Just out

Oprah Winfrey in India! (Part-2)

2012-01-27T13:53:00.001+05:30

America's leading TV talk show host, Oprah Winfrey, now on a visit to India, is aghast with the great and mixed life experience in India. Her TV chat with the local NDTV reporter Burkha Dutt is very interesting. Here are some of her reactions to the various day-to-day scenarios on the roads of Mumbai.

"The sight of ox pulling heavy steel beams, a man riding a donkey, a man on a motorbike using his cell phone", said the world's best known TV talk show host, "India is a paradox. It has been my greatest life experience", she added. Her compassionate side surfaced, she goes on to imagine the ox asking the man to put himself in his shoes, pulling the heavy weight of steel.

She expressed her shock and amazement to the utter disregard of the vehicle driving community to the red lights signals on the roads. The traffic jam is awful.

Oprah's visit to Vrindavan to meet widows mover her. "I have spoken for years for women to won their voices. Just because your husband has died, you cannot become second class citizens. This kind of thing should be eradicated from earth," she said.

Craziest Tattoo!

2012-01-25T15:53:00.000+05:30

Tattoo is the craze amongst the youth for quite sometime. It is not only a fashion element but also a symbol of free expression. Expression through the body, in a way, body language! Tattoo culture encompasses all types of complicated art work and wily curves all over the body. It costs a fortune too in many cases.

Here is the craziest tattoo display. It is not only simple but also extremely useful too!

Courtesy: Funny lobby

Oprah Winfrey in India! (Part-1)

2012-01-24T14:27:00.000+05:30

American celebrity Oprah Winfrey is in India to attend the Jaipur Literature Festival. "I came to India with an open mind and expanded heart", said the socialite.

Referring to her life experiences she said, "The fact that I was born in segregated southern US in Mississippi in 1954 to a teenaged unmarried mother, during the time of apartheid, has influenced me into becoming what I am. Fortunately I have never been put into a segregated school. But all my life I had to fight everyone, the shame and abuse and its lasting impact. To be born a girl child is not safe," she said.

Education is of paramount importance for Oprah and she has been helping thousands of poor and under privileged girls around the globe especially from Africa. Oprah herself was raised by her grandmother. Her grandmother's dream was to see her grand daughter to grow up to be a respectable maid. She would have had her moment of glory, had she been at the Jaipur Literature Festival where her grand daughter, Oprah, got a standing ovation as she walked in for a session.

Teen perfume!

2012-01-23T21:12:00.000+05:30

Justin Bieber has just launched a perfume for young women. He has done extensive research to find out the real smell of a girl. Having created the right flavor for the perfume, he was on the lookout for the right name for the perfume. Topfive.com sent a request to its young readers to name the perfume. Here are some of the interesting names received from presumably young girls in their teens.

Eau MYGODITSHIM
First Base
But Mom, All the Other Girls Have It!
Gucci Gucci Goo

The perfume is named SOMEDAY. It is expected to hit the market in June this year and priced at $35 to $85.

Smile at life!

2012-01-20T21:14:00.000+05:30

Quotes overheard:

Action may not always bring happiness...
but there is no happiness without action.

You don't have to be great to start, but
you have to start to be great.

Always in motion is the future.

The secret of life is not to do what you
like but to like what you do.

Radio quiz comedy!

2012-01-12T20:49:00.000+05:30

TV and Radio quiz shows are the best entertainment world over. Invariably the quiz masters provide sufficient clues even for easy questions so that the participants can never go wrong in their answers. Despite these clues some stupid participants do manage to bungle providing unlimited comedy to the audience with hip-roaring laughter. Here are some such hilarious moments during radio quiz programs in the UK.

Quiz master: "What is the capital of the USA? I give a clue, it is not New York."
Participant: "New York."

Quiz master: "Name the Islamic Bible. It starts with the letter 'K'."
Participant: "Er..."
Quiz master: "It's got two syllables...Kor..."
Participant: "Blimey?"
Quiz master: "No, the past participle of run..."
Participant: (Silent)
Quiz master: "OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I..."
Participant: "Walked?"

Quiz master: "In what country would you spend shekels?
Participant: "Holland."
Quiz master: "Try the next letter of the alphabet."
Participant: "Iceland? Ireland?"
Quiz master: (Helpfully) "It is a bad line. Did you say Israel?"
Participant: "No."

Smart camera!

2012-01-11T20:06:00.000+05:30

I was driving in the US when I saw a flash of traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for speeding, even though I knew I wasn't. Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly. But again the camera flashed.

Thinking this was pretty funny, I drove past even slower three more times, laughing as the camera snapped away each time while I drove by it at a snail's pace. Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

Source: Readers Digest

Priests can't eat cake!

2012-01-06T21:33:00.000+05:30

"What is the difference between the Catholic priest and a minister?". our daughter Sarah asked.

My husband, a pastor answered, "Well, one big difference is that a priest can't marry. That's because he is expected to devote his life to God. A pastor also dedicates his life to God, but he can marry. It's like having your cake and eating it too."

Sarah's next question: "Priests can't eat cake?"

Courtesy: Readers Digest

Crazy requests onboard!

2012-01-03T19:23:00.000+05:30

People traveling on airplane also go crazy when it comes to odd requests. Here are some of the strange requests from the air passengers across the globe as narrated by airlines staff.

"Can you open the window?"
An elderly gentleman who could not sleep requested the captain to turn off the noise. "Do you mean the engine?" asked the captain. "Yes, yes, the engine!"
At dinner time a woman said her children would prefer McDonald's and requested the air hostess to get Big Mac and fries.
A woman in first class was wearing a tiny red crop top and mint green miniskirt. She had also booked the seat next to her for her Barbie doll, which was wearing the same outfit and was sitting upright with the seat belt fastened. The woman requested a cup of tea and a massage for the doll. (Reminds you of Mr. Bean and his Teddy!)

Source: Readers Digest

Brain and cappuccino!

2011-12-28T21:00:00.000+05:30

It is jokes time.
A couple at a party are being congratulated on their daughter's good grades.
"It's because she got my brains," says the husband, looking pleased.
"I still have my brains," the wife replies.

Scene: Coffee shop
Businessman: Can I get a decaf cappuccino?
Waiter: Actually, we only sell regular cappuccino.
Businessman: Okay, I'll have one of those. Just give me your phone number so I have somebody to talk to when I can't sleep tonight.

Courtesy: Readers Digest

You can't cheat this drunkard!

2011-12-24T18:00:00.000+05:30

Three men hail a taxi. The driver- seeing that they're drunk- decides to pull a fast one. So he switches the engine on, then quickly switches it off and announces, "We're here!"

The first guy hands him the fare, the second guy says, 'Thanks," but the third guy angrily smacks the cabbie's head.

"What was that for?", asks the cabbie, afraid he's been caught.

"That," says the passenger, "is for driving so fast!"

Courtesy: Readers Digest

History created!

2011-12-22T15:30:00.000+05:30

Time for jokes.
A big, hairy, muscular man appeared at the Pearly Gates. "Did you ever do anything good during your life?" St. Peter asked him.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I did!" he replied.
"What did you do?" St. Peter asked.
"I went into town and I took on a motorcycle gang that was stirring up trouble. I picked the biggest man with the most tattoos and knocked him about. Then I threatened him, "If you don't get out of town with your friends, you will be history."
"When this did this happen?", asked St. Peter.
"Two minutes ago."

Courtesy: Readers Digest

Disney spells!

2011-12-13T16:30:00.000+05:30

It is time for jokes.

I was out in the garden with my stepladder today. Not my real ladder.
No, I don't get along with my real ladder.

A teacher is getting to know her new pupils on the first day of school.
She turns to one little girl and says, "What does your daddy do?"
"Whatever mummy tells him," the girl replies.

"Doctor, doctor, every time I sit down, I see visions of Mickey Mouse
and Pluto. And when I stand up, I see Donald Duck."
"How long have you been having these Disney spells?"

Don't look down!

2011-12-10T18:00:00.000+05:30

The terrifying see-through path stuck to a Chinese cliff-face 4,000ft above a rocky ravine

By STEPHANIE DARRALL

Last updated at 8:29 AM on 11th November 2011

It is certainly not a path for the faint-hearted.

On one side a sheer rock face, on the other a 4,000ft drop - and all to separate the brave traveller from a deadly plunge is a 3ft-wide, 2.5in thick walkway.

And if that is not enough to bring terror into the pit of your stomach, the path running alongside a Chinese mountainside is made out of glass, allowing a crystal-clear view of where one false step can take you.

So it was perhaps understandable that this woman tackled the walkway by sticking as close to the cliff as possible, feeling her way along with tentative steps.

Don't look down: A brave tourist walks along the glass path that was built of the side of a cliff 4,700ft above sea level on Tianmen Mountain in Zhangjiajie , China

Dazzling: A glass path suspended on a cliff face has been built on the side of the Tianmen Mountain in China

The skywalk is situated 4,700ft above sea level on the side of the Tianmen Mountain in Zhangjiajie , China .

The 200ft long bridge joins the west cliff at the Yunmeng Fairy Summit, the summit of Tianmen Mountain and Zhang Jiajie.

And it would appear to be too scary for the cleaners - tourists are asked to put on shoe covers before passing to help keep the path clean.

The pathway, built earlier in the summer echoes the glass-bottomed walkway at the Grand Canyon in the U.S.

The 70ft bridge is 4,000ft above the natural wonder and allows tourists to look through 2.5in of crystal-clear glass to the Canyon floor below.

The Tianmen mountain, literally translated as Heavenly Gate Mountain is so called because of a huge natural cave that occurs halfway up to the summit.

Stunning: The skywalk offers breathtaking views across the Hunan Province for those brave enough to attempt to cross the bridge

Situated in the Hunan Province , Its highest peak is around 5,000ft above sea level and it is home to a wealth of rare species of plants

A four-mile-long cable car was constructed in the park, which is said to be the longest of the same type in the world.

And no matter how terrifying the glass walkway may be - it can only be an improvement from another sky high mountain walkway located in the same province.

The Shifou Mountain , located 82 miles away, offers sightseers a 3ft-wide road made of wooden planks thousands of feet high.

When finished the wooden 'road' - which is the width of a dinner table - will stretch for 1.8miles making it China 's longest sightseeing path.

Not so high spec: Workers built a 3ft-wide plank road on the side of Shifou Mountain , in Hunan Province , China earlier this year.

Fun with words!

2011-12-01T21:00:00.000+05:30

It is time for jokes.

If lawyers are disbarred, can electricians be delighted, musicians denoted and cowboys deranged?

A cement mixer collided with a prison van just outside town. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

Nom de Grrrr
Does kitty dream of slinking down the catwalk? If so, give her a name that screams "I'm a star!" Like these actual pet names...

Cats Dogs

Cleocatra                                                Mary-Louise
Bing Clawsby                                           Barker
Chairman Meow                                        Bettie Poops
Alexander the Grey                                    Virginia Woof
Iggy pup

Courtesy: Readers Digest

Jay Leno's new stock market terms!

2011-11-28T18:30:00.000+05:30

To
cheer up those that keep losing money in the stock market

The Economy of Fun

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing,. Its called the stock market - Jay Leno

2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are ?? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street- Jay Leno

3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker . The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW

4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker ? A tie

5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.

6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any e mails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it - Jay Leno

7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar - Jay Leno

8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Obama's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures. Jay Leno

9. President Obama's response was to support some small business owners in America . The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21. - Jay Leno

10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use

Forwarded by A Mahesh

Priest and the parrots!

2011-11-26T15:30:00.000+05:30

A woman tells her priest, "Father, I have a problem. My two female parrots only say, "Hi, cutie, wanna have some fun?"

"Don't worry," says the priest. "I have two male parrots who only pray and read the Bible. We'll put them in the same cage - your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrid phrase."

The next day, the woman takes her parrots to the priest's home. The male parrots are inside the cage, holding rosary beads and praying. When the woman places the female parrots in the cage, they cry out, "Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?"

One male says to the other, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"

Courtesy: Readers Digest

Husbands for sale!

2011-11-24T15:00:00.000+05:30

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch.. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

*********

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

*********

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

" Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

*********

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

*********

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

*********

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

*********

Send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth !

Source: Unmaya Sonnen

Spouses jokes!

2011-11-22T22:36:00.001+05:30

It is time for jokes.

A man is drinking with his wife when out of the blue he announces, "I love you."

"Is that you or your beer talking?" she asks.

"It's me," he says, "talking to the beer."

Q: Why did God create Adam before Eve?

A: Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

Courtesy: Reader's Digest

Incorporate super quality Ilus Electronics gate openers for your building complex!

2011-11-22T03:06:00.001+05:30

As a real estate developer I was on the lookout for a sound gate entry control system for my large office complex. My close friend Jason, a good quality conscious civil engineer, recommended to me Ilus Electronics make integrated access control system and gate openers for my project.

Ilus Electronics is the most popular gate opener people in the Internet market having mastered the art and science of access control, intercom and door phone systems for huge business houses, residential projects, club houses and vast farms. The variety of applications include telephone integrated intercoms, video intercom, RFID access control keypads, cellular phone gate openers, door phones, magnetic door locks and electric door strikes. The company offers consultation, identifies exact requirements, puts forth right application including custom-built systems tailor-made for your specific needs. With focused specialization the company is able to offer super quality products with dependable performance at competitive prices.

Look at the features of the versatile Ilus Cellular Gate Opener system meant for gated communities. Without getting out of the car you can open the gate remotely by punching the gate number on your cellphone. The call is free. You can store as many as 1000 phone numbers in the gate control system. You can operate the gate at the entrance remotely to allow visitors inside your office or home without moving away from your seat. The system is vandal proof, weather proof, without battery drain and without tampering of RF remote control.

Folks, sign in with Ilus Electronics products for all access control systems of your gated communities right now!

What would the world be like without us!

2011-11-19T19:36:00.001+05:30

The world is a beautiful place to live with the abundant resources endowed by Mother Nature - the mighty oceans, long rivers, lush green meadows, dense forests, multiple minerals, and many more. Mankind has unraveled the mysteries of Nature with the help of science and technology and created marvels like the spaceship, computers, mobile phones and the Internet of the modern era. The overall health, standard of living and lifespan of the humans keeps touching highs. In addition spiritualism, righteousness, honesty and altruism characterize the people of the earth in their march towards bringing the entire world under one umbrella irrespective of the different barriers like language, geography, economy, race, etc.

What would the world be like without us? The world shines because of the people living in it. Without you and me the earth will be a barren planet. Yes, we give life and harmony to Mother Nature!

Babies' gospel!

2011-11-17T07:21:00.001+05:30

At our convent school, we used to sing hymns at morning assembly with more gusto than grace. One day the junior classes were giving a fervent rendition of “Jesus, tender shepherd, hear me…” finishing with “Take me, when I die to heaven / Happy there with thee to dwell.” The nun taking assembly sensing something amiss asked one little girl to repeat the last line. Sure enough, she and her classmates were chanting “Happy there from three to twelve.”

Source: Readers Digest

Grandparents lighter moments with their grandkids! (Part-6)

2011-11-14T08:40:00.001+05:30

Here are some more view points shared by grandkids about their grandparents.

A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she
lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when
we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good good
things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over you hear gas leaks,
and they blame their dog.

Forwarded by: Nithyanandan

An app to airbrush and enhance quality of your photograph!

2011-11-10T02:36:00.000+05:30

Giving a face lift to your photograph has been the privilege of the expert photographer so far. Not any longer, a web based app known as Perfect365 is now available to you to enhance the quality of your own photograph.

With this app you can remove the dark circles around your eyes, glamorize your eyes with thicker lashes, emphasize your eye brows, add a little bit of a color to your lips, whiten your teeth, etc., to highlight your natural beauty. Using this app you can change your complexion every week.

Perfect365 is an effective touch up and makeup tool which can be handled by people who are not-so-good in photo touch up. It can detect 20 faces in one photo to give you a variety of choice. The app is available for a nominal fee.

In essence Perfect365 is a one stop shop makeup studio to enhance your personality to succeed in your personal as well as professional life.

Grandparents' lighter moments with grandkids! (Part-5)

2011-11-09T03:50:00.000+05:30

Here are some more grandkids episodes:

Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said
a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant
means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It
means carrying a child."

A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day
when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck
was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child. "No," said another.
"He's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a
close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

Forwarded by: Nithyanandan