JUSTIN SAYS WORDS

Honey, I'm Home!

2010-11-05T00:14:00.000-07:00

I apologize for disappearing, guys! I moved to a new town and started a new job, and it's been a little crazy. Do not fear, I will still give you the crazy-ass story that I promised you. Things are settling down here, so I will be posting regularly again from here on out. Cheerio!

-- Justin --

It's Official!

2010-10-13T16:43:00.000-07:00

Received my 10,000th page view sometime last night! Thank you so much to everyone who has read my words. :)

-- Justin

10K Views Contest: Final Outline!

2010-10-13T06:03:00.000-07:00

WHERE?

Anonymous said...

The Sky Bridge of the Petronas Towers, in Dubai

WHO?

PeaceOn said...

Jacquizz Rodgers (Football Player) and a Beanie Baby.

WHAT?

That's So Raven said...

fighting communist scum

WHY?

Anonymous said...

because they had a vision

WHEN?

Anonymous said...

The day Sarah Palin is elected president.

THANKS FOR ALL THE CONTRIBUTIONS!!! THE STORY WILL BE UP IN A FEW DAYS. :)

-- Justin

Contest Post #5: When?

2010-10-11T18:16:00.000-07:00

WHERE?

Anonymous said...

The Sky Bridge of the Petronas Towers, in Dubai

WHO?

PeaceOn said...

Jacquizz Rodgers (Football Player) and a Beanie Baby.

WHAT?

That's So Raven said...

fighting communist scum

WHY?

Anonymous said...

because they had a vision

WHEN? 10/12

Last question!!! :)

WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!?

Leave your creative responses below! :)

Contest Post #4: Why?

2010-10-10T19:09:00.000-07:00

WHERE?

Anonymous said...

The Sky Bridge of the Petronas Towers, in Dubai

WHO?

PeaceOn said...

Jacquizz Rodgers (Football Player) and a Beanie Baby.

WHAT?

That's So Raven said...

fighting communist scum

WHY? 10/11
WHEN? 10/12

Looking good, guys! Thanks for all your suggestions, they've been hilarious.

Next up? Simple question...

WHY ARE JACQUIZZ RODGERS AND A BEANIE BABY FIGHTING COMMUNIST SCUM???

Leave your creative and clean responses in the comment section below!

Contest Post #3: What?

2010-10-09T17:48:00.000-07:00

WHERE?

Anonymous said...

The Sky Bridge of the Petronas Towers, in Dubai

WHO?

PeaceOn said...

Jacquizz Rodgers (Football Player) and a Beanie Baby.

WHAT? 10/10
WHY? 10/11
WHEN? 10/12

Thanks for all the participation so far you guys! This looks like an interesting story so far, haha.

Question: WHAT IS GOING ON? (MAJOR STORY CONFLICT?)

Leave your creative and clean responses below!!!

Contest Post #2: Who?

2010-10-07T19:54:00.000-07:00

10/7 - 10/8 WHERE?

Anonymous said...

The Sky Bridge of the Petronas Towers, in Dubai

10/8 - 10/9 WHO?
10/9 - 10/10 WHAT?
10/10 - 10/11 WHY?
10/11 - 10/12 WHEN?

Now...

WHO SHOULD BE IN THE STORY?

This is pretty open-ended, so be creative. Leave your suggestions in the comment section below!!! Thank you!

Contest Post #1: Where?

2010-10-06T22:29:00.000-07:00

"WHERE SHOULD THE STORY TAKE PLACE?"

Please please please leave a comment below! Keep the answers clean and simple. Thanks!

10K? No Way!

2010-10-06T22:00:00.000-07:00

So as of 12:00 PM CST, I have received 9,304 page views on this site. Which makes me happy and also excited, because that's close to TEN THOUSAND PAGE VIEWS!!!

As a thank-you to all you kind people who have given Justin Says Words a chance, I'm going to be holding a little contest this next week.

The rules are pretty simple. Each day, for the next five days, I will be putting up a post pleading you to comment on it. The first post, which I will put up tonight, will be asking a simple question: "Where?".

Keep answers simple and clean. For example, a good answer to "Where?" would be a place like "New Orleans" or "The Planet of Vulcan in the new Star Trek movie before the whole thing gets sucked into a black hole."

Here's the schedule:

10/7 - 10/8 WHERE?
10/8 - 10/9 WHO?
10/9 - 10/10 WHAT?
10/10 - 10/11 WHY?
10/11 - 10/12 WHEN?

I will pick my favorite answer from the comments section on each post. And using that information alone, I will write a short story and post it on my blog.

Sound like fun? It does to me! But remember, this will NOT work if you don't comment on the posts! So comment, fools! :)

Lyrical Found Poem!

2010-10-05T14:44:00.000-07:00

A lyrical found poem is just what it sounds like--making a poem using a compliation of lyrics from various songs and artists. I've taken a bit of liberty with this one because I used 7 different songs and the tenses had to be altered a tiny bit so it made sense. Enjoy!

A Far More Serious Found Poem Than I Anticipated
by Justin Rose

(1) Come inside, pick your bags off the sidewalk
(2) I know a place where the grass is really greener.
(3) A concrete jungle where dreams are made of,
(4) Oh I can't believe what I'm seeing with my eyes,
(5) I can't tell you what it really is, only what it feels like.
(6) See, in this kinda joint, you gotta dedicate to someone.
(7) But it was then I hear my intuition say,
(8) "We all are basically alone."

(9) How was I supposed to know that something wasn't right here?
(10) Tell me doctor, can you quantify?
(11) I just want to know the reason why.
(12) Boy, you got me blinded.
(13) It's like there's nothing you can't do.
(14) Still these streets will make you feel brand new.
(15) And we fall back into the same routine,
(16) With our sidelines blind with casualities.

(17) We're unforgettable. We're undeniable.
(18) But don't bite the apple, Eve.
(19) High from my love and drunk from your hate,
(20) You can have my heart,
(21) Or just share it like the last slice of pizza.
(22) You'll have me suicidal when you say it's over.
(23) There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.
(24) That's not the way I planned it.

(25) That was yesterday, yesterday is over.
(26) My loneliness is killing me.
(27) But I still fight as long as the wrong feels right.
(28) You just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
(29) In this nature show that rages everyday,
(30) There won't be a next time.
(31) And since I made it here,
(32) I can make it anywhere.

SONGS INCLUDED
(Lines attributed to song)

Love The Way You Lie -- Eminem ft. Rhianna
(1, 5, 15, 19, 25, 27, 28, 30)

California Girls -- Katy Perry
(2, 17)

Empire State of Mind -- Jay-Z ft. Alicia Keys
(3, 13, 14, 16, 18, 31, 32)

Beautiful Girls -- Sean Kingston
(4, 22)

Best I Ever Had -- Drake
(6, 20, 21)

Imitosis -- Andrew Bird
(7, 8, 10, 11, 29)

Hit Me Baby One More Time -- Britney Spears
(9, 12, 23, 24, 26)

Aack! Finally!

2010-10-04T10:33:00.000-07:00

I'm currently hanging around the Portland airport, so I thought I might as well post a quick update.

The comic strip Cathy, considered by many (myself included) to be the worst widely-circulated comic in the history of the world, finally ended when its writer and creater Cathy Guisewite called it quits last month.

I think this is great news. I used to read the comics every day when I was younger. I read all of them, even Cathy. It was the only strip that I never, ever, laughed at. It's like the comic strip equilvilent of the TV Show Frasier.

I'm not the only one with this opinion. Check out these anti-Cathy links.

The Huffington Post's Bill Mann reports that Cathy is battling Family Circus in a online poll for worst comic ever.

The website Guyism reveals its hilarious picks for worst Cathy strips of all time.

A Facebook group which needs more members shares its feelings about Cathy leaving the newspapers. See it here.

Care2's Robin Marty writes about Cathy in her piece entitled, "Cathy Comic Strip Ends, Readers Reminded It Still Existed".

Okay, gotta catch a plane. I'll post the Music-Found-Poem soon.

--Justin--

Don't Not Comment On This Post!

2010-10-01T18:21:00.000-07:00

Hey guys!

So I like music. I carry a Mp3 around pretty much everywhere. No, not an iPod. My Mp3 holds 10 gigs, has a helluva battery life and has lasted for 2 years. Did I mention it cost $60? Suck it, Steve Jobs!

Anyway I was thinking about making a potentially humourous "found poem" (poem using excerpts of different works) using lyrics of different songs. Then I decided to do so.

But I need songs. PLEASE COMMENT ON THIS POST and post a random song you'd like to see in a makeshift piece of poetry with the artist that performs it. I can look up the lyrics online, but remember it needs LYRICS and I can't read anything but ENGLISH so stick with that!

Thank you! We'll see how well this works.

~~Justin~~

p.s. I added an "About Stuff" tab above. Check it out if you want to know about stuff.

Shameless Myspace Survey #2

2010-09-30T17:15:00.000-07:00

1. Whats your middle name?

I wish it was Thundercat.

2. What are you listening to right now?

The Starting Line -- Lasting Impressions (click to listen.)

3. What are the last 4 digits in your cellphone number?

No.

4. What was the last thing you ate?

I took a big mixing bowl of frozen blueberries and poured sugar on it, then heated it up in the microwave for four minutes. It was pretty good.

5. How is the weather right now?

I hate small talk.

6. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

This really unhelpful Iowan Landlord with either really bad reception or a strong Indian accent.

7. What is the first thing u notice in the opposite sex?

Personality? Oh wait, no.

8. Do you want children?

Wow, I never knew you could buy children over the internet.

9. Do you drink?

Yeah, I like this living and breathing thing I've got going for me.

10. Favorite holiday?

Easter. I've got a huge weakness for Marshmellow Peeps. And also beating children half my age at Easter Egg hunts to get them.

11. Favorite Season?

The first season of Better Off Ted. Exhibit A! (DON'T watch if you're easily offended by vulgar language. You've been warned.)

12. Piercings?

Knock yourself out.

13. What were you doing before filling this out?

Trying to figure out how to stuff a tea mug inside a work boot without breaking it. True story.

14. Favorite Flower?

Neil Patrick Harris.

15. Have you ever loved someone?

Never! Oh wait, except my Mom and Dad. And sister. And extended family. And friends. And pets. Yeah...

16. Who would you like to see right now?

My sister.

17. Have you ever fired a gun?

Have you ever killed a man just to watch him die? Me neither.

18. Do you like to travel by plane?

Yeah, I used to want to be a pilot until I realized they get paid less than the guy who always messes up your order at Taco Bell. Seriously.

19. If you could go to any place right now where would you go?

Texas to visit my friend Nalleli. Or Switzerland.

20. Are you missing someone?

Yep.

21. Do you have a tattoo?

Tattoos are gross. Imagine all those girls with tramp stamps when they're like, 90. Do you think they're gonna be like, wow, you know I had my doubts, but turns out that having "Come Get It" written just above my rear end was a great life decision!

22. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings?

I don't get up nearly early enough anymore.

23. Wallpaper on your cellphone?

My dog wearing her dinner bowl like a top hat.

24. First thing you thought of this morning?

Don't remember, but food is always a safe bet with me.

25. What do you do when the clock strikes 11:11?

I tell everyone around me it's 11:11 and they should make a wish. Then I remember that telling everyone it's 11:11 nullifies your wish. And I die a little inside.

Hillshire Farms Rant

2010-09-26T16:51:00.000-07:00

You may have seen the following commercial before. It is very prevelant on Hulu.com, If you haven't seen it, watch it below now.

Watch it? Good. That leads me too...

100 Reasons Why This Commercial Is Stupid by Justin Rose

1. The kid would get sent to the principals office for standing on the table.

2. No lunch table at an elementary school is that diverse. Little kids are inherent racists. You know it's true.

3. A pudding cup does not hold more value in lunchtime bartering than a bag of cookies. I know this from experience. Every kid had a pudding cup. They go for like a nickel each at Walmart nowadays.

4. No little girl alive would trade a pony for a sandwich.

5. No little boy alive would trade a sandwich for a pony. He'd be teased to no end.

6. No asian kid that looks THAT shrewd would trade all of his Halloween candy for a sandwich. He'd invest it in his 401K. Or fatten up for sumo wrestling.

7. YouTube Commenter Observation (Screen name IUDFR): "Wut the hell he gonna do with a pony."

8. No little kid could eat that sandwich. It's taller than they are wide.

9. YouTube Commenter Observation (Screen name PGHAUNG1): "It is the big chinese boy that has eaten all the ham that made him bigger and cuter. His strong arms and big cheeks show why he loves the meat."

Okay that wasn't really a reason it was stupid, but I found it hilarious.

10-100. NO LITTLE GIRL WOULD TRADE A PONY FOR A SANDWICH.

Words Of Wisdom-ish

2010-09-24T16:22:00.001-07:00

Some thoughts I had recently.

1. I don't think there's anything harder in the world than admitting to yourself that you've lost a friend.

2. I find it funny how excited people are to reinvent themselves when they move to a new place. I find it sad they can't see that they're just fine the way they are.

3. As a kid I always dreamed of being a star athlete. I know now that I'd much rather play pick-up soccer with friends on a lazy Sunday afternoon than play in a Super Bowl.

4. I'm almost 19 now. Adults ask me all the time, "What do you want to major in?" or "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I used to tell them I wanted to be a writer, or a lawyer like my Dad, because it sounded better than saying, "I don't know." But I don't think you can know what you want to be at this age, really. You haven't experienced enough.

5. I think people gossip because they don't think they can be good unless someone is worse.

6. In my experience, the people that give the best hugs are the people that only give them when they know you need one.

7. Try to be the best person you can be every day. Don't use your energy to convince people that you're a good person. People will think what they will. You got to live your life so that you're proud of yourself.

How To Survive An Bear Attack

2010-09-23T16:36:00.000-07:00

Bears are scary. They live in the woods, have a lot of teeth, and are just generally unfriendly animals. The exception being Smokey The Bear, who is quite polite despite being a little confrontational.

Anyway, if a bear were to attack you, what would you do?

That's the question which was posed to a Montana woman the other day, as she watched her dog get mauled by a 200 pound black bear that had wandered into her yard (full story here).

So what did she do?

She threw a zucchini at it. A 12-inch zucchini, to be percise. It hit the bear on square on the head, and it fled from the scene. Neither the woman nor her dog were harmed.

This proves something about life, I'm just not sure what.

--Justin--

Must Love Dogs & Indie Rock

2010-09-21T13:18:00.000-07:00

This music video by the band Ok Go for their song "White Knuckles" absolutely blew me away. Watch it!

Were those not the most amazingly trained dogs ever?!

A couple of cool facts:

This video was shot in my hometown of Corvallis, Oregon. It took only a couple of hours.

If you watch carefully, you'll notice there's one animal in this video that doesn't belong.

Still stumped? Check around the 2:50 mark.

~~Justin~~

Dearest Me, I've Forgotten My Tulips

2010-09-17T10:31:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the random title reference again, I couldn't resist. Check this out if you want to know what it's about.

In other news, here's a video that will almost certainly brighten your day.

When In...Greece.

2010-09-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

Everyone is familiar with the saying "boys will be boys". In international circles, there's a new saying that's gaining traction..."Americans will be Americans."

Aka, people from the US of A will continue to prove themselves to be really, really stupid.

We certainly didn't help our case this week. Two American tourists were recently stopped at Athens International Airport in Greece when a checkpoint official noticed they had 6 human skulls in their carry-on bags. Feel free to read that again. I know I did.

But in true American tourist spirit, these two patriots were not murderers, they were just really, really stupid. Here's the article.

"The skulls were found in a scanner check during a stop-over in Athens on their way back to the United States," said a police official who requested anonymity. "The coroner confirmed they were human skulls."

The two young tourists said they had bought the skulls in a souvenir shop on the island of Mykonos and believed they were fake, the official said, adding they had been released pending trial.

So many questions!

1. SIX?! Six skulls?! Really?! What the hell are you going to do with six skulls?

2. If you're going to be buying a bulk order of very realistic looking skulls on a creepy Greek island, wouldn't you want to make sure that, I don't know, they're NOT REAL?!

3. If you ARE going to buy yourself six realistic human skulls, why oh why would you PUT THEM ALL IN YOUR CARRY-ON LUGGAGE?!? Did you think that the person manning the bag-scanner is just going go, "Ho-de-hum...magazines, chewing gum, romance novels, six human skulls, iPods..."

4. SIX?!??!?

5. Man, the things people will do these days to get a head! (Heh)

6. Are you just going to like, put them on your coffee table at home? And then invite people over and they'll be like, "Oh, that's interesting, you have six human skulls on your coffee table, I have a few at home myself."

7. SIX?!??!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?

I Know, Right?

2010-09-15T17:50:00.000-07:00

Gee. Em. Oh.

2010-09-15T14:19:00.000-07:00

I've been surfing the interwebs for years now, so it's not often that I come across something that truly blows me away. Well, this did. This is a music video that was shot entirely...BACKWARDS. Hence the clever title.

"Forwards version" (aka How They Made It) video can be found here.

"Factoid" Is Fun To Say

2010-09-14T23:40:00.000-07:00

Here's 10 facts that are very important for you to know. Why they don't teach this stuff in schools in beyond me.

-------------------------------------------------------------

FACT 1

The term rule of thumb comes from the old English law that men couldn't beat their wives with anything wider than their thumb.

Why It Matters

America! America! Down with the redcoats!

-------------------------------------------------------------

FACT 2

Ants never sleep.

Why It Matters

Makes all the merciless ant slaughters we participated in as children seem less demonic, somehow.

-------------------------------------------------------------

FACT 3

American poet Edgar Allan Poe was once thrown out of West Point Academy in 1831 after showing up for inspection stark naked.

Why It Matters

You have no idea how badly I want to make a joke that includes the phrase, "Standing At Attention".

-------------------------------------------------------------

FACT 4

Tommy Lee Jones and Al Gore were freshman roommates at Harvard.

Why It Matters

If you go to Harvard, you have a 50% chance of starring in a movie with Will Smith.

-------------------------------------------------------------

FACT 5

Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."

Why It Matters

It's a good way to remind yourself that Jason is coming into town, and if you have any friends of high school age that like to wander off alone, now's the time to call dibs on their stuff.

-------------------------------------------------------------

FACT 6

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

Why It Matters

I don't know anyone named Mohammed.

-------------------------------------------------------------

FACT 7

A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.

Why It Matters

It confuses the hell out of white supremacists.

-------------------------------------------------------------

FACT 8

Experts at Intel say that microprocessor speed will double every 18 months for at least 10 years.

Why It Matters

It doesn't.

-------------------------------------------------------------

FACT 9

Hitler and Napoleon both had only one testicle.

Why It Matters

Because deep down, you've always wondered.

-------------------------------------------------------------

FACT 10

Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.

Why It Matters

Q: If an obese man in a forest eats a piece of celery, and nobody is around to see him eat it, and it doesn't have any calories, is he still obese?

A: Of course not.

Q: Really?

A: No.

-------------------------------------------------------------

~~JUSTIN~~

Why?

2010-09-13T00:16:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered what makes us do the things we do?

A friend once told me that everything people do on this Earth is either inherently selfish or simply animal instinct. We perform community service to make ourselves feel good. We raise and nurture children because we are genetically predisposed to reproduce and pass on our genes. We romanticize these crude, base actions to make ourselves feel more cultured. Putting up a fence between us and the monkeys, if you will.

At the time, I thought he was wrong. It can't be that simple, I told myself. Insanity, to believe that us, humans, could be so...primitive. We were better than that.

Yet as time passed, my initial resentment of the idea cleared and I began to realize how insightful his theory was.

You don't need to be a scientist to realize that even as we build vast cities and land on the moon, humans are still controlled almost entirely by the savage instinct to which our primate brethren swear by. The primary means of which the adult human psyche identifies its self worth according to several studies? Financial success, followed closely by sexual appeal. To rephrase, being able to bring home the bacon and make pretty babies is absolutely how we define ourselves as "good humans". No other trait even comes close.

And selfishness? Pride? We are ego-machines, every one. Freud called it "primary narcissism". Essentially, the entire reason we are the dominant species on Planet Earth is not due to us being the biggest or the baddest, but the most self-loving. We liked ourselves so much that in our push to prove our self-worth to ourselves and our peers, we discovered fire, invented the wheel, and so on. And during that time, our fight-or-flight instincts were the best the Animal Kingdom had to offer, so we stayed alive and kept developing. And they still are. Looking for the most viciously violent creature this planet has to offer? Look no further than the nearest reflective surface. Historians estimate that approximately 95% of all known human civilizations engaged in warfare "occasionally" to "constantly".

But my friend was still wrong.

Yes, we are selfish. Yes, we are crude. But we are something else too. A third element. And while every conceivable action can be explained away as either primitive instinct or pride, this isn't a satisfying answer. It rings hollow to my ears, and I can't accept it.

Why?

Because we make music and art. Because we dance, and laugh, and seek companionship. Because we happily grow old together. Because, because, because.

Because we have faith in ourselves.

My friend hadn't accounted for faith. And that was why he was wrong.

Passion Of The...Christ This Guy Is Nuts.

2010-09-11T01:33:00.000-07:00

The video below is perhaps the most passionate speech I have ever seen. And I know passionate speeches. I Tivo "Friday Night Lights" sometimes.

This is good. We need more passion in politics. Too many politicians seem to be just going through the motions.

So what office is this upstanding patriot running for? The Presidency? Nope. Cabinet member? Not exactly. Senator? Getting warmer. Well, not really.

Try, "Regional Treasurer of Stark County, Ohio."

Oh.

Well, at least he believes in what he is doing and went out there, put his heart into it, and won the...what's that? He lost? Oh. Never mind.

Two Ways To Get Rich On The Interweb!

2010-09-08T16:11:00.000-07:00

I'm technically a starving college student nowadays, so money is a touchy subject with me. No worries though, my money troubles are over. Thanks, internet! You always know just what to say.

#1: Sell Your Soul!

No, not to Satan, although I heard he does offer a great benefits package. I'm talking about selling your soul on Ebay. Don't scoff, you! Souls are quite the hot commodity nowadays. A woman in Des Moines, Iowa recently bid $400 for the soul of a 20-year-old college student from Seattle, Washington. Yes, really. In the product description, the student in question, Adam Burtle, has this to say.

"Please realize, I make no warranties as to the condition of the soul. As of now, it is near mint condition, with only minor scratches,"

Unfortunately for soul-seekers everywhere, Ebay pulled the auction before a transaction could be made.

#2 Office Supplies!

First step, head down to your local Office Max and buy yourself a single paperclip. Or just steal one from your work. Then step out onto the street and ask, "Does anyone want to trade?"

That's what this man, Kyle McDonald, did. And after 14 separate trades on Craigslist, he earned himself a house. Seriously. Check out this video.

See? It's all so simple.

~~Justin~~