KacipAliTongkatFatimah

TUMPAS

2013-11-22T21:31:00.004+08:00

kelam kelibut kelibat bakti,

sayang serabut seribu erti.

FAST FORWARD

2013-08-01T03:40:00.003+08:00

I am stuck with my life.

Shit ass workload. Lonely nights. Clueless walks.

I don't even know what I have done. Or what should I have done.

I currently have no friend, no one to share my thoughts. I am alone. All alone.

What wrongs have I done?

Is following my heart is wrong? Is being afraid to get hurt is wrong? Is being myself is wrong?

MALAM SELASA

2013-05-29T04:17:00.001+08:00

Krannnggg.

Jatuh gelas dari kaunter dapur. Aku terjaga. Sialan kucing.

Terjaga. Mamai. Pandang kiri kanan cari jam. Baru pukul 2.45 pagi. Aku masih berpakaian balik kerja, lengkap berstoking.

Penat kerja sampai tertido terus.

Sampai bila nak penat terbarai macamni ?

SMILE AND SALUTE.

2012-12-17T00:59:00.002+08:00

Life will never give what we want.

I want pink hair. Shocking pink, really shocking pink indeed. the farthest I went was only DIY bleach bangs.

I want to have tattoos. I want to wear my studs freely. I want to wear dresses and skirts. I want to have killer bodies. I want a lot of things.

However life is brilliant. She will only let us have one thing at a time. Mostly what we need, not what we want. :)

THINGS ARE GETTING BETTER

2012-11-01T04:06:00.000+08:00

Its has been forever since I posted anything. The world has turned around few times, and it turns really good.

Simplify the story, currently I am working a retail position with a decent income. Able to survive. Somehow I lost the luck in relationship. Nahhhh, all is good. Just don't push the luck coming in.

Since the last post which was in May, I have gone through a lot of things. I have met people, good ones and bad one. For the first time in my life, i am being used. Luckily I do realized the game played early. Love is dangerous dear young people. Don;t you ever blindly follow your heart. HAHA.

It is now the time to wake up and see the rainbow after the rain. :3

RELIGION

2012-05-14T09:19:00.000+08:00

I believe that religion is personal.
There is no need to bash other religion.
There is no need to do comparisons.
There is enough space for everybody.

Kau kata kau Muslim tapi kau macam lupa konsep "Bagiku agamaku, bagimu agamamu".

MAK MONA

2012-03-29T23:14:00.000+08:00

Hati rindu gurindam Mak Mona,

Jiwa sayu tiada tentu,

Kawan berlari bertapak merata,

Aku merangkak menangis sendu.

2012-03-09T02:42:00.001+08:00

Cilaka menimpa bertimpa-timpa. Aku surrender !

FBS #7

2012-03-05T00:01:00.001+08:00

Jangan pilih pasangan yang baik, pilih pasangan yang buat kita jadi baik.

by : ARIL MIKHAIL

MEMILIH DALAM KEKOSONGAN

2012-03-04T19:25:00.000+08:00

Aku tidak punya ketegaran. Aku cepat mengalah, tapi aku tidak melatah.

Sekali lagi aku tempuh dunia pengangguran. Macam ada sumpahan tak mahu dia lepaskan aku. Rindulah tu.

Kali ni bukan tamat kontrak. Aku cabut. Aku tak boleh mengerjakan jawatan itu. Hati dan perasaan aku tolak habis skop kerjaya dalam bidang sialan itu. Aku tak sanggup menjadi kurang ajar. Aku tak reti nak memaksa orang untuk sesuatu yang memang di luar kemampuan mereka.Aku tidak erti kenapa harus menjadi lidah berbisa.

Terangkan cerita aku kerja jawatan tele-collector. Apa nama jawatan ini dalam bahasa melayu sumpah aku tak tau. Aku dah cuba, memang aku boleh capai target kalau berusaha gigih. Boleh tapi bertapi.

Sialan. Aku tak boleh kerja ni sebab aku rasa aku jadi jahat. Aku jadi kurang ajar. Aku kene jadi orang yang aku benci.

FBS #6

2012-03-03T23:20:00.000+08:00

"Hati aku masih berkudis dengan kau"

By: ZA

KESUNGGUHAN DALAM PERUBAHAN : 2

2012-02-19T23:39:00.001+08:00

( deviantART )

Dan aku pun sedar yang memang bukan senang nak berubah(hasil dari pengalaman dan percubaan lalu).

Perkara pokok nya sikit saja, ada dua. Perkara yang kena dihentikan dan perkara yang perlu dimulakan.
Berhenti menjadi malas dan mulakan jadi rajin. Lambat laun masalah akan selesai.

KERJA

2012-02-18T01:26:00.002+08:00

Bila menganggur sibuk cari kerja,
Dah diterima bekerja mulalah gembira,
Dah mula bekerja rasa macam celaka,
Maka kembalilah aku kepada mengangggur.

Sampai bila nak berputar macam ni ? T.T

ANDROGYNOUS: THE TRIGGER

2012-01-16T14:27:00.000+08:00

People always question why.

"Why the hell that boy wanna look like a girl?"
"Is he in the right mind?"
"What would his parent think?"

Here is why I would be like this. First is somewhat of payback. I have been labeled, since I was a child. Not just by peer, but from adults as well. Just name it, pondan, sissy, sotong and what else. I have been through all that shit since I don't even know what the word sex is about. I was made to believe that I didn't worth living. I was made to believe that I wasn't normal. But a little did they know that I have never made up all my act. I have never intended to walk too grace. I have never intended to talk too soft. I have never intended to be "abnormal".

But one thing for sure, I have never been taught to give up and surrender to what people say. I was raised by great single women, therefore I can somehow relate the pain and grief of life. I learned how to push aside all those bullies and silly jokes. All these women, my late Opah, Mama and my aunts are my idol.

As I grow up, reaching adolescence and all I have changed. I learn how to walk proud and tall, I control my speech and I welcome anybody to critic me so that I am able to know what is my flaw. I keep on and am trying to be a better man. Still there is a bit of hint that will make people notice that i am certainly not straight as what they would expected of a man. I am disappointing myself as time goes by. I just cant help being me. Why are people are so mean, can't they just accept me as who i am without any prejudice ?

I have seek acceptance from strangers. Strangers that is around me. When I go shopping. When i go to school. When I am working. All those stranger around me if you get what I mean. They keep judging and judging.

But hell with them, I keep on doing what I want. I want long hair. Not ladylike long but the cool rockstar long. So there was a period where i did not cut my hair in order to be 'cool'. After few months, there was me with a shoulder length hair. I am proud with my hair the most other than other part of me. Then the reality strikes, despite my normal attires(shirt/T-shirt & jeans) I still have this feminine face. So u can actually sums it up, girly face + long hair - flat chest = CONFUSION.

So it nudge my mind, why can't i be both ? So I did and I keep on that look for quite some time. :)

P/s : Actually i wish to upload a picture but the line was too slow i gave up. Next time folks. :P

KESUNGGUHAN DALAM PERUBAHAN

2012-01-16T03:42:00.000+08:00

Asal pikirkan azam mesti cakap nak berubah. Alamkdoi dah berjuta kali aku cakap nak berubah tapi harommm.

Dalam berapa hari aku masih terpikir, berubah ? Apa yang aku nak ubah sebenarnya. Selalu tengok pencapaian orang lain, makan hati. Tengok orang muka cantik, makan hati. Tengok orang pakai barang baik, makan hati.

Lepas pikir punya pikir, aku tengok balik latar belakang orang orang tersebut. Diorang bukan dilahirkan hebat. Semua dilahirkan lebih kurang sahaja dengan aku. Cuma satu yang aku nampak perbezaan, mereka TIDAK MALAS!

Maka aku pun dah tekad, harapnya kali ini aku dapat buktikan pada diri aku sendiri yang aku mampu untuk berubah menjadi lebih baik!

Sebelum ni selalunya dua tiga hari je aku bersemangat. Lepas tuh lebuh.

Tahun ini aku akan buktikan, kesungguhan aku dalam perubahan!

2011-12-20T22:28:00.000+08:00

GUNA & PAKAI

2011-12-06T05:35:00.000+08:00

Dua perkataan. Sama tapi tak serupa.

Guna untuk barang. Pakai untuk aksesori. Mungkin begitu. Tapi dua dua boleh diguna pakai melibatkan orang.

Barang diguna untuk mendapatkan faedah daripada objek tersebut. Guna sabun untuk bersihkan badan. Guna jalan untuk kembara. Semuanya diguna hanya bila perlukan faedah. Bila tak kita abaikan. Ada orang boleh gunakan orang lain. Dia gunakan kawan untuk dapatkan duit. Dia gunakan orang untuk lepaskan nafsu. Biasanya si pengguna ni orang yang manipulatif. Dia akan gunakan mana mana individu sekeliling untuk faedah diri dia sendiri. Yang penting dia dapat apa dia nak.

Pakai. Kita pakai baju. Kita pakai jam. Untuk mengaksesorikan diri kita. Menambahnilai diri. Bila pakai benda cantik, kita pun cantik. Pakai yang buruk, buruklah kita. Ada orang yang pakai orang. Si pemakai berkawan dengan orang-orang cantik, elok rupa, maka secara tak langsung pada dia harga diri dan status sosial dia pun melambung tinggi. Dia pilih sekutu sekutu supaya yang terbaik sahaja yang menjadi aksesori diri.

Aku pernah diguna dan dipakai. Dua dua buat kau rasa macam cibai.

PENAFIAN: CONTOH GUNA & PAKAI TAK SEMESTINYA BERKAITAN DENGAN AKU.

I DONT

2011-12-06T04:49:00.000+08:00

wanna fall in love, it hurts,
wanna blindly trust people, it backfires,
wanna be nice to everybody, people are mean.

Most of all
I dont wanna be anyone else, as my life is colourful enough.

THE WAY I AM

2011-11-25T21:24:00.000+08:00

The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson

If you were falling, then I would catch you.
You need a light, I'd find a match.

Cuz I love the way you say good morning.
And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

Cuz I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair.
Sew on patches to all you tear.

Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise.
And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.

2011-11-24T22:56:00.002+08:00

PRAYER FOR BOBBY

2011-11-19T04:21:00.001+08:00

First of all, this time its about a movie, Prayer for Bobby. Its a heart breaking yet inspirational based on a true story.

A story about a young homosexual Bobby coming out to his family, accepting his sexual desire, his death and her mother acceptance.

I am terrible in making a synopsis so I ain't going to do so. I believe my readers is brilliant enough to search the information such as mere plot summary of this story online.

This was originally a book by Leroy Aarons. I had literally cried my heart out watching this movie. My eyes were swollen & my nose were red.

And i am seriously not going to make any movie review anymore as i clearly suck at it. Well what i am trying to tell here is that this is a great story, true events and please watch and share it with others.

ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

2011-11-18T00:53:00.001+08:00

"Big people talk about ideas, medium people talk about events and small people talk about people"

ENTHUSIASM

2011-11-15T02:42:00.000+08:00

There are approximately 7 billion of people worldwide. 28 664 930 are Malaysian at the time I typed this down (http://www.statistics.gov.my). Each and every of them has their own stories and part to play. High or low, dark or fair, deep within is the same. Human.

Few of them, including myself has chose blogging as a way to share and express ourselves. Blogs have made thoughts to be expressed, shared, and discussed in millions ways.

I love reading them. Have been and will always do.

There are few that caught my interest. These bloggers are so incredible. As I read their stories I was impressed by their enthusiasm and the way of the living life according to their dreams.

Proudly, one of my online reading material is from this blog: cafe-elysium.blogspot.com

It is solely about the blogger interest in coffee. He practically living his life enjoying his every cup worldwide. Black, mild or white, I believe he had it all.

I enjoy his every word and picture. He makes me amazed the first time I discover this blog and I have read all the post. Each and every time i read, i do feel envy, i feel inspired.

Coffee anyone ?

ANDROGYNOUS: PROLOGUE

2011-11-15T01:59:00.001+08:00

The idea of being androgynous occurs to me long time ago. Not that I try hard to look as a female or going as far as behaving like one.

It is just happens that I have this girlish feature. =.="

I used to hate my face. I was always always alwaaaaaaaaayyyss mistakenly/approached as a girl. I wasnt enjoying that thought at first. Who in the right mind will enjoy being mistakenly as a opposite gender (Not applied to transgender) ?

I have tried almost everything. Cutting my hair various styles. Dressing up with ranges of cultures. Just name it, post rock, grunge, japanese and its' subculture, casually and everything. It just doesnt work and someway somehow I still manage to confuse people around me.

Once I was wearing a singlet and shorts. Was having my breakfast at McD and guess what, a worker there greet me as a miss. Just how in the hell that guy cannot see how flat chested i am!

There are loads of time and occasions I have been through this stuff. I keep trying to look more masculine.

PUZZLED

2011-11-13T22:43:00.000+08:00

Dear Mr/Ms. Anon,

Please introduce yourself to me. I am seriously puzzled by your words.

Regards.