That is all…

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Courtesy of SQUIRT BEHIND THE SCENES

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Check it out HERE.

First month is only $20 so get in while the gettin’s good.

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Imagine being able to distribute links 24/7 to thousands of places and never having to worry about using a proxy or installing questionable applications on your server or home machine. Instead, How about using your visitors to distribute links and ping your blogs for you? Yep, you read that right - your visitors do the work for you and are none the wiser. Too good to be true? We think not (because we got to test the alpha version *evil grin* ).

Stay tuned for more information about this yet-to-be-announced ass kicking service.

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Pandora is part of the Music Genome Project which the Kaptain had never heard of before but is also quite an interesting concept.



What Wikipedia says about the Music Genome Project:

The Music Genome Project, created in January 2000, is an effort founded by Will Glaser, Jon Kraft, and Tim Westergren to “capture the essence of music at the fundamental level” using over 400 attributes to describe songs and a complex mathematical algorithm to organize them.

A given song is represented by a vector containing approximately 150 genes. Each gene corresponds to a characteristic of the music, for example, gender of lead vocalist, level of distortion on the electric guitar, type of background vocals, etc. Rock and pop songs have 150 genes, rap songs have 350, and jazz songs have approximately 400. Other genres of music, such as world and classical, have 300-500 genes. The system depends on a sufficient number of genes to render useful results. Each gene is assigned a number between 1 and 5, and fractional values are allowed but are limited to half integers. (The term genome is borrowed from genetics.)

Given the vector of one or more songs, a list of other similar songs is constructed using a distance function.

To create a song’s genome, it is analyzed by a musician in a process that takes 20 to 30 minutes per song. Ten percent of songs are analyzed by more than one technician to ensure conformity with the standards, i.e., reliability.

The Kaptain has been using it for a week and he’s got to say it’s pretty good at picking music that he likes. Every so often it will play something outside of the normal routine but we can only guess it’s to keep branching out for new music you might like.

It’s worth a look if you like listening to music and don’t feel like pirating all those MP3s.

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1. Client work sucks. For some reason one day the Kaptain decided that taking on clients was a good idea. Someone should have bitch slapped him with a catcher’s mit full of pureed mango that day because it’s most certainly not a good idea. Sure, the money is good and it’s quick but dealing with people that you aren’t stabbing full of holes and robbing (although some people might call the Kaptain’s rates robbery) just isn’t worth it.

2. Drinking is good. Not that it’s any kind of revelation or anything but after dealing with clients drinking really helps. Self medication anyone?

3. Set goals for your work. Without goals you end up wasting a bunch of time and effort half-assing projects all over the place and never really getting yourself anywhere. Set some realistic goals for yourself and your work and do a little each day to achieve them.

4. Stay focused and on track. The Kaptain walked into a shit storm of work with the goal of “make a whole bunch of cash real fast” which landed him in the client work boat in the first place. It’s been crucial that he stays on track with each project and doesn’t get distracted dicking around on syndk8, the Cache, and aff earners even though they are fantastic time sinkholes. Keep plugging away and you will triumph over the evil hate pile that is your work.

5. Destroy the internet. That’s what it’s here for. Destroying the internet can be automated and the grunt work sluffed off on someone else. Internet destruction is infinitely better than client work because the busted ass internet doesn’t call you 40 times a day to tweak a graphic or change a sentence on a page that they could easily do with the CMS you spent hours setting up for them but would rather have you do it to exert some kind of power or authority over you (you know who you are and The Kaptain knows where you fucking sleep). See number 1 for further clarification.

6. Mangoes suck. They support communism (see the entire fucking site).

7. There’s no money in doing the work. Get someone else to do it, period. Having goals is good but having a team of people to accomplish those goals for you while you are drinking (See number 2) is the best way to do it. Get a team of people together that you can rule with an iron fist and get them working - you have more important things to do (See number 2).

8. People will ruin everything. Most of the time anything that messes with the flow of your awesomeness is caused by people; people suck. Lately it’s been people that want to make a name for themselves (or just piss The Kaptain off) talking when they should be profiting. You guys need to grow some balls, listen to some metal, and make some money - not talk. If you have figured out a great way to make some loot that no one else is exploiting just keep it to yourself because as soon as you start running your yap about it the opportunity is going away, period. Find a better way to convince yourself you aren’t a complete waste of flesh and stop fucking up other people’s income streams.

9. Punching people is fun. Do it, it relieves stress from things like clients and loud mouth fucks (see numbers 1 & 8).

Disclaimer: don’t punch people and if you do, don’t blame the Kaptain because he just told you NOT to (don’t punch people m’kay?)

10. PIRATE VIKING NINJA RAPTOR (stolen from Vsloathe ultimate killing machine)

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Exibit A:

Suck it, mango lovers (you know who you are).

In other news - Vikings kick far more ass than Ninjas (24,000,000 to 7,710,000). Screw you, ninjas. Pirates also kick the shit out of Ninjas a whopping 83,200,000 to 7,710,000.

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MSN : kaptainkrayola at hotmail.com
ICQ : 85896389


please include your rates and links to examples of you work.

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1. You don’t get enough traffic.
2. You get the wrong traffic.
3. You promote the wrong product to the wrong people.
4. You give up too soon.
5. You don’t understand your product.
6. You don’t rely on your affiliate manager.
7. You can’t build a proper website.
8. You don’t research your niche.
9. You don’t have a niche.
10. You only promote one product.
11. You don’t know how to build a landing page
12. Your copywriting sucks
13. Your design isn’t appealing
14. You overloaded with banner ads and drove prospects away
15. You built your site in flash loser
16. You didn’t insert your aff code properly (ha ha!)
17. Your testimonials are teh gay
18. adsense overload
19. You lose your customer with expired Aff product links
20. Your page loads far too slowly.
21. Your images don’t load.
22. Your merchant is offline.
23. Your merchant doesn’t pay his affiliates.
…

You can check out the full list Here

If you are into affiliate marketing and wondering why your profits suck you should really check it out. If your profits don’t suck check it out anyway or you will fail at life and die alone in a dirty one room apartment with a toothless hooker eating your last slice of pie.

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Go buy K5 Now

or Click here for the Official K5 Site

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