Just another single Mama...

The Great Valetine's Day Debate...

2012-02-13T19:49:00.000-08:00

You either love it or you hate it...there is really no in between! It seems like most single people hate it and most people in relationships either like it or think its a silly holiday. One of my friends pointed out to me today that if you are in a relationship you should do sweet things for the person you love all the time. Not just when 15th century Corporate America makes up a holiday to make us spend lots of money. I agree to a point. I think flowers just because its Wednesday is a sweet sentiment. Or love notes for no reason other than love. In now day and age when marriages are falling apart left and right why not take a few moments out of your day to make a point to reaffirm your loved ones? It doesn't mean you have to spend all kinds of crazy money on giant teddy bears (ugh! the only one I want is the one below ha ha ha!) or dozens of roses...but you can make a point to write an old fashioned Valentine card and say I love you! As my dad would say "Actions speak louder than words" so why not do both, with your actions show your loved ones you care with your words! Who cares if you are not in a relationship? Give a card to your Mother, Son, Sister etc anyone you love! Or at least just let those of us who are in relationships enjoy the day and not make us feel guilty for having a Valentine...because we were all there at one point hating the "Single Awareness Day!" Happy Valentine's Day y'all!

What means the most...

2012-01-30T20:17:00.000-08:00

As we get older I think most of us realize how short life is and how much the small things that really mean. I have decided to divulge a list of things that in case you men didn't know mean the most to us women! We learn in our lives that the short and sweet words and sweet actions mean more to us than you men could know. Most of us have dated or lived with or married men who are not as kind as you....so all that to say we appreciate you and on behalf of women every where ( and My Facebook friends!)...

We love it when you do the manly stuff with the car, taking it to get an oil change, putting gas in it, checking the tires etc...We know we can do these (or pay someone too, but we love it when you do these for us) it solidifies that you want us to be safe in our car...p.s. (we also love it when maybe the roads are treacherous or we have a long drive and you check up on us to make sure we got where we were going!)

We love when you take the time out of your day to do something little for us like make us coffee in the morning, start our car, iron our clothes, make our lunches, cook our dinner. We know not all men do these things for their significant others and it truly makes us feel like we are the luckiest girls in the world!!

We love it when it's not just a first date and you are still holding the door open for us. We love it when you send us those sweet "Good Morning Beautiful!" text messages even when we may have just seen you. Especially when we are not feeling so beautiful.

We love it when you take us to our favorite restaurant even when it's not your favorite. We love the big things but mostly it's the little things that make our day...like flowers just because its Wednesday (thanks Germs!) and hugs and kisses on our forehead just because. We love it when you do girly things like paint our toenails and cook for us just because you know how and know we love it…And when you say no to the bread basket because you know we can't say no either...Thank you for giving us a reason to brag!

Signs you shouldn't be with him...

2011-11-21T20:45:00.000-08:00

Kandee gave me an idea....Ten signs that he is not worth your love and affection:

10:) When the guy you are seeing says "I am not emotionally ready for a relationship" which really means I just want to get laid and not have to worry about strings attached. So ladies listen to him and keep on moving! What he is really saying is " I have the maturity of a 13 year old but since I told you beforehand its ok if I treat you like crap."

9.) When he says one thing and does another. Actions speak louder than words, he can tell you till he is blue in the face what he wants to do for you and with you, if he doesn't do them, but only makes empty promises, then that is all they are empty promises. Case and point, the man who kept promising me he would make it up to me after repeatedly canceling on me. When I finally gave him a chance he was so rude, I should have got up and walked out. Which brings me to the next number...

8.) If he is rude or mean to you before you are an item, you having a commitment with him will not turn him into an angel. The dude who canceled on me to go hunting (20 minutes before the date) also had no problem answering his phone in the first 5 minutes of our first date to talk about hunting.

7.) He spends the whole first half of the date not talking until you get him talking about something he is passionate about: sewing! Not just any sewing but making a quilt out of Crown Royal bags. You can't make this stuff up people!

6.) If you find out that he either still lives at home with his parents or his ex, "But you don't have a problem with that right?" still married or lies about something important about how many times (because 2 ex wives and 3 kids are so close to one ex and one kid!) he was married or how many kids he has, keep on fishing!

5.) If you think "He's too good to be true he probably is!" I knew he was too good when he was scrubbing my bathroom floor, that should have been my first sign !(Not that men don't clean, but that's just not normal!) Police telling me he had a rap sheet a mile long helped...If you suspect something is fishy it probably is. God gives us intuitions for a reason and until you learn to listen to them every time you will continue to end up in compromising or difficult positions. So instead of ignoring that nagging feeling that something was "off" you could be filling out a police report. I did both.

4.) He lets you pay for a large dinner without so much as batting an eyelash or saying a peep. Any man who truly loves you won't leave you strapped for cash, hanging when the tab comes, or late on a bill because he couldn't put you first.

3.) He calls you, texts you 24/7 and checks up on you to see if you are where you say you are, goes through your phone and accuses you of having too many guy friends. A guy that is this paranoid is this way because he has cheated before and he knows what signs to look for! Also on the same lines, if a girl warns you about a guy, run! Most girls aren't going to go out of their way to let you know how crazy a guy is unless he is really crazy!

2.) A man who every time you roll over he is wide awake. If a man can't sleep 24/7 is because he is trying to keep his stories/lies straight. I had this happen to me, and a friend had it happen to her, both men we dated were pathological liars. A truthful man can sleep at night...There could be an occasional case of insomnia but every night is another story!

1.) The number one sign you should stay away: He If he says "pound" or "impregnate" and is talking about what he wants to do to you and its your first date RUN!

Just another single Mama...: Teenagers.

2011-11-14T20:02:00.000-08:00

Just another single Mama...: Teenagers.: Why is it so hard to raise them??? I know God gave us a Bible as an instruction manual but there's a few things God doesn't mention in the ...

Teenagers.

2011-11-14T20:01:00.000-08:00

Why is it so hard to raise them??? I know God gave us a Bible as an instruction manual but there's a few things God doesn't mention in the bible. I think God needs to update the bible for 2012. Thats it. Good night world. If i was a bad teenager I could say this is payback, but I didn't party in highschool, never snuck out, and remember the whopping three lies i told to my parents. So maybe God just thinks I need to be even stronger?? lol. Hmm...I know God does say I am supposed to trust in hm. So here goes!

I am kissing and telling...

2011-09-03T19:22:00.000-07:00

So question here: What do you do when someone is a bad kisser? I just had a date where I felt like he was mauling me with his lips. It was painful actually. I wonder if people ever get told they are a bad kisser? So they have no idea that they are bad kissers. I would assume one can be taught to become a better kisser. But if you come across this situation what would you do? For the most part dude was pretty awesome. He's old enough that he should know how to kiss by now right? And if he doesn't know how to kiss by now? Is there hope? I think everyone probably thinks they are a good kisser and wouldn't it crush a guy to be told he isn't the best kisser? I guess I could say stuff like "oh I like that" when he isn't mauling me with his stiff lips...thoughts?
?

Just another single Mama...: What women really want part 2...( a jerk right, we...

2011-08-03T22:08:00.000-07:00

Just another single Mama...: What women really want part 2...( a jerk right, we...: "Do we women really want a bad boy? No we don't. We just don't want to be stuck with someone that is super is boring and predictable and poss..."

What women really want part 2...( a jerk right, we always fall for the bad boy!)

2011-08-03T22:02:00.000-07:00

Do we women really want a bad boy? No we don't. We just don't want to be stuck with someone that is super is boring and predictable and possibly someone who might not know what a woman really wants/needs. When you think of a bad boy, you might think of a guy who rides a motorcycle, has tattoos, maybe an piercing or two, possibly a meathead/muscle head. But really when girls are "choosing" to date a guy, I don't think they think "OOh he is a bad boy, I want to date him" I think it's more of there is an underlying excitement, an attraction and centrifugal force that you are attracted to this person, there is an realm of excitement, the butterflies, the sparks! I think for women it's not that women have a fear of being stuck with someone who is "boring" it's more of the attraction just isn't there. You can't force it, if the feelings aren't there, they just aren't. I can't tell you how many guys I have met or profiles I see on online dating websites look or sound perfect on paper, but then either meet in person or see pictures and realize that it's just not there. Laws of attraction are strong. If the roller coaster doesn't start at the top, its never gonna get there! Sometimes even after a first date I would go on a second date simply because they seemed like they have it all the together, career, house, seems stable etc...but in the end if its spark-less, it's future-less. Looking good on paper doesn't always translate to working out in person no matter how much we want it too.
Honestly no woman wants a man who treats her like crap, cheats or degrades her. But women, correct me if I am wrong. You can have a man that treats you good, is super nice and maybe somewhat predictable, and what do we do? We start to get bored, we pick apart what isn't there, maybe even obsess over what we think we want.

Have you even been with someone and were even debating about possibly breaking up with them and then all of the sudden they break up with you, or have issues, and you are pissed, you don't want to break it off, all of the sudden you want to be with them and and you are upset they are rejecting you! It is almost like you want them more now that they don't want you? Why is that? I know Doctor Phil says most peoples number one fear is fear of rejection. I know this is true, but why even when we were thinking of breaking it off with them, why do we immediately want them more? It's almost like the reverse pyschology thing maybe. It could even be that it wasn't the best of healthiest relationships but its just the whole point that they reject you. I think any guy could tell you that the second they start withdrawing from a relationship the woman automatically starts going all crazy and texting and calling and FREAKING THE EFF OUT. We start going below the hot line and into the crazy line. She starts replaying the whole what did I do wrong in her head and texting things are downright crazy. There is nothing worse then sending a text and oops, you can't get it back, it goes to as Ted from HIMYM says "textymctextyland" and there is no taking it back!

So, no we don't really want a bad boy, we just want a guy who likes to live life on the edge, maybe have a tattoo or two, but who is not going to just be all macaroni and cheese all the time (gotta love macaroni and cheese, its quick easy and satisfying! But we don't want it every meal!)! We want the guy who likes or will try sushi, they guy who isn't afraid to dance on the dance floor with us, the guy who will sing at the top of his lungs with us in the car, the guy who is spontaneous and surprises us by taking us to a chick flick (and even being outspoken about how good it was) and the guy who might act like he is all tough and bad boy, but behind closed doors he is putty, and loves you like everything you have ever wanted and more.

We want the guy who knows that sometimes cuddling means more then sex. Or that foreplay is where you really win our hearts over. Give a girl an hour or two in bed, before the deed, and tell me she isn't going to be smitten kitten.
We want the guy who isn't afraid to kill a bug, splash in puddles, speak his mind, eat dessert first, have a shot, stay out on a "school night",and cook or do the dishes. We maybe even want a guy who will get tattoos together. Not of our name or anything, we aren't as dumb as Kat Von D. Bottom line we want a guy who is really into us. Who wants to be with us, maybe more than we want to be with him. Who isn't afraid to take a class with us at the gym (huge Kudos to a certain someone who took a SUPER HARD Body Combat class with me, scored MAJOR points!)

And on that note hope you enjoyed my ramblings, I am off to go pick up my son from the airport!

What women really want...

2011-07-28T21:04:00.000-07:00

I know there is the old “ Men are from Mars Women are from Venus” idea that men and women are so much different. But deep down inside we have the undying need to be loved. The need to know that someone else cares about us as much as much as we care about them. If it were only that easy. Men constantly do things that women don’t understand (why is it so hard to put down the commode seat! I don’t want to touch that!) Men might not ever understand us and our PMS…but somehow, someway many couples have made it years and years and still are happily married.
I recently picked up a copy of a book called “7 secrets of happy couples” while on an afternoon Barnes And Noble excursion. The 7 things were common sense that we should all already do with our significant others. But generally I think it would just go back to common sense, you know the old adage “Treat others as you want to be treated” etc.
Here it is guys, the basics! ( know obviously not EVERY woman feels this way, but I think MOST DO, correct me if I am wrong ladies!)

Every woman wants to feel small no matter what. So any time you want to tell us we look like we have lost weight etc…we welcome that. On the opposite end of that we know what we look like, we don’t need you to tell us we have gained weight, our butts look big, or need to lose 10 lbs. We know this.

Every woman wants to feel like her man can take control and stick up for her in a physical confrontation as well as in conversation if someone were to say something hurtful, degrading etc about us.

Even though we may be a bitch or have major pms we don’t like it when you call us out on that. For most woman an extra hug, quiet time for a bubble bath, you doing the dishes, or taking out the trash or taking the kids somewhere so we can read a book in peace will cure PMS and bitchiness. Try it. We know when we are PMS’y that we are irrational and cranky and cry for no reason. Just giving us space, or extra hugs and chocolate help! But calling us a bitch or saying a rude “Rawr “ snappy comment just makes us more moody.

Every woman wants her husband/ significant other to be proud of her and it never hurts for you to brag about us to anyone who will listen, whether it be the server or your friends. We will do the same about you!

We love it when you send us a sweet text or email just to “Good Morning Sweetheart” or “I love you beautiful” we could never get enough of those. To know that you are thinking of us as much as we are thinking of you makes our day.

On the flip side of that we don’t need you to be obsessed with where we are 24/7 via texting calling emailing etc…Somewhere in the middle it’s a fine line we know, but it’s possible!
Most girls love it when you hold doors open for them, pull chairs out for them, and maybe in a crowded room, you lead the way while holding our hand.

Just as most men want a woman who can cook, clean and have the same sex drive as them, women want a man who won’t whine when we want to watch a chick flick (and watch it with us!) who will do the dishes, laundry, organize getting a sitter and taking out us out for a special date just because.
When you ask how we are and we say “fine” we really aren’t. Fine means either A) I am too pissed to talk about it, ask me later, B) You should know, you did something, C) I don’t have enough energy to tell you the full story or D) I am gritting my teeth so hard ” fine” is the only word I can squish out.

When we want to talk its really that WE WANT TO TALK. Not that we want your advice or we want your input, or we want your opinions, we just want you to listen. Even if we ask for your advice, chances are we already know what we are going to do in solving our dilemma we just want your sympathy like “Oh hun, I am sorry your dealing with that, must be rough etc…“ type answers. That’s all. Just listen, nod and give a sympathetic grunt everyone once in a while.
Tone of voice is EVERYTHING, as well as sarcasm, this goes for in person and via text. Short one word texts or answers come across snippy or rude in person and text. Capps and lots of exclamations marks usually translate in super happy or super mad, so if you are not either clearly one of those please specify. One day they will come up with a sarcasm font.
Think about this: When talking to a baby when you raise your voice an octave and say even just the word >>“enter happy voice/font <>enter mean voice/ font<< “”LOVE!!!“ and furl your eyebrows and look mean as can be, the baby will start crying!

Just as we might if you say something that might not have been intended the way your tone intended it. The whole spoonful of sugar make the medicine go down thing works here, if you have something to say to us and say it in the most sweetest possible way, how can we be mad at you?

Keep your words soft and sweet, you may have to eat them.
We have the memory with the absorbance of a Shamwow.
Therefore:

The words that come out of your mouth cannot be taken back. Even with a gazillion apologies.
I still remember when I was 15 and my Grandpa told me I was fat ( I weighed 40 lbs less than I do now, so you can figure out I was not fat, was also working out at the time!) I remember when some guy at Auburn Calvary Chapel told me I had thunder thighs when I was 11. I remember when I was told I would be hot if I lost 20-30 pounds (was also 40 lbs skinnier that I am now!!!) So If I can remember these things I am most likely NEVER going to forget that you may have mentioned I need to ____ fill in the blank here, lose weight, etc… Dr. Phil says every one has seven defining moments. I think women have like 7 defining phrases that people have said about us that hurt and we remember. Most of mine were about my weight. So maybe think about your answer when I ask "Does this make me look fat?"

If for some reason you are mad or upset about something we would much rather you say ”Give me a minute to collect my thoughts.” then saying something in anger that hurts both of us.

We love it when you make up a sweet pet name, nick name etc… that you only use just for us.

We love it when you remember our birthdays, and anniversaries and just because with sending us something at work. Everyone wants to be that one girl in the office who gets flowers, etc…

Bowling balls, garden hoses, and nose hair trimmers do not make good presents.

I am sure there are plenty more great topics I could address, there could be a part 2, part 3 etc…

Have a great night! Tell your loved ones right now that you love them and give them a big bear hug. You never know what could happen, in-between seeing them. Life is short, live it to the fullest!

Just another single Mama...: I come from a long line of over exaggerators....

2011-07-26T20:58:00.000-07:00

Just another single Mama...: I come from a long line of over exaggerators....: "For as long as I can remember my dad would joke that we come from a long line of over exaggerators. Boy oh boy, do I joke about it, but as m..."

I come from a long line of over exaggerators....

2011-07-26T20:55:00.000-07:00

For as long as I can remember my dad would joke that we come from a long line of over exaggerators. Boy oh boy, do I joke about it, but as much as I hate to admit it, it's sooooooo true. I over think everything to the point of literally making myself sick because I am so worried about something. 9 times out of 10 it turns out to be nothing and I was worrying for nothing! I know there is somewhere this tiny fine line between listening to your intuition and over thinking things. Finding the balance is not easy.

How do you keep from worrying? Over thinking? Lately I am having to call my bestie about EVERYTHING. She's the new therapist since I am broke broke. Honestly If I could afford it I would go to therapy every week. There is something so incredibly amazeballs about being able to tell someone who is not your family or friend (who has to say those nice things) all your inner thoughts and they can't argue back, but just offer sound advice and listen. It's so funny how she can be so leveled headed about stuff, and then I go oh wow she was right.

:-) Maybe I should start calling her Dr. Mama because she is like a doctor and Mama all rolled into one.

On to a healthier note... (cause everyone likes a braggart, but after years of self loathing, and pity and battling with unhealthy eating yo-yo dieting etc...this is a big deal for me, wait for it....

I am eating the cleanest I have ever eaten. It feels awesome. I am also the skinniest I have been in oh 4 years. I also have triceps. I HAVE NEVER HAD TRICEPS BEFORE! Well at least I didn't know they were there! One of my goals in Weight Watchers, I wrote on a card way back in the beginning was to be able to wear shorts, and I have to say If I owned any I would be probably wearing them! The only ones I own are not suitable for outdoor use. Although I might have taken the trash out in them. Get your mind out of the gutter, they weren't Daisy Dukes they were pink polka dot boxers shorts. It’s not that I can't wear shorts its that I choose not too.
My over critical dad gave me a complex by one simple comment when I was 16. He said "You look good when you are wearing pants, because you have fat volley ball calves like I do." When he said this I was wearing a skirt. Kind of funny how 19 years later I still remember that comment. It really makes you think when you say something hurtful to someone, you can't take words back. In a court when the Judge says "Jury please disregard last comment" do they really? No they have heard it. It goes in that memory bank.
So while I am on my soapbox, parents be careful of your words (I am preaching to myself on this one) and like Dr. Phil says it takes 1000 "Atta girls" to erase a lifetime of hurt.
I wear dresses, and flood pants, but not shorts. Sun dresses is about as short as I get, because I feel sexy in a sundress even if my calves are showing. But now that I have lost almost 20 lbs its made a WORLD of difference on my self esteem and just the way I see myself. So yay me!
p.s when payday comes I might GASP go buy my first pair of shorts in literally like 5 years.This time I am not exaggerating. It's been so long since I bought shorts you would laugh when I showed you the ones I own. Fashion disaster.

Go eat more veggies, love yourself a little bit more and practice more self love talk, more yoga, and more positive reinforcement to everyone around you. I promise your world will become a better place. Mine has. Even when I over think things! Peace, blessings, love and Namaste Bitches!

P.S.S. I found a blog yesterday that super dee duper inspired me to write more positive stuff then being what a blog is really about, a narcisstic way to get our thoughts out for the world to see...check it out here...fitnessista who I stole "amazeballs" from but I am pretty sure its originally from the superskinny perezhilton.

This is blog is not about the greatest son in the world...it's just a tribute!

2011-07-10T04:10:00.000-07:00

My son Jonah is one of the funniest kids you will ever meet. He also is a pretty tough cookie. You see a large part of his life of his life while his dad and I were taking care of his super sick brother, Jonah got pawned off at friends houses. We had no family here at the time and Gavin's health was so poor we both wanted to be with him as much as we could. So I found friends who had kids for Jonah to hang out with. It could have been worse at least he was with friends he knew and got to play. I still feel sad about that. How hard it must be for him to grow up in his younger brothers shadow. Usually it's the other way around. There were times that we didn't know if Gavin was going to make it and Jonah just had to put up with us calling him and telling him what was going on. His dad would also go pick him up and spend time with him while I was essentially living with Gavin at the hospital.

Fast forward a few years and during all of those years until now it has been a lot easier now that Gavin is (knock on wood) healthy. But there still has been times where he got a virus or pneumonia and Jonah still had to worry about how long we would be in the hospital and if Gavin was going to be ok.

Jonah I just want to say that you are a great big brother, and an even better first son. I love your sense of humor and I love that sometimes you aren't afraid to tell me like it really is, because we both know its true. You got that from me :-) Probably one of the only good things about you that came from me hee hee. Oh wait, your hair probably came from my side. Teasing.

I love that you sometimes just put yourself in that big brother mode and say "Mom, I will mow the lawn for you and you don't have to pay me" (and it wasn't even my birthday! Speaking of which...is coming up...lol) or when you and I just sit on the couch and laugh over dumb comedy central shows or laugh about something silly we found on utube. Remember that time we stayed home from church because we found all of those super bowl Miller Lite commercials that were hilarious? "He has an ax!"..."yeah but he has Miller Lite" Such heathens we were. Hopefully you never forget those kind of memories. Or the time you and I baked a chocolate cake and I let you eat it with your hands and you loved every second of it. I had read somewhere that giving permission to kids to just chow down on something super messy would make their day. And it did. There are chocolaty pictures to prove it.

I also hope you know that I never wanted you to have to worry about Gavin’s health or maybe if we love you the same way we love Gavin. No child should ever have to think about things like that. A mothers love for her first born son never changes. No matter what health issues her second son might have. I loved you before I had you. And then you came out, this round blonde chubby goodness.(see photo below!) Who loved music even at the age of 6 months. Vh1 entertained you while I cooked dinner. Subwoofer speakers thumping put a upset you to sleep in minutes. When given a chance to go to one of your dads concerts you always wanted to be front and center with your ear plugs in.

You have amazed me the way you picked up reading sheet music and how you have taught yourself how to play some of the ""greatest songs in the world". You have a talent! That definitely you got from your dad! ;-) I know that even if you decided to not be a musician full time I would sigh a sigh or relief just because I know you weren't going to spend too much of your life eating Ramen noodles, but that you would have a passion. Having a passion is important in life, the pieces of the puzzle in my life starting falling together when I pursued my passion of Yoga. I would hope for you that whatever you do, it's a passion and know that I will be proud of you.

I love how sometimes you joke about me embarrassing you but then other times you turn the volume up to 40 and we both rock every word and you act like you don't care if the person at the next stop light sees you singing every word with (gasp!) your mother! I know sometimes you may think that my sole goal in life is simply to embarrass you. But it's not(except by adding the mud covered you pic below, but you have to admit, its pretty awesome!. :-) I just want you to continue growing up in awesome man that you are becoming knowing that I love you more than life itself. I loved you before I knew you. My loved grew for you when you would run on the futon and come up in my ear and say "I wub you" and then squeal and run away. Or when we were driving around sunset time and you would say "God turned his light off again mom?"

I loved you when a 4 year old you that used an entire container of Clorox wipes to clean as you said "stuff" while I was trying to catch up on sleep from your newborn brother.

I even loved you when you pooped your pants in Kroger. :) Or on the bedroom floor. Or in the bathtub. You were one tough cookie to potty train! But I still loved you!

I especially loved you when you climbed in Gavin's hospital bed to hang with him. I love you when you and Gavin are working on something together and you have the patience to show him how to do something. Like the Mothers Day video you made for me. I am still trying to figure out how to post that on here too.

I even loved you when you wouldn't tell me where that mysterious burn mark came from on the couch. I love you even when your room is so messy we didn't know that there were things growing in there. I loved you when you made me dinner with freshly chopped by you onions! I hope that as you continue to grow into the awesome man that you are, that you know that I never wished for you to have to deal with having a sick brother, but know that he never wished for you to feel sad or jealous about the attention that he gets from his illnesses. I know we all wish life could have been different sometimes. Lord knows there are all kinds of things I wish I could take back. From here on out know this: You are and amazingly talented child of God. I know you and God haven't been the best of buds lately but know that every good thing about you God wanted you to have for a specific reason. God made you the way your are for a purpose and reason. He knew what he was doing when he created you. God doesn't make mistakes! The only reason why I want you to go to church so much is because God can help you figure out what all of those reasons are. Going to church helps me be a better mom. I woke up from a nightmare. So silly now but I was really upset, in my dream I was totally overreacting ( who me overreact? Never!) and yelling at you because you were sneaking food because you didn't like my cooking. I woke up crying. I was so mad at you in my dream over the stupidest thing. So I got up to write this in honor of you. I am sorry for all of the times when I might have blamed you for something that wasn't your fault or yelled at you over something trivial. Or hurt your feelings by my words or actions.You are an awesome kid. A beautiful person. A sweet soul. A talented movie/song maker. I love you.

My beatiful boy!

Your first fish!

The best (or worst) camping trip ever!

You loved it! Admit it!

My blonde chubby goodness!

Proud big brother!

So sweet!

I love that you never leave me hanging when I say "you wanna do a silly face?" :-)

Just another single Mama...: Coupons are taking over!

2011-06-14T19:56:00.000-07:00

Just another single Mama...: Coupons are taking over!: "So I don’t know about you but I am seeing coupons and 'Extreme Couponing' everywhere! What do you guys think? I have started (well picked it..."

Coupons are taking over!

2011-06-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

So I don’t know about you but I am seeing coupons and "Extreme Couponing" everywhere! What do you guys think? I have started (well picked it up again) cutting coupons. I have been researching all different websites and reading up on it. It seems like eventually stores will stop letting people walk out of the store without paying more than $2.00 for a $500-$1000 stash of groceries! I found that in the past I seemed to buy things I didn't need because I had a coupon. Now I am trying more to find the deals where things are free or money making. My first little mini excursion, I posted on Facebook last week. It was nowhere near the %98 savings that people have on
Extreme Couponing, but I did save %50. It can be very time consuming but I really really want to learn how to do it the way they do, with one exception, I don’t want to "stockpile" stuff I am not ever going to use. I can see stockpiling stuff that won't go bad (like canned foods etc.)
The one thing I really think that they could show more of behind the scenes, of what they do. I know yay, you used coupons to save $800, but I want to know how to do that! If the average person looks through coupons, they will see "save .35 cent" or "save .55" so how does that go to saving over hundreds of dollars? I know you can use more than one coupon for an item when you have one coupon that is made by a manufacturer and one that is made for a store, but even then how??? Like on Saturday I bought some Snuggle Fabric Softener and All Laundry detergent. They were on sale at Walgreens 2 for $7. Well, I also had one coupon for each, $1 off and .75 off. So for $5.25 I got two things of name brand soap. Nowhere near free but???
I know about sites such as www.southernsavers.com etc...but I still feel like there is so much more I need to know?!! Help peoples!

Just another single Mama...: Practice and all is coming...Pattabhi Jois

2011-05-31T20:13:00.000-07:00

Just another single Mama...: Practice and all is coming...Pattabhi Jois: "In my quest to over come my procrastination it took me a long time to figure out what that quote meant. Soon after I started teaching yoga o..."

Practice and all is coming...Pattabhi Jois

2011-05-31T19:56:00.000-07:00

In my quest to over come my procrastination it took me a long time to figure out what that quote meant. Soon after I started teaching yoga on a more regular basis, I went from teaching 3 classes a week to 5-6 times a week things started to slowly fall into place. Adding more Yoga practice in my life made the little things work out. I think I am still on the way up, In fact I know I am. I am slowly making some changes in my life, just simply by just taking the time to do the things I know I need to do. Cook at home more often. Eat out less. Spend less. ~~Play less Words With Friends~~ er watch less Jeopardy... Watch less TV, spend more time jumping on the trampoline with my boys. Go to bed earlier. Get up earlier. Leave earlier (see a theme here?) I hate that I am a procrastinator. Becoming a yoga teacher was one thing I didn't procrastinate on. For years I searched for an affordable yoga teaching certification. When I found the one I went to (YOGASTEPS) I got right on it. Sure there were little things I might have procrastinated with but once I started the school, little things in my life slowly started to fall into place. More yoga class teaching opportunities opened up, and I started meeting more people in the yoga community and felt more secure in my ability to teach. To make that jump from learning to practicing to teaching was huge for me. I am still waiting for all these little things to slowly fall into place even more. Call it fate, destiny, God's Will, what have you. The very first YOGASTEPS course I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was right where I needed to be! I know that everyone is a work in progress, and that Rome wasn't built in a day. My Chatarunga won’t be perfect. I won’t be able to be all the things to all people all the time. I am not Superwoman. Or Even Super MOM. I am just a single mama trying to get through the day. I won't just outgrow being a procrastinator over night nor will I always be on time. Hopefully baby steps will get me to a place where I don't have to say "I am running late" or "I should've done _____!"fill in the blank. Dr. Phil says people have a pay off, a reason why they do things like forget spouses birthday etc. I only have a pay off of making myself cranky, making my co-workers cranky,snapping at my kids, by it just makes my life more stressful when I am late and procrastinate. So all that to say, I am hoping that the addition of new yoga classes to my life and concentrating on myself more rather than out searching for Mr. Right Now or Mr. Right I will just be content to be Miss In the Moment.

P.S. How do you overcome your procrastination? Is it possible? What made you want to change?

Counting them.

2011-03-29T21:40:00.000-07:00

My Blessings...
It's funny how one little thing can shake you to your core. Tonight on my way home from work there was major traffic from an accident. The accident was in a spot that is a known bad intersection between my house and my moms house. I had just talked to my mom on the phone about 20 minutes before, knowing she was at home. But as I was passing the scene of the accident with at least four cop cars, three ambulances and three fire trucks, I glanced and saw the car in the middle of the accident that was completely obliterated. The entire top half of the car was gone. There was probably not anyone left out of that car still alive. The car was a dark green Lexus. My mom drives a dark green Lexus. Immediately I picked up my cell phone to call my mom. She didn't answer. She ALWAYS answers her work number. I then dialed her cell phone, honestly I couldn't even process the thoughts, I just talked to her she is probably at home fine. As soon as I heard her sweet melodic voice, I started bawling. The thought of maybe having to live in a world without my mother...I couldn't handle it!
I am so grateful to have her living close to me and be in my kids lives and be an even better grandma than she is a mom! She is such a sweet and loving mother and the thought of not having her in my life literally made the tears just start falling, I didn't even have time to process. I know I come from a long line of over exaggerators, maybe its PMS, but just maybe it's God.

Tonight as I rushed about grocery shopping, I got a little frustrated with my little man as he was talking a mile a minute about nothing that had to do with or really even interested me. I was rushing to put groceries in the cart because the store was about to close. Then I got to thinking there was a time that we didn't think he was going to live. He was on a ventilator in VANDY PICCU and here I am getting frustrated because he wants to ask me a bazillion questions instead of pack the bags as fast as I want him too. I guess maybe I had a pity party for a moment, even still as I got home frustrated that I am a single mom, just barely making ends meet. Kind of stressed, working almost 50 hours a week just to put food in the fridge and gas in the car. I have a roof over that fridge. I have a warm bed. I have a car. I have a fridge fully stocked with healthy foods. I have a teenager who loves to make me playlists, especially ones I have dance to when he is not around. I have the sweetest baby boy who loves loves loves to snuggle and watch movies with me. It's one of our favorite past times. I have spent many a night lying in a hospital bed with him, answering his little questions to life and wondering why God gave me a child that has to know the meaning of Neutropenic and why he has to get stabbed with needles monthly.
Then sometimes when I am at Vandy and I see kids that have obvious health issues, in wheel chairs or require breathing tubes or feeding tubes and I silently offer God many many thanks that my baby looks normal. No one would know by looking at him that he has had over twenty surgeries, many blood transfusions, two broken bones, a freaking TRANSPLANT, many many rounds of chemo, more biopsies than I can count! He is a walking scar, or a chick magnet.
But yet he is healthy, he is sweet, he has the heart of gold. I know God has special place in his life. I know that the book of James tells me that God gives us trials and tribulations so that we can grow stronger. I sometimes wonder if God thinks I should be made of Gorilla Glue or something because I should be strong enough by now ok God??? HINT HINT! I hold my breath every time he has a fever. I get a lump in my throat every time I see the school calling me, worried that he is going to catch something life threatening that his body won't be able to fight.

I don't understand why God would give Jonah the healthiest body ever, the kid has never broken a bone, never had blood work, never spent a night in a hospital, besides when he was born(or to sleep by Gavin’s side). Why Jonah feels so angry. Maybe towards his feelings of resentment towards Gavin being sick. Maybe it's Gods punishment because I haven't gone to church in almost six months. Maybe it's Gods way of continuing to prove a point. A point that he loves me even when I might not feel like loving Him. He cares for me even when I don't care enough to set the alarm to get up early on a Sunday morning. He is a God of Love even when I am filled with anger for having to put up with crap that I feel like He could have changed.
This started out as a blog to remind you to hug your moms. Kiss your sisters, love your brothers. Call your Dads. Write letters to your grandparents. And for Pete's sake hug your kids. But I think It turned into my free therapy. Well I'm paying for it in lack of sleep, because I have the longest day ever tomorrow! But I love you all, if you are in my life, you are there for a reason. Don't let the sun go down on your anger and please please please trust your intuition, learn from my mistakes or make your own, but know that He has a plan, whether we are grateful or not. So I choose to be grateful!
Peace Love and Blessings. Namaste.

Food Coma? More like FOOD obliteration! Don't mind me while I am channelling Chris Farley!

2011-01-11T19:14:00.000-08:00

Why oh why must you freaking hit me once a month you mother of all carbs overload?? Today alone I have eaten Oatmeal,coffee,candy, chicken pot pie, pita and turkey, yogurt, more candy, Southbeach Bar, whole wheat pasta and veggies and 2 oats and honey bars and a hot chocolate. Holy Mary Mother of God! Why don't I just get some cottage cheese out and start spackling it on to my thighs, cause thats where it's all going!! That's all as you were.Move it right along people nothing more to see here. Don't mind me, Just eating my feelings. Going to bed before I start finding something to smother in peanut butter.

Operation Becoming MEAN, er feisty!

2011-01-08T14:34:00.000-08:00

I have been told more than once that I am too nice. I am getting to a point now in my life where I realize the whole definition of insanity is (doing the same thing over and over again)truer words never spoken! I have realized that there comes a point that I am not going to keep being so nice that I get taken advantage of. I am going to quit being so nice that I feel guilty saying or speaking my mind for fear of hurting ones feelings. Maybe I am more of a people pleaser than a NICE person. Or both. I dunno. Either way here and now things are going to change. No longer will I keep doing those insane little things like responding the crazy ex' texts, better yet I just blocked his bahookie. It felt very empowering.

I saw a lady on Dr. Phil one time that kept going to the same hairdresser for over ten years even though she hated her haircuts because she was afraid to say anything. I know I am not that bad! But then again, if I keep reverting to the same things because I am afraid to just speak my mind because it might hurt someone’s feelings, does that make me any different? Why am I such a people pleaser? I am thirtyfreakingthree years old gosh darn it. I need to just STOP giving a rats arse what other people think, and maybe just maybe hurt some feelings, if the time and place calls for it.

I have done a few things in the past few weeks that I wouldn't say were necessarily mean but they were not in my usual "nice" girl demeanor. And boy does it feel good. I am too old to keep doing the same mistakes, or reinventing a new version of the same mistake. It's a New Year, time for new me, new mean me...Or just a feistier version!

Anyone that has some suggestions and insights as to not being afraid to speak my mind and saying what I mean and mean what I say, I would love to hear it! I am excited about what 2011 has to offer. I have some exciting new things up my sleeve and I can tell it is going to be a good year!

Chivalry is not dead yet...or is it?

2010-12-13T18:16:00.000-08:00

I specifically remember when I was a teenager, my dad saying "Always let the guy open the door for you, that's what he is supposed to do, you step back and let him open the door." I remember thinking like most teenage girls did of their fathers, that he was old fashioned at the time. It's funny because boy do I notice it if a man doesn't open doors.
I am pretty sure every girl loves to be treated like a princess whether she admits it or not. To an extent of course, I don't need a man doing every little thing for me. No girl wants a doormat, a guy who does every little thing for her and a "Whatever you want dear!" with no opinions of his own.
I am perfectly capable of climbing up a ladder and hanging my Christmas lights or putting stuff in the attic, or mowing a lawn. Or lugging groceries in the house. Or even using a level and a power drill (which my friend Cara taught me how to use! GIRL POWER!) hanging a picture on the wall.

I was at a book store one time and I held the door for the people coming out behind me and one right after another people just kept going through without a) saying thank you or b) taking the door from me. After about the fourth guy that walked through, I thought this is redunkulous! So I slowly let go of the door. What happened? It slammed (all solid 75 or so pounds of hardwood) BAM right into a guys forehead! I felt horrible, but at the same time I kinda felt like, that's what you get, dude for letting a girl hold the door open for you and all of your friends...
I was on a date one time where the guy held my car door open as I was getting into the car. Right next to us there was a younger couple in their early twenties or so, and the girl looks at her boyfriend and says "Awww!!" and she looked sad that he wasn't doing the same for her. The guy looks at us, gave a little eye roll and laughed and walked over to her door and opened it for her too. She smiled all big and we laughed. It was funny how my dates chivalry inspired them. It should be like that every time, at every age right? I cook, I clean, I do dishes, I grocery shop, I fold laundry...so sometimes it's nice to be treated like royalty every now and again, and not like everyone personal assistant. Even if it's just to be dropped off at the door of the store to skip having to get rained on, or simply just having a man help me put on my coat. It is the little things that us ladies notice. Even a full on feminist would enjoy a door being held open for her. She might never admit it, but she does. I think it's the least men can do, after all the PMS and child birthing pain we have. Not to mention menopause. Guys, just think of it this way, every door you open for us is one ~~less head we bite off~~ less snippy comment or look of death from us. It's a two way street. At least in my book. I can be super cranky and when a man or "my man" does something as simple as lifting something heavy for me or even something as banal as just taking my plate to the sink for me, it slowly makes me feel appreciated. If I was ever in any bit of an "icy" mood, those little things slowly chip away that iciness. When guys do little things like that for us it makes us want to do more for them...it's a win. What do you girls think? Agree? Disagree? I want to know!?!?Comment away!

Intuition...

2010-11-20T20:41:00.000-08:00

Intuition is a funny thing. I think it's something that appears strongly after one has kids. Mothers intuition. Mine has failed me a few times, but for the most part when I went with my gut feelings even when there was no medical evidence to support my initial feeling and then later my gut feeling proved to be right. If I could only give my dating life intuition the same attention as my mothers intuition. I mean take my date last week. Why did it take me telling my friend all the gory details of said dudes personality and once I said all of the things I was concerned about out loud realized that dude was not my type, ~~kind of~~ obnoxious, ~~kind of~~ rude, ~~kind of~~ perverted. And why oh why did I think I owed it to him to meet him and make sure in person that maybe there was one sliver of a chance that he wasn't the initial jerk I thought he might have been. I went. I was insulted more then once in the first 15 minutes, and if you know me, you know that I do not get offended easily. I couldn't have wrote that Dear John letter soon enough. In the past I might have dated the jerk for a while before coming to the realization that he was too much of a jerk and not enough nice guy, all the while making excuses for his behavior. But not anymore. Now it's just not worth my time. Right now the only thing that is worth my time, is my boys and my yoga practice. Speaking of which gotta go study, got a full day of YOGASTEPS Dristi tomorrow.

Namaste and

I wish for you a lifetime full of correct on the spot right on intuition that you don't ever ignore!!

How are people meeting these days???

2010-10-20T20:41:00.000-07:00

I won't do it. I refuse to get on an online dating site again. NEVER! Cross my heart hope to die, meet a man before I cry. I have had lots of dates from the internet, but in all truthfulness, in the past 8 years I have had in the very least 30 dates a year and in all 8 year combined, I have had a whole less then 10 dates that were from plain old meeting in person, friend of a friend etc...So if I refuse to meet a man on a dating website, and I rarely go out to bars, lately it's been like maybe once a week(which is way more than normal), and that's to the same old haunt and really what are the chances of meeting my future husband in a bar?? At the risk of not sounding desperate, HELP!!! How are people meeting these days?? Everyone at my church is married, at the gym all the guys have head phones in, and even when I make eye contact I don't get that feeling back...guys want to work out, not get oogled in the gym right? I've been told some guys can be very imtimidated and that they won't approach a a pretty woman...but come on!! What's a girl to do? I've been told the old adage "Once you stop looking you will find him." So I am stopping. Except at the gym. And church. That's it. Promise. Cross my heart hope to die, kiss me kiss me, before I cry. Thoughts? Suggestions?Love?

Gavin

2010-06-06T12:46:00.000-07:00

My baby. Sweet little thing. He has a story. A HUGE story. Where oh where to begin?? He has his own website. He doesn't even know anything about it. LOL. I was given the website by Vanderbilt Children's Hospital as a means of keeping our family and friends in the loop on what was going on with Gavin in his treatments. It was awesome, and I used it. Everyday I would write in the online journal. It kept me sane. I wrote all my innermost thoughts on there. Here is the link if you feel so inclined to read about what a mom deals with when her son is sick.A lot. Keep in mind that the website was way before there was Facebook and cool blogs like this one. If you don't feel like going there I will do a recap.

Gavin was born a normal healthy baby boy on April 7, 2001. We did not know anything was wrong with him until he was 6 months old. He caught a virus, but his condition (Cardiomyopathy) could have been caused by a virus or he could have been born with it, and it just took 6 months to show up. I took him to the Pediatrician three weeks in a row, and they kept saying nothing was wrong. 2ND week, they said he had a virus, nothing to do but give him Tylenol, one week and a whole bottle of Tylenol later, we were back at the Doctors, this time they did an X-ray and sent us to Vanderbilt. We were told that night, that he had Dilated Cardiomyopathy (which means enlarged heart)and that his heart was the size of a 17 year old males! We were also told he could need a heart transplant. They said they would give him drugs to hopefully shrink his heart. Eleven days later he was put on the heart transplant list. The medicines made him feel better, and his heart had not got any bigger, but had not gotten any smaller either. Nine days later he got a heart! Ten days later we were sent home, the day before Thanksgiving. He has done well after his transplant, only hospitalized twice for flu (just to make sure there was no rejection) and for routine tests, biopsies etc... He was doing fine until May 2004.He had been complaining of his belly hurting for a while, but it was never enough for him to want to take anything for it, or to lay down. We took him to the Doctor, first time they could not find anything wrong, second time, he was pale and dehydrated, so they sent us to Vanderbilt Children's hospital. After Cat scans, and ultrasounds and a lapropscopic (sp?) surgery and a myriad of tests he was diagnosed with Burkitt's Lymphoma. It is caused by the drugs he was taking to keep his body from rejecting the heart. There are only 4 or 5 different kinds of medicines he can take and they all cause cancer.

In 2006 Gavin was in pre-k and excelling well and loving it. All of the sudden we noticed his little nose started point up on the end. He looked like little Cindy Lou Hou from The Grinch who stole Christmas. I would touch it and squish it, and he would say " Mom stop it doesn't hurt" but I knew there was something wrong, it felt spongy. Not like normal cartilage of a nose should feel. We called the doctor and they sent us to a Ear Nose and Throat specialist. He did all sorts of tests and said yes it was our worst fear. CANCER. A fast growing cancerous tissue. The closest name to it they could come up with was Large diffuse B cell Lymphoma.

When Gavin was about to go into surgery, I asked him if he knew what they were going to do. He said" They are gonna go in there and get the Kleenex out!" I said "You put a Kleenex up your nose?" and he said "No! You said I had a fast growing tissue!" Out of the mouth of babes.

They did a biopsy and went in under his lip (from inside his mouth, there was no scarring visible from the outside) and scraped out as much as they could. Since they would have no way of knowing if they got all of the cancerous cells ,we still had to do chemo. Gavin had about six months of out patient chemo, which was way easier then the first round of cancer. He had a port put in (which is also called a central line, a more permanent IV for kids who are going to need lots of blood drawn and chemo etc..It keeps them from having to keep getting stuck with needles.) and we would go to Vandy once a week and they would hook him up to chemo, and he would get a infusion of chemo and then we would go home. Gavin was such a flirt, he would flirt with the nurses, and he really didn't have to much after affects. His hair thinned a tiny bit, and the doctors said he was not allowed to go to school, just so he wouldn't catch more illnesses.

Gavin always will get sicker easier then the rest of us. He also keeps the illness a lot longer then us. Has has had Pneumonia almost every winter since his heart transplant. Twice he was on a ventilator from complications to Pneumonia. Last February was one of the first that he did not get Pneumonia.

As one could imagine having a child that has had a heart transplant, and cancer twice, pneumonia too many times to count, it takes it toll. I live in a fear that every time Gavin gets a fever, that its his body is rejecting the heart. In fact we have to call Cardiology every time he gets a fever higher then 100.2. Sometimes I feel like we are sitting in a ticking time bomb just waiting the hear the bomb explode again, "Your son has cancer, or pneumonia, or fill in the blanks." I have an older son Jonah that has never broken a bone, I think maybe had blood drawn a whole 3 times in his life. Gavin has been stuck with more needles than you can imagine. When he first came home from the transplant, he had to get blood drawn twice a week, to check for levels. Until he was a year, they would draw blood out of a vein in his head! This is a normal procedure, hard to see, which is why they would not let parents be in the room when they did this. When he hit one year, they would draw the blood out of his legs or arms. It wasn't unheard of for them to try 5 or 6 times before they found a vein. Chemo shrinks your veins, and the poor baby barely ever cries now when he has to get blood drawn.

For now Gavin is healthy. He has to have a heart cath on June 15th 2010. Which it is considered "routine" but when they are taking a piece of your child's heart out, its never routine!

If you are interested in reading more about Gavin, I journaled almost daily while he was in the hospital, it was my sanity, there was lots of pictures posted and day by day updates.http://home.gofetch.org/home/gavinblack

The quest to find my Mr. Bad-Boy-Nice-Guy....does he even exist?

2010-06-06T12:20:00.000-07:00

I don't get men. Boys. Whatever they are...They say they are looking for Ms. Right. But then they email me with shallow ~~I only wanna get laid~~ things like and I kid you not in a second email (and the first being nothing but "Beautiful") was -"What are you doing tomorrow, you me, your house, bottle of wine and the NCAA tourney!" Really???? WTH?? That's what frigging sports bars are for, smart one.

Or the "I just wanna snuggle" guy. Yeah sure. You just wanna snuggle. Uh huh. I believe ya.

Then there is the "I have way too many girls on my Facebook bad boy", who likes me, but just not enough. And deep down I know he is too much of a bad boy, not enough nice guy in him. If there was enough nice guy in him, he wouldn't have answered his phone and texted people (and by "people" we know its women who he still keeps in the running’s ) in the first 15 minutes of our second date.

I know there is no such thing as the perfect man. But really I only have a list of about ten things. About five of those ten things, are non-negotiable. Like No drugs, no prior jail time, no history of violence. You know the usual, decent hygiene, belief in God, yada yada. The rest are things I can, will and have dated outside of my” usual" preferences, knowing that men aren’t perfect. Like dating men who are 5 foot 10, or just too close to the under 6 foot mark. Yikes. Or bald. Double yikes. Not that I have anything against the follically challenged or vertically challenged (going all pc on ya) Or who wear Rustler jeans on a regular basis. I didn't know they still make those. I think all school bullies wore those. I am not a snob. Really. I just know what I like. He doesn't have to wear Tru Religion jeans or anything and as a side note, I refuse to date any man who wears Affliction, Ed Hardy or anything of that sort...because we all know Jon Gosselin started that douche-wearing- style.No thanks.

Enough about fashion and back to the nice guy. He's awesome. Been a bachelor for way to long, but still knows how to treat a woman. Could use a little tune up in the beard/hair/wardrobe, but nothing that a shopping trip or barber couldn't’t fix. In the words of my mother, when she showed me picture of a man she wanted to date a man who had a molest-stache (thanks Robert!) or the TomSelleck Stache and I quote my mom: "But that can be removed!" in a super happy voice. Speaking of removing the molest-stache, I actually had a man shave his molest-stache for me. I didn't ask him too, and he didn't even get a date. Poor man. Back to Nice guy. I have dated enough losers to know that this guy might be worth hanging in there for. I guess the whole he had been single for so long kinda scared me away. But with a little help from a friend and pink roses :-) i did it...I took the plunge and we've been together for 3 months now...It took me 3 months to edit and publish this post! Geeze! I am a happy woman, happy to be done dating losers.

2009-08-03T20:29:00.000-07:00

JUmpeD on ThE TrAmPoliNe
adding the sprinkler! Too muCh FUn!