Just a Nut

Home Alone

2009-07-13T22:39:00.003-04:00

So I'm at home all by myself this last weekend. In general I like having some quiet time to myself, but after a few days I realize it's exceptionally boring. I'm so used to hearing the tippity tap taping and the muttering that comes from somewhere to my left. Sure, the first night I blasted music she hates, took up the entire bed, and made sure to cook something she would have found repulsive. But it's not nearly as fun to do those things when I can't hear her grumbling about it.

So now I'm just waiting for her to come home and do all the things that annoy me. You really can't avoid being annoyed with someone when you live with them and so much of your life is wrapped around theirs.

For instance, she downs her food in record time and then stares at you while you eat like some kind of psychopath. It's creepy, and you're constantly wondering if something's on your face or in your teeth. She turns the channel to ESPN or something else exceptionally horrible or repetitive, and then leaves it there for hours. When we go to bed, she has to chat for at least 15 minutes. She's seen me all day and yet needs to have a chit-chat just as I'm about to nod off. I'm constantly being asked to go on a walk, which wouldn't be bad, except she has no concept of distance. She will walk you until your feet fall off and you're praying for death. And yet, I'm here, and I miss being annoyed.

"Tis sweet to know there is an eye will mark our coming, and look brighter when we come." -- Lord Byron

You Win Some...

2009-06-16T10:52:00.007-04:00

Dear Contractor,

My loathing towards you knows no bounds. 2 days means 2 periods of 24 hours. It does not mean well over a week with no end in sight. A tranquilized lemur could have finished my kitchen remodel in this amount of time. When you arrive to work at 9 AM, you should work until a reasonable time. Leaving at 2 PM every day is not a reasonable time, especially after taking an hour and a half lunch. Saying, "I'm going to Home Depot for X" only to disappear for the rest of the day makes me want to take that exceptionally loud drill you have and encourage it to become acquainted with your truck.

Unfortunately, I know that your truck is currently in the shop. How do I know this, along with way to many details of your personal life? Oh that's right, you're always on your cell phone talking about them. Here's a tip for future reference: When you're dragging your feet on a job, try not to complain loudly on your cell phone that the auto shop is taking their sweet time with your truck after telling you that it will only take 2 days. How you cannot see the parallel boggles my mind. Saying, "It's been a week, that's costing me money" is idiotic considering *you* have forced me to eat out all freaking week.

It also helps if you don't have to hang the cabinets 6 times because you keep booching the same thing over and over. Yes, holes need to be made in the back splash for the outlets. So why oh why when you actually do remember to do it, do you put them in the wrong place? Why do I have to tell you that the drawers wont open? Doesn't it occur to you to check? Who the hell doesn't pull out the drawer immediately after putting it in? I know that's the very first thing I did when building my dressers from Ikea. And why, for the love of god are the doors on the cabinet under the sink at different heights and not flush? Perhaps that has something to do with their inability to close? Please, tell me you're blind or had some of the vast amounts of dust you've been creating in your eye. Because that's the only option other than being a totally incompetent boob.

Sincerely,
A very HUNGRY person

---------

While the above should have ruined my weekend, it didn't. I had a fantastic weekend. I took Saturday off in trade for a very late Sunday night. This means it seemed like I had Friday - Monday off apart from working over night on Sunday. It's a rare treat that Dina and I have so much time off at the same time.

Saturday was pride here in Boston. So we were able to see Kathy Griffin live. I can't believe how fun that was. I laughed for 2 hours straight and still smile just thinking about it.

Sunday we were able to catch Up in 3D. What a wonderful movie that is. I was particularly impressed that they didn't use any of the cheap 3D tricks like throwing things at you, yet made the 3d really effective. I also found myself a little teary eyed at the movie. Poor Dina was sniffling after the movie ended which always breaks my heart. Dina, unlike me, looks almost cute when crying because she gets these big teary eyes like a 4 year old. I, on the other hand, end up looking like a red faced snot factory. It's really unflattering to see my face contorted and the sniveling.

So while my kitchen is a total disaster and giant headache, the weekend made it seem unimportant. So now while I listen to a screeching saw, I just let my mind drift back to the weekend fun. It's the only thing keeping me out of jail and away from assault charges.

"Um miss, can I borrow something to measure this counter I just cut? I think it's too short." -- My Contractor

It's In The Mail

2009-06-02T03:04:00.004-04:00

Packing things to send away is always strange and slightly idiotic. The whole mess is only made worse when Dina joins me. We both have a tendency to go a bit overboard. Thankfully we use flat rate boxes and then just stuff the crap out of them.

For some reason, we are compelled to send things that I doubt anyone actually wants. Once I crossed the state line into Mass, I found myself suddenly sending people maple syrup. It didn't matter to me that they probably had no need, it was just something I couldn't stop myself from doing. Something happens to your brain when you live here, where you suddenly think maple is a crusade. You must promote maple, sing its praises, adore maple, worship at it's sappy bucket, and scorn any product with fake maple flavor. The cult of maple is all powerful. There's no resisting it, so you might as well not try. If I try, I fear I may find a sugar maple tree limb in my bed in the morning, or be attacked by the sap bucket in a dark alley.

Even if I can resist the temptation to send syrup, I get suckered into sending baked goods by Dina. She loves to bake, but what the hell do you do with 6 dozen cookies? I know! Pawn them off on anyone silly enough to give you their address. So there we were tonight baking away until 2am. It wouldn't be so bad if we hadn't decided to experiment. Just a note, peanut butter cookies using fresh chocolate peanut butter are not as spiffy as they sound. It was sad really.

I'm glad to say we finished all our boxes. At least this time there was no fire. (Dina doesn't let me play with that anymore). There was an unfortunate incident with a hot baking sheet and my hand. On the plus side, I can now rob a bank because I have no finger prints on one hand.

I'm just happy I remembered to slip some Spider-man stickers in with the birthday/mother's day/father's day box I sent to Arizona. Something tells me that compared to all of the things I sent to the adults, the 99 cent Spider-man stickers for my nephew will be the hit.

Here's hoping we all stumble across something small that makes us smile. We all need Spider-man stickers from time to time.

"Or don't you like to write letters. I do because it's such a swell way to keep from working and yet feel you've done something." -- Ernest Hemingway

Freeze

2009-05-19T03:06:00.009-04:00

On a whim I decided I needed to create a new profile image. Thankfully I found the penguin image to refer to, so that was a snap to get done. I thought for sure the penguin would be the difficult part. But no, it was the damn cactus that drove me nuts. I couldn't decide how to shade it, and then once I did I still didn't like it. I finally gave up because I just didn't want to look at it anymore. So there you have it, one penguin near an oddly shaded frozen cactus. See, even when not living in Arizona, the cactus are still the bane of my existence.

My apartment either has heat on, or AC. So after the horrible heat wave, the residents asked that the AC get kicked on. I was thrilled when they scheduled the switch for today, I hate being hot. Of course the very day that it gets turned on, the temperature outside plummets. As I type this, there is sure to be an icicle dangling from my nose. I'd check, but I lost feeling to my extremities a little while ago. So, I figured a new, yet cold, image was called for.

"Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation." -- Frank McKinney Hubbard

Overdue

2009-05-12T01:02:00.004-04:00

So I've recently been reminded of something some total idiot wrote at some point. This person clearly had no concept of the scale of their idiocy. It's just a shame that I had to be that idiot.

So when this glass shatters
and the tint falls away
I'll stand with shaking heart
with irrational hope
that answers will come
this fear is unwarranted
this courtship of friendship
can survive
a shattered illusion

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." -- William Blake

4 years

2009-05-06T20:05:00.004-04:00

What is the 4 year anniversary? (Ok it's not really 4 years, but we've known each other for 4 years). This is the question I asked Dina and the answer was, "I believe it's jpeg". The woman can sniff out digital camera gadgetry from 6 blocks away. No matter what store we're in we will have to go and look at them. She calls it "nerding". It really doesn't matter to me because we always walk out of there without buying anything.

So, imagine my surprise when I found out the 4th year is supposed to be fruit or flowers. If I came home with either of those she'd look at me as if I'd just sprouted a tulip for a head. But, I then found a site that had modern anniversary gifts. Apparently it's the appliance anniversary. She'd agree that a new vacuum would be far more romantic. She's a loon.

It's all moot, we're not actually married. However 4 years is still a long time, and we need a new vacuum.

"There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort." -- Jane Austen

Just Jammin'

2009-04-18T16:16:00.000-04:00

This really is quite incredible and I've been jamming to it all afternoon. I'm thinking I'll be needing to pick up the album.

Playing For Change | Song Around The World "Stand By Me" from Concord Music Group

"No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid. Just as long as you stand, stand by me" -- Ben E. King

Nyquil

2009-04-11T22:16:00.000-04:00

Ugh, I don't feel good. But then, I never feel good when I get home from a trip. I always seem to get sick 30 seconds after the plane lands. Thankfully I don't get sick on vacation, that would be even worse.

So I'm stuck at home wishing my cold medicine would kick in before Dina gets home. If not she'll be tempted to get a funnel and pour fluids into me. Her cure for every sickness is fluids and lots of them. She'll even spy on you to make sure you're drinking enough. I've actually had to sneak off and pour my drink in a nearby plant. Hopefully she won't tie the mysterious plant death to me, I was sure to cover my tracks.

When I get sick I get depressed. So I end up sitting there thinking of all the what if questions. What if I had handled things differently? What if I had made a different choice here or there? What if I could go back in time and change something...

A what if only brings about more questions. It gives you a strange false sense of hope that you can change the past. I can't, and all the cold medicine in the world won't make me delusional enough to think I can. It will however make daytime television infinitely more interesting.

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." -- Erma Bombeck

Swag

2009-04-03T21:49:00.000-04:00

I'm currently drooling over some T-shirts from Three Rings. I'm a sucker for an interesting T shirt. By far my favorite is this one. When you start in Whirled you're just a little tofu. So the curd happens just tickles me.

We'll also be getting some mugs to add to the nerdy mug collection. What can I say, I just can't help myself. It's always good to celebrate your tofu roots.

"Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished." -- Leslie Nielsen

On The Road Again

2009-03-30T23:49:00.002-04:00

It hasn't been all that long, yet here I am home again. I think mom was missing me because it was rather short notice. Thankfully my job allows me to come for a visit whenever possible. Of course she claimed that she wanted me there for my nephew's birthday. Hey, it's as good an excuse as any. Besides, mom arraigned for him to have a Shetland pony, Mosey, give some rides. Apparently a woman she knows has a rescued pony and often takes the disabled children my mom deals with at work on rides.

So as usual I went overboard. It's crazy how much I like this little guy. He's just such a sweet happy boy. You can't be around him and not feel happy just to watch him. He's become the center of the world, as he should be. So when I come I naturally bring books and other goodies. He has a thing for stickers, so I always make sure to have a pack or two.

He loved the pony, he was just scared to ride it. So instead he lead it around by a rope while his friends rode. Of course as soon as the pony was put back into the trailer, he wanted his ride. Thankfully the wonderful woman brought Mosey back out for him.

He may not remember this birthday since it's only his third, but there's no way that I forget his smile. There's no way I forget his bear hug and the big growl he uses just for me. Well granted that's because I told him that giving big hugs meant you had to growl. As a side note, I also taught him where his parents put the batteries for some of his more obnoxious toys. His parents can thank me later.

"You make 'em, I amuse 'em." -- Dr. Theodore Seuss

Bah Love Bug

2009-02-15T04:58:00.001-05:00

I've always hated Valentine's Day. I'm forever thankful that I'm with someone who thinks it's just as silly. I firmly believe that you should do those little things on normal days if you really want to show someone you care. I think she agrees because it's not uncommon for her to come home with a Dunkie iced tea for me for no reason at all.

However, we're not stupid, we celebrate the day after Valentine's Day with a passion, it's half off chocolate day! Now *that* is worth a celebration.

"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie." -- Jim Davis

Year One Down

2009-02-04T18:15:00.003-05:00

It's been one year. A whole year where half was spend getting biweekly updates about chemo treatments and radiation. Then another half of a year where my mother redefined tired. And yet, somehow she went to work every day but 4 days. She managed to see her grandson at least twice a month and nag me from across the country. A year of my dad being a shining example to all husbands on how to be supportive and take care of everything. It was a year that I really learned how much I care about my entire family. I'm glad it's over, but not as glad as I was today when I heard mom's tests were clean.

I can't wait for this year.

"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Furry Face

2009-01-23T03:09:00.002-05:00

Good writing touches you, makes you connect to it, and allows you to feel something. At times it comes from places I wouldn't expect. There's an ESPN writer that Dina reads. At one point she sent me a link to an article he wrote about his dog. Anyone whose ever had an animal can relate. By the end, I wiped away the tears and had an overwhelming urge to call my dad to ask about the puppy of doom. I miss my puppy, but I know she's happy where she is.

Leaving her in Tucson wasn't easy, yet I knew it was the best thing. She'd gotten used to dad and he, in his retirement, made her his best friend. I hate when leaving something you love behind is the best choice. Thankfully she remembers me. Each time I visit she climbs up me in an effort to sit on my shoulders. Though now she generally ends up laying on my chest.

"If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater... suggest that he wear a tail." ~Fran Lebowitz

Make Way

2009-01-17T03:10:00.000-05:00

Boston drivers make driving a contact sport. As soon as you buckle in you know you're flirting with danger. Sure, every city claims they have crappy drivers, but there really is no comparison. They have their hands glued to the horn, which is good because it helps to move people out of the way when you're driving on the sidewalk or cutting off a cop. I literally cannot drive for more than 10 mins without saying the phrase, "Holy shit, what a *insert colorful language*".

I always thought I was an average driver if not above average. Of course we all think that which is clearly why there are so many accidents. But I'm the stooge that allows people in before me and uses that odd invention, the turn signal. I even know how to merge. Merging alone sets me apart from everyone in Mass. They are physically incapable of speeding up to be able to merge into traffic without forcing every car on the road to slam on their breaks and the horn.

So you can imagine my shock when I watched these inconsiderate Massholes (as I fondly refer to them) stop at a traffic circle, aka death trap, to allow a meandering gaggle of geese to cross. Not one person honked, gave a finger, or cursed. One even smiled! I couldn't believe it, I almost had to check that I hadn't inadvertently crossed the state line.

It just proves that there's always time to stop and smell the roses... or smell the geese.

"Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead." -- Mac McCleary

Riddle Me This

2009-01-04T04:46:00.000-05:00

I've recently had the urge to write, or at least be creative in someway. I really don't know what's brought it on... well yes I do, I just don't know what to do about it.

Figuring out what to do about something is always harder than finding the problem. I could always try poking in Flash and making something for Whirled. For whatever reason, I'm more comfortable doing that. Perhaps the more geek there is in something, the higher the comfort level?

"I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for." -- Georgia O'Keeffe

A Big Wheel Knocked on the Door

2008-12-27T05:28:00.002-05:00

Holidays are so much better when there's a child getting presents. As you get older you forget how much fun ripping paper is, or hell how much fun playing in an empty box is. But kids remind you of all these things the moment they giggle and dive right into playing with the gift they got. The hug you get when they say thank you is even better.

I think I went a little over bored, but I dare anyone to blame me. You try resisting the impulse to get one more truck for the cutest boy on Earth before pointing fingers. Thankfully he's almost 3 so the toys aren't all that expensive. He's thrilled with a $1 finger puppet.

Anyway, my family likes to save big gifts and give them in goofy ways. So this year as presents were over a mysterious doorbell rang.

Riley: "Omeone's at da door!"
Me: "I think it's for you..." Who cares that it's the back door we're pointing at?
Riley: "No, Daddy gets doors cuz mailmen bring bills." Makes perfect sense, who wants those?
Me: "I'll come with you." We then go to the door and a red and yellow Big Wheel waiting with a big bow on it.
Riley: "Woah!"
Me: "I think it's for you, let's bring it in." We brought it inside and he just stared at it."
Riley: "That's not a bill Daddy!" If it were, I'd want bills like that.
His dad: "No, it's a Big Wheel and all yours." He then showed him how to get on it and they rode around the living room a bit. For the rest of the night at random points he'd just say, "Big wheel rang da door bell."

"Life is like riding a bicycle - in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving." -- Albert Einstein

Leavin On a Jet Plane

2008-12-16T15:53:00.002-05:00

Thankfully I do know when I'll be home again (3 weeks). However, Dina's already pouting about how long I'll be gone. It just makes sense to make the vacations long to get the most bang for my buck. I don't have to worry about missing work since it goes with me. However I can't help but feel for her. I always get lonely when I'm left home alone. Well lonely after the first night where I drink a bottle of wine and watch a horrible B movie while taking up the whole bed.

I've been homesick and looking froward to seeing mom, the nephew, my puppy, and the rest of the clan. However, I'm going to miss sleeping next to the wiggling lump that insists on scooting back so her back is against me. We could be in a bed the size of Nantucket and she'd still wiggle back to squish me.

It's too bad she couldn't come, but with a new job starting, that's not really possible. I'm sure by the first night she will build a fake me out of pillows. Let's face it... I wouldn't have it any other way.

"If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters." -- Author unknown, attributed to Jim Davis

Dancin In The Chair

2008-12-07T09:35:00.002-05:00

I've said it before and I'll say it again: If I couldn't sit here listening to music blasting while working, it's quite possible I'd have to quit after giving myself a concussion from whacking my head against the keyboard repeatedly. As it is, it's common to see me hurl a kooshball or paper ball at the monitor.

However, occasional frustration aside, I love my job. Any job where you can be barefoot is a keeper. Plus I'm constantly finding myself laughing hysterically at something someone said.

Below is an example of our typical pointless conversation:

Coworker A: "Crap, not snow again!"
Coworker B: "What is this white stuff that you speak of?"
Coworker A: "It's cold bits of ice falling from the sky!"
Coworker C: "You have slushies falling from the sky! Yum! What flavor?"
Coworker A: "They come in plain, plain, and road salt"
Coworker C: "I guess cherry is too much to ask for then."

My mother often worries that working at home will turn me into some type of hermit. I'm already half hermit anyway, so there's really no further I could sink into this. Yet I feel connected to people because I'm constantly chatting online. But I can see her point really. I've recently been thinking about friends who've left my life and the reasons for it. In doing so, I realize again why I'm a bit of a hermit. It may just be better that way.

"When humor goes, there goes civilization." -- Erma Bombeck

Crafty Eats

2008-11-19T03:54:00.000-05:00

I think I'm getting old. I actually allowed myself to be convinced to learn to crochet. Worse yet, we have a weekly meet-up (aka cook 'n hook) at our apartment with Dina, Lisa, and myself. On the one hand, at least this is more social than the computer. On the other hand, I'm not eighty. So every Wednesday we sit there playing with yarn and watching Top Chef. Sometimes we even bake, which Dina is always up for.

I actually enjoy it more than I thought I would. I get off later than either so they both arrive from work while I'm still puttering away at the keyboard. I'm not sure if I love the easy conversation and the mocking of the people on the television, or the routine. It's so nice to have a standing appointment for some silly downtime that doesn't include a computer.

"What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul." -- Yiddish Proverb

California, Seriously?

2008-11-05T17:46:00.002-05:00

I generally avoid politics in blog postings because I can't imagine I'll ever feel the need to be reminded about the horror show that is politics. However, I cannot believe California of all states is so monumentally ridiculous. Rather than write some diatribe that will either fall on deaf ears or be preaching to the choir, I figured I'd just link to someone whose already summed up my opinion quite nicely.

From Memo to California By Dana Claire Simpson. It was written by the same person who did a wonderful web comic called Ozy and Millie.

"There's also the sheer idiocy of a ballot initiative process that allows constitutional amendments to be introduced by absolutely anyone and pass by a simple majority vote. The entire point of constitutional government is to prevent passing whims of the electorate to be enshrined in stone if they cross certain lines, and to protect vulnerable minorities from the tyranny of the majority. You know, like protecting, oh, say, gay people from the panicky whims of idiots who listen to Mormons."

"All of us who are concerned for peace and triumph of reason and justice must be keenly aware how small an influence reason and honest good will exert upon events in the political field." -- Albert Einstein

Waste of Time

2008-10-30T01:04:00.000-04:00

I've always had a fascination with silly Flash games. This particular little game has just tickled me to no end. It's in Whirled and called Corpse Craft. When you enter whirled, just click on games at the top.

I'm not really sure why I like these little ways to kill time. Perhaps it's a bit telling about me that I'd rather click quietly on a computer than go out to a club. I'm just not sure if I want to know exactly what it's saying about me.

"Our whole life is solving puzzles." -- Erno Rubik

Fun Fact

2008-10-13T00:37:00.002-04:00

Bees will create a nest anywhere. So in the future, if your car mirror stops working, don't just go grabbing for it to correct it. That might be your first instinct, I know it was mine, but think of the bees. They lurk in the shadows waiting for their moment to pounce. Who cares if it's an idiotic place for them to live, perhaps they enjoy a little speed. They're the daredevils of insects!

You really never will be more scared then when you reach out and a flood of them come storming out pissed that you disturbed them. Take it from me, just live with a broken mirror. You don't need to see what's behind you anyway, for all you know there are more bees.

"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." -- Kevin James

Web Comics

2008-10-02T16:51:00.001-04:00

I really love a web comic called Real Life. It seriously makes me giggle and half the time it hits the nail on the head for me. The following is an exact conversation I had with Dina no more than two days ago. (Click on the image to make it larger.)

This comic is nerdy, adorable, and full of awesome. If you have a chance, I really recommend reading it. You'll want to start at the beginning, but it's well worth it. If you look closely, you'll even catch a few mentions of Puzzle Pirates.

"Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off." -- Ellen DeGeneres

Hopeless

2008-09-16T17:14:00.000-04:00

It's too late, it's over. I've now officially fallen victim to the evils of the interwebs and technology. I expect the sky to fall or my mother to call and shame me at any moment. I don't mean that I work online from home, that's acceptable. I'm not worried that many of my friends only communicate with me via typing; that's common. I don't even mean that I met my girl friend in an online video game. That's nerdy, but not a crime. No, it's worse and yet I'm unapologetic. I, in my incredible wisdom and laziness, ordered my grocery online. And you know what? It was fantastic!

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

What Time Is It?

2008-09-13T16:08:00.001-04:00

Ever since my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, we've ended phone conversations by saying, "I love you." We'd never really done that before. While I always knew my parents cared, we were never the touchy feely type. I don't like the reasons for it, but I think I like this change.

She's doing well and going to work every day. I don't know why really, I'd love to see her take some time off to recover. Hell I wish she took time off when doing her treatments. Perhaps her way of dealing with it is to keep moving. At this point, whatever it takes is fine by me.

I'm a bit homesick at the moment. Time's funny that way. It wasn't too long ago that I really just wanted to leave, and now I'm sitting here wishing I was back. I think I just wish I could check for myself that everything is still ok. Biweekly phone calls really don't cut it. I'd also get the added bonus of nephew time.

I don't know when the next visit will be, but I sure plan on enjoying my time there. Time is important, I want to make sure that from now on I take it when I can.

"Time! the corrector when our judgments err." -- Lord Byron