrying beyond one's perceived capacity?

Mary Poppins had a magic bag (or Hermione Granger, if you prefer) which held an infinite amount of tangibles. What does the vessel look like that would house our intangible "stuff"?

Let's imagine what that could maybe look like; each of us wearing our problems and cares in a container. I see images of fanny packs, camel backs, baskets on heads, change purses, U-haul trucks, and luggage on rollers. How often would we feel compassion for those trekking through their day with a wheelbarrow of worry or a tanker of trouble? How quickly might we come to resent the passers-by light on their feet with a mere pillbox in their pocket?

Truth is, the volume of our "stuff" is not proportional to its container. How we deal with our stuff is. The chance encounter with a person toting a load of emotions, guilt, and heaviness the size of a mustard seed would not be someone for whom to resent their cakewalk of a life, but someone to learn from. It would be wrong to assume that person hasn't been through the gamut of human tribulation. Likewise, it is equally erroneous to assume the one found strapped to a shipping container bears the largest burden of events and trials.

Instead, how about we not judge at all? There is no happiness which comes from comparing our place in life to another's. However, there is joy found in helping others to reduce their stress or in standing in the light of those who have mastered and reduced their weight into more sensible packages.

Jesus sets a great example for this mastery. Matthew 11:30 reads "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

When I received my second cancer diagnosis at age 41 two weeks ago, I slowly felt my own burden get heavier and heavier as my mind raced through all the scenarios for my near and distant future. Normally, I carry a duffle bag of concern. I quickly stuffed every available corner and pocket of that bag 'til it was nearly bursting open. Tonight, at Meditation class, I realized it would behoove me to upgrade to a nice Samsonite hard-sided piece of luggage with wheels. I am now toting this around more easily, and I know that in the coming weeks, I will reduce it little by little. It won't be an easy process, but with the help of meditation, mindfulness, perspective, and faith, I might get it all into a backpack someday soon. Like the toilet paper in my purse, I probably don't need most of it.

In the meantime, don't be afraid to talk with me about the cancer or any of the things in your own wallet/purse/hobo stick. I'm the same girl I was a few weeks ago, but with a bigger suitcase. Stopping to talk with you might mean we can both rest, and enjoy a human moment.

My Favorite Things! Water Bottle

2015-06-24T00:29:00.003-04:00

Looking for the "What Are Your Rocks?" series which Sifu recommended? Click here!

You know you were going to sing it anyway!

I'm starting a new series called "My Favorite Things" with this post! At first read, it sounds perhaps materialistic. For me, it's actually the opposite! I've been trying to make purchasing decisions based on how much the object I wish to own will improve my life (improving the planet or society also counts as improving my life)! These objects are all things which have been well worth the money, changing my life in small ways, and I'd like to share!

Today's post is about reusable water bottles. I've had so many kinds: metal canteen-style, straw-based, flip top, screw top, transparent, opaque, hand-wash, dishwasher safe, sports bottles, glass, and of course the reused-bottled-water-bottle-I-bought-at-the-gas-station-and-filled-at-the-tap.

Last week I received the ultimate reusable water bottle! I love it so much, it's actually quite ridiculous! I got four for the family, everyone picking their own color so we can easily tell them apart. Here's the big reveal:

Contigo 32 oz Grace Autoseal Bottle

It's "practically perfect in every way!"My cobalt color.

It looks so unassuming, doesn't it? Here are the reasons this is now my constant companion:

Volume is a perfect 32 oz. Any more would be cumbersome, and filling it three times a day hits my daily water goal!
It has an "autoseal" so you don't have to worry about accidental spills. There's a properly placed button in the back of the lid which you depress with a finger to open the seal as you drink. Brilliant!
Autoseal isn't technically drip-proof (the description says it is, but Andrew claims he had a drop sneak out...idk), but it's darn close. I throw mine in my gym bag, it rolls around the car a little (I know, sloppy!), and I can use it laying down without it spilling all over myself, even when full!
Autoseal keeps the bugs out! This is a great choice for enjoying the outdoors
Autoseal is simple enough a toddler could us it, and they come in a variety of colors and sizes to suit.
Autoseal allows me to shake/mix a beverage in the cup
Lid is wide enough to easily get ice cubes in and for water to flow through it in the dishwasher. Prefer hand-washing? Wider lid is better for that, too, but you'll still have a hard time fitting your hand in there...keep your bottle brush!
Partial transparency is just enough to be fun, but to also see what's inside--the level of the beverage (markings on the side), what you have in there (forget much?), how well mixed if applicable, or see what your kid is drinking (think it's water, but the carbonation is a give-away!
No straws!
All Dishwasher safe
Variety of colors and sizes including a more narrow version to fit in most cupholders
BPA-free
Handy loop on the top which I didn't think was a big deal until I found myself with my arms full, but still dangling my water bottle off of a finger!

Everyone in our family is loving their new water bottles! Longevity? I don't know yet...I'll post an update if I have any issue with breaking parts, but it feels very sturdy.

Hope you enjoyed my enthusiasm for this small investment which encourages such a healthy lifestyle and is good for the planet as well! Comment below if you get one; share what you think!

Note: Not all Contigo water bottles have the autoseal feature. Be sure you get one that does!

Greg got the "smoke" color

Andrew chose the svelte 24 oz
in this light green color

Evan got this blue one; it has a dark top
so we don't mix it up with mine. Doesn't
have "autoseal" in the title, but it's in the
description

Enjoy this Story of Stuff video if you wish!

Why is This Fun, Again?

2015-06-22T00:27:00.000-04:00

Looking for the post Sifu Brown recommended about internal retreat? Click here for Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 of "What Are Your Rocks?"

If you're looking for an upbeat post, this won't be it. But it will be "barefoot". Honest. Raw.

Packing and unpacking are jobs I'm not good at delegating!

Home again after a weekend away. Oh, how nice, you got away for the weekend? That's what we're supposed to say, and that's how we're supposed to view the mini vacay, as a break.

Laughable!

I think lots more people feel like I do about "getting away" than care to admit it. I'm feeling guilty myself, making a record that I don't enjoy it. How dare I be ungrateful, right? Hey, stop right there, because it's not that I'm ungrateful! It's just NOT my thing.

It takes me THREE days to prep getting ready to "get away" for TWO. That's primarily because I'm squeezing extra chores in the small spaces here and there in my days, which are few and far between. Extra loads of laundry (have to bring sheets and towels and everyone's favorite clothes appropriate for the wild changes in temperature we have up north), planning out food, buying food, prepping food, cleaning out coolers, getting everything done that I would've done on the weekend, etc. It's not TONS of work, but trying to fit it in to already full days becomes challenging and hectic.

Juggling all I feel I must do to be a successful
mother and a well-rounded person as well.

So there's the chaos and home, the packing, the timing (we're always running late), and we finally reach our destination and then there's the unpacking, the organizing, the socializing. We are all falling over each other in the small space four adult-sized people share (staying on a sailboat is sort of like camping), and the lack of privacy is something I have to breathe through all weekend, smoothing the edge off my irritability. We crawl in for our poor night's sleep on an odd-sized bed with thin mattresses which make my shoulders, neck, back, and hips ache. I've figured out a way to minimize the discomfort by surrounding myself with pillows, but it's awkward and sloppy with all those things in the bed, and a poor substitute for my comfy bed at home.

Please pick up after yourself!

There's not much to do on the boat. Keeping it clean isn't that demanding. I do have to constantly remind everyone to not leave things out, though. It makes me feel like such a nag, but I'm even more crabby if there are books, pencils, headphones, drinks, baseball caps, and shoes laying all over our small space. So I nag. Maybe one day I won't have to constantly remind everyone, but this is our third year, so I'm not going to hold my breath (yes, that's a breathing reference!).

So anyway, not having a lot to do means all kinds of time for my leisure, like reading, knitting, writing, napping, right? Well, not really....it's hard to get comfortable on the boat. There aren't cushioned shaded areas outside, like on a powerboat, but I can arrange a few floatation cushions to pad a seat for myself. That's sometimes a nice time reading. However, there are so many interruptions, it's hardly worth my effort. The dog's needs, the kids' questions, my husband's activity, and of course taking the boat out on the water. I can't read on the water generally because I'll either get seasick or I feel guilty for leaving my husband to sail solo. Knitting doesn't work on the boat. It's too hot, takes up too much room, and again, I don't have large chunks of time.

Not us, thank goodness, but this is what it feels
like we're on the verge of, often, LOL!

Sailing is often very nice, but if the wind is high, I'm not relaxed. I'm nervous we're going to slap the water, flip, bury the nose, get caught in foul weather, lose someone (or dog) overboard, hit submerged objects, or any number of things. My husband likes a much more "spirited" sail than I do, so I'm always holding him back, and he's always disappointed, or he ignores me flat out, and I am upset and this doesn't end well. If the wind is low, I often have a very nice time, especially if the sun is out. This happens a few times a year.

I do enjoy anchoring out off the State Park and hanging around and hopefully going for a swim, but the water is so cold, only late July and August are feasible for swimming, and the past two times we've been anchored out, we've had to come in after an hour for foul weather threats.

These are the squishy bugs which get smeared all over your
skin and clothes. They come in swarms and don't taste good.
We find the best way to get rid of them is swamping the cockpit
with buckets of water. Sailboats are made to drain water beautifully.
It's great when you have no opportunity for a shower and have to crawl
into bed buggy. Sponge baths help, but still, you don't feel fully clean.

I haven't even mentioned the bugs on the water (tiny gnats by the millions, fish flies, giant water bugs, spiders galore, biting flies). You just get used to having smashed bug parts stuck to your legs and clothes. As you can guess, I'm not a camper, either!

Eating meals is always somewhat of a hassle. Cooking on the boat is cumbersome, and Greg likes to cook on the grill in the marina, so we usually pack meat things, which we all love. However, I miss the pleasure of a full, well-rounded meal at home and tire quickly of steaks, burgers, brats, dogs. If I want more varied, delicious meals, I need to prep more at home, which requires more time getting ready. This usually doesn't happen, so our side dish is usually chips. :( Mommy fail.

Coffee time is great at the boat. Greg and I really enjoy going upstairs in the club and looking out over the bay as we sip a couple cups of coffee each.

After a second night sleeping on the boat, I'm more creaky and sore. That's ok, though...but I'm looking forward to my bed at home even more!

The thing is, except for perfect sailing conditions, I really don't enjoy being on the boat much. I have so much to do at home, I would actually feel more relaxed if I could work around the house for a while, then do something recreational at home. Being gone for the weekend means busier, more hectic weeks at home, which to me is not worth the sacrifice of getting away. Yes, I do enjoy being with my family, but I also feel we have quality family time at home playing games, watching movies, visiting family/friends, etc. On the boat, I get so crabby because my personal space is invaded without escape, and then our family time isn't very good (my fault)! I do try to combat the crabbiness like crazy, but it just can't compare to the relaxation and joy I feel being home.

Me, enjoying a light air sail with Lucy
cuddling on Father's Day 2015

I tried so hard this weekend away to be joyful and grateful and content and easy-going, and tonight, Sunday night, a few hours after being home, I felt the repressed frustrations all bubbling up. I cooked a nice meal that nobody wanted to eat, I got very irritated with my husband for an emotional issue he really handled wrong, and I had the Sunday blues, where you realize the weekend is gone and your work has just piled up more. I had a mound of bags to unpack and loads of laundry to wash, too. Plus my pent-up claustrophobic feelings!

Bottom line? I am so happy staying home, I need nothing more. However, my children enjoy going to the boat (few chores and lots of time to read, swim in the pool, sleep), and my husband NEEDS to go there for his sanity. The water is very soothing to him and because he is a busybody,

See how happy he is?
It makes it all worth it. I just have to not be crabby.
More self-mastery to learn!

handling a sailboat keeps him moving and on his toes in a very peaceful setting. So, I go and I put on a happy face, and I just need to work harder at keeping peace internally, despite being trapped in a situation I am unhappy in. This is what we do for our families!

Let's just be thankful the boating season in Michigan is only April - October. ;)

Step Aside, Haters!

2015-06-14T01:13:00.002-04:00

Are you here at Sifu's recommendation to read about the retreat? If so, redirect here to What Are Your Rocks, Part 1

My family just finished watching Selma.

We're all reeling in our own ways. I cried out, cried in, cried joy and cried sadness. The story is told very well, so I won't downgrade the tale by retelling it inferiorly. Please see the film.

Several times while watching, I was taken back to the dedication of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr's memorial in Washington, DC. I can't believe we were all there...

As our feet pound the pavement of our nation's capitol, the crowd thickens. We are approaching the site where the dedication of MLK's National Memorial is in process. I kick myself for not getting an earlier start. We will probably miss President Obama's speech.

I know we are getting closer because the street vendors are getting more dense. Wanting to have some memorabilia from this historic day, I am tempted to stop, but the urgency of our tardiness has me pressing on.

We cross the street that is lined with news vans and cross through the gate into the general admission area. Indeed, we have missed hearing the President's speech, but are just in time to witness the replaying of Dr King's "I Have a Dream" speech on the jumbotron!

We quickly find a spot where we have a fairly clean line of sight and settle in to experience the moment. To my left and to my right, behind me and in front of me, are black Americans of all ages and I wonder what their connections are to Dr. King and the Civil Rights movement. I glance at the boys--they are completely riveted by the speech, grasping at just 11 years old the poignancy of the moment. I am so proud of the incredible citizens they are becoming and hope this event gives them more strength of character.

The speech ends and the entertainment begins. The crowd slowly thins and we are left with more space to roam and sing and dance. This is where the true celebration begins! A government worker shares some leftover loot from the VIP seats and we help ourselves to special embroidered white baseball caps commemorating the day. Donning our caps, we join in on the festivities with a light heart.

Stevie Wonder takes the stage. I've always been a fan, but seeing him this day perform live, leading all the musicians on the stage (Cheryl Crow, James Taylor, and more) in a jam session gives me even more respect for him musically. His soul is clearly soaring as he speaks of the personal significance of this day to him. I didn't realize he had a big hand in the memorial being erected.

"Little Stevie" begins a rendition of "Peace Train." Slowly but surely, the crowd forms its own Peace Train as we grasp the waist of the person in front of us and weave our way through the dwindling audience. Hundreds of us have linked together, including my boys and myself. At one point I notice we are among the very few white people present, and I smile because the boys probably haven't even noticed. I think of all the times I was exposed to racism as a child in my community, and think the boys' tally would be zero. My heart is open and I continue to dance. Many are singing, "Oh, I've been smiling lately, Dreaming about the world as one, And I believe it could be, Some day it's going to come!" For many of us, that moment is right here, right now.

This perfect memory is held even more precious in my heart now after seeing some of the imagery from Selma. The final scene sticks with me the most, because it is so triumphant. The righteous, the just, the strong are marching through a crowd of haters. Step aside, haters, and make way for the new American standard! Together, their light out shined the jeers, the smears, and the violence. For certainly the violence did not stop, but its hey day was over.

Tonight my husband started to say, "That movie made me think again how dark our human nature..." and I cut him off.

"No, no no!!!" I cry, "Our nature isn't dark!"

"OK, how dull our light can be..."

"No!!!" I plea again, "Just because clouds pass over our heads doesn't mean that the sun is shining any less brightly!"

We discuss how negative group think begins, and I suggest it all starts in small circles. A group of friends, or within a family. Hate speak is an insatiable monster which will grow uncontrollably until people are convinced that it's right because so many other people support it. We probably have all heard the Burke quote, "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Perhaps it's over quoted, but it is NOT over implemented!

I heard a person honestly ask recently what they can do to become a better person. Simply standing up for what is right and good is a very powerful act one can take to make a huge difference in the world. It is sometimes lonely work, but only on the surface. Think of the many faces you are standing up for, and they will dispel any loneliness you may feel and give you additional support as well!

I'd like to end with a request. Watch the video to this song from the Selma movie. It is so moving and wonderful. I bet your cares and worries will be alleviated from this inspiring work of art!

What Are Your Rocks? Part 3

2015-06-10T01:33:00.001-04:00

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here!

When the Sunday 4 am gong woke me, this time I knew why. It was time to move the rocks.

What a different experience than Saturday morning's gong! I knew exactly what was being asked of me and set right to work. Even though I had laid out my clothes before going to bed in order to answer the call quickly, there were several people out moving the rock pile ahead of me! I try to quicken my pace, but my legs cry out. Did I miss the stretching completely, or was it skipped? Multiple sclerosis always makes walking a little tough for me in the morning due to cramped, tight muscles, but on top of the soreness from the previous day, I am struggling a little extra. My paces are tiny, as my calves are not cooperating. They'll loosen up in a bit, I know.

The task goes quickly, and we begin our zazen (sitting meditation--read what zazen is here and join us in zazen at the dojo!). I have forgotten my zafu and resign myself to getting a wet bottom from the very dewy grass. The morning is incredibly still. We can hear so many noises from the wildlife, the distant freeway, and even a horse whinnying on a neighboring farm. This is my favorite meditation yet, as I feel integrated with my surroundings and easily travel to the place from which miracles come.

After the singing bowl brings us back, we are given the option to continue meditating in the idyllic setting or return to bed. As wonderful as my meditation was, I am never one to pass up an opportunity for more sleep! Off I go.

Later that morning, we are listening to Sifu talk to us about the rock exercise. One of the things I like very much about Sifu's teachings is that he lets us think and find meaning ourselves, with just a little guidance. Our rock lesson isn't spoon-fed to us. We each find our own meaning in it. This technique is so effective because we are all in unique places on our paths with very different experiences and knowledge we're drawing upon.

Sifu challenges us to be accountable for ourselves. He asks us if it was truly hard getting up at 4 am when we knew others were counting on us? No, it was not. It wasn't exactly FUN getting up at that time to do work, but there was never a question of NOT doing it. As part of a team, I had to carry my weight. Yet if I were only moving the rocks for myself, as in the parable, and no one was watching or keeping track...would I move them every day? How long before I would find an excuse to miss a day?

What are your rocks?

I have so many "rocks" to carry on my path to self-mastery, I could build a fortress from them and hide in it. Some days, that sounds like a pretty good idea! As I ponder my metaphorical pile of rocks, which one will I be picking up first? A light, easy rock? I'll call that rock Laundry or Driving or Dishes. Those rocks are simple for me to move, and I don't bat an eyelash in moving them without fail. My medium rocks include Grading, Lesson Planning, Cooking, Exercising. I carry those rocks well, but there's a little struggle here and there--I sometimes leave them in the pile and carry a smaller rock instead. And my boulders??? They are why I'm here. Learning to move them consistently is the lesson for me. Engraved into these rocks are words and phrases such as Weight Loss, Writing, Cleaning the House, Meditation.

Besides the task-oriented rocks, I have my character-building rocks I need to move every day such as Self-love, Letting Go, Empathy, Kindness, Charity, Patience..

...I could go on for pages. The pile of 108 rocks we moved so many times this weekend pales in comparison to my own pile. I plan to work at them every day, giving special attention to the boulders. In fact, I just got out of bed to write this. There I was, laying in bed close to sleep when I remembered! "Oh no! I didn't move my Writing rock!" My conditioned response came first, "Well, I guess I missed it today. Good job, Jules, you went a whole two days." Yes, my inner voice is often sarcastic! Then I remembered getting up at 4 am while on retreat, and I knew I had it in me to get my butt out of bed! After all, it just meant sitting with my computer in a comfy chair--it wasn't like I had to go outside and literally move the rocks! So it worked, and here I am, feeling proud (smug?) that I made it this third consecutive day. Going another three days should be no harder; it's merely a matter of determination.

Actually, this wasn't the first time throughout my day that I faced with decisions about my rocks. For example, as the evening got late and I wasn't going to be able to start making dinner until 9 pm, I thought about picking up pizza. I thought of my Weight Loss boulder and my medium Cooking rock, and told myself again, "Gotta move the rocks!"

It's so much more than just a phrase to me now. Because of my positive meditations while moving the rocks, I have a new appreciation for the tasks. I know that sounds strange, and I'm not quite sure how it works myself, but somehow all that gratitude is carrying over into the application. I'm also thinking of my retreat group, picturing them moving their rocks. We're no longer together, but it doesn't feel like the distance between us is relevant. I still feel like I'm being held accountable, and they're counting on me to do my part of the work. I don't know how long this feeling will last, but it's a really beautiful thing! I know that my progress and happiness contributes to the oneness of our community. On a micro level, my husband and children also depend on me to be strong and happy as part of our family unit. So I'll continue to move my rocks, with gratitude and devotion.

I conclude this series by asking you, "What are your rocks?" Please feel free to share in the comments below. If not, at least answer the question for yourself! And when that gong goes off, just do it. Don't think about it. You know what is right. Move the rocks! No excuses! Every day, without fail!!!

Namaste.

What Are Your Rocks? Part 2

2015-06-09T00:21:00.002-04:00

Have you read Part 1 yet? If not, read it here first.

The second time moving the rocks, this time in broad daylight, is much easier. The distance feels much shorter. I can see where I'm stepping, there aren't dewy, stringy things hanging from the trees to freak me out, and I know what it's going to take to complete the task. Everyone will make three trips, some will make a fourth trip, to move each rock in the pile.

Also in the daylight, I can see the rocks which others are carrying. I'm glad over and over again that I'm not one of the buff guys on the retreat, as they feel the responsibility of always taking the largest rock available. Their yoke is not easy; to call their burdens small boulders is no stretch. I vary my rock choices a bit to test my limits, but I don't get too crazy. At this point, we could be moving rocks the entire weekend for all I know--can't wear myself too thin in our first session of the day!

I also have found the posture that is most comfortable for me. I choose to carry the rock on my hip, like a small child. The most common method seems to be to support the rock in front of the body with both hands, so I try this, but it is uncomfortable for me.

I'm also observing different strides and paces. Some people are walking very meditatively. I admire that because it's not my style--I try it and have no patience for it. I am driven by the habit of stepping more quickly when there's a task at hand. This notion is enhanced by the notion that if I walk slowly, others may have to work more. I find a clip which keeps me moving decently without losing my breath.

Oh yeah, breath. Concentration, will, and breath. These are the three components of accomplishing just about anything. I'm trying to learn this lesson--in fact, I've been working on it for quite some time. It's in my notes from last year's retreat! I really shouldn't squander this rock-carrying time by letting my mind wander. I focus on my breath.

Inevitably, my mind diverges from breath. I have a hard enough time stilling my mind in a quiet room, comfortably sitting on a pillow, let alone in this setting. Focusing while carrying the rock, with the distractions of all the other people coming and going, will be a great exercise for me. I bring my focus back. Then a song comes in my head. "She Loves Me Like a Rock" sits itself in my ear, no joke. Even when I think "I am a Rock" is a more appropriate choice, I keep finding myself hearing the former instead. (Paul Simon must've carried rocks...what's with his "rock" theme??) Focus, focus, focus. Breathe. Next I find myself counting steps. How did that start? That's weird, I don't even remember starting to count! Focus. Breathe. OK, two trips down, one or two to go. I start looking at where I'm at in the line, wondering if I'll be one of the few making a fourth trip. Then I feel ashamed for feeling excited that maybe I'm far enough back to be done at three rocks. Wanting to punish myself for such a lazy thought, I vow to make sure I'm in the front of the pack the next time we move the rocks...

...or will there be a next time? You know what, maybe this is it! After all, we're just moving the rocks back to their original location, so maybe that's the completion of the exercise...what is wrong with me? Why all these lazy thoughts? OK, I'm tired, but still....focus! Breathe!

OK, the pile of rocks is now moved. Time for sitting meditation. We face the rocks, like our own little Mecca. Or are we like meerkats? I chuckle at the thought. Again, I chastise myself, "What is it with me today?" I can hear Sifu's voice in my head saying, "Get your mind right!"

I have a very nice meditation. My zafu (meditation pillow) has never felt so comfortable! A little bit of exercise allows me to relax very effortlessly into a mindless state. I listen to God. He doesn't speak to me in words, but I open my heart and allow the divine spark within me to shine with His light. I feel Mother Earth beneath me. I feel the hearts opening of the people around me. I feel perfect. I think nothing. Not even of rocks.

The Tibetan Singing Bowl which woke me so abruptly at 4 am now rings softly and beautifully as I am gently pulled from my meditation. I am so content and peaceful.

Tibetan Singing Bowl

Well, it turns out that the "It's time to move the rocks!" gong is struck several more times this day. I don't count, because I try not to care. Was it six times? I don't know, truly. As the day passes, the internal griping stops. I'm so grateful because I didn't like that voice in my head at all! Sifu speaks to us in the afternoon about our rock carrying and guides us a little bit in our task. I am asking myself how a saint would carry the rocks. Sifu suggests it would be effortless. I think yes, a saint would find devotion and gratitude in all his/her work. After these thoughts, I'm looking forward to the next gong! I challenge myself to raise my attitude, too!

I'm surprised how easy it is, actually, to shift my thinking. I'm so grateful I'm not walking four miles daily to gather water. I'm so grateful I'm doing this by choice, not for survival. I'm so grateful I don't perform hard labor all day. Gratitude for being at the retreat, gratitude toward Sifu for giving me this opportunity, gratitude toward my fellow carriers for their amazing support and inspiring work ethic. The positive thoughts keep flowing, and although my body continues to be more sore and fatigued, while my feet ache and swell, each challenge only causes the gratitude to go deeper.

Turns out, the lessons I would learn from this monotonous task continue to unfold. The layers are deep.

Read the final installment, Part 3, here!

What Are Your Rocks? Part 1

2015-06-08T00:01:00.000-04:00

Internal retreat....mmmmmm, sounds so relaxing. Sign me up! Meditation, contemplation, quiet, journaling, inspiration. Sounds like just what I need near the end of a long school year!

Friday night is just perfect. We arrive at the Capuchin Retreat Center, easing into our weekend with a relaxed schedule of settling into our rooms and greeting our fellow martial artists. Around 8:00 pm, we begin our first session of the night, Sifu Brown diving right into a Q&A session, fearlessly addressing some of life’s most difficult and important questions about spiritual growth and development.

As always, his excellent answers are inspiring and moving. What a great start to the weekend! We all receive an assignment to work on throughout our time on retreat, or beyond if needed. Time for a snack and some sleep.

After having a difficult time falling asleep, I am roused from my fitful slumber by the sounds of a Tibetan singing bowl. Very groggy and befuddled, I stumble out of bed as a knock comes at my door. The bowl is clearly meant to summon us all to our outdoor meeting area near the fountain, but it's the middle of the night, isn't it???

Wait...what???? What is going on? There must be some sort of emergency! Fire is the first thing that goes through my head...should I run out immediately, which would mean bralessly greeting my fellow retreaters in my scanty pajamas? No, no, no, I can’t do that! If it were fire, they would yell, “Fire!”, right? My brain fog is finally lifting, a bit. I peek out the window. Darkness. It can’t be the morning summons, then. Must be something Sifu dreamed up for us! Now I’m irritated (not a morning person), but intrigued. I quickly get dressed, skip the hair, potty, and toothbrushing. I saunter down the hall disoriented, stumbling slightly in my stupor, hoping others have neglected their appearance as much as I have! (I’m not sure whether I’ve conquered my ego by not taming my wild hair or lost the battle because I’m worried about it).

I arrive at the meeting place. The fountain is gurgling, the stars and moon are shining, the wind blows, and about 25 bodies are standing there looking dumbfounded. There seems to be a cranky vibe, but that could just be me projecting!

Sifu leads us in warming up our bodies. Arm circles, stretches, bends, dear God what are we preparing to do??? I feel almost drunk, I’m so tired! I can’t imagine being coordinated enough to pull off any form, Tai Chi, Qigong, Kung Fu, Yoga...and then we get the news.

Rocks. We’re moving rocks. A big pile of big rocks. Many rocks. We’re going to move them. All the rocks. OK, we’re going to move them...maybe 30 feet? Perhaps the length of a backyard?

(Not actual rocks from our pile...ours were bigger and dirtier!)

As we walk closer to the pile of rocks, I see the line of tiki torches stretching across the property. I never measured it out in paces, but let me just say it’s a long way. We’re hauling this big pile of rocks a long, long way. That is, at 4 am, it seemed like an expanse which would take us a very long time, especially given our collective state of UNenthusiasm. (Again, I’m projecting, imagining others felt as timid about completing the task as I did).

Sifu has periodically told the parable of moving rocks, reminding us of it again the previous night in our session:

There was a man who wanted very badly to study with a particular martial arts master. The master told the man ok, but he had to move a pile of rocks at 4 am every day, without fail. No matter the challenges and circumstances, the student had to rise every morning and move those rocks from A to B, and the next morning from B back to A.

The student at first thought, “Sure! I can do this!” but as you can imagine, one is quick to grow weary from such a task. Day in and day out, moving the rocks was not always as easy as it once had been. One morning, he may have been out very late the night before, another morning it may be raining, more than once he became ill, and then winter came, adding additional challenges. Yet the instruction was to move them every day, no excuses.

Although it was incredibly hard for him, the student went two years without missing a single day. He approached the teacher at this point with a smidgen of frustration, saying, “Master, it’s been two years, and I’ve moved the rocks from here to there, and there to here, every day at 4 am, without fail! I’ve battled sickness and weather, fatigue and frustration, all for nothing! What has it accomplished, what have I learned???” The master answers him simply, “Oh, you have learned SO much....”

So here we are, in our first hours of internal retreat weekend, moving through the darkness under the mixed lighting of the moon, stars, and tiki torches, toward our pile of rocks. One by one, we choose our first rock to carry. There are a variety of sizes--I choose one that doesn’t look too intimidating. One that perhaps offers balance between the too-small rock which will make me look wimpy and weak and the too-big rock which will make me look like I’m showing off and perhaps even challenge me too much. My rock and I begin our journey in silence, trying to be reverent. This is supposed to be a walking meditation, but I’m having a hard time finding my zen and my footing in the dark. There are depressions in the terrain, tree roots, sticks, inclines and declines. I’m sometimes walking under trees and feeling things land on me, brush my head, or I'm breaking through web-like strands. It’s hard to find a meditative place in my mind with so much to process. Factor in the worry that I’m going to struggle crossing the distance with the size of rock I chose, and....hey, as a matter of fact, this rock is getting pretty heavy! I need to carry it a different way. I shift it to my hip, like I would carry a small child. That eventually gets uncomfortable too, as different muscles feel fatigue. I try carrying my rock like a serving tray. That’s not working longterm, either. Are other people struggling with figuring out this carrying/walking scenario? Or are they happily striding in blissful mindfulness? I definitely have a long way to go.

I press on. I now can see where we are going, the end is in sight! We are laying the rocks at the feet of Jesus! Ah, it’s very beautiful.

Thanks to www.ioftheneedle.com for this image of Inspiration Island

A life-sized crucifixion of Jesus sits on what I later find out is called "Inspiration Island." He is nearly surrounded by a pond complete with fountain and is lit with floodlights. Our path takes us across a quaint bridge. From there it’s just a short uphill climb to place our rocks at his feet. My heart feels some peace and a little joy. A little joy is pretty good for me at 4 am!

I begin my journey back. As I turn around, from the higher vantage point of the small hill I’m on, I can see shadows moving in the night. My comrades silently carrying out their task. I feel a sense of oneness with them as we work together to move our pile of rocks. I wonder how long it will take us? How many trips will we make?

I guess it takes us about 20 minutes to move the rocks, but truly have no idea since none of us have timepieces. If I’m right, it was perhaps roughly a mile total we walked, half of this mile spent carrying a rock. I can’t keep myself from doing the estimations in my head.

As the last rocks are placed at Jesus’s feet, we start to gather a short distance away where we can gaze at the crucifixion, still under the light of moon and stars, enhanced by the floodlighting. The already poignant image is even more contemplative with the new pile of rocks added to it, and I’m sure we all have metaphorical thoughts as we ponder the scene.

Sifu gives the command to sit comfortably and close our eyes. We meditate.

Thankfully, we are allowed to then go back to bed, and we’ll see each other at breakfast. I wonder if we’ll also get up at 4 am the following morning to move the rocks again, like the student in the parable. Boy, I’m glad we’re only staying two nights, because I really wouldn’t want to move those rocks more than twice!

Later that morning, our first session is after breakfast and begins with Sifu discussing the rock exercise of hours ago. He explains that he really wanted to rouse us with a gong, but was convinced not to because it would be too jarring! I silently thank the kind soul who advised him so! Sifu goes on to explain that for the rest of the weekend, when we hear the gong, "It’s time to move the rocks!" Then you know what he does? Yes. He does. He strikes that gong! It’s time to move the rocks again.

“Oh!” I think, “I guess he’s not waiting until 4 am to have us move the rocks back!” I start to panic a wee little bit...how many times are we going to move the rocks this weekend?

Go to Part 2 here!

And Part 3 here!

Dear Facebook, It's Not You... Days 1-3 of The Great Break-up

2014-10-01T23:43:00.001-04:00

I love the cartoon imagery from my childhood of the snowball rolling down the mountain. It starts so small and innocent. Fun-sized snowball. Before long, however, it grows to a tremendous size, picking up momentum as it crashes down the mountain until it eventually collides with an innocent bystander, whose limbs are seen poking out at unnatural angles.

Sunday night was when the snowball I call social media collided with me.

Fun-sized Facebook was so entertaining. An introvert's and extrovert's dream both, which is a bizarre juxtaposition itself. At first, I was curious about where people from my past had gone--classmates, students (I was a teacher), co-workers, family members...I searched them all. Oh yeah, and past boyfriends, of course, but I'm probably the only one who did THAT! ;) It was fun to reconnect and catch up! It wasn't long, however, until I had searched pretty much everyone I could think of.

The next phase was maintaining connections with everyone I met who seemed interesting. Then it was businesses I liked, news feeds I wanted to follow, celebrities, groups, etc. It wasn't long until I had over 400 connections! A ridiculous number! I graduated with 130-some people, and I didn't even know all of them, what in the world was happening?

As Facebook grew more ubiquitous, it became annoying when someone WASN'T on Facebook. How dare they? Don't they know how inconvenient it was for ME to have to tell them news and share pictures individually? They should be more sensitive to how busy I am, and just follow my feed. Everything important I post there, including pictures of the kids, major life changes, and maybe what I made for dinner--like I said, the important things.

Well, now I am one of THEM. I have QUIT Facebook!!! As I mentioned, the gargantuan snowball struck me Sunday evening as I fell into a personal crisis, realizing that in the past several months, I had not 1) visited my parents just to say hello--only when I needed something, 2) read more than a few pages at a time, not completing any book, 3) picked up my knitting needles, and 4) finished my summer project. These sound like little things, but they are very important tools in keeping my sanity. In addition, my house had gotten very cluttered (recently emptying the boat's contents into my first floor), and my MIND was cluttered.

Cue breakdown. Tears. I was alone in my car, so I could freely let them roll...no kids or husband to fake happiness for. In this moment, I realized that there aren't a LOT of things I can change in my life (nor want to), but it was time to take action where I could.

I decided then and there to deactivate my Facebook account.

Why? The answer is complex. I want to be clear--I don't think anything is wrong with Facebook inherently. In fact, there are lots of wonderful things, which I miss already, after only three days. But the bad was outweighing the good for me at this time in my life. No judgment on people who love and use Facebook--it's just wrong for me right now.

So again...why? Facebook clutters my mind. I simply cannot maintain that many relationships. I WANT to. There are so many people I love and care about, and I want to know when they're not feeling well and wish them good health. I want to see awesome pictures of the many fantastic children in my life, both family and friends. I want to see my loved ones out there doing awesome things and being joyful. But it also is just too much. I've always been the kind of person who has just a small circle of people with whom I am close to, never really desiring more. In addition, I have a need to connect deeply with people. I can't just "troll" Facebook...I've tried it before, when attempting to downsize my FB time. It just doesn't work for me. If I see something lovely, I have to "like" or comment on it, or it feels like I'm being dishonest, somehow. I know that seems pretty bizarre. I agree. But it's just how I am. Then every time I comment or like, there's the feed which follows, and I have to read all of that. Or maybe I'm having a conversation about something, and I keep checking my phone throughout the day to see if anything further has been said. Sometimes I see something that really gets my blood boiling, or maybe some really interesting debate has popped up, or some wrong has been done. My ideology takes over and I end up being dragged into a saga--those are really bad. The feeling weighs me down for at least a day, and I feel physical stress as I continue to check the feed over and over and over again to defend my position.

So when I realized I was reaching for my phone almost constantly, like an addict, I knew I had to go cold turkey. And when I announced it to my family and one of my sons actually clapped, I knew I made the right decision. They all knew I was overly addicted, but how do you approach Mom about such a thing?

I wanted to blog about my experience, because it has been extremely interesting. Maybe there are things a reader can relate to. I hope my sharing is useful to someone, because quite honestly, it's embarrassing, and I'd like to see a positive outcome for others!

Day 0: The Deactivation

As I mentioned, this was Sunday night, September 28 2014. I learned that Deactivating my account doesn't delete it, which made the leap much easier to make. As part of the process, I had to decide whether I would still get certain notifications...I chose not to. I had tried to limit my FB exposure before, and it still felt like it was beckoning to me constantly. Cold turkey I went!

Day 1: Now What?

My mornings usually began with FB in bed. Since I use my iphone for an alarm, it was easy to just turn it off, roll over and see what was happening on Facebook. Hmm. Now what? Well, I thought I'd check text messages. None. Check email. Nothing too exciting there. Words with Friends? Couple turns to take...then I guess I've got to get up. So much for taking a slow 10 minutes to catch up on my 400+ friends, world news, local news, and kitten videos.

When I sat down at my computer with a nice cup of coffee, I kid you not, I blanked. I couldn't go to Facebook...Now what? I actually just sat there with my fingers perched over the keyboard, and my mind was blank. I didn't know what to do. OK, guess I'll check email. 20 seconds later, I'm done with that. Now what? I guess it's time to work.

After so much work, I needed a little break. I thought I'd text some friends and let them know I'm off Facebook--I wouldn't want them looking for me and thinking I had blocked them! Mom, too. OK, text text text...that was fun, but I felt a little intrusive. Maybe I'll have to email them in the future. That sounds so old-fashioned! I also was a little embarrassed to explain my new situation, because this respite probably won't last, and I'll be back on in a few days, looking all wishy-washy.

I made it through the first day, and I felt a little more clear--all those dangling conversations and issues were over. I continuously fought the urges though, including the response to just grab my phone in any lull throughout the day.

Day 2: Remorse

This is the day I started to think about all the awesome parts of Facebook I would miss, and wonder how to remedy them, if at all. I thought about my biological grandfather, and how we got a chance to know each other for the first time in our lives through Facebook. I loved seeing all his "likes" for the pictures and video I would post. I'll miss that. I do have his email, though, so I can still connect with him once in a while.

I thought about my nieces and nephews, great nieces and great nephews. I love them all so much, and their lives are so busy--how would I ever keep up with them? They are all so important to me. This is maybe the toughest one. I can't expect them to keep me in the loop about their goings-on. I'll try to do what I can with email and texting and maybe even letters, catching up at holidays and other gatherings, but it won't be the same. This makes me sad. However, I know that 10 years ago, social networking didn't exist, and people still had great family connections. I would just have to figure it all out, hopefully with their patience, love, and desire to maintain my presence in their lives.

I thought about some of my FB groups--especially my neighborhood group. Facebook has been such a great way for all of us to be connected. So, now my new role will be neighborhood hermit. Can't be too hard on myself, though, since only a fraction of us were using it. Still, I'll miss the interaction.

On the positive side, I was starting to really like my independence from social media. I was getting used to not having my mind constantly rolling around in the fodder. I truly, truly felt more peaceful. The internal clutter was waning. I felt really good about my decision, despite the sadness I was feeling at the potential loss.

Day 3: Feeling Philosophical

This brings us to tonight, the end of Day 3. I am actually really loving my decision at this point. I am very surprised at how good my head feels. I am so much lighter! I am looking my kids in the eye more. That is so embarrassing to say, but often they would approach me with a question while I was on my phone, and I would sort of "Mmmm hmmmm" my way through it. I hate that I used to do that! My eyes are watering thinking about it.

I'm remembering the way things used to be prior to the social media frenzy. The sheer number of people I would interact with on a normal day as a stay-at-home mom was probably less than 5! Yet I never felt lonely--there were always friends available whenever I needed them. That was more sane than trying to authentically interact with 50 in a day, and if you count strangers in a comment feed, probably in excess of 100. That's insane for an introvert like myself. I am seeing with clear eyes and heart that this is where I need to be.

I also notice that I'm emailing and texting my few close friends more. Something cool happens, or I take a neat picture, or want to share a piece of news, and I choose a single friend to text or email it to. I'm pretty satisfied with that. I am not feeling like there's any more satisfaction in sharing it with the masses.

Although I did have the thought (which my friend also pointed out), how will I get my blog out there if I can't post it to Facebook? Hmmm.....I guess I'll have to send it to a few friends and see if any of them see it worthy of posting! That feels a little like accepting dirty money, but I'll take it!

I encourage you to "follow" my blog here if you're interested in reading more of my writing, which is mostly just sharing from my heart about things I experience. Following will allow you to receive notifications when I have new posts, since I can't "post" myself anymore! Please comment, also, if you would be so kind!

More later on my quitting of Facebook!

Warmly,
Julie

Operation FEAT: Week 3, Closing Closet Doors

2012-01-15T19:46:00.000-05:00

(Family Effort to Achieve Tidiness)

Hahahaha...sorry, I couldnt' resist!

Progress, progress, progress! I'm happy to report there were NO new fines for Week 1's goal of No Clothes on the Floor! Woot!

Week 2's goal (pushing in chairs), on the other hand...well, we got lots of money into the kitty! There were several infractions each day--showing a rare bit of mercy, I sometimes let it go, as I thought the boys were going to get VERY frustrated with all of the actual fines. I still collected at least 25 cents each day...and there was very little progress seen until about day 5!

Week 3's cumulative goal is keeping closet doors shut! The biggest ones that grate on my nerves are gaping pantry doors, the boys' bedroom closet, and the foyer closet (where the shoes pile up and the coats are often messy). Mom and Dad are going to have to watch themselves with this one, too!

When starting this project, I was a little skeptical that I could enforce 52 tidiness habits by the end of the year, but I'm very encouraged by the apparent mastery of Week 1's goal already!!! Maybe this can be done, after all!!!

Of course, the hardest ones are yet to come....stay tuned!

Jules

Why Organic Meat?

2012-01-08T18:38:00.000-05:00

Rosie and Violet grazing at East River Organic Farm in Snover, MI.
Image courtesy of Les Roggenbuck

I'm ashamed to say that it was possibly two years ago when my niece asked me why she should eat organic meat...and I'm just now answering her. The answer is so complicated that I wanted to take the time to answer thoroughly and thoughtfully...recently I realized how I had failed her in my silence, and how volumes of books have been written on the subject--how could I do the topic justice? She didn't need a book--she wanted my short answer.

So here it is--I'll try and keep it as short as possible.

First of all, I don't think of myself as an organic meat person, but a local organic meat person. It's an important distinction.

Top Four Reasons Why I Choose to Eat Local, Organic, Grass-Fed, Free-Range Meat
(Yup, that's a bunch more qualifiers I decided to throw in!)

1. Animal Rights
Although I think all of the following reasons are very important, some are closer to the surface. The distinct revulsion I feel when faced with the reality of store-bought or restuarant-served meat encouraged me to put this as number one. I refuse to support a food system which so blatantly, and without recourse, participates in animal abuse. The animals we eat live natural, although domesticated, lives, roaming about on pasture, kept healthy by their living standards (as opposed to antibiotics), fed diets that support their bodies, and when killed, are done so in a humane way. Obviously, animal rights exist on a spectrum, and there are many people who find our eating of these animals repulsive, but this is the place we are at. Once, when we were visiting one of our beloved local farmers, Andrew noticed a cow who had isolated himself in the pasture. Andrew said, "Do you think he's sad because he knows he's going to be a hamburger someday?" He wasn't sad, or disturbed when he asked the question, but considering his omnivorous ways in a healthy manner, I think. We know where our food comes from, we know how it lives, and we understand the consequences of life and death involved in it. We don't take our meat for granted, and honor the life of the animal and its sacrifice.
(I would be remiss to not point out that many industrial organic operations are just as cruel as conventional--another reason to go local.)

2. Personal Health
I find it so interesting that our society is quick to embrace the idea that our health is directly related to what we eat--yet few extend that to considering what our animals are eating. We ALSO are what our food eats. Many animals are fed a diet that would result in a very unhealthy animal, were they allowed to live a full life. But it's a diet meant to deter acute illness (antibiotics are often simply blended into the food of all in the herd/flock) and to make them taste good. I get it--grain-fed beef is yummy. But grains make cows ill. So, pile on more antibiotics. And while you're at it, we can make a lot more money if we feed them hormones as well. And they have no business walking around outside...they need to just grow as big as they can as fast as they can....at least, that's the corporate food industry's mentality. It's ridiculous to deny that a healthy cow is outside, in the sunshine, eating grass. They are ruminants. We, humans, are NOT ruminants....the cow is able to turn the grass into substances that are healthy, edible, and necessary for us. That is the proper order of the food chain. Many argue that the only animal meant to eat grain is a bird...and yes, corn is a grain.
Meat from grass-fed and/or pastured animals is loaded with health benefits that are absent in industrially raised food. In addition, that industrial food is full of things we shouldn't have in our bodies.

3. Environmental Health
There are loads of sources out there calling out the tremendous environmental damage industrial farming is causing. Forget the obvious "farms" themselves, with their colossal sewage problems, antibiotic-resistant strains of bacteria contaminating water, and thereby our produce, and the fossil fuels used in transporting this meat all over the globe, but also consider the food production required to feed these animals. The amount of corn needed to feed the beef for fast-food joints alone is astounding...and commercial corn farms use massive amounts of fertilizer (supporting the petroleum industry), which also gets into the watershed, resulting in many negative consequences, like dead zones. Corn is almost always genetically modified as well, which is a whole other can of worms. Really, I've barely touched on the outskirts of these issues--there are so many more (like pesticides!). (Trying to keep this relatively short!)

4. Local Economy
As long as there are chickens, cows, sheep, and pigs in my area (of far superior quality, I should add), I see no reason why I should send my money out-of-state...which not only helps the local economy, but also keeps that carbon footprint of mine down. In addition, as more people demand local organic food, there will be greater numbers of organic farmers, keeping even more money circulating locally. AND with more organic farms, there are less farms polluting our waters, poisoning our land with pesticides, fertilizers, and genetically modified organisms (GMOs).
Food security is another big issue here I can't elaborate on as much as I'd like to--but if your store were to be empty tomorrow, where would you go for food? There's no reason why, in a state as fertile and diverse as Michigan, we can't feed ourselves, for the most part (I, for one, would have a hard time giving up some tropical fruits)!
Not to mention how healthy it is for your mind and soul to drive to your farm, know your farmer well, and sit down to a meal whose trail you can follow.

We've been eating as such for roughly 10 years--it began with baby steps, and I recommend baby steps for you, too, if you are intimidated by switching all at once. Shout out to Les Roggenbuck of East River Organic Farm in Snover, MI for our beef, eggs, and veggies, the Warnke family in St Johns, MI for our pork (and formerly our raw milk--they no longer run a milk co-op), Jackie and Steve Good at Cloverlawn Farms (their CSA is called RC Organics) in Richmond, MI for raising the most delicious chickens I've ever tasted, and Nathan at Creswick Farms in Ravenna, MI for allowing us to purchase individual cuts to help fill in the gaps--and for also offering naturally processed meats, such as ham slices, sausages, bacon, bratwurst, etc. No matter where you live in the US, you can find local farms at Local Harvest.

If you're interested in learning more about this topic, a great place to begin would be Michael Pollan's The Omnivore's Dilemma. If these seems too intimidating, you could try Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, or Sandor Katz's The Revolution Will Not Be Microwaved for those of you looking for a little more eclectic read (the chapter on roadkill might turn some off)! There are dozens of great books that deal with these topics--these are simply a few of my favorites.

I hope this very brief summary does justice to the importance of this topic. Please pass it along if you think it has!

Warmly,
Jules

Operation FEAT (Family Effort to Achieve Tidiness): Week 2

2012-01-03T16:46:00.000-05:00

Push in that chair!

Feeling a little under-the-weather today, so this week's good habit will be nice and simple, requiring not a lot of effort on my part: pushing in chairs!

Everytime I walk through my integrated dining area, I make a decision--to ignore the chairs strewn about or push them in. I try to remind the boys (which includes Greg) to push them in when they're finished, but it doesn't sink in. Truth be told, I often forget, myself, especially when my hands are full of dishes! Yet this simple habit will make a big difference in how orderly that area of the house looks.

I expect to collect lots of funds this week...although it may be hard to figure out who left the chairs out, so I think I'll have to assign seats until we get used to it! Perhaps I'll make a simple sign for the center of the table as a reminder.

This rule will also extend to everywhere in the house, and will be ON TOP OF last week's rule.

I think last week (no clothes on the floor, anywhere!) was quite a success. Here are some notes from the week:

Sunday: So far, so good. Everyone's on board with the concept. We have all day to get all the clothes picked up off the floor, and starting tomorrow morning (and for the rest of the year!), there will be a 5-cent fine for each item found there!

Monday: Although happy they're not on the floor, socks do not belong on the coffee table, either! Laundry baskets are rivaling the Tower of Babel. Much work to do in laundry room!

Tuesday: Wet towels on floor! Towels now count as clothes. ;) First fine doled out today to Evan--who took his socks of while doing yoga so he wouldn't slide, and left them there! Ten cents! Cha-ching!

Wednesday: Andrew left a sweatshirt by the fire in the living room! I should have mercy, since he's sick, but I'm not!

Thursday: Andrew again...still sick, and I'm still showing no mercy--this time, he left pj pants and undies on the floor in the bathroom RIGHT NEXT TO the laundry basket. Ten more cents! Andrew laughs and says I'm going to bankrupt him.

Friday: I'm quite sick today, and these overflowing laundry baskets are going to be a problem if I don't catch up soon!!!

Stay tuned for the Week 3 update! We'll see how well we manage remembering the old rule on top of the new!!!

Operation FEAT: Family Effort to Achieve Tidiness

2012-01-01T14:10:00.000-05:00

A dirty butter knife on the counter. A Kleenex laying on the floor just outside of the waste basket. Random pairs of socks stuck in furniture crevices. Countless books and magazines strewn about. Chairs not pushed in, mud tracked in, coats on the floor--2012 will mark the END of the disorder in my home!

There are some things I've done very well as a parent--and some areas which I've failed miserably at. Neatness as a result of good habits is perhaps my biggest fail. My family (at my prompting) is committed this year to start from scratch, and learn/relearn good habits which will keep our home more tidy, ending the ridiculous mess we find ourselves in more often than not, and making less work in the long run.

Each week this year, I (Mom) will identify a very particular bad habit for us to break. Everyone in the house, parents included, will focus our efforts on replacing it with a GOOD habit. Any infractions discovered will require a 5-cent deposit into our new fund, which will eventually be used to buy organizational tools/items for the home, like bookshelves, crates, baskets, etc.

The bad habit police will continue to enforce each new rule in perpetuity, beyond the initial week. By the end of the year, we should have swapped out 52 bad habits for 52 good ones!

Are you with me?

Week 1's bad habit is clothes on the floor. Might as well tackle a doozie right out of the gate, while we have the enthusiasm to do so! Today, Sunday, is our day to get our things in order, including the addition of laudry baskets in the bathrooms to help facilitate remembering! (Our bathrooms currently don't have laundry baskets due to the unaccommodating space--although they'll stick out like sore thumbs, it'll be an improvement on having the clothes on the floor--perhaps another time, we'll work on carrying them to the more appropriately placed baskets--baby steps!) Starting tomorrow, anyone who has left an item of clothing on the floor will be penalized 5 cents!

I'll keep you posted on how it goes--please note that I, myself, will struggle with this first assignment! (The boys have learned their bad habits from an expert... :{ ).

Wish us luck, and tell me if you decide to join us, too!

Homeschool Questions: Top Ten!

2011-12-09T21:25:00.001-05:00

Our classroom, 2011-2012 school year

I recently was connected (via a mutual friend) with a woman considering homeschooling. I am always very happy to share my experiences, and help someone come to a decision about their child's education, and I eagerly offered for her to "fire away" with any questions she had! She replied that she had "tons", but narrowed it down to a top ten.

Having answered many of these questions before for others, I thought I'd post them for all those to see who are interested in the option of homeschooling their child. Please know that these are off-the-cuff answers--if I were to contemplate them too long, waiting for an opportunity to construct the perfect answer, it would never get done!

Enjoy, and apology in advance for the longer nature this post requires! I'll try to be as brief as I can. If you'd like more details on a particular topic, please comment.

1. What questions can I ask myself that will let me know that I am ready?

When are we ever really ready for a big life change? It's the kind of thing for which you can prepare for months, and really not be that better off than if you had jumped in with both feet forward. In the meantime, you've lost those months! If your child is not thriving in their current environment, and you see no end to this in the near future, just pull 'em out! If the student is in high school and is very close to finishing a semester, you may wish to keep them in so they can receive full credit on their transcripts for those classes, but other than that...in many cases, it would be better to remove them from the bad situation and let them take a break for a couple of weeks while you get your curriculum and learning space figured out--if things are really that uncomfortable, the poor kid might really feel recuperated after some time off, and if they've helped you choose curriculum, there could really be some excitement about starting the new programs!

If by "ready", you mean that you've got it all figured out, you might be waiting a loooooong time. With homeschooling, you've got to stay flexible--it very well might take some time to work out a system that works for you (the teacher) and your child (the student). After all, that's one of the huge advantages to homeschooling, right? To be able to understand and meet the needs and interests as they present themselves! Rigidity, although useful to some degree, is a necessity of a larger classroom, where individual needs are not easily accommodated.

So, in my opinion, you're "ready" when you're ready to analyze your interactions and educational goals with no guilt--to be able to say, "Nope, that's not working out; I'm going to make a change here" without looking back.

2. Where do I obtain the printed materials to teach the curriculum? How do I know the curriculum to follow?

The Michigan Department of Education posts all curriculum standards on their website. (If you're from out-of-state, visit your own state's department of education). However, most accredited curricula will say what standards they align with. There is some curricula available for all subjects for each year--I haven't used these myself, but some of them are Bob Jones and Sonlight. Both of these are Christian-based programs--since many homeschoolers are far Christian right, there are lots of options for their needs. I personally teach a secular curriculum, and I haven't found a whole year packaged up like those to suit. However, I think it's best to hand-choose each curricular piece/program individually in order to best suit the needs in your home. A good place to start would be Rainbow Resource Center. I suggest requesting a catalog sent to your home--it's thicker than a phone book, with the same font size...you'll be encouraged and intimidated by your choices all at the same time, but overall, I think it's very exciting to leaf through. You can browse with your child through all the subject matter at their fingertips! No longer will you be constrained by what your school offers--want to learn Chinese? Arabic? Art Appreciation? Gardening? Two science classes? Want to polish up your grammar, or your penmanship? Learn a computer language? Forget the days of one or two electives. You'll find you can be SO efficient with your time, you'll have your core subjects done in just a few hours everyday, leaving you so much extra time for what interests you the most!

(Note that if you are homeschooling a high schooler, you need to be sure that you're meeting the graduation requirements for your state, and keep good records! Make a running transcript for each semester completed, and be ready to supply more details of the particular curriculum you used)

Personally, I have two 11-year-olds I'm homeschooling. We are using the following...which doesn't mean everyone should use them, but just to give you an idea of what works best for us:

Math: Connected Math Project II, aka CMP2 (I was a Math teacher--I wouldn't recommend this for most homeschoolers, as it's not designed for homeschool; I adapt it because it's a great program). We also do one Mathmania magazine a week....when that gets old, we'll switch to another type of supplemental math. I love Math, and so do the kids!
Science: Haven't found a science program I really really love, so right now we're doing an Anatomy unit with the Kids Discover magazines and teacher guides (along with the Power Vocabulary guides). On Friday mornings, we do experiments from "Science in a Nutshell" kits--currently working on an aerospace unit.
Phonics: Working through Key Curriculum Press's Phonics books
Spelling: Nothing in particular--phonics covers some, our power vocabulary covers some, and our typing program also reinforces spelling. I do have a program sitting on the shelf for when we've finished all the levels of Phonics.
Grammar: Many Grammar topics addressed in Phonics...other grammar is covered in our writing on a one-on-one basis.
Writing/Literature/History: This year, we're using an integrated curriculum to cover these topics together. I LOVE the program, and recommend it highly. It's called History Odyssey, and there are programs for all levels of students. We are currently doing Level 2, Modern History, and are reading Red Badge of Courage, The Jungle Book, Around the World in 80 Days, Diary of Anne Frank, and many more. There's a lot of instruction on how to properly prepare an essay, a research paper, etc. There also are appendices with other literature selections, such as poems and excerpts. All work is organized into five sections of a binder, which serves as a wonderful portfolio, especially useful for high school students.
Music: In our area, there is a wonderful organization called Oakland Homeschool Music, Inc. which offers a variety of music classes for all ages, pre-K thru High School. They even offer varsity letters, grades, and have a formal graduation ceremony. My boys are currently enrolled in Middle School Chorus and Philharmonic Orchestra. In addition to that, they are also enrolled in the Oakland Youth Orchestra, and take private piano and string (violin for one, cello for the other) lessons.
Physical Education: We're currently enrolled at Zen Martial Arts in Rochester, which is quite a workout for the boys! They do conditioning at the start of every class. We also have done dance classes (and there's dance in the musicals we do as well), swimming lessons, running, and regularly participate this year in homeschool ice skating. (We're trying homeschool roller skating next week!) Homeschool ski club is awesome, as it's a great price for downhill skiing, plus Pine Knob is only a couple miles from our house! My husband and I do P90X, and sometimes the boys join us for that, too. As a family, we like to ride bikes when we can. I wish we took more walks--I've been wanting to do geocaching in the local park, but haven't fit it in yet!
Drama/Art: There are several homeschooling drama clubs in Oakland County--we belong to Six Stools and a Folding Chair, and participate in the Spring Musical--last year, one of my sons got to play the role of Oliver! A fantastic opportunity. I love the level of production this group does--on par with Community College, some say! There are many art programs available at Rainbow Resource Center, but I have a bad track record of doing art with the boys, so this year I enrolled them in homeschool art classes at The Artist's Apprentice in Clarkston. More art centers are offering these in the area, and I bet if yours doesn't, they'd be open to starting one! Michigan Opera Theatre offers $10 tickets to their dress rehearsals for homeschoolers, but you must call ahead for reservations. You won't find a better price for live opera anywhere! We haven't gone lately, as there's been a conflict with our Art classes, but we've been attending the MET Opera: Live in HD performances at our local movie theatre to follow the NYC productions.
Language: Currently using Rosetta Stone for Chinese/Mandarin studies. The boys are thriving on this, and I love it myself! (I used to teach French, and I find this a much better way to learn--sorry, French teachers! I still love you!)
Typing: Remember when we called it "keyboarding?" I chose Roller Typing for the boys, as it has a fun twist of matching your success with cool jumps on roller blades. LOL
Current Events: LOVE the Time for Kids weekly magazine. Great price for a weekly, and very timely topics--teacher guides (worksheets and quizzes) published right on the website.
Geography: We're focusing on US Geography this year, and are using Which Way USA workbooks published by Highlights. They're quite expensive, but the kids love them so much!!!!
Penmanship/Handwriting: Handwriting without Tears. Cursive seems to be a lost art these days, and I definitely want the boys to do it well! Use it or lose it!

So there's just a taste of what we do....we also have an hour each morning where we do whatever we'd like to together--sometimes play games, sometimes cook, sometimes clean (Home Ec)! Right now, we're working on a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle. :D

One more note....about staying on top of curriculum and standards....I chose last year to give the boys the grade-level appropriate SAT exam. It took a few days to complete, but I found the information it provided me with to be worthwhile. I got to see how the boys were performing compared with other children their age. I was able to administer it in my home after becoming a certified tester, which was a very simple process if you have a college degree. Not all homeschoolers test like this, but it gave me a little peace of mind. It also ended up giving the boys some confidence as well, because they weren't sure how they'd compare (they were pleasantly surprised)!

3. Where do I obtain the tests?
Testing materials vary for all curricula. Sometimes testing materials will be on a CD-Rom. Sometimes a separate booklet. If you want to do standardized testing (like the SAT or Iowa tests), you can obtain them from Bob Jones University Press. I recommend them because they're used to working with homeschoolers.

4. Is there support?
There's always lots of support if you go looking for it. There are MANY Yahoo groups out there--go to groups.yahoo.com and do a keyword search. This is a great way to connect with people and get questions answered quickly! You can also join a group and search their past posts/messages and learn a lot there, as well. There is a legal organization for homeschoolers, HSLDA. I've never belonged to their organization, and I've heard some controversial things about them...but for the most part, they're there to help you. Luckily, in Michigan, the laws are very lax concerning homeschooling, and you won't have to worry about whether or not you're jumping through the right hoops.

Know that you will meet resistance, as well. Most of us have a fair amount of trouble with family, even if it's just screwy looks on their faces or upturned noses instead of outspoken protests. ALL of us have stories of idiotic things people have said or done when they learn that we homeschool. It just goes with the territory, so be ready for it. It's not worth it to try to change anyone's opinion, but just to let them see the fruits of what you're doing!

5. What about subjects for which I am horrible? Like Geometry and Algebra, for example?
There are LOTS of ways around this! Be at ease! As long as you have a good internet connection and a computer, you're good to go. One program comes to mind called Teaching Textbooks. I'm not advocating this program, as I don't know it well enough to do so, but I know many people who use it and love it. It is a completely independent program for the student, even with every single problem's solution in a video you can watch. There are also online schools that take care of this problem for you, like Wilostar3D, which a friend of mine uses and loves. Some homeschooling purists claim this approach isn't truly homeschooling, but going to school from home...I'll stay out of that argument. ;)

6. How does one graduate, and prepare for college?
As far as preparing for college, I find homeschooling to be an amazing tool for college-training! My sons are given more and more responsibility to manage their own time, pace out their work, choose subject matter relevant to them, etc. I've heard college students who were homeschooled claim that it's not very different at all from what they were used to. And because I (the teacher) am focused on them all the time, I make sure they're learning very good habits...like correcting their mistakes, keeping their workspace neat, showing work/supporting their answers...all the things that most conventional teachers do, but I can do it better because my class size is 2! The potential to be an amazing student producing quality work is so great because it has started at such an early age!

As for graduating, I don't have any experience with this yet, but you could find lots of info on Yahoo! groups. From the messages I've seen floating around, there's everything from "I made up a certificate and printed it out" to hiring a service to produce a transcript for you as well as a diploma. There is an organization/school in Ann Arbor that's popular called Clonlara--you could check them out. Also, many public schools are now getting on-board with homeschooling--if they offer you online homeschooling classes and curricula, they can get money from the state for your child, so you can see why it's gaining popularity! In my area, Clarkston and Oxford public schools offer online diplomas.

A close friend of mine has a homeschooled high school senior--she is not only having no problems with colleges accepting her homeschooling, but she is being offered scholarships right and left (she's a National Merit Scholar). If there's a particular college you have in mind, it probably wouldn't hurt to contact them before applying to see if there's anything in particular they're needing from homeschooled children.

7. Are there outside activities in my area for socialization, etc?
A quick search for homeschooling groups in your area (again, on Yahoo) will be a big help to you in finding them. I've mentioned a couple above for Oakland County, such as OHMI, 6 Stools and a Folding Chair, homeschool ski, homeschool roller skate, homeschool ice skate, but there are many more...YMCA classes usually offer homeschool phys ed. For high schoolers, there are often proms, graduations, dances, etc if you get involved with a good group in your area. Some also get more involved in their Youth Groups at church, or in Community Ed programs (especially for sports). There are often field trips planned (homeschool classes at parks, homeschool day at the Capitol, etc) and also elaborate trips with national groups, such as a European tour! I'm personally not involved in any co-ops, but we have a tightly-knit group of 10 children (five families) who do things together occasionally, like our current Secret Santa endeavor (weekly gifts from a secret Santa, ending with a "reveal" party with a larger gift--very fun!). It can take a little while to find a group that you click with, especially if you are a secular homeschooler, but there are plenty of opportunities to meet people, for sure!

8. I read that my son can still participate in school electives?
That's right...there shouldn't be any problem with that, although it seems like some school districts are interpreting the "rules" differently. Some want you to take some core classes before you take an elective, I have heard....but I don't have first-hand experience in this, having no need for it myself (the drama and music programs we are in seem superior to most schools, and I love our computer-based language class, and the homeschool art classes....so that about wraps up the electives!) I'd suggest contacting the district you're in for details. If they're going to make a fuss, you probably don't want your child there, anyway.

9. What is a typical day like--structured like school? Six-hour subjects?
I think you'll find that if you try to do core academic work for six hours, you'll finish your year's curriculum in a few months. As I said before, homeschooling is super-efficient. Some homeschoolers get their core work done often before noon and fill the rest of their day with creative activity. Yet others are "unschoolers" and the day is completely unstructured, allowing for interest to guide the way, and for educational opportunities to present themselves. Some people start at a set time in the morning, others ease more into their day. You might try several variations, and see which one is best for you. As an example, here's how I do it (and honestly, every single homeschooler I know has their own methods...yet all the kids are thriving--truly, do what's best for you!):

9:00 Start the day. Sometimes this varies if we have a late-night activity and we need a sleep in!
9-10 am Our flex time. We ease into our day as we simply enjoy some time together, playing a game, doing a little project (origami, cooking, cleaning, etc), or sometimes we use the time for those subjects we have a hard time fitting in otherwise, like penmanship. On Fridays, this is our time for science experiments.
10-11 am One child is on the computer, either doing language or typing. The other is doing music practice (piano and instrument)
11-12 noon Children switch...computer goes to music, music goes to computer
(Note: this gives me TWO HOURS each day where I'm not needed--this is when I can pick up the house, do laundry, clean kitchen, prep dinner, do email, etc. I find this time VERY important to keeping the house on track!)
12-1 pm Lunch and outside time. The boys go outside almost every day, rain or shine or snow!
1-2 pm Math
2 o'clock until we leave for whatever activity is independent work time. This is when they work on their weekly checklists, which are assignments they need to complete every week (includes integrated History program, current events, extra Math, Science, Geography, additional rehearsal time for chorus and drama).

We have activities outside the home every afternoon and most evenings. If we get home before 7 pm, they're expected to work more on their weekly checklists. They also have learned to work in the car to lessen their load on the weekend....since finishing their weekly tasks usually includes about 5 hrs on the weekend.

I have a rewards program as well, where I give out poker chips which represent points (like the Houses on Harry Potter). Points can buy a variety of rewards, like a trip to the movies, or a book. There is extra motivation to work hard, perform well, be efficient, since each milestone reached in the curriculum results in a large points pay-out! This is new for us this year, and it's working out really well. It also gives me another tool for positive reinforcement, and a mild tool for infractions, like being late, or not finishing your weekly tasks (points can be taken away---but I've only had to do this once).

Sounds a bit rigorous, I know, but honestly, our schedule is so busy because the boys want to do so many things/activities, that following a schedule is the only way we can stay on task!

I must reiterate, though, that it's taken me two years to get this system down! It's just right for us right now, and I made lots of mistakes in getting here! Do what you feel comfortable with, and watch your child for signs of growth/thriving, or of shutting down/stressing out. Use those signs as your guideposts!

10. Would you recommend it without any hesitation and why?
Quite frankly, I'm not sure I could recommend it without hesitation for anyone, just because every situation, every child, every parent, every family, is so unique! I would say that if you feel called to it, or compelled to give it a shot, I say, "Go for it!" It has been a wonderful experience for us, and for nearly all I know who try it. The benefits I feel are the time with my children--I see the school buses in the early morning, and watch them return in the late afternoon, and it makes me sad to even think about being away from my kids for sooooo long, every day! The first year I homeschooled (we did private school for 4 years), I felt like I was doing something wrong--breaking the law, or neglecting my children, or something, when September rolled around and most kids hopped on those school buses! But I knew in my heart that it was the right choice for us--but I felt a little lonely, not knowing many others at the time. Now, in contrast, I feel like school, although serving a very important function for our children and society, is for those who don't want to, or are unable, to homeschool--because I see so many benefits for the child in homeschooling--it really seems to be superior academically (if you want it to be), there's more opportunity (more efficiency means more time to explore interests, and in more depth), and so much about it seems more natural...I love cooking hot meals for the boys. I love our more relaxed mornings (starting at 9 means they don't even have to get out of bed until 8, and that leaves an hour to eat breakfast and shower--they usually play a little, read a little...). I love not having to leave the house before 1 o'clock in the winter and being out in dangerous driving conditions. I love that we can eat so healthy, and practice such healthy ways of living, so we get sick seldom. When we do get sick, it's only for a day or two--and this isn't because we're not exposed to germs (really, have you seen that schedule? LOL), but we're exposed in smaller doses, and when we're at home, I can say, "You know, you're looking a little under the weather....why don't you go upstairs and take a nap?" while I immediately begin preparing some fresh-squeezed juice and vitamins, or perhaps draw a bath for him with a few drops of peppermint oil. Throw some garlic bread in the oven, heavy on the garlic. This, opposed to having a child attend school until they are really really sick, because it's such a pain in the butt to be absent...and then getting them back in before they're really ready. At home, we can just add activities back in as they're ready for them, easy-does-it. When we're around sick kids (which is just about every day in the flu season), we're around them for about an hour, not 6 or 7 hours. It's a dose their immune systems can usually handle. But it feeling so natural isn't just about being healthier--it's something that resonates deeply within me, being with my children all day, teaching them life skills and preventing bad habits before they even manifest as such (like correcting their posture, or being sure they put their napkins on their laps, or a million other examples). We are tight-knit. And they're thriving. All this, while LOVING school and what they're learning, academically working at a level that is challenging and relevant, and able to pursue their many interests. And we have a dog in our classroom. Isn't that reason enough? Hahaha! :D

So, it works well for us. Conventional school settings also work really well for others. It's totally a personal decision. And who knows, we might change gears at any time--because I'll continue to follow those guideposts, those signs the children feed me. Will we go to public or private high school? Perhaps--I have no idea, really. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it! But whatever decision you come to, reader, it's part of your journey, be it an error or a grand success, and you must take comfort in knowing that you are actively considering the best option for your child, instead of just allowing the status quo. You're brave to consider a change, and I wish you the best in your decision-making!

Very sincerely, and with a light heart and an open mind,
Julie

MET Opera: Live in HD...in Oxford, MI!

2011-12-09T11:17:00.001-05:00

There were seven of us in theatre 4 on Wednesday evening, 6:30, at the Goodrich Oxford 7 Theatre.

As Andrew, Evan, and I stroll in with our over-flowing tub of large, unbuttered popcorn, we have our pick of seats. On the screen, we watch as opera-goers stroll into the MET Opera theatre in New York City, finding their assigned places. They settle in, dressed to the nines, while we in our jeans and tennis shoes start munching on our snacks. We read about the upcoming show on a xeroxed 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper while they page through their ad-filled, four-color programs, perhaps searching for their names listed under the patron section.

The show we were about to see was not live...the live streaming of select MET operas are on Saturdays at 12:55 (mostly), so we prefer to catch the Wednesday evening "encore" performances. It would be a bit more exciting to know you were viewing it live, but it's not worth the trade-off of having to give up my Saturday afternoons! Tonight's opera is "Satyagraha", the Sanskrit word for the peaceful social actions Ghandi employed. This work focuses on his time in South Africa. The score is written by Philip Glass, a contemporary composer knows as a minimalist, although he prefers to be thought of as a composer of "music with repetitive structures" (see Philip Glass link to his bio).

The libretto (words sung) is extracted from the Bhagavad Gita, a sacred Hindu text, which the boys and I read aloud together two years ago. It is an incredibly rich, thought-provoking text which deals with the morality of war and duty. How exciting for us to revisit the text under such different circumstances, presented with the modern context!

However, my excitement at the outset of the performance doesn't come close to my excitement upon leaving the theatre. This was, hands-down, the BEST show I have seen in my life. That doesn't mean it would be for everyone...but it struck me on many levels, and resonated with me like no other performance. THIS is the whole reason we seek and enjoy art. But opera has the potential to reach heights no other art can attempt--the sum is so much greater than its parts. The music was trance-like and meditative. The stage production was phenomenal, with its brilliant use of two-story puppets, glorious costumes and make-up, and multi-level action on the set. The acting of Richard Croft as Ghandi was among the best acting I've ever seen--there could've been a camera on his face the entire time, and I wouldn't have gotten bored watching his face for the slight variations which expressed the gamut of emotion that Ghandi himself must've experienced (in an interview during the first intermission, Mr. Croft admitted that he read every book on Ghandi he could get his hands on to prepare for the role. It showed!) This great acting was no small feat, either--he was onstage for nearly every orchestral note, and there were many times where his expression had to carry the visual interest for long, repetitive, simple sections of the score with no vocals. (As Evan said to me at one point, "It's not what he's doing, but what he doesn't do!" Well-said). Although there was no dancing in the traditional sense, the movement of the Skills Ensemble (part of the Phelim McDermott and Julian Crouch director/designer team) was brilliant...perfectly balanced, and although every gesture was probably intentional and planned, it looked very natural and random.

As with colors, or food, or musical notes, elements can come together and create total disaster or complete wonder. The same is true when creating opera, a mix of music, visual art, dance, and acting. This opera, in particular, was tricky because the music is very difficult at best. Delicious and delightful, but difficult. It could've been trumped by an overly-magnificent spectacle, and completely flopped for me. It's beyond my ability to express how perfectly this work came together. I am SO sorry there will not be another opportunity for you to see it, except perhaps on a PBS broadcast.

If you do watch for this opera to somehow make its way to you, please know that opera is not like traveling Broadway shows. Each production is created anew with its component parts--the conductor, director, designer, actors, could all be different. Or, you could see the exact same show, and have a totally different reaction...

But my reason for writing this post is this--in this small-town, in this small theatre, I was able to experience a grand artistic event. Outside of my family, only four other tickets were sold. I don't feel confident that these opportunities will continue to come around, and I'm not here to convince you that you'd love it...but I do want to raise awareness for you closet opera lovers!

And if you're thinking that these performances will take away from the ticket sales of the Detroit Opera House, a fabulous organization, I say that any endeavor which will grow the interest in this rare art will benefit all in the long-run. There's nothing like sitting before a live performance, that's true. But my love for the radio and my CDs doesn't diminish my desire to attend a live concert, so I draw a parallel with opera as well.

This Saturday, April 9th, you can go to the Goodrich Oxford 7 and see a live streaming of "Faust" from the MET. Showtime is 12:55. Wish I could say, "See you there!", but I'll have to hope I can make the encore presentation when it comes around...

Spread the word!

How Much Beauty Can You Take?

2011-09-03T01:49:00.001-04:00

I end the day under the influence of a small amount of wine (2/3 of a bottle is small, right? Oh yeah, plus a beer...), relieveing me of the USUAL influence of my ego.

I find myself reflecting on the incredible beauty that was interwoven through my day. In awe. I see that if we were to live in the divine light every moment of every day, we simply could not have the experiences we came here to have. My personal awareness of the infinite beauty around me ebbs and flows. Tonight it is at high tide.

I am swept away by the sychronicity of events today. It is astounding and beautiful. At every turn, there was reason and love, beauty and meaning. I spent time with dear loved ones virtually, in person, and in spirit. I laughed raucously. I listened intently. I learned. I observed others laughing and listening and learning. I met old friends intentionally and coincidentally. I relaxed and let my true self emerge without reservation amongst new friends. I lived this day fully.

And now I finish my day quietly, with my dog by my side, a cherry-topped english muffin in my belly, and a wish to record this emotion forevermore. What emotion is this? Contentment seems too small a word. I am full of excitement, yet completely at peace. I glow.

Have you glowed lately? Are you radiating your peace, your love, your joy outwardly? Come join me! I'm not sure how much longer I may be here, since this adoration for everything I see makes me feel like I will just float up and out of my body, it's so overwhelming. How much beauty can I take? My knitting beside me, the chair I'm sitting in, this uncomprehensible piece of technology at my fingertips, the original painting on the wall--and that's just what my eyes perceive. Each object containing such perfection! It reminds me of when I first became a mother; the feeling of wonder and love and instinct were all so strong, I felt like I would burst--and the worry, the fear, the fight in equal parts felt. It consumes like fire, and I had to learn to suppress it, lest I not be able to function normally!

Euphoria. That's what it is! Euphoria. Experiencing the divine in all--the wonder of it all--and being at peace with its infinity.

It's like looking at the stars in the sky, with their multitudes of planets, their vast distances, and knowing your role is so ridiculously miniscule, but with full knowledge of the necessity for each tiny piece to play its role accordingly. It's an empowerment.

Pardon my rambling. I just had to try to put this in words. Perhaps now my brain will rest. Goodnight, all.

In Defense of Homeschool, Part I

2011-06-01T00:36:00.000-04:00

It seems like whenever I have something really important to share on this blog, I shy away from it, because I somehow feel that I'm never going to get my point across perfectly. Instead, nothing that I want to say is expressed, and the whole argument is dead before it ever even got a chance to speak.

Tonight I will be brave. Tonight, I will combat that fear, and begin to share this message. It's about homeschooling. I could add and edit it for a million years, and it would never say everything that needs to be said, nor convey every idea clearly that resounds within me. But I'm going to begin, because this is just TOO important to ignore any longer.

I run the risk of rambling. My mind is overflowing with emotion and thoughts that are interwoven tightly, and the path from point A to point B might veer wildly. For this, I apologize in advance. I also apologize for those of you who read this, and feel that I've left out a very important topic, or that I've missed the mark by a long shot. Please feel free to comment. Perhaps I won't even come close to getting it all out, and I'll continue with another entry. Look, I'm already three paragraphs into it and I've said pretty much nothing at all!

Does that give you a sense of how terrified I am to begin? Here goes nothing:

I homeschool my two boys, identical twins, age 10. We are finishing up our second year of homeschooling after four years of private education.

I was once a certified secondary teacher in the state of Michigan in the areas of Math and French. I have taught at the college level (including Calc II at a Big Ten school as a TA with my own recitation classes), public high school, private school, remedial summer school, private tutoring, and now, of course, homeschool. I've participated in educating children at more levels than most people. With my own experience serving as insight, I must say that the best way to educate children is...

...are you on the edge of your seat waiting for me to tell you?

Well, I won't. And I could never dream of such a thing. Because education can succeed gloriously or fail miserably in any setting. Which is most reliable? Most successful? Impossible to say. We don't have time machines to go back and make different decisions to see how they'd turn out. Yet, our human arrogance makes us think we can tell good decisions from bad decisions.

Have you ever met two children that are so alike, the exact same circumstances for both of them produce identical results? Certainly not...every child is miraculously unique. Even if a particular method (be it discipline, parenting, or even diet) works for most children, we still owe it to the child for whom it clearly does NOT work to offer them an alternative, if we can.

I think most people are on board with me up to this point. The only dissenting opinion, I think, could be that children should learn to "fit in" despite whatever challenges they have with the standard. I strongly disagree. My argument (take it or leave it) would be that a child will grow into a well-adjusted adult if raised in an environment that nurtures a sense of self-worth and where the child feels loved. Not all children will feel that they fit in all the time, no adult does , either! But if they're valued as they are, and that it's ok to be different, and taught that differences make our lives richer, they could be quite content, and still feel like a contributing member of the micro-society they're participating in.

And apart from the unique individuals that trust us to care for them and teach them how to find a place in the world, whole family dynamics are also completely unique. For example, in my household, my husband has a very demanding job. He is out of the house before six, often working from a home office prior to leaving, and he's usually home around 8 pm. Sometimes between 7 and 8. It's not rare for him to be on a conference call as he walks in the door, or off and on through the evening. When the boys were in private school, they would go several days a week without seeing him, and when they did, it was very brief, and usually just a kiss goodnight. Now that we homeschool, we've been able to adjust our schedule so that we begin school later, and the boys go to bed around 10 pm. It was beautiful to see our family change, as we ate a meal and spent time together every evening. Even if we were just watching something silly and laughing together on TV, we were together, often cuddled on the couch.

This wasn't the reason that we chose to homeschool, but it's an example of how each family's situation is different, and each child's needs are also unique. So my question is, why is there such a desire to make judgments on decisions about how someone chooses to educate their child or children???

And homeschoolers, I'm afraid, are blatantly bullied and persecuted for their choices. Behind our backs, and to our faces. By our families, other educators, the media, and sometimes the government. I won't go into examples, as it would probably raise my blood pressure and turn this into an angry piece, which I really don't want it to become, but it's time for that bullying and judgment to end. Some people assume any trait in the child (which they see as a flaw), is a result of the homeschooling situation. Snap judgments are made, usually with absolutely no background information at all.

Take, for example, the ever-exploited argument about socialization, or the reputed lack thereof for this minority. Yes, there are some children who are homeschooled that may not be social butterflies. But why automatically blame it on homeschooling? I've seen many children completely shut down in a conventional school setting because of a number of issues. Public schools and private schools of all types can create a social issue for a child. Perhaps this child with the so-called problem learned this behavior in another setting, and the parent is trying to correct the problem the best way they know how? Maybe that child is loads better than they were two years ago, after being in a more supportive environment. Maybe the problem IS homeschooling. Or maybe the child is JUST SHY or JUST QUIET, and would be so no matter what? And so what??? Being shy, quiet, careful, observant...these aren't bad traits. In fact, they are necessary within our race to maintain balance. You'll find radical differences in personalities of animals as well--it doesn't mean there's something wrong, or something that needs to be corrected. Most of our greatest geniuses would have been labeled as "misfits" or "unsocialized" by today's standards, where we want everyone to fit a mold. Not everybody can be a jock or a sales guy or a beauty queen or a cruise director. Let's have a little less criticism for our children and their uniqueness! Give them the incredible gift of an environment where they will be comfortable and flourish!

And that environment might be anything! But can we please stop judging individual parents' rights, and criticizing their children? For Pete's Sake! And yes, I do acknowledge that this understanding and tolerance needs to go both ways. I do know homeschoolers who question why parents don't pull troubled children out of school, or ask how a family can expose their children to the harshness of a non-home setting. And of course, I don't think that's right; they are in the wrong as well. It all needs to stop! Because really, at the heart of it, I think most of the issue comes from us feeling like others are judging us, so we judge them back, and it's a vicious circle!!!! That, and we are currently caught in an era where parents are often feeling guilty, or overly questioning their decisions. Like there's a clear answer to every question--as if! Listen to your child, trust your instincts, and make changes where you can, if needed. Be flexible. And forgiving. Trust yourself, trust God, trust the universe, whatever "faith" means to you, have it! Because all of this self-blame and doubt just gets projected outwardly onto each other.

Hmmm. That sounds like a conclusion. And I guess it is, to the philosophical rant. But there are some other very real things I'd like to clear up--hence my "In Defense of Homeschooling" title. Please know that I plan to address some common myths and answer questions people often ask me about homeschooling only. In no way do I mean to project homeschooling as the right choice for you. Just gonna debunk and share. :D

1. Homeschoolers are not socialized enough.

First of all, what is the measure for a proper amount of socialization? A friend once said to me that it seems like schools take advantage of a child's desire to be with other children. Yes--children should be with peers. But for how long? Eight hours a day? Or is an hour a day enough? A couple of times a week? Should 30 children be randomly selected to be in a room for 40 hrs a week? Some kids seems to thrive on it, while for others, it's a nightmare. That's for you to decide what will benefit your child.

Personally, my children are interacting with many more children than they ever did when they were in private school. They also are participating in a variety of activities--formal settings, classroom settings, free play. We are in an area that happens to have a very large homeschooling population (despite the wonderful public school option we also have), and the boys are in Homeschool Elementary Chorus, Homeschool Intermediate Orchestra, Wushu (a martial art), youth theatre, swimming classes, dance class, homeschool ski club, and an active, more intimate group of peers with whom we go on field trips, celebrate holidays, go to parks, play board games, and get together on the weekends as families. These groups mentioned are not all exclusively homeschoolers, either, so there is plenty of exposure to children from other educational backgrounds as well. In addition to these socializing activities, there are regular drop-in events we can choose to go to, such as homeschool bowling, homeschool skate, and co-op classes, which we never seem to have time for. Most of the homeschool families that I know are just about as active as we are. There are some, I'm sure, who probably stay home, but that works for them! Let the myth go! Most homeschooled kids are not at home stuck in isolation.

We were far more isolated in private school. My children are so sensitive to everyone else in their surroundings (emotions, sounds, activity levels), they were completely exhausted at the end of every school day. They couldn't even talk about their day. Very low energy all afternoon, once they got home. It was too taxing to go to the park after school, or have a play date--we tried. Just too tired. With homeschooling, they are socializing in dosages that work much better for their own endurance levels, and having a more positive experience as a result.

And why are conventional ways of schooling not criticized nearly as often for anti-socialization? It happens! But for some reason, it's wildly popular to pick on homeschoolers for this, but heaven forbid one should point out the social damage that also can be present in other settings! The child who faces the lunchroom every day with fear and feelings of abandonment? The bullied child who self-destructs or becomes violent?

2. Homeschooled children are at an academic disadvantage or are pushed too hard.

Take your pick! LOL! This one is actually quite funny. I'm sure there are plenty of examples of any scenario you'd like to argue. Let me put your minds at ease that there are many studies which show homeschooled children are high achievers, academically. IF you care for statistics...I don't. When it comes to your own child, all the statistics in the world really don't matter. I can share with you our own experience, though. Because we homeschool, I am able to fine tune the boys' education in such a way that we get tons done in a small amount of time--we are very efficient. This opens up many more opportunities for extra-curricular, or choice studies. For example, private music lessons (they each play two instruments), foreign language study, extra time exploring the subjects they love, extra time outside each day, more field trips, and for us, because we were used to paying $15,000/year for tuition, it gave us lots of extra cash flow for those things, plus laptop computers, vacations, etc. (Again, a beneficial family dynamic at work here...allowing us to pay down more of our debt, have financial flexibility, build great family memories integrating school topics into our vacations, etc).

Wow...I still have SOOOOOO much more to say. I feel like I've just touched the tip of the iceberg. I'm going to have to make this Part I! I'll continue with what home education looks like on my next blog! In the meantime, please feel free to comment, ask questions, or pose topics for me to address....

In the light!

Julie

Strange Scenes: What CATches my eye today!

2011-05-03T01:15:00.001-04:00

Here's the first installment of "Strange Scenes." It's a baffling world we live in!

Driving my usual Monday route, usual time. Zipping along, listening to my typical 80's radio station, barely noticing the same scenery out the windows...

...until my brain registers something different. Something wrong! Like one of those activities in children's magazines where you have to find all the mistakes in the drawing, except this was very real!

Of course, driving 50 miles an hour, down a curvy road, I was past it and had rounded a corner before I really had a chance to assess what in the world was going on! All I can say is that it was a man running down the sidewalk...with a cat on his back.

Yes, a cat on his back. Not a cat-in-a-backpack-riding-on-his-back, nor a cat-in-a-baby-carrier-riding-on-his-back...but a cat clinging to his shoulders and back for dear life, looking quite uncomfortable with the situation, nails dug into the man's T-shirt. Nope, not a rugged canvas coat, but a thin T-shirt. There's no way this man didn't feel this feline's claws digging in.

What in the world was happening???? I have a few scenarios, although none of them seem very likely:

1. Man was jogging along, minding his own business, and cat-who-has-seen-too-much-Animal-Planet jumps out of tree onto man's back, hoping for some dinner. After all, the man was running alone, so shouldn't he be easy prey, away from his pack? Perhaps what I DIDN'T see were the assortment of other cats hiding along the path, ready to help take down the victim?

2. Man and cat are fleeing from fire.

3. Man attempted to give cat a bath, cat took to highest ground (man's shoulders), and man took off running for help.

4. Man really wanted a dog, but wife/girlfriend would not allow it, as it would stress poor kitty out, therefore man attempts to take cat jogging, trying to have cat fill the place of his dream dog. Cat would not cooperate, so man attempted holding cat while he jogged, but cat freaked out and squirmed up onto his shoulder. Man is too stubborn to accept defeat and tolerates nails in his skin, and will later tell wife/girlfriend what a great idea it was that he had. Wife/girlfriend will find scratches on man's back, and will promptly end relationship, assuming he's having an affair. Man then buys dog.

5. Man was taking a leisurely stroll with his parakeet on his shoulder, cat attacked parakeet from its tree perch.

6. Man is trying to train cat to ride on his shoulder while jogging so he can be famous on YouTube.

7. Jogging is very difficult and painful for man, therefore man brings clinging-cat-with-sharp-claws to inflict constant pain on him, hence distracting him from the pain of his running.

8. There was no man, there was no cat, and all my exercise lately is causing me to hallucinate.

Which of my options do you think matched the reality? Or do you perhaps have another suggested scenario of your own? Please comment!!!!

Hate What Is Evil???

2011-05-02T01:09:00.000-04:00

Yes, I watched the royal wedding. My boys, who love history, pomp and circumstance, tradition, formality, and grew up loving Disney movies, were excited to see the first commoner married into the British Royal Family in 300+ years.

Riveted they were to the television screen, properly shot full of enough history from the previous evening's 20/20 special to understand the significance of the people, the event, the TIARA....they were absorbing every word. Which is how Andrew didn't let this one slide...

"...hate what is evil..."

An excerpt from Kate's brother James, as he gave the only reading at the service, taken from the book of Romans, chapter 15. A wider excerpt being "Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honour."

Andrew turned to me and said, "You know, Mom (many of their quips begin this way), I don't really think you should hate evil, because hating, itself, IS evil."

I replied, "Well, Andrew, I'd agree with you--I think that's very wise." I'd like to think I had followed up with "Jesus said to love your enemies, didn't he?" but I'm not one to say the right thing in the right moment....EVER. I think I tried to slip it in later in the day.

Tonight, I'm very thankful for this comment of his, and for him pointing out the hypocrisy of hating evil...hate in any form is a dangerous feeling (or state). It implies a whole-lotta judgment and in many cases can justify things (acts, feelings), which we know are not for us to justify.

I'm trying to carefully sort out my emotions concerning Osama bin Laden's death, and in doing so, not to celebrate his death as a human being. What I feel I can celebrate is that he will no longer be a leader of hate himself. There will be no more calls to violent action from his lips. He will no longer fund, and train people for, acts of terrorism, nor open any more schools for Al-Queda. I am trying to distance myself from focusing on the fact that his spirit has left our realm, and replace the parts of my heart which held onto anxiety concerning his next steps with thoughts of peace and light instead.

These things I can celebrate with joy.

His death? I figure death is something sacred between the universe (God, if you prefer) and the individual, and I'm best off just thinking, "No comment."

And hate what is evil? Well...it doesn't feel right to project hate into any situation. Project love instead. Which doesn't mean you need to love what is evil....why love it or hate it? Just give love to what you feel is evil. Where's the harm in that? That doesn't mean Osama should've been given hugs...don't get me wrong! His actions created a need for us to capture him to prevent further harm...I'm not preaching ambivalence by any means!

Although, I wonder...if he had been given more hugs as a child....???

Let's make May a month of love, to counter all the violence bin Laden endorsed. That would probably really piss him off. ;0)

Tornado Timidity

2011-04-28T01:50:00.000-04:00

(Image at the left was supposedly taken in Frankenmuth after the 1996 tornado...some are inspired by a silhouette of Jesus holding his hands up in it. I claim no stance on the validity of this photo or what it may mean, but I found it interesting).

Luck favors the prepared.

These crazy tornadoes which keep on coming are spurring us to purchase a weather alert radio. We sleep on the upper floor of a 2-story walkout, so we're essentially 3 stories up, when taken from the perspective of an oncoming tornado (assuming an approach from the SW). I am tired of staying up through the night with these watches to see if I should be moving the children down to the basement.

I haven't been this paranoid in previous years. I'm sure a lot of the change in attitude is due to these very devastating weather phenomena we're seeing, but also from a first-hand story I heard a couple of months ago.

We were at a work charity event, and at our table was a couple (Greg's boss and her husband, actually) who survived the tornado that ripped through Frankenmuth several years back. Hearing them tell the horrifying tale, seeing the looks on their faces, and having such a visually dominant brain, it's no wonder it's deeply affected me.

They had gotten home late in the evening, and quickly hooked up their new speaker system. Like we all do with new speakers, they cranked them up. Really loud! What poor timing...which almost cost them their lives. They finally noticed something amiss, and when they turned down the music, the dreaded freight train noise dominated. They fled to the basement, and not a minute too soon. Theirs was one of the few houses which was completely leveled. Completely. They came back up the basement stairs (after witnessing things flying upward out of the basement) to nowhere. No house. No walls. A very eerie loaf of bread sat untouched, where it had been cooling, outside the breadmaker on the kitchen counter--a detail that stood out like a sign from God, who would spare their lives, and leave them their daily bread.

This wasn't some tale from tornado alley. It was just up the freeway 30 miles.

And just as it's unlikely we'll ever need our smoke detectors, yet we have them and faithfully change the batteries, we'll be getting a weather radio as well. Something perhaps for you to consider, too. I don't want to dwell on the negative or be ruled by fear, but that's precisely why I lock my doors at night...take reasonable precaution, then forget about it! So hopefully, with this radio, I can put my worries to rest.

Upside of the Real Estate Crash?

2011-04-27T01:18:00.000-04:00

Would you be mine? Could you be mine?

I had the wonderful pleasure of meeting a new neighbor this evening, and her lovely children and husband. It's amusing how after a winter of being holed up in our homes, the beautiful weather draws us all out, and the mood lifts!

I was giving my new acquaintance the run-down of the occupants of the 8 other homes on our little quiet cul-de-sac...and was in awe, once again, of what an incredible neighborhood we live in--not because of the homes or the lake or the hills or the schools...but because of the people in those homes.

I think that if there's an upside to the real estate crash, it's that people are staying put in their homes, and building stronger bonds with their neighbors. That's certainly been true for us. Not sure if it's a Michigan thing, a Midwest thing, or an American thing, but neighbors are slow around here. Slow in a good, cautious sort of way. We don't rush relationships--we don't want to be overbearing or annoying, so we err on the side of aloofness. Good fences make good neighbors, but we don't have fences here, so we must be extra careful not to cross lines, hahaha. But because of this, we need a good couple of years of backyard conversation before we establish anything more!

What makes the neighborhood (in particular, our street) so great? It's hard to say. Why do I love the color purple? It just feels right. There don't seem to be any common threads--we've got homeschoolers (nope, I'm not the only one out of these 9 homes here!), private schoolers, and public schoolers. We have hard-core Midwesterners, Southerners, and Asians. Children of all ages represented, from infants through grown children. We have meticulous landscapers, floundering gardeners, and those with bare yards. Dogs with invisible fence, and dogs that wander. Devout Christians, religious philosophers (ok just one, moi), Catholics, and even a minister!

But we wave from the car. We say hello when on our bikes or walking. We gather at Christmastime, and sometimes at the summer picnic. We keep keys for each other, and watch elderly parents when family goes away. We pet sit, and we call around when the power goes out ("Do you guys have power over there?" or "Is your cable working?") We watch for mysterious cars. We drive slowly. We borrow cars and snowblowers and use each other for emergency contacts. We babysit and tutor and teach each other's children.

We're a support system.

And we don't judge. We don't carry on about the small stuff. When I have to close my house up in the summer because it's windy out and your lawn chemical is making me sick (in addition to polluting the lake), I remind myself that my dog sometimes poops in your yard. When I'm blasting my music loudly from the house so I can groove while I weed my garden, I hope that you remember when I cared for your elderly father while you were away. There's just this beautiful, loving, blessed relationship we all share...but it took time.

It took years!

And my guess is that at least half of us would've moved by now, had we not lost nearly 50% of the value of our homes in the past 6 years. We have no choice but to stay, and knowing that, we accept and love and enjoy each other! (No, I don't think this is really a conscious decision, but a phenomenon we subconsciously partake in).

Despite the rush, rush, rush of our daily lives, life truly does progress slowly. Relationships take time and commitment in order to return depth and value. It's true in marriage--my husband and I sometimes joke that it's a darn good thing we got married, because we'd never still be together if we hadn't! LOL! We share that in a loving way, because we're so GLAD we're still together. It's making it through all the highs and lows, and looking back on those that add such richness to our relationship, as well as adding a sense of security that we're in it through thick and thin. And although I haven't exchanged vows with my neighbors, hahaha, we are committed to acceptance, balance, and finding joy in each other, as we are all here for the long haul.

This post is dedicated to the following lovely families on our street: Abdelmessiah, Li, Marr, Tarantino, Byerly, Warn, Mecum, and Rhodes...and the late Tv personality, Mr. Rogers, for never underestimating the value of neighboring, teaching such warmth to our children, and setting a stellar example for us all.