Just Like Daisy

Lady Daisy

2013-11-26T14:02:00.000+08:00

Dear Daisy,

In my recent post on Facebook, i didn't know that most of my post talks about something depressing. I didn't know what my heart really felt until i wrote it down. Nor that i notice i could no longer tell them to be happy. My friends to whom i care, i didn't know i would scare you. With my words and my heart, i thought i have move on. Probably this was the only way for me to move on and fall into despair. Probably. Until then Daisy.

Lady Daisy

2013-11-19T23:35:00.000+08:00

Dear Daisy,

It's kind of painful at the moment. Probably it's the rain. But my chest just feel hurt. The loneliness that i'm feeling, inhope it won't turn into envy. I do not want to envy their happiness but being 26 and still single, is not fun at all. I receive invitation to my friends wedding. All i could do is stare at it while asking myself when will i ever find him. The one who i belong to. I know i'm not trying hard enough. I just don't know where to find. My heart always lead me to certain places. A certain day, month when i know he's close my heart will lead me to him. But as i turn my head, i don't know where is he. Constantly, he would remind me when i decided not to pursue anymore but there he was in my dream and it lingers the next morning. I know i sound crazy telling you this but that's what i've been feeling. It confuse me but i want to believe it to be true. Hopeless romantic. But i know he's out there. We just can't find each other. Until then Daisy.

Lady Daisy

2013-11-14T19:36:00.000+08:00

Dear Daisy,

I feel kind of lonely nowadays. My sister got married and my little sister have her own thing but here I am just daydreaming most of the time or drown myself with books. No, I'm not nerd or anything. But you can say I'm a bookworm. That's not what I want to talk about anyway. I'm trying to adapt with this new situation.Well the reason I'm saying that because I have the habit of asking my sister's whereabouts. And I even ask every details about her. My mom keep on preventing me to ask anything about her cause she's married already and I shouldn't worry nor care. It kind of making me sad. I know my sister doesn't care but somehow I'm losing someone. I used to be close with her when we were in Taiwan. But that all change ever since we move back to Malaysia. Even so, blood is thicker than water. That's what everyone says. And due to that, I can't help but keep on asking her whereabouts, what she's doing and I feel like I want to ask so many things like we used to do. But I can't do that anymore. My mom said I shouldn't bother her. It's kind like tearing me apart the moment I heard that. Right now, I can only watch from far and try my hardest to not ask her anything or jokes around. Her attention is all on her husband now. The funny thing is, I don't really care about my other sisters but when this sister of mine got married I just felt lost. She's not ours anymore. And she's not mine anymore.

Either way, I'm happy for her and hope her marriage last. Until Jannah. Daisy, I hope i'll find my happiness also. One who accept me the way I am and can lead me to Jannah. Until then Daisy.

Lady Daisy

2013-11-05T22:57:00.001+08:00

Dear Daisy,

I know it has been so long I haven't updated my blog. I have no particular reasons of doing it but let's just say my laptop broke. Now I have a new laptop and I think things will be rolling with more stories and ridiculous thoughts from me. Right now I don't have much except that my sister is married already and now it's finally my turn. A problem though cause I'm still SINGLE!!! Seriously, anyone wants to date a fat and chubby me, do let me know. Until then my precious.

Thee, Daisy

2013-04-06T23:36:00.000+08:00

Dear Daisy,

I'm glad i have friends who have this gift to talk about certain things and everything that a friend of mine talk about really touched my heart. I like how a friend of mine write their heart out. The complaints, the nagging and the dissatisfaction sound so soft whenever i read it. Usually i don't like it when people complaint too much or shout out their dissatisfaction. But with this friend of mine, i am somewhat drawn into the entry. You must be wondering why i'm not even giving out any hint whether it's him or her. No, i don't want to do that. It spoils all the fun. The entry that i thought was no longer there finally been updated. This time it talk about what i had in mind. What have been bothering me when i see everywhere around me are decorated with buildings and the youth nowadays have been pampered to the point they could hardly be thankful with what they have now. The old generation can only sigh while the youth become the king of the world. Where's the shame, where's the religion and where's the manner? They forgot the most important thing and now everyone is busy digging for short cut in life. The old saying 'No short cut in success' has no longer been heard anymore since what i have witness enough to pain this art heart of mine. My entry this time is just a continuation of what a friend of mine wrote. The only different is a friend of mine wrote it in our mother tongue language while as usual i can never write anything better with my own mother tongue's language. I'm pretty bad at it. I am one of those example who seem to be leaving the past. The country feeling is not there anymore. I have no one but myself to be blame since i'm nuisance about this thing in the past. But now, i'm starting to missed people wearing big t-shirts, songs that gives you new lesson and old folks who would tell you story that you will never hear again. Their old saying and just everything about them. It's nostalgic. Now, its been tainted by gadgets, development, fashion and just everything. It used to be so green now it's just dirty. Innocent no longer exist. Words are no longer pure. We are no longer talking. This heart can only sigh. This heart can only cry. We are just dying. Until then Daisy.

Thee, Daisy

2013-03-05T22:26:00.000+08:00

Dear Daisy,

I guess war can't be prevented any longer.

It's everywhere now and i just can't understand it. Is it the endless greed? The thirst that i can never understand. I don't think i can take it anymore. Living in this world so tainted and so full of lust. Have they forgotten the important thing? The history??? The history is about to repeat itself. All i ask is for peace. Just that one thing i hope to be granted but in the end there's still blood and not a single country is safe without fearing our life could end in a way that we don't want. I just pray for everyone to be safe and i sure do pray that there will be peace again. Until then Daisy

Thee, Daisy

2013-03-02T02:35:00.000+08:00

Dear Daisy,

I'm hiring a boyfriend!!!

And that's that. Yes, i may have gone mad but i'm desperate. Seriously. Just for a couple of hours. But that would be impossible since i don't really have the money to offer and no, i am not going to offer my body. That is out of question. Which probably why, the more i think of it i am too desperate to have one. I probably should hire a driver but a driver can't teach me about love nor open my heart. I seem to be getting all goosebumps when my friend starts telling their 'romantic' version. I can't understand it at all. It give me creeps. But the funny thing is i keep on saying how sweet if it is in a novel but when it comes to reality i just feel like i want to throw someone in the ocean and let them drown. I can't remember the lovey-dovey moment when i had a boyfriend back then. Now it has been 5 years without one and i'm forgetting everything. Almost everything. I didn't forget my sins. That is all that i remember. Love is a dangerous thing indeed but here i am forgetting all that except for my sins. Whoever dare to take up this challenge please be sure to email me or whatever it is people's doing now. Clearly, i'm not a social type of person. I shut myself to the world ever since that day. Until then Daisy.

P/S : What's with guys and women who have hot body? Am i despicable enough to gain weight when people keep on questioning all about it over and over again. I really feel like showing them 'in your face' action. One day!!!

Thee, Daisy

2013-02-27T00:45:00.000+08:00

Dear Daisy,

26/02/2013

It was quite gloomy. In fact it is gloomy today. Not just the weather but also the news that we received this morning. Even writing about it makes my eye watery. But, if i don't i'm scared that i'll forget about it ten years from now or maybe 3 years from now. Anyway, today was suppose to be a happy day for my friend cause it's her birthday but unfortunately it's not for me. Not for me until this year that is. My grandmother on my father's side passed away this morning. Even though i expected that she won't survive when i last visited her but there's that tiny hope that i want her to stay alive and be well again. I want to see her sitting in that chair when i go Betong for Eids. I was hoping that i could see her this year again. Even if she doesn't remember me, i still wanted to kiss her hand and ask for her bless. I was still hoping that even when she's in the hospital relying with the oxygen. Even when i could see her bones through what little flesh she had left. I still wanted to see her. But when my mom told me that she passed away this morning, i just had to accept the fact that i'm never going to see her again. We were never close but it's what people always say, blood is thicker than water. I still feel the lost of losing her. I miss her somehow and i really feel like i want to cry but i don't want it to be like this. It's not a good thing to mourn for the dead. Right now, i'll just send my prayer to her cause that is all i can do. May she rest in peace. 26/02/2013 is the day she go away from our life and it's my friend's birthday. I hope i'll be strong and get stronger in future. Her lost gives a deep impact towards me. Until then Daisy

Thee, Daisy

2013-02-21T21:18:00.000+08:00

Dear Daisy,

I feel like in a misery land. Seriously i need to get a boyfriend. I've been saying that over and over again. It must be the pressure that i've been feeling ever since i learn that my friend also found their special one. Although she keep on denying but i know she really want it to work out. I'm happy for her of course but at the same time, i'm starting to think about my own future. What will happen to me. My head thinks faster than what i show. Now, i will be lonely. I don't that to happen. Help me....

Thee, Daisy

2013-02-17T15:29:00.000+08:00

Dear Daisy,

I'm in love with Leessang's music. I love all of their album. Suddenly talking about Leessang. But here's a brief info about Leessang. I've got to know about this hip hop duo because nowadays i'm into Running Man which is a variety program in Korea. Last time i was so immersed with 2 Days 1 Night. But ever since they change members, i don't feel like watching it anymore. Plus i'm already attracted to Running Man since i found it more thrilling. I first watch it 3 years ago at my sister's house in Shah Alam. That time i was babysitting my nephew. So, i had my moment of free time with the Astro thing on and i happen tp cross this channel showing Running Man. At first i don't know what is it but i found it so exciting and it just caught my eye then and now. Among the Running Man members (there are 7 of them) Gary from Leessang caught my eye. It's because of his unique character. It's like he's mysterious and at the same time i had this feeling that he have a lot more than what he shows on Running Man. I don't know how to explain it. But i'm not going to touch more onto the variety program that he's on. I'm more interested in their music. Their song. I found it so addictive. Their lyrics really touched my heart. I really like their music. It's a heart to heart talk. That's why i found it so attractive. I never get bored listening to it. Besides Big Bang, this is the second group that i like. More like the first hip hop duo that i've ever like. It's surprise me. How the both of them can produce this type of song despite their goofy image. When they're on the variety program they look so goofy, so out of place but when they do music they just look dead gorgeous and so cool. So mysterious. There are thousand of words i want to describe them in spite of my lack in vocabulary. The limited edition type. Ngiahahahahaha. Now, i'm listening to their song. I love all of it. Hope to hear more of their song in future.

Aye, that was my crush. Now i'm talking the thing that happen yesterday. Well, yesterday the dreadful question finally arose. And it's being rewind all over again. Yesterday most of my relative came to our house to become the witness of the pre-engagement thing. I don't know what it is in English but in Malay they call it 'merisik'. So, there's that thing going on my house but i feel like i'm the center of the attraction when my aunt kept on asking when will i get married. I have to come with a lot of answer and i don't even know if they ever take notice. In the end i just end up saying i leave it to my mother. Seriously, that's what i think every now and then. That would be nice. I don't need to go onto the boyfriend and girlfriend stage cause i'll get bored and ran away. I'm that type of person because i can't show everything. Everything as in the real me. Not everything as in me without clothe on. No. Not that. But yesterday, it was like a torture for me answering that freaking question. I felt like i want to escape to my room and have my moment of peaceful, calm moment. The whole question is stressing me out. Shall i just put a tag around my neck that wrote 'Please be my husband' and walk around the street with that thing on? I'll just die of embarrassment. Help me Daisy. Just help me.

Thee, Daisy

2013-02-16T00:48:00.000+08:00

Dear Daisy,

Guess what??? No, it's not about my blogshop. It might be a complete failure. Ugh!!! I don't want to know about it but i'm not going to give up. Ngiahahahahahaha..Anyway, my mom suddenly support me writing a novel. That does sound interesting and i have been working on a novel. Currently, i'm trying to finish the novels that i'm working on. Although i've been working on it since last year. Don't ask me why it took me forever to finish it. Cause i'll answer you right. I've been delaying it while finding a better way to interpret the whole story. I want it to be perfect well, almost to perfect at least. And i really wanted to finish this novel that i'm working on. And i might even think about publishing it. Right now, most of my books are all filled with poems and i'm thinking to publish it as well but i don't know if it will work out. It's in English and my poems is not that typical literature. It was just me and my heart. So i wrote whatever it is inside my heart. I wonder if it will work out. Do you know where i can publish my poem? In fact, i want to show them to the people who know about this better and give advice or just anything so i could improve on it. And i actually want to try changing my poem to lyric and let people give the melody and sing it. It would be nice that way. Anyone could help me?

Besides that, i'm looking for a husband. Yeah, i told you about it from my last post. From the pressure knowing that my sister is going to get married end of this year and i'm still single. So, here i am. Looking for a candidate. If possible i want his name to start with Abang or Awang cause i want to continue my Dayang and Abang generation. I don't want it to be lost cause all of my sisters didn't end up with Abang/Awang. So, i really want it to be true. But if that is not the case, then as long as you're a Muslim and you have the confidence to guide me to the Right Way. Allah's way. I am a stubborn one and even though i may look sweet but i'll rebel easily if i get provoked. My mom keep on telling me to find a candidate on the internet. It sounds easy but i have no idea what does she meant by that. And when i ask my friend, she told me to find on the internet as well. So i ask her how and she said she don't know either. That's the thing. People keep on telling me to do it that way but they don't know how either. Not cool at all. Anyway, she did suggest go to the dating website and i told her that is not a one cause who knows i'll end up being sell for joining up any of the untrust-able website. I'll be dead meat. Arghhhh... Daisy, i'm stressed out. Please help me find a candidate for me. Until then, be mine Daisy

Thee, Daisy

2013-02-09T21:57:00.000+08:00

Dear Daisy,

I really need to date someone. Anyone can help me with that? I wish whoever reading this would suggest some crazy stuff but no, i don't mean a one night stand. I mean a date. Like dinner or lunch or have me meet someone new. And i hope i meet the right person. Yes, i do mean someone who wants to get married. Help me!!! I must have gone mad. Not due to loneliness but because my sister is busy making the preparation for her wedding and it's driving me nuts. It's like telling me get someone cause you're next. I wish i could just do it in a blink of an eye. As fast as that and just be done with it. Oh Daisy, i am forever feeling miserable whenever i have to talk about my love life. Sometimes being single is not so fun at all. Until then my Daisy.

Thee, Daisy

2013-02-04T15:31:00.000+08:00

Dear Daisy,

It's been a while. After quite a hiatus. But i can assure you nothing happen yet. Nothing exciting in my life. But in my sister's life it could mean another thing. They just decided upon a date. My sister is going to get married end of this year. Maybe. I'm not sure either. The date that i meant is their engagement date. But the wedding date is still in talk right now. Yay!!! Happy for them but bad news for me. Now i have to suffer all kinds of thing. And what's more annoying, i don't have any boyfriend. I told my mom can i just skip the couple stage and just get married? She ignore my whatever it is you may call it. I feel like i want to go to Scotland for husband hunting. Ngiahahahaha. But seriously, i'm in love with them. Probably it's because of the historical romance novels that i read. And among the dukes, earl and whatever it is, i found laird is the coolest of all. The only reason i don't see someone good looking or even like them is because my heart sets on loving someone like Alec Kincaid in the novel called The Wedding by Julie Garwood. That speaks it all and because of this author i'm in love with Highland. And that's the reason why i want to go to Scotland. The view there also captures my heart and their accent can really make me melt. I know i'm living in a dreamland but i do hope i find love close to the one like Alec Kincaid. Someone??? Please marry me and end my misery. But mind you, i'm a Muslim and i want to keep it this way and i hope you are too. Lead me to be a good Muslimah and i'll love you thousand times more or maybe zillion. Be my husband. :) Until then my dear Daisy. Find my husband for me cause only you can spread my heart out.

Thee, Daisy

2013-01-23T09:37:00.000+08:00

Dear Daisy,

Now, i'm bored. For the past few days i've been busy uploading stuff onto my blogshop. Owh, did i tell you that i launch my blogshop already? I think it was on Monday that i launch it. So, i've been busy then. I've been wrecking my brain with mathematics, accounts and Excel. I'm learning Excel all over again. I forgot on using it and thanks to Youtube i manage to learn it in no time. Now, i'm bored cause i finish everything so far. And there hasn't been any sales going on. I don't know if this is a failure or not but i believe in my dream and i shall wait. Besides that, i've been changing the price over and over again. And the price that i'm putting is totally ridiculous. I know it is within my decision but i have to pleased my older sister since she's the one whose been giving me money for all that. This is the reason why i don't want to use her money at all. But, i have a plan. I pleased and at the same time, i pleased myself. I never like putting such a ridiculous price for the things that i sell. It's not right and i don't believe in 'RIBA'. Riba is a Muslim terms where you overprice onto something just for the sake of having extra money. It's illegal and i don't like it at all. I'll do whatever i can to avoid it and the price that i put on that blog is just a bluff. I just want to please my sister. That's all. I don't like her butting onto this thing. I have my reason and i know what to do.

Okay, i'm really bored. I don't know what to do at the moment. It would be nice if i have a boyfriend. But i guess i won't be having one, not until i weighed myself down. I've decided. I'm going to lose weight. And i'm going to have my sweet revenge. This is a good revenge. Not a bad nor evil one. It's healthy. Ngiahahahaha. Well, that sounds promising. Anyway, pray for me Daisy. I shall conquer my quest. Until then, be mine like always, Daisy.

Thee, Daisy

2013-01-16T08:51:00.002+08:00

Dear Daisy,

Lately, people only talk about politic here and there. It's not like i don't give much care about my own country but seriously, can't they just be thankful? If there is any imperfection, then what do you expect? We are human, living in this not aeon world. No wonder people keep on saying the world is coming to an end. Thanks to the ungrateful brat. No matter how old they are, i'll call them brat for being ungrateful. I have to wonder to what extent they want to be pampered. Will it always be about money and power? This things are not even eternity. It doesn't give you immortality or anything of the sorts. Talking about politics at such age and demand so many things. They talked back like they have a clue about the past. Youth nowadays are just too much. Think deeply and look back at the history. See the difference and be grateful. Just be thankful. And no, i don't grow up in a place that is modern enough to your thinking. I grew up in a different kind of place. From the deep forest to the chaotic city. I saw the difference and how my thinking matures along with it. I learn about being thankful at such a young age but why can't they? Talk big and demand for such a petty things. Talking about this really annoys me. Sorry Daisy for talking about politics. But i'm tired of watching the news and its all about politics. Even the people are stupid enough with their judgement. Pampered brat. Lot of them. Until then...

Thee, Daisy

2013-01-10T21:26:00.000+08:00

Dear Daisy,

It's quite stormy today well obviously because a storm is just nearby. It's been a while. The last time i felt that eerie wind when i was in Taiwan. Well that one was typhoon. But i'm still reminded by that.

No, not busy at the moment. I'm just waiting for my sister to take the picture of the thing that i bought. But she sure does take a lot of time to do it. That's why i've been delaying my blog shop thing. After i officially launch the blog shop then i'll probably activate my Facebook back again. Not really sure though. Lets just hope my blog shop is a success. Pray for me Daisy. Mine, Daisy

Thee, Daisy

2013-01-09T00:43:00.002+08:00

Dear Daisy,

And another busy moment. There might be times where i miss my peacefulness. My quiet mind and the time when my brain stop thinking. But that is impossible now since i'm addicted with thinking. Even the smallest thing i have to look through it more and closely. And there goes my smoky brain. I've been using it for a while now. I wonder if my thinking has gotten old despite my age. I am not defying my age or anything but i'm just worried if the way i think become too serious for everything. I don't really want that at the moment although i do know that's just how life goes. I still want to fall in love with the childish side of mine. I want to be pampered and with that, i need to hold onto my maturing process at the moment.

I've been quiet busy at the moment. The launching of my blog shop and everything. Where i have to make everything goes well. I want it to work out. I want this dream of mine to work out no matter what so i'm trying my hardest to do everything close to perfect. It took me a long time to convince my family and to finally let me do my thing. I might look like this but this is what i chose and what i love to do. Now, i've been playing with my calculator, took notes on everything and i finally feel alive. I like this busy moment. It's what i always wanted. With my rules in everything. I love it all along. Pray for my success Daisy. Always Daisy, be mine.

Thee, Daisy

2013-01-02T00:07:00.001+08:00

Dear Daisy,

It's a ritual thing. Every year i would change the title of this post. Why Thee, Daisy? Erm, actually i want to put Thy Daisy and since i'm not sure what's the meaning of 'thy' i google it up and i happen to find something more meaningful than 'thy'. Thee. I replace it. Everyone might still wonders why Daisy. Why not other famous flowers such as rose or sunflower. The name Daisy sounds soft, sweet and loveable but in reality it lives in the wild. So, in my point of view, daisy is a strong flower on the inside but shows a very timid personality to its surrounding. Besides that, i love the flower daisy. I don't need red roses or blue roses. All i need is daisy. It suits my personality. Just like daisy, i am just like that.

It's a new year. No, i don't say 'Happy New Year'. I quit that age but i'll probably start saying it again when the mood strikes me. But it's never too late for me to say it anyway. Besides i already have my new year according to Muslim month. And i already made my new resolution. This year wish? Well, i'm trying to achieve something by keeping myself quiet at the moment. When i do hold onto my glory, i'll boast about it all i want. Nah, i'll probably be writing something to keep everyone to have their dream and hold it tight and never say it's too late. It's never too late for anything. Trust me on this. I'm off Daisy. Smile, my Daisy.

Be My Daisy

2012-12-30T00:44:00.000+08:00

Dear Daisy,

I'm kind like avoiding my family at the moment. I don't feel like talking to them. Beside that, i refuse to join them this morning and that might have cause some other things. As for me, i'm immune being in this state. Although there are times it stress me out to the point i cry my heart out but there are also times where i just hang in there and smile with my own stupidity. Being with them is fun and exciting. Among other things there are also a part where i feel suffocate. I'm the type of person who rarely refuse and just do what they ask me. But when i do refuse and ignore all their wishes, this sort of things happen. They got mad and no matter how many good deeds you do in the past, you won't be remembered by it. You would only be remember because you just said no. And the whole refusing thing that i did this morning has made me the bad person in the family. I know i'm not suppose to refuse going to the event this morning but i got so irritated early in the morning to the point i could not persuade myself to do the bidding. So in the end i just ignore whatever they say and went back to sleep. I don't like people wake me up early in the morning. I prefer waking up by myself and not by them who keeps on shouting. It's annoying. And due to that, they don't even care about me. They didn't bother if i eat or not. They just didn't bother. Truthfully i'm feeling sick because i had lunch at 5 p.m. I didn't have my breakfast and i just engage myself inside the room. I make things worse. I don't even want to talk to them. Their attitude is killing me at the moment. I want to go far away Daisy. So far away. Can i do that? I don't want to come home anymore. Until then Daisy.

Be My Daisy

2012-12-28T22:07:00.000+08:00

Dear Daisy,

I wonder how many things i have given up for now. I seems to be doing that a lot. Although i am known for my stubborn nature and endless try out but somehow lately i just realize there are certain things that i have truly give up. I'm surprised at it myself since i am not that type of person but the truth can really make you speechless at times like this. I wonder why i didn't realize it long ago and i wonder why i decided to give up. This is never a good news nor it's something that i'm proud of. I'm scared Daisy, i'm scared i lost the warmth places in my heart. If i lose all that, i terrified myself at the thought of me being in the same category with people who love to shed blood and let lust and power overwhelm them. I don't want to be that person and now it just scares me. I'm scared of myself and i really do need help. Like any other people who desperately needed help, even my friends rejected me at times like this. I can't even dwell for my heartbreaking moment or talk to my friend about it. Nor my family. Day by day, it's just getting heavier. That's probably the reason why i look like i have given up on it. I'm busy mending my heart every day and busy meddling myself with other people's matter. I forgot that i need to look after myself. I'm probably too eager to be mature and grow up. That's not how it goes. My heart is in pain knowing i give up when i don't want to. I still want to fix things. I still do even if it hurts. This heart of mine, i wish it has a bigger space for me to sort everything out. Feeling gloomy.

Daisy, i forgot. I forgot to be strong. Forgot to tell myself to smile. Nowadays, it feels more like torture and it really hurts. Since i don't want to drown other people into this drunken in emotion of mine, i'll share a song that i have been listening since last night and it really fits my mood. I haven't had the time to analyse the meaning behind this song but according to my sister it's about commit suicide something like that. But i'll just let you listen to this song and no, i am not going to commit suicide. As tough and hard life gets onto me, I DEFINITELY WON'T COMMIT SUICIDE. It's like an easy way out. I don't want that. I never take short cut. I take the hard way. Anyway, enjoy by 10cm Han River Farewell. (It's a korean song. I'm international type of person. I listen to any song as long as it has meaningful lyrics. Until then Daisy

Be My Daisy

2012-12-22T21:55:00.000+08:00

Dear Daisy,

Got a message from a friend of mine. She asked my permission to sing the song that i wrote and she composed back then. She want to introduce it to the world. I was okay with it. It's not like i have to sing it. I'm only in charge of writing the lyric. She's the one who will be singing and composing it since i don't know anything about notes and stuff. I wish i know how to play guitar and i did try it. She did teach me but due to my stiff finger, i'm unable to learn it quickly enough. Never like to admit how stiff my finger can be. The only thing that i'm good at is typing. I did thought about piano. Getting piano lesson but i'm not from a rich family. And my money is mostly for emergency. Or mostly for my trip. Heh. I miss writing lyric. Although i start with poem but i sure do miss writing lyric and she composed it and sing it just how i like it. It's good to be a student back then. Now i'm just like any adult. Pfftt. Don't know what's that suppose to mean anyway. But i do have an idea why i said it.

Today, i end up doing spring cleaning. Although it started off with empty gas tank (or so we thought), where my sister woke me up and says the gas is finished and she don't know how to change it. I had to wake up and change it for her but it still doesn't work. The gas stove are modern nowadays and we don't even know that it uses battery. So no matter how many times we try to turn it on, it still doesn't work and i end up waking up my dad. My dad try to turn it on also but it still doesn't work. About 15 minutes working on that thing, he suddenly lift up the gas stove and take out the battery there. I was flabbergasted. Seriously, it has a battery. Freaking battery and freaking modern stove. And so, it work again but we have a very late lunch in the end. But the important thing is, between that 15 minutes my dad had this urge to open each drawer and took out the tableware utensil and kitchen utensils and told me to wash it since he just saw a cockroach in one of the drawer. I obediently (like i always do) follow my dad's order and just wash it mindlessly. And starting from that, all i did washing,stomping on cockroaches(cause it turns out to be the whole village there) and rearranging the spoons and just everything in the kitchen. I spent half of my day just cleaning it all up. At the end of the day i thought to myself how did i end up spending my weekend like this? Now, i'm suffering from back-ache. I'm getting old. At least my bones are. I really need to stop drinking carbonate drinks and start taking calcium seriously. But i don't like milk. I only like chocolate milk. Will that count? I wonder about that.

All ends well except my dad still planning to clear another part of the cabinet tomorrow. I'm dead. I wish my sister help me too. But i don't like the way they do things. It looks messy to me. I can't make up my mind. But the most important thing is, hopefully my mom will be very happy with everything. She always complains about how messy the cabinet are and hopefully this would make her happy. With the lack of everything in the kitchen, i manage to make it look like we have everything in the kitchen. Until then Daisy.

Be My Daisy

2012-12-19T12:32:00.000+08:00

Dear Daisy,

If it wasn't for anything, i probably be in my own world. I'll probably be on my way for my adventure. Travelling all around the place and publishing a book. I'll just do that. But since i'm here that means i've been sacrificing what i call my youth for the sake of my family. I am not complaining but i'm just telling you that sacrifice things like that is worth it for you learn more about your family. I know it's a lame excuse but that's how i see it. And i'm not giving up the whole thing. I just put myself with limits. Things that i never done before and i happen to challenge myself in the past. My life in the past was full of boast and pride. I mean, i'm proud for the freedom and make other people envy of what i had. I showed them and boast. I know it's not a good thing but i probably had too much fun with my youth. Now, i learn to be humble. I got rid of my ego (although not all) and i know when to back away. You lost some, you gain a lot. A whole lot more. You never know what is the price for your sacrifice.

Daisy, i'm planning to be thin again. Thin but healthy. Pray that i can manage it and discipline myself. Wait for me. Wait for the new me. Daisy, pray for me. Until then.

Be My Daisy

2012-12-17T22:09:00.001+08:00

Dear Daisy,

I'm kind like on a journey again. To where and what i still don't know. Every now and then i got myself lost but it's part of my life. Somehow i don't know what i want.

Like i said, somehow i don't know what i want. What my heart desires the most. I don't know at all. You might see me as someone who can't hold onto the same answer when asked the same question. If it is anything other than the complicated matter (heart and love) i sure know what my answer would be and without a doubt i will give the same answer stubbornly and will debate on any questionable act. I'll fight hard and be stubborn to the bone. But when it comes to love and marriage i keep on swaying from left to right. Like the grass being swayed by the wind. It's just like that. More like, i kind of give up of dreaming to be happily ever after when it comes to love and marriage. Its a disaster. I'm single and 25. Not what i had in mind. It's not like i didn't open my heart but i just became a very cautious person when it comes to love and marriage. I want it to last forever like in romantic novels that i read dozens of time. And i envy the elder couple who still look at each other with such loving. I want that. To still be able to travel and do things together. A lovely couple. I want to married someone like that. But i'm not perfect and due to this i kind of give up of the thought wanting like that. I have my past that i want the one that i love to forgive me and accept me. If i could erase it and rewind it, i probably just do that. I have to go on, right? Despite my regret and the walls that i happen to built because of my past, i don't dare to live in that dream anymore. I'm scared Daisy. Secrets are not forever. What if people talk? I still could put my head up when they badmouthed me. But what about to the one that i love? I'll just break them apart. Break their heart. I'm really scared Daisy. Which is the reason why i could not keep a firm answer when it comes to love and marriage. I want to love someone and get married but i don't want to hurt the one i love. I know i am not a knight and just an ordinary girl but if i still have the power to protect the one i love, which would i choose? I want their happiness more than mine. I want their laughter and smiles everywhere more than mine. I want their heart to stay protected more than mine. If i could do that, you do understand why i could not give a firm answer to love and marriage.

Daisy, right now i do feel a little bit of loneliness. It's still not bad since i have my parents and my family. They keep me busy and they are the reason why i'm not lonely. But lately i dread about one truth. The truth about every living thing will die. What would happen to me? If i were to die earlier than my family, i still think its okay. But what about otherwise? Especially when it comes to my parent? I couldn't stomach the thought of them leaving me first for i sure don't know how will i ever live by then. They are my pillars. My happiness and what kept me happy. But if that would happen, i'm scared i will lose all my sanity. I am not that strong but i try my hardest to be strong. So, dear Daisy, i don't want to be single all of my life. I too want to love and get married for i do not want to worry my parent up until the end. I don't want to be alone. Please Daisy, if that someone is really out there for me, tell him to come to me or show himself. I want to find him, that someone, the one who holds onto my other heart, i want to find him. Daisy,,, Until then Daisy.

Be My Daisy

2012-12-10T19:42:00.001+08:00

Dear Daisy,

Lately i'm too outspoken and dare to say harsh things (the truth) consciously which kind like surprises me. I don't know where in the world i get my confident back in me and i just felt like i'm not timid around my friends any longer. Do you think i've grown up? I feel like i'm old with this new philosophy but i like it this way. It's not like i'm boasting saying i live a lot more longer than anyone does. What am i? Ice age to be alive around this time? I meant to say, i'm thankful with everything's around me. Now i know why you should be grateful with everything you have. Either if it's about food or the challenges that keeps on challenging your courage, your decision, your judgement and equals your life. Cherish it with everything you got and not to repeat the same mistake. I'm proud to be a Muslim for it gives me a lot to see, the beauty in just everything. And to be able to live as a Muslim, i'm really proud to be one for it helps me back to trace my own route even if i'm lost for a long time. My life map is based on what Allah The Almighty gave and Muhammad S.A.W has left for us. Although i feel like crying and giving up but i know i'm always love.

It's beautiful and still beautiful no matter what. Cause i say so Daisy. Heh.

Anyway, i guess due to my cool, calm and composure, i think everyone sure dare to say anything bluntly without having a care on how their words could effect me. Surprisingly i can take it all. Its like i'm thinking it's a joke when i know it's the truth. Isn't the truth suppose to be bitter? Maybe i'm immune to the remark and criticize that i built some kind of a wall sturdier than the last time i had. I'm glad i'm not to emotionally hurt by their remark and could criticize them back without the feeling of timid. If you're asking me what happen and how i change this much, i wish i could answer. I guess time do heal everything. It's making you wiser in everything and eventhough i still have my childish side within me, i'm loving who i am now. I'm able to move forward with confident and i'm glad i met this friend of mine cause he really help me a lot in question that i always wanted answers for. He really help me. And no, he's not my special boyfriend. He is just a friend.

Right now, the only thing that still bothers me the most probably about my love life. About whether or not i'll get married cause being single for the rest of your life while attending your friends wedding, its like you see time flies so fast before your eye. The next thing you know you'll die of being single. Although a friend of mine convince me the life of spinster is a good thing but the truth is you'll just become an old grumpy person who is unhappy almost about everything. I know that much because i seem to look around me and that's the truth to that. I don't want to be that. My goal for next year, get myself someone special and fall in love and lose my weight. Every friend of mine keep on commenting on that. Annoying, lots of them. I know they care. That's why i'm rewarding them this effort of mine. Pray that i'll lose 20 kg next year Daisy, will you? Help me in this and i'll love you with all my heart.(which i always do no matter what) Until then Daisy. Cheers to my love life. :)

Be My Daisy

2012-12-08T21:51:00.001+08:00

Dear Daisy,

I am back from the holiday. I don't know if i should called it holiday. I was suppose to cool my head off, go somewhere that will heal my heart and think about myself only. But then my holiday ends up crying my heart out, making myself sick for crying too much and had a fight with my sister. I end up spilling everything out. They think i don't know a thing about my surrounding and being selfish as well as hotheaded. But what do they see what i see and what do they know what i know. And i did just that. Which probably the reason why i don't want to say anything because tears tend to flow non-stop and i'll regret it the next day when my head hurt as well as my eye as big as an egg. I wish i could tell you a lot of things but unfortunately, that is not going to happen today. Until then Daisy