Just1Momma

Everyone got DESSERT !!!

2011-08-09T19:48:00.003-04:00

Tonight was a pivotal moment in my parenting-life. My husband and I brought our littles out to dinner...ages 9 & 6...and if you can believe it: no one had to be dragged out of the restaurant kicking & screaming; no one had to be "warned" 856 times that if they didn't stop "that" there would be no dessert; no one needed to be threatened that "when we get home your night is OVER young lady (or man depending).

In fact...we laughed, we giggled, we smiled and best of all EVERYONE GOT DESSERT !!!

SUCCESS!!! YES!!!

:o)

Embrace your Framily...we've all got'em...

2011-04-25T22:23:00.008-04:00

It's funny, this was going to be a long & convoluted description of what my favorite term "Framily" is. But after typing, deleting, revising, re-typing & deleting...I decided to go with the whole K.I.S.S technique...(Keep It Simple Stupid ;)

Framily is nothing more/nothing less than "Friends" who are like Family. These "friends" can be biologically related, non-biologically related, 6th cousins twice removed...quoting the old movie Meatballs: "It.Just.Doesn't.Matter."

The people you can call on day or night; rain or shine; after 10 mins or 10 years of seeing each other last and you can just pick right up where you last left off...THESE are the people who make up your Framily.

Think about it for a few seconds or minutes...you too, most likely, have a number of Immediate and/or Extended Framily members dating back to your childhood, teen years, post-college years and/or pre-"responsible adult" years. Whoever they are...be them mothers, fathers, sisters, brother, cousins, best friends, college roommates, old co-workers, step-siblings, half-siblings, teammates from yester-year or yesterday..."it just doesn't matter".

Embrace Framily :o}

to be or not be...a Martial Artist ;)

2011-03-21T14:07:00.004-04:00

Japanese Martial Arts, Korean Martial Arts, Indian Martial Arts, Chinese Martial Arts and Brazilian Martial Arts. Within those cultural arts, there are hundreds of specific art-forms. To name a few, we have: Karate, Aikido, Juijutsu, Judo, Taekwondo, Hapkido, Kuttu Varisai, Varma Kalai, Kung Fu, Tai Chi Chuan, Capoeira & Brazilian Jiu Jitsu...

From my recent perusing and reading on the topic of being a Martial Artist, all art-forms appear to teach the same basic principles: Modesty, Courtesy, Integrity, Self Control, Perseverance and Indomitable Spirit.

Modesty: possessing and exhibiting humility; behavior, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency and expressing these traits through work ethic & motivation for self improvement

Courtesy: gentle politeness and courtly manners; kindness and consideration expressed in a sophisticated and elegant way

Integrity: a concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes; honesty and truthfulness of one's actions

Self Control: the ability to control one's emotions, behavior and desires

Perseverance: continuing in a course of action without regard to discouragement, opposition or previous failure; persistent determination to adhere to a plan of direction; insistence

Indomitable Spirit: a refusal to be beaten, no matter how tough, talented or big the obstacle

Lately, I've been faced with a few situations recently, both personally and socially, that has lead me to the point of researching the true meaning of being a Martial Artist. As I sit here and type out the definitions, I'm comfortable enough in my own skin and character that I can consider myself a Martial Artist. I post this out here for others to read, then ask themselves as straight-forward as possible: Do you walk the walk or simply talk the talk?

Only the deep, down inside 'You' can answer this...

* ya know...like with Integrity and all ;)

Naïve or just plain Ignorant?

2011-02-07T14:39:00.006-05:00

...either/or is not good...but in my opinion ignorance is intolerable, since it is also reversible...no?

As always, I will first go to the definitions and then ramble on from there...so as to not be ignorant myself ;)

Naïve : "a French loanword (adjective, form of naïf) indicating having or showing a lack of experience, understanding or sophistication; in early use, it meant natural or innocent, and did not connote ineptitude."

Ignorance: "a state of being uninformed (lack of knowledge). The word "ignorant" is an adjective describing a person in the state of being unaware and is often used as an insult."

By definition, one who is Naïve is simply inexperienced & does not understand that they are unaware. To me the implication is that as you gain experience you would naturally lose a level of naïveté.

Unfortunately, if you are deemed Ignorant, your uninformed state is caused by lack of knowledge, which I see as a willful condition. A condition that one can quickly alter by seeking out the knowledge that he/she lacks. Once confronted with said knowledge, you can no longer plead ignorance. At this point your denial of information that is at your fingertips results in what I call "Intentional Ignorance" --> a completely unacceptable state of mind.

Intentional Ignorance has been a pet peeve of mine since my earliest memory. I've found that most people who appear to be ignorant, choose to be as it is less complicated than to acknowledge the information that has been demonstrated or explained to them. Those who willfully choose not to see what is right in front of their very own noses are in fact denying knowledge.

The denial of knowledge leads to the use of my #2 pet peeve: the belief in the phrase "it's just the way it is."

"It's just the way it is"...another completely unacceptable way to look at the world around you. If the likes of Elizabeth Cady Stanton or Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr held fast to the thought of the masses during their times, Black people would still be sitting in the backs of buses & Women would still be unable to vote.

...and while the examples I reflect on are extreme situations...they stemmed from what was commonplace and acceptable. If you personally contribute to the mindset that "it is just the way it is" for ANYTHING...you personally contribute to suppression and oppression of others.

If you are faced with factual information and you choose to deny it...you are being part of the cause and in no way, shape or form, being part of the solution.

...just think about that for a moment.

People "think" in terms of their individual "creative" abilities...

2010-02-14T09:37:00.002-05:00

Recently I've started to think that people "think" in terms of their individual "creative" abilities.

Take our musicians...and I mean TRUE musicians. Not folks who enjoy music or those who can simply play music...I mean the ones who live, breath and create music. I'm starting to believe that they actually think, perceive and see musically. My husband doesn't just 'hear' a song...he hears every single component of the song...including the artist's intent. He doesn't just take a walk on a wooded path...he absorbs the sounds and sights around him and appears to translate them in to music.

My father does the same thing using Math. Every thing he sees, hears or deals with, he seems to perceive as or in a mathematical equation.

I believe every "style" of person (musician, artist, teacher, engineer, chemist) has a very specific creative ability that they perceive, feel and experience life through. If we can get educators from the top down to see and feel this...then we can tap in to each child's creative ability resulting in their success.

...and this is where I will start the next phase of my life coming from...stay tuned... :o)

Compassion...or lack there of...

2009-09-15T21:24:00.005-04:00

"Compassion is a human emotion prompted by the pain of others. More vigorous than empathy, the feeling commonly gives rise to an active desire to alleviate another's suffering."

Compassion, or Daya, is one of the three central virtues in Hinduism.

Compassion, or Karuna, is at the transcendental and experiential heart of Buddhism.
Compassion is that which makes the heart of the good move at the pain of others. It crushes and destroys the pain of others; thus, it is called compassion. It is called compassion because it shelters and embraces the distressed. - The Buddha

Compassion is more than simply a human emotion in the Jewish mystical tradition of Kabbalah.
"Kindness gives to another. Compassion knows no 'other'"

True Christian compassion, say the Gospels, should extend to all, even to the extent of loving one's enemies.

So where is it then? Where is all this Compassion?? I mean really...every where you look...every sound you hear...the masses around the world seem to have lost their Compassion. And not has Compassion simply been lost...but it seems that people have spiraled in to a state of mind being the exact opposite.

"Compassion fatigue, is a term that refers to a gradual lessening of compassion over time...including hopelessness, a decrease in experiences of pleasure, constant stress and anxiety, and a pervasive negative attitude"

hmmmm....sound familiar anyone??

And this Compassion Fatigue is being rammed down our collective throats thank you Hannity, Coulter, Beck, Limbaugh, Olbermann, Matthews, Will, Maddow, Scarborough, cripes...the list goes on and on. And so does the divisive "I'm Right...You Are Wrong" dis-compassionate rhetoric that seems to be lulling the general populations in to a Compassion Fatigue like no other.

The human psyche can take only so much. So, bring on the Zoloft, Xanax, Effexor, Prozac, Norpramin, Paxil, Klonopin, Ativan, Cymbalta...gee...looks like there's as many meds as there are pundits! Go figure...

"The Golden Rule"...it comes down to Karma...

2009-09-02T10:16:00.006-04:00

The Ethic of Reciprocity, otherwise known as The Golden Rule: "Treat people as you would want to be treated."

Regardless of how you want to word it...what Faith you hold on to...it's all the same:

"Do unto others as you would have done unto you"

"What goes around ~ comes around"

"What you put out...you get back in return"

"That which you hate to be done to you, do not do to another"

"Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself."

"Love thy neighbor as thyself"

For me - it all comes down to Karma...plain and simple.

Karma is defined as a "deed" or "act" and more broadly names the universal principle of cause and effect, action and reaction that governs all life. We can even put it into techie-terminology: Garbage In --> Garbage Out, or GIGO.

My personal belief system is that which is loosely based on the Law of Attraction which basically says that people's thoughts (both conscious and unconscious) dictate the reality of their lives.

I believe we are all made up of Energy. As we all know - there is Positive Energy and there is Negative Energy. I personally prefer to refer to these as "The Warm Fuzzies" and "The Cold Pricklies". My favorite way to explain to people who don't understand what I mean is this:

Have you ever been somewhere...and someone approaches you from behind, and you suddenly feel like the hair on your neck is standing on end. Your shoulders gets tense and you just feel like "UGH". Who ever it was that walked up to you has what I call "The Cold Pricklies". Then they open their mouths and confirm it by spouting off everything that's wrong in their life, their day, their family, their job, their car...whatever.

Now on the flip-side...someone approaches you from behind, and you instantly feel love and almost know who exactly it is who has walked in and up to you. You turn around with a big smile on your face, relaxed and ready to embrace this person (either literally or figuratively). You have been approached by a "Warm Fuzzy". They make eye contact...ask you how your day was...how your family is...tells you "so and so was asking for you"...and wants to be sure your having a GREAT day!

One is filled with Negative Energy...the other...obviously Positive Energy.

I think we are all born with a specific type of Energy, inherited from our parents...but most specifically from our mothers. I believe that our level of energy is also something that is innate. And while I believe we are born one way...I also believe we can alter not only our state of energy, but our level of energy. Some people have to work harder at it than others...but I believe it can be done. I also believe that the Energy we surround ourselves with is a major contributing factor here as well.

So what is my point here....besides just getting my rambling thoughts out of my head on to "paper"? I have a few key points actually:

1. I do not believe there is a God out there that dictates anything, rewards anything or creates anything for that matter.

2. I do believe that EVERYTHING is energy, constantly moving, shifting, altering, evolving, ebbing and flowing.

3. I believe the more Positive Energy in an environment, the more productive, happy and 'ethical' the environment is.

4. I believe the more Negative Energy in an environment, the more non-productive, angry and 'immoral' the environment is.

5. I believe that right now, the Negative Energy is the majority that is flowing through Television, Movies, Video Games, News, Mass Media outlets, etc...resulting in our current state of the Global Community.

6. Finally, I believe that right now is a PIVOTAL moment in time. The Positives or "The Warm Fuzzies" have to rise up and basically take over. Once this happens, we will start to see Positive Energy flow through the Global Community.

We need to start "creating" Good Karma. We need to start "treating others as we ourselves want to be treated." We need to get and share our Positive Energy.

So from now on - when someone asks "How are you?"...tell them "Good and getting better! and YOU?"

Stop focusing on the flat tire you got, or the time your mom said you couldn't go to the movies with "Johnny" or how you can't catch a break. Count your blessings instead. The more positives you focus on...the more positives you notice...the more positive you become....and the more Positive Energy you give off, directly impacting those around you.

And remember: What you put out there...WILL be given back to you! It may not be an immediate or obvious result...but it WILL happen.

Instant karma's gonna get you
Gonna knock you right on the head
You better get yourself together
Pretty soon you're gonna be dead
What in the world you thinking of
Laughing in the face of love
What on earth you tryin to do
Its up to you, yeah you

Instant karma's gonna get you
Gonna look you right in the face
Better get yourself together darlin
Join the human race
How in the world you gonna see
Laughin at fools like me
Who in the hell d'you think you are
A super star
Well, right you are

Instant karma's gonna get you
Gonna knock you off your feet
Better recognize your brothers
Everyone you meet
Why in the world are we here
Surely not to live in pain and fear
Why on earth are you there
When you're everywhere
Come and get your share

Well we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun

Seriously bummed out Facebooker...

2009-08-12T13:53:00.003-04:00

It pains me to type this - especially since my very last Blog on the topic of Social Networking for Parents....more specifically my 'drug' of choice: Facebook...BUT...

Sadly I'm a victim of a Facebook Account Hijacking. I'm VERY sad...seriously bummed...and obviously quite angry about this. My pictures, notes, information and most importantly my Friends are being held hostage by some entity and Facebook is doing NOTHING about it.

This 'person' and I use that word loosely, somehow got hold of my Facebook login and password. I say 'somehow' because I am VERY tech-savvy. I work in the industry and I know what's what. I keep my information close to home and do not broadcast contact information. But even still...they got me! Obviously - somewhere along the way it's my bad...but Facebook should have my back and right now they don't!

So - in the meantime...all my Friends are being contacted by this person, being told that me and my family are stranded in London after being robbed. They then are being asked for money on the pretense that they will "refund" the money after they "return to the states". I'm banking on the fact that my Friends will know better than to fall for this...but I know that many of them are indeed GOOD friends who are inclined to Help first...Ask Questions later...

I've done the "right" thing...I've filled out their forms...and had Friends fill out their forms and 12 hours later...still nothing. Well nothing from FB...because the Hijacker is STILL communicating with my Friends...posing as me...preying on their good-heartedness and fears. All the while...my main source of communication and networking has been cut off.

All they need to do is make it possible for me to access my OWN ACCOUNT. Simple: they need to restore my Contact Email to MY contact email...and reset my password. How difficult could this be???

Now I completely get that there are MILLIONS of users...and probably THOUSANDS send in Questions and Comments daily...BUT...as a website quality assurance engineer myself, I know that it wouldn't take much for a Developer to put together a down and dirty web application that would allow an Account holder to answer specific Security Questions in order to reclaim their OWN ACCOUNT.

In the meantime - I now am in the debacle: do I wait Facebook out? or do I let the 'hijacker' win and request all my 500 or so Friends to Remove my old account...so I can create a new one in hopes that this person will finally give up and abandon it?

Seriously Facebook - this shouldn't even be a dilemma!!

"Social Networking" for parents...

2009-08-05T10:08:00.002-04:00

As I sit and watch Wall*E...literally...for the 245th time...I thank whoever is in charge of this vast universe for my Internet connection. Although I am indeed a Working-Mother...I can also be classified as a Stay-At-Home-Mother...since I do a majority of my hours from my house. I will never complain about this...I never take it for granted and I will be forever grateful to work for an employer that allows this flexibility. However...it does has one drawback...the lack of "normal" adult communication.

Now many Stay-At-Home-Mom's {SAHM's) are in a similiar situation, but it is truly by choice. Mom's who stay at home, work their tails off...but they CAN and SHOULD venture out of the house during their days to socialize themselves and their children. There are countless other SAHM's that they can organize playdates, group play, lunch-dates, walks around the block, etc...with. As a Work-At-Home-Mom (WAHM) it is truly a different scenario. While I have the opportunity to stay with my kids...I am working. I am always tethered to my laptop and blackberry. And while, on occassion, I do "take lunch" at off times to venture around the cul-de-sac or to the market...it's in a hurried and non-social manner. My main means of communication with my co-workers is email and "chat". So 90% of my 'work-day' is spent typing & reading online communication with my adult counterparts, with the sounds of the current Pixar movie playing in the background...along with my kidlets voice while they play out the scenes from their favorite parts...or favorite books.

Once my "work day" is over...it's strictly family-time. Dinner is made and a family-meal is had. Conversation revolves around work & kids. Lots of "tickles & tears" to go around since the kids ages span from 4-14. Then the night ends. The little ones are in bed by 8p...and the grown-ups and the teen settle in for quiet nights. Since I'm a "responsible parent"...rarely do I head out to socialize with other adults after my kids are in bed. So where does my healthy...adult communication come in to play? Yes - occassionaly we have time outside with other families, or a night-out with just me and the hub...but 90% of my life is spent within the confines of my home with my husband being the only other adult I interact with.

Enter Facebook. Something that I've noticed more and more the past few weeks, is people I used to head out for a night on the town with...now settle in for some good old-fashioned banter...but our medium is Facebook. The reason: we all have sleeping children in our houses.

I am a social animal by nature. If I am in your presence I will talk to you. I love to communicate. At this current stage in my life...my communication tool at hand is my laptop or iPhone. I believe that these two "tools" have saved my sanity and kept my mind from being wasted away on one silly TV show after another. Sure I still watch some TV...but the shows are a select few...but without my "online socializing" I would be draining my brain from 8p until bedtime watching mind-numbing shows to kill the time before my next day begins. However, because of Facebook...I have been re-connected with many old friends. I have been introduced to a couple high-quality new friends. I have been exposed to new learning enviornments and opportunities that would have never landed on my lap were it not for online social networking.

Facebook has also allowed for me to be more actively involved in REAL LIFE. It sparks interests, it spurs curiousity and more often than not...it invokes peer pressure to get off your sorry behind and meet that old friend for coffee that you'd never in a million years get to do if it were for Facebook.

I know this is like an advertisement for the Social Networking tool...but it is what it is. Facebook saved me from turning into a hermit. I get my rants and raves out of my system for 100s of 'friends' to see and comment on. I get to have online debates and discussions since most people are more apt to be honest while typing rather than being honest while talking in real life.

There are many who claim us to be "addicts" - but that's not it. "Back in the day" our grandparents wrote letters, our parents spent countless hours on the phone, then it was email, next came texting...and now...we have Facebook. It's all the same...it's a way to connect to and communicate with other humans.

So I lift my mug o'chai to all my "friends" around the world and say "CHEERS!" And I can do it from the comfort of my own home...AND I dont have to spend a dime to do it!! Imagine that...

Waking up furious...

2009-06-15T10:17:00.016-04:00

Have you ever had one of those mornings when you wake up...roll over...peacefully take a deep breath...and then as thoughts slowly start to filter into your waking mind...you get slightly annoyed...then ever so miffed...and then it all snowballs into outright anger? It's amazing to me that this can occur in the matter of minutes. Literally one second your taking a lovely deep breath...seemingly content that all is right with the world...but then reality stealthly yet quickly creeps on in. Annoying as hell I say!

Anyway...this morning was obviously one of those mornings. FURIOUS I say...FURIOUS.

My anger is directed at other people's perspective...or rather...their lack there of. So as always...in my search for coherant thoughts...I began my research on the word PERSPECTIVE. I had to decide between 2 'definitions' as to which I would follow:

1. Perspective (cognitive), one's "point of view", the choice of a context for opinions, beliefs and experiences

2. Perspective (psychological), or wisdom

*actually there were a total of 5 to pick from...but for my current focus...pharmacoeconomics, literature and the way in which objects appear to the eye or in drawings just didn't apply :)

Basically doing an e-nee-me-nee-mi-nee-mo...I decided to follow:

Perspective (psychological), or wisdom

"knowledge, understanding, experience, discretion, and intuitive understanding, along with a capacity to apply these qualities well towards finding solutions to problems. In many traditions, the terms wisdom and intelligence have somewhat overlapping meanings; in others they are arranged hierarchically, with intelligence being necessary but not sufficient for wisdom."

A few words jumped off my computer screen: experience, intuitive understanding and solutions.

Experience ~~ I personally define 'experience' as learning by doing. It's how one gains experience. And in order to fully experience something one needs to absorb and grasp a concept or a lesson by DOING.

Intuitive Understanding ~~ I believe that everyone has Intuition...but what many people lack is how to understand what their intuition is trying to tell them. Where does it come from...mainly by experience. Your inner voice is saying "HEY...remember when you did this and that happened..." Again...it is related to DOING.

Solutions ~~ Do you want to solve whatever issue is at hand? or do you want to "ignore it so it will go away"? One's ability to solve problems or even their desire to solve problems is directly tied to DOING. Sitting around and yapping does nothing in creating solutions to problems. The only way to solve a problem is to get up and DO something.

So what does this all have to do with my furious mind this morning??? I'm furious with the LACK of Perspective that surrounds many of us. Meaning ~ I'm furious with the LACK of DOING.

If you want to get something done...DO IT. Don't sit and talk about it...and then in turn whine about what you haven't done. Bitch, moan and groan allllll you want...as long as you DO. Otherwise...quite frankly...would you please SHUT THE FUCK UP!

SK School System and $$ Woes...

2009-05-27T10:31:00.006-04:00

Where does one even begin to rant about $$ woes in this particular economic climate? Every person I know is feeling the belt tightening right now. I thank my father and his practicality that he instilled in me over the years, that I've been able to run my family's finances in such a way that we simply have to "watch" what we spend on...rather than really "cut" what we spend on. If only our towns, cities, states and country could say the same.

But alas...that is not the world we currently live in...so what to do...what to do??

I can say that I know what NOT to do. Our community's education CANNOT be used as the sacrificial lamb for our community's financial disarray. To do so would be shameful, embarassing and more importantly, counter-productive.

The Schools have ALREADY sacrificed enough. As it stands, for the 2009-2010 Budget...the Elementary and High Schools made many cuts...of which the schools eliminated 25 positions and once again re-organized our Middle Schools. Also over the years...programs such as Gifted or Accelerated Education have been lost.

With a proposed Referendum...Councilman Jim O'Neill is looking for a reduction of another $1.3 million dollars on top of what has already been cut. According to O'Neill's proposal: "much of the $1.3 million could come from a pay freeze for teachers and higher health care co-pays"...however...this could only come about if the Teachers' Contract is re-opened and re-negotiated...which to be 100% frank here...WILL NOT HAPPEN.

So what WILL HAPPEN?? This is what WILL HAPPEN:

~ Middle School Ahtletic programs WILL be cut
~ Education programs such as CARES, FCE & SMILE WILL be cut
~ at least 2 teacher aides WILL be cut
~ Elementary Band and Strings WILL be cut
~ Middle School Guidance WILL be cut
~ High School Language, Art and Technology Ed classes WILL be cut
~ Support for our students, such as Psychologists, OTs & PTs WILL be cut
~ there WILL be reduction in Elementary Art, Library & Music

This is OUTRAGEOUS. Having a child in preschool, a child in elementary school and a child @ the high school...I have to scream: ENOUGH!! These kids cannot take anymore.

I have to ask our Community: WHERE ARE YOU??

Where is our Local pride? I know many people who graduated from SK have moved to other areas....but I also know that MANY MANY MANY have not. And add to those who've stuck around...I know MANY alumni who have returned to SK...because "it's a great place to raise a family" and they want their kids to go through the SK school system. But now that we are back here...WHAT HAS HAPPENED?

This referendum won't just affect students in the upcoming school year. The aftershocks of this earthquake will be felt for decades to come. Families who have children not yet school age may think this won't effect them...but they're wrong. The ramifications of this proposal will be permanent, and will be hard pressed to overcome in years to come. Families who have children already out of SK school system may think this doesn't effect them either. Again...they're wrong. The legacy that will be left will be nothing but shameful. And taxpayers who do not have children in the school system may argue that this will not effect them. THEY ARE WRONG. Look at other communities where education is not valued. Look at other communities where school systems are not properly funded. What do those communities look like? Is THAT what you want for YOUR community?

Here is a well written explanation of what is being proposed and what will ultimately happen if Parents, Teacher and Taxpayers sit idly by:
http://www.scindependent.com/articles/2009/05/15/local/doc4a0c3038282df498302434.txt

And here is a PowerPoint Presentation as well:
http://fc.skschools.net/Documents/Potential%20Cuts.pdf

If this referendum goes through, what is left of South Kingstown's once exemplary education system will be thoroughly decimated! And ultimately many parents will be forced to find other options for their children's education...because quite frankly...SK will no longer cut the mustard :(

"VOTE 1 ON JUNE 9th"
Broad Rock Middle School from 8am til 8pm!!

When exactly did they say: pick me...pick me!!?

2009-02-21T08:02:00.011-05:00

Recently I've been pondering: Why exactly is it that people think kids need to 'earn their keep' or 'carry their own weight' or for that matter reward their parents for parenting?

As far as I can tell...the parents are the ones to choose to have their children. Kids don't sit around saying "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

I first started wondering about this when my step-daughter moved in with us 2 years ago. At the time, she had just turned 11. She moved in to a house that consisted of what one would consider a "traditional family lifestyle". A 2-parent house with 2 other siblings...a 4 year old sister and 1 year old brother. Oh and don't forget the 2 dogs and cat :)

In this "traditional family" house-hold, Mom is the home-maker. Mom also works out of the house alongside Dad, but we have the fortunate situation where Mom can do both. So Mom cooks for the family, does the laundry for the family and...oh...well...you get the scenario. So the 11 year old moves in. What does this Mom do? She 100% includes her into their family lifestyle. This means doing her laundry, cooking for her, making sure her things are picked up and kept clean & organized.

The initial reaction is: why isn't the 11 year old 'earning her keep'? She's old enough to do her own laundry, make her own school lunches, clean her own room, etc. But I question that! Is she really? Should she have to? Did she barter in some way, shape or form to be born into this world and should in return be so thankful that she will 'carry her own weight'?

To this I respond with an emphatic NO!! I am the parent. I am the Mom. I am the adult. I'm doing the cooking, cleaning, raising, laundering, and what not for the other children in the house...why...because she CAN should she be expected to at the meager age of 11? Doesn't she have an ENTIRE lifetime ahead of her where she will most likely be doing this for herself and possibly her family when she is old enough?

Why I ask, should this be put upon a child? Why should a child have to be 'grateful' or 'thankful' or 'indebted' for something that, quite frankly, they did not even ask for?!

Now...I'm not saying that kids should not be taught to take care of themselves. Of course they need to know how to take care of themselves (ie: 'carry their own weight'). It would be doing an injustice if a teen didn't know how to make their own bed, or do their own laundry, or manage their time in such a way that they can learn to be on time and respect deadlines.

BUT that does not mean that they should be on their own in doing so. I hear people say that "it's a tough world out there" and "when your older, you wont have anyone to help with..." To that I say BULLSHIT! In 'the real world' you have a TEAM to work with you. At the office...you have co-workers or project managers or team leaders or administrators to assist you in your tasks....to guide you...to make sure you are doing what is expected and right for the better of the Team. If you work at a school...you have other teachers to help guide you, a principal you can go to for assitance or help, mentors, counselors, peers, even students themselves to work together as a Team.

Kids should not be made to feel guilty if they are not rewarding their parents Parenting. Kids should be KIDS. You only get to be a kid for what?...18 years out of ~80?! That's less than 1/4 of a typical lifespan.

We have 3/4 of our life to be adults...to be responsible for ourselves and then for others.

So when I do my step-daughter's laundry, who is now 14, I refuse to think that wrong. I'm doing the 6 year old's laundry and the 4 year old's laundry...and, shit, for that matter my 35 year old husband's laundry...I can sure as shit do my 14 year old's laundry.

I'll clean my kids' rooms, do their laundry, cook their meals, make their school lunches, and drive them to and from any and all social activities. I will put my social needs on hold for them, because this is THEIR time.

I had my time, and when they are old enough, I'll have my time again. But I CHOSE to be a parent. I CHOSE to have multiple children. I CHOSE to have a house where each child was able to have his/her own space. I CHOSE to adopt my pets. Until they are "on their own" and in "the real world"...I will continue to PARENT my family, because that is what I am. I am a parent. That is what parents do.

The only "reward" I expect for this, is when they decide it's time to become parents, they do for their kids what I have done for them. The reward will be, being a grandparent.

We are, after all, a Team!

Stop the comparisons please...

2009-01-23T13:13:00.003-05:00

I really wish people would stop comparing the Obama's to the Kennedy's. I mean really...the only thing that is remotely similar would be their tasteful attires.

President Obama and his wife built themselves up from nothing to where they are. They did not have family fortunes, silver spoons or family-pull to get them where they are today.

Jackie was not the strong, powerful woman that we see in Michelle. She sat there with that plastic smile on her face while her husband ran around the town with any skirt he could catch. Michelle is an independent, intelligent woman who does not stand down to her man, and my guess, would be less than tolerant of the mis-behavior JFK publicly displayed time and time again.

President Obama is a man who displays immense pride and hands-on love for his wife and two daughters. He does not walk a step ahead with a trophy family on display in tow. He has his adoration in his eyes when he lovingly gazes into his wife's eyes and does not look past her at the likes of Marilyn Monroe and other starlets.

While it is true, JFK supported and pushed forward many civil rights actions for America's black population...however, in comparing the two as men, husbands and heads-of-family....there is no comparison here. President Obama is twice what JFK could have hoped to have been in the areas of class, taste, pride and respect.

JFK may have been one of the most "popular" presidents of our time...in no way do I want to diminish all the good he did for our country...but when it came to working hard for something you want, and the concept of family-values...the man falls very short in comparison to President Obama...so let's all please get things in perspective here...

changing a bit...

2009-01-19T22:08:00.003-05:00

So this started out as a safe place for 1 mom and 3 teens to banter about challenges that we all respectively face. As always, things morph away from some things and into others.

It appears that this is morphing into a safe place for 1 mom to just throw out there into the blogosphere what happens to be rolling through her mind @ the time.

So now - I'm shifting focus here. I'll be posting my rants and raves...and ask the same of the 3 teens...but not with the idea that it's a place to necessarily get answers...but more of a place to just post their thoughts whenever the mood might hit (or not :)...

...so...let's roll...maybe this'll be a landing place for 3 teens musings...or maybe it'll be Just 1 Mom ;)

I must confess...I'm in love with Will.I.Am

2009-01-09T08:08:00.004-05:00

It's A New Day by Will.I.Am

I went to sleep last night
Tired from the fight
I've been fighting for tomorrow
All my life

Yea I woke up this morning
Feeling brand new
'Cause the dream that I'd been dreaming
Had finally come true

It's a new day
It's a new day
It's a new day
It's a new day
It's a new day

It's been a long time comin'
Up the mountain kept runnin'
Souls of freedom kept hummin'
Channelin' Harriet Tubman
Kennedy, Lincoln, and King
We gotta maninfest in that dream
It feels like we're swimmin' upstream
It feels like we're stuck inbetween
A rock and a hard place,
We've been through the heartaches
And lived through the darkest days
If you and I made it this far,
Well then hey, we can make it all the way
And they said no we can't
And we said yes we can

Remember it's you...and me...together

I woke up this morning
Feelin' alright
I've been fightin' for tomorrow
All my life

Yea, I woke up this morning
Feelin' brand new
Cause the dream that I'd been dreaming
Had finally come true

It's a new day (it's a new day)
It's a new day (it's a new day)
It's a new day
It's a new day! (it's a new day)

It's been a long time waitin'
Waitin' for this moment

It's been a long time prayin'
Prayin' for this moment

We hope for this moment
And now that we own it
For life Ima hold it
And I won’t let it go

It's for fathers, our brothers,
Our friends who fought for freedom
Our sisters, our mothers,
Who died for us to be in this moment

Stop and cherish this moment
Stop and cherish this time

It's time for u-ni-ty
For us...and we
That's you...and me...together

I woke up this morni'g
Feelin' brand new
'Cause the dreams that I've been dreamin'
Had finally came true

Yea, I woke up this mornin'
Feelin' alright

'Cause we weren't fighting for nothin'
And the soldiers weren't fighting for nothin'
No, Martin wasn't dreaming for nothin'
And Lincoln didn't change it for nothin'
And children weren't crying for nothin'

It's a new day
It's a new day
A new day
It's a new day
It's a new day!

How fabulous was Christmas this year?!

2008-12-26T11:24:00.003-05:00

I think due to the current state of the country...financially...educationally...work-force-wise...this Christmas season was more intense and meaningful than ever before.

I don't want to think that I took what I have, who I am and who I love for granted in the past...but the "awakening" feeling I've had this Christmas season...I'm starting to feel like maybe I was.

Knowing how many people lost so many things over this past year, made me appreciate everything I have from my house to my car to my family to my pets...right down to the socks and shoes on my feet.

This year I tried to make sure everyone I was in touch with was aware of the charities that needed help this winter. I was so filled with joy when each person I talked with responded that they took my information, did something with it and received the gift of helping those who have not been as fortunate as us.

I believe this is the Change that our future President is about. People helping people!!

If you haven't seen the movie Pay It Forward...you should...and then make sure you:
PAY IT FORWARD!!

:o)

Who is your favorite character of all time from a book or movie?

2008-12-20T12:09:00.003-05:00

A friend of mine posed this question the other day. I liked it so much because it made me think long and hard. Most people go to "classic" literature to come up with their answers...but I kept coming back to a white china rabbit named Edward Tulane.

In the story "The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane", Edward belongs to a young girl who lavishes him with attention and love. During this time, Edward seems to only fancy himself. The girl's grandmother senses this...and he feels her discerning look and reads into that she knows the "real" Edward...with the implication that the "real" Edward is to self-centered and egocentric to love anyone or anything outside of himself.

The day comes that Edward gets lost...and thus starts his journey. Over the years, he is found and lost many times...and from each experience he discovers many different kinds of love from others, but more importantly FOR others.

I feel like Edward is a fantastic symbol of the human spirit. When we are young...we think only of ourselves and the effects of life on us and how they make us feel. But as you grow both physically and emotionally, thru different experiences with love in life...you begin to open your heart and mind to others and different capacities of love. Through it all - there always seems to be that 1 person who "looks you over" with a sense that they can see through your facade. In the beginning...the look haunts you...but as you grow as a person...the look turns into something that you strive to prove wrong...not for yourself...but for those that love you.

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane is a children's book...intended to reach a 7 year old audience. However, I found myself deeply touched and moved by this story and highly recommend it to people of all ages who feel like they are in between stages in their lives.

So - that's my favorite character...who or what is yours? and of course why?

Hey, so I wrote this in English, and I thought it was pretty good and pretty true...

2008-12-12T22:12:00.003-05:00

Blinking
Blink once and everything's fine,
Blink twice and you can't see the sun shine,
Blink three times and suddenly there's danger,
Blink four times and we're supposed to be safe in the hands of a stranger,
Blink five times and everyone thinks it's the end,
Blink six times and the problem starts to bend,
Blink seven times and things start turning around,
Blink eight times and now you're safe and sound.

Tis the season...

2008-12-12T09:11:00.003-05:00

So while checking my email this morning...I received a notice about donating gift cards to a local center that helps provide basic necessities for local people in need. This center was established back in 1973 by 4 women who "saw a need for an agency that could help people who might not qualify for support through established agencies".

These specific gift card donations are going to be Christmas Gifts for kids being helped by this center...ages 13-18. Normally they have ~150 teens to assist...but this season they are predicting that it'll be closer (if not over) 200 teens.

As I read type this my heart breaks. 200 TEENS! That is about a 1/4 of the nearby high school population!!

My family is lucky. My husband and I over the years have taken the appropriate steps to make sure that our kids haven't had to personally feel the devastating effects of the "economic crisis" that many in the town, state & country are reeling from.

With that said - it's time to "share the wealth" guys!! Give time...give money...give often. It's amazing how helping others also helps you. You feel good, you feel proud, you learn and feel compassion. What do you say?! It's about time to "pay it forward".

Most people WANT to give...but never know where or how to start. So here we go. I'm from South County RI...so I'll post some links for different organizations around our area where it's more than easy to give quickly and painlessly. But if your reading this from somewhere else in the state or country...go here to find a way to give now:
http://www.charity-charities.org/

It's time to make a difference!!!

Johnnycake Center of PeaceDale

Habitat for Humanity

Welcome House of South County

Women's Resource Center of South County

Animal Rescue League of RI

Pet Refuge

Meals on Wheels of RI

RI Community Foodbank

Kids First

There are many many more out there...these are just a few...but they're a great place to start.

Another helpful suggestion...when you go into your local grocery store (Shaw's...Super Stop & Shop)...they have either bins for food donations...or even more convenient...they have pre-packed grocery bags ($5, $10, $15 denominations) that you can just stick in your carridge at the begining of a grocery trip. You pay for it when you check out...and the donated bag full of food is place in a bin that then goes to your local Food Bank. How easy is that?! Personally I think they should do this ALL YEAR ROUND. I mean really...how many of us are impulse shoppers and have spent $5, $10 or $15 on items that we don't really need during a trip to Shaw's?? Why not use that money on things that people truely need?!

Even if only 1 person reads this blog and decides to act on it...well that's one more person/family who reaps the benefit!

Happy Friday...and if you have it...share the wealth this Christmas season...you'll be better and feel better for it!

Hugs?!

2008-12-03T08:14:00.002-05:00

Ok...so I woke up this morning thinking...like I do most mornings. Not sure if that's a curse of being a mom...or a curse of being female...either way it happens that this morning I was thinking about hugs.

Something I noticed is that the 3 Teens here hug each other A LOT. Lots of drapping all over each other...lots of hugs and love! I think it's fantastic :) Other thing I noticed though...is not so much in the hug department of parents from these same 3 Teens.

What's that about?

I make a point to hung my 3 Teens whenever I have to leave them...as long as it's convenient and all...but I know that at first it seemed kinda strange for them (correct me if I'm wrong of course girls :)

So what's the dealio ladies? What goes through yer brains when it comes to physical contact and loving with ur parental figures?! :o)

Ah, my first official problem on our blog!

2008-11-27T11:36:00.003-05:00

Okay, since we can use real names, ill give code names so we dont all get confused.
ex boyfriend - cinderella.
new boyfriend - sleeping beauty.

a little background info:
it was a bad,bad,bad,badddd, breakup.

Now, heres whats going on.

i was on the phone with my boyfriend, when he told me cinderella wouldn't stop messaging him on a website. He asked if i would talk to cinderella, and to try to see if he would stop.
So the next day, i called Cinderella. i said,
'i dont want to start anything with you, but can you please leave sleeping beauty alone? its not fair for him to be brought into the middle of this.'
so guess what he says.
' just a teen, i know we havent been getting along, but you have to believe me that i didnt message him. i want nothing to do with him, so i just dont talk to him. i wouldnt lie about that.'
so then, i called sleeping beauty.
now, sleeping beauty swears on his life & on everything thats good that cinderella messaged him.
So, for proof, i asked sleeping beauty to print out a message from cinderella.

Sleeping beauty printed out a message, and gave it to me the next day.
So, now you think that cinderella was lying.
nope. guess again.

Cinderella has a very unique way of typing. everything has perfect grammar. Sleeping beauty doesnt.
So in this message, its typed right in the middle.
it says 'u' instead of 'you' and my real name isn't capitilized, which is something Cinderella always does.

So....
if you could follow this, and it makes since, its pretty obvious the boyfriend is lying.
But how do i bring something like this up?
if i tell him that i dont believe him, and i believe my ex boyfriend over him, he's going to be extremely hurt.
Or what if my ex boyfriend just was in a lazy mood & didnt type like his usual self?

How do you think i should bring this up with him, & do you think that my new boyfriend really forged this message?

Ok...so here we go!

2008-11-24T21:27:00.006-05:00

Well we are all set up and ready to go!!

Had a nice dinner with 2 of my teens...missing the third...something to not enjoy about this time of year: sickies!! Blech!!

After sitting with my teens @ dinner...and casually chatting with them about a whole lot of different things, I have to wonder what makes it so hard for parents and teens to relate to each other. Do parents really forget what it's like to be a teenager? Why do some parents feel they have to come across to their kids like they are perfect? Like they have never made a bad decision or mistake in order to "encourage" the kids to make smart choices?

The fact of the matter is that people continue to make bad choices or mistakes EVEN AS ADULTS. The point needs to come down to whether we LEARN from those choices or mistakes.

It often amazes me that adults put expectations on teenagers that they should make no bad choices or mistakes, and that if they do then they should be punished. Don't get me wrong...actions deserve consequences...no doubt! But really what needs to happen is guidance, a listening ear to find out why the action occured, and most importantly that everyone learns from the action so it doesn't repeat itself.

A great point to this is Drinking and Driving. Teenagers have absolutely no concept of the potentially life-long natural consequences that could occur from Drinking and Driving. Yes - we can teach them it's wrong...we can can preach to them that it's wrong...but what it comes down to, is we hand 16-17-18 year olds keys to our cars and TRUST them to make the right and informed decision. But now I ask you....how many 21, 31, 41, 51, 61 year old "adults" make the right and informed decision in this SAME situation?! Am I saying it's right then? God no! But I'm saying, if adults have a problem making the right decision here....how in the world can we expect TEENAGERS to make the right decision?!

I tell my teens all the time...you WILL make wrong choices and you WILL make mistakes. The key is to be honest about them and then work together to learn from them. My view on teens making bad choices is: CALL ME...TELL ME...BE OPEN AND HONEST WITH ME. If you can do that...you will NOT get in trouble with me. I will be there to help you and make sure you are safe. Once we know your safe...then we will discuss and more importantly LEARN. But please please please...let's make sure you are safe first!!

Teens....so what are your thoughts on this??!! Would you rather hear about your parents mistakes and how they learned from them? Would this help guide you through your own decisions? Or do you think this would just give you permission to "do the wrong thing"? Or would you rather have your parents/adults edit their life history so that you can see how you "should" act?