You are a man. So am I. So stop apologizing for it. I see it every single freakin’ day - men walking around like pussies, looking into the ground and blaming everyone but themselves for their unsuccessful lives.

It is ALL your fault. I know that this doesn’t sell. And I know that it’s not what you want to hear - but it truly is. You HAVE to start to take responsibility for your own life and for your own actions.

Man up. Grab life by its balls. You have two of them at your disposal - so use them.

• A real man is fucking honest. He speaks his mind freely about things that concern him, but he also takes into regard the feelings of others. He lives by the rule of never harming anyone intentionally (more than needed, of course. In a few cases, like a break up, some ‘harm’ is needed).
• A real man doesn’t need or seek approval from others. You probably know this; so why do you keep doing it? Start living your life with integrity and you will see that you do not need the approval of others; that, in the end, it is ONLY your opinion that matters.
• A real man trusts his instinct and his abilities. But at the same time, he is HONEST about them. If you know that you are not skilled enough to, let’s say, climb a mountain, you have two choices: Either, you learn or acquire the skills needed for the task OR you back out and direct your attention to another matter. It is as simple as this. Two choices, nothing else.
• A real man is totally upfront with his intentions. He doesn’t apologize for being a man and for wanting sex - it’s perfectly acceptable. If he feels that the time is right for getting more physical, he goes for it without hesitation.
• A real man also has only two choices regarding something he fears, like doing a bungee jump. Either he just does it, OR admits that he won’t do it. Usually, we walk away from things we fear with guilt. This is not a choice for the real man, the just keep the change man. Either he TAKES ACTION, or admits that HE WON’T. There’s no middle ground. Really wanting to do something, but succumbing to your fear is WEAK. Don’t be that guy. You will grow if you take one of these two roads, and you will shrink if you pussy out. In 90% of all cases, just do it. Breathe deep, and tell yourself that you’ll live. You will… In the other 10%, be sure that backing out is the smart thing to do. It might be you wanting to approach a girl, but you being too afraid to fuck it up, you freeze like a Popsicle on the south pole. You do nothing, and you beat yourself up over it afterwards. THIS IS WRONG. Either, you approach her, or you admit to yourself that you won’t do it and be happy with it. Maybe, you don’t approach this girl, but smile and say “hey sunshine” the next time you greet that cute girl at your local supermarket instead. But don’t let it become procrastination, instead, learn which battles to fight. Which brings me to…
• Baby steps. A real man takes baby steps. Or at least he takes action. A real man doesn’t sit around on his couch reading advice that he won’t put into practice (if he really believes it, that is… Of course you shouldn’t take advice you don’t believe in at all). But I challenge you to try. How else would you know for sure?

So please, go out NOW and do something that you
a) want to do or
b) fear to do.

Often these two overlap. Start out by smiling and looking every girl in the eyes that you see today. After a couple of times, start saying hello, maybe getting their name in the process. Soon you will find a girl you like, and you will ask her out. No tricks, just you and her. You will go for the kiss, and you will take her home if that’s what you both want.

It takes balls my friend. Good thing you have ‘em.

It’s called looking her in her eyes.

Ever since I have given women intense eye contact while being with them, my love life has completely transformed.

Old, rugged sex without passion suddenly turns into hot all-night sessions.

Now don’t get me wrong - there’s more to women than just looking them in their eyes. It’s not a magic trick, but it is a necessity.

And not all eye contact works the same - a creepy stare is for many females one of the biggest turn offs. So read on, and learn how to give a woman some sexy eye contact. It’s one of the most important things you’ll ever learn.

Why eye contact works

There is a big difference between locking eye contact and staring. Staring is creepy, eye contact is sexy.

I have a little theory that the eyes are the window into the soul. When you look intensely into someone eyes, you actually “get” a little bit of them in return.

Try and notice the next time you watch a show where someone is interviewed. If it’s a skilled interviewer, there’s a big chance he won’t look any other place than at the interviewed persons eyes. Most likely, he will rarely blink, either.

This behavior stems, like almost everything else, from our caveman days. One of the strongest forms of communication is eye contact, and when deciding which man was the alpha man, it was most likely through something like who looked away last.

I don’t say that they had competitions with this or anything like that, it’s more of a subconscious thing. It’s used the same way today. I’m pretty sure, that in your company, the chubby secretary gives you less eye contact than your boss or another, more powerful, person.

To hold a gaze is simply a sign of dominance and leadership - and you can use that to your advantage.

A woman will instantly see you as a confident alpha male if you give her strong eye contact through the room, down the hall, or when you talk to her. It’s written in her genes. It’s a classic sign of a wussy if you can’t hold eye contact for more than a few seconds - we all now that guy; fiddling with his fingers, looking away nervously, stuttering. Don’t be him :-)

Holding eye contact also makes you quite vulnerable and penetrable - that’s why no one looks each other in the eyes in the metro or in any public transport. It’s an open invitation between two human beings.

How to do eye contact just right

There are a couple of things you do not want to do. First of all is that, when you have locked eye contact, you do not look away before she does. And even if she does, ask yourself what you will gain by looking away.

Most likely, you have everything to win by holding the eye contact and everything to lose by looking away.

Eye contact does not only signal confidence, it also signals interest. Most women love a good listener - and a strong gaze is a huge sign of just that. Your attention is with her and with no one else; in other words, you make her feel special and important.

Confidence + interest = instant sex appeal.

Better is, when you lock eye contact, you force yourself to only listen to her. No distractions - just you and her. That’s sexy as hell. Ask any women out there.

Here’s how to hold that eye contact we should all be striving for:

• Pick one eye and hold eye contact at that. Find out which eye works the best - believe it our not, but there is usually different “energy” between the two eyes. One is usually “hotter”.
• Try to “feel through” her.
• Listen intensely while she is talking.
• Relax at the same time. Don’t strain yourself or hold tension in any muscles.
• DON’T look away. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose by doing so.
• Breathe. Always breathe. Through the nose, nice and deep… Ahh.

That’s it. A bulletproof recipe for success with women. Now get out there and give women some sexy eye contact you stud!

By the way…

I just found a little experiment done by my friend David Shade. It’s a article on the website Fastseduction.com, and I really think that you’ll like it. Eye contact experiment by David shade.

I’ll also be gone for about two weeks on holidays - take care guys, and make me proud!

Hey guys! This is two real stories about how two real guys got over their ex girlfriends. I just wanted to post this to show you that it is possible, and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There always is.

Let’s start out with Shahi:

“I would say that the two biggest things certainly were time and seizing opportunities. Time helped the pain go away each day but certainly meeting someone new and realizing how awesome someone else can be made all the difference. I called it the “S” factor in the “ex-girlfriend” messageboard that I contributed to several times, where you really see and get to know someone else and realize that there is hope out there.

The girl I am with now is so into me and I find that it has been so much easier to talk to her than to my ex. I know at first that’s a hard thing to say when you’re missing her, but when you’re with someone else, that’s when you’ll realize it. She has shown me so much love and sweetness (for lack of better terms) and I think to myself, “why was I moping when there are girls like the this out there who are more for me and show so much more interest?”

How Shahi got over his ex girlfriend

Time and seizing opportunities. Two powerful factors when it comes to getting over a lost love.

Reading a post like this can really help you getting your hopes up for the future (if you have a hard time getting over her) by showing you that it is possible.

It really is! You two are going to get over her, and that is 100% guaranteed. We all do. Realize this.

Next up is Sergio.

You might know Sergio from the comment thread on the “how to get over your ex girlfriend post“. Here’s what he had to say…

Sergio’s story:

“How crazy is this. I haven’t been on this site since…I don’t remember. My original post was back in March of 2008. I have been where most you guys are now. I am living proof that you can/will move on with your life. I am dating now and I’m even friends with my ex. I learned to forgive her and I’m a better person for that.

To truly move on you must accept that it’s over. That’s the very first step. Don’t get me wrong, you will still hurt and feel down but you will be on your way. No contact is a must. At least in the beginning. Stay busy. With time, you find yourself thinking less of her until you’re completely over her.

This is also important; you need to look at the big picture. We only live once. Are you going to live the one life that you are given depressed and sad over ONE person?? You can’t let her dictate your happiness.

How Sergio got over his ex girlfriend

Sergio used the same approach as hundreds of other men have used before - the Just Keep The Change approach:

Accept, no contact, stay busy.

Basically, you just let yourself feel hurt if that’s what you feel you are. Don’t resist it or ignore it, simply let it be. No contact has been discussed several times on this blog already, and I know from lots of guys and personal experience that it works. No contact!

Staying busy is what I would almost call a “perk” of getting over your ex girlfriend. Now you finally have the time to do something you’ve always wanted, like learning a new language, hanging more out with your friends, starting that online business, whatever!

If you have a success story like Shahi or Sergio, feel free to post it in the comments or let me know directly. I know that a lot of hurting guys out there could benefit from it.

And while you’re at it, check out the new forum; the JKTC Café. Great people, great discussions. Join us!

Stay strong.

Beautiful images by ucumari and dsevilla.

See the beauty in everyone.

If you’re a (straight) man, which both my statistics and guts tell me that you are, of course you’d pay most attention to the women you see.

You have most likely trained your negative eye for the most part of your life, always looking for fault and mistakes.

I bet that I could show you a picture of almost anyone, and with in seconds, you could find something that could look better. It could be a wrinkle, a zit, a hair sitting ‘wrong’, a crooked nose… And the list goes on.

And this is not said to judge you, it’s just to make a point - and hey, I’m not any better myself! This is how most of us are programmed.

See the beauty in women

But I think that if we gradually train ourselves to see the beauty in things, we will live richer and happier lifes.

Why? Because that way you’ll slowly kill or transcend that little part of you I have called the Ego before. You’ll take away its power and regain control of your emotions and beliefs at a deeper level.

I know that may have sounded a little buddhist or religious, but take it for what it is. In more plain language, training to see the beauty in things will satisfy you more in the long-term.

See her real sexy self

The next time you’ll meet a girl you like, you’ll see all the beauty in her. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t see her faults and flaws; we all have those. I’m just saying that you should see past them, and see her & her beauty instead.

So as I started out by saying, the next time you’re at a public place, practice to see the beauty in the people walking by you. See how a particular girl’s eyes are glowing, or how that other girl’s hair is waving in the sun.

It doesn’t even have to be “practice” or to “train”, it can just be to have a pleasant experience. At least I always feel a little higher and happier when I have done this than if I hadn’t.

So try it out and let me know what happens!

And by the way, don’t forget to Subscribe to the RSS Feed! It’s absolutely free, and you get all my articles as soon as they are published. How’s that for an offer!

Massaging your partner or girl is a wonderful way to explore her body and get to know her on a more profound and deeper level.

It’s one of the most loving acts one can conduct. Everyone likes getting a massage. And even more so if it’s done by a person whom they trust, since a massage can be a very intimate thing.

But a great massage is better than a good massage, and that’s exactly what you will learn today. There is more to a massage than the type of strokes that you use. It’s not just technique. It’s the complete experience…

In some ways, a lot of ways actually, a massage relates to sex. And just as great sex (often) requires some kind of foreplay, so does a great massage.

Foreplay to massage

The best kind of foreplay starts in the mind.

If you’re hanging out at your place one day, walk up behind her, gently massage her neck for a few seconds, and whisper in her ear: “do you enjoy this?”

She’ll most likely moan a little and say yes. Then you simply stop, and walk away.

Plant the seed in her mind

Over the course of a day (or a couple!), do this a few times. Plant the seed in her mind. You may even say: “honey, when you get home from work on Friday, I’ll give you a long, well earned, massage.”

There’s nothing she can do but to look forward to it.

Of course a massage doesn’t have to be a big event or a planned thing; it can just as well be quick and spontaneous. But for the sake of this article, let’s just keep it as an ‘event’.

When the “big day” comes, make sure that you have prepared. You’ll need a couple of things:

• Time. Make sure that you both have at least half an hour. I would recommend more, but that’s the bare minimum.
• Massage oil. Massage oil is used for decreasing friction on the skin, and for the warming effect. It’s pure sexiness. Make sure to warm it in your hand before applying it to the skin though, since it can be a pretty cold and unpleasant experience otherwise.
• Candles. The environment is a big part of the massage. Make sure the room is absolutely dark. Light some candles - they’ll help by warming the room and making the experience even more intimate.
• Music. Music can help soothe and relax her. This is a very individual thing. Try to get a hold of some “mediation music” or similar, preferably without any vocal performance. The most popular choice is the simple sound of the ocean and the waves. I personally like Asian inspired stuff too, like monks chanting (which is actually a vocal performance, but you get my point… no singing) or some traditional drums. African music also works well But don’t digress if you don’t have this stuff lying around - any kind of soft music will work, and in reality, it’s not even that important. It’s just one of many ways to set the mood.
• Towels. Used to hold the body warm and to wipe off excess massage oil.

The massage itself

So you’re ready to give your massage. But what about the actual movements? Instead of writing 10 pages with clumsy descriptions, I’ll forward you to some videos which will give you some pointers on what to do. But as always, experiment and find out what works for you and your partner.

Useful videos:

How to massage your girl - Sample back massage.

How to massage away lower back pain - The title says it all.

How to give a back massage - How to give a back massage, with accompanying instructions.

A quick search on Youtube or on a similar site will give you thousands of results. There are also lots of great books and DVD’s on the subject out there.

Useful articles:

The Beginner’s Guide to Massage - Short and sweet article discussing beginner strokes and some of the dos and don’ts of a good massage.

5 tips to get a massage job - 5 tips on how to get a job as a masseuse. (Acquire a feel for muscles, use a firm grip, vary your hand positions, experiment with oils and lotions and talk to your partner.)

Massage your partner - A step by step guide on massaging your partner. Worth a look. Also complemented with a video at the end.

Additional massage tips

Since we’re all different, we all like different stuff. So my two best personal massage tips are the following:

Ask and feel.

The best massage therapists I know ask the client in question about everything from spot, to stroke, to firmness to temperature. It takes a few massages to really know what a person responds well to.

So don’t be afraid to ask your girl what she likes. Start out with some of the basics (watch the videos for some pointers), and work your way from there. Ask her how she likes the pressure etc.

It’s easy enough to listen to her answers and follow the instructions. But the very best massage is when no words are spoken. You simply just go with the flow, and feel through your partner. You feel what she feels, and so you’ll know exactly what to do.

You see what I meant when I said that a massage is a lot like sex now, right? :-)

This kind of flowing massage takes a great deal of practice to pull off, but it will come in time. The best thing to do to get good at massaging is to do it a lot. The second best thing is to get massaged yourself. That way you’ll get to know how the body responds to different kind of strokes and techniques.

In time, you’ll build up a powerful repertoire of ‘moves’ and you’ll get an outline for a routine. These things are not necessary, but an underlying structure for the massage can be a good thing to have in mind.

Don’t just massage the back

There’s more to a woman’s body than just her back. You know that just as well as I do.

Massage her hands, her arms, around her shoulders and back down.

Massage her feet, her calves, her thighs, all slowly, and go back down to the feet.

Massage her neck, her ears, her buttocks…

There are hundreds of possibilities. Just remember to do it firmly and slowly at the same time.

Massage her with “emotion” so to speak, bringing your energy through your fingertips.

Don’t be afraid to kiss some of the places you have massaged, before moving onto a new area - it can really make a woman feel loved. And isn’t that what we all want, deep down, anyway? :-)

I’ll let that be up to you.

Now just go out and massage your woman and me proud, son!

(Make sure to let me know how it goes in the comments below. And by the way, this post was post #100. Yay!)

Make sure to join the 500+ subscribers on the RSS feed.

Images by Aphodsotherhead, RobW and Akbar Simonse.

And that’s why I talk a lot about acceptance. I see acceptance (and willingness) as key concepts when it comes to living with pain - and that means, key concepts to living at all.

Today I want to give you an example on how you can be willing (and accepting). For some of you, the essence of these concepts might be a bit hard to grasp, but with this example, I hope to make it more real, clear and applicable for you.

I got this example from a great book on Acceptance and Commitment therapy, called “Get out of your mind and into your life”. Here goes…

Let your Aunt Ida in

Imagine vividly that you want to invite your whole family to a party at your house. You send out the invitations to everyone, far and beyond. You are looking forward to seeing everyone.

On the day of the party, a lot of your relatives show up. It’s a cheerful scene: people from all over the country seeing each other for the first time in years. It’s a great party. The spirit is high and everyone is enjoying themselves.

That is… Until Aunt Ida arrives. Aunt Ida is that Aunt who never takes a shower, who always gets too drunk and noisy and who always makes the children cry. She’s very unpleasant to have around.

So when she knocks on the door, you refuse to open it - instead, you stand up against it so she aren’t able to get in.

The consequence of not letting her in

This is where the whole theory on acceptance and willingness steps forward. What do you think it means that you have to barricade the door to let Aunt Ida out? Think about it.

The party is going to die. First of all, while you’re guarding the door, you won’t be able to participate in the party yourself. Your guests will also feel like they are in a wierd position; some will argue with you, some will go home and some will try to retreat farther away from the door and the entrance hall. The mood will drop substantially.

Do you see what I’m getting at here? Denying or suppressing something, in this case, Aunt Ida, just doesn’t work. In the end, it ends up only begging for more attention and causing more destruction and unhappiness for you (and everyone around).

Let in the pain

Now, what’s the better scenario? You guessed it. Just let Aunt Ida in. Be friendly to her. Show her where the food and drinks are located, introduce her to your new girlfriend, ask her how she has been doing, etc. In short: recognize her presence and give her some attention.

You don’t have to follow her around and take extra good care for her, not at all. Just don’t treat her any differently than all your other guests.

Who is this Ida?

As you most likely have figured out, Aunt Ida is your “bad” thoughts and emotions. She’s the painful thoughts you have of your ex girlfriend, the bad childhood memories; everything you have been denying or suppressing your whole life.

But it’s time to let them in. It’s time to let her in. Open up and welcome the pain. Live with an open heart, even if it hurts!

It’s when you don’t recognize it’s presence, her presence, when you shut it out or when you try to ignore it, that it has the ability to grow and grow and become so large that it fills up everything.

Keep this is mind. Let your Aunt Ida in!

Let me know what you think in the comments. Have you had success with accepting bad thoughts in the past? Do this example resonate with you? Have any other techniques or ideas on the subject?

Living with an open heart means that you experience all experiences fully without denying anything. It is like looking fear in the eye - you stand up for yourself and take up the fight.

The weak man

The weak man will always try to deny his pain. Whether it’s emotional or physical, he will always try to think of anything but the pain.

When running, he will distract himself when it starts to hurt. When faced with criticism, he will try to move on, move around it, forget it or deny it. When a weak man loses something, or someone, he will suppress his feelings; his pain. He will look the other way and distract himself.

On the surface, this approach might look beneficial. Pain is bad, so it must be good not to feel it, no? If just it was so simple…

See, pain is a part of life. And when you reject pain, suppress it, deny it, you also reject, suppress and deny life. And on top of that, pain only grows in denial. So when you reject your pain, all you are actually doing is that you make it grow. And it will grow, grow until it eats you up.

A man living with a closed heart will die bit by bit, every single day.

What to do instead

The honest, courageous man, on the other hand, will face his pain. He will see it for what it is, and do with it what needs to be done: live with it.

He will be open to the world and to the people that love him, and his mind and spirit will be strong.

So try this the next time you are faced with something “bad”, like criticism: stand up for yourself. Breathe at all times to open up the front of your body. And listen.

The same thing applies to loss, whether its in love, death or anything that’s in between: take responsibility. Face the pain. Remain open. Whatever you do, you must remain open.

When you practice openness like this, you will start to see that pain and hurt is just as much a part of life as love and light.. You won’t ever get rid of your pain by denying it, so why not learn to live with it?

The funny thing is that there comes a time, where you will realize that the pain, your pain, is gone. It is just like fear: you won’t ever get rid of it before you face it and fight it.

The way to fight fear is to do what you are afraid of.

The way to fight pain is to live with it, with an open heart.

Always.

What do you think?
What’s your point of view when it comes to pain - is it best to just see it for what it is, or do you believe in denying or suppressing it? Is there a middle road? Let me know what you think in the comments.

By the way, I’m going to Sweden in an hour, I’ll be back in a few days. Take care guys!

Confidence is a strange thing. Some people seem to have it, and some do not. In one moment, you can feel like the most confident man on the planet; in the next, you can feel so low that you don’t even want to get out of bed the next morning.

But why? What is this confidence, and why does it have such a huge impact on our lives? How can we use it to our advantage? These are some of the questions that I will be answering with my next 1000 words. Read on.

Over the years, I have heard hundreds of definitions on what confidence really is, but I do not think that any of them really gets it. Let me explain.

Lots of definitions talk about confidence as a tangible object; as something that can be “achieved”.

I do not think that confidence is measurable. I think that just like love, or hope, confidence just is what it is. It can be explained in a thousand ways, but you won’t ever know what it is before you have experienced it first hand.

I know that all of you have felt confident on many occasions in your life. Think back, when was the last time?

Most likely, it was after an achievement of something. It didn’t even have to be you - it could just be that your favourite football team won an important match.

Just like love or hope, you are always going to have some confidence. Sometimes, it can just be hard to find it. Or even worse: hard to find when you actually need it!

Trust yourself and other people will too

But what is confidence good for, anyway? The word confidence comes from Latin and means “to put one’s trust in someone”, and in this case, it’s yourself. So it’s all about trusting yourself. And here comes the interesting part: people can not trust you, if you do not trust yourself!

So in other words, you got to be confident for people to really trust you. In normal every day settings like going shopping, talking over the phone or doing business, confidence is usually not alpha-omega to “close the deal” and having people trust your word. The interaction is so short that the people you interact with won’t get to know you anyway.

But when it comes to girls…

Confidence means everything

For a girl to really fall in love with you, she has to trust that you will be able catch her! See where this is going?

A girl can not surrender to you if you don’t rest in your own presence. And that’s actually what I think confidence, real confidence, is all about. Resting in your own presence.

Sure, confidence can be faked. But you will know that it’s not real. In the end, you can not fool yourself.

Real confidence comes from the inside

I think that for real confidence, you only need these two things:

Honesty and Acceptance.

If I was to give an explanation of confidence and what it does for a man, I would probably say that confidence is knowing that, whatever happens, everything will be allright. Good, even. Confidence will open all the doors necessary for a man to take all the chances he needs to take. Mix this in with knowing yourself, your limits and being honest about it all, and you have a confident man.

The most confident man in the room is usually not the man yelling the loudest; no, he’s the man that listens and makes people listen. His very presence demands respect. A real and confident man will bring the best out in his peers. He does not only trust himself - he also trusts the abilities of others.

Unfortunately, or fortunately if you want to look at it that way, there is no “10 step program to real confidence”. Sure, you can probably find a way to ‘feel’ confident, but remember; feeling confident is not the same thing as ‘being’ confident.

For you to ‘be’ confident, you have to start your quest right now. Yes, in this very moment. It’s actually quite simple, and there’s only one sentence, three words, you need to live by.

Be your best

No one demands more from you than that. Be your best.

It’s all it takes. Your real confidence will build slowly with the growth, but it’s not the “level” it’s at that matters - the only thing that matters is that you are growing.

A growing man is what we all should aspire to be. Grow every single day (by being the best you can be), and it’s impossible to say where you are tomorrow. Or, actually, not impossible… You are going to be farther down the road, both wiser and better.

If you always strive for your best, growth is inevitable.

This is not to say that you should push yourself all the time - not at all.

This is about getting to know yourself. It’s about getting to know your capabilities and your limits, and nudge ‘em in the right direction, day by day.

What to do

First of all, you are going to have to be patient with yourself. These things take time - or at least, I think that they should. Read my article Don’t go too fast with change for an explanation.

To be a better and more confident man tomorrow, you are going to have to behave like you want to be, right now.

So the next time that you are facing a challenge - physical or mental - do your best. Fight it. Hold out. Be strong.

I can’t tell you exactly what to do, only you know that. But do what you think you should have done yesterday - talk to that girl, get that job done, go to the gym, whatever.

Confidence really only comes from doing. I know that it’s boring, but it’s the damn truth. Rome wasn’t built in one day, and neither was Arnold Schwarzenegger’s body.

And once again, take your time. Real growth happens when you’re just outside your comfort zone, so the next time you get a chance, push yourself just a little.

Trust me, that’s how real confidence is built ;-)

Wonderful images by H.Koppdelaney.

Tell me in the comments how you think that real confidence is built. I’m eager to know your opinion!

So what would you like to see?

I’m thinking personal stories (with comments, maybe?), interviews, tips, tricks, techniques, mindsets, concrete action-plans, and all that’s in between.

But I would like to hear what you think. Give me what you got; what would you like to read? Or what would be redundant?

Of course, if I use your suggestion, I’ll send the book to you for no cost whatsoever once it’s published.

How’s that for taking two minutes of your time?

So just write a comment below, stating what you would like to see in the ebook on ‘getting over your ex girlfriend’. I would really appreciate it.

Thanks a lot!
Alex

If you ever feel that you are stuck here in life, be it in a relationship, a job or in a simple chore like doing the dishes, this article is for you.

I will outline a very simple strategy to take action, one that can not fail. Do this one thing and you will never be completely stuck.

One thing at a time

Sometimes we set our own expectations too high; I know I did when I started out “getting better with women”. It’s a couple of years ago now, but I still remember it like it was yesterday.

I would go out and say stuff to myself like “I must approach at least 5 girls tonight”. Today, that wouldn’t be such a big problem, but back then it was a lot. 5 girls! I thought the key to progression was to push myself, and to push hard!

But did it work? Not at all. It only ended up hurting me.

Usually when I pushed myself hard, I would not meet my “goals”. Maybe I only approached 3 girls, maybe only 1 and maybe none at all.

I would get kind of angry at myself for not being “good enough”, and a lot of negative momentum started building.

This is bad. Negative momentum is like a disease, it poisons everything you do!

So even though I think you should all have your own experiences and learn from them, I can at least tell you what I would have done back then if I knew what I know now.

I would not push myself “hard”. Sure, a little pushing is sometimes required to take action, but too much pushing just leads to falling of the cliff instead of jumping it yourself.

Instead of saying to myself, “approach 5 women tonight”, I would say: go talk to a stranger. This is not such a daunting task at all.

And then I would go talk to another stranger. I would most likely have had two pleasant conversations, and this is what positive momentum is all about.

At the end of the night I would have talked to a lot more than just 5 people, and in that sense, by not pushing too hard, I got farer and reached my goals with a smile on my face.

This is also what meeting women should be all about - to have fun! I have said it before and I will say it again: if you can’t have fun while learning this stuff, you will never be really satisfied or happy with it.

But on the other hand, if you enjoy the process and have fun, gold and diamonds will rain upon you… Or something like that :-)

So the key to this is actually to break down the whole process into manageable parts.

If you need to clean your room, it’s much easier to do so if you start by throwing out what needs to be thrown out. Then you can organize. And then you just keep on going - using the positive momentum!

If you need to write an article or a paper on something, start writing anything. Just write some random paragraphs. That’s actually the way I wrote this article.

Do something. Anything!

This principle applies to everything. If you don’t know what to do next, do something, and that means anything.

If you can’t force yourself to get out of the door and meet women, pick up a book, call a friend or do some push-ups. Don’t feel bad about not doing the thing that you feel you must be doing but aren’t - you will do it, but just not at this moment.

You need to be ready for the moment when it comes, though. Sometimes it’s easy to just say that “you’ll do it some other time”; that’s called procrastination, and that is not what I am encouraging here!

No, I encourage you to be a realist. Know your limitations and live by them. There’s no point in feeling bad about something you aren’t doing anything about. In that case, it’s better to do something else.

I know that this sounds a little theoretical, and it is. So let me make it clearer.

Here’s an example to simplify my point:

Ben should really get around to applying for a job he really wants. But something makes him not; he can’t put his words on why.

He mentally beats himself up over it, thinking why he is so stupid - how hard can it be?

Then he reads this article and gets it. His “action level” is too low, and he actually needs to just do anything.

So Ben does 5 push-ups. He drinks a glass of water. He reads a few pages in a book. He takes a walk (one of my personal favourites!) and gets around to reading some of his unread email.

Suddenly, applying for that job is not so bad at all. After a “power hour” of a lot of action, he just does it.

Needless to say, Ben gets the job.

There’s nothing like a story with a happy ending!…

So why don’t you follow in Ben’s footsteps and…

Do what needs to be done!

Following is a list of things you can do to gain positive momentum.

Generally, I would say that watching TV and surfing the internet gives you negative momentum, and on top of that they are huge energy drainers. Even though you handle the remote or steer the mouse, watching TV and surfing are too passive activities to go as real action.

Do this stuff instead:

• Go for a walk. In my experience the best thing to do in almost every situation.
• Read a book. A few pages will suffice, but don’t stop for the sake of it! Reading in general is very stimulating to your brain, and in my opinion we should all read more.
• Listen to music. Really concentrating on a single task is what this is all about. Focus on the music and let it “be one” with you.
• Get up and drink a glass of water. Almost always a good idea.
• Tidy your desk. I’ll bet my old hat that it’s a little clutterly. And if not, I’m sure that there is something else that need a good, old fashioned cleaning.
• Cook from scratch. You know the saying: the more you cook, the better you look.
• Do anything you have been putting off. Just get off your lazy butt.

Sometimes your outer circumstances need to change for your inner circumstances to change, too. That’s the gist of this article.

Let me know what you think in the comments. Do you have any experiences with doing something that leads to doing something else? I am very interested in hearing what you have to say.

It was a pleasure,
–Alex.

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Wonderful photos by Eduardo Amorim and Puja.