Do you have ambitions?

My top ten ambitions at the moment

10. Play the London Palladium
9. See both my kids graduate from University
8. Ride the footplate of a steam train
7. Perform in Australia (again)
6. Lose weight
5. Get a sitcom on TV
4. Do a run of shows at the Opera House in Manchester
3. Train and make friends with a wild bird.
2. Learn improv.
1. Go to New York.

What are yours?

J x

So it was with a heavy heart (fried rice the night before causing the burn) and empty wallets (skimpy tax) we left Kalgoorlie very early to make our way to Merredin. A relatively (for this trip’s standards) short journey of 3 and half hours. Quite soon into our journey we stopped at Coolgardie. A ghost town now but at at it’s peak was the third largest town in Western Australia.

This guy “Disco” aka Stuart Syme is our Stage Manager and he told me that Coolgardie was the birthplace of the fridge. Yeah right, Cool Gardie I get it. I thought he was having me over but he wasn’t. It’s here – but brilliantly Coolgardie wasn’t named that because of the fridge thing, it’s just one of life’s beautiful coincidences.

On our way we called at a few towns, had a couple of stops – saw a big fence:-

I’m smiling on that picture, to be fair it was the only time I wasn’t wafting away flies and or spitting them out after they’d flown into my mouth. Eventually we arrived at our accommodation at Merredin :-

I have to be honest, the picture does it more justice than I found it. I think I might have had a dud caravan, no-one else seemed to complain. I didn’t really rest that well, I don’t know if it was the jet lag kicking in or I was put off by the fact that my particular caravan had a room that was locked off. I shudder to think what was behind it.

It was here that I first found out that in Australia they call bedding and stuff like that ‘Manchester’.

We had some nice food at the local pub. What’s great about this trip is how everyone is fully attentive at dinner, the banter just flows…..

These guys are just non-stop chatterboxes. The gig that night was at this amazing theatre :-

It’s beautiful – it’s run by a bloke from San Francisco, has had AC/DC play there and was relocated brick by brick from the aforementioned Coolgardie in 1927. I really liked Merredin, it felt like a great town, the people were really grateful we’d come to their town and I was glad we had too. Early night for us as we had to be up for 7 – for a nine hour trip to Geraldton.

Kilometres travelled by road – 334

Music listened to – Paul Kelly – Stuart is a big fan, I think I quite like it, not sure if it’s the road or not but, have a listen if you are on Spotify

Kangaroos seen – 7 dead ones (seriously heart breaking)

Favourite bit of another comedian on the bill – Daniel Towne’s ‘Tongue in Cheek’ bit – he’s on at the Edinburgh Fringe too in August – you’ll like him

Just a quick note to say I’m extending my tour of ‘Justin Time’ to include a few extra dates in the Autumn. Including Barnsley, Coventry, Middleton, Much Wenlock, Harrogate, Warrington, Preston, Ormskirk, Barton-on-Humber, Leicester, Darlington, Grantham, Bolton and Andover.
We are crossing the t’s and dotting the i’s (and lower case j’s Wayne’s World 2 fans) and there will be some more towns added. In the meantime if you join my mailing list you’ll be the first to find out where and when etc. I promise I’ll never spam you, send emails all the time or sell your information EVER.

Justin
Ps I’m in Australia and somebody left a kangaroos arm on my doorstep this morning.

It looked like they were all of to play an underground sport I’d never heard of, literally underground. Turns out they are indeed ‘underground’ in some ways as they are gold miners who ‘fly in and fly out’ of Kalgoorlie where there is a massive pit – A Super Pit as they call it. It’s big. Proper big. We took a look at it, as far as big holes in the ground go – it’s the biggest one I’m likely to see. The thing we kept getting told was that it had five years left in it. After that they plan to flood it naturally. It’ll take fifty years to fill it up! Since then I’ve seen these work shirts continually, they’re ubiquitos to workers everywhere, a bit like the high vis tabards we have (which Stuart Maconie talks brilliantly about in one of his books, think it’s Pies and Prejudice). If I’m being honest I think the European tabard is a touch more graceful than the Aussie shirt, but each to their own. You can even get little Junior one – brilliant

They are in fact minor miners – badum tish.

We did two gigs in Kalgoorlie at the Goldfields Art Centre – a 700 seater venue and they were both great. I was incredibly jittery before the first night asking everyone on the trip non-stop “do they have this here, or do you call them that”. Daniel Townes told me a story about Doug Stanhope playing Sydney for the first time and addressing the audience at the beginning of his show that ‘some of my references may be off’ before asking the crowd – “do women in Sydney had vaginas?” The auditorium was great and set up perfectly for comedy

I had a strange experience after the gig on the first night, I was feeling quite good. Despite my worries the gig had gone well and they seemed to laugh at me. I’d been for a curry before the show and there was a threat of drizzle in the air – all felt like home. Like home we went off to the pub afterwards for a couple of pints. (By the way if you ask for a glass of grog – they look at you like you are a stupid fat English tourist comedian who is trying to be funny).

The pub we went to was a skimpy. I didn’t know what a skimpy was. I do now. Essentially it’s a normal pub, It sells drinks, has a pool table and I believe you can get nuts and other light nibbles. However, the barmaids (they were both female) are topless. It’s not discussed, there’s no signs warning you, no one bats and eyelid. Except those who hadn’t expected it like me. They don’t dance, jiggle (unless their duties  make this happen naturally). I didn’t know what to do. What’s the protocol? Do you comment on them when you order your drinks? Are you supposed to look at them or not – it seems weird if you don’t hey?

Other than that my two first two days in Australia weren’t what I expected – but they were better than I feared. I already felt like I liked it and that I might be able to do well.

After two nights we set off to our next destination – Merriden. To follow…….

Kilometres travelled by road – 0 (flew in)

Music listened to – Elbow – Asleep in the Back 

Kangaroos seen – 0

Favourite bit of another comedian on the bill – Ronny Chieng’s “Sensible Sandwich” – he’s in Edinburgh for the Fringe and Soho Theatre after that – you should go and see him.

So here I am. A long way from home. On Sunday evening I left my drab northern existence bound for paradise. To the land of dreams and opportunity – Australia. Cut to lunchtime Tuesday and I arrive in Kalgoorlie – have a look. It’s not exactly Bondi Beach nor Ramsay Street, places indelibly imprinted in the part of my brain I call “the land down under” – I know we all call it that, but we don’t all have a special named file in our brains. This is a brief update because I’m going to look at the Superpit  – yes that’s right a big hole.

EDITED – I went to the Super Pit – it’s amazing. As far as big holes in the ground go, this doesn’t disappoint.

Pleased to announce the line-up for our next Laugh Local night at Chorlton Irish Club for the 3rd May

Last month our surprise opening act was Mr Roy Walker – this month’s guest headliner isn’t in any way like him, except very funny. You won’t want to miss out. We also had Lucy Simons on who was great, and a masterclass in comedy from Mr John Moloney. He loved the gig and everyone loved him as you can see in the picture at the top.

Headlining will be a VERY special guest who can’t be named. You’ll be surprised and pleased. One of them ‘if we named him (or her) the gig would sell out and we’d rather people came for the right reason though we are fully aware by doing this the gig will probably sell out any way’ things.

Our other main act is my good mate Rob Rouse. If you’ve never seen Rob you are in for a treat, he is up there in my top ten comedians to watch. He’s done lots of telly and stuff and tours and that. You’ll love him.

Our support act is Kiri Pritchard McClean who is by far the funniest & quick witted, one to look out for in the future not my words, but the words of the Leicester Mercury.

Tickets here - 3 acts – pasty supper (different types incl. veggie) and DISCO DANCING AFTER.

It’s going to be great.

Justin