Just Shoot Me!

Naughty, Not Nice...

2011-01-09T14:39:00.001-05:00

A city-run Christmas parade in Florida was interrupted by a city employee, who yelled at the driver of a city truck in the parade for "taking his overtime for the last two years." Officers saw the man open the door of the moving truck to argue with the driver, telling him to "Get out of the truck and I'll whip your ass." The unidentified employee "then slammed the door closed after removing the keys from the ignition of the truck (turning it off) and throwing the keys across the cab onto the opposite floorboard," the resulting police report said. "This caused the parade to stop movement behind the city truck." The aggressive employee was arrested for disorderly intoxication -- his blood alcohol measured .266 percent -- and assault. The city?... "Niceville". The man must appear in court, but not until after Christmas. (RC/Northwest Florida Daily News) ...

THE VERDICT: This may be enough time for him to sober up.

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Brigitte Bardot 5-Film Collection (Naughty Girl / Love on a Pillow / The Vixen / Come Dance with Me / Two Weeks in September)
Crotchless Naughty Net G-String, ONE SIZE, BLACK
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Nice, Not Naughty...

2011-01-09T14:37:00.000-05:00

John Toomey, 68, has played Santa at the Union Square Macy's store in San Francisco, Calif., for 20 years.

"People make a pilgrimage to see him every year, some for as long as 15 years," said one store employee, "Everyone loves him."

Not quite everyone: Toomey says when adults visit him while in character, he cracks jokes, but an adult couple complained to store management that his jokes were "inappropriate". Like what? "When I ask the older people who sit on my lap if they've been good and they say, 'Yes,' I say, 'Gee, that's too bad'," Toomey said. "Then, if they ask why Santa is so jolly, I joke that it's because I know where all the naughty boys and girls live."

Toomey was fired. (RC/San Francisco Chronicle) ...

THE VERDICT: And these are grown-ups who sit in men's laps, in public, in front of kids. Go Figure!?

Katy Perry "Un-Makeover"

2011-01-09T14:36:00.000-05:00

If there was ever a question about comedian-turned-actor Russell Brand being a douchebag . . . well, it's been answered. The question now is whether pop star wife Katy Perry will put up with his douchebaggery.

What did Brand do that was so bad? Take a look at the picture of his wife he posted on Twitter the other day. Not the most flattering, is it?

Katy Perry's hubby Russell Brand posted this not-so-flattering Twitpic of his beloved as a prank (we think) over the holiday weekend. But it may not be such a laughing matter to the Mrs, who got the anti-glam snapshot pulled down pronto. Oops!

This is the kind of thing that might cause some fireworks between the "Firework" singer and her snarky husband. But we hope it's just the sort of friction that makes the making up that much hotter. Take our punishment poll on the jump to let us know how you think Russell will have to pay.

Teenage Dream
Teenage Dream [Explicit]
One of the Boys
Firework [Explicit]
MTV Unplugged (CD & DVD)

British Man Arrested for Threatening on Twitter to Blow Up Airport

2011-01-07T14:22:00.002-05:00

Used to be, you couldn't make jokes at the airport about bombs and high-jacking planes. Now, don't even think about Tweeting that kind of nonsense. Better yet, maybe if we all stop flying that will take care of this whole problem, right?

British police have arrested a man for making a terror threat after he allegedly joked on Twitter that he would blow up an airport. South Yorkshire Police say they arrested 26-year-old Paul Chambers on Jan. 13 on suspicion of communicating a bomb hoax. Chambers allegedly posted a message on the social networking site saying he would blow northern England's Robin Hood Airport "sky high" if his flight was delayed.

He has been bailed pending further investigation.

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Twitter Power 2.0: How to Dominate Your Market One Tweet at a Time
Twitter Marketing: An Hour a Day
Twitter For Dummies (For Dummies (Computer/Tech))
Twitter Tips, Tricks, and Tweets

"Stan the Man"

2011-01-07T14:16:00.000-05:00

Former Ohio Senate Candidate Accused of Introducing "Stan the Man" to Girl, 15

It's usually teachers and coaches who are accused of having sex with underage girls, but we suppose a political candidate can also do such a dumbass thing. This time we have a third-party candidate for the US Senate seat in Ohio, one Eric W. Deaton. His lawyer claims it was all innocent fun with the girl (at least until she turned 16), but police say that things started much earlier and that Deaton used coercion to get some action for "Stan the Man."

Oh yes, he named his junk.

Deaton, 43, of New Lebanon is charged with unlawful sexual conduct with a minor, a third-degree felony punishable by up to five years in prison. The indictment alleges that, between March 2006 and March 2007, he engaged in sexual conduct with a girl who was between the ages of 13 and 15.

His trial in Montgomery County Common Pleas Court started Monday and will continue Tuesday. Deaton was on the November 2010 ballot as the Constitution Party candidate. Assistant county prosecutor Michelle Grodner said that the girl, now 19, met the Deatons through church. She worked as a babysitter for Deaton’s family, did yard work and other odd jobs for them.

“She grew very close to that family,” Grodner said. “She still loves them.”

But in late 2006, she was asked to paint a foyer with Deaton’s wife. When the wife left, Deaton approached the girl and asked her to go in his daughter’s bedroom and take a break. He persuaded her to lay down on the bed, then crawled on top of her and started kissing her, Grodner said.

Though the girl continually said no, he took off her clothes and took off his pants. Grodner said Deaton told the girl “Be still, I have somebody you want to meet.” That was “Stan the Man,” Deaton’s nickname for his genitals, Grodner said. Afterward, Deaton made her promise not to tell anybody, Grodner said.

The sexual relationship continued for several months after she turned 16, Grodner said. “We disagree on the time line,” Rion said.

Pedophilia and Exhibitionism: A Handbook
Pedophilia and Sexual Offending Against Children: Theory, Assessment, and Intervention
The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things
Why Pedophilia Cannot be Prevented
The Hidden Monster: Pedophilia

Naughty, Not Nice...

2010-12-28T15:05:00.000-05:00

"Ho, Ho, Ho, Shut up Lady!"

2010-12-26T23:44:00.000-05:00

A painting of Santa Claus on a plywood sheet at Tracy's Christmas Tree Lot in Turlock, Calif., has brought a complaint from a shopper: it depicts Santa in a cowboy hat and a gun belt. The company has used it every Christmas for 20 years. "Santa is made for love, bringing families together," complained Monica Sliva, "not carrying weapons."

Lot owner Bobby Vierra shrugged it off. "You know, it's just a cowboy. We're just trying to sell trees out here."

But Sliva says the decoration "portrays to the kids that it's OK for Santa to be carrying a gun and therefore it's OK for them to be carrying a gun." (RC/KCRA-TV) ...

THE VERDICT: "Shut the heck up and put out some cookies and milk, Lady!"

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Painter's Quick Reference - Santas & Snowmen

Female Spanish Teacher Accused of Sex With Student

2010-12-23T20:29:00.001-05:00

Today's female teacher sex scandal comes to us from Union County, North Carolina where the Spanish teacher at Parkwood High School has resigned after being accused of having a relationship with an 18-year-old student. Now before you start posting comments about the "age of consent" in NC, let's remind everyone that most states now have laws that make it a crime for teachers, coaches, ministers, etc to have any kind of "inappropriate relationship" with a student, regardless of their age.

How do you say "Please don't tell anyone about this or I'll go to jail" in Spanish?

The Union County Sheriff’s Office said 27-year-old Melissa Bitz had sex with an 18-year-old student at Parkwood High School in Monroe, where she was a first-year Spanish teacher. Bitz was arrested on Tuesday night at her Indian Trail home and charged with a sexual act by a custodian.

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The Bad Seed
Bad Apple
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1984

Woman Arrested for Causing Cop to Taser Himself!

2010-12-23T20:25:00.001-05:00

This is one tough old broad: not only did she break into an building to--allegedly--steal some stuff, but then fought off several cops, hitting one of them with a chair. Even after being Tasered once, Irene "Don't Mess With Me" Bramwell continued to fight and caused an officer to accidentally discharge his Taser, shooting himself in the finger. Eventually they got her under control, but she wasn't going to go down easy.

According to court records and prosecutors, Bramwell was arrested when police responded to a call at a building on the 5500 block of South Nottingham Avenue on Friday. After police showed up and were told that a person was inside the home, they noticed that a window in the front of the building was broken. When they went around to the back, they found an open back door, officials said.

The officers found Bramwell in the basement after entering the building, officials said. Bramwell threw a wooden chair at one of the officers, striking the person in the right arm, officials said. As Bramwell continued to resist arrest, the other officer took out a Taser and fired it at the woman, striking her, officials said.

Even though she had been struck by the Taser, Bramwell continued to flail her arms and resist the officers, officials said. As the woman continued to resist arrest, the officer who earlier Tasered her set up the Taser again. She continued to flail her arms, causing the officer to accidentally discharge the Taser and shoot himself in the pinky finger of his left hand, officials said.

Morons on Parade- Special Edition
Dumb Cops Attacked By Squirrels
Cop Jokes
8 Classic Pursuit Old Time Radio Broadcasts on DVD (over 3 Hours 37 Minutes running time)
Cop Chases & Dumb Crooks Dumber Crooks [VHS]

Man Caught Flicking His Wand...

2010-12-23T20:21:00.000-05:00

Man Caught Flicking His Wand During Screening of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows"

The real question is if he's a fan of Hermoine, Harry, or . . . Ron? Either way, he would have been better off if he had kept his little "Dumbledore" in his pants.

Meet Alexander Ofner. The South Carolina man, 39, was arrested yesterday afternoon at Sea Turtle Cinemas after Bluffton Police Department officers responded to a 911 call about Ofner’s alleged indecent exposure. Using the projection booth as an observation post (as “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” unspooled nearby), cops spotted Ofner in the act, according to police.

Ofner, seated in the theater’s back row, was then arrested for his alleged X-rated behavior during the PG-13 movie. He was booked into the Beaufort County Detention Center, where he posed for the above mug shot.

Predators: Pedophiles, Rapists, And Other Sex Offenders
Sex Offenders: Identification, Risk Assessment, Treatment, and Legal Issues
The World Calls Me SEX OFFENDER
Sex Offender Laws: Failed Policies, New Directions
Treating Sexual Offenders: An Integrated Approach (Practical Clinical Guidebooks)

Congratulations! Ohio Man Arrested for 12th DUI

2010-12-23T20:14:00.000-05:00

Who said that we've gotten tougher on drunk driver over the past few years? At least in Medina, Ohio, you can get arrested a least a dozen times before they even think about putting you away for good.

Authorities in Medina arrested a man on Thanksgiving Day for allegedly driving drunk. The arrest was the man's 12th for operating a vehicle while intoxicated. Medina Police Chief Patrick Berarducci tells Fox 8 News, on Thursday evening, Kelly Dorler, 45, of Medina, was arrested after police received a phone call from a citizen who said Dorler's van was weaving from lane-to-lane on West Washington Street. The caller followed Dorler until police could arrive.

Once pulled over, police arrested Dorler for OVI, a third degree felony. A blood alcohol test showed his blood alcohol content was .174, more than two times the legal limit in Ohio.

Drunk Driving: An American Dilemma (Studies in Crime and Justice)
20/20: A Deadly Drunk Driving Accident: 6/5/09
Sudden Impact: Drunk Driving
Drunk Driving And Why The Carnage Continues
Madd: Mothers Against Drunk Driving [VHS]

Drunk Driving And Why The Carnage Continues

Is that the C-4 Explosives I ordered?

2010-12-20T22:36:00.001-05:00

A man in Hudson, N.Y., called police when he spotted an unknown person leave a "suspicious" package on his front porch. The mystery was quickly solved, however, when the investigating officer saw the Amazon.com logo on the package and asked the man if he had ordered anything from them lately. "Why yes, I did," the man answered. The officer told him his order had arrived, and left. (MS/Hudson Hub Times)

THE VERDICT: The book he got: "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Clear Thinking".

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Brain Damage

2010-12-20T21:40:00.000-05:00

Keanu Gallardo, 14, suffered a concussion at Del Mar High School in San Jose, Calif., but his mother isn't angry about that.

"That's what happens in football," she said. She's less happy about what happened when the ambulance arrived: Principal Liz Seabury refused to allow paramedics to drive it onto the field, instead making them walk the gurney 75 yards down the gridiron to retrieve the boy. "I was told not to let vehicles onto the field," Seabury explained.

"The answer is real simple," school board member Matthew Dean said: "A field is replaceable. A child's life is not." (AC/San Jose Mercury News)

THE VERDICT: Since when is a principal supposed to put a student's welfare above the rules?

Spell Checker Fail

2010-12-17T21:30:00.000-05:00

Eye halve a spelling checker;
It came with my pea sea.
It plainly marks four my revue,
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word,
And weight four it two say,
Weather eye am wrong oar write;
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid,
It nose bee fore two long.
And eye can put the error rite;
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it;
I am shore your pleased two no,
Its letter perfect awl the weigh.
My spell checker tolled me sew!

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I think she made the right choice!

2010-12-15T04:16:00.000-05:00

Francisco Hernandez, 22, stopped by a burger restaurant in Pico Rivera, Calif., to ask his girlfriend the question... "Stacy Will You Marry Me?" was written on the back window of his car, but "She said no," said Lt. Andrew Berg of the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department. "He was a little unhappy with that." Hernandez allegedly went back to his car and drove it onto the sidewalk and tried to run the woman down, but missed her. He escaped, driving away with two flat tires. As deputies headed to his house to talk with him, "our helicopter guys spotted him walking down the street carrying a bouquet of flowers," Berg said. Hernandez was arrested and charged with assault with a deadly weapon. (RC/Los Angeles Times)

THE VERDICT: Apparently he was on his way to ask his second choice's.

The Man Who Married a Dumb Wife A Comedy in Two Acts
Jim Carey Collection: 4 Film Favorites (The Mask / Yes Man / Dumb and Dumber / The Majestic)

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A Ménage à gang?

2010-12-12T15:16:00.000-05:00

John D. Gilliand of Aluchua County, Fla., feels "threatened" by former Florida Gators quarterback Tim Tebow, President Barack Obama, and Jesus Christ, and petitioned in court for a restraining order against each. "I was trespassed from the Kangaroo Gas Station for saying T-Bo sucks," he explained. Gilliand's court filing notes he believes all three defendants are in gangs, or are flashing some kind of gang symbol at him. Not surprisingly, all three petitions were immediately denied. But Gilliand filed supplemental affidavits against Tebow and Obama to get the court to reconsider. (JW/Orlando Sentinel)

THE VERDICT: So Jesus is forgiven?

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Whiplash: America's Most Frivolous Lawsuits
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The Crazies

ANTI-ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOR

2010-12-09T03:21:00.000-05:00

Liz Klein, the principal of Osbourne Primary School in Mt. Martha, Vic., Australia, had a problem with "anti-social behavior" at her school, so she fixed it -- by banning socializing.

Large groups of students were, according to her, "entertaining themselves at other kids' expense," so her new rule prohibits students from being in groups of more than three. She claims the school of 600 students doesn't have a bullying problem, just large packs of students aggravating other students. "So we thought if we just came up with an idea of stopping the groups, it could stop the problem," she said. "It seems to be working (MS/Melbourne Herald Sun)

THE VERDICT: Luckily, with the short-term success there's no chance that curing anti-social behavior with anti-social rules will cause any long-term effects.

* As you can see... Liz Klein seems to have the same idea as Calvin Klein in this ad (notice the one guy being left out of the Ménage à trois).

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Secularism unphilosophical, immoral, and anti-social: verbatim report of a
Anti Social Studies 101 (Escape from New York / The Usual Suspects / Leaving Las Vegas)

Her Burning Desire

2010-12-05T16:11:00.000-05:00

When Anne Semenovich, 74, of Spruce Grove, B.C., Canada, told scrap metals yard owner Vic Small why she wanted to purchase an incinerator from him, he didn't believe it. "She said she wanted to burn her husband there," he said later. Thinking she wasn't "all there," he instead dealt with her daughter, Laurie. Later, Laurie called for him to check the machine because it wasn't working. When he arrived and looked inside, Small found Alex Semenovich, 77, Anne's husband of 50 years, stuffed inside. Prosecutors say Anne shot her husband in the head, and then recruited her grandson and Laurie to help move the body. But after dragging the 240-pound man to the incinerator, it apparently wouldn't start, so they called Small, who called police.

Semenovich was charged with first-degree murder, and surprised the court by pleading guilty to manslaughter. She was sentenced to the minimum, 4 years in prison. (MS/Vancouver Sun)

THE VERDICT: For sale: One incinerator, only used once. Recommended for disposal of objects less than 240 pounds.

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Born Bad
Wallander (Faceless Killers / The Man Who Smiled / The Fifth Woman)
Killer Woman
James Patterson Women's Murder Club Collection

"At least it's not Quack Cocaine!"

2010-12-01T22:07:00.000-05:00

"A specialist advised me to do it," claims Michel Rouyer, a duck farmer in Gripperie-Saint-Symphorien, France. He was hauled into court after a search of his property found 11 pounds of processed marijuana and a dozen plants, and he said it was for medicinal purposes -- for his ducks. "There's no better worming substance for them," Rouyer told the court -- and admitted he had smoked some too. "This is for real," said his lawyer, Jean Piot. "Not one [duck] has worms and they're all in excellent health." Unconvinced, the judge convicted Rouyer and slapped him with a one-month suspended sentence and fined him 500 euros (US$684). (RC/AFP)

THE VERDICT: At least the ducks can fly really high now!

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"Just Blow Me!"

2010-11-21T16:38:00.001-05:00

Matthew Nieveen, 19, was arrested in Lincoln, Neb., for alleged drunk driving after police noticed his pickup truck cross the center line several times. It was his second offense. Not news? How about this: he was arrested on Halloween, and was in costume. His blood alcohol level was "more than twice" the .08 percent limit for adults. Nieveen was also charged with having an open container of alcohol in his vehicle, negligent driving, and being a minor in possession of alcohol, since he is under 21. The costume: "He was dressed as a PBT [preliminary breath testing] alcohol sensor," his arrest report notes -- a Breathalyzer, with the blow tube sticking out below ...well... his waist. (Lincoln Journal-Star)

THE VERDICT: I'm sure the only one who blew it was Nieveen.

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A Hymn for Victims of Drunk Driving
Alcohol tester (Analyzer) key chain for alcoholic drinking / drunk / sober testing

Video Game Vendetta

2010-11-20T16:40:00.000-05:00

Colleen Frable was upset when she got home from work and found her unemployed boyfriend, Darren Suchon, 42, had spent the entire day playing video games. The next day, when she left for work, she took the PlayStation console with her. As she drove down the highway through Lehigh Township, Pa., she noticed her own Porsche gaining on her, with Suchon at the wheel, flailing his arms trying to get her to stop. He allegedly forced her off the road twice, and rammed her at a stop light, all in an attempt to get the game back, she said. She didn't relent, and called 911. Suchon was charged with assault, reckless endangerment, harassment, disorderly conduct, reckless driving, and driving with a suspended or revoked license, and held on $25,000 bail. (Allentown Morning Call)

THE VERDICT: Let's just hope that was his "Final Fantasy".

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Road Rage
Unplugged: My Journey into the Dark World of Video Game Addiction
Cyber Junkie: Escape the Gaming and Internet Trap
Video Games & Your Kids: How Parents Stay in Control

Finger Licking Good!

2010-11-19T22:37:00.001-05:00

What on Earth was this guy thinking?!

An El Monte, California, man was arrested on a domestic abuse warrant. Realizing the police would connect him with other outstanding warrants once they checked his fingerprints, he decided to gnaw his fingertips until they were all bloody. The police say they still got an identifying set of prints anyway.

THE VERDICT: The prints would have just grown back anyway.

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WARNING I SEE DUMB PEOPLE Adult Sweatshirt (Crewneck) WHITE SMALL
Dumb People
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Principal says, "No horsing around!"

2010-11-17T13:17:00.001-05:00

For school spirit week, Dan DePaolis, 17, a senior at Hamilton-Wenham Regional High School in Hamilton, Mass., dressed up as a knight and rode his father's horse, Pierre, around the school, led by a classmate dressed as a squire. Minutes into the ride, the high school's Associate Principal put a stop to it, suspending DePaolis on the spot for two days, and his squire for one. Even though the horse was calm, under control, and walking at a slow pace, the school administrator "told my son it's the equivalent of bringing in a loaded firearm to school," said Dan's father, Ron. (Boston Globe).

THE VERDICT: Amazingly, when the horse turned around nobody could tell Pierre apart from the associate principal.

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And we are supposed to feel safe?

2010-11-17T12:57:00.000-05:00

Australian federal officials are reviewing security at the Dubbo airport in New South Wales after a traveler spotted a note on a security gate. It read: "Gate Access Code" and gave the code to get through the gate into secure areas. Megan Dixon of the Dubbo City Council said the code was posted for "itinerant airport workers who have security clearance to use this gate," adding "We had a security audit last year, which we passed." (Sydney Telegraph).

THE VERDICT: That was then, this is now.

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Think Tank Airport Security V 2.0
Airport and Aviation Security: U.S. Policy and Strategy in the Age of Global Terrorism
World Airports 3 North America Expansion for Flight Simulator X and 2004

"Awww Chute!'

2010-11-12T22:40:00.000-05:00

Firefighters in Wisconsin Rapids, Wisc., had to rescue a 20-year-old man stuck partway down a laundry chute. He had accepted a dare from children at the house, but they called 911 when the pressure of the narrow passage made it difficult for him to breathe. Crews said his legs were dangling into the basement, and they pushed him back up a little where he could breathe while other rescuers sawed the chute apart. "I've been here over 30 years," said a police officer at the scene, "and that's my first laundry chute guy getting stuck." (Wausau Daily Herald) ...Because most boys are smart enough to stop accepting dares around age 10.

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I See Dumb People Men's Tee Shirt Medium-Charcoal
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Why Smart People Do Stupid Things with Money
Dumb people