Just Boshin' Ya

Skiities [Skee-i-tees]

noreply@blogger.com (Bosh) — Mon, 18 May 2009 03:59:00 +0000

See what I did there? Oh My Gawsh I am so funny. I should, like, become a comedian or something.

Or maybe not... I probably just think I'm funny because I've been having to listen to the MOST BORING ARGUMENT EVER. I mean seriously there was no blood or anything. Well, I guess it was OK at first what with the bantering back and forth in Norwegian. I, unfortunately, lack the gift of the Norwegian tongue but I will try to guesstimate (yes, I said guesstimate) what they were saying in italics.

"Jeg beklager!" Ull cried pointing at me, "Jeg prøver bare å bli kvitt denne skadedyr!"

I'm a big weinerdog! I failed to catch this amazing, brilliant, handsome young man!

Skade replied, "Du store tosk, jeg ikke bryr seg om hva du gjorde til at fattige, stygge barnet. Ikke vekke meg opp fra min lur igjen!"

Yes, yes you are, you stupid man! Apologize to him for being so mean!

"Jeg er så lei meg," Ull said, "Ta denne stygge barn som bevis. Du kan bruke ham som din personlige slavej!"

I'm such a big weinerdog. Don't worry. I will show my forgiveness to him by becoming his own personal slave.

"Aw you don't have to do that," I kindly interjected.

"Silence! It will happen and there is nothing you can do about it!" Ull exclaimed to me.

"Well, okay, if you say so," I replied.

"It is what I say so!" Ull declared, and all of a sudden he leaped at me, grabbed my arms, and tied them together behind my back with a bow string.

"Hey! That's no way to treat your master!"

"Har har har. Skade here is now your master!" Ull laughed.

There must have been some miscommunication.

"Aaaahhh!! Leeet me gooooo!" I hollered, "Or face the wrath of my karate power!"

Okay so maybe I quit after the third lesson, but he couldn't know that, right?

"Har har har," Ull laughed again, "You don't know karate. I can see your white belt."

Darn, I should really stop wearing that in public.

Ull handed me over to Skade and said, "Do whatever she says!"

I glanced up at Skade. She looked at me like I was some lowlife that didn't deserve to live much less be in her presence.

"I suppose I could find some task for him to do, " Skade snorted.

Ull left us to go skiing or something.

"Come along," Skade said as she started back toward the house.

When we reached the building, she pulled out her keys and unlocked and opened the door.

Once inside she put the keys back into her pocket, turned around to face me, and said, "First you must wash all of my skis..."

I shuddered. Oh well, I just wash a couple skis and I'm done. That's not too bad.

"All nine thousand and one of them," she finished.

"Over nine thousand??!?!" I stated in disbelief.

"Yes," Skade confirmed, "Just one over."

"Nine thousand??!?!"

"Uhuh," Skade said starting to become annoyed.

"Nuh... nuh... nuh... niiine th... th... thousand?" I stuttered.

"FREAKIN' YES!" she yelled.

She showed me to her ski room.

"Gah!" I exclaimed. "There really are OVER NINE THOUSAND skis.

"Yes, now get to work. I'll check on you in an hour." She locked the door and left.

I stared in horror at mountainous pile of skis.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

I had to come up with a way out of here. But how? How could I escape a locked room in a big house in the middle an enchanted evergreen forest home to two Scandinavian skiing deities. Come on, Bosh, think! THINK!

Oh did I sure think! I thought so much my head exploded.

Oops...

I quickly found all the pieces to my head and glued them all back together.

I looked around. Uh oh. Skade ain't gonna like this.

Nine thousand of the skis had totally disintegrated.

Then I realized the explosion had blown a hole in the wall.

"FREEEEEEEEDOOOM!!!" I screamed.

"Oi, what was that?" It was Skade. She sounded like she was right outside the room in the hallway.

Oh Crap.

I ran to the newly created opening while reaching to pull out my portable sled. I stopped, remembering that my portable sled was currently destroyed by a certain singing tree.

I could now hear the jingle of Skade's keys as she pulled them out of her pocket.

I scanned the room. All that was in there was the lonely ski. Without thinking about how I despised the ski, I grabbed it and ran to the hole.

As I hurried to the opening I heard the rattle of the doorknob slowly turning. I had just reached the outside when I heard the creak of the door opening. When I hit the snow on the single ski I heard Skade yelling.

"What happened to my skis? What's this? A giant hole in the wall? I had world famous interior designers create the wall!"

As I reached the gate I heard a distant Skade exclaim, "Oh, I'll get you, you strange, two-dimensional, black and white boy with a red and white striped scarf if it's the last thing I do!"

Psh... Yeah right...

I hastily climbed over that fence and got the heck outta there.

Now I am home riding the lines in peace. I learned something from this little adventure: When you marry your cousin, it messes you up.

C U L8ER

-Bosh

The new guy

noreply@blogger.com (Unbound Bosh) — Sun, 10 May 2009 04:46:00 +0000

Greetings! This is Bosh. No I'm not the same Bosh as the Bosh you have (or probably haven't) been reading from. I am the Bosh for the Unbound game. The new Bosh. The better Bosh. Seriously folks that old Bosh sees things in black and white while I see in freakin' color! Out with the old and in the new I say. If it weren't for the fact that the old guy is so cheap and "popular" I would so put him out on the streets!

Muhahahahahahahahahahaha!

errr... Please excuse my evil laugh...

So yeah while ol' Bosh 1.0 is out on some adventure I figured that I would post.

Not too much has been going on. You know, the usual. Bouncing on those trampoline lines, going through the trapdoor lines, messing with Chaz, hanging with Bailey. All that jazz.

I'll keep updating

Peace Out

- UnBosh

Visiting Mr. and Mrs. Ski... Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Bosh) — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 02:35:00 +0000

After extensive research, I discovered that Ull and Skade are the married Norse deities of skiing and other stuff like that. After more research, I discovered that they are also cousins...

Eeeeeeewww!!!!!!!

No wonder skiing sucks!

As I entered Ýdalir, the home of Ull, I saw a bountiful evergreen forest covered with a thick blanket of snow. There were several frozen lakes which I could tell were skated on many times. In the distance was a fairly large house. I was cruising along casually when all of a sudden an arrow shot passed me, missing me by a hair.

Well... that is... If I had hair.

If I were that new Bosh in the Wii game, who has hair, it would have totally missed me by a hair.

What was I saying? Oh right... almost hit by an arrow...

"Holy Crap!" I exclaimed, "That arrow missed me by the hair I don't have!"

Another arrow narrowly misses me.

"Why?" I questioned no one in particular, "Why do these arrows shoot at me? Who are you mysterious arrow shooter?"

"It is I," the mysterious arrow shooter said, "Ull."

"Ull?!!" I exclaimed.

"Ull," he confirmed.

"Ull..." I scowled.

"Ull," he repeated reduntantly

"I repeated reduntantly?" Ull said. "You started it!"

"Hey! I said that in the narration, not aloud! You're not supposed to respond to that!"

"Oh right... sorry."

"I forgive you."

"Really?"

"NO!"

"Feel the wrath of my arrows!"

"Eeeeeeek!"

He began firing yew arrows from his bow.

What can I do? I thought. Think, Bosh, think!

That's when I did what I do best...

Sledding!

I pulled out my portable sled, jumped on it, and maneuvered quickly through the snow easily dodging the arrows.

"Ha ha!" I exclaimed with excitement.

I laid down and began steering with my feet.

I was coasting along quickly yet smoothly when I suddenly heard loud drums playing from no where followed by a cheesy 1950's jingle-sounding singing voice saying, "George, George, George of the Jungle, strong as he can be!"

"Huh?" I said as I heard a yell from no where. "What is happen- Oh My God!"

Crash!

"Watch out for that tree!"

As you can tell I hadn't.

"Oooow," I moaned.

"Muhahahahahahahaha!" Ull declared triumphantly as he ran towards me. "You are no match for me!"

"What are you talking about?" I said. "You didn't beat me. The tree did."

"But it's my tree so that counts as me!"

"Uhhh... No it doesn't."

"Does too!"

"Does not!"

"Does too!"

"Does not!"

"Does too!"

"Does not!"

"Does too!"

"Does not!"

"WHAT IS ALL THIS YELLING ABOUT!" someone coming towards us from the house yelled.

I looked over to see who must have been Skade.

"Well... uhh... Cousin... err, I mean Dear," Ull stammered, "I was out walking the lands when I run into this kid."

He gestured toward me.

"And he was mean to me! So I took it upon myself of beating him to a pulp!"

"Heeey," I said.

"Shut up," he said under his breath.

I decided upsetting a god, even one as lame as this guy, was unwise and remained silent.

The deities began arguing in Norwegian.

I sat there, still in a little pain, watching them banter back in forth in the language of the people of Norway.

The argument got really boring and I fell asleep...

Outta the slammer... and into the land o' deities...

noreply@blogger.com (Bosh) — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 04:40:00 +0000

Thanks to that Smiley guy for getting me out of jail.
Yahoo!
Yipee!
F--- Ya!
*cough*

So... I was so bored today. I had, like, nothing to do. At all. Nope. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. One minus one. Yeah you get the idea..
Where was I going with this?
Oh yeah...
So, since I had nothing to do, I decided to go...
SLEDDING!
But then I was like, "Wait I always go sledding. I want to do something else."
(And yes I did say this all aloud to myself).
Anyways... I then said, "I know! I'll go skiing!"
I had never gone skiing before.

I am NEVER going "skiing" again!!
I mean, seriously, who invented this so called sport "skiing."
It was soooooo lame and I'm not just saying that because I lost control of the skiis a few times and crashed into random floating lines and was in serious pain and was brought to the hospital where they fixed me up and charged me a gizzilion bucks!!!
At all. Nope. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. One minus one. Déjà Vu??
Really, who the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks invented "skiing"? I'm gonna kick their A-double snakes!
One sec. Lemme check the interwebs....

Well, according to here the first recording of "skiing" was on the Norwegian island of Rodoy over 4,000 years ago...
Crap, they're already dead...
But wait... what's this...
"Skiing was so revered in Scandinavia that the Vikings worshipped Ull and
Skade, the god and goddess of skiing."
Holy Crap.
There's a freakin' god and goddess of skiing!
I think I'll just go and send them a complaint!
Yeah!
That's right!
Yahoo!
Yipee!
F--- Ya!
*cough*
errrrr... Kiddies pretend you didn't hear that!

C U L8ER
-Bosh

Locked Up: Day 3 - Still here...

noreply@blogger.com (Bosh) — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 21:25:00 +0000

Unfortunately I got no comments. Not a single one!
I'm going to make this post short and sweet.

FREAKING WRITE A COMMENT!!!!

Sorry about the short post. I have been busy rotting away in this uncomfortable jail cell.
I promise for a lengthier one tomorrow.
The guards are coming! Got to go!

C U L8ER

-Bosh

Locked Up: Day 2 - HEEELP MEE!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Bosh) — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 17:54:00 +0000

I'm still in here...

Help me

PULEEEEEEEEEEASE!!

If anyone out there is reading this please help me!

Just pay my bail I promise I'll stop whining!

Now I bet your now thinking, "What's that? Are you E-begging?" Well I have some news for you! You don't have to actually send me actual money!

I have taught the guards about the wonders of modern technology and showed them this blog. In exchange for this favor they have agreed to let me out of here without having to pay bail.

BUT there's a catch!

YOU have to help me.

That's right YOU.

All you have to do is write a comment. That's it! If I get enough comments here they'll let me out! So if anyone out there is reading this, write a freaking comment!!!!

C U L8er

-Bosh

In Jail... Need Bail!

noreply@blogger.com (Bosh) — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 21:49:00 +0000

My father always said, "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime."

I wish I had listened.

I can't believe they threw me in the slammer... I mean all I did was yell a bit and knock out a few guys. Is that so bad?

The guards here aren't too bright because they didn't take my iPhone away before locking me in here which is good because then I wouldn't be able to post this blog. Either that or the're super old and don't know of the phenomenon of modern technology. That might explain why they looked at me rather strangely when I handed them my credit card to pay the bail...

So anyway, I'm stuck in jail and have no one to bring the bail money. HEEEEELP MEEEE!!!

C U L8er

-Bosh

Unboundless Fun

noreply@blogger.com (Bosh) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 19:27:00 +0000

So the guys over at InXile just recently released this awesome game based on me! When they first came to me I was like, "SWEEEEEEEEEET."

The game was going to be available for Wii, DS, and PC. I'm all like, "ZOMG IMA GUNNA BE A NINTENDO/ MICROSOFT-ER. " Finally my dream to meet Mario might come true! So I said, "BRING ME TO MARIO NAO!!!!."

Unfortunately, Mario was out playing baseball or something. How dare Mario be playing baseball when he could be in here meeting me, I thought. All of a sudden I got really angry. I picked up my sled and threw it across the room hitting some random Nintendo employee.

"Calm Down!" another random Nintendo employee yelled.

"NO," I bellowed, "ME NOT WANT TO CALM DOWN! ME WANT TO MEET MARIO." I took off my scarf and strangled him. Yeah I know I was a wee bit out of control.

That's when I heard someone with an Italian accent in the hallway say, "Mama Mia! What's-a going on-a?"

"MARIO???!!!!!!" I screamed with excitement. I ran to the door to find it was only Luigi.

"HEY! YOUR NOT MARIO!!!"

"Do you-a have to rub it in-a?" Luigi cried.

"Oh, uhh, sorry I didn't mean to upset you."

"Do you really mean that?" Luigi sniffled.

"NO!" I yelled and hit him across the head.

Right then a bunch of security guards barged in with their mighty pepper spray. Some big ol' dude just came right up to me and sprayed my eyes.

"AHHHH!!" I screamed in pain and fell to my knees. All the other guards that were too afraid to approach me before now all tackled me and handcuffed me.

The next thing I knew I was sitting in the back of a police car and that is where I am typing this. Oh well maybe jail won't be too bad.

C U L8er

-Bosh

Hello World!

noreply@blogger.com (Bosh) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 02:17:00 +0000

Hello people of Earth (as well as all the other planets),
my name is Bosh. You may know of me as the little dude on the sled in Line Rider. If you have no idea what I am talking about check this out. Anyway I am going to update this as often as I can so check back every once in a while.
C U L8er
-Bosh