There’s finally a competition show that a lot people really should try out for. Crooked politicians, deadbeat dads, bad singers, murderers, baristas who think they deserve tips, and priests who suck baby dicks - every one of you bastards should head down to Boston Casting today, Monday July 13 (from 10am to 4pm), and stick your no talent keister in the running for Spike TV’s new reality show, “America’s Biggest Asshole.”

According to the casting call, Spike needs d-bags who are often told they “have all the charm of Vince Vaughn, Denis Leary, and Stiffler rolled into one.” It’s too bad that the producers aren’t scouting for America’s Cheesiest Press Release, because Julie Arvedon at Boston Casting would be a shoo-in. (How’s that, bitch? Now what’s up with my private audition? I mean - unless Dan Shaughnessy or Howie Carr show up, then I bet there won’t be anyone in line who gets more accusatory “asshole” hate mail than I do).

On the really real, though, I can’t rip Boston Casting too hard; they definitely made a wise move by holding the second of their two auditions in Boston’s Masshole Mecca, Faneuil Hall (at Red Sky on Wednesday July 15 from 6 to 9). They could have picked a more suitable locale - as Red Sky is one of the few joints I actually like around there - but I suppose the open windows do face the sea of primitive and proudly ignorant Abercrombie-clad passersby.

According to the release, the event was planned “In conjunction with Boston’s “A” List!” I’m not sure if that “A” is related to the theme, but if not then someone is certainly an asshole for calling themselves that. Maybe they should try out, as should every Euro-shoed, gel-haired, barbed-wire-tatted downtown meatball who has ever even considered waxing himself. It’s true that every reality show audition is essentially an audition to be America’s Biggest Asshole, but at least this time everybody’s honest about it. See you there, fuckers. And be sure to wear a groin cup.

For anyone who hasn’t seen this yet (we dropped it on ThePhoenix.com last Thursday), you’re in for a beat-down. It’s my dis track/video blasting the Young Cons - two college conservative assholes who rap on Fox News.

If you’re unfamiliar with the Young Cons, I suggest you peep their video (below) before checking mine (above). It’s the best/worst thing ever; I tried to make mine funny, while these kids succeeded by just being their awful selves.

PASS THIS SHIT AROUND!!!

I’ve heard that the occasional rose is known to grow from concrete, but from tourist-trap strip malls like Orlando? Of course, none of the Solillaquists of Sound (S.O.S.) is originally from Florida, and that begins to explain how they could compose an eclectic cornucopia as sweet as No More Heroes — the follow-up to their 2006 debut, As If We Existed.

Like the Flobots, Boston’s Foundation Movement, and other effective socially responsible outfits, SOS understand that messages are meaningless without melody. And beats they have aplenty, thanks to their universally inspired in-house producer, DiViNCi. Every track here has hella soul, but that’s the only constant; whereas “Bulletproof” and “Heroes” are straight underground fodder, the lighter “Popcorn” has “Hey Ya” crossover potential.

No More’s runaway winner is “The Curse,” an Enya-esque aural-gasm so aesthetically pristine, it takes a dozen spins to confirm your hunch that it’s an instant classic. The same goes for the Chali 2na–touched “Death of the Muse,” a J Dilla dedication whose download proceeds benefit the late producer’s “Ma Dukes.” The first SOS disc was underwhelming, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing; given Swamburger’s enlightened pop sensibility and Alexandrah’s varsity vocals, their improvement could and should evoke some well-deserved Fugee comparisons.

Fine, fine, fine - I don’t know any other rappers from New Zealand. Kiwi MCs, I think they call them (unless that’s derogatory, in which case I apologize).

But that doesn’t mean David Dallas isn’t dope; I saw the kid murder a showcase at SXSW this year, and have been checking him since.

The video that I posted here is a bit commercial for JTTS tastes, but I brought it for show-and-tell anyway for a few reasons:

1 - It’s about time you close-minded domestic sheeple expand your international amusements.

2 - Mr. Dallas has a disc dropping, which I will be giving shine, so you’d better get used to him now.

3 - The guy who’s on this track with him is named Devolo, as in “Crazy Joe Devolo” from Seinfeld.

4 - This cut is pretty fresh. No matter what the fuck you think.

Stop dissing Asher Roth, because you were probably a tool in college too. Even if you threw hella ragers, had spicy frosh groveling for dirty sex, and whipped a Saab convertible, you likely thought you were much sweeter than you really were. Contrary to those glorified memories, you were nothing like Van Wilder or Elle Woods. Chances are you were goofier and less self-realized than the Blow-Up Doll in Old School and Pennsylvania’s Dutch-twisting suburban rap phenom combined.

READ MY WHOLE PROFILE HERE…

AND DON’T MISS MY SIDE BAR: “Four Random Caucasian MCs Better Than Asher”

First of all, much apologies for the lack of Wu-tang Wednesday posts lately. I can’t speak for everyone, but for me it’s part laziness and part not much has been going on Wu-wise recently. That will change soon - as Trife, Rae, and others are dropping discs - but until then…

I’m not exactly why THIS WEB SITE is funny, but I assume that’s only because I don’t know dick about baseball. From what it looks like, the joke has to do with what positions all the Clansmen would play on a baseball team (RZA is the pitcher, etc.).

Anyways - enjoy it as much as you enjoyed THIS POST about classic Wu album cover re-designs. Which means you’ll either love it or loathe it, but that you’ll have some sort of seriously nerdy opinion about it regardless…

Perfect Strangers. Family Ties. Full House. Charles In Charge. Threes Company (Probably already exists). UGHH TV?

Ever since my days as a wee hip-hop junkie, I’ve been a fan of DJ Eclipse. In various capacities. As a mixtape DJ, Non-Phixion’s deck demon, or as the dude who told me what records to buy at Fat Beats on 6th Avenue, he was a renaissance cat to look up to.

Anyway…I had a few back-and-forth emails today with Eclipse about La Coka Nostra, since he’s helping manage the group and I’m writing a mega-feature about them for next week’s Boston Phoenix (previewing Rock the Bells).

(I’m also trying to get JTTS the link for their soon upcoming LCN mixtape, The Audacity of Coke, before all the other blogs jump on it. We’ll see about that soon enough).

So - after Eclipse helped me with matters LCN, he sent me the links to his Sirius show, Rap Is Outta Control, from last night. Shit is bananas - all sorts of exclusive joints plus co-hosting from Dru Ha and Sean Price. (If you haven’t heard yet - the running joke is that Ruck got kicked out of La Coka for being black).

Check the downloads HERE and (Part II) HERE and pay respect to Eclipse, a DJ responsible for breaking and pushing more bangers than Canibus can count on his abacus.

Big. big, big congrats to Al Franken, who, finally - after a long legal bout with limp dick Republican incumbent Norm Coleman - was allowed to take the Senate seat he rightfully won this past November. Go ahead and talk shit JTTS neo-cons - you fucking lost.

And, BTW, Sarah Palin is more retarded than her offspring, and Rush Limbaugh is still a big fat idiot…

Never one to withhold his vitriol, eternally aggravated Long Island legend maniac R.A. the Rugged Man was kind enough to send a Facebook message to us regarding his feelings about our JTTS Greatest Rappers of All-Time List. He writes:

I hate your best rappers list it sucks.. Awful.. ha

BUT sending this link out to press cats, just given cats headz up. be good, brutha.

This is funny for a few reasons. First - it’s hard not to find irony in the fact that R.A. IS ON THIS LIST and he still hates it. Apparently, he doesn’t want to be on a list that G Rap is not on (though it’s pretty obvious that Mr. Giancana will wind up here eventually).

The note is also hilarious because one R.A. Thorburn is asking for assistance in pushing his latest gore flick (and directorial debut ) God Take, God Give (yes - like the last four words of “Uncommon Valor.)” The film is roughly based on the life of his father, Staff Sgt. John A. Thorburn, who Rugged Man fans know intimately, and who is starring in the movie.

Check the Fangoria feature HERE. And - also - up-and-coming rappers take note: Only R.A. disses us and still gets props. Everyone else gets chopped down.