Kansas City with the Russian Accent

Dueling Billboards of Missouri

m.v. — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 03:57:51 +0000

The state of Missouri takes its “show-me state” nickname literally, and there is no shortage of places where certain things are shown to the citizens and guests of the state.

Billboards for the adult mega-centers and superstores break the monotony of an average I-70 cross-state drive.

The righteous citizens counteract the best they can. The following billboard is the Holy Grail of billboards. I frequently post on the subject of billboards here, but I don’t think I can ever top this one. To photograph this rare find I took a detour and put myself in danger parking on the side of the highway.
What makes this billboard so unique is that until today I always read it as “Jesus saves and forgives pornography”, not having enough time to read the last line driving by at highway speeds. Apparently that’s not the case and that’s a pity, because Jesus would probably double the amount of followers if he did.
There is no better place to educate people about abortion then the side of the highway. That’s where many people do most of their reading.

As an unintended side-effect of my billboard hunting I discovered a creative way to deal with the native omnipresent Missouri front-yard pile of rusted metal. This resident of Concordia, MO can give KCMO artist Stretch some pointers on how to run a welder.

Other flying objects were hidden in the building.

Lastly, consider this your visit to Jonesburg, MO.

The “pride in their heritage” museum is open on Sundays 2 to 4.

Your Wife, Now With Skills

m.v. — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 23:07:17 +0000

Your wife who was just hot last year, now comes back improved with skills.

Using the same gimmick twice is pretty lame.

Speaking of lame: if you are tired of your puny kids, go get yourself some giant ones.

Located in Olathe, KS.

The sign seems to be missing an apostrophe or something, but what do I know, check your grammar with a pro.

In Defense of Trololololololololololo

m.v. — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 01:18:13 +0000

With all of the YouTube incarnations of this song topping four million views, Eduard Khil finally got world-wide audience he always deserved.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=oavMtUWDBTM

The name of Eduard Khil is so closely intertwined with the Soviet pop-music of the second half of the 20th century that when I started compiling the list of his songs for this post I instantly recognized every one of them. These songs made up a huge part of the soundtrack of my childhood -- the time when many Soviet pop-stars had musical education, real voices, memorable melodies and easy to remember, censor-approved lyrics. Even the above song called “I am so happy I am returning home” was a byproduct of the Soviet censorship:

There is an interesting story associated with this song -- it originally had lyrics something like “I am riding my mustang through the prairie and my beloved Mary is knitting somewhere thousands of miles from here”. At that time publishing these lyrics was problematic so we decided to make this song a vocalise. The only surviving part of the lyrics is the title. Not having lyrics allowed me to sing the song in foreign countries such as Germany and Sweden with great success.*

The list of Khil’s popular songs is long -- he had a long and productive career, there was little churn at the top of the Soviet pop-music pantheon. I don’t expect you to click on all the videos, they are more of a nostalgic mementos for me and are probably just a strange curiosity for you.

“Winter” -- 1971.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2xHMVdxIfA

“Birch Juice” -- 1973.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuFGiilz7Jg

“Let’s Go Home” -- the song about WWII.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bdEOiT-NSg

“Saying good bye to departing ships”

www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yL9cxAw71g

“The Alder Catkin”

www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJfa9exsI3M

“Don’t Cry, Girl” -- this song was sung at every military parade and in countless military installations.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5p_BE-ySrU

“A Joke” -- duet with another popular singer Lyudmila Senchina.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Nm8Yif0QZk

This is the new rendition of the very popular old song from 1966 “A man walked out of the house”.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lmahIl5YvY

These songs may sound simple and cheesy, but such was the time. Listening to the music of our childhoods lets us go back for a brief moment. Mine had Eduard Khil’s songs in it, songs I will probably never forget.

Move ‘em On, Head ‘em out, Then Hide!

m.v. — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 00:57:01 +0000

Another key to an 83% approval rating? Put all your political opponents in jail.

TheDLC

The comment above was posted on my recent post about Vladimir Putin. Today my blog feed brings an illustration.

Here we see a participant of a legal non-violent picket of the Moscow City Hall being carefully handled by the militia (Russian name for police).

Here we see his partner being picked up as well.

And after a short pampering…

…being loaded in the van.

Single-person pickets do not require permission. According to the article these people were asked to leave and when they refused, were carried out and taken away. To the best of my knowledge protesters are usually let go the same day or the next morning, apparently Russian militia just enjoys the process and resulting news reports.

Where Rail Crosses Trail

m.v. — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 23:31:04 +0000

When the weather forecast for the weekend was published few days ago, I knew it was time to get out of town for few hours. Nothing clears out the mind like two hundred miles in rural Kansas on a first sunny and warm Sunday of the year. I started to look for a place to visit on the best Kansas travel resource but nothing grabbed my eye, so I just looked at the map and noticed a place called Admire, KS. I knew I had to go there and admire it.

U.S. Route 56 leaves Olathe, passes through the armpits of Johnson County known as Gardner and Egderton and makes its way towards Oklahoma through the fields as far as the eye can see. Rolled down windows let the fresh air in and the smell of old hay, burning leaves and an occasional skunk filled up my lungs. I was on the way to Admire.
By the way, have you ever been to Scranton, KS?

Now you have.
Much more interesting is the town of Burlingame down the road.

Burlingame looks like a worn out Mayberry…

…where Aunt B’s is the name of a restaurant.

Aunt B’s niece is getting married next week, so you’ll have to eat elsewhere.

Flower arrangements by Missy’s Flower Shop.

Meat for the wedding is already stored in the Meat Locker.

The Wedding announcement will be published in the cleverly named Newspaper (founded in 1863).

On the guest list is the frequent customer and an old-timey lawyer…

…who enjoys spending his lunch hour from 12 to 1 at Aunt B’s.

Miss Jandi and her students will also be in attendance.

Cheer-leading poodles are the only advertisement for her business.

Church is conveniently located around the corner.

Burlingame will have to wait for another visit, when I may be able to solve the mystery of the piano keys above the tire shop windows.

I still had a long way to Admire.

People in these parts still keep cannons in their front yards, just in case.

Finally I was close to my goal. While taking this photo I drove into something that I can still smell on my car and can only describe as putrid.

Admire was right in front of me.

At least it was a god-fearing town.

High school looks little over-sized for the population of 117 (0.56% Native American, 0.56% from other races, and 3.39% from two or more races. 1.13% of the population were Hispanic or Latino of any race.) That’s .65 of a Native American, must be handicapped or something.

Every tall structure begs you to admire it.

Last Chance Cafe is the best and the only pizza deal in town.

Another water tower was built mainly to display the town’s name.

I had a short drive to Emporia…

…where Jesus Christ wanted me to stop and accept him. Sadly there was no parking.

A friendly cock pointed the way home.

I felt tired but refreshed at the same time. With my head cleared up I settled down on the couch thinking about the roads, small towns, open spaces and partial Native Americans.

Kansas City with the Russian Accent

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