Why are you here? I don’t mean specifically here, on my blogsite, because I’m delighted you’re here!

I mean, why are you doing what you’re doing each and every day?

So many of us can get caught up in the “busy” syndrome, doing many things but accomplishing…what?

When you finish each day, can you identify what you accomplished, for what significant, beneficial result?

And it doesn’t have to be all business. Our lives are complex, hurried and harried nowadays. We seem to be running on fast-forward with finite fuel. And that leads to burn-out, disappointment, frustration and ill health.

Many people are living unconscious lives, performing duties by rote without conscious awareness of either their actions or their results.

When was the last time you sat back and asked yourself:

Is what I’m doing resulting in results? Is it productive? Does it create something meaningful, beneficial, profitable or necessary?

If not…why are you doing it?

As I glanced through my twitter stream today, it was laced with links and RTs and “stuff”, but very little back-and-forth conversation. Very little interaction. Just stream upon stream of what feels like verbal paint thrown up against the wall. Splattered sound bytes. Never-ending barrage. I had to wonder how much of it was even viewed or consumed prior to mindlessly forwarding it along? Some days it feels like a game of hot potato, with messages arriving and leaving one’s hands as quickly as that hot potato.

In this hurried, harried world of bigger-faster-longer-stronger, isn’t it time to break free from the gerbil wheel and focus on what’s important.

Here are my tips: maybe you’ll try them when you undertake a task or activity. Three simple questions:

Is it productive?

Does it result in results?

If not, why are you doing it?

Maybe we all need to just slow down and feel groovy

And if you need help, I’d love to be of service.

I was wandering around the blogosphere, reading a post that prompted what I thought was a deep, compelling comment, when I thought: dam! How many times have I written something that I’d like to remember? How many times have I seen someone else’s comment that is pure gold?

I had the distinct pleasure this week of meeting IRL my online friend, Vidya Sury, as she visited Canada from India. We had a simply marvellous time, and felt like we’d known each other forever. (Blog post to follow soon:)

Vidya and I discussed the challenge of commenting on others’ blogs.

Where did we choose to comment, and why?

How did we feel when we weren’t able to get by and comment as frequently as we’d like?

How did we feel about reciprocity or “obligation”?

Interestingly enough, our friend Margie Clayman posted on facebook her concern that some of the tools at our disposal are helping us share, but perhaps not really communicate.

When I shared a tweet with Peg Fitzpatrick that brought in 5 other folks, we sparked some good ol’fashioned banter, idea exchange and of course, a couple of vintage youtube videos that encouraged us all to dance!

I think most people carefully consider their comments, put thought into them and look forward to and anticipate a response from the author and others.

And I think we’re tickled pink when our comments spark further discussion, provide different viewpoints and of course, have some fun!

I don’t live my life in the rear view mirror, and I don’t wish to go back in time, but I do wish that I’d taken the time to capture some of the comments I’ve made in the past, and the comment streams they swam in, because dam!…there was some really good banter, exchange, ideas and to quote our friend Jayme Soulati….’raderie.

Have you ever copied and kept some of the comments you’ve made on blog posts? The real gems? The thoughts and words you thought were spot on?

Have you ever copied and kept some of the comments made by others, whose brilliance shone through and made you think differently…made you smile…made your day?

Hope to hear from you in the comments below

This week I blogged about civility in response to some recent events during the Boston Bombing.  But, I  have had my own issues with this topic, and really work hard on trying to add to the conversation instead of detracting from it to the point that I will censor myself.

I often come up with blog ideas, and then scrap them.  They’re too pointed, petty or pedantic. So in the name of mindfulness, they get tossed in the Waste Bin.

But rather than just delete the posts altogether, I kept a running list of titles for [censored] and giggles, and to remind myself how easy it is to slip into negative thinking and hurtful language.  Here they are:

The Machiavellian Guide to Managing Personal Branders

Stop Whining About Facebook Privacy. PLEASE!

I Don’t Want to Read Your Rough Draft

If I Had an Office, There Would Be No Chairs

You Can’t Replace Courtesy with Social Updates

Worthy A-Listers

I Graduated from High School, Didn’t I?

Author: Why Is Being Underpaid and Poor Cool?

Real Authors Don’t Brag About Trade Books

Read the Dictionary

What Being in the Top 1% of Influencers Gets You

So what does this list tell you?

I still think like an [censored]. I’ve just developed a three second pause in speech, and the good sense not to publish inflammatory posts.  Maybe one day, I’ll get to the point where I think more lovingly and with less snark inside my head.

It does feel better to not publish these things. And as a result, I think we can all agree this small corner of the world is more civil.

So what do you think?  Should we self censor in the name of civility and mindfulness?

Geoff Livingston is an author, public speaker and strategist who helps companies and nonprofits develop outstanding marketing programs. He brings people together, virtually and physically for business and change.

A former journalist, Geoff continues to write, and has authored three books. Most recently he co-authored Marketing in the Round, and wrote the social media primer Welcome to the Fifth Estate.

Think about your journey the last three to four years on the social sphere.

• What kind of friends have you made from frequent 140s or Facebook threads?

• With whom have you telephoned, Skyped or Google Hang Outed?
• Have you been involved in a banterrific thread of blog comments (called a #TeamBlogJack) with anyone?
• Do you exchange holiday greetings via snail mail?
• For whom have you guest posted because there was a personal situation that required the blogger’s hiatus to care for family?

When I think about the few peeps who apply to all of the above in my community, Kaarina Dillabough comes to mind.

She is a woman who invests her heart in building relationships online. She will come to your blog to read, support and comment. She will ask after your health and mean it; she will send a snail airmail greeting; and, she will lend spot-on business coaching tips when someone is in need of support.

Kaarina didn’t ask me to guest post; I invited myself…she is giving care to her family in need and trying to keep the blog alive at the same time. I will always gift someone with a blog post and especially Kaarina.

Why? Because I consider her a friend, although we’ve never met.

It’s odd, isn’t it, the relationships we form on social media channels. From being absolute strangers to forming funky friendships from more than 10 daily (on average) interactions on all the channels. The interactions can be as little as a “like” or +1 on a blog post, but we see that our friends are there and paying attention.

As a nurturer, I worry when someone has had a sustained absence. I’ve been known to stalk people to see if they are well. When I learn they are, I breathe easier. But, what right do I have to demand that people I’ve never met IRL tell me what’s happening in their personal life?

Think about that; don’t tell me you haven’t.

I joke with my girlfriend that I want to be on the list for someone to call me if anything happens to her (in reality, it’s not a joke). Because, how will I know?

Perhaps it’s because I’m getting older and I put more weight on my online relationships. Perhaps it’s because I feel a kinship with people like Kaarina. These relationships are funky because they’re only a handful of years old.

Think about your community…do you have people like Kaarina who represent the goodness in humanity? Have you sought more like her to engage with and grow?

If you haven’t, I encourage you to build those types of relationships because they feed your soul. But, when you seek an answer to the dilemma of whether you have a right to know when something’s gone awry, don’t ask me because I surely don’t know.

About Jayme Soulati

Jayme Soulati is author of Soulati-’TUDE!, an award-winning professional blog oriented to social media, marketing, PR, business strategy, and more. She is president of Soulati Media, Inc. and a past president of the Publicity Club of Chicago.

What if today you got more than what you asked for. Again! And you didn’t even know it. Again!

A few weeks ago, I went to make a confession. It’s a thing that Roman Catholics do. What a confession is and how it is done may not be relevant to this story – so I’ll skip the theology. In the midst of enumerating my various sins to a priest, we got to talking about my work: online strategy, interactive design, application development, social media, online advertising and marketing, etc. He (the priest) asked me to briefly explain these disciplines to him and I did. 

When I was finished, he asked me how many years I have been doing this work. Almost 20 years, I replied.

In a shy and humble voice, he asked me if I would teach him about the internet.

I answered with a warm and resounding yes. The priest jumped up from his chair and ran out of the room to get a pen and paper – to write down my contact information.

When he returned to the confessional room, he exclaimed with uplifted arms:

“God has sent you to me! Praise be to God!”

A week later, I showed up at the priest’s office. In the first five minutes, I was able to figure out that what he really wanted to do was to get social, share, and connect with the world. In other words, blogging, Twitter and Facebook.

He wants to be another invisible blogger! But no one will ever replace Bill Dorman.

Then I laughed. 

Because, the priest in the office adjacent to his office had a strong, global, online social presence. That same priest has also been his house mate for the last three years. And he never asked his colleague for help.

How often do we fail to ask for help from our neighbor? From our communities and circles?!

Not often enough.

And I laughed again.

Because, I can help this priest do anything online – depending on his resources and intentions. 

God (or the universe) had presented this humble, 60 year old Haitian priest with “nuclear level” online capability. And he himself didn’t understand the opportunity that he now held in his grasp.

I also laughed as I drove home.

I laughed with the thought that God (or the universe) often gives us better than what we ask for (again and again) and, most of the time, we don’t even recognize the blessing or the magnitude of the opportunity inherent in a blessing.

As I have often heard Mark Harai recommend on Blogger Beat, a G+ community, ask for help. 

And don’t miss seeing and seizing the opportunity to make beautiful things come true.

My good friend Margie Clayman wrote this post, which I’m sure many of us can relate to. I think we’ve all connected with people online whose presence isn’t always present…who we “think” we know…but do we really? What happens when they disappear from the landscape? Do we question it or simply assume that something else has become a priority, and that we’ll see them back in the blogosphere soon? Check what Margie has to say, “when your online friend goes missing”.

As I sit down to write this, one of my online friends is missing. The worry is gnawing at me. This friend, they’ve been depressed, very depressed, for a long time. They have given me and other mutual friends scares with words that seem to indicate a desire to give it all up. Last week they were posting a lot – messages about how hard times had gotten, how lonely they were. And now for about a week there has been radio silence.

A friend of mine who is also good friends with this person has called and texted. No response. I’m glad they tried though. I don’t have this person’s number. My ability to search is limited to the online world. It doesn’t take you very far.

I have known my missing friend for about 3 years now. We chat regularly on social media sites, but we’ve never met in real life. We’ve never talked on the phone or skyped or texted. Our friendship’s environment lies solely on the “interwebs.” And now that my friend is missing, I find that this kind of friendship has many limitations that you don’t think about when times are good. A person can stop posting online for all kinds of reasons. Maybe they just want to unplug for awhile. Maybe they’re busy, happy, working away on a project. But when a person goes from posting a lot to nothing, it always carries an air of something ominous, and that is illuminated by the complete feeling of helplessness you encounter. You know that if something bad has happened, you will not get a call. You may not ever really find out what happened, or it might take months. Maybe years.

I first encountered this phenomenon when I became active in my first ever online community. It was a fan community around the show Lost. We would notice that people who had been extremely active would suddenly disappear, and it unsettled us. We tried to form a little committee that would do its best to follow up with these people, but we were limited by how little we know about the person. In fact, in those days we didn’t even use our real names online, for the most part. Sometimes the people would never resurface and we were just left to wonder. Sometimes we’d find out they had been horribly ill, and we had not been able to show our support.

I know my friend’s name, in this case. I know some things about why they were so unhappy. That makes it almost more unsettling. It is at moments like this when I ponder this “social media thing” the most. It seems almost cruel, almost counter-intuitive, to feel close to people only to realize you are barely an acquaintance in the “real world.” There, you are on the same level as a cashier you talk to because you go the same store every day. A cashier would not your absence but would not know how to track you down, most likely. And yet we share so much online, especially with people with whom we start to feel close. Is it all a charade? If so, is there a point?

I hope I hear soon about my missing friend. I hope that all of those thoughts that attack me when I’m tired or off guard prove silly. I hope I find out, one way or another.

Margie Clayman is VP of client services for her family’s full service marketing firm, Clayman Marketing Communications. You can follow her on Twitter here and  read her agency blog posts here 

Yesterday, she went into the hospital for extensive back surgery.

So began a day of observations, lessons and learning.

We woke up yesterday at 5 a.m. and arrived at the hospital at 6. The surgical unit wasn’t yet open. We were politely but firmly told where to go (now that doesn’t sound quite right, does it

The waiting room was dark. Well, not completely dark. A fascinating wall of water bubbled between sheets of plexiglass, separating the reception area of the Critical Care Unit and us. In columns of continuous motion, never-ending bubbles streamed upward, like an antacid’s effervescence. I got dizzy as I watched the colours change from green to mauve to pink to blue to orange to clear and back again.

I know. I watched them on and off for all those hours….mesmerized, hypnotized, transported, dizzied.

There was a constant drone of voices around me, like bees ’round a hive. Different languages. Various levels and tones of voice. Animated conversation in one corner. Whispered words and tears in another.

Strange to know that the world outside goes on as usual as we wait…and wait.

Almost everyone has a device of some sort: ipad, laptop, smartphone. The print magazines on the tables are of the usual sort: dated, dog-eared and worn, with articles whose topics have long since been “hot”. Pages ripped out, probably for some recipe or fragrance sample or coupon.

The elevators pulse with activity ongoing. People come. Some leave. Most stay.

We wait. We wait for news that the surgery’s done; that all went well; that everything’s going to be all right.

Long stretches of idle sitting are punctuated with brief walks to the elevators and back…to the elevators and back, creating a path of mindless nothing to nowhere thinking.

I notice scuff marks on the walls, cracked vinyl chairs, an almost full-to-the-brim wastebasket that’s gobbling paper cups, napkins tissues and plastic wrappers like a hungry animal that is never sated.

Staff move with measured step and quiet efficiency. Families fidget and move about in more staccato fashion.

What’s happening outside this world-within-our-world?

Is the sun shining?

Are the streetcars running on time?

Are people eating lunch, running to catch a bus, watching a soap opera, arguing with a colleague at work?

This forced slowed-down’edness is interesting. Good? Yes. Bad? Yes.

What is this experience teaching me? What are the lessons to be learned?

First, I’m in control only of this moment. I cannot affect what’s going on behind the operating room doors. I can’t affect the progress or the outcome. Worrying about it or thinking about it will not affect the outcome. I can only be…and be content and still with that.

The world goes on without me, without my involvement and definitely without my online presence or activity.

We are each but a speck of sand on the vast beach of life. But oh, what a sparkling speck we can be, simply by being in each moment…offering a smile, a kind word, a hug, a compliment to those around us.

Tim Hortons coffee is ubiquitous. Canada eh.

People in waiting rooms are patient. Like the patients in the operating rooms, we are the patient patients of the waiting room.

Waiting brings perspective. It causes us to realize that, in the fast-forward world we live in, stillness and silence and waiting make us both powerless and powerful. Powerless to affect outcomes. Powerful in our knowledge of exactly that.

Thirteen hours later…surgery is a success. Family comes first. Life is good.

“They don’t use common sense.”

“I have to tell them over and over again.”

“Why can’t they think for themselves?”

“I’ve told them a million times…”

To which I nod, with a weary smile on my face and ask: “Why do you think that is?”

Discovering the nut of the problem is like peeling the layers of an onion. Get through one layer and there’s more to unpeel…and sometimes it makes you want to cry.

In most cases, however, the nut of the problem is the same, or similar: employees do not feel valued, respected and honoured for the work they do. And in many cases, it’s because the owner/manager/leader is like a helicopter parent who won’t let his/her employees flop and fly, succeed and fail, experiment and initiate.

They are control freaks, micro-managing every small detail.

On the opposite end of the spectrum is the ‘here’s-the-policy-and-procedure-manual-have-a-nice-day’ approach. Orientation entails showing the employee where the washroom is, then throwing them to the wolves with the cold comfort of the policy manual clutched to their chest.

There’s really nothing new about “motivating” employees. In fact, as I often say, you can’t motivate someone else. You can inspire, support, inform, nurture and catalyze them to action, but motivation is an inside-out job and we, as employers, need to fan the flame that already exists within each person.

Which also underscores the need to hire for the “right stuff”…we can teach all the rest.

Jim Collins said: “It is impossible to have a great life unless it is a meaningful life. And it is very difficult to have a meaningful life without meaningful work.”

And we need only to look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs from the 1950′s to realize that, in fact, a person’s need to realize their own potential remains paramount. In fact, as others have built upon this hierarchy, another level has been added: “Transcendence needs – helping others achieve self-actualization“.

And good leaders – those who inspire others to greatness – have transcendence needs.

So what do employees want?

Here’s my own A to Z list. Check it out and see if you provide the following in your business to your employees:

Appreciation that’s individualized – what looks like appreciation to one might not to another

Belief in them, that they can do a good job

Challenge – who wants to be bored?

Direction – point them in the right direction, but let them get there on their own. Provide signposts and guidelines, not micromanagement.

Enjoyment, which goes along with…

Fun – yes fun. When was the last time you saw genuine smiles and laughter in your place of business?

Gratitude – for the person, not just their acts

Healthy work environment, both physically and emotionally

Independence – tell people what you need done (results), not how to do it (unless of course a specific process is integral and essential to the end result, as in a factory)

Justice – moral, ethical treatment of all

Knowledge – empower people with knowledge but coach them to wisdom

Learning – provide opportunity for people to learn each and every day, not just that once-a-year-conference or event

Mentoring – Be a role model and mentor by example, in words and deed

Not just a number – realize that each person is unique: treat them as such

Opportunity – provide opportunities…many of them, for people to learn and grow and advance. Let them make mistakes, but make a particular mistake only ONCE. Repeated mistakes means that Learning has not occurred.

Paycheck – ’nuff said

Quality – in product and service

RESPECT – in my mind,  the ultimate requirement of leadership. Without respect, for oneself and for others, little can be beneficially accomplished for the long haul.

Support – provide it where it’s needed, stay out of it when support becomes hovering, micromanaging or solving someone’s problem for them. Let them get dirty and messy, have ups and downs to learn on their own. But be there to catch them if they stumble hard.

Time – time with you to engage in a meaningful way; time to accomplish tasks; time to learn; time to take a break

Understanding – empathy and understanding – seeing the situation through the employee’s eyes, not just your own

VISION – without a clear picture of what you’re expecting and desiring them to achieve for the benefit of the company, there cannot be buy-in

Work that inspires that is Work worth doing – If someone doesn’t understand “why” they’re doing something…if they can’t see how it fits with the big picture vision of the company, there is little motivation to excel

Xtras – those little extra perks, niceties, thoughtful gestures that you sprinkle like spices – unexpectedly – to add to someone’s life

Your time, support, attention and love…yes love. When we love the people we work with, and show genuine care, interest and belief in them, the rewards are…

Zowie! Create a culture that is whiz-pop-zing-zang-zowie to work within, and employee retention, performance and productivity will soar.

What can you add to the list?

I was driving back from my morning run, stopped at a red light when Tim McGraw‘s latest song, “One of Those Nights” came on the radio. I sat for a moment, transfixed. Without warning and without apparent reason, pictures from long ago played in my head. They made me smile.

Then, when I switched on the radio at home, the topic of conversation was vinyl LP records. It was a call-in show where people described their memories of vinyl records…the rush to the record store to get the latest LP, the delicate touch-down of the needle on the record, the first beats of music, untouched and unmarred as yet by scratches that would inevitably score the surface.

I was still in another world, memories painting my mind like watercolours seeping onto textured paper.

But what makes one experience, situation or occurrence more memorable than another?

Dr. Gary Small, a professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine says: “any time we experience something in a heightened emotional state, we’re more likely to remember it.”

Like the watercolour of my memories, I must have been in a state of primary colours as I heard Tim McGraw’s lyrics: “Some day when you’re looking back on your life at the memories, this is gonna be one of those nights.”

So I thought I’d share a few of those simply-makes-me-smile memories, and I hope in the comments below, you’ll share a few of yours.

I remember:

Vinyl LPs bought at the now long-gone Sam the Record Man store on Yonge Street in Toronto.

Fishing for bullheads on a full moon night, seated on cases of Molson Golden beer (stubby bottles), down by the canal by the river near my boyfriend’s (now husband’s) cottage. It was magical.

My first kiss with my first crush, outside the bleachers at a high school dance as the band played “Dizzy”. Be sure to check out this link: it’s the original 45 RPM vinyl, crackles and all..sigh…

Skinny dipping…’nuff said

A phrase I once crafted and shared with a friend: “the moon hung like a custard cup in the sky”. I can still picture that moon on a jet black night as I was driving home. (apparently the moon plays a large part in my memories

Sitting in a bed and breakfast room under enormous down comforters, cheese, crackers and wine, looking out the window at the Matterhorn. I can still taste the experience.

Memories are magical things. We don’t always know they’re hiding somewhere in the recesses of our brain, until something causes them to blossom or erupt unexpectedly. Today has been a day full of fond memories for me.

Will you share some memories?

Never before in the history of the world has it been so easy to stand up. The trick is, when it comes to you and your book, how are you going to stand out? Anyone can build a platform and create a business these days, providing he or she has a good idea and a market to tap into. But with all of these new competitors (or niche mates, as I like to call them), the question becomes, “How are you different? What is unique about you? What is unique about your book? How do you stand out?” Knowing the answer to these questions is key, and you’ll get those answers here

Once you are clear on who you are, what your book is about and who it’s here to help, then you can begin to successfully publicize and market and bring your message to the world by generating visibility. It’s essential that you understand media and how to tap into its power.

For a long time, the terms “old media” and “new media” were used to describe the different types of media. “Old Media” referred to traditional media offline. New Media was used to describe media online. However, we have outgrown these distinctions now. They have become passé as I think you’d be very hard pressed to find a magazine that didn’t have an online component, or a television station that didn’t have a website showing clips from their news or daily talk shows.

The important distinction to understand now, which will guide you toward greater success, is to realize we’re now dealing with “Other Media” and “You Media”. “Other Media” is anytime someone else interviews you for a story or segment. It could be a journalist, writer, blogger, television producer or radio host.  “You Media” is all the media content generation that you do. It’s your video, audio podcasts, webinars, teleseminars, articles you write, blog posts you do. And here is the key: Before you even think of going after “Other Media” you need to have your “You Media” or platform in place. Once you pitch other media, they are going to come looking for you, and if they have trouble finding you, they will think you are dead. They will then move onto someone else. Here are a few of the items to have in place for your platform:

• Website or blog, with a page specifically for media
• Active social media accounts, but only where you market is found (There is much you can ignore.)
• Video. Many people are overwhelmed with all there is to read, but many, particularly visual types, will click on a video to watch and listen
• Audio podcasts which talk about your business and the problems you solve. Auditory people love this option.
• Email lists to market to
• Opt in page to capture visitors on your website or blog so that you can continue to market to them.

Beyond your platform, get media training. You don’t want to be the person who blows his or her brand in six seconds by posting a bad video on Facebook. If you’re going to use the multiple media platforms at our fingertips, use them well.

If you have questions on visibility, publicity, marketing, and media training, come to the Getting Your Book Noticed….Made Easy webinar. It’s set for Tuesday, March 12 at 12:00 p.m. Pacific Time; 3 p.m. Eastern Time, hosted by Kaarina Dillabough. Sign up here.

Bio: Joanne McCall, The Media Polisher

Joanne McCall, The Media Polisher, is a media insider who operates on a first-name basis with hundreds of top-tier producers, editors, and writers at such outlets as USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The View, Oprah, Today, The Huffington Post, AOL, Yahoo, and others.

Her clients include Brian Tracy, Ken Blanchard, Dave Ramsey, Geneen Roth, Melody Beattie, and NLP founder, Dr. Richard Bandler.

McCall’s latest efforts include her programs Book Publicity, Marketing & Visibility Program for authors and those who want to publish, The Visibility Blueprint Program that helps speakers, entrepreneurs, small businesses, coaches, consultants and authors polish their online presence, and Get Media Polished, a media training program that helps anyone develop a compelling message and online presence, resulting in more sales, more media, and more mojo.