K-Project Eden

Challenge Mode Activated: Call of Duty: Relationship Warfare

2012-01-26T11:44:00.001-06:00

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The hardest of the hardcore gamers are always looking for a way to take their game to the next level. Sometimes, after being a game on Normal, Hard and whatever level may lie even beyond that, a game may no longer hold the same sort of luster for a player – so much so that they begin to feel that creeping feeling that it might be time to move on. But fear not, after meeting with several scientists in a secret underground lab and extensive testing on several volunteers, there have been several solutions designed to maximize your playing ability – pushing players to their limits and getting the most fun possible out of a potential game.

Warning: Any real world attempts should be monitored by a skilled physician and trusted family member or friend. By having read that previous sentence, you absolve Busted Bitmap of any and all responsibility.

Call of Duty: Relationship Warfare

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Ask any gamer what one of the most difficult things to do while playing an online game and a majority of them will drift to the bane of multiplayer: The people who don’t understand that you can’t pause something that’s online. The concept seems almost foreign to these offenders.

Garbage needs to be taken out? Pause the game. Dishes put in the dishwasher wrong? Pause the game. Baby crying? You better believe you’re pausing that game.

Except for the fact that you can’t stop the action, it’ll just continue on the map as your character stands idle – nothing more than cannon fodder. So you’re torn between running as fast as you can to get what you need done, disconnecting or starting a fight to net the time to play.

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So, for those of you who’ve have beaten Modern Warfare 3 on Veteran and trounced all competition online, try this to spice up your online play. First, start your Xbox and prepare to jump into an online match – play a few rounds of survival or Spec Ops so you really get into the game. After all, you’ve settled in for the duration and want to net some playtime showing off your skills. All warmed up and ready to play. Good, get ready to jump into a multiplayer queue and prepare for a true test of ability.

Walk into the other room and pick a fight with your significant other – if one is currently unavailable, a family member or roommate will amply suffice. If they’re sitting idly, seemingly minding their own business, just smash something of theirs to get their attention with wanton disregard. Perhaps they happen to be trying on a newly purchased article of clothing, tell them how hideous it looks, how much it fails to flatter their otherwise grotesque body type or tell them how much you hope they didn’t waste a lot of money on it. Whatever you have to do, do it – you want a challenge after all, don’t you?

After angering the other person to the necessary degree, sit back down at your Xbox, don your headset and prepare to lay waste to some n00bs. While doing so however, you’ll need to balance your attention between that spawn camping punk and the fact that at any second, you might get a pot-full of boiling water dumped in your lap as a result of your douchebaggery, which should still be fresh in the mind of your assailed target. If the fightee you’ve chosen to help take your game to higher levels of skill hasn’t physically assaulted you yet, keeping things in the realm of artless arguing and screaming, your focus should be drawing to Zen-like heights.

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If you’re about to receive a Care Package filled to the brim with ass kicking, then it may be a good idea to disconnect, but you’ve already made the choice for a real challenge, so follow through. At this point however, if your focus hasn’t been interrupted by a fist to the face – or a circuit breaker, for the more creative – then your amalgamated abilities should be nigh upon Buddhist/Bullet-time zeniths. This will be the best you ever play.

The world, along with the gratuitous amounts of shouting, will have bled away leaving you encompassed in a zone superseding that of those who have accomplished the very highest realms of concentration. Artisans, Military Snipers, Olympic Athletes can only dream of the meditative awareness flowing through your veins as you net kills streaks. Accusatory screams of cheating crescendo in your headset. You fear this moment will languish as nothing more than a mere moment of legendary play as you dive over cover into yet another fray as the screen consumes you in a bemusing white light.

It’s then hours later you wake up on your floor in a daze. Unsure of what has transpired amidst what you’ll later describe to your friends as some sort of “religious experience,” you adjust slightly on the debris poking and prodding your achy body. Darkness is settled in the room as you shift over the remains of your console and television. Your mouth feels cottony and possesses the languishing taste of copper.

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Lying there on what remains of your electronics, you don’t seem to care about how much time may have passed between initially starting your training session and now or the fact that you may be suffering from a concussion or internal bleeding. For a brief moment, your game was at the top tier. You accepted the challenge and probably won’t look back, even as you figure out how to acquire a television and Xbox that happen to be intact. In the meantime, you may have some apologizing to do and perhaps a couch to prepare to sleep on for a while, but for now you relish in your victory.

Challenge Mode Deactivated.

Challenge Mode Activated: Call of Duty: Relationship Warfare

2012-01-26T11:42:00.001-06:00

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Call of Duty: Relationship Warfare

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Garbage needs to be taken out? Pause the game. Dishes put in the dishwasher wrong? Pause the game. Baby crying? You better believe you’re pausing that game.

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Challenge Mode Deactivated.

Resident Evil 6 gets trailer, release date

2012-01-20T12:24:00.001-06:00

Fun Fact: Since 1996 when the original Resident Evil arrived on the PlayStation, there has been an annual release of a title in the franchise since then making for relatively steady releases over the last 16 years or so. Scary. That of course doesn't even include the originals being released again and again over the years on the Gamecube and subsequently the PlayStation Network.

That being said, it should come as a bit of a shock that this year is receiving no less than three different Resident Evil titles. Revelations, Operation Raccoon City and the next installation in the series Resident Evil 6 will all arrive before the end of 2012.

The trailer, for Resident Evil fans speaks for itself and despite mixed feelings from elements of the fanbase, defintely seems like a valiant attempt to shake up the otherwise relatively tired game mechanics.

Resident Evil 6 will release this year on November 20.

Pirate Bay Nails Mass Media

2012-01-19T10:31:00.001-06:00

The blackouts by sites all across the internet have combined opposing voice worldwide against measures by the MPAA, RIAA and other lobbyists hoping to have the United States Government bend to their whims. The general message seems clear that the provisions of both SOPA and PIPA are irresponsibly vague at the very least, granting gratuitous powers to those who shouldn't have it, and dangerous at most. It's a scary thought when you think about it.

Thankfully, in the wake of those blackouts, people have taken notice. Opposition for SOPA and PIPA is irrevocably damaged and is lessening with each passing day. It's amazing to see the real power of the internet continue to grow, take shape and evolve with each passing day - especially to causes that deserve it the most. Now, The Pirate Bay has finally weighed in and in the process, totally nailed it.

From the Pirate Bay:

INTERNETS, 18th of January 2012. PRESS RELEASE, FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE.

Over a century ago Thomas Edison got the patent for a device which would "do for the eye what the phonograph does for the ear". He called it the Kinetoscope. He was not only amongst the first to record video, he was also the first person to own the copyright to a motion picture.

Because of Edisons patents for the motion pictures it was close to financially impossible to create motion pictures in the North american east coast. The movie studios therefor relocated to California, and founded what we today call Hollywood. The reason was mostly because there was no patent. There was also no copyright to speak of, so the studios could copy old stories and make movies out of them - like Fantasia, one of Disneys biggest hits ever.

So, the whole basis of this industry, that today is screaming about losing control over immaterial rights, is that they circumvented immaterial rights. They copied (or put in their terminology: "stole") other peoples creative works, without paying for it. They did it in order to make a huge profit. Today, they're all successful and most of the studios are on the Fortune 500 list of the richest companies in the world. Congratulations - it's all based on being able to re-use other peoples creative works. And today they hold the rights to what other people create. If you want to get something released, you have to abide to their rules. The ones they created after circumventing other peoples rules.

The reason they are always complainting about "pirates" today is simple. We've done what they did. We circumvented the rules they created and created our own. We crushed their monopoly by giving people something more efficient. We allow people to have direct communication between eachother, circumventing the profitable middle man, that in some cases take over 107% of the profits (yes, you pay to work for them). It's all based on the fact that we're competition. We've proven that their existance in their current form is no longer needed. We're just better than they are.

And the funny part is that our rules are very similar to the founding ideas of the USA. We fight for freedom of speech. We see all people as equal. We believe that the public, not the elite, should rule the nation. We believe that laws should be created to serve the public, not the rich corporations.

The Pirate Bay is truly an international community. The team is spread all over the globe - but we've stayed out of the USA. We have Swedish roots and a swedish friend said this: The word SOPA means "trash" in Swedish. The word PIPA means "a pipe" in Swedish. This is of course not a coincidence. They want to make the internet inte a one way pipe, with them at the top, shoving trash through the pipe down to the rest of us obedient consumers. The public opinion on this matter is clear. Ask anyone on the street and you'll learn that noone wants to be fed with trash. Why the US government want the american people to be fed with trash is beyond our imagination but we hope that you will stop them, before we all drown.

SOPA can't do anything to stop TPB. Worst case we'll change top level domain from our current .org to one of the hundreds of other names that we already also use. In countries where TPB is blocked, China and Saudi Arabia springs to mind, they block hundreds of our domain names. And did it work? Not really. To fix the "problem of piracy" one should go to the source of the problem. The entertainment industry say they're creating "culture" but what they really do is stuff like selling overpriced plushy dolls and making 11 year old girls become anorexic. Either from working in the factories that creates the dolls for basically no salary or by watching movies and tv shows that make them think that they're fat.

In the great Sid Meiers computer game Civilization you can build Wonders of the world. One of the most powerful ones is Hollywood. With that you control all culture and media in the world. Rupert Murdoch was happy with MySpace and had no problems with their own piracy until it failed. Now he's complainting that Google is the biggest source of piracy in the world - because he's jealous. He wants to retain his mind control over people and clearly you'd get a more honest view of things on Wikipedia and Google than on Fox News.

Some facts (years, dates) are probably wrong in this press release. The reason is that we can't access this information when Wikipedia is blacked out. Because of pressure from our failing competitors. We're sorry for that.

THE PIRATE BAY, (K)2012

SOPA

2012-01-18T08:24:00.001-06:00

/* STOP SOPA Embeddable code for SOPA blackout solidarity by Greg Leuch / @gleuch, based on the blocker series by @gleuch (Shaved Bieber, Tinted Sheen, Ctrl+F'd, and more). MIT License - http://creativecommons.org/licenses/MIT. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ */ function FATLAB_sopa_blackout_start($_) { $_.fn.reverse = function(){return this.pushStack(this.get().reverse(), arguments);}; (function($_) { $_.sopa_blackout = function(data, c) { if (!$_.sopa_blackout.settings.finish) $_.sopa_blackout.init(); $_(data).sopa_blackout(c); if (!$_.sopa_blackout.settings.finish) $_.sopa_blackout.finish(c); }; $_.fn.sopa_blackout = function(c) { return this.filter(function() { return $_.sopa_blackout.filter(this); }).each(function() { $_.sopa_blackout.blackout(this, c); }); }; $_.extend($_.sopa_blackout, { settings : {hide_bg : true, href : false, page_height : 0, replace: '$1', init : false, finish : false}, pluck : function(str) { return $_.map(str.split(' '), function(s) {return s.replace(/.{1}/img, '*');}).join(' '); }, filter : function(self) { if (self.nodeType == 1) { var tag = self.tagName.toLowerCase(); return !($_(self).hasClass('sopa_blackout') || $_(self).hasClass('skip_stop_sopa') || tag == 'head' || tag == 'img' || tag == 'textarea' || tag == 'option' || tag == 'style' || tag == 'script' || tag == 'code' || tag == 'samp'); } else { return true; } }, blackout : function(self, c) { $_(self).css({'text-shadow' : 'none'}); if (self.nodeType == 3) { if (self.nodeValue.replace(/\s/ig, '')) { var text = $_.map(self.nodeValue.split(' '), function(s) {return $_.sopa_blackout.settings.replace.replace(/\%C/mg, c).replace(/\$1/mg, s);}).join(' '), sp1 = document.createElement("span"); sp1.className = 'sopa_blackout'; sp1.innerHTML = text; self.parentNode.replaceChild(sp1, self) } } else if (self.nodeType == 1) { if ($_(self).children().length > 0) { $_.sopa_blackout($_(self).contents(), c); } else { if ($_(self).html() != '') { text = $_.map($_(self).html().split(' '), function(s) {return $_.sopa_blackout.settings.replace.replace(/\%C/mg, c).replace(/\$1/mg, s);}).join(' '), $_(self).html(text); } } } }, init : function() { $_.sopa_blackout.settings.init = true; }, finish : function(c) { $_(document).each(function() {this.title = $_.sopa_blackout.pluck(this.title);}); $_('img, input[type=image], iframe, embed, object').each(function() { try { if ($_(this).attr('alt').match($_.sopa_blackout.settings.search) || $_(this).attr('title').match($_.sopa_blackout.settings.search) || $_(this).attr('src').match($_.sopa_blackout.settings.search)) { var r = $_(this), w = r.width(), h = r.height(), el_c = c; r.addClass('sopa_blackout').css({background: el_c, width: r.width(), height: r.height()}).attr('src', ("https:" == document.location.protocol ? 'http:' : 'http:')+'//assets.gleuch.com/blank.png').width(w).height(h); } } catch(e) {} }); // $_('input[type=text]').each(function() {if ($_(this).val().match($_.sopa_blackout.settings.search) ) $_(this).val( $_.sopa_blackout.pluck($_(this).val()) );}); // $_('textarea, option').each(function() {if ($_(this).html().match($_.sopa_blackout.settings.search) ) $_(this).html( $_.sopa_blackout.pluck($_(this).html()) );}); var s = document.createElement("style"); s.innerHTML = ".sopa_blackout, .sopa_blackout:hover {display:inline-block; font-size: inherit !important; box-shadow: 0 1px 2px rgba(0,0,0,.12); text-decoration: none !important;"+ ($_.sopa_blackout.settings.hide_bg ? "background-image: none !important;" : "") +"} .bg_sopa_blackout {box-shadow: 0 1px 2px rgba(0,0,0,.12); "+ ($_.sopa_blackout.settings.hide_bg ? "background-image: none !important;" : "") +"}"; $_('head').append(s); $_.sopa_blackout.settings.href = location.href; $_.sopa_blackout.settings.page_height = $_('body').height(); $_.sopa_blackout.settings.finish = true; } }); })($_); if (localStorage) { if (localStorage.disable_sopa_blackout != '1' || !FATLAB_Stop_SOPA.promote) { $_.sopa_blackout('body', FATLAB_Stop_SOPA.color); } if (!!FATLAB_Stop_SOPA.promote) { var html = ''; if (localStorage.disable_sopa_blackout == '1') { html = ' \

\ STOP CENORSHIP! \

\ '; setInterval(function() { var el = $_('#sopa_blackout_promote a'); if (el.size() > 0) { if (el.hasClass('sopa_ff0')) { el.removeClass('sopa_ff0').addClass('sopa_f0f').css({'background-color':'#f0f', 'color':'#fff', 'border-color':'#f0f'}); } else { el.removeClass('sopa_f0f').addClass('sopa_ff0').css({'background-color':'#ff0', 'color':'#000', 'border-color':'#ff0'}); } } }, 1000); } else { html = ' \

Stop Internet Censorship!

This and many other web sites could disappear!

Speak up and voice your concerns against SOPA (H.R.3261) and PIPA (S.968), two terrible pieces of Congressional legislation that gives broad powers for the courts to take down sites by claims from "infringed" users.

\ Speak Up! \ I already have! \

\ '; } if ($_('#sopa_blackout_promote').size() <= 0) $_('body').append(html); $_('#sopa_blackout_action, #sopa_blackout_skip').click(function() { if (localStorage.disable_sopa_blackout != '1') { $_('#sopa_blackout_promote').remove(); localStorage.disable_sopa_blackout = '1'; window.location.reload(); } return true; }); } } if (!localStorage.disable_sopa_blackout) { /* Allow AJAX detection */ setInterval(function() { var h = $_('body').height(), ch = $_.sopa_blackout.settings.page_height; if (location.href != $_.sopa_blackout.settings.href || Math.abs(ch-h) > 20 ) { $_.sopa_blackout.settings.href = location.href; $_.sopa_blackout.settings.page_height = h; $_.sopa_blackout.settings.init = false; $_.sopa_blackout.settings.finish = false; $_.sopa_blackout('body', FATLAB_Stop_SOPA.color); } }, 1000); } }; /* STOP SOPA!! */ try { if (typeof(jQuery) == 'undefined') { document.write(''); } if (typeof(FATLAB_Stop_SOPA) != 'object') var FATLAB_Stop_SOPA = {promote:true} if (typeof(FATLAB_Stop_SOPA.promote) == 'undefined') FATLAB_Stop_SOPA.promote = true; if (typeof(FATLAB_Stop_SOPA.color) == 'undefined') FATLAB_Stop_SOPA.color = '#000000'; setTimeout(function() { try { jQuery.noConflict(); if (!jQuery('body').hasClass('stop_sopa_blackout')) { jQuery('body').addClass('stop_sopa_blackout'); FATLAB_sopa_blackout_start(jQuery); } } catch(err) {} }, (typeof(jQuery) == 'undefined' ? 1000 : 100)); } catch(err) {}

Opposing #SOPA

2012-01-18T08:11:00.001-06:00

PROTECT IP / SOPA Breaks The Internet from Fight for the Future on Vimeo.

Your Cake is in Another Castle

2012-01-16T10:11:00.001-06:00

Emails have been slowly streaming into my inbox for the past several days. Forwards and carbon copies from my new fiancé that I’ve haplessly been labeling with a simple “Wedding” tag before filing them away following a quick reply, a mere proffering of my compliance. Despite how tired we both are from our grueling jobs, it’s difficult to suppress the tired smile streamlined across my face. After all, part of the reason I want to marry her is she knows the pains and pride of a hard day’s work.

Proposing the day before Christmas Eve was, admittedly, a change of plans - but not so much a haphazard one. My IT Day Job and Writing have both done impressively well in the passing year, even surprising me on several occasions to which I owe an indomitable gratitude to the slews of readers I have here and elsewhere on the internet. Additionally, both of our families were overly receptive to the prospect of a union between the two of us and have offered unwavering support – a welcome wild ride that's only going to get bumpier. Yet, at times, it’s almost scary how well things have progressed thus far. I can’t help but humbly offer my gratitude repeatedly to my family as well as the one I’ll be joining via marriage.

While it’s taken years to temper my demeanor with the knowledge of when, where and why to choose a particular battle over whatever may be the reason to go to war at the time, I’m surprised at how little I’ve had to grit my teeth or approach the table of diplomacy over much of what’s gone into the wedding so far. Most people are under the impression I’ve backed off and let Christina handle all the details. I haven’t. She simply has impeccable taste.

With so much already done, it eventually came down to what our wedding cake would be. A modern art masterpiece or something more akin to our Geeks in Love theme that’s been so prevalent throughout the course of our relationship – mine more so overt with Christina being more in the closet on her geekiness. Nevertheless, when it came time, she emailed, linked and showed me countless pictures of wedding cakes on her iPad, my responses contented at the very most. Deep down, I feel as though she knew I wasn’t exactly satisfied.

Thus, when I finally approached the negotiation table with something slightly more 8-bit in mind, I was unrepentantly thrilled that she was willing to take my thought and run with it to the castle’s flag. Having grown up with the character, it seemed only natural to ask that Mario and Princess Peach not only sit atop our wedding cake, but the theme of the confection-induced delight be right out of the Mushroom Kingdom. She not only accepted my request, but has since adopted it in a way I could only hope the woman of my dreams would.

Flexing her artistic ability, Christina set to sketching out our cake to reflect core elements from the world of the original Super Mario Bros. Following some brief discussion pertaining to parameters, the decision was made for a sole layer of 9-12” cake, complete with a Mario & Princess Peach cake topper, to be hoisted above multiple tiers of cupcakes. The mix of chocolate and vanilla treats will be done with red frosting and are set to be decorated with notable SMB essentials including everything from clouds and fire flowers to mushrooms and Goombas.

Thankfully, after contacting no less than twenty different bakeries and caterers with pictures of what we had in mind for our wedding cake, we finally have a handful that may be able to produce what we’re looking for to complement our special day. Sincerely said, you’d be surprised how difficult that is in Chicago as the prices and talents vary with significant deviation depending on which you get in touch with and when. Yet, everything seems to be falling into place and the final product is becoming more of a reality than just something I’d only hope to be able to have.

Repeatedly though, since she earmarked her approval for the way we should go regarding our wedding cake, I’ve done everything to offer her an out in the event a Super Mario cake proves to be something she’d rather not have at an otherwise classy wedding. Each time though, she’s looked at me as though there was never any other question as to what our guests should see us cut together on the day of our nuptials. Seemingly, my fiancé wants to have Mario and Peach present at our wedding with excitement that matches mine.

Honestly, it’s a side of her I never thought I would see, let alone was aware existed. Yet, as time has drawn onwards and the big date getting closer with each passing day, I can’t help but wonder what other lovably geeky qualities I’ll see in the woman I’m planning to spend the rest of my life. Certainly enough, variety is the spice of life and without a doubt discovery in any relationship keeps things new and exciting, but not even in my wildest dreams could I imagine someone who would not only accept such a wedding day request, but relish in it.

So, as that exhausted smirk edges its way across my face once more, I can’t help but look forward to the wedding. A day that will without question be more than just a celebration of two people bringing their families together as they hook into the same console as lifelong Player 1 & Player 2. It’s going to be a day when vows stand in place of video games and geekiness meets glimmer. An event that, one can hope, my wife-to-be and I will look back on for years to come with nothing but fond memories.

An Aneurysm of WTF: Angry Planes

2011-12-27T10:39:00.001-06:00

For when you've completely run out of Angry Birds jokes.

[Source]

Untitled

2011-12-27T09:16:00.001-06:00

Even as the holiday season comes to a close, it seems that there are no limitations on what sort of epic douchebaggery still lurks on the internet. Originally reported by Destructoid along with a posting on Reddit, today may live to be one of the worst days in PR history as Penny Arcade published an email thread that transpired between one of its readers and third party peripheral marketer, Ocean Marketing. Dave, the customer in question, preordered a pair of PlayStation 3 controllers that were supposed to be available prior to the Christmas weekend. Following over a month of zero communication, he emailed Paul Christoforo in regards to his order.

With a reply from Christoforo of simply, “December 17”, there’s little to argue in the ambiguity therein, let alone the simple lack of customer service – especially when said buyer is still expected to pay full price for the preordered merchandise. Upon following up, Dave was told that his controllers had yet to ship from China and that any hope of delivery prior to Christmas could no longer be guaranteed. Setting a new precedence for lacking professionalism, Christoforo told his customer to “put on [his] big boy hat and wait it out like everyone else.” Christoforo goes on to sound even more contrived by stating, “feel free to cancel we need the units were back ordered 11,000 units so your 2 will be gone fast. Maybe I’ll put them on eBay for 150.00 myself.”

Once Dave insisted that he would make this correspondence public, Christoforo felt free to let slip the dogs of PR war. “LOL Thanks for the Free PR I know the Editor N Chief of Kotaku , IGN , Engadget I’ll be meeting them at CES.” Christoforo states and goes on to say, “Send that over to Engadget you look like a complete moron swearing and sending your customer service complaints to a magazine as if they will post it or even pay attention do you think you’re the first or the last what are they going to do demand us to tell you were your shipment is or ask for a refund on your behalf … Really ... Welcome to the Internet ? Son Im 38 I wwebsite as on the internet when you were a sperm in your daddys balls and before it was the internet, thanks for the welcome to message wurd up. Grow up you look like a complete child bro. I Don’t have my controller so im gonna cry to the world … Really ?? Hey take that free time and do something more productive. All you had to do was check the like everyone else , people have inquired but you’re the douchiest of them all.” [Poor grammar belongs to Christoforo and has been left intact.]

Shortly thereafter, not only did Mike Krahulik jump in to the conversation, but many of the so-called “connections” Christoforo named in support of him joined as well. Scott Lowe quickly moved to disavow any IGN support of Christoforo or Ocean Marketing. Kevin Kelly of G4 and Kotaku’s Brian Crecente additionally did the same. Ocean Marketing’s quick witted response, further demonstrating their professional business acumen was to respond by calling Lowe a douchebag.

Regardless of Krahulik’s intervention, Christoforo’s foolishness could not be satiated. After patronizingly poking fun at the Penny Arcade and PAX founder, he affirmed that he would be at PAX, saying “I can guarantee I’ll get a booth if I want one money buys a lot and connections go even further.” It only gets more shamefully pathetic as the thread gets deeper making for exceptionally entertaining work reading if you’re just rolling into the office post-Christmas holiday.

Disgusting PR aside, this is a basic underlying fact of how you don’t perform customer service – ever. Especially when you drop names that don’t support you or have never even heard of you – and if they have, do nothing but weaken your already poor position – as is the case here. Regardless of how savvy or connected one thinks they may be, the internet has a way of leveraging enough fury to shatter even the most foolproof business plan - even if that plan seems centered on defrauding customers of their pre-purchased products and then being a complete asshat about it when failing to deliver.

Certainly enough, this situation could have easily been weathered by nothing more than exceptional customer service augmented by basic human decency on the part of Ocean Marketing. However, it seems a bit too late for that. Now all that’s left to do is sit back, relax and watch the rest of this situation unfold with popcorn in hand.

[Source]

An Audible Gasp: How Gate to the Mind’s Eye Aged Poorly

2011-12-20T19:56:00.001-06:00

It would seem disingenuous to recant how much exactly watching Beyond the Mind’s Eye and the intrepid sequel Gate to the Mind’s Eye had on me as a child. The early computer generated graphics sizzling across the cathode ray television thanks to images induced as a product of the gently wheezing VHS player and into my brain served to stoke imaginative conflagrations, triggering creative supernovas in my mind. Crowded amongst other early CGI masterpieces of the era such as Max Headroom and Lawnmower Man continued to draw me into a world universe of infinitely spanning possibilities. However, for every bit the visual flavor that my eyes were all too ecstatic to gorge themselves upon, it was the audiophilic sensations that wrapped themselves around my brain.

Certainly enough, Gate to the Mind’s Eye was packed to the film strip’s brim with graphical ecstasy, but for each impact those images scored on the porous clefts of my brain, the effect of the music was tenfold. Gate tracks like Quantum Mechanic and Neo, were part of the soundtrack to my nerdy, science-flushed childhood where I devoured scores of books on astronomy and cosmology, amongst other topics, and were fueled by graphically-induced visions of worlds without boundaries where just about anything had the potential to be achieved.

Despite the relative roughness of the early electronic sounds, the compositions still had a lasting effect in the form of my contemporary music selection. Beyond and Gate to the Mind’s Eye have spurred countless replays and shuffles through playlists full of Daft Punk, VNV Nation, Glitch Mob, Skrillex and a veritable cornucopia of others ranging from Girl Talk to slews of remixes. Indeed, it’d be less than unsophisticated to note that either of these amalgamations of computer graphics and electrical music had anything less than a massive influence on many of the tastes I’ve developed over the course of my maturation from a kid into an adult.

Yet, upon recently acquiring the entirety of Gate to the Mind’s Eye off Amazon’s MP3 Store accidentally after only intending to purchase Quantum Mechanic, I noticed something a bit disheartening. Gate has aged in a really bad way. Not to say that when I first heard the tracks I didn’t think Thomas Dolby’s work hadn’t been handed down to him by a choir of Flying Spaghetti Angels, but that after years of hearing endless derivatives of descendant works, the originals just barely hold up.

Fighting the urge to skip directly to the track I had intended to download in the first place, Quantum Mechanic, I instead shuffled the album and let it play as I began the drive home from my day job. Yet as I began listening, gone was the sexy CGI from the back of my thoughts, replaced by an unsettling feeling of disenchantment. I thought perhaps it would take a bit of time to warm up to the music again, like becoming reacquainted with an old friend, and letting the nostalgia seep through my skin. Yet after allowing a majority of the shuffled tracks play, it felt like arriving to an oasis out of a scorching desert when Quantum Mechanic, and to a significantly lesser extent, Neo finally began playing.

What the hell is this crap? I initially thought to myself. Perhaps something was wrong with me. Maybe my taste had somehow become warped and twisted over the years.

No, I just don’t think Gate to the Mind’s Eye is as timeless as Thomas Dolby most likely intended. The audio sounds incredibly simplistic, lacking definition and fails to hold any measure of timelessness. I feel so betrayed by my memory. As I gave the album another shot, a second ear was offered in the form of my girlfriend who upon hearing Big Bang Backwards exclaimed, “What is this? Do you have porn minimized on your computer? Because it has the worst music ever.” Thankfully, this offered additional justification that I wasn’t completely out of my fucking mind – the album had aged badly.

Hoping for what could have turned out to be a happy accident by my inept downloading of the whole album turned into disappointment as I opened a chat with Amazon support to return Gate to the Mind’s Eye. After a few helpful minutes, the chat ended with me being referred to Amazon’s MP3 Cloud Support, I would hear from them in 2 – 3 business days and that seemed good enough for me. I wasn’t in a rush to get rid of the music and gave it another chance on the drive up to work this morning.

I knew I’d made the right choice to return the album after less than 10 minutes as I switched directly to Quantum Mechanic and listened to it twice before finally shuffling all the Nine Inch Nails I had in my Google Music account and focusing on the drive up to the office. As is the case with most nostalgic examples, things are not always as great as we remember them and in this case, I think it’s a firmer reminder than most – more a punch in the face than a slight lesson learned. That being said, I do intend to keep the one song I enjoy off Gate to the Mind’s Eye, however everything else once removed from my Cloud Drive will hardly be considered any sort of loss.

Lollipop Chainsaw: Sex, Violence and Rock & Roll

2011-11-03T09:21:00.001-05:00

GTA V Announcement Trailer

2011-11-02T11:08:00.001-05:00

LOTR: War in the North Offers Cave Trolls, Giant Spiders and Ominous Narration

2011-10-28T11:32:00.001-05:00

Skyrim Gets Live Action Trailer

2011-10-24T10:45:00.001-05:00

#OccupyMushroomKingdom

2011-10-15T11:28:00.001-05:00

Review: Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine

2011-09-18T20:15:00.001-05:00

In the Grim Darkness of the Future, where the sprawling Imperium of Man is beset on all sides by hordes of Aliens and Chaos with no other intent that wiping out humanity from all the vestiges of the universe, it’s a reassuring feeling that Space Marines exist as a proverbial Ace in the Hole against untimely extermination. Dark, heavy-handed narrative aside, Relic’s third-person gore extravaganza Space Marine pulls no punches and utterly succeeds in seating players in the grotesquely beautiful violence of the 41^st millennium. Even more than that, it shatters the wall between the tabletop and electronic incarnations of the Games Workshop franchise in a way previous Dawn of War titles couldn’t have possibly accomplished.

After all, there is a vast difference between giving players a sky-view of a battlefield and putting them down in the bloody trenches and few games have done it better in recent memory than Space Marines. From the introductory cinematic detailing the descent of an Ork Horde on an unsuspecting Forge World, an Imperium planet designated solely to manufacture weapons and materials for the ongoing war efforts of humanity, the game kicks off in top gear and never really seems to come down until five minutes after the credits role.

Putting players in the role of Captain Titus of the Ultramarines, which being the first SM chapter every Warhammer player learns about makes excellent introductory sense, and descending down to the planet via jump pack to kick Ork ass and take names in the every infinite battle of slaughtering the enemies of humanity in the name of the Emperor. And battle the enemy you will.

Opening the game with an assault on the flagship of the Ork Warboss, it serves as a vicious preparatory salvo to what the rest of the game is going to proffer. Lots and lots of Orks being slaughtered in every possible way a Space Marine can deliver. Despite starting out with nothing more than a combat knife and bolt pistol, upgrades soon come a plenty.

Done in a way that doesn’t ever create a Metroid-style atmosphere where the player has been weakened and must rebuild up to their ultimate level of badassery, players still are imbued with slews of improvements in a similar manner. The fact that it won’t consciously feel that way to many, instead allowing players to stumble on drop pods, which are exactly what you’ll imagine them to be, loaded with upgrades and armaments feels exceedingly appropriate to the universe and ultimately makes a ton of sense. It’s such a minor detail, but the fact that Relic took the extra step to pay it the attentiveness it warrants to die hard Warhammer 40K fans states dividends and serves to keep from breaking the overall immersion factor.

Progressively throughout the course of Space Marines, players will encounter slews of friends and foes, all native to the 40,000 universe. Again, a minor detail, but one that deserves to be touched on as it once more illustrates an exceptional attention to detail. Instead of creating throwaway characters that would do nothing to increase the canon credibility of the game, every single character encountered in-game will feel familiar to fans.

Even better, this goes for everything in the game.

Imperial Guard Basilisks, Chaos Space Marines, and Ork Nobz are all apropos and make the game contained within that universe come alive a lot more than assembly line created characters, created for franchises devoid of a diverse crowd of enemies, ever could. Frankly everything in Space Marine drips with Games Workshop IP – any closer to the universe and you might as well be playing the tabletop game – painting models and rolling dice.

Of course, while it was unexpected to see Relic transition from their Dawn of War RTS-style to Space Marines’ third-person flavorful action, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that given their exceptional handling of the source material the process was incredibly seamless.

The combat controls feel appropriately smooth for a PC game, with the mouse controls never feeling sticky or lagging to the point of frustration. Even better, the key bindings are great, making the ability to carry on a long-range firefight or close-range carnage as easily as cutting and pasting a search into Google – except searching never felt so good. Firing any of the weapons feels eerily satisfying despite the absence of any kind of rumble controls, especially with the rewarding burst of an enemies head with a well-placed headshot. The only outstanding caveat would be that the right mouse button, which by default is bound to close combat weapons, will definitely get a through clicking throughout the course of the game – more than once I was concerned my device wasn’t going to make it through to the end.

The ambient sounds and smaller details all feel full and fleshed out creating a world that isn’t just fun to look at, but enjoyable to have fun in. Throughout, it pulls the player in with the force of a terrifying Chaos Horror and not letting go. This is a definitive Warhammer 40,000 experience on par with any of the Dawn of War predecessors and worlds apart from the ill-fated Fire Warrior.

Breaking the mold and coming from a surprising quarter, Space Marine may not be enough to take on certain titles for overall Game of the Year, but as a third-person action title, this is doubtlessly leaps and bounds away from titles like Gears of War, which have served up relatively similar gameplay and subject matter for the last several years, and while this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, few can argue that variety is definitely an enjoyable spice of life.

Besides, Space Marines made it cool to be muscularly oversized and badass years before Master Chief and Marcus Fenix ever set foot on the scene.

Score: 5/5

Full disclosure: Space Marine was played/reviewed on PC and acquired via Steam. Multiplayer was not reviewed for the sake of time. Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine is currently available for $49.99 on PC and $59.99 on PS3 and Xbox 360.

Portal goes Live Action with No Escape

2011-08-23T20:10:00.001-05:00

Backlogging with a Purpose

2011-08-23T08:57:00.001-05:00

"A delayed game is eventually good; a bad game is bad forever." --Shigeru Miyamoto

Video game collections are great, aren't they? Nestled on shelves showing any who happen upon your collection to be impressed by the sheer amount of media you've garnered over the years. It's the ultimate interseciton between hobby and passion - filling many with awe. Yet, sometimes, we allow titles to infiltrate our hallowed halls that otherwise shouldn't belong there. Depending on the particular school of thought you subscribe, your collection may contain a significant level of crap comparable to actual worthwhile games that have a value in keeping.

Again, depending on your particular view when it comes to games, it could be believable to happily state that every game deserves to be acquired, kept and nestled on your shelves until you might be buried with them sometime down the line. While there was a time when there'd be little argument to such a course on my part, I've noticed a seemingly subtle change in how I view my video games as of late.

I've gone far off the beaten path to get my hands on some pretty pitiful games.

Star Trek: Conquest on the Playstation 2, which was neither remarkable or well designed, somehow sucked me in with my love of the Federation, Klingons and the prospect of something akin to Star Trek: Armada on a console. Mechassault: Lone Wolf took what should have been a comprehensive, beautifully crafted sequel to the original, now classic, Xbox hit and Human Centipeded it into oblong, obtuse defecation. These titles are not what anyone would call few and far between, existing among us like sleeper agents, but are contantly eclipsed by the handful of games that serve as oases in a veritable hellscape of the gaming world. Thankfully.

So instead of contantly looking forward, I've decided to finally take a hard look back at the my personal gaming collection as it currently exists. Few additions will be made in the coming months barring an exception for a handful (Deus Ex: Human Revolution, Battlefield 3, Batman: Arkham City and Halo: CE) just to name a few. I'm going to work my way definitively through my backlog and at the end of each title, decide whether it remains in my collection or is cast out, exiled. The current plan is to get through at least one game a week. But depending on the game, system, etc - it could happen a lot faster.

Nostalgia aside, growing older has been a harsh lesson in the consumption of space and the sad fact of the matter is that it is becoming a premium. While this isn't the sole reason for my decision, it feels like the only way I'll push myself forward into cleaning out a backlog of games, some with only an hour or less of time played. If a game doesn't make the cut, I'll decide it's fate of exile upon completion.

Be sure to check back here or on my twitter account for any further updates.

Image via cr85r555man

Drew a Conclusion: You Don’t Know Jack HD

2011-06-22T12:01:00.001-05:00

Those who find themselves drawn closer to the Saturday Night Live rendition of Celebrity Jeopardy, replete with the surly visages of Sean Connery and Burt Reynolds, than Trivial Pursuit will, odds are, have played Jellyvision’sYou Don’t Know Jack at one time or another.

The churlish demeanor of the shows host, Cookie, cynically belittling contestants who botch a question complete with the presentation of said trivia is inimitable in that the experience goes out of its way to punch the player in the mouth with humor – yet makes it feel as natural as failing out of community college – except twice as fun.

While the game recently found releases on multiple platforms, heralding a return for the long-dormant franchise, it seems to be a relatively tenuous return to glory. There’s a lot to gain from coming out strong, and even more that could be lost should the offering end up floundering.

You Don't Know Jack HD (iPad)
Developer: Jellyvision
Publisher: THQ
Released: April 14, 2011
MSRP: $4.99

Without a doubt, faced with competitors who have been available on the App Store, Jellyvision has successfully come out swinging. Harkening back to their classic one-time PC-only franchise, the game is now presented in a format that is fun, yet conveniently attuned for the iPad-wielding Bourgeoisie to understand, navigate and derive a significant amount of enjoyment out of beyond what a retarded puppy chasing its tail never-ending circles must experience. But for a game that was once confined to PC, an exceptional translation has been made to the tablet device with very little lost in the transitional process.

Arriving initially on iTunes with nary more than 20 episodes of play, comprising 10 questions each and a Jack Attack to close out each installment, one would assume that astute players would be able to devour everything Jellyvision proffered within the span of a lonely, masturbatory-devoid afternoon, but this is a bit far from the truth. This isn’t simply a port for the sake of garnering a few fans that happen to carry an Apple device.You Don’t Know Jack caters to fans who will remember the series from its onset or those looking for something to pull them away from Qrank or just compliment their daily trivial urges.

After all, it’s rare that a game is capable of eschewing the ills that come with attempting to inject so much comedy into its overall design, but YDKJ does this with fluid precision. More often than not, players will catch themselves chuckling or outright laughing, which is usually the result of the game’s host in one way or another. But it’s refreshing to see something out of the trivia genre that doesn’t feel dry and hokey, but instead revels in it’s off-the-wall demeanor.

While absent from the App is what anyone would call real and conducive multiplayer, which is disappointing given the series’ history for doing this so well, the players aren’t totally out of options. Cooperative play in the form of two huddling around a single tablet, answering questions together is one option. Alternatively, gamers prescribing to the “sharing is caring” school of thought can hand the iPad back and forth. But, this really doesn’t go the lengths to satiate that competitive trivia-answering urge that You Don’t Know Jack is so famous in both cult and pop culture for bringing out in people – leaving many with no other choice but to play with themselves – so it’s definitely a feature that would undoubtedly be valued down the line.

Additionally, whereas those 20 initial episodes can become done and over with given enough time, it was certainly welcome to know that Jellyvision would be updating YDKJ at consistent intervals with supplementary content. As of this writing two more episodes had been added and felt like complete accompaniments – not just tacked on to humor the game’s audience. Jellyvision has set out to really support the game post-release and it’s really showing.

Now if only they’d do the same with Headrush.

Score: 8/10

Drewsome Twosome: A Comparative Clash of Section 8: Prejudice & Brink

2011-06-21T09:56:00.001-05:00

First-Person Shooters have a distinct, formulaic presentation that their genre has been perpetuating since the first sprites were slaughtered in titles like Wolfenstein 3D and Doom. Since then, as all things usually do, FPS games slowly evolved, branching off to find their particular niches and the bases of fan to subscribe to their particular brand of violence. Be it mindlessly shooting everything in sight, endless customization, risk and rewards for closely following team-based mission objectives or filling a particular role in a squad better than anyone else – there is still something for everyone who wants to play an FPS.

Releasing at relatively the same time, both Section 8: Prejudice and Brink have had their fair share of love and hate from FPS fans as well as the wider community of gamers. But while both are summarily different in what they offer, they both appeal to their respective cliques in a very well-thought out manner. The only question that has realistically risen to the surface during the hours of gameplay is: What about either would appeal most to any prospective shooter player?

That can be a dicey question.

Brink (PC [Reviewed], Playstation 3, Xbox 360)
Developer: Splash Damage
Publisher: Bethesda Softworks
Released: May 9, 2011
MSRP: $49.99

Section 8: Prejudice (PC [Reviewed], Playstation 3, Xbox 360)
Developer: TimeGate Studios
Publisher: TimeGate Studios
Released: May 4, 2011
MSRP: $14.99

Both S8: Prejudice and Brink prove that that the FPS has by no means reached a development plateau and that the genre still has quite a bit of life left in it. This is because, at times, even the smallest additions can have drastic evolutionary effects on the overall sum of the initial design as envisioned by the developer.

What made the original Section 8 so much fun was that it drew as closed to the novelized version of Starship Troopers, at least in regards to human technology, as I imagined any game dev would ever be able to approach. Dropping out of the sky in armor and avoiding anti-air fire was prospectively one of the coolest game mechanics to resurface since parachuting into multiplayer combat was initially done. Ultimately though, the game served as more of a teasing prospect of things to come, leaving my geekiest notions wondering what the hell had happened.

Tightening up the entire experience, complete with a more concisely enjoyable campaign and excellent multiplayer, Section 8: Prejudice proves that a full-fledged, disc-based release isn’t necessarily the course of action a developer needs to take to get their pet project into the hands of the gaming masses. Releasing via the Playstation Network, Xbox Live and Steam, it was able to reach the maximum amount of potential players in the most limited amount of time and for all intents, it worked out.

Narrative aside, the gameplay solidly offers FPS fanatics and sci-fi aficionado identical experiences, the ability to almost infinitely customize their characters before setting to kick ass. And while the campaign is a good introduction for most new to the franchise, multiplayer is definitely going to be what keeps gamers coming back for more.

Replete with all the weapons, equipment and gear to keep you consistently trying something new, one would argue that such a level of customizability increases the odds of a broken, unbalanced multiplayer experience – but this never seemed to surface. The changes, ranging from increasing sprinting speed, shield power, reinforcing armor or weapon damage all offer players the ability to suit their in-game armament to their particular style of play. Serving to tie the experience together, it was fascinating to see how the changes were more than aesthetic or something to make the player feel warm and fuzzy inside, but allow the player to bend their particular character to their playing style as opposed to the game forcing the player to adapt to how it wants you to play.

Beyond this, the game modes outside of the campaign, which included such standards as Deathmatch is really where the game is going to continue shining for players who continue to find themselves attracted to the particular niche that S8: Prejudice appeals. Assault, which was additional content unlocked over the course of play by gamers working together and accumulating kills collectively across PSN, XBLA and Steam.

Speaking of working together, let’s talk about Brink for a few minutes. Despite concerns that the game shipped broken, which in all honesty it did, following a brief update it became a non-issue, finally allowing players to enjoy the damn game. Upon beginning the game, following a somewhat grandiose explanation of why you should care about the Ark and the battle around it, you are asked to pick a side: Rebels or Security Forces.

Ever having a subtle love for order, it was an easy choice to pick Security Forces. I customized the bullet sponge that’d be heading out on missions, checked the controls and jumped in. The campaign had a bit more flavor to it than S8: Prejudice, but only subtly so.

Between both games, the gratuitous use of bots in the campaign – allied or opposing – is blatantly essential to the design philosophies of both titles at the very basic level. Regardless of how ‘life-like’ a particular AI can act, a buzz-phrase since before shooters like Perfect Dark, they still aren’t a match for living, breathing and ultimately vilely creative humans who can outthink, and out-kill, any opposition in their path. Sure, bots are good stand-ins, but it really only serves to create the illusion of a full-game while making the player feel significantly less Forever Alone.

Not that this is either a bad or good thing, but while both games use AI-controlled bots amidst the campaign to create a convincing environment of play, it is beating-off-in-the-player’s-face obvious in Brink. Where Section 8: Prejudice has a more standard FPS campaign feel to it – giving the player the feeling of being a hero with an ally or two in tow – Brink sets out to make gamers feel like one of fifteen other ‘real players’ in an enclosed space, akin to a genuine multiplayer match, which only serves to highlight the glaring issue. Perhaps an unnecessary amount of griping, but for someone who frequently favors single over multiplayer, it is a true-to-life problem.

Purely aesthetic customization aside, the gameplay feels relatively solid when compared to other titles in the FPS crowd, but it fails to distinguish itself to be a standout must-have. The weapons have a decided level of purpose, each killing the enemy as one would imagine it would, but the real glowing part of the experience was the objectives.

Lately, shooters such as Black Ops, have encouraged team-based players to go lone wolf, garnering kills in exchange for screwing over teammates who set out to accomplish objectives. While there are times when straight-up Deathmatch is all too appropriate to getting the full out value, objectives – encourage teams to operate cooperatively towards a higher goal than individual players would otherwise be able to achieve alone – is an appreciable, and almost outright laudable, endeavor on the parts of developers.

Nevertheless, this seems to fall flat on its face, breaking its nose and chipping its teeth when a single human attempts to achieve a fulfilling team-experience amidst Brinks bots. Again, this doesn’t make the game bad, just a soulless purchase for any gamer who lacks the wherewithal desire to play a game online. And that, at the end of the day, is a true disappointment for such an otherwise conceptually interesting game.

Are either of the games fun – yes, but for very different reasons. Where Section 8: Prejudice allows for a full-on all-around amount of enjoyment – single or multiplayer – Brink is a bit of a one trick pony. If you’re looking for something on the cheap that offers a satisfying single or multiplayer experience, then Section 8 will definitely keep FPS fans who’ve tired of Halo and Black Ops busy for sometime to come. However, if you’re looking for something to replace Counter-Strike in terms of exceptional PC multiplayer gaming, Brink tries, but doesn’t come close – but it does offer a welcome change of pace for online gamers.

Brink: 7/10
Section 8: Prejudice: 8.5/10

Microsoft's E3: A Potential Stumble

2011-06-20T12:48:00.001-05:00

Watching Microsoft demonstrate what the world could expect from them, gaming-wise, between now and the next E3 is always an interesting proposition. For some, it’s fodder for their fan boy fueled hatred, while others discover it to be vindication in their belief that Microsoft genuinely has their fingers on the pulse of the gaming community. For many though, this time around, it seemed as though Microsoft was doing everything they could to please everyone and now that the initial shocks have worn, we can only wonder what exactly they were thinking in some cases.

Multiplatform Offerings:

It wasn’t terribly surprising that the press as well as those watching via Spike TV or one of many internet streams were entreated by Microsoft casually opening up by showing off Modern Warfare 3 within minutes of the lights dimming. The game is a flagship title that many players are looking forward to and shareholders are betting on turning a fair profit when it releases towards the end of the year. After all, Activision has impressed upon the world that this is series that can be, and realistically has been, milked into the ground.

Now, I’m not saying that the game looked bad by any stretch of the imagination. On the contrary, it looked very good under the assumption we can expect more of what made the first two Modern Warfare iterations so widely loved. What I’m simply proffering is that the series really hasn’t truly evolved in an innovative way since the first Modern Warfare hit store shelves, courtesy of a pre-capitulated Infinity Ward, other than the addition of Special Ops cooperative play. If this is the last Call of Duty or even the last Modern Warfare, then all the power to Activision, Sledgehammer and what’s left of Infinity Ward, because they deserve to see it go out with a bang. On the other hand, given Activision’s track record though in regards to many of its franchises, I anticipate we can see CoD further driven into the ground before it goes out with nothing more than a solemn whimper.

Still, Bravo to Microsoft for appealing to what is a major population component on Xbox Live by securing exclusively-timed DLC for Modern Warfare 3 when it hits store shelves this November, but should the game, in the unlikely event, ultimately flop or Battlefield 3 stands up and succinctly drive a wedge between the online community – aptly dividing prospective players between the two – then Microsoft will have bet on the wrong pony and their exclusivity will have meant nothing.

Moving on, Microsoft showed off the reboot of the Tomb Raider series, which was either vastly disappointing or sexually stimulating as hearing muffled porn through your bedroom wall – depending on your particular fetish. The developer, amidst the playthrough, conveyed that the game was going to be a telling of how a 21-year-old Lara Croft sets out upon adventure and becomes the hardened Tomb Raider only gamers familiar with the series when it first premiered over a decade ago would be intimately acquainted. While it seems almost moot at this point, it felt as though this reboot was an avenue for a potential cash-in on the popularity of titles such as Uncharted, but otherwise felt relatively soulless based on my initial impression.

Replete with all the Quick Time Events and insipidly poor female voice acting that you’ll be able to stomach, the demo was closer to watching a once kitschy beloved female character attempt to be reinvented as this fresh faced damsel with a bit of Indiana Jones in her. Feeling almost forced, it eventually becomes difficult to keep track of all the QTEs the game was throwing at the developer holding the controller during the roughly six minute demonstration. What could have been another chapter in the long line of Tomb Raider games heading on a downward slope towards an absolute nadir is instead going to be served up as an entirely new start to a long line of titles, which already look like it’ll be a long desperate climb to mediocrity.

Microsoft Exclusive Offerings:

Stepping out on Stage, Cliff Bleszinski was joined by Ice-T in what may or may not have been the most ridiculous use of celebrity during E3 this year. Showing off a level in the Gears of War 3 campaign, it was sort of what you’d expect from the preceding two Gears – running, shooting creatures big and small and taking cover when circumstances dictated. Now, before you string me up in the town square, it bears mentioning that yes, the game looked great and if you loved the previous incarnations, you’ll already be sold on the third in the trilogy. But, it just seemed to me that Gears of War 3 doesn’t have the same kind of heavyweight status as a certain other blockbuster franchise.

Speaking of which, Microsoft showed off more Halo. While we can’t expect a Bungie-crafted Halo anytime in the near future, we can look forward to the next best thing this holiday season. The original Halo, dubbed “Halo: Anniversary” will be arriving in stores in time for the Christmas season. Remastered in the Halo: Reach engine, Halo: Anniversary appears to definitely going the lengths to reinvigorate the decidedly strong love many fans have for the original. Complete with Xbox Live co-op, online multiplayer and bringing many fan-favorite maps back to bear, Halo: Anniversary seems to be a somewhat decent offering for zealous Halo fans, at least until 343 and Microsoft Game Studios can get something else out the door next year.

Next appeared an almost shockingly overwhelming amount of Kinect content, giving the definitive impression that now that Microsoft has secured the more relaxed slice of Xbox 360 gamers they’ll be going after the deeply embedded segment of the gaming community. Much seemed to cater to the die-hard Xbox 360 owners and while some look great theoretically, it’ll nonetheless be exceedingly interesting to see how the integration of core gamers accept Kinect functionality.

Mass Effect, showing off voice commands that seemed to work flawlessly in-game harkened back to Tom Clancy’s EndWar, which purveyed the use of the Xbox Headset to give orders to on-screen units with a relatively advanced level of seamless play. While a step in such a direction will leave many on uneven footing, even outright uncomfortable with the idea of utilizing this feature in-game, it looks like a reassuringly cool alternative to issuing movement commands via the previous methodology of the two prior ME titles. Suffice to say, Bioware did their homework and in this case, it really shows.

On a more superfluous level, the latest Ghost Recon showed off what can only be described as a Minority Report style armory. Allowing players to endlessly customize their weapons using voice commands such as “Long Range”, “Close Quarters” or “Randomize”, Ubisoft was more than happy to show off the almost infinite amount of creation that could go into a player’s weapon, being sure to note that potentially, no two weapons would ever be alike in game. Shooting seemed uncomfortable – not for the fact that there isn’t a weapon to hold – but because it just seemed unnecessary when placed next to a comparably good controller.

Perhaps most disappointing was the unveiling of Fable: The Journey. Seemingly gone is the whole “setting out to do whatever you wish while becoming the Hero of Albion” sort of thing, only to be replaced by something significantly worse. I don’t what the illness seems to be with developers trying to force the, so far, hit-and-miss integration of Kinect into more mainstream titles, but from what Molyneux and the Lionhead crew showed off during the Microsoft E3 Conference, it’s an understatement to say it was less than impressive.

A brief aside, the new Forza was shown, complete with a track from Kayne West. But it was a preview trailer that didn’t really go the lengths to show off what we can expect when the game finally revs its engines to hit stores in its final form. Certainly enough, it’ll have full Kinect integration, but the jury is still out on how popular that will be with Forza’s particular hard-line slice of the Xbox 360 crowd.

From there, it only seemed to become a disappointingly downward slide. Microsoft set out to try and continue convincing everyone that they have a stranglehold on a market the Nintendo Wii took years ago. Showing off sequels to original titles like Dance Central 2 and Wii Kinect Sports 2, the modus operandi for Microsoft regarding Kinect this year appears to be that if people liked it once, they’ll like it again. It was utterly disenchanting to watch them go through the motions.

Perhaps the only redeeming title, unveiled by none other than Tim Schafer, who stood by as an awkwardly stereotypical father-son pair played, was a Sesame Street title currently being developed for the Xbox 360 peripheral. Stepping into the digitized figures of Elmo and Cookie Monster, the pair played and watched their on-screen avatars do as they will, having a moderately enjoyable experience all the while – perfect sort of game for anyone with children. Admittedly though, the nostalgia factor for many who happily remember their days growing up watching the program is a key point of popularity for this game, nonetheless, time is definitely going to tell as it draws closer to release.

Going on, Microsoft showed off additional functional Kinect integration and what we can all expect from the, yet again, New Xbox Experience. Bing integration with Xbox Live was laughably received with absolutely zero applause while other features, such as YouTube pairing with the online service was met with audience approvals. UFC will additionally be receiving its own functionality, garnering an almost superfluous level of latitude similar to what ESPN got when it arrived on Xbox Live. Again, the best saving grace was the arriving ability to use the Xbox 360 to watch and DVR live television, which should bump whoever has a Tivo over the edge into finally buying a 360.

Beyond that, it was surprising how much Microsoft seemed to just get up there this year and flop around like a fish for two hours. Certainly, they showed a few interesting new additions to the Xbox 360 and Xbox Live, proving that they have the capacity to adapt and change to whatever Microsoft wants it to be during a particular year, but with that evolution, it still feels like Microsoft is trying to please everyone on the gaming side of things.

Yet, showing a majority of Kinect and saving Halo 4 for the last was perhaps the best move they could have made, a teaser is just showing that 343 is indeed working on something and for the time being Halo: Anniversary is there to satiate your vicious fan-rage. Still, I can’t help but wonder if Microsoft even has the imaginative capacity to homebrew a new hit series that can meet or even top the laurels that Halo is now, in all essence, resting upon. But, since the next Halo kicks off a new trilogy, I guess we’ll have to wait a few years to find out.

Thus, while Microsoft didn’t bomb E3 this year, they didn’t really go too far out of their way to impress with anything that one would call revolutionary. Gears of War, Forza, and even Halo all made expected appearances, leaving little to blow the minds of those wanting to see something genuinely new. While it doesn’t seem that Microsoft is hurting as a developer or publisher, it feels like they did nothing less than phone it in this year – dumping their offerings on stage with a minutia of excitement and expecting us to eat it up like swine at the trough. Well, if nothing else, it gives us something to look forward to next year, right?

New Tomb Raider Has Distinct Uncharted Flavor

2011-06-03T09:58:00.001-05:00

It seems the team behind Lara Croft's next adventure has had their eye on Nathan Drake and Uncharted for sometime judging from the look of the all CGI trailer that's been making the round on the internet. While the Tomb Raider franchise seems to be suffering from a case of perpetual reboot, it is harkening on an interesting trend many video game developers and publishers are capitalizing on revolving around constantly bringing old IPs back from the dead - even after just a few years.

Nevertheless, for a trailer that shows no gameplay whatsoever I'd be remiss to make any far-reaching assumptions about anything realistically around this game. We know there's a new Tomb Raider coming and it takes place right after Ms. Croft concludes her academic studies as she sets out looking for adventure. With reboots being trendy as ever, this isn't the most surprising move ever.

All that's left to do is wait patiently for more details. In the meantime, I think we'll survive.

Ico/Shadow of the Colossus Gets Firm Release Date, Trailer

2011-06-03T09:43:00.001-05:00

It seems that Ico and Shadow of the Colossus fans can rest easy knowing that their beloved HD remakes are in fact coming in the future, complete with a release date and box art.

Initially reported by site Andriasang, the release date has been set firm for September 22 of this year. While this date is for Japan, with no date included for other worldwide territories, one can hope pray imagine that fans will see the dual game package of the two cult hits arrive on US shores before the end of the year. Despite going to retail in a boxed set in most territories, both titles will oddly be sold individually when they release in Japan with one small exception in the form of Sony, "offering the ICO/Wander to Kyozo Limited Box ("Wander to Kyozo" is the Japanese name for Shadow). This ¥6,980 set includes both titles, a special box, a special 100 page booklet from magazine publisher BRUTUS, and dynamic custom themes for both titles."

Is this enough to get excited in anticipation of the two classic PS2 titles returning or merely a small bump in the road for Team ICOs development of The Last Guardian?

Daily Free App to Procure: Pac-Man

2011-06-01T08:54:00.001-05:00

That's right, be sure to get your daily nom nom nom on with Pac-Man, free today (marked down from $4.99) on the Amazon App Store for Android. If you haven't played the game, putting you in a minority to include those living on the lunar surface, under rocks and amidst sealife more suited to the Marianas Trench, then this is definitely a worthwhile pick-up. If you have, it never hurts to get your hands on a classic game for those long drives, boring airplane rides or when someone just won't shut up.

Nab it from Amazon right now.

Afterthoughts: Portal 2

2011-05-31T12:40:00.001-05:00

Since Portal released in 2007, the game and universe surrounding it quickly took on a life of its own. You couldn’t go to a gaming convention or even the lowliest internet forum without hearing at least one instance of cake somehow being a lie. While the joke about said confectionary being a fallacy grew to wear on many a nerve in the gaming community, the anticipation for more of what the original proffered never seemed to entirely dissipate. Now, after almost four years of patiently waiting, Valve has finally released the highly-anticipated sequel to a game that was simultaneously once just another game in the Orange Box and a stand-out hit all it’s own.

For some, Portal 2 has shown itself to be the kind of things dreams are made of – complete with rainbows, unicorns and butterflies - while others have only quickly stepped up to point out their perceived flaws of the game. And while the game isn’t necessarily perfect, I’d be amiss to not say that it isn’t a test chamber or two removed.

Portal 2 (PlayStation 3, Xbox 360 [review], PC)
Developer: Valve
Publisher: Valve / Electronic Arts
Released: April 19, 2011
MSRP: $59.99 (PlayStation 3, Xbox 360) / $49.99 (PC)

To get it out of the way, Portal 2 is longer than the original. Not significantly longer, but enough to have three self-contained sections amidst solid chapters that succeed in driving Valve’s prescribed narrative forward. The reason for this is to cohesively extend gamers a definitive beginning, middle and end, which the game does without ever coming off as overbearing or tiring throughout the fluid switching between narration and puzzle. Yet, fans of the original will at times feel a bit overwhelmed as they balance between their excitement at exploring a seemingly larger world with moving on to the next test chamber.

Admittedly, size in a game doesn’t necessarily matter when it comes to a game world or how many discs it ships on, but after what players were entreated to in the original Portal, it seemed only natural for Valve to want to expand. The world feels bigger and exploration feels like it plays a much more significant element in this title than its predecessor, but realistically all this entails is ultimately getting from point A to point B and on to point C. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing as the journey is more often the focal point of any great game than the destination, but at times, it certainly felt more like black magic than a game.

After all, when gamers are entreated to how large the Aperture Science facility genuinely is, they are being shown exactly what Valve wants them to see, but only pragmatically so. You can see far off in the distances during some portions of the game, yet are only able to move where Valve wants you to go – using an almost smoke and mirrors style of design to create the feeling of a greater environment than the player necessarily inhabits. Still though, this again never feels cheap or tacked on because most gamers will be overwhelmed with the scale of their circumstances.

Being a puzzle game, the environments, combined with the available tools at the disposal of the player serve to allow Portal 2 to again stand out in addition to the writing that is still a staggeringly top notch offering.

The lighthearted and occasionally viciously dark humor found throughout Portal 2 is still some of the most satisfying. Being that making a game enjoyably humorous is one of the most difficult things to do in the industry, it’s still impressive to see that Valve can do it so seamlessly that it comes off naturally as opposed to forced and shallow. Everything from Wheatley to GLaDOS makes the player feel right back at home in the universe as they did previously, despite the fact that Chell is still as silent as her Half-Life counterpart.

Satisfyingly enough, the humor injected into the dialogue is definitely what lends the game its soul. While the gameplay is cohesive and the puzzles enjoyably entertaining, the mixed dialogue throughout the expanse of the experience is without a doubt the prime selling point of Portal 2. The absence of any of the characters, scripted words or thematic elements therein would have only served to lessen the overall experience in the same way a tripod missing a leg would topple to the ground.

Eventually though, it boils down to whether or not one of the most anticipated games in thus far this year is actually fun or not. Well, rest assured that Portal 2 is an exceptionally fun game – but it will occasionally feel as though it’s being stretch a bit further than it should be. You might get stuck on a puzzle after playing for a significant amount of time only to return following a break have an epiphany as to how exactly you’re supposed to overcome an obstacle. If you can get passed that, which if you have a distinct love of the original I’m sure you can, then doubtlessly there is something here for you to enjoy in Portal 2.

The controls are tight and feel appropriate to the game, although I’m still quite curious as to how the game would control on a PC, but that’s a different thought for another day.

That being said, there are few other games that can boast to offer gameplay even relatively close to what Portal 2 offers – an exploratory adventure injected to the collar with humor – and that is what pithily causes it to stand out amongst the offerings that have hit stores shelves already this year. Certainly enough, it helps that people have been so anticipating its arrival. Yet all things considered, even as a standalone title, Portal 2 would be something to behold.

While it isn’t necessarily a Game of the Year contender since we’re not even halfway into 2011 and judging seems a bit preemptive at the very least, Portal 2 does push the boundaries of the First-Person Puzzle genre in a direction that is appreciably laudable, if not progressive in the realm of game design. Nevertheless, as Valve does have a reputation for publishing something only when it’s absolutely ready (See: Half-Life), it’s impressive then that the particular gameplay offered was able to be stretched across an expansively longer game than its predecessor. Thus, proving again that a first-person view doesn’t dictate heavy weapons or killing everything in sight, Valve has shown once more that, as painful as it was, the wait was worth it.

Co-op was, unfortunately, not reviewed and therefore had no effect on my ultimate opinion of the game.