Just Five More Minutes, Please.

18 Months Old!

2012-03-04T18:35:00.000-08:00

My Ella Bella is now 18-months old and I have to admit, going over to the land of 2T makes me a bit nervous. 18 months, 24 months I can handle, but seeing "2T" on clothes hit me...she's a "T" now. Wild. I don't know what happens between 12- and 18-months but she's a completely different person. Running and talking...and talking, and more talking and more running...

She's up over 50+ words (it'll be 60+ tomorrow). She's coming up with stuff I haven't even taught her yet. She's yelling, "Kali!" all over the house trying to locate her favorite playmate. And, when she's not chasing after Kali, she's climbing on everything. The life of a toddler.

I love the fact that her first long sentence was "Hi, I love you!" That little voice...nothing in the world beats that.

Ella 1 week old

Ella 18-months old

Chatterbox

2012-02-08T19:36:00.000-08:00

17 months is awesome. Let the real talking begin (and get more and more awesome each day).

Here are some words Ella can say so far...I'm sure this list will grow as I remember them...

In no particular order:

Mama
Dada
Nana
Papa
Gmy is Grammy
Ella
Up
Burp
Hop
Teeth
Open
More
Please
Yes
Flush
Ta Da!
Cheese
Dip
Chip
"M" is Elmo
"MmmmMmmm" is Mickey Mouse
Sid
Duck

Watching a child learn and develop blows my mind. So honored to be her mom.

17 Months

2012-01-28T20:24:00.000-08:00

A few of our family members and friends have recently added new additions to their families and it's bringing back some major memories. My niece, Parker, is just about 6-weeks old and starting to smile. I held her last weekend and she was as light as a feather. I remember those days...they feel like ages ago.

I don't remember if I've mentioned it here before but someone asked me what age was my favorite time with Ella. I'll always answer, "The age she's at now" because it's so true. She's growing, changing, each day there's something new...how could "today" not be the best?

A short list of things she's done (recently) that amaze me:

-A somersault on her own (amazed and equally freaked me out)
-Skied (even if Dad was helping her)
-Said everything from Apple to Shark and "more, please."
-Started giving herself a bath (which I'm sure she would have done sooner had I started to do it sooner)
-Throw things with the speed of an MLB pitcher
-Never get sick of the Pixar classic "A Bug's Life" despite watching constantly and on a daily basis
-Handle getting a cold better than me
-Start holding her own with Kali
-Actually give kisses as opposed to hold her cheek out to receive kisses
-Realize she's going to Nana's house and point to her house when we pull up
-Vacuum better than I vacuum
-Pat my back when she hugs me
-Start to throw little tantrums that can (at this point) be easily stopped with a little diversion (Yes, I know this will end shortly, sadly).
-When I said, "don't be a bad girl" kinda jokingly after she threw her sippy on the floor. She then shook her finger at me and laughed hysterically...that was awesome. Defiance already. That didn't take very long.

17 months will soon be 17 years. I adore you, Ella :)

I Spell E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g

2012-01-03T15:54:00.000-08:00

I used to wonder why parents spell absolutely everything that may interest their child. Sometimes people even did this in front of their dogs and I didn't think it was at all possible for them to understand something. How little did I know.

Here are just a few things that I often s-p-e-l-l around you know who:

milk
nurse (well, we have since stopped, but this was a big one).
fish (goldfish...obsessed)
puffs (the cheddar cheese ones...another obsession)
walk (this one is for the dog, actually :)
bath (the mere mention of the word prompts signs of "bath" and an immediate run for the stairs).
toy
paci or binky (we're winding down with these, but still...safer spelled out).

I always have a fear as the words get longer that Aaron or my mom will spell something really long and I'll sit there thinking..."what the heck did they just spell?" and it'll confuse me as much as Ella.

A Look Back

2011-12-30T20:25:00.000-08:00

Two years ago today we brought this little guy home during a blizzard all the way from Worcester, VT.

Kali, Dec. 2009

His given name was Boris but now we call him Kali, and sometimes Kali Ma if he's being bad. He choose us, or me I should say. Another pup came up to me to say "hi" and Kali pushed his bottom and drove him away. "Get away from my mom!" he was protective already. He then came over to me and gave me a kiss. To this day, he's as loyal as day one. I never thought I'd love a pet as much as I love him...corny, I know, but all you pet moms out there know what I'm talking about.

Kali, Dec. 2011

This past year I've seen my little girl become a toddler, learn to talk, get into trouble -- "Ella, stop pulling Kali's tail" -- was said probably about once a day.and develop her own sweet personality.

I noticed that there are several different Ella's running around the house. Here are a few of the many.

Ella the Sweetheart
She's a little doll. And, she looks like a little one in this dress, too. I know, really puffy but I had to. Soon she'll be picking out her own clothes and I won't get to stuff her into puffy adorable dresses. She really is such a sweet little girl. She'll flash you an adorable smile and you see her huge blue eyes and just fall in love with her all over again. I'm sure this will be her secret weapon when she gets older and she'll use it on more than just her parents. Note to Ella in the future...I'm onto you! :)

Ella the Silly
This girl cracks me up. She has such a sense of humor and will do everything from dancing as funny as her mom and go around talking to herself and babbling to Kali. She'll pick up a book, go to where Kali is laying down and read to him. Needless to say, he usually cooperates. She makes me laugh if I have a bad day, I just hold her and all the other nonsense melts away. She even gives my scrunchy nose smiles and laughs, it's so wonderful to see some of my expressions on her adorable face.

Ella the Wild
This girl gets her wild side from her daddy. Aaron has what I'd call an "adventurous" personality and my little monkey is showing signs of it already. Climbing, yes please. The sit and spin is a climb, and spin, and balance on a 6" round piece of plastic over 18" in the air. I swear if we had a balance beam in the house she'd already be doing back handsprings on it. If she turns out to be a gymnast or anything that requires a dare-devil personality, I will not be surprised one bit.

I can't wait to see her grow up even more in 2012. She'll be talking up a storm, running around the house, climbing (even more) and if her daddy has his way, skiing black diamonds. I can't wait :)

Motherly Advice Part I

2011-09-23T20:51:00.000-07:00

So, having been a mom for a year I feel like I can finally write down a list of things I learned from being a mom this past year. My friends who became pregnant after me ask their friends, including me, on advice of the best things to buy, what to purchase before you have the baby, what you can wait on, what things I never thought I would use that I now realize I couldn't have lived without, and so on. So, some motherly advice that if I could turn the clock back to August 2010, I would give myself.

In no particular order...

1) Buy bibs with snaps, not velcro
The velcro, unless you make sure (which is hard to do) that all of them are latched together before they go into your dryer or else they will stick to everything. And, eventually your child will learn that if she pulls hard enough, she can rib the bib from her neck. Snaps...not so much.

2) Buy bibs that are waterproof
Yes, children are drooly and messy. Unless you want to change your kids clothes 3-4x a day, use waterproof bibs.

3) Amazon.com/mom is your savior
It's amazing. You will have the UPS man coming to your house several times a week. Get the amazon.com pricechecker app for your phone and use it whenever you feel like buy something in the store...then realize you can get it cheaper on amazon (if you don't mind waiting 2 days for it).

4) Making baby food isn't as involved as you think
I know a lot of moms are busy and can't make their own baby food, no biggie, I'm not anti-jar food -- I could actually care less what other people feed their kids. But, if you have the time or can spend an evening or two a month making food, go for it. Buy a steamer or use the old fashioned steam basket and blend away, then freeze away. I had a great time doing it for Ella and they're not on pureed food for very long.

5) Don't register for a gazillion diapers in a gazillion sizes
I know a few girls who registered for diapers up to size 6. What??? First question, how do you even know the brand you registered for will be the best for your baby? I've heard some moms swear by Pampers (which we use) and some by Huggies and some by a CVS or Target brand. And, last time I checked diapers come in some huge packages...where are you going to store all of these until the kid is 2+ years old? I don't even know how old you are when you're in size 6 diapers. Ella is 1 and we're still in size 3.

6) Never shut your cellphone off
I don't care if I'm in a business meeting. if something is wrong with my daughter, I want to know. Tell whomever is watching your child that you'll be in a meeting but if something happens, you can be available.

7) Get a housecleaner
I hired my housecleaner when Ella was a few months old and it was the best decision ever. She comes every other week and she's a God send. Plus, she's an amazing woman and we love her so much so Ella has enjoyed seeing her and playing games with her as well.

8) Don't get a million stollers
We really didn't need our travel system stroller. In hindsight I would have just used my carseat with my snap and go, and then went straight into an umbrella stroller or used my jogger. The good thing about the travel system stroller is that it's better for indoors rather than the jogger, and you can store more things in there and it's more comfortable, but do we really need it? Not really.

9) Don't make a big deal out of things before they're a big deal
I brought Ella to the pool today and I was there by myself for the majority of the time. The night before we went I was wondering how I would get changed afterwards, and where I would put her, and if I should bring her float and if it would be crowded. I didn't spend a ton of time thinking this, but these questions certainly went through my head. In the end, it was a breeze and I worried for nothing.

10) Don't ever feel like you should turn off your mom-instincts...ever
There have been a few instances where I thought...should I really tell that person to wash their hands before they hold Ella? Or, should I really sit near Ella and help her play with the kids who are older because they're playing a bit rough and she's much smaller than them? Or, hey, that stranger is going in to kiss my daughter...maybe I should shove her away :) Regardless of it's little or big, you're the baby's mom and you and the dad make decisions, nobody else. Do whatever you want to do even if it goes against your family or friend's opinions.

I'm sure I'll have a gazillion more. Maybe this is why I'm going back to title it Motherly Advice Part I.

Happy 1st Birthday, Ella!

2011-08-27T08:00:00.000-07:00

Cake by Me
Photo by Stephanie O'Neill

My little girl is one year-old today. This has been the fastest year of my life.

She is so smart, gorgeous -- breathtakingly so -- loveable, and FUN. A joy, an absolute joy.

I wondered how I would meet this day...would I have tears in my eyes? Would I be just too stressed out about her party (which is also the same day as her birthday) to really savor the moment?

Birthday are huge in my house. I still love my birthday and I'm into my 30s and I will still love it 20 years from now. You better believe my daughter's birthday is going to be huge...not so much in the party sense, but the overall depth of the day.

This morning, I set my alarm for 1:19am, the moment she was born and read my pregnancy journal. In the hours following her birth I wrote down all the details I could remember. The names of her nurses, how many hours I was in labor for (15...I won't forget that number) and the joys as well as the complications that arose from it.

Ella was a NICU baby, and I guess I could say is a NICU baby because it's not something you grow out of. What I mean by that is it's not an experience that you grow out of. The parents of NICU babies can recall the smallest details of what it's like to be there for hours, days, weeks, etc. The sounds of the monitors on all of the babies, the tubes, the incubators and small cribs lined up one after another -- you just don't forget.

Ella was lucky enough to be there for just seven days and it was a long seven days. Luckily she doesn't have any existing health issues that have carried over from her first week of life. Each night when we say our little prayer for our family and friends we always say at the end "we wish everyone health and happiness." You quickly learn as a NICU mom, or just mom in general that all the other stuff doesn't matter at all.

Each year on her birthday we donate to the Brigham and Women. I don't think people think of donating to NICUs as much as they think of donating to other causes. Just a reminder, NICUs need support as well.

So, now that my daughter is one I'm taking these moments to relive the past year -- even the sleepless nights. And, I'm taking the time to take the ones who helped make her first year absolutely wonderful. Her grandparents, aunts and uncles, family and friends -- thank you for showering her with love and being part of her first year of life. Thank you to my mom who is with her practically every day and helps our life in so many ways. And, Aaron, the loving, caring, fun, and protective dad who provides so much for Ella and for us. And, Kali, the ever loyal, energetic, and playful pup who is unlike any playmate Ella will ever have.

Thank you, Ella, for so very much and for changing me and everyone around you in so many ways. I love you with all of my heart, soul and mind.

Love,
Mom

My Amazon.com Wish List has a Potty on it

2011-08-14T19:06:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's correct. My Wish List that used to have things like digital cameras and books, and gifts that I was going to buy my husband or other family members, but now, it has a potty on it.

Actually, more than one potty. I have to figure out which one I like best. The one that sings a song when you do something in it, or the plain ole reliable bjorn.

Mom, you're embarrassing me!
Photo: Stephanie O'Neill Photography

Ella signed the word "bath" yesterday morning, and this morning. She typically takes her baths at night but we figured ok, she signed "bath" so let's give her a bath. Big mistake. For the first (and second) time ever, she dropped a bomb in the bath. We thought it was a one time thing yesterday morning, but nope, it happened again.

My husband has the idea that she may be ready for potty training. And maybe her sign for bath really means I have to go potty. And maybe she thinks the bath is just one really big toilet. I keep telling him that it's still about a year or more away, but maybe we'll run into some sort of dumb luck and have a baby who wants to go potty on the toilet. Who knows.

But, thank you, Ella, for changing my life and my Amazon.com wish list in ways I never thought it could be changed. Potty, here I come.

11 Months Old

2011-08-04T20:56:00.000-07:00

Ella turned 11 months on the 27th of July...and I'm freaking out. Not only do I have to plan her first birthday party which stresses me out a bit (it has to be awesome despite the fact that she won't remember any of it), but my baby girl is turning ONE YEAR OLD.

Just this past weekend I held my newest niece who was only six days old. She was teeny, adorable, doing that whole...I don't know how to use my hands yet...and it reminded me of Ella. Was it even possible that she was that little ever in her life? Impossible, she's been 20lbs forever.

The countdown has begun to one. Until then, I will spend all of my spare time baking practice cakes for the big day and watching the RSVPs come in.

Mommy's College Reunion

2011-06-04T19:43:00.000-07:00

Her shirt says "I Love Holy Cross"

Today I went back to Holy Cross. I had been back just three times in the past 10 years since I graduated in 2001. The first time was for homecoming in the Fall after my graduation. The second time was in 2007 when some former roommates were visiting from around the country and we made the trek to the hill to visit the campus (it had been 10 years since we met each other -- I think almost to the weekend). The third time was for my bridal shower in 2008 (a central location for family and friends).

Holy Cross holds some very special memories for me. I met some of my best friends there, the education shaped my life (and even what I do for work now) and the college experience was something that I knew I was fortunate to have while I was living it. I kept saying to myself, "Everyone says college is the best time of your life, enjoy each day of it." When I was back home during the summer all I wanted to do would be go back to school, and when I was at school all I wanted to do was take-in each class, enjoy the weekends with my friends, and spend time making relationships that would matter to me even ten years later.

Facebook really did make the reunion a bit different than I expected. I knew what everyone would look like (and I have to say, everyone looked amazing...we aged well :) I knew their spouses and children and I saw them grow over the few years that I've had my Facebook account. But, it was great to finally see them in person, and it was great to introduce them to Ella, the 9-month old they've seen grow up through my posts.

When I was showing Ella a bit of the campus I couldn't help but wonder if she'll be a Crusader one day. Regardless of where she goes, I hope she enjoys each moment of her college experience as much as I did whether she's in purple, or---maroon and gold.

9 months old

2011-05-27T17:19:00.000-07:00

She's entering the last quarter of her first year and that scares me a bit. It scares me because I know how fast the first three went -- in a flash. And, she's 39 weeks old today and she was born at 39 weeks 5 days so essentially she's as old as I carried her. Time to take a deep breath because my baby is no longer an infant. nor a "baby," she's starting to become a little girl. Ok, well maybe she's still a baby, but you know what I mean.

In weeks 37 and 38 she checked some major items off the list including:
Saying Mama (amazing moment :)
Crawling
Pulling Up
Waving
Signing "more"
Using her sippy without any help
And other things that I can't remember right now but I'm sure I'll add as soon as I post this :)

Compared to what I did in those two weeks, she's got me beat by a long shot.

I feel like every three months Ella becomes a new person. She's reborn. She is an amazing human being with so much concentration and so much determination it's refreshing to witness. It's absolutely beautiful; I can't recall any other time in my life where I was witness to such transformation. I can't wait to see what the next quarter has in store for her, and what she has in store for me.

Here, There, and Everywhere. Babyproofing has Begun.

2011-05-15T20:01:00.000-07:00

Ella is on the go. Rolling around, scooting about, pulling up, and touching everything. And yes, she started to open cabinet doors. Gone are the days of stillness -- she is a little lady on a misson. Touch this, move that, grab here, travel to there. Whether by roll or by Army crawl (yes, a capital A because her Uncle is a Major), Ella is a new baby.

We ordered over $100 worth of baby proofing supplies and I'm sure we're going to have to spend $100 more before we're completely done. Thank you, Amazon.com for having Amazon.com/mom because it is priceless. The amount of money I've saved on shipping is enormous. Even more enormous is the amount of money I'd spent on Amazon.

But, there are some things that Amazon cannot help with. What do I do with my dog's food? It's going to be in her little hands soon. One friend came to visit and her one-year old already ate some so I'm sure Ella is going to as well. What about the stools and bar-height chairs I have? Are they going to come crashing down on her? Is there anything I can do about it? She'll get bumps and bruises and eh, it happens, but I'm looking around my house and realizing there's a lot to do and very little time to get it done. I better get cracking.

I Know, I Know, She Looks Like Him.

2011-05-15T19:42:00.000-07:00

My daughter looks unmistakably like my husband. A pretty version of him. Don't you find it's always a bit weird to say that a baby girl looks like their dad or a baby boy like their mom? I find it a bit weird, but it's entirely true. The baby girl could look like a pretty version of her dad and the boy a handsome version of their mom. Anyway, just thought I'd put that out there. More meaningful posts to come.

8 Freaking Months Old

2011-04-26T19:42:00.001-07:00

That's what I have to say about Ella turning 8 months on the 27th. 8 Freaking MONTHS!!! I think you need to be a parent to understand how quickly they turn from 8 minutes to 8 months. Sorry, no offense to non-parents, but it's a million times quicker than anything you've ever experienced. Quicker than an engagement, quicker than a countdown to a vacation, quicker than that vacation, and quicker than a pregnancy (but some might think that pregnancy goes by very slowly...and those someones might be moms).

Feeling the Grass for the First Time

Today she played with her cousins Ava and Billy who are visiting from Kentucky. She was playing with the big kids -- 3 1/2 years old, twins, and full of energy. They love Ella and Ella loves them. You can tell. They asked me questions like, "Auntie can baby Ella eat potato chips?" and, "Can I give baby Ella a kiss?" "No hunny, she can't eat potato chips just yet." And, "yes, of course you can give her a kiss (on the cheeky please)."

Ella likes to make funny noises and Ava and Billy would make noises to her and she would mimic them back. It went back and forth for quiet some time and Ava and Billy were laughing hysterically. Ella would smile and laugh too -- a child language just for them.

She just looks at them and you can see wonder in her eyes. Billy asked me if Ella was going to dream about him tonight, and I'm pretty sure the answer is a yes...and Ava too.

She's getting ready to crawl, scooting all about, she's pulling herself up, she's finding toys herself, when I say, "where's Sophie?" she finds her and smiles and then picks her up (even if Sophie is nowhere in site...she'll find her). She's feeding herself, exploring her sippy cup. She felt grass for the first time today and was tentative about it, then kept running her hands through it laughing. She laughs all of the time, and smiles, and just lights up when she see us. She uses her walker and comes to us when we say, "Ella come to mommy (or daddy)!" She'll go around obstacles (none that would hurt her, of course) to get to us.

She's going to be crawling soon, walking soon, talking soon and getting so much older so very soon. I'm afraid I won't remember these moments as much as I want to. I wish I could freeze time but I can't. Instead I try to write her and write notes of what she's doing each week, I take photos and videos and hope that it will be good enough to remember how quickly the time is passing. 8 Freaking Months Old...I cannot believe it.

Table Food

2011-04-17T19:35:00.000-07:00

Ella is 8 months soon and our pediatrician said she should start table foods around 8-9 months. So, that's what we're doing. She's been on organic purees that I've been able to make for her and now, I have to admit, I'm a bit nervous about moving to table food. Nervous, and excited.

I'm completely nervous that she's going to choke on something. She has no teeth but I know that babies usually just chew with their back gums anyway, but I am completely paranoid that she's going to choke. Luckily, Aaron, my mom and I attended an infant CPR and choking class so I'll know what to do, but I'm also sure that a lot of that goes out the window once it actually happens. The teacher said to practice putting your baby over your leg (for play) just so you know what it feels like if you do have to stop them from choking. Dear God I'm getting nervous just thinking about it. Onto the excited part.

I'm excited because now she gets to eat all of the food that she's been lunging at (that's been on our plates) and excited because she gets to experience a completely new set of "firsts." She gets to eat pasta (yum!) and chicken and beef, and tofu and a whole new set of veggies and fruits. She's becoming such a little girl.

For some reason I think the table food milestone is a pretty big one. Crawling, walking...table food, they are all little markers of time gone by. Little by little she's becoming more independent and proving how amazing the first year of life really is.

It's been 10 years since...

2011-04-14T20:22:00.000-07:00

She's growing up too quickly.

...I graduated college. I remember thinking about the Alumni reunions even when I was on the hill at Holy Cross as a student. I kept thinking perhaps at the 5-year I'll be married, and the 10-year I'll have a baby or two but it always seemed so very far away. I always wondered what I would be like married and a mom, working or not, and what type of mom I'd be, how many kids I'd have and what type of job I'd have and on and on. I always had this vision of myself in my 30s and I guess the fact that my college reunion is this June makes me think about whether or not I achieved it.

I was speaking with a college roommate today about our children. She has a son who will be turning one soon and I have a daughter who will be 8-months old at the end of the month. Our conversation focused on the important things in life: our children, our husbands, and the rest of our family and friends. We talked about our children, how big they were getting (and how quickly it was happening -- in a flash!). We talked about our husbands and our mothers who both see and help take care of our children on a weekly basis, and we talked about how we both think a car ride bopping away to music is a bit of mom-time that we both enjoy.

The Stephanie of 10-years ago envisioned some semblance of a life that's like mine, only the reality is much better. It's much better because I have my health, I have my family, and I have my friends who have been my friends for over a decade. Some, even for several decades. I'm lucky because I love and I am loved, by them, my family, my husband, and my daughter. I'm thankful for the simple things in life.

When I say our nightly prayer with my daughter, I wish all of our family and friends health and happiness, not 2.5 children and a house in the suburbs and a vacation condo in New Hampshire. I hope I teach her that above anything else -- and to not envision herself older than she is, because man, those 10 years flew by. And, the only thing that flew by quicker than those 10 years was the past 7.5 months.

Shhh!

2011-03-25T18:00:00.000-07:00

As a parent, you learn about the 5 S's...Side, Shhh! Swing, Suck, Swaddle. I must say, however, no S is more powerful or more invasive into your own family than the Shhhhhh!

I find myself Shhing everything. My dog makes too much noise and I shush him, I hear a random loud noise and I shush it, the door is too noisy and I shush the door, yes, the shhh has become something that I say to inanimate objects. I do it by reaction -- it's automatic.

This blog post isn't long, because there's not much else to say other than this: If you're a parent-to-be, you will realize that just one of the things that might make you look or sound crazy to non-parents is that you shhh inanimate objects. If you're a parent, this post makes complete sense to you.

Top Ten List -- Mom Version

2011-03-13T19:47:00.000-07:00

Like all parents, I've been doing things a bit differently now that I'm a mom. Some things I never thought in a million years I'd be doing; some I figured I would be doing, it's just weird that it's actually happening now. So here's my list: The Top Ten Things I Never Thought I'd Do, Or Think, Until I Became a Mom.

1. Go to bed before 10pm every night (even on weekends).
Then: My college roommates can attest to the fact that I was always the last one to go to bed. Staying up to midnight or 1am (or later) was the norm.
Now: The clock strikes 10pm (or soon thereafter) and if I'm not already in my bed then I turn off the tv and head on upstairs and cannot wait to get into my pjs and under the covers. I do this for several reasons: 1) I'm freaking tired all of the time 2) I know that if Ella is asleep I might as well go to bed now anyway and try to sneak in a few hours of sleep while I can 3) If I stay up much later I would think, "Self...your baby was asleep at 7:30 and yet, you stayed up until 11pm...you can't complain tomorrow when you're so tired because it's your own fault." And, I really don't want myself having that conversation with myself the next morning.

2. Ignore e-mails that say "Huge Shoe Sale from Nordstroms!" Or other enticing sale message from one of my favorite retailers.
Then: Hello, sale? I'm Stephanie. Nice to meet you.
Now: Heck no. I can't remember the last time I bought something for myself. Ella, yes. Aaron, yes. Kali (our dog), yes. Me, notsomuch. I miss buying shoes (or anything else for that matter).

3. Think driving someplace in my car alone is considered "me" time.
Then: Driving someplace was a means to an end. I drive, I get there...mission accomplished.
Now: If I get out of the house to go grocery shopping or run to CVS or even head to a meeting, I think of it as me time. I don't have to worry about my daughter in the back seat or whether or not our dog is going to poop in my car -- it's just me.

4. Feel baldy about doing something for myself.
Then: When I was married with no children I never felt bad if I went to the gym or got a mani/pedi or did something with friends. Nor did I get upset when my husband did the same.
Now: I can't help it. Mom guilt that I hope I'll get over soon. My husband encourages me to get out and do something on my own and I'm starting to feel better about doing so. Plus, it's good for me to have my own time (I have to keep repeating that to myself).

5. Not caring if I had a boy or girl first.
Then: I used to think I wanted a son first. I grew up with an older brother who is absolutely amazing. He's a Major in the Army so as you can imagine, he always was the protective older brother that I loved having. I think everyone always imagines having a family like their own. If you have a sister you want your child to have a sister, and so on.
Now: When I was pregnant, even since day one, we knew Ella was a girl. And an overwhelming majority of people guessed girl...literally only 3 people guessed boy. The ultrasound tech expected us to have some sort of reaction when she said, "it's a girl!" and we said, "we know!" I am so thrilled to have Ella first. I know she'll be an amazing older sister to a younger sister or brother.

6. Want to see someone's poop.
Then: Um, obviously I wouldn't ever want to see someone's poop, ever. In college I was at a party and had to use the bathroom. Well, the guys who lived there took Polaroids of their poops and posted them on the wall. Nasty. I never forgot it and it's been 10 years since I graduated.
Now: If I don't change Ella's diaper I always ask, "What did her poop look like?" I am amazed by what it looks like and how it changes. Granted, I'm checking to see if something she just ate isn't agreeing with her but still, I never thought I'd be so excited or so interested in someone else's poop.

7. Want to know where I came from.
Then: I was always told my heritage was Italian and English. Then it changed to Italian, English and Irish. Ok, fine by me.
Now: There was a 14-day free trial of ancestry.com and I couldn't resist. For a while now I've been wanted to know how far back I could trace my family. Not only for me, but for Ella as well. I wanted her to know that she had generations before her who came from whatever country and did whatever for a living. I just suddenly felt that it was important to know her history -- and to also find our we're part Scottish.

8. Hire a Cleaning Lady.
Then: Why on earth could I not do everything under the sun, including cleaning the house thoroughly each week?
Now: Help with house cleaning, heck yes! The best bi-weekly expense ever.

9. Buy something from Amazon.com each week.
Then: Amazon.com was great for things like Christmas shopping.
Now: I'm not kidding when I say this, but I buy something from Amazon every other week, or more frequently. Their Amazon.com mom program is amazing and their subscribe and save is genius. If you are a mom/dad or parent-to-be you need to know about this.

10. Care so much about breastfeeding.
Then: When I was younger I always wondered if I would breastfeed and never really had any desire to do so.
Now: As Ella gets older and eats more solids I know the breastfeeding will come to an end in the near future. Hopefully I can make it to 12-months but we'll see how my body holds out. It was not easy and in the beginning it looked like it wasn't going to work out, but I kept with it and am still doing it today. It's an experience that I'm very proud of and I'm so glad I did it for her, and for me.

Where did the time go?

2011-02-18T19:22:00.000-08:00

People told me this would happen. I would blink and my daughter would be 6-months old.

Well, the big 6-month mark is only a few days away and I don't know why it's surprising me that it's right around the corner, but it is. I was just upstairs nursing her and I had two pacifiers in my hand. One was the infant one and the other was the one for 6-months and older. The 6-month one looked gigantic to me. I kept trying to picture my nieces and nephews with the lager pacifiers because they all used them quite often. I kept trying to say to myself, "No, this is normal, they all use this size. It's big, because they're big kids...and you know, they don't use 'infant' things anymore." Oh Lord.

My little girl is moving up to the big girl pacifier already. And I know what's next. Soon she'll be stealing my pizza crust or my husband's soft pretzels and we'll be fine with her sucking on them because she'll have teeth and this is all normal for her to do.

My little one is growing up, becoming independent in her own 6-month way, and showing her personality more and more each day. She's playing peek-a-boo with us hiding herself under her burp cloth and pulling it down only after I say, "Where is Ella?" How the heck she knows to wait for her "Where is Ella?" cue is beyond me. Did she really pick it up that quickly? Genius I swear. She plays with her dog Kali, hits her belly when she's hungry, and is starting to dive on her belly to crawl.

I can't fathom her turning 1 in 6 more months from now. Sometimes I look at her and say, "you're really my daughter...you're the one I always wondered about my whole life," so it's baffling to me to even think that, yes, "she's my daughter...my 6-month old daughter." But, she is. Babies do this. They grow older. But it's still amazes me how quickly the time passes. I'll be asking, "where did the time go?" forever and ever.

Vacations aren't really vacations any more (and other things that happen when you're a parent).

2011-01-30T19:10:00.000-08:00

Ella has already been in five states (and I'm not counting Ohio even though we flew into the Cincinnati airport because it's located in Kentucky). This girl has more miles in the sky than any other 5-month old I know (with maybe the exception of one little girl I know who lives in Arizona).

My husband and I used to be experts while traveling. We were that couple who could walk up to the security line and not even 5-seconds would pass and we would be shoeless, coatless, and halfway through the metal detector. We even had laptop bags that could go through the x-ray machine without having to take your laptop out (yes, they exist...and we were the type of people that knew about them). We have Clear and we loved in.

When people say, "and baby makes three" they really mean, "and baby makes things three times as complicated."

Some things I've observed since I have started traveling with a baby:

1) You need to pack 3x as many things for you and your husband combined just for a teeny-tiny baby. 18 change of outfits, 15 bibs, 10 burp cloths, milk/formula up the wazoo.
2) You will have some sort of discussion (perhaps a long one) about which stroller you will bring and if you will check it at the curb, counter, or gate. Advice: curb or gate.
3) Strangers are insanely attracted to babies, guard them with your life (as if you aren't doing that already). You might need to tag-team a situation but hang in there and make up a story about your child just getting over a cold if you need to. And yes, they are even attracted to babies while you are changing them out of a poopy diaper.
4) Don't let anyone kiss your baby's head (that's all I'm saying...). People are nuts.
5) Ask your baby to poop before the flight, beg your baby, promise your baby something from Tiffany's or all the chocolate in the world when they grow up if they just poop before the flight. (Ella complied...I'm going to be broke).

Needless to say, I'm not letting having an infant stop us from doing anything -- near or far. So, things take three-times as long but I'd rather be tired because of it, or a wee-bit late to things because of it. My advice to new moms: just deal, because being a bit afraid (or anxious) to go someplace with your baby is much better than not going out at all. And yes, this is much easier said than done :)

39.5

2011-01-11T20:10:00.000-08:00

My last blog left you with a bit of a conspiracy on my hands. The doctors versus the nurses and I was stuck in the middle. What was I to do?

We checked into the hospital (I'm making it sound like a hotel or something). I went upstairs (no wheelchair, thank you, I'm doing just fine) and then I kept my mouth shut. Before I knew it I was in a room, then switch to an even larger room (maybe this is a hotel) and was brought something to eat (sorry, I didn't eat breakfast or lunch).

Dr. Lampert visited me and confirmed that Dr. Hernandez told her about my situation and then helped things along. Holy crap. Any mom knows what I'm talking about. The word "gush" doesn't even describe it. Needless to say, I'm very glad Aaron went to the cafeteria just before Dr. Lampert arrived. After that happened, Ella was on her way...eventually.

Dr. Lampert wished me luck and told me that Dr. Vincent was the next doctor on call and go figure, this was the one doctor I didn't meet during all of my pre-natal appointments. Great.

I still felt great and was talking to the nurses, hanging out with Aaron, texting, etc. Contractions started to kick in a bit more heavily at 4pm when they started the pitocin but Ella did not like it very well at all and I was barely on that. I ended up getting an epi around 5pm when I was about 6-7cm. From here until pushing started it was pretty relaxing, I didn’t even know I was having contractions…Aaron needed to tell me. We watched a bit of TV and just hung out. Aaron turned off the TV and turned on the music later on…I’m glad he did or else Ella would have been born to “Family Guy.”

I was fully dilated and she was low enough at 10pm. I started pushing at 11pm (though technically they count the hour before b/c I was full dilated and ready to go...). They said I was a great pusher and gave me a mirror so I could watch (even though I didn’t want one original…I was ok with it coming in. When the Dr. came I could barely see anything since she was right in front of it anyway). When I pushed I did four sets of pushes rather than the usual three…just because I wanted to. Ha.

So at about midnight Dr. Vincent came in and tried to turn Ella since she was sunnyside up (which is why my lower back was hurting so much…). She got her to turn but then had to leave and when she came back she was already turned around again. She tried one more time and had to keep her hand there for the rest of the time in order to keep her from turning again. Yes, that's way TMI but eh, whatever.

I kept pushing but she did not want to come down on her own…she was being very finicky and already showing her stubbornness (which she – admittedly – gets from her mom). After a few more sets of pushes she told me they would have to do a vacuum assist and I said that was fine…after all of this pushing (and time…) I didn’t want to have a c-section but if I had to…I had to. I’m glad the Dr. even offered the vacuum…she said that if I wasn’t such a good pusher she wouldn’t have offered and we’d be in the O.R.

During the second to last set of pushes I could feel her very close to coming out. At this point there were about 10 other people in the room including some doctors to help Ella. Since I had a fever and we were doing a vacuum Ella needed to go straight to her little bed and be checked by the doctors. During that last set of pushes I could tell everyone was getting a bit ready for a c-section but I looked at Aaron and said, “This has got to work.” I knew she would be out on the next set of pushes.

When the contraction came (which were now every 5 minutes giving me not much opportunity for pushing…) I really needed to dig deep and get this little one born! During that last set I pushed and saw her arrive…I immediately leaned back, said, “Thank God!” and kissed Aaron. My little Ella was taken away to her bed and checked over as daddy grabbed his camera and followed.

In all seriousness everything -- despite it being not the easiest delivery -- was so much better than I expected. The Dr. said it was amount her top 10 vacuum deliveries...I said we aim to be in the top of everything. She started cracking up. :)

It was such an enjoyable experience and everyone at the hospital was so wonderful. I was so proud of Aaron for being so strong during everything as well; he was so supportive and perfect.

I wish I could do it all over again tomorrow and I'm not sure if that makes me crazy or not, but it's 100% true.

My little angel is nearly 20-weeks old now and it's flying by. I never realized how quickly newborns grow up, but they grow up so damn quickly. Part of me is so happy to see her change each day and part of me wishes she'd slow down so I can let it soak in a bit more. No luck though, she's going to 18 before I know it (God, help me).

39...

2010-12-13T19:32:00.000-08:00

I was getting ready to go into the shower when I noticed something. I called my mom who was on her way over after she finished some grocery shopping.

"Hi, mom...I'm fine, but can you come over now?"

Needless to say, she abandoned the deli meat she was ordering along with her shopping cart and made her way to my house.

I dialed the doctor, then my husband.

"You've got to be kidding me," he said without even a "hello" first. "How do you know I'm calling you about that?" I asked him. He said, "I just sat down at my desk and knew you were going to call me." That morning he stayed at home just a bit longer before he went to work because he had a feeling something was going to happen that day (or so he said).

I told him I already called mom and she's on her way and that doctor said to relax and take some time to come in because I wasn't having contractions. I asked him to meet me at the doctor first because they had to make sure I was, in fact, ready to go.

Yes, I called my mom first because she was closest to me. She had been coming over a few days a week since I was put on bed rest anyway :) I called the doctor second so I could tell my husband of the plan. Yes, I feel like I need to rationalize to everyone why my husband was my third phone call. Ha. Anyway, I was remarkably calm. Insanely calm. The doctors told me to take my time so I did. I showered, I dried my hair, I put on makeup, I did all the things I knew I couldn't do for days because I already knew this was it. I didn't need a doctor to tell me so.

So, my mom and I were ready to go. I had my bag, we fed the dog, everything was ready to go and then we went on our way. My mom was a bit nervous probably because she had a drive her pregnant daughter who was in the beginning stages of labor into Boston which is not very close by. And, hello, if I had to drive a pregnant lady, I'd be nervous, too. I also think she was also a bit scared about how calm I was....until we hit not one, but two detours on the way to the doctor. An added 30 minutes to the 45-minute commute was just what I needed to make me un-calm.

We got to the doctor's office and I meet Aaron (who got there in 15 minutes...nice). I met him, and we entered the doctors room. I was tested and yup...sure enough, we were heading to the hospital. But, I was told to stay quiet about how much of my water broke. She was worried that since the hospital was already at capacity they would delay putting me in a room. She had already spoken to her colleague at the hospital and they were on the same page. I loved this and I wasn't saying a word. Sweet. Nothing like a little conspiracy to get things going.

36...37...38...

2010-12-12T19:06:00.000-08:00

The last few weeks of pregnancy are perhaps the most annoying and most wonderful. I loved them and I hated them at the same time. Don't get me wrong, I loved being pregnant and even at the end I was completely fine with lasting to the 40-week mark. I didn't mind being huge or seeing the scale hit a number that I had never come close to in my entire life. I didn't mind the fact that I couldn't go long distances in the car, or the fact that it was literally one of the hottest summers on record in Boston (thank you, central air). What I minded was not knowing when she would arrive. Yes, is the annoying part of pregnancy that every mother has to deal with.

My last post mentioned how I was told that I could go "any day now" fairly early on. I think it was week 36 or week 37 when I was first told that Ella was basically ready to go. I was 100% effaced and 3cm dilated and my doctor even said, "I'm at the hospital this weekend!" with a smile. And she's conservative. The conservative doctor who never indicates anything that might mean I'm remotely close to delivering said I might see her this weekend. "Oh my God," I thought, "I'm going to be a mom this weekend!"

Nope.

The anticipation was getting to me. Everyone expected me to go early, a week or two at least. They would call or e-mail or post messages on Facebook about when I was going to deliver. My response: "still pregnant." I didn't mind that they were asking, heck, I'd ask me, too. And, I kinda like that they were asking because it meant that they were excited about me delivering. And, that only added to the anticipation. But, my husband will tell you, I'm horrible with surprise. I love them and I absolutely hate them at the same time. I kept waking up every morning wondering if that was the day I was going to become a mom. I kept wondering where I would be when my water would break...or if it would break at all. I will tell you, that freaked me out more than anything. Not knowing then liters of water would come rushing out of you was weird...and scary.

But yes, I was "still pregnant." And I would be pregnant for a while, until that weird and scary moment happened.

My Life Will Never Be the Same Again

2010-12-07T19:44:00.000-08:00

I mentioned in my last blog that I knew I was pregnant a day before I told my husband. I didn't tell him the day before because I wanted to be 100% sure before I told him. I remember driving home that day...the I-have-a-secret day and thinking to myself, "My life will never be the same again." And, I got a little emotional about it. My eyes welled and a tear formed...and so did a smile. I had a life growing inside of me and was now responsible for my body in a whole new way.

I had a wonderful pregnancy -- beyond wonderful. Besides being a little dizzy and queasy at night in the early weeks, I had no "morning" sickness (moms will know why there are quotes), no heartburn (despite giving birth to a girl with a full head of hear...2" long), no stretch marks, no crazy weight gain, no acne, no mask of pregnancy, no nothing.

Until week 34.

I went to the doctor's office for an exam and learned that Ella had finally turned in the right direction -- thank God. After weeks of reading about ECVs and debating about whether or not I should go see a chiropractor for the Webster technique or for acupuncture, Ella got a clue and figured out that she needed to do a flip. So, with a little good news comes some bad. My doctor did an exam and then asked me, "So, what do you do for work?" Immediately I knew what was happening -- bed rest. I said, "I own my own company and work at home...why?" "Well," she said, "let's just say if you worked at an office I'd tell you to stay home." She went on to tell me that I had to be on modified bed rest. This meant that I could get up to use the restroom (glamorous), make some lunch, and get back down on the couch. Lovely. My body was at 37 weeks rather than 34 weeks so I needed to try my best to keep the pregnancy going. Luckily my coworkers are all fabulous and completely understood and so did my husband. Aaron did just about everything around the house -- the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, the dishes, everything. My mom also helped on her days off from work which was a huge help.

When you're on bed rest you feel like a burden to everyone. I knew -- and so did everyone else -- that I had no other option and had no problem doing whatever I needed to do to take care of my body (and my baby). But, still, you feel like a burden. Somebody is cleaning your house, cooking your meals, taking care of your puppy, going grocery shopping, doing errands, canceling plans because you can't make it....blah blah blah. But, that's what needed to be done. At 37 weeks my doctor took me off bed rest but told me not to drive or go long distances -- freedom at last. I immediately got my hair colored and cut and did some shopping. Thank the good Lord. I was 3cm and 100% effaced and was told I could go any day now.

What a tease.

Hello, I'm Stephanie

2010-12-03T14:39:00.000-08:00

I don't even know why I'm doing a post about who I am, because pretty much all of you know who I am already. But, here I go.

Hi. I'm Stephanie. Sorry I didn't say so in the first post, but better late than never. This actually reminds me of when I "met" my husband. Yes, we met on www.match.com. We e-mailed each other constantly one day and I realized I didn't even know his first name, so by the end of the day I asked him and he said, "Oh, I'm Aaron. My mother would be so ashamed that I didn't tell you that by now." Or...something like that. I immediately thought to myself, "Nice name...I could totally get used to saying that every day for the rest of my life." Sigh...I know. We knew 2-weeks into dating that we wanted to marry each other. I won't even tell you what he texted me the day after we went out on our first date (it wasn't anything inappropriate, it was actually a very sweet foreshadowing of the little girl we call Ella).

Ella is our 3-month old baby girl who is one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen in my life. I know, I'm completely biased, but other people have told me the same thing so I'm going with it. It's a year ago right now that I found out I was pregnant (I have a pet peeve when people say "we're pregnant"). I remember testing and thinking I saw two lines but thought I was crazy because I tested early. But sure enough, the next day yielded a darker line and the blood test from the doctor's proved I was indeed pregnant. Now I had a secret that I had to wait to share with my husband until he got home from work. Did I also mention that I had a meeting at my husband's company that day with Embryo? Yeah, that made for an interesting meeting. All I could think about the whole time was, "I'm pregnant! You're sitting across the table from me and you're going to be a dad but you don't know it yet!" So, I had to hold my breath at the meeting as well as the entire ride home from the commuter rail where I picked-up Aaron at the end of the work day.

We walked into the house and I picked up a present under the Christmas tree and said, "Here, Santa left this for you." I said, "I know it's too small for you, but I know someone who can wear this in 9 months." It was a baby hat from his favorite band Phish that I had purchased a month before. Needless to say, we hugged and I told him about how I knew yesterday and it nearly killed me keeping this secret from him but I wanted to be 100% sure. I admit, it was quite thrilling knowing something so huge and keeping it a secret.

Since it was Christmastime we shared the news with our parents who were overjoyed. After the 10-week mark when we heard the heartbeat, we shared the news with our siblings who probably weren't too surprised, but were very excited for both of us. Aaron and I have seven (and counting) nieces and nephews so we were very excited to add to the family. Being an Aunt and Uncle to so many wonderful kiddos gave us some great practice for parenthood...or so we thought.

Next time...more about my nearly trouble-free pregnancy.