One day he wants to drink, the next day he wants to get sober.

You may not believe him when he talks about sobriety, but it’s probably the truth. He also tells the truth when he says he wants another drink.

Here are some ideas how to deal with both of his “truthful” statements.

Plan for His Remorse

The guilt and remorse usually comes when he wakes up after a drunk.

I don’t mean to say “kick him when he’s down,” but it’s a good time to present him with a plan that you can act on immediately. This is when he’ll likely be more receptive to get help.

You don’t want him to change his mind if he hints at a need for help. And you certainly don’t want to give him a chance to have another drink.

Know where you can take him to get detoxification. Or you can take him to the emergency room where they treat alcoholism. In the United States most hospitals will keep the alcoholic when their BAC is over .08. Have a bag packed and ready so you can get in the car and go.

Contact an alcohol and drug treatment center today. Have a person you can call immediately when your husband mentions a desire to quit. Make sure the treatment center understands that an assessment needs to happen that very day.

We both know if it doesn’t happen right away he’s going to be drunk again.

Words of Encouragement

These three sentences can help motivate him to move to your side of the fence.

When he expresses remorse simply say, “Never forget how you feel right now. You don’t have to feel that way again. Let’s do something about it together.”

Pain is a great motivator to change. Your alcoholic husband’s remorseful because he feels it physically (hung over) mentally and emotionally. His usual way to deal with that is to drink.

Remind Him of What Happens

Your husband, like all alcoholics, drinks to change the way he feels. The only way he can deal with reality is with alcohol.

When he’s hung over it may be a good idea, in a gentle tone of voice, to bring up his behaviors the last time he drank and the guilt and remorse he felt. Remember, he doesn’t have to feel like that again. He may need to hear that from you.

Take advantage of the situation. You never know when he’ll be receptive, and if so, he may commit to your plan for immediate help.

His remorse the “morning after” may help him chose to stand on the side of the fence where there’s a path that leads to recovery.

Has something different worked for you when your alcoholic husband shows remorse? Please let us know in the comments.

I’ll wait…

Did you find a bottle?

If there was one you probably know who put it there. If not, your alcoholic husband probably drank it. Look again in a day or two.

Did you get a good laugh out of that one? Well, think about it.

What a perfect spot to hide his booze. Who would think to look there? He can have privacy and the toilet works as a cooler.

If your husband’s been an alcoholic for any length of time, you may have found bottles in that place, and others, around your home.

When you talk to him about what you found he may say “it’s not mine,” or “that’s from when I was drinking.”

Then there’s the argument that lasts all night and maybe into the next day.

Nothing is really resolved by those arguments.

Here are a few tips to avoid the argument and deal with what you’ve found.

Let Him Know Without a Word

When you find a bottle just put it in plain sight.

Do you think he’ll bring it to your attention? Maybe not.

He may even wonder if he left it there, and that’ll mess with his head. And he’ll have to figure out another place to hide the bottles.

Eventually he’ll run out of places you don’t know about.

What if He Lies to You

“I don’t believe you.” These four simple words work.

When I talk to someone about their behavior and I know they respond with a lie, I simply say, “I’m sorry, but I don’t believe you.”

Try it next time. He may get defensive or might look down and walk away. He knows he’s been caught. He knows the truth and so do you.

After a few times of “I don’t believe you,” maybe he’ll realize you’re smarter than he thinks.

You Have the Evidence

Maybe you’ve found bottles, or saw his car at a bar or liquor store, whatever the case may be, when you talk it over with him, he’s likely to deny it.

Just say, “I’m sorry but other information tells me differently.”

That’s straight and to the point, and you don’t have to divulge how you know differently.

You don’t have to go into the details. He doesn’t need to know how you discovered the truth. Don’t encourage the argument.

These tips probably won’t make him quit drinking. But he may begin to wonder if his lies and deception are really worth it. It might be the first step in his recovery.

But more importantly, you don’t have to keep it inside because of the fear of his angry reaction. Use these simple techniques.

Keep an eye on his favorite spots and don’t forget to check the toilet tank.

Where’s the most unique place you’ve found a bottle? Was it in his tool chest, in a pocket of a coat in the closet, or maybe in the suspended ceiling? Let us know in the comments.

It’s a beautiful place to escape and relax.

The colors, red, yellow and orange reflect off the mesa, in the sky and off the desert floor. It can really set your mind at ease.

With all the chaos in your life, as you try to cope with your alcoholic husband, that may sound like a dream.

You need to find a place just as peaceful to spend time with yourself

In the past when there was chaos in my life I needed a place to be alone.

When I was in New Mexico I found a place for myself. The mesa was steep, but there was a trail on one side that made it possible to climb.

My backpack was filled with a thermos of water, a few snacks, and a spiritual book.

It was an hour drive and a half hour hike up the trail. I’ll never forget how I felt when I reached the top for the first time. It was awesome!

It was just what I needed to focus on myself.

To pack my bag, drive and hike up the trail, was a bit of a hassle. But those few hours of quiet time alone made it worthwhile.

Where’s Your Mesa?

You may not live in New Mexico, but maybe you can find a special place to be alone and focus on you, and not your husband, if only for a few hours.

You’ll get a sense of contentment that can replace any anxiety, fears and insecurities you may have.

When I was on top of that mesa I had a chance to think about my dreams, hopes and what really mattered in my life. My focus was on the changes I needed to make.

Happiness and Contentment is a Process

The time on top of that mesa was the first step in the process to find happiness and contentment.

When you sit in your own little spot for some quiet time, it’s amazing how your fears, insecurities and troubles will seem far away.

Wouldn’t that be nice to have an “untroubled mind” for a little while?

The more you do it the easier it becomes and the more content you’ll be. It takes discipline to spend time with yourself, recognize the good things in your life, examine your choices and resolve emotional conflicts.

As Charles Swindoll, a well-known author and clergyman said, “Once fear is removed it’s remarkable how quickly peace fills the vacuum.”

I hope you know of a place where you can be alone.

Grab your backpack, get in the car, and go to that place where you can focus on happiness and contentment.

If you know of a good way to escape, please share it with others in the comments below.

If you consider her past struggles and recent behaviors, what do you think the toxicology reports will confirm?

Addiction can be fatal.

Don’t let that happen to your alcoholic husband.

It’s important for you to be part of the solution and not the problem.

I know the mention of death sounds harsh, but it’s a reality, and you don’t want to plan a funeral like Whitney’s family.

As I watched the news reports about her death two questions came to mind.

Don’t They Realize the Risks?

Whitney went through rehabs and had clean time. She knew what needed to be done for sobriety. Apparently she didn’t follow through.

The medication prescribed may have been for legitimate conditions such as stress or anxiety, but she chose to drink. Surely Whitney Houston knew that combination could be fatal.

Alcoholics and addicts don’t think about the consequences from using, and only want to change the way they feel.

Do you think your husband knows what could happen if he continues his behaviors?

He probably does, but like Whitney, the “escape” is more important.

Where’s the Support?

Whitney Houston had many people in her life who loved and cared for her.

They may not have been around her every minute but don’t you think they knew what she was doing?

Maybe they were afraid to confront her and offer help.

Did they enable her?

If so, they’re probably feeling a lot of guilt and remorse.

What Part Do You Play?

Are you supportive of your husband’s sobriety, or do you enable his alcoholic behaviors?

Some spouse’s actually give him money, buy the booze and even mix drinks for him at home. Does that show love and concern for the health and well-being of your husband?

Since you can’t make your husband stop the alcohol abuse, you can try to influence him to pursue sobriety.

Talk to your husband and have a specific plan to get him help. Bring other people along (intervention) to emphasize their support for his recovery.

Is your husband’s life important to him? He might say it is, but his actions may not show it.

He basically has three choices, locked up, covered up or sobered up.

All three are a real possibility.

If his life’s important to you, the best you can do is stop enabling and try to influence his recovery.

If you don’t, in the near future you may have to make funeral arrangements, just as Whitney Houston’s family did.

Will what happened to Whitney influence how you deal with your alcoholic husband? Let us know in the comments below.

Are you ready to try something different?

I’ve found some very significant things in the 12 step program that may help… especially Step 3.

I know your husband’s the one who should focus on this step, but quite frankly, it can be applied to anyone, even if they’re not an alcoholic..

It say’s…

“Made the decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understand him.”

It’s important to have a “power greater than ourselves” to help us get through things we can’t control.

Regardless of your belief systems, it’s okay to let the future of your alcoholic husband be determined by your Higher Power.

It’s Okay to Feel Powerless

There may have been times of brief sobriety, but soon it was back to the rollercoaster ride which involves chaos and drama.

Do you feel like you’ve wasted time and energy trying to get him sober?

You’ve probably talked to your husband about his alcoholism and suggested he get help. Many of your attempts may have been unsuccessful because you relied on his decision making.

Alcoholics often relapse. This is one of the primary reasons you need a Higher Power you can count on.

To admit powerlessness over his alcoholic behavior is hard to do, but it needs to be done.

A Miracle Can Happen

You’ve probably witnessed something happen and considered it a miracle. I’m sure when you think of your past there’ll be times when your Higher Power was involved in your life.

If you’ve admitted you can’t change him, why not trust your Higher Power and see if He can perform miracles in your husband’s life.

Finally, Let Go

Turning him over to God may give you a sense of relief. You’ve taken the problem (your alcoholic husband) off you, and given him to God.

Now that you have him where he belongs, what about you?

Why not do the same thing for the issues you feel are out of control or the circumstances you have no answers too.

You can get strength with Step 3 by going to al-anon meetings, and also strengthen your faith and by participate on a regular basis with people who believe the same as you.

If you’re overwhelmed and feel powerless, as they always say “Let Go and Let God.”

Let us know in the comments how your Higher Power has helped you in your situation.

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