I made this card in 2005, to help myself with the huge sadness I feel from time to time over not having my own children. I do have three stepchildren and was very active in their upbringing and their lives from the time they were in elementary school, BUT… it is not the same thing!

Who are you?
I am the one who doesn’t have my own children. I am the one who sees this as a choice, and also a loss.  I am the one with so much love to give and who gave all my love to my husband’s kids and now it feels like those bowls of given love are empty.  So much given, and nothing received. Where was the flow?

I am the one who bows under the weight of all this sadness, loss and pain.  I am the one who envies women with children.  I am the one who feels an empty place inside where my own daughter would have dwelled.

I am the one who bows heavily to the choices that I made, who understands those choices were not made alone, or quickly, who knows that this choice to remain childless was mainly made out of love for my husband, who already had three when I met him.

I am the one who knows that this decision is also blessed with light, but mostly I am the one who is weighted down with the burden of grief and loss.

What do you have to give me?
I give you a life that is free to be led in solitude, a life that is filled with all the things and people you love, a life of freedom from the responsibility that comes with having your own children.

What do you want from me?
I want you to acknowledge that there is blessing and light and joy in spite of the grief.  I want you to feel your grief, not deny it.  I want you to know that you are not alone.  I want you to know that you made the right choice.  I want you to remember that there is more to mothering than giving physical birth.  I want you to honor your choice to remain childless.

NOTE FROM A READING IN APRIL, 2007 (2 years later):

I am the one who sees the empty bowls as things of lightness and grace.  I am the one who is filling the bowls with good things, joy and memories laced with blessing, and with love.

I am the one who embraces the emptiness that these bowls offer.

My message to you today is this: the empty bowls have gifts to offer… embrace these gifts as you live into the Divine Mystery of birth in other areas of your sweet, precious life.

Who Are You?

What Do You Have To Give Me?
I give you the knowing that it’s time to leave old parts of you behind. I give you bright red doors to walk through. I give you a new place to go to. I give you faith and joy and the excitement of the future.

What Do You Want From Me?
I want you to move on out those open doors. I want you to SEE those open doors, so you can easily walk through them. I want you to put on your hat and come with me. We don’t need the past anymore!  It’s time to freefall into the next phase of our life!

I was leading a workshop on Saturday and three of the participants were new to SoulCollage. So I needed to do a little card making demo for them so they could see how a card came together.  I realized this a little late, like about 5 minutes before I was going to have to do it, so I hurried to the table of images and grabbed the first large image that caught my eye… the background of the monks on the floor with the heavy curtains and the light coming through the windows.

Then I looked for an image to go with it and grabbed the baby in the flower because the colors looked right.

And when I was laying that out under the frame so they could see how to do a layout, I realized I needed another image because it didn’t look complete (also part of the demo I was doing… letting them know it’s okay to add and take away images as they create).

So I grabbed the image of the clasped hands, again, because the colors were “right.”  In my mind, I was still making a demo card and only a demo card. I wasn’t making a card for my own deck, or so I thought!

So I glued it all down and showed them that part of the process, then flipped the card over to let it dry and pretty much forgot about it. Near the end, I was getting ready to demo the I Am The One Who… interpretation process and I needed a card to do it with, and I remembered this one, so I trimmed off the edges and when I turned it over and saw what I’d made, WITHOUT EVEN TRYING, I was blown away.

A new card for my deck and I wasn’t even trying to make a new card for my deck!

Even the “bit of sky” between the two clasped hands is an integral part of the meaning of this card, and I didn’t leave that bit of blue sky there intentionally either. I just didn’t want to take the time to find the tiny scissors and snip it out because, after all, I was only creating a “demo” card for my workshop participants!  Ha!

Who are you?
I am the one who is sound asleep in this little flower.
I am the one who rests peacefully knowing that the world is safe.
I am the one who is present with these monks even though they are not aware of me.
I am the one who rides in on the Light of God’s grace.
I am the newborn, the one who is just beginning.
I am the one who represents the powerful, peaceful presence of these monks at prayer.

What do you have to give me?
I give you a sense of safety, that all is well.
I give you a knowing of the presence of God’s grace.
I give you the certainty that you are surrounded by God’s grace and blessing, no matter what.
What do you want from me?
I want you to rest in the awareness of God’s grace.
I want you to know that God is present in all parts of the world, in all religions, places, times, cultures, and to all people. All people.
I want you to remember that the Unseen is sometimes the most powerful of all.

Is there any other message you have for me today?
You are safe. We are here, guarding you, protecting you.
There are many unseen beings surrounding  you today and always. We may not be seen with human eyes, but our presence touches you like the sky touches the whole earth.

We are the ones who want to sail away on these beautiful colored boats. We are the ones who are masked and robed and can’t get into the boats. We are the ones who are hiding ourselves behind these masks and robes. We are the colorful, creative ones, but we are tied to this place and time. We are waiting for you to set us free. Please come and help us reveal our true selves so that we can sail onward to our destiny. We are tired of being covered up. We want the world to see us now!  Are you ready to set us free?

And then… as so often happens with SoulCollage®, I was looking through my deck a few weeks ago for a certain card. And I came across THIS card, which I’d made about 3 years ago and had NEVER really gotten a grasp on what it was about, even though I’d journaled with it several times.

I gasped when I saw this card, because they looked and felt like the same women!

The first card I’ve shared here (above) had really been on my mind, and I’d set it out on my desk so it could accompany me on my daily inner journey. I even had it in my mind that I was looking for some images of women in those same bright colors of clothing so that I could make a new card of these women who had been masked, but were now set free.

So it feels to me like THIS card, made three years before the other one, is kindof like a prequel to that one.  Listen to what they are saying:

We are the ones who are robed and covered. We are the ones who hold offerings in our hands. We are the ones dressed in bright rainbow colors. We are the ones who are staring across the water at the Temple, and at the brilliant Solar Eclipse.  We are the ones who are not allowed across the water. We are the ones who are present and accounted for, but we are held back by the waters of fear and doubt.  There are no sail boats here. We do not know that possibility of freedom yet.  Amazing things are happening “over there,” but we are not allowed to go over there.

I still get goosebumps, when I think that I created that first card, above, having totally forgotten about this other card I’d made three years earlier!

In honor of these inner parts of me, held back by fear and lack of power…  this week I created a new card that represents, for me, the Setting Free of these women, these inner parts of me who are no longer held back, who no longer want to be covered up and hidden.  I found modern women dressed in the same jewel tone colors and glued them against the same background as the boats.

We are the ones who have come into our own fullness and beauty. We are the ones who have taken off our masks and robes and blossomed into strong, powerful, joyful women.   We are the ones who love life and aren’t ashamed of owning our own power.  We are the ones who aren’t afraid to sail away to new inner and outer destinations.

We give you power and strength, vivid color and vibrant life. We give you joy and pleasure in the present moment. We give you creativity and passion.

We are the ones who were in hiding but are now free.

Anne Marie at 12

I am the one who is only 12 years old. I am the one who has been watched over since I was born. I am the one who has been guided and protected by these female figures of light. I am the one who is not alone, who has never been alone, who never will be alone.

My message for you today is this: These guardian beings are still with you today, right now. Pause. Close your eyes. Hear them. Feel them. Open to them. Happy Birthday!

Crow Woman

I am the one who wears crow paint, who is marked with the sign of Crow. I am the one who is protected by Crow Energy, Crow Love.  I am the one who looks ahead to the future.  My message for you today is this- you are not alone. You are guided and protected by deep Crow energy.  It is very strong in your life even though you may not understand it.  Be patient.  Open your heart as you look ahead to the next year of your life.

I sat and thought about that for a moment.

And then I just felt the inner urge to do a reading with my Deck, so I separated my cards into the four suits, and I asked this question:

Who has something to say about this momentous occasion of leaving SBI (the old web platform) behind and celebrating the new KaleidoSoul?

I drew one card from each suit and here is what each one said to me:

Maggie, Sad Woman (Committee Suit)-

Woman: I am the one who is sad. I am the one who is taking time to say goodbye to the old KaleidoSoul and the old way of doing things. I am the one who is looking back, behind, to the way it was.

Boy: I am the one who is facing the rising sun, forward, ahead. I am the one who is ready to surprise you with great love.

Butterfly: I am the one who has come out of the cocoon into full-blown beauty. I am the one who balances and swings between the past and the future.  I am the one who stays in the present.

Our message for you on this special day is this: It is perfectly ok to feel sad while saying good-bye.  This is the end of an era for you. It is also ok to feel happy and loving and excited about the future at the same time.  Just remember to balance yourself in the present moment and all will be well.  It is the end of an era and the beginning of a new era and you can balance all that that entails by staying present to what IS.

Fran, my former therapist

I am the one who encouraged you through the creation of the first KaleidoSoul! I am the one who taught you about feeling your feelings, about flying, about transformation, about going within, about self-acceptance.

My message for you on this special day is this: Congratulations and blessings. Take some time today to absorb what you have done, created, given to the world. Stand still, pause and bask in the glow of Spirit.  Know that all is well.

Little Brown Bird, Heart Chakra (Companions Suit)

I am the one who is building a nest in your heart. I am the one whom you tamed so I sit on your hand and sing to you. I am the one who brings you such inner peace and sweet joy.

My message for your on this day of celebration is this: Keep your heart open and expansive.  Practice your yoga breathing.  Watch me as I build this nest of self-acceptance and trust in your heart. And know that you are building a nest for others of rest and safety … that is what KaleidoSoul is to the world, you know1

Crone (Council Suit)

I am the one who is old and wise, who has created wrinkles on my face from laughter and joy. I am the one who is happy and content with myself.  I am the one who is still creating colorful things even though I am old. I am the one who doesn’t care if birds perch on my head.

My message for your today is this- Your website is a testimony to authenticity and inner wisdom, and that tickles me to pieces!  My crone energy is guiding you forward…you continually are becoming… you are moving through your years with color and grace and authenticity. I bless your work!

MY OBSERVATIONS AFTER THE READING

What I noticed about the cards I drew as I laid them out side by side and looked at them as a group:

1. Two birds and two butterflies and two hearts (not a coincidence, I think!)

2. For me, the birds are symbols of nesting, hatching, and flight.

3. For me, the butterflies are symbols of transformation, metamorphosis, new beginnings.

4. Also, butterfly is my 3rd chakra animal companion, and bird is my 4th chakra animal companion, which brings into my mind the Solar and Heart Chakras which speak to me about authenticity, radiance, unconditional self love and radical acceptance.

I feel very affirmed and blessed after doing this reading!

Another beautiful reminder that I always get exactly what I need when we ask my Deck a question and wait for the response!

They are part of the “One” from which the “Many” spring forth.

I already have a Source Card and a Witness Card in my Deck.

A few weeks ago I created what seem to me, to be two SoulEssence cards.

SoulEssence is that divine spark inside of us.

SoulEssence is our purest, most clearest essence, who we each are at the deepest soul level.

More information about the SoulCollage^® Transpersonal cards can be found in Seena Frost’s article on this topic.

Who Are You?

I am the one who weaves the web. I am the one who puts the pieces together. I am the one who knows the connectedness of nature, and of all things, of all souls, across time, across space, across the Universe and beyond.  I am the one who bursts forth with strength of body and Spirit.  I am the one who is colorful, creative, and yet beyond words.

What do you have to give me?

I give you the knowing that everyone and every living thing is connected.  I give you the gift of connection.

What do you want from me?

I want you to SEE the connections.

I want you to be aware of the connections between you and every other living creature on this earth.

I want you to know that you are also connected to the unseen and that these connections transcend time and space. I want you to pause every now and then, and remember that we are all woven together in one wide and glorious web. I want you to tell others about the Connections.

Who Are You?

I am the one who is climbing.  I am the one who is on a journey, climbing, and it is a hard, steep journey.  But I can do this.  I am the one who is walking steadily through the dry, hot desert. But I can do it.  I am the one who is strong, who can climb without falling. I am the one who is focused, who knows the journey is hard and steep and yet I can bring some fun to it.  It can be hard and easy at the same time.  If I stay in my body, I Can Do This.  I can stay focused and balanced and keep up the steep climb.  I can even have fun doing this. I can do it.

What Do You Have To Give Me?

My gift to you is of positive thought and determination.  My gift to you is perseverance, strength, attention, focus.  My gift to you is the awareness that it can be fun and difficult at the same time.

What Do You Want From Me?

I want you to say “I can do this” over and over and over until you believe it too. I want you to know that I am a very real and viable part of your being.