I'm migrating everything over to a new address.

It's http://www.justparker.com/blog.

♫ Baby let's smove... Away from here. ♫

We're deep in the middle of parenting (although on the grand timeline, it's probably still the beginning as Robard points out in this clip from Parenthood) and a blow out the weekend before last had us thinking (again)...

What can we do to make things better?

This is what we came up with...

• We can model the behavior we hope our kids will model.
• We can give them unscripted thoughtful responses to challenges (instead of knee jerk scripted 'because our grandparents told our parents because I said so' responses).
• We can pepper it with a limited amount direction (mostly safety issues... probably 'please' and 'thank you' reminders, too) so they learn resourcefulness and resilience (rather than entitlement and an inability to recover).

That first point is probably 90% of it (and the hairiest).

The Spaniard and I can be ego-driven hot heads at times (mostly me) and we think that's probably the biggest thing that gets in the way of our efforts. So...

For 90 days, we've committed to No Ego Parenting.

It's been about 10 days and seems to be having a positive impact (less stress, everyone appears happier and a little kinder). The biggest challenge so far is sticking to the 'no ego' in how we talk (softer spoken, less edge, no interrupting because we want resolution faster, less direction because we know what's right because that's the way it's always been done and I don't have time to wait for you to figure it out because I'm in a rush to get somewhere so I can be busy and in a rush to get to the next place).

Our accountability check... If one of us catches the other crossing what seems to be the ego line (even slightly), the other is allowed to say "Put your hands up" and the ego line crosser has to put both hands up immediately (reaching into the sky) and say "Put your hands up" in the same high-pitched voice as Amy Poehler's Michael Jackson imitation below (try to have an ego when you're doing that).

The kids have already put this into the family vernacular as a way to communicate someone's doing something wrong.

I can tell you that the past 10 days have been better but it's not easy. Which is okay, of course. We're trying to improve things.

I’ve been thinking about the business of Christmas… why we celebrate it and where it came from. It took me 44 years to look into it (of course, the first couple years I was learning how to talk and the next couple decades I was learning how to think so… maybe it only took me about 25 years to dig in).

Please understand, I’m not kidding…

It looks as if the early Christian church was looking for a way to compete with the pagan celebration of Saturnalia – a month-long festival that honored the god of agriculture, Saturn. Apparently, during Saturnalia (are you laughing at this word yet?) there was also a group of Romans who celebrated the birth of a sun god named Mithra (who was born from a rock). Mithra’s birthday was December 25.

Bottom line… A fourth century Pope set 12.25 as the day the Christian church would celebrate the birth of Jesus (a day that wasn’t celebrated until that point).

History.com has it laid out nicely beginning here.

Now… I bring this to our attention because I don’t like going through the motions (although I hypocritically do).

I believe our focus every day should be on loving our people. But what exactly does that mean?

• It means we need to give ourselves to the people around us more (giving them our attention and care).
• It means we need to help end someone’s suffering when we can (and then look for more opportunities).
• It means we need to be kind, compassionate, and patient.
• It means we need to be truthful, forgiving, and humble.
• It means we need to enjoy the hospitality and gifts of others.
• It means we need to be thankful.
• It means we need to connect (really).
• It means we need to be attentive and engaged with our work (to how we contribute).

To me… all of these holidays we celebrate allow us to more often compartmentalize our gratitude and care rather than encourage it to be a part of our daily lives (missing out on a daily celebration that might otherwise exist).

At Christmastime, we embrace getting together more and giving gifts to each other (things) yet at the same time complain about the busyness (and business) behind it all, changing nothing year after year. (“Let’s get together after the holidays when everything settles down.”) Then we go into a New Year, pausing and reflecting at certain points over certain things dictated by our federal holiday calendars and those of our chosen faiths (and remember, a belief that there isn’t a god is also a faith).

But in our day-to-day (the bulk of our time here) opportunities for care (love), will we be awake enough not to go through the motions and make a positive difference to others whenever (wherever) we can?

Can we remember (more often) that we’re here for each other – that that good feeling we get more often around our winter holiday of choice comes from a love that we can (and should) have every day?

“But then it won’t be special.”  (special: being other than the usual)

Wouldn’t that be great.
 
12.25 is arbitrary. Merry Today.

(Valentine’s Day? You can’t handle the truth.)

Smyuletide carols being sung by a choir... And folks dressed up like Smeskimos...

Everybody knows...

A turkey and some Smistletoe... Help to make the Smeason bright.

(The people who made these -- Tiny Prints -- they're Smovers. They called and emailed us to make sure we didn't have a typo. #1 Be Awake. #7 Exceed Expectations.)

Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart by Gordon Livingston

I'm into my second time through and was completely smoved by these words from Gordon...

"This tension between simplicity and effort works itself out in our daily lives. If we believe in the sudden transformation, the big score, we are less likely to pursue the harder and less immediately satisfying work of becoming the people we wish to be.

So here's to the role of time, patience, and reflection in our lives. If we believe it is better to build than destroy, better to live and let live, better to be than to be seen, then we might have a chance, slowly, to find a satisfying way through life, this flicker of consciousness between two great silences."

Let's encourage each other more.

(168 pages | serious | quick read - but not really because you're going to reflect more)

The car in front of me on the way home from the office last night...

 

This morning after I finished my coffee (I'm not kidding... no special effects... that's the way it dried out)...

 

Now, I just need to figure out how it all ties in to the screaming cheerio. 

I got an email from the president last night wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving. In case you're not as close with him as I am, I thought I'd pass along the message (it's after the jump).

I'm sure he'd be fine with it.

 

Sam --

Tomorrow, Thanksgiving Day, Americans across the country will sit down together, count our blessings, and give thanks for our families and our loved ones.

American families reflect the diversity of this great nation. No two are exactly alike, but there is a common thread they each share.

Our families are bound together through times of joy and times of grief. They shape us, support us, instill the values that guide us as individuals, and make possible all that we achieve.

So tomorrow, I'll be giving thanks for my family -- for all the wisdom, support, and love they have brought into my life.

But tomorrow is also a day to remember those who cannot sit down to break bread with those they love.

The soldier overseas holding down a lonely post and missing his kids. The sailor who left her home to serve a higher calling. The folks who must spend tomorrow apart from their families to work a second job, so they can keep food on the table or send a child to school.

We are grateful beyond words for the service and hard work of so many Americans who make our country great through their sacrifice. And this year, we know that far too many face a daily struggle that puts the comfort and security we all deserve painfully out of reach.

So when we gather tomorrow, let us also use the occasion to renew our commitment to building a more peaceful and prosperous future that every American family can enjoy.

It seems like a lifetime ago that a crowd met on a frigid February morning in Springfield, Illinois to set out on an improbable course to change our nation.

In the years since, Michelle and I have been blessed with the support and friendship of the millions of Americans who have come together to form this ongoing movement for change.

You have been there through victories and setbacks. You have given of yourselves beyond measure. You have enabled all that we have accomplished -- and you have had the courage to dream yet bigger dreams for what we can still achieve.

So in this season of thanks giving, I want to take a moment to express my gratitude to you, and my anticipation of the brighter future we are creating together.

With warmest wishes for a happy holiday season from my family to yours,

President Barack Obama

"We're lying to our children when we tell them they're proficient, but they're not achieving at a level that will prepare them for success once they graduate."

Arne Duncan, U.S. Secretary of Education
(from this AP story)

So as parents, teachers, and grown-ups…

• Let’s stop lying.
• Let’s work harder at encouraging a work ethic (with our kids and with ourselves).
• Let’s care more.
• Let’s let it get ugly and uncomfortable more often (in the interest of the long run).
• Let’s lead by example and hold each other accountable to higher standards (as parents, teachers, and grown-ups).
• Let’s be badasses and encourage our kids to be badasses (and I mean that in the loving badass way of the truth).

Let’s wake up and stop mouth breathing our way through the day.

Aren’t we tired of mediocrity? Of lying?

Here's an NPR story about Providence St. Mel -- a school of 212in' Smovers in Chicago. Worth the 3-minute read. From its founder and principal, Paul Adams...

"I think one of the misnomers is that we have some kind of miracle going on. We spend more time teaching," Adams says. "We're in school six days a week. If I could figure out a way to raise enough money, I'd have it seven days a week. Students are in the building from 7 a.m., sometimes even earlier, to 5 and 6 and 7 o'clock at night."

How hard are you working?

TGIS (thank God it's Smonday)

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Hey, kids… If we don’t push you or hold you accountable, do it for yourselves. Don’t wait. You matter and you have a verse to contribute. Count!

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One more from Paul Adams (principal)...

"I think I have an obligation to do the very best I can because I stand on the shoulders of many people who have died, who have sacificed and I think that is my contribution to civilization... to move it to the next level."

 

(I am)

I am Smoverman...

And I can do anything.

(actually, I'm a bit challenged on the smile side)

 

 

We need to stop looking into our hands so much.

Cells, berries, and ithings get too much attention.

Five days ago, I decided to try an experiment. It's part of my real world immersion program.

I'm doing my best to make it so no one knows I have a cell phone. No checking for emails or messages when people are around me. No answering a vibrating phone (a ringtone? please) if I'm in a face-to-face conversation with another human being (which I rarely do but have -- ruuude man).

My thinking here is this'll make me more available to the people in front of me and the life around me and also help me focus more. I'm guessing it'll also help me improve my real world communication skills (listening is a part of communicating) and consequently help me help others better.

The only downside I can think of is not being instantly available for a real emergency (but this is possible several times throughout the day anyway).

So far, it feels good. (update after 2 months below)

____________________

(It's scary that people text and read while they drive (grown-ups are especially surprising given that we're not supposed to be that stupid)... make-up application too (yeah, I saw you taking that turn putting on your mascara in your rearview). I'm sure it'll slow down as we personally know more and more people who have accidents (severe or not) but we'll probably have to stick our finger in the socket a few times before we get disciplined.

If you're up for a frightening (and very disturbing) awareness video on the topic (I've shared it with my 15-year-old who is with driving friends now, but I'm pretty hardcore as you likely know if you read my stuff), here's 4 minutes. Do not watch it if frightening and disturbing are not your things. It's a British PSA.)

____________________

Update: Nothing but great things to say about the device diet. In fact, I downgraded to a regular phone a couple weeks after this post. The phone still has great keyboard features, etc. but it's less of a distraction now (and I save $500 a year in usage fees). I did violate the diet a couple weeks ago though and got a lesson -- classic bad dad moment. I was looking up something on the phone at my son's basketball game and missed his one basket of the game. I'm pretty confident I won't pull that again (loser).
 

Grocery store checkout. Magazine display. 3 weeks of the last 4.

You can walk off belly fat. Whitney and Oprah are in a cat fight. Jessica lost a puppy. Jennifer's having a baby.

 

It's on with Justin and it's over with Justin. The walk off has you in your skinny jeans. A Kardashian is having her dream wedding (who are these people?).

Oprah's in it with Michelle now. Tori is losing too much weight. Jon & Kate are spying, stealing, and having their lives wrecked.

 

Who's paying for this stuff?

(we need to reboot)

Drew Brees (one of top quarterbacks in the NFL) gave a 212 book to his coach and it was mentioned in USA Today on Friday.

Here's an excerpt from the article and an important reminder of what it takes to succeed. Maybe it's something you can use to reinforce extra effort with your people (and your teenagers)...

Payton (the coach) tells the quintessential Brees (the quarterback) story.

"A year ago during the bye week, players are getting out of here. I was leaving the building on Sunday, and out on the field I see this guy in shorts with a ball," Payton says.

"It's Brees out there by himself, Sunday, 1:30. And I say, 'What are you doing?'

"He says, 'I'm just trying to stay in my routine, simulate a game, so my body is still in condition.' "

That mock game is one explanation why Brees has crashed the Brady-Peyton Manning talk on who is the top quarterback.

"Drew just outworks everybody," linebacker Scott Fujita says. "He's a guy's guy, not one of those pretty boy, prima donna quarterbacks."

Be 212.

I don't enjoy the towel guilt trip at hotels but it does work on me (I definately think before using another towel that I probably don't need to use).

This sign next to my double shower head on a recent trip asks me to refresh myself and restore our world...

 

"One of your Heavenly Shower heads has been turned off in an effort to minimize water usage and protect one of our most precious natural resources.

To experience the most out of your Heavenly Shower, you can turn the second shower head on by pushing the small button behind the lower head. (Of course, only if you're an @ss#ol&.)"

Parenthetical is written in invisible ink.

Where along the way did someone in the room not say, "Hey, wait Bob. I think maybe we should either remove the fancy shower heads or just encourage people to use it. I mean we're about hospitality and luxury, aren't we?"

I'm guessing someone did but they didn't push it (or kept the thought in their head).

Not tragic, of course, just a little business sad.

(truth is better)

 

When I was younger, travelled more, and had only one kid, I would pick up a gift for my daughter and The Spaniard when I went out of town on business.

We're older now and have three kids.

From my trip a few days ago...

A partly used Post-It pad for my 15-year-old, a genuine (and personalized) boarding pass for my 12-year-old (we have the same name), and a barf bag for my 9-year-old.

 

The Spaniard? She gets some of the finest shampoos and conditioners ever made.

 

One of the most wonderful leftovers I've ever had.

Prime-graded NY Strip (from Costco if you can believe it) and Chipotle Chocolate Rub from a friend of mine (get it here, rub it on, and grill it up). Medium rare or less or you may as well skip the meat.

Prime is truly prime. It might even bring you veggie people back home.

(the MeatBurst name came from the kids... juicy baby... juicy)

 

... on a Sunday afternoon.

(49 still available... maybe)

 

They might ask you to prove you're a smover. If so, give them the symbol...

 

Since releasing Smile & Move™ in November (my follow-up to 212), we've been having a ball creating a dictionary of words (a smictionary?). Something fun about the "sm" sound. (thanks to all our readers and smovers out there who've added to the fun)...

smove: ('smoov) verb: to smile & move  (Let's smove!)

smover: ('smoo-ver) noun: one who smiles & moves (Now that guy's a smover.)

smovement: ('smoov-ment) noun: an organized effort to create a world of smovers (Obviously what's happening here is a part of a smovement.)

smoved: ('smooved) verb: 1. to be positively affected by coming into contact with a smover or experiencing a smovish act 2. past tense of smove (We were so smoved when we checked into our hotel because everyone smoved at all moments.)

smovish: ('smoo-vish) adjective: having qualities that illustrate a smile & move character or demeanor (You want to hear something really smovish?)

smoment: ('smo-ment) noun:a point in time of a smovish experience (Isn't this a beautiful smoment?)

smission: ('smi-shun) noun: a specific smovish task with which a group or person is charged (We're on a smission and nothing can stop us.)

smeltdown: ('smelt-down) noun: a breakdown of smovish characteristics by smover (She obviously had smeltdown.)

smovology: (smoov-'a-la-jee) noun: a branch of knowledge that deals with smiling & moving (Are you taking smovology this semester?)

smovoscopy: (smoo-'vas-ko-pee) noun: endoscopic examination of the heart and mind for smovish characteristics (We're a little concerned with your approach to things lately so we've scheduled a smovoscopy for you later in the week.)

smovotomy: (smoo-'va-te-me) noun: surgical severance of any smovish characteristics (What an @ss#ol&! The guy must have had a smovotomy before he left the house today) smovectomy can be substituted

smulch: ('smulch) noun: a protective covering spread or thrown over a complainer or non-smover to prevent their negative attitude from spreading (It was a great meeting. We had to throw a little smulch in one area of the room but other than that, things went very well.)

Got an idea? (comment, please)

tgim

(don't know about Smile & Move™? a quick little excerpt after the jump or you can read the whole thing online at SmileAndMove.com)

I want to be needed. You want to be needed.

We all want to matter to the world.

And the way we matter is through our service to others… by giving more.

If we want to matter and to be happy, if we want more freedom, more flexibility, more responsibility or more money, we need to give more to those we’re supposed to be serving.

We need to get over ourselves.

We need to smile & move.

To smile is to…

• Be awake, attentive, and engaged with others.
• It’s being thankful for our opportunities, for our people, and for the occasional chance we have to be in the path to serve.
• It’s being approachable and accessible to our customers, our subordinates, and our leaders.
• It’s complaining less because we all have work to accomplish.
• It’s smiling, really.

To move is to…

• Start our days early and go long more than once in a blue moon.

• It’s exceeding expectations for others and dismissing mediocrity in our work.
• It’s having a sense of urgency with our efforts, predicting and pre-sweating the details for others.
• It’s being resourceful and resilient when we fall short, making it all about results – exceptional results.

The truth is… You’re at my service and I’m at yours.

To enjoy more, we need to give more.

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Smile & Move reflection…

When asked to do something for someone else (customer, friend, family member, colleague) does your YES say “yes, if I have to” or “yes, it would be my pleasure”?
 
How patient are you with the first from someone else?

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Generosity is more fun. That’s the key. (print this)

-- Robert Thurman (1941 -    )
   American scholar and Buddhist monk

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"This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."

-- George Bernard Shaw (1856–1950)
   Irish playwright and critic

(here's the story that inspired Smile & Move™)

 

farce: 4 a : a ridiculous or empty show b: mockery

AIG received has received more than $170 billion of our money we pay out of our paychecks to the government.

AIG is paying out $165 million in bonuses to the same people who put the company in a position to need bailout money.

“We cannot attract and retain the best and the brightest talent to lead and staff the A.I.G. businesses — which are now being operated principally on behalf of American taxpayers — if employees believe their compensation is subject to continued and arbitrary adjustment by the U.S. Treasury,” Liddy (government-appointed chair of AIG) said in a letter to Geithner (Treasury Secretary).

Bonuses will be paid to 400 employees, ranging from $1,000 to $6.5 million according to the NY Times. They say 7 people might get over $3 million in bonus money.

I don't like the idea of a bonus for poor performance regardless of the amount (maybe it was put in place by the same people who got trophies as kids just for playing) but I'm less bothered by those getting less than $10,000. I'm guessing those are the people who just did what they were told to do by the big dogs getting the big bonuses (of course, now it looks like maybe they shouldn't have).

If you're one of those big dogs, I wonder how you go to a dinner party and comfortably face your friends.

A little sweet and sour video. It's got it all. (8.5 minutes)