Bike tours are a fun way to get exercise and potentially see a new and exciting location. If you’re heading on one of these trips with a loved one, then you should consider the following trips for an audacious bicycle trip that you two will remember forever.

Don’t Let Haters Keep You From Being Your Best

Listen. There are haters everywhere. And by haters, I’m referring to people who get jealous of your success, do not want to see you rise, and who are intimidated by your greatness.

The truth is, your greatness is a constant reminder of what they are not doing in their lives. You can either shrink and crawl into your dark hole when you are amidst jealous folks, or you can stand in your power and keep shining on.

It can be scary at first to shine 100 percent despite what people are saying or thinking about you (which by the way you have absolutely no control over). But I promise you this: you standing strong in all of your awesomeness will create a space for others to do the same in THEIR lives.

Three things to remember:

1. Not everyone will like you or be happy for you. This took a long time for me to understand. As someone that just wants love and affection (as we all do), I never quite understood why some people didn’t dig me, or want to be my friend. I now get it. And I also know that it’s neither my job nor my soul purpose to get everyone to love me. All I can do is BE the love — wherever I go and with whomever I meet.
2. Don’t brag about your success. There is a huge difference between acknowledging your accomplishments and being humble versus rattling off a list of all your accomplishments every time someone asks you, “Hey how are you doing?” Be proud of the work that you have put in. Be proud of honoring and cherishing your gifts to make a difference in the world. And, remember that you are still awesome in spite of it.
3. Keep on keepin’ on. No matter who or what crosses your path, positive or negative, your only job is to keep it moving. Remember you have a purpose here on this planet. And, if you’re going to let haters, evil eyes, jealousy, and all the baggage that comes along with people feeling inferior or insecure stop you, then you need to reconnect with why you are here, who you know yourself to be, and keep it moving.

You are loved. You always have been. Cherish the people who support, love, and honor you. And never forget just how amazing you are.

About the Author: Licensed master social worker Vasavi Kumar coaches people to “get past their past” to take charge of their future. A certified life coach, she holds dual master’s degrees in social work and special education. Vasavi is co-author of the best-selling book Succeeding in Spite of Everything and appears regularly on Kansas City Live as the “Keepin’ It Real Guru” answering viewers’ life questions. Learn more at http://VasaviKumar.com.

When we were young, we had no trouble dreaming big. There was no other way to dream. We dreamed big, often, and with reckless abandon.

But somewhere along the way, our heart got broken. A dream didn’t come true and it hurt like hell.

That hurt stayed with us, even if only on a subconscious level. We trained ourselves to set our sights a little lower, to keep from ever feeling that way again. Many of us chalk up that “dreaming big” thing to a childish habit, and our practice of it goes the way of our belief in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.  So we “mature,” and lower our sights to more “realistic”  levels.

And then, in between the rebranding of our dreams into “goals,” it happens. Without ever consciously realizing it, our lives settle into the groove of mediocrity.

But I caution us all — including myself — to be careful about what we label as realistic. At best, it’s too often a limited estimation of what really IS possible, and at worst, it’s a cop-out.

Was the prospect of air travel “realistic” to the great grandparents of Orville and Wilbur Wright?

Was the prospect of an African American president “realistic” to the great grandparents of Barack Obama?

Was the prospect of using a wireless telephone to have a video call with a friend on the other side of the world “realistic” to the great grandparents of Steve Jobs?

The dreams we disregard and deem unrealistic today may turn out to be things our great grandkids take for granted.

The problems we face as a nation and as a global community are large. But the hope for a better future lies in big dreams, not realistic ones. Your story is destined to be great. But the people who collect amazing adventures are the ones with big dreams, not realistic ones.

The pain of broken dreams is real. But just as real is the exhilaration of seeing an “impossible” dream come true. The only dreams that have no chance of coming true are the ones never dreamed in the first place.

Now is NOT the time to downgrade your dreams. Now is NOT the time to be realistic.

Now is the time to dream BIGGER.

by Jason Kotecki

I first started living alone about a year ago. I moved out of town for a great new job. I was accustomed to being surrounded with sisters, and later in life a roommate. However, moving to a city where everyone is a stranger meant it was finally time to rip the band-aid off and rent a single bedroom apartment.

I must admit at first the experience was exciting for me. Every decorating decision was mine to make. If I left the dishes overnight, there was no one to complain but myself. I got to choose the movies to watch, listen to my music… loudly, and eat over the sink. Such a heathen!

However the shine soon wore off and I found myself disappointed coming home to the empty corners of my apartment. I spent more and more time out alone at coffee shops and parks just to be around people. My previous roommate and I had a great friendship. I would come home to find her relaxing on the couch. We’d make dinner together and talk about our days. I missed that person to vent with, and our phone conversations went from every day to every week or so.

I also found myself nervous at every creak in the old building, which often started when my neighbor’s keys would hit his lock after coming home late at night. I quickly invested in a security system at http://www.securitychoice.com and even took a self-defense class. I live in a very safe neighborhood, but there is something about being alone in a place that sets all my hairs on end. With new security in place I relaxed.

I remembered all the times when I was younger and surrounded in a storm of my sisters and their curly red hair. I would do anything to get away, climb a tree, take a bike ride, or bury myself in a book. I thought how comforting it would be to have that storm of sisters in my apartment wrecking the place with their crayons and stickers. Of course, they are all grown now too, and probably less of a wrecking ball than I imagine. Still, there’s a good chance we would be at each others throats if we lived together again. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that.

Thinking about my sisters led me to go after some solutions for my loneliness. Living on my own poses challenges, but not one to be thwarted I attack my lonely situation with vigor. I schedule evening face to face time with my old roommate on Skype, and we easily fell into our old conversations through that medium. I introduced myself to my neighbor, and we promised to keep an eye out for each other. I joined a knitting group and also a reading group that exclusively reads travelogues.

Now I have friends to invite over and fill the house with laughter and companionship. It is just after having guests over that I truly have come to love living alone. That quiet time following a successful get together that filled my rooms with laughter and friendship is a sublime feeling. And it’s all mine.

It can be one of the most harrowing experiences you will ever go through in your life.

Maybe someone in your family is having a problem licking drug abuse. They could be popping pills, taking painkillers to get through a day or just finding a way to relieve stress.

Even worse, the drug abuser could be you.

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, a reported 22.5 million Americans over the age of 12 used illegal drugs in 2012. That was almost nine percent of the population. It should be noted that all but a little over four million of these users smoked marijuana, a drug that has gained some acceptance over the years. Many are crusading to have the drug declared legal, in order to devote resources to ending abuse of harder drugs.

That said, some of these marijuana users eventually gravitate to harder stuff. Over six million users took what are called “psychotherapeutic” drugs, or painkilling-type drugs that can be obtained with or without prescriptions.

No one needs to tell you that this type of drug use endangers health. It can cause symptoms that range from deterioration of physical appearance to mood swings. You can become volatile, edgy or even combative.

The good news is there is help. It won’t likely come in the form of an intervention found in Hollywood movies and TV shows, but someone, whether it be an individual or a group, might come to you and say you or someone you know has a problem and needs help.

If you live in the Southern California area, maybe closer to the Mexican border than Los Angeles and its sprawling suburbs, maybe a dual diagnosis treatment center San Diego based can give you the care you need to get over your addiction or help your loved one lick his or her drug problem. Contrary to what you may have heard, it does not take hitting rock bottom for a person to recognize there are problems. Hitting rock bottom is another misconception that movies and TV shows may present.

You might see someone hitting the bottle or popping so many pills that they end up on skid row or in a flophouse. It isn’t always so cut and dry. Drug abuse walks around in all forms of life, from lower-income to the rich. Chances are you may know someone that has a drug problem or fought to overcome one.

If you are using drugs or suspect someone you love is using drugs, contact a treatment center. Regardless of where you are in the process, experts will know where to step in and guide the family to a successful conclusion. And it won’t be overnight. It takes time to rid the body of illegal drugs so expect some time to heal and get the body back to 100 percent.

The way to restoring good health is to recognize the problem exists. That’s the first step in battling addiction. Whether it is you or someone you love, the time is always right to step forward, treat the problem, and seek a solution that won’t send you down that path again.

“It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.” ~ Seneca

Thinking big — whether to create a new business or more balance in your life — is great, but actually taking steps towards those goals can be scary because it may require you to step out of your comfort zone.

In previous articles I’ve suggested many science-based techniques for achieving your goals, but ultimately you may just have to-as the ancient aphorism suggests-feel the fear and do it anyway.

Note that I recommend that approach only if the fear is a small part of the equation and the excitement is much greater. And how will you know?

Start by checking in with your emotional guidance system. Does your goal make you feel bad because you don’t feel ready and you’re afraid you’ll never be ready?

Or does it make you tingle with delicious anticipation? If you’re all tingly, you can just skip to the next paragraph. But if you don’t feel ready, you might want to trust your intuition.

That doesn’t mean that you can’t make progress-it just means that whatever you’re planning, you might want to take smaller steps until you feel more comfortable.

No matter how you are feeling, if you are not taking even small steps towards your dreams it is time to call in the affirmations. One of my favorite affirmations is attributed to Walt Disney: “If you can dream it, you can do it.”

But a good affirmation doesn’t have to be all pithy and mystical like some sort of koan. Ultimately all you need in an affirmation is a clearly expressed thought that feels better and works for you.

That last part is crucial. In order to be effective, that better-feeling thought must ring true for you. For example, saying “I’m enjoying a wonderful love relationship.” may be too much of a stretch. But saying “I’m on my way to enjoying a wonderful love relationship.” may work.

Lines from your favorite songs are also a good place to look for positive messages that resonate deeply. I found one in Mary J. Blige’s Just Fine:

Having a real good time, I’m not complaining

And I’ma still wear a smile if it’s raining

I gotta enjoy myself regardless

I appreciate life, I’m so glad that it’s mine.

Affirmations that help you feel like you’re having a little fun are also great.

An affirmation I use when dealing with business matters is “Tap your inner Oprah.” It always tickles me and makes me feel powerful.

Oprah knows exactly what she wants and she asks for it — firmly, decisively, and with grace. One of the things I admire most is her curiosity.

I’ve read reports that she goes into exchanges looking for connection, without judgment, and it’s obvious she’s genuinely interested in others.

If I find myself in a situation that makes me feel uncomfortable I think about Oprah, and I become less self-conscious. I stop thinking, “This is hard,” or “How does this make me look?” and become more interested in the exchange, not the outcome.

If Oprah doesn’t ring your bells, whom do you admire? You might prefer to take a page from Cesar Milan, host of the fascinating series, The Dog Whisperer.

The premise of the show is that he rehabilitates “bad” dogs, but it’s pretty obvious in every program that he is really training the owners to think and behave differently.

Time after time he demonstrates that there are two energies in the animal kingdom: dominant and submissive. Dominant energy is energy that is aligned with one’s inner source. It creates balance; it creates a positive, forward-moving direction and everyone wants to align with it.

Cesar also calls dominant energy calm, assertive energy. This means you have no tension or nervousness in your mind. You know that you CAN think big and you’re going to do whatever you have to do to make your goals happen.

So if you’re confronted with a situation where you’re tempted to abandon your center, you might remind yourself to “Tap your inner Cesar” and get back into a calm, assertive flow.

Here’s an assignment: Write several affirmations for yourself — write them on sticky notes and post them all over your house, on the dashboard of your car and in your wallet.

Feel the shift every time you read them. You can also find a symbol that is meaningful to you. Choose an affirmation to associate with it so that when you see your symbol it reminds you of that affirmation. (That works for those times where you need a reminder, but can’t just put up a sticky note with the actual words posted-in your office, for example.)

Doing this assignment will help you create a practice, almost like a ritual, that will form and shape your day. Those messages will remind you of your intentions and bring you inspiration and encouragement. Eventually they’ll become a way to talk to yourself on a whole new level-perfect for when all your little steps forward land you on a whole new level of challenges.

By then of course, you’ll be ready: don’t be surprised when magic happens. Please share your affirmations with me in the comments below!

by Stacey Curnow

At the end of last year, jazz aficionados everywhere shed a tear when Dave Brubeck passed away at the age of 91.

Even if you are not familiar with Brubeck’s entire body of work, you have likely heard his greatest accomplishment, “Take Five”.

If you want to hear something different and introduce yourself to Brubeck’s work, this is definitely a song to consider. Brubeck could play traditional jazz music, but the signature beat of “Take Five” is what makes this song special. Because it is played in quintuple time (5/4), the rhythm of the song sounds like it is off a little, yet it is a catchy tune at the same time.

The song was written by Paul Desmond, who often played with Brubeck in his band. Written in 1959, its melodic saxophone and piano are two distinctive pieces of the song that stand out. Even if you hear a few seconds of the tune, you can recognize it right away thanks to the sax play and drum solo.

Even though it is his signature song, Brubeck was known for more than just “Take Five”. Between 1959 and 1967, he tried to duplicate that sound with other albums and singles, and his Dave Brubeck Quartet had a successful career.

If you are used to the traditional New Orleans-style jazz sound like Louis Armstrong or Duke Ellington, this is a different way to listen to jazz music. With rhythms that were not the standards found in traditional songs, Brubeck’s music captured an audience wanting to hear catchy music with a little bit of a twist.

If you read TakeLessons reviews of jazz artists or musicians just starting to learn jazz, Brubeck’s name does not pop up very often because of that different way of playing the music. However, you might catch someone daring to take a chance on that type of music and taking a spin with “Take Five” or “Three to Get Ready”.

After the dissolution of the quartet Brubeck turned his attention to other forms of music, including orchestral works. It was not uncommon to see Brubeck pop up with symphony orchestras and play his regular songs but also perform other musical works. He even delved into Biblical works with “The Gates of Justice”, a late 1960s piece that combined Martin Luther King Jr., the Bible, and music into one larger piece of work.

Listening to Brubeck is a treat. He has influenced a whole new group of jazz musicians through the years, while at the same time introducing people who do not ordinarily listen to jazz to the genre. “Take Five” was heard through the years on different TV shows such as “Today” and in various commercials. His later symphonic works spread Brubeck’s audience to other parts of the musical spectrum.

Take a spin around Brubeck’s world of music. If you are the type that appreciates something different, Brubeck’s music would appeal to you. Even though Dave is gone, his children (Darius, Chris and Matthew) are also composers, and their dad’s sound can be found in the childrens’ own tunes.

It is easy to close your eyes, picture yourself in a 1950s-era coffee house, and gently tapping your foot to Brubeck’s music. It is a style of music that will not be duplicated for quite some time to come.

It’s May in Montana! One of my favorite months of the year when the snow that has been holding on starts to melt away, the dreary days of winter slowly moving from sepia tones to hues of innocent pastels that invite new life.

Just last week, I awoke to my maple tree in the front yard, regarding the buds that had seemingly opened up overnight. I am always amazed by this phenomenon, because it seems like one day the tree is bare, and the next day it is opened! But I know that the tree has been planning this rebirth all through the winter, dreaming big about once again making its debut for another year! It has the same trunk, and the same branches, but new leaves– somehow honoring all the years of leaves that have come and gone seasonally.

We can learn a lot from nature! Nature has the cycles of life figured out! Mother Nature seems to always dream big; you only have to look at the Montana landscape snapshot of winter, then spring to recognize Mother Nature dreams BIG!

But more importantly, Mother Nature dreams and thinks smart. Her dreams are based on correct timing, because the flowers and plants actually calculate the amount of days they should be dormant. If a flowering plant were to bud too early, it may not be able to reproduce, or it could even die.

And yes, this sometimes happens in Montana, as I have seen when I planted my garden too early. So I guess the key we learn from Mother Nature is that timing is awfully important!

As I reflect upon my own life at the moment, I can understand so many parallels. I have had many goals and dreams I have written down in the last five years, trying hard to achieve a better me, live more in HARMONY, and be my best self.

A few times when I either tried to accomplish something too fast, or the timing wasn’t right for these goals, I have not succeeded. However, the few times I practiced SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely) I had great success!

I also believe we are like my big maple tree in so many ways. We are the same person, living in the same body branching out. Our dreams, accomplishments, challenges, and life lessons are the leaves that we see change from season to season and year to year. We are a product of many cycles of dreaming, changing, taking risks, falling, and blooming once again.

So DREAM BIG, but also DREAM SMART. Take a few hints from Mother Nature and let yourself bloom!

Happy Spring!

In Harmony,

Jen

by Jen Slayden

You shouldn’t have to wait for a holiday or special occasion to show your significant other how much they mean to you. Valentine’s Day, birthdays, and anniversaries are great, but they’re predictable! The element in surprise will keep the romance alive. So how do you show your spontaneous side and express your affection to your loved one?

1. Make a Cake: You can keep it simple and go the do it yourself route and make your own cake. You can choose to do it by scratch, maybe using a family recipe, or go to the grocery store and buy box mix and frosting. Don’t forget the most important ingredient: love!

2. Decorate your own cake: A good way to do it half DIY and half purchased is to buy a white sheet cake and decorate it. This can be a family affair, including your spouse and your kids. Find a theme such as a forest, and have each family member assigned a particular design. One could do the flower, like florist express the same day, someone can do the trees, and maybe the other can create their version of a brook or stream.

3. Buy a custom cake: With TV shows showing exactly how creative cakes can get, you may want to splurge and buy a custom cake. From favorite movie and cartoon characters, to just an elaborate design of things like football helmets or shopping bags, you can get just about any creation made into an edible adventure. Some cakes just look too good to eat!

4. Order cupcakes: Who said cupcakes are strictly for birthdays, weddings, and holidays? Just because cupcakes always hit the spot. You can go the grocery store route and get generic cupcakes, make your own at home, or order some cupcakes from the bakery. Maybe put a special message on the top of each one, or have your order of cupcakes spell something out, like “I Love You”.

5. Enjoy cake pops: Cake pops give you just the right amount of cake and frosting without feeling too guilty. With the various flavors and decorations, they’re a perfect surprise and gesture of affection. You can choose your love’s favorite flavors, colors, and designs. Opt for just 2 for a quick treat, or even choose to get a dozen, for ongoing love.

6. Create gumpaste figures of yourselves: To really bring life and personality to your cake, you and your sweetie can make gumpaste figures of yourselves. Take sculpting to new levels by crafting yourselves into cake toppers. Not fans of imperfection? Have a contest to see whose gumpaste figure of a character looks the best. All you need is a little skill and imagination.

7. Shop for cake toppers: If creating your own cake toppers isn’t your thing, you can go shopping for some. Gone are the traditional husband and bride living happily ever after figures. Find more novel ones such as showing your love for sports teams, a couple giving each other a high five, or even a bride dragging her groom who is trying to escape.

8. Get a cake with an edible image: Have a favorite picture memory of the two of you? Have it blown up to be an edible image of your cake. It’s great for another photo opportunity, and you can literally eat each other’s faces off.

Wading through endless emails, voicemails, and texts, I find myself inundated with various forms of communication. I am constantly connected to the world through electronic devices, and my work requires me to have at least one social media site open, jumping in to comment, post, and share for clients and myself. I am in constant communication. And yet, I feel more disconnected than ever these days.

I know I am not alone in feeling out of touch with people while constantly communicating in one form of electronic chatter or another. I hear and read regularly of others struggling with these same issues. No matter how convenient and instantaneous our messages can be through electronic forms of communication, nothing could be better than communicating in person.

Maintaining a connection with others is a soul-satisfying experience, not to be replaced by electronic devices pinging us or perusing Facebook for updates. Seeing a facial expression, hearing a story with all the nuances and inflections from the speaker, holding a hand, or stealing a kiss-this all requires connecting in the real world, not the virtual one. While I enjoy the ease of convenience with sending a quick text to my fiancé, family, and friends, being with them in person is how a greater depth of connection occurs.

The challenge in the world we live in is making the effort to have these personal connections more often. Here are some tips for connecting (or reconnecting) with others:

• Invite a friend out for coffee.
• Schedule a date with your significant other.
• Coordinate a group of friends for a casual potluck (less work and more time enjoying company).
• Call someone to simply chat.
• Invite a friend in the neighborhood to go for a walk.
• Initiate a regular get-together (monthly book club, quarterly dinner club, etc) with a group of friends.

There are countless ways to be more in touch, but this list is a good start to spark a few ideas for a better connection with others.

Do you have additional ideas?

Share below!

Image credit: A Wild One Within

by Kelly Sajonia

It was suppertime, and there they were again:

Green.

Slimy.

Stringy.

My worst nightmare—yeah, it was green beans all right—again.

By the time I was a four-year-old kid, I had already sampled green beans and concluded they weren’t for me. The strings might as well have been wood chips, the way they caught in my throat as I tried to get them down.

Mom was my boss, and I was her newest employee. We had a real labor/management crisis going on. She begged, cajoled, and pleaded. But I was determined not to eat those green beans.

So I crossed my arms, frowned, and pouted, figuring she’d give up and forget about green beans, as she always had in the past.

But this time, Mom had a secret weapon. Now, there was something else on the table besides that dreaded green scourge.

“Billy Joe, if you eat your green beans you can have some…”

You guessed it.

“Ice cream!”

This sheer stroke of maternal genius changed my behavior forever. In a flash, I saw those green beans, not as an oppressive burden, but as a first-class ticket to that lovely ice cream.

Sure, Mom got what she wanted—a balanced diet for her four-year-old.

And I got ice cream.

Pretty cool.

(Thanks, Mom. You are the best!)

I’m not sure exactly when or how Mom pared back the ice cream, but somehow I came to terms with green beans and accepted them for what they are—pretty healthy and tasty by themselves (oh, Mom learned to buy stringless beans, and that didn’t hurt either).

Mom had learned how to change my behavior!
 

• The 9-11-2001 attack on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.
• The 1999 massacre at Columbine High School in Colorado.
• Going “Postal”—a phenomenon named for the series of violent and lethal outbursts by disgruntled U.S. Postal Service employees during the 1980s and 1990s.

All of these events included a common factor: human behavior that shaped the world as we know it. After all, what is a country, a family, a school, a business? While the environment, buildings, equipment, and furniture are certainly important, it is the tapestry of human behavior that creates what we call “culture”

Culture is made up of many small behaviors and activities. Sometimes we say that the culture is “toxic” or “nurturing”. Many people assume that culture is what it is, and can never be changed. At best, they will say that culture change requires a long time.

I beg to differ. Ask Hosni Mubarak (Egypt’s strongman before the Arab Spring melted his power base) how fast culture can change.

Consider the sudden, unexpected collapse of the Soviet Union and the dismantling of the Berlin Wall.

Consider this common scenario in the business world:

A president unveils his new plan to turn around his failing company.

“It won’t work, sir,” comes the timid response from his staff.

“And why not?”

“The culture here won’t support it.”

“Culture! What’s that? A fuzzy word to hide a lame excuse!” retorts the frustrated leader.

Sure enough, his plan fails, torpedoed by culture.

The word culture is often hard to define. Here’s a definition I like: “Culture is a pattern of behavior which is encouraged or punished by the management system over time.”

In reality then, to change culture, all we have to do is change behavior. Attitudes follow behavior, just as my attitude about green beans changed over time, after my behavior changed.

But many have been misinformed. An old friend of mine, whom I’d not seen for 20 years, learned about my work in behavior change. In a telephone conversation, he offered up his two cents worth on the subject: “Bill, I remember my professor in psychology to this day. He told me that before you can change behavior, you have to change attitude.”

I swallowed hard. He was a good friend, and it had been a long time since we’d talked to each other.

“Crad,” I told him, “I hope you won’t be upset, but when I see you, I’d really appreciate it if you’d let me tell you why your professor was wrong.”

I guess he still likes me, because we went to lunch soon afterward, and I was able to explain to him that to change attitude, you simply have to change behavior. He even asked me to present to a group of 200 company leaders on the subject of positive reinforcement and behavior change!

No matter whether you are a parent, husband, wife, teacher, boss, supervisor, professor, cop, or anything else in life, what you often want from the people around you is the same thing: behavior change.

You want more production, quality, safety, and customer service from your employees; better test scores, homework, and study habits from your students; cleaner rooms and better grades from your kids. To get more from people, we need behavior change.

Everything we observe can be broken down into behaviors, activities, results, and culture. If culture is Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony, then every note from every instrument can be likened to a behavior.

Results are achieved by a myriad of behaviors. Think of your favorite dessert. That dessert is the result. But the sugar, flour, butter and other items that make up the dessert are behaviors. When we get the behaviors right, we can cook up some amazing results!

Culture, like a dessert, can be toxic or nurturing. There’s nothing like luscious banana pudding to add warmth and flavor to a meal. But a notorious husband-killer in North Carolina—known as the Black Widow—used banana pudding laced with arsenic to do away with her spouses.

So how do we achieve that nurturing culture?

Can we really navigate the murky world of the human mind? B. F. Skinner, American behaviorist, social philosopher, and poet, once wrote, “Thoughts are behaviors we haven’t learned to observe yet.”

Until technology allows it, you can’t see inside my mind, and I can’t see inside yours either. This “black hole” of human logic means that if we believe attitude must change before behavior, then we will be waiting a very, very long time to see any measurable difference in human performance. Just ask the Marlboro man how many years he read the Surgeon General’s warning printed on every pack of cigarettes he smoked. Did those produce behavior change in him? It was not until he was in the hospital, terminally ill with cancer, that his attitude about smoking finally changed. Powerful consequences had forever changed his life, his behavior, and finally, his attitude toward smoking.

Since the complex world of human thought and attitude is at present not easily read, we need another tool to understand human behavior, one that we can implement easily in today’s business world.

That tool has existed for more than 70 years. It’s a science called “behavioral analysis”.

Using some simple and easy tools, we can crack the code that reveals why people do what they do. And we can empower ourselves and others to achieve performance we never thought possible.

This book is devoted to helping you do just that.

Green Beans and Ice Cream? At first glance, they don’t sound like they go together. But this groundbreaking new book from author Bill Sims, Jr. will change forever the way you deal with your family, customers, coworkers, students, and yes, even your spouse! In Bill’s thirty year history, he has helped design more than one thousand behavior change systems that have produced tremendous gains in performance and profits at America’s top companies including Disney, Coca-Cola, McDonald’s, General Motors, and Dupont. Hidden in this book you will find Bill’s “secret sauce”, and the recipe for rapid, sustainable behavior change and engagement—Positive Reinforcement (PR+). The book explains why positive reinforcement is one of the most powerful forces on the planet. Use it wisely, and performance moves off the chart. Use it poorly, and the results can be disastrous.

Green Beans & Ice Cream analyzes over 100 years of research in the field of human behavioral science, and compares it to “real world, in the trenches” true stories that Sims recounts. It points out clearly that the thing we need the most, is the thing we often receive the least—positive reinforcement and feedback from those around us. Using the techniques outlined in this book, you can master the remarkable power of positive reinforcement, and make a real difference in the world around you. This book is for everyone who must lead others. Whether in the family, the school, or the workplace, it is a “must read” for anyone who wants to improve the performance of their team. With this first book, Sims has dropped a stone in the still pond of leadership. The waves will only get bigger.

Lost your zest for life? Having trouble staying focused on what’s in front of you? Spending too much time worrying about the past or the future?

If you have trouble focusing on what you need to do and have a hard time staying in the moment, don’t despair. You may just need an “urge booster”! Urges — believe it or not — are our friends. They tell us what is really going on inside us — our desires, our passions and our yearnings-and allow us to more fully experience every moment of our lives.

However, in reality, most people confuse real urges with “counterfeit” urges — those habits or behaviors we engage in for immediate gratification that don’t bring us any real satisfaction — such as stuffing our face with chocolate, over watching television or impulse shopping. What’s the difference? Real urges meet our deeper yearning and get you engaged in the moment. People who follow their urges are more satisfied and more productive. So be ready to recognize your counterfeit urges and embrace your real urges.

Here are 5 Ways you can embrace your urges and live more fully in the moment:

1. Ask yourself what you are feeling. Knowing your emotions will help you be more engaged.

2. What do you really want? Look underneath the urge to the deeper need that you could be meeting. In a deeper inquiry you may yearn for comfort, or to exist or to matter or to make a difference or to be loved.

3. Notice what beliefs are holding you back from expressing your urge. It could be that you think you’ll look stupid or silly and be embarrassed.

4. Take a risk and follow your urge. Risks are a necessary part of full engagement in your life, leading to more satisfaction and fulfillment.

5. Notice what really satisfies you. Start to notice the difference between the counterfeit urges that keep you stuck in your ruts and routines and those that really give you a sense of satisfaction.

DR. JUDITH WRIGHT, www.judithwright.com, is a lifestyles expert, educator, coach, inspirational speaker, best-selling author, and corporate consultant. Author of Transformed! The Science of Spectacular Living, The Soft Addiction Solution, and The One Decision, Dr. Wright has been called one of “America’s Ultimate Experts” by Women’s World magazine and has appeared on Oprah, ABC’s 20/20, Good Morning America, Today, and over 500 radio programs.

As the founder of Wright, www.wrightliving.com, a transformative education organization based in Chicago and the Wright Foundation for Transformational Leadership, Dr. Wright coaches, guides, and trains individuals to live a spectacular live both personally and professionally. She is also the founder of SOFIA-the Society of Femininity in Action, a cutting-edge women’s leadership and training organization.

Get TWO CHAPTERS of Dr. Judith Wright’s book. Go to www.wrightliving.com/twofreechapters

Sometimes I long for the days when an Etch-a-Sketch was the most technologically advanced gadget I owned.

Yes, I love my shiny iPhone and all the wonderful things it lets me do.

But I hate when a family is out to eat and I see them all face down in their smartphones. I hate it because it reminds me of how the pull to check email or send a tweet or scan status updates on Facebook pulls ME away from actually being present in my real life. It often distracts me on my dates with my daughter. And it sucks up the mental space that could have been used to pray or think or — gasp! — just BE.

Oh, the internet and smartphones and wi-fi has gotten us more connected than ever. But are we making any connections?

Everything seems so surface level these days; our conversations have deteriorated into small talk boiled down to 140 characters or less. It’s boring, meaningless, and a tragic waste of our precious time.  Perhaps the reason we are the loneliest, most depressed, most drug addicted society that has ever lived is because we are lacking real connections.

We deserve better. Our family and our friends deserve better from us.

If you agree, here’s a crazy idea: Next time you’re with someone, put down the phone. Slow down. Shut your pie hole.

Instead, look. Hear. Be. Practice being present once in awhile.

Open your heart, offer your attention, and make a real human connection.

A small thing, perhaps.

But it’s a Small Rebellion of epic proportions.

by Jason Kotecki

I started my first Facebook page back in June 2009. Then in September of 2010, I tentatively opened a Twitter account. At first I didn’t get it-who were all these people talking about what they’d just had for lunch?

But then I started to find people I admire, like Paulo Coelho (Paulo Coelho tweeting!), and I felt like I was invited into a series of lively conversations-often quite thoughtful and funny-and I was hooked.

Lance may have a different memory of this, but I believe we met first on Twitter, and I’ll be forever grateful for the medium that allowed us first to connect, and then develop a dear friendship.

Still, as I’m sure you all know, blogs, Facebook and Twitter can be a bit of a time suck and I’m sure you, like me, have also lamented the time spent there-time you could have spent doing something more useful, like the laundry.

So I was pleased when a friend (on Facebook, of course) directed me to a study that shows that engaging in social “media” confers some interesting benefits. Have you ever gotten a lead on a job or a tip on a great movie or a suggestion for a healthier breakfast from an acquaintance? Me too.

It turns out that’s no coincidence. Back in 1973 a sociologist named Mark Granovetter found that information provided by acquaintances, or “weak ties” as he called them, was responsible for a significant number of people getting jobs.

Studies show these ties contribute to health and happiness in other ways, too. Now that 1 billion people worldwide are online, it seems the potential for getting a strong boost from weak ties is even greater.

Robin Dunbar, an evolutionary anthropologist who wrote the book How Many Friends Does One Person Need? , argues that our primate brains can only maintain about 150 genuine social relationships. He says we simply don’t have the cognitive capacity for any more.

But what if it’s the time involved that limited the number of reliable and trustworthy ties one could form, and not some cap on the ability of the “primate” brain?

After all, online tools help us form large networks very quickly and easily, and have already changed the way we access and share information (my husband, for example, is more likely to read political blogs than the New York Times).

Studies show that an active social life may be as good for your long-term health as avoiding cigarettes. Support and affirmation are also readily available through social networking and are widely accepted as necessary for longevity and well-being.

Asking your friends for help or advice is nothing new, but people are clearly sharing personal feelings and experiences with a wider group of people than they once did.

Sandy Pentland at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, who analyzes technology-based social interactions, says “The things that befall us are often due to a lack of social support. There’s more of a safety net now.”

Want to build an even stronger safety net? Here are 4 steps you can apply to your friendships online or “in real life.”

1. Share what’s important to you.

I’ve learned so much-art, business, writing, yoga come to mind at the moment-by reading from my friends’ updates and links. I even like to hear what other people had for lunch! If it’s important to you, I can promise you that someone else wants and even needs to hear it — so please share!

2. Ask for help.

Please remember this-people aren’t mind readers. I once saw a Facebook update from an acquaintance who said that she was depressed. I asked what was up, and she said she had thrown out her back and was homebound and no one was offering to help. I asked if she had asked for help. She hadn’t. As soon as she did her friends offered to buy her groceries, cook her meals, and walk her dog.

3. Offer help.

One of my favorite all-time lessons is from Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, “Whatever you think people are withholding from you-praise, appreciation, assistance, loving care, and so on-give it to them.” When a member of your network shows a need, see if you can help them.

It doesn’t have to be a big deal. You could just send them an online greeting card that says you’re thinking of them. Not only will this improve your friend’s life, helping someone makes you feel better-and a comment containing an offer of help may encourage others who have held back out of shyness or a desire not to interfere.

4. Extend yourself a little more.

My husband has a rule about Facebook (and I don’t think you’ll ever see him on Twitter): he only accepts or extends friendships if he has shared a meal with the person. That’s my husband. For myself, I think it’s important to engage with new people. What’s the downside of being exposed to new networks and new ideas? I can’t think of any. Heck, you might just find out about a great new job or movie!

So, I’d love to know: Have you found “virtual” friendships as vital as “in real life” variety? What’s different? What’s the same? Please tell me in the comments!

by Stacey Curnow

The Spirit of the Heart:  A book written by Ismael Nuño.  Below, Dr. Nuño gives insight into what inspired him to write this book.

The exposure to death by an average human being should be somewhat limited to family or a couple of family friends. In the life of a heart surgeon, death will be a companion to that professional. In the book The Spirit of the Heart, I describe some terrific saves in which in a moment or a blink of an eye, a life is taken away from death and given another chance to live again. In the book, I also describe moments of sheer failure where a patient is lost forever. I begin the book describing how my older sister stops breathing and having no pulse while on a journey from Los Angeles to Paris at 35 thousand feet. I gave her CPR (cardio pulmonary resuscitation). I was able to bring her back. In another chapter of the book I describe how my 18 year old daughter, after having waged a four year battle with Anorexia Nervosa, loses the fight and succumbs to her disease. I called the paramedics, I gave her CPR but I could not bring her back. In the book I describe how I had the chance and privilege of giving CPR to a daughter and to a sister. Earlier in my life, I had the opportunity to give CPR to my father as well. I was in college and while visiting my father in Mexico one summer break, I found my father keeled over his bed unable to breathe. He did not need the Heimlich Maneuver, he needed mouth to mouth resuscitation. I was successful at it. What are the odds of an individual giving CPR in their life time? What would be the odds of giving CPR to someone in your family let alone three times?

In my lifetime, I had had to give CPR three times to my loved ones. I have also had the moments given to me when my father, my mother and my daughter all took their last breath while I HELD THEM IN MY ARMS. It was the collection of these events that gave me the inspiration to write a book about life, death, the hope of surviving a disease of the heart and the reaction of the family as it came together to mourn that loss of their loved one.

Life should be celebrated, honored and cherished. Death should be respected, honored and remembered. The legacy or completeness of the human being that left us should be continued. Life, at the moment of death, is never completely told. It will be up to us to tell the story for generations to come. Never let a void fill the remembrance of a life.

Bio: Dr. Nuño was born in Mexico. He received his MD in 1976. He received training in General surgery and subsequently in Cardio-Thoracic Surgery at Walter reed Army Medical Center in Washington, DC. Dr. Nuño was in the Army for a period of ten years. He was Deputy Commander for 5^th MASH during the Gulf War. The last 15 years of his career were as Chief of Cardiac Surgery at LAC+USC Medical Center in Los Angeles, California. He is now retired and lives in Marina del Rey, California.