Karen's Cancer

Finally an Update

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 03:27:00 +0000

Hello my friends. I apologize for the great lack of updating. But in my case if I'm not updating it's because things are going well and there isn't much to report cancer-wise.

Things have been going great, I am thankful and happy to say. I had my scans mid-November and Fran and I met with Dr. Moriarty the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Since my previous 3 scans, and blood work had been good, I picked off a tiny little chunk out of the I-think-this-scan-will-be-okay-too mountain that has previously been completely untouched.

Dr. Moriarty came in and told us that the scans were good, "phew." He said that as a matter of fact Dr. Nosher who did my SIR-spheres procedure in October of 2010 and has also been doing my scans up until this point, felt that I could wait another 6 months before my next one. "Well" I said, that's a bit nuts, we're not waiting that long. And anyway that's for people who don't have cancer or whatever." To which Dr. Moriarty said in his always very calm demeanor "Well, Karen I can't really say that I can classify you as someone who clinically has any signs of cancer."

"Say, say, say what now!?"

So then I start crying and wringing my fingers so hard I think I am going to tear them straight off. Fran and I were both totally bewildered and I said to Dr. Moriarty "what the heck are you talking about?"

So in a nutshell the report from the PET/CT scan said that it didn't pick up any metabolic activity from any tumor (from the PET) and from CT didn't show any malignancies either. So basically "they couldn't see nothin."

What does this all mean? I didn't update the blog immediately because even though this news is better than miraculously great, it has taken me awhile to process. I think I am still processing and digesting all of this. When Dr. Moriarty was explaining all of this to us, I was truthfully just as shocked as I was when I was told I had cancer.

Right now the doctors don't see any visible signs of cancer in me or on my person. I guess I can be classified as N.E.D. that means (no evidence of disease). That's a sweet phrase and though this is an understatement I am deeply, deeply grateful. The most I was hoping for last year was a long break from chemo. Maybe like 6 months.
So this is a crazy miracle and I am all over it. I am so very grateful to be alive.

For people wondering, (because I know I was, and riddled Dr. Moriarty with a barrage of question my own self), the cancer can come back at any time.

But life right now is good, and right now is sweet. I am trying to just sit back and take into account all that I have been given, and wonder why I have been given it. Then I try not to wonder why and just enjoy my life. But cancer has taken 3 very dear friends of ours this year who went to the ends of the earth to be rid of cancer, heck just to have the damn tumors shrunk. They were young, strong, determined and loved life. They had children, had people who loved them deeply and are missing them so much now. Julia, Jessica, and Adam. Please pray for them and their families during this time of year that is so hard. Especially for their young children. It is because of these amazing people, and friends who are still battling, falling down and picking themselves back up over and over and over again, that I can't help but wonder about where I am at.

Thank you, every single one of you for your prayers, for lighting candles, for your emails, letters, messages and loving support.

Let's keep praying for each other.

Much Love,
Karen

Wow...

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 01:47:00 +0000

Hello my friends. Well here it is. I had my 3 month scan done on August 11th. Saw my life-saving Dr. Moriarty on August 16th.

God blows you away with the bad in life, and then blows you away with the incredibly great!! My scan stated that in regards to my liver tumor it showed "continued improvement," and "minimal activity," oh and then there is my favorite "no new evidence of disease." Uh, yuh-huh, that's what I said too. But after being wound up tighter than anything, convinced the my lucky streak was due to be over, it took a day or two for the news to actually sink in.

This has been the best summer of my life, and after this past Tuesday, the happiest I have EVER been in my life. Since Tuesday I keep thinking back, back and back to when I met Dr. Moriarty. My body was dying then. I have thought about this a lot. I didn't realize it too much at the time, but over the last few years, how I had been internally physically feeling, how sick I was, yes, my body was dying. That is why right now at this minute I feel sheer, pure, happiness.

I have been off of chemo for a solid year (which adds to this miracle). I can feel life, taste life, like you can feel the moisture in the air on a humid day. When I go for walks lately sometimes I just stop, let the sun hit me and breathe in nice and deep, because I can, and nothing hurts, or aches, or burns.

Why I am still here, I do not know. I am genuinely stupefied. Why my body has responded to treatment well, yet no so well in my dear friends who have passed, I do not know. But I know I am very lucky, very grateful, and very humbled.

I have stage 4 colon cancer. I welcome the miracle along with the absurdity of being cured. That's easy to want, effortless even, but hard to come by. But I revel even in this, that still having cancer, I can live my life unimpeded. Striving to be a better person today than I was yesterday, because each day I wake up I feel like God swoops down and hands me this crystal clear, beautiful present. I open it each morning and inside is today. I say to Him "thank you God for the gift of life today."

Deeply, deeply I thank you for all your prayers and support, love and friendship. I am so grateful to you all. And to Dr. Moriarty, my coach, my healer, my friend thank you for getting me so very far. I am forever indebted to you.

Much love,
Karen

Holding Steady

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Fri, 20 May 2011 01:32:00 +0000

Wow. I haven't updated in so long, sorry about that. Things are good my friends. I had my 3 month scan check/deal at the beginning of May. I had a pet/ct. The tumor in my liver has not grown, and according to the pet showed minimal activity and there is no new growth elsewhere. Great news.

I feel like every three months, I keep sneaking by, by the skin of my teeth. I know that I am a very, very lucky girl (what? I'm only 36). So anyway, Unless something unexpected arises, which can always happen with cancer, I will be able to fully enjoy and be present with my family this summer for the first summer in 4 years. There won't be any treatment, no chemo, no erbitux - nothin. Thats-a-nice-a eh?

These last 6 months have been the most peaceful and calm we have had since being diagnosed, and though I don't know how long it will last, it has been very welcome and has helped our family regroup and take a breath.

There is not much else to report. But I would be remiss if I didn't mention a few people. Life ends, life begins.

Our lovely friend Adam Krystian Beldycki, was diagnosed a year before myself in 2006 and was a year older than myself. Fran had reached out to him at the time of my diagnosis as we grappled, scratched, and clawed, looking for someone to give us hope, and direction, and advice. Adam reached back. He was a friend to me, to us.
I thought that if anyone would kick the crap out of this disease it would be my friend. Full of life, kindness, and intelligence. Adam passsed away on April 10th 2011. I extend my sympathies and condolences to his family and friends who have suffered a great loss.
Adam, you are missed my friend. Thank you for being a friend to me and to Fran.

On that same turn a new life is beginning. My younger sister Cynthia and her husband Brad are expecting their first baby in October. This is of course amazing and joyful news and we are so happy for them. I am grateful that, for a change, our family can focus on something that is pure joy and goodness. Congratulations Cynthia and Brad!

Thank you all for your never ending support, love, and prayers. They mean the world to me. They really do. Thank you deeply, from the bottom of my heart. Let's all keep praying for each other!

Love,
Karen

Great News!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 14:45:00 +0000

Well I mixed up the appointment with Dr. Moriarty, and wasn't supposed to see him until next week ahhhhh! But I was able to talk to Dr. Nosher's office and he called me back to go over the report with me.

I said the tumor showed "marked improvement, with very minimal metabolic activity. And there is no new growth." And along with that I had gotten news earlier in the week that my CEA was 5!!!!!!

What does this mean? It means the tumor is dying. The last pet scan we did 3 months ago it, in Dr. Nosher's words, "lit up like a Christmas tree." That basically means there was a lot of metabolic activity and the stinkin' thing was alive and well. Now there was very minimal glowing. Dr. Nosher was very happy and spoke to Dr. Moriarty and HE was very happy. And they are excited about the results.

We are reeling with happiness, and joy, and are so grateful to God and all who have been praying for us to make this possible. Thank you so much.

I will see Dr. Moriarty next week and discuss this all to a greater extent but we are floating on a cloud, and just reveling in the great news.

We are now off to celebrate my big sister's 40th birthday today. What an awesome day!!

Love, love, love,
Karen

... These Go To 11

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 04:00:00 +0000

The title there is a little homage to any Spinal Tap fans out there. Such a hilarious movie, I highly recommend it.

Spinal Tap clip to give a chuckle

It is also a bit of a clue into some great news I've been keeping close to the vest over the last few weeks. My recent CEA has come in at, you guessed it, 11!

My previous number before the sir-spheres procedure was around 160. Then it went to 180 then to 227. Then Kathy called me about 2 months ago to tell me it was 51! I said to her "can you repeat that?" I genuinely thought she must have said 151, but she said, "five, one." I was elated. That was the first drop we had seen in my CEA since October of 2009. Then she called about a month later and said we were at 11! Well, it is actually 11.7 but I figure I'm not in school anymore so I don't have to round up, do I?

So this news is very encouraging. Numbers dropping indicate the tumor is dying. I have a pet/ct scan scheduled for February 2nd (happy bday Jen) and will meet with Dr. Moriarty on the 4th. I am optimistic and hopeful, but I have to add I am cautious as well.

I don't really know what to expect to happen after this. Nobody knows. This isn't a cancer where doctors tell you it's "very treatable" and "we expect you'll do well."

Now in all fairness Dr. Moriarty doesn't tell me the opposite of that but at the end of the day it's a stage 4 cancer. It's very easy and good to hear/get good news, good results. I don't, have to prepare myself for that, or the miracle we are all praying for. But I do have a parallel line running through my head right next to hope and faith that says "just prepare and brace for a long future with this or for things to turn the wrong way."

I think that's normal right? What more can I do?

I guess what I am driving at is that if we have the scans and the tumor is dead, or gone, then there will be no words to describe that joy. However, it doesn't mean it's gone for good. Having the recurrence post surgery keeps me grounded in that reality.

But at the end of the day my life is good. I haven't been on any chemo since mid-August, and let me tell you that is NICE! That can change too at any moment but Dr. Moriarty is trying to hold that at bay, while killing this thing with more local treatments if he can and if he thinks it's the best treatment to do so.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support. They mean SO much to me. And please let's continue to pray for those who continue to get diagnosed everyday. The shock is mind-numbing. We recently had a friend diagnosed with breast cancer,and within weeks she has had a double mastectomy and now after recovery faces chemo and radiation. Please keep her and her family in your prayers.

I really do continue to pray for all who pray for me especially those who are going through cancer, and keep me so strong by their examples of bravery, good humor, and faith. Faith can be a toughie and I admit that I have been flailing a bit over the last year with it all. But for me at the end of the day, it is Jesus who keeps me calm when I am terrified, brings me comfort when I feel alone, and I know when you feel stripped of it all, I know He is there, and He brings me hope.

I think I have mentioned I hate cancer, I hate having it, and I hate it for everyone else who has it. But life is here in my face saying "live me girl!" And I say back to life "will do...word!"

Love,
Karen

Post-Turkey Day Update

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 03:22:00 +0000

Happy belated Thanksgiving to all, which includes my Irish family - I ate for you as well! I hope everyone had a peaceful and happy holiday.

I don't have any news that is make or break. I won't have a scan done until the end of January/beginning of February. If they did a scan now the Dr's wouldn't really be able to differentiate between what is inflammation, tumor, dead tumor, or scar tissue. So we wait. We wait until the inflammation and all settles down. I go to Robert Wood Johnson (rwj) hospital every 2 weeks for blood work, and follow up stuffthen I'll go once a month then every 2 etc. I also of course, continue to see Dr. Moriarty every two weeks so I can ask him if I can be done with cancer now, because it is like really, really, totally, like totally, totally lame...poor guy - I always ask impossible questions.

Before and up until Thanksgiving I was feeling pretty crappy. I felt like I had the flu, with muscle-aches, headaches, and a raging fever (but I didn't have a fever). Dr. M. said it was radiation poisoning, which almost sounds redundant to me. I thought he was kidding. I asked him if he was, but he said it is actually a real thing. However thanks to Fran who was home from wed. before Thanksgiving until the Monday and I was able to get a lot of rest (thank you dear) and I have been feeling much better. It really can't compare to being on chemo but I just want to put the info out there for anyone interested.

I am kind of glad that we have to wait for scans. Dr. M. says he isn't putting me back on chemo until we know what the deal is and so in the interim, we are having what I would call a "quiet section." I say quiet section because as my fellow cancer com padres know, or anyone who is close to cancer knows, your life kind of moves in 3 months increments. That's how it feels to me anyway. So right now we are having a quiet 3 month section. I know that the tumor is dying (supposed to be anyway) so there is not much more I can do right now but let that happen.

Thank you everyone for all your support, prayers, emails, messages, hugs, smiles, friendship and love. I am so humbled and awed that after almost 4 years the support and love that our family has received is as strong if not stronger than ever. I genuinely find myself taken aback at how much people do for us and continue to do for our family many who I don't even know. People just give of themselves wanting nothing in return - amazing. For my kids, my husband and myself I say "thank you.

People are amazing, and you all really humble me to be a better friend, a better person because of all of your support. I hope I can support and love people the way myself and my family have been loved, and supported.

Again, thank you and let's keep praying for each other eh?

Love,
Karen

Still Glowing

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 01:18:00 +0000

So as Fran mentioned the sir-sphere procedure went well. Dr. Nosher told me that the scan they took immediately following the procedure showed the intense uptake of the spheres in the tumor. That's great news. Now we just sit and wait.

I am doing fine. Could feel better could feel worse. I came home from Chris and Kate's a bit early cause I just couldn't take being away from the kids any longer, though it was hard to leave a place where you are waited on hand and foot and with so much love. It was also great to hang out with Chris and Kate which is something I don't get to do very often. Thank you guys (and Steve and Gio) for sharing your home and taking such good care of me.

In the interest of any other readers who might be getting this procedure, or are just curious, the recovery isn't that bad. Though I have decided today that I hate physical recovery in all forms it's annoying and always takes longer than you think and so on, and so on, complain, complain, complain. The biggest thing is I have very low energy and no appetite. I feel kind of nauseous but I think that's because of my appetite being off.

Anyway that's about it. Fran took great care of the kids, doing all their school stuff and keeping them happy and comforted. Thanks to all our family and friends for your support. We really appreciate it and it helps us more than you can ever know.

Love,
Karen

SIR Spheres Radiation

noreply@blogger.com (Francis Shanahan) — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 02:50:00 +0000

Karen's doing well. Just a brief note by way of update: Karen spent the day in Robert Wood Johnson receiving the radiation portion of her SIR Spheres treatment. She is recuperating, very nauseous and utterly exhausted.

Her CEA was measured, it was 189 for those keeping track and will be monitored in the coming months to determine how effective the treatment has been.

She'll spend the week with Chris and Kate to avoid giving the kids a permanent sun tan if you know what I mean. Daddy daycare is fully operational although classes are full and we are not accepting new applicants.

SIR Spheres Embolization

noreply@blogger.com (Francis Shanahan) — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 14:47:00 +0000

Karen's doing well. She's in the hospital at Robert Wood Johnson getting a scheduled procedure done currently and I'm headed there soon. She asked to update the blog so here goes.

Today is step one in her radiation treatment. There are two steps. Today (now) Doctor Nosher at Robert Wood Johnson is blocking off certain pathways within her liver's blood stream. This will allow the radiation treatment (scheduled for next Tuesday 26th) to flow to the tumor within her liver.

She left early this morning and is expected home this evening. I got the kids off to school, ran a few errands and am headed there now.

UPDATE: karen's done and all went fine, she has to lay flat on her back for the next 6hours or so. Will be home tonight.

Scan News - Not Great, Not Terrible

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 01:04:00 +0000

Greetings ya'll! I hope everyone is enjoying the end of their summers.

I had an MRI done on Monday to see the progress of the last 5 months of treatment and Fran and I met with Dr. Moriarty this morning. The tumor is, of course, still there in my liver. It did grow but not by much.

My last scan was March 18th 2010, but that was post cryoablation and there was still inflammation and swelling so the measurement of that tumor would not be accurate. So since last Oct/Nov the tumor was 1.6 by 1.3 cm., and this measurement was 2.9 by 1.9 cm. There was no new growth found in my liver or elsewhere. The MRI didn't scan my lungs and I am very paranoid about having tumors there, so I asked Dr. Moriarty about that and about getting a CT scan done. He said he doesn't and isn't very concerned that there is tumor growth but he has scheduled one for me regardless.

He also wants to take a different treatment plan approach. It is called SIR-spheres, or (SIRT-spheres) and is another targeted, localized therapy like ablation but it involves radiation without damaging healthy liver tissue.

Dr. Moriarty wants us to see a Dr. John Nosher out of Robert Wood Johnson in New Brunswick, so we will be setting that stuff up over the next week or so. Since we are looking at a different treatment option path I get a bit of a break from chemo and erbitux Hurrrrrayyyy!!! That made me very happy to hear, part of me didn't care what the reason was, I am just so happy to get a break, give my family a break, and be able to focus on getting Sydney settled into first grade, and Ethan into his last year in preschool, or rather pre-k (just to be official).

The reason(s) Moriarty is changing things up, is, to my understanding,

because the spheres work by flowing through the blood vessels feeding the tumor - and a major one (the inferior vena cava or IVC) is. I am a good candidate for this procedure,
it gives my mind and body a break from chemo, and if it's successful will give me more time with a hopefully dead tumor until some new treatment comes down the pike.

I do have chemo options (thank God), but this is just another treatment we can use to get this tumor defunct.

So it's kind of a mixed bag of emotions. At the end of the day it still rots to have cancer. But I am grateful that being someone that has stage 4 CC, has it in one localized area and that in the past year it hasn't grown much or anywhere else due to the different treatments I have been able to get.

I am also very grateful to have Dr. Moriarty as my oncologist. He has never been idle in treating me and this stupid disease. I know I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him.

When we get the full picture of what's going on next I will definitely be updating. I hope everyone had a great summer. We had an awesome time going camping, going to Texas and we just returned from an amazing time in Topsail, North Carolina playing on the beach everyday. The summer went by so fast, but I am looking forward to the fall and some cooler weather, and seeing what the next few months hold for us.

God Bless.

Love,
Karen

Happy August

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 13:39:00 +0000

This is just a quick posting. I know I had mentioned previously that I would be having scans this week, but we are going to be waiting until the beginning of September.

We are just going to try and get another chemo tx in before and I think that's why, but I'm fine with it either way.

I really want to thank everyone for their encouraging comments and emails, and everything. Again I hesitate to mentioned individuals in the blog because then I start the avalanche of leaving people out and I can't take that!!!!!

Let's keep praying for each other, even when our prayers feel like vapor, they are heard. I think that's when God hears them most piercingly - when we can barely formulate the words. Life is hard enough without prayer.

Enjoy your minute, enjoy your hour, enjoy your day, find peace.

Love,
Karen

What's Been Going On

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 03:21:00 +0000

Hello my family and friends. Nothing monumental is going on, but I wanted to post an update, and be more dedicated to writing what is going on with myself and family in regards to cancer, in hopes it will help others too. Now I know that sounds cliche, but I am always skulking around looking for other stage 4ers, seeing what they are doing and how they are handling things, and it always makes me feel less crazy.

Well the basics are I will be going to only my 5th chemo treatment on Friday the 23rd. I am still getting erbitux every 2 weeks but the chemo and erbie are once a month. That's why things seem to be dragging on. Dr. Moriarty and I discussed that I will probably have a scan the first week of August and that will let us know if what we have been doing since April is working. I REALLY hope it is. Irregardless I will be continuing on chemo after the scans that I know. There is the possibilty it will be changed to something called Xeloda, due to the fact that I am not tolerating the current chemo that well, and my CEA levels keep creeping up. At last check they were at 58. In April they were around 30, so me no likey.

The side effects from chemo haven't changed. It takes me a good solid 10 days to recover and this isn't a "boo hoo, poor me" it just is what it is. If I see the treatment working I will drink cpt11 and erbitux for breakfast lunch and dinner. I'll admit it I am desperate to win this. I am desperate to live. The conundrum is there are thousands of cancer patients who think the same way as me, fight harder than me, and are more determined than me and they don't make it. So that screws with my head a whole lot. A lot of people with very great attitudes and strong wills to live end up dying. The cyclical conversation in my head, is, will that be me. Then I say "don't think that way, that is a negative path." But then I say "well I have to be realistic" then I say "yea but you have to kick this cancer's ass!" And the conversation just goes on and on and on and gets me......guess where.....NO WHERE!! Ha Ha

So I am trying to do this "live in the present" type deal. It definitely helps me take me out of myself and my own head. And my kids help do that too. I heard someone say once that children are the antidote to toxic self absorption! I love that, it is so true.

Now despite how sick I get after chemo, after the 10 days I am really feeling fine. I am full of Erbitux pustules and that's fine too. I start exercising and really feeling good. I take this as a good sign that my body is working well, and all my pipes and whistles and bells are working as they should when not being mixed with chemo and such.

I have also had a bit of a bright spot in the area of the Erbitux humiliating, pustulant rash. I finally decided to follow dr's orders and take the stupid antibiotics. I have been doing that for 3 weeks now and see a big difference. I hope it lasts, because ya know it would just be nice.

The kids are doing well. Francis and I decided to have Sydney talk to a pediatric therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders and cancer (talk about needle in a haystack) but actually Kathy at Overlook hooked me up with her and it has been going very well. We have seen great strides in Sydney in terms of dealing with anxiety and her mommy being sick. Sydney is an anxious child to begin with, and we have seen so many of the manifestations of her anxiety disappear and she is able to more constructively cope with what must be a very scary thing to deal with for a 6 year old.

Now Ethan, not to be excluded is 4 and a lot of this goes over his head. I know he is affected when we are in the moment of me being in bed for days, and we just try to love him up as much as we can and keep the doors of communication open for him. Our therapist Laura said he is really too young to be seen. And we agree. His struggles Fran and I are able to handle with some extra tlc, but Syd's were becoming a bit more than we knew what to do with. So we are very grateful. It is a great gift.

As a side note we have been having a great summer so far. We spent the whole first week of July camping, and when we came back the kids and I unpacked and repacked and flew to Texas to be with Cynthia and Brad and Mike and we had an awesome time on all counts. The summer has been going great and I am very grateful for that.

Ya know our minds are very powerful. They can push athletes to push their bodies to do amazing things. People run marathons in the desert for heavens sake. They can also push you to be negative, convince yourself of doing nothing with your life. It is a powerful tool.

I am very convinced and believe in my faith and in the strength of the mind pushing you where you want to go. I am going to push myself as hard as any athlete, any Olympian, because I need to live, and I need to raise my children with my husband until we are old. And no one is going to tell me no you're not, and no you can't do that. No one is going to tell me no.

Much Love,
Karen

Chemo and Whatnot

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Thu, 20 May 2010 00:27:00 +0000

Hello family and friends. Nothing exciting happening but I thought I should update what's been going on with chemo and stuff.

As previously posted I was going to have chemo every 2 weeks. After my first infusion on the 9th of April we have now gone to having chemo once a month and erbitux every two weeks. The reason being I was pretty sick and out of commission for over a week with the first treatment. When I went in for the second treatment two weeks later, Dr. Moriarty wasn't having it. Basically he said "no cpt today."

At first I was upset because I just wanted to keep pushing and get it done, though deep down I was relieved. Dr. Moriarty explained that I can't be that sick for that long and just keep getting pumped with chemo because my body will have zero immune system to fight with, along with the fact of having no quality of life. He of course is right as always.

I realized how right he was when I went in for chemo May 7th. I was thinking maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. Well it was. I was knocked on my rear for about 10 days. I have always gotten sick from chemo, but this time I feel sicker and physically unable to do much. I stay in bed most of the time just unable to move. That's how it feels. I don't know why but that's just the way it has been going. Then the it just stops. I start feeling normal and it's like nothing happened (theoretically). It has left me quite puzzled. But I am very grateful for the 3 weeks to recover, so like I said Dr. Moriarty is always right.

So I am due again for June 4th. I haven't met with Dr. Moriarty in a few weeks as he has been on vacation, so I don't know what the plan is for the chemo schedule long term. I will be seeing him on the 3rd of June so I will know more then. My CEA still is hovering at 30 or so. It hasn't gone up or down last time we checked, and I assume I will have a scan in about a month or so, and we have an idea if its all working. Which I know it is.

The week long sick time has been really tough on the kids, and our little family in general. I am physically here but not. Mentally to be honest this last round I had, at the end of the week I was feeling emotionally shattered. I lay there trying to tell myself the"chemo is working, you're not dying, you're just sick from the chemo, you're sick from the chemo." But towards the end of the week I feel like a fool, that I'm just kidding myself. Then I see the kids and my heart aches and they are wondering when am I going to start feeling better, and I have no answer. I hate that they don't see me all week. I hate that they know I'm in bed not feeling well. I hate it all.

Then "poof" I don't feel sick anymore, and I can't believe all the terrible things I was thinking and feeling. It is a very draining cycle. But this is the battle of cancer and I am hardly and unfortunately, not alone. I draw such strength from my friends who are battling, who have been on long term chemo for well over a year or more, who are on their 3rd of 4th cancer, who are in clinical trials, who are have exhausted all their options and still live life. And that's what ya gotta do.

As always the support, love and prayers have been amazing, and we are so, so grateful. I know this is so hard on everyone around me, and I thank everyone who continues to sacrifice for us and love us and who keeps on praying for us. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
God Bless.

Love,
Karen

Let's Try This Again Shall We?

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 03:11:00 +0000

Well third time's the charm I say. I start chemo this Friday April 9th. Three years and two days since I was first diagnosed. Just a little factoid.

I just wanted to give an update that I will be doing the chemo like I said on the 9th and then every two weeks following for 4 to 6 months, like I had mentioned in the last posting. For anyone curious I will be on CPT-11 and Erbitux.

I think I am over the initial being upset over it all and just want to get it done. Now that the "sad" cloud has cleared for me I am seeing the silver lining in that this treatment will work, and work well, and we keep moving forward. I am very grateful to have treatment options.

We did talk to the kids last weekend and told them that I have something called colon cancer. I think a lot of it went over their heads, especially Ethan, but I know once I begin treatment it will begin to sink in for them both what we are talking about.

Thank you everyone for your support and prayers we are deeply grateful.

Love,
Karen

Our Plan B

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 01:48:00 +0000

Okay so here's the thing. We got the results back from the MRI, and the part of the tumor that was treated with the cryoablation procedure (frozen) appears to be mostly on the dead side. That's great. However the part that wasn't treated due to its proximity to a major portal vein in my liver, is of course, still viable/alive.

Back in November and up until this point we (Dr. Moriarty, Chamberlain, Schwartz and Fran and I) hoped that this portion could be effectively treated with the cyberknife, which would stave off any chemo treatment a bit longer. And the cyberknife is pretty non-invasive.

After reviewing the MRI Dr. Moriarty strongly feels that chemo would be a better treatment option as opposed to the cyberknife. In a nutshell this means I will be going back on chemo (which will be cpt-11) in about 2 weeks along with Erbitux.
I will do the chemo/erbitux regimen every 2 weeks for four to six months.

After talking at length with Dr. Moriarty Fran and I are in full agreement. Basically the cyberknife may treat the remaining tumor a bit, but we have a stronger and better chance with chemo. We know that my tumors in the past have been very sensitive to chemo - it worked. Dr. Moriarty did stress to me that he isn't saying I must go on chemo right now. We could wait a few months and "see what happens" but I don't want to be on the bad end of that. I don't want to wait and see that the viable tumor left is growing. And I know that Dr. Moriarty feels the same.

Now I always knew when this tumor reappeared in oct/nov chemo was again in my future. But I was hoping that with possibly doing the cyberknife it would push things to sept. and if the cyberknife was effective maybe just Erbitux (which just gives me a horrible rash but doesn't make me sick - or bald for that matter) and no cpt. But both Fran and I feel this is what we need to do and trust Dr. Moriarty to the utmost. He has brought me very far and with great care.

Chemo is horrible there is no denying that but seeing how you being on chemo effects the ones you love is far worse. The last time I had to be on any chemo regimen was 1 year and 9 months ago. The last time I was on Erbitux was 1 year 2 months ago. My children were a lot younger then, and we were able to keep the explanation of what mommy was going through in very simple terms. Not that they weren't effected then. However when I was diagnosed and began treatment they were 16 months and barely 3. Now they are almost 4.5 and 6. Quite a big difference. So now Fran and I are going to have to have a different discussion with them. We will be meeting with the oncology counselor at Overlook Oncology to try and help us formulate the initial conversation with them. I would much rather tell them about the birds and the bees.

So that is our plan for now. I was pretty upset last week when I found out. But I am dealing fine with it right now. I admit, I am trying to block out what I know will be happening when you are on chemo. I am just going to enjoy these next few weeks, enjoy my full head of hair, and my face without some serious acne action. To be honest at the root of it all I am very glad that I continue to have treatment that works, that I have options. I know I have said that before, but it is the stark truth. I am looking forward to seeing the death of this tumor, and continue to have faith and hope that maybe this will be the last time. But if not I am really fine with that, as long as I can be.

Lastly I just want to mention a very special person, with whom I have never spoken to, and I have never met. But she always posts on my blog. Her name is Mirjana. Her sister is a stage 4 colon cancer survivor. Mirjana has informed me through leaving a comment on my blog that she has breast cancer.
Mirjana, I am praying for you fervently. I have never been in touch, only because I don't know how to contact you. My heart was broken to hear this news from you and I hope you are holding up okay and have some more information to help you with your diagnosis.

Please everyone keep her in her prayers. She is very compassionate, and generous to post on my blog, always encouraging me and supporting me without ever hearing back from me. She is amazing.

With Much Love,
Karen

Floatin' Along

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 01:33:00 +0000

I have been encouraged by some of my peeps to update my blog so I shall. There really isn't much to report just yet so thus, I haven't reported.

But as things stand now we are ct scanning, mri-ing, and watching my cea numbers looking for the outcome of the cryoablation. Essentially it takes a good 3 months until you can see somewhat of a definitive result from the procedure. Does the tumor appear necrotic or "dead" on the scans? Is my blood work looking good? How am I feeling in general? These things help determine the outcome of the cryoablation procedure.

As it happens tomorrow March 18th I will be having another mri. During the mri they will inject the "stuff" or contrast. If my tumor picks it up well (essentially if it is alive then the tumor soaks up the stuff and is very distinct on the scan) then the tumor is still viable (alive), if it does not, it does not "soak up the stuff," and is difficult to detect on the films and then it is more reasonable to believe it is dead.

We are doing this to still try and make sure that it makes sense to do the cyberknife now. You can't treat the same area twice with the cyberknife, so if we decide to go ahead, not being assured if the tumor is necrotic or not, we could be, and would be, wasting a tool in our arsenal, so to speak. So we are all trying to make sure there is something there to "zap" and in a nutshell that takes time.

In the meantime, I have been feeling totally fine. I am working out 2-3 days a week and just trying to enjoy this time of quiet. The kids are doing great and loving school and life as they should and we are enjoying them.

Thanks guys for all your support as always. It is never taken for granted. I have been praying for all who pray for me, I have been doing the rosary during lent and including you all in my prayers.

I really want to also take this time to let everyone know that March is Colon Cancer Awareness Month. Please, if you are 50 and over get a colonoscopy. It can save your life. If you are under 50 and feel signs and symptoms, such as rectal bleeding, dark tar-like stools, bloating, constipation etc. fight to get a colonoscopy done. Especially if there is a family history. Cancer as we all know is no joke but colon cancer is preventable, treatable, BEATABLE!!!

Enjoy your family and friends and don't sweat the small stuff. You won't remember what it was in a week, what you were fretting over. Life can be hard, and very unfair, but it can also be great, beautiful and should be lived and enjoyed!

With much love,
Karen

Doing Great!

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 04:49:00 +0000

Hello everyone. Thank you for all the prayers and support over the last few weeks.

I have to say this was the easiest thing I have been through, procedure/treatment wise in almost 3 years. I recovered quickly and well (something that NEVER seems to happen in my circumstances). Before even the first week was out I was in no pain, and wasn't even sore. I don't even think this procedure is going to leave a scar. Though it really can't compete with the big momma-jomma scar I already have. That will always be my best one heh?

So I am going to go for a CT scan next wed, which will start documentation of the baseline of what my liver and the tumor looks like post ablation, with subsequent scans to follow and mark the progression of healing(of liver) and death(of tumor). We are still moving toward the cyberknife treatment but as Dr. Moriarty said to me the other day "lets just see where the dust settles." But my impression is that the cyberknife will also be done but maybe in a month or two.

Here is the link to cyberknife info (because I am horrible at explaining it).

And now for just some icing on the cake. My CEA before the procedure was at 52 with us expecting it to rise after the procedure, because that's generally what happens when you go in there "sturrin up some stuff." But today I was told that it is at 29! I was happily shocked and it felt great to hear good news like that again. It was a small sweet victory and I was savoring it all day.

Thanks again for all of you support. The best notes of love and support and funny jokes always come at a perfect time. I hope you all know I am praying for you all who pray for me and my family and love us and support us. We are so grateful for all your help.

With Much Love,
Karen

Cryo-ablation Post-Op

noreply@blogger.com (Francis Shanahan) — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 20:43:00 +0000

Karen's doing well. Her procedure is done, it took all of 3 hours and it went fine. I was able to see her briefly. She was comfortable, very cold but in good spirits. She's in recovery now and will be transfered to a room soon.

I spoke to Dr. Kamienecke who did the procedure. He said it went fine, no surprises. They used two probes and got a good freeze on as much as possible. The tumor is close to her lung and some other warm blood vessels so they can't be sure the required freezing temperature was reached on those bits.

She'll stay at least tonight in St. Barnabas and hopefully be discharged tomorrow.

A PET scan will be scheduled for 3 months from now and only then will we know if we got it "deaded".

For now we'll take this as a result.

We're Ready to Freeze!

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 17:33:00 +0000

Well we finally have our tumor killing procedure planned for tomorrow morning at St. Barnabas Hospital in Livingston NJ. Instead of doing the RFA procedure in which the tumor is burned the are going to do something called cryoablation (click on this to get some more info). This is essentially the same thing except the tumor is frozen instead of burned.

The doctors (interventional radiologists) came to this decision because this causes less damage to the surrounding tissues, and since this is close to my lung and a major blood vessel this approach makes sense, and all my other doctors are in agreement. The procedure will mean an overnight stay (let's pray it's just one night) to check for internal bleeding, and infection.

There is a chance however that because this tumor is in such a precarious position that it might not be reachable without harming me and they may not be able to perform the procedure at all. Essentially the risk would outweigh the benefit. I am just putting in this caveat because I know we are all hopeful that with a whiz and a flash this will "get gone" but it may not happen in the way we are expecting and wanting.

I am naturally very apprehensive and just plain old fashioned scared, but I am grateful for this option to be able to have this tumor treated locally without resorting to chemo just yet.

I also wanted to add what we have told and discussed with Sydney and Ethan. We just talked to them about it last night and the discussion is of course always open and ongoing. However we told them that mommy is going to the hospital to work on my tummy again. There are germs in there, and I have to go the hospital to get thee medicine I need to fix it. I have to sleep over there for a few nights. Ethan thinks it's great that he "doesn't have to see my stinky robe in the morning" and thinks it will be cool to come see me in the hospital.
Sydney burst into tears. We are still talking to them both of them about it but of course she bounced out of bed this morning happy as a lark and off to school she went. There is no doubt there are nervous and scared but we are continuing to talk about it with them.

I want to reiterate that Fran and I have reassessed, thought about and discussed whether we should tell the kids I have cancer. And after much thought, discussion and reassessing are sticking with our decision not to. We are being honest with them in terms they understand. We feel like saying to them I have cancer is just putting a label on it and is too much of an abstract concept for them to understand. In my opinion its a label that will just terrify (especially Sydney) them and will accomplish nothing. If I had lupus I wouldn't tell them that either because it's not something they can understand, but they understand what sick means, and germs mean and that hospitals and doctors are places that help you get better.

I hope that everyone will continue to support us in this and will also talk to the kids about it in this manner if they ask questions, or want to talk about "mommy's tummy" etc.

I know I say this all the time, but it is so important to say. You all have been so crazy supportive!!!!!!!!! My family, my friends, people I do not know - I cannot tell you how it keeps me afloat. It keeps me from sinking. I can't tell how many times I am so down or crying and my blackberry beeps and its a note, or message from someone and it lifts my mood completely, and yes I admit it, I usually hug or kiss my blackberry expressing my gratitude!

I really don't like violence but I am ready to kill, kill, kill this tumor dead. Smush it, smash it, freeze it, destroy it. I want to say in the words of my amazing daughter (after she has bravely killed a bug) "I deaded it"! So here is to deading.

I love you all so much. Thank you for loving me and sticking with me.

Fran you have been incredible. You have been strong, and I have been able to lean on you. Thank you babe.

Much Love,
Karen

Slowly Moving Along

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 23:18:00 +0000

I have been holding back on updating, because I am trying to get concrete info and dates and things have been progressing slowly, but they are progressing.

We met with the interventional radiologist dr. on the 31st of December to discuss doing the RFA procedure. He is concerned that my lung might be in the way of doing this procedure in relation to where the tumor is located.

At any rate the bottom line is he will be talking to my surgeon Dr. Chamberlain and some other specialists and I am told I will be hearing from them on Monday the 4th with the result of their discussion. So we are still in a holding pattern but as my friend/nurse Kathy told me, it is a good thing that this is taking time, in that many doctors/specialists are looking at this case and taking every care and precaution to do the very best thing for the best result which is 100% tumor death.
And as always she is right.

Thank you everyone for the emails, and messages and encouragement and prayers. I have been a mental and spiritual wreck over this and every comment, and note of encouragement and love I have been receiving helps me in unmeasurable ways. So I do thank you from the bottom of my heart.

When we have more concrete dates and such myself or Fran will definitely be posting.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Year, I know my family did.

Much Love,
Karen

Surgery before Christmas?

noreply@blogger.com (Francis Shanahan) — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 21:41:00 +0000

Karen's doing well. Earlier this week Karen managed to get a cancellation at the surgeon's so we met with Doctor Chamberlain today. We are a few steps closer to a concrete plan.

The location of the tumor is above a critical vein in Karen's liver. Normally you'd have 2 or 3 veins going in and out of the liver but because of Karen's resection she has only 1 left. That's not a big deal but the location of the tumor is fairly close to this vein and that makes surgery very difficult.

Our best option is Radio Frequency Ablation which involves burning the tumor with radio waves. The radio waves must heat the tumor to 70C for a 14 mins in order to get a good kill. The vein will act as a heat sink since blood is flowing through it, cooling the cells. It is also likely that the radiologist will not want to burn that close to the vein.

To get the remaining cells we'll resort to Cyberknife which is targeted radiation. This can get close to the vein which will tolerate the radiation pretty well. On the flip side the liver doesn't tolerate radiation very well so we're trying to minimize the amount of radiation by using the RFA first.

The game plan is yet to be confirmed but Chamberlain is trying to get us in next Monday or Tuesday (21st or 22nd of December). The RFA would involve a night or two in hospital but overall be non-invasive. The Cyberknife would not be done until a few weeks into January.

Appointments are still being made and hopefully we find out tomorrow what the schedule is.

Evaluating Our Options

noreply@blogger.com (Francis Shanahan) — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 02:23:00 +0000

Karen's doing well. She's amazing actually, considering the few weeks we've had. Her mental fortitude would put Navy Seals to shame. More stress than I care to mention.

As the last post indicated, a PET scan showed cancerous activity in K's liver. We had a subsequent MRI. The MRI machine "broke" so that had to be rescheduled. Moriarty had some vacation which made scheduling difficult but we figured it out.

The MRI says there's a 2cm X 2cm sized tumor in Karen's liver above some veins. This is not good news considering this was an area already treated.

We do have some options, one of which we investigated today. Dr. Moriarty referred us to Dr. Schwartz, a radiation oncologist (someone who treats cancer with radiation). With tremendous luck we were able to get an appointment.

Schwartz walked us through the radiation option which amounts to a thing called the Cyberknife. Sterotactic Radiotherapy. What would happen is that 3 or 4 pieces of gold would be placed in Karen as markers. Then a special cushion of her body would be made. After the gold has settled (about 1 week) the surgeon would perform a very very fine CT scan of her abdomen. Then as Schwartz said, "the physicists take over" and they build a plan to shoot radiation into the tumor from every angle. Imagine an orange stabbed with a hundred knitting needless.

There's a 70-80% chance of the tumor being responsive to this and dying. That said there are better options; surgery first, RFA second, radiation being third in the list. If the radiation is done and cancer comes back in the same area, radiation cannot be used again and it would make future surgery more complex.

We will meet with Chamberlain (our surgeon) on the 23rd to explore surgery as an option. Rest assured, we will get to NED again.

Peace,
-fs

The Cancer Has Resurfaced

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 16:26:00 +0000

Well the title gives away all the surprise I guess. We had our scan on Wed. the 18th and met with Dr. Moriarty on Friday the 20th and the news was not good. The pet/ct had picked up an area of high metabolic activity in the upper right area of my liver. Translation - new tumor growth. From the pet scan we can't tell how big the tumor is so I am going to have an MRI done to determine that. Once we know the details of this we will decide what we are going to do.

The first choices would be rfa (radio frequency ablation), and the second would be the Cyberknife or vice verse, I don't remember to be honest. However chemo, erbitux is still on the table as treatment options.

Now recurrence is pretty common in this whole resection situation. But it doesn't make it suck any less. Honestly I am devastated, crushed and mad.

I would love to go through a few crates of plates and smash them against a wall for a couple of hours. And though I know recurrence happens, and would likely happen to me I cannot for the life of me get into a "positive attitude" frame of mind yet. I just can't. All I can think about is my kids. I can hardly write this blog.

To have the months go by with the NED (no evidence of disease) label, I was slowly feeling human again, and looking that way too. In the last month or so I was allowing myself to kind of think that maybe it's true, that it wasn't going to come back, I was starting to breathe a sigh of relief. I think that is why now I am so upset. I feel like to have it come back brings my chances of beating it way, way down. I cannot grasp onto a modicum of positive thinking.

I don't mean to make this blog so emotional, but for those of you who know me I kind of wear my heart on my sleeve so I cant help it. I am being a baby and I don't want to deal with this bullshit anymore. People say oh now's a time to do what you've dreamed to go out and do what you' ve always wanted. Well you know what I was. I am a pretty simple person and I wanted to be a dental hygienist and I just want to raise my kids, I was already doing it.

I am sorry friends this is a horribly written blog. I should have let Fran do it. But I am indulging in some venting I guess.

I will keep everyone posted on the goings on. We won't know anymore regarding the mri and such until after Thanksgiving.

Love,
Karen

Rising CEA

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 04:42:00 +0000

Hello friends. Well I haven't posted in awhile because I was waiting for something concrete to post.

I have been doing emotionally, and mentally great. I still battle chronic fatique but that's not really a great concern. Overall I have been doing great.

However my cea level has been rising over the last two months (I get it checked every month). It went from 5 to 10 and is now as of last Wednesday 17. Usually its indicitive of some disease activity going on. We are going to have a pet/ct scan done next week, though I don't know the day yet. The cea level is a tricky thing doctors use it as a guide, not a diagnostic tool. Dr. Moriarty told me he has seen countless patients with cea levels rise and plummet, seen people with little or no viable tumor, and high cea numbers and vice versa.

We may do the scan and nothing may show up. What do we do then? I don't know, we are just going to take it one step at a time.

So it's just something that stinks, and of course we would all like to see the cea at 0 or even a 3. I was pretty crushed on Friday after talking to Dr. Moriarty as was Fran, but I am ready to do what I have to do, but I don't want to do it. I would reaaaaalllly like to stick my head in the sand. The last 6 or 7 months have been such a gift and I greedily don't want to give that up.

Having said that, this is what people with cancer deal with all the time and I just have to "woman up" and deal. So that's what I am going to do.

I keep praying for you all. Please enjoy life, be patient with your kids, and give them lots of hugs, no matter how hold they are.

Love,

Karen

Another Crystal Clear Hurdle

noreply@blogger.com (Karen Shanahan) — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 00:13:00 +0000

Well I'll just be out with it then. We met with Dr. Moriarty today. To be honest I was a nervous wreck. By the time we got into the waiting room my heart was pounding in my chest. The last two weeks have been an especially mentally torturous. I just knew there had to be something wrong. I was ready to hear the bad. Did I know what that meant? No. But I was really expecting it.

I thought for sure this time I would be meeting with the chemo nurses, scheduling appts, preparing my family, telling myself to get ready for treatments, get ready to go bald. I couldn't get my head out of this place, that something would be there on the scans.

By the time I was in the exam room waiting for Dr. Dan I was in tears. They just were flowing and I couldn't stop them. Super nurses Kathy and Kim came in and said we just asked Moriarty what the scans were like so you wouldn't sit here suffering and he said "great" that they are "great." I just couldn't believe it. They were like "hey aren't you happy?" and I just was to afraid to believe it.

Then he poked his head in before seeing the patient waiting before me, and said "they're great!" I thought to myself I need to see the scans. I needed to look at that liver.

Then he comes in and puts the report in front of me and says "here look." He points to the last sentence "No evidence of new metastatic lesion." So then of course I go over some organs, "nothing in the ovaries? lung? pancreas?? nothing??? "Karen there's nothing."

"Can I see the scans??????? "

"Yesssss Kaaaren you can see the scans." So my amazing Dr. Moriarty takes me and Fran to the scans and carefully goes over them.

"what's that, that right there?? Those big spaces????

He patiently says "it's air, it's gas Karen." Oh

"okay what's all this crap over here?"

"It's dressing from your surgery that stays in there." Oh

"what's this junk, what's that?"

"it's this and your that." Oh

He compared my old, crap tumor-filled liver to the new liver the incredible genius Dr. Chamberlain gave me. It was a beautiful thing. My new liver has no holes, shadows and scary stuff in it. No cancer. And none anywhere else.

I'm still crying. I'm still stunned. People may think "well your cancer was already gone 6 months ago."
Well I don't know how other people are (who have/had cancer) but for me I live life one day at a time, and for now in every three month intervals, and thats not a complaint but just a fact of life for now, but the main thing is I live. I am so joyously happy. I feel a few more feet away from the nightmare, peeking around corners, carefully taking my steps.

Where would I be without Dr. Moriarty? I don't know. He will never know how much he means to me. He is an amazing, smart, wise doctor, who (in my opinion knows everything) he has saved my life and I love and adore him.

Where would I be without Kathy, Kim, Chris, Sonya, and Gina these nurses who are precious and priceless to me. They have helped carry me, push me and hold me for the last 2.5 years during the darkest time of my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you Dr. Chamberlain who is smart, agressive, and cares and respects his patients so much. Thank you for saving my life.

I just want people to know how amazing these people are. They are angels, they are healers, but to them they are just doing their jobs. I thank you God for each and every one of them.

I just want to thank all of you for your continued prayers and support. All of the comments, emails, notes, etc. really do mean so much to me. They fuel me and keep me going. I do continue to pray for you all.

Thank you to my husband and my children for sticking by me and loving me. And to my parents and siblings for all your love and support. Thank you to all my friends and the people who I hardly know who continue to carry and support and pray for me. There aren't enough words.

I am so very grateful, so humbled that I am still here. It does not escape me ever. Thank you merciful God.

With much love,
Karen