Justifying Insanity

This Is For...

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 00:01:00 +0000

...Noah to comment on.

Hi Noah !

:-)

From Galacticos to Galaxy, F1 In India And The Australian Open

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 07:20:00 +0000

From Galacticos to Galaxy:

The big news in soccer this week was David Beckham's decision to join LA Galaxy next season. The reason - Soccer will be big in the US one day, and he wants to be a part of its history. Yeah, right, we're sure that the $250 million had nothing to do with it....

Bechkam's decision was inevitable. Three years without a medal, in a team that is but a shadow of its former self, has been a downhill spiral for him. While his peers at ManU (Scholes, Neville, Giggs) are enjoying an Indian summer in their careers, Beckham is warming the bench. Though he was a hardworking midfielder, he couldn't find a place in the starting lineup under new coach Fabio Capello.

Things had to change. And where else could he go but Hollywood. At least this way he gets to play golf with Tom Cruise.

However Beckham might not be the only big change at Madrid...

Speculation is rife that Chelsea coach Jose Mourinho will leave the club next season to coach Real Madrid. The club responded by saying the news was rubbish, while Mourinho himself commented that "...the future of the club is important, my future is not important". It's settled then; he's definitely off, isn't he?

The question is where will he go and who will he take with him. Real Madrid is the obvious destination, with the Spanish club woefully under performing under coach Capello.

Mourinho's departure could also see Chelsea lose Frank Lampard as it's believed that the English midfielder would follow his coach wherever he goes. Lampard has resisted Chelsea's offer binding him to a long term contract and this could be an indication of his future plans.

Real Madrid will also be looking for a replacement for David Beckham and Frank Lampard is a perfect match.

Over rated...check
Under performing...check
Past his peak...check
Failed miserably at the World Cup...check

And I could go on and on...

And while we are on the subject of multi-million dollar deals...

Kingfisher has signed a Rs 40 crore sponsorship deal with Toyota F1 racing team.

The big bird himself, Kingfisher boss, Vijay Mallya, was in Cologne this week as Toyota unveiled their new car for the 2007 season. Why Toyota? Because after a lengthy research into market trends, viewer choice, customer survey, focus groups, Kingfisher decided to partner with Toyota because, as Mallya puts it, "The red and white colours of Toyota go very well with my own brand of Fly Kingfisher".

Toyota is also thrilled with the deal - 40 crores and unlimited copies of that fabled Kingfisher Calendar.

An avid F1 fan himself, Mallya is keen on bringing F1 to India by 2009. Can India do it? More importantly should India do it?

Hosting an F1 race requires tremendous infrastructure development and huge investments. Besides a top quality race track you need to have an airport nearby capable of unloading 2 Boeing 747 cargo planes simultaneously. You need to have accommodation and transportation facilities capable of dealing with the huge influx of fans, visitors, teams, technicians, equipments, etc. All this for one week of activity. And hosting a race is never profitable. It's impossible for ticket sales to cover all the expenses. The most you can expect is to recover money in the form of tourism etc.

Critics will argue that all that money could be better spent elsewhere.

Racing fans will tell them to sod off.

Meanwhile the rest of us will be watching...

The Australian Open 2007!

The Australian Open is the first major championship of the tennis season. After a month of festivities, rest and aversion to all things tennis, the players are back on court under the hot Australian sun.

Last year Roger Federer defeated surprise finalist Marco Baghdatis to claim his seventh title. Will the FedExpress be successful this year? Of course he will. Such is the dominance of the Swiss, it is a given that he'll be there in the finals. Bookies are simply taking bets on who he will play against in the final - Nadal, Nalbandian, Blake, Roddick?

And in the women's round, Justine Henin-Hardenne's withdrawal has made it easier for Sharapova, Mauresmo, or Clijsters to claim the trophy. Watch out for Martina Hingis though. The Swiss Miss is in good form and all set to regain her former glory.

What do you think? Will it a Swiss Grand Slam this year? Or will we have a surprise winner? Will a certain Indian female ( name rhymes with "Dania") have any impact?

Previews / views / analysis about the Australian Open will earn a special place on the Desicritics Sports Spotlight.

And if you aren't a Desicritic yet, well, what are you waiting for? Become a Desicritic.

Justifying Insanity: The JAM Apology

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 15:14:00 +0000

Background:

The Mumbai Police has booked Rashmi Bansal, editor and publisher of a popular youth magazine JAM, on the charge of hurting the religious sentiments of a community by publishing an allegedly derogatory advertisement.

News Coverage of the JAM controversy

JAM stated an apology on it's website, which is quoted below. The rest is my extension.

JAM's Official Apology

The latest issue of JAM magazine carried an ad for World AIDS Day featuring illustrations which have caused hurt to the sentiments of the community.
JAM magazine sincerely apologizes for hurt which was inadvertently caused.

We are doing everything possible to make amends. JAM magazine copies have been withdrawn from all newsstands.

JAM has been in publication for 11 years. It is a fun magazine meant for the youth and steers clear of religious issues. We sincerely regret that these illustrations slipped in.

Since our readership comprises all castes, communities and religions, we would never intentionally do anything to hurt their sentiments.

For the last 11 years, JAM has built up a "cool" image, a brand popular among today's college going youth as something they can relate to, something they can trust.

We are sorry, that every once in a while, we use this medium to slip in important messages about relevant social issues.

We are sorry that we tried to use humour to spread an important message, hoping to influence the young minds in a subtle manner rather than brute force.

We are sorry that we sacrificed lucrative ad revenue for a public service announcement. We'll now replace it with an ad for Levis or Pepsi, and focus on our profits, which is what we should have done in the first place.

We are sorry that our society has become so complacent that for a country on the brink of an AIDS catastrophe, the advertiser had to use 'shock and awe' tactics to raise awareness.

We are sorry that people in our society have such a low tolerance when it comes to their religion that the slightest provocation brings them on the warpath.

We are sorry that we can't tell a joke anymore without fearing a backlash. We already know what happens when we make fun of religion. Jokes on politics would probably see our office being trashed.

We are sorry that from now on, all our future articles will be written with this incident in the back of our minds, thus subconsciously dulling the edgy satires that we are famous for. God forbid, but we might just end up like ToI's JLT.

We are sorry for violating the constitutional rights of this country. We had no idea that when they said we have full Freedom of Speech in this country, it came with a condition, "Only valid when you don't make fun of our beliefs or those in power."

We are truly sorry for the fact that our countrymen have lost the ability to laugh at themselves.

But most of all we're sorry that we spent the last 11 years trying our best to change this very mindset - we tried to poke fun at the institutions of power, exaggerate the stereotypes, and mock the defects in our society. We tried to use humour and sarcasm to effectively cloak our criticisms, hoping that people would see the lighter side, hoping that they would learn to laugh at their own imperfections, and in doing so accept their flaws and improve themselves.

We are sorry that we have, obviously, achieved nothing.

Exotic Sports: Ice Cricket

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Sun, 12 Nov 2006 10:03:00 +0000

Unbeknownst to the majority of the cricketing world, strange things are afoot in the tiny country of Estonia. Here, for the last three years, the Estonian National Cricket Association has been organizing Ice Cricket Tournaments. Ice Cricket is …hold your breath…Cricket played on Ice!

As bizarre as it sounds, every year from January to March, cricket teams from different parts of the world gather in Tallinn, the capital city of Estonia, to take part in this unique form of cricket. The ‘outfield’ is the frozen lake Harku or the Baltic Sea. The wicket is painstakingly carved out of ice. Instead of the normal leather ball which would freeze and harden in the minus six degrees temperatures, a composite red plastic ball is used. Also, the red ball is easy to spot in the snow. The boundary is marked off with snowdrift. Teams consist of 6 or 8 players with rolling substitutes so the normal squad number is around 10.

Jason Barry, inventor of Ice Cricket and the national coach of the Estonian cricket team, speaks about his inspiration behind creating this game:

The way that I came up with the idea was that other countries play on matting on the ice, but no one plays ice cricket on a real ice wicket. This creates a whole new dimension, as well as a lot of laughs! This is our third season and we have hosted teams of all abilities, from all over the world...and still they keep coming back for more.

You have to play by the official Ice Cricket rules, some of which are as whacky as the game.

Only one pad, the front pad, needs to be worn.
Fours and Sixers can be scored and local rules dictate that should you hit a moose or a cross country skier an additional 6 runs is scored!
All teams that take part in the first game must toast the wicket by taking a vodka shot.
Sauna and ice plunge pool is available should it be required. Alternatively fires to warm you are also provided.

The aim of the tournament is to promote Estonia as a cricket tour destination and to increase the popularity of cricket in Estonia among the local population. But the main objective here is to have fun. Ice Cricket in Tallinn is social cricket at its best. As Jason says:

The best element about Real Ice Cricket is that all standards arrive in the hope of winning the tournament, with grand plans and strategies, only to be beaten by a team of no-hopers...and ironically no one seems to care...because the true winner is the experience, the fun and meeting so many new friends.

A bunch of guys playing cricket on ice, in the cold, in Estonia.

And they say Indians are crazy about cricket.

Technorati : Cricket,Ice Cricket , Estonia

Welcome Desipundit and Indianpad readers! Like what you read ? Check out some of my better stuff - I'm a Desicritic , Football with the Family and Statement of Purpose .

The Day I Saw Steven Gerrard

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 20:32:00 +0000

It was a warm and sunny day in the city of Eindhoven. A little away from the city centre, at the Philips Stadium, a group of people gathered around a metal railing. These were not people out on a stroll in the warm September evening. They were not out walking their dogs. They weren't returning from work or college. They were all wearing these funny colored clothes with similar red and white patterns. They were the soccer fans.

Liverpool FC was coming to town. It was a day the whole city had been waiting for. To see their beloved home team, PSV Eindhoven, one of the best teams in the country, take on the mighty giant that is Liverpool FC.

And for any soccer fan, this meant a chance to see the living legend in the Liverpool team - the one and only Steven Gerrard.

The crowd was anxious. With every vehicle that passed by, the crowd would turn and look. With every passing moment the anticipation built up. The police and the stewards talked in hushed tones over the radio, making last minute checks. Mobile phones and cameras were held in the hands, ready to click.

Finally, the team bus arrived. As it pulled into its spot, a hushed silence descended on the crowd. And as the door opened, you could hear the crowd collectively drawing its breath.

And then he appeared. In blue tracksuit, with the characteristic white ipod headphones in his ears, Steven Gerrard stepped out of the bus and on to Dutch soil.

The crowd went crazy. Shouts of "Stevie, Stevie" rang out in the air. Cameras started clicking, small kids were lifted in the air, and everyone was standing on their toes to get a better view. A section of the fans started chanting and singing. Shouts of "You can do it, lad", "Good luck, mate" could be heard. Traffic came to a standstill as pedestrians and drivers tried to get a quick look. At that moment, the distinction between a PSV fan or a Liverpool supporter was lost - everyone wanted to catch a glimpse of Stevie G.

Steven Gerrard looked around, smiled, and then quickly disappeared behind the stadium doors.

And the crowd was pleased.

It didn't matter that the match itself was a goalless draw. It didn't matter that both teams played disappointing football with uninspiring performances. For the fans who were at the stadium doors that evening, the sight of Steven Gerrard walking by and smiling is all that they will want to remember.

Sports

I'm going to...

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Mon, 14 Aug 2006 19:40:00 +0000

...The Netherlands.

English Premier League 2006/07 : Season Preview

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Thu, 03 Aug 2006 12:58:00 +0000

As another exciting football season approaches, here's a lowdown on the top four clubs in the English Premier League.

CHELSEA

Chelsea will be looking for their third consecutive Premiership Title. And they'll probably get it. With Michael Ballack and Andriy Shevchenko in the starting lineup alongwith Crespo, Drogba, Lampard, Essien, Makelele, Carvalho, Terry, Joe Cole, you might as well hand them the trophy. Still, there is some hope for the other teams. It's a well known fact that Chelsea owner, Roman Abramovich, has been lusting after the Champions League trophy since Day One. Manager Jose Mourinho was bought in to achieve this very goal. Mourinho has hinted that he would like to coach in Italy in the future. This might be his last chance to deliver.I have no doubt that Chelsea's focus will be firmly on the Champions League. This distraction might just allow the other teams to catch up with them in the Premiership. Arsenal and ManU will hope so anyway.

Will the number 13 prove lucky for Herr Ballack?

PLAYERS COMING IN:

Michael Ballack: The 29-year-old German captain was signed on a free transfer from Bayern Munich. The four-year deal is reportedly worth £25m.

Andriy Shevchenko: The 29-year-old Ukraine captain has scored 127 goals in over 200 appearances for AC Milan. His transfer price of £30m is worth every penny.

PLAYERS GOING OUT:

Maniche: The 28-year-old Portuguese international goes to Dynamo Moscow after a disappointing spell at Chelsea.

Eidur Gudjohnsen: Barcelona have bought this 27-year-old striker for around £8.2m. Gudjohnsen scored 54 goals in 186 league games for Chelsea. The fact that even he wasn't assured of a first team place shows you the quality and depth of Mourinho's squad.

Damien Duff: 27-year-old Irish international will now play at Newcastle for an initial fee of £5m.

Asier Del Horno: 25-year-old left-back joins Valencia for £4.8m. Expect Arsenal's Ashley Cole to replace him.

ARSENAL

Starting the season in a brand new stadium, Arsenal will hope it brings them some good luck. After loosing the Champions League last year, Arsenal will desperately hope for another chance. But let's be realistic. Arsenal have never been able to successfully compete domestically and in Europe. Something has to suffer. Last season, they were good in Europe but finished fourth in the Premiership (and trophy-less). Unlike Chelsea, they just don't have the strength to compete on two fronts. Arsenal haven't made any significant signings this season (except for Rosicky). Injuries are a constant threat. Already the three defenders - Senderos, Diaby, Clichy - have been ruled out till October. At full strength, Arsenal play beautiful football. But as the season progresses, their options become limited. It is then that Arsenal will have to make a choice - challenge Chelsea at home, or risk it all for that place in European history.

The new Emirates Stadium should help rake in the much needed moolah

PLAYERS COMING IN:

Tomas Rosicky: 25-year-old Czech wonderkid was signed from Borussia Dortmund for £7m. He has scored 15 goals for his country in just over 50 games.

PLAYERS GOING OUT:

Dennis Bergkamp: 37-year-old Dutch international bid a tearful adieu at a testimonial game last month. He retires after 11 years and over 400 appearances for Arsenal.

Robert Pires: 33-year-old French international will play in Spain under Villarreal. He made over 200 appearances for the Arsenal, scoring 84 goals.

Sol Campbell: 31-year-old veteran England defender suffered a lack of form during last season and was released after 197 appearances.

MANCHESTER UNITED

Manchester United are in a lot of trouble. And it isn't because of their huge debt, lackluster midfield, absence of leadership or the "winking winger" Ronaldo incident. No, they are in big trouble because of Ferguson. Alex Ferguson is a great manager who has a fantastic record. But of late, his ego seems to get the better of him. How else do you justify the selling of Ruud van Nistelrooy, the clubs most prolific goalscorer in recent times. Nistelrooy's sudden fall from grace and subsequent offloading to Real Madrid just reaffirms the fact that no one crosses swords with Ferguson and lives to tell the tale (remember Roy Keane?). And this is crippling ManU. At this level of competitive football, you can't afford to loose your leading goal scorer over ego clashes. Those who claim that ManU can cope with his loss ("...after all we have Alan Smith and Louis Saha to take his place..."), well frankly, you guys are in denial. ManU's problems run deep. At ManU, Ferguson is God, who is kept appeased at all times, even with an occasional sacrifice. In a team sport, the golden rule is that no man is bigger than the club. But Ferguson stands very tall indeed.

PLAYERS COMING IN:

Michael Carrick: 25-year-old England international joins from Tottenham in an £18.6m deal. Yet another potential Roy Keane replacement.

Michael Carrick

PLAYERS GOING OUT:

Ruud Van Nistelrooy: Real Madrid have picked him up at a bargain price of £10.2m.

Tim Howard: 26-year-old US international goalkeeper joins Everton on a season-long loan.

Quinton Fortune: 28-year-old South African has joined the Bolton Wanderers.

LIVERPOOL

This year manager Rafa Benitez will be hoping for some consistency. Last time, their mid season goal drought evaporated their title chances. Now with Bellamy joining Crouch-atron upfront, Pool fans will pray for some good luck. And they know all about good luck (Istanbul,2005 and FA Cup,2006). But I don't think they can seriously challenge Chelsea for the title as yet. Expect them to be strong contenders for the FA Cup though.

PLAYERS COMING IN:

Craig Bellamy: 26-year-old Welsh international striker joins from Blackburn for £6m and a four-year contract.

Jermaine Pennant: 23-year-old, signed from Birmingham City for £6.7m.

PLAYERS GOING OUT:

Fernando Morientes: 30-year-old Spanish striker has signed for Valencia after a poor 18 months in which he made around 40 appearances and scoring 12 goals. He cost Liverpool £6.3m and has returned to his home country for approximately half that fee. Premiership veiwers won't even realize he's gone.

Dietmar Hamann: 32-year-old former German international has joined Manchester City on a two-year deal.

Djibril Cisse: 24-year-old French international joins Marseille on loan for a season with a possible permanent switch in the future.

---------------------------------------------------------
For the complete list of summer transfers click here

Technorati : english-premier-league , Soccer, Premiership

Indian Government blocks the Blogs !

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Mon, 17 Jul 2006 16:32:00 +0000

The Indian Government seems to be doing a 'Big Brother' and has blocked all websites within the Blogspot, Geocities and TypePad domains. No official reason has been given yet. Personally, I think the government probably wanted to ban only certain pro SIMI or LeT run blogs, but someone up there got a bit over zealous.

It's mighty silly. I can post on my blog but can't view it, Wordpress blogs are not banned (as yet) and there are so many ways to circumvent the ban ( proxy and RSS Feeds ).

I was just reading on Ahmed's blog how he's dealing with the ban imposed on him by the Saudi government. I thought to myself, thank God we don't have such a authoritian government here and then this happened.

I don't know how long this will last, so until then - May The Force Be With You

For more updates head over to this link.

10 Things To Do While Watching Star Wars

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 18:32:00 +0000

10 things to do while watching the Star Wars movies with your friends.

During movie, like Yoda you must talk, yes yes.
Remove the nearest tubelight from it's fixture and swing it around.
Wear a hooded robe and ask everyone to refer to you as "Master".
In the middle of the movie, shout loudly "But where in God's name is HARRY POTTER??".
Throw the remote control in the air and attempt to control it using the Force. Repeat till successful.
At the end of the movie, ask your friends " So, was this based on a real life story?".
Continuously hum the Darth Vader tune. During the action scenes hum it real fast.
Pretend that Jar Jar Binks is talking only to you. Converse with him in his native tongue.
Address all your friends only by their 'true' Jedi names.
When the Death Star explodes, run to the nearest window and look searchingly at the sky.

The real World Cup winner - Adidas

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Sat, 01 Jul 2006 13:32:00 +0000

As the World Cup draws to an end, one team has already declared itself a clear winner - Team Adidas. For the German based company, the 2006 FIFA World Cup has been a great commercial success. According to the latest press release from Adidas:

-> Adidas achieved record breaking sales of 1.2 Billion Euros, up 30% from last year

-> 3 million replica jerseys were sold. This included 1.5 million jerseys of the German national team (Advantages of sponsoring the home team)

-> A staggering 15 million "+Teamgeist" footballs were sold worldwide. Compare this with a total of 6 million units sold of "Fevernova", the official match ball for World Cup 2002. (Perhaps they should rename it to GoldenBall)

-> 1 million pairs of +Predator Absolute football shoes and 750,000 +F50 TUNIT football boots were snapped up by wannabe soccer stars. (Definitely rename it to GoldenBoot)

Adidas is also the official sponsor of Germany, Argentina, France and Spain, all of whom were the top seeds in this year’s fixture.

Arch rival Nike meanwhile seems to be scoring an own goal. Nike shares slipped recently when it announced a weak forecast regarding profit margins for the current quarter. This was attributed to the recent Converse arbitration ruling as well as heavy spending on World Cup Marketing. Demand from US and China (it’s two biggest markets) wasn't enough to offset the spending.

Nike sponsors the Portugal and the perennial favourites, Brazil. Even a Brazilian victory at the World Cup may not be enough to halt Adidas's march. Adidas already has club partnerships with Real Madrid, Bayern Munich, AC Milan and will add Chelsea and Liverpool to the list this season. They also have enviable individual deals with Michael Ballack, David Beckham, Raúl, Juan Román Riquelme, Steven Gerrard and Zinédine Zidane, most of whom have probably added members to their fan club with their fine performances over the past month.

With 37% of the European market and a 46% market share in the US, it's no wonder that Adidas is optimistic about the future. "Even before the games end, Adidas is already a clear World Cup winner" Adidas AG CEO and Chairman Herbert Hainer told journalists at the Adidas World Cup Day in Berlin.

A German, declaring themselves to be World Leaders, in Berlin.

Sounds familiar.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Technorati : Adidas, World Cup 2006, soccer

Trendio.com

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Fri, 23 Jun 2006 17:27:00 +0000

I admit it. I haven't written any new stuff. I must apologize to my regular readers (all 3 of you). But I must say it's not my fault. The one to blame is - Trendio.com.

I seem to have gone and got myself addicted to it. What started out of curiosity has now completely taken over my idle time, consuming me with it's everchanging dynamics.

So, what the hell is Trendio, you ask.

Simply put, Trendio is a stockmarket for headline news.

"On Trendio.com, you can bet on the popularity of politicians, sporting teams or events, ideas, stars, natural catastrophies, etc., in fact on any word that makes the headlines. The words are rated according to the number of times they appear in 3000 anglophone media web sites from around the world. Buy the words you believe in, sell the others!"

You buy a word and add it to your portfolio. Then depending on how many related news item's appear, the value of the word increases or falls. Trendio uses the Yahoo News API to aggregate feeds from the various websites.

A good example would be the recent killing of Zarqawi. The graph of 'Al Qaeda' for the period of July 2006 shows a sharp increase on 8th July, when it appeared on all major news websites across the world. I had bought the word earlier and made a tidy profit on that !

So, you think you got the news vibe in you? . Then head over to Trendio.com. You can sign up here.

Football with the Family

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Sun, 18 Jun 2006 06:32:00 +0000

A lot was written during the pre-World Cup buildup on how to handle your wife and/or girlfriend during this month. But I forgot to consider another force of nature that would conspire against me-The Parents. Thanks to the prime time telecast slot, Mom and Dad are forced to watch football with their Son. God forbid, sometimes they even try to take interest in the match.

Mom and Me:

"So, beta, who's playing?"

"England and Paraguay."

"Oh....is that Beckham fellow playing?"

"Yes, he's in the white uniform."

"Is that him?"

"No."

"When will he come?"

"When he touches the ball..."

"Has his wife come too?"

"I don't know."

"His wife is too thin."

"...trying to listen to commentary..."

"Do you know what she is wearing?"

"I don't..why is that important?!!"

"I just want to see...is that her?"

"No, she's probably sitting with Prince William."

(oops)

"Prince William is there?!!"

"Yes, he's in the stands."

"I can't see him."

"That's because he's in the stands."

"Why can't they show him?"

"Because he is in the stands."

"But they can still show him."

"I don't know, for some reason they have decided to focus the cameras on the players instead."

"I wonder what he's wearing?"

(In walks my Dad)

Dad and Me:

"Can I change the channel?"
"NO."

"How long is this?"

"90 minutes."

"What's happening?"

"It's an offside."

"Huh?"

"It's when the ball is passed from one player to another player who is behind the last player of the other team."

"Huh?"

"Oh...just look at the replay."

"But some guy in dark clothes is still standing behind."

"No there isn't...what guy...Oh, he's the goalkeeper! He doesn't count."

"Why didn't you say so before. Now can I see some news?"

"NO...please stop talking, I missed the replay."

"You can see the replay on the news, you want me to change the channel?"

"NO."

"But this is so boring...OH MY GOD, What happened to that player?"

"He got tackled."

"That must have hurt."

"Probably."

"That was really bad."

"It's normal in football."

"They should put some cream on that."

"I'll send him an SMS."

"Why can't they wear some kneecaps..."

"Trying to hear commentary...trying to watch match..."

"...and they should also wear helmets to protect themselves, like when they accidentally hit the ball with their head."

"They don't accidentally hit the ball, they do it on purpose!!"

"Hey...Is that 'Beck-Man' fellow playing?"

That's it. I showed him two yellow cards and banished him from the room. For three weeks. Just three more weeks.

Crash

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Fri, 09 Jun 2006 06:49:00 +0000

"...I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something."

-Crash, 2004

No.

We crash because we are idiots.

We crash because we are busy checking out the hot girl on the street.

We crash because we think Michael Schumacher earned his driving stripes by weaving through rush hour traffic at 7o kmph.

And we want to be just like him.

We crash because we still haven't learnt the art of simultaneously talking on the cell phone, eating a mayonaise sandwich and gesticulating at a cop.

While driving a bike.

In short, we crash because we are idiots.

In Mumbai if you don't see a crash every hour, you feel odd.

Out of place somehow.

You want to crash into something just to fill the void.

Preferably into an auto rickshaw.

I hate rickshaws.

Especially in Andheri.

Andheri is a magnet for rickshaws.

It's like the Republic of Rickshaws.

I am sure there are more rickshaws in Andheri than there are people.

It's not like South Mumbai.

In South Mumbai, either you are rich enough to own a car, or you are rich enough to hire a taxi.

Mind you, there is a certain etiquette to hiring a taxi.

You must first approach the taxi, bend low, fold your hands, and ask politely for the driver to transport you.

Once he acquiesces to transport your blackened soul to your final destination (one way or another), you may enter.

Then there are the tests.

The first test will be the door handle. Most probably it will be stuck.

This is a bad omen. The taxi dosen't like you.

The second test will be to pay homage to whatever deity/figurine there is on the dashboard.

Be nice to it.

This is important.

If the taxi crashes, it will be the first thing to gouge your eyes out.

That's why sometimes agarbattis are there, to sterilize the figurine.

You don't want a septic eyeball, do you?

Septic people tend to die.

And dead people have an innate inability to pay the fare.

The agarbattis are just good business practice.

If you have pleased the deity, you can now lean back into your seat.

This is the third test.

If your seat is wet and damp, you have probably failed in the first two tests.

You deserved it.

You could avoid all this and drive around in a car.

Like me.

I must stop this rant now.

I am SMSing a friend. The ketchup from my sandwich is dripping on the keyboard. The laptop is sliding off the steering wheel.

And the signal has just turned Green.

Time to Crash.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This rant was inspired by a slight altercation between the author's car and a rickshaw. While comments would be appreciated, a cheque for the broken headlight would be even better.

The End of Exams

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 09:17:00 +0000

My exams are finally over. Four years of studying engineering have come to an end. Now I can get back to the more important things in life - The World Cup 2006 !!

Thierry Henry: 'I've decided to stay'

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Fri, 19 May 2006 11:02:00 +0000

Thierry Henry has decided to extend his contract with Arsenal. The talismanic Arsenal captain ended months of speculation about his future by announcing he wanted to stay with the Gunners "as long as I can keep running".

Hurray !!

You can read about his exclusive interview with The Sun at this link.

(Tottenham fans are welcome to read it as well ! )

Arse - Lona 2006

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Thu, 18 May 2006 16:37:00 +0000

One elderly Frenchman inquired dryly:
"Can't you English win this damn trophy without some drama?"

It was a fairytale script. A showdown between the two best football teams in the world. Football pundits were drooling at the prospect of seeing Ronaldinho and Henry showcasing their skills, dazzling us with their displays.

What a night it was going to be!

What a night it was.

Arsenal came so close to victory only to have it snatched by a late Barcelona double. Arsenal started the game a stronger team. Coach Rijkaard's defensive lineup showed he was clearly worried, and Henry nearly scored in the 2nd minute.
Jens Lehmann's early dismissal tilted the game in Barcelona's favour. But the contest wasn't over. Arsenal fought on and were rewarded by a glancing Sol Campbell header just before halftime. From then on it was all about the defense. Wave after wave of Barcelona attack crashed against the Arsenal defense, but they clung on. Barcelona passed, lobbed, tackled, ran, jostled, elbowed, but the Arsenal warriors held on to the lead.

Campbell scores a header	Henry skips over Puyol

But for how long?

For some teams, it would take perhaps 12 men to hold back Barcelona with a 1-0 lead. And Arsenal had only 10 men.

In the 76th minute, with fatigue taking over, and worn out by the incessant Barca attack, Arsenal's fabled defense gave way.

And in the 81st minute, it collapsed.

And the dream was over.

So what will happen to Arsenal now?
They are a good young team, with a lot of emerging talent. Heck, the current team hasn't even peaked yet.

The question you should ask is what will Henry do?
Will he leave or will he stay?

I think that Arsenal's defeat last night was a blessing in disguise. Not so much the defeat, but the way they lost. They didn't just fold up and surrender. They stood their ground and fought, right to the very last minute. And it is this very attitude that might convince Henry to stay back. If Arsenal had given up, I have no doubt that Henry would have shrugged his shoulders in despair and walked out of Arsenal disappointed. Likewise if they had won, Henry would have acheived everything possible with this club, and would still walk out, contented and seeking new challenges. But now Henry can take solace in the fact that this is a team of fighters, that one day they will win Europe's biggest prize, and that he could be a part of it.
This might just convince him to stay.

Of course, I could be wrong. He could still walk out, leaving a void so large that even the genius of Arsene Wenger might find it difficult to fill.

1st Half Highlights

2nd Half Highlights

Award Ceremony

Images From: Arsenal.com, UEFA.com
Videos From: YouTube

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Huzaifa will always be an Arsenal Fan.

Huzaifa will always be a Henry Fan.

Huzaifa hopes he never has to choose between the two.

"I am now a Desicritic." "Huh?"

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Thu, 27 Apr 2006 18:12:00 +0000

I got accepted into Desicritics today. I was so happy.

I ran over to my friend’s house next door to tell him the good news.

“I got into Desicritics.” I said beaming.

“Huh?”

“Desicritics.org, it’s a site where people write reviews and opinions and lots of other stuff.”

“Oh”

“I can now write articles for them, lots of people will get to read my blog.”

“Hmm”

“Isn’t it great?”

“Yeah, just one thing…what’s a ‘blog’ ?”

“It’s…it’s…Oh never mind!!”

STRIKE ONE

Still hopeful that some of my other friends would be more appreciative, I broke this news to my college friend (who also happens to be my project partner).

“I got into Desicritics.” I said beaming.

“Huh?”

“Desicritics.org, it’s a site where people write reviews and opinions and lots of other stuff.”

“Oh”

“I can now write articles for them, lots of people will get to read my blog.”

“Hmm”

“Isn’t it great?”

“Yeah, just one thing…weren’t you supposed to be working on the project?”

“I…I was …and…”

“And what? Don’t you know how much work we have to do? We have to submit the project next week. We have to still make tables, add figures and do the mechanical drawings. We can’t proceed until you finish typing the project. Not to mention we have to turn in our assignments by Friday and have a test on Saturday. I was up all night working on our project and you were busy writing BLOGS!!

STRIKE TWO

Disappointed in my friends, I did what any other 21 year old Indian male would do when he needs a little ego boost – I went to my Mom.

“I got into Desicritics” I said beaming.

“Huh?”

“Desicritics.org, it’s a site where people write reviews and opinions and lots of other stuff.”

“Oh, that’s nice, I guess.”

“I can now write articles for them, lots of people will get to read my blog.”

“Wow, that’s great, I am so proud of you.”

“Thanks.”

“I want you to know that I am really happy for you. I will always support you. No matter what decisions you take your family will always back you.”

“It’s not that big a deal….”

“No matter how insignificant it is, we are very happy for you. I know these are difficult times; you have to make so many choices which will affect your career and life. I just want you to know that your family will always be there for you. We just want you to be happy. I will always be proud of you and I will always love you and…”

STRIKE THREE

Now I was dejected. There has to someone who can understand me. In a last desperate attempt I told my Dad.

“I got into Desicritics.” I said.

“Huh?”

“Desicritics.org, it’s a site where people write reviews and opinions and lots of other stuff.”

“Oh”

“I can now write articles for them, lots of people will get to read my blog.”

“Hmm”

“Isn’t it great?”

“So, do they pay you for this?”

“No”

“Do they have some kind of revenue sharing system for the ads they display on your article?”

“No”

“Do you retain sole ownership over your work?”

“No, actually it becomes their property”

“Do they give you anything, like say a free t-shirt or anything?”

“No”

“So you write for free, they earn from the ads, they own your work, and you get nothing in return?”

“Something like that …”

“So what exactly is the benefit of doing this?”

“Well, when you put it that way … nothing, I guess.”

“Then why son, are you wasting your time doing this. Can’t you do something productive instead? Get a job. I’ve been waiting eighteen years to convert your room into my private study. Get a job and move out. Why don’t you find some JobCritic website? You should sign up for that.”

STRIKE FOUR

It’s obviously not my day.

*Sigh*

These humans will be the death of me.

Update: This article was published on Desicritics

Saturday College

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Sat, 15 Apr 2006 17:57:00 +0000

Another Saturday spent in college. I didn't even realize it's the weekend. Saturday lectures have become routine in the Final Year. In the previous years, my classmates would vociferously complain against the very notion of having classes on Saturday. Things have changed over the last four years

First Year: “Extra lecture on Saturday? Uhh, sure sir... if it helps complete the portion”

Second Year: “Extra lecture on Saturday? NO way sir. Saturday is a holiday. It is always a holiday. You can't hold classes on a Saturday. It's against the principles of Freedom. It violates every moral tenet and is unconstitutional. "

Third Year: “Extra lecture on Saturday? No. Noooo. Nooooooo please Sir, spare us, please sir, don't do this, please Oh the Humanity!!! "

Fourth Year: “What time do we come?”

Could it be that we have matured over the last four years?
Could we have become sensible enough to realize that it's for our own good?

Or, have we just realized that it's useless arguing.

Carnival of Satire # 28

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Fri, 07 Apr 2006 12:44:00 +0000

My Statement of Purpose was featured in the The Carnival of Satire #28 from The Skwib. Head on over there to read some very funny (and very satirical) stuff.

Reality Check by Dave Whamond

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Fri, 07 Apr 2006 12:36:00 +0000

For more Reality Check click here

Things I will not do to my Project Guide

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Thu, 30 Mar 2006 06:38:00 +0000

I will not initiate Jihad on my Project Guide.
I will not try to sell my Project Guide on Ebay.
I will not throw rocks at his car after an evaluation.
I will not write “ The voice in my head ” as a cross-reference in my report.
I will remove all the pins from his voodoo doll.
When he is absent for the day, I will not claim that “...last night was a full moon...”
When referring to my guide, I will not use the phrase “ He who must not be named ”
When he enters class, I will not hum the Darth Vader tune.
I will not cast the Black Jade Shattering Blast spell on him even though it inflicts -7 hp damage and makes him glow green.

Top 15 Reasons to be a Chemical Engineer

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Sat, 18 Mar 2006 19:48:00 +0000

It's at times like these ( 1:30 in the night, project evaluation the next morning .. and the computer hangs while saving the final project draft) that you really dig deep within yourself and ask why, why WHY am I studying chemical engineering. And so after a long and thorough Google search I have compiled the...

Top 15 Reasons to be a Chemical Engineer

15. Because Hell was full.

14. I figured a gun to the head was too painless.

13. I always wanted to spend 4 years without seeing the sun.

12. I volunteered for a sleep deprivation experiment.

11. I didn't need a social life anyways.

10. To take open book tests and still fail.

9. The only engg. branch where taking an exam drunk does not adversely affect your grade.

8. The Perry's Handbook makes a great doorstop.

7. I thought Fugacity was an Irish liquor...and I still do.

6. I mistook heat transfer as a sun-bathing class.

5. I misread simulation as stimulation.

4. I want to learn how to use all those buttons on my calculator.

3. We found that the best catalyst for 'packed-beds' is ethanol.

2. Fluidized bed......sounded kinky.

And the Number One reason to be a Chemical Engineer...

1. What other job allows you to buy strippers in the workplace?

Ego surfing

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Sat, 04 Mar 2006 19:40:00 +0000

I did a Google Search for "Huzaifa Das" .
Wow, 2 8 whole webpages with my name on it.
World Domination, here I come.

(Un)Real Tournament

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Sat, 04 Mar 2006 19:00:00 +0000

I don't like reality.
I mean, it has excellent graphics, but no gameplay.
The soundtrack is jumbled, the menu is non existent, you can't even reload a saved game. The controls can't be redefined, and respawning is not allowed. It's a massively multiplayer RPG whose superb graphics are wasted on a pathetic unending script.

And like most games, I'm still losing.

SOP

noreply@blogger.com (Huzaifa) — Tue, 31 Jan 2006 19:27:00 +0000

Here's my version of the Statement of Purpose, the all important document that is integral to every graduate application packet.

Statement of Purpose

My Life Sucks.

From a young age, I knew this for a fact. My life sucks.
As I grew up, I became increasingly interested in the idea of becoming an engineer. That made life even worse.

During my engineering course my interest, my self respect, my desire to study simply vanished. Along with it went my compassion, humanity, moral fiber and my de-addiction to coffee. And it is the absence of these qualities that I will bring to your university.

Why I want to do a Master’s in chemical engineering? Well that’s simple. To wreak havoc on planet Earth. Being a chemical engineer gives one the power to contaminate, pollute, exhaust, poison, degrade and mutilate Earth’s natural resources. To strip mine entire mountains to make dreadfully important things like Plastic Toothpicks and Metallic Paper Weights.

I am sure you want to know my qualifications. I have an aggregate of 67%. It would have been 75% but during my last exam I accidentally spilled water on my desk, thus rubbing out all the formulas I had painstakingly written on it the night before.

I am also a frequent participant in various social and extra-curricular events. I have won many prizes. Some unsavory characters once accused that the only reason I win prizes is because I worked hard to bribe the organizers. That is a lie. Anyone who knows me will tell you I never work hard.

I am a team player and work well in a team, often working with different groups. Team members are always commenting on how me being there makes them look so much better!

With my undergraduate studies coming to an end, I have recognized the importance of further studies in the USA in fulfillment of my goal. America, the land of dreams, a country where even an illegal immigrant can become a taxi driver, join the mob, grow rich and powerful and eventually be elected mayor of the same city which he once terrorized.