5 Days to Nurture Yourself from the Inside Out

It all begins and ends with love. Deep in our hearts we know this.

And it is so easy to share our love with others. We’re giving, loving, deeply caring people – and that nurturing spirit is so very precious to us. It is a very big part of who we are at our core.

But there are times (sometimes too often) when we don’t make time to treasure the nurturer in ourselves. The high from giving to others can fuel us for a short while, and we think we’re doing well. We forget that old adage of fixing our own oxygen mask first. Sometimes until it’s too late.

When your inner well is empty you have nothing to give and can get resentful, martyr-ish and sick. Not to mention exhausted and overwhelmed.

I’d like to offer you a gentle reminder of how to treasure and nurture yourself.

When you cherish yourself your inner fuel tank fills, you no longer run perilously close to empty, and you can continue to give and deeply care for those who are precious to you.

You don’t need to wait for permission. You don’t need huge amounts of time. You can refill your own inner fuel tank.

This short course offers you the building blocks to start this process.

I invite you to join me for five days where you will learn to:

• add new tools to your self-care toolkit
• stop running perilously close to empty
• love yourself in a positive, healthy way
• top up your tank so you’ve more to give those you love and care for
• walk taller and make stronger decisions when you’re coming from a place of ‘full’

“Traditionally we are taught, and instinctively we long, to give where it is needed – and immediately. Eternally; woman spills herself away in dribblets to the thirsty, seldon being allowed the time, the quiet, the peace, to let the pitcher fill up to the brim.“

-Anne Morrow Lindbergh-

This five-day experience is free.

I invite you to come experience the power of a community of women learning how to nurture themselves. Previous participants rate doing this within a group of like-minded women as one of the best experiences.

Enter your name and email address below, and you will be sent all the details to get immediate access to Day #1!

 About Káren

After a lifetime of giving until I fell over, I learned the power of cherishing myself, first. I am now on a lifelong journey to remember to fix my own oxygen mask first – so that I am more available – and happier about it – for those I love and care for. I have found that a compassionate, nurturing approach works as well with myself as with everyone else I come in to contact with.

A qualified life coach, wife, mother of three, and publisher of The Calm Space. I (also:) run a busy coaching practice helping women learn that the best thing they can do for those they love, and for their own livelihood (as they do their great work in this world from the playroom to the board room, and everywhere in between), is to take extremely good care of their #1 asset – themselves. Feeling nurtured, they are able to tap into their inner wisdom and show up in the world glowing, real, and luscious. When they shine, they have an impact on all around them! Learn more about me here.

A luscious woman.

Her strength.

Her compassion.

Her softness

and extraordinary kindness.

Her realness, even in the face

of so many expectations.

The moment to breathe,

to know deep in her soul -

Love is everything.

Her commitment to growth,

expansion.

(Except of course, not her waistline.)

Her intense appreciation

of the beauty that surrounds her.

Her prayer is gratitude.

Her faith, bedrock.

She is playful and infectious.

And yet.

Her pain, her sorrow,

echo in the firmament.

She bends in the wind,

wild storms bring her to her knees,

shattered a million times, and still – more whole than ever.

Her joy is endless.

Her passions like molten lava – not to be denied.

She relishes every moment of living.

When she shines, glowing like the sun

when she lets her love fly free

and speaks straight from her heart…

She is grace.

She is radiance.

She… is you.

I took time off over the weekend. Sort of intentionally, but not really. I tagged along with my husband to a conference and the wifi was… woeful. So, instead of all the work I’d planned the four days we were away, I read, walked, and wrote. Took photos of glorious sunsets. Danced to the full moon.

And thought about you.  A lot. What you need, who you are in your quiet moments, and how lovely you are.  My heart was so full, this ode to you poured out in my notebook. With so much love.

Tell me, what’s in your heart today, pussycat?

I forget sometimes, what soothes me. I forget what brings me back to centre and restores me when my stress levels are climbing. In the calm moments, I think I’ll remember what I need. Yet when the times of distress, of overwhelm, of ‘why me?’ happen, it’s not easy to remember what worked last time, or what we thought may work next time.

So I, and my clients, make reminders. Little notes to self for those times when we forget. Checklists for the hard, the difficult, the stressful. A bright pink post-it on the computer screen. A reminder in the phone. A bottle of Rescue Remedy in the top drawer of the desk. A ‘blessings’ file full of wonderful things people have said about me. A ‘phone a friend’ reminder on the fridge.

What do you do to remind you to breathe when those moments come?

Today’s Nudge, just for you.

“Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean

over to watch the river slowly slipping away beneath you,

you will suddenly know everything there is to be known.”

::A.A. Milne::

My reminders always include nature and water, and a good night’s sleep. A walk, deep breaths as I inhale the steady pace of the river slipping slowly by, paying attention to the way the breeze plays with my hair, the scent of eucalyptus, the call of the eagle soaring high above. I feel better already . . .

What do you need to remind yourself of, that fuels your soul?

You know why you’re reading this today.

Image credit: Joe St.Pierre

“A reminder this day from Bronnie Ware, author of The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: Number one on the list is, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”” via Evelyn Kalinosky on Facebook (with thanks)

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

The #1 regret!

I believe that to live a life true to yourself, you first need to know who you are and what the deepest desires of your heart are. And that can be difficult (sometimes near impossible) when you’ve spent your whole life doing what others expect of you.

Your parents, your teachers, your lovers, your friends, your bosses and coworkers, your church, your community, even your children. All have had expectations of you (as you have of them), until you hardly know what is true for you, without them.

Do you know, can you remember who you are?

It took me long years before I could say, with conviction, this is me. Wholly and truly and utterly me. Not what someone else wants or expects.

It’s a life long process, this uncovering, and finding courage, and living of life true to me.

There’s a whole lot of fear wrapped up in the journey.

Two of the most prevalent fears:

1. We wonder, if we shed all these expectations that have been piled upon us, whether there is actually anything else in there. What if we find that we’re really just an empty shell?
2. And there’s the fear of losing love. That we wont be lovable anymore, if we’re not living up to everyone else’s expectations. And that’s a strong one.

Here’s what I know.

Inside you is a glorious light, just waiting to shine. When you uncover the true you, it will be like the sun has finally come out after years of grey skies. Life will be so bright, you’ll need sunglasses to look in the mirror :)

And as for love. When you open up to your radiance, and let your light shine, the love you feel for yourself will open the doors to a deeper, more nourishing, world shaking love than you ever thought possible. When you are true to yourself and know who you really are, you are capable of receiving and giving so much more love, you’ll wonder why you didn’t do this years ago.

Doors are now open to Your Vision Quest, where I guide you to untangle your heart and soul and get to know your deepest desires – intimately. I’d be honoured if you’d join me.

Please share this with women you know who have that inner radiance just bursting to shine. With my thanks and appreciation.

Káren xxx

image: jlhopgood

No one imagines that a symphony is supposed to improve in quality as it goes along or that the whole object of playing it is to reach the finale. The point of music is discovered in every moment of playing and listening to it. It is the same I feel with the greater part of our lives and if we are unduly absorbed in improving them we may forget altogether to live them.

:: Alan Watts ::

To paraphrase this powerful quote -

The point of life is discovered in every moment of living it.

Those little (and big) annoyances? Those niggles of dissatisfaction? Those never ending loads of washing and dirty dishes? They are our life.

The very fabric of life is in the little, everyday practice of living. From how you wake up in the morning, to putting yourself to bed at night, and everything in between – this is your life.

Instead of dreaming of the day when everything falls into place, I invite you today to relish every little step. Really live every moment today, and notice at the end of the day how you feel.

Instead of rushing to get through the morning routine so you can ‘get on with’ your day, try leaning into your morning.

As you shower, feel your hands, the suds, your skin, the water droplets on your back or the top of your head. The softness as you soap up your skin. Breathe in the steam, feel your scalp, your shoulders relax as the water hits them. Unclench your jaw, and put aside for those couple of minutes the steady stream of to-do’s in your head.

Feel the texture of the towel as you dry yourself. Scratchy, soft, warm – how does it feel on each different part of your body.

As you moisturise your skin, let it be a caress. A ritual of tender loving care for the body that supports and carries you through every single moment of your life.

Send appreciation to your body as you get dressed. It could be as simple as ‘thank you’. Or for bodies that have been feeling very neglected, you could express your appreciate for each part and what it does for you, as you clothe it.

When you make your bed, think of  it as a gift to the you of tonight.

During your day, instead of those big deep sighs about how much there is to get done in so little time, how there’s never any time for you in all this busyness, instead of feeling like you’re buried under chores and drudgery – breathe in each moment. When your hands are deep in sudsy water, or you’re pegging what seems like an endless mountain of washing, or you’re vacuuming up dog hair again, stop. Notice where you are. Notice what you’re doing. And treat this too, as an act of love.

I wash these clothes for love of my family. I do these dishes as an act of love for myself – because a clean, tidy kitchen puts a smile on my face every time I walk through. I scrub this bathroom as an act of loving service. I pay this bill with gratitude for both the service or product, and my ability to pay.

Live your life today, the whole breadth and depth of it. Feel the feelings. Live the love that surrounds you. Make your chores and your everyday routine an act of love, and watch those around you take a more active part.

I cannot guarantee you wont witness miracles when you listen and play the music of your own personal symphony and relish every single note.

Image: Sunsinger

A long time client and member of Calm Space Salon sent me an email recently.

“Your work in the Salon is the best work you’ve ever done. Bravo! …”

Later, I was talking to my favourite mentor, and we pulled apart why this compliment – whilst so wonderful and unexpected and such a joy to receive! – didn’t surprise me.

I knew this was my best work ever.

Aside: I knew it was my best work ever in a heartfelt yes! way. Not in an opinionated, puffed up, how good am I way. That feeling you get when you know, deep in your bones, that you’ve given it everything you’ve got – because you completely stepped out of ego and just poured love onto the page (and into the microphone). That feeling.

Let’s go back to the beginning.

The Salon. A dream that became a reality. A place that has substance even though it’s all virtual. An idea, refined through our first season in 2012. Emerged clearer, with a sharp defined focus, in its 2013 version. It was to start with a 14 day visioning exercise – simple yet powerful and then continue on through the year to help these women craft the beautiful life they’ve envisioned.

I talked on the sales page about “visioning as you’ve never seen it“. A process to:

“take a journey through who you want to be, how you want to feel, and what you want your life to look like in 12 months time.

This is the big picture visioning, your yearly commitment to crafting a beautiful life.“

When I wrote that, I knew (or thought I knew) what it looked like. I had copious notes, I had a plan. Turns out, they weren’t nearly enough for my inner perfectionist ;)

I felt so stuck. I was anxious and a little disturbed about the prevalence of workbooks being distributed to plan your year for 2013. I couldn’t bring myself to look at them in case I subconsciously copied them. I wanted to be Different. It tormented me, this wanting to be Different.

Yes, Different with a capital D.

And in wanting to be ‘not like them’ I stifled myself. Nothing happened. I couldn’t start.

Not good, when I had a queue of women joining the Salon, ready to start on the appointed day.

The new year celebrations behind us, and even more ‘how to start your year right’ advice springing up everywhere, I felt… mute. stuck. in torment.

Until I noticed what I was doing. (It’s all in the noticing.)

In making my primary goal ‘being different’, I shut myself off from everything I know and believe. I shut myself off from inner guidance.

There was no lightning bolt.

In the end, there was a simple determination to start this thing. A sitting my butt down. And a whisper to myself.

Stop trying to be different. Just be you.

And from that, sitting in our new chair I crafted what has become Your Vision Quest.

Along the way, recording audios and designing worksheets, I discovered the miracle that is getting out of the way.

I got out of my own way, allowed myself to become a channel to inspiration, and produced ‘the best work I’ve ever done’.

“Already my expectations have been exceeded, and we’re only just beginning. Group dynamics seems really good, we are all supporting each other.

You are not charging enough for the value I’m getting.” – A in the Salon

Where are you holding yourself back from doing your great work in this world?

Where are you holding yourself back from changing lives?

Can you stop torturing yourself, trying to be different, or believing that it’s all been said and done before, and allow inspiration to flow through you?

How would we all benefit?

Update: The doors for the May 2013 session of Your Vision Quest are now open. I’d be honoured if you’d take a look and see if this is something that sings to your soul. We commence 30 April, and registration is limited to a maximum of 25 women. Kxx

image: Auntie K

A lot of self-help talks about the power of saying No. They stress that you need to say No to more things, more often, to free up space in your life for what you really want – for the ‘important’ things.

I have clients who emphasise everything they want to say no to. It becomes almost a mission for them – I need to say no more often! How many times have I said no today. Cut cut. Cancel cancel. No no.

It feels wrong to me – this emphasis on the No. This emphasis on cutting and slashing and denying. Even if done gracefully and with great love.

When you emphasise the No, you’re facing the wrong direction.

I believe that it’s what you say Yes to that defines you.

What you say yes to is how you spend your life. Every single precious second of it.

When you say no, you have your back turned to what you want. Turn around, sweetheart, turn around.

When you fill your eyes and your heart with what you want to say Yes to, the nos get easier. They often fall to the wayside without any effort on your part.

What you say yes to is how each unrepeatable hour in your day is spent. What you say yes to defines your success, your happiness, the amount of love in your life, how healthy you are, and how joyful you feel.

Our task is to say a holy yes to the real things of our life.

~Natalie Goldberg

I want to know . . .

What are you saying yes to right now?

What do you long to say yes to?

What is stopping you saying yes, right now, to that precious, precious thing?

How will you live in a place of yes, today?

Image by Audrey

What is it your heart desires?

Deep in your secret places, the places you hide from the light, what is it you’re longing for?

In polite society, certainly the ‘society’ I have lived in, it’s not always appropriate to talk about the raw, messy, glorious inner desires we all harbour.

We squish them down. We bury them deep, covering them over with busyness and obligation and expectations.

Until one day when we realise we don’t even know what they are anymore.

It’s hard to remember what we longed for, when our brain is filled with the career, the car pool, the mortgage, and clean knickers for tomorrow.

What are you passionate about? Truly, deeply, almost lustfully passionate about?

We get together with our sisters and our girlfriends, and we talk around the edges of desire. We talk about the kids, the career, the men, the holiday plans, and the organic veggie delivery service we cannot live without. Sometimes we get to talking about faith, hope, and love.

But there’s a longing for deeper, more real conversations about the stuff that makes us, well, us.

We long to bypass the fripperies and pleasantries and get to the messy, glorious, meaty – and sometimes shocking – truth of what turns us on. Because in the connection we can discover anew what that is.

It takes Time. It takes Safety and Trust. It takes Deep Connection.

It can often take a guiding hand to gently steer your thoughts to fertile ground.

I’ve spent so much of the last 15 years on this journey of discovery. Uncovering what turns me on. Bringing the elements to light that nourish my passionate life. Learning to enjoy and relish every single morsel – combining the glorious highs with the lowest of lows. And not just surviving – thriving! The keys are two-fold. Connection. And Desire.

Let me ask again:

Do you know what your heart desires?

I am gathering together an intimate group of women in a safe, nurturing space to explore the notion of desire.

Three months of soul deep connections. Intimate inspirations. Heart-opening moments.

It’s happening at The Calm Space, and I’d be honoured if you took a look, to see if this is something that speaks to your soul. We start this Monday, 17th September. Consider this your personal invitation, with my love.

Click here for full details.

Káren xxx

I was sitting in the sun yesterday beside our dam, trying to thaw out my frozen fingers. (Today as I type this, I am wearing my fingerless gloves. Inside:) Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes – sitting beside the dam, feeling the winter sun on my back, watching the horse graze on the opposite bank, feeling the warm weight of my dog as she lay on my feet (good toe warmer:) and watching the ducks on the water (unfortunately they flew away before I snapped this pic).

And it occurred to me, as I watched those ducks glide across the water with barely a ripple, how my life can seem like a duck swimming from the outside. Smoothly gliding across the water. But what you don’t see is the mad paddling beneath the surface. I am not good at sharing the process while I am in the midst of it. As an introvert, and a Capricorn, I’m much more likely to process by myself, or with a very small group of dear friends. You’ll only know I am processing if I get a little quieter than normal. And when I come out with big announcements, of course:)

So, yes, I’ve been processing. And I’ve made changes.

I love to watch my clients transform their lives. I love the length of it, and the depth of it. I love to walk beside them, holding up the light of their possibility when they cannot see it for themselves. I don’t see them as broken, nor do I ever think they need fixing.

I see the biggest, most luscious version of them, and hold that in trust as they begin to step into it for themselves. There’s a level of belief they grow into. This requires commitment, and longer-term thinking. I love to experience their metamorphosis as they come to believe in themselves, see the bigness of who they truly are, and step into that fully.

And I wasn’t doing enough of it. I wasn’t seeing the length of it, nor the depth – it was more like playing in the shallows, paddling around the fringes, helping women have ah-ha moments, and make small changes without the follow through to the next step in the process.

So, I’ve done away with ‘quick fix’ coaching. And the first of my new coaching offerings is live today. It’s the Champagne Coaching Experience. Change your life. For Good.

The doors are open for 4 women who know that change is no longer optional. If this is something that sings to you, let’s chat. (I’ve cleared my schedule for the rest of the week. Really, let’s talk – because these spots will fill.) Click here for full details.

There’s more story to come about my mad paddling under the surface, but that’s it for today. I so appreciate your attention! Is it time to turn your face to the sun?

Image: h.koppdelaney

I stepped out of the shower and pressed the thick grey towel to my face. Palmed my eyes through the towel for a moment, and breathed in, deeply. I let the rest of my body drip onto the mat, feeling the heat of the shower dissipate in the morning chill.

And that was when I heard it. The Sign.

I’d been chewing on doubt, and my craving for simplicity in the shower. Seeking the simple answer to a complex puzzle. Noticing the doubts that crept into my mind, uninvited. Wondering if there really is such an answer.

Thinking about doubt brings it into fierce focus. What if I cannot find that simple, elegant solution? What if I chose the wrong thing? What if, what if…

Mind churning, I turn down the hot water for the final rush of cold I always end my shower with. Brrr.

I need to move past these doubts, overcome, push through. This will not do at all.

And then, hands and towel over my eyes and my body cooling, I hear it.

A whip-bird call outside the window. {It sounds like a whip-crack and echoes through the gully. It feels very special to have whip-birds live on our property.}

Of course.

Trust.

Relax. Breathe. Trust.

The answer is there. The elegant, simple solution will present itself. And if it doesn’t at first appear to be what you thought, remember: trust.

Make friends with Doubt. For Doubt can bring out the best in us, but only if we don’t let it paralyse us. When you add trust in yourself to doubt, the alchemy truly is magical.

Has doubt visited you lately? I’d love to hear your thoughts …