In light of the situation in Moore, OK, I feel I have no choice but to load up Wilma and serve those who have lost everything. Although it is a valid decision personally, it’s financial suicide for my business. In route I’ll be setting up a Paypal account for anyone who would like to partner with me. I’ll post more info as I can.

Also, if anyone out there has contact #’s for anyone who can help me get close to those folks who really need a free meal, let me know.

And as always, be praying for those who have suffered such great loss.
I’ll be in touch.

Even though we all have heard the announcements about not attempting to rush to help in person and just wiring the money to Red Cross, I knew we wouldn’t be able to talk Brett out of going. His personal update last night said it all (I hope he forgives me for sharing it):

My brain is on fire tonight. I remember when the tornado hit Joplin a couple of years ago, and I was disappointed that Wilma wasn’t done yet. I vowed that the next time something like this happened, I would do my best to help with feeding those who have lost everything. I don’t think I have any choice but to load up Wilma and go to Moore, OK in the morning, although I can’t afford it, and I will piss off valuable customers whom I have made promises to. But that’s how God made me, I can’t help it. My desire to help those in need trumps my bank account. Please help me pray for clarity while I decide what to do.

I don’t think trying to help people in a devastated area should crush a man’s business. Brett is a nice, upstanding guy who is trying to do what he thinks is right. Many helpful hands are headed to or already are in Oklahoma. Brett’s hand will be the one handing out a hot tasty sandwich from all of us in Kansas City.

If you have some change sitting in your Paypal account from selling some junk on eBay 3 years ago, or just feel like buying lunch for someone you don’t know, please consider dropping few bucks into the Paypal account Brett set up for that purpose  (click the button at the bottom of the site). In addition, all the ad revenue from my site for the month of May will be also deposited into Brett’s account.

I hope our neighbors in Oklahoma will like Wilma’s as much as we do here and it will be able to brighten up their day even if for a bit. Please share either this post or the site with the donation button (for some reason I can’t copy it here) with your friends.

I know Brett’s Mom is really proud.

The post Buy A Lunch For A Tornado Victim In Moore, Oklahoma appeared first on Kansas City With The Russian Accent.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bb_i_48TgpU

*very free translation mine.

A little brown button was lying on the road,
And no one had noticed it in tons of brown dust.
A bunch of bare feet was stomping on that road,
A bunch of tanned and bare feet by little button passed.

The boys walked in a crowd all from a distant village,
Alyosha walked behind all and raised the most dust.
On purpose or by accident, he couldn’t tell for sure,
He stepped on little button, and stopped in place aghast.

“This button don’t look ours!” – cried out all the children.
“And weird foreign letters are written very large!”
To border patrol station they raced like wild horses
To show little button to someone who’s in charge.

“Please show me exactly,” – told them commander strictly
And opened map of border he right in front of troop.
He asked the name of village and brown dusty road
Where little boy Alyosha felt button with his foot.

Four days they wasted looking for man on every road,
Four days they looked for him, forgetting any sleep
On fifth day the had found the evil-looking stranger
And gave him very thorough search like very very deep.

They found button missing on enemy’s back pocket!
A button wasn’t present on foreign baggy pants.
And deep inside the pocket – the cartridge from revolver,
A map of Soviet border and other secret plans.

Patrolmen praised the children for bravery and courage
And then the border captain shook all of their hands
They gave the children rifle checkpoint had in storage
And little boy Alyoshka was given drum for bands.

That’s how it’s protected, the Soviet sacred border.
And no evil bastard well ever get inside!
Alyoshka kept the button, because he is a hoarder.
A little brown button with praise and lots of pride!

The post That’s How It’s Protected, The Soviet Sacred Border, And No Evil Bastard Will Ever Get Inside! appeared first on Kansas City With The Russian Accent.

*translation mine

The Communists are suggesting to dress Sir Elton John in a Cossack costume for his performance in Krasnodar.

*** The party refuses to silently observe the outrage on the stage.

Krasnodar. May 6. Interfax-Yug – Krasnodar Regional Committee of the Party “Communist Russia” insists that the British singer-songwriter Elton John, whose performance in Krasnodar is scheduled for July, has to replace his stage costume for the duration of the tour.

Photo courtesy of the long time Elton John fan and memorabilia collector Hyperblogal

“We are prepared to tolerate the performance of Sir Elton John in Krasnodar, on the condition that he changes his provocative outfit (image) to the ceremonial dress of the Kuban Cossack Host, at least for the period of his stay in Russia,” – says the petition by the Party to the law enforcement agencies of the Krasnodar Region issued on Monday.

Moreover, the representatives of the party demand that the law enforcement officers investigate the activities of the organizers of the event, who, as the statement says, “arrange the tours of “stars “of dubious reputation.”

“Some of their work contains hidden propaganda of homosexuality and promiscuity that destroys the institution of the family and has a negative impact on the psychological health of the nation,” – the statement reads.

“We can not ban them from coming here, but we do not intend to silently watch the outrage happening on stage from the sidelines.” - emphasize the authors.

The Elton John’s concert in Krasnodar is scheduled for July 14, 2013 at the “Basket-Hall.”

Show organizers have not commented on the charges by the regional branch of the party “Communist Russia.”

**I would like to assure my readers that this didn’t come from a Russian version of The Onion or some other humor site.

The post Communists To Elton John: When In Cossack Land Dress As Cossacks Do appeared first on Kansas City With The Russian Accent.

Other parents have it easy: mothers can take boys with them into the ladies’ restroom and no one will run out screaming and start calling police; I don’t even need to mention the other two situations – those are just business as usual. But unless you want to explain at length to your child why are all these men are peeing standing up, bringing a girl to the men’s bathroom is not as optimal as it might seem. Hence the nervous and uncomfortable pacing outside the restroom door, hoping that your daughter will get out alive, undamaged and hopefully with her clothes on.

And that’s just the beginning of your problems. Remember the innocent days when you thought buying feminine hygiene products was embarrassing? Soon you will navigate the tampon aisle like a pro: with the picture of what she needs on your phone you will elbow away diaper-buying old ladies and stay-at-home-moms with shopping carts full of snot-excreting children. You will finally learn the things you have successfully avoided up to this point in your life – which shirtless boys are hot, and discover the existence of beauty products besides shampoo and deodorant.

And that brings me to the misleading title of this post. If you are a straight male over 30 hanging out at Forever XXI or H&M there us nothing you can do to not look like a sex offender. Acting busy? Playing with your phone? Reading? Staring at the floor? Smiling for no reason? That’s exactly what a sex offender would be doing. There is no escaping it, this is the burden you have to carry.

Actually there is one thing you can do – just don’t go into the store. Let your child do the shopping while you are hanging out by one of those smokeless cigarette kiosks at the mall and wait for her to text you when it’s over. Then you just march straight to the cash register with the look of determination on your face, quickly pay and leave.

Because if there is one thing we know about perverts is that they are cheap. Oh, wait ….

The post How To Not Look Like A Sex Offender At Forever XXI appeared first on Kansas City With The Russian Accent.

Free translation mine.

Characteristics inherent in an illegal enemy resident caused by prolonged stays abroad:

1. Knowledge of a foreign language. (Explanations may be different: studied in college, traveled abroad, etc.)
2. Usage of sayings, phrases and aphorisms unusual in our country.
3. Foreign accent while pronouncing the names of cities, firms, famous people. (Broadway instead of Brodvey)
4. Incorrect pronunciation of Russian words, especially similar-sounding to foreign (telegraph, telephone); absence of local dialects.
5. Incorrectly writing Russian letters while filling out paperwork and written documents (t-т, i-и, u-у, w-в).
6. Unusually detailed knowledge of the life abroad and, at the same time, lacking information about the Soviet life and local customs.
7. Extensive knowledge of the Soviet State, Communist Party and the Government above the level of an average Soviet citizen and, at the same time, unfamiliarity with common acronyms of the governmental organization names.
8. Appearance: always demonstrates correct posture, neatly dressed, presents himself as cultured, unusually polite, subordinate person, on the levels unusual for the regular working person. Helpful, polite, especially to women (stands up when woman enters the room, takes off the hat, rarely shakes hands).
9. Knows how to make cocktails and has a special manner to shake them.
10. Avoids medical help, self-medicates, tries to pay for a doctor’s visit.
11. Specific food preferences, unusual for the locality and ability to cook exotic foods. Seeks out rare food stuffs (squid, oysters, etc.)
12. Low consumption of bread during dinner, diluting alcoholic beverages with water and ice and sipping them, as if enjoying the taste.
13. When using a telephone, dials incorrectly due to unfamiliarity with the model; tries to pay for using the phone in the office, which is common abroad.
14. Habitually may rest his legs on high surfaces, chew gum or smoke on a bus, in a movie theater, store, which is common in many foreign countries.
15. A habit to do only quality work (sloppy work will not satisfy a private employer).
16. Unusual approach to solving production problems; specific professional terminology no used in our schools; using names and terms for parts and instruments that are used abroad.
17. Returning traitors of the Motherland, immigrants, people lost during the war and anyone on their behalf.
18. Sudden stop in correspondence with relatives and friends living in the USSR and promises to meet with them soon.

The post Behind The Iron Curtain: How To Recognize a Foreign Spy appeared first on Kansas City With The Russian Accent.