The Blah Blah Blogger

Birthing What!?!?

2022-09-08T19:51:00.001-05:00

One of the noggin scratches that will go down in 2022 infamy is stripping away one of the fundamental rights to female identity, that being an expectant MOTHER.

The very same thin skinned woke people protesting in our streets for their right to abortion are allowing society to strip away your identity as a woman, a woman with the freedom of choice to terminate a life or birth that life into existence.

There is absolutely nothing politically incorrect or disrespectful in embracing the gender you choose to embrace.

And the greatest and most ironic point to all this gender shaming is men changing their bodies because all they want is to be a woman. We honor these beautiful souls while obliterating those born female who actually like being female.

Women have come so far to be heard, be given opportunities and the right to live life fully and on their own terms and now they're hailing and praising those who want to strip their identity and their right to be proud they can bring life into this backward and morally corrupt world.

It's not fair. It's just another attempt by bad people to force us into a tightly fit box because it makes them feel powerful and superior.

Snap out of this nonsense before it becomes a crime to be born a woman...again.

Remember the Salem Witch Trials

Grieve for the women lost to Middle Eastern Honor Killings

Go and find the children being trafficked

Report wife beaters, pedophiles and rapists and if you don't approve of abortion don't get one.

Julianna Mason

Dear Will Smith

2022-08-25T11:18:00.001-05:00

Dear will Smith,

Thank you for the slap heard round the world.

Thank you for standing up and showing you are a Vessel for love by defending the honor and dignity of your wife. You stood up and defended her, standing behind your vows and your principles.

Fauci Spelled Backward is Hack

2021-07-27T19:37:00.000-05:00

It wasn't until Covid19 came on the scene that anyone had ever heard of Fauci.

Suddenly in 2020 this guy's mug and hideous voice was being crammed down our throats 24/7.

He was touted as an expert, he was the center of attention and the voice of the American people during a terrible crisis, or was it? Well, yes Covid19 is ridiculously contagious and deadly, but so is the Flu, and TB, in fact TB even in 2021 still kills an average of 1.4 million people per year and now we are facing another outbreak of Legionnaires and the Measles once thought to be wiped out for the most part is alive and thriving in many communities worldwide.

Enter Covid19, enter Fauci. The two go hand in hand like Salt and Margaritas and just like Salt and Margaritas they both have the potential to kill if we are careless and excessive.

Now, for the most part I believe the great Covid19 scare of 2020 has run its course, states are lifting mandates, people can connect with other people, we can finally wander in public with the ability to breathe after a year of suffocating in those stupid masks. But as Covid19's reign of terror wanes so does the nation's need for Fauci and I'm not thinking he's happy about it, in fact I think he's starting to panic that his celebrity status is being threatened and he is no longer the poster boy for fear anymore. This never sets well or ends well for narcissists. So, what then must he do to stay in the lime light? Well create another crisis of course! Lately he's been jumping up and down about the Delta variant and having world class tantrums to force the CDC to reinstate mask mandates and certainly not because he cares or because he's right, it's because his planet sized ego has had a taste of fame and he simply doesn't want to be kicked back into the shadows where he belongs.

So where has he been during all the other pandemics and outbreaks? No one ever heard of him until Covd19? If he is such an expert then why wasn't he front and center during the Swine Flu or HIV epidemics? what about SARS? Nope, can't recall even hearing his name during those deadly outbreaks.

And what of Covid19 itself? Why all the fuss? Ok, it's contagious, it's deadly and I think it's not just another virus, but a bio weapon that got too big too fast.

Enter everyone's most infamous frenemy, China, the nation we all love to hate.

Communism, Slavery and torture aside, China rolls out some pretty impressive electronics and now deadly bio weapons too. My theory, the Chinese created it in a lab and were perfecting it to loose if needed in war or against their people who protest, but it got away from them and out into the world before they were ready, and they were blindsided. Covid19 should be just another virus we all have to be aware of and vaccinated for, but because it's most likely a bio weapon that changes the entire dynamic and it opened up all of china's heinous secrets exposed for all the world to see. This would explain all the crazy reaction globally, because no other nation may have known about it or had any idea what Covid19 is capable of since it's not your average garden variety virus. The planet panicked and went to the extreme in order to contain it until such a time when they could study it and determine it's immediate and long term affects on the living.

And so the world pushed though and some hung on every word of Fauci's and now that we have survived and come out into the light once more Fauci is no longer the nations Covid19 darling and he is pissed I'm sure. About a week ago the new CDC director said she would not move backward with easing restrictions and recommendations. Fauci blew a gasket at this news, because it was the reality he feared, that he would be pushed back into the shadows once more to return to his obscure and minuscule existence. He couldn't accept his fate, so he started the panic up again, arguing with other doctors and freaking out that Americans are no longer shut up and shut down, this simply cannot stand! So he climbed back on his soap box and began ranting about the Delta variant and bullying the CDC. Wow! It's actually painful to watch such an unimportant little man fight for attention, but here we are.

And while I'm here, just to mention, the CDC is not a law making agency. They don't have the scope of authority they and Fauci want you to believe they do. They cannot force your business closed or regulate how you do business and they can't force you to wear masks so please stop running around telling everyone the CDC says to do this and the CDC say to do that... It is a crock of shit thrown at a smoke screen.

And so here we are watching the end of Fauci's one hit wonder performance and his battle to stay on top, but in the end no matter what happens Fauci will be nothing more and a walking ego and a hack.

May you be filled with the light and love of the universe and always do good.

Our Spirituality

2021-06-28T19:29:00.001-05:00

Our spirituality is like blood, it courses through us and keeps our hearts beating and our minds expanding.

And then it becomes like our lover, our passion and our tragedy. It makes no sense one minute, then is our epiphany the next.

Our spirituality, our religion is unique to each of us and may be one practiced dogma or many aspects of many beliefs, but whatever you do to get high on life make sure it is beautiful, make sure it harms no one and make sure it is a deep and intimate expression of you.

May you be filled with the light and love of the universe and always do good

Baseless Fears

2021-06-27T17:43:00.001-05:00

When once we faced alone the soft and quiet shore,

And in the light of Angels we come together once more,

And heaven and earth beseech us to care
Free will and power lay our souls bare,

Our once delightful spark of life that took youthful root
Is now dull and choking on hates soot,

Narcissism takes hold of our very senses
Fueled by ignorance deafening,relentless,

Little children, little children don't you see your harm,

Calling yourselves spiritual while knawing on God's arm,

And from your protests and marches comes the wails and yell,

Your misguided rage is the cage of your hell.

Hush now sweet child, embrace your tears,

Your hate of us is just baseless fears.

Julianna Mason

May you be filled with the light and love of the universe and always do good

The Don

2021-06-07T18:27:00.001-05:00

Donald J. Trump was elected and served one full term as the 45th president of the United States.

He was out voted in the 2020 election by a guy named Biden.

Seven months have passed and every time the dust begins to settle someone comes around with a leaf blower and rustles it all up again.

Don is quite an anomaly. He ran for an office whose government's most elite narcissists didn't want him to have and a nation of beleaguered citizens who were thrown for a loop the size of a Saturn ring; just to realize Don hated politics and politicians as much as they did.

How could it be that a man with no political experience, no political college degrees and no sense to know when shut his pie hole could be president, but there he was as big as life and with every rally he gathered more and more steam to win what most thought was an unwinnable election.

So why is it that he won? How could this have happened? Well, I have my theories and perhaps there is no specific conclusion to arrive at here, but my guess is he tapped into the hearts and minds of a group of Americans known as 'The Average Joe'.

So, here is Joe a middle aged American guy ball and chained to a mortgage, probably at least one divorce under his belt and a national debt worth of child support and his own form of reparations that being spousal support.

He more than likely works in labor or industry where the threat of lay off looms large and he is over worked, under paid and most definitely not appreciated. He's got a chip on his shoulder the size of an extinction level meteor and believes that minorities and immigrants are taking away his money, his housing, his jobs, his language, his worth and place in society. These are to some degree baseless fears, but nonetheless fears that are as real to Joe as the yogurt running down the side of my bowl.

Joe sees and hears and listens to all the great things our nation is doing for all Americans and he feels left out or worse tasked with the burden of making up for the gap in money to pay for all those not working by being taxed to death.

He's also a guy who feels so let down, so betrayed by his government that he lies awake at night fantasizing about slapping the stupid out of every Ken and Barbie politician who he believes is to blame for every problem he has.

And, Joe has always had a devout love of country and raging hate for those of color or religion or nationality that isn't his, because it's been crammed down his throat that they are being coddled and catered and he being told to buck up.

Enter Don. Here's a guy with no moral compass, goofy hair and a really bad spray tan. He shows up on the campaign trail like the celebrity diva he is and always a bit hunched in an ill fitting suit of wrinkles. And there he is, this man, who like Joe hates politicians and taxes and lots of other things. Don seems to have a chip on his shoulder too. Here's a guy who's had as many divorces as he's had Bankruptcies. He's constantly being laughed at and investigated yet here he is on the world stage front and center looking Joe in the eye and telling him he will drain the swamp that's drowning poor Joe. And he's a gagillionaire to boot! So ya, he's got the balls and dough to fight all the way to the Oval Office and all for you!

He's rude, he's crude, he's the dude, vote Donald Trump!

And the most impactful deciding factor was Don's hatred of Hillary. He connected with Joe on a deep and emotional level for having the balls to express his hatred publicly and in a way that raised alarms for some about what lengths of aggression he would rise too.

Don did actually make good on some of his campaign promises and some Average Joes saw an increase in prosperity and results are what it's all about isn't it?

Now, on the other side of this there were some really serious major players in business and politics who genuflected in his presence to the shock and bewilderment of many on both sides of the political divide. And when powerful people endorse a powerful man who taps into the rage and misery of so many there's no stopping him.

He threw the nation completely off guard and in a state of shock and awe everyone followed.

Wherever Don went a Conservative's rave party popped up.

Not everyone who fell in love with Don was an average Joe. Some were people who knew no hardships and had no worries in life. Silver spoons and debutantes and career politicians with old school values who just can't seem to accept that it's no longer the middle of the 20th century.

Now, I'm in no way lobbing insults or trying to degrade or diminish Joe in any way, he is the backbone of this nation and put upon by an ungrateful and selfish government who thinks he's expendable. His opinion means nothing. He can be replaced with immigrants who will work for literally slave wages. Sound familiar? Sound crazy? Truth hurt?

When faced with reality your enemies will always divert the attention away from themselves and vilify those who look them in the eye without flinching and they will always avert their eyes from the harsh light shed upon them.

So here sits Average Joe feeling deflated and kicked back to the curb after 4 years and not feeling like he hasn't an advocate anywhere and so he slips back into the shadows to wait with his hand over his heart in reverence to the Flag and like an abused dog he gets up and licks his wounds and wags his tail when his shitty owner comes home.

'May you be filled with the light and love of the universe and always do good'.

Man

2021-06-07T07:18:00.000-05:00

Beyond the abyss lies paradise only seen by those who have traveled the tunnel to death.

I have been on the edge peering in one time in this life, but have no desire as of yet to take the plunge into the semi unknown.

The savagery of man knows no bounds when when in the course of shouting your beliefs, your roaring thunder deafens those you wish to indoctrinate and you become the monster they all knew you could be.

We hear you you know, we really do, but you're asking the impossible from people who had no hand in the making of your destiny which began so many centuries ago; in a place far away from here and in a time none of us can even comprehend. My ancestors too have suffered on both sides of my DNA strand and yet I don't hold it against those who walk on the surface of this rock. I don't demand reparations simply because of my genes. Holding malice toward others who were not even alive at the time of genocide is like blaming Moses for all the people murdered in the name of God.

Please stop telling me what I am or what I think of you, you don't know me or my mind. Stop proving the point of your enemies by reacting exactly as they expect you will.

The horrors of this life are brought about by the human race if only to secure our survival, but what are we surviving for? Is our purpose here only to destroy? It seems that way.

Yes, I have been to the edge of the abyss and still have no idea why I didn't jump.

'May you be filled with the light and love of the universe and always do good'

My Shadow Sleeps

2021-06-06T20:17:00.000-05:00

My Shadow sleeps with one eye open,
Always wanting, always hoping,
And just under the surface I can see,
The shadow masters staring at me,
Taunting and playing,
Completely forgetting,
That they've already lived,
They've already gave,
Now they need to lay in a grave,
Leave this world, for us who breathe,
Until it's our time to leave,
Then we'll walk and talk and stalk,
Those who pray yes that's how we'll play,
No more pain, no more strife,
Becoming shadows in the afterlife.

Julianna Mason

Next Installment of The Medium Manual

2021-06-05T13:40:00.001-05:00

https://anchor.fm/julianna-mason/episodes/Touch-e1207em

My Mom

2021-05-28T19:49:00.001-05:00

My Mom was my plan B, my back up plan, my best friend, my champion, my safety.

My Mom was always the one constant and even when I grew up and went out into the world, if I screwed up or a man became a really bad choice I always knew I could go back to her for comfort and a restart.

My Mom passed away on May 3, 2007, but we met so many years before about nine months prior to December 1962. Ours was a tumultuous beginning. She had cervical cancer and double pneumonia while I grew in her belly. It was just we two trying to stay alive while she tended to my two older sisters, both had medical and emotional difficulties. Dad [Fred] was, well a story for another time.

I was actually a love child conceived as a result of her 13 year love affair with the man she would tell me two years before her death; was the "The end all beat all" love of her life and in a way he was mine. He was a dear and close friend of the family, so I grew up knowing him, loving him, adoring him and so desperately needing him.

He died when I was a kid.

My Mom wasn't perfect as Mother's go. She preferred me over my sisters and took a white glove to the furniture after we dusted. She was unable to stand up to Dad [Fred] and with good reason, so we all suffered under his rage and evil.

Her life was certainly not what she had hoped, but, then whose is? At least she had my 'secret' dad.

Recently I've been feeling out of sorts and trying to get to the root of my current dysfunction. In a state of pondering and personal reflection I was struck with the realization that my fears and phobias began to morph the day Mom left. I remember our last talk, she asked me...begged me to please keep my sisters from fighting and I begged her, no ordered her not to go. I told her I would not survive without her. Well, in a way I have, not wholey, not happily, but I've managed to keep my carcass moving through the trials and tribulations of survival and of course I haven't lived.

I feel so ashamed to be grown and realizing how dependent on my Mom I was and even still am.

She comes to me in dreams, and even though the theme or topic of them are different she is always in a hospital gown and completely unable to speak, she just points to what it is she is bringing a message about. I don't understand the hospital gown, she passed at home in her own nightgown.

Since her passing my oldest sister and dad Fred have also crossed over, so I'm left here behind on this rock with my only remaining sister and a bunch of nieces and nephews. Now, my Mom was married for decades to her high-school sweetheart, Russell, they reconnected after she and Fred divorced. We came together in a twisted version of the Brady Bunch, she with three kiddos and him with six. We all mostly grew up together and this enriched our lives immeasurably.

Last month my oldest beloved [step] (although we don't use the word) brother Michael passed away suddenly and without warning and it has brought me back to making my sisterhood with my sister and brother Matt a dailey priority.

I'm feeling so down on myself and it just gets worse. They always leave you know, our parents and grandparents. They always leave because they have to.

My Mom would've loved Douglas and our home. Russ would be under the car right now helping Douglas fix the motor while Mom and I sipped coffee and talked.

Our connection to our Moms is like no other. It is a bind that transcends beyond this reality and even if we have never met her she is always in the back of our mind, a whisper, a smile, a hoping.

I think adopted children know what I'm talking about because they always seem to want to know her even if she is a monster.

My Mom is gone and it's left me changed and deflated, the umbilical chord not cut, but rather caught in the jamb of a door between this world and hers. Someday one of us will have to open that door.

Smugmug

2021-05-04T20:40:00.001-05:00

Hello all,

Please check out my new online photo gallery on Smugmug...

https://juliannamason.smugmug.com

Photography like writng has been my passion ever since I was a child and like my camera my paper and writing implements are like dear friends or a fluffy security blanket. All my photos in my galleries are for sale, so please take a moment to check out my eye for the sky and leave me a comment.

May you filled with the light and love of the universe and always do good

I'm Back!

2021-05-02T11:34:00.003-05:00

Holy Smokes! Hello and welcome to the Blah Blah Blogger...again

See, back somewhere in 2016-2017 Google sends me a message that they were discontinuing this E Blogger site. 😒 and that I would have to back up my blog and then be gone. Well, yesterday I was rooting around in my clouds and old virtual places and lo and behold here is my blog still here, still in tact! No clue, but I can't express to you how excited and happy I am because this blog was my very first online platform and has been so important to me I teared up when I opened it up and it felt like I was unearthing a time capsule and memories flooded back.

So much has happened and changed since that fateful day when I thought my blog was forever a memory. In 2017 my soul mate walked back into my life and has never left. We moved to a big beautiful home in the burbs in the great state of Minnesota. I work full time for the courts and expanded my horizons by starting two YouTube channels, two podcasts, restarted my Paranormal work and currently have set up my first only photography gallery to start (hopefully) selling my work. My soul mate, I call him D and I rescue unwanted aquarium fish salt and fresh and my doggy, Fiona is still by some miracle kicking. I did this past January lose my beloved Turtle, Morty, who had been with me for twenty seven years, he came down with a respiratory infection and died within days.

My beloved D was assaulted on the job last year and is now deemed disabled because of it. I began working from home 100% since March 2020. Along with D's life changing assault and my Morty passing, we have suffered some other blows as well. In December one of D's sisters passed, then one of her young sons January 4th and this past Wednesday my oldest brother, Michael died suddenly and without warning, he died 17 years to the day our other brother, Pete passed. D and my nephew both were struck with Covid19, so I was tasked with caring for both of them while working from home, luckily for me I volunteered for the covid19 vaccine trials for Astra Zeneca last winter, so I was fully vaccinated and didn't so much as experience a sniffle while caring for them...get your vaccine, it will save your life!

Well, when Google obviously mistakenly or perhaps I misunderstood shut down Blogger, I began setting up the 'Mason Salo Happy Home' YouTube channel and a podcast called 'The Blah Blah', they became my alternatives to this my cherished blog. Well, my podcast got shut down because it had become to politically sensitive and I'm ok with that, I realize I was getting more than caught up in the rage and frustration of our social and civil unrest and the podcast just got away from me, it wasn't representative of the 'Woman Simply' that I am. I still have the YouTube channel though and my Paranormal team, well we have a website, a YouTube channel and a podcast. We are at: https://paranormolinvestigationsandconsultations.co

Our official name is: 'PIAC-Minnesota Paranormal' and can be found on LinkedIn, Facebook, at the link above or you can call or email us at: juilannamason@paranomalinvestigations.co or 952-855-8887. We also have a podcast called: 'The Medium Manual'. This is about the life and times of a psychic medium...me and can be found on Google Podcast, Anchor, Spotify, ITunes, Cast Box, Radio Public and Pocket Cast.

So, ya, I've been keeping myself busy and if YouTubing, Podcasting, Ghost busting caring for the sick and working a full time ball and chain job wasn't enough I recently set up my online art gallery on 'Smugmug.com' to showcase and hopefully sell my photos. I have many muses so tried to exhibit a variety of photographic examples of my work, but I also do Spirit Photography although I haven't showcased any examples in my gallery.

And here we are, back once more and super excited, I feel energized and renewed and look forward to connecting with my old commenters and hope to pick up some new ones, so come join me for some rantings of a Woman Simply and lets blah blah together!

May you be filled with the light and love of the universe and always do good.

Toke

2018-05-05T08:04:00.001-05:00

I fear we will see a sudden upswing in states embracing medical marijuana, since the exposure of the collusion and criminal acts by doctors and pharms to get as many people addicted to opioids as possible. Now that the people know the truth, that being our broken medical system wants you weak and sick, they need to divert the attention and come up with a new way to enslave us, take our money and keep their lies going. I understand that people feel they need MM because it's taking your pain away but so does Vicodin, and oxycodone and these drugs are just as addictive and deadly. Pot isn't a miracle, it's a replacement crutch. If you need it then you need it but keep in mind its not the miracle they are trying to convince you it is, it is just another relief option and it is their next big bank roll.
If healthcare was free, then the monsters would not have mountains of money to masturbate on, they would be placed on the same level as all human beings, and once that luster is gone and the fog of greed and power has lifted maybe they will actually get down to the business they swore an oath to do, that being saving lives and sincerely caring for those in need. And for the stoners out there who don't need it but are just addicts; don't kid yourself about how great legalization is or will be, because the more it is legalized the more it will be banned and controlled from public like cigarettes, the more money it will cost, they will tax it and they will refine it down in labs and factories. Think about it, you know what they did to tobacco and it use to be a sacred ritual for some cultures and before the government got their paws on it it was pure and natural and medicinal. Free healthcare for All!

Making Sense Of It All

2018-05-03T11:40:00.001-05:00

How do we make sense of it all,
Without stumbling off the cliff and fall,
Down to the bottom we crawl,
Climbing our way out of the abyss,
Hoping to grasp a shred of bliss,
Or hope or revelation,
Hurry you might lose that fleeting clarification,
Don't be sad or mad,
You haven't been had,
Just pulled into the same social clutter as me, your mom,your dad,
It all comes down to acceptance I think,
Because we're all circling the drain of the sink,
Making sense of it all doesn't really matter,
When all we ever hear is nonsense and clatter,
Just keep getting up and accepting all as it is without doubt,
No one will ever figure out,
So don't beat yourself up in a one on one brawl to do the impossible,
Of making sense of it all.
Julianna Mason

An Extra Day With Daughter

2018-04-22T18:18:00.001-05:00

Yesterday we helped one of my boyfriends cousins finish what has been a months longs move out of her beautiful lakeside home because of divorce.
I'll call her M. M once had it all, a great job, dream home, a marriage and a child. She lived the American dream, until the one who promised to keep that dream alive turned into a failure as a husband, a man and most likely a father. Apparently he's deviant and can't or wont' hold a steady job.
The tragedy of divorce is in it's very existence. One out of every two marriages in the US ends in divorce, that's fifty percent for those who are mathematically challenged.
I have been divorced and even with those odds I would marry my soul mate, not because I'm crazy but because I believe in the power of love, our love, that aside, divorce is a painful poisonous epidemic eating away at our morale and our future. There is nothing more painful than realizing that you made a mistake you never saw coming.
M lost everything to a petty, narrow minded individual who used everything she had against her including their daughter. He ran her through months and months of a long and bank breaking divorce; only to give her meager leftovers in then end. He was at fault and yet the court coddled him as they do criminals these days. They took from her ,like ringing water from a rag and the court took advantage of her just as much as he did. In the end though, M got one thing, and extra day with her daughter. That's what , living is all about. It's about knowing priorities and putting love of another human being ahead of everything else.
She walked away tired and a bit defeated,but in long run she won and he will pay the price for being a bad person.
My boyfriend, too was treated like a criminal in divorce court and the judge robbed him of everything he and he alone had built from scratch, not his deadbeat X but he and he alone. The judge forgot his role in the demise of their thirty year life, that being the mediator and dispenser of justice, not lopsided taking of sides.
I have been divorced and walked away with nothing but literally the clothes on my body. I had to rebuild myself from the ground up. I was left empty and betrayed, abused and broken, I was a victim of unspeakable violence and got no points for my skills at surviving or my ability to be the better person.
I do wonder if in some cases divorce happens because the idea of settling in and getting on with life is either incomprehensible to some or they never intended to abide by the vows they took, vows that are an actual contract with a license you have to sign when the dust settles. Maybe some just wanted the pretty dress, cake and attention or maybe they wanted all of it so badly they married the wrong person for the wrong reasons. I know it can also be that when comfort sets in; the cracks in the plaster reveal themselves like the ones on the walls of new house that's settling into the ground.
We are a nation of expert actors, people who can put on a stone solid performance as long as needed to hear 'I Do' . Now that's not too say that marriage is bad or couples who really do marry for life are liars. They are not cheating the system, maybe they just got lucky or maybe they accept their mate with all their perfect imperfections, their acceptable and harmless imperfections.
There are human actions though that are simply unacceptable to any decent person and that's what drove me to the courthouse as it did so many others.
I feel it's important to also recognize the fault that lays at the door of our justice system. It is too easy to get married and too difficult to end it. The courts need to hold themselves accountable for the injustices they allow to unfold in our nation's courtrooms. They propagate the money machine by allowing lawyers to soak people when most vulnerable and allow divorces to drag on and order mediators and parenting experts at the cost of thousands. The reason people have to even involve the court is because that license you sign on your wedding day is a legal and binding contract.
When people are hurt and frightened they lash out and try to preserve what they can because their survival is on the line and they have to fight to keep what is theirs.
Divorce hits you in gut like a meteor, it strips you of your dignity and confidence and it makes you feel betrayed. At the end of a long painful battle you sign the papers because you are too tired to fight anymore and most times there is at that point nothing left to fight for. The house is gone, the furniture divided. The car and credit cards divivied up like the take from a bank robbery.
And all you want to do is just sleep.
You get up the next day and realize that you survived the fight, your bruises will fade and you get on with life and savor those little victories like losing the house but getting an extra day of visitation with the only good that came out of your nuptuals, that being your children and your wounded but fixable relationship with them. In the end all that matters is those little take aways, like the tv, your favorite painting, your jewelry and an extra day with daughter.

The Things I Say

2018-03-16T17:26:00.001-05:00

I am a woman who exists solely for the sake of justice. I have been this way since the beginning of me.
I fight for justice with my mouth and I fight for those who have mouths but no voice. I can't seem to accept horrible people with horrible minds or people who prefer ignorance over enlightenment and yet the vast portion of my rantings seem ignorant (I am sure) to others.
I've heard it called passive aggressive as if either are a bad thing whether together or separate.
I find that it is inconceivable to simply keep my mouth shut, I can't allow bad things to happen without saying what wells up in my mind until it spills over into my heart causing pressure in my brain.
I have to release the pressure of all that rage and shock and perplexity that gives me fuel.
All who know me know that I despise scammers, doctors, Trump the chump and everyone associated with said chump and so many other things.
I get mad at myself too and a lot. I get so angry that my eyes are shot and my body feels like I'm carrying a backpack full of lead around. I can't seem to locate and reclaim the me I was before, although I will never surrender the fight to try and find her.
I'm not one to tell it like it is because 'like it is' is purely based on each individuals perception of what things are like. I prefer to blurt out my feelings in the moment. Sarcasm is like a drug for me. I can make a statement to someone that I mean seriously and they laugh and laugh because they think it's sarcasm and I'm being funny. I think sarcasm is one of the most important aspects of human language because it is true and so is swearing. It's said that science has evidence that people who use profanity are 40% more honest than people who don't. I grew up in a house where profanity was spoken like a second language and no one in my family has ever been accused of being politically correct.
I also live with a very vocal demon called Axiety Disorder; brought on by PTSD. Anxiety, not unlikeTouretts Syndrome can manifest itself in a way that can be construed as inappropriate even though it's a knee-jerk reaction that simply can't be helped.
I don't think it's worth ranting about the obvious such as Aliens do exist, ghosts walk among us, Bigfoot is totally real and 9/11 was a planned attack by our own government. I like to savor my soap box for important things such as trying to wake the American people to stop letting doctors and insurance companies control you. The truth about all those too good to be true videos on Utube and nowhere in the definition of Spring does it say that it can't snow in the season of love.
I yell, scream and holler about a lot of things and I know my family never takes me seriously, which is a blessing and a curse, because when I really need them to pay attention they disregard my many years of experience, education and knowledge to go on believing they are right and I am wrong. This of course is their prerogative. And so I go on about my business, making people laugh and speak what I need to speak and let the world fall on its face as it is meant to do no matter what I have to say about it; because the things I say are mine to say and hold on to as my truth, my myth and my sword.

The Reich To Bear Arms

2018-03-16T12:13:00.001-05:00

I simply don't know where to begin, so I will start from the beginning...
That being the Constitution:
Your right to bear arms is not more important than a child's right to a safe environment in which to learn, grown and be nurtured.
The second amendment was adopted in 1791, that's 227 years ago in a time far away when the founding fathers focus was on everyone having a musket to protect themselves against Native Americans and the English. Well the English are now our allies and the white folk have made sure my people, the true Americans were disarmed, and imprisoned on reservations.
And before you bring up the argument that you need a gun for hunting, no one needs to kill their dinner anymore.

Below is the meat of the second amendment. As you can see there are suppose to be limits and it is intended to address personal safety not a guys right to arm his own personal army. The people at fault for the school shootings are the ones who gave the shooters access to the guns and that access comes from our twisted and incorrect assumption of what the Amendment really means.

The Second Amendment (Amendment II) to the United States Constitution protects the right of the people to keep and bear arms and was adopted on December 15, 1791, as part of the first ten amendments contained in the Bill of Rights.[1][2][3][4] The Supreme Court of the United States has ruled that the right belongs to individuals,[5][6] while also ruling that the right is not unlimited and does not prohibit all regulation of either firearms or similar devices.[7] State and local governments are limited to the same extent as the federal government from infringing this right, per the incorporation of the Bill of Rights.
The Second Amendment was based partially on the right to keep and bear arms in English common law and was influenced by the English Bill of Rights of 1689. Sir William Blackstone described this right as an auxiliary right, supporting the natural rights of self-defense and resistance to oppression, and the civic duty to act in concert in defense of the state.[8]

Reich (/ˈraɪk/;[1] German: [ˈʁaɪç] ( listen)) is a German word literally meaning "realm". The terms Kaiserreich (literally "realm of an emperor") and Königreich (literally "realm of a king") are used in German to refer to empires and kingdoms respectively.

Reich, I think of this word when I hear the letters NRA, because they have simply gotten too big for their breeches, they behave more like spoiled royalty than a conservative club. Like a royal realm they care only about their own and their money and at times appear to be more cult like than decent Americans exercising their rights. The NRA cares only about money and a controlling foot hold in our white house.
What may have been relavent 227 years ago is no longer and it is serving no other purpose than to stroke egos and fill wallets.
I have heard rumors of conspiracy theories about the NRA trying to incite a civil war by some twisted way of putting guns in the hands of children and loosing them on the kids who they despise. Now this would be far fetched even for them, but this is exactly the same reason Timothy McVeigh blew up the Murrah building. He was convinced that doing so would cause such outrage among the American people that they would rise up against their government. Perhaps they are thinking that if enough kids get killed that people will panic and start to arm teachers and other kids which of course leads to more gun sales. It is absolutely in the best interest of the NRA to arm as many people as possible with as many guns as possible.

So, now I come to the end of my rant, one that is really not based on anything more than the disgust of one of the loyalist Americans on the planet, even though I have so much to hate you for. And before anyone decides to respond to this posting with hateful reprise or a right from wrong pissing contest, remember my 1st Amendment right to free speech comes before your 2nd [best] Amendment right to shoot.

The First Amendment (Amendment I) to the United States Constitution prevents Congress from making any law respecting an establishment of religion, prohibiting the free exercise of religion, or abridging the freedom of speech, the freedom of the press, the right to peaceably assemble, or to petition for a governmental redress of grievances. It was adopted on December 15, 1791, as one of the ten amendments that constitute the Bill of Rights.

How To Be Human

2018-03-11T08:26:00.001-05:00

I recently heard a comment; 'You're not like a Duck'. It was not directed at me, it was a comment made to someone I know by another someone I know. The recipient didn't understand the comment and in that lack of understanding, perpetuated the exact behavior that makes this person, well, not like a Duck.
It is absolute that we are our own worst enemies and sometimes to a point where we are blind to who we really are. But is this always our own fault? How much of our dark side is the result of our subconscious response to implicit bias? For the sake of this writing I will call said person, K.
What if K is suffering from implicit bias leveled on them because K is the youngest in the office and only one of two of K's gender.
It can be overwhelming to have to exist in a world where you believe emphatically that you have to exercise some level of superiority in order to feel accepted and worthy.
In K's case it's not actually that simple.
Instead of just being being kind and doing the best each day; K feels a title will make all inadequacies go away and in some way validate.
K, by nature is an angry person, basically miserable all the time. K is treated in the office by most of the workers as a kid who knows nothing and is frequently disregarded because of a dramatic age difference and years of service gap.
I wonder if K's obsession with being in charge is a subconscious response to the implicit bias that is practiced in this workplace.
Does K believe that one word, 'Lead' added to one's title will elevate status and therefore create a sense of equality or even dare I say superiority to those who disregard K?
Or is the anger simply a response to always having to step up and never be recognized for the effort? And why is K not recognized? Is it because K is being judged by age, that K is simply too young to have anything of value to bring to the table? Hard to say really, but I can't imagine working in a world where everyone, whether consciencely or subconsciously are always judging because you are young and inexperienced.
I am, like everyone guilty of implicit bias. I watch people walk through the door of our workplace and think from the way they are dressed, or carrying themselves that I can guess what it is they are coming in for.
I look at what they have in their hands and can tell what they want from me. I know who is sincere and who is not. So, before they even approached me I have ascertained if they will be trouble.
I watch K walk in each morning with an expression of disappointment lurking just below the surface. I feel that disappointment seeping out into K's day. I've given words of encouragement but they fall on deaf ears as K's rolls the eyes at me.
I want to give the instigators of piece of my mind, but I know they won't respect( because bias tells me they are closed minded) what I have to say.
So I say what I can in my usual passive aggressive way at every opportunity and continue about my day allowing my own biases to kick in and run the show.
I think of the kids having to March for their right to a safe education and the adult creeps who dare criticize them.
I hate those adults and assume they are ignorant and there goes that bias kicking in again, I disagree with those adults so they must be wrong.
I do believe that some good comes out of bias. It gives us an opportunity to hone are people reading skills, we can raise or lower ourselves to another person's level to relate and accomplish the task at hand.
But how do we know what level they're on? In the few seconds it takes someone to approach we have to have made our judgments and assumptions so that we can successfully interact, and that is implicit bias, even though we use it with good intentions. Bias can also save our lives when we encounter people that,for superficial reasons make us cautious so we walk the other way or not open the door.
I guess implicit bias is so much a part of who we are and so unique to each that it shapes our identity and how we cope and interact with the world around us.
As awful as it is implicit bias will forever remain a part of being human.

Definition:
An implicit stereotype, or implicit bias, is the unconscious attribution of particular qualities to a member of a certain social group. ... Implicit stereotypes are an aspect of implicit social cognition, the phenomenon that perceptions, attitudes, and stereotypes operate without conscious intention.

Racism Started With Jesus

2017-12-29T23:48:00.001-06:00

I am growing increasingly disappointed in our fragile thin skinned population.
I was born a white female American, although my Dad was Native American I have blue eyes and brown hair. I don't turn a blind eye to the plight of my relatives or my ancestors, but I don't run around hating the progeny of people long dead who ruined them and I don't force said progeny to wear head dresses and change their way of life because of my gene pool.
We are all unique, and that's ok. We don't all have to be black or white or brown or red to be accepted. So why then, are we so insistent on forcing ourselves and our way of life on everyone else? We are great hypocrites.
We blabber on about not being racist, that we accept everyone as they are and want to live in peace... as long as they live in peace in a way that doesn't feel uncomfortable.
Jesus was the first to cause the world to wince at a man of color. Our Savior and King was born into the flesh and blood body of a Middle Eastern man. A man who was dark in skin, eyes and hair. In order to spread the lie that white people are superior he had to be white in order to validate their status in the developing nations.
The white race has used this lie to push others down and force others into submission.
Now, here we are in the 21st and trying to rewrite history because it makes some people uncomfortable.
I recently saw a blurb on FB that was a picture of a black Santa posing with a white Santa who is his partner. It's supposed to make African Americans and Gay people feel comfortable and included. Included in what? They are already part of their communities and the human race just like us. And now I heard the most Ludacris statement on the most reputable news program of a woman complaining about the home assistant gadgets such as Google Home Assistant, Echo and Alexa. She said that these devices are going to perpetuate slave mentality and discrimination against women because it has a female voice that men operate by giving it commands. Well, first to all you morons the device has either male or female voice whichever you choose and women give them commands too! I talk to mine and always thank it when finished and wish it a good day. If you are a man who intentionally treats your device like shit odds are you treat people that way too.
This idea that everyone is a victim because they are born a woman or a person of color... no wait, we are all people of color, white is a color.
And I'm truly sorry people are upset with our history and want to irradicate it because instead of teaching our children tolerance and reason, we are teaching them to obliterate everything they do not like of feel comfortable with; such as Santa being white and not caring what color or sexual prefernce a kid has or is. Adolf Hitler was white and half Jewish but instead of erasing him from history the people open the camps to the public so you can see and never forget what happened. Reminders are good. Reminders keep us in check.
Another white guy in history was Charles Lindberg and it looks like evidence puts him not only with the nazi party but an accomplice to his son's abduction and murder. No one is rioting at the Smithsonian to remove his plane.
I could go on like this forever, but my point is where does all this intolerance end? Do we have to paint our faces a different color now because our skin offends someone else? Do I have to stop existing as a human being because some random person with no coping skills is uncomfortable?
In a lopsided attempt to enforce tolerance; human kind has become as intolerant as those they oppose.
It simply boggles my mind.
I love Jesus most of all, I am incomplete and nothing without him and yet I am sickened by how my king is used like a sword to slay anyone who doesn't believe that the white race is superior. We are not. It is a lie to try to convince others they are the chosen ones simply because of the color of their skin. And when they saw how powerful Jesus is the white people had to possess that power, but how could they if they depicted him in his true self. And now the school shootings, no black men, no victimized women, no stereotypes to point fingers at, just white, middle class American boys...all of them. Shame on us.

Hate Has Many Sides

2017-11-07T07:54:00.001-06:00

We've all felt that burn in our gut when our eyes start to squint and our breathing becomes heavier. We've all known the pressure in our necks when we clench our teeth and start forcing breath through our tightened lips and that throbbing in our throat from increased heart rate. We've all known the response of hate. Hate, like anger is not an emotion, its a response to an emotional trigger. The trigger could be anything, rejection, injustice, fear, despair, frustration or grief.
The way we each as individuals respond to hate is unique. I may hate someone because they are racists but I may not get angry at them.
Its confusing I know.
Its just as confusing to articulate how we feel and how we will react to the men who pull off mass shootings.
How, then are we suppose to feel about these completely sensless and cowardice acts of carnage? I think it starts with shock and denial and so many Americans are in shock and denial that these shootings, most recently are white American men.
How does this compute in our conditioned minds when we can only assimilate acts carried out by foreign terrorists? It doesn't. We accept that this act has happened but we seem to utter an acknowledgement with the volume all the way on mute.
It's easy to hate someone who is not of our nation or religion, especially when they kill innocent people. When one of our own commits the same heinous crime we have no idea how to accept it. Did these people hate so much that the rage won over reason? Was it their victims who they hated or themselves for being failures and monsters?
I hate that clown squatting in my nation's capital and I hate the ignorance that put him there, but here I am an average white American woman with a happy life.
There could be hate behind the smile of my soft spoken neighbor and people hate to hear about football because they hate the game for no other reason than personal preference.
So you see, hate can be many things to many people and they may mask it in words like intolerance, impatience, annoyance or frustration, but it's still all the same thing, it's hate and hate attracts rage and rage demands response and the response is violence and violence justifies killing in the minds of those who hate.
So I guess the moral of the story is; dont hate.

My Dad Was A Racist ( For The Unknown Man )

2017-07-01T10:31:00.000-05:00

I was born in December of 62' in the great state of Minnesota.

My Mom was a native Minnesotan from a political family, Democrats the lot of them.

My Dad was from the south in the dry county of Murray, Kentucky to parents who were so poor that he and his brother slept in the barn and had only one pair of shoes each year.

My childhood was not a childhood, but rather a testimony to how much the spirit of a little girl could endure.

I'm not sure how to begin telling my story but, I am the only one left to tell it, although I wasn't the only one who endured torment daily in my world. My Mom and my two sisters also bared witness to and scars from the hate that festered in the very walls of our house and it wasn't the house's fault that it hurt to call it home.

Everything we did in our lives revolved around so many whirlpools of conflict that I get dizzy thinking about it. We had, of course the never ending cycle of violence that came with living with Dad. There was the political climate of our time that gave way to women wanting what was their right, the racial riots, Vietnam, and even something as mundane as the outfits my sisters wanted to wear.

All of these issues incited rage in Dad at everyone and everything.

We never knew what would set him off so we lived our lives as though there were a cobra silently slithering from room to room never knowing when, where or who it would strike.

I loved Dad and Mom in spite of the dark energy that hovered above because of their choices.

I envied other kids who lived in suburban homes with their nice parents and their luck.

It's difficult to say that I don't regret my childhood because it defines the woman I am, but oh what an even better woman I would be if I had a different story to tell.

My Dad was an admirer of the Klan and was relentless in his racial jokes and hate.

He would loudly proclaim that he liked black people, that every decent white family should have at least two chained to their trees out back.

He held no punches when it came to women, Asian or Latin people and even as I write I want to tell you what he really called various human beings but I'm afraid. My dad's mind and soul were hideous and he always seemed to be oblivious to his torment of others.

I remember times so long ago when dad would take me with him to run errands with his "Buddies".

They would talk openly about the things they did and they were going to do and I pray the young black man they talked in nervous shock about killing was only just talk or perhaps my imagination. I dreamed many decades later about that young black man and my mother was with me in the dream guiding and directing me to look at the scene on the side of a rural road. Dad and his buddies were behaving as though they had just hit a Deer and was trying to put the dying creature out of it's misery. I know my mom brought me there in my dreams for a reason, but have yet to know what that would be.

I really am ok with how my life played out. I know it's because I can handle it and because I possess an 'Awareness' that so many do not. I'm not one to dwell and I carry no shame of who I came from.

My Dad was a racist because he chose to be long before I was born. I will not accept responsibility for the actions of those who came before me, I will not allow anyone to demand I plead guilty for the actions of others. I am sorry for all the violence leveled on people of color, but I am not the one dispensing it. If I realize an injustice I most certainly without hesitation will stop it or at least rise up against those who bring about the violence. Yes, my Dad was a racist and I have already paid for his sins.

Filling In

2017-05-13T09:12:00.001-05:00

Last December a dearest friend and colleague, Manual passed away suddenly without warning.
I was devastated for losing this incredible person and feel the loss everyday.
Yesterday our employer announced that Manuel was receiving the most prestigious award given to those who have served our agency with the highest level of honor and dignity.
His family accepted the award posthumously.
When I was reading the announcement tears filled my eyes and I was overcome with the void that has been left in his absence.
I thought about the people who have come forward to replace him and they all seem so pale, so much like shadows.
I started to think about our relationships with one another. It's as if one person leaves and another one appears to fill in the space left empty and quiet, it's as if our God is trying to alleviate the pain of loss by shoring up the hole with another. But as we all know one person cannot replace another, they can only fill in for awhile.
Maybe the new person will become as special as the one who has gone or perhaps they will simply remain a shadow.
I wonder if they know they're filling in for Manuel when they arrive on the scene, I wonder if they know his shoes they're trying to fill are much too big for them right now.
I wonder if I am filling in for someone in another persons life.

Unfailing

2017-05-13T08:47:00.001-05:00

I have failed you my love,

I have failed you for letting go so long ago and only looking back briefly each and every day,

I failed you with every prayer I chanted for you every morning without praying you back into my life.

I turned away after calling to you silently in the dark of each night,

I listened for your voice only a few times in a day, instead of every moment,

I longed for you just a little in all the agonizing moments since your departure,
How can all I feel for you be so awkward but natural just the same?
I listen to every word you speak as if I am receiving it from my dreams and I am awakened with a sense of redemption.
I should have stayed with you and refused you your time to right all that was off balance in your life.
I should have said those painful words; 'We can still be friends'.
I have failed you for not professing my love so long ago and wielding my passion as a sword to protect your vulnerability.
I failed you by taking away the one thing that gives us all we need to live, that which is unfailing love.

Nobody Asked...

2017-04-22T20:17:00.001-05:00

During the 2016 elections no one bothered to ask Trump what he meant by 'Making America Great Again'.
Everyone just sat back listening to the rhetoric and fantasizing that he was talking about their own personal vision.
Zenophobes hoped he would rid their world of anyone who wasn't a white middle class American. Homophobes were hoping for the similiar outcome.
Racisits envisioned a utopia where their gleeming white skin gave them a legitimate claim to living.
No one bothered to ask what 'Great' meant to Trump, well except for those who could see through his greed, his ignorance and his insaciable appetite for stroking his own ego; like it was his dick on a lonely night.
No one bothered to ask what his definition of 'Great' really is and now we will never know because he has no reason to explain it to us.
What is his fantasy of 'Making America Great'?Does he mean bringing back our honor, our dignity, our status?
Perhaps it means to him power, money, tyranny.
I think he doesnt know himself. I think he just said it to get votes and lure people in.
I think his fantasy about 'Making America Great' is to make more money for himself and ring us out like a dirty dishrag before he throws us to Russian wolves or perhaps the North Korean Hyeanas or leave us to rot in the wastelands that once were our towns and cities, but now wreak of civil war from cops who have no honor, no dignity, no control.
I hope all of you are happy with your choice. I hope you are able to sleep at night without leaving one eye open.
I hope you won't get hurt too badly when your savior runs a tank over you as he runs for cover.

Venum

2017-04-01T09:25:00.001-05:00

In 2006 I was diagnosed with OCD brought on by PTSD...which was brought on my a violent childhood.

OCD or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a common phrase in our time, and people actually make jokes about it and say how proud they are of their OCD because it makes them organized or efficient and means no stones are left unturned. I have done this myself when confronted with a crisis and need to open that valve and relief the pressure with humor, but it seldom if at all works.

I live an existence much like a soldier in a war zone...no sleep, no relaxation, not a single moment of having a single muscle resting. My mind never stops adjusting the many lists I keep in my phone and in my mind and by the time I have lived my first two hours in a day I have already lived every moment and every activity and every step in my mind over and over again for the entire 24 hours that haven't even begun.

My behaviors are repeated door locking, turning off and on the coffee pot, I constantly check my faucets for dripping and my lights left on. I see myself in any mirror as a ghoulish, hideous, obese thing with a twisted spine. I dispute everything both in my mind and in my life. I harbor unreasonable and imagined resentment and feel that there is always one person wherever I am that hates me.

I change my clothes at least twice (on a good day) before I can leave my house. I'm afraid to eat and yet can't wait to eat. I apply lip balm constantly only to immediately blot it off and apply again.

My lists can go on and on. My Mom and one of my sisters also had PTSD and OCD. My sisters compulsions were so extreme that she never really fit into the world and eventually became a shut in and passed away at home in bed at the age of 57. My mom struggled with life and she too never worked enough to earn social security and also passed at home in 2007.

We all ended up this way from living in the same house and same environment.

I have been working no less than one full time job since I was 13, I have survived the implosion of four marriages and now I am a homeowner and hold a respectable position with the state I live in. My bills are paid in full and on time or early and my credit is the best ever. I am in love with and enjoying a beautiful and full relationship with my soulmate and love of my life, my nephew lives with me happily, I have a little dog and a modest social life. All of which I owe to and blame on OCD. If it wasn't for my disorder I would not enjoy the high level of organization that keeps me punctual and ever ahead of the game and being ten steps ahead of my boyfriend means he never has to concern himself with remembering anything. I am a slave to those I love. Always the thinker, the planner, the worker bee, I feel accomplished and proud and frustrated and scared and paranoid and exhausted and deflated.

I have irrational fears as well and the most prominent is this ridiculous notion that there are snakes slithering around me everywhere I am. I have only actually seen one snake outdoors in 12 years, but I just know they are everywhere.

OCD is like a snake, its a snake that lives in your purse and under your covers, it glides through my home and my car and my office just waiting to strike, just waiting to poison me with its venum and make me feel dizzy, nauseated, hard to breathe, hard to see, my head pounding with no relief.

The bite wound lingers in my soul and my memories, throbbing ever reminding me of the past that made me.

The wounds scar over and fade away but the venum that is violence will always course through my veins and I will continue to make lists, to check doors and coffee makers, to perservere and to look under my sheets and behind my doors for a lurking serpent that does't exist even though I know it really does.