junnie's

Living through till the end of this life

2011-08-28T13:41:00.000-07:00

Living through till the end of this life is not
checking off every opening, middle, and closing task,
then waiting for the store close.

Everything have an explainable reason of why things gotta be done.

Seeing people blinded with those materialistic life, i felt pity of them.

Did they ever think of what's their life for?? Why are they in this world??
Why does the God allow them?? What they really wanted to happen when it's the end of the life??

I fear of the end of life cause i've a dream to be made.
Same as everyone, my dream is to live life as what i wanted it to be.
My dream is to make myself feel successful, happy and worth living.
My dream is not yet the end of it.

That's y i'm pity with those who living restlessly,
"waiting for the shift to end by just by simply checking off the tasks
without considering why they need to??'

Anger, ya i have - of those who's just don't get the memo of all this life should be.

Shame, i have too - of having those walking into my path although is just passing by.

They're not only dragging their own life and also others around them.

Then i felt proud - of who i was; how i was brought up - the hard ways and i'm learning the essence of this life; my parents that brought me to this world - they never stop nagging; how i cautiously chose my every step to get what i wanted and i needed in life - which worth me living until today...

Then i began to hope - hope to make tomorrow a better day; hope everyone around me have a great life ahead; hope every human that walk through or passing by or blocked me have could just teach me smth good; hope i could contribute more to this world's positive community...

So i began to ask the universe - I want to live this life to the fullest and no regrets of loosing the moments; I want to make things happen; so why am i here for; at the end of my life, what kind of recognition that i needed from my family, friends, and others; my every step is reasonably inspiring to others on my path; i want to lead a simple but enriching life; i want my generations to be proud of their life and keep the questions goes on...

Now I'm trying my best to do what i needed in order to make what i wanted happens.
I want to cherish every step that i took to inspire everyone around me.
Every moment i live, the essence of this is to help the human live their life to the fullest and no regrets.

I've a world to travel to and it's not here. To get to the world of my dream, i needed to travel around and fight through every challenge. I'm sure i'll be reaching that world soon enough.

Time, i've got plenty, just the courage that needed to refinement.
Courage to travel the worlds out there is indescribable.
But i believe i can make it there at the right moment.

Thanks to the universe for listening to my request.
With Love. Sign off.

2011-03-19T09:05:00.000-07:00

Relationships vs faith is sometimes complicated.

I myself have a very stable relationship with my bf till now 7years++.
It's called faith, not a long term relationship.

Even for some ppl it's long term like for 10yrs, doesn't mean it's a faith.

Faith comes from your heart, well, it depends how strong you choose to be.
It has nothing with what you regrets or what he/she did.

A strong heart determines a vision of where you with your life partner would be in the future, your faith holds the vision as long as your heart and mind could take all of the pains and hopes for the relationship.

I always challenge my heart to the fullest with my life partner.
Cause this tell me the value of the relationship is a subject that human only feel it among each other. No other ppl can replace this feeling even you've changed another partner. or they can't be described to other ppl.

Only you and the one can feel the depth of the faith,
when you hold the vision and never let it down.

Simply, I just observed a faith happening to 2 best friends.
Simply, this is just 2 brotherly-best friend relationship, not a life partner couple.

They've same goals in career to success so they started off from one man show to a SME company. They never started intentionally together actually, one is big boss with big big and determine vision, and lion heart. The other started as a hardworking and very loyalty staff. Ups & downs, they both stay till now, even those who's closer to each of them left the company.

Well, everyone who worked with the boss and who also left the company for self-good reason knew that they were somehow being cheated into and while inside even some when they were leaving. For good in business view - financial, extra staff... Of course, everyone did learnt loads of useful lessons as this company started from scratch.

The truth is it's not as what the big boss promising - like career improvement, staff 'benefit'...

Mostly who came out felt relieved cause they felt cheated by one person who kind of promising the future, it's the matter of twist of words. Not hating the person so much but there's no chance for the ppl who left will go back to hell.

This one person is sort of a cheater, for good in business view.

Now everyone is just waiting to see when will the other brother leaving or can say, wake up from being hynotised, I recently started realising mayb not mayb ya.
Yeah, I'm one of the person got cheated, somehow, for good in business view.

He is now sort of the assistance or CEO of the cheater, Director or business partner already. They're both are so understanding each other, they discussed almost, almost everything together - of course work and .. personal life. They're this close like brothers. Even the brothers in Malaysia, very very less so close?? NVM.

Recently I've got a male cat, Meow2 picked up from street when he's in danger.
Me and Nic took care of him for almost 6 months. We knew we've no time for another pet as we've had a hyperactive dog and in time wise, i hardly squeeze in tiredly to feed and clean him and his cage sometimes. It's exhausted.

When me and Nic decided to find for a loving pet owner, Joescher, the Director would like to accept him. I tot i know him quite well, to own a pet is a challenging life.
I tot he knew this, moreover the cat will be in his office and there's another cat conquering that area. Anyway, we're so happy we found an owner.

Few days after sent the cat to the office, we received a heart-breaking and intriguing message from Joe, unexpectedly. Indirectly saying, i don't know, he can't bare the challenges of having a new cat which actuallly too afraid to adapt to a new environment, which is his office? I really can't believe how he said things like that. I totally became hate of this person. I regretted that i sent the cat into hell. Nic hated him long long time ago, when he realised I was being hypnotised.

I replied the message professionally saying I'll take back the cat. He didn't reply anything and it turned out me and Nic have to keep chasing Teh for the cat.
Teh, professionally messaged me explaining there's sure some misunderstanding and he'll solve the problem for the cat situation. I was totally numb reading his message, and i was speechless.

I passed the reply job to Nic.

Teh, is a very very trustworthy person that you can never find in other company i guess. Once he promised you a thing, no matter it's a big or a small one, he'll sure fulfill it. No matter what. I knew him since I worked with him before.
So i'm speechless that indirectly he's covering his business mate. I salute him.

Almost everyone is quite hating Joe, while Teh is helping him more and more everyday!

I finally understand this is a very strong faith as they both have got the same goals and they aimed to making it happen together, so no wonder Teh still stick to his promise for this long. Because he promised to his best friend to stay and make them happen, i guess. No matter what, he's making them happen with the guy. The faith that holds the vision so so so strong. I don't know if he know what ppl think about them, but i guess one day he'll realise.

Someone once said, there must be some luring benefits that Teh got hypnotised to stick with that guy for this long. I don't think so. Teh, is a smart and intelligent guy. Even he's being hypnotised but not materially. There's some believe in him, he could make it.

Just that mayb he didn't realise that if he keeps covering for that person, he's actually in a way, making that person bad. i don't know how the future will be for them. But I hope and believe that one day, there'll be a wake up call and they can make things better. Just for Teh's sake. and Cindy's happiness.

The situation is complicated, but strongly the faith is this simple.

May God or Buddha, bless all of us with faith.^^

Songs: Good Life by One Republic

2010-12-23T09:42:00.000-08:00

Woke up in London yesterday
Found myself in the city near Piccadilly
Don't really know how I got here
I got some pictures on my phone

New names and numbers that I don't know
Address to places like Abbey Road
Day turns to night, night turns to whatever we want
We're young enough to say

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

To my friends in New York, I say hello
My friends in L.A. they don't know
Where I've been for the past few years or so
Paris to China to Col-or-ado

Sometimes there's airplanes I can't jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories but please tell me-e-e-e
What there is to complain about

When you're happy like a fool
Let it take you over
When everything is out
You gotta take it in

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

Hopelessly
I feel like there might be something that I'll miss
Hopelessly
I feel like the window closes oh so quick
Hopelessly
I'm taking a mental picture of you now
'Cuz hopelessly
The hope is we have so much to feel good about

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

Oh yeah
Good, good life
Good life
Ooh

Listen
My friends in New York, I say hello
My friends in L.A. they don't know
Where I've been for the past few years or so
Paris to China to Col-or-ado

Sometimes there's airplanes I can't jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories but please tell me-e-e-e
What there is to complain about

Songs: Marching On by One Republic

2010-12-23T09:37:00.000-08:00

For those days we felt like a mistake,
Those times when love’s what you hate,
Somehow,
We keep marching on.

For those nights when I couldn’t be there,
I’ve made it harder to know that you know,
That somehow,
We’ll keep moving on.

There’s so many wars we fought,
There’s so many things we’re not,
But with what we have,
I promise you that,
We’re marching on,
(We’re marching on)
(We’re marching on).

For all of the plans we’ve made,
There isn’t a flag I’d wave,
Don’t care if we bend,
I’d sink us to swim,
We’re marching on,
(We’re marching on)
(We’re marching on).

For those doubts that swirl all around us,
For those lives that tear at the seams,
We know,
We’re not what we’ve seen,

For this dance we’ll move with each other.
There ain’t no other step than one foot,
Right in front of the other.

There’s so many wars we fought,
There’s so many things we’re not,
But with what we have,
I promise you that,
We’re marching on,
(We’re marching on)
(We’re marching on).

For all of the plans we’ve made,
There isn’t a flag I’d wave,
Don’t care if we bend,
I’d sink us to swim,
We’re marching on,
(We’re marching on)
(We’re marching on).

Right, right, right, right left right,
Right, right, right, right left right,
Right, right,
We’re marching on.

We’ll have the days we break,
And we’ll have the scars to prove it,
We’ll have the bonds that we save,
But we’ll have the heart not to lose it.

For all of the times we’ve stopped,
For all of the things I’m not.

We put one foot in front of the other,
We move like we ain’t got no other,
We go when we go,
We’re marching on.

There’s so many wars we fought,
There’s so many things we’re not,
But with what we have,
I promise you that,
We’re marching on,
(We’re marching on)
(We’re marching on).

Right, right, right, right left right,
Right, right, right, left, right,
Right, right,
We’re marching on.

Right, right, right, right left right,
Right, right, right, left, right,
Right, right,
We’re marching on.

Songs: Stop & Stare by OneRepublic

2010-12-21T08:47:00.000-08:00

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin' off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years

Steady hands just take the wheel
Every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal
For the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh

Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see?

They're tryin' to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could
Steady feet, don't fail me now
I'm gonna run till you can't walk
Something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh

Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need

What you need, what you need
What you need

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see?

I'm just happy to be like that!

2010-12-21T08:05:00.000-08:00

Nowadays standing at POS(counter), I see the simple life that i always dream of...
but somthing different that is i'm still employed by Starbucks, as Barista.

I'm happy being Barista, rather than start with store supervisor with the Diploma cert i have on hand. I don't believe recognition says everything, same applies to positions.

I'd seen and still observing how ppl around me treat their position and role as. Some position is made to widely and positively influence the whole community like a leader, but i see that person actually could achieved more than he is achieving now like a mice or perhaps the company has starting to use him as guinea pig, mayb. Everything is so bling bling around him on surface, on the deep inside of the iceberg, it's like slurping a mark out coffee that normal ppl don't even know it is.

Some very simple, lowest position in the pyramid, is made to assist the higher and have each mission to be successfully lift up everyone's day. I'm observing a few did a very brilliant job! like a leader! like we should follow their track! It's so widely influenced to others around including me where it's shinning from the deep inside the heart of a valuable mineral rock. Not everyone can really see them happening but I'm sure everyone could feel it!

I'm craving to learn more from my observation, I'd love to be the ugly mineral rock that actually contain a very very beautiful shinning heart inside it. It's a DIGNITY i called as. They came from patience, nothing is impossible, an appreciation, respect and mayb more. Spreading all the positive energy that lies within me that could lift up everyone's days and life. I hpe to make ppl's life easier.

Learning from the lowest level in the pyramid is so much fun and experiences. I'm always triggered by surprises! I'm just happy to be like that!

Changes that i realized

2010-12-14T08:39:00.000-08:00

Changes after some breakthrough, changes after coming back from sick.
I realized all this in one shot but the experiences were different.

I've been breakthrough from some stress situation in personal life and also in career this year. I've been through to be humble and lots of patience since i start work in Starbucks, but it's already enough to talk about that.

Focusing back in life, I've been through stress in handling my time and financial part, particularly. But this doesn't mean I've solve my problem or been mature enough to handle them again. I'm still modifying my ways of solving problem. Inventing ways from those I had first learnt.

Being easily hot tempered - been accused, lost confidence in career and family trust,
stress from a slow moving life and not achieving the goals i wanted, all these just made me crazy, I could(have been) grab(bed) someone (guy) in the train (ladies coach) and throw him to other coach by sarcastic words and ended with scratching his face with disrespect situations, which could easily put myself in revenge target I still don't care. I'm that fierce! I had been sick for almost a week and involved in car accident which i totally admit it was my fault - but I DIDN'T talk in the phone and driving at that very moment. That is all the darkest old days I couldn't believe but could understand why Buddha put me into.

Finally, I talked to my best friends in KL recently and realized, most of the time, how stubborn i was of looking at something. Just by suggesting different views from them, I could realized this in a click. To improve from this, just one moment of willingness and motivation from my friends, I felt so light again. Yeah!! That's why I'm here.

I'm still learning, the different is, i look things not the same way as a year ago.
Everything becomes more patience, better decision making, more serious in responsibility, more clarity in everything i do, greater expect of my goal important is higher achieving chances in planning goals. Awareness is key to "self-realization" of how am i doing at time.

I'm still learning and eager to learn more. Willingness always stay beside me, I need courage and patience in my habit garden so the seeds would growth and give me strength to improve situations.

Cheers, Junnie.

I will list down as many things that I've achieved this year, 2010 before moving forward. I want to be gratitude, appreciate and move on to the year next with better expectations.

Sharing is believing. I always believe.

Turning Weakness to Strength, Despair to Hope

2010-11-17T09:54:00.000-08:00

From the beginning working in Starbucks until recently i realized one thing that I didn't aware I've been searching for long time while working in CC+J. My strength or main value that i contribute in the company. I tried very hard to give my all and i still don't realize that I'm searching for it actually. Don't mention what's the value then. I guess that's y i left advertising while i still have my love for it.

In Starbucks here, I learnt this from Jason, my very first manager who taught me a lot in dealing with people and life problems. I just work with him for few months, i don't know, almost half year i guess before his transferring to Pavillion store. He made me realized that setting our own value of our position in our company or business we work with is very important. Strength can help us to set this value. He tried to explain to me by using the supervisors and assistant manager in our store. Let aside the positions, he explained firmly on using each of their strengths and weaknesses they're having to run the store.

He showed me the way of seeing things in different perspective as a team leader.
He is a strategic leader i've ever met. He didn't try to change us but using our strengths that created our values and turns it to the strength of the store operation and business.

He taught me to accept the sarcastic supervisor in a different perspective and I did it brilliantly. He taught me to accept the slacking assistant manager in a different perspective and I did too.

After transferred to new store in Borders, I gotta learn to accept different partners one by one and use each of their strengths wisely and help the store overcome the weaknesses.
I still don't know how but i need to try, at least. Before that, I gotta accept and use all my strength i could to search for my value here first. Take advantage of the weaknesses too. Maybe I could multitask and work all out.

Pissing off and always feel frustrated is not helping me to make things happen.
I need some skill, strategy or smth valuable.

TRUST & BELIEVING

2010-11-16T05:57:00.000-08:00

"That car got kids inside," she added then she repeated for like the 3rd times.
"The kids said they saw you talking on the phone when the incident happening."

I replied when i got out of her Hilux, "Ya, and, but then..." I became speechless.
I closed on the door, walked through the back of the car to the lift when it arrived i went in asap.

Feeling so unfair, so frustrated and angry I sat on the sofa when I felt like make a call to that person and scold her for accusing me with the kids too.

Then I have a deep thought. Disappointed deep down inside for the 'TRUST AND BELIEVE'.
From my parents.

I crashed into another car, on the driver side few days ago.
Blame it on I was careless, might be caused of i was not conscious as i was sick and took fever medi and drive in the rain.
It's a vehicle used to drive school students from destination to destination.
And the vehicle have 2 (kids)students in the car at that time.
It's not the worst crash in my driving experience into another car.
But I got accused simply from the driver that I'm talking in the phone.
I got into an argument with her.
But I didn't show her my calling record which then Nic told me that I could do to win back the justice.
My dad was there to solve the car and way of settlement problem.

So i heard from my mom today that it is solved. The driver took the money, sign on agreement to settle it personally.
Then the conversation started with "She said the kids saw you talking on the phone when the incident happening."
Without hesitating, I said "I didn't even have the phone on my hand, it's in my pocket!" "After we got out of the car only i take it out and call dad."
Then a silent.

Then I remembered, when i was out of the car and calling dad, we're at the middle of the road. We then got back into our car and drive to the side and i was still calling.

(And now I remembered before I called dad even before i first got out of the car. Which means I made that call in the car after the crashed and that's it.)

She continues "She said the kids saw you talking on the phone when the incident happening."

However, I did tried explain to her I'm very clear that the crash was not about I'm talking in the phone. I did explain how i also got blocked from sight caused there were few cars parking at the side.

"That car got kids inside," she added then she repeated for like the 3rd times already.
"The kids said they saw you talking on the phone when the incident happening."

After a deep thought when i reaches home I felt totally disappointed.
It's not about being accused, it's not about rumors that might spread around my parents home's area, it's not much about others.

It's about the important people in my life not believing in me. Not trusting whatever they've taught after 24 years of very hard work for life. It's more than not encouraging me going into TOA and advertising line 4-6 years ago. I never get their trust no matter how hard I did anyway so what's for to explain more?
Well, basically I did nothing also after 20++ years other than being myself and not giving them any more troubles.

I thought maybe mom just simply repeating it. But 3 times, is it just enough to show uncertain and suspecting in the same time? She has got no other things she said other than that.

So i'm disappointed. Suddenly i thought so why do i still being so obedient? Just to show them? So I immediately decide ok! I won't be that obedient anymore! Kiss ma ASS!
But isn't this such childish?? For what again?? Just to show them? They won't understand either. Grow up Junnie!

I was angry and I hope to owe much more things that i can from them and take time to return back to make them live longer and longer to witness themselves and learn from us, the younger generations, what is trusting their children.

I would take every advantage i could from them so they won't feel worried so much about me leading hard life outside. So they keep not trusting or underestimate me handling my life. So they will learn to trust again when they're tired one day.

Well, I admit if I'm servicing in Hell, I'll be the king's fav devil.
I'm just too kind...to let others take advantage of i guess.

Just read and it all ends here.

2010-11-13T23:49:00.000-08:00

I don't wanna try to be better, I don't wanna try to be good.
I'm already a kind person and in fact I'm a disciplined person.

I don't wanna smile when i don't feel like, and why do i have to fake it just for you to see? It's not that i don't like you but why do i have to? why i have to follow the norm? I'm not born to smile to you, and not a clown either. It's not a wrong or right thing. I'm just being myself normally. This is me.

I knew that in some ways, I've changed.

Mature is the major changes, but there still problems caused from
childhood experiences that holds me back. I'm stuck emotionally. Still.

I'm more worried of my behaviour that will influence my mind slowly and then entirely.
I don't get what i did sometimes. Even if I didn't do anything but thinking of doing it is enough making me freaking myself too much.

It's all accumulated then now this whole problem appears more often like it's time to clear my trash in the Inbox. It's full. I'm more anxious.

And I need to clear them now.

1. Being force to smile when i feel just normal is the first childhood experience
from my family members especially from my mom and sisters.
Their theory is i don't have a naturally smiley face on my normal face. So almost everyday even if i'm not in happy mood, I've to force myself to smile, just because they say so. So what is the real problem? Do i look really awful now? So now, I'm thinking the way like one of them!

2. Everyone in this world makes mistakes more than once since we're born.
Parents have different ways to see it, talk about it, execute the punishment and lead the child the learn from the mistakes. I knew i learnt it a terrifying way.
All I remember I did mistakes from somewhere, I reach home from school feeling relax a bit. The next thing i remember is being called into room, door shut and the first whipped of a cane stick from behind or when i turned behind. It terrifies me. It's similar to any of a scene from ghost movies. I only learnt that I don't simply walk into a room when being called to(especially a slightly dark one), always turn and look out behind whenever i'm alone or not, don't say too much things so i won't say the wrong thing, make sure I'm well behaved or disciplined, don't do wrong thing which hell i know which is wrong, if i did any wrong thing = i'll get punish and i'm any bad words can be defined but which is a bad and which is right words anyway, they're just words.

I never learn to learn from mistakes. I learnt it recently.
Ya, I don't even remember why i got all the terrifying punishment from my mom, neither my mistakes and what should i do to make it right.

3. This is a very very very deep experience I got from her too.
I remember that I'm sick or physically injured. I have MC so i got chances to just lay on my bed. I remember my sister's friend borrowed a series of comics to me.
She hates comics. I was reading them when I woke up and didn't brush my teeth or eat. She stomped in yelling at me, the comics was thrown away, I suddenly got whipped. The next thing I know is I was laid down, my head is being covered by a pillow, and being pushed down from the other side of the pillow. Then I heard she said she would rather go to jail of killing me than something. I just can't breathe well.

I ended up went back to school telling my best friend(used to be, now is in betrayal friend list) that she don't want me cause is trying to kill me with a pillow. Even if I tell the world, no one would believe this ever happen cause no parent will kill their own kids. It did happened.

What i learnt? Don't be sick or MC or lazy bump or I'll get hate from others.
That's how i learnt to hate lazy bumps, I guess.

I learnt things the rough ways good for me to take in rough things in the future but I can stay long but just surviving not succeeding or moving forward at some limit. Cause I never know what's right at the right time and how's wrong at the wrong time. No one will tell me when I'm out there in the world so I gotta learn from the scratch and in the meantime, I need to repair myself from the past.

I'm not as strong as you thought. I'm just being who i was after the rough old days.
I never got to learn to solve the root of my problems but all the small matters that caused from it. Which is not enough. Frankly, so what?!

But I'm clearing all the trash in my inbox now and at least, i realised good things happen together when the bad happen just like bad things happen when good things happening.
Some strength grown with me: good observation, being disciplined, some kindness in me, being determined, never give up one things until I got the result i wanted, good analysis and always being positive.

All i wanna do is to be myself like i was so brilliant in my childhood time.
I don't have to smile just to show you.
I don't have to be kind to let you know I'm kind.
I don't have to tell you how many mistakes I've made before and tell you to becareful.
I don't have to learnt something by being punished.
I don't have to be hated or killed because I took MC for a day or two and because I'm being lazy a bit.

I know sometimes I'm doing right things at the right time.
Saying right words and the right time.
If I'm not, I learnt things my right way and of course from mistakes.
I will smile when i see sunshine, or when i like it.
I'm already kind, what more do you expect me to be?
It's just your problem to find out. Not mine.
Hey, i need MC so I could rest, lazy abit, relax a bit and so then I could give my all best in effort and energy. I'm human!

Thanks for reading. Just read and it all ends here.

2010-10-14T06:44:00.000-07:00

These few weeks I always take train to work, from Batu Kentomen I'll pass by Sentul and interchange in KL Sentral. One stop to MV and my working store.

Recently I met one of my secondary school friend at KL Sentral station.
In the end I found out that her office is just some walks away in MV.
I'm not surprise and not even expect we'll be meeting each other again often.

She always reminds me to be humble at all the time and never raise my egoistic when i met her again and again. It was few years ago, during my first year college in The One Academy, when I met her and her family members back since we finished secondary schooling. She always reminds me of the expressions that her mother's stared at me in disrespect when she was told that I'm taking design course.

At that moment I swore i would never want to meet her mom again cause I won't want to talk to this kind of person.

My friend is a top student at school so do her elder sister. They both were popularly intelligent, hardworking, active in academic and sport so much you can tell. They both are very friendly to all people. I always envy them. But I'm doubt with their mother's attitude and old generation's mindset of having some talented children and the friends they're hanging around with.

Like my parents, she thought design make no future.

(Personally, I disagree that. It is how I manage my future no matter where i am and what i did. Example the brother lawyer murdering cases recently being investigated. So what's the point of being lawyers?? If you are needed to hire a lawyer for your important case now, would you feel a little suspicious that, is this lawyer good?? Will the opponent lawyer do smth bad to make you loose?? Who knows.)

For me, it's about professional, that's all. I respect myself as a designer, account executive and now barista.

Back to the friend i met, recently she got some problems which majority ppl will face when they got out to work for few months already - complaints about senior's attitude towards her. I faced this situation last few months and now it becomes hatred.
I don't want this happen to other ppl around me. I want to help her get rid of complaining attitude so I adviced her to focus on making the result happen in work.

Thank god she came back to me with saying that's a good advice! She back to work like a fresh grad or professional again! She also happy that I listened to her problems. Then I only found out that actually she have a thought of quitting. But majority ppl around her including me adviced her to stay so she decided to stay. I'm so happy by that moment. Not because of my contribution, but she's been helped and is guided to think and do positively to solve problems (well at least of all the ppl out there).

Human is a weak soul if being hurt before no matter on surface how they act.
It applies to having relationship and putting efforts in work. When majority human don't feel appreciated, betrayed and being alienated, they'll fall and never put 100% effort on the next ride again. It's natural even to animals. But since we humans are intelligent animals, we must know how filter past experience and the new us.

I don't care how much effort i put into things that i wanna make them happen. But if one day i fall I'll learn from it and go all out again next time with my past experience lessons + better planning + making right decision.

It is being to fair back to myself then everything around me is fair.

Mayb because of the senior of my friend face the same thing as my friend before and she didn't look into solving the problems immediately so the 'unfair to herself and she'll be unfair to others' mindset forms - bad behaviour, habit and attitude executed the mindset.

Nothing is impossible to change if you don't improve yourself, your mindset, and your attitude.

My friend's mother is being rude to me same as my parents last time were not fair to me too, but things has passed and i just need to take this experience, look into the bright side and go all out again. I keep reminding myself i don't have to hurt others to get to the highest hierachy to prove to them that I'm good.

Being humble is already GREAT in building a better future.

To all people who's reading this, "You hurt is because you tried before" - Wayan, Eat, Pray, Love. "That doesn't mean you can't go all out again" - me

Be happy next time.

Holiday

2010-09-26T09:44:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the beginning of my holiday!!
After this, I'll have another battle for my dream comes true!

During these few days, I wanna back to organizing my time
(it's been long time since i stop about half year ago),
I wanna track my journey status(am i still traveling in a straight line to my dream goal?) and last but not least, I wanna have a good chat with Nic about our journey as couple and discuss next stage.

So excited!!! Can't wait to accomplish all the mission!
I'll treasure every moment of this holiday! Yeah!

Cheers.

Me, in a year.

2010-09-25T11:30:00.000-07:00

After CC+J, adapted to 3 changes and here I am. First is changes of leaving small agency to a big agency. Sec, is when i finally realised the life i wanted is different from the life I'm leading before and decided to move on. Third is when i started my career in Starbucks.

I'm still a passionate person now, in fact a different path of passion.
Not in Advertising but coffee business or to say people business.

In this one year journey I faced fear and courage. In the same time, I was supported by loads of love from family, friends and loved one. I'm a person who never give up, I'm a person who when I've set a goal, I'll move and never look back until recently there are times that i could sit by myself and that's probably the times I could reflect how i got to this moment and to where or what next.

Fear - fear of being used again, fear of changes, fear of failures, fear of giving so much, I'm not very sure of the main one but basically these were the fears i'm facing. And because of the these fears, sometimes there are some lights guided me along. Positive power - Courage and bravery.

I'm not sure changing from a seemingly arrogant and highly paid, Advertising Account Executive post to a seemingly humble and hourly paid, retail Barista post is a brave move or not. I think it's just a matter of decision making for one's future - I thought twice and triple for it and discuss again and again with Nic. I mind mapped reasons, options, advantages and disadvantages then it's decided.

I think this is courage, not a visible form, it's a value that it power up my desired wishes and make me stronger than I could never imagine.

When negative things happens, they happens with reasons. And with that, I found positive energy and live with them. That's y I hate and pity those who spread or live with negative energy, they just annoys me.

I never realise that working in CC+J is like playing in a fire pot. Everyday is suffocating. But innocently, I did good in shifting my mind to positive side. When I realised the real fact, it was already half year past since i left CC+J. The fact is I've missed the passion in advertising, it's not my life goal anymore. It's just the things I like of doing or enjoy but not living with it. I cried, but not as much as when i'm in CC+J, cause I knew I'm not struggling to be another person. I learnt who i am more. I learnt to be more calm and think deeper. Seeing bigger picture.

Nope, I never regret of working with and in CC+J. Never feeling hate of any ppl in the company instead, I feels so thankful that I met everyone even when i'm in 95%.
I see everything clearly and learnt a lot of values from each person and everything that happened. HOPE is the main thing I've been seeing. Seriously, if I never go to 95%, never CC+J and my life could be slower than now. I just want to learn non-stop.

Beginning in Starbucks I did feels like I'm playing with FIRE. I'm always exhausted and burnt. But I chose this: I must go on so i could live better. It's not the opposite life in CC+J. In some ways, it's same. But days were like years when almost no one around me talk about values, attitude, effectiveness, motivation, accountable...summore someone just hates me like hell. I hate him too, cause he's trying to spread negative energy to me. He did influenced me a lil. That's y I'm so sick of him. So constantly visiting Borders nearby my store is my chance of survival - a space that full of books, the environment of peace and harmony, the smell of coffee in borders too. Here in Starbucks I've been seeing something more realistic or can say very happening, I guess it's RESULTS - what's the result i wanna achieve.

From past experiences in working, managing, socializing, I learnt what kind of fire to play or not to play with. So in here, some fire that's not worth to touch, or just wasting my time then I'll just wanna leave them alone. By keep focusing on the goals i wanna achieve (and visiting Borders).

Well, I have a not very tough journey, but emo one *hehehe* - as old as me.
My EQ very low lah. I didn't know when i could achieve to be boss myself but believing + effective plan is another courage I'm practising now to success. Nothing is impossible. Everything can be worthwhile trying. It's just which one is most important.

And i always feels lucky to have met people who appreciates value and having positive energy and i'm glad that I'm lucky now and then. I also practise of giving out my positive energy rather soaking others, so to help people around me.

Cheers to me, now and then.

Last day in CC+J Adhaus,

2009-11-25T22:31:00.000-08:00

Feeling still the same.
I think this is good.

Somehow, I've to move on. ^_^
Moving on to more challenging environment that I've to overcome as AE to become AD
and never face it in CC+J Adhaus.

Moving on so CC+J (next year to be known as Joescher) also could move on to next level in terms of business, financial and team's development.

Everything's changing. I'm seeing it!

Loved ones.My family

2009-11-25T22:16:00.000-08:00

I've always weak in solving problems involving family members.

I've just had an argument with my mom.

Felt unfair. But had no choice, she's my mom, she's old enough to nag and showing her temper, like a kid. Not giving any chance for ppl to say sorry as well.

Family members were the most important person in my life but they're the people that I don't understand much. Summore don't know how to talk to them.

I knew this is a very big case for me and my life.
I want to have a cheerful life with loved ones and friends.

What should i do? Should I find someone to talk to or find a counselor?

Personal.Love life

2009-11-25T20:05:00.000-08:00

It's really painful when knowing my loved one always regret on giving love. Tired.

Tired of facing a person whose shield as thick as peanut toast(kim gary's).
I'm tired of keep pleasing someone to support me. Tired.

I'm really happy to be with him but sometimes hurting things will happen for all relationship cause of misunderstanding or communication problem.

But I always believe, once we've giving out the love, we've to accept we can never get back. In other perspective, we should cherish every moment we spent.
I believe this is true love.

If there happens regretting, means he never cherish the moments.
Just giving everything and hopes for return.

It's really pain facing this and not knowing what to do and how to solve.

Now,I become very weak and exhausted.

Please help me.

My life.My career

2009-11-25T19:34:00.000-08:00

My life.My Career

I love to solve problem with clients.
I love to talk to them.

I'm married to advertising and I still love him forever.

But I just found one question that keeps bugging me and keeps dragging me down.

It's "What does it have to do with helping people?"

I'm exhausted, confused and fear.

Finally I found one that I really believe that it works.
I want to help the businessmen business growth by spreading the good influences to them and help them to help the society too, in terms of career, industry, needs, etc.

There's been a year since I graduated from 95% and worked in CC+J Adhaus,
I saw my improvement fast and learnt a lot. But i'm weak in applications.
And, I'm weak in business street smart, socializing and taking lead.

These has been my biggest challenges and will be my biggest goals to achieve.

It's not easy to achieve it but once I've break through,
I can focus on walking further to the life goal.

As I met a few friends in same industry, I've always received bad comment on working as account person like briefing creatives, meeting client, serving client, having a 'good' account director, bla bla bla.

Sometimes they really affect me, mentally. But I still believe my strong faith and passion for advertising and helping people. My vision is very simple, to be account director - serving more and more brands.

Having clear sight is really not enough, I need to have a very clear vision!

On the way, I found her.

2009-09-17T19:07:00.001-07:00

As I'm walking along the road to my life destination, I felt self-doubt and focus only to myself. My friend make a point that there must be a reason. Then I stop and glance back, I realised a monster been following me. Then I realised all things make sense now. I've become best friend with her and shared lots of good advices to her. She's happy and supporting me along the way. She's more and more beautiful now. ^_^ I'm very happy for her.

As I post this picture, she's my fav character in japanese anime, her name called Sakura. This is also to represent me and her(myself).

Thanks for all the way to here with me, Junnie.

Gratitude Dinner with my Family Members

2009-05-02T07:38:00.000-07:00

I've organised this dinner since few months ago but seems hard to gather 10 person to have a dinner together in one nite. Especially my parents - they're busy with their own daily routine and bro-in-law, back and forth from here to China.
Now I understood why we call it Family reunion for Chinese New Year.(well at least one part of it)

On 30/04/09 Thursday;
I was so frustrated and busy with what I've did for the whole week. I'm so numb cause I don't feel productive enough. Just not enough.

Yet I was expecting the dinner the whole day cause I had important things to tell my family members. When clock strikes 730pm, I knew I gotta leave the office.
No matter what I'm gonna make sure everyone arrive to the dinner. No one left behind.
I called sisters and mom while on my way to get the cake that I've bought that afternoon. It was a surprise for them. -.-' (Eventually, it turned out to Mother's Day cake) Explain later.

Tony, my youngest brother was still in Midvalley, waiting for Brit, my 3rd sis to fetch him as she was jamming around Jln. Klang Lama. Meanwhile, Apple, 2nd sis was on her way back from Sg. Besi, would sure reach later than us.

After a half an hour, Brit, Fai and Tony made it to the restaurant just as same time as me. Then mom & dad arrived, next were Ceci, Bro-in-law and my niece and nephew.
Apple still on her way with Chiat.

Supposingly we're here for Mother's Day dinner and as agreed among sisters, we make it for 2 purposes dinner - Mother's Day & Gratitude Dinner. I'll treat them 80% from the bill. We have chats and enjoy the food. After we had our desserts, I stood up and said 'I have things to tell you'.

Tony makes joke with 'You're getting married?' HAHAHAHAHAHA (there goes the laughters) I calm them and there started my story.

I started from 2005 - when I had struggles to persuade my parents to let me step into animation world, when I'm still not persuasive and stubborn, not understanding.
until what I've learnt in 95% The Advertising Academy. I told them, what I've learnt in 10 times bigger than RM 15k fee. I put the story of CC+J Adhaus's team members into closing as well as the tea leaves story and Light of Candle in me in the end.

I knew my family members were not a good listeners. But as I spoke for almost 15 mins, they tried to listen and feel me. That's the most wonderful thing I've ever experienced. It's more than enough for me, at least they feel my sincerity.

I could feel my parents started to look into me confidently. Like they understand why am I telling this long story. I'm happy and relief. As I said 'That's all' (as usual) My dad teased me 'Ha? I thought you gonna say you're giving us money.' and there goes HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Whatever...at least they enjoy the dinner and jokes in the middle of my speech.

Now my goal for my family is the help my siblings, as they have 'opened' my eyes with their past mistakes and experiences. I do want to inspire them with my vision and belief. I care for them as much as they care for me. It's just we never do it obviously, that's our culture. HaHaHa.

I believe I could inspire them to a much much better life that they've always wanted.

Junnie. Love you always!

First time being crazy clubbing

2008-12-20T01:52:00.000-08:00

It's crazy!
I still don't believe that I'm that crazy in clubbing last nite.
All that I have in my mind is DANCE! Just relief all out!!!!

I still don believe that I can dance from 1230am to 230am.
Man! It's 2 hours exercising, just to get rid my belly.
It's relieving stress class worth RM 75.
= P I guess it's cheap instead of shopping.
Yup, I'm a shopaholic. He he.

After 2 hrs dancing I felt awesome. But I also realized that I've been stopped exercising for quite long time I guess - my whole body's muscle giving me hard time to get off my bed this morning. ^_^

Well, unexpected things happened too, last nite.
An hour before me and my classmates decided to leave,
a guy came by said 'I see you so high. Can I join you dance?'

The first thing in my mind is, I don mind.
It is a huge dance floor. Dance anywhere you want.
He he. I think I know what he means.
Anyway, I told him I'm afraid my friend mind.

Ee Lynn(one of my classmate) pull me over and ask me what happen.
After she heard what's happening, she's like my sister.
Pulling me away from that guy.He he..
Well, I went back to that guy and said 'My friend don't like you join'
Then he said 'too bad' and quickly he said 'Nice to meet you, I'm bla bla (I don remember his name)'

Then I said, 'Hi, I'm Junnie' We shaked hand and he asked for my hp number.
I just made some gestures saying no or i don have hp. I don't know what he get.
Mayb he did realize obviously I don wanna give him my hp number.
Then I told him, 'No worry, I'll dance with you next time!' hehe. now obviously, I'm lying. He then invited me to his birthday party the next nite in the same club house.
Immediately I said 'OK! I'll meet you tml!'

I'm a lil bad him but I really wanna say that I feel pity of him.
Hope he's not waiting and having fun tonite. ^_^

Well, I knew I suppose to reject him. Well, I should learn how next time.
Poor that guy.

Giving and missing

2008-12-18T09:26:00.001-08:00

Well, I use to believe that in the future, no matter what i do, i still can balance up my career and love life. em, now i'm not sure can i. but i think i can!

Recently, quite a mess when think about my love life. Me and Nic argued for some silly things but it's all started with a very important point. After I'm done with my idea generation works, I was struggling to think about my relationship problems. It's really hard to talk things out recently. He's asking me to understand him as he's struggling in between his business problem and me. After almost a week, I totally realize actually I can't. Unless I've gone through his process too. I'm blank now, not knowing what to do.
It's been almost a week this 'cold war' going on and it's unexpectedly mentally painful. So do 'heart-ly.

Well, I guess, it suppose to be I've been focused too much on my career and lack of love life. Funny. -.-" What so funny?

I'm tired, frustrated and ha...sleepy... A mouth saying 'Giving up, I don't care and It's ok' coming from my forehead is too ignoring. Giving my life on my career is the most happiest thing I've ever want to do. But I've weighted Career same priority as my LOVE life. Hm, I guess I should be stronger than the ignoring mouth that non-stop talking on my forehead. ha..

If I'm single today, would I be as good as now? I'm still wondering. But that's useless to think about. I should focus on what my heart is saying.

HA.. tired, frustrating and my eyes are so dry with the contact lens.
Tomorrow still need to work. I guess I gotta have a sweet dreams first.

tired, frustrated and heartache-ing

2008-12-16T22:37:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Diary,

I didn't realize since when i was this tired, frustrated and heartache-ing. Since my secondary school i guess, struggling to fit in a space that really tight and always reject my energy.

Now, i'm still tired, frustrated and heartache-ing and this time it's added with happiness and sadness. I finally fitted in this tight space but it seems more rejection and improvement from that.

I finally realize how's the feeling to wanting to achieve goal in my life. Although I've faced a lot of bad feedbacks but i tend to cherishes the good one too.
I'm practising to balance up my feedbacks and focus more on what i need to improve from everything i did - no matter good or bad.

I never thought that I'll meet the people that really inspire me a lot especially in 95% and CC+J. Not forgetting some of my lectures in TOA.
I believe that because i've chosen or believing the path i go, that's why i got lots of benefit from this path.

Well, the path i chose doesn't really mean the right one. But at least let me try my 100% and find out the reason weather it is right or not.

Now, i still feel tired, frustrated and a bit relieving. ^_^ Thank you for reading my language.

Why I wanna marry advertising?

2008-11-13T02:08:00.001-08:00

I've been thinking a lot these 2 weeks.
I've been facing a lot of pushes around me since
i started the 3 module in 95% and in CC+J.
What tickle my mind?
My Passion and my Desire.
They finally had awaken and now they're trying to push me off the limit that the 'Fear' of me sets long time ago.
Now i really feeling in a war and quite tired sometimes because I'm trying to overcome the weak side of me.
It's Junnie's Passion VS Junnie's Fear.
and of course! I vote for Junnie's Passion.Forever.

My Passion loves to sacrifice my whole life to Advertising world.
This is how the question comes.
Why I wanna marry advertising?
Only advertising could give me a life!
Only advertising could teach me life's principles.
Only advertising could fire up my life's temptation.
Only advertising saves my life from working.
With advertising, i won't need to work.
I just need to work hard to solve others' problems.
It's my love and my hobby. I have to admit it.

And what makes me afraid of living happily with advertising?
My Fear - fear of achieving and fear of winning.
How Fear drag me back?? She keeps telling me that
'Nah...I still have time to achieve what i want, so just enjoy life'
That's how I always behave yet I didn't realize that she actually keep me from winning until my trainers told me that.
She's good in telling herself 'Nah...it's ok to lose, I still have time to
learn from that.'

I'm still not sure if my way of overcome my Fear is working but I gotta make sure I can make it before 2009!
See my transformation!

Well back to advertising, why suddenly this issue comes into my mind?
When I start tired facing war, I become boring nowadays.
Boring of my life. No rhythm.
That's why I tot a lot these days, finding ways to get my life back.
As I was struggling to get a life, someone came in and tell me that
'You're playing too small, how bout try to see the big picture in your life?'
At that time, I felt this advice was very familiar and then I realized
that's the question I asked my Passion when i'm sick of trying to be a good student in secondary school.

Yup, I asked myself before 'What my life for?'
Then that's how my Passion grows at that moment.

Now I found that being in advertising is my vehicle to achieve my goal.
I wanna inspire and help others solve problems in life.
Yup, doctor could do that too.
With advertising, it's something more than a doctor.
It's about safe sex. It's about fever. It's about nuts brain. It's about STD.
For me, it's not what post I wanna do to get my life. It's about what job and who i'm working for.

Perhaps, when we're too focus of the element in the picture we'll get lost in the picture. But when we get out of the picture, we'll see what is the picture trying to say. My goal is the picture. My elements is Passion and Fear.

What's in my picture? ^_^ You will finds it disgusting: A very well-known company that collect rubbish in Malaysia. Professional than DBKL.

^_^ first post did in CC+J

2008-11-03T21:07:00.000-08:00

Well, this blog was officially established long time ago and today and now is the first time my post begin.
^_^ Well, this post is to let you expose deeper about me.

Frankly, I’m selfish, I don share my favorite sashimi to others but don get me wrong. This doesn’t mean that I won’t buy you another one; as long as you’re my best friend or bf. hahaha
Don get me wrong again, I’m in relationship already; a can say stable one. His name is Nicholas and he sometimes also plays my best friend role. Hehehehe But you know what, he usually pays the bill(s). ^_^

I have more than a hobby, as you’ve seen in my profile. ^_^ Basically, I love to do a lot of things but as long as I don get bored easily and there still have more space for me to explore, I’ll sure love to do it everyday. I’m kinda easily satisfied person but sometimes you’ll find me complicated.
I think a lot; anything about emotions and psychology mostly. Hm, now I’m exploring strategic part in my brain in order to train myself to learn to help my future client solve problems.
Ha! It’s complicated. Yup, basically you can find me simple yet complicated.

Hm, what I’m doing currently? Nothing but learning how to be a great “sales person”. Well, you know those who helps a company sell things. It’s not easy and you still get me wrong again this time. I’m not selling products like Diamond, Prudential, or Amway, I’m selling ideas; ideas of advertising – a way to promote and create attention of the product.

Well, I think so far.. that’s all about for 03-11-08.