Karma (continued...)

Perioral Dermatitis: An Update, Plus Tips & Tricks!

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Sat, 01 Oct 2016 23:09:00 +0000

Since I wrote my original post about perioral dermatitis treatment, I've received hundreds of comments, emails and messages from all over the world about how the solution I found--Clotrimazole 1% topical cream--has helped other people, too. A lot of other people.

(I've always dreamed of using my writing to help people. I never thought this would be the way it ended up happening, but hey...I'll take it!)

I decided to write this follow-up post to Perioral Dermatitis Treatment: My Story and provide everyone with an update on my condition, plus some tips and tricks for clear, healthy skin I've picked up along the way.

Did it come back?

I do have occasional flare-ups of perioral dermatitis. Any number of factors can trigger them: stress, hormones, diet, lack of sleep. I've learned that the better care I take of myself, the less likely I am to have a flare. But hey, life can get crazy, and that's not always possible!

When I get a flare, it's about 5% as bad as the original case of perioral dermatits was for me--mostly just some redness and a few bumps under one side of my nose. The same treatment I discovered originally, my (absolutely lifesaving) Clotrimazole 1% still clears it right up within two to three days. I also sometimes use a small amount both morning and evening as a preventative.

But in addition to that, because I hate perioral dermatitis (even at 5%!) so, so much, I continue to actively seek solutions to help keep my skin in check and reduce the flare-ups as much as I can. Here's what's been working:

Moisturize & Cleanse

In my quest to find natural treatment options for both my perioral dermatitis and my combination skin in general, I no longer use conventional moisturizers. It was definitely a leap of faith to use straight oil on my face after a lifetime of being told never to do that, but I'm so glad I finally gave it a try. My skin has never looked better, and I'm pretty sure I'm never going back! In the mornings, I use organic, cold-pressed jojoba oil mixed with aloe vera gel in after I wash my face. In the evening, I use a blend of equal parts jojoba, hemp seed and rose hip oil (mixed myself from the products listed below.)

Teddie Organics Rosehip Oil
Leven Rose Organic Jojoba Oil
Renewalize 100% Hemp Seed Oil
Earth's Daughter Aloe Vera Gel

In addition, I've started washing my face with a sulfur soap and using sulfur ointment as needed. Before the invention of corticosteroids, sulfur was the go-to treatment for perioral dermatitis. It dropped out of fashion in the '70s, but some doctors are returning to this treatment plan. It didn't work by itself when I originally used it for my PO, but for daily maintenance, I find that it keeps my skin clear and bright, and makes a noticeable difference in the lingering redness around my nose that my PO seems to have left behind. My pores appear noticeably smaller when I'm using the sulfur soap regularly. I use the sulfur ointment as a spot treatment for flare-ups (use as directed and remember, a little goes a long way!)

Branfells Labs Sulfur Soap
Branfells Labs Sulfur Ointment

Vitamins & Supplements

After a terrible, seemingly endless round of chronic ideopathic urticaria last year (I know, I know, I'm a medical disaster sometimes...but that's a whole different post) I started experimenting with supplements for my skin and overall health. I currently take a multivitamin, evening primrose oil capsules, a probiotic, and vitamin D and omega-3 supplements. I've seen measurable improvements in skin since I've started taking these: fewer breakouts and smoother overall skin tone. My favorites:

Nordic Naturals Ultimate Omega
Barlean's Organic Evening Primrose Oil
Naturewise Vitamin D3
Align Probiotic

Diet & Exercise

When I eat better, my skin looks better. I still love Oreos and ramen noodles and pizza (and and and) but after successfully completely my first Whole 30 earlier this year, I'm committed to healthier eating 80% of the time and I can feel a difference in my whole body inside and out, skin included. I highly recommend giving it a try at some point! I'm also a (fifteen years strong!) devotee to hot yoga, which has dramatically changed my physical, mental and emotional health :)

For more information on Whole 30 living, check out:

The Whole 30: 30-Day Guide to Total Health and Food Freedom

Makeup

Since I've yet to find a 100% guarantee that this nasty condition will ever go away for good, finding makeup that gives me my confidence back has been a lifesaver. This product has been an absolute lifesaver!

It Cosmetics Bye Bye Redness Neutralizing Correcting Cream
(applied with the It Cosmetics Pointed Precision Brush, which is also awesome)

(AND, as a PSA, because I'm finishing a novel and getting up at 4:00AM every day to do it so really know my concealers at this point, the It Cosmetics Bye Bye Undereye Concealer is also pretty much a miracle product)

So that's my update! Thank you to everyone who has written to say my original post helped them. It means so much to me, and I hope people struggling with the frustrating reality of perioral dermatitis continue to find helpful answers here and elsewhere on the internet. Cheers!

Disclaimer: The links that appear here are affiliate links, which means I receive a small percentage if you place an order through Amazon for the products I mention (at no cost to you.) Thanks for your understanding and support!

Calling Myself a Writer: Write Doe Bay 2015

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 00:45:00 +0000

The first time I attended Write Doe Bay, I was tagging along with my friend Claire, who was a teaching artist for the weekend. She convinced me it was something I needed after months of listening to me complain of a creative stagnancy that was making it hard for me to focus on my current project. So I went with her--on a plane, in a car, on a ferry boat and then another car and then a hike through the woods to this place that would end up changing me forever.

I'd been writing since I was old enough to hold a pencil. Making up stories in my head for as long as I could remember. I'd published essays, gone to graduate school, won writing awards. My memoir had been published just ten months earlier. I didn't call myself a writer.

It's hard to explain the magic of Doe Bay. And yes, I do mean magic. It's near enough to visit for the weekend, but so far from the "real" world that I had to strip layers and layers away just to get there. Nestled on tiny Orcas Island off the coast of Seattle, it is quiet, and serene, and stunningly beautiful, but also charged with an subtle, palpable energy that vibrates through you--an energy that is both a calming and an awakening in every breath.

I taught writing, published writing, breathed writing...but I didn't call myself a writer.

And Write? Write is a room full of magic and creativity and community and art. It's hot coffee and scribbled-in journals and learning new things. It's cracking your craft wide open and seeing everything upside down in a way that makes perfect sense. It's a whole lot of people who get it, who get you, and aren't afraid to hear you out and lift you up until you're different than you were when you walked in the door.

A little braver. A little more honest. A little more determined to go back to your regular life and kick some serious creative ass.

Today, I call myself a writer.

Write Doe Bay helped me realize that being a writer isn't something you can define. It doesn't come all wrapped up in red ribbon when you publish a poem or or finish your first novel or hit the bestseller list. It's this tiny, unquenchable flame that comes from within you, and either you're born with it, or you seek it out, or you stumble on it by accident somewhere along the way. It's knowing yourself and respecting your craft enough to say the word "writer" out loud--without fear, without shame, without expectation of any outcome other than to do, and be, and believe. And more than anything else, it's a flame that needs oxygen and faith, hard work and community, and a willingness to chase impossible dreams in order to keep on burning.

Last February, I was honored to return to Write Doe Bay as a teaching artist, where I shared knowledge and space with another incredible group of writers, artists and creatives. In the midst of the support and revolution of that particular Write weekend, I made the life-altering decision to quit my marketing job and, for the first time in my life, focus exclusively on my career as an author.

This October 8-11, as I complete the manuscript for my first novel and continue to chase down new writing dreams, I'm returning to Write Doe Bay once again as a teaching artist, along with talented writers, musicians and creators Nikki McClure, Kris Orlowski and Jonathan Zwickel. I'm honored to share their space and hear their stories, and I'm excited to settle, once again, into the fabric of the magical Write community that unlocks new stories every day. If you've heard me talk about Write Doe Bay before and are thinking about attending, I hope you'll take the plunge and meet me on Orcas Island this fall for an unforgettable experience.

The details:

WRITE DOE BAY is an intimate 2.5 day writer's retreat and multi-workshop event held on beautiful Orcas Island, WA at Doe Bay Resort. We host award-winning authors/ writers of genres ranging from memoir, fiction, screenplay, songwriting, poetry, and more. We welcome participants at any stage of their creative path including those who are ready to take their first steps.

WHEN: OCTOBER 8-11, 2015

FEES: $800 for workshop tuition, resort accommodations, and meals.

FORMAT: Workshops are held Friday and Saturday morning and afternoon. Evenings include a writer's open mic (for participants, teaching artists, and staff to share pieces of their work) and singer songwriter showcase set by Kris Orlowski. Sunday morning includes a closing ceremony and time for personal writing and exploration of the resort.

For more information, teaching artist profiles and to register, visit http://www.writedoebay.com/

If you have questions about the retreat, please email writedoebay@gmail.com (or send them my way!) Looking forward to sharing some magic together...

Perioral Dermatitis Treatment: My Story

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Thu, 21 May 2015 05:01:00 +0000

Hiding behind a coffee cup...my favorite place to be with perioral dermatitis.

UPDATED 10/1/16: For my most recent update, including new products, tips & tricks, check out my new Perioral Dermatitis Post here!

UPDATED 1/14/16:

First of all, thank you for all the emails and comments on this post. I never dreamed my story would be able to help as many people as it has, but I'm so glad it did.

Clotrimazole 1% , the over-the-counter antifungal cream that cured my POD, has continued to work its magic for the past eight months. If my perioral dermatitis flares up, I use a small amount of the cream and it goes away. Clotrimazole is NOT a corticosteroid (ie hydrocortisone)--those medications can make POD much, much worse. It's an antifungal and sold in most pharmacies as a treatment for athlete's foot.

I recently saw an incredible allergist for an unrelated problem (OMG what a year) who confirmed (as the two dermatologists I saw previously did NOT) that my perioral dermatitis WAS a fungal infection, caused by yeast, which is related to allergies. In fact, he's written the premier study in the field on this exact topic, and he confirmed that the use of Lotrimin or the equivalent generic is an appropriate treatment. For once, my obsessive 3:00am medical Googling turned out to be right!

PLEASE NOTE that I'm not a medical doctor, and that any time you undergo any treatment, even non-prescription, as Lotrimin and its generics are, you should consult your regular doctor about it. Even my above statement regarding my allergist's recommendations don't count as actual medical advice.

My original post:

What is perioral dermatitis? Slightly itchy, slightly bumpy, reddish and really really annoying inflammation of the skin around the mouth. It affects mostly women between the ages of 20-50 and might have a hormonal element. Ugh.

I was diagnosed with this condition about a year ago, after a stubborn, bumpy red rash under my nose and on my chin just wouldn't go away and I finally dragged myself to a dermatologist (NOT the way I'd prefer to spend my rare kid-free, work-free hours.) Though the doctor laughed when I suggested it, I'm fairly certain the perioral dermatitis was brought on by over-zealous use of my Clarisonic Mia--I've always been a huge fan of exfoliating and just couldn't help myself with all those scrubby rotating bristles...but then this rash broke out and it looked TERRIBLE and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. The Clarisonic just made it worse, and I finally had to stop exfoliating all together.

The dermatologist sent me home with a month's worth of oral antibiotics and a prescription for sulfur face wash. I really, really hate taking antibiotics unless it's absolutely necessary--but I also hated having a gross embarrassing rash on my face. So I took the antibiotics, I used the face wash...and nothing happened. The rash cleared up a tiny bit (maybe?) with the antibiotics, and then the minute I stopped taking them? It came right back.

I tried just the face wash. I tried drinking more water. I tried a different face lotion (typically I only moisturize with coconut oil). Nothing helped.

A few months later and fed up again, I went back to the dermatologist. This time I was given Finacea cream, Metronidazole gel, and more sulfur face wash. All of which was expensive and, for me at least, totally ineffective. I used all three as directed for several weeks and saw absolutely NO change in my POD. The label on the Finacea says it can take up to eight weeks to see results...really?! Because this rash was ON MY FACE. Where OTHER PEOPLE COULD SEE IT. Eight (more) weeks just wasn't an option.

So I went where I probably should have gone in the first place: the internet. I scoured every blog post and article and comment I could find on perioral dermatitis treatment, specifically looking for natural remedies for perioral dermatitis, since I've been trying to rid our home of as many chemicals as possible and really hoped for a cure that would not only get rid of the rash, but be as natural as possible.

Below is a breakdown of what I tried, what worked and what didn't, and what finally ended up being the cure--for me. I write this blog post with the hope that someone, somewhere, finds it helpful in beating a stubborn, truly awful condition.

After all my research, a ton of trial and error, and hundreds of treatment dollars spent, the truth about perioral dermatitis seems to be this: no one really knows what causes it. No one really knows how to treat it. But most importantly, the cause--and the cure--seem to be different for every person. So the best advice I can give anyone suffering from POD and looking for a solution is to try everything you can, keep an open mind about possible causes and treatments, and know you're not alone in the struggle.

What Didn't Work:

Oral antibiotics
Finacea
Metronidazole
Tea tree oil
Sulfur face wash
Aloe vera
Oral zinc tablets
Evening primrose oil capsules
Calendula salve

What Helped (a lot!) but didn't actually fix the problem:

Switching to a fluoride-free toothpaste
No more sodium lauryl sulfates (SLS) in beauty or household products**
Switching to SLS-free makeup (and tossing out all the old stuff!)
Taking a daily probiotic
Using BB creamwith zinc oxide as the active ingredient
Washing my face only once a day with cleanser (I fell in love with this one) and using ONLY water in the morning/after working out
Aloe vera gel
(used once daily as a toner, pre-coconut oil)
Coconut oil as moisturizer*

*I should note here that my perioral dermatitis has always been classified as MILD--so mild, in fact, that J continues to deny ever noticing I even had it (this, of course, is because he loves me and thinks I'm beautiful no matter what kind of creepy skin condition I have, but still...) Anyway. I DID have it, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. If you Google image POD you'll find some seriously scary stuff, and I'm blessed to have never had this condition to the full extent possible. I am 100% convinced that using coconut oil as a daily moisturizer kept the worst of my perioral dermatitis at bay.

While it wasn't strong enough to get rid of the POD totally, coconut oil is a natural antibacterial, anti-inflammatory and antioxidant and has worked absolute wonders on my skin. And my hair. And on bug bites, sunburn, and eczema. And my cholesterol, which my doctor called "fantastic" at my last checkup. It's also amazing on toast. And in my coffee. OK, so I'm a bit of a fanatic. If you want more information on the (seriously amazing) health benefits of coconut oil before I get around to writing a love letter blog post about it, check out the book The Coconut Oil Miracle.

** for almost three years, I've been practicing something called the Curly Girl Method for Wavy hair (you can read my blog post about it here) and gave up hair products containing SLS ages ago...and I've never used those products on my kids. But I was much less diligent when it came to body wash, dishwashing liquids, hand soaps, etc...I had no idea that all those sulfates could be harming my skin just as much as they were harming my hair!

What I Never Got Around to Trying (but the internet says might work):

Apple cider vinegar (topically. I take a few tablespoons a day mixed with hot water and lemon for general health reasons, which I highly recommend. Using ACV as a toner is a popular suggestions for natural treatment of perioral dermatitis, but I never got around to trying it.)
Diaper rash cream containing zinc oxide
Violet extract
Calendula cream (different than calendula salve, above)

And finally...

What WORKED!!! (for me):

Clotrimazole cream, 1%

Yep. You read that right. After almost twelve consecutive months of frustration, trial and error, and hating the way my face looked in the mirror, the only treatment for perioral dermatitis that actually WORKED was Clotrimazole, a $4.99 tube of anti-fungal cream, most commonly used to treat athlete's foot. I found this humble suggestion buried DEEP in the comment section of another blogger's frustrated post about her battle with POD. The comment was short and to the point. It said that perioral dermatitis was nothing more than a common yeast infection, and the cure was equally as common: buy a tube of Lotrimin (or generic, which Clotrimazole is) anti-fungal cream at the drugstore and call it a day.

I ran to the drugstore basically right that minute and applied the cream that night before bed. Within hours (because yes I got up in the middle of the night and checked), the bumps had gone away and my skin was noticeably smoother. By morning, my perioral dermatitis had improved by 80%. 24 hours later? It was almost completely gone.

It's now been a full week, and other than some residual redness around my nose, my perioral dermatitis is a distant memory and I can leave the house without makeup on for the first time in a full year without feeling like everyone is staring at my weird face rash thing. I'll continue to use the clotrimazole cream for two full weeks to make sure the infection is gone, as the directions on the package suggest. Finding a cure for my POD is liberating, exciting, and such an incredible relief. Thank you, THANK YOU, anonymous internet commenter...you've saved my skin.

Will clotrimazole cream work for everyone with POD? I truly don't know, and my guess is that because so many different factors contribute to and exacerbate POD (hormonal, environmental, nutrition, etc) that it probably won't work for some people. I've read blog posts that tout miracle cures for perioral dermatitis that simply didn't work for me. But if you're suffering from POD and haven't found your cure yet, this is definitely something worth trying!

After finally finding a cure for my perioral dermatitis, I'm surprised and thrilled to say my skin looks better than it has in my entire adult life, thanks to some awesome new products I've discovered along the way. Here's a list of products I've kept as part of my daily routine that are truly outstanding...I love them all!

I suppose I should have an "after" picture to post here...and at the moment, I don't (and no "before" pictures, either...because who wants THAT documented for posterity??) But if I get around to taking one, I'll update the post. For now, you'll just have to take my word for it...

Do you suffer from POD? Did you find a perioral dermatitis treatment that worked for you? Please share in the comments below...I'd love to hear your story!

How to Throw a Hamster Birthday Party (Yes. Really.)

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Thu, 17 Jul 2014 05:29:00 +0000

I never thought I'd say this, ever, but...
Internet? You failed me.

When E came home and announced she wanted a birthday party inspired by her favorite literary character, I Googled "how to throw a hamster birthday party" and came up with nothing.

Really, nothing. Nada.
Not one single post.

How can that be? Do I have the only kid on the planet who's obsessed with all things hamster? (OK, I probably do...)

Ninety billion hours on Pinterest, Etsy, Amazon and various and assorted craft websites later, I'm pleased to present the Internet's very first hamster birthday party how-to post. So if anyone else's kid falls in love with Humphrey the hamster and wants to party like a rodent? You'll be all set.

Hamster Party Craft

This was by far the most important part of our hamster party (and also the one I'm most proud of.) A craft table activity that doubled as a favor, these DIY hamster balls were the hit of the party and an absolute blast to make. Using real hamster bedding (available at pet stores or on Amazon) and an assortment of hamster accessories, we created individual hamster balls that each child took home as a "pet." Since the party, we've gotten a ton of texts, emails and pictures of the hamsters in all sorts of cool places. I guess they were a hit!

What you will need:

140mm clear acrylic fillable ball ornaments (available at Factory Direct Craft)
Small stuffed hamsters (we used this one from Amazon)
Hamster accessories: mini wooden blocks, miniature carrots, baby bottles, hamster snacks, miniature teddy bears
Baker's twine (we used purple)
Kraft paper hamster-shaped tags (check out these from Etsy)
Sharpie marker (for labeling)

We put everything into bowls on the craft table and let the kids create their own perfect hamster habitat. (Note: adult supervision is really helpful here, since the ornament balls can be a little tricky to close. Huge thank you to my rock star cousin Natalie, who was the best Hamster Station manner ever.) When the kids were finished creating their hamster balls, we wrote their names in Sharpie on hamster tags and used baker's twine to attach the tags and keep the ornament balls closed.

Hamster Party Entertainment

Hamster-themed birthday party entertainment was a tough one. I found these giant inflatable hamster balls on Amazon, but that seemed sort of not safe and maybe a personal injury lawsuit waiting to happen. So I begged our local puppet show guy to perform (he's amazing) and incorporate a hamster into his script. I provided the hamster puppet. The puppet show was a BIG hit with the kids, and E got to keep the hamster puppet at the end of the show. Double awesome.

Hamster Party Snacks

For snacks, we went with stuff E thought hamsters might like, based on her knowledge of hamster from obsessively reading Humphrey the Hamster books. Knowledge which may or may not be accurate...but whatever, we went with it and it looked super cute! Pretzel sticks, popcorn, carrot and celery sticks...all easy stuff to arrange in mason jars so the kids could grab what they wanted. For both the craft and snack tables, I hand-lettered signs using purple paint and cardboard. We also did an "adult food" table and switched out the carrots, etc for a tower of mini purple and brown cupcakes (red velvet and chocolate-chocolate, E's specific request) when it was time for cake.

Hamster Party Candy Station

The final touch to our hamster birthday party was a candy station customized with all of E's favorites (and some of mine!) We wrapped wide mouth mason jars and some glass vases we had around the house with baker's twine and filled them with an assortment of small candies. E and N had a blast stamping kraft paper bags with a hamster rubber stamp and the words "Happy Birthday." As each guest left the party, they got to fill a bag with some sweet treats.

Hamster Birthday Gift

Confession: I may or may not be the worst mom ever for refusing to get E an ACTUAL real live hamster for her birthday. Which she really, really wanted. But with two jobs and two kids, not to mention a husband, a dog, and a whole lot of other things on my plate, adding a rodent was Just. Not. Happening.

So I did the second best thing I could: I made her the coolest faux hamster set up, ever. It's got a water bottle, a feeding station, a hamster wheel, plus all the cute wooden chew toys a (stuffed) hamster could want. Check it out!

E was really happy and excited about her "real" Humphrey and his hamster habitat...so much so that she's been "feeding" him, giving him water, reading to him, and sleeping with the whole thing right next to her pillow every night since her birthday. Which, if you think about it, is even BETTER than an alive hamster...because no way would she be sleeping with a rodent next to her pillow.

(Just saying.)

Karma Gone Bad is on sale...NOW!

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Tue, 05 Nov 2013 08:09:00 +0000

(well, OK...technically not for another 10 minutes. But by the time you read this, it will be!)

As most of you know, Karma Gone Bad, my memoir about life as an expat housewife in India, will drop at midnight on November 5. Despite not technically being published, the book has been on sale at certain bookstores across the country since the beginning of October, and I am truly humbled and grateful for the outpouring of support I've received. Every text, email, phone call and Facebook message I've gotten means more than I can say. This moment is a dream come true for me, and every step leading up to it has been because I've had the support of the most incredible family, friends and readers in the world. I am so, so grateful.

...sooooo you will hopefully all forgive me for the one giant post I have to write asking for (more) support on launch day ;) It's a big day, and every little bit counts towards making this book--a true labor of love for me and my family-- a success.

Karma Gone Bad comes out tomorrow. Here's how you can help:

-Buy the Book

Amazon, Barnes & Noble (also available on Kindle and Nook) or your favorite local bookseller. If they don't have it? Ask them to order it! It's the single best way to promote awareness :)

-Write a Review

If you loved the book, or liked it, or tolerated it, or just want to do something amazing that I will love you for forever and ever, please leave a rating and/or a written review on Amazon or Goodreads. (Both? I owe you fifteen cups of coffee and my eternal gratitude...)

-Vote for Karma Gone Bad for the Goodreads Choice Awards 2013.

You need to be a Goodreaders member (sign up takes 2 seconds if you are signed into Facebook) and when you click on the "Memoir and Biography" section, you'll see a space at the bottom for write-in votes. Simply type "Karma Gone Bad" and click vote!

-Attend an Event

I have several readings coming up this month and next, with more to come in 2014. I would LOVE some friendly faces in the audience, and to help support the wonderful independent bookstores that are supporting me. For the full event schedule, visit the Events page on the Karma Gone Bad website at

http://www.karmagonebad.com/p/book-tour.html.

and most importantly...

-SHARE!

The number one way you can help me get the word out is by talking about it. Put it on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Tell your neighbors, your dentist, the dog walker, your sister's husband's cousin's uncle's mother-in-law. Ask for it in local bookstores. Ask for it at the airport. Buy it as a holiday gift, or lend your copy (because of course you're going to have one, right??) to someone else.

Much love to all of you, near and far, and thank you for all the support and love you've shown me, and this project, since the very beginning....you are the very best kind of karma, and I'm grateful.

love,

jenny

30 Days of Karma: Countdown to Karma Gone Bad!

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Sat, 05 Oct 2013 17:22:00 +0000

We're officially 30 days from the release of Karma Gone Bad. It's a very surreal time...full of anticipation, anxiety, joy and fear.

I'm really, really excited.
I'm really, really scared.

To celebrate the upcoming launch (and give myself something to focus on other than being a nervous wreck), I'll be posting #30daysofKarma for the next month...snapshots from our time in India, moments of every day karma from my daily life, as well as clippings and press events for the book. I hope you'll follow along on Instagram, and I'd LOVE for you to share your own karma moments with me, via Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and here on the blog as well.

What's a "karma moment"? Anything that makes you feel the energy of the universe, a specific purpose to the world around you. I believe that we can manifest our own dreams and desires in so many ways by putting good actions, specific intentions, and a lot of love and gratitude into the atmosphere around us. Karma isn't perfect. It isn't predictable, it's sometimes messy, it's always complicated. But to paraphrase one of the best quotes I've ever heard, "gratitude is the key to manifestation." One of the best ways I've found to truly bring karma and gratitude into my daily life is to pay attention--to look for those karma moments and capture them in words or photographs, or just taking that moment of acknowledgement to preserve the memory.

A perfect parking space right when you need it, some good news about a friend's illness, a door that cracks open just as others are slamming shut. Karma is everywhere. We just need to train ourselves to look. Please join me in looking for that good karma (and commiserating about the bad kind, too!) as I celebrate the very good karma (plus a lot of hard work!) that led to Karma Gone Bad.

Bebe Day by Day: 100 Keys to French Parenting (And Why Every Parent Should Read Them)

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Sat, 25 May 2013 17:30:00 +0000

"Hi, is this Jenny?"

"Yes?"

"This is Pamela Druckerman. I'm so sorry to do this to you, but my schedule got shuffled around and I was wondering if we could move our interview up a bit."

(Breathing deeply, because OMG PAMELA DRUCKERMAN JUST CALLED MY CELL PHONE)

"Sure, no problem. What time were you thinking?"

"Um...do you think you could be at my hotel in fifteen minutes?"

And that is how I ended up meeting one of my favorite authors in an absolutely embarrassing state of dishevelment (dirty hair, ancient Levis tucked into UGG boots, my ratty Boston University sweatshirt), without my carefully prepared list of fan-girl interview questions or so much as a pencil to record our conversation. There may have even been a Cheerio or two stuck to the leg of my jeans. Basically, I looked like the poster mom for the messy, confused, overwhelmed American parenting style Pamela's books are trying to teach all of us to ditch for good.

I bummed a scratch pad and a pen from the guy at the car rental kiosk in the lobby and prayed Pamela had retained at least a little bit of her American-ness after so many years living what I could only imagine was a Paris-fabulous life. Which did not include UGG boots.

Photo credit: Benjamin Barda

If flying in from Paris on a whirlwind US book tour for Bebe Day by Day had left Pamela jet-lagged, overwhelmed or cranky, she didn't show it. Slim and dainty, with cropped Parisian hair and clad head to toe in sophisticated Parisian black, she looked exactly as I'd pictured her. I became instantly tongue-tied, tripping over apologies about my hair, my clothes, my unprofessional note-taking set up. But however French Pamela may have become in her years as an American in Paris, she still retains every bit of her down-to-earth, self-deprecating US-bred humility. She couldn't have been lovelier or more gracious as SHE apologized to ME a hundred times, bought me a cup of coffee, and spent the next half hour answering my questions, asking many of her own, and letting me drool all over her marked-up author's copy of Bebe Day by Day (she was on her way to a reading.)

Pamela Druckerman is the author of Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting. I'd read practically every parenting book out there before I stumbled across Bringing Up Bebe. Both a memoir and an in-depth exploration of French parenting (and, by contrast, American parenting, too) Bringing up Bebe spoke to me on the deepest, truest level. Finally, there was a parenting book that was less about rules for "training" your children to do what you wanted, and more about listening to your instincts in order to raise children you both love...and love to be with. With her newest book, Bebe Day by Day, Pamela brings her Parisian-learned parenting wisdom to the sleep-deprived, too-busy-to-shower masses in an accessible, just-hit-the-high-points Cliffs Notes kind of way. It's the perfect tool for busy parents with limited time on their hands. Bebe Day by Day's 100 simple "keys" deliver all the brilliance of Bringing Up Bebe without a single lesson getting lost in translation.

The key principles Pamela discusses in Bebe Day by Day aren't groundbreaking, outlandish or elaborate. They are simple and concrete...and many of them are firmly rooted in good old-fashioned common sense. Some of my favorites:

On Eating:
28. Don't Solve a Crisis with a Cookie
41. Dinner Shouldn't Involve Hand-to-Hand Combat

On Responding:
60. View Coping With Frustration as a Crucial Life Skill

On Identity:
74. Guilt is a Trap

On Appearance:
78. Don't Dress Like a Mom (hence my anxiety about my UGG-sweatshirt combo. Although, in hindsight, that might have been more "unemployed college student" than standard suburban mom gear, but still...)

On Relationships:
81. Your Baby Doesn't Replace Your Husband

On Discipline:
91. Say "No" With Conviction
93. Explain the Reason Behind the Rule

Almost every single one of Pamela's 100 keys had me nodding my head in agreement (and highlighting like crazy.) Never before has a book aimed at teaching me how to be a better mom actually inspired me with the confidence to do just that.

What should American parents know about French parenting? Most importantly, Pamela says, "Slow down your response time. Too many parents become valets for their children. Wait a minute. Empower them to take more responsibility."

Pamela is a big believer in the French "pause"...waiting just a moment before reacting to a child's requests. A relationship based on mutual respect is a big part of successful parenting and enjoyable family life, Pamela says.

"Sit down and breathe, "she told me when I asked her what I could do to bring more of that French calm into our daily chaos. "Don't let your kids interrupt you, and don't interrupt them. Gradually teach them patience by being patient yourself." Pamela admitted this one of the hardest lesson she herself had to learn when she had children.

Being a family is about adapting to each others' needs, and to acknowledging each family member's role as both an individual, and as part of a whole. "Even when they are babies, we can start showing our kids we expect them to adapt to the rhythm of the family."

Bebe Day by Day is a step-by-step guide to being exactly the kind of parent I want to be: firm, calm, respectful, in control...and HAPPY. Too many moms out there today spend too much time complaining about what a frustrating disaster raising children is. And maybe our "American" parenting style of over-indulging, over-stimulating and over-praising our kids is the true cause of such widespread dissatisfaction. If being a French-style mom means raising respectful, confident and flexible children, loving the time I spend with my family and feeling confident in my abilities as a parent without sacrificing my identity as a woman or a wife, I say...Oui, merci!

For more information on Pamela Druckerman and Bebe Day by Day: 100 Keys to French Parenting, visit her website or click here to buy the book!

Disclosure: I was provided a review copy of Bebe Day by Day from the publisher free of charge. I would have gladly bought it myself and have gifted countless copies to friends. All opinions are my own; I love love love this book and can't recommend it more. If you have kids, check it out! You won't be sorry :)

Curly Girl Method for Wavy Hair: New Product List!

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 15:00:00 +0000

Pretty much every day, someone asks me the same question:

Are you still doing that thing with your hair?

By "that thing," they mean the Curly Girl method for wavy hair I adapted and have been experimenting with since last summer.

And my answer? Is a resounding YES.

In case you missed my original post, the basic formula is simple: no sulfates, no silicones, shampoo as infrequently as impossible and drying with either a non-terry cloth towel (my new favorite is this one by DevaCurl) or an old T-shirt of J's. I actually love the way my hair comes out when I use the T-shirt (it absorbs much less water so the texture comes out different) but J tends to glare at me when I use them too often...(oops.)

I've never been so happy with my hair in my entire life. I've been running almost every day and sweating it out in Bikram yoga on the off days, so I've been showering about a billion times more often as I used to, but my routine is simpler and faster than it has ever been. For special occasions, I still use a flatiron and velcro rollers or splurge on a blow out, but my day-to-day style is Curly Girl all the way.

Since so many questions and comments have poured in on my original Curly Girl for Wavy Hair post, I'm working on a FAQ post that will address some common issues, and another that will discuss some modifications I made for the wintertime. But today, I'm writing to share some new products I've discovered on my (never-ending) search for the perfect sulfate-free, silicone-free Curly Girl approved products.

Because even with the method working its magic, this wavy hair needs a lot of help.

Conditioner

I've been experimenting with lots of different conditioners, especially since the winter months left my hair pretty dried out...my beloved Trader Joe's Tea Tree collection just wasn't giving my hair the moisture I needed. My current favorite drugstore brand is L'Oreal Evercreme Intense Nourishing Conditioner. It's thick enough to stay put during my whole shower (remember, after rinsing or lightly shampooing your roots, condition the ends BEFORE you wash your body, shave your legs, etc. to maximize the benefits.) It's sulfate and silicone free and smells AMAZING. I can really tell a difference in the texture of my hair when I use the L'Oreal Evercreme--it's smoother, silkier and less prone to tangles.

My new salon brand favorite is Pureology Precious Oil Softening Conditioner. It's designed for "dull, brittle, color-treated hair" (which I don't have) but the folks at my neighborhood beauty supply store assure me that's just code for "extra gentle." With natural, 100% vegan ingredients, this one wins points for having both sunflower and coconut oils, which work wonders for coarse hair texture and make my hair extra-shiny. I also love the Pureology Precious Oil Shampoo, and since I use so little of it (washing just once a week most weeks, and only along my part line at the scalp) I can justify the extra cost.

Curl Cream

Current obsession: Devaconcepts DevaCurl Styling Cream. This brand is the go-to authority on all things Curly Girl, so I was thrilled when they finally introduced a curl cream to their product line. Gels and mousses are too stiff and sticky for my wavy hair, so after much trial and error I pretty much stick exclusively to creams. This one gives my waves great shape and definition with minimal fuss...I scrunch a little bit through my wet hair (ends only,) focusing on the denser areas the nape of my neck. So far, I'm thrilled with the results!

Another curl cream (though they call this one a "solution") I've been getting good results from is Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle! . If you're an obsessive ingredients-reader like me, you'll notice this one contains PEG-8 dimethicone, but since it's water-soluble, it earns the Curly Girl seal of approval. I like this one because it's lighter than the creams, still gives great definition and helps with shine.

Dry Shampoo

OK, OK. I have absolutely NO idea whether dry shampoo is allowed on the Curly Girl method. There aren't any contraband ingredients in my current favorite,Alterna Bamboo Style Cleanse Extend Dry Shampoo, but that doesn't mean I might somehow be cheating on my no-'poo lifestyle. Either way, I'm loving this dry shampoo from Alterna on days when I only have 30 seconds to jump in the shower and rinse. A few quick sprays at the roots, which I then comb out with my fingers or a wide-tooth comb (love this one from Cricket Ultra Clean that prevents bacteria!) and my hair looks fresh and smells great, no water required :)

Curly Girl devotees out there: have you been experimenting with new products? Share them in the comment section below and I'll highlight them in my roundup piece coming soon!

Facebook Privacy, Photo Tagging and Maple Soy Salmon: A Tale With Two Morals

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Fri, 28 Dec 2012 04:26:00 +0000

Recently, Facebook has come under fire for its ever-confusing privacy features. As someone who blogs publicly but keeps her personal Facebook profile locked pretty tight, I get it. We all want to pretend we have control.

It seems even the Zuckerberg family has difficulty interpreting the nuances of Facebook privacy. A holiday photo, posted by Randi on her personal page, was leaked to the general public via Twitter by a friend of her sister's. Why? Because her sister was tagged in the post...which meant that any of her sister's friends could view (and theoretically share) the image.

Digital etiquette aside, there is a lesson to be learned here: know who might be looking BEFORE you hit "upload."

Which brings me to the real reason for this post: the most amazing salmon I've ever made.

That's right: thanks to a friend of mine being tagged in a Facebook photo (which happened to be a recipe for salmon), I was able to see the post--and the recipe. It looked so delicious I made it for dinner tonight.

And it was AMAZING.

So. Thanks to Facebook's shady privacy policies, and my friend Dawn, and her friend Jolene, we had awesome Maple Soy Salmon for dinner tonight, which BOTH my kids ate and loved, which surely has to be some sort of post-Christmas miracle. The morals of the story are these:

1) Photo tagging can be used for good (Facebook recipe stealing = genius)

2) If it's private? DON'T PUT IT ON THE INTERNET.

Public service announcements are over for the day :) Recipe (no attribution since the photo didn't say where it came from) appears below!

Maple Soy Salmon**

6 (6 oz) boneless skinless salmon fillets
1/4 maple syrup (NOT pancake syrup, the real kind!)
1/4 cup crushed pineapple, squeezed dry
3 TBSP soy sauce
2 TBSP Dijon mustard
1 TBSP olive oil
2 cloves fresh garlic, minced

Preheat oven to 375 F.
Rinse the salmon and place on a parchment paper-lined jelly roll pan. Pat dry with paper towels.
In a medium bowl, whisk together maple syrup, pineapple, soy sauce, mustard, olive oil and garlic.
Pour over salmon and bake, uncovered, for 15 minutes.
Transfer to serving platter. Drizzle with pan juices. Serve hot or at room temperature.

**Not actually the name of the recipe, but the tagged photo in question didn't show the title so I had to improvise.

Note: Not that my absences are all that unusual lately, but this last one was less about time management and more about emotional healing. The horrific events at Sandy Hook Elementary left me with an uncharacteristic aversion to all things social media. In the weeks that have followed, I've spent a lot of time holding my little ones close and trying to put kindness back into a world where evil has destroyed the lives of so many. But turning my back on things I love lets evil win, too. So I'm back, blogging about the silly things that make life sweet.

So There's This Book.

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Tue, 23 Oct 2012 22:44:00 +0000

"When I used to read fairy-tales, thought Alice, I fancied that kind of thing never happened...and now here I am in the middle of one! There ought to be a book written about me!"

--Alice in Wonderland, 1896

The thing about believing in karma is that it also tends to make you superstitious.

Like, really superstitious.

I always step on planes with my right foot. I always say a prayer right before I kiss my babies goodnight. I don't step on sidewalk cracks, walk under ladders, or feed gremlins past midnight (though that's probably just common sense, right?)

In that same spirit, I've been holding back on sharing some truly wonderful news with you, just to make sure all the is were dotted and the ts were crossed before I started blurting things out on the internet and making it really, truly, REAL.

Today...finally!...is the day for 'real'.

So...

I'm writing a book.

Karma Gone Bad, my memoir about life as an expat housewife in Hyderabad, India, will be published in September 2013 by Sourcebooks. Below is the announcement from Publisher's Marketplace...


Non-fiction: Memoir		Blogger Jenny Feldon's KARMA GONE BAD, about an Upper West Side newlywed who says good-bye to Starbucks, cheeseburgers, and all her notions of 'home' when she and her husband are outsourced to Hyderabad, India, and she must confront her perceptions of herself, her world, and what it means to be home, to Shana Drehs at Sourcebooks, by Lauren Galit at LKG Agency (World).


--Publisher's Marketplace

In a true example of karma, I'm absolutely in love with my publisher and am thrilled the book will have such a perfect literary home. This journey was truly a labor of love, and I have so many people to thank for being part of it (most of whom will have to wait for the Acknowledgements page, hee hee.) But for today, I am so grateful to my incredible agent for her support and vision for the book, and to my ever-patient family for loving me in spite of the fact that writers are temperamental, unpredictable, overly emotional, chronically sleep-deprived and impossible to live with. (And it's only going to get worse...sorry, family!)

From the author page of my very first "real" book, circa 1989

Being a published author is a a dream I've had since I was a child. It's been a long road of blood, sweat, tears, and impossibly hard work, but making it this far on my journey is worth every single second. It's also--second only to raising my kids--the most fun, wonderful, amazing thing I've ever done. Writing is like breathing for me, like the perfectly calm space in the center of a storm. Being able to live in that space, to tell my story in this medium, is the culmination of a lifetime of candle wishes and star light, star brights.

I am so incredibly grateful.

E and N: if you read this post someday, know that THIS is one of the lessons I hope you'll remember always:

Dream big, bigger, BIGGEST and never stop dreaming. Know that through a combination of hard work and luck and magic (and yes, karma too!) fairy tales can happen and dreams do come true.

And now... it's time for a crazy celebratory dance party on the kitchen floor!

Our song choice today is "On Top Of The World" by my current fave, Imagine Dragons. The lyrics capture my feelings about all of this exactly. And while, as ever, life will continue to be a roller coaster of ups and downs, joys and struggles and perfectly imperfect moments...

... for this moment, I am, indeed, on the very top of the world :)

A million thanks for all the support and love you continue to show me here.

Much love, light and good karma to all!

"On My Way to the Bath": Kid Book GENIUS

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Thu, 16 Aug 2012 13:00:00 +0000

We've got a new favorite book in our house.

It's called "On My Way to the Bath" written by Sarah Maizes and illustrated by Michael Paraskevas.

And it's awesome.

Here's the thing about kids' books: sometimes the ones we, as parents, love best are the ones our kids roll their eyes disparagingly at every time we pluck them from the shelf. And worse, sometimes the books our kids love best are the ones that make us, the parents, cringe in horror each time they are plopped in our lap, accompanied by hand-clapping and puppy dog eyes and "Read it AGAIN, Mommy"s.

So when a book comes along that is beloved by both parents AND children? That's known as a rare and precious treasure in our house.

"On My Way to the Bath" is one of those books.

Livi, the heroine, resists taking her bath by making up some awesome scenarios on her journey from the living room to the tub. It's clever. It's laugh-out-loud funny. It's not sappy or patronizing, does not contain words I hate saying out loud, and the kid seems like an actual kid. Like, one my daughter would love to hang with. Even the mom is lovable, sarcastic, and oh-so-recognizable in her long-suffering role as bath warden.

E thinks "On My Way to the Bath" is HILARIOUS. She loves it because of the pictures, the "funny parts," and frequently makes me read a certain page again and again and again. Which, because that page is actually really funny, I sometimes do.

I love it because it contains the word "minions" (could Sarah be a closeted Gossip Girl super fan like me?) and captures the epic bath time struggle with kid-friendly, adult-enjoyable comic perfection.

Attention LA readers: the lovely and talented Sarah Maizes is reading and signing books at the Grove THIS SATURDAY at 11:00am. E and I will be there getting our copy signed and picking up a few more for friends. If you can make it, we hope to see you there!

Disclosure: Sarah Maizes, in addition to being lovely and talented, is a friend. Her publisher provided us with a copy of this book to review at no charge. We love it. All opinions are our own.

If you have a second, I'd love your vote in the Circle of Moms Top 25 SoCal Mom Blogs contest. It's a great site I'm proud to be part of. One click, no registration, and always your support is so, so appreciated. Click HERE!

Three Little Words

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Wed, 08 Aug 2012 05:26:00 +0000

I've been waiting a long time for Baby N to utter three little words.

No words in particular, of course. Just any three. I'm not trying to rush him, and I'm not trying to compare him to his sister (because I'd NEVER do that, ahem) but as he approaches 20 months and hasn't yet mastered a sentence more sophisticated than "MOMMY COOKIE," I'm eager to see that language boom everyone talks about.

With E (not that I'm comparing, because only bad moms do that) this was never an issue. She started talking at a year; by 18 months she was fully conversant. As in, "Mommy, please unbuckle me so I can get out of the car" and "I'm hungry, can I please have a hot dog and lemonade for lunch?" and "Daddy's laptop is on the couch, DON'T TOUCH."

She learned to talk early. And talked, and talked, and talked.

Baby N mostly communicates with head nods, grunting, pointing, and arm flailing. If he's particularly emphatic on a certain point, he'll use them all together. And while he CAN say well over 50 perfectly coherent words...most of the time, he chooses not to.

I get that Baby N is his own person. And that he'll master the English language in his own time. I've gotten quite good at translating his "alien language," as E calls it. I'm prepared to wait however long it takes for him to communicate like a regular person. And not an alien.

What I wasn't prepared for?

Was for his first official three word sentence...to consist of these three.

Sigh.

I guess this is what happens when your fully conversant big sister teaches you phrases she in NO WAY learned at home and realizes how funny it is when you repeat them (over, and over, and over again...)

If you have a second, please vote for me in the Top 25 SoCal Mom Blogs contest! One click, no registration, promise to be eternally grateful...
Click HERE or on the cute little button below!

The Curly Girl Method (for Wavy Hair!)

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Fri, 06 Jul 2012 20:59:00 +0000

No blow dryer. No curling iron. Pretty cool, right?

I used to have cute hair every day. This was after washing, conditioning, product-ing, blow-drying, and flat-ironing it into submission several times a week. These were times in which I also wore stilettos and slept in on the weekends and drank my coffee uninterrupted.

Then I had children. Cute hair became an impossible dream. (So did the stilettos and the luxurious coffee drinking.)

As it turns out, without all those appliances, my hair is a giant frizz ball that's neither straight, wavy OR curly...just messy. And big. And a giant pain in the ass.

After four years of mom-hood (and a lot of bad hair days) and three decades of fighting against my hair's natural state, I decided to take control. I stumbled onto the Curly Girl Method by admiring a fellow blogger's photo on Instagram and started obsessively Googling "curly girl hair." Created by Lorraine Massey, this technique for dealing with naturally curly and wavy hair has a serious cult following. I decided to give it a try. Because there was quite a learning curve and I knew from my research that an adjustment period was often necessary, I held off on writing about it until I had real results to report.

I've experimented, made giant steps forward, made even more giant steps back, taken a bazillion self-portraits of the back of my head, been complimented by strangers, and once or twice had to take an emergency shower before I could leave the house. I've tried dozens of products, annoyed my long-suffering husband, and trolled through countless internet chat rooms devoted just to curly hair.

I've been waiting six weeks to write this post and I'm very excited to finally share the results of my latest beauty experiment with you. The fact that I've stuck with a hair "method" this long is a miracle in and of itself...but the results have been pretty awesome, too! So awesome, in fact, that people have been commenting on how nice my hair looks. Which never, ever happens.

At long last, I present...my adapted Curly Girl Method for Wavy Hair!

The Basics

- No sulfates
- No silicones (basically any ingredient with "cone" at the end)
- Shampoo as infrequently as possible, using only non-sulfate shampoo
- Lots of conditioner
- No terry cloth towels (I switched to a microfiber hair towel, but J's T-shirts work just as well and he has a bazillion of them)

If you're tempted to try the Curly Girl method, I highly encourage you to:

a) Try a LOT of variations on the system until you find what works for you and your hair
and
b) Stick with it! You'll thank me at the end. I promise.

Below is what's working for me based on my specific hair type and the culmination of TONS of trial and error...

Before you start:

1) Establish your hair type. I have wavy hair that takes a curl easily, but ONLY from the tops of my ears down. The hair on the very top of my head is straight. Which meant the traditional Curly Girl techniques of once-a-week shampoos and conditioner washing, as well as using conditioner and product on my scalp, turned out to be hide-hair-under-hat-worthy disasters.

2) Get a hair cut. Even if it's only a trim. I've got long hair, but freshening the layers and getting rid of dead ends went a long way toward perfecting my end result.

3) Experiment with products. My full list appears below; read online reviews and talk to your local beauty supply store to get suggestions. Everyone's hair has different needs, and finding products that are a good fit makes all the difference.

4) UPDATED: Wash your hair one last time with a sulfate shampoo to get rid of any residue and build up from your old routine. I used Neutrogena Shampoo Anti-Residue Formula because that's what I had in the house, but anything that won't add extra build-up should work fine.

The Routine

In the shower: Three days a week (or so) I scalp-wash only. First I get my whole head wet, then gently massage my scalp with my fingertips to loosen dirt and oil. Then, using a teaspoon or so of sulfate-free shampoo mixed with a lot of water, I wash just the top part of my scalp (along my part and back towards the crown.) I rinse with hot water, then apply a fistful of conditioner to the ends of my hair (everything below my ears.) I leave the conditioner in while I wash my body and shave my legs, then comb it through and wash it out using first warm rinse, then a cool one (Curly Girl devotees swear by this. I'm not sure why but I'm doing it anyway...)

Out of the shower: I wrap my head turban-style in a microfiber towel or one of J's t-shirts. I try to rub as little as possible. The towel absorbs the water while I get dressed and do my makeup. Then I comb through once with a wide tooth comb, and apply product (again, only from my ears down.) I make sure the part is where I want it and do a little light scrunching, then leave it alone while it air dries.

On off days: If it's a no-shampoo day but I've worked out or have kid-related messes to scrub off, I shower and rinse my hair with water only, then apply conditioner and repeat steps as above.

Once a week: Full shampoo. Though to be honest, unless we've been to the beach or the pool, I've been doing this less and less. My results are just so much better when I scalp-wash only...

This may sound labor-intensive, but it's actually super easy and fast. It's shaved so much time off my morning routine, and getting ready for meetings or nights out has never been easier. I'm definitely a believer in the Curly Girl Method for my wavy hair...so glad I stuck with it.

The Products

Shampoo & Conditioner: I've got two current favorites; one pair is high end and the other is by my heroes at Trader Joe's. Both are sulfate and paraben free and I get great results. The Alterna shampoo is foamier (which is key if you're missing your sulfates, which are foaming agents.) The Trader Joe's has the added benefit of protecting me from the neverending lice issue that plagues E's preschool (shudder.)

Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle Shampoo and Conditioner
I love this stuff. It smells great (very invigorating, so probably not the best choice for a relaxing nighttime shower) and leaves my hair light and soft. Note: I've included the Amazon link here for those poor souls without access to Trader Joe's, but it's $3.99 a bottle at TJs so buy it there if you can!

ALTERNA BAMBOO Smooth Anti-Frizz Shampoo and Conditioner
I use these less frequently but love the smooth results. This formula is richer so it's my go-to choice for full shampoo days and also when my hair needs a little extra TLC from sun, salt water, etc. For this one, definitely DO buy it on Amazon, it's almost ten dollars cheaper there than it is from beauty supply stores.

Styling Products: I need a little (OK, a lot) of help getting my waves to be wavy (I think they call this definition) and also with de-frizzing. Ditching silicones was hard for this reason, but I found some good products that do the job without weighing down my hair with all that silicone build-up:

Bouncy Creme
I've loved this stuff forever: it's cheap and it WORKS to give my hair soft, defined waves without looking goopy or frizzy. I was so excited when I read the ingredients and found out it was Curly Girl approved and silicone free! I usually add a drop or two of...
Beautiful Curls Shining Curl Oil
...which is great for smoothing fuzzy strays and helps combat dryness on the ends of my hair. J is making fun of me for using this product, which I found at Whole Foods, because it has neem oil as a major ingredient. Neem oil being the same thing he's using to de-bug our garden without using pesticides. Leading to several unfunny jokes about not washing my hair causing bug problems that require the use of organic pesticide.
Note: The Curly Girl method DOES NOT CAUSE BUG PROBLEMS.

L'Oreal Paris Studio Line Out of Bed Texturizer
J likes this stuff so much he's starting using it instead of his usual Bumble & Bumble products. It's cheap, silicone-free and it works: great hold and definition, though it creates more of a beach-wave result (with a matte effect) than the Bouncy Creme does. I especially like this product on days when I work out or go to yoga, because it's great for using when I've skipped shampoo entirely (the extra oil in my hair balances out the matte texture.)

Moroccan Oil Curl Control Cream
This one comes with a disclaimer: it contains a small amount of light silicone (dimethicone) which is technically against the Curly Girl rules. I haven't found it to be problematic, though I do try to use it right before a full shampoo day to minimize buildup. It smells amazing and creates great, full waves. Plus it makes me feel better about having to give up my beloved Morrocan Hair Oil for this experiment, which turned out to be full of silicones. Sigh.

UPDATED: For when the ends get a little dry (usually on off days) I dab a little MOP Glisten High Shine Pomade on my fingers and rub them over the ends. Another product (my all-time miracle cream which I use for everything and could NOT live without) that works for this purpose is Egyptian Magic Cream. (I still owe you a post about how much I love this stuff! Soon...)

Last but not least, there's the Microfiber Hair Towel I've been using, which is by no means a necessity if your husband, like mine, hoards T-shirts dating back to the early 80s. Once I committed to the method, though, I treated myself to this waffle-weave hair towel and I love using it--it wraps into a neat, firm turban and holds my hair in place while I do the rest of my morning routine.

So...that's it. Hope this answers everyone's questions about my recent hair transformation. If you've got curly or wavy hair, I urge you to give the Curly Girl method a try. It's seriously life-changing once you figure out an adaptation that works for your hair.

Have you experimented with the Curly Girl method before? If so, please comment below and tell me what methods and products work for you...I'm always looking to try new things!

Disclosure: I have no affiliation with The Curly Girl Method or any of the products listed here. This beauty experiment was all my own, as are the opinions. The Amazon links, as always, are affiliate links.

This Can't Possibly Be Real (but OMG it is!): BlogHer '12 Voices of the Year

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 22:13:00 +0000

I share a lot on this blog. About my life, family, my struggles and my victories as a mom, a writer, a person. Confessional stuff I'm good at. But bragging? Has never been my thing. Sharing good news about myself has always felt uncomfortable to me, so when there's good news to share I'm more likely to ignore it than shout it from the rooftops.

Except THIS piece of good news--this rooftop worthy, OMG-this-can't-possibly-be-real, crazy-happy-tears kind of good news--I owe in part to all of you. For your endless support and loyalty through the years. For coming here and reading my words and sharing pieces of my life. For commenting and letting me share pieces of yours. I've got the best blog readers, ever. I appreciate each and every one of you more than you know.

So I'm sheepishly breaking my own no-bragging rule to tell you that I was chosen as one of BlogHer 12's Voices of the Year.

When I read the notification email, I was getting in the car with all three kids (Tucker needed to go to the groomer on the way to school) and was preoccupied with a million boring normal things, like the 347 billionth lice outbreak at school, and whether I'd remembered to put the laundry in the dryer, and how to force Baby N to keep his shoes on until we got to Mommy and Me.

So when I read it, I was so totally unprepared and so starstruck (because, I mean, it came from Mr. Lady herself and OMG she knows my name!) that I barely the processed the info. And then I realized it said that I'd been chosen as a Voice of the Year and a reader at the BlogHer '12 Community Keynote.

And then I thought (excuse the language on my normally PG-13 blog):

HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

And then I cried.

And then Tucker, who was riding shotgun, leapt into my lap and started licking my face and shaking because he goes nuts when I cry, and then E was asking what was wrong, and I had to start the car and pull out the driveway and soothe Tucker and reassure E that I was crying because it was happy news and promise we'd have a dance party in the living room later to celebrate (because that's how we celebrate good news in our house) and tell Baby N to please stop kicking the back of the seat and was E absolutely sure her head didn't feel itchy?

The whole day felt surreal as I alternated between total elation and feeling like I was going to throw up any minute because there must have been some mistake, you couldn't possibly mean ME and you want me to read this thing in front of HOW many people?

I forwarded the email to J and waited smugly for my call of congratulations. Ten minutes later, I got a "wow that's fantastic" reply but no call so I called him.

"Well?" I asked when he answered.

"Well what? What's going on?"

"Did you READ THE EMAIL?"

"Yeah. I responded. That's great!"

Pause.

What does that mean, exactly?"

Offended, I started a breathless explanation which, as he failed to achieve my preferred level of excitement and adulation, I ended with "IT'S LIKE THE NOBEL PRIZE OF BLOGGING, GODDAMMIT!"

Which, of course, it's not.

But to me it is. Because that's how deeply I admire and respect the bloggers who have achieved this distinction before me, and how surreal it is to suddenly find myself among them, and how crazy grateful honored I am to join ranks I'm still not sure I belong in.

I think he knew I was exaggerating; he gave me one of those eye rolls I could literally hear through the phone. But he congratulated me anyway and let me ramble on and on without hanging up on me or interrupting once.

I'd intended to keep the news under wraps (per instructions in the email) but last night the congratulations started coming and once the official announcement went live and the news trickled through Facebook and Twitter I thought OK, why not?

Because it all started here.

I am so incredibly honored, grateful and proud to have been chosen for this distinction by an organization that empowers women writers in a way that is truly legendary. Thank you, BlogHer. This means the world to me.

I'm sharing this incredible honor with some of the best writers and bloggers out there. For the full list of honorees, check out the announcement post here!

The Email Cleanse: Eliminating Digital Debt

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Tue, 08 May 2012 04:54:00 +0000

So I put myself on a schedule.

The schedule itself is a work in progress, and for all those who asked how I did it...don't worry, the how-to post is coming soon! I feel a little more stable, a little less crazed, and more items are getting crossed off my to-do list as I learn how to manage my time in a way that's, well, manageable.

But still, this Saturday morning, right on schedule at 7:00AM, I started having that same panic attack because there was just so much to do and how on earth was I ever going to get it all done and what I am doing in the car on the way to the beach I have NO RIGHT TO ENJOY MYSELF AT A TIME LIKE THIS.

Clearly, the schedule wasn't enough. I had to dig a little deeper to find the source of all that anxiety.

I forced myself to stay in the car. I tried to focus on my family and forget everything else. The beach was beautiful, cold and empty--just the way I like it. Baby N toddled around flinging sand everywhere and chasing seagulls while Eva chased the tide in and out on the shoreline and J flew his kite so high we could barely see it through the glare of the sun. But still, something was nagging at me. I couldn't relax the way I wanted to. Something intangible was weighing on me, crushing me beneath it.

When we got home, and my sun-soaked kids crashed into their respective beds for naps, I sat down at my computer, sand still scattered over my wrists, and opened up my email accounts to "get a little work done" while they slept.

Combined, there were over 500 emails waiting for my attention.

Full disclosure: they didn't all pop up overnight. I'm notoriously terrible at responding to emails in a timely fashion. Which, as a blogger, is beyond pathetic. But still, there it is.

I confess. I have a problem.

There are numerous factors contributing to my email delinquency. I won't bore you to death by going into them all. Suffice it to say: I have my excuses. Some of them are even quite valid.

Not all the emails are important, but some of them are. Some of them are the blogger equivalent of spam: boring press releases about issues I don't care about happening in areas I don't live in. Some of them are from websites I may or may not have signed up for, some are from friends, some are PR requests I actually want to read. Some are work-related. E's preschool sends 50 or so a day in their effort to preserve the environment (no comment on what this is doing to my sanity.) And the best ones are from you, dear Karma readers, commenting or asking questions or just saying hi.

Looking at those 500 emails, the oldest of which (from our financial advisor requesting action, no less) was dated December 2009, made me sick to my stomach. Of course I felt anxious and panicky all the time. I had way more than a ginormous to-do list to deal with; I had hundred and hundreds of messages needing my attention just lurking there, mocking me from behind a cute little cartoon mailbox.

That's when it hit me: having all those emails felt exactly like being in debt. The nagging, about-to-throw-up feeling. The inability to relax, ever, because how could you possibly with such a responsibility on your shoulders? A backlog of emails is the equivalent of digital debt. I owed people things. A lot of people. A lot of things. Even if it was just to hit "delete" or "unsubscribe" or type "thanks for thinking of me, but I'm unable to attend", those emails required something of me and until I paid all those debts back, I'd never be able to enjoy a beach day (or any other day) with my family again.

Being in digital debt feels a lot like being in financial debt: like struggling to breathe underwater. Worse, it leads to missed opportunities, hurt feelings, misunderstandings and the constant urge to apologize to everyone you run into because for sure one of those 500 emails is from them and they're pissed you haven't responded yet. And about to unfriend you. (But that's a different post.)

Last night I sat down at my desk with a mug of tea and a mission.Those emails? Had to go. I responded and deleted and unsubscribed. I apologized, over and over again. I crossed my fingers and hoped that the important people would understand. I prepared myself for the sting of rejection from the ones who wouldn't.

I have a problem. The first step is admitting it. The second step is never letting it happen again. (Is there a twelve-step program for email delinquency? I'd totally go to a meeting if there was...)So with all that said, if you got perhaps three or four or seventeen emails from me yesterday addressing topics spanning over 18 calendar months...sorry. And sorry, too, for the events that I've missed, the evites I never RSVP'd to, and the chain recipe thingies I never forwarded.

I'm done with digital debt. I'm done opening my inbox with the same feeling of dread you might experience opening, say, the Diaper Genie or a sippy cup that's been in the backseat of the car for weeks. Email should be a way to connect, a way to communicate, a way to do business. Not a way to bury yourself so deep in anxiety you can't dig yourself out.

In a world largely driven by social media, it is far too easy to get caught in this kind of trap, of owing people responses and "likes" and tweets and retweets and reposts. There is enough going on in the real world to make us feel overwhelmed and powerless. There is enough stress and anxiety just caring for our families, and doing our jobs, and going to bed at night feeling like we lived the best we possibly could that day. Feeling enslaved by a blinking icon on a screen? Life's too short. I don't have the time.

Currently, there are 16 emails in my personal account and 36 in my work account. I feel like a new person. I feel like I can breathe again. I know there will be people who won't forgive me for my past transgressions, and others who won't believe that I can change. But there are others out there--and you know who you are--who will forgive me, and keep writing me new emails, and believe that I'm really and truly trying to figure all this out.

One email at a time.

So the next time we go to the beach? I won't be chasing the ghosts of emails past through my anxious mind.

I'll be chasing kites and seagulls and ocean waves with the people I love the most.

Life Lessons in the Seafood Section

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 05:19:00 +0000

It's been 33 days since my mother-in-law passed away.

Today was the first kind-of-normal day I've had in a long time.

There was the funeral, and the trip back from Boston. There were weeks of family visits and pleasantly chaotic routine-upheaval. And then the house was quiet. We were on our own again. I finally felt normal enough to get up before the kids, take a shower, put on something that resembled an actual outfit. You, know, with accessories and shoes that weren't UGGs. And lip gloss.

I made breakfast, made lunches, made coffee. Dropped E off at school, left Baby N with my babysitter. Took my laptop to Starbucks for a few hours, worked on my book proposal, listened to Bollywood music for inspiration. Drank more coffee.

Instead of crawling to the couch during naptime and lying there--staring at the ceiling, too empty and broken to do anything else--I cleaned. A lot. Opened the three-foot high pile of mail next to the door. Hauled out several bags of trash. Made vegetable soup for lunch, from scratch. Paid some bills.

And, even better than kind-of-normal, J was working in the LA office today. Which meant he was coming home tonight. Which meant I got to cook an actual family meal, instead of feeding the kids ~~whatever from the freezer~~ something tasty and nutritious and grilling a turkey burger on the Foreman for myself.

So, to celebrate, the kids and I made a pilgrimage to Whole Foods to buy ingredients for a special family dinner. E and I browsed through some cookbooks and my Kindle apps and settled on "Citrus Tilapia" from Epicurious. Which meant a visit to the fish counter. Which should have been just another kind-of-normal activity in our kind-of-normal day.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Do the fish miss their families?"

"Huh?"

"The fish. They aren't swimming in the ocean anymore. Do they miss their families?"

I had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA how to answer this question. Was this about Grammy dying? Was E projecting her own sense of loss onto the slabs of iced marine flesh behind the glass? I wasn't prepared for this. None of the books or articles I'd read on parenting through grief mentioned anything about seafood.

So I did what any good mom would do in the situation: I tried to distract her with food.

"Mmm, look, E...raspberries! Should we get some for breakfast tomorrow?"

"MOM. How do the fish get here? From the ocean?"

"Um, I think they use nets."

"Who does?"

"The fishermen. Fisherpeople. The ones who catch the fish."

"Are the fishes left in the sea sad when members of their family go into the nets?"

When did parenting get so complicated? When did she put the pieces together to realize that the fish on her plate tonight was intrinsically different than the quinoa and green beans that would also be there?

Everything feels like it's about death these days. When our afternoon call with Baba got cut off, I said--off-handedly, not thinking--that his phone had died. E's eyes grew wide and liquid as little blue oceans.

"OH NO, Mommy! We'll never be able to talk to him on the phone again if it died!"

God, I'm bad at this.

How do I explain a fish's journey from the sea to the seafood section at Whole Foods without using the words "killed" and "dead"? Do I start talking about the food chain? About the differences between a human brain and a fish brain? About Pixar, and how Nemo and Dorrie are smarter (and cuter) than your average farm-raised tilapia? That real fish families don't miss each other when they're gone? Nemo's dad went to the ends of the ocean looking for him; there's no way E's buying that.

My head started to spin, right there in front of the seafood counter with the Whole Foods guy staring at me, waiting for me to finish telling him how many deceased, beloved fish family member fillets I wanted.

Flustered, I failed her. I just didn't answer. I burst into a rousing rendition of There's a Dinosaur Knocking at My Door. Busied myself picking lemons from a bin, bribed her and Baby N with an overpriced organic toddler snack so I could browse the shampoo aisle for a minute. Jabbered away about how much fun we were going to have cooking, how excited Daddy would be with his surprise dinner, and how if she was really good I'd let her use the lemon zester all by herself.

I, the die-hard, vegetarianism-is-a-deal-breaker, make-mine-rare carnivore, considered going vegan just so we'd never ever ever have to have this conversation again.

But we did, of course. Digging her fork around in her tilapia, E's wise little mind returned to the problem at hand.

"Daddy, do the fish miss their families when they're on the plate?"

"Huh?"

"The fishies. When the fisherpeople catch them in nets and bring them to the store and we make recipes with them. The tilapia. Do they miss their families?"

J didn't miss a beat. He shoved another forkful in his mouth, swallowed, smiled.

"Nope. Because they like going straight into our tummies for dinner."

Why is this parenting thing always easier for him?

Because at 3AM tonight, he'll be asleep.

And I'll be up lying awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering if giving up sushi...and bacon...and cheeseburgers...might be worth never having to serve E "Citrus Nemo" with a side of quinoa for family dinner again.

The Snow Globe

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 23:14:00 +0000

When I came home from BlogHerWriters last October, I brought E a snow globe from New York.

I bought it in the airport, rushing to catch my flight. My 48 hours in Manhattan had been an absolute whirlwind; I'd barely had time to eat or sleep, let alone shop for souvenirs. But I knew exactly what I wanted, and sure enough the Hudson News next to my departure gate had a small display of snow globes next to the candy rack.

It had a pink base and inside, tiny snowflakes swirled around tiny New York things: the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, a yellow taxicab.

She loved it. I loved it almost as much as she did.

"It's delicate," I whispered as she dipped it upside down again and again to watch the swirling flakes.

"I know," she whispered back. "I'll keep it safe, Mommy, I promise. I love it so much."

She must have sensed how much I loved the snow globe too--a reminder of the city I love more than any other. I've never told E that my soul lives forever in New York City...but sometimes she understands things way bigger than she should be able to just by looking at my face.

The snow globe moved around. Sometimes E wanted it to live on her bookshelf. Sometimes, she carried it to my desk "So we can both love it, Mommy." Sometimes I'd find it in the kitchen next to her latest bunch of wildflowers. I reminded her constantly to be careful with it. That it was fragile, made of glass. That if she was too rough with her snow globe, it would break.

This morning, I heard a loud crash while I was upstairs getting dressed.

"E, what was that?" I called down.

Silence.

Then, "It was just...something, Mom."

More silence.

And then hysterics.

I came down and there it was, her New York snow globe, in pieces on the floor. E was inconsolable, kneeling above it as though if she stayed there and cried hard enough, it would piece itself together and float back into her palm.

My first instinct was to reprimand her. How many times had I told her to be careful? Shouldn't this be a teaching moment, a lesson in taking care of belongings? Shouldn't I just clean up the mess and let her mourn the result of her actions? Remind her that things are just things and tell her she should be lucky she's healthy with a roof over her head and plenty of other toys to play with?

But as she sobbed, my mind flashed back to another moment, just weeks ago, when I sobbed because I lost something precious to me. Something irreplaceable. Something that I should have been more careful with. She had crawled into my lap that day, wrapped her skinny arms around my neck, and said "I'm sorry you lost your ring, Mommy. It was a really beautiful ring."

And then I had one of those moments--those what kind of mother do I want to be? moments. Where I stood at a crossroads of actions to choose.

She looked at me, afraid, waiting for my angry words, sorrow transforming her face into one I barely recognized.

The broken snow globe lay on the floor between us.

I swallowed the I told you sos and the You need to be more carefuls on my lips. I pulled her into my lap and held her tight. I wrapped my arms around her neck.

"I know you didn't mean to break it," I said into her sweet dark hair.

"I just...want...it...back," she cried, her body shuddering. She looked at the shards of glass, the bits of fake snow swimming in a pool of water on the living room floor, and broke down again. "I want to hold it again. Please, Mommy, I want to hold it again."

Oh, baby girl, I know you do. I know just how it feels to want something back that badly. The desperate desire to reverse time until it's the moment right before the bad thing happened. To have all the broken pieces be back together again.

My life, and my parenting, is all about gratitude. Yes, we should be grateful for our lives, and our health, and the people we love. We should understand that things are just things.

But sometimes we love things anyway. And it hurts like hell when we lose them.

Even if it was our fault. Even if we should have been more careful.

Today it was a snow globe.

But.

Sometimes, things that don't seem so fragile will still shatter. Things that aren't things, at all.

Sometimes, without meaning to, we break what matters most:
Friendships. Relationships. Dreams.

In those after moments, when we're on our knees wishing we could go back in time and undo what we've done, the best thing we can hope for is that someone will wrap their arms around us, and hold on tight, and help us pick up the broken pieces.

And understand.

Kissing Dolphins

noreply@blogger.com (jenny) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 22:57:00 +0000

Last week in Hawaii, E and I went swimming with dolphins.

It had been an emotional couple of days, and a "super-fun awesome adventure," as E likes to say, seemed to be in order as prescriptive therapy for all of us. When I spotted a "dolphin experience" package that 3-year-olds could participate in, I was sold. (As an added bonus, this discovery helped heal E's still-raw wounds after needing to be 4 in order to ride the "horsey ride" at Legoland...)

I've always wanted to meet a dolphin.
E's animal-obsessed.
We couldn't wait.

E sat patiently on my hip in the water, frail and shivering in her too-large life jacket, eyes fixed on the dolphin trainer as she explained about the dolphin's anatomy ("Dolphins have belly buttons TOO, Mommy!") and how they learned to communicate with humans. I was so proud of E for listening carefully, paying attention, following instructions not to splash or kick (the noise hurts the dolphin's ears.)

After demonstrating the proper hand signals to kiss, hug and dance with the dolphin, the trainer asked for volunteers.

E raised her hand.

She didn't say a word. She didn't look at me for approval. She didn't show one shred of hesitation.

She just raised her hand high in the air, confident and calm.
And smiled with pleasure when the dolphin swam to her.

When I found out I was having a daughter, I promised myself I'd never compare myself to her. I wanted to give her an absolutely blank slate to form herself upon, a free pass to learn and explore and form her own opinions without fear of judgement or disappointment from me. If I had to make one wish for her, it's that she'll grow up braver and happier, smarter and prettier and wiser than me.

Because I want her to have everything I do...times a million.

But in that moment, I couldn't help flashing back to my own childhood. When I lived in fear of being picked first for anything. I rarely raised my hand in class, even if I knew the answer. I spent hours trying to shrink into the scenery during kickball games and school dances and field trips to the aquarium.

I never volunteered.

Even right that minute, I was quaking in my bikini at the thought of needing to volunteer for dolphin face time for E and me. Even though I'd signed us up. Even though kissing dolphins was why we were standing here, freezing in a waist-high ocean water tank, waiting our once-in-a-lifetime turn to meet Flipper's long lost cousin.

I never could have raised my hand like that. Not even as the fearless-Mommy adult I'm supposed to have become.

But E did. And it was the proudest moment of my life.

Sweet E, I'll spare you the comparisons, the stories about my own too-shy childhood. I will only say this:

You amaze me.

Your bravery, your quiet confidence, your sweet, gentle disposition that makes you a natural for kissing dolphins--all of that inspires me.

"I think he likes me," you whispered as the dolphin nuzzled your cheeks and nose. When he kissed your lips I could swear he was smiling.

But not as big as I was.