junkworthdiscussing

Because It's Motha Fuckin Friday

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Sat, 13 Sep 2014 05:03:00 +0000

It's the weekend again and I am alone. During the week, there are plenty of people calling me, asking me to do things, and wanting me around. But why, when the weekend comes does everyone dissapear? Why has it taken me so long to figure out? The people they want to be around are unavailable during the week - as I should be. It stresses me out working 40+ hours a week, while taking time to give a person a ride here, walk a dog there, and meet someone here & there. While I think to myself during the week, I will work out after work every night, I will eat healthy, I will watch this show...I get home and its another story. On a weekday, someone always needs me to help them with something, and not even just after work, most of the time during work hours, and I say yes - when I should say no - because then I end up multi-tasking and working 40+ hours a week, juggling it all and I believe I am making friends and helping people. But then, Friday comes - I am excited. Time to do whatever I want with the people I multi-task for during the week!!! WRONG. I never see those people during the weekend. I spend that time alone. And most of the time broke, because I have spent my time and resources on people during the week and not myself...so there is no money for me to take myself out, no energy to want to go out, no energy to even want to because I am deflated and flabergasted every Friday that the people I have lost sleep over, spent too much money on, and overall jeopardized my career for want nothing to do with me on the weekends. The moral of the story is the problem lies in me. I am tired of hearing that. What happens to those manipulative people who know they are doing this to me and know I have no choice but to get up and keep working those 40+ hours a week and have no life of my own after they take all they can from me during the week? Nothing happens to them - they have a great weekend with the people they really care about (and that dont really care about them) and then they come crawling back to me. Knowing I havent met anyone over the weekend because I have been too busy being sad and broke and I wont during the week because I have work and chores and sleep to get. At some point, I grew up, and those around me my age never did. I lost my true friends to new families of their own. I even lost my family to new families of their own. It's hard to meet people when you are in my situation. The new families are a unit of their own and dont exactly encourage a single girl to join them all the time aka the third wheel is never welcome. That's hard when it is your mom or sister you have now become the third wheel to. I am in between so many things, but too old to be in between anything. I've tried very hard lately to be satisfied with what I have now and to be comfortable in my place in life. I am a realist. We are only here once and I dont believe in heaven and I dont believe in GOD. I believe we are just mammals, organisms, atoms, and in the scheme of the universe, we as individuals, really mean nothing. I do wonder why the universe created consciousness, because only consciousness allows suffering? Obviously I am suffering from loneliness, abandonment, and grief. But I guess that I just part of the mutations that allowed humans to be what we are today, the evolution of emotions are really what built the life we know today. And I guess if you think of it in terms of evolution, I have been left behind because I am not the best partner to mate with, the best companion to survive the mutations with, and certainly I have genes that do not need to be passed onto the next generation. With that same statement I can condradict myself and to quote the error message in Microsoft excel "circular reference", I will say that maybe I am doing my part in this circle of life. I am doing the work and passing my earnings off to others who are more fit to reproduce in this ridiculous world we live in. They will pass on the genes of living off of others and taking all they can get until nothing is left - I suppose that is what is supposed to happen if the world and universe as we know it will someday implode on itself.

Sex & the City Reruns Make me Feel Old

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 01:19:00 +0000

Recently E!, or rather for the past several years, has been playing Sex & the City reruns in the afternoons. I work from home so I frequently turn it to E! for background noise, but recently, I have started being drawn in to the episodes. It captivates me because I first watched the episodes at 21 years old and thought "those ladies are old" & "I'll never have to deal with this." I thought that, because at 21, I could captivate my 21 year old boyfriend to watch 6 seasons with me back-to-back and he didnt bat an eye....at 32....1 episode on TV sends they guy that is present in the room with me while watching it running. My 21 year old self watching the episodes thought the girls were in their 40's. Old and struggling for love. I was 21. I had my love. Or so I thought. My 32 year old self watches the episodes and cringes thinking the girls were in their 40s because I now realize they were my age or younger for the most part. Then I look back and think that my 21 year old self believed that if only those women found love, then they would be happy. That is what the show makes you think. And like I said I thought I had it. But now watching it at 32 years old, I see that these women look pathetic. And I hate it because it is a reflection of society, society believes that women need men to be happy. That just isn't true. I am 32 years old, and yes, I do wish I had a constant companion, a soulmate, but I find myself happiest when I am free. Free - to do my own thing, hang out with who I want. Free - to have only those people in my life who respect what I say when I say it the first time. Free - to be me.

Growing Up & Dealing w People Who Don't

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Sat, 22 Mar 2014 01:45:00 +0000

It is Friday night. I'm distracted because I want to write so bad, but the songs I have playing on my Pandora have made me think of things outside of what I originally booted up the laptop for and came to the site to write about. I guess I finally realized what capitalism is...I had been an advocate of it. Because it's selling points are nice. However, when you take a deep dive into the heart and soul of capitalism is on an every day basis you can see it sells a idealism that will only be the demise of the United States or any other "democracy" that attempts to carry on as a "democracy" We get statistics daily how most of the United States population is on drugs. They are - and that is what happens in wealthy societies. And that is what also causes the demise. I get it. Cut government aid. Make the people work harder for a decade or so. Oh...you did that. An entire entitled generation lived at home..never left the nest. Thanks government. You are turning us into China - not a democracy because its really just socialism...in the early stages. I hate that I live in a time where it is on the way down and not on the way up. No one has faith in the government...did you educate us too much? Nope..probably not. Cycles. It all goes in cycles. Just born at a shitty time. But all of us born in this time want to reap the benefits of the times before us. Im contradicting myself. Maybe. A little bit. Not so much.

need money now

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 12:43:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Wed, 05 Dec 2012 11:44:00 +0000

What I Do When I Am Bored

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 15:11:00 +0000

Good morning all. This job search thing has gone on way too long and I am way past the initial boredom and onto something great. For the type of boredom simply needs a new word to describe it...boredom is simply too boring of a word. So I had a busy week last week, full of interviews...only to enter this week with no feedback and not hearing a word from any of the interviews. People are so rude these days and it leaves me with a sense of unexplained rejection. It kills the momentum of the job search. Enough about that - I am sure you are just dying to know what I do to get through the tedious seconds of each day without really one thing I HAVE to do...I NEED to do.
So yesterday, I set to cleaning. I washed my roomie's wallet. So that means, I washed his credit cards, his social card, his license, important receipts - they are now blurry pieces of shit. Hey - at least they are clean. So with him not allowing me to anymore cleaning...im now back to even more than more than boredom.
So I have been Speedating on Facebook. Ive made friends with some really awesome guys...only to find out after a few small innocent conversations they want me to talk dirty to them for endless hours in the hope that some of my dirty talk will entice them to jerk themselves off. I assume I have gotten some of them to this point before because then I never hear from them again. So its just like to real life...you fuck them and they leave you.
So I have been playing Mafia Wars on facebook. That damn game. No point. Impossible to "win". Seems like it was specifically made for someone in my tedious state of boredom...but hey...it kinda feels like a job sometimes and that makes me happy.
So I have been playing Rock Band. I played it so damn much. I broke the foot pedal. That was the end of my Rock Band career - no job equals no money for a replacement pedal. Since I am already a Guitar Hero, I find it no fun to play Rock Band unless I can bang on the drums all day.
And thats it folks. That is my life in a nutshell these days - video games, sexting, and facebook, and screwing up other peoples households while attempting to help out around the house.
It can only be said that boredom leads to disaster.

Marijuana Inc.

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 01:54:00 +0000

Is anyone watching this show on CNBC Marijuana Inc? Amazing the amount of money the government spends to stop this industry...insanity. The fight against marijuana will never ever pay off. And to think of the debt that fight has caused is absolutely ludacris. The sooner they legalize - the sooner that debt can begin to be repaid. It is a time for new industry to enter the new economy in a legitimate way. I am so happy I will be able to live to see the day....legalization is going happen people.

The American Cancer Society:

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 15:08:00 +0000

The American Cancer Society:

Shared via AddThis

Why am I walking?

Today, there is more hope than ever for people facing breast cancer. However, there is much work to be done to find promising new treatments, increase awareness about the importance of mammograms, help all women get access to screenings and care, and connect those impacted by the disease with the information, day-to-day help, and emotional support they need to wage their battle against breast cancer.

I believe that hope for a world without breast cancer starts with me. That’s why I'm walking in the American Cancer Society Making Strides Against Breast Cancer event. Not only is this my opportunity to join my community to fight back against breast cancer, it is a way to inspire hope by raising funds and awareness to help those facing the disease and save more lives.

And you can be a part of it, too.

I have signed up to walk and hope you will join me in my effort by signing up to join my team or making a donation in support of my participation. Hope starts with us.

Tool tickets go on sale Saturday!!!

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 19:07:00 +0000

If anyone has read my blog for a while, then you know how in love with everything Maynard James Keenan. I am totally stoked that I will be able to buy tickets Saturday morning to see him live for the 3rd time in my life!!!! YEAH!!!! Let's hope I get fabulous tickets.

Being twenty-something is not so glamourous

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 18:40:00 +0000

You graduate from college and then you are supposed to get that great job and live happily ever after. Yeah right. I have found my twenties to be the exact opposite of the fantasyland I thought I had spent my entire life working toward. In retrospect of simply writing that last sentence I realize that "my entire life" really hasnt been so long afterall...which might mean why my twenties have turned out to be more of a struggle. And as a struggle I mean it in every aspect of life. Personal & Professional. I find being twenty-something I cant stop feeling overwhelmed long enough to find a solid sense of direction. In my quest to find this direction for the past few years I have been convinced that everything will come together if I just move out of my hometown, Atlanta, and start fresh. Being able to move has been a struggle also - not enough money to cover moving expenses, cant find a job in any of the places that I would actually like to live. We can discuss moving later, but as I was once again researching where my perfect place on this planet might be, I came across an article called 20-things-to-do-in-your-20s. I at least have accomplished some things on the bloggers list. Maybe I am doing something right afterall.

adsense

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 13:54:00 +0000

There is something wrong with my adsense account. Or with blogger?? I dont know what is going on, but my page impressions for this month have dropped by like 500% from last month. I cleared everything out of my blog and started over with a new layout, template, etc to try and fix it...we will see.

horoscope

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Wed, 27 May 2009 19:38:00 +0000

here is my horoscope for the day. im a LEO if you really care.

Someone disappointed you, but that doesn't mean you should give up hope. Not everyone's like that. .

dentist

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Thu, 14 May 2009 12:20:00 +0000

So its super lame and boring! But here you go, it's about my visit to the dentist today!

Today I went to the dentist for my six month check up. I have a horrible fear about dentist, the sounds of the drills make me want to crawl up into a ball and never open my mouth. The reason for this was because when I was younger I was getting a filling and the dentist couldn't numb me enough and I could feel everything the drill was doing while he was singing along to Bruce Springstein. Hence my hatred for Bruce Springstein! While at my appointment today I thought I would be brave and get my cleaning without any laughing gas, big move for me! I made it through the whole cleaning without freaking out when the dentist comes in. Apparently my sealant from when I was six feel out and had a mini cavity under it. I began to freak out so I asked for the laughing gas. Once given the laughing gas it was smooth sailing after that. Before leaving I asked how long my face would be numb for since I had to go up to school after wards. The woman told me that my face would be numb for three hours. I wish they would have told me that beforehand! I had to go out to lunch with a half numb face and try to eat without drooling all over the place. It was awful! Not to mention my speech had a serious messed up. It was such an embarrassing day!

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Posted By junk to junk at 5/14/2009 08:18:00 AM

a year without television

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Wed, 13 May 2009 19:02:00 +0000

I lived a year without television. At first it was awful. I was constantly bored, frustrated that I didnt know what the latest celebrity gossip was, etc. Little by little I found other things to take up my time. I learned to knit, I read a few more books, I cleaned more often. Pretty soon I didnt even notice I didnt have television.
I did start renting DVDs, something I had never really been accustomed to. I rented TV on DVD. I watched the entire Sopranos series, Samantha Who, Bones, Big Love, Jericho, Deadwood, Rescue Me, How I Met Your Mother, Life, Mad Men, Dirty Sexy Money.
It was fun going to Blockbuster twice a week - though a bit embarassing because they started to know me and sometimes I paid them with nickels and dimes. We will talk about how overpriced Blockbuster is at a later date.
I moved into a new place almost a year to the day since I had lost any type of television. And I had TV again!
I thought my life was going to be complete. I thought I would be blissfully happy to now have this to fill my time...almost like it was going to fill a void in my life.
And I wont lie - the first few days were pretty awesome. And that's it - after a few days I had caught up on everything I missed out on in a YEAR.
Repetitivness. BORING.
Even more dissapointing - during the new season of my beloved shows like Grey's / Desperate / Friday Night Lights I wouldnt even let anyone mention what was going on in them to me. It only took me one episode to catch up on what was going on with all of them. Very dissapointing.
I pretty much missed out on NOTHING in my year without television.

how bella felt about edward

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Wed, 13 May 2009 18:58:00 +0000

I found this quote on my sister's facebook. Must be from a song that I am unaware of. Even though she hates Twilight. I love it...and this reminds me of it

"i've been meaning to look into your eyes i've seen them a half a million times. how have i not seen they might be strange..i've been meaning to look behind your smile i've seen it a half a million times. so how have i not noticed that you have fangs?"

Make A Play for All the Brightest Minds

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 16:57:00 +0000

Its been a while since I wrote anything with some substance on here... So its holiday season, my least favorite time of the year. Its all this hype for really what turns out to be mostly dissapointing events. The more I think about it, the more it just really disgusts me that Christmas, Thanksgiving, Kwanza...whatever...just means spend money. Spend money on food, senseless decorations, gifts for people who already have everything they need. Its just a way for corporations to finish off Q4 in a respectable manner. Absolutely disgusting. Let's boycott the holidays.

12 steps

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Fri, 09 May 2008 06:29:00 +0000

Jimmy being the 9th song on Tool's album Enima makes the listener believe the "character" has reached the 11th step. When only, he is taking care reminicsing on the time of going through step 9...which is making amends with those hurt by your actions. The mathematics of it can lead one to assume that when a person reaches step 9 in their recovery that they believe they have skipped ahead to step 11 which means they have reached spiritual enlightenment. However, the person at step 9assumes they will be forgiven, but when they are not have to go through a period of personal self evaluation. Simply admiting denial, etc...is not enough.

Songs 9-12 on Emina chronicle the difficulties in the admitting the difficulties that the person struggling has inflicted on the people around them. It is definately a rough section of music to listen to. It tells a the story of dysfunctional relationships coming to a vortex.

Song number 13 shows that through all of the hard work and committment to keeping the relationships afloat and healthy...that it is not worth it. Hence, the bullshit three ring circus. It is at this point both parties realize they are toxic to each other. This is a critical turning point.

Songs 14 and 15 represent the struggle of a person falling off the wagon. Namely a person remaining in toxic relationships. Namely, Third Eye represents one party of the relationship reaching a state of meditation and tranquility with life.

Bringing it back to 46 and 2... in order for 2 people to meet in the middle...there must be shades of grey. I believe the 46 and 2 represent the 2 halves and the 46 degrees in which they can variate from each other on the level 180 degree plane of life. Basically 2 people will only get along if they can meet and the middle and compromise which means the 2 degree variation built in on either side of the 90 degree mark.

Hope my ramblings make sense to someone.

46 and 2

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Fri, 09 May 2008 06:07:00 +0000

is this about a chromosomal level? the missing link?

let's not get too scientific....
let's not think about this on a chromosomal level. i think people interpret this too deeply.

its basically saying. i want to change myself.

my interpretation is that it is saying i dont want to completely change myself...i just need to go a little bit more than 90 degrees to to a different side of my life.

not a complete 180 degrees, but live more in the centered section of my life.

if you looked at this they way I am right now...you would see a flat line drawn. That flat line would represent the line drawn through the middle of a cirle, which we all know is represented as the 180 degree line. So then draw a line right through the center...that's the 90 degree line...the fault line. The line you are supposed to walk. Even Johnny Cash said you have to walk the line. But the simple fact is...nobody can walk the exact 90 degree line.

So if you walk 46 and 2 then you are at least in the parameters of "the line". Basically I guess I am saying everyone is half good and evil. I feel like I should be committed for even thinking this, let alone writing a post about it...but I can draw you a post to show you what I mean. email me if you want to see my graph.

the moment of truth in your lies

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Fri, 09 May 2008 06:03:00 +0000

yeah you bleed just to know your alive. how can people live lies? i just dont understand....i've lived lies and i have watched friends live lies. there is nothing real about it, nothing substanstial to gain from living a lie. because a lie is NOT real...its circumstated....look hahah I made up a new word. But living a lie means creating your own false universe. Arent we talk to look for things that equal positive? Maybe this is what Einstein meant by relativity and parallel universes. I am finding it completely believable that many people I know live more than one life than they show you. Maybe that means I am not advanced. Maybe that means that I am not as smart as them. God I sure hope not. Hello God, It's me Margaret....

i dont wanna go home right now

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Fri, 09 May 2008 06:02:00 +0000

sooner or later its over. and i dont wanna go home right now. why dont more people want you to know who they are?

you painted up your secrets

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Fri, 09 May 2008 06:00:00 +0000

lies they told you. the least they ever gave you was the most they ever gave you...

your voice is small and fading.

lies fade. the truth stays. people should try the truth. it lasts. lies fade. god why dont more people understand this.

people who know this are so honest...people can see right through them. the "people" are the liars. its just another bullshit three ring circus.

it doesnt matter if you tell them your name

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Fri, 09 May 2008 05:52:00 +0000

Going old school tonight...Goo Goo Dolls...Name.

Loved the song and CD.

I realized while listening how true this song is. "The past is never far..."

It doesnt matter. New people can try to be nice and not say your name...but people figure it out anyway.

A name doesnt follow you. A name only follows you as a legacy after you die, hence people who need to call thier kids Jr, Sr, II, III, etc.

Or is the song saying to not make their name famous.

Or is the song saying dont use a name to get ahead in the world.

Or is the song saying "name" in place of a name like "Amy" or "Anna Lee" in the songs by Pure Prairie League and Hal Ketchum. Or "Melissa" by The Allman Brothers Band.

Who knows....this is why i love music. Our generations poetry. You can interpret it however you like.

Usually I tell you how I interpret it, but tonight I can't do that...think for yourself.

time is ticking...she wont always love me forever

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 19:58:00 +0000

the storm never came. just some hard rains. hopefully that will help the drought crisis subside a bit...hope sonny perdue still doesnt think his prayers brought the rain. he probably hasnt even thought about it with the recent pressure he has had to allow sunday liquor sales in georgia. why isnt it allowed? people absolutely drink on sunday. and prepare for it. i quite honestly will miss the ritual of hoarding "sunday beer" and then being bummed out if it escaped my mind to hoard on a saturday and then find myself in a sunday.

the hard rains gave me a chance to finish weeds. then with nothing else to do i started watching californication. californication surpasses weeds in intelligence, wit, dramatic effect, etc. both shows have the dry, sarcastic humor going on and raw characters...but maybe californication's characters are just a little bit more relatable...at least to my life anyways. i'm on episode 3. i hope it keeps pleasing me. about 7 more episodes to go. start praying for rain and tidal waves again.

tornado

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 17:41:00 +0000

waitin out a tornado this morning. on the season finale of season 3 of weeds and have had to pause it about 8 times...due to warnings issued by the EAS. i am ready for this thing to come or pass or whatever it is going to do. i knew we had storms all night last night, but i didnt know downtown atlanta was hit....craziness. have they ever had a tornado? I will definately look into that later, but for now, I need to seek shelter in a room with no windows. not exactly easy to do in my house. i guess i will retreat to the shitter.

i am just testing things out a little bit more

noreply@blogger.com (junk) — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 03:16:00 +0000