And I finally, finally, after all the time I have spent being involved in the blogosphere, realized WHY I have this blog. Gosh I hope I can articulate this right. Trying to define myself has slowed my blogging efforts (should I try to be a wahm blogger, a fitness blogger, a review blogger, a weight loss blogger, “just” a mom blogger) enough in the past – time to move forward.

I want my blog to be a place where I can learn to be more me. Does that even make sense to you? I feel like I have spent a lot of my life trying to fit into some mold or other or even just trying to hold everything around me together that I never really learned to be happy with myself. I want to share my journey of trying to want to be fitter and healthier (cause no matter how much I do some things like run, too many days I’d rather just eat chocolate, but that’s not a smart choice). I want to engage with people who are at the same sort of crossroads, we spent our time being the kids and the teenagers. We spent our time learning at school and finding partners and spouses. We had babies and wrestled with a million parenting choices and then we wake up one day and wonder where on earth *we* disappeared to. Then we try to find ourselves through blogs or hobbies or new careers. Is that working out for anyone else? Snort.

Anyway, I don’t think I’m doing such a great job STILL of distilling down the why in words, but I do feel in my head like I finally know what I want to talk about here. So if you want to hear about balancing a work at home business with 3 kids, a husband and my mother: stick around.  If you want to hear about trying to eat better and training to run some races: stick around. If you want to hear about making crafts with kids, being a foodie, branding, parenting tips, etc: I’m not your girl. My kids are getting old enough that I’m going to start drawing lines about blogging too much detail about them. This is for me as Laurie, not me as Mama. So I’m taking Mama out of my blog title altogether; I’ve chosen a new domain name more in line with two particular topics I’m going to focus on.

Drumroll please………………the new blog name (whenever I actually get the move in place, maybe this weekend or next, after I finish my sociology paper, lol) will be:

Laurie Runs Life

It plays on running, which is going to be a strong focus (I’m going to run at least one half-marathon and my first obstacle race this year) and life, aka the tightrope balancing act I walk in trying to fully parent and enjoy my family life while running my virtual legal assistant business and working on getting my Bachelor of Arts. Hope you stick around for the show.

I started blogging sometime after my second child turned one, seven-ish years ago. Unless my memory is failing me as usual, but it had to have been around then, because I know it was after maternity leave when I was back at work with a little too much time on my hands (shhh, don’t tell, I read blogs at work, lol) and I was doing a lot of blog reading and I was inspired to start my own. Plus when I wanted to comment on a few fave blogs they had that empty space to link to your blog and I mean obviously that meant I needed a blog link to fill in that big empty space, right?

Over the years I’ve changed blog names, learned how to actually use a self-hosted blog instead of the freebie versions, changed directions in life, added that third little boy to the mix and so much more. I found that blogging may not have lead me to the opportunities and financial gain it did to some people, but it really did change my life. It gave me a small creative outlet, it helped me socialize during weeks and months and years when I felt so limited spending most of my time alone with my kiddos. It encouraged me to learn new skills. Yet, I’ve always wanted something a little bit more from my blogging, I just couldn’t quite figure out what. I wasn’t worried (and still am not) about money or “fame”. I just wanted to have more direction and feel like my blog wasn’t so much a random running diary and had a bit more purpose or focus.

I went to BlogHer in Chicago in 2009, hoping to find direction there. It didn’t work, although Chicago was pretty, the cupcakes were delicious and the conference was dazzling. I was overwhelmed by it though actually, too many people for this small-town born girl and to me it seemed that so much of the event was about monetizing, swag and parties that I missed the point. Not to say it wasn’t in front of me, it probably was (I know the keynotes were definitely pretty awesome!) but I just wasn’t open to what was being offered.

This is all a very long way of getting to today’s point, which is how truly inspired I was by this lovely, smaller, local conference, BlogWest. The biggest lessons I took away with me as I drove back to my beautiful Spruce Grove were:

• How important WHY is. Why do I blog, why I am I using my precious free time for this, why do I want to reach out? I don’t have all my why’s answered this second, but I am working it out in my head and will be posting more about that in coming days/weeks. Can you believe I almost didn’t attend Style Guy Jared’s session? I can’t believe what a mistake it would have been for me to miss his amazing talk!
• I need more confidence. I need to recognize that as long as it’s important to me and I have a goal, it doesn’t matter how big my blog is or ever gets, it just matters that I value it, so I should be more proud of what I’m doing here.  Thanks for the inspiration Julie!
• I need to try new things. Maybe I need to vlog, maybe I need to take more pictures, I don’t know for sure, but I do need to shake it up! Thanks for this mostly from Kim Page Gluckie’s session on “Getting Over The Fear of “Having Nothing To Say” – How To Blog Brilliantly When You Think You Can’t.”
• I need to take WAY better care of me. Deepika’s session on why the “Frazzled Can’t Produce” was so mind-opening for me!
• Bloggers are AMAZING and worth getting to know. I was in tears through the emotional closing keynote from the fascinating Tanis Miller. I was in awe of the event organizers (Felicia and Merry) and volunteers (so many!!) with their dedication, determination and drive to create a wonderful conference experience for the rest of us. I had great conversations with people like Laura, Ulla, Tamara, another Laura and Michelle and Sanja! Not to mention the many people whose cards I didn’t remember to grab or who were still in the learning stage and don’t have blogs for me to link to.

This post cannot truly encompass all the lessons I gained at BlogWest, but for me, it clearly was an amazing event that was worth every penny and minute of time, not to mention the stress of juggling with a last minute work project! I sure hope there is a BlogWest2013 for me to attend.

I would like to note that the BlogWestSponsors deserve some real appreciation – they make the event possible so thank you all!

1. How old will you be in five years? 41

2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?  My four year old. I will spend at least two hours with my older boys  too, but as of now, just the four year old. Working at home can be very solitary, sigh.

3. How tall are you?  5’2”

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?  I’m pretty boring. I think I’m most looking forward to finishing my sociology class (Athabasca University) and seeing Hunger Games with DH on his next set of days off.

5. What was the last movie you saw?  The Vow. I cried a lot, I’m a sucker for that type of movie.

6. Do you prefer to call or text? Email!

7. Are your parents married/separated/divorced? My parents are divorced from each other, my mother is separated from her second husband and my father is married to his second wife. Clear as mud?

8. When is the last time you saw your mom? This morning. She lives with us currently.

9. What color are your eyes? Blue-green, depending on what I wear one color will stand out over the other.

10. What time did you wake up today? 5:25. Way too early, but had to get DH to the airport for his current work shift of two weeks in the NWT.

11. What are you wearing right now? Yoga pants and a long-sleeve t-shirt that I slept in. I will shower before I pick the kids up from school. Maybe.

12. Where is your favorite place to be? At home, with all my family together.

13. Where is your least favorite place to be? At home, when I’ve spent too many days in the monotonous circle of work, kids, sleep, repeat. Then I need to get out and my favorite place becomes my prison.

14. Where would you go if you could go anywhere? Hawaii – it’s my current dream vacation. We’re supposed to go for my 40th birthday, but sooner would be nice.

15. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years? Still living in the house I do now, still happily working for myself and enjoying my family. Although I am sad to realize my oldest will be 20 then and my middle will be almost 18. They’ll be so grown up! My baby will only be 14 though, and probably driving us all a bit wild, he’s a handful

16. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? I wasn’t afraid of imaginary things as a child, my sister was scared of everything and I was the protector. I was more afraid of the real things that were so hard back then, such as my parents fighting or my dad losing his job yet again and making us move again and again and again.

17. How many TVs do you have in your house? Two. One in the main floor living room, one in the bonus/tv room. No bedroom tv’s allowed here.

18. How big is your bed? King, love the space!

19. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer? Laptop only. I like the mobility.

20. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two or three. I like pillows. So cozy. Hmmm, I need a nap. With my pillow of course.

**Pic is a recent, not great one, well unless you like the non-smiling potentially mugshoty look, but at least maybe you’ll recognize me if you do see me at BlogWest!

Of course, the week when I have something fun and exciting like a blog conference to attend is the week when I get a big project to complete. Thank goodness I finally found a subcontractor to work with who is taking on a good portion of the project so I can still enjoy the conference. It took me a long time to commit to having a subcontractor for my business, but the simple truth was that the business has grown too much to not get some help. Well, it was that or quit sleeping, which is NOT my idea of fun! I guess I could have stopped accepting new projects/clients too, but I don’t like doing that either. There appears to be somewhat of a dearth of quality virtual paralegal or virtual legal assistants, plus you never know what new things you’ll learn from taking on new clients!

So anyway, big project aside, I’m getting myself ready for the Friday and Saturday fun. I’m especially excited about Friday night’s event at Eveline Charles Academy, who doesn’t like a little pampering after all? But what do you wear to a spa party? I have to walk through the mall after all to get there from my hotel room, or I might just wear a pretty robe Maybe some yoga type pants and a simple top? I think I’ll be packing an awful lot of clothes for two days…daytime outfits, nighttime outfits, maybe some workout clothes? It’s going to be great!

If you’re attending BlogWest too, drop me a comment so we can make sure to connect this weekend!

The race is the week of April 1-8 (you pick the date). I have a month to get my butt in gear. Fingers crossed for good health for a change! Time goal: 1:05. Will be a good practice race as I build up to an early June half-marathon. Wish me luck!

I wonder if other people like virtual races? I think they are wonderful, especially because lining up childcare is always such an issue. With a virtual race I can work around the occasional playschool hours or just use my treadmill if I’m desperate. Hopefully it will be warm enough (by my standards!) to run outside and I can enjoy a little “me” time. Not running lately has meant a build-up of stress and anxiety and I’m feeling it desperately.

I’ll wear the pretty race shirt and a black skirt and my wool sleeves if the weather cooperates. Pictures will be posted!

I spent this past weekend+ dealing with an intestinal bug courtesy of the 4yo, who had the same lovely bug last weekend. Not fun for any of us. It left me playing serious catch up this week for work and other stuff. I am now realizing it’s the last day of February and my March plate is overflowing already. Some of the stuff in March is great (especially BlogWest next weekend!) but the end of March is also the end of my contract date on my sociology 288 class. I still have 2.5 quizzes to finish, a 20 page essay to write and a final exam to take. No pressure or anything.  Right after I hit publish I’m going to finish the second half of my quiz at least, so I can cross a “half” a to-do off my list.

After my school assignment I’ll have to get back to work for a bit then I might actually have to get dressed so I can pick up the kids from school! I used to think staying in pajamas all day would be good, but lately I’m thinking it might not be for the best to do this all the time. I feel a little less organized somehow not being dressed early in the day. But real clothes are uncomfortable when you are sick and I’ve been sick so much I’ve practically given up on being properly dressed. Plus when I feel healthy (when is that again?!) I often wait to get dressed because I workout midday and then have a shower/get dressed and get back to work. THAT is a good reason to not get dressed right away at least. Well, I think so!

Okay, enough procrastinating, back to the grind. Maybe I can even attempt a walk on the treadmill later, if I keep feeling okay. Not ready to run just yet, but a walk is better than sitting on this couch forever.

My favorite time of day to work out is right in the middle of the day. Working at home makes this way more manageable for me than it is for a lot of my friends, so I’m grateful for the option. I get the kids off to school, I get the urgent work jobs of the day finished and then get in my run or bike ride, before showering, getting properly dressed and going to pick the kiddos up from school. Unfortunately, things certainly can interfere with my plans for the day. Sometimes they are by choice (ie. today I went for lunch with my mom and then shopping, so here I am at 8pm with no workout in yet), sometimes it is work that piles up and means I’m behind schedule, sometimes it’s the extra playschool dropoff at 1pm that throws my timing off.

In the warmer months, I like to actually run outside occasionally, but to make that work I usually have to change things up time-wise. Because while I can run on my treadmill when the kids are around, outside running requires either childcare (or my husband to actually be home, lol, but he really isn’t that often) or for me to do a track workout. I have childcare available (aka, grandma) most evenings, and thankfully it is light outside pretty late. Track workouts can be done during the daytime and they do at least get me outside, but they are sort of like being on a glorified treadmill too. And the track has to be one of the local ones with a playground attached to hopefully keep the boys busy for a while.

Deciding when (and where) to run, is something that keeps me on my toes. And today, since I planned rather poorly, I’m off to get in my run. At night. On the treadmill. Sigh.

Then I have a  couple more hours of work to do. I really didn’t plan well today did I? Lunch out might have been a bad idea

So here’s my new plan-and I’m on track so far! I ran today and I’m heading up for some time on the trainer right now. Wish me luck staying on track long term.

Maybe wish me health instead of luck. Sigh.

Spring Training Plan for June Half-Marathon

Last Week’s Mileage

One run, one cycle workout, no strength work. Total of 16 km.

This Week’s Planned Mileage

Well, today was a “rest” day, lol, and hopefully I’ll actually get in workouts every other day this week.  I’m going to re-work my training plan and probably make it an easy week with no speed work and a shorter than planned long run, but hopefully about 45 total km for the week between cycling and running. I also will do at least three strength workouts with my new kettlebells.

I’m going to keep the image/comment above in mind this week, because even if I have been under the weather I *feel* like I’ve been quitting a lot.  Thanks to Mom and Running It for posting it on FB where it caught my attention!

Photograph “Cold War Clock” by ckaiserca, available at http://www.flickr.com/photos/ckaiserca/434019427/ under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic license

I think I need to “just start” going to bed earlier! I am always up too late. And while I know of far too many people who stay up too late because they are tidying their houses, finishing off work or other tasks that they just couldn’t get to during the day, I stay up late because it is the only truly quiet and peaceful time I get to myself. I need sleep, but I must feel like I need this time for myself even more. Despite the hacking cough that is visiting me yet again, screaming at me that seriously I need to go to bed. It’s only 10:44 I tell that pesky old cough – not late enough for bed yet. Maybe at 11. Or 11:30. After the stupid tv show I’m watching is over. Or the next stupid tv show.

I used to be that type of person who cherished sleep above all. I went to bed early. I thought 10:30 was really late. Ha, ha, ha! Now I would think 10:30 was early. It’s mostly not a big problem, other than the circles under my eyes and the immune system that is struggling with exhaustion. Except when my husband is home, then it’s a bit of a concern. He is NOT a night owl. And while I enjoy going to sleep at the same time as my husband, I sometimes resent the loss of “my” time. Definite downside to having a DH who works away for weeks at a time. Back in the days when my handsome husband was home every night I think I appreciated him more, even though you’d think it would be the opposite. Oh well, for now he’s away and I need to go watch one more wedding show on TLC, it is Friday night you know, and only 10:52 pm.