Just A Thought...

On My Knees

2009-12-02T07:45:00.000-08:00

Last night I was hanging out with some of my friends at a weekly meeting (it is suppose to be anonymous so don't tell anyone). Anyway, an acquaintance had returned to the group after being away for some time (going out as it is called). He was having a rough time and had hit a low spot in life. Everyone shared a little bit of hope and support for him as did I and we listened. As he spoke about his despair and hopelessness, I could see something I had not seen in quite a while: the man I once was. Later as we were leaving, I and a long timer had a chance to speak with him alone. As we talked, his eyes filled with tears and my long timer friend asked him something I didn't quite expect: "Are you ready to accept Christ?". "Yes, yes" he said, and the three of us dropped to out knees in the unlit parking lot and led him in the sinners prayer, and my eyes were filled too. As we stood up, a scripture came to mind that means so much to me:

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."

2 Corinthians 5:17 NKJV

I am so thankful for the second chance Jesus has given me, I am so thankful old things have passed away and all things are made new. Last night I was reminded of the man I once was, and had a chance to pray with someone just like him. I had never had the opportunity to fall to my knees and pray with someone as they accepted Christ. In spite of all the pain my friend was going through, there was joy: it felt so good, so right.

So I ask you to keep my friend in your prayers. Pray for his sobriety, pray for his comfort, pray he keeps coming back, and pray that he is provided for: homelessness is no fun. And pray that he continues to surrender to God's will.

“Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.”

Matthew 18:19-20 NKJV

And a little piece of wisdom from my long timer friend: When you go to bed at night, throw your boots under your bed; that way every morning when you wake up you will remember to drop to your knees and thank God for another day.

Ever wonder how good it feels to share the Gospel? Check out ACT111.org for straight forward training on what to say. I did!

A Day on Ortega Highway

2009-12-01T14:42:00.000-08:00

I like it here, this lot looks very appealing.

This is Home to Someone

2009-11-26T10:27:00.001-08:00

This morning I got up (earlier than my body wanted to) and went to help out at Capo Beach Calvary. We were setting up for the Thanksgiving Dinner being served today at noon. It is free and anyone and everyone is welcome! If you are away from loved ones, alone for the holiday, don't have anyone to spend the day with, or you would perhaps just love to spend time with and comfort others; you are welcome! It was a small bit of my time to help set up tables and chairs in the sanctuary and I had a great time seeing many of the people I have come to know and love there. After the heavy stuff was all done, the decorating started; it was time for me and my bros to step aside and let the more talented people take over - the women (we are too macho for that foo foo stuff).

Anyway, when we were finished, I had some time to relax and just think. I began to think about all the things I am thankful for and my thoughts and prayers began to drift to others. I found myself thinking about all the homeless and less fortunate in the area; I see them around and always wondered where it is they might lay themselves down a night. So I took a walk, and I found, not to far from my home and the church, a little place that some call home. I don't have to tell you how bad I felt just to see the conditions these people were living under. It was all I could do to keep my composure as I spoke to a kind and gentle soul that called this place home. He didn't speak much English, but that was not a problem; even if I didn't speak Spanish (though I do), I'm sure the language of our souls would speak clearer than anything.

So I spent some time there talking with him; I invited him to dinner at the church, gave him a little money for food, and I gave him a small tract; the Gospel of John (he held it like it was gold). He was so appreciative, so sincere, so humble; I wanted to do so much more. I began to feel so selfish; why do I have so much more, and what could I do to make any difference? What can one man do? I had to stop my "why" thoughts and just accept that God has His reasons and His ways are far beyond my ability to comprehend. But I did think back to some recent reading from Genesis and I realized every multitude starts with one.

So he called that place home, for a while. It is not his home forever. Like all of us, he is a sojourner here, just spending a little time here before we move on to eternity. As the Bible says, we long for a better home; a home in heaven. I just pray that somehow, he and others, had a better home than this for now.

Giving Thanks

2009-11-25T08:50:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, a happy time for most when we gather together with family and friends and just be together. A time to ponder and give thanks for all the good things we have in this world; in spite of being in the world. And for many, (and I speak for myself) the good things may not become so evident until we loose or almost loose them. Simple things that we take for granted are often the most treasured things when trials and tribulations come our way. And the things we thought were so important often show their real character; stumbling blocks to the better plan God has for our lives.

I thank God for opening my eyes! And I thank Him for the trials that, although painful, have made me so much more aware of what is truly treasure in my life. The things I once thought so important, so paramount have, for the most part, done nothing more than separate me from God and lead to only pain, resentment, and regret. And not only to me, but to those I love and care about as well. My selfish “Me, mine, and more” way of living has taken its toll and at times it seems it has left me with nothing more than me and God. But even that is a gift; He has opened my eyes to see, He is all I need.

So what am I thankful for today? I am thankful for the path God has given me. I am thankful for the eyes He has opened that were once blind in more ways than one. I am thankful for my wife and for the miracle of tolerance and endurance she has been in my life. I am thankful for my children and there unconditional love. I am thankful for my father and my sisters for loving me in spite of me. I am thankful for my church and my Pastor; for being there for me, for praying for me, and for accepting me as I am. I am thankful for today, I am thankful for tomorrow; and I am thankful for yesterday even though the memories often hurt. I am thankful for my sobriety, and I am thankful for you, my family in Christ; a gift from God!

But most of all, I am thankful for Jesus! I am thankful He died for me, I am thankful He forgave me, and I am thankful He came looking for the one who wandered from the flock.

Therefore He says:

“ Awake, you who sleep,
Arise from the dead,
And Christ will give you light.”

See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God.

Ephesians 5:14-21 NKJV

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! Giving Thanks Always!

Happy Birthday Little Sweets!

2009-11-23T10:41:00.000-08:00

My Little Sweets.

Happy Birthday my Little Sweets, I know this is a little late in coming, you know how busy things have been lately. But know this; I am never too busy for you!

It is so amazing, such a miracle to watch you grow up right before my eyes. It seems just yesterday you were my little girl held safe in my arms. I remember such special times with you and cherish every moment. I remember when mom would leave for work early in the morning and leave you in bed with me waiting for the day to begin. The memories of your gentle grunts and groans and the sweet smell of your hair still comfort me. The times I remember with just me and you, you and I, are so very precious. Today I looked at the little piggy hand puppet and the memories of all those giggles and smiles of yours brought tears to my eyes. And now I look at you and it seems, in the blink of an eye, you have become a young woman; and that is hard for your daddy to grasp.

So what do I see? I see you – a very beautiful, intelligent, caring, loving, supportive, forgiving and compassionate woman – yet still my Little Sweets. I know I have not always been the best example and have not always been there for you, I am truly sorry; I know these are only words. I can’t change the person I was or make up for the things I did or did not do. All I can do is now be the father God meant for me to be. So I will be here for you now, I will be here for you in the future, I will spend the time with you that you need and deserve, and I will be the father God created me to be.

I know I sometimes seem like a nag to you, trying to get you to come to church with me; but it is only because I love you and want you to know the God that saved me; the God that gave me my family back; God, that gave you your father back; God, that gave me all the good things I don’t deserve and did not give me the things I do deserve. Don't ever be ashamed to call on His name - Jesus!

So my Little Sweets, know that your daddy loves you – always. Know that your daddy needs you – always. Know that your daddy worries about you – always. And know that your daddy prays for you – Always!

I Love You, My Little Sweets,
More Than You Will Ever Know.

I Need You, My Little Sweets,
And Cherish The Gift of Watching You Grow.

And I Worry About You Always,
This World is Sometimes Not a Gentle
Place.

And I Pray For You Always,
For His Mercy, His Protection, His
Love, And His Grace.

I Love You Sarah, Daddy's Little Sweets! Happy 14th Birthday!

Love,

Daddy

Pines Park Sunset

2009-11-20T17:37:00.000-08:00

A New KWAVE Broadcast; A Daily Walk

2009-11-18T09:02:00.001-08:00

Just some good news I wanted to share. Pastor John Randall and his messages from Calvary Chapel San Juan Capistrano will be on KWAVE coming up at the end of this month. The broadcast is starting Sunday, November 29^th at 2:30pm to 3:00pm. Titled “A Daily Walk”, it will be messages that are recorded from services at Calvary Chapel San Juan Capistrano. For those of you who are not familiar, Calvary Chapel SJC is in downtown San Juan Capistrano across from the Mission. My wife and I have been going there for over a year now and it has been a blessing. I really enjoy (and trust) the teaching we get there. There is something to be said for going through the Bible chapter by chapter and learning the whole counsel of God. I guess I could go somewhere else and hear only happy and cheerful messages that tickle my ears, but I know that is not what the Lord wants me to hear.

Anyway, I am looking forward to having the opportunity to listen to the messages, because even though I may have heard them once, I’m the kind of guy that could slip back into old habits when the world starts taunting me.

So check it out on Sundays at 2:30 pm starting November 29^th. Even if you can’t make it to service, you can be in the Word. There are many excellent teachers on KWAVE like Chuck Smith, Jack Abeelen, Dave Rolph, Raul Ries, Tony Clark, Pancho Juarez, Jon Courson, Skip Heitzig, and many others. It is at the end of the FM dial: 107.9 FM and they do have digital broadcasts also. And if you can make it, come be in the Word with us at Calvary Chapel San Juan Capistrano. Sunday Services are at 8:30am and 10:30am and there is a Wednesday night Bible study at 7:00pm also.

Even if you have never been to church, never read the Bible, never thought about your eternity; you will be welcome! I know how scary it can be to walk into a church all alone, but remember, you are not alone! And if you need the company of another sinner, I would love to have you come to service with me. Email (scmcqueen@cox.net) or call (337-8302) and I will pick you up. We usually go to the early service on Sundays as well as Wednesday night study.

I once was lost, but now I’m found. I may have a lot of past garbage that I am still ashamed of, but I know for sure God has forgiven me: But there is one thing I will never be ashamed of - the Gospel of my Lord Jesus Christ.

He lived, all God, all man, the Word made flesh

He died, nailed to a cross, and paid the price for my sins

He rose again, was seen by many, and lives forever…

And I believe!

Combined Men's Ministry Monthly Breakfast

2009-11-05T09:52:00.000-08:00

Just a quick post on an opportunity for fellowship with the guys this Saturday morning, November 7^th. The Combined Men’s Ministry puts on a breakfast once a month at Mangia Bene in Laguna Niguel. Cost is $9 if you pay in advance or $10 at the door, but it is best to make reservations so they can plan for enough food etc. Click on this link “Combined Men’s Ministry” to go to their web page and get the info and call for reservations.

This Saturday Peter-John Courson from Capo Beach Calvary will be the speaker, check out his blog if you get a chance. I do enjoy his teaching and appreciate his strong faith. Schedule permitting, my wife and I (and sometimes the kids, please pray!) go to Capo Beach Calvary on Thursday evenings for Bible study and Saturday evenings for service. I am always amazed at how he is so organized, focused, and on track with no notes or outline! For those who are not familiar with Peter-John, he is the son of Pastor Jon Courson from Applegate Christian Fellowship in Oregon. He can be heard on the radio ministry Searchlight on KWAVE.

Although I have only been to one of the monthly breakfasts in the past, it was a blessing and I will be going this weekend. Every month they have a different speaker and have a great worship team. They have had some great speakers in the past including John Randall, Don McClure, and Jack Abeelen and musical guests such as Dennis Agajanian.

Anyway, I hope to see some of you men (no, all of you) this Saturday morning for the Combined Men’s Ministry breakfast at Mangia Bene at 7:45am. Click on the web site link to call and make reservations and bring an unsaved friend! And if you need a ride, call or email me!

If you see me, please introduce yourself; I am not ignoring you, I am just very shy and still very insecure, but He is working on me!

If you can't make it this weekend, plan on next month. And check out Mangia Bene for lunch or dinner sometime, it is excellent!

God Bless brothers!

Here are some links!

Combined Men’s Ministry

Capo Beach Calvary

Peter-John Courson's Blog

Mangia Bene Italian Restaurant

Just Some Things I Need To Remember

2009-11-01T11:58:00.000-08:00

Don't worry (Matthew 6:25)
Keep trying (Romans 5:3)
Forget the insults (Philippians 3:13)
Appreciate the kudos and compliments (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
Don't let any of it go to your head (Psalm 147:6)
Thank God for the good things (Psalm 100:4)
Thank God for the not so good things (Ephesians 5:20)
Thank God for what He did for me (2 Corinthians 9:15)
Never deny Him with my mouth (Matthew 10:33)
Never deny Him with my actions (Titus 1:16)
Never deny Him with my thoughts (Proverbs 30:9)
Give as much as I can (Matthew 19:21)
Take only as much as I need (Matthew 20:14)
Forgive those who just don't know Him (Mark 11:26)
Forgive those who think they know him better (Matthew 12:2)
Don't worry (Matthew 6:27)
Just believe, and everything else is gravy. (Romans 10:9)

"And he believed in the LORD, and He accounted it to him for righteousness."

Genesis 15:6 NKJV

Click on the verse to go to the NKJV verse on Bible Gateway

Awakening09

2009-10-27T07:39:00.001-07:00

Click on the flier and register for Awakening09, It is this weekend and its free!

Nice n Quiet

2009-10-26T18:43:00.001-07:00

Dana Point sunset. Just another peacefull sunset from the cliffs in Capistrano Beach looking down at the harbor.

Calvary Chapel Men's Conference 2009

2009-10-24T10:06:00.000-07:00

It was an awesome conference, I went with some friends real early so we had some decent seats. It was standing room only! Very good to be with men that have my my best interest at heart (my salvation). Thanks for lunch Randy! It was great to be with you, Jim, and Bill. And so glad you are all right Bill, that spill could have been so much worse, He is watching out for you! Sorry we didn't see you earlier in the day Martin, I can't believe you were sitting so close! I had looked that way so many times and just didn't recognize you in the cap. But very good to see you. See you all next Monday night! I'm not sure, but I think they will be posting the video archive on the web site so check back soon. Timeless messages that seem to be even more applicable in our current times.

Jesus Saves!

Just a Reminder, Calvary Chapel Men's Conference is coming up October 24, 2009 at the Anaheim Convention Center. Admission is free (parking $10). It is a one day men's conference from 8am - 4pm (doors open at 7am). Click on the image below to go to the web site and check it out or punch in the web address - www.ccmensconference.com

Can't wait till next year!

Watching the Sunset

2009-10-21T08:58:00.000-07:00

Well it looks like things are coming to a close and the sun is setting on a part of my life. As I feared, it looks like I will need to find another career. I am not sure what I will do or what I should do. I just wish (pray actually) that God would make things a little more plain to see and say “You are going to be a (fill in the blank)”. But it is not that easy; it is going to take my continued faith. This whole journey has been a rough ride, but through it all there is so much good, so much new life: I have my wife, I have my children, I have had broken relationships restored, I have my sanity and sobriety, and most importantly I finally have Jesus!

Looking back I ask myself if I would I have done anything differently; and the answer is “Yes”. But in retrospect, in hindsight, our vision is so much clearer. Do I have any suggestions? Yes, seek God and have faith; that I have done. But I have one more suggestion… honesty; be honest from the start, and that I have not been very good at. I have heard advice from many on what to do, what not to do, what to say, what not to say, for legal reasons, for family reasons, for whatever reason. But in the end it boils down to being honest with God. Whether or not we reveal everything to everyone is one thing and some things should remain private. We even have laws that are suppose to guarantee that privacy, but let me tell you from experience there is no such thing as a legal right to privacy. But I do know this, honesty with God has no room for discretion; we are either honest or not. There is no in between. And that honesty can be brutal. It may require you to give up you privacy, to give up your rights, and to face some painful earthly consequences. To be honest with God, we must be honest in every part of our lives, regardless of the consequences.

My only regrets are all my regrets – my character flaws; and He is working on those (His Word works wonders on these). It would have been great to keep my career, to keep my income, but with what I have gained I would have to say that in spite of my pain and insecurity, His plan is perfect; because what I have gained is priceless. If loosing my career is what it took to open my eyes and see Jesus, then I have lost nothing. If this is all it took for me to see how I could be saved from the hell I was living, the hell I was causing, and the hell I was doomed to, then it was worth it. Having the absolute faith that I have been saved simply by my faith in the completed work of Christ has changed everything. God still works miracles, He still heals people in the blink of an eye. Like the Bible says, I am a new man, old things have passed away and I am a new creation in Christ. I could play “what ifs” forever and wonder what the outcome would have been, but the only “what if” that matters is “what if I didn’t accept Christ?” And when I think about that, nothing else matters: Nothing.

So what am I going to do? I have no clue. I will have to continue praying about it and listen to Him very carefully. Will I be a machinist? A trash collector? A sales associate? A telemarketer? I just don’t know. I sure could use your prayers and suggestions and let me know of any opportunities. But whatever I end up doing, it will not be about me; it will not be my identity and will not be what defines me. The only identity that matters is my identity in Christ and whatever I do, I must do it to glorify God. I just pray I can support my family… the gifts He has given back to me.

So times are still trying, and I am trusting Christ will guide me to do the right things. My time here in the world may not be as secure as I had hoped, but I know my time in eternity is guaranteed in His presence. I wrote and said this prayer a while ago when all this stress was just beginning. I continue to pray it.

A Prayer for Trying Times

Help me, Lord, to find good in this. I know your plan is perfect. Help me to pray for those that harm me; I want only to seek your will. Give me strength Lord, in these trying times; be strong in me, as I am weak. Shelter me in your house Lord, my roof is leaking and my walls are falling. I come to you, my God most high, for safety in this storm; I know you will protect me. Carry me Lord, my legs are weak and they buckle under this heavy load. Help me Lord, to not be bitter with others; to not shout or say hurtful things. Help me lord, to wait patiently on you, I know your timing is perfect. Help me Lord, to speak the truth; I know it will set me free. Help me Lord, not to panic; I know you will defend me. I place it all in your hands Lord, I know you know what's best...Your Love Will See Me Through...

A few verses seem to have real application for me this week, maybe they will minister to you as well:

And he said:

“ Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD.”

Job 1:21 NKJV

Even so, I have noticed one thing, at least, that is good. It is good for people to eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun during the short life God has given them, and to accept their lot in life. And it is a good thing to receive wealth from God and the good health to enjoy it. To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life—this is indeed a gift from God. God keeps such people so busy enjoying life that they take no time to brood over the past.

Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 NLT

I notice in many of Solomon's writings in Ecclesiastes he follows up many of the verses stating "This also is vanity (or meaningless depending on what translation you read) and grasping for the wind" and I noticed he does not say that after this verse. I take comfort in that.

Please say a prayer for my family; the sun will rise again.

2009-10-19T18:11:00.001-07:00

Sunset

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Breakfast at SC Pier

2009-10-06T11:23:00.001-07:00

I had a peaceful day at the San Clemente Pier today. I had not been down here in a while. Ate some awesome Eggs Benedict, did some reading, and just took a little walk. I gotta get out and enjoy little things like this more often. If this is what retirement will be like I'm ready.

He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.

1 John 2:6 NKJV

Our New Smoker

2009-10-04T12:58:00.000-07:00

Its that time again, we got a new smoker and we are breakin it in with some pulled pork. The Tri Tip goes on later today then the corn in the husk. Still gotta make the home made BBQ sauce. Check out this Old Post for the recipe.

"Even so, I have noticed one thing, at least, that is good. It is good for people to eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun during the short life God has given them, and to accept their lot in life."

ECCLESIASTES 5:18 NLT

Autumn Sky

2009-10-02T17:50:00.001-07:00

And some time to think...

The Best Year of My Life

2009-09-23T11:52:00.000-07:00

The Best Year of My Life.

It’s been a year since I started scribbling some of my thoughts down here and allowing others to peak into the person that is me, my struggles, and my new found faith. Looking back, so much has changed in my life that I would have told you was just not possible, it was against all odds. I had accepted Christ, and I believed in Him and His word with all my heart, or at least I thought I did. I Believed in Him and all He said, but I was the exception. Faith, prayer, and adhering to God’s instruction would work for everyone, everyone but me. I believed He could and would changes lives from a living (or should I say dying) hell to a joy filled path to eternal life. He could do it for anyone, but wouldn’t for me: I was too far gone, I had sinned too much, and I had hurt too many; I was way too broken. I was convinced my path was set in stone and my earthly life was condemned to excruciating pain, suffering, and humiliation and there was no changing that; I had earned it and the wages of my mistakes were going to be paid. My only hope was that when all was said and done, in the end I might be forgiven and the suffering would end. Yet still I believed….one day at a time.

I still remember one of my first posts here; it was about the men’s group I had begun to attend. As I said, it was a men’s group and I had been invited by a coworker from an old job; a Christian man who I respect very much, a man I had “Butt Heads” with on occasion, but who had always forgiven me, and who had always pointed me to Christ. Looking back, I think it was one of the best things I could have done. I had spent my so much of my life hanging with the wrong crowd and suffering the consequences. It was time to start making the effort to surround myself with people that believed, people that cared, people I could draw on as examples of what “to do” ; some real honest men. The group was called “Men of the Path” and my post was called “Some Honest Men”, check it out if you have not read it and pass it on if you know a man who might be struggling with “The World”.

We would meet on Wednesday mornings bright and early. We would just get together as men; men with challenges, frustrations, fears, questions, resentments and regrets; but also with thanks, with love, and with hope…. With a future. And we would talk about our lives and experiences and see what the Bible had to say about our situations. We would support each other and, at times, admonish each other; but always with love and God’s word. It was good medicine and I miss it. Today the group started meeting again after their summer break and I was not able to attend. So I am sitting here kind of feeling sorry for myself, but realizing this is one of the better pains in life. Not too long ago I would have done anything to get out of such a meeting so I could continue living a life of selfish (and painful) sin. Anyway, I wanted to say thank you Andrew, I will be forever grateful for you reaching out to me and for pointing me in the right direction. (p.s. I still have that red NLT translation you gave me that one morning when I was not doing so good, and I remember thinking to myself that no one had ever cared about me like that before. You are always in my prayers.)

So what about my path, what about the lot I was convinced I must suffer? What about the pain and humiliation I was sure would follow me to the grave? Well it is fading. So much of what I thought I had lost forever is now alive and well. In some ways this has been the best year of my life. I have my wife and children and a relationship with them that has never been better. I remember and cherish our times together and have a wonderful time in spite of financial and other challenges. I have a relationship with my father and my sisters, and although we don’t have all the time in the world to get together, I look forward to the times we can, and I look forward to just being there. I have a new family in Christ that I love to just be around, to love, and to pray for. I go to church services and look forward to seeing everyone at both churches, I get to comfort and pray for my friends going through challenges and I am thankful to have that privilege. I still have challenges and fears, finances are still crazy, and things are still up in the air with my career, but I’m at peace with it. My path may not be what I want or what I prefer, but neither is it written in stone. It is in God’s hands and so far, his hands have shown me that I don’t have to pay those wages I know I earned. I do have many amends to make to the living, and it will likely take the rest of my life to even come close to making a dent in that list; but by God, I am forgiven, and all it took was my faith. And thank God that is all it took, because there is no way to make restitution for a life of sin. He has shown me that faith changes everything.

I won’t pretend that any group or a number of steps is the solution to any problem, but I do know that being surrounded by God believing, God loving, God fearing people has only beneficial consequences and I know this from experience: I know I won’t loose my family, loose my sanity, or loose my freedom by hanging out with fellow believers. On the contrary, I think the influence of Godly people in my life has helped heal my family, keep my freedom, and regain some sanity from the unmanageable mess I once was. Yes, I know some pay a great earthly price for their faith in God, but by His grace, I have been given the best year of my life.

Jesus told them, “This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent.”

John 6:29 NLT

Divisions in Life & Death

2009-09-17T11:50:00.000-07:00

I was at work yesterday; it was almost time to go. I was thinking about hurrying up, getting home, seeing my family, and all the other stressors and joys that occupy my thoughts. A new patient checked in close to closing time and I found myself frustrated at the complaint on the screen "Multiple Injuries". I was thinking this one is going to keep me late and it might make me late to church. Anyway, I tried hurrying through the other patients and finally got caught up. I will leave him nameless and leave many details out for privacy and legal reasons. I read the chart note: "Gunshot wound, etc. etc. ...., and need for referrals". At that point, I at least had some sense to let go of my selfish concerns for a bit and focus on him. Turns out he was involved in a fatal altercation. Long story short, there was an altercation that lead up to the use of deadly force. In the end, the another individual was shot and so was my patient. He had already seen the specialist , but was here to get follow-up and get everything else and all the referrals taken care of....The other individual had died.

So I did the things I needed to do, I made sure there were no infections or complications from the physical wounds, and made sure all the appropriate referrals had been made. Things seemed OK.

When all was finished, I went home, I hugged my wife and kids, and I went to church. Later on, I read about the indecent. There were some very different views of what had transpired and who's fault it was. I wasn't there and all I know is what I have heard and read, but what I think really doesn't matter. The two sides are as different as black and white and it will be up to our legal system to get to the truth (well at least to try). I have no business passing judgment on anyone involved, although I would have been the first to accuse at one time. But I found my thoughts and my heart divided at that point. On one hand, I was concerned about my patient. There were serious physical injuries, but more concerning to me was his mental (and spiritual) well being. He was young and had his future ahead. Did he have the support to get through this? (not that you ever get through something like this). Was he second guessing his decision? Was he experiencing the kind of guilt I know I would in a situation like this, regardless of how justified he was? Was he stable from a psychological standpoint? And who am I to make those kinds of decisions? Would my decisions be right for his care? All I could really do for him in the end was pray for him (and worry like I always do).

I began to think about the other man, the one who had died. The first thought that came to my head was "Was he saved?" and my belly began to churn. There is nothing I can do for this man now, he is gone. In the blink of an eye a man is now dead. Yes I prayed for him, but as I said, he is gone. If he did not know God there is nothing I can do about that now; I can’t pray him into heaven. So I began to think about his family, his friends, his fiancée, and all the pain and loss they are now feeling and will continue to feel. He was a son, a friend, a boyfriend; a loved man: and now he is gone and many are very hurt, very angry, very frustrated. I can’t even imagine their grief. I will never be able to say "I understand" or "I know how you feel" because I don't, no one does, no one but God knows. And again, all I could do is pray for them.

It took a bit longer to fall asleep last night, my mind was racing thinking about all involved and the pain they were going through. From what I understand, it started as a verbal disagreement and escalated from there to the point where a man died, and life is forever changed in the blink of an eye. I started playing the "What if" game in my head (I hate that game). What if it never happened? What if someone responded differently? What if someone yielded their rights and let go of their pride and purposefully let the other win while it was still just an argument? What if he tried such and such? What if there was no gun? After a while I had to stop, because all the "What ifs" in the world are not going to change what has already transpired.

Eventually I fell asleep and woke in the morning with it still on my mind. And I found my thoughts and heart divided. I was praying (and feeling) for the patient and all he had gone through. I was praying for his healing both physically and mentally, I was praying for his peace and for that of his loved ones. And I was praying for his future; something the other man no longer has.

And then there was that man I didn't know, the one who died. And I began to pray for him and all those who loved him. As I said, I can't pray him into heaven now; I just hope he knew Christ before his eyes closed for the last time. I prayed for his girlfriend, who apparently watched it all happen. I pray she finds peace and forgiveness and I pray she has the support of all who love her. I prayed for the family that has lost a brother, a friend, a son; a part of their own lives. I can't even imagine the pain and grief they are in and will be going through for the rest of this worldly life. I pray they turn to God for strength.

So my thoughts are divided today: Divided between two sides of this tragic event; an event that left one man dead and another alive, living with the consequences.

I began to think about divisions, and how sometimes they seem good and sometimes they seem bad. God divided between dark and light, between good and evil, between righteous and unrighteous. And in division He asks us which side we will serve. It is a conscious and real choice that I believe is the most import choice we will make in this life. But sometimes the divisions we face may not be so clear cut between good and evil or right and wrong. Today my heart, my thoughts, and my prayers are divided between two groups that are enduring one of the most tragic situations in life. But in spite of the absolute pain that all are experiencing in this, I think the division I feel is in someways good, it feels right. Because what I find being divided today are the things the Lord has given me: Faith, Hope, and Love. And I am finding that no matter how many times you divide the good things, there is always more to go around. My thoughts and prayers are divided between these two sides today, but those thoughts are the thoughts I think the Lord would want me to have; and to give. I will leave all the judgment to the one qualified: to God.

Please pray for all the families and people involved in this unfortunate event. I pray that all involved find peace and healing, but most importantly, that they find God. I have faith He has a plan, I have hope for a future in Christ, and I have love beyond measure; to give away from a well that does not run dry.

A couple verses came to mind as I was thinking about this tragedy. I would like to share them with you:

For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

Hebrews 4:12 NKJV

Those who plant in tears

will harvest with shouts of joy.

They weep as they go to plant their seed,

but they sing as they return with the harvest.

Psalm 126:5-6 NLT

10,000 Hits and Counting

2009-09-08T10:28:00.001-07:00

Just a little ego trip here, (I better keep it in check). I looked at the "Hit Counter" at the bottom of my blog today and noticed it turned 10,000! I started my blog just about a year ago and installed the hit counter sometime after that. In any case, it's a little milestone for me. I have never been much of a writer nor have I been one to share my thoughts and concerns (or my mistakes) with others. In fact, a little over a year ago all I really was capable of sharing was my lies, my excuses, and the wreckage of the tornado that was me.

But things can change and they did; God changes people! I know He has changed me and continues to do so every day. He is faithful to complete the work he started, even when I am not so faithful.

In this past year, I have shared a little bit of me: my thoughts, my worries, my triumphs, my mistakes, my fears, my dreams, my hopes, my sin! Some of these parts I am less than proud of, as I should be, and I continue to try to make amends for the damage that I (and no one else) have caused. Some of these parts I am proud of, and I need to allow God to keep that pride and ego in check: ego can be a killer! But what I have shared here is only a little part of me. In time, I hope and pray that I will be able to let down my guard just a little more; to share a little more about who I was, who I am, and who is responsible for the change (He needs no introduction). And I pray that, above all, I have shared and will continue to share Jesus: the one thing I will never be ashamed of, the one thing that brought me back to life. Jesus!

This blog is not about me, although at times it may seem like that (my ego still gets in the way). It is about what the Lord has done for me, with me, and in me. It is about the new eyes He has given me; eyes that see a hurting world searching for a savior. It is about the new heart He has given me; a heart that has learned to love what I thought was unlovable. It is about the new hands He has given me; hands that want to reach out and help and hold others. It is about the new mind He has given me; a mind that forgives, a mind that seeks His will, a mind that is focused on Heaven and not on this passing world; a mind that is sober. And it is about about what He can and will do for you and everyone else if you just let Him in. It is about sharing that truth: that God can raise us from the dead and bring us into a glorious life with Him; forever. And all takes is for us to believe! From that alone, rivers of life will flow.

I still make mistakes, (more than you I'm sure) and I still cause problems. I say hurtful things, I may quote scripture way out of context. I still make selfish decisions and cause pain in the lives of those I love. I may say, write, or do things that are anything but biblical and are deserving of judgment. Yes, I am still a sinner (ouch!), but I am forgiven! And I am being changed every day, from glory to glory by the cleansing blood of Jesus. And I am forever grateful for all He has done for me.

Anyway, I am thankful for everyone that has visited and allowed me to spill my guts, my worries, my prayers, my inspirations, my mistakes, my sin! etc. Just being able to put down my thoughts here has been a cathartic comfort and knowing that others actually read them at times is a blessing. My prayer is that people will see that, no matter what, there is hope; and that hope is in our Lord Jesus Christ. I was broken beyond repair, yet with Him here I am; forgiven and free.

I do appreciate every one who takes the time to read my thoughts. I can't pay you $10,000, but I do have two hands, two eyes, a mind, and a new heart that would love to serve those in need. If you need help finding a good church, learning how to share your faith, finding a support or recovery group, or learning how to start a blog, get traffic, or whatever; or just need a friend to listen and pray with: I am here; by the grace of God.

I pray that my words have, at least in some small way, glorified God; the God that forgave this wretch called me. If I seem to get off track, please remind me, gently, it's not about me.

Am I Worth Fighting For?

2009-09-05T10:28:00.000-07:00

I was driving home along the 5 freeway at Camp Pendelton the other day and I noticed our flags along the fence and the smoke from a fire in the hills behind. It made me stop and think how thankful I am for our armed forces and all their sacrifices; and how thankful I am that God continues to fight for us too. The contrast of our flag with the fire in the background got me thinking and I began to reminisce on some of the old testament scriptures and how the nation of Israel would, time and time again, turn from God and then suffer the unavoidable consequences; the wrath of God. Looking at my own life and also that of our country, it seems to me that the time of wrath is at hand. Seems to me that God continues to fight for us in spite of our turning from his way, yet at the same time we are suffering the consequences of our actions; of our turning from God.

Sometimes I wonder if we deserve such selfless commitment, seems like we, as a nation, have turned from God and are therefore suffering His wrath. Yet still He fights for us, just as our soldiers fight for us regardless of whether or not we deserve it, regardless of the decisions of some seemingly less than Godly politicians, regardless of our lac of appreciation.

So I pray this Labor Day, that we all take some time to consider where we are in life, whether our not we are indeed following God's will, both as individuals and as a nation. I for one pray that I will live a life that is guided by God and His will.

I chose God, for I know in the end everything else of the world, like chaff, will burn.

I pray I can live a life worth fighting for.

Just a Bit Worried

2009-08-22T10:56:00.000-07:00

Times are (again) quite stressful and I find myself doing one thing we are commanded not to do: WORRY. I find myself worrying at every thought, every turn; money, my career, taxes, my health, bills, retirement, my family, water leaks, everything! Sometimes I feel like I am genetically predisposed to worrying... and then I start to worry about that!

Stop...Take a breath...Relax...and take comfort in His Word. I am still so amazed, every day, at just how many answers are found in His Word. From little nothing annoyances to complex, seemingly apocalyptic problems; I have never been disappointed or misguided when I turn to His Word for comfort, for answers, and for truth.

So what does this worry do for me? Nothing good! That is for sure. And it is proven to be detrimental to our health. Even that is self evident; when I am worrying I can feel my stomach being burned from the inside out. I can just imagine the gastric acids eating away at my poor little esophagus that is already a mess from Barrett's Esophagus (a fancy medical term for 'you have started to digest your own pipes').

But what do I do? How can I stop worrying when it just seems like that is my nature? Stop...Take a deep breath...Relax... And take comfort in His Word...

So I turn where I should and begin take counsel from The Wonderful Counselor: Jesus! And I remember not so long ago, in fact, just a couple weeks ago, we were studying the book of Matthew on Sundays at Calvary Chapel San Juan Capistrano. Pastor John had pointed out just how many times Jesus said "Do Not Worry". I don't remember exactly how many times he actually said it, but the point was made: Clearly He tells us not to worry. As I read again in Matthew chapter six alone I find that Jesus commands us, more than once, not to worry:

“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?"
Matthew 6:25 NKJV

“So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these."
Matthew 6:28-29 NKJV

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?"
Matthew 6:31 NKJV

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
Matthew 6:34 NKJV

Clearly, He is telling us "Not To Worry". He even counsels us on just how pointless our worry is when He says:

"Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?"
Matthew 6:27 NKJV

And in clearly understandable terms He tells us why we are not to worry and what we should do instead when He says:

"For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."
Matthew 6:32-33 NKJV

And so I Stop...I take a deep breath...I relax.... And I take comfort in His word, in His counsel, in truth: and for the moment I will not worry. For I know that in this world, all the world can take from me is "The World": It can't take my faith, it can't take my salvation, it can't take what matters, it can't take Jesus!

So if you find me looking preoccupied, looking worried or out of sorts; I ask you to remind me what Jesus commands of us, and to pray for me to take comfort in His word: to remind me "Not To Worry!" And I, of course, will do the same for you.

You can have all this world; give me Jesus!

Just an Inspiring Video

2009-08-21T13:08:00.000-07:00

I was inspired by Chad's open air preach on YouTube. Check them out, it is in two parts (1&2)

Harvest Crusade, House is Packed!!!

2009-08-15T19:21:00.001-07:00

Full house at HARVEST CRUSADE

I had a wonderful time at Harvest Crusade today. We got there pretty early, but still had to sit in the nose bleed section over left field. No, I didn't catch one of the free T-shirts from Hurley (bummer). But I did get to participate as a Decision follow-up worker. I had the privilege of praying with two guys, one of which was coming to Christ for the first time. His family was there to support him and I know they are strong believers so he has lots of support, but I'm sure he would love all the prayers he can get. Please say a prayer for Luis, a new brother in Christ and also for Dave, his brother that got him to come to the Crusade. The music was pretty wild tonight, now I know I'm gettin old. Chris Tomlin will be leading some of the worship tomorrow (a bit more my speed). Anyway, It was very cool to be there; life has changed so very much since my time on that field one year ago.

Do You Know Him?

2009-08-13T17:07:00.000-07:00