Kanan Across America

Whatever is in Between Florida and Mississippi, and Mississippi

2010-02-26T01:05:00.000-08:00

Nobody is entirely sure what lies in between Florida and Mississippi, however experts believe it is a horrible land, filled with barbarians hell bent on blindsiding quarterbacks well after a play is over. It is obvious there are only 2 men in the world with the balls to venture into this forsaken land:

I parked the USS Kanan and went on to investigate the USS Alabama Memorial in Mobile.

Much like Alabama, Mississippi was one of those states in which I really didn't know what to check out, so I played it by ear and stopped in Historic Biloxi, Established in 1699.

There I spent some time gazing into the Gulf of Mexico and then headed off for some southern-style gambling at the Hard Rock Casino, where I turned $20 into $90 then eventually $60, but I had a far better time than I did at the Hard Rock Casino in Vegas.

Later I'd go on to spend a night in Jackson, but I only checked out the capitol, tada!

Your American Hero,

-AK

Kanan in Florida: A Crocodile at a Gator Rally

2010-02-18T10:17:00.001-08:00

Florida seems like one of those states that everyone has been to at least once or twice, like California, but I had never been so it was a must stop for Kanan Across America! I wanted to tour the whole state, but I only managed to check out the northern, redneck part of the state; I saved the douchy, southern part of the state for a later date.

My first stop was Jacksonville, home of Tim Tebow. It was raining pretty heavily, unfortunately, so I didn't do much touring; I did have a pleasant stay at a Red Roof Inn.

A reconnaissance mission to The Swamp was in order. I had to tap into all of my mad spy skillz to infiltrate Urban Meyer's evil lair, but in the end I would be ready to take on the mighty Gators at the BCS National Championship Game! Of course, they forgot to make it...

Eventually, I would finally find out the source...

...But I was compelled by their philosophies!

At the end of the day, I realized they're not so bad!

Tallahassee was my next stop, where I toured the Florida State campus. I wanted to make a funny and refer to Florida St. as Florida A&M, but much to my chagrin, there's actually one of those in Tallahassee :( FSU has, by far the coolest collection of statues around its football field!

After a hot and humid night at a Florida rest stop, I got to welcome the next day in Pensacola Beach, I had the whole beach to myself, THE WAY IT SHOULD BE!

The Sun never did show up during my stay in the Sunshine State, to be continued?

Your American Hero,
-AK

KAA: Alabama

2010-01-10T23:26:00.000-08:00

I spent half a day in Alabama last summer. That is all.

Your American Hero,
-AK

KAA: The Devil Went Down to Georgia

2009-12-30T16:38:00.000-08:00

Holy crap! It does not take very long once you’re out of the D.C./Northern Virginia metro for it to become obvious that you are officially in the South. For me it started when I was checking in at a motel in Fredericksburg and I noticed several swastikas and SS tattoos on guy in front of me. I was afraid for the nice Indian girl attendant, but he was surprisingly not hostile, guess he knows we should be nice to the people who are our doctors. The best part was when he turned around and saw me, wearing my Texas t-shirt and gave me this ‘you know what it’s like’ nod of approval.

I didn’t have the time or resources to try and track down a civil war re-enactment, but I had to go visit the museum of the confederacy, which is strategically nestled between a hospital and university both full of black people, making it very comfortable to visit. The museum has a very ‘matter of fact’ tone to its exhibits, which neither glorify the confederacy nor have a ‘victimized by the north’ tone. Read my review on Yelp.

It does suck that they don’t let you take any pictures inside the Confederate White House, mainly because Jefferson Davis bought his kid the world’s smallest working cannon, it’s so freakin’ cute! If you’re keeping track, I’ve seen the world’s smallest functioning lighthouse in Maine, now this! :)

I needed a break from getting in touch with my inner confederate, so I made my way to Bojangles' fried chicken in Chapell Hill North Carolina.

University of North Carolina Home of the Michael Jordans

It’s very nice of UNC to honor me, but you misspelled my name! >:O

I toured around Charlotte, but wasn’t able to find out a distinctive ‘Charlotte’ attraction. I mean it’s a nice city, it just seemed that most tourist attractions were somehow NASCAR related, however I couldn’t leave the Carolinas without trying out their famous barbecue.

Unfortunately I was unable to compare and contrast Carolina barbecue between North and South Carolina, apparently not much is open on Sundays in the state of South Carolina L I did manage to visit the state’s top tourist attraction: being the only state that still flies the confederate flag in the state capitol.

Everything is whiter in South Carolina!

Then I stopped at an Arby’s in Georgia.

Your American Hero,

-AK

KAA: Brotherly Love

2009-12-17T16:21:00.000-08:00

YES! I finally took the Jersey Turnpike, which finally shed some light on the ‘what exit?’ thing that people from New Jersey always talk about. I actually imagined there being a bypass highway to New York City going to Philadelphia, unfortunately I had to drive through NYC, which wasn’t as big an accomplishment as the locals make it out to be. So far the only major city to have a bypass route is Phoenix, call me crazy, but it’s a good fuckin’ idea!

Its only befitting that an American Hero of my caliber would eventually make his way to Philly, a city I had always wanted to visit due to its historical contributions to democracy and sandwiches. I experienced all the basics the city has to offer: The Liberty Bell, Independence Hall, Rocky Balboa statue, black people, the LOVE park, and of course cheesesteaks!

I had no choice but to put both Pat’s and Geno’s to the test, and the verdict: Geno’s tastes better, Pat’s feels more ‘authentic,’ whatever that means.

Afterwards, I was ready to experience all of the excitement that Delaware has to offer, that took about 45 minutes…

My next stop was Baltimore, where I didn’t know what to expect, I just wanted not to get syphilis. Visiting Edgar Allan Poe’s grave was important to me, after all I did dress up as the red death for Halloween in High School, getting Mr. Denny to reluctantly give me extra credit for dressing up from a piece of American Literature.

Afterwards it was time find out what these Maryland crabcakes are all about, turns out they’re all about mayonnaise, which is disgusting, but waterfront was very nice, despite the traffic for the Ravens game.

Your American Hero,

-AK

KAA: East Coast Bias

2009-11-19T20:43:00.000-08:00

The reason its taken me so long to write about Kanan Across America's New England experience is that it was very low key, I didn't get to do many of the traditional things to do in New England:

I couldn't enjoy the foliage because it was summer
I didn't get gay married
I didn't wear a tweed jacket
I wasn't able to attend any Ivy league schools

That last one I did try, however it didn't work out as planned. I was in Boston, which I had previously visited, though hadn't seen much of the city. It occurred to me to check out Harvard, one of the smartest places on earth, where I did one of the dumbest things I've ever done. It was night time, and the street lighting in Boston leaves a lot to be desired. I simply couldn't get to where the GPS was directing me! So I saw a bus that said Harvard Square and decided to follow, and I ended following it all the way to a bus-only tunnel bus stop... FAIL! Embarrassed I decided to get out of Boston as fast as possible!

I did get to hang out with my old Mil-Lab buddies in Vermont, which was awesome, finally getting to see Rutland in all its glory after hearing so much about it! =P It was annoying constantly getting weird looks from people around the capital, probably b/c I was wearing a Texas shirt. I've always believed that extreme liberalism can be just as close minded as extreme conservatism. Oh well, c'est la vie.

This is what I expected all buildings to look like =P

Vermont: America's Vagina

Quechee Gorge

I wonder where this person stands on the issues...

My next stop was Manchester, NH, home of the famous British soccer team. The town was incredibly nice and well kept, I was under the impression that it was the capital of the state, but apparently they too decided to relocate recently.

I had decided not to eat anything when I left the Emmons Estate in Vermont because I fully intended to feast on Maine lobster. Maine was a state I was really excited to see, especially the part of Maine that isn't in Canada. Unfortunately a nasty thunderstorm hit me on the way from Manchester to Portland, I had to pull over a couple of times due to no visibility, but I eventually made it to Portland in the late afternoon.

There I had another 'first,' I touched the Atlantic Ocean for the first time!!!!! Took a boat tour of the harbor, which wasn't as beautiful as it should've been due to the gray skies, but heck I was happy they had tours in such weather to begin with! Afterwards, it was LOBSTER TIME!

Never Thought I'd Be On a Boat...

It's a Big Blue Watery Road...

Poseidon, LOOK AT ME!!!!

My goal was to spend the night in Providence, RI, which is way bigger than I imagined, that's what she said, so I ended up getting lost looking for the Motel 6. As impressed as I was by Providence as a city, I found it was incredibly dead for 11pm and I couldn't think of any 'must have' experiences. I was probably too bummed out by there not being a Quahog, RI, that I decided to move along.

Suddenly, as Kanan Across America continued to steamroll across New England, I felt this horrible feeling. I couldn't pinpoint what it was, all I remember was this awful headache and started hating all things University of Texas, I was sick to my stomach. I suddenly craved SEC football, Yanks/Sox, and Lakers basketball, WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?! That's when I saw the sign:

I needed to get out of Connecticut fast! Actually, I did try to see if they offered some sort of ESPN campus tour, but the gate guard didn't let me in, I reckon my UT shirt was burning his retinas.

So like I said, a very low key New England experience, truth be told there were a lot of museums and points of interest, but they were simply out of my financial reach, maybe next time.

Your American Hero,
-AK

KAA: Chasing Waterfalls

2009-10-26T23:22:00.000-07:00

Contrary to popular belief, Jim and Pam's wedding was not the most romantic thing to happen in Niagara Falls this year. Earlier this summer I decided to spend a magical evening with the person I love the most at Niagara.

I had always heard that the Canadian side of the falls was more scenic, and when I arrived I was afraid that was shockingly true. I parked in an area called Terrapin Point, not knowing that there are other points, so I was bummed because you don't get a good view of the falls, so all you can see is the edge of the water about to fall. To make matters worse, I had decided not to take my passport, so crossing over to get the better view, not cool.

So after about 45 minutes of trying to get a good look and not being able to, I found a black, I mean African American squirrel. After chasing this squirrel, whom I named Mike (is that the correct usage of 'whom'?), I grabbed a diet pepsi and people watched on a bench. Enter trolley! I jumped on this trolley thinking to myself 'why not?' Several stops later I get out at something called 'The Visitor's Center.' Turns out THATS where you want to go!

The REAL Niagara Falls view totally blew my mind! Fortunately for me the observation deck wasn't too crowded, so I got a good chunk of staring & wandering off time. SUCK IT CANADA!

After a good few hours, it was dinner time. You shouldn't have to guess that I was going to get myself some buffalo wings. Went to Anchor Bar, home of the original buffalo wings. The Verdict? Good, not great, though the atmosphere is terrific.

Your American Hero,

-AK

KAA: An Appalachian Affair

2009-10-20T22:54:00.000-07:00

Its hard to believe that one could experience all Appalachia has to offer culturally in just one day, but if there's anyone that can come to appreciate bourbon, coal, and steel in a mere 24 hours, it is me!

I started the morning in Cincinnati, a much nicer city than anything else Ohio had thrown at me so far! I got the opportunity to goof around downtown in the morning, which for a major city (and one I assume to be full of yuppie east coast hipsters due to P&G) was really dead! I actually don't mind that, got to enjoy some of the downtown architecture. I was really disappointed to find out that The Great American Ballpark was actually named after The Great American Insurance Company :( I always wondered if some great baseball something had once taken place in Cincinnati. I was also there too early to get Skyline chili, that's a double :( :(

Take Me To Kentucky!

First off, when did Louisville and Lexington stop being the capital of Kentucky? I received no memo, no email, no text, no tweet, no nothing! The state recently decided to move the capital to a town called Frankfort, which is halfway between the two. Due to the fact that I was heading northeast I decided to skip Louisville in the interest of efficiency. Check out the Kentucky bluegrass, its really blue! If its not showing please adjust your tint settings.

Lexington was on the way, thankfully enough, home of the University of Kentucky, where I was hoping to rendezvous with Ashley Judd.

Take Me Home, Country Roads... West Virginia!

Driving through West Virginia was actually a very fun affair! I love driving through mountains, tons of hills and fun turns, and a refreshing lack of trucks made driving through the entire state a joy. I stopped in Charleston to see the capitol, but didn't stick around for too long because I wanted to make it to WVU before nightfall. I did get to Morgantown in time, unfortunately the campus was damn near impossible to find. I did get to see some of the campus and the football stadium.

West Virginia Coal Miner Tribute, SUCK IT HIPPIES!

Finally made it to Pittsburgh, where finding a hotel room was not easy, I guess a lot of folks were in town for either the nearby Pro Football Hall of Fame induction or the likelier scenario, for a Pirates game ZING! I didn't have much of an agenda for the steel city, just a little sightseeing.

How nice of Pittsburgh to name a street after Dallas Cowboy Legend Tony Dorsett for no reason whatsoever!

Your American Hero,
-AK

KAA: Big Ten Country

2009-10-15T04:21:00.000-07:00

It is hard to be a college football fan and not know about the history and tradition of Notre Dame, but it is damn near incomprehensible why the sports media clings so dearly to a program that was last seen near relevancy in 1993. So I decided to go to the source, Touchdown Jesus himself:

It was clear that I wasn't going to get any answers from TDJ, but at least I'm glad I met him. I had originally planned not to drive through IN because I wanted to see Lake Superior, poke Canada, and invade Michigan from the north, plus I had spent a few days in Indianapolis a couple of years back. The curious thing about driving through Indiana is that I-90 is a tollway through the state, now some places like New York have tollways because they are places people really want to go, my theory is that for IN it is the exact opposite, you're gonna have to pay to get out! (They probably stole that from Jersey)

As I resigned myself to the destination equivalent of an unwanted child, I tried to make the most of it, surely there had to be more than just Notre Dame, and there was! I visited the College Football Hall of Fame, also in South Bend, IN. To be honest I was expecting a Notre Dame shrine, and you can't blame me, but surprisingly this is an objective institution that didn't show much bias outside of the Michigan/ohio st exhibit, read my full review on yelp at http://kanan.yelp.com

My next destination was Ann Arbor! Now I've never made it a secret that I like Michigan, its actually the college football team I rooted for as a child (I was a sucker for cool helmets and bright colors) and I routinely play as UM in NCAA football games. Oddly enough most of my Seattle friends are Michigan alums, so barred the occasional rose bowl I always say Go Blue, I was excited to finally visit!

Unfortunately I was not able to get a good tour of the Big House because of some construction that was taking place, but I did my best to do as much checking out as possible. Afterwards I just walked around campus for as long as my legs would allow me, fortunately it wasn't too crowded.

I could definitely see why Michigan and ohio state are such biter rivals, Ann Arbor and Columbus are like night and day. Columbus sucks, plain and simple, and don't say I didn't give them a chance because I did! Lets start with not being able to get there from an Interstate, WTF?! I drove hours through a series of 2-lane highways that showed me more of the Ohio countryside than anyone should ever see, EVER! I finally get to Columbus, tired and hungry, its night time, I find a McDonald's and THE NUGGETS WERE STALE! Stale Chicken McNuggets are unacceptable regardless of location! Strike 2. I thought it was time to call it a night and headed towards the osu campus area to find a motel, NOTHING! You could argue this is bad timing on my part because orientation was happening, but I blame columbus for sucking. Strike 3, they were out!

Frustrated I decided I wasn't going to stay there and anything I wanted to checkout would have to happen that night. I headed to the Horseshoe, which is a pretty impressive stadium, even at night, unfortunately my camera does not take very good night pics, but you get the gist. Before heading out I stopped downtown, which was much nicer than I expected, unfortunately my mind was made, I was not spending the night in Columbus... Cincinnati was much nicer to me, more on that later :)

Your American Hero,

-AK

KAA: Lambeau Leap of Faith

2009-09-28T04:28:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons I went on this journey is because I literally NEEDED to get away, as ridiculous as that may sound from someone who had been unemployed for months. I needed a break from the hopelessness, but I also knew my resources were slim at best. I was going to see how far I could get with what I had, knowing I didn't have much. When I got to Wisconsin I had a cold reality check and I thought that would be as far as I would make it.

After sleeping only for a few hours in a Wisconsin rest stop, I got to Madison, capital of WI and home of the University of Wisconsin. You probably noticed already that I like to check out state houses and universities and there's 2 reasons for that a. I'm insecure and b. They are free tourist attractions.

Wisconsin's campus is right next to A FREAKIN' LAKE! How cool is that? 'Oh I just got out of class, where should I go, well there's always A FREAKIN' LAKE!' Though its probably not that big an attraction during the cold months, but still, a freakin' lake is a freakin' lake. I suppose that makes up for having a campus bookstore that doesn't sell shot glasses, that was a big WTF moment.

After a fine day of checking out Madison, my next destination was Milwaukee, and I've always wanted to go to Milwaukee. Unfortunately, I begun feeling very sick on the way there. By the time I got to a Motel 6 I had a fever and was about to pass out, I thought I would have to turn around.

Antibiotics and 14 hours of sleep gave me a boost so I ventured into Milwaukee. First impression: this place is REALLY NICE! Lakefront parks are nice, weather was nice, downtown area is nice, people are nice, and the food is great. I would live in Milwaukee, which doesn't sound like much for someone who is moving to El Paso, but generally I like to live in nice places. I stopped at the Milwaukee Brat House for lunch where the sausage was excellent and the beer was hands down the BEST I'VE EVER HAD! Read more at http://kanan.yelp.com

Reinvigorated I headed up north to Green Bay. My plan was to drive north to Michigan's UP, see Lake Superior, and cross into Michigan from the north, skipping Chicago and more importantly Gary, IN.

When I got to Green Bay I immediately headed to Lambeau Field, home of the Packers. There were a lot of people touring the stadium and buying up Packer gear, hoping to see the players after practice. At first I was puzzled by how many attractive women there were around, then I remembered rich people work here, makes sense.

This NEVER Happened =P

Before heading out to see Lake Superior I decided to stop at a Kinko's to check on email, facebook, and twitter (which had been acting up all day). I also checked my bank account balance... I knew I didn't have much and I had been trying to be as frugal as possible during the trip, but I had not counted on there not being any Chevron or Texaco stations in so many states, the gas costs were really adding up. I realized I wasn't going to be able to continue on my trip.

Dejected I decided to turn around and head south for Texas, Kanan Across America was over, at least I had seen many new places, but I was still upset. When I got to Chicago, while stuck in traffic I decided to go for broke. I knew I wasn't going to be able to pay September's rent and truth is, I was happy. I had not been this happy in a long time, I'd been practically rotting for almost 2 years unable to do much. I stopped thinking about tomorrow and headed east, even if that risked getting me stranded in Gary, IN.

Your American Hero,

-AK

KAA: (Mall of) America, Fuck Yeah!

2009-09-23T01:24:00.000-07:00

Growing up I was never really into going to the mall, but I do remember when the Mall of America opened up and I really wanted to check it out. After only 17 years I finally made it!

I was excited to arrive exactly around lunchtime, and soon enough I was in mall food heaven! They literally had every single mall restaurant I had ever come across plus some exciting new choices. Naturally I was drawn to the shitty Thai food place, when will I ever learn?

I had ABSOLUTELY no plans on riding the rollercoasters, after all, the place is called Nickelodeon Universe, how good could the rides be. In one word: AMAZING! They are not messing around when it comes to rollercoasters. I knew I couldn't stay all day and I'm on a tight budget, so I only bought enough credits for 4 rides, then I bought the same package again, for only $10 I could've bought an all day pass. And I wonder why I'm broke.

Riding coasters at MoA is the most fun I have had in a long time, you couldn't wipe the smile off my face, this place is awesome, America, Fuck Yeah!

Sweet Coaster!

Lego Store, pretty sweet

If you get it, you get it.

The College Store at MOA

St. Paul is just a pretty city, I decided to check out the capitol area while traffic in Minneapolis died down, I didn't get to do much other than sightseeing, but after MOA, there really isn't much else I can ask from Minnesota.... well I guess I can think of one thing :)

Minnesota State Capitol

Downtown Minneapolis, thru my shitty camera

Your American Hero,

-AK

KAA: Fargo, because I can!

2009-09-20T04:48:00.000-07:00

To be honest, I'm not sure there are many reasons to visit North Dakota, at least not for me. It also kills me to know that I'm not the only one amongst my friends to have been to ND, its like why else would I go other than to say I've been there? So my reason for visiting Fargo was: because I can.

My drive to Fargo was the least efficient part of my entire trip, one that otherwise, was a model of roadtrip efficiency (don't look it up, I'm right). To get to Fargo I drove from Iowa to Minneapolis only to have to return to the Twin Cities to continue my trip. Though technically I didn't travel the same road twice because my dumbass GPS took me through a state route on the way there, and the interstate on the way back.

Inefficiencies aside, I had an enjoyable time in Fargo, named after its sponsor, Wells Fargo. There aren't many unique things for a tourist to experience, which, coming from El Paso, I can relate to. I visited the Red River Zoo, only to find out it wasn't THAT Red River, but they had some pretty kick-ass animals, which made my trip worthwhile.

RR Zoo, famous for its Chinese Red Pandas, which is Mandarin for Raccoon

Meerkat Apartment

Red Squirrel, redefining 'adorable'!

Hey in today's world, I'd also be checking to see if mine were still there!

They Are

Random Bunnies, is there a better kind?

"Get a job you lazy beast!" I heard him yell at me.

Prairie dogs, they're just like chubby meerkats!

An American icon, plus a bald eagle in the background.

Your American Hero,
-AK

KAA: Where does corn come from?

2009-09-17T06:53:00.000-07:00

Iowa, corn comes from Iowa, do NOT listen to Nebraska, they are mean, but first...

South Dakota is way bigger than I thought it would be, that's what she said, and it took me an entire day to cross the state. I may have gotten through a little faster had I not decided to stop at The Badlands National Park, a decision heavily influenced by a Red Hot Chili Peppers song. I could not believe how remarkable this place is, there's just something so alluring about the canyons and land formations. I won't go into details as to why I can't go hiking, but I'll let pictures describe my little hike. Good thing I had plenty of painkillers!

I detoured to Pierre, which is the capital of SD, mostly b/c I was very hungry and there was no town in sight. Pierre is a very low key town, but I did learn an important lesson, it is spelled Sovth Dakota, we've been wrong all along!

My friend Ben, who used to be my boss at Microsoft, had graciously invited me to stay with him and his family in beautiful Lake Okoboji, however it was late at night when I finally arrived in Sioux Falls, SD. I decided I would see Ben the next day, then I decided to go to Nebraska, because this makes a lot of sense:

Here's the truth Nebraska, YOU'RE OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY! But, its okay, you're not the only state that's inconvenient. Maybe its because of low expectations but I was impressed by Omaha in that it remarkably urban, and I don't just mean they have black people, I mean there's tall buildings and stuff. After spending the night in Omaha, I was grateful not to have been shot because of my choice in motel location, and I thought it would be neat to go visit the Cornhuskers!

FUN FACT: Nebraska is the only college football team I have seen more than once without them facing Texas, this happened in 06 when I was tricked by Colt McCoy into buying Big XII championship tix (no, oklahoma doesn't count, though technically they were at the same game). The reason I bring this up is that the people in Lincoln were unexplainably hostile! After all the support I gave you people while freezing my ass off at Arrowhead?! Ben tells me its because I was wearing UT gear (and driving with UT plates I suppose), but seriously?! Where's the beef Nebraska?! I kid you not, a little boy, no older than 10, gave me the evil eye while I was touring the campus, I'm sorry but I don't know where they get their reputation as the nicest fans in college football.

You Lie!

PWNED!

You know there is no sign that says 'Nebraska welcomes you' and that's because they don't. Anywho, after being practically chased out of the state, it was on to Iowa. I found out there is a whole lot more to Iowa than just corn, I mean its still mostly corn, but there's other stuff. On my way to Okoboji I stopped in Le Mars, IA, Ice Cream capital of the world! Talk about a bold statement, I wonder how the places where Ben & Jerry's, Dreyer's and Blue Bell feel about it. (Le Mars is home to Blue Bunny) Read my review on Yelp!

Finally made it to Lake Okoboji. It was great catching up with Ben and hanging out with his family. We took his boat out for a spin, chated about the good old days, and yes even had some corn. A BIG THANK YOU to Ben and his family for their hospitality! If y'all are ever in L... well El Paso now I guess, you have a place to stay, though you'll probably not want to =P

See all pictures at http://tr.im/KAAPlainsPics

Your American Hero,
-AK

KAA: The Road to Mt. Rushmore

2009-09-14T20:35:00.000-07:00

I must admit I was expecting more out of the state of Montana, I don't know why. Maybe I just got off on the wrong foot, no pun intended. I was planning to cap off my AMAZING Wyoming experience by crashing at a hotel in Livingston, MT, but destiny had other plans. First off, the road from Yellowstone to Livingston is absolutely pitch dark, there is nothing, no gas stations, no little towns, no 'Welcome to Montana' signs, NOTHING! Then, when I finally arrived, there were no rooms available, not a good start for your hero.

I decided to just drive on through to Billings that night, an additional 2.5 hours on the road at around midnight. Billings struck me as the kind of place where the local economy is largely driven by crystal meth, don't bother looking it up, I'm probably right. Travel guides don't list many attractions to Billings other than casinos, but they all list Moss Mansion as a top attraction. Visiting Moss Mansion has to be one of the biggest non-sexual disappointments of my life, the place is neither covered in moss nor owned by Randy Moss, WTF?! I was missing Wyoming badly!

Okay, so the open road has to be better, right? This is Big Sky country after all, unfortunately it was raining, so I wasn't able to enjoy the view of the plains, eventually I did get a nice scenic loop. I don't want to completely give up on Montana yet, I should've visited Glacier National Park, next time! :)

I would finally make it to South Dakota in the late afternoon, the long day allowed me to take in all the scenery of the Black Hills, but I wasn't going to stop until Mt. Rushmore. Before I describe my experience, I must give some major props to the attendant at Gate C (or 3, I forget). See there is no way to see Mt. Rushmore without entering the visitor's center, its pure genius! Sadly, they do not accept credit cards to pay for admission, and I don't carry cash, but the dude at Gate C (or 3) told me to go in, get some cash from the ATM and pay him on my way out. Dude totally saved me having to go back and forth to go in, thanks! :)

Seeing Mt. Rushmore gave me this odd feeling, the same one I got when I saw the Eiffel Tower, or the Statue of Liberty. Its like here's this thing that's really famous and you're all excited to see it, and after a few minutes you're like, now what? There are no other exciting activities around it other than watching the monument itself, and don't get me wrong, it is absolutely majestic! So I did the only things I could do, I sat and contemplated the view, I took a TON of pictures, I checked out the many little exhibits, I went to the gift shop, got a Diet Pepsi, and of course I tried to figure out where exactly they would carve George W. Bush's face.

I'm still happy that I went, if you would've told me a year ago that I would visit Mt. Rushmore the next year, I may have slapped you in the face, not because you told me I would be at Mt. Rushmore, I was simply really into slapping people in the face last year.

The 3 States of Kanan:

Cross-Armed

Crazy for America!

and of course, Hook 'Em!

Your American Hero,
-AK

KAA: Wyoming, I Care!

2009-09-11T09:45:00.000-07:00

Wyoming, I care! A bold statement, from a bold man. I once ran across a t-shirt that suggested otherwise, and you know what? I was foolish enough to believe it. Not anymore! Not after my awesome day in Wyoming, read on...

Let's start with just getting to Wyoming, the drive eastward from Idaho Falls is not only scenic, but also exciting, full of dangerous curves through mountains and what not. I knew I was going to Yellowstone, but I didn't know getting there would be half the fun! Jackson, WY is the gateway to the national parks, and it is a beautiful resort town. Place was packed due to tourist season, but I still took in the town's old west style downtown.

The Grand Tetons, America's boobs.

Originally I had no intention of actually going into Grand Teton National Park, thought I could get some great views and cool pictures from the adjacent road, I mean its not like I'm in any condition to hike or anything. Well those clever rascals in Wyoming had other plans. First of all, the view of the mountains from the road simply isn't good, on top of that, there really isn't anywhere to pull over on the road. My plot to be cheap had been foiled! Then, I made a rookie mistake, deciding to buy just entry into Grand Teton (GT) park instead of a combo package, this decision would bite me when I realized the sum of the fees for both GT and Yellowstone was more than the combo, D'oh!

Driving through GT is something else, its just gorgeous, and there's places to pull over all over the place! As a total n00b, I was pulling into every single stop. At some point, the fact that I was just photographing the same mountains just from slightly different angles dawned on me, then I became less paranoid about running out of places to check out the scenery. I wish I could tell you at which lake camp I stopped to have my protein bar lunch, but I lost track, doesn't matter I still photographed the crap out of every single little body of water I came across, its the least I could do. I'm glad I stopped at GT!

The first thing I noticed when I got to Yellowstone, is how less forested it is than GT, I blame the bears. I guess less trees makes it easier to spot these godless killing machines. The lack of places to stop and check out allowed me to regain my laser focus on seeing hot water shoot up from the ground. Getting to Old Faithful was a pain in the ass, mainly because there is quite a bit of roadwork being done inside the park, I was worried it would be nightfall by the time I got there! :(

Lucky for me, it was a long summer day, and eventually the roads cleared up. I got to Old Faithful (OF) with plenty of light, unfortunately for me, OF was on an off schedule and I had to wait about 45 minutes to enjoy the show, I could've gone and screwed around with some of the younger, less faithful geysers! The place was pretty packed, so being there early allowed me to get primo seats. To witness OF go off was awe-inspiring, I mean there I was, witnessing a miracle of nature, it really made me think. After about 45 seconds of being 'deep,' I went back to taking as many pictures as possible, such an event must be chronicled, you never know when it may happen again.

I stopped to take in more of the sights of Yellowstone, I'm not 'nature guy' but I couldn't help just pulling over and taking in all the natural beauty of the park. The risk of a bear attack was at an all-time high, would I be ready to fight back? Leaving Wyoming was as exciting as getting there was, if not more. Getting out of Yellowstone is one of those fun, mountain drives full of deadly curves, but the catch was it was night, I didn't need to go very fast to get a rush from the drive! No animals were harmed during my Yellowstone getaway, though several really tried. What's your problem, deer? Then your Hero drove off into the night, not knowing if he would ever return to WY...

Steamy!

Old Faithful doing its thing.

Why am I being so nice to WY? Well, Texas plays Wyoming this Saturday, all pleasantries are about to go out the door, Hook 'Em Horns! \m/

Your American Hero,
-AK

KAA: The Pacific Northwest + Nearby States

2009-09-09T18:34:00.000-07:00

One of the few certain things about Kanan Across America is that I was always going to stop in Seattle, so that's where I headed first. I've driven through Oregon before and like in the past, I really enjoyed it, mountains, hills, forests, and lots of winding roads! :)

I did make two major stops there, stopped in Eugene, home of the University of Oregon, and Salem the capital. Eugene is great, the quintessential college town I suppose, but what I really wanted to see was Autzen stadium, didn't get in, but I did get to see the wacky practice field, made to look just like the one inside the stadium. Salem, on the other hand, SUCKS, seriously, nobody has ever needed to go to Salem, EVER! I like Oregon, a lot actually, despite its rampant liberalism, it really strikes me as one of those states that has its shit together. Too bad their capitol building is, like Brian put it, a mausoleum, where architecture goes to die.

Oregon State Capitol - Where Architecture Goes to Die

Seattle was all about catching up with friends! Its not really that I miss Seattle as much as it is that I miss my friends, but alas I do have a very strict policy of keeping friends at least 500 miles away... A fun weekend of good food, great beer, and HOT weather, Apparently I arrived just in time to experience record highs. Its not hot Seattle, its just me!

Visited the new Xbox campus, take me back, PRETTY PLEASE! I'll be good! 0:-)

Next stop, Boise, ID, home of the famous blue turf! Boise is a very low key town, I got there around 10pm and everything was dark and closed. Sadly they're not as into potatoes as they lead you to believe. Seriously, you know how in Atlanta everything is 'Peach this' and 'Peach that'? Not so much for Boise an its potatoes, WTF?! Apparently Boise has a thriving Basque community, my grandpa was Basque, so I was a bit curious, but I wasn't about to go off on some tangent to learn about my heritage, I knew it was Smurf Turf o NADA!

The stadium was, unfortunately, closed, however my determination was stronger than ever, I maneuvered around the practice fields managing to sneak in. There I was, sideline in the blue field, it was awesome... and then one of the maintenance guys saw me and kicked me out. I've always said, anybody that humiliates ou is a friend of mine, love BSU for that!

Utah was my next destination, however I had no idea what I could see or do there. To be honest the only 2 things I knew about Salt Lake were: Mormons and Utah Jazz. So I kept an open mind. SLC is quite nice figuratively and literally, a very clean city. Stopped by the obligatory state capitol and also the University of Utah, both of which, again, are nice. Probably spent most of the time there downtown checking out the Temple. The architecture is quite impressive, unfortunately its hard to get a good shot of it from nearby, its really BIG, also that's what she said. I did spend time talking to one of the Mormon sisters, mostly b/c she was very cute, ultimately I'm always very respectful in these situations. Now I can say I know more about Mormons other than just from South Park! :)

Kanan @ the Great Salt Lake, mmmm, salty!

Your American Hero,
-AK

Kanan Across America an (Re?)Introduction

2009-09-06T03:47:00.000-07:00

Its been a week since I returned home from Kanan Across America, only like the greatest voyage of our time. So where did I go? I didn't make it to all states, but I did visit 44 of them in about 6 weeks, which combined with past experiences I can now say I've been to 48 states, yay me! This is important, Americans have long depended on me not just for pleasure and protection, but also inspiration!

KAA was simply my way of saying: 'America, babe, I'd like to get to know you better!'

The plan was: there is no plan, and I executed magnificently! Seriously, I knew I was going to 2 places for sure: Seattle, and Texas, and everything else was just gravy. I had a vague idea of places I wanted to see, but by and large I winged the trip every day. By and large would also make an excellent porn name for either a hefty or a well endowed bi-sexual.

I did get the opportunity to visit friends, some of whom I hadn't seen in years, and it was amazing. I cannot thank them enough for being so supportive, y'all are KAA Plutonium Sponsors for Life! Fuck, I thought Plutonium would be neon green! :(

My friend Irene suggested that I write a blog about my experiences, and she's a great friend, despite the fact that I had started a blog about my trip and she didn't quite read it :P I did stop blogging on the road for several reasons, but now I've had some time to reflect on my experience I'd like to start again from the beginning. You can read the first few notes of my first blog attempt at:

I'm also going to be posting reviews of some of the restaurants and other attractions I visited on Yelp!

What I'll do is I'll write a blog chronicling each day on a regular basis, unless I get a book offer (YES, I'll write a book!) and ummm, we'll see where it goes. Movie rights also for sale! I'll also have pictures, lots of pictures, because I'm like a sorority historian and I photograph absolutely EVERYTHING!

I'll save you the link, here's a copy of day 1 from my old journal:

I didn't expect today to be very eventful since I've driven the I5 to and from Seattle a couple of times.

There was a horrible accident right outside LA, all I could see was a large rolled over RV, there were pieces of it everywhere, I hope the people will be okay.

I saw Sacramento for the first time, I was asleep the 2 previous times I was there. Its much larger than I thought it would be, also that's what she said.

I didn't check out Sacramento because I wanted to enjoy the scenery at Lake and Mt. Shasta, named so because that's where the water for the soda comes from. Sadly I didn't make it before nightfall, should've toured Sacramento :(

I did make it to Oregon before midnight, I like Oregon, its one of the few states that seems to have its shit together.

Your American Hero,

-AK