Justin's Rants

I'm Back

2011-09-30T13:54:00.000-07:00

Hello, hello, hello. I have been gone for a while, but I decided to make a return. I'm not sure what I'll be writing about. A lot has changed in my life. Hopefully I'll think of a post soon. Till then, Later.

Midgets & Tacos

2011-02-23T23:41:00.000-08:00

I am proposing a new form of measurement and currency. From here on instead of dollars and cents we shall use tacos.

Tacos

Every taco will be worth 50 cents, so that new car you want shall be 40,000 tacos. Not only is it a better idea if you get hungry you can eat your money. No one would ever be poor because they could just make as many tacos as they wanted.

Midgets

From now one everything shall be measured in midgets. So instead of 6' you would be 2 midgets tall and 4 midgets heavy. I feel like this would be a far better unit of measurement, because we would have a standardized form of measurement world wide, forget that metric shit.

Stumbler LOLZ

2011-02-22T22:05:00.000-08:00

How To Defend Yourself When Cats Take Over The World

2011-02-22T16:47:00.000-08:00

The Low Down

Cats are inconsiderate little assholes, and it's only a matter of time till they decide they no longer need us to feed them and scratch the spot where it's tail meets it's butt hole. So what does one do when this furry apocalypse happens? I have compiled several way that you can defend yourself against these little bastards, and remain on top of the food chain!

Knowing The Enemy

First we must analyze the cat, what weapons does the cat have? Obviously their little claws that seem to hurt like 5,000 paper cuts smothered in lemon juice and the tears of babies. No one considers the infection that you could get from a cut, they play in their pee and shit after they get done with it. Then there's their teeth. They will dig these into your face like you were a big bag of tuna. When used in conjunction they are a deadly combination and cute furry agony.

Do not, I repeat do not fall for their cute little antics. If they start licking them selves, purring, giving you those big doe eyes, or start playing with a ball of string. This is a trap, and those could be your balls in a matter of seconds! Now that you know what to look for you should be able to react efficiently, unless your one of those retarded people who think nothing bad will ever happen to them. if that's the case then I hope you get mauled by a cat, and die. Taking less people like you out of the gene pool will do nothing but improve the human race.

How To Defeat The Enemy

Now that you know what your up against, how can you kill the little pricks? Here are a few ideas, please feel free to modify, or even create your own ways to defeat the fuzzy menace.

1. Cat + Ceiling Fan = LOLZ

First immobile the cat, pounce on it's back and tie it up. Do not use bear mace this will just piss it off. Take a rope tie it to the ceiling fan and to the cats tail, then just turn it on. An alternative would be to throw the cats as hard as you can into a running ceiling fan.

2. 2 Cats + Power Line = A Fight To The Death

Take two cats and tie their tails together then huck them over a power line so they will kill each other in a bloody duel to the end.

3. Cat + Toilet = Drown The Little Bastard

You can hold a cats head into the toilet bowl then start flushing and flushing till the bubbles stop, or slam it into the top part and put the lid back on.

4. Cats + Love = Fat Cat

If you love animals to much to do the Rambo thing, try smothering them in love, make them fat as shit. If they are to fat to properly lick themselves how could the ever take over the world?

5. Cat + Big Ass Boot = FASA

My personal favorite is sneak up on a kitteh and spartan kick their ass into the next state. Make sure to where a nice boot with a steal toe, as not to injure yourself. In case you were wondering FASA stands for The Feline Aeronautical and Space Administration.

Conclusion

You should now have all the tools you need to defeat the cats when they decide to up rise. Just keep a close eye on them, they're crafty little cock waffles.

Got The Blogger App For Android (Android)

2011-02-21T22:18:00.001-08:00

I just got the blogger app for my Android! I'm not sure how it will look when seen from an actual computer. So I guess this will be the test run. I hope it will be centered and look uniform with the rest of my blog, I guess we'll see. After checking it I noticed its not in the centered format, so in the title I'll put (Android) and if I'm feeling it and if I can I'll center it on a computer later.

Alpine SPS-69C2 Speakers

2011-02-21T14:17:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone, I thought I'd share my personal experiences with these incredible speakers. They are 250 watts total and 50 watts RMS. These things have some fat hairy balls. The sound they create is so clean, yet so powerful. The highs come through beautifully, and the bass is so intense it rattles and shakes my rear deck. This is on the stock head unit, when you put your hand on the trunk lid you can feel it vibrate pretty bad. I'm an Alpine fan for life now, these speakers blow me away. I can't wait to hook them up to an amp, and give them the full 50 watts they need. Now I just need to get some to replace my shitty blown stock ones up front. I have included a small video, that just don't do these things justice. I scored them for 15 bucks off my friend, but they'll normally run you about 100 bucks, they are defiantly worth the price. Go out and get some if your looking to upgrade your system, this is Justin approved.

Review On - Mystery Brand eBay Light Bulbs

2011-02-20T22:05:00.000-08:00

The brand may be Koeo, buuuut I cant really tell. All I can say is for $1.45 and $4.20 shipping (lol) these are great light bulbs. I ordered the yellowish ones for my fog lights, and the ultra white ones for my head lights. They say they are HID bulbs, but obviously they are not, they are xenon gas filled like they say, which means DO NOT HANDLE THE BULB BY HAND. It will cause them to burn out. My fog lights are bright enough to blind any small animal I may encounter on the road, and my head lights are pretty bright too. They should be brighter, but my adjustment dohickey is messed up. A big thanks to the engineers at GM for making something simple difficult. Long story short I highly recommend these light bulbs.

To All My Followers I Don't have

2011-02-20T21:47:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in a while, some one could possibly be wondering why. Truth is I haven't had anything interested to blog about. I figured I should post something, so people don't think this is a dead blog. I'm thinking of interesting stuff to blog, but my brain keeps frying. I'll try to start posting more, especially after seeing I had 400+ views in January, which surprised me to be honest. So hopefully I'll have something posted before to long, wish me luck, I'll need it.

Torque Android App

2011-01-13T18:11:00.000-08:00

A while ago I posted some of the best Android apps. This one I thought was so good I'm giving it, it's own post. It's called Torque, basically it reads your cars on-board diagnostics via blue-tooth. It will read error codes and turn off the check engine light. You do need a blue-tooth dongle that will plug into your car, any US car made after 1996 should work. You can find the dongles on eBay for about 20-30 bucks. It also displays all kinds of gauges that you pick out and put on your phone. It allows you to monitor all kinds of your cars info without buying and trying to fit more gauges in your car. There is a paid and free version. The paid version is 5 bucks and obviously has more features, but the free version has plenty to try it out with. It appears that the bigger the screen you have the more gauges you can put on. I'm maxed out with 8 on my Ally. If you have one with a 4" screen you could probably put on 10 or 12 maybe. I believe it supports the Android tablets, I saw a Dell Streak running it that had tons of gauges and graphs. A 10" tablet would be amazing, especially the upcoming Motorola Xoom, which I want more than anything. Go give it a try!

I'm not really sure why there's a "tear" in the picture. It's never done it before and I couldn't get it to stop.

Body Kit For Chevy Malibu

2011-01-03T20:33:00.000-08:00

This doesn't really have to do with anything. I just thought this looked bad ass and want to put it on my Malibu.

Must Have Apps For Your Android

2011-01-03T06:10:00.000-08:00

Now that the Android platform of smart phones and more recently tablet pc's, has obviously rocketed into popularity what are some of the must have apps? It can be hard to find apps you want with an app market breaking 30,000 of the little buggers. So I have compiled a list of app I've found useful on my LG Ally with Android 2.1., Although mines slightly modified.

Set CPU (for rooted devices) allow you to tweak your CPU giving your phone the ability to perform faster, but be careful increase it to much and you will generate kernel panic. Which will cause your phone to reboot.
Widgetsoid is probably the coolest app I've seen so far. It allows you to create custom shortcuts to your apps, just like holding it and placing it, but much much more control and personalization. I highly recommend it and better yet its free.
Tunee Music is basically a torrent for your phone. Just search any artist or song and it will find it 99% of the time with absolutely no charges to install or download music.
Superuser (for rooted devices) is what allows Set CPU to make its changes and its a must have for rooted devices.
Skyfire is a web browser that allows you to view almost any flash video for those of us without the fancy flash enabled phones. It pops up a link to the video whenever it detects one, sends the info to somewhere not really sure where, and sends it back to your phone in a format it will play.
Shazam identifies songs and tell you all the artist and song info very handy and a very popular app.
Ringdroid allows you to take a song or a part of a song from your phone and makes it a ringtone, alert, or notification, for people who don't like the stock sounds.
Pandora is pretty self explanatory just the mobile app take your internet radio anywhere.
ROM Manager is another must have for rooted users. If you want to flash custom roms and make backup roms.
MixZing is a media player app, I find it much better than the factory Android one. It finds album art, and artist info, even lets you change the ID tags (on the paid version) to the correct song info. Even has a nifty equalizer.
Fandango is a very popular app as well find all the movies playing in your area. Buy tickets from your phone and see showing times.
iMobsters is a fun game. Basically its Mafia Wars for your phone.
Facebook app enough said.
Ebay app is very useful if your on ebay a lot, buy and sell.
Barnacle Wifi Tether (for rooted devices) allows you to use your phone a wifi hotspot. Well sorta it sends out an ad-hoc net work instead of your normal wifi. So if your computer won't recognize an ad-hoc network your sol, but if yours does then great!

So that's my list of must have apps for your Android devices. As I find more I'm sure I'll make another post about the subject. Now go try those apps out!

Was Cursive Useless?

2011-01-02T15:18:00.000-08:00

Doesn't it seem like cursive was useless to learn. Back in 3rd - 4th grade we were told that we needed to learn cursive it was important, that we would be using it every day. I was told in 6th grade that once we hit high school everything we wrote would be in cursive. Yeah right I can probably count on 1 hand that number of times I've had to use cursive. The only time you really have to is to sign your name and it doesn't even have to be good. 99% of the stuff I wrote in high school was regular print and not good print at that. If cursive is so important why don't we have cursive letters on our keyboards, and they type in cursive as the default?

I'd like to thank the schools for making me learn more useless shit that I will never use ever again in my life. It goes nicely with the other 95% of the stuff I was spoon feed and shoved down my throat for no other reason than that the people of the school board thought it was necessary. People who don't even know whats helpful because they haven't been in school since the 60's. It's all just to please everyone the school board, the parents, everyone but the people who actually matter the students.

I'm not saying school is useless and doesn't have it's place, it does. We need to be able to be taught about engineering and water purification and so forth. I'm talking about the other shit that is completely useless. Who cares what a compound adverb is? You don't need to know what is it to write a good story or book. Teach us the basics and let us explore that's how we will really learn.

WTF Kids Bop

2011-01-01T21:59:00.000-08:00

I saw a Kids Bop commercial on TV today, what the hell? Who the fuck thought this would be a good idea? It's a terrible idea. A bunch of little kids who can't sing butchering songs. How did they ever get the licensing to do the songs? They just need to stop. If I was a recording artist and saw my music on there I would be pissed, I'd fuck shit up. It wasn't even cool like 10 years ago when it came out. No little kid has ever wanted that shit. It's never been cool and never will be.

James Dean & The Curse

2011-01-01T15:23:00.000-08:00

So everyone has heard of James Dean. The movie star heart throb that was to fast to live and to young to die, but ended up dieing at 24. He only made about 3 big movies but his impact in America is still felt. However his death is shrouded curses, "black magic", and malevolent presences. I won't get into his whole life story, instead I'll skip to the last moments of his life. The focus of this post is going to be about his silver Porsche 550 Spyder.

The car which he fondly called "Little Bastard". It was one of only 90 ever made and Porsche's first production model race car. It had a 1.5 liter flat four with dual overhead camshafts and 110hp, but in a car that weighs just 1510lbs due to its hand formed aluminum body and tube chassis, it makes for one fast car. Many people around James had bad feelings about the little car. There were also warnings and irony's weeks before the crash. 2 weeks before James was doing a National Safety Council commercial, a commercial in which he said, "Remember, drive safely, the life you save might be mine." Which he changed form the life you save may be your own. There was also about 4 different times on the day of his death that he was warned of his speed, he also had gotten a ticket earlier that day for speeding. Dean's friend Eartha Kitt who went with a drive with Dean a week before the accident had said this to the young star. "James, I don't like this car, It's going to kill you." About the same time he met fellow actor Alec Guinness upon which Dean asked his opinion on the car. Guinness had said he thought It looked sinister, and if James got in it he would be dead within a week. A week before the crash he gave away a kitten the Liz Taylor had given him on the set of Giant. Why? Had he felt what was going to happen? Some think that the car had a malevolent spirit in it from the get go, some think it was just a horrible accident, others think it had to do with black magic. Some say James had a prior relationship with Maila Nurmi the actress on Vampira and after breaking off their relationship she had put a curse on him. It was known that she was in to black magic and she didn't like that he denied their relationship if the had one. The other story goes that she left a note on his windshield that said "How can you be in such an awful looking thing." No matter how you look at it the series of events after that crash are pretty strange. On the day of the crash James was on his way to a race with a Life camera crew in tow. He had originally planned to tow the silver Porsche to the race, but at the last moment decided to drive it there, in order to help familiarize himself with the car. While on his way there at about 3:30 is when he got the speeding ticket. However this didn't stop the young star from straying over the speed limit. After the ticket he told Hickman and Roth the part of his crew in the station wagon behind him to meet him at a place called Rolf at Paso Robles. Upon reaching Rolf's Dean ate an apple and drank a coke, his last meal. Hickman again warned Dean to slow down and watch his speed and that with his car being silver and so low profile it was hard to see on the road. They soon departed some say Dean was going in excess of 100mph others say it was about 55. Never the less at 5:30pm he came to the crossing of highway 466 and 41. The spot had been known to be dangerous. A 1950 Ford Tudor driven by student Donald Turnupseed on his way home was making a left hand turn and needed to turn across the road. James also saw the car upon which seeing he said "That guy has to stop." However he didn't and turned across Dean's path. The Ford was struck in the fender with relative damage but the 1500 pound speedster hit it and flipped 49 feet into the air. Wutherich Dean's co-rider and mechanic was flung from the car and suffered a broken jaw and leg, but survived. Turnupseed Suffered non life threatening injuries. James however was not so lucky the small speedster was crush like a tin can around him pinning him inside. He suffered a broken neck, concussion, fractures of the upper an lower jaw, and massive internal bleeding. Although some think he survived only horribly disfigured, these are probably the same people who think that Elvis is frying donuts in Kansas. And was later pronounced dead at Paso Robles hospital. This wasn't the end of the cars death bringing and injury. After the accident car customizer George Barris bought the wreck for $2500. He had a bad feeling about the car from the start. This started the cars killing spree. While at Barris's garage the engine fell out of the car falling onto the mechanics legs breaking them. While at a race in Pomona Fair Grounds on October 24, 1956 two physicians who had parts of Deans car in their race cars both suffered severe crashes. Troy Mchenry whose car had the Porsche's engine lost control and crashed and hit a tree. He died upon impact. William Eschrid whose car had the Porsche's drive shaft crashed but despite serious injury survived. He later said the the car just locked up going into a turn. A kid trying to take the Porsche's steering wheel suffered a gash on his arm. A young man who bought two tires from the car had them both blow out within a week almost killing him. Barris then sent the car for display with the California Highway Patrol. Within days the building housing the wreck burned down with everything in it except the little bastard. The car was then put on display in Sacramento where it fell from its display and broke a teenagers hip. George Barkis who was hauling the Porsche was killed when his truck crashed sending him flying out of his truck but that didn't kill him, what killed him is that the Porsche fell on him after he flew out of his truck. Accidents surrounded the car until 1960 when on its way back from Miami it was sealed in a container. Upon arriving in California the seal was still intact but the car had dis-appeared from the container. It hasn't been discovered still. There's a rumor that in late 1960 the car was taken to Altus, Oklahoma where it sits today in a container with its title, but no one knows for sure.

Keanu Reeves Is Immortal?

2011-01-01T04:18:00.000-08:00

I've seen this around the net so I thought I'd elaborate on it a little bit. Isn't weird Keanu Reeves looks the same now as he did in Bill and Ted 22 years ago? Here's some pictures to show what I'm talking about.

Bill and Ted 1989

And in 2010

Looks like he did over 20 years ago huh. Either he has one badass plastic surgeon or he's immortal. Other celebrities would kill for the secret to his non-aging. I mean how does he do it? You gotta admit it's pretty amazing that he doesn't even look a little older. Here's the real kicker. There was a french actor Paul Mounet who lived from 1847-1922. He died under unusual circumstances and no body was ever found. To make things even more strange they have a connection. Reeves was born in Beirut, Lebanon which has had strong ties to Europe through out history, but most of all France. The same country Mounet is from, and in 1920 just 2 years before the death of Mounet the Ottoman Empire dissolved leaving Lebanon under French control. Did Mounet "Reeves" flee to America to continue acting under a new name? To show what I'm talking about heres some pictures.

Keanu

Mounet

Erie isn't it?

Wild Pacman

2011-01-01T00:30:00.000-08:00

Kinda creepy isn't it?

Horrible Inventions

2010-12-31T17:00:00.000-08:00

Here are some stupid inventions that never quite caught on.

Fart Gum

Why the hell would anyone want a fart to come from their mouth? That's just retarded, I mean farts that come from your ass are bad enough. Does it make your breath smell like a big butt explosion too? I guess you'd be talking a lot of shit.

The Little Wizzer alcohol dispenser

I can't imagine why anyone would wanna drink something that can from a weiner, real or not. It's like drinking piss and depending on the beverage you select might taste like it too. I find it a little creepy that it looks like a child. I mean WTF thats fucked up. Is it being marketed to cho-moes?

Remote Controlled Lawn Mower

Why the hell would anyone want to pretend to mow their lawn. Mowing fucking blows. You know your boring and have no friends when the only thing you have to do is mow. Your a lazy son of a bitch too, you can't even put pants on and actually go do it. Why's the dad floating on a hovercraft thing? They don't have that shit yet, and if they did you'd have a robot to be your bitch and mow your lawn.

Death Of Pringles Can Inventor

2010-12-31T02:13:00.000-08:00

The inventor of the Pringles can Fredric Baur's ashes were buried in one upon his death. Which makes me wonder what can was he buried in? Was it a plan original or was it a hot and fiery pizza flavor? I think it would show what his friends and family thought about it him. Did it say douche or most awesome mother fucker ever?

Boredom

2010-12-30T22:18:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been so bored you just sit for hours and do nothing? Nothing sounds fun you, couldn't find entertainment to save your life. The internet is just so boring even youtube and facebook just seem so mundane. Your half tempted to go pee on an electric fence just for something to do. Well I've been there as a matter of fact that's why I'm writing this post. So lets try to think of some things to do.

Spin around in circles and see if you can walk down a flight of stairs.
See how many times you can yell penis in Wal-Mart before they kick you out.
See who's fastest in a race in the motorized shopping carts.
Pitch a tent in Wal-Mart and I don't mean in the sporting goods section.
See how many times you can say what in a drive thru before they tell you too fuck off.
Grab a shopping cart select one grape and pay for it. Not in the express lane either.
Walk backwards yelling I'm out of control.
In the middle of class walk out of the room and come talk yelling about how great Narnia was.
Be way to happy for no reason.
Walk up to a random van screaming where my fucking candy!?

So that's what I got. if you have any just comment them and I'll put them in.

Ladies And Gentelmen

2010-12-30T21:24:00.000-08:00

Pickles... that is all.

What Happened To MTV?

2010-12-29T23:53:00.000-08:00

Does anyone know what the hell happened to MTV? I thought they were music television, not fake reality tv, dumb drama, and completely stupid irrelevant shows, or FRDDCSITV. Well that's to long not as catchy as MTV. It almost seems like false advertising to call it MTV anymore. Do they actually show music videos besides between 2 and 10 AM? I'm no expert but I think most people don't watch TV at 3 in the morning. Unless they got the munchies. MTV was enormously popular when it came out because they were actually music television. I don't even watch it anymore either there's just completely retarded shows I will never want to watch, or re-runs I've seen a million times. Can we please have our MTV back?

Belly Button Lint

2010-12-29T20:05:00.000-08:00

Where does belly button lint come from? I mean I know I don't have any loose strands or pre-existing lint. So where the hell does it come from? Are there little belly button trolls living in there or some shit, who's sole purpose is to make lint to fuck with me on a near daily basis? Maybe there's belly button gnomes too. They hate the trolls because they moved from the corn hole to the belly button to escape the smell. And they were bigger and stronger than the gnomes so they pushed them into the back of the belly button. Who knows maybe one day the gnomes will say this is enough of this bullshit and they'll start to retaliate. Then there will be a little 300 going on in my belly. I mean really it doesn't make any sense that it just appears out of nowhere. Is my belly button a time vortex into a parallel dimension? Fuck now I'm scared to get that lint out. I don't want my finger to start getting sucked in, then when I disappear people will ask how did he die? Everyone will say he got ate by his belly button. What kind of pussy gets ate by their belly button? That doesn't even make any sense. So if anyone's got any insight please comment.

It's A Winter Wonderland

2010-12-29T16:56:00.000-08:00

My car likes the snow and my lights look cool

WTF Snow

2010-12-29T14:06:00.000-08:00

You don't show up for weeks, then out of no where your up to my damn knees! Don't show up a lot for a few days then disappear for weeks it pisses us all off. Fuck you snow.

Forgot How To Sit

2010-12-29T01:10:00.000-08:00

What if the world forgot how to sit? For many eons man has known how to sit. It is how we relax, watch movies, and possibly the most important... taking a shit with relatively no mess (Unless you ate Taco Bell, polish food, drank 50 Rockstars, or have a general problem). How did the first man discover sitting? Maybe it was to crouch for the hunt as to not be seen by the woolly mammoths, or wildebeest, or maybe Dick Cheney. Watch the fuck out if he's got a gun. I imagine crouching would be very beneficial to the hunt. I can't give an expert opinion though. The closest I've come to hunting is fighting an old lady for the last box of pepperoni Hot Pockets.The animal wouldn't be able to see you as well and you could sneak up on it easier. No matter how you look at it sitting was discovered out of necessity. To lay down you pretty much have to sit down. Unless you do a running jump kick of doom onto your bed. The cavemen probably got tired of sleeping standing up. Waking up with back and neck pain, never getting enough sleep. Do you have any idea how hard it was to get a good chiropractor in those days. Not only was he a chiropractor, he was a medical doctor, barber, and Geek Squad employee too. I think the best guess was probably that he had to sit down to properly vanquish the poo demon. Can you fathom the amount of mess standing up and making a bowel movement would create? It would be enormous and they didn't have Lysol wipes either. They either had to just deal with it till it rained, or remember what hand they eat with and do work. So don't take for granted the ability to sit. Because life would be incredibly difficult and suck some major hairy balls if you forgot how,